1 00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:04,638 - CAN'T BELIEVE THAT DUDE IS ONLY 50. 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:05,973 HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS 100. 3 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,241 - HARD LIVING, THAT'S WHAT THAT IS. 4 00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,077 - WE ALL NEED TO DRINK MORE WATER. 5 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:10,478 - MAYBE HE'S ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO'S ALWAYS LOOKED OLD, 6 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,745 LIKE WILFORD BRIMLEY. 7 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,147 - AND JOHN MADDEN. - MORGAN FREEMAN. 8 00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,415 - THEY SAY BLACK DON'T CRACK? 9 00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,317 THAT BROTHER CAME OUT OF THE WOMB CRACKED. 10 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,252 - WHAT ABOUT ANGELA LANSBURY? SHE'S BEEN 80 FOR LIKE 40 YEARS. 11 00:00:18,286 --> 00:00:19,753 - OH, THEN THERE'S MICHELLE PFEIFFER. 12 00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:20,988 SHE'S BEEN 40 FOR 50 YEARS. 13 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,191 - MICHELLE PFEIFFER, OH BOY. 14 00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:26,360 IF SHE COULD JUST STAY 40 FOR ANOTHER 15 YEARS? 15 00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,096 - THEN WHAT WOULD YOU DO, BRIAN? 16 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:31,732 - MMM, I'D TREAT HER SO GOOD. - OH... 17 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:34,102 - [laughs] 18 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,706 - TOP FIVE PEOPLE WHO DIED DURING SEX, GO. 19 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:39,840 - NELSON ROCKEFELLER. 20 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:40,908 - OH, RICHARD PRYOR'S DAD. 21 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:41,942 - MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY'S DAD. 22 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,577 - OH-HO. - BOTH THEIR DADS? 23 00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,779 HOW DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT? - WE WORK IN THE DEATH BUSINESS. 24 00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:48,382 - GOD, THINK OF ALL THE STREET CRED THOSE CHICKS HAVE. 25 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:52,086 SEX WITH THEM IS SO GOOD, IT'LL KILL YOU. 26 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,454 - YOU KNOW DUDES BE LINING UP LIKE JUNKIES 27 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,555 FOR MRS. MCCONAUGHEY. 28 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,624 - WHY, SO THEY CAN DIE DURING SEX? 29 00:00:56,657 --> 00:01:00,060 I MEAN, SURE I'D GET IN THAT LINE, BUT JUST TO MEET THE WOMAN 30 00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:03,364 WHO GAVE US THE STAR OF SUCH FILMS AS FOOL'S GOLD, 31 00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:06,066 WEDDING PLANNER, HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS, 32 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:07,601 AND FAILURE TO LAUNCH. 33 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,103 - THOSE WERE LITERALLY HIS WORST MOVIES. 34 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,404 - I ACTUALLY SAW THAT LAST ONE. - REALLY? 35 00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:12,373 - YEAH, IT'S GOT TERRY BRADSHAW IN IT. 36 00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,442 I'LL SEE ANYTHING WITH BRADSHAW, HE'S LIKE MY FAVORITE ACTOR. 37 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,110 - I LOVE THAT DUDE--IF I HAD TO PICK A BALD GUY OVER 60, 38 00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:18,446 I WOULD DEFINITELY PICK PATRICK STEWART. 39 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:21,282 BUT I WOULD LET BRADSHAW DO A PLAY-BY-PLAY. 40 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,451 - JUST, LIKE, SIT AND WATCH AND TALK ABOUT IT? 41 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:26,120 - WHAT? 42 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:27,788 - AMBULANCE NEEDED. NORTH AVENUE BEACH. 43 00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,658 WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT. PLAYER HAS LACERATED FOOT. 44 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,059 - I LOVE VOLLEYBALL. 45 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,461 - YOU LOVE VOLLEYBALL? 46 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,296 - WOMEN'S PROFESSIONAL BEACH VOLLEYBALL. 47 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:37,765 THIS IS THE AVP TOURNAMENT. OH, I WANT THIS CALL, CASSIUS. 48 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,967 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 49 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,069 - AMBULANCE ONE ALSO RESPONDING. 50 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,304 - OH, IT'S ON. 51 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:45,306 - MAKE IT A BET. - LOSER BUYS BEERS! 52 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,441 - WE'RE GONNA WIN! UP THE STAKES! 53 00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,610 - WE'LL RACE FOR BEERS, WHISKEY, ANYTHING YOU GOT. 54 00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,111 WE'LL RACE FOR PINK SLIPS. 55 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:52,813 - SON, THIS AIN'T FAST AND FURIOUS. 56 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,315 YOU DON'T HAVE A PINK SLIP TO BET. 57 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,450 - OH, WE NEED GAS. - WE'LL BE FINE. 58 00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:58,352 - IT'S JUST THAT YOU TOLD ME TO TELL YOU WHEN WE WERE 59 00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:00,288 PRETTY MUCH OUT OF GAS, NOW WE ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF GAS. 60 00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:02,456 - WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT. - NOPE, NO, WE'RE NOT. 61 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,957 IT'S MY BAD, I DROPPED THE BALL. 62 00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,693 - YOU DIDN'T DROP ANYTHING! - NOPE. 63 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,295 - CUT ACROSS THE PARK! 64 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,797 - UGH! - OH, GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY! 65 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:14,268 ['70s music in earphones] 66 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:18,306 [all yelling for the man to move] 67 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,374 [over loudspeaker] - OUT OF THE WAY, DIPSH--! 68 00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,513 - WHAT'D I TELL YOU, HUH? - OKAY, OKAY. 69 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,181 - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. - YOU WERE RIGHT. 70 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,982 - YOU WORK YOURSELF UP IN A BIG LATHER OVER NOTHING. 71 00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,618 [engine sputtering] - OH, NO. 72 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,119 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! 73 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,688 - PLEASE! - OH, BOY. 74 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:35,956 - WE BEAT 'EM BY A MILE! 75 00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,392 - NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! WHOO HOO! 76 00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,462 - WHAT IF SHE NEEDS TO BE TRANSPORTED TO THE HOSPITAL? 77 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,364 - GOT YOU COVERED. THERE'S A SONOCO 78 00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:45,132 ABOUT FOUR BLOCKS UP. YOU BOOK IT, BRI. 79 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,135 - OH, I'LL BE SO FAST! - I KNOW YOU WILL. 80 00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,470 - ISN'T THERE AN EXXON RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER? 81 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,004 - YEAH, BUT HE'S TOO HYPER TODAY. 82 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,173 NEEDS TO BURN OFF SOME ENERGY. NO CANDY! 83 00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:55,843 - AWW, COPY THAT! - ALL RIGHT. 84 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,378 - OKAY, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM. 85 00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,413 ['70s music over headphones] - WE REALLY NEED YOU TO 86 00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:02,816 MOVE RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW! 87 00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:05,419 THIS IS AN AMBULANCE BEHIND YOU. 88 00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:08,155 [all groan] - LOOK AT THAT LITTLE FACE! 89 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,157 OUT OF THE WAY, ALADDIN. 90 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,925 [overlapping yelling] 91 00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:12,893 - NO, OH NO-- 92 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:15,463 all: OH, SH--! 93 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,001 [hip-hop music] 94 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:29,209 * 95 00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,358 - YEAH, I'M IN THE AMBULANCE RIGHT NOW 96 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:45,893 ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL. 97 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,529 TOTALLY, YEAH, I'LL BE THERE LATER WITH DEVON. 98 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:52,600 ALREADY GOT 'EM. YEAH, THEY WERE ON SALE. 99 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,268 40%! [laughs] 100 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:57,237 - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP! 101 00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:59,106 - WHY AM I GETTING SO MUCH HOSTILITY HERE? 102 00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:01,409 [siren wailing] 103 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:04,077 YOU KNOW--YOU KNOW WHO YOU SOUND LIKE RIGHT NOW? 104 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,913 YOUR FATHER. NO, YOU KNOW YOU DO. 105 00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,949 YOU KNOW YOU DO--YOU SOUND JUST LIKE HIM, DEAD ON. 106 00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,951 - WE WOULD HAVE WON IF ALADDIN DIDN'T GET IN THE WAY. 107 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,453 - BUT HE DID, AND YOU DIDN'T! 108 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:16,724 - AND NOW WE GET FREE BEER. - YEAH, TAKE THAT! 109 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,126 - SORRY, VOO. YOU KNOW I LOVE FREE STUFF. 110 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,595 - AT FIRST I WAS REALLY PISSED, BUT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, 111 00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,897 THAT DIPSH-- ACTUALLY SAVED OUR LIVES. 112 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:26,133 IF HE DIDN'T GET IN THE WAY, THAT OTHER DIPSH-- DRIVING 113 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,302 THE CRAPPY SEDAN WOULD'VE T-BONED US. 114 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,637 IT'S KIND OF LIKE SERENDIPITY. 115 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:33,507 - OH, BEST MOVIE EVER, RIGHT? 116 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:37,077 YOU GUYS HAVE SEEN SERENDIPITY, RIGHT? 117 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:40,113 NONE OF YOU? - WELL, YOU KNOW I HAVE. 118 00:04:40,147 --> 00:04:42,516 I HAD TO WATCH SERENDIPITY AND THROW IN A NEVER BEEN KISSED 119 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,251 TO GET HIM TO WATCH FACES OF DEATH. 120 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,621 - EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW. 121 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:50,123 ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? - LISTENING, BRIAN. 122 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,659 - IT OPENS WITH ONE LITTLE SNOWFLAKE, 123 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,962 FALLING IN NEW YORK CITY, DURING CHRISTMAS SHOPPING SEASON. 124 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,465 JONATHAN, PLAYED BY THE ALWAYS-EXCELLENT JOHN CUSACK-- 125 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,700 - I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SH--. 126 00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,836 - MEETS SARA, COMPLETELY INHABITED BY AN UP-AND-COMING 127 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,938 KATE BECKINSALE. NOW-- 128 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:08,542 AFTER A MAGICAL DAY IN NEW YORK CITY, JONATHAN SUGGESTS 129 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:11,278 THAT THEY EXCHANGE NUMBERS, WHICH--SARA AGREES. 130 00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:15,649 AND WRITES HERS INSIDE OF A COPY OF LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA. 131 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,452 BUT! INSTEAD OF GIVING IT TO HIM, 132 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,688 SHE PUTS IT BACK ON THE SHELF AT THE BOOKSTORE. 133 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,390 - I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GONNA DO THIS, BUT I'M GONNA 134 00:05:22,423 --> 00:05:23,857 ASK A QUESTION. - PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. 135 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:26,827 - WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? JUST GIVE HIM THE NUMBER! 136 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,663 - WHY, INDEED. - YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT LONGER. 137 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,466 - TO SEE IF THEY WERE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER. 138 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:33,701 - NOW THEN-- - OH, SO SHE DIDN'T REALLY 139 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,536 LIKE THIS GUY. - WELL, HOLD ON, BECAUSE 140 00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:39,473 SARA HAS JONATHAN WRITE HIS NUMBER DOWN ON A $5 BILL, 141 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:42,075 WHICH SHE GIVES AWAY, RIGHT? - WHY--WHY--WHY WOULDN'T HE 142 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,679 JUST WRITE IT ON A $1 BILL? $5 IS A LOT OF MONEY. 143 00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:48,081 - I AGREE. IT'S A SLIGHT FLAW IN THE FILM. 144 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:52,185 CUT TO SEVERAL YEARS LATER. IN FACT, THE DAY BEFORE 145 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,354 JONATHAN IS TO BE MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. 146 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,723 - WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US? 147 00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:58,692 HE TAKES A LONG WALK AROUND NEW YORK CITY. 148 00:05:58,726 --> 00:06:01,429 HE'S NOT SURE HE'S MARRYING THE RIGHT WOMAN. 149 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:04,532 THAT VERY NIGHT, HE RECEIVES A GIFT, 150 00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,501 AT HIS OWN WEDDING REHEARSAL, AND GUESS WHAT IT IS? 151 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:11,839 THAT'S RIGHT, A COPY OF LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA. 152 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,607 - [whimpers] 153 00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:16,410 SORRY. PLEASE, CONTINUE. 154 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:20,113 - HE TAKES A DEEP BREATH. HE OPENS IT, AND YES! 155 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:23,283 IT'S HER NUMBER! AT THE SAME EXACT TIME 156 00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:25,686 SARA REACHES IN TO HER PURSE TO PAY FOR A DRINK 157 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:30,624 AND PULLS OUT THE $5 BILL WITH JONATHAN'S NUMBER ON IT. 158 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:32,460 DESTINY. THEY MEET UP AGAIN 159 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,929 IN CENTRAL PARK AND THEY KISS, JUST AS 160 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:40,768 THAT SAME LITTLE SNOWFLAKE DRIFTS GENTLY DOWN FROM HEAVEN. 161 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,770 - NAW, BULLSH--. THAT IS BULLSH--. 162 00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:45,372 - NO GODDAMN WAY THAT'S THE SAME SNOWFLAKE! 163 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,740 - RESPECTFULLY, YES IT WAS. 164 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,109 - SO WAIT, YOU THINK LIKE FIVE WINTERS AGO, 165 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:52,946 A SNOWFLAKE FELL TO THE GROUND, AND, LIKE, MELTED, 166 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:55,983 THEN EVAPORATED AND SH--, WENT BACK UP TO THE SKY, 167 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:59,587 THEN TURNED BACK INTO THE SAME EXACT SNOWFLAKE, 168 00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:02,723 FLEW BACK DOWN TO EARTH AT, LIKE, THE EXACT MOMENT THAT 169 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,726 THAT DUDE KISSED THAT CHICK? 170 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,461 - YES, I DO. 171 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,262 - AND I BELIEVE YOU, BRO. 172 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,964 - [giggles] 173 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:13,634 [laughter] 174 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,569 - WHAT? 175 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,839 - SORRY, BRIAN. IT'S SWEET, IT REALLY IS, 176 00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:23,443 BUT THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SERENDIPITY OR DESTINY. 177 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,112 - WHAT, YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT IS WAS SERENDIPITY 178 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,146 THAT YOU MET JOHNNY? 179 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,415 - [laughs] NO. 180 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,851 NOT REALLY, I MEAN... 181 00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:34,955 OBVIOUSLY I LOVE HIM, BUT IT'S NOT DESTINY THAT WE MET. 182 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,590 - I THINK IT WAS. 183 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:38,325 - BULLSH--. - I DO. 184 00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:40,528 I THINK WE WERE DESTINED. - OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. 185 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,930 - IT IS SWEET, 'CAUSE I'M SWEET. YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER 186 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,999 THE FIRST MOMENT I SAW HER. I SAID TO MYSELF 187 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:48,368 "OH, SH--, I'M GONNA FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL." 188 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,803 - WHAT'D YOU THINK WHEN YOU SAW JOHNNY? 189 00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:53,841 "HOLY SH--, THIS GUY'S GONNA HIT ON ME." 190 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:55,809 - I WENT HOME WITH THIS JEWISH GUY A FEW WEEKS AGO, 191 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,678 AND RIGHT BEFORE WE ARE ABOUT TO GET BUSY 192 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,947 HE TELLS ME I'M HIS "BASHERT." 193 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,882 THAT'S THE HEBREW WORD FOR "DESTINY." 194 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:05,118 - WHOA, THAT'S KIND OF INTENSE. WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY TO THAT? 195 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,555 - I LOOKED HIM DEEP IN THE EYES AND I TOLD HIM 196 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,790 TO BUH-SHUT THE HELL UP AND BUH-HIT IT FROM BUH-HIND. 197 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,626 [laughter] - I DO NOT NEED TO PICTURE THAT. 198 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,228 - I THINK IT WAS SERENDIPITY THAT MAEVE AND I MET. 199 00:08:15,262 --> 00:08:16,630 I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, T. 200 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,231 I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A DIFFERENT PARTNER, 201 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,668 BUT THEN HE GOT WEST NILE DISEASE, WHICH IS SAD BECAUSE 202 00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,003 THE DUDE HADN'T EVEN BEEN TO EGYPT. 203 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,739 AND THEN THEY GAVE ME YOU, AND I MET YOUR SISTER. 204 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,008 I ACTUALLY DATED MY LAST PARTNER'S SISTER TOO, 205 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,644 BUT I DEFINITELY DO NOT THINK THAT WAS SERENDIPITY. 206 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,681 THAT GIRL WAS CRAZY, LIKE BAD CRAZY. 207 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:36,917 NOT GOOD CRAZY, LIKE YOUR SISTER, T. 208 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,220 OH, MAN, MAEVE LETS ME DO SOME STUFF TO HER, T. 209 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,488 - THAT'S TOO MUCH. 210 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,890 - YEAH, SOMETIMES IT IS TOO MUCH. 211 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,692 I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED A SAFE WORD. 212 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,359 - BILLY. - NO, I THINK "BILLY" 213 00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:49,429 WOULD BE A VERY CONFUSING SAFE WORD, T. 214 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:51,765 - ALL I KNOW IS, YOU'LL DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY 215 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:54,568 TRYING TO FIND MEANING IN EVERY LITTLE EVENT. 216 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:57,370 - CASH IS RIGHT. YOU'LL FIND SERENDIPITY 217 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,106 EVERYWHERE IF YOU LOOK HARD ENOUGH. 218 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:01,742 AND BY "SERENDIPITY," I MEAN THIS DRAG QUEEN I KNOW. 219 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:04,778 SERIOUSLY, DRIVE ANYWHERE DOWN ROSCOE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT, 220 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,279 YOU CAN'T MISS HER. SHE'S LIKE 6'7". 221 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,615 - I KNOW THAT GIRL! 222 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,282 SHE'S ALWAYS GOT SUCH GREAT SHOES. 223 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:12,119 - YOU SHOULD TELL HER THAT. SHE'S ACTUALLY WEIRDLY INSECURE. 224 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,721 - NO, SHE'S GORGEOUS. 225 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,757 - LOOK, MAN, DESTINY, FATE, ALL THAT STUFF IS JUST A WAY 226 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,126 TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL LIKE LIFE MAKES SENSE. 227 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,229 - SO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT LIFE IS JUST A RANDOM SERIES 228 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,465 OF UNCONNECTED EVENTS THAT ARE ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS? 229 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,768 [over loudspeaker] - YES. 230 00:09:29,469 --> 00:09:32,740 YOU GUYS HEAR ME? HELLO? 231 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:43,416 - DO YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT THERESA DOESN'T THINK 232 00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:44,451 MEETING ME WAS DESTINY? 233 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,553 - [laughs] 234 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:47,988 OH, SH--, I KNEW THIS WAS HAPPENING. 235 00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,122 - WHAT? 236 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:51,258 NOT THAT I BELIEVE ANY OF THAT CRAP, BUT... 237 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:52,726 I MEAN, SHOULDN'T SHE? 238 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,427 - DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL CHICKS WHO TELL MEN THAT 239 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,396 THEY'RE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER THE FIRST TIME THEY MEET? 240 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,965 - YEAH, THEY CALL 'EM PSYCHOPATHS. 241 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,300 - THAT'S RIGHT, JOHN. THEY CALL THEM PSYCHOPATHS. 242 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,969 AND "THEY" ARE NOT WRONG. 243 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,404 - IT'S JUST THAT I'VE NEVER LIVED WITH ANYBODY BEFORE, 244 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:09,276 AND IT'D BE NICE IF THERESA WAS JUST A LITTLE MORE... 245 00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,410 ROMANTIC ABOUT IT. 246 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,945 - OH! - OH, HO HO. 247 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:15,115 SO JUST BECAUSE YOU TWO MOVED IN TOGETHER, 248 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,018 YOU WANT HER TO BELIEVE A BUNCH OF PRINCE CHARMING, FAIRY DUST, 249 00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,453 GLASS SLIPPER BULLSH-- YOU DON'T EVEN BELIEVE? 250 00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,991 UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY, SECRETLY DO BELIEVE YOU'RE DESTINED TO BE 251 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:26,459 TOGETHER AND YOU WERE HURT, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T. 252 00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,962 - NO. - DON'T--DON'T FIGHT IT, JOHN. 253 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,864 YOU COULD BE SO HAPPY. EMBRACE IT. 254 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,432 - MM-HMM. - IT WANTS TO BE HELD. 255 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,167 - HILARIOUS, YOU WANT EVERYBODY TO THINK THAT YOU'RE 256 00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:37,370 A TOUGH GUY, BUT ALL YOU REALLY WANT ARE YOUR FAIRY TALES. 257 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,708 - AMBULANCE NEEDED, 739 EAST ADAMS. 258 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:44,211 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. OOH! 259 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:48,716 WHAT IF IT'S RAPUNZEL? YOU CAN WAKE HER UP WITH A KISS. 260 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,283 - IT'S SLEEPING BEAUTY YOU WAKE UP WITH A KISS. 261 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:51,985 RAPUNZEL'S THE ONE IN THE TOWER WITH THE HAIR. 262 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,186 - WELL, YOU'D KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. 263 00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:59,893 - T, T BABY, I CAN'T TAKE ALL THIS TRAFFIC. 264 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,162 - WHAT TRAFFIC? 18TH IS WIDE OPEN. 265 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,965 - THIS TRAFFIC IN MY HEAD, T. IT'S MENTAL GRIDLOCK. 266 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,800 THIS SERENDIPITY STUFF HAS GOT ME THINKING. 267 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,236 - OH, DON'T DO THAT, SWEETIE. - IT'S LIKE-- 268 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,471 IT'S LIKE EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN LIFE 269 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,875 AFFECTS EVERY OTHER THING IN LIFE. 270 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,644 I MEAN, IF WE DIDN'T MAKE THE LIGHT BACK THERE, 271 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,314 WHERE WOULD WE BE RIGHT NOW? 272 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,883 - AT THE LIGHT. - MAYBE! 273 00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:24,651 BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! 274 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,655 - WELL, YEAH, ACTUALLY I DO. - OR--OR YOU DON'T. 275 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:33,326 SEE? SEE? 276 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,062 - YEAH, NO, I DON'T SEE. 277 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:38,932 - THAT'S THE THING, T. NOBODY SEES. 278 00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,701 OH, NO. OH NO, I'M FREAKING OUT. 279 00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,670 - OH, OKAY, DEEP BREATHS. HEY-- 280 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,339 - I'M FREAKING OUT, I GOTTA CLEAR MY HEAD. 281 00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:51,344 [silently working his jaw] 282 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:54,748 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, IT JUST OPENS UP MY HEAD TUNNELS. 283 00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,523 all: OH! 284 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,425 CARL FAINTED. HE HIT THE GROUND HARD. 285 00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:06,626 I'M REALLY WORRIED ABOUT HIM. 286 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,061 - I THINK YOU MIGHT BE IN SHOCK, SIR. 287 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,130 - NAH, I THINK IT LOOKS WORSE THAN IT IS. 288 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:12,065 HAD SOME BAD SHELLFISH DOWN IN FLORIDA ONCE. 289 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:15,102 THAT HURT WAY WORSE. CARL! 290 00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,870 THESE MEN ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. 291 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,072 - SIR, SIR, I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO JUST STAY STILL. 292 00:12:19,106 --> 00:12:20,774 - SIR, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED? 293 00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:23,243 - IT WAS AMAZING. I'M DOWN HERE LAYING SHEETROCK. 294 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,780 I HEAR TIM FROM FIVE STORIES UP YELL "HEY MIKE, WATCH OUT!" 295 00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,715 SO I LOOK UP AND THEN, [swish] 296 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,118 SIX FEET OF REBAR GOES RIGHT THROUGH ME. 297 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:34,387 AND THEN, I'M LIKE "HOLY SH--! TIM, YOU SEE THIS?" 298 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:37,124 AND THEN CARL RUNS OVER AND HE'S ALL "SEE WHAT?" 299 00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:39,960 AND THEN BOOM, CARL'S OUT COLD. 300 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,662 - SIR, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL. 301 00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:45,332 - MIKE, IT'S BAD, IT'S REALLY BAD. 302 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,001 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS IS MY LUCKY DAY! 303 00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:51,771 THE CITY OWNS THIS BUILDING. I'M GETTING PAID! 304 00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,606 CARL, WE'RE ALL GOING DOWN TO THE ISLANDS, 305 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:54,975 WE'RE OPENING UP A BAR. 306 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:56,910 HEY, YOU HEAR THAT, TIMMY? 307 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,847 - CALL IT THE REBAR. 308 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,349 - BINGO! THIS GUY DRINKS FOR FREE. 309 00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,617 - OKAY, WE'RE GONNA--MIKE, WE'RE GONNA GET YOU ON THE RIG. 310 00:13:04,651 --> 00:13:06,786 - BE STILL. - REAL SLOW. 311 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:07,855 [all talking at once] 312 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,756 - NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. 313 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,791 [muttering] NUH-NUH-OH-- 314 00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:14,461 HE FAINTED AGAIN. HE FAINTED--HE FAINTED AGAIN. 315 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:19,499 - A LOT OF MONEY, YOU KNOW? SERIOUS PAYDAY, HEY! 316 00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,102 STROKE! STROKE! 317 00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:24,271 [laughing] I'M JUST HAVING FUN. 318 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,939 HEY GUYS, I DON'T HAVE INSURANCE, 319 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:27,474 BUT THE CITY'S PICKING UP THE BILL, 320 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:30,777 ALONG WITH ALL THE OTHER BILLS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! 321 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,480 [laughs] HEY, WHAT'S THE FOOD SITCH HERE? 322 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:37,284 - OH, YOU'RE GONNA GET FOOD. - WOW, THIS IS A BIG HOSPITAL! 323 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:38,952 COULD I GET A MAP FOR WHEN I WAKE UP? 324 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:41,388 - CLEAR THE HALLS! CLEAR THE HALLS 325 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:42,856 - SEE YA. 326 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:46,026 - FEELING BETTER, BUD? - MM-HMM, OH YEAH, 327 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,460 JUST NEEDED MY MEDICINE. MIRA, MUCHACHO. 328 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,430 [speaking Spanish] 329 00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,506 ES UNA-- HOLY SH--. 330 00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,909 T! T, CHECK IT OUT, RINOCERONTE. 331 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,043 - [gasps] OH. 332 00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:04,978 HE MISSED HIS COURT DATE LAST WEEK. 333 00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:07,214 I AM GONNA ENJOY CUFFING THAT SON OF A BITCH! 334 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,482 - OH, MY GOD, IF WE HADN'T STOPPED TO GET MY ICY GULP, 335 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,551 WE NEVER WOULD HAVE SEEN HIM. - YEAH, OR WE WOULD HAVE SEEN 336 00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:14,888 HIM AND HIS BIG NOSE EATING THAT BURRITO THROUGH THE CAR WINDOW. 337 00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,423 - NAH, I DON'T THINK SO, T. WEATHER CONDITIONS, 338 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,425 LOW VISIBILITY, WE AIN'T GOT NO SUNGLASSES-- 339 00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:20,093 - SH--, SH--, SH--, SH--! - THIS IS SEREN--YO. 340 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,229 COME ON, MAN-- MIRA. 341 00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,830 [speaking Spanish] 342 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,999 YOU CAN HAVE ONE SIP. UN SIP--NO, NOT-- 343 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,867 NOT WITH ME STANDING RIGHT HERE, BRO! 344 00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,770 - YOU'RE NEVER GONNA FINISH THAT BURRITO! 345 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,105 [mouth full] - YES, I AM! 346 00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,273 - THEY GOT REALLY GOOD BURRITOS THERE, T! 347 00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,909 WE GOTTA GO BACK SOMETIME. - OKAY! 348 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,450 - CHEER UP, AL, AT LEAST YOU STILL GOT YOUR BALLS! 349 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,018 - FRANK. - HEY, PAL! 350 00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,686 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - OH, WELL, I'M BASICALLY HERE 351 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,289 ALL THE TIME, DAD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 352 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,624 - VISITING A BUDDY OF MINE. GOT THE ASS CANCER. 353 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,793 HEY, HOW OLD ARE YOU, KID? 354 00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,728 - 33. - NO SH--? 355 00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,364 - YEP. - WELL, OKAY. 356 00:14:57,397 --> 00:15:00,033 SEVEN YEARS, YOU START HAVING YOUR ASS CHECKED. 357 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,768 - CHECK THIS SH-- OUT, GUYS. 358 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,436 - HEY, AUGGIE, WHAT'S UP? 359 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,072 THIS SON OF A BITCH IS SO LUCKY, I'M SURPRISED WE DIDN'T FIND 360 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,807 A HORSESHOE UP HIS ASS. - IT HIT NOTHING! 361 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,209 - NOTHING. - JESUS. 362 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,444 - THAT'S SO COOL. - HERE, KEEP IT. 363 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:14,314 SHOW IT TO YOUR FRIENDS. PULL IT OUT AT PARTIES. 364 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:15,949 - DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT DUDE WITH THE REBAR? 365 00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:17,450 - YEAH, WE BROUGHT HIM IN. - NO WAY! 366 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:20,120 - WE GOT THE X-RAY RIGHT HERE. - HOLY SH--! 367 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,955 DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GET HIM TO SIGN IT FOR ME? 368 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,224 - HEY GUYS, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT'S HAPPENED. 369 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,993 [all saying they know about the rebar guy] 370 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,961 - OKAY, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE X-RAY. 371 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,262 THAT DRIVER Y'ALL BROUGHT IN? 372 00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:31,098 THE ONE WHO CLIPPED THE ROLLER SKATER? 373 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:33,400 THEY FOUND A MASSIVE TUMOR ON HIS SPINE DURING THE MRI. 374 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,801 - WHOA. - GET OUT. 375 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,269 - IT WOULD HAVE SPREAD IF THEY DIDN'T CATCH IT. 376 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,937 SO THAT CRASH SAVED HIS LIFE. 377 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,672 RECKLESS DICKHEAD. 378 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,142 - WAIT, SO YOU GUYS WERE SAVED BY THE ROLLER SKATER, 379 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:43,843 THE DRIVER WAS SAVED BY THE CRASH. 380 00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:46,113 THAT'S TWO SERENDIPITIES IN ONE EVENT. 381 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,814 SOMETHING IS GOING ON HERE. 382 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:50,783 - PLUS, WE HAD THE REBAR MAN, AND THEN I HAPPENED TO SHOW UP. 383 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:53,120 - OH, WE ARE IN A SERENDIPITY VORTEX. 384 00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,955 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS, BUT WE ARE IN A MAJOR HOT STREAK! 385 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,790 - THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT A SERENDIPITY VORTEX IS. 386 00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,592 - WE GOTTA FIND A WAY TO PARLAY THIS! 387 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,861 - I WOULD JUST LIKE TO GO ON RECORD AS SAYING THAT I THINK 388 00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,796 THIS IS ALL BULLSH--. BUT I ALSO THINK 389 00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,133 WE SHOULD GO BUY LOTTERY TICKETS IMMEDIATELY. 390 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,967 - THAT'S IT, KID! YOU'RE A GENIUS! 391 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,969 - WE GOT SEVEN MINUTES TO MAKE IT TO POWERBALL. 392 00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,804 - THERE'S A LIQUOR STORE ON OGDEN AND ROOSEVELT. 393 00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:13,773 - LET'S GO! 394 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,442 HOLY SH--, WE'RE GONNA WIN THIS THING. 395 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,409 - STAT! 396 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,316 - HOW GOOD IS THAT BURRITO, BILLY? 397 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,817 - OH, IT'S SO GOOD. - MM-HMM. 398 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:27,120 - COME ON, DAWG. - COME ON, DAWG! 399 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:28,721 YOU KNOW HOW GOOD THEY ARE. 400 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:29,689 YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO TASTE IT? 401 00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,291 - NO, I TRUST YOU. 402 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,126 - YO, I'M ONLY GONNA EAT UP TO 403 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,961 ABOUT AN INCH AWAY FROM YOUR BITE MARK. 404 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,363 - THEN YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME THE REST? 405 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,631 - HELL NO, THEN I'M GONNA THROW IT OUT, BITCH. 406 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,300 [both chuckling] 407 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,635 YO...I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS FREAKING OUT SO MUCH 408 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:43,836 ABOUT SERENDIPITY. 409 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,406 SERENDIPITY'S ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. 410 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,476 LED US TO THIS DUDE WE'VE BEEN AFTER, AND I GOT FREE FOOD. 411 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:53,346 - HEY, HECTOR, WHY'D YOU SKIP OUT ON YOUR COURT DATE? 412 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,982 - MET A GIRL, YO. - YEAH, BUT YOU GOT YOURSELF 413 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,085 ANOTHER THREE MONTHS MANDATORY, DUDE. 414 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,353 - THAT'S NOTHING, MAMA. 415 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:02,422 SHE'S MY DESTINY. THREE MONTHS? 416 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:05,225 [scoffs] I'M TALKING ABOUT ETERNITY. 417 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:08,428 - MIRA, HERE. HERE SHE IS, MIRA, CHECK IT. 418 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,597 - OH, MAN, SHE'S REALLY PRETTY, BRO. 419 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,666 - UCH. WHY ARE MEN SUCH SAPS? 420 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,768 - WELL, I CAN'T SPEAK FOR EVERY MAN, THOUGH I HAVE GIVEN THIS 421 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:18,438 A LOT OF THOUGHT, AS SOCIETY'S AFFORDED ME THE OPPORTUNITY 422 00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:22,041 ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS, AND THIS IS WHAT I DECIDED. 423 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:24,611 THERE'S SO MANY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THIS WORLD 424 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:27,080 THAT WHEN A MAN COMMITS TO ONE, IT IS NECESSARY FOR HIM 425 00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:31,050 TO BELIEVE THAT HE FOUND HIS DESTINY. 426 00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:32,452 OTHERWISE, HE WOULD BE POWERLESS 427 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:36,456 IN THE FACE OF SO MANY, MANY VAGINAS. 428 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,127 - DAMN. YOU HEARD THAT, T? 429 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,296 - YEAH. ACTUALLY KINDA MAKES SENSE. 430 00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:47,634 - MM-HMM. - ALL RIGHT, BILLY. 431 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:50,069 GO ON. - WHAT? 432 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,105 - GIVE HIM A BITE OF THE BURRITO. 433 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,573 [both silently mouthing words] 434 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:56,609 - COME ON. - NO. 435 00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:03,316 - ONE...TWO... - HERE, MAN. 436 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,320 - THAT'S WEIRD. - VORTEX! 437 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:08,655 I'M TELLING YOU, IF WE WIN THIS THING, 438 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,690 I'M BANNING THE WORD "VORTEX." 439 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,961 - LET ME PICK THE NUMBERS. - THERE'S NO TIME. 440 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:16,329 - QUICK PICK THAT SH--. 441 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,465 - MAY WE HAVE SEVEN POWERBALL TICKETS, PLEASE? 442 00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,466 - NO. - WHAT? 443 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,100 - WHAT? 444 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,303 - IT'S AFTER 6:00. CAN'T SELL TICKETS AFTER 6:00. 445 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,971 - IT'S 6:02, WE'RE ONLY TWO MINUTES LATE. 446 00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,473 - AND WE ARE IN A VORTEX, SIR! 447 00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,408 - TWO MINUTES, OH, IS TWO MINUTES. 448 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,942 - HOW CAN YOU EVEN TRUST THAT TIME? 449 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,411 IS IT SET TO THE ATOMIC CLOCK? 450 00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,313 - YES, THE VICE PRESIDENT CALLS ME EVERY MORNING, 451 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,114 AND WE COORDINATE OUR CLOCKS. 452 00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:36,449 - COME ON, SIR, CUT US SOME SLACK! 453 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,318 - NO CAN DO. 454 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:39,619 - YOU'RE GONNA DO IT, CUPCAKE. 455 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,288 YOU'RE GONNA GET ON YOUR LITTLE MACHINE, 456 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,689 YOU'RE GONNA DO YOUR LITTLE TYPEY TYPEY, 457 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,424 AND YOU'RE GONNA SPIT OUT OUR WINNING TICKETS, 458 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,826 OR YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE 6:03! 459 00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:49,462 - FINE. FINE. 460 00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,798 - YEAH, GOOD. - THAT'S RIGHT. 461 00:18:51,831 --> 00:18:55,302 - HERE ARE SEVEN TICKETS FOR NEXT WEEK'S POWERBALL. 462 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,936 - YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU. 463 00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:58,471 - HEY! IT'S MORGAN DAVIES. 464 00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:00,473 - OH, THAT'S THAT CHICK WE HELPED, TURN THIS UP. 465 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,609 - NO, CAN'T. STORE POLICY. 466 00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,044 - GIVE ME THAT! 467 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,713 - GOD, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. - I KNOW. 468 00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:08,615 - BUT WE REALLY NEVER WOULD HAVE WON IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE EMTS 469 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,351 WHO STITCHED ME UP THIS MORNING. MY FOOT'S FEELING GREAT, GUYS, 470 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:14,687 SO THANKS FOR THAT, AND I'LL TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER. 471 00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,122 - OH! - THAT'S RIGHT, SEE? 472 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,190 - HEY GUYS, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? 473 00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:18,825 MEANS THAT WE'RE STILL HOT! 474 00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:22,295 GIVE US ALL YOUR SCRATCHERS, YOU SMUG LITTLE COCK-KNOCKER! 475 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,330 NOW! 476 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,708 - HEY. - HEY. 477 00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:42,649 - SO. - HMM. 478 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,484 - I'VE BEEN GIVING THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT-- 479 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:45,852 - HEY, BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, WOULD YOU TAKE SOME OF THESE? 480 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,355 MY DAD WENT NUTS TODAY. - YEAH. 481 00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:54,361 I KNOW HOW HARD THE IDEA OF A LIFELONG COMMITMENT CAN BE, 482 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,430 AND IF YOU NEED TO BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING BIGGER OUT THERE 483 00:19:57,464 --> 00:20:00,267 THAT SOMEHOW PREDETERMINES THAT WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER, 484 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,068 THEN I'M NOT GONNA MAKE FUN OF YOU, OKAY? 485 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,436 I ACTUALLY THINK IT'S KIND OF SWEET. 486 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,605 - LISTEN, OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOR MY SAKE-- 487 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,207 - NO, I DO, AND JUST BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IN FATE, 488 00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,610 DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T TRUST MY INSTINCTS. 489 00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,112 I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE RIGHT GUY FOR ME. 490 00:20:13,145 --> 00:20:15,014 - HOLY SH--! 491 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,617 250 BUCKS! [laughs] 492 00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:18,918 - WE WON? 493 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,019 - TELL ME THAT'S NOT SERENDIPITY! 494 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:22,889 - NO, BUT-- 495 00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,391 I MEAN, WHO CARES, RIGHT? 496 00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:27,260 LET'S JUST GO TO A FANCY RESTAURANT AND EAT ALL THE FOOD! 497 00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:29,629 - YEAH, OH, NO. 498 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,098 YOU'RE NOT A BELIEVER. 499 00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:33,099 I'M GONNA TAKE HANK. 500 00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,367 - HEY! HEY, HEY, HEY. 501 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,935 YOU GIVE ME BACK THAT SCRATCHER, MISTER. 502 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,637 - NO, NO, NO, NO, HANK AND I ARE GONNA GO TO GIBSON'S. 503 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,038 - NO! - YES! 504 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,940 I'LL BRING BACK LEFTOVERS! - SERIOUSLY? 505 00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,642 - YES, OF COURSE! 506 00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,244 THE PORTIONS THERE ARE HUGE, I CAN'T POSSIBLY FINISH ALL THAT. 507 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,746 LISTEN, I'M GONNA BE LATE. - REALLY? 508 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,214 - I'LL TEXT YOU WHEN I'M-- I'M KIDDING! 509 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:50,783 COME ON, WE'RE GOING! 510 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,252 [laughing]