1 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,571 - NO, BUDDY, NO. 2 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,339 ABREU'S HEADED FOR A SOPHOMORE SLUMP. 3 00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:07,075 IT'S ONE OF THE ETERNAL LAWS OF THE SPORT. 4 00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,342 - I DON'T KNOW, BRO. 5 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:10,578 THOSE CUBANS PLAY BY THEIR OWN RULES. 6 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:11,879 - THEN GO AHEAD AND DRAFT HIM, BUT DON'T COME BITCHING TO ME 7 00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,647 WHEN HE GOES 0 FOR APRIL. [text alert] 8 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:14,382 - OH, DO YOU WANT ME TO GET THAT? 9 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,317 - YES, PLEASE. 10 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,386 - TEXT FROM THERESA, THE APARTMENT FELL THROUGH. 11 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,854 - AW, DAMN. THAT PLACE WAS PERFECT. 12 00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:21,889 - DO YOU WANT ME TO TEXT HER BACK? 13 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,758 - YEAH, WRITE "BUMMER." 14 00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:26,760 - LOOKS A LITTLE COLD. 15 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:27,828 DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND A FROWNY FACE, 16 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:28,829 LIKE YOU'RE REALLY SAD ABOUT IT? 17 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,864 - NO. [chuckles] 18 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:32,200 NO, I DON'T DO THAT. - COME ON. 19 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:33,867 - EMOJIS? 20 00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,103 EVERYBODY USES EMOJIS, JOHN. 21 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,270 - EVERYBODY USES EMOJIS, JOHN. 22 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,571 - OH, YEAH, I DON'T USE EMOJIS. 23 00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,073 - THEN YOU BETTER GET WITH THE TIMES. 24 00:00:39,107 --> 00:00:39,840 - OKAY, WELL, LET'S JUST GO OLD-SCHOOL, 25 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,442 TRADITIONAL SAD FACE. 26 00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:45,045 JUST GO...UH, COLON-PARENTHESES. CALL IT A DAY. 27 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,748 - LOOK, TRUST ME, I'VE GOT SOMETHING YOU'LL LIKE. 28 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,250 - WHAT'D YOU SEND? 29 00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,585 - AWW. LOOK AT THAT CRYING PANDA. 30 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,087 - THAT'S WEIRD. - YEAH. 31 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,756 WHO WOULD WANT TO MAKE A PANDA CRY? 32 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,526 AW, DID SOMEONE TAKE AWAY YOUR BAMBOO, BRO? 33 00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,361 I'LL KILL 'EM. 34 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,596 HEY, YOU WANT ME TO TEXT ANYTHING BACK, T? 35 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,765 - YEAH. 36 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:08,302 - WHAT'D SHE WRITE BACK? 37 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,237 - "HI, HANK." 38 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,804 - [laughs] 39 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:15,409 * CAN I RIDE, CAN I RIDE * 40 00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:20,981 - T, I GOT TO SAY, YOU AND JOHNNY GOT IT THESE DAYS. 41 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:23,251 YOU GOT HEAT. ESTAN CALIENTE. 42 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:24,952 I CAN FEEL IT IN THE PHONE. 43 00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,487 - OH, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU LEFT IT IN THE SUN. 44 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,756 - YEAH, BUT NAH, Y'ALL LOOK BONA FIDE. 45 00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,591 - IT'S KIND OF TRUE. 46 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,626 IN A WEIRD WAY I THINK ALMOST GETTING MARRIED 47 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:35,796 MADE US CLOSER THAN ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED. 48 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,598 I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. 49 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,634 - THAT'S REALLY SWEET, T. HEY, CAN I DATE YOUR SISTER? 50 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,403 - WHAT? WHO? 51 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,238 - YOUR SISTER MAEVE, SHE'S KIND OF SHORT, 52 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,673 GOT BROWN HAIR AND THESE REALLY SWEET TITTIES? 53 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:46,940 - NO, YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE MAEVE. 54 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,942 SHE IS A TERRIBLE GIRLFRIEND. 55 00:01:48,976 --> 00:01:50,811 - ACTUALLY, SHE'S BEEN GREAT. OH, DAMN. 56 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,613 - SERIOUSLY? - T. 57 00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,615 - SERIOUSLY? - REMEMBER THAT DAY LAST WEEK 58 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,417 THAT WAS REALLY PRETTY OUT? - OH, NO. 59 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,186 - LET'S PRETEND LIKE I ASKED YOU 60 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,321 IF I COULD DATE HER TWO WEEKS BEFORE THAT. 61 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:09,930 - WAS IT THE PEANUTS? 62 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,599 - YES. - UH-HUH. 63 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,966 - PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T TRY 64 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:13,867 TO CURE A PEANUT ALLERGY WITH PEANUTS. 65 00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,969 - MY HERBALIST TOLD ME ABOUT IT. 66 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,805 YOU GIVE YOURSELF A LITTLE BIT OF THE ALLERGEN EVERY DAY 67 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:18,972 AND SLOWLY INCREASE THE DOSAGE. 68 00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:20,341 - YOUR HERBALIST IS FULL OF SH--. 69 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,042 - THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE. 70 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:24,478 HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING? 71 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,446 - OH, I OWN IT. 72 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,715 - NICE. 73 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,450 HOW MUCH DID THAT SET YOU BACK, IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING? 74 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,552 - NO IDEA. 75 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,953 MY PARENTS GOT IT FOR ME AS PART OF MY TRUST FUND. 76 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,522 I'M REFURBISHING THE BUILDING. 77 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,557 - WHEN YOU'RE NOT TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF? 78 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,626 - I CLIMBED K2; I THINK I CAN CONQUER A PEANUT ALLERGY. 79 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,528 - WHAT'S K2? 80 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:41,462 - IT'S THE SECOND-HIGHEST MOUNTAIN IN THE WORLD. 81 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,696 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD CLIMB EVEREST 82 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:44,332 BEFORE YOU TRY TO TACKLE PEANUTS. 83 00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,033 - YEAH, YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH ALLERGIES. 84 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,835 I'M ALLERGIC TO BEE STINGS. 85 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:50,338 IT'S NOT DEADLY, BUT I KEEP AN EPIPEN AROUND JUST IN CASE. 86 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:51,739 PROBABLY GOOD ADVICE FOR YOU. 87 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:52,740 - HEY, HOW YOU FEELING? 88 00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,242 - BETTER. 89 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,876 MUCH BETTER. 90 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,578 - I'M GONNA BE RIGHT BACK WITH SOME PAPERWORK. 91 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,179 YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE. 92 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,048 - I'VE GOT A COUSIN WHO SWELLS UP LIKE A BALLOON 93 00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:02,916 ANY TIME HE HAS SHALLOTS. 94 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,852 YOU'D BE SURPRISED HOW MANY THINGS HAVE SHALLOTS IN THEM. 95 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,587 - ACTUALLY, I WOULDN'T. 96 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:08,256 I GOT PRETTY HEAVY INTO SHALLOTS ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO 97 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,657 WHEN I WAS IN INDONESIA. 98 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,091 I GOT TO SAY, COMPARED TO ONIONS, 99 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,860 THEIR FLAVONOID LEVELS ARE OFF THE CHARTS. 100 00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:15,763 - HANK, THIS GUY KNOWS SHALLOTS. - MM-HMM. 101 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,566 - OH, HEY, SORRY. 102 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:19,600 CAN I BORROW YOU FOR A SECOND? 103 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,535 - YEAH. 104 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,609 - SO WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT SHALLOTS? 105 00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,578 - EVERYTHING. 106 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:31,679 - HMM? 107 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,681 - WHOA. 108 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,549 - AND IT'S FOR RENT, AND IT'S PERFECT FOR THERESA AND ME. 109 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,117 - DUDE. 110 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,852 LOOK AT THE NATURAL LIGHT. - UH-HUH. 111 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,388 - GOT A GREAT KITCHEN, 112 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,223 HUGE BEDROOM, A TUB BIG ENOUGH FOR ME. 113 00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:44,792 I DON'T FIT IN JUST ANY TUB, JOHN. 114 00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:46,093 I WANT THIS APARTMENT. 115 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:47,961 - NOT A CHANCE. I FOUND IT. 116 00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,630 YOU CAN COME VISIT, BUT THIS APARTMENT BELONGS TO ME. 117 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,465 THAT'S MY TUB. 118 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,267 OKAY, THAT'S THERESA'S TUB, 119 00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,368 BUT SHOULD I CHOOSE TO TAKE A BATH, 120 00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,136 I'M TAKING IT IN THAT TUB. 121 00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,372 - THIS APARTMENT HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL, 122 00:03:58,406 --> 00:03:59,773 AND YOU ARE GONNA SQUANDER IT. 123 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,709 YOU'RE A SQUANDERER. 124 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:04,278 - THERESA AND I ARE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH SEX IN HERE. 125 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:07,448 I CAN HEAR IT NOW. HEY, PEANUT...HEY, BABY. 126 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:08,916 - I DON'T HEAR NOTHING. 127 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:15,656 - DEMOLITION MAN. - TOO LOUD. 128 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,325 THE ARTIST? 129 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,992 - TOO QUIET. FAST AND FURIOUS. 130 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,928 - TOO VIN DIESEL. 131 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,763 - XXX: STATE OF THE UNION. 132 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,765 - WAY TOO VIN DIESEL. - THE PACIFIER. 133 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,133 - NOT VIN DIESEL ENOUGH. 134 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,436 - VIN DIESEL. 135 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:32,005 - VINCENT DIESEL. 136 00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,073 - YOU KNOW WHO I FEEL BAD FOR? 137 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,608 I FEEL BAD FOR THAT APARTMENT. 138 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:36,410 THAT IS ONE SEXY APARTMENT, JOHN. 139 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:39,079 THAT APARTMENT DESERVES TO HAVE SEX IN IT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. 140 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,781 - WE ARE HAVING PLENTY OF SEX. 141 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,450 IT'S JUST MORE SPACED OUT THAN IT USED TO BE. 142 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,685 - TELL THAT TO THE APARTMENT. 143 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,354 GOT TO TAKE THAT APARTMENT TO DINNER. 144 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,589 GOT TO WINE AND DINE THAT APARTMENT. 145 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,791 MAKE THAT APARTMENT FEEL SPECIAL. 146 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:51,825 - YOU KNOW, I'VE ACTUALLY GIVEN THIS A LOT OF THOUGHT. 147 00:04:51,859 --> 00:04:53,527 BEFORE THERESA AND I MOVED IN TOGETHER, 148 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,329 WE WOULD HAVE A TON OF SEX, AND THEN WE'D BREAK UP 149 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,030 AND WOULDN'T SEE EACH OTHER FOR MONTHS. 150 00:04:57,064 --> 00:05:00,434 THEN WE'D GET BACK TOGETHER AND MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME. 151 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,936 SO IF YOU FACTOR IN ALL THE BREAK-UPS 152 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,137 AND THE DOWN TIME, WE'RE HAVING EXACTLY THE SAME AMOUNT 153 00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:05,773 OF SEX WE'VE ALWAYS HAD. - YEAH. 154 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,207 - I ACTUALLY WORKED OUT THE CALCULATIONS. 155 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,810 - OH. - WORKS OUT PERFECTLY. 156 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,479 - YOU KNOW WHO CALCULATES HOW MUCH SEX THEY'RE HAVING? 157 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,381 - WHO? - PEOPLE WHO AREN'T HAVING SEX. 158 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,215 - HA-HA. - PEOPLE WHO SIT ON THE COUCH 159 00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,717 WATCHING NETFLIX, EATING BEN AND JERRY'S EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. 160 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,318 - YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET TO ME, 161 00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,653 'CAUSE I ACTUALLY LOVE LIVING WITH THERESA. 162 00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,188 FOR TWO YEARS, I TRIED TO NOT DO IT, 163 00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,189 AND IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS RIGHT. IT'S AWESOME. 164 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:23,691 - BESIDES, SEX IS OVERRATED. 165 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,793 I MEAN, LOOK AT ME AND VOODOO. 166 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,861 WE'RE PERFECTLY HAPPY IN OUR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP. 167 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,563 - OH, JUST RUB IT IN MY FACE, BRIAN. 168 00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,298 - I DIDN'T DO THAT ON PURPOSE, GABBY. 169 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,367 - YOU COULD BE SO MUCH HAPPIER WITH ME. 170 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,568 - I DON'T KNOW. I'M PRETTY HAPPY. 171 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,837 - WELL, GIVE ME 48 HOURS. - DAMN. 172 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,406 - DAMN IS RIGHT, HANK. 173 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,340 DAMN IS RIGHT. 174 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,244 - FIRST OF ALL: HOLY SH--. 175 00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,879 SECOND OF ALL: DON'T COMPARE ME 176 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:48,181 TO WHATEVER'S GOING ON WITH YOU AND VOODOO. 177 00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,082 YOU'RE DATING AN ASEXUAL. 178 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,884 YOU LITERALLY NEVER HAVE SEX. 179 00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:53,020 - OKAY, NO, WE DON'T HAVE SEX, PER SE. 180 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,589 BUT WHAT WE DO HAVE IS ACTUALLY FAR MORE BEAUTIFUL. 181 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:57,758 IN A WAY, I DON'T EVEN MISS THE SEX. 182 00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,994 ME AND VOODOO, WE HAVE THIS INTENSE SOUL CONNECTION 183 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,030 THAT GOES FAR BEYOND THE PHYSICAL. 184 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,999 WE--WE'RE OPERATING ON A HIGHER PLANE AND JUST-- 185 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,902 GOSH, I'M JUST-- I'M MASTURBATING ALL THE TIME. 186 00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,037 I MEAN, JUST--JUST CONSTANTLY. 187 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,038 IT'S BAD, GUYS. 188 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,740 I MEAN, I'M NOT PROUD OF IT. 189 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,208 I JUST--I REALLY-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. 190 00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:17,110 - SEE? JUST LIKE I SAID. 191 00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,746 PEOPLE CAN KID THEMSELVES, 192 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:21,715 BUT THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR SEX. 193 00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,250 AND THAT'S WHY I'M THE HAPPIEST GUY ON THE RIG, 194 00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,085 'CAUSE I'M HAVING SEX DAMN NEAR EVERY NIGHT. 195 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,788 - I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING, 196 00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,557 HANK, AND YOU'VE JUST GIVEN ME THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY. 197 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,692 DO YOU REMEMBER AFTER JEFF THE CHEF'S WEDDING, 198 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:35,195 YOU SAID YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN SETTLING DOWN? 199 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,797 - I WAS EMOTIONAL. I SAID A LOT OF THINGS. 200 00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,231 - MM-HMM. - YOU SPECIFICALLY ASKED US 201 00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,967 TO CALL YOU OUT IF YOU FELL BACK INTO A PATTERN 202 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,702 OF MEANINGLESS HOOK-UPS. 203 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,437 JOHNNY, HAVE YOU BEEN DETECTING A PATTERN? 204 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,105 - I HAVE INDEED, MY FRIEND. - YEAH. 205 00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,875 - JUST BECAUSE YOU TWO ARE HAVING SEX-FREE RELATIONSHIPS, 206 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,109 DON'T TRY TO DRAG ME DOWN, TOO. 207 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,944 - I'M HAVING SEX. 208 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,283 IT'S JUST MORE SPACED OUT THAN IT USED TO BE, OKAY? 209 00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:57,618 - MM-HMM, MM. - WHICH HE LIKES. 210 00:06:57,651 --> 00:06:59,553 - JUST-- 211 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:00,688 - [laughs] 212 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,997 - SOY CARAMEL FRAPPUCINO. 213 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,431 - THANKS, DUDE. 214 00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,967 HEY, I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN SO LOW ENERGY. 215 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,669 I'VE JUST BEEN HAVING A LOT OF LATE NIGHTS LATELY, 216 00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:17,137 AND IT'S STARTING TO TAKE ITS TOLL. 217 00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:18,438 - WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? 218 00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:21,408 - AH, I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T GET INTO IT. 219 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,477 - EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? - MM, MM-HMM. 220 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,646 I'VE JUST BEEN HAVING A LOT OF SEX WITH YOUR SISTER. 221 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,749 IT'S BASICALLY, LIKE, CONSTANT. 222 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,250 - LIKE, HOW MUCH SEX? 223 00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,152 - I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT THIS. 224 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:36,123 HEY, I MEAN, I THINK WE NEED TO SET UP SOME GROUND RULES. 225 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,257 YOU KNOW, LIKE, SOME BOUNDARIES 226 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,259 WHEN IT COMES TO THAT KIND OF TALK. 227 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,261 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE MY PARTNER, BUT I'M DATING YOUR SISTER, 228 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:44,464 SO I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD REALLY TRY TO KEEP THINGS ABOVE BOARD. 229 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:47,935 LIKE, I FEEL THAT ANY PERSONAL INFORMATION OF THAT SORT 230 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:51,104 SHOULD STAY STRICTLY OFF-LIMITS FROM HERE ON OUT. 231 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,907 IT'S BETWEEN MYSELF AND MAEVE AND NO ONE ELSE. 232 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,779 SIX TIMES A WEEK. 233 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,013 NO, SEVEN. 234 00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,282 WAIT, LAST WEEK IT WAS TEN. 235 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,017 IT'S AMAZING, T. I'M SO HAPPY. 236 00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:05,152 WE HAD SEX OUTSIDE LAST NIGHT. 237 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,820 - MAEVE HAD SEX OUTSIDE? 238 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,488 - MM-HMM, RIGHT UNDER THE STARS. - THAT IS SO WEIRD, 239 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:10,057 BECAUSE AS A KID, SHE WOULDN'T EVEN GO CAMPING. 240 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,391 SHE DIDN'T WANT TO GET HER CLOTHES DIRTY. 241 00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,293 - SHE WASN'T WEARING NO CLOTHES, T. 242 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:17,230 IT WAS CRAZY, THE MOONLIGHT BOUNCING OFF HER PERFECT ASS. 243 00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:20,400 HER ASS, AYO MIO. - OKAY. 244 00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:22,836 - THAT BUTT IS LIKE A PEACH... - ALL RIGHT. 245 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,471 - BUT THE RIPEST, 246 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,074 MOST DELICIOUS PEACH YOU'VE EVER TASTED, T. 247 00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:29,810 LIKE, I'M SORRY, I WISH I COULD DESCRIBE IT BETTER TO YOU. 248 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,612 - SHUT UP, BILLY. 249 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,917 - WE NEED TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW. 250 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,552 - YEAH. 251 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,930 [long satisfied sigh] WHAT PROMPTED THAT? 252 00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,231 - I JUST FELT LIKE WE WERE DUE, YOU KNOW? 253 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,900 - YEAH, TOTALLY. 254 00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,401 - DID YOU FEEL LIKE WE WERE DUE, TOO? 255 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:57,204 - NO, NOT REALLY, ANYWAY. 256 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,405 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - I DON'T KNOW. 257 00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:01,208 I JUST THINK MAYBE, UH, 258 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:04,912 WE SHOULD HAVE SEX OUTSIDE SOMETIME. 259 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,914 - REALLY? - YEAH, WHY NOT? 260 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,716 - NO REASON. 261 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,083 OKAY, LET'S PUT THAT ON THE LIST. 262 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,619 - LET'S DO IT RIGHT NOW. - NOW? 263 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,688 - MM-HMM. IF YOU CAN GO AGAIN. 264 00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,857 - I CAN ALWAYS GO AGAIN. - LET'S GO. 265 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,926 - I JUST-- 266 00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,461 I JUST DON'T KNOW IF NOW, N-NOW, NOW, NOW IS THE BEST TIME. 267 00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:24,031 - OH, RIGHT, YOU'RE SAYING NO AFTER EVERYTHING 268 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,234 THAT I DID FOR YOU. 269 00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:30,137 - I THINK THAT WE DID STUFF FOR EACH OTHER. 270 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,772 - UH-HUH. - YUH-HUH. 271 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,373 GRANTED, YOU DID A LOT OF THE LEGWORK. 272 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,375 - YEAH. - AND THE ARM WORK. 273 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,045 - AND-- - YEAH, AND-- 274 00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,446 - YEAH. 275 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,281 - OKAY, YEAH. LET'S DO THIS, 276 00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,050 BUT JUST NOT IN THE BACKYARD BECAUSE THE NEIGHBOR'S CAT 277 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,085 SH--S BACK THERE. 278 00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:48,756 - YOU FEEL LIKE WE OPERATE ON, LIKE, A HIGHER PLANE, RIGHT? 279 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,457 - UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 280 00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:52,059 - I DON'T KNOW. - YOU MEAN THE FACT THAT WE 281 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,827 CAN BE INTIMATE WITH EACH OTHER WITHOUT HAVING SEX? 282 00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:56,063 - YES. 283 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,231 - IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN BY "OPERATE ON A HIGHER PLANE," 284 00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,399 THEN YEAH, SURE. 285 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,534 - GREAT. 286 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,006 SO WHEN WE'RE NOT TOGETHER, 287 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:11,011 LIKE AFTER I LEAVE, DO YOU JUST STAY ON THAT--THAT HIGHER PLANE? 288 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:13,814 OR DO YOU EVER SLIDE DOWN TO, LIKE, 289 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:17,284 A--A LOWER PLANE, LIKE DOWN BELOW, 290 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,086 OR-- 291 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,755 - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 292 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:26,293 - I LOVE THAT WE OPERATE ON A--A METAPHYSICAL LEVEL, 293 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:30,998 BUT I ALSO OPERATE ON A PHYSICAL LEVEL WITH MYSELF. 294 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:32,499 DO YOU DO--DO YOU DO THAT? 295 00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:35,468 GET PHYSICAL WITH YOUR-- WITH YOURSELF? 296 00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,004 - ARE YOU ASKING IF I MASTURBATE? 297 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,872 - YES, YES I AM, BECAUSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME, 298 00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,507 AND I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU'RE AT WITH THAT. 299 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:44,344 - I DO SOMETIMES, YEAH. 300 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,980 - OKAY. OKAY. 301 00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:51,184 GOOD, BECAUSE I JUST NEEDED TO KN--I--THANK YOU SO MUCH. 302 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,485 THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. 303 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,454 - YOU'RE WELCOME. PHEW. 304 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,856 - YEAH. 305 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:57,457 RIGHT? - OUT OF THE WAY. 306 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:59,526 - OH, DONE WITH THAT CONVO. 307 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:11,204 SO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHEN YOU--WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT? 308 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,740 - I DON'T REALLY THINK ABOUT ANYTHING. 309 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:17,077 IT'S JUST FOR THE PHYSICAL SENSATION. 310 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,545 AND, NO, I DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR ME. 311 00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:19,847 - GREAT, GREAT. 312 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:20,981 I--ME, NEITHER. 313 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,784 I'M--I'M GREAT AT IT. 314 00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,090 - WHAT ABOUT OVER THERE? - OH, TOO LOUD. 315 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,325 - WHAT ABOUT OVER THERE? 316 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,061 - UH, TOO QUIET. 317 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:36,196 - WHAT ABOUT ON THAT ROOF? 318 00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,765 - OOH, TOO VIN DIESEL. - [laughs] 319 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:38,999 WELL, NOTHING'S GONNA BE PERFECT, JOHN. 320 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,567 THAT'S KIND OF THE POINT. 321 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,371 SO LET'S GO AND DO IT OVER IN THAT FIELD, HUH? 322 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,740 - OH, I DON'T KNOW. HMM. 323 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:48,575 - WHAT'S WRONG? - NOTHING'S WRONG. 324 00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,877 - YOU'RE BEING WEIRD. - I'M NOT BEING WEIRD. 325 00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,678 - YOU ARE BEING WEIRD. 326 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,213 I'M A COP, I KNOW WHEN PEOPLE ARE BEING WEIRD. 327 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:56,116 - WELL, APPARENTLY NOT THIS TIME. 328 00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:59,419 - TELL ME. - TELL YOU WHAT? 329 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,189 - OR THERE'S NOT GONNA BE ANY MORE PANCAKE SATURDAYS. 330 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,191 - WHAT? YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY PANCAKE SATURDAYS. 331 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,393 - SO, TELL ME. TELL ME. 332 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,095 - SANDY HANDY. 333 00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,696 - CAN'T HEAR YA. - SANDY HANDY. 334 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,432 I'VE NEVER TOLD ANYBODY THIS BEFORE. 335 00:12:12,465 --> 00:12:16,103 - TOLD ANYBODY WHAT? 336 00:12:16,136 --> 00:12:17,404 - HIGH SCHOOL, SOPHOMORE YEAR, SPRING BREAK, 337 00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,039 I MEET THIS GIRL ON A BEACH, 338 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,541 AND SHE GIVES ME MY FIRST RUB AND TUG. 339 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,210 - YEAH? - YEAH. 340 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,880 SHE'S GOT SAND ALL OVER HER HAND. 341 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:31,384 AND AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, THAT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. 342 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:32,986 BUT I'M TRYING TO BE NICE. 343 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:35,222 I TRY TO JUST, LIKE, GO WITH IT FOR A WHILE. 344 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,556 - MM-HMM. 345 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,591 - THE CHAFING GETS SO BAD. 346 00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,327 AND ON TOP OF IT, I THINK SHE'S GOT SUNBLOCK ON HER HANDS. 347 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,796 - NO! NO! - IT STARTS BURNING LIKE CRAZY, 348 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,765 AND I JUST START SCREAMING SO LOUD. 349 00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,400 I SCARE THAT POOR GIRL HALF TO DEATH. 350 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,602 - OH, YOU POOR THING. - AND THEN ALL THE SUDDEN, 351 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:52,339 THIS GROUP OF SENIORS ON A HOTEL BALCONY 352 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,574 START LAUGHING THEIR ASSES OFF. 353 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,410 TURNS OUT THEY WERE WATCHING THE WHOLE THING, 354 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,311 AND THEY START SCREAMING, 355 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,413 "SANDY HANDY! 356 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,414 SANDY HANDY!" 357 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,616 - NO! OH, GOD. HOLY SH--. 358 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,418 - I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY WHOLE LIFE. 359 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,088 THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THAT OUTSIDE. 360 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,623 SO NOW YOU KNOW. 361 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:13,626 - HONESTLY, JOHN, I AM PERFECTLY HAPPY WITH OUR SEX LIFE. 362 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,695 - GOOD, ME TOO. 363 00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,666 - I MEAN, THE ONLY REASON I SAID ANYTHING IN THE FIRST PLACE 364 00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,434 WAS BECAUSE BILLY TOLD ME 365 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,437 THAT HE AND MAEVE HAD SEX OUTSIDE THE OTHER DAY. 366 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,774 YEAH, I THINK I WAS JUST BEING WEIRDLY COMPETITIVE WITH THEM. 367 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,942 I MEAN, WHO CARES IF WE'RE HAVING SEX 368 00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,543 LESS THAN WE USED TO, RIGHT? 369 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,279 - WE DON'T HAVE SEX LESS THAN WE USED TO. 370 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,480 IT'S THE SAME AMOUNT. IT'S JUST MORE SPACED OUT. 371 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,215 - OKAY. - NO, IT'S NOT OKAY. 372 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,984 WE'RE HAVING THE SAME AMOUNT OF SEX. 373 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,118 I WORKED IT OUT. - OKAY. 374 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,486 EVERYTHING'S OKAY. 375 00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:41,321 - WHY DO YOU SAY IT LIKE IT'S NOT? 376 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,990 BE HONEST WITH ME, DO YOU THINK OUR SEX LIFE HAS GOTTEN BORING? 377 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,557 - NO. 378 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,393 - I FEEL LIKE YOU HESITATED. 379 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,394 - DID I? - I DON'T KNOW, DID YOU? 380 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:49,229 - OKAY, THIS IS CRAZY. 381 00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,031 I LOVE YOU. 382 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,500 OUR SEX LIFE IS PERFECTLY FINE. - FINE. 383 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,003 - OH, STOP. 384 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,670 - THEN PICK BETTER WORDS. 385 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,878 - SO AM I GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN? 386 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:06,346 - MY BEST FRIEND LIVES IN THE BUILDING. 387 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:07,380 DEFINITELY. - OH, RIGHT. 388 00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,249 - MM-HMM. MM-HMM. 389 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,084 - WOW, IT'S GONNA BE AWKWARD IF WE STOP HOOKING UP. 390 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:12,419 - OH, NOT FOR ME, IT WON'T. 391 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:13,720 - OH, NOT FOR ME, EITHER. 392 00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,924 I WAS JUST SAYING THAT TO BE NICE. 393 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,658 - HEY, SPEAKING OF JOHNNY, 394 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,227 WHAT DO YOU SAY WE DON'T MENTION THIS TO HIM 395 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,861 AND THERESA FOR THE TIME BEING? 396 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,563 - WHAT, ARE YOU ASHAMED OF ME? - OF COURSE NOT. 397 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:25,432 I'M ASHAMED OF THE THINGS I'M GONNA DO TO YOU. 398 00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:27,100 - OH. 399 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:28,368 [chuckling] 400 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,037 - MMM. 401 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,838 WHAT THINGS? 402 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,340 - WHAT YOU WANT, A SPREADSHEET? YOU GONNA FIND OUT. 403 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,475 - [laughs] 404 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,084 - SANDY HANDY, MAN. 405 00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:45,285 THAT SOUNDS TRAUMATIC. 406 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,287 - I KNOW. 407 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,589 - I ACTUALLY THINK I UNDERSTAND JOHNNY A LITTLE BETTER NOW, 408 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:50,557 LIKE WHAT MAKES HIM TICK. 409 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:53,093 - REALLY? HOW? 410 00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,362 - WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, 411 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,430 A GIRL JERKED HIM OFF WITH SAND ON HER HAND, 412 00:14:57,464 --> 00:15:00,100 AND NOW HE'S A PRETTY COOL DUDE. 413 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,969 - AND YOU THINK THOSE TWO THINGS ARE RELATED? 414 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,203 - ABSOLUTELY. 415 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,972 - HMM. 416 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:08,441 - WELL, MAYBE NOT, YOU KNOW? 417 00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:11,778 * SANDY, SANDY, SANDY HANDY 418 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:15,315 * YO, YO, SANDRA, SANDRA, SANDRA HANDRA * 419 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,549 - OH, YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT. 420 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:19,219 - OF COURSE NOT, T. 421 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,621 - SANDY HANDY, THAT IS AWESOME. 422 00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,423 - OH, BABE, I JUST REMEMBERED. 423 00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,325 I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE. 424 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,794 - WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE TO TELL ME. 425 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,163 - YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. 426 00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:32,399 - OH, AND WE HAVE TO TELL CASH. 427 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,402 - TELL ME WHAT? 428 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,270 BACK IN THE WAR, I HAD SEX 429 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:40,573 IN A RICE PADDY WITH THIS FINE LITTLE VIETNAMESE WOMAN. 430 00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,175 WHOO, I KNEW IT WAS DANGEROUS, 431 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:43,610 BUT I WAS YOUNG AND IN LOVE, 432 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,312 AND YOU COULDN'T TELL ME NOTHING. 433 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:48,581 SO WE'RE LAYING THERE, DOING OUR THING IN THE RICE. 434 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,650 ALL OF A SUDDEN, I HEARD A GUNSHOT. 435 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,319 POW! SHOT RIGHT IN THE ASS. 436 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:53,653 - VIET CONG? 437 00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,288 - NO, WORSE, HER HUSBAND. 438 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:56,856 [laughter] 439 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,325 - OH, LOOK WHO IT IS! IT'S SANDY HANDY! 440 00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:01,428 all: SANDY HANDY! SANDY HANDY! 441 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,629 - OH, NICE. 442 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,664 all: SANDY HANDY! 443 00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:05,698 SANDY HANDY! - VERY NICE. 444 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,500 WELL, WORD TRAVELS QUICKLY, HUH? 445 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,269 all: SANDY HANDY! SANDY HANDY! - THANK YOU. 446 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,672 THANK YOU ALL FOR THIS. 447 00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,175 - HELLO? - HEY, LISTEN TO THIS. 448 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,309 all: SANDY HANDY! 449 00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:20,313 SANDY HANDY! - OH, NO. 450 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,681 - WHY WOULD YOU TELL ANYONE THAT STORY? 451 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,283 - I DON'T KNOW. 452 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,185 UH, IT SLIPPED OUT? 453 00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,519 BUT, HEY, IT'S A COOL STORY. 454 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,621 I MEAN, IT MAKES YOU SOUND COOL. 455 00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,057 YOU WERE GETTING HANDJOBS AT 15. 456 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,491 - I HOPE IT DOESN'T BECOME A NICKNAME. 457 00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,026 - PAGING SANDY HANDY. - OH, MY GOD. BYE. 458 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,395 - AMBULANCE NEEDED, 428 SCHOVILLE. 459 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,563 WITNESSES-- - LET'S GO, SANDY. 460 00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:37,397 - OH. YOU-- 461 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,071 - PARAMEDICS. 462 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,406 PARAMEDICS. YOU WANT THIS ONE, SANDY? 463 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,741 - BITE ME, AND YES. 464 00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:53,646 HELLO? 465 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,316 - DOWN HERE! 466 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,218 - HELLO? 467 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,191 WHOA, WHAT HAPPENED HERE? 468 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,492 - WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? 469 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:06,826 - I HAVE NO IDEA. 470 00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:08,428 - LET ME TAKE A STAB AT IT. 471 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,563 YOU TWO WERE DOING A LITTLE ROLEPLAYING, 472 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,532 AND IT GOT OUT OF HAND. - YEAH, PRETTY MUCH. 473 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:16,503 - SUPERMAN WAS COMING TO RESCUE YOU FROM AN ARCH-NEMESIS, SAY, 474 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,239 LEX LUTHOR, AND HE GOT HIT WITH A LITTLE KRYPTONITE, RIGHT? 475 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,741 - NO, HE GOT HIT WITH THE FAN. 476 00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,377 HE TRIED TO JUMP OFF THE DRESSER. 477 00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:28,115 - HE'S BREATHING, JUST OUT COLD. 478 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:28,781 - HEY, BRO. - OH, HE'S GONNA BE FINE. 479 00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,517 - THERE YOU GO, BUDDY. HI. 480 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:34,787 - WELCOME BACK. 481 00:17:34,821 --> 00:17:36,189 HEY, HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER? 482 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:37,390 - OH, ABOUT TWO YEARS, RIGHT, HONEY? 483 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:38,891 - YEAH. WE JUST MOVED IN TOGETHER. 484 00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:40,593 - DON'T TRY TO DRAW A PARALLEL. 485 00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:42,295 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. - OH, CAUTIONARY TALE, JOHN. 486 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,896 CAUTIONARY TALE. 487 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,798 - MY ONLY QUESTION IS HOW YOU MANAGED TO CALL 911 488 00:17:45,832 --> 00:17:46,866 WITH YOUR HANDS TIED. 489 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,768 - HEY! IS HE OKAY? 490 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:52,272 - HE'S OKAY, GARY! 491 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:56,209 WE LET HIM WATCH SOMETIMES. - OH. 492 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,445 - CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? WHY SUPERMAN? 493 00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,546 - FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT SUPERMAN. 494 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,780 I'M SUPER-JIM. 495 00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,915 - BUT YOU HAVE A RED CAPE. 496 00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,051 - CLEARLY THERE'S A SUPERMAN INFLUENCE. 497 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,753 - WITH A SUBTLE NOD TO THE FLASH. 498 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:07,754 - I MADE HIM THE COSTUME. 499 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,322 - GIRL, SUPERMAN IS VANILLA. 500 00:18:09,356 --> 00:18:10,923 IF I COULD DATE A SUPERHERO, I WOULD DATE BATMAN. 501 00:18:10,957 --> 00:18:12,959 HE'S RICH, HE'S MYSTERIOUS, 502 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,462 HE HAS ISSUES. THAT'S A GOOD TIME. 503 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:16,896 - BATMAN DOESN'T HAVE ANY SPECIAL POWERS. 504 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,898 - NEITHER DOES HE. - HE'S GOT A POINT, HON. 505 00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:20,567 MAYBE NEXT TIME, I CAN BE BATMAN. 506 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,601 - SEE, I WAS THINKING AQUAMAN. 507 00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,336 - OH, I LIKE IT. 508 00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:26,606 - AQUAMAN'S, LIKE, THE LAMEST SUPERHERO OF ALL TIME. 509 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:29,509 - HE DOESN'T HAVE TO COME UP FOR AIR. 510 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,743 - OH. - OH. 511 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:34,414 - [chuckles] - MAN, YEAH. 512 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,649 - DOCTOR'LL BE HERE ANY SECOND. 513 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,619 YOU KNOW, UM... 514 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:41,421 LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 515 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,756 WAS IT REALLY WORTH IT? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 516 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,259 - COME ON. YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET AN MRI DRESSED AS A SUPERHERO. 517 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:49,662 IS ALL THIS COSTUME SH-- WORTH THE HASSLE? 518 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:53,132 - HEY, I GOT A GIRLFRIEND WHO'S INTO SUPERHEROES. 519 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,436 AND IN CASE YOU COULDN'T TELL, SHE'S A LITTLE OUT OF MY LEAGUE. 520 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,104 - YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S SMOKING HOT. 521 00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,939 - SO IF I HAVE TO DO SOME WEIRD STUFF FROM TIME TO TIME 522 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,774 TO KEEP HER HAPPY, AM I GONNA DO THAT? 523 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,009 - MM-HMM. - HELL YEAH. 524 00:19:03,042 --> 00:19:04,844 - OH, YEAH, YOU ARE. - I SUCK IT UP. 525 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,447 I LITERALLY SUCK IT UP TO GET THIS RIDICULOUS COSTUME 526 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,782 OVER MY EXTREMELY AVERAGE PHYSIQUE. 527 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,851 I MEAN, I GOT A NICE ASS, BUT I GOT BIRD LEGS. 528 00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:13,220 - I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT. - I'M SKINNY-FAT. 529 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:14,854 - NO, I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT. - THANK YOU, 530 00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:15,855 BUT I LOOK LIKE KEVIN BACON HAD SEX WITH A RABBIT. 531 00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,624 - THAT'S TRUE. 532 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,559 - YOU HAVE A LADY? - YEAH, I GOT A LADY. 533 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,861 - THEN YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 534 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,996 YOU CAN'T BE CLARK KENT EVERY DAY. 535 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:27,400 SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO MAN UP AND STEP INTO THE PHONE BOOTH. 536 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,969 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 537 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,871 WHERE DOES SUPERMAN CHANGE NOW? 538 00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,039 - YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY. 539 00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:34,474 - YEAH. - PROBABLY, LIKE, 540 00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,042 A PORTA-POTTY. - PROBABLY, RIGHT? 541 00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:37,877 THAT MAKES SENSE. - YEAH. 542 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,884 - YOU KNOW, WE DON'T ACTUALLY 543 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:47,019 HAVE TO DO THIS IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE, OKAY, JOHN? 544 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:48,688 - NO, AND I LIKE IT. IT'S KIND OF PRIMAL. 545 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,490 - RIGHT? LIKE WE'RE IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN. 546 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:51,824 - YEAH. - LIKE I'M EVE AND YOU'RE ADAM. 547 00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,560 - YEAH, WATCH OUT FOR THE SNAKE. 548 00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:54,994 - OOH, OH. 549 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:59,031 [giggling] 550 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,900 - OW, DID YOU PINCH IT? OW. 551 00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,202 - NO, YOU TOLD ME YOU DON'T LIKE THAT. 552 00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,171 - OW, NO, JUST WAIT A SECOND. - NO, COME ON...OW. 553 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:08,408 - I THINK IT WAS A BEE. - WHAT? 554 00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:10,042 - AH! - REALLY? 555 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:13,846 - A BEE JUST STUNG MY DICK. 556 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,915 - WHERE'S YOUR EPIPEN? - IT'S AT HOME. 557 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:18,285 OH. OW. 558 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:20,052 - IT'S REALLY SWELLING, TOO. - I KNOW, I GOT TO CALL HANK. 559 00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,888 I DON'T WANT TO-- I DON'T WANT TO CALL HANK. 560 00:20:21,921 --> 00:20:23,256 - OH, IT'S OKAY. MY MOM'S GOT AN EPIPEN. 561 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:24,291 WE'LL CALL HER. - YEAH, HEY, THERESA, 562 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,893 THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND. 563 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:28,295 - CALL HANK. - YEAH. 564 00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,929 - THEY ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE HARVESTED BY PIGS, 565 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,731 MUCH LIKE THE TRUFFLE. 566 00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,634 - HMM. [phone ringing] 567 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,868 HELLO? 568 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:36,936 - HANK, I NEED YOU TO GET AN EPIPEN 569 00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:37,937 AND GET TO PORTER'S PARK. 570 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,772 - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? 571 00:20:39,806 --> 00:20:42,742 - I GOT STUNG BY A BEE SOMEWHERE VERY SENSITIVE. 572 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,944 - HOW SENSITIVE? - JUST HURRY UP, PLEASE. 573 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,779 - DID YOU GET STUNG BY A BEE ON YOUR DICK? 574 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:47,914 - LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 575 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,749 JUST GET DOWN HERE, PLEASE. 576 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,753 - OH. I GOT TO GO. 577 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,555 - DID YOU SAY A BEE-- - I'LL BE BACK. 578 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,956 - I MEAN, IT'S REALLY SWELLING. 579 00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:57,757 - I KNOW. I KNOW. 580 00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,627 - IT'S HUGE. 581 00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,961 YOU'RE, LIKE, SUPERDICK. 582 00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:03,630 - I LIKE THAT. - YEAH. 583 00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:05,598 - THINK YOU CAN GET THAT NICKNAME TO STICK? 584 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:08,568 - OH, THAT SANDY HANDY THING HAS REALLY CAUGHT ON, HUH? 585 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,403 - NOT YET, BUT IT'S GETTING THERE. 586 00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:11,838 OW. - WE SHOULD GET A PHOTO. 587 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:13,306 - NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T. 588 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,741 - SHH. - DON'T--OKAY, JUST REAL QUICK. 589 00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:15,742 - YOU'RE BEING A BABY. IT'S JUST A BEE. 590 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:16,809 - JUST REAL QUICK. 591 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,678 - ALL RIGHT. 592 00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,146 - OKAY. 593 00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,948 - IT DOESN'T FIT IN THE SCREEN. 594 00:21:21,981 --> 00:21:23,616 - NO, NO, THAT'S T--YOU GOT TO GO FOR THE HIGH ANGLE. 595 00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,952 - HIGH ANGLE, HIGH ANGLE. - EVERYBODY KNOWS, HIGH ANGLE. 596 00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:29,356 - DICK SELFIES. - OW.