1 00:00:01,812 --> 00:00:02,779 - SIR? [echoing] 2 00:00:02,813 --> 00:00:05,449 SIR, SIR. 3 00:00:05,482 --> 00:00:06,917 THERE YOU ARE. 4 00:00:06,950 --> 00:00:09,586 HE'S CONSCIOUS. 5 00:00:09,620 --> 00:00:10,887 SIR, CAN YOU HEAR ME? 6 00:00:10,921 --> 00:00:13,090 - ARE YOU AN ANGEL? - NO. 7 00:00:13,124 --> 00:00:14,858 - ARE YOU A DEVIL? 8 00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:16,026 - NO. 9 00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:17,361 - THEN EAT A BAG OF DICKS. 10 00:00:17,394 --> 00:00:19,029 - OH, WELL, THAT IS VERY KIND, SIR, 11 00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:22,266 BUT WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ACCEPT GRATUITIES. 12 00:00:22,299 --> 00:00:25,269 - JUST CLOSE THE GARAGE DOOR AND LET ME FINISH WHAT I STARTED. 13 00:00:25,302 --> 00:00:26,870 - WELL, IT WOULDN'T MATTER. YOU LEFT THE SKYLIGHT OPEN. 14 00:00:26,903 --> 00:00:28,038 - I COULDN'T FIND THE BUTTON. 15 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:30,141 - WELL, HOW HARD DID YOU TRY, SWEETIE? 16 00:00:30,174 --> 00:00:32,042 W--I'M STARIN' RIGHT AT IT. WE PAINTED IT ORANGE. 17 00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,377 - MOM! 18 00:00:33,410 --> 00:00:35,078 - LAST TIME, HE TRIED TO HANG HIMSELF. 19 00:00:35,112 --> 00:00:36,580 TIED THE ROPE TOO LONG. 20 00:00:36,613 --> 00:00:38,415 JUMPED OFF THE WORKBENCH AND BROKE BOTH OF HIS ANKLES. 21 00:00:38,449 --> 00:00:39,950 THE NEIGHBOR KID FOUND HIM HANGING THERE. 22 00:00:39,983 --> 00:00:41,385 - MOM, SHUT UP! 23 00:00:41,418 --> 00:00:42,886 - DON'T YOU TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT. 24 00:00:42,919 --> 00:00:44,255 - STAY OUT OF THIS, WOULD YOU, LARRY? 25 00:00:44,288 --> 00:00:46,257 - AND IF YOU "REALLY" WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE, 26 00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:49,092 YOU DON'T DO IT TWO BLOCKS FROM AN AMBULANCE COMPANY! 27 00:00:49,126 --> 00:00:52,263 GET YOUR OWN PLACE, NOT NEAR AN AMBULANCE COMPANY. 28 00:00:52,296 --> 00:00:53,897 IT'S GODDAMN RIDICULOUS. 29 00:00:53,930 --> 00:00:55,132 - SIR-- - NOW THE WHOLE HOUSE 30 00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:56,900 IS GONNA SMELL LIKE EXHAUST FUMES. 31 00:00:56,933 --> 00:00:58,068 - SIR-- 32 00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:59,303 - AND YOU RUINED MY GOOD GARDEN HOSE, 33 00:00:59,336 --> 00:01:00,604 SO MY RHODODENDRONS ARE GONNA DIE! 34 00:01:00,637 --> 00:01:02,406 - SIR! - WHAT? 35 00:01:02,439 --> 00:01:04,141 - NOTHING. 36 00:01:04,175 --> 00:01:07,110 - SUPPOSED TO BE OUT HERE CLEANING THE GODDAMN CAR! 37 00:01:07,144 --> 00:01:10,113 FRICKIN' KID NEVER FINISHED A THING IN HIS LIFE! 38 00:01:10,147 --> 00:01:11,415 - DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE HOME FOR DINNER? 39 00:01:11,448 --> 00:01:13,250 I NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH HAM TO THAW. 40 00:01:13,284 --> 00:01:16,119 - AT LEAST MY KIDS DON'T TRY TO KILL THEMSELVES ALL THE TIME. 41 00:01:16,153 --> 00:01:18,189 - THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY SELL WEED, LARRY. 42 00:01:20,891 --> 00:01:22,626 IT'S GOOD SH--, ACTUALLY. 43 00:01:22,659 --> 00:01:24,161 - YEAH? - YEAH. 44 00:01:24,195 --> 00:01:27,331 [funky music] 45 00:01:27,364 --> 00:01:34,638 * 46 00:01:44,548 --> 00:01:46,383 [radio static] 47 00:01:48,051 --> 00:01:50,487 - THAT MUST'VE BEEN A PRETTY SCARY CALL FOR YOU, HUH, BRIAN? 48 00:01:50,521 --> 00:01:52,289 - YES, IT WAS. 49 00:01:52,323 --> 00:01:54,157 THAT GUY'S STEPDAD HAD SOME SERIOUS ANGER ISSUES. 50 00:01:54,191 --> 00:01:57,060 - OH, I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE KID, FUTURE BRIAN. 51 00:01:57,093 --> 00:01:58,495 - FUTURE BRIAN? 52 00:01:58,529 --> 00:02:00,130 - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLING HIM. 53 00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,398 SEE, FUTURE BRIAN IS LIKE YOU IN TEN YEARS-- 54 00:02:01,432 --> 00:02:03,467 SINGLE, LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS IN THE BASEMENT. 55 00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,135 - SPOOKY. - YOU GOT TO MOVE, BRO. 56 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,003 - CUT THE CORD. - YOU A GROWN-ASS MAN. 57 00:02:07,037 --> 00:02:09,473 - YOU AND FUTURE BRIAN EVEN DRIVE THE SAME CAR, A SUBARU. 58 00:02:09,506 --> 00:02:10,707 COULD IT GET ANY SPOOKIER? 59 00:02:10,741 --> 00:02:13,244 - HEY, HOLD YOUR HORSES HERE, FELLAS. 60 00:02:13,277 --> 00:02:16,179 FIRST OFF, I DRIVE AN OUTBACK. HE DRIVES A FORESTER. 61 00:02:16,213 --> 00:02:17,348 IT'S A VERY DEPRESSING MODEL. 62 00:02:17,381 --> 00:02:18,815 - MY MISTAKE. TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 63 00:02:18,849 --> 00:02:20,817 - PLUS HE PROBABLY MOVED BACK IN WITH HIS PARENTS. 64 00:02:20,851 --> 00:02:23,019 I NEVER MOVED OUT. THAT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE. 65 00:02:23,053 --> 00:02:24,321 - WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF, BRIAN? 66 00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:26,156 - SERIOUSLY, BRO. GET OUT ON YOUR OWN. 67 00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:27,491 DITCH THE DEAD WEIGHT. 68 00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:28,992 - SEE? THAT RIGHT THERE. 69 00:02:29,025 --> 00:02:30,694 THAT'S WHAT I'M AFRAID OF. 70 00:02:30,727 --> 00:02:33,830 I'M AFRAID OF THE DECLINING ROLE OF THE AMERICAN FAMILY, OKAY? 71 00:02:33,864 --> 00:02:36,500 I'M AFRAID OF LOSING THE GENERATIONAL BONDS 72 00:02:36,533 --> 00:02:39,703 THAT TIE US ALL TOGETHER. 73 00:02:39,736 --> 00:02:41,238 AND RENT. 74 00:02:41,272 --> 00:02:43,340 I'M REALLY AFRAID OF PAYING RENT. 75 00:02:43,374 --> 00:02:46,577 IT'S A BIG, IRRESPONSIBLE, AND ENDLESS FINANCIAL HOLE. 76 00:02:46,610 --> 00:02:48,345 YOU GUYS OWE ME 37 CENTS BY THE WAY. 77 00:02:48,379 --> 00:02:49,613 - FOR WHAT? - FOR THE M&Ms. 78 00:02:49,646 --> 00:02:51,014 - OH, COME ON. - CHICAGO NORTH 911. 79 00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:53,350 DOMESTIC SHOOTING, 3540 RACINE. 80 00:02:53,384 --> 00:02:55,452 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. - GO! 81 00:02:55,486 --> 00:02:57,554 - PROCEED WITH CAUTION. POLICE ON SCENE. 82 00:02:57,588 --> 00:03:00,724 SHOOTING VICTIM TRAPPED ON FRONT PORCH LOSING BLOOD. 83 00:03:00,757 --> 00:03:04,060 [dog barking] 84 00:03:04,094 --> 00:03:06,129 [emergency radio chatter] 85 00:03:06,162 --> 00:03:07,598 - HEY. 86 00:03:07,631 --> 00:03:09,300 FEMALE ON THE PORCH HAS BEEN SHOT AT LEAST ONCE. 87 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:10,534 - SHE'S BLEEDIN' PRETTY BAD. 88 00:03:10,567 --> 00:03:13,036 - SHE AIN'T MOVIN' EITHER. 89 00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,538 - SHOOTER'S HER EX. 90 00:03:14,571 --> 00:03:16,039 HE'S LOCKED AND LOADED ON THE FIRST FLOOR. 91 00:03:16,072 --> 00:03:17,474 - HOW MUCH TIME WE GOT? 92 00:03:17,508 --> 00:03:18,609 - HOSTAGE NEGOTIATOR'S ABOUT TEN MINUTES AWAY. 93 00:03:18,642 --> 00:03:20,043 ANIMAL CONTROL ABOUT THE SAME. 94 00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:21,412 I'D LOVE TO GET A LOOK IN THERE 95 00:03:21,445 --> 00:03:22,713 AND SEE HOW MANY WEAPONS HE'S GOT ON HIM. 96 00:03:22,746 --> 00:03:24,214 [dog barking] 97 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,215 BILLY, GET MY BINOCULARS. 98 00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,717 - YEAH, GOT IT. 99 00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:28,285 - HOW'S YOUR DAY BEEN, GUYS? - MEH. 100 00:03:28,319 --> 00:03:30,253 - WELL, WE SAVED BRIAN'S DOPPELGANGER 101 00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:32,055 FROM KILLING HIMSELF. - HE IS NOT MY DOPPELGANGER. 102 00:03:32,088 --> 00:03:33,390 - HE'S AT LEAST A DOPPEL. - WE CALL HIM FUTURE BRIAN. 103 00:03:33,424 --> 00:03:35,659 - A CASUAL RESEMBLANCE AT BEST. - HOW CASUAL? 104 00:03:35,692 --> 00:03:37,728 - HE LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS AND DRIVES A SUBARU. 105 00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:39,463 - OY. - IF HE WAS REALLY SUICIDAL, 106 00:03:39,496 --> 00:03:41,432 HE WOULDN'T DRIVE A CAR WITH SUCH GOOD GAS MILEAGE. 107 00:03:41,465 --> 00:03:42,433 - THIS JUST IN: BRIAN'S CHEAP. 108 00:03:42,466 --> 00:03:44,234 [gunshot, ricochet] 109 00:03:44,267 --> 00:03:45,669 - COME ON! 110 00:03:45,702 --> 00:03:46,770 [dog barking] 111 00:03:46,803 --> 00:03:48,405 - YOU COULD PROBABLY GET A ONE-BEDROOM 112 00:03:48,439 --> 00:03:49,606 IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD FOR A PRETTY DECENT PRICE. 113 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,408 - GO AHEAD AND LAUGH, BUT DID YOU KNOW 114 00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:53,677 THAT FINANCES ARE THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF MARITAL DISCORD? 115 00:03:53,710 --> 00:03:55,579 - KNOW WHAT NUMBER TWO IS? - WHAT? 116 00:03:55,612 --> 00:03:57,648 - BULLETS. 117 00:03:57,681 --> 00:03:59,583 [Billy shouting indistinctly] - OH! NO! 118 00:03:59,616 --> 00:04:02,085 LET ME GO! - HOLY SH--! 119 00:04:02,118 --> 00:04:03,286 - HEY, LET ME GO! 120 00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:04,588 [thud] - OH, MY GOD! 121 00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:06,357 - [grunts] - HE'S DOWN! 122 00:04:06,390 --> 00:04:08,592 [man shouting indistinctly] SHUT UP, MAN! 123 00:04:08,625 --> 00:04:10,327 ALL CLEAR. 124 00:04:10,361 --> 00:04:11,462 - GOOD JOB. [applause] 125 00:04:11,495 --> 00:04:13,464 - HE'S DOWN. ALL CLEAR. 126 00:04:13,497 --> 00:04:15,165 THERESA, I USED THE THING! 127 00:04:15,198 --> 00:04:18,469 I USED THE THING WE LEARNED IN CLASS! 128 00:04:18,502 --> 00:04:21,338 - GET THE STRETCHER. - HEY, GET THE STRETCHER. 129 00:04:21,372 --> 00:04:24,274 [dog barking] - [moans] 130 00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:27,344 OH, GOD. - SIT. SIT. 131 00:04:27,378 --> 00:04:29,279 SIT. GOOD GIRL, GOOD GIRL. 132 00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,547 - WHEN'D YOU BECOME THE DOG WHISPERER? 133 00:04:30,581 --> 00:04:32,182 - HEY, I'M A BLACK MAN, JOHN. 134 00:04:32,215 --> 00:04:34,351 WHERE I GREW UP, WE HAD SO MANY PIT BULLS RUNNING AROUND, 135 00:04:34,385 --> 00:04:35,652 WE THOUGHT THEY WERE FRIGGIN' SQUIRRELS. 136 00:04:35,686 --> 00:04:37,621 - OKAY, MISS, HELP IS HERE. 137 00:04:37,654 --> 00:04:39,556 - [groans] - GOOD, GOOD. 138 00:04:39,590 --> 00:04:41,157 VERY MANAGEABLE. - WHA--YOU SURE? 139 00:04:41,191 --> 00:04:43,126 - SURE I'M SURE. IT'S A FLESH WOUND. 140 00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:44,628 IT MIGHT'VE NICKED THE BONE. YOU'RE GONNA GET A COOL SCAR 141 00:04:44,661 --> 00:04:46,129 AND SOME PRETTY DECENT PAIN PILLS OUT OF THE DEAL. 142 00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:48,164 BRIAN, GAUZE. - [shrilly] AAH! AAH! 143 00:04:48,198 --> 00:04:49,400 OH, GOD! 144 00:04:49,433 --> 00:04:51,034 THERE'S A SPIDER ON MY GODDAMN ARM! 145 00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:52,068 SOMEBODY GET IT! 146 00:04:52,102 --> 00:04:53,303 - I'VE BEEN SHOT, 147 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:54,638 AND I DIDN'T EVEN SCREAM THAT LOUD. 148 00:04:54,671 --> 00:04:56,673 - OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD! 149 00:04:56,707 --> 00:04:58,141 - STAND STILL. - GET IT, GET IT, GET IT! 150 00:04:58,174 --> 00:04:59,376 - I GOT IT, OKAY? - OOH, IS IT OFF ME? 151 00:04:59,410 --> 00:05:00,477 IS IT OFF ME? OOH, DID YOU GET IT? 152 00:05:00,511 --> 00:05:02,212 - HEY, RELAX NOW, HANK. RELAX. 153 00:05:02,245 --> 00:05:03,680 YOU KNOW, I'M JUST GONNA PUT IT DOWN HERE. 154 00:05:03,714 --> 00:05:05,482 - NO, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO! 155 00:05:05,516 --> 00:05:07,350 BREAK OFF SOME OF ITS LEGS SO IT WON'T COME BACK AT ME. 156 00:05:07,384 --> 00:05:08,184 BREAK OFF SOME OF THE LEGS. - HEY, LAST TIME I HEARD 157 00:05:08,218 --> 00:05:09,520 SOMEONE SQUEAL LIKE THAT, 158 00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:12,155 IT WAS ME. I WAS 13 AT A HANSON CONCERT. 159 00:05:12,188 --> 00:05:13,657 - OOH, OOH. 160 00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:15,826 AHH! 161 00:05:15,859 --> 00:05:18,829 HOO, THANK YOU, JESUS. HOO, HOO. 162 00:05:18,862 --> 00:05:21,998 - [laughs] 163 00:05:22,032 --> 00:05:24,835 - IT WAS AS BIG AS MY HEAD. - OKAY, PRINCESS. 164 00:05:24,868 --> 00:05:26,537 SPEAKING OF YOUR HEAD, YOU KNOW WHAT WE GOT TO GET YOU NOW? 165 00:05:26,570 --> 00:05:29,372 - A DRINK? - NO, A TIARA. 166 00:05:29,406 --> 00:05:33,376 [laughs] - GOD. 167 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,081 - SPIDERS ARE POISONOUS. THEY CAN KILL YOU. 168 00:05:38,114 --> 00:05:39,550 - NOT A DADDY LONGLEGS. [laughs] 169 00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:40,851 - WELL, IT WASN'T WEARING A GODDAMN NAMETAG! 170 00:05:40,884 --> 00:05:41,852 - I'M AFRAID OF BEES. 171 00:05:41,885 --> 00:05:43,520 - ME, TOO. NOT A FAN, NOT A FAN. 172 00:05:43,554 --> 00:05:44,588 - JUST KIDDING, ASSHOLE. GOD, YOU'RE A MESS. 173 00:05:44,621 --> 00:05:45,689 I DON'T HAVE ANY FEARS. 174 00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:47,190 - BULLSH--. - I DON'T. 175 00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:48,792 I'M SCARED OF THE BIG THINGS. 176 00:05:48,825 --> 00:05:50,461 CANCER, TERRORISM, BEN AFFLECK BEING A LOUSY BATMAN. 177 00:05:50,494 --> 00:05:52,262 - DON'T WORRY, MAN. HE'S GONNA CRUSH IT. 178 00:05:52,295 --> 00:05:53,764 - EVERYBODY'S SCARED OF SOMETHING. 179 00:05:53,797 --> 00:05:55,699 I'M SCARED OF LITTLE PEOPLE. - MIDGETS? 180 00:05:55,732 --> 00:05:58,902 - I'M NOT SCARED OF THE WHOLE MIDGET--JUST THE HANDS. 181 00:05:58,935 --> 00:06:03,540 SO SMALL AND SOFT, LIKE THEY COULD JUST GRAB YOU 182 00:06:03,574 --> 00:06:06,810 AND YOU'D HARDLY FEEL IT. 183 00:06:06,843 --> 00:06:08,812 LIKE A WHISPER. 184 00:06:10,747 --> 00:06:13,817 I'M ALSO NOT VERY FOND OF WIDE OPEN SPACES. 185 00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:15,652 PRAIRIES AND STUFF LIKE THAT? MM-MM. 186 00:06:15,686 --> 00:06:17,488 MAKES ME FEEL SO INSIGNIFICANT. 187 00:06:17,521 --> 00:06:20,390 YOU EVER BEEN TO THE GRAND CANYON, BILLY? 188 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:21,792 DON'T GO. 189 00:06:21,825 --> 00:06:24,628 IN THE GRAND CANYON, YOU ARE THE MIDGET. 190 00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:26,730 - MICROPHOBIA, BRIAN. 191 00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:29,666 THAT'S WHAT YOUR FEAR IS CALLED, FEAR OF ALL THINGS TINY. 192 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,401 - LIKE JOHNNY'S DICK. [laughter] 193 00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:33,303 - HEY, DON'T GET MAD AT ME, BRO, JUST BECAUSE A FEW HARMLESS BUGS 194 00:06:33,336 --> 00:06:35,939 MAKE YOU SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. 195 00:06:35,972 --> 00:06:37,908 HERE'S YOUR FRIES, BRO. 196 00:06:37,941 --> 00:06:39,242 - AAH! [laughter] 197 00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:42,412 NOT FUNNY, BRO! NOT FUNNY! 198 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:43,747 - THERE ARE ONLY THREE THINGS 199 00:06:43,780 --> 00:06:45,749 TO BE GENUINELY AFRAID OF IN THIS WORLD. 200 00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:48,752 ONE, THE MARS COMPANY WILL STOP MAKING TWIXES. 201 00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:51,588 TWO, MY EX-WIFE. AND THREE, ZOMBIES. 202 00:06:51,622 --> 00:06:53,423 - YOU'RE SCARED OF ZOMBIES? 203 00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:54,525 - YOU'RE NOT? 204 00:06:54,558 --> 00:06:55,492 - WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS, BILLY? 205 00:06:55,526 --> 00:06:57,427 - I DON'T GOT NONE, BRO. 206 00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:59,162 - MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART. - YEAH, FEAR'S USELESS. 207 00:06:59,195 --> 00:07:00,931 - THAT'S RIGHT. GO HIGH, BILL. 208 00:07:00,964 --> 00:07:03,767 - YOU WEREN'T AFRAID TODAY? - NO, BRO. 209 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,268 LIKE, TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN MY POSITION. 210 00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:07,370 LIKE, I'M WALKING INTO THIS PLACE. 211 00:07:07,403 --> 00:07:09,873 GUY'S, LIKE, MAD CRAZY, RIGHT? 212 00:07:09,906 --> 00:07:11,842 HE'S GOT A GLOCK. HE'S DRUNK. 213 00:07:11,875 --> 00:07:13,610 I'M TALKING, LIKE, SPEAKING IN TONGUES DRUNK. 214 00:07:13,644 --> 00:07:15,011 [babbles incoherently] 215 00:07:15,045 --> 00:07:18,448 WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN? 216 00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:20,617 GET INSIDE MY HEAD. 217 00:07:20,651 --> 00:07:22,452 - SO I'M THINKING LIKE YOU. 218 00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,554 - EXACTLY. 219 00:07:23,587 --> 00:07:26,623 LIKE, WHAT WAS I THINKING 220 00:07:26,657 --> 00:07:29,793 WHEN I WALKED IN THERE? 221 00:07:29,826 --> 00:07:31,828 - NOTHING? 222 00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:35,966 - SEE? - MM. 223 00:07:35,999 --> 00:07:37,467 MM-HMM. 224 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,871 - * GA-TO-RADE GA-TO-RADE, YEAH * 225 00:07:40,904 --> 00:07:42,639 - GO HIGH, BRO. - IS THAT A BEE? 226 00:07:42,673 --> 00:07:44,908 - PSST! - [laughs] 227 00:07:44,941 --> 00:07:46,677 - HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? BILLY'S RIGHT. 228 00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:48,812 GUNFIRE'S JUST PART OF THE JOB. YOU CAN'T FEAR IT. 229 00:07:48,845 --> 00:07:50,513 YOU JUST GOT TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT. 230 00:07:50,547 --> 00:07:51,815 - SAME THING ON THIS JOB. 231 00:07:51,848 --> 00:07:53,249 IN THE HEAT OF THE BATTLE, YOU JUST REACT. 232 00:07:53,283 --> 00:07:54,751 - EXACTLY. 233 00:07:54,785 --> 00:07:57,020 YOU KNOW, MY BIGGEST FEAR ISN'T BEING SHOT. 234 00:07:57,053 --> 00:07:58,922 MY BIGGEST FEAR IS BEING INVOLVED WITH A GUY 235 00:07:58,955 --> 00:08:01,257 WHOSE BIGGEST FEAR ISN'T ME BEING SHOT. 236 00:08:01,291 --> 00:08:02,659 - UH-HUH. 237 00:08:02,693 --> 00:08:03,660 NOW YOU'RE SCARED. LOOK AT HIS EYES. 238 00:08:03,694 --> 00:08:05,495 - NO, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. 239 00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:07,564 LET ME EXPLAIN. I KNOW WHAT MY MAIN FEAR IS. 240 00:08:07,598 --> 00:08:09,499 MY NUMBER ONE FEAR OF ALL FEARS 241 00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:12,402 IS THAT YOU MIGHT GET SHOT SOMEDAY. 242 00:08:12,435 --> 00:08:13,837 I'M SO AFRAID OF IT. - HMM. 243 00:08:13,870 --> 00:08:15,405 - EVERY SINGLE DAY, I'M SO AFRAID OF IT 244 00:08:15,438 --> 00:08:17,373 EVERY DAY WHEN YOU GO TO WORK THAT--THAT I SUBLIMATE IT. 245 00:08:17,407 --> 00:08:18,742 - OH, YOU SUBLIMATE IT. - YEAH. 246 00:08:18,775 --> 00:08:20,176 THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DO. I SUBLIMATE IT. 247 00:08:20,210 --> 00:08:22,445 WHICH IS WHY EARLIER IN THIS FEAR CONVERSATION, 248 00:08:22,478 --> 00:08:24,514 I DIDN'T SAY THAT THAT WAS MY NUMBER ONE FEAR OF ALL FEARS 249 00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:30,420 BECAUSE I HAD SUBLIMATED IT SO HARD...THAT I... 250 00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:31,888 THIS ISN'T GONNA FLY IS IT? - NOPE. 251 00:08:31,922 --> 00:08:35,025 - HEY, YO. CHECK THIS OUT. 252 00:08:35,058 --> 00:08:37,393 - [laughs] 253 00:08:37,427 --> 00:08:38,862 - YOU KNOW WHAT I FEAR? 254 00:08:38,895 --> 00:08:40,697 NOT FULFILLING MY POTENTIAL. 255 00:08:40,731 --> 00:08:43,800 SEE, BILLY'S ACTUALLY ALREADY REACHED HIS. 256 00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:46,269 ME, I HAVEN'T. - MM-HMM. 257 00:08:46,302 --> 00:08:49,439 - MY ONE DREAM IS TO WORK FOR THE FBI IN WASHINGTON. 258 00:08:49,472 --> 00:08:50,907 SOMETIMES I'M AFRAID IT WON'T WORK OUT, 259 00:08:50,941 --> 00:08:53,744 THAT I'LL, YOU KNOW, TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. 260 00:08:53,777 --> 00:08:57,047 THAT IS WHAT I AM REALLY AFRAID OF, 261 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,883 GROWING OLD AND LOOKING BACK AT DREAMS 262 00:08:59,916 --> 00:09:01,384 THAT I NEVER MADE COME TRUE. 263 00:09:01,417 --> 00:09:03,319 - MM. - HMM. 264 00:09:05,121 --> 00:09:06,489 - THAT AND THE SUN. 265 00:09:06,522 --> 00:09:08,759 - HELIOPHOBIA. SURPRISINGLY COMMON. 266 00:09:08,792 --> 00:09:11,394 - MY SKIN BURNS AND PEELS IF I FALL ASLEEP WITH THE IPAD ON. 267 00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:13,296 THAT IS WHY IF THEY EVER STOPPED MAKING 268 00:09:13,329 --> 00:09:15,999 HYDRAMAX LAVENDER REJUVENATION, 269 00:09:16,032 --> 00:09:17,734 I WOULD FREAK OUT JUST A LITTLE BIT. 270 00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:19,402 [laughs] - HMM. 271 00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:21,437 - WHAT IS THAT FACE? 272 00:09:21,471 --> 00:09:25,341 - THEY DISCONTINUED THE CREAM. 273 00:09:25,375 --> 00:09:27,410 - THE ACTIVE PLUS FORMULA? 274 00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:29,345 - I'M SO SORRY, "T." 275 00:09:29,379 --> 00:09:31,081 - HANK, PLEASE JUST TELL ME YOU'RE MESSING WITH ME. 276 00:09:31,114 --> 00:09:33,650 - I'M NOT MESSIN' WITH YOU. IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE. 277 00:09:33,684 --> 00:09:35,618 THEY JUST WASN'T SELLIN' ENOUGH OF 'EM. 278 00:09:35,652 --> 00:09:39,089 - HOLY SH--! 279 00:09:39,122 --> 00:09:40,824 BILLY, WE GOT TO GO. - WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 280 00:09:40,857 --> 00:09:42,425 - WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO? 281 00:09:42,458 --> 00:09:44,527 I'M GONNA GO STORE TO STORE, TRY AND FIND MYSELF A JAR. 282 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:45,929 [horn honks] 283 00:09:45,962 --> 00:09:46,797 - [laughs] 284 00:09:46,830 --> 00:09:49,099 - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 285 00:09:49,132 --> 00:09:50,701 - HEY! - YO! 286 00:09:50,734 --> 00:09:52,102 HEY! - OH, THIS GUY. 287 00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:54,504 [chuckling] 288 00:09:54,537 --> 00:09:56,639 [honking] 289 00:09:56,673 --> 00:09:59,876 - HEY! THANKS FOR NOTHING, SCUMBAGS. 290 00:09:59,910 --> 00:10:01,712 - BYE. 291 00:10:01,745 --> 00:10:03,847 - WHO WAS THAT GUY? 292 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,615 - THAT'S THE GUY WHO TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE IN THE GARAGE. 293 00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:06,883 NOT VERY THANKFUL. 294 00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:08,018 - YOU GUYS DRIVE THE SAME CAR. 295 00:10:08,051 --> 00:10:11,888 [laughter] 296 00:10:15,859 --> 00:10:16,993 - THEY REALLY DIDN'T CHARGE YOU FOR THAT? 297 00:10:17,027 --> 00:10:18,862 - THEY NEVER DO. 298 00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:20,897 WHEN YOU'RE WITH SOMEONE WHO'S ABOUT TO MAKE A PURCHASE, 299 00:10:20,931 --> 00:10:22,966 YOU JUST SAY, "EXCUSE ME, SIR, I BELIEVE I HAVE THE SNIFFLES," 300 00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,701 AND THEY WILL GLADLY GIVE YOU 301 00:10:24,735 --> 00:10:26,837 A CUP OF HOT WATER WITH LEMON AND HONEY. 302 00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,638 - AND YOU GONNA DRINK THAT? 303 00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:31,975 - AFTER A VISIT FROM OUR FRIENDS AT LIPTON TEA. 304 00:10:32,008 --> 00:10:35,746 ANOTHER BENEFIT FROM LIVING AT YOUR--HOLY COW, I CALL DIBS! 305 00:10:35,779 --> 00:10:38,014 - DIBS ON WHAT? 306 00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:40,483 OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU REALLY THAT CHEAP? 307 00:10:40,516 --> 00:10:41,484 - NOT CHEAP, MY FRIEND. 308 00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:42,853 LUCKY. 309 00:10:42,886 --> 00:10:44,654 - BRIAN. - WHOO! 310 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:50,160 [laughter] 311 00:10:50,193 --> 00:10:52,495 - MAC'S BACK SCRATCHER ATTACHED TO AN OLD RIG ANTENNA. 312 00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:53,764 GO HIGH, BRO. 313 00:10:53,797 --> 00:10:55,198 GO HIGH. - EH. 314 00:10:55,231 --> 00:10:56,166 - DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING. 315 00:10:56,199 --> 00:10:58,534 - [grunts] - HUH? 316 00:10:58,568 --> 00:10:59,870 - CHICAGO NORTH AMBULANCE NEEDED, 317 00:10:59,903 --> 00:11:01,204 CORNER OF NORTH SHORE DRIVE AND EAST GRANT. 318 00:11:01,237 --> 00:11:02,773 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. - [laughing] 319 00:11:02,806 --> 00:11:05,041 LET'S ROLL. 320 00:11:08,144 --> 00:11:10,446 [siren blaring] 321 00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:16,219 - CASH BEAT US. 322 00:11:22,492 --> 00:11:25,728 - WOW. SO SAD. 323 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:30,733 - MAN, THIS-- THIS IS HEARTBREAKING. 324 00:11:32,102 --> 00:11:33,870 - WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF? 325 00:11:33,904 --> 00:11:35,471 THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE. 326 00:11:35,505 --> 00:11:37,107 - DYING? 327 00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:38,641 I LIVE AS LONG AS THAT LADY DID, 328 00:11:38,674 --> 00:11:40,210 I'D BE HAPPY TO TAKE A DIRT NAP. 329 00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:41,444 - NOT HER, NUMBNUTS. 330 00:11:41,477 --> 00:11:44,247 HIM. 331 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,750 - WHAT? 332 00:11:47,784 --> 00:11:49,786 - NEVER MIND. LET'S GO. 333 00:11:59,295 --> 00:12:00,496 - WHAT? 334 00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:01,798 - I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING. 335 00:12:01,832 --> 00:12:03,733 - WHY YOU GIVING ME THAT LOOK? - WHAT LOOK? 336 00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:05,235 - YOU SEE THAT LOOK, BRIAN? 337 00:12:05,268 --> 00:12:08,171 - I SEE A LOOK. NOT SURE WHAT IT IS. 338 00:12:08,204 --> 00:12:09,572 - IT'S THE "I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW" LOOK. 339 00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:11,107 I'VE SEEN IT A MILLION TIMES, 340 00:12:11,141 --> 00:12:13,743 EVERY TIME HE THINKS HE'S ABOUT TO PSYCHOANALYZE ME. 341 00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:15,645 I'M NOT AFRAID OF BEING LEFT ALONE, DR. PHIL, 342 00:12:15,678 --> 00:12:16,646 IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GETTIN' AT. 343 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:17,948 - OKAY. 344 00:12:17,981 --> 00:12:19,415 - WHY WOULD I BE AFRAID OF BEING LEFT ALONE? 345 00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:21,017 - BECAUSE YOUR FATHER LEFT YOU AND YOUR MOTHER 346 00:12:21,051 --> 00:12:22,585 WHEN YOU WERE 13. YOU NEVER GOT OVER IT. 347 00:12:22,618 --> 00:12:24,587 - BUT WE TALK NOW. 348 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,256 ISSUE RESOLVED, Q.E.D, ASSHAT. 349 00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:27,958 AND ALL YOUR IDEA, I MIGHT ADD. 350 00:12:27,991 --> 00:12:29,826 - YOU THINK IT'S RESOLVED, BUT IT'S NOT. 351 00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,194 IT'S BEEN SUBLIMATED. 352 00:12:31,227 --> 00:12:34,097 THAT SH-- SCARS DEEP TO THE BONE, SLAP DICK. 353 00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:36,499 - HE'S RIGHT, JOHNNY, ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL SCARRING. 354 00:12:36,532 --> 00:12:38,768 THE SLAP DICK THING I'M NOT REALLY FAMILIAR WITH. 355 00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:41,204 - WHEN MY DAD SKIPPED OUT ON ME, HE DID ME A FAVOR. 356 00:12:41,237 --> 00:12:42,605 HE GAVE ME A GIFT. 357 00:12:42,638 --> 00:12:43,773 - WAS IT A BIKE? 358 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,209 - WHAT? NO. - NO? 359 00:12:46,242 --> 00:12:49,112 - IT'S THIS HARD OUTER SHELL I USE TO DEFLECT PAIN AND SADNESS. 360 00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:52,115 - MM, BIKE WOULD'VE BEEN BETTER. 361 00:12:52,148 --> 00:12:54,985 - TURTLE SHELL. TURTLE SHELL. 362 00:12:55,018 --> 00:12:57,687 PAIN, TROUBLE-- BOUNCE RIGHT OFF. 363 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:59,622 - THERESA LEAVES YOU. - PING. 364 00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:01,057 - I MOVE TO MIAMI. - PING. 365 00:13:01,091 --> 00:13:03,126 - OKAY. WE SHALL SEE. 366 00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:03,960 - WE SHALL. - YEAH, WE SHALL. 367 00:13:03,994 --> 00:13:04,961 - MM-HMM. - MM-HMM. 368 00:13:04,995 --> 00:13:06,329 - HUH-HUH. - WATCH. 369 00:13:06,362 --> 00:13:07,830 - STOP. 370 00:13:07,864 --> 00:13:09,832 - I HAD A TURTLE ONCE. - AND? 371 00:13:09,866 --> 00:13:11,801 - HE RAN AWAY. DIDN'T GET FAR. 372 00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:15,805 MADE IT TO THE DRIVEWAY WHERE MY DAD ACCIDENTALLY RAN HIM OVER. 373 00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:21,144 DEFINITE EMOTIONAL SUBLIMATION THAT DAY. 374 00:13:21,177 --> 00:13:23,546 - PING. 375 00:13:23,579 --> 00:13:24,814 - WOW. THAT'S COLD-BLOODED. 376 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,917 - WOW. 377 00:13:26,950 --> 00:13:28,952 - THE BOY LOST HIS TURTLE AND YOU TALKIN' ABOUT "PING." 378 00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:36,159 - GOT YOU A PRESENT. - WHY? 379 00:13:36,192 --> 00:13:37,894 - BECAUSE THERE WASN'T A SPIDER IN MY LOCKER WHEN I OPENED IT. 380 00:13:37,928 --> 00:13:39,662 - OH, I SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT! 381 00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:41,932 - IT'S THAT SKIN CREAM THERESA USES. 382 00:13:41,965 --> 00:13:43,266 BUDDY OF MINE WORKS IN A BEAUTY SUPPLY HOUSE. 383 00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:46,069 GOT THE LAST JAR LEFT IN THE ENTIRE MIDWEST. 384 00:13:46,102 --> 00:13:48,238 - OHH, SMELLS JUST LIKE HER. 385 00:13:48,271 --> 00:13:50,273 - BECAUSE SHE SMEARS IT ON THREE TIMES A DAY. 386 00:13:50,306 --> 00:13:51,374 YOU THOUGHT SHE SMELLED LIKE THAT NATURALLY? 387 00:13:51,407 --> 00:13:53,176 - I DON'T KNOW. 388 00:13:53,209 --> 00:13:54,377 - YOU KNOW I WASN'T BORN SMELLING LIKE MICHAEL JORDAN. 389 00:13:54,410 --> 00:13:56,012 HAVE TO BUY THAT SH--. 390 00:13:56,046 --> 00:13:57,113 - THIS IS REALLY GONNA HELP ME PATCH THINGS UP WITH HER. 391 00:13:57,147 --> 00:13:58,514 THANKS. - EXACTLY. 392 00:13:58,548 --> 00:14:00,850 NOW, YOU SHOULD START THINKING ABOUT HER MORE 393 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:01,684 BEFORE SHE STARTS THINKING ABOUT HER PARTNER. 394 00:14:01,717 --> 00:14:03,553 - OH, SHE'S NOT INTO BILLY. 395 00:14:03,586 --> 00:14:06,022 HE'S LIKE THE BOTTOM RUNG IN A BAG OF HAMMERS. 396 00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:08,358 - HE'S A SHOCKINGLY HANDSOME GUY 397 00:14:08,391 --> 00:14:12,262 WHO SPENDS ALL DAY WITH HER AND TACKLES INSANE, DRUNKEN, 398 00:14:12,295 --> 00:14:14,264 HEAVILY-ARMED GIRLFRIEND SHOOTERS. 399 00:14:14,297 --> 00:14:16,399 YOU'RE A SELFISH PRICK WHO DIDN'T EVEN THINK 400 00:14:16,432 --> 00:14:18,801 TO MENTION HER ON YOUR LIST OF THINGS YOU FEAR. 401 00:14:18,834 --> 00:14:20,370 - HE'S A PASTE EATER. 402 00:14:20,403 --> 00:14:22,372 - MM-HMM, WHOSE COCK IS BIGGER THAN SEATTLE SLEW'S, 403 00:14:22,405 --> 00:14:25,408 AND SHE'S SEEN IT. 404 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,912 PING. 405 00:14:31,247 --> 00:14:33,283 - SHOOT. 406 00:14:36,252 --> 00:14:38,254 [chuckles] 407 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,563 [knocks] 408 00:14:47,597 --> 00:14:49,432 THERESA, WHY IS YOUR DOOR O-- 409 00:14:52,268 --> 00:14:54,304 "T"? 410 00:14:58,374 --> 00:15:01,811 [fake laughs] 411 00:15:01,844 --> 00:15:06,016 OKAY, NICE JOB, HANK. 412 00:15:06,049 --> 00:15:08,118 GREAT DETAIL. 413 00:15:08,151 --> 00:15:10,853 VERY, VERY IMPRESSIVE. 414 00:15:10,886 --> 00:15:12,455 [chuckles] 415 00:15:12,488 --> 00:15:14,324 [gasps] 416 00:15:14,357 --> 00:15:16,259 OH! 417 00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:17,827 OHH! 418 00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:21,364 THIS IS LIKE THAT SAPPY SANDRA BULLOCK LAKE HOUSE MOVIE 419 00:15:21,397 --> 00:15:23,299 YOU LOVE SO MUCH WITH THE LETTERS. 420 00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:27,303 THE ONE THAT YOU CRY AT EVERY TIME IT'S ON CABLE, PRINCESS. 421 00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:31,441 I'M GONNA READ IT NOW. [chuckles] 422 00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:33,676 DEAR KEANU. [laughs] 423 00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:35,611 JUST A LITTLE--JUST A LITTLE TRIBUTE THERE, HANK. 424 00:15:35,645 --> 00:15:38,814 OH, YEAH, YOU ACTUALLY GOT THERESA TO WRITE IT. 425 00:15:38,848 --> 00:15:40,316 THAT--WELL, THAT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE. 426 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:41,984 VERY IMPRESSIVE. 427 00:15:42,018 --> 00:15:45,888 UM, "I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO FIND OUT THIS WAY, 428 00:15:45,921 --> 00:15:49,025 BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO TELL YOU THIS IN PERSON." 429 00:15:49,059 --> 00:15:50,860 GREAT OPENING. 430 00:15:50,893 --> 00:15:51,827 MWAH! 431 00:15:51,861 --> 00:15:53,163 GREAT OPENING. 432 00:15:53,196 --> 00:15:55,565 "TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY ON THE FORCE. 433 00:15:55,598 --> 00:15:57,167 "JUST TALKING ABOUT MY POTENTIAL AT LUNCH 434 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,868 "REALLY GOT ME TO THINKING ABOUT MY LIFE 435 00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:00,170 "AND WHAT I'M DOING WITH IT. 436 00:16:00,203 --> 00:16:01,671 "AND I'M NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER. 437 00:16:01,704 --> 00:16:05,908 AND THERE'S NOTHING KEEPING ME HERE IN CHHHHICAGO." 438 00:16:05,941 --> 00:16:08,911 [weak chuckle] 439 00:16:08,944 --> 00:16:10,480 HEY, GUYS? 440 00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:13,349 ALL RIGHT, HA-HA-HA. 441 00:16:13,383 --> 00:16:15,385 GUYS? 442 00:16:19,455 --> 00:16:23,326 AHA! 443 00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:25,828 HOLY SH--. 444 00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:27,730 HOLY SH--, HOLY SH--, HOLY SH--, 445 00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:28,764 HOLY SH--, HOLY SH--, HOLY SH--. 446 00:16:28,798 --> 00:16:29,999 NO, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING. 447 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,168 THIS ISN'T REAL. THIS ISN'T REAL. 448 00:16:32,202 --> 00:16:34,104 "'CAUSE AS YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF JOINING THE F.B.I. 449 00:16:34,137 --> 00:16:35,571 I TRIED TO BRING IT UP A COUPLE TIMES LAST WEEK--" 450 00:16:35,605 --> 00:16:36,906 THERESA, GET TO THE POINT. 451 00:16:36,939 --> 00:16:40,510 "AND SINCE YOU NEVER REALLY LISTENED TO ME... 452 00:16:40,543 --> 00:16:44,013 I'VE DECIDED TO TEST FOR AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE F.B.I." 453 00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,248 WHAT? 454 00:16:45,281 --> 00:16:47,617 "AT THEIR HEADQUARTERS IN D.C." WHAT? 455 00:16:47,650 --> 00:16:49,219 "THIS COULD BE MY DREAM JOB. 456 00:16:49,252 --> 00:16:50,686 "PLEASE BE HAPPY FOR ME. THIS WASN'T AN EASY DECISION. 457 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,022 YOU CAN CALL ME AT MY NEW CELL NUMBER, 202--" 458 00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:54,924 AH-HA-HO. 459 00:16:54,957 --> 00:16:59,061 UM, THIS... [phone beeping] 460 00:16:59,095 --> 00:17:01,231 IS NOT FUNNY. 461 00:17:01,264 --> 00:17:02,965 ALL RIGHT, I'M CALLING THE NUMBER NOW, HANK, 462 00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:04,200 WHEREVER YOU ARE. 463 00:17:04,234 --> 00:17:05,901 I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE SOMEWHERE. 464 00:17:05,935 --> 00:17:09,539 [line ringing] IT'S RINGING. 465 00:17:09,572 --> 00:17:13,609 ONCE, TWICE-- 466 00:17:13,643 --> 00:17:15,145 - HEY. - HEY, THERESA. 467 00:17:15,178 --> 00:17:16,812 - THIS IS SPECIAL AGENT... - THIS HAS BEEN REALLY FUN-- 468 00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:18,248 - TRAINEE THERESA KELLY. YOU CAN LEAVE A MESSAGE HERE 469 00:17:18,281 --> 00:17:19,982 AND I'LL RETURN IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 470 00:17:20,015 --> 00:17:22,084 - NO. [phone beeps] 471 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:34,564 HELLO? 472 00:17:34,597 --> 00:17:36,466 [mutters] 473 00:17:36,499 --> 00:17:38,901 I EVEN GOT YOU-- 474 00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:41,137 STUPID. 475 00:17:44,874 --> 00:17:49,445 [sniffs] 476 00:17:49,479 --> 00:17:53,416 OH, THERESA. 477 00:17:53,449 --> 00:17:55,451 [sighs] 478 00:17:59,955 --> 00:18:04,994 OH, YOU STUPID, STUPID... 479 00:18:05,027 --> 00:18:07,963 STUPID JOHNNY. 480 00:18:07,997 --> 00:18:10,333 OOH. 481 00:18:10,366 --> 00:18:13,203 MY PRETTY...BABYFACE 482 00:18:13,236 --> 00:18:14,437 BA-BOOBEDY-BOO. 483 00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:17,139 [sighs] 484 00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:20,142 [groaning] OHHHHHHH...... 485 00:18:20,176 --> 00:18:21,944 [laughter] 486 00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:25,181 - YEAH! - SUCKER! 487 00:18:25,215 --> 00:18:26,949 - BOO-BOOBEDY-BOO! 488 00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,451 WHO--WHO'S THE PRINCESS NOW, BABY? 489 00:18:28,484 --> 00:18:30,286 - MAN, LOOK HOW SHINY HE IS. - WHOA! 490 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,121 - OH, THIS IS GONNA LEAVE SOME EMOTIONAL SCARS. 491 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,290 - OH, YEAH. - I GUESS I DESERVED THIS. 492 00:18:34,324 --> 00:18:37,293 - YES, YOU DID. 493 00:18:37,327 --> 00:18:39,128 - WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALL YOUR STUFF? 494 00:18:39,161 --> 00:18:40,963 - BILLY'S COUSIN HAS A FURNITURE MOVING COMPANY. 495 00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,632 THEY OWED HIM A FAVOR. 496 00:18:42,665 --> 00:18:44,467 BILLY, THEY BETTER NOT BE SELLING THAT FURNITURE, MAN. 497 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,202 - THEY'RE NOT GONNA SELL IT. 498 00:18:46,236 --> 00:18:48,504 WHY WOULD THEY SE-- BECAUSE WE'RE PUERTO RICAN? 499 00:18:48,538 --> 00:18:51,507 OH, DANG. THAT'S SO RACIST. 500 00:18:55,211 --> 00:18:57,347 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S A REALLY GOOD POINT. 501 00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:59,014 I'MA MAKE A QUICK PHONE CALL AND JUST MAKE SURE 502 00:18:59,048 --> 00:19:00,149 THAT WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME PAGE. 503 00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,717 - I THOUGHT YOU'D REALLY LEFT. 504 00:19:01,751 --> 00:19:03,653 - THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO FUNNY, BRO. 505 00:19:03,686 --> 00:19:05,521 PAYBACK IS A BITCH. 506 00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:06,489 PING. 507 00:19:06,522 --> 00:19:08,157 [laughter] 508 00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:10,159 - OHH... 509 00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:12,161 HEY, JUST FOR THE RECORD, 510 00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:15,365 I'M NOT MOVING ANYWHERE ANYTIME SOON. 511 00:19:15,398 --> 00:19:18,668 AWW. 512 00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:20,603 - THAT FEELS GOOD. 513 00:19:26,141 --> 00:19:28,611 - OH...MY...GOD! 514 00:19:28,644 --> 00:19:32,214 THIS STUFF IS, LIKE, THE BEST CREAM. 515 00:19:36,085 --> 00:19:37,587 - WHAT'S WITH THE HAT, BRO? 516 00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:38,354 DUCK HUNTIN'? 517 00:19:38,388 --> 00:19:39,922 - THE SUN, MAN. 518 00:19:39,955 --> 00:19:41,023 THERESA'S RIGHT. IT'S OUR ENEMY. 519 00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:42,692 - SO NOW YOU GOT A NEW FEAR. 520 00:19:42,725 --> 00:19:45,194 - JUST THAT LITTLE BIT OF THAT $8 MILLION LOTION I RUBBED ON 521 00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,062 REALLY GOT ME THINKING ABOUT THE AGING PROCESS. 522 00:19:47,096 --> 00:19:48,398 - NO, MY PEOPLE DON'T AGE, REMEMBER? 523 00:19:48,431 --> 00:19:49,599 BLACK DON'T CRACK. 524 00:19:49,632 --> 00:19:50,733 - HEY, LOOK, I GOT YOU BREAKFAST. 525 00:19:50,766 --> 00:19:53,035 - MM. 526 00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:54,203 IS THERE A FAKE SPIDER IN HERE? 527 00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,739 - WHAT? NO, I'M DONE WITH THAT. 528 00:19:56,772 --> 00:19:58,874 HEY, MAN, DID YOU GET THE SCORE OF LAST NIGHT'S GAME? 529 00:19:58,908 --> 00:19:59,709 I CAN'T SEEM TO GET IT ON MY-- 530 00:19:59,742 --> 00:20:01,210 - AAH! 531 00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:03,879 - [laughs] 532 00:20:03,913 --> 00:20:04,980 - WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED? 533 00:20:05,014 --> 00:20:07,283 - JUST A LITTLE PAYBACK, BUDDY. 534 00:20:07,317 --> 00:20:08,418 - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH, YOU GUYS. 535 00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:10,219 THIS IS THE END, OKAY? 536 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:11,554 FEARS ARE ALL TOO REAL, 537 00:20:11,587 --> 00:20:12,722 AND I THINK WE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON 538 00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:15,090 ABOUT THAT THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS. 539 00:20:15,124 --> 00:20:16,058 AM I RIGHT? 540 00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:17,159 - I GUESS. 541 00:20:17,192 --> 00:20:18,394 - YEAH. 542 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:20,229 - NOW LET'S YOU TWO SHAKE HANDS, 543 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:21,897 AND THAT'LL BE THE END OF THE SHENANIGANS. 544 00:20:21,931 --> 00:20:23,999 both: SHENANIGANS? - WHAT CENTURY ARE YOU FROM? 545 00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:27,970 [horn honks] 546 00:20:28,003 --> 00:20:29,472 - WAS THAT HIS ASS OR HIS FACE? 547 00:20:29,505 --> 00:20:30,673 - THAT'S DEFINITELY ASS. 548 00:20:30,706 --> 00:20:32,308 [loud crash] 549 00:20:32,342 --> 00:20:33,909 - OH, FUTURE BRIAN'S STEPDAD IS RIGHT. 550 00:20:33,943 --> 00:20:34,477 HE NEEDS TO MOVE FARTHER AWAY. 551 00:20:34,510 --> 00:20:37,146 BRIAN, TAKE THE RIG. 552 00:20:37,179 --> 00:20:38,247 - COOL. 553 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,649 COOL, MY FIRST TIME DRIVING. 554 00:20:39,682 --> 00:20:41,584 HEY! - WHAT? 555 00:20:41,617 --> 00:20:44,354 - THERE'S NOT A MIDGET HIDDEN SOMEWHERE IN THE RIG, IS THERE? 556 00:20:44,387 --> 00:20:46,255 - ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. 557 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:48,491 [laughter] 558 00:20:52,127 --> 00:20:55,164 - ALL RIGHT, MIDGET. 559 00:20:55,197 --> 00:20:57,433 LET ME TELL YOU HOW THIS IS GONNA GO. 560 00:20:57,467 --> 00:21:00,770 WE CAN DO THIS THE BIG WAY... 561 00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:03,506 OR THE LITTLE WAY. 562 00:21:03,539 --> 00:21:07,843 [laughs] 563 00:21:07,877 --> 00:21:09,979 AN OBVIOUS CHOICE, MIDGET. 564 00:21:14,417 --> 00:21:17,553 [hip-hop music] 565 00:21:17,587 --> 00:21:24,827 *