1 00:00:05,782 --> 00:00:07,218 - READY IN FIVE, VOO. 2 00:00:07,251 --> 00:00:09,520 LOAD US UP. - GOT IT, CASH. 3 00:00:09,553 --> 00:00:11,188 HI. 4 00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:13,290 - HI...VOO... 5 00:00:13,324 --> 00:00:14,558 DOO? 6 00:00:14,591 --> 00:00:16,127 I MEAN, VAL--DO YOU LIKE VAL OR VOO? 7 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,629 OR DOO? I LIKE ALL OF 'EM. 8 00:00:18,662 --> 00:00:19,863 I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO CALL YOU. 9 00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,433 - I LIKE VOODOO, BRIAN. 10 00:00:22,466 --> 00:00:23,400 - OKAY, VOO. 11 00:00:23,434 --> 00:00:25,202 VOODOO. 12 00:00:25,236 --> 00:00:26,270 THIS WAS FUN. [phone beeps] 13 00:00:26,303 --> 00:00:27,638 - GOD DAMN IT! 14 00:00:27,671 --> 00:00:29,273 MAMA LOST THE ELECTION 15 00:00:29,306 --> 00:00:30,307 FOR PRESIDENT OF THE CHURCH ALTAR COMMITTEE 16 00:00:30,341 --> 00:00:31,942 TO SISTER BEULAH WATKINS. 17 00:00:31,975 --> 00:00:33,310 - SECOND YEAR IN A ROW, RIGHT? 18 00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:34,811 - I KEEP TELLING HER TO JOIN THE CHOIR. 19 00:00:34,845 --> 00:00:36,247 THAT'S WHERE ALL THE POWER IS. 20 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,048 SH-- 21 00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,584 I'M SUPPOSED TO GO TO HER HOUSE FOR DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT. 22 00:00:40,617 --> 00:00:42,719 YOU GOTTA GO WITH ME, MAN, BECAUSE IF I SHOW UP ALONE, 23 00:00:42,753 --> 00:00:44,221 SHE GONNA OPEN UP THE BIG BOTTLE OF PINOT GRIGIO 24 00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:45,889 AND ALL NIGHT IT'S GONNA BE LIKE, 25 00:00:45,922 --> 00:00:48,825 "THAT BITCH BEULAH IS MESSIN' UP MY WALK WITH JESUS." 26 00:00:48,859 --> 00:00:50,827 - I WOULD, BUT I-I CAN'T. 27 00:00:50,861 --> 00:00:51,828 MY DAD'S TAKING THERESA AND I OUT. 28 00:00:51,862 --> 00:00:53,430 HE WANTS TO MEET HER. 29 00:00:53,464 --> 00:00:54,898 HE WAS PRETTY ADAMANT ABOUT IT TOO. 30 00:00:54,931 --> 00:00:55,832 HE CALLED, LIKE, THREE TIMES TO SET IT UP. 31 00:00:55,866 --> 00:00:57,734 I THINK I FINALLY GOT A REAL 32 00:00:57,768 --> 00:00:59,603 FATHER-SON THING GOING ON HERE. MANY THANKS, BUDDY. 33 00:00:59,636 --> 00:01:01,305 - SEE? WHAT I TELL YOU? 34 00:01:01,338 --> 00:01:02,806 LET THE HEALING BEGIN. 35 00:01:02,839 --> 00:01:04,175 BRIAN, DO YOU WANNA GO TO DINNER 36 00:01:04,208 --> 00:01:05,142 AT MY MOM'S HOUSE TOMORROW? 37 00:01:05,176 --> 00:01:06,410 - DON'T BELIEVE I CAN, 38 00:01:06,443 --> 00:01:07,678 I'M GONNA BE BUSY. 39 00:01:07,711 --> 00:01:09,680 ASKING VOODOO TO DINNER. 40 00:01:09,713 --> 00:01:10,747 ITALIAN. 41 00:01:10,781 --> 00:01:13,317 - VOODOO? 42 00:01:13,350 --> 00:01:16,853 - UM...UH, BRI, 43 00:01:16,887 --> 00:01:19,523 VOODOO DOESN'T REALLY DO DINNER DATES WITH GUYS. 44 00:01:19,556 --> 00:01:21,625 SHE'S, UM-- - SHE NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS. 45 00:01:21,658 --> 00:01:23,026 - I KNOW. THAT'S WHY I LIKE HER. 46 00:01:23,059 --> 00:01:24,628 - YEAH, SHE'S NOT LIKE OTHER HUMANS. 47 00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:25,829 - I KNOW, SHE'S DIFFERENT. - YEAH, DIFFERENT. 48 00:01:25,862 --> 00:01:27,631 DARK. VERY DARK. - VERY. 49 00:01:27,664 --> 00:01:28,832 - HOW DARK? 50 00:01:28,865 --> 00:01:30,601 - LIKE DARTH VADER WITH TITS DARK. 51 00:01:30,634 --> 00:01:32,769 - I LOVE HOW I NEVER KNOW WHAT SHE'S GONNA SAY NEXT. 52 00:01:32,803 --> 00:01:34,538 - I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SHE'S NOT GONNA SAY NEXT, 53 00:01:34,571 --> 00:01:35,939 WHICH IS "BRIAN, I'M NEVER, EVER HAVING SEX WITH YOU." 54 00:01:35,972 --> 00:01:37,708 - SHE'S ASEXUAL. - MM-HMM. 55 00:01:37,741 --> 00:01:39,376 - MEANING? - SHE DOESN'T HAVE SEX. 56 00:01:39,410 --> 00:01:40,344 - WITH? - ANYONE. 57 00:01:40,377 --> 00:01:41,978 - EVER? both: UH-UH. 58 00:01:42,012 --> 00:01:43,714 - SERIOUSLY? - YEAH. 59 00:01:43,747 --> 00:01:45,816 - YEAH, LOOK, I DON'T HAVE THE IMAGINATION 60 00:01:45,849 --> 00:01:47,551 TO MAKE UP A SEXUAL PATHOLOGY THAT STRANGE AND THAT BORING. 61 00:01:47,584 --> 00:01:49,820 - MAYBE SHE JUST HASN'T MET THE RIGHT GUY YET. 62 00:01:49,853 --> 00:01:51,822 - WELL, SHE MET JOHNNY DEPP 63 00:01:51,855 --> 00:01:53,990 OUTSIDE OF GIBSON'S STEAKHOUSE LAST YEAR. 64 00:01:54,024 --> 00:01:57,394 - AND? - SHE SAID HE LOOKED CLAMMY. 65 00:01:57,428 --> 00:02:00,464 - [breathing like Darth Vader] 66 00:02:00,497 --> 00:02:02,466 KISS ME, BRIAN. 67 00:02:02,499 --> 00:02:04,301 [both breathing like Darth Vader] 68 00:02:04,335 --> 00:02:05,369 - KISS ME, BRIAN. 69 00:02:05,402 --> 00:02:06,903 I AM YOUR FATHER. 70 00:02:06,937 --> 00:02:08,872 - STOP. both: YOU TRY IT ON. 71 00:02:08,905 --> 00:02:10,407 [imitates lightsaber] 72 00:02:10,441 --> 00:02:12,075 - AMBULANCE NEEDED. 3141 WEST CHASE. 73 00:02:12,108 --> 00:02:13,043 - OH, THAT'S HARRIET. GET THAT SH-- 74 00:02:13,076 --> 00:02:13,844 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING! 75 00:02:13,877 --> 00:02:15,346 both: OH! 76 00:02:15,379 --> 00:02:17,548 - YES! - SWEET HARRIET. 77 00:02:17,581 --> 00:02:19,516 [chuckles] - GOD DAMN YOU, HANK. 78 00:02:19,550 --> 00:02:20,851 - TOO LATE. 79 00:02:20,884 --> 00:02:22,253 - HEY, WE GOT DIBS ON THE NEXT CALL. 80 00:02:22,286 --> 00:02:24,921 SON OF A-- 81 00:02:24,955 --> 00:02:26,657 [sirens blare] 82 00:02:26,690 --> 00:02:27,924 - WHO'S HARRIET? 83 00:02:27,958 --> 00:02:29,493 - OH. - [chuckles] 84 00:02:29,526 --> 00:02:31,595 - HARRIET IS THE WORLD'S BEST FREQUENT FLYER. 85 00:02:31,628 --> 00:02:33,029 - COOL. - MM-HMM. 86 00:02:33,063 --> 00:02:34,898 - I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS. - [chuckles] 87 00:02:34,931 --> 00:02:36,567 LOOK, A FREQUENT FLYER 88 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:37,934 IS SOMEBODY WHO CALLS THE AMBULANCE ALL THE TIME. 89 00:02:37,968 --> 00:02:39,870 - YEAH, USUALLY THEY'RE HYPOCHONDRIACS 90 00:02:39,903 --> 00:02:41,538 OR DUDES WHO WANT FREE DRUGS, 91 00:02:41,572 --> 00:02:42,939 OR OLD PEOPLE WHO JUST NEED A FREE RIDE TO THE DOCTOR. 92 00:02:42,973 --> 00:02:45,075 - PART OF THE JOB, BUT HARRIET IS THE ONE 93 00:02:45,108 --> 00:02:46,777 WHO MAKES 'EM ALL WORTHWHILE. 94 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:49,079 - SHE IS THE MICHAEL JEFFREY JORDAN OF FREQUENT FLYERS. 95 00:02:49,112 --> 00:02:51,848 - ALWAYS A FRIENDLY SMILE, NEVER A SERIOUS AILMENT, 96 00:02:51,882 --> 00:02:55,085 AND ALWAYS A FRESH BAKED BATCH OF COOKIES WAITING ON US. 97 00:02:55,118 --> 00:02:57,053 - I HAVEN'T BEEN TO MASS IN OVER A YEAR, 98 00:02:57,087 --> 00:02:58,589 BUT IF THESE COOKIES WERE COMMUNION WAFERS, 99 00:02:58,622 --> 00:02:59,690 I'D BECOME A JESUIT. - OH, THESE COOKIES 100 00:02:59,723 --> 00:03:00,724 WILL MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR SH-- 101 00:03:00,757 --> 00:03:02,693 YOU GONNA LOSE YOUR SH--, BRIAN. 102 00:03:02,726 --> 00:03:05,629 [funky music] 103 00:03:05,662 --> 00:03:08,932 * 104 00:03:08,965 --> 00:03:10,701 - I HATE TO TROUBLE YOU BOYS, 105 00:03:10,734 --> 00:03:12,569 BUT I JUST CAN'T GET COMFORTABLE. 106 00:03:12,603 --> 00:03:14,538 - YOU HAVE NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR, HARRIET. 107 00:03:14,571 --> 00:03:15,906 IT'S THAT DOCTOR WHO PUT IN THAT HIP REPLACEMENT. 108 00:03:15,939 --> 00:03:17,040 HE'S THE ONE SHOULD APOLOGIZE. 109 00:03:17,073 --> 00:03:18,742 - NOW, STOP THAT. 110 00:03:18,775 --> 00:03:20,977 I WON'T HEAR A WORD SAID AGAINST DR. KAPLAN. 111 00:03:21,011 --> 00:03:22,779 - OH. - TOO SWEET. 112 00:03:22,813 --> 00:03:24,381 - YOUR CHARIOT IS READY, MA'AM. 113 00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:27,050 - [chuckles] I LIKE THIS ONE. 114 00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:30,487 - WELL, THIS ONE LIKES THAT ONE TOO. 115 00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:33,089 - I DON'T SEE WHY I HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR. 116 00:03:33,123 --> 00:03:36,627 YOU BOYS HAVE MADE ME FEEL BETTER ALREADY. 117 00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:38,795 - WELL, WE'LL TAKE YOU ANYWAY, AS LONG AS WE'RE HERE. 118 00:03:38,829 --> 00:03:40,096 [bell dings] 119 00:03:40,130 --> 00:03:40,997 OH, IS THAT THE OVEN? 120 00:03:41,031 --> 00:03:42,299 - ARE YOU COOKING SOMETHING? 121 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:43,600 - I THOUGHT I SMELLED SOMETHING 122 00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:44,601 WHEN WE CAME IN HERE. - IT SMELLS SO-- 123 00:03:44,635 --> 00:03:45,602 - OH, YOU. 124 00:03:45,636 --> 00:03:47,604 HENRY. - YES? 125 00:03:47,638 --> 00:03:50,674 - WOULD YOU BE SO KIND AS TO TAKE THE COOKIES OUT FOR ME? 126 00:03:50,707 --> 00:03:51,742 - YES, MA'AM. 127 00:03:51,775 --> 00:03:53,009 - HE'S PROBABLY GONNA NEED 128 00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:54,578 AN EXTRA SET OF HANDS. - [chuckles] 129 00:03:54,611 --> 00:03:55,812 - HARRIET'S CHARIOT. 130 00:03:55,846 --> 00:03:57,981 [both chuckle] 131 00:03:58,014 --> 00:04:01,618 HARRIET--EXCUSE ME. 132 00:04:01,652 --> 00:04:02,986 - MMM. 133 00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:04,588 DAMN YOU, HARRIET. - MMM! 134 00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:05,922 - YOU DID IT AGAIN, YOU DEVIL, YOU. 135 00:04:05,956 --> 00:04:07,924 - YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID. 136 00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:09,159 LOOK AT HER. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID. 137 00:04:09,192 --> 00:04:11,762 - MM-HMM. - HOLY SH-- 138 00:04:11,795 --> 00:04:13,096 OH, I'M SO SORRY. 139 00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:14,498 THESE ARE UNBELIEVABLE. 140 00:04:14,531 --> 00:04:15,966 - I'VE NEVER HEARD HIM CURSE BEFORE. 141 00:04:15,999 --> 00:04:17,834 YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF. 142 00:04:17,868 --> 00:04:20,804 - UH, MRS. FIELDS, YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED. 143 00:04:20,837 --> 00:04:22,038 - WHO'S MRS. FIELDS? 144 00:04:22,072 --> 00:04:25,476 all: EXACTLY! - [laughs] 145 00:04:25,509 --> 00:04:27,944 - WE GOT DIBS ON THE NEXT HARRIET CALL. 146 00:04:27,978 --> 00:04:29,513 - FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED, CASH. 147 00:04:29,546 --> 00:04:30,714 YOU KNOW HOW IT WORKS. - THEM'S THE RULES. 148 00:04:30,747 --> 00:04:32,683 - THOSE ARE THE RULES. GRAMMAR! 149 00:04:32,716 --> 00:04:35,185 - I KNOW WHAT THE RULES ARE. I MADE THE RULES. 150 00:04:35,218 --> 00:04:37,654 I'M JUST ASKING FOR A LITTLE COURTESY. 151 00:04:37,688 --> 00:04:41,024 I'M A DECORATED VETERAN OF A FOREIGN WAR HERE. 152 00:04:41,057 --> 00:04:42,025 READY IN THREE, VOO. 153 00:04:42,058 --> 00:04:45,796 LOAD US UP. - GOT IT. 154 00:04:45,829 --> 00:04:47,030 - HEY, VOO... 155 00:04:47,063 --> 00:04:49,065 DOO. - HELLO. 156 00:04:49,099 --> 00:04:53,504 - I LOVE THAT VOODOO THAT YOU DO SO WELL. 157 00:04:55,071 --> 00:04:58,074 FRANK SINATRA. 158 00:04:58,108 --> 00:05:01,745 OKAY. SEE YOU LATER. 159 00:05:01,778 --> 00:05:05,215 ASEXUALITY IS ACTUALLY A VERY INTERESTING PHENOMENON. 160 00:05:05,248 --> 00:05:07,017 I DID SOME VERY EXTENSIVE RESEARCH LAST NIGHT. 161 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:08,351 - OH, OF COURSE YOU DID. 162 00:05:08,385 --> 00:05:09,986 - IT'S LIKE THIS WHOLE NEW MOVEMENT. 163 00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:12,589 THEY HAVE A SOCIETY WITH A MANIFESTO AND EVERYTHING. 164 00:05:12,623 --> 00:05:14,758 THEY EVEN HAVE A SYMBOL. 165 00:05:14,791 --> 00:05:17,528 - WHAT IS IT, A LIMP PENIS READING AN ENCYCLOPEDIA? 166 00:05:17,561 --> 00:05:19,195 [both laugh] 167 00:05:19,229 --> 00:05:20,497 - IT'S A GREY TRIANGLE. 168 00:05:20,531 --> 00:05:21,765 - JESUS. - WHAT? 169 00:05:21,798 --> 00:05:22,833 - I THOUGHT THE RAINBOW WAS BAD. - OH. 170 00:05:22,866 --> 00:05:24,100 - YOU WANT MY HONEST OPINION? 171 00:05:24,134 --> 00:05:25,436 - WOW. - YOU DODGED A BULLET, BRI. 172 00:05:25,469 --> 00:05:27,070 - YEAH, YEAH, VOODOO'S CRAZY. 173 00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:29,039 EVEN IF SHE WAS SEXUAL, YOU'D PROBABLY WIND UP 174 00:05:29,072 --> 00:05:31,708 TIED UP IN A DUNGEON WITH AN OLD PANTERA T-SHIRT 175 00:05:31,742 --> 00:05:33,944 STUFFED IN YOUR MOUTH. [both laugh] 176 00:05:33,977 --> 00:05:35,011 - CHICAGO NORTH. 177 00:05:35,045 --> 00:05:36,046 AMBULANCE NEEDED. 178 00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:38,081 3906 WEST BYRON. 179 00:05:38,114 --> 00:05:39,950 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. - I'M NOT GIVING UP ON THIS, 180 00:05:39,983 --> 00:05:40,951 'CAUSE I TELL YOU, GUYS. 181 00:05:40,984 --> 00:05:42,218 WHENEVER I'M AROUND HER, 182 00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:43,887 I GET BUTTERFLIES IN MY STOMACH. 183 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:44,955 - THOSE AREN'T BUTTERFLIES, BRIAN. 184 00:05:44,988 --> 00:05:46,523 THAT'S THE VERY REAL FEAR 185 00:05:46,557 --> 00:05:47,891 THAT YOUR BODY PARTS WILL BE FOUND 186 00:05:47,924 --> 00:05:48,959 IN SEVERAL PIECES OF ANTIQUE LUGGAGE. 187 00:05:48,992 --> 00:05:51,194 - [laughs] 188 00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:53,396 - CLIMB INTO THE SUITCASE, BRIAN. 189 00:05:53,430 --> 00:05:56,032 - WELL, THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE. 190 00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:57,434 - [laughs] - WHAT? 191 00:05:57,468 --> 00:05:59,302 YOU'RE SUCH A DORK. - GEEK. 192 00:05:59,335 --> 00:06:00,971 - WELL, YOU GUYS WERE THE ONE DOING THE STAR WARS THING. 193 00:06:01,004 --> 00:06:02,906 - WE'RE MAKING FUN OF IT. - WE WERE MAKING FUN OF 194 00:06:02,939 --> 00:06:03,707 THE STAR WARS THING. - WHY WOULD YOU MAKE FUN OF IT? 195 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:05,876 IT'S AN AMAZING TRILOGY. 196 00:06:05,909 --> 00:06:07,377 - WE'RE GONNA NEED TO STOP THAT BLEEDING. 197 00:06:07,410 --> 00:06:09,112 - FIND THE DIGIT, BRI. - I'M ON IT. 198 00:06:09,145 --> 00:06:10,481 - LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION. 199 00:06:10,514 --> 00:06:12,148 YOU EVER SEEN THIS MANY BIRDHOUSES? 200 00:06:12,182 --> 00:06:14,250 DOES THIS LOOK SANE TO YOU? - THEY'RE GIFTS, IRENE. 201 00:06:14,284 --> 00:06:16,119 GIFTS MEAN SOMETHING MORE WHEN THEY'RE MADE PERSONAL. 202 00:06:16,152 --> 00:06:17,554 - THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. 203 00:06:17,588 --> 00:06:18,989 - IT'S MY BRAND. 204 00:06:19,022 --> 00:06:21,157 - PEOPLE DO APPRECIATE A HOMEMADE GIFT. 205 00:06:21,191 --> 00:06:22,593 - NO ONE WANTS A BIRDHOUSE. 206 00:06:22,626 --> 00:06:24,628 - BIRDS WANT THEM, IRENE! BIRDS! 207 00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:27,464 - OOP, I FOUND IT. - HEY. 208 00:06:27,498 --> 00:06:28,799 CAN'T MAKE ANY GUARANTEES, 209 00:06:28,832 --> 00:06:30,734 BUT THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO REATTACH IT. 210 00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:31,468 - WE'RE GONNA DO OUR BEST TO GET YOU BACK IN THE WORKSHOP 211 00:06:31,502 --> 00:06:33,069 AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 212 00:06:33,103 --> 00:06:34,605 - YOU THINK A MISSING FINGER IS GONNA STOP THIS LUNATIC? 213 00:06:34,638 --> 00:06:36,940 HE ALREADY LOST ONE ON THE OTHER HAND. 214 00:06:36,973 --> 00:06:39,175 - NICE. - IT'S A COMPULSION, DON. 215 00:06:39,209 --> 00:06:40,611 HE'S GOT SOME KIND OF DISORDER. 216 00:06:40,644 --> 00:06:41,912 - YOU GUYS WANT A BIRDHOUSE? 217 00:06:41,945 --> 00:06:43,480 - OH, MY GOD, I WAS AFRAID TO ASK. 218 00:06:43,514 --> 00:06:45,115 THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL, SIR. 219 00:06:45,148 --> 00:06:46,917 - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. TAKE AS MANY AS YOU LIKE. 220 00:06:46,950 --> 00:06:48,351 - DON'T INDULGE HIM, 221 00:06:48,384 --> 00:06:49,986 BUT, YES, PLEASE TAKE A BIRDHOUSE, ALL OF YOU. 222 00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,655 - AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS. I MAKE 'EM CUSTOM. 223 00:06:51,688 --> 00:06:53,289 - YOU'RE DELUSIONAL, DON. 224 00:06:53,323 --> 00:06:55,458 I'LL GRAB THE INSURANCE CARD AND BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU. 225 00:06:55,492 --> 00:06:56,827 WHICH HOSPITAL ARE YOU TAKING HIM TO? 226 00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:59,129 - UH, HOLY ASCENSION IS THE CLOSEST. 227 00:06:59,162 --> 00:07:00,363 - TAKE HIM TO STREETERVILLE. 228 00:07:00,396 --> 00:07:01,498 THEY DID A NICE JOB OF SEWING HIM UP 229 00:07:01,532 --> 00:07:03,299 WITH THE LAST ONE. - WILL DO. 230 00:07:03,333 --> 00:07:06,036 - GOD, I LOVE THAT SON OF A BITCH. 231 00:07:06,069 --> 00:07:07,170 - ALL RIGHT, HOW MANY BIRDHOUSES EVERYBODY WANT? 232 00:07:07,203 --> 00:07:08,605 TWO? - TWO. 233 00:07:08,639 --> 00:07:10,807 - TWO EACH? - I'LL TAKE SIX. 234 00:07:10,841 --> 00:07:13,209 SECOND THOUGHT, I'D LIKE TO PICK MINE OUT. 235 00:07:20,817 --> 00:07:22,152 - CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH TIME YOU'D SAVE 236 00:07:22,185 --> 00:07:23,654 IF YOU NEVER HAD SEX? 237 00:07:23,687 --> 00:07:25,989 - YES. - WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH IT? 238 00:07:26,022 --> 00:07:28,491 - WELL, I'D TRY TO CHANNEL MY THOUGHTS. 239 00:07:28,525 --> 00:07:30,460 I'D THINK ABOUT HOW LUCKY WE ARE 240 00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,629 TO LIVE IN THIS GREAT COUNTRY OF OURS, 241 00:07:32,663 --> 00:07:35,966 AND ABOUT MY PARENTS AND WORLD PEACE, 242 00:07:35,999 --> 00:07:38,835 AND ALL THE POOR AND IMPOVERISHED PEOPLE OUT THERE. 243 00:07:38,869 --> 00:07:40,837 YOU? - PRETTY MUCH THE SAME THING. 244 00:07:40,871 --> 00:07:43,073 MINUS THE PARENTS AND THE WORLD PEACE-- 245 00:07:43,106 --> 00:07:44,240 AND THE--WHAT WAS THE FIRST THING? 246 00:07:44,274 --> 00:07:46,076 - [laughs] 247 00:07:46,109 --> 00:07:47,210 - SO YOU JUST THINK ABOUT SEX ALL DAY LONG? 248 00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:48,211 - NOT WHILE I'M EATING. 249 00:07:48,244 --> 00:07:49,746 OH, THAT'S A LIE. 250 00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:50,747 I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT ROSARIO DAWSON'S ASS. 251 00:07:50,781 --> 00:07:53,917 - MM. WHY? - WHY NOT? 252 00:07:53,950 --> 00:07:56,186 - AMBULANCE NEEDED. 3141 WEST CHASE. 253 00:07:56,219 --> 00:07:58,088 - OOH! AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING! - THAT'S HARRIET. 254 00:07:58,121 --> 00:07:59,723 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING! - THAT'S HARRIET! 255 00:07:59,756 --> 00:08:01,024 - GOD DAMN YOU GUYS! 256 00:08:01,057 --> 00:08:02,859 - DO YOU GUYS WANNA TAKE THIS ONE? 257 00:08:02,893 --> 00:08:04,094 - DUDE, EVERY TIME. - MAYBE--I'M JUST KIDDING. 258 00:08:04,127 --> 00:08:05,929 - YOU BETTER BRING ME BACK SOME COOKIES! 259 00:08:13,937 --> 00:08:16,039 - I GUESS WE ALL KNEW SOME DAY THIS CALL WOULD COME. 260 00:08:16,072 --> 00:08:18,341 - YEAH. 261 00:08:18,374 --> 00:08:19,710 - IT'S WEIRD, BUT FOR SOME REASON 262 00:08:19,743 --> 00:08:21,177 I THOUGHT SHE'D OUTLIVE US ALL. - MM. 263 00:08:21,211 --> 00:08:24,114 - AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T SUFFER. - YEAH. 264 00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:25,281 - WELL, I'LL CALL THE CORONER. 265 00:08:25,315 --> 00:08:26,116 YOU GUYS START CLEANING UP. 266 00:08:26,149 --> 00:08:27,884 - HOLD UP. 267 00:08:27,918 --> 00:08:30,553 SLOW DOWN. 268 00:08:30,587 --> 00:08:34,057 LET'S JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO OUR FRIEND, HARRIET. 269 00:08:36,126 --> 00:08:38,629 - GOOD-BYE, HARRIET. - GOOD-BYE, HARRIET. 270 00:08:38,662 --> 00:08:40,063 - GLAD I GOT TO MEET YOU. 271 00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:42,198 - SHE WAS A GOOD PERSON. - GREATEST GENERATION. 272 00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:44,300 - HMM. [bell dings] 273 00:08:49,806 --> 00:08:51,107 I'LL GET THE COOKIES, YOU GET THE MILK, 274 00:08:51,141 --> 00:08:53,243 YOU CALL THE CORONER. - GOT IT. 275 00:08:53,276 --> 00:08:54,945 WE'RE EATING THE COOKIES? 276 00:08:54,978 --> 00:08:56,546 - OF COURSE WE ARE. 277 00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:57,981 THEY'RE THE LAST THING THAT SHE MADE ON EARTH. 278 00:08:58,014 --> 00:08:59,382 - IT WOULD BE DISRESPECTFUL NOT TO. 279 00:08:59,415 --> 00:09:00,483 - OKAY, BUT WE SHOULD PROBABLY SAVE SOME 280 00:09:00,516 --> 00:09:01,618 FOR THE OTHER GUYS IN THE DEPOT. 281 00:09:01,652 --> 00:09:02,719 - YEAH, OBVIOUSLY. - OF COURSE. 282 00:09:02,753 --> 00:09:04,054 - WE'RE NOT ANIMALS. 283 00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:05,088 - I MEAN, CASH PRETTY MUCH INSISTED. 284 00:09:05,121 --> 00:09:07,390 both: WHO DO YOU THINK WE ARE? 285 00:09:07,423 --> 00:09:10,661 - SO YOU ATE ALL THE COOKIES? 286 00:09:10,694 --> 00:09:12,829 - I'M SORRY. 287 00:09:12,863 --> 00:09:14,164 - ALL THE GODDAMN COOKIES? 288 00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:17,167 - WE TRIED. - WE REALLY DID. 289 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,301 WE TRIED SO HARD. 290 00:09:18,334 --> 00:09:20,270 - I DIDN'T TRY. 291 00:09:20,303 --> 00:09:21,938 NONE OF US TRIED. 292 00:09:21,972 --> 00:09:23,974 YOU LICKED THE PLATE. YOU KNOW THE DEAL. 293 00:09:24,007 --> 00:09:25,175 YOU GET THE CALL, YOU GET THE COOKIES. 294 00:09:25,208 --> 00:09:26,476 - THAT IS THE DEAL. 295 00:09:26,509 --> 00:09:29,780 - BUT THOSE WERE THE LAST COOKIES! 296 00:09:29,813 --> 00:09:32,683 THEY BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN SNICKERDOODLES. 297 00:09:32,716 --> 00:09:34,818 IF THEY WERE SNICKERDOODLES, LIE TO ME. 298 00:09:39,022 --> 00:09:40,857 - THEY WEREN'T SNICKERDOODLES. - OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE KILLING ME. 299 00:09:40,891 --> 00:09:43,326 - CASH, I'M SORRY WE ATE ALL THE COOKIES, MAN. 300 00:09:43,359 --> 00:09:45,128 BUT LET ME MAKE AMENDS 301 00:09:45,161 --> 00:09:47,463 BY TAKING YOU TO THE BEST HOMEMADE DINNER YOU EVER HAD. 302 00:09:47,497 --> 00:09:49,265 - YOUR MOM DOING THE COOKING? - YEP. 303 00:09:49,299 --> 00:09:50,500 - SHE'S CRAZY, RIGHT? 304 00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:53,336 - SHE NOT CRAZY...PER SE. 305 00:09:53,369 --> 00:09:55,806 - CRAZY'S A GOOD THING IN THE KITCHEN. 306 00:09:55,839 --> 00:09:57,874 MY EX WAS BATSH-- IN THE BEDROOM, 307 00:09:57,908 --> 00:09:59,976 BUT IN THE KITCHEN SHE WAS IRISH. 308 00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:02,979 OF ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE TO TAKE AFTER WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD. 309 00:10:03,013 --> 00:10:05,215 BOILED MEAT, BOILED POTATOES. 310 00:10:05,248 --> 00:10:08,518 COULDN'T TASTE A DAMN THING EXCEPT FOR THE WHISKEY. 311 00:10:08,551 --> 00:10:12,222 THANK GOD ALMIGHTY FOR THE WHISKEY. 312 00:10:12,255 --> 00:10:13,456 AM I GONNA NEED WHISKEY TONIGHT? 313 00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:15,792 - HELL NO. - I'M IN. 314 00:10:15,826 --> 00:10:17,861 - ALL RIGHT. 315 00:10:21,197 --> 00:10:23,967 - SO, I HEAR YOU MET JOHNNY DEPP. 316 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,969 - YEP. 317 00:10:26,002 --> 00:10:27,971 - I'M A BIG PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN FAN. 318 00:10:28,004 --> 00:10:29,906 GOT MY FINGERS CROSSED FOR NUMBER FIVE. 319 00:10:32,242 --> 00:10:36,646 WHAT, UH-- WHAT WAS HE LIKE? 320 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,315 - HE HAD ON MORE EYE MAKEUP THAN MY MOM WEARS 321 00:10:39,349 --> 00:10:42,185 AND SEVEN SCARVES. 322 00:10:42,218 --> 00:10:44,354 SEVEN SCARVES. 323 00:10:44,387 --> 00:10:47,724 AND SIX EARRINGS AND HE SMELLED LIKE VANILLA. 324 00:10:47,758 --> 00:10:50,060 I LIKE MEN WHO LOOK AND DRESS AND SMELL LIKE MEN. 325 00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:57,934 - SO, UH, I DID SOME READING ON ASEXUALITY. 326 00:10:57,968 --> 00:11:00,103 DID YOU KNOW THAT THE SYMBOL OF ASEXUALITY 327 00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:02,038 IS THE GREY TRIANGLE? 328 00:11:02,072 --> 00:11:03,840 - I'M JUST ASEXUAL, BRIAN. 329 00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:05,508 I DON'T MARCH IN PARADES OR ANYTHING. 330 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,443 - ARE THERE PARADES? - I DON'T KNOW. 331 00:11:07,477 --> 00:11:08,378 YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID THE RESEARCH. 332 00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:11,047 - RIGHT. 333 00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:13,583 I'M ACTUALLY KIND OF ASEXUAL. I'M CELIBATE. 334 00:11:13,616 --> 00:11:15,585 - OH, YOU ARE? FOR HOW LONG? 335 00:11:15,618 --> 00:11:17,387 - SINCE ME AND MY LAST GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP. 336 00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:19,455 - OH, SEE THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US. 337 00:11:19,489 --> 00:11:21,291 YOU CAN'T GET LAID. 338 00:11:21,324 --> 00:11:23,093 I DON'T WANT TO. 339 00:11:23,126 --> 00:11:24,928 - WELL, YEAH, I'M SURE GUYS ARE ALWAYS HITTING ON YOU. 340 00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:26,729 - NO, THEY DON'T. 341 00:11:26,763 --> 00:11:29,565 I GIVE OFF A VERY DISTINCT VIBE. - WHICH IS? 342 00:11:29,599 --> 00:11:31,434 - DON'T HIT ON ME OR I WILL KILL YOU. 343 00:11:31,467 --> 00:11:33,904 - OH, THANK GOD. 344 00:11:33,937 --> 00:11:36,606 I WAS WORRIED THAT IT WAS JUST ME. 345 00:11:36,639 --> 00:11:39,209 LISTEN, MAYBE IT'S--YOU KNOW, 346 00:11:39,242 --> 00:11:41,311 THIS THING IS-- IS JUST A PHASE. 347 00:11:41,344 --> 00:11:42,745 - IT ISN'T JUST A PHASE. 348 00:11:42,779 --> 00:11:44,147 - OH, I KNOW YOU DON'T THINK IT IS. 349 00:11:44,180 --> 00:11:46,549 I, FOR INSTANCE, FOR YEARS AND YEARS 350 00:11:46,582 --> 00:11:48,484 THOUGHT I DIDN'T LIKE OLIVES. 351 00:11:48,518 --> 00:11:50,720 THEN ONE DAY I TRIED ONE. 352 00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:53,423 NOW I THINK OLIVES ARE TREMENDOUS. 353 00:11:53,456 --> 00:11:56,026 - I LOVE OLIVES. 354 00:11:57,527 --> 00:11:58,995 [sniffs] 355 00:11:59,029 --> 00:12:01,832 - YEP. 356 00:12:01,865 --> 00:12:05,101 - YOU SMELL...SO BAD. 357 00:12:05,135 --> 00:12:06,302 - SORRY. 358 00:12:06,336 --> 00:12:08,004 LONG DAY ON THE RIG. 359 00:12:08,038 --> 00:12:09,973 - [sniffs] NO, IT'S GOOD. 360 00:12:10,006 --> 00:12:12,075 I LIKE IT. - YEAH? 361 00:12:12,108 --> 00:12:13,776 - BUT I DON'T LIKE SEX. - MM. 362 00:12:13,810 --> 00:12:14,945 - AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HATE 363 00:12:14,978 --> 00:12:16,446 EVEN MORE THAN SEX? - SCARVES? 364 00:12:16,479 --> 00:12:18,949 - TALKING ABOUT HOW I DON'T LIKE IT. 365 00:12:18,982 --> 00:12:20,817 YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE GUY, BRIAN. 366 00:12:20,851 --> 00:12:23,186 AND IF YOU WANNA BE FRIENDS, I'M COOL WITH IT. 367 00:12:23,219 --> 00:12:26,322 BUT SEX? BLECH. 368 00:12:26,356 --> 00:12:30,093 NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 369 00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:31,494 - OKAY. 370 00:12:31,527 --> 00:12:34,330 NO SEX. AWESOME. 371 00:12:39,035 --> 00:12:40,871 - GREAT, THANK YOU. 372 00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:44,007 - HEY, YOU MUST BE THERESA. 373 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,475 - HI. - OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE GORGEOUS. 374 00:12:45,508 --> 00:12:46,977 - YEAH. 375 00:12:47,010 --> 00:12:48,011 - GUESS WE KNOW WHO DUMPED WHO, HUH? 376 00:12:48,044 --> 00:12:49,445 [laughs] 377 00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:51,181 - WHO'S THIS? - THIS IS MY SON, JACK. 378 00:12:51,214 --> 00:12:54,017 JACK, THIS IS THERESA AND YOUR UNCLE-BROTHER, JOHNNY. 379 00:12:54,050 --> 00:12:55,818 - HI, JACK. - HI. 380 00:12:55,852 --> 00:12:59,055 - I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T-- - HE'S MY SON WITH COCO. 381 00:12:59,089 --> 00:13:00,823 - AND YOU GAVE HIM THE SAME NAME AS ME? 382 00:13:00,857 --> 00:13:03,326 - NO, HIS NAME IS JACK, YOUR NAME IS JOHN. 383 00:13:03,359 --> 00:13:04,694 TOTALLY DIFFERENT. 384 00:13:04,727 --> 00:13:05,561 - HI, UNCLE-BROTHER JOHNNY. 385 00:13:05,595 --> 00:13:07,197 - HEY...JACK. 386 00:13:07,230 --> 00:13:08,999 - HEY, PLAY SOME MADDEN NOW, KIDDO. 387 00:13:09,032 --> 00:13:10,200 ATTABOY. 388 00:13:10,233 --> 00:13:12,468 YEAH, TURN IT UP REALLY LOUD, YEAH. 389 00:13:12,502 --> 00:13:14,304 ALL RIGHT, HERE'S THE DEAL. 390 00:13:14,337 --> 00:13:15,371 I NEED YOU GUYS TO WATCH THE KID FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. 391 00:13:15,405 --> 00:13:16,706 - WHAT? - OH-- 392 00:13:16,739 --> 00:13:17,507 - I GOT A SURE THING AT THE TRACK. 393 00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:18,541 IT'S NOT GONNA TAKE LONG. 394 00:13:18,574 --> 00:13:20,076 PLUS IT'LL BE LIKE A DRY RUN 395 00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:21,377 FOR THE DAY WHEN YOU TWO HAVE KIDS. 396 00:13:21,411 --> 00:13:22,212 - THAT'S NOT HAPPENING. - WHY NOT? 397 00:13:22,245 --> 00:13:23,914 - I-- 398 00:13:23,947 --> 00:13:25,315 UM...BECAUSE I HAD A DAD 399 00:13:25,348 --> 00:13:26,682 WHO NEVER WANTED TO SPEND ANY TIME WITH ME, 400 00:13:26,716 --> 00:13:27,417 WHO NOW HAS ANOTHER KID HE DOESN'T WANNA 401 00:13:27,450 --> 00:13:29,219 SPEND ANY TIME WITH. 402 00:13:29,252 --> 00:13:30,820 - HE'S NOT A KID. HE'S YOUR BROTHER. 403 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,555 YOU ALWAYS BITCHED ABOUT NOT HAVING A BROTHER. 404 00:13:32,588 --> 00:13:33,589 - I WANTED ONE WHO WAS, LIKE, THREE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. 405 00:13:33,623 --> 00:13:35,525 NOT THREE GODDAMN DECADES. 406 00:13:35,558 --> 00:13:36,392 - HOW OLD ARE YOU, SWEETHEART? 407 00:13:36,426 --> 00:13:37,994 - I'M 27. - WOW. 408 00:13:38,028 --> 00:13:38,995 YOU DON'T START HAVING KIDS SOON, 409 00:13:39,029 --> 00:13:40,430 YOUR EGGS ARE GONNA DRY UP. 410 00:13:40,463 --> 00:13:42,365 - HEY. - IT'S LIKE HE'S FROM THE 1950s. 411 00:13:42,398 --> 00:13:44,567 - I KNOW. - 1948, TO BE EXACT. 412 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,336 ALL THESE BROADS NOWADAYS, 413 00:13:46,369 --> 00:13:48,538 HAVING KIDS IN THEIR LATE 30s AND 40s, 414 00:13:48,571 --> 00:13:50,240 AND THEN THEY WANNA HAVE A CAREER TOO? 415 00:13:50,273 --> 00:13:53,243 THIS JUST IN-- YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH. 416 00:13:53,276 --> 00:13:55,211 - WELL, THIS JUST IN: I'M ABOUT TO KICK YOUR DAD IN THE NUTS. 417 00:13:55,245 --> 00:13:56,712 - GO AHEAD, DARLING. HAVE AT IT. 418 00:13:56,746 --> 00:13:58,949 'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY NUTS LEFT. 419 00:13:58,982 --> 00:14:01,351 I'M A 65-YEAR-OLD RETIRED FIREFIGHTER 420 00:14:01,384 --> 00:14:03,786 WITH A 37-YEAR-OLD WIFE WITH A FULL-TIME JOB 421 00:14:03,819 --> 00:14:06,456 WHO LEAVES ME AT HOME WITH A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD KID. 422 00:14:06,489 --> 00:14:08,024 LOOK AT ALL THE SH-- I'M CARRYING. 423 00:14:08,058 --> 00:14:10,293 HELMETS, ELBOW PADS, KNEE PADS... 424 00:14:10,326 --> 00:14:11,394 - I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. 425 00:14:11,427 --> 00:14:13,729 - SCENTED GODDAMN SKIN WIPES. 426 00:14:13,763 --> 00:14:16,099 I'M LIKE A GAY FREAKIN' SHERPA GUIDE. 427 00:14:16,132 --> 00:14:18,134 WHEN THE HELL DID KIDS BECOME SUCH PUSSIES? 428 00:14:18,168 --> 00:14:19,602 WHEN I WAS GROWING UP IN BOSTON... 429 00:14:19,635 --> 00:14:21,371 - DAD. - WE DIDN'T HAVE VIDEO GAMES. 430 00:14:21,404 --> 00:14:22,472 WE PLAYED OUTSIDE. - DAD. 431 00:14:22,505 --> 00:14:23,906 - ALL DAY. - DAD. 432 00:14:23,940 --> 00:14:24,707 - HE'S TRYING TO GET YOUR ATTENTION. 433 00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:25,641 - DAD! - WHAT? 434 00:14:25,675 --> 00:14:27,210 - I JUST SCORED A TOUCHDOWN. 435 00:14:27,243 --> 00:14:29,112 - THAT'S NICE, SON. 436 00:14:29,145 --> 00:14:31,647 HE NEVER TOUCHED A REAL FOOTBALL IN HIS LIFE. 437 00:14:31,681 --> 00:14:33,149 HIS MOTHER SAYS IT'S TOO VIOLENT. 438 00:14:33,183 --> 00:14:34,750 SO HE PLAYS SOCCER WITH GIRLS 439 00:14:34,784 --> 00:14:36,752 IN A LEAGUE WHERE THEY DON'T KEEP SCORE. 440 00:14:36,786 --> 00:14:39,655 AT THIS POINT, I'M JUST HAPPY THE KID AIN'T WEARING A DRESS. 441 00:14:39,689 --> 00:14:41,457 - DAD, DAD, DAD, EXTRA POINT! 442 00:14:41,491 --> 00:14:43,159 - GOOD BOY, JACK. 443 00:14:43,193 --> 00:14:45,328 YOU'RE A COP, RIGHT? - YEAH. 444 00:14:45,361 --> 00:14:46,896 - PERFECT, I'LL JUST STEAL YOUR PURSE, 445 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:48,164 RUN LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL, YOU SHOOT ME IN THE LEG. 446 00:14:48,198 --> 00:14:49,432 THAT WAY I CAN SLEEP FOR, LIKE, 447 00:14:49,465 --> 00:14:51,167 A WEEK AND A HALF IN THE HOSPITAL. 448 00:14:51,201 --> 00:14:54,337 - DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD! 449 00:14:54,370 --> 00:14:56,172 - I'M SERIOUS. 450 00:15:00,643 --> 00:15:02,312 - YEAH, HE'S GOT A LOT OF ENERGY. 451 00:15:02,345 --> 00:15:03,613 - YOU WERE THE EXACT SAME WAY. 452 00:15:03,646 --> 00:15:06,149 WORSE EVEN. - REALLY? 453 00:15:06,182 --> 00:15:07,950 I MUST HAVE BEEN A GIANT PAIN IN THE ASS. 454 00:15:07,984 --> 00:15:10,286 - I WOULDN'T KNOW, I WAS ALWAYS AT WORK. 455 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,954 BUT YOU PUT SOME MILEAGE ON YOUR MOM THOUGH. 456 00:15:11,988 --> 00:15:13,923 GOD LOVE HER. SHE WAS ALWAYS AT HOME. 457 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,925 BEING A MOM IS A FULL-TIME JOB. 458 00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:18,194 - WELL, I'M NOT GONNA STOP BEING A COP WHEN I HAVE CHILDREN. 459 00:15:18,228 --> 00:15:19,329 I'M GONNA DO BOTH. 460 00:15:19,362 --> 00:15:20,997 AND NO VIDEO GAMES FOR MY KIDS. 461 00:15:21,031 --> 00:15:22,598 BOOKS. 462 00:15:22,632 --> 00:15:23,966 THEY'RE GONNA LEARN TO READ ACTUAL BOOKS. 463 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,301 - YOU MIGHT WANNA GO THE ADOPTION ROUTE THEN. 464 00:15:25,335 --> 00:15:26,536 PICK OUT A REAL SMART ONE. 465 00:15:26,569 --> 00:15:28,104 ASIANS, AFRICANS. 466 00:15:28,138 --> 00:15:30,106 PLUS THE ASIANS ARE UNBELIEVABLY NEAT. 467 00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:31,807 A BUDDY OF MINE'S GOT ONE. 468 00:15:31,841 --> 00:15:33,643 YOU COULD EAT OFF THE FLOOR IN THAT KID'S ROOM. 469 00:15:33,676 --> 00:15:35,045 AND THE AFRICAN KIDS, 470 00:15:35,078 --> 00:15:36,679 WELL, BETWEEN THE MARATHONS AND THE MUSIC, 471 00:15:36,712 --> 00:15:38,048 YOU'RE MAKING MONEY OFF 'EM EITHER WAY. 472 00:15:38,081 --> 00:15:40,650 - DAD, DAD, DAD, WATCH THIS! 473 00:15:40,683 --> 00:15:42,052 - OH, YOU GUYS STAY HERE. 474 00:15:42,085 --> 00:15:43,619 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. - WHERE YOU GOING? 475 00:15:43,653 --> 00:15:44,787 - TO THE DRUG STORE TO GET SOME BENADRYL. 476 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:46,222 KNOCKS HIM RIGHT OUT. 477 00:15:46,256 --> 00:15:47,723 ONLY THING THAT WORKS WHEN HE GETS LIKE THIS. 478 00:15:47,757 --> 00:15:49,792 - OKAY, WE ARE NOT GIVING THAT BOY BENADRYL. 479 00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:51,294 - WHY, YOU GOT SOMETHING STRONGER? 480 00:15:51,327 --> 00:15:52,662 - OKAY, RELAX. - [scoffs] 481 00:15:52,695 --> 00:15:54,697 - I REMEMBER THIS NOW. 482 00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:56,966 I KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE THE ONLY CHILD AND A BOY. 483 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,235 I KNOW WHAT HE NEEDS. JACK, GIMME FIVE. 484 00:15:59,269 --> 00:16:00,736 UP HIGH. 485 00:16:00,770 --> 00:16:02,038 DOWN LOW. TOO SLOW. 486 00:16:02,072 --> 00:16:05,108 COME HERE, LET'S GO. - [laughs] 487 00:16:08,611 --> 00:16:10,246 - DOES HE TALK? 488 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,914 - HE'S JUST ENJOYING DINNER, MAMA. 489 00:16:11,947 --> 00:16:13,549 - WELL, HE JUST ENJOYED A WHOLE BOWL 490 00:16:13,583 --> 00:16:15,351 FULL OF MY POTATO AU GRATIN. 491 00:16:15,385 --> 00:16:17,987 - NO, I DIDN'T. - EXCUSE ME? 492 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:20,256 - IT'S NOT AU GRATIN IF IT DOESN'T HAVE CHEESE ON IT. 493 00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:22,325 - ARE YOU CRITIQUING MY FOOD? 494 00:16:22,358 --> 00:16:24,026 - MAMA. - NO, I'M ENJOYING YOUR FOOD, 495 00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,895 I'M JUST CRITIQUING YOUR TERMINOLOGY. 496 00:16:25,928 --> 00:16:27,497 - DON'T DO THAT. - REALLY? 497 00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:29,232 - LOOK, YOU CAN COOK. THAT'S OBVIOUS. 498 00:16:29,265 --> 00:16:31,000 I'M JUST TRYING TO SAVE YOU 499 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:33,769 THE EMBARRASSMENT OF CALLING YOUR DISHES BY THE WRONG NAME. 500 00:16:33,803 --> 00:16:36,406 - IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I SHOULD BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT? 501 00:16:36,439 --> 00:16:38,074 - WELL, SINCE YOU ASKED, 502 00:16:38,108 --> 00:16:40,243 THAT PORTRAIT OF JESUS ON THE WALL. 503 00:16:40,276 --> 00:16:43,079 [laughs] 504 00:16:43,113 --> 00:16:46,416 - I KNOW YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO CRITICIZE MY LORD AND SAVIOR. 505 00:16:46,449 --> 00:16:48,284 - I WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT. PASS THE ROLLS. 506 00:16:48,318 --> 00:16:49,719 BUT MAKING HIM BLACK? 507 00:16:49,752 --> 00:16:51,521 THAT'S A BRIDGE TOO FAR. 508 00:16:51,554 --> 00:16:52,922 - WELL, HE WASN'T WHITE. 509 00:16:52,955 --> 00:16:54,757 - HE DIDN'T LOOK LIKE WILL SMITH. 510 00:16:54,790 --> 00:16:56,126 - BETHLEHEM WAS IN-- 511 00:16:56,159 --> 00:16:57,760 - IN THE MIDDLE EAST. I GET IT. 512 00:16:57,793 --> 00:16:59,429 BUT REALISTICALLY, 513 00:16:59,462 --> 00:17:01,564 JESUS LOOKED MORE LIKE OSAMA BIN LADEN 514 00:17:01,597 --> 00:17:03,266 THAN THE FRESH GODDAMN PRINCE OF BEL AIR. 515 00:17:03,299 --> 00:17:04,534 - OKAY. - MISTER, YOU LOOKING 516 00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:06,102 FOR TROUBLE? 517 00:17:06,136 --> 00:17:07,203 WELL, TROUBLE IS ABOUT TO ARRIVE. 518 00:17:07,237 --> 00:17:08,938 - OH, SH-- 519 00:17:08,971 --> 00:17:10,306 - I'M JUST TRYING TO TELL YOU ABOUT HISTORY AND ART. 520 00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:11,474 - OH, SH-- - I MEAN, WHO PAINTED THAT CRAP? 521 00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:12,442 - I PAINTED IT! - WELL, SHE-- 522 00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:14,043 AND I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW 523 00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,911 THAT MY SERIES OF BLACK JESUS PORTRAITS SOLD OUT 524 00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:16,779 AT THE DECATUR ART FESTIVAL. 525 00:17:16,812 --> 00:17:18,714 - OH, GET OUT OF HERE. 526 00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:20,883 THEY SELL THEM THINGS DOWN THERE BY THE LIQUOR STORE. 527 00:17:20,916 --> 00:17:22,418 - AW, MAN. - HANK. 528 00:17:22,452 --> 00:17:23,719 - YOU KNOW, I THINK THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME 529 00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:25,655 TO SAY A PRAYER-- UH--UH, SOMETHING. 530 00:17:25,688 --> 00:17:27,056 - NO, IT MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME FOR ME TO CHOKE HIS ASS OUT. 531 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,724 - MAMA--MAMA, DON'T CHOKE HIM OUT. 532 00:17:28,758 --> 00:17:29,992 - YOU LET HIM SAY SOMETHING ELSE TO ME ABOUT MY JESUS. 533 00:17:30,025 --> 00:17:31,494 - THESE GREENS COULD USE A PRAYER. 534 00:17:31,527 --> 00:17:33,396 I'M GONNA TELL YOU. - OH. 535 00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:34,664 I'M GONNA TELL--JUST A LITTLE ON THE TOUGH SIDE. 536 00:17:34,697 --> 00:17:35,498 - MAMA, YOU KNOW-- - I'M JUST SAYIN'. 537 00:17:39,202 --> 00:17:40,436 - HE'S OUT. 538 00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:41,671 - YOUR JACK HAS A GOOD LITTLE ARM. 539 00:17:41,704 --> 00:17:43,072 - I NEVER KNEW. 540 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,674 HIS MOM WON'T LET HIM PLAY CATCH. 541 00:17:44,707 --> 00:17:46,976 SHE'S AFRAID THE BALL WOULD HIT HIM IN THE FACE. 542 00:17:47,009 --> 00:17:48,478 JESUS, HE REALLY LOVED THAT PIZZA. 543 00:17:48,511 --> 00:17:50,280 - YEAH. 544 00:17:50,313 --> 00:17:52,248 I'M LIKING THE WAY THAT PLAYING WITH YOUR JACK 545 00:17:52,282 --> 00:17:53,983 IS LOOKING ON MY JOHNNY. 546 00:17:54,016 --> 00:17:55,318 - AH, YOU WANNA HAVE KIDS, RIGHT? 547 00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:57,587 SURE YOU DO, YOU'RE A BROAD. 548 00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,189 SORRY. CHICK. 549 00:17:59,222 --> 00:18:01,591 - HI. - [laughs] 550 00:18:01,624 --> 00:18:03,359 - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. LET'S GET BACK GOING. 551 00:18:03,393 --> 00:18:05,094 - JUST COOKING 101. 552 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:06,462 IF YOU'RE GONNA FRY YOUR OWN FISH, 553 00:18:06,496 --> 00:18:08,331 YOU GOTTA MAKE SURE THE OIL'S HOT. 554 00:18:08,364 --> 00:18:10,433 - MY OIL IS HOT. 555 00:18:10,466 --> 00:18:12,535 - IF YOUR FISH IS BREAKING UP IN THE PAN, THAT OIL AIN'T HOT. 556 00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:15,271 - MY OIL IS DAMN HOT. HOT AS HELL. 557 00:18:15,305 --> 00:18:16,606 - OKAY, MAMA, THAT WAS GREAT. 558 00:18:16,639 --> 00:18:18,474 THANK YOU SO MUCH, BUT WE--WE GOTTA GO. 559 00:18:18,508 --> 00:18:20,476 COME ON, CASH. - I HAVE NEVER, EVER 560 00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:23,546 IN MY LIFE BEEN SPOKEN TO IN THIS MANNER IN MY OWN HOUSE. 561 00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:25,448 JESUS IS MY LORD AND SAVIOR 562 00:18:25,481 --> 00:18:27,817 AND MY JESUS CAN LOOK ANY GODDAMN WAY I WANT HIM TO. 563 00:18:27,850 --> 00:18:30,853 - OKAY, YOUR HOUSE, YOUR JESUS, I SUPPOSE. 564 00:18:30,886 --> 00:18:33,856 BUT ONE THING I DO KNOW-- AND KNOW DAMN WELL--IS FISH. 565 00:18:33,889 --> 00:18:36,626 HOW TO CATCH 'EM, HOW TO COOK 'EM. 566 00:18:36,659 --> 00:18:39,662 SH--, I ALMOST CAUGHT ME A MEKONG KING CATFISH IN VIETNAM. 567 00:18:39,695 --> 00:18:41,297 - OKAY. 568 00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:42,632 - LARGEST FRESHWATER FISH ON THE PLANET. 569 00:18:42,665 --> 00:18:43,699 - WELL, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT NO 570 00:18:43,733 --> 00:18:45,901 VIETCONG CATFISH-ASS BULLSH-- 571 00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:47,403 - OKAY, COME ON, CASH. 572 00:18:47,437 --> 00:18:49,905 LET'S--LET'S LET MAMA REST. 573 00:18:49,939 --> 00:18:51,307 - NO, YOU GO AHEAD, MAN. 574 00:18:51,341 --> 00:18:53,343 I'M--I'M GONNA STAY A WHILE. 575 00:18:53,376 --> 00:18:54,677 - WHAT? 576 00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:55,878 - YOU HEARD ME. GO ON, MAN. 577 00:18:55,911 --> 00:18:57,347 YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. 578 00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:58,381 I'LL BE FINE. 579 00:18:58,414 --> 00:19:00,182 - HE'S GONNA BE REAL FINE. 580 00:19:00,216 --> 00:19:01,917 - WERE WE SITTING AT THE SAME TABLE? 581 00:19:01,951 --> 00:19:03,686 - YOU WERE. NOW YOU AIN'T. 582 00:19:03,719 --> 00:19:07,723 - BYE, BABY. 583 00:19:07,757 --> 00:19:10,726 GO ON, LOCK THE DOOR, PULL THE SHADES. 584 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:11,994 - NICE BOY. 585 00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:13,663 - MM, WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ICE CREAM? 586 00:19:13,696 --> 00:19:14,697 - YOU GOT SOME COOL WHIP WITH THAT? 587 00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:17,500 [knocks on door] 588 00:19:17,533 --> 00:19:18,934 - HI. 589 00:19:18,968 --> 00:19:20,336 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 590 00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:21,604 - I'M SORRY, IS THIS WEIRD? 591 00:19:21,637 --> 00:19:22,738 - YEAH. 592 00:19:22,772 --> 00:19:24,607 - GOOD. 593 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,878 'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO MAKE IT EVEN WEIRDER. 594 00:19:28,911 --> 00:19:31,747 YOU DON'T WANNA HAVE SEX, AND THAT'S FINE WITH ME. 595 00:19:31,781 --> 00:19:34,216 'CAUSE I'M NOT HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW EITHER. 596 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:36,051 YOU DON'T LIKE SEX, I HAPPEN TO LOVE IT. 597 00:19:36,085 --> 00:19:40,089 FROM WHAT I REMEMBER, IT WAS PRETTY AWESOME...FOR ME. 598 00:19:40,122 --> 00:19:42,358 I CAN'T REALLY SPEAK FOR EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED. 599 00:19:42,392 --> 00:19:45,295 SO FORGET SEX. 600 00:19:45,328 --> 00:19:46,696 I LIKE YOU. 601 00:19:46,729 --> 00:19:48,931 I THINK YOU'RE FUNNY AND DIFFERENT 602 00:19:48,964 --> 00:19:50,466 AND I NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY. 603 00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,101 AND OBVIOUSLY I THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. 604 00:19:52,134 --> 00:19:55,771 BUT IF WE NEVER HAVE SEX, THAT'S OKAY. 605 00:19:55,805 --> 00:19:59,542 'CAUSE I'M JUST HAPPY BEING AROUND YOU. 606 00:19:59,575 --> 00:20:01,744 SO... 607 00:20:01,777 --> 00:20:04,714 HERE. 608 00:20:04,747 --> 00:20:05,748 - A BIRDHOUSE. 609 00:20:05,781 --> 00:20:08,818 - LOOK INSIDE. 610 00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:13,923 - OH, MY GOD. 611 00:20:13,956 --> 00:20:16,158 IS IT REAL? 612 00:20:16,191 --> 00:20:18,928 - IT BELONGED TO THE MAN WHO BUILT THE BIRDHOUSE. 613 00:20:18,961 --> 00:20:21,831 AND NOW IT BELONGS TO YOU. 614 00:20:21,864 --> 00:20:25,301 - HOLY SH-- 615 00:20:26,869 --> 00:20:28,070 THIS USED TO BE ON A PERSON? 616 00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:29,605 - YEAH. 617 00:20:29,639 --> 00:20:33,108 - BRIAN... 618 00:20:33,142 --> 00:20:34,844 THIS IS ONE OF THE ABSOLUTE NICEST THINGS 619 00:20:34,877 --> 00:20:37,580 ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME. 620 00:20:37,613 --> 00:20:39,248 - IF YOU STARE AT IT LONG ENOUGH 621 00:20:39,281 --> 00:20:41,050 IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S BEGINNING TO TWITCH. 622 00:20:45,888 --> 00:20:46,989 - OH, WAS THAT TOO MUCH? 623 00:20:47,022 --> 00:20:48,458 - MM-HMM. A LITTLE BIT. 624 00:20:48,491 --> 00:20:49,792 - A STEP TOO FAR? - A LITTLE. 625 00:20:49,825 --> 00:20:50,826 JUST EASE ME INTO IT. 626 00:20:50,860 --> 00:20:52,328 - YEAH, WE CAN TAKE IT SLOW. 627 00:20:52,362 --> 00:20:54,664 - LOOK AT THAT DREAMY LITTLE FACE. 628 00:20:56,799 --> 00:20:58,501 - GUESS ALL THAT PLAYING CATCH 629 00:20:58,534 --> 00:20:59,802 REALLY WORE HIM OUT. - MM-HMM. 630 00:20:59,835 --> 00:21:03,506 - AND TAG. AND HIDE AND SEEK. 631 00:21:05,708 --> 00:21:06,842 - WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT HIM? 632 00:21:06,876 --> 00:21:08,978 - MM. 633 00:21:09,011 --> 00:21:10,380 ALL THAT BENADRYL YOU GAVE HIM, 634 00:21:10,413 --> 00:21:11,547 HE'S GONNA BE ASLEEP ALL NIGHT. 635 00:21:11,581 --> 00:21:12,882 - HE WAS GETTING VERY, VERY CRANKY. 636 00:21:12,915 --> 00:21:14,917 - HE WAS. 637 00:21:18,588 --> 00:21:19,555 - THERE. - [gasps] 638 00:21:19,589 --> 00:21:20,556 - IT MOVED. - NO! 639 00:21:20,590 --> 00:21:21,891 - YEAH. - DID IT? 640 00:21:21,924 --> 00:21:24,026 - LOOK AGAIN. 641 00:21:24,059 --> 00:21:25,728 [keys jingle] - HELLO? 642 00:21:25,761 --> 00:21:27,697 - HEY, MAN. 643 00:21:27,730 --> 00:21:29,399 YOUR MOM'S JUST CHECKING TO MAKE SURE YOU GOT HOME SAFE. 644 00:21:29,432 --> 00:21:30,466 - YEP, JUST PULLED IN. 645 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:31,867 - ALL RIGHT, THEN. 646 00:21:31,901 --> 00:21:33,836 SHE'LL BE GLAD TO HEAR IT. 647 00:21:33,869 --> 00:21:34,870 GOOD NIGHT... 648 00:21:34,904 --> 00:21:36,706 - MM-HMM. - SON.