1 00:00:01,978 --> 00:00:03,013 - GLENNON FROM THE SHOTGUN. DROPS BACK-- 2 00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:04,781 - NO! INTERCEPTION! 3 00:00:04,815 --> 00:00:06,950 GOD-- 4 00:00:12,123 --> 00:00:13,990 UGH. 5 00:00:16,827 --> 00:00:19,663 [laughs] 6 00:00:21,298 --> 00:00:22,299 [phone ringing] 7 00:00:22,333 --> 00:00:24,268 - WHAT? - FROM THE COUCH, 8 00:00:24,301 --> 00:00:26,069 CROUCHED, FACE ALMOST TO THE FLOOR, 9 00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:28,105 SANDWICH IN MY RIGHT HAND, FLICKED THE PICKLE 10 00:00:28,139 --> 00:00:30,141 INTO THE TRASH CAN, SWISH, NO PLASTIC. 11 00:00:30,174 --> 00:00:32,243 - HMM, CROUCHED? - CROUCHED. 12 00:00:32,276 --> 00:00:34,911 - YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING ABOUT THAT IS? 13 00:00:34,945 --> 00:00:36,713 - THE DISTANCE. - NO. 14 00:00:36,747 --> 00:00:38,081 THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T EAT THE PICKLE SLICE 15 00:00:38,115 --> 00:00:39,450 WHEN IT FELL ON THE FLOOR. 16 00:00:39,483 --> 00:00:41,418 CALL ME BACK AFTER YOU HIT THREE IN A ROW. 17 00:00:41,452 --> 00:00:43,154 HEY, WHAT'S THE SCORE ON THE ATLANTA-TAMPA BAY GAME? 18 00:00:43,187 --> 00:00:45,156 - SHITTY HELMETS 17, 19 00:00:45,189 --> 00:00:46,557 SHITTIER HELMETS IN PEWTER PANTS 3. 20 00:00:46,590 --> 00:00:48,091 - THE BUCCANEERS ARE THE WORST. 21 00:00:48,125 --> 00:00:49,493 IF THEY GOT A GAY PLAYER ON TAMPA BAY, 22 00:00:49,526 --> 00:00:50,994 HE AIN'T COMIN' OUT OF THE CLOSET TILL 23 00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:52,296 HE GETS TRADED TO A TEAM WITH BETTER UNIFORMS. 24 00:00:52,329 --> 00:00:53,997 - YEAH, THIS GAME'S OVER. 25 00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:56,133 - WELCOME BACK TO THE NATIONAL SPELLING BEE. 26 00:00:56,167 --> 00:00:58,769 YOUR WORD IS "ELUCUBRATE." 27 00:00:58,802 --> 00:01:01,638 - SHIT. 28 00:01:01,672 --> 00:01:04,341 ASK FOR A DEFINITION, KID. 29 00:01:04,375 --> 00:01:06,677 - DEFINITION, PLEASE. - GOOD GIRL. 30 00:01:06,710 --> 00:01:08,078 - "TO WORK OUT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY." 31 00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,913 - WHAT, LIKE IN THE GYM? - NO, ASSHOLE. 32 00:01:09,946 --> 00:01:12,816 IN LITERATURE, TO CREATE A GREAT LITERARY WORK. 33 00:01:12,849 --> 00:01:14,285 - 10 BUCKS SAYS THERE'S A "K." 34 00:01:14,318 --> 00:01:15,952 - THERE'S NO "K." - 10 BUCKS. 35 00:01:15,986 --> 00:01:17,988 - YOU ON, BITCH. 36 00:01:18,021 --> 00:01:18,955 - ELUCUBRATE. 37 00:01:18,989 --> 00:01:21,592 E-L-U-C... 38 00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:25,929 U-B-R-A-T-E. 39 00:01:25,962 --> 00:01:27,331 [ding] - CORRECT. 40 00:01:27,364 --> 00:01:29,200 - BAH, NO WAY THAT KID'S NINE. 41 00:01:29,233 --> 00:01:30,701 - KNOW WHAT ELSE DON'T HAVE A "K"? 42 00:01:30,734 --> 00:01:32,803 CASH. YOU OWE ME 10 BUCKS. 43 00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:34,004 - OHH. 44 00:01:34,037 --> 00:01:35,038 [knock at door] 45 00:01:35,071 --> 00:01:37,374 - WHO'S THAT? 46 00:01:37,408 --> 00:01:39,343 - OH, IT'S THERESA. - UH-OH. 47 00:01:39,376 --> 00:01:40,677 WHAT'D YOU DO THIS TIME? - I DON'T KNOW. 48 00:01:40,711 --> 00:01:42,012 I WAS GONNA ASK YOU THE SAME THING. 49 00:01:42,045 --> 00:01:42,813 - WHEW, CALL ME BACK. 50 00:01:42,846 --> 00:01:46,016 GODSPEED. 51 00:01:46,049 --> 00:01:47,718 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 52 00:01:47,751 --> 00:01:49,386 - MM. 53 00:01:49,420 --> 00:01:51,688 - MM-MM-MM. 54 00:01:51,722 --> 00:01:53,123 - MMM. 55 00:01:53,156 --> 00:01:55,626 - OH, YOU'RE DRUNK. 56 00:01:55,659 --> 00:01:59,062 - YEP. 57 00:01:59,095 --> 00:02:01,398 COME HERE. 58 00:02:01,432 --> 00:02:03,900 - OH. WELL, I-I CAN'T DO THAT. 59 00:02:03,934 --> 00:02:06,337 I'D BE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU. 60 00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,472 - THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. - OH, GOD. 61 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:11,908 UM--I'M TRYING TO ELUCUBRATE 62 00:02:11,942 --> 00:02:13,143 THE RIGHT THING TO DO HERE. 63 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,211 - LUCA--WHAT? 64 00:02:14,245 --> 00:02:15,912 - BRATE. 65 00:02:15,946 --> 00:02:19,550 - I MUST BE DRUNKER THAN I THOUGHT. 66 00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,084 - OKAY, LET'S DO THIS. HOW MANY, UM, 67 00:02:21,117 --> 00:02:22,719 DRINKS DID YOU HAVE? 68 00:02:22,753 --> 00:02:25,322 - MM. FOUR GIN AND TONICS... - UH-HUH. 69 00:02:25,356 --> 00:02:28,225 - AND A LITTLE TASTY RED THING. 70 00:02:28,259 --> 00:02:29,059 - OKAY. FIVE DRINKS. 71 00:02:29,092 --> 00:02:30,727 FIVE DRINKS. 72 00:02:30,761 --> 00:02:32,162 WELL, CALCULATING YOUR BODY WEIGHT, 73 00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:33,897 I'M GONNA NEED SIX DRINKS TO CATCH UP. 74 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:35,899 RIGHT? OKAY. - RIGHT. 75 00:02:35,932 --> 00:02:37,734 - SIX SHOTS TO CATCH UP. 76 00:02:37,768 --> 00:02:39,169 - SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS. 77 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,237 - YEAH, OKAY. 78 00:02:40,271 --> 00:02:41,838 - OKAY. - OH, MY GOD. 79 00:02:41,872 --> 00:02:43,240 - YES. 80 00:02:43,274 --> 00:02:46,009 GET IT. - ONE. 81 00:02:46,042 --> 00:02:47,210 KEEP GOING. YOU'LL GET IT OFF. 82 00:02:47,244 --> 00:02:48,879 I TRUST YOU. 83 00:02:48,912 --> 00:02:50,113 YEP, KICK IT. JUST KEEP KICKING IT. 84 00:02:50,146 --> 00:02:51,415 YOU'LL GET IT. THERE YOU GO. 85 00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:53,049 BE CAREFUL. - OH, OH, WHOA! 86 00:02:53,083 --> 00:02:54,351 [groan] 87 00:02:54,385 --> 00:02:56,887 - I MIGHT NEED SEVEN. 88 00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:59,022 - I FOUND A DOLLAR UNDER YOUR COUCH. 89 00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:01,024 - OH, IT'S A TIP. 90 00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:05,128 - THANKS. 91 00:03:05,161 --> 00:03:09,300 - [chuckling] 92 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,768 - [gasps] 93 00:03:11,802 --> 00:03:13,370 I FOUND ANOTHER DOLLAR. 94 00:03:13,404 --> 00:03:15,272 - IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY, HUH? 95 00:03:15,306 --> 00:03:16,707 [chuckling] 96 00:03:16,740 --> 00:03:19,876 OKAY. WHERE YOU GOING? SLOW DOWN. 97 00:03:19,910 --> 00:03:22,913 [upbeat music] 98 00:03:22,946 --> 00:03:26,249 * 99 00:03:26,283 --> 00:03:27,784 - * SUCKER-PUNCHED BY THE CLOCK * 100 00:03:27,818 --> 00:03:29,453 * BUCKLED TO THE KNEES 101 00:03:29,486 --> 00:03:31,888 * CHECKER CAB CURLED BY THE SIDE OF A TREE * 102 00:03:31,922 --> 00:03:35,158 * INTO THE GROWL OF THE CITY WITH A DEAFENING CRY * 103 00:03:35,191 --> 00:03:36,927 * AGAIN I RIDE 104 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,995 * AGAIN I RIDE 105 00:03:47,137 --> 00:03:49,105 - HEY, DUDLEY MOORE. - NO. 106 00:03:49,139 --> 00:03:50,341 - OOH. - NO! 107 00:03:50,374 --> 00:03:51,975 - WE'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK. 108 00:03:52,008 --> 00:03:54,010 [chuckling] 109 00:03:54,044 --> 00:03:55,346 - ON A SCALE OF ONE TO DEAN MARTIN, 110 00:03:55,379 --> 00:03:57,013 HOW DRUNK WAS I LAST NIGHT? 111 00:03:57,047 --> 00:03:58,815 - UM, TWO. 112 00:03:58,849 --> 00:04:01,017 TWO DEAN MARTINS. - OY. 113 00:04:01,051 --> 00:04:02,118 - UH-HUH. 114 00:04:02,152 --> 00:04:04,821 [chuckling] 115 00:04:04,855 --> 00:04:06,089 - SO THE SEX? 116 00:04:06,122 --> 00:04:07,491 - YEAH. 117 00:04:07,524 --> 00:04:09,426 - IT WAS FUN. - YEAH, IT WAS. 118 00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:11,328 - AND I WAS THINKING-- - UH-OH. 119 00:04:11,362 --> 00:04:12,796 - IT COULD BE FUN AGAIN. 120 00:04:12,829 --> 00:04:14,164 - YOU MEAN, LIKE, RIGHT NOW? 121 00:04:14,197 --> 00:04:15,999 - NOPE. RIGHT NOW MY HEAD IS A JACKHAMMER. 122 00:04:16,032 --> 00:04:18,869 - OKAY. - LOOK. 123 00:04:18,902 --> 00:04:20,537 WE ARE BOTH BUSY. - MM-HMM. 124 00:04:20,571 --> 00:04:22,138 - WE BOTH HAVE NEEDS. 125 00:04:22,172 --> 00:04:23,540 I MISS YOU. YOU MISS ME. 126 00:04:23,574 --> 00:04:25,842 - MM-HMM. - SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 127 00:04:25,876 --> 00:04:26,977 YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX SOMETIMES? 128 00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:31,982 - UH, SO-- 129 00:04:32,015 --> 00:04:34,385 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - SEX. 130 00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:38,555 JUST SEX, YOU KNOW, LIKE, A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK. 131 00:04:38,589 --> 00:04:41,892 - REALLY? - YEAH. 132 00:04:41,925 --> 00:04:44,395 - I--YOU WANT TO JUST HAVE SEX 133 00:04:44,428 --> 00:04:45,829 WITH ME A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK 134 00:04:45,862 --> 00:04:47,130 WITHOUT ANY OF THE RELATIONSHIP-Y STUFF? 135 00:04:47,163 --> 00:04:48,565 IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE PROPOSING? 136 00:04:48,599 --> 00:04:51,368 - YEAH. IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I AM PROPOSING. 137 00:04:51,402 --> 00:04:52,869 - UH-- [laughs] 138 00:04:52,903 --> 00:04:54,070 - WHAT? 139 00:04:54,104 --> 00:04:55,572 - NOTHING. 140 00:04:55,606 --> 00:04:56,373 - YOU DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS. 141 00:04:56,407 --> 00:04:58,008 - I DIDN'T SAY THAT. 142 00:04:58,041 --> 00:04:59,242 BUT I DON'T THINK-- - I CAN DO THIS. 143 00:04:59,275 --> 00:05:00,711 - I DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO THIS. 144 00:05:00,744 --> 00:05:03,313 - NO DATING, NO DINNERS, NO LONG TALKS 145 00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:04,981 OR TEXTING AFTER, NO STAYING OVER. 146 00:05:05,015 --> 00:05:06,517 WE JUST GET TOGETHER, HAVE A BLAST 147 00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:08,018 A COUPLE TIMES A WEEK. 148 00:05:08,051 --> 00:05:09,686 IT DOESN'T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING. 149 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,422 IT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE GETTING BACK TOGETHER. 150 00:05:11,455 --> 00:05:13,089 IT DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE NOT GETTING BACK TOGETHER. 151 00:05:13,123 --> 00:05:16,927 IT'S JUST PURE, RAW ANIMAL DESIRE. 152 00:05:20,096 --> 00:05:22,866 WHAT? 153 00:05:22,899 --> 00:05:25,168 - I MEAN THIS IS EVERY GUY'S FANTASY. 154 00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:27,404 A GORGEOUS GIRL WANTS TO HOOK UP WITHOUT ANY ATTACHMENTS. 155 00:05:27,438 --> 00:05:30,407 - WELL. 156 00:05:32,075 --> 00:05:33,243 - I'M IN. 157 00:05:33,276 --> 00:05:34,411 - COOL. - COOL. 158 00:05:34,445 --> 00:05:37,113 - CLINK ON IT. 159 00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:38,815 - COOL. 160 00:05:41,251 --> 00:05:43,019 - OKAY. 161 00:05:43,053 --> 00:05:44,220 - WELL, HERE WE GO. 162 00:05:44,254 --> 00:05:45,288 - WELL, HERE WE DO IT. - OKAY. 163 00:05:45,321 --> 00:05:47,057 - WE'RE DOING IT. 164 00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:48,224 - YOU JUST HAVE A-- - WE'RE GONNA DO IT. 165 00:05:48,258 --> 00:05:50,927 - NEVER MIND. 166 00:05:53,329 --> 00:05:54,297 - JUST 'CAUSE YOU CLINKED ON IT, 167 00:05:54,330 --> 00:05:55,932 DOESN'T MEAN SHIT. 168 00:05:55,966 --> 00:05:57,367 - I DON'T KNOW, CLINKING CAN BE 169 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,735 PRETTY SERIOUS STUFF WHEN IT COMES TO GIRLS. 170 00:05:58,769 --> 00:06:00,036 - THANK YOU, BRIAN. - I CLINKED ON A BET 171 00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:01,572 WITH MY COUSIN MAGDA ONCE... - YEAH? 172 00:06:01,605 --> 00:06:03,239 - ENDED UP TAKING HER TO FOUR DIFFERENT WEDDINGS. 173 00:06:03,273 --> 00:06:04,775 AND BELIEVE ME, IT WAS NOT LIKE THE MOVIE. 174 00:06:04,808 --> 00:06:05,909 - SO YOU DON'T THINK THAT TWO PEOPLE 175 00:06:05,942 --> 00:06:07,110 CAN HAVE SEX THAT'S JUST SEX? 176 00:06:07,143 --> 00:06:08,912 - NO. I THINK TWO PEOPLE CAN DO IT. 177 00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:10,547 I'VE SEEN FOUR OR FIVE PEOPLE DO IT AT THE SAME TIME. 178 00:06:10,581 --> 00:06:12,115 I DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO IT. 179 00:06:12,148 --> 00:06:13,584 - NO. SEINFELD DID IT. - NO, HE DIDN'T. 180 00:06:13,617 --> 00:06:14,751 THAT WAS THE POINT OF THE EPISODE. 181 00:06:14,785 --> 00:06:16,119 - HEY, WHO DO YOU THINK WE'D BE? 182 00:06:16,152 --> 00:06:17,588 YOU'D BE JERRY, OF COURSE. 183 00:06:17,621 --> 00:06:19,155 YOU'D BE GEORGE... - WHAT? 184 00:06:19,189 --> 00:06:22,058 - AND I'D BE KRAMER AND ELAINE. 185 00:06:22,092 --> 00:06:23,460 - I DON'T GET WHY YOU GET TO BE ELAINE. 186 00:06:23,494 --> 00:06:25,462 I'M A MUCH BETTER ELAINE. 187 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,801 HEY, WHERE'S THE PATIENT? - OH, HELLO. 188 00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:32,335 ACTUALLY, BEFORE YOU GUYS COME IN HERE, 189 00:06:32,368 --> 00:06:33,570 CAN I JUST FIND OUT YOUR DISCLOSURE POLICY? 190 00:06:33,604 --> 00:06:35,171 I THINK WE'RE OWED THAT. 191 00:06:35,205 --> 00:06:36,473 - WHAT? 192 00:06:36,507 --> 00:06:39,576 - ANSWER ME THESE QUESTIONS THREE. 193 00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:42,078 - OKAY, BOYS, LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE OURSELVES A WIZARD. 194 00:06:42,112 --> 00:06:43,647 - NO, NO. OKAY, LISTEN. 195 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,782 YOU GUYS, DO WE HAVE DOCTOR-PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY? 196 00:06:45,816 --> 00:06:47,183 - HEY, RELAX. WE'RE NOT COPS. 197 00:06:47,217 --> 00:06:48,919 - WE'RE JUST HERE TO HELP YOU GUYS. 198 00:06:48,952 --> 00:06:51,788 - YOU HAVE ANSWERED CORRECTLY. 199 00:06:51,822 --> 00:06:53,690 - DO YOU GRANT US SAFE PASSAGE? 200 00:06:53,724 --> 00:06:55,291 - OH, BRIAN, COME ON. - THAT'S GOOD, OKAY, SORRY. 201 00:06:55,325 --> 00:06:57,127 - WE WERE TOLD THAT SOMEONE WAS STRUCK 202 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,529 BY SOME SORT OF SPORTING EQUIPMENT. 203 00:06:58,562 --> 00:07:00,631 - [chuckle] OH, NOT STRUCK BRO, IMPALED. 204 00:07:00,664 --> 00:07:02,098 - HE GOT STUCK BY HIS OWN JART. 205 00:07:02,132 --> 00:07:04,300 - HE SELF-JARTED. - THE MAN SELF-JARTED. 206 00:07:04,334 --> 00:07:05,335 [indistinct chatter] 207 00:07:05,368 --> 00:07:07,070 - OOH. [sigh] 208 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,441 [overlapping chatter] 209 00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,109 - THIS COULDN'T BE OUR CUSTOMER RIGHT HERE, 210 00:07:13,143 --> 00:07:15,278 COULD IT? 211 00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:16,980 - SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PEOPLE GET DRUNK? 212 00:07:17,013 --> 00:07:20,651 THEY DO STUPID SHIT THAT THEY'LL REGRET LATER ON. 213 00:07:20,684 --> 00:07:22,352 - ALL RIGHT, GUY, LET'S TAKE A LOOK. 214 00:07:22,385 --> 00:07:24,688 - HEY, GUYS. - HEY, HOW ARE YOU? 215 00:07:24,721 --> 00:07:26,790 - WE'VE GOT AN ALCOHOL-RELATED INJURY. 216 00:07:26,823 --> 00:07:28,158 THE PATIENT HAS WHAT APPEARS TO BE 217 00:07:28,191 --> 00:07:29,459 A LAWN DART LODGED IN HIS BACK. 218 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,494 OBVIOUS CASE OF L.M.C. 219 00:07:31,528 --> 00:07:33,496 - L.M.C.? - LOW MARBLE COUNT. 220 00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:35,065 - [laughs] THAT IS AWESOME. 221 00:07:35,098 --> 00:07:36,900 - THAT IS AWESOME. 222 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,501 - I THOUGHT THEY OUTLAWED THESE THINGS IN THE '80s? 223 00:07:38,535 --> 00:07:40,003 - OH, YEAH. WE'RE, LIKE, TOTALLY OFF THE GRID. 224 00:07:40,036 --> 00:07:42,172 - NONE OF THIS IS HAPPENING, MAN. 225 00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:44,040 - BUT IF IT WERE HAPPENING, THEN THIS WOULD BE 226 00:07:44,074 --> 00:07:46,342 THE NORTH SIDE JART INVITATIONAL. 227 00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:49,212 AND YOU WOULD BE WATCHING THE SEMIFINALS. 228 00:07:49,245 --> 00:07:50,313 - YES. - OH. 229 00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:51,347 IS THIS, LIKE, A GROUP THING, 230 00:07:51,381 --> 00:07:53,684 OR AN INDIVIDUAL SPORT, OR-- 231 00:07:53,717 --> 00:07:56,019 - IT'S FOUR TEAMS OF FOUR, ROUND-ROBIN PLAY. 232 00:07:56,052 --> 00:07:57,854 THE JART MUST BE THROWN AT LEAST AS HIGH AS THAT 233 00:07:57,888 --> 00:07:59,756 THIRD STORY APARTMENT WINDOW, BUT NO HIGHER 234 00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:01,424 THAN THE SMOLINSKI'S SUNSHADE. 235 00:08:01,457 --> 00:08:03,560 - QUESTION. WHAT IF THE SUNSHADE ISN'T OUT? 236 00:08:03,594 --> 00:08:04,895 - I'M GLAD YOU ASKED THAT. 237 00:08:04,928 --> 00:08:09,532 WINTER RULES APPLY. ANYTHING GOES. 238 00:08:09,566 --> 00:08:10,400 - WINTER'S COMING. 239 00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:13,336 - OHH. HE DOES THAT. 240 00:08:13,369 --> 00:08:15,271 - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LUCKY THIS THING DIDN'T HIT AN ARTERY. 241 00:08:15,305 --> 00:08:18,008 - I THINK YOU MEAN A JARTERY. 242 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:19,009 [laughter] 243 00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:22,078 - NEXT ONE GETS A PUNCH. 244 00:08:22,112 --> 00:08:23,346 - WE WERE JUST JARTING AROUND. 245 00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:25,548 [all snickering] 246 00:08:25,582 --> 00:08:28,218 - SIR, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE YOU IN. 247 00:08:28,251 --> 00:08:31,054 OH, SEE, LOOK. WE GOT 12 DUDES HERE. 248 00:08:31,087 --> 00:08:33,389 GOOD TIME FOR THE UNOFFICIAL POLL. 249 00:08:33,423 --> 00:08:36,292 HEY, HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS ARE JUST IN RELATIONSHIPS 250 00:08:36,326 --> 00:08:39,763 TO HOOK UP AND HAVE SEX? 251 00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:45,268 - HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS? 252 00:08:49,272 --> 00:08:50,641 - I NEED YOU TO LIE STILL, SIR. 253 00:08:50,674 --> 00:08:52,075 - I CAN'T GET A GOOD ANGLE. 254 00:08:52,108 --> 00:08:53,610 LIKE, I WANT TO GET THE JART IN MY BACK. 255 00:08:53,644 --> 00:08:55,211 BUT I WANT MY FACE TO BE, LIKE, 256 00:08:55,245 --> 00:08:56,546 "WHAT JART IN MY BACK?" 257 00:08:56,579 --> 00:08:58,114 - YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS IN YOUR BACK? 258 00:08:58,148 --> 00:08:59,249 YOUR SPINE. 259 00:08:59,282 --> 00:09:00,283 - GIVE ME THAT. 260 00:09:00,316 --> 00:09:03,053 DON'T MOVE. 261 00:09:03,086 --> 00:09:04,755 - HOW DO I LOOK? 262 00:09:04,788 --> 00:09:06,389 - LIKE A DAMN HORS D'OEUVRE. 263 00:09:06,422 --> 00:09:08,458 - YES, THAT'S THE CAPTION. 264 00:09:08,491 --> 00:09:10,393 OH, SHIT. 265 00:09:10,426 --> 00:09:13,964 - MM-HMM. 266 00:09:13,997 --> 00:09:15,732 - YOU DON'T THINK THERESA AND I CAN PULL THIS OFF? 267 00:09:15,766 --> 00:09:17,300 - OH, I THINK THERESA CAN PULL IT OFF NO PROBLEM. 268 00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:18,568 IT'S YOU I'M WORRIED ABOUT. 269 00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:20,236 - YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME? - YEP. 270 00:09:20,270 --> 00:09:21,938 - BRO, IT'S A NO-BRAINER. IT'S JUST SEX. 271 00:09:21,972 --> 00:09:22,739 IT'S THE PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP I'M GOOD AT. 272 00:09:22,773 --> 00:09:24,607 HOW CAN I SCREW THIS UP? 273 00:09:24,641 --> 00:09:26,409 - BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU, AND BECAUSE UNDERNEATH 274 00:09:26,442 --> 00:09:28,511 THAT SPORTS-LOVING MAN'S-MAN GUY'S-GUY HEART OF YOURS 275 00:09:28,544 --> 00:09:30,013 IS A TINY LITTLE VAGINA. 276 00:09:30,046 --> 00:09:31,314 NOW I DON'T MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY. 277 00:09:31,347 --> 00:09:32,582 IT'S A LOVING, SUPPORTIVE VAGINA. 278 00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:33,750 - AW. - KNOCK IT OFF, BRIAN. 279 00:09:33,784 --> 00:09:35,151 - IT SOUNDED LIKE A GOOD THING. 280 00:09:35,185 --> 00:09:36,319 - IT'S NOT. - LOOK. 281 00:09:36,352 --> 00:09:37,954 YOU'RE NOT IN IT FOR THE ACTION. 282 00:09:37,988 --> 00:09:39,923 YOU LIKE THE TALKING AND THE EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT. 283 00:09:39,956 --> 00:09:41,324 FACE THE FACTS, BRO. - I LIKE THE SEX. 284 00:09:41,357 --> 00:09:43,126 I CAN DO THIS. 285 00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:45,595 - YOU'RE GONNA STEP ON YOUR OWN DICK HERE, PAL. 286 00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:46,663 - WHICH ONE IS IT? 287 00:09:46,697 --> 00:09:49,766 DO I HAVE A DICK OR A VAGINA? 288 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,569 - HE HAS BOTH, ACTUALLY, IN A GOOD WAY. 289 00:10:01,144 --> 00:10:02,679 - NOTHING WRONG WITH A MAN 290 00:10:02,713 --> 00:10:04,547 WHO'S GOT A LITTLE SQUISH MITTEN IN HIM. 291 00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,516 - I DON'T HAVE A-- 292 00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:08,351 IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL YOUR-- - YEP. 293 00:10:08,384 --> 00:10:10,186 SQUISH MITTEN, LOVE TACO, 294 00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:11,988 CUPCAKE, DEPENDS ON THE DAY. 295 00:10:12,022 --> 00:10:13,356 - COME ON, I'M TRYING TO READ HERE. 296 00:10:13,389 --> 00:10:14,524 I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT 297 00:10:14,557 --> 00:10:16,359 WHAT YOU CALL YOUR PRIVATE STUFF. 298 00:10:16,392 --> 00:10:17,660 - LOOK. 299 00:10:17,694 --> 00:10:19,329 WHEN I STARTED HERE 20 YEARS AGO, 300 00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:21,164 IT WAS JUST YOU, DOYLE, STEGS, 301 00:10:21,197 --> 00:10:22,632 AND A BUNCH OF GUYS TALKING ABOUT YOUR DICKS ALL DAY. 302 00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:24,467 NOW, IT'S A NEW WORLD. 303 00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,869 WE GOT SOME GIRLS UP IN HERE AND WE'RE GONNA 304 00:10:25,902 --> 00:10:28,238 CALL OUR BUSINESS WHATEVER WE WANT. 305 00:10:28,271 --> 00:10:30,340 HAM WALLET. - MM-HMM. 306 00:10:30,373 --> 00:10:32,475 - YOU HAD TO START IN WITH THE SEX TALK. 307 00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:33,576 - IT WASN'T ME. IT WAS HANK. 308 00:10:33,609 --> 00:10:35,311 - BIRTH CANNON. - CHA-CHA. 309 00:10:35,345 --> 00:10:38,481 - THE VELVETEEN RABBIT. 310 00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:40,316 THAT WAS MY SISTER'S FAVORITE BOOK. 311 00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:41,351 I TOTALLY RUINED IT FOR HER. 312 00:10:41,384 --> 00:10:42,986 [laughter] 313 00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:44,587 - YOU'RE A SENSITIVE MAN, FARRELL. 314 00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:46,022 YOU GOT A LITTLE BIT OF GIRL IN YOU. 315 00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:47,557 AND I, FOR ONE, AM GONNA GO ON RECORD 316 00:10:47,590 --> 00:10:49,559 AS SAYING I FIND THAT VERY ATTRACTIVE. 317 00:10:49,592 --> 00:10:51,527 - THERE ARE ACTUALLY SEVERAL VARIETIES 318 00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:53,263 OF FISH THAT ARE HERMAPHRODITIC. 319 00:10:53,296 --> 00:10:55,098 IN FACT, THERE'S ONE SPECIES OFF THE COAST 320 00:10:55,131 --> 00:10:57,868 OF AUSTRALIA THAT CAN GROW THE OTHER GENITALIA, 321 00:10:57,901 --> 00:11:00,236 AND HAVE SEX WITH ITSELF WHENEVER IT WANTS. 322 00:11:00,270 --> 00:11:01,571 - REALLY? 323 00:11:01,604 --> 00:11:03,740 - WHAT IS IT CALLED? - A HAPPY GODDAMN FISH. 324 00:11:03,774 --> 00:11:05,341 [laughter] 325 00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:06,943 - I NEED A RULING, HERE. 326 00:11:06,977 --> 00:11:09,112 DO YOU THINK THE JART QUALIFIES AS AN IMPALEMENT? 327 00:11:09,145 --> 00:11:10,346 - SURE, IF IT'S POKING OUT OF A GUY'S 328 00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:11,514 SHOULDER MEAT LIKE THAT. SURE. 329 00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:13,083 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 330 00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:14,951 - HE'S GOT AN E.M.T. BUCKET LIST IN THERE. 331 00:11:14,985 --> 00:11:17,921 THE THINGS HE HOPES TO SEE AND DO ON THE JOB. 332 00:11:17,954 --> 00:11:19,689 - IMPALEMENT IS NUMBER ONE. 333 00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:20,924 - CASH, COME ON. 334 00:11:20,957 --> 00:11:22,625 - YOU STOP EATING MY TWIXES, 335 00:11:22,658 --> 00:11:24,761 I'LL STOP READING STUFF YOU LEAVE LAYING AROUND. 336 00:11:24,795 --> 00:11:26,529 - DELIVERING A BABY-- YOU HAVEN'T DONE THAT YET? 337 00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:27,864 - WE DELIVERED A BABY LAST MONTH. 338 00:11:27,898 --> 00:11:29,699 HE WOULDN'T LET ME KEEP THE PLACENTA. 339 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,634 - YOU'VE ALREADY GOT AN UMBILICAL CORD. 340 00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,303 - NARCAN? - YEAH. 341 00:11:33,336 --> 00:11:35,071 THE THING WHERE YOU JAB A PERSON WITH IT, 342 00:11:35,105 --> 00:11:36,606 AND BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE, LIKE IN PULP FICTION. 343 00:11:36,639 --> 00:11:38,241 - I FORGOT IT WAS EVEN CALLED NARCAN. 344 00:11:38,274 --> 00:11:39,542 SEVEN YEARS ON THE JOB, I'VE ONLY SEEN, 345 00:11:39,575 --> 00:11:40,777 LIKE, TWO DEAD JUNKIES. 346 00:11:40,811 --> 00:11:42,245 - THE DAYS OF THE SKINNY-ASS, 347 00:11:42,278 --> 00:11:44,580 HEROIN-DOPE-SHOOTING JUNKIES ARE OVER. 348 00:11:44,614 --> 00:11:46,783 - YEAH, IT'S ALL METH HEADS AND CRACK HEADS NOW. 349 00:11:46,817 --> 00:11:48,618 AND WE SHOW UP AND THEY AIN'T EVEN DEAD. 350 00:11:48,651 --> 00:11:50,220 - AND THEY'RE USUALLY RANTING AND RAVING 351 00:11:50,253 --> 00:11:52,422 AND THROWING CRAZY JACKIE CHAN KARATE KICKS. 352 00:11:52,455 --> 00:11:54,891 - HAD THIS ONE GUY A COUPLE MONTHS AGO 353 00:11:54,925 --> 00:11:57,293 WAVING A MACHETE AROUND, SCREAMING ABOUT 354 00:11:57,327 --> 00:11:58,895 BEING OBAMA'S COUSIN. 355 00:11:58,929 --> 00:12:01,397 IT TURNS OUT HE ACTUALLY WAS. 356 00:12:01,431 --> 00:12:04,600 [phone chimes] 357 00:12:04,634 --> 00:12:07,971 - IT'S THERESA, AND SHE WANTS TO HOOK UP TONIGHT. 358 00:12:08,004 --> 00:12:09,940 - ALL RIGHT, NOW, DON'T SCREW THIS UP. 359 00:12:09,973 --> 00:12:11,842 - I GOT THIS, MAN. 360 00:12:11,875 --> 00:12:13,609 I'M A SEX MACHINE. 361 00:12:13,643 --> 00:12:14,978 - I'M A SEX MACHINE. - WHAT? 362 00:12:15,011 --> 00:12:17,680 - OR I THINK I MIGHT BE PART MACHINE, 363 00:12:17,713 --> 00:12:19,850 BECAUSE I LIKE SEX WITHOUT ANY EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT. 364 00:12:19,883 --> 00:12:21,484 - RIGHT? WHO DOESN'T? 365 00:12:21,517 --> 00:12:23,753 - YOU...LOVE TACO. 366 00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,456 - SHUT UP, DICK. 367 00:12:26,489 --> 00:12:29,960 [both panting] 368 00:12:29,993 --> 00:12:32,695 - A LOT OF EYE CONTACT THERE ON THAT ONE, BUDDY. 369 00:12:32,728 --> 00:12:33,930 - OH, SORRY. 370 00:12:33,964 --> 00:12:35,698 - IT'S OKAY. 371 00:12:35,731 --> 00:12:38,801 YOU WERE FOCUSED, AND IT PAID OFF. 372 00:12:38,835 --> 00:12:39,669 - I WAS... - MM-HMM. 373 00:12:39,702 --> 00:12:41,471 - WASN'T I? 374 00:12:41,504 --> 00:12:42,505 I THINK THAT MY FOCUS HAS IMPROVED 375 00:12:42,538 --> 00:12:43,673 SINCE I GOT INTO TENNIS. 376 00:12:43,706 --> 00:12:44,975 - YOU'RE PLAYING TENNIS? 377 00:12:45,008 --> 00:12:46,609 - NO, I WAS JUST WATCHING IT. 378 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:47,777 BUT IF YOU DON'T REALLY CONCENTRATE, 379 00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:48,879 IT GETS SUPER BORING. 380 00:12:48,912 --> 00:12:51,347 - [giggles] - YOU HUNGRY? 381 00:12:51,381 --> 00:12:53,616 - WHOA, HOLD ON THERE, BIG GUY. 382 00:12:53,649 --> 00:12:54,717 - WHAT? 383 00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:57,120 - WE AGREED, NO HANGING AROUND, 384 00:12:57,153 --> 00:13:00,623 NO FOOD, JUST SEX, REMEMBER? 385 00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:03,726 - RIGHT, RIGHT. 386 00:13:03,759 --> 00:13:05,128 HOW ABOUT A SANDWICH? 387 00:13:05,161 --> 00:13:08,631 - SORRY, THAT FALLS UNDER THE FOOD RULE. 388 00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,500 - YOU SAID, "NO DINNER." 389 00:13:10,533 --> 00:13:12,068 IF I'D KNOWN SANDWICHES WERE OFF THE TABLE, 390 00:13:12,102 --> 00:13:13,336 I MIGHT NOT HAVE AGREED TO THIS. 391 00:13:13,369 --> 00:13:14,670 - HEY, WE HAVE TO HAVE BOUNDARIES 392 00:13:14,704 --> 00:13:16,472 OR THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK. 393 00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:20,911 - IT JUST DID WORK, BABE. TWICE-ISH. 394 00:13:20,944 --> 00:13:22,312 AND A LOT OF WHAT I JUST DID, 395 00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:24,647 HONEY, FUELED BY SANDWICHES. 396 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,648 - OKAY. YOU GOTTA GO. 397 00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:26,983 - OH, WELL, OKAY. 398 00:13:27,017 --> 00:13:29,585 JUST, CAN I HAVE A WATER? 399 00:13:29,619 --> 00:13:30,887 - YEAH. 400 00:13:30,921 --> 00:13:33,623 I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN. 401 00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:50,873 - YOU FELT USED? 402 00:13:50,907 --> 00:13:52,342 - AH, A LITTLE BIT. 403 00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:53,910 YES. 404 00:13:53,944 --> 00:13:55,946 - BECAUSE SHE WOULDN'T GIVE YOU A SANDWICH? 405 00:13:55,979 --> 00:13:57,780 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 406 00:13:57,813 --> 00:13:59,582 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TIP YOUR HAT, 407 00:13:59,615 --> 00:14:01,451 THANK HER FOR THE SEX, AND GET YOUR OWN SANDWICH. 408 00:14:01,484 --> 00:14:03,253 IT'S CHICAGO, YOU CAN'T WALK FIVE FEET 409 00:14:03,286 --> 00:14:04,854 WITHOUT RUNNING INTO A GODDAMN SANDWICH. 410 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:06,589 - IT'S A VERY GOOD SANDWICH TOWN. 411 00:14:06,622 --> 00:14:09,325 - SHE TAPPED ME ON THE ASS. 412 00:14:12,562 --> 00:14:14,030 - I THINK A LOT OF GUYS WOULD LIKE 413 00:14:14,064 --> 00:14:16,099 TO HAVE THERESA TAP THEM ON THE ASS. 414 00:14:16,132 --> 00:14:19,035 NOT ME, JUST RANDOM GUYS. 415 00:14:19,069 --> 00:14:20,603 - I TAP GUYS ON THE ASS 416 00:14:20,636 --> 00:14:21,771 AS THEY LEAVE MY APARTMENT ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. 417 00:14:21,804 --> 00:14:23,206 IT'S A COMPLIMENT. 418 00:14:23,239 --> 00:14:25,141 - I FELT LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT. 419 00:14:25,175 --> 00:14:26,442 AND THEN I TEXTED HER THIS MORNING, 420 00:14:26,476 --> 00:14:27,877 TELLING HER I HAD A GREAT TIME, 421 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:29,079 AND SHE HASN'T TEXTED ME BACK YET. 422 00:14:29,112 --> 00:14:30,146 AND I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY. 423 00:14:30,180 --> 00:14:31,814 THAT'S A MATTER OF MANNERS. 424 00:14:31,847 --> 00:14:33,316 - OH, MY GOD. 425 00:14:33,349 --> 00:14:35,151 - CHICAGO NORTH 911, MAN UNCONSCIOUS 426 00:14:35,185 --> 00:14:36,619 AT CORNER OF NORTH KEDZIE AND DIVISION 427 00:14:36,652 --> 00:14:38,754 INSIDE HUMBOLDT PARK. 428 00:14:38,788 --> 00:14:40,056 - A HALF MILE AWAY. 429 00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:42,959 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 430 00:14:42,993 --> 00:14:47,964 [siren blaring] 431 00:14:49,966 --> 00:14:52,602 - [crying] 432 00:14:52,635 --> 00:14:54,570 - WHAT'S HE ON? WHAT'S HE ON, MISS? 433 00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:56,839 - HEROIN. - GREAT. 434 00:14:56,872 --> 00:14:58,808 - DON'T JUDGE US. - WOULDN'T DREAM OF IT. 435 00:14:58,841 --> 00:15:01,011 HELLO, SIR, WAKE UP. 436 00:15:01,044 --> 00:15:02,612 HE'S STILL GOT A PULSE. 437 00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:03,746 BRIAN, THIS IS YOU. 438 00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:05,281 - NARCAN NEEDLE? 439 00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:06,682 OH, MY GOD, IT'S HAPPENING. 440 00:15:06,716 --> 00:15:08,251 - HERE YOU GO, BRIAN. - COME ON, DO IT. 441 00:15:08,284 --> 00:15:09,752 - IT'S REALLY HAPPENING, SERIOUSLY? 442 00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,287 - YOU GOT THIS. - JUST SLAM IT RIGHT IN THERE. 443 00:15:11,321 --> 00:15:13,123 - NO, BUT IN MY CLASS, THEY SAID THAT I HAVE 444 00:15:13,156 --> 00:15:14,490 TO PUT THE NEEDLE IN SLOW, UNLESS THE VICTIM'S GONNA-- 445 00:15:14,524 --> 00:15:16,259 - PUKE? NO, YOU GOT A DEAD MAN HERE. 446 00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:17,660 NOT YET, I MEAN, THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. 447 00:15:17,693 --> 00:15:19,362 - LOOK, DO IT OR GIVE IT TO ME. 448 00:15:19,395 --> 00:15:20,596 - MY INSTRUCTOR SAID I HAVE TO PUT IT-- 449 00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:22,098 - THEY DON'T PUKE, BRIAN. 450 00:15:22,132 --> 00:15:23,266 THEY WAKE UP AND THROW CRAZY JUNKIE PUNCHES. 451 00:15:23,299 --> 00:15:24,934 NOW, JAM IT IN AND THEN DUCK. 452 00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,536 GO, GO. 453 00:15:26,569 --> 00:15:27,503 - LET'S GO. JUST STICK IT IN THERE. 454 00:15:27,537 --> 00:15:29,672 - AAH! 455 00:15:30,873 --> 00:15:32,975 - ONE MISSISSIPPI. 456 00:15:33,009 --> 00:15:35,778 TWO MISSISSIPPI. 457 00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:37,713 - [gasps] 458 00:15:37,747 --> 00:15:38,848 - OH, BABY! 459 00:15:38,881 --> 00:15:40,283 - IT WORKED. 460 00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:42,052 - YOU'RE A HERO, BRIAN. - ARE YOU OKAY? 461 00:15:42,085 --> 00:15:44,887 - YOU RUINED MY HIGH, MAN. 462 00:15:46,589 --> 00:15:47,657 [vomits] 463 00:15:47,690 --> 00:15:51,161 - OH. 464 00:15:51,194 --> 00:15:52,862 - LET'S TAKE A PICTURE. 465 00:15:52,895 --> 00:15:54,197 - MISS, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING A PICTURE 466 00:15:54,230 --> 00:15:55,165 OF THE THREE OF US? - UH, OKAY. 467 00:15:55,198 --> 00:15:56,866 - BRIAN, HAND HER YOUR PHONE. 468 00:15:56,899 --> 00:15:57,967 - WE'LL CHECK YOUR VITALS AND EVERYTHING 469 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,402 IN ONE SECOND, SIR. 470 00:15:59,435 --> 00:16:00,636 IT'S ON HIS BUCKET LIST. - THANK YOU SO MUCH. 471 00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:02,004 - SURE, YEAH, UH, OKAY. 472 00:16:02,038 --> 00:16:03,739 I DON'T-- OKAY. 473 00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:04,840 - [laughs] - NICE. GOOD JOB. 474 00:16:04,874 --> 00:16:06,042 - I DON'T-- 475 00:16:06,076 --> 00:16:07,810 - OH, YOU HAVE TO-- 476 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:08,878 - HONEY, THEY CHANGED IT. 477 00:16:08,911 --> 00:16:09,812 IT'S RIGHT HERE NOW. 478 00:16:09,845 --> 00:16:11,514 - OH, RIGHT. OKAY. 479 00:16:11,547 --> 00:16:13,049 - SEE. THE KEY IS I SAY IT TO HER 480 00:16:13,083 --> 00:16:14,917 IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T DIMINISH HER. 481 00:16:14,950 --> 00:16:16,018 - SURE. - OKAY, OKAY. 482 00:16:16,052 --> 00:16:17,753 [overlapping chatter] 483 00:16:17,787 --> 00:16:20,022 ONE, TWO, THREE. 484 00:16:24,927 --> 00:16:27,830 - DAMN, THOSE SOME FAST JUNKIES. 485 00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:29,332 GUESS YOU GOT TO BE MORE CAREFUL WHAT 486 00:16:29,365 --> 00:16:30,700 YOU WISH FOR, HUH, BRIAN? - YOU KIDDING ME? 487 00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:32,335 I'M GONNA HAVE THIS MEMORY FOREVER. 488 00:16:32,368 --> 00:16:34,170 - YEAH, BUT YOU AIN'T GONNA HAVE THAT PICTURE. 489 00:16:34,204 --> 00:16:37,773 - IT'S ALL BACKED UP RIGHT HERE. 490 00:16:37,807 --> 00:16:39,575 - I DON'T GET IT. 491 00:16:39,609 --> 00:16:42,412 THERESA AND I ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO STAY TOGETHER. 492 00:16:42,445 --> 00:16:43,713 WE FIGHT, WE BREAK UP, WE COME UP 493 00:16:43,746 --> 00:16:45,348 WITH THESE CRAZY SEX PLANS. 494 00:16:45,381 --> 00:16:47,850 AND LOOK AT THESE TWO, THEY CAN'T EVEN 495 00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:49,119 STAY ALIVE WITHOUT US, BUT SOMEHOW 496 00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:50,886 THEY CAN MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK. 497 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,122 LOOK AT THEM, THEY'RE RUNNING AWAY HOLDING HANDS. 498 00:16:52,155 --> 00:16:53,923 - AW. 499 00:16:53,956 --> 00:16:55,558 - WHAT DO THEY HAVE THAT ME AND THERESA DON'T? 500 00:16:55,591 --> 00:16:57,026 - WELL, THEY DO SHARE A HOBBY. 501 00:16:57,059 --> 00:17:00,096 - MM. - [laughs] 502 00:17:05,135 --> 00:17:07,203 - SO THEN HE GOT-- 503 00:17:07,237 --> 00:17:08,638 SO THE NEEDLE'S IN, 504 00:17:08,671 --> 00:17:11,107 AND THEN HE JUST THROWS UP ALL OVER ME. 505 00:17:11,141 --> 00:17:14,076 [laughter] 506 00:17:14,110 --> 00:17:15,645 [phone chimes] 507 00:17:15,678 --> 00:17:16,879 - SEX ALERT. 508 00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:19,915 - YEAH, BUT I'M NOT IN THE MOOD, 509 00:17:19,949 --> 00:17:21,784 SO I'M JUST GONNA IGNORE THAT. 510 00:17:21,817 --> 00:17:24,287 - WHAT KIND OF REACTION IS THAT TO A SEX ALERT 511 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,088 FROM A PRETTY GIRL, WHOSE JOB 512 00:17:26,122 --> 00:17:28,924 REQUIRES HER TO HAVE HANDCUFFS? 513 00:17:28,958 --> 00:17:31,627 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, LOVE TACO? 514 00:17:31,661 --> 00:17:33,095 - YOU KNOW WHAT, JOHNNY, EVERYBODY'S 515 00:17:33,129 --> 00:17:34,997 GIVING YOU THE BUSINESS ABOUT BEING PART GIRL, 516 00:17:35,030 --> 00:17:36,566 BUT YOU'RE NOT. - THANK YOU. 517 00:17:36,599 --> 00:17:37,900 - BECAUSE IF YOU WERE, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT 518 00:17:37,933 --> 00:17:39,101 THERESA'S TEXTING YOU RIGHT NOW 519 00:17:39,135 --> 00:17:40,803 BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE WITH YOU. 520 00:17:40,836 --> 00:17:42,238 I'M PART GIRL, AND I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 521 00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:44,174 THERESA WANTS TO GET BONED BAD. 522 00:17:44,207 --> 00:17:47,076 GO BONE HER. 523 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,245 - LISTEN TO HER. 524 00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:50,913 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 525 00:17:50,946 --> 00:17:52,615 YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT. 526 00:17:52,648 --> 00:17:53,916 I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE, RIGHT NOW. 527 00:17:53,949 --> 00:17:55,318 - BRING HER SOME FLOWERS. 528 00:17:55,351 --> 00:17:58,221 - AND, HERE, DRINK THIS. - OKAY. 529 00:18:03,893 --> 00:18:05,361 - BRAIN FREEZE. - PERFECT. 530 00:18:05,395 --> 00:18:06,696 YOU THINK TOO MUCH. - OKAY. 531 00:18:06,729 --> 00:18:08,698 - GO. - HE AIN'T GONNA MAKE IT. 532 00:18:08,731 --> 00:18:10,566 - NO. 533 00:18:13,736 --> 00:18:15,805 [knock at door] 534 00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:18,841 [rock music] 535 00:18:18,874 --> 00:18:26,882 * 536 00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:35,157 - * BABY, HERE COMES MY SIGNAL * 537 00:18:35,191 --> 00:18:40,029 * RINGING LOUD AND CLEAR 538 00:18:40,062 --> 00:18:43,366 * SHOUTING LIKE A BELTONE 539 00:18:43,399 --> 00:18:48,170 * IN THE ATMOSPHERE 540 00:18:48,204 --> 00:18:50,373 * THE RIVER IS RISING 541 00:18:50,406 --> 00:18:53,175 * I CAN'T HOLD BACK MUCH LONGER * 542 00:18:53,209 --> 00:18:54,910 * I'LL BE RIGHT OVER, DARLING * 543 00:18:54,944 --> 00:18:58,748 * OH, CAN'T YOU PICK UP MY SIGNAL * 544 00:18:58,781 --> 00:19:02,918 * OH, COMING ON STRONG 545 00:19:02,952 --> 00:19:06,889 * OH, THERE CAN BE NO DENYING * 546 00:19:06,922 --> 00:19:10,860 * OH, THIS FEELING IN MY SOUL * 547 00:19:10,893 --> 00:19:14,697 * OH, I'M ROARING LIKE A LION ON THE INSIDE * 548 00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:19,269 * BABY, WON'T YOU OPEN UP YOUR DOOR * 549 00:19:19,302 --> 00:19:22,204 * THE RIVER IS RISING 550 00:19:22,238 --> 00:19:25,040 * I CAN'T HOLD BACK MUCH LONGER * 551 00:19:25,074 --> 00:19:27,176 - YO! 552 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,345 - HOLY SHIT. 553 00:19:29,379 --> 00:19:32,047 - 25 MINUTES. - WHAT'D I TELL YOU, HUH? 554 00:19:32,081 --> 00:19:34,016 WAS THERE GOOD BONING? - OH, THERE WAS. 555 00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,084 - OH, YEAH! - WERE THERE HANDCUFFS? 556 00:19:35,117 --> 00:19:36,919 - THERE WERE. 557 00:19:36,952 --> 00:19:38,087 AND MY DAIQUIRI'S STILL FROZEN. 558 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:40,690 [laughter] 559 00:19:40,723 --> 00:19:41,924 - REST IN PEACE, LOVE TACO. 560 00:19:41,957 --> 00:19:43,393 [laughter] 561 00:19:45,295 --> 00:19:46,896 - [laughing] 562 00:19:46,929 --> 00:19:47,897 - BUT ONLY IF IT'S REALLY HOT. 563 00:19:47,930 --> 00:19:48,898 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 564 00:19:48,931 --> 00:19:49,799 - JUST, IN THE WHOLE THING. 565 00:19:49,832 --> 00:19:50,900 JUST-- [laughs] 566 00:19:50,933 --> 00:19:52,201 - MANY LAYERS. 567 00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:53,135 - COME ON, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED. 568 00:19:53,168 --> 00:19:54,870 - OH, I FEEL AMAZING. 569 00:19:54,904 --> 00:19:56,306 I'M GONNA START BOXING. 570 00:19:56,339 --> 00:19:57,907 DID I TELL YOU I USED TO BOX? 571 00:19:57,940 --> 00:19:59,141 - NO. - 'CAUSE I DIDN'T. 572 00:19:59,174 --> 00:20:00,810 - [laughs] 573 00:20:00,843 --> 00:20:01,977 - BUT I'M GONNA START NOW. 574 00:20:02,011 --> 00:20:03,613 [both chuckle] 575 00:20:03,646 --> 00:20:07,216 I'M GONNA KICKBOX. WHAA-WHOO-WHAA. 576 00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,818 - HEY, EASY, EASY, MY DASHBOARD. 577 00:20:08,851 --> 00:20:10,119 MY DASHBOARD. - SORRY. OKAY. 578 00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:12,988 THANKS FOR THE RIDE. - SEE YOU, MAN. 579 00:20:13,022 --> 00:20:15,291 - OH, I FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS. 580 00:20:15,325 --> 00:20:16,892 WHOO! 581 00:20:16,926 --> 00:20:19,762 - [howls] - [chuckles] 582 00:20:19,795 --> 00:20:21,063 AHH. 583 00:20:21,096 --> 00:20:23,098 OH, GIVE ME SOME. 584 00:20:23,132 --> 00:20:24,400 NEW DAY, NEW MAN. 585 00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:26,936 I FEEL LIKE A VIKING. 586 00:20:26,969 --> 00:20:28,304 - [laughs] 587 00:20:28,338 --> 00:20:29,905 - I'MA FEEL LIKE A VIKING. 588 00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:32,408 I'MA FEEL LIKE A VIKING. I'MA FEEL LIKE A VIKING. 589 00:20:32,442 --> 00:20:35,311 OH, WAIT. I FORGOT TO ASK YOU. 590 00:20:35,345 --> 00:20:36,846 DO YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT SHE HASN'T 591 00:20:36,879 --> 00:20:38,280 CALLED OR TEXTED OR ANYTHING? 592 00:20:38,314 --> 00:20:41,083 I MEAN, IT'S BEEN, LIKE, THREE HOURS. 593 00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:42,518 - GIVE ME THE PHONE. - WHAT? 594 00:20:42,552 --> 00:20:43,986 - GIVE ME THE DAMN PHONE. - NO. 595 00:20:44,019 --> 00:20:45,588 - GIVE ME THE GODDAMN PHONE, JOHN, 596 00:20:45,621 --> 00:20:47,156 BEFORE YOU RUIN ALL THE PROGRESS YOU MADE TONIGHT. 597 00:20:47,189 --> 00:20:48,658 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 598 00:20:48,691 --> 00:20:50,025 - DON'T BE STUPID. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 599 00:20:50,059 --> 00:20:51,361 - GIVE ME YOUR PHONE, JOHN. - NO, NO. 600 00:20:51,394 --> 00:20:53,195 GET AWAY. - YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT PHONE. 601 00:20:53,228 --> 00:20:54,864 YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT PHONE! - GET AWAY FROM ME. 602 00:20:54,897 --> 00:20:56,766 - [laughs] DON'T BE STUPID. 603 00:20:56,799 --> 00:20:59,435 - [speaking gibberish] 604 00:20:59,469 --> 00:21:02,304 - [laughs] GIVE ME THE PHONE. 605 00:21:02,338 --> 00:21:07,777 - [grunting] 606 00:21:07,810 --> 00:21:10,846 - HEY! 607 00:21:12,081 --> 00:21:15,385 [phone chimes] 608 00:21:15,418 --> 00:21:18,388 - YOU THINK THAT WAS HER? 609 00:21:18,421 --> 00:21:21,657 THAT WAS TOTALLY HER.