1 00:00:02,045 --> 00:00:03,747 [siren blaring] 2 00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:04,615 - I NEED YOU TO MOVE, JOHN. WE'RE LOSING HIM. 3 00:00:04,648 --> 00:00:05,582 - SH--. TWO MINUTES AWAY. 4 00:00:05,616 --> 00:00:07,251 - ALMOST NO PULSE. 5 00:00:07,284 --> 00:00:08,752 - COME ON, SIR. COME ON, COME ON, COME ON. 6 00:00:08,785 --> 00:00:10,387 HEY, I THINK HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING. 7 00:00:10,421 --> 00:00:11,355 HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING. - HE'S IN V-FIB. 8 00:00:11,388 --> 00:00:13,590 WE GOTTA SHOCK HIM. 9 00:00:13,624 --> 00:00:15,025 - I-I LOVE-- - HE'S TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING. 10 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:16,427 WHAT IS IT, SIR? COME ON, SIR. 11 00:00:16,460 --> 00:00:17,394 - GET READY TO CLEAR, BRI. - WHAT IS IT? 12 00:00:17,428 --> 00:00:19,530 - TA CAFFERIN... 13 00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:21,532 - BRI? 14 00:00:21,565 --> 00:00:24,135 - [mumbling] I LOVE HER. 15 00:00:24,168 --> 00:00:25,302 - CLEAR. 16 00:00:25,336 --> 00:00:29,406 [flatlining] 17 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:31,308 CLEAR. 18 00:00:31,342 --> 00:00:32,476 [flatlining] 19 00:00:32,509 --> 00:00:34,245 CLEAR. 20 00:00:34,278 --> 00:00:37,414 - SH--. 21 00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:38,949 HE CLEARLY SAID, "TELL CATHERINE I LOVE HER." 22 00:00:38,982 --> 00:00:40,284 - I HEARD, "CATHETER'S BROKEN." 23 00:00:40,317 --> 00:00:41,885 - CATHETER? YOU WERE TOO FAR AWAY. 24 00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:43,120 - I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. - WHAT'D YOU HEAR? 25 00:00:43,154 --> 00:00:44,155 - "THE CATHOLIC POKER." 26 00:00:44,188 --> 00:00:45,622 - WHAT THE HECK WOULD THAT MEAN? 27 00:00:45,656 --> 00:00:47,090 - MAYBE SOME PRIEST HAD A HARD-ON FOR HIM. 28 00:00:47,124 --> 00:00:48,825 PEOPLE SAY STRANGE SH-- WHEN THEY KICK, BRIAN. 29 00:00:48,859 --> 00:00:50,494 WE HAD A GIANT BROTHER GO ON US FOUR MONTHS AGO. 30 00:00:50,527 --> 00:00:52,463 SAME DEAL, HEART ATTACK, 52, 31 00:00:52,496 --> 00:00:53,964 BUILT LIKE A BRICK SH--HOUSE, 32 00:00:53,997 --> 00:00:56,767 EX-HEAVYWEIGHT BOXER, NECK THE SIZE OF AN SUV. 33 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:57,568 - HE CALLS ME CLOSE, I LEAN IN. 34 00:00:57,601 --> 00:00:59,170 YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS? 35 00:00:59,203 --> 00:01:00,404 "HANNAH MONTANA." 36 00:01:00,437 --> 00:01:01,738 - HAD AN OLD LADY LAST SUMMER. 37 00:01:01,772 --> 00:01:03,907 96-YEAR-OLD GREAT GRANDMOTHER, 38 00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:06,310 WHITE, JEWISH, SURVIVED AUSCHWITZ. 39 00:01:06,343 --> 00:01:07,311 YOU KNOW WHAT HER LAST WORDS WERE? 40 00:01:07,344 --> 00:01:08,845 "SALSA." 41 00:01:08,879 --> 00:01:10,781 - I HOPE MY DYING WORDS ARE HAPPY. 42 00:01:10,814 --> 00:01:12,416 - I HOPE MY DYING WORDS ARE "THAT WAS THE BEST 43 00:01:12,449 --> 00:01:13,650 "BLOW JOB EVER. 44 00:01:13,684 --> 00:01:15,085 THANK YOU, NEIL PATRICK HARRIS." 45 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,653 - HE WAS WEARING A WEDDING RING. 46 00:01:16,687 --> 00:01:18,322 I OWE IT TO HIS WIFE TO TELL HER THAT 47 00:01:18,355 --> 00:01:20,123 HIS DYING BREATH, THE LAST WORDS 48 00:01:20,157 --> 00:01:21,458 HE EVER SPOKE ON PLANET EARTH, 49 00:01:21,492 --> 00:01:23,860 INVOLVED HIS ETERNAL LOVE FOR HER. 50 00:01:23,894 --> 00:01:25,429 - BRIAN, WE HAVEN'T EVEN ESTABLISHED 51 00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:27,198 THAT HE SAID THE WORD "CATHERINE." 52 00:01:27,231 --> 00:01:28,599 AND EVEN IF HE DID, HE COULD BE TALKING ABOUT 53 00:01:28,632 --> 00:01:30,434 HIS CAMARO OR HIS DICK. 54 00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:31,935 - WHO NAMES THEIR DICK CATHERINE? 55 00:01:31,968 --> 00:01:33,537 - A GUY WHO DRIVES A CAMARO. - OKAY. 56 00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,339 - I'M SORRY, MRS. HARRIS, 57 00:01:35,372 --> 00:01:37,508 BUT WE DID ALL THAT WE COULD DO. 58 00:01:37,541 --> 00:01:39,776 - OH. [crying] 59 00:01:39,810 --> 00:01:41,378 - HARRIS? THAT'S HER. 60 00:01:41,412 --> 00:01:42,779 THAT'S CATHERINE, THE GUY'S WIFE. 61 00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:44,181 - BRIAN, DO NOT GET INVOLVED. 62 00:01:44,215 --> 00:01:45,349 - BRIAN, SOMETIMES WE SAVE LIVES. 63 00:01:45,382 --> 00:01:46,650 SOMETIMES WE CAN'T. 64 00:01:46,683 --> 00:01:48,151 BUT WE DO NOT CROSS THE LINE 65 00:01:48,185 --> 00:01:49,720 WHEN IT COMES TO A FAMILY IN THEIR GRIEF. 66 00:01:49,753 --> 00:01:53,156 - HE LOVED HER. I OWE IT TO HIM. 67 00:01:53,190 --> 00:01:55,992 IT IS MY MORAL OBLIGATION. 68 00:02:00,364 --> 00:02:04,735 I-I WORKED ON TRYING TO SAVE MR. HARRIS. 69 00:02:04,768 --> 00:02:08,372 AND HE HAD SOME IMPORTANT 70 00:02:08,405 --> 00:02:10,407 PARTING WORDS FOR HIS WIFE. 71 00:02:10,441 --> 00:02:12,142 - OH, MY GOD. - YES. 72 00:02:12,175 --> 00:02:15,479 IT WAS VERY TOUCHING. 73 00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:17,781 HE SAID, "TELL C-- 74 00:02:19,283 --> 00:02:24,955 AGNES I SAID HI." 75 00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:29,192 - CAHAGNES? 76 00:02:29,226 --> 00:02:31,595 - HE HAD SOME TRACHEAL BLOCKAGE. 77 00:02:31,628 --> 00:02:33,029 - IT'S, LIKE, A THROAT THING. 78 00:02:33,063 --> 00:02:34,398 [coughs] CAHAGNES. IT'S VERY COMMON. 79 00:02:34,431 --> 00:02:35,666 - OH. 80 00:02:35,699 --> 00:02:38,335 WELL, WHY WOULD HE JUST SAY HI? 81 00:02:38,369 --> 00:02:40,070 - MA'AM, DID YOUR-- DID YOUR HUSBAND-- 82 00:02:40,103 --> 00:02:42,873 DID HE DRIVE A CAMARO? 83 00:02:42,906 --> 00:02:44,541 - I'M SORRY, MA'AM, HE'S NEW. 84 00:02:44,575 --> 00:02:45,842 WHAT YOUR HUSBAND SAID WAS, 85 00:02:45,876 --> 00:02:47,110 "TELL AGNES THAT I LOVE HER." 86 00:02:47,143 --> 00:02:48,445 - "SHE MADE LIFE WORTH LIVING." 87 00:02:48,479 --> 00:02:50,213 - AND THEN HE SMILED. - PASSED ON. 88 00:02:50,247 --> 00:02:52,349 - OH, MY GOD. 89 00:02:52,383 --> 00:02:54,217 THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 90 00:02:54,251 --> 00:02:56,620 - YES, IT WAS. 91 00:02:56,653 --> 00:02:59,456 - WE'RE SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. 92 00:03:01,625 --> 00:03:04,561 - WE GOT TO GO. 93 00:03:04,595 --> 00:03:07,264 [funky music] 94 00:03:07,298 --> 00:03:10,534 * 95 00:03:10,567 --> 00:03:12,035 - I DON'T TELL LIES. 96 00:03:12,068 --> 00:03:13,637 I LIVE MY LIFE ACCORDING TO A MORAL COMPASS. 97 00:03:13,670 --> 00:03:15,105 DON'T YOU GUYS? 98 00:03:15,138 --> 00:03:16,273 - NO, I DON'T HAVE A MORAL COMPASS. 99 00:03:16,307 --> 00:03:17,741 I GOT A MORAL GPS, OKAY? 100 00:03:17,774 --> 00:03:19,142 IT OFFERS UP THREE ROUTES 101 00:03:19,175 --> 00:03:20,611 IN ALMOST ANY GIVEN SITUATION: 102 00:03:20,644 --> 00:03:22,379 A WHITE LIE, AN OFF-WHITE LIE, 103 00:03:22,413 --> 00:03:25,215 AND THE LONG, LONELY ROUTE OF TRUTH AND HONESTY 104 00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,650 THAT SKIPS ALL TOLL ROADS 105 00:03:26,683 --> 00:03:28,251 AND USUALLY ENDS IN COMPLETE DISASTER, 106 00:03:28,285 --> 00:03:30,086 WHICH IS WHY I RARELY TAKE IT. 107 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,422 - MY PENIS IS MY COMPASS. - AND IT ONLY POINTS 108 00:03:31,455 --> 00:03:33,089 IN ONE DIRECTION: THERESA. 109 00:03:33,123 --> 00:03:35,091 - YOU JUST MADE MY COMPASS SEEM A LOT LESS COOL. 110 00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:36,927 - I THINK WE SHOULD LOCATE THIS CATHERINE LADY. 111 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,562 - MY DICK SAYS WE SHOULD LOCATE LUNCH. 112 00:03:38,595 --> 00:03:40,397 - SHE WAS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE, JOHNNY. 113 00:03:40,431 --> 00:03:42,433 - NO, HIS WIFE WAS. WE JUST TOLD HER SO. 114 00:03:42,466 --> 00:03:43,634 - WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, LOOK UP 115 00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:45,135 EVERY CATHERINE IN CHICAGO? BESIDES, 116 00:03:45,168 --> 00:03:46,470 IS CATHERINE WITH A "C"? KATHERINE WITH A "K"? 117 00:03:46,503 --> 00:03:47,838 - AND YOU KNOW THERE'S A BLACK GIRL 118 00:03:47,871 --> 00:03:48,772 OUT THERE SPELLING IT WITH A "Q". 119 00:03:48,805 --> 00:03:49,606 - OH, WE DO LOVE OUR Qs, 120 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:50,741 EXCEPT FOR KWANZAA. 121 00:03:50,774 --> 00:03:52,175 I DON'T KNOW HOW THE HELL 122 00:03:52,208 --> 00:03:53,444 WE DROPPED THE BALL ON THAT ONE. 123 00:03:53,477 --> 00:03:56,179 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. [shushes] 124 00:03:56,212 --> 00:03:57,448 I GUESS WE'RE GETTING MEXICAN. 125 00:03:57,481 --> 00:04:00,751 - [laughs] 126 00:04:00,784 --> 00:04:01,952 KNOW WHAT'S EVEN MORE DISTURBING 127 00:04:01,985 --> 00:04:03,687 THAN BRIAN'S MORAL COMPASS? 128 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:04,855 - THAT JOHNNY'S PENIS KNOWS WHERE TO GET 129 00:04:04,888 --> 00:04:06,757 THE BEST CARNITAS IN TOWN? 130 00:04:06,790 --> 00:04:08,592 THESE ARE AMAZING. - MM-HMM. 131 00:04:08,625 --> 00:04:10,527 - THANK YOU, GOOD SIR. 132 00:04:10,561 --> 00:04:12,929 - AND NOW YOU'RE MAKING HIM FEEL VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. 133 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:14,297 - OH, NO, NO, NO. THE FACT THAT 134 00:04:14,331 --> 00:04:15,766 A DEAD RINGER, JOHNNY-- AND I DO MEAN DEAD-- 135 00:04:15,799 --> 00:04:17,133 FOR YOUR FATHER PASSED AWAY IN THE RIG, 136 00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:18,869 AND YOU SEEM COMPLETELY UNAFFECTED BY IT. 137 00:04:18,902 --> 00:04:20,437 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 138 00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:21,972 - BIG STRONG IRISH GUY. 139 00:04:22,005 --> 00:04:26,009 65 YEARS OLD. 140 00:04:26,042 --> 00:04:28,512 - WAIT. - WHITE HAIR, BLUE EYES. 141 00:04:28,545 --> 00:04:30,647 - OH, MY GOD. 142 00:04:30,681 --> 00:04:33,283 - EVEN HAD THE SAME COLOGNE-- OLD SPICE. 143 00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:36,252 - IT'S A MASCULINE SCENT. 144 00:04:37,821 --> 00:04:39,890 - HOLY SH--. THAT'S AWESOME. 145 00:04:39,923 --> 00:04:41,492 - WHY IS IT AWESOME? 146 00:04:41,525 --> 00:04:43,727 - UM, MY DAD LEFT MY MOM 147 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,463 FOR A STRIPPER NAMED COCO WHEN I WAS 13. 148 00:04:46,497 --> 00:04:47,898 THE FACT THAT HIS DOPPELGANGER 149 00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:49,366 BIT THE DUST RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME 150 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,067 AND I DIDN'T EVEN FLINCH, THAT MEANS 151 00:04:51,101 --> 00:04:52,503 IT'S LIKE HE'S COMPLETELY OUT OF MY SYSTEM. 152 00:04:52,536 --> 00:04:54,538 THE GUY LOOKED AND SMELLED 153 00:04:54,571 --> 00:04:56,339 AND EVEN DRESSED JUST LIKE MY OLD MAN, 154 00:04:56,373 --> 00:04:57,874 AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE. 155 00:04:57,908 --> 00:04:59,376 IT'S LIKE THE GUY DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. 156 00:04:59,410 --> 00:05:00,744 [giggles] GO HIGH, BRO. 157 00:05:00,777 --> 00:05:01,812 - WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED 158 00:05:01,845 --> 00:05:02,879 TO YOUR FATHER, JOHN? 159 00:05:02,913 --> 00:05:04,180 - UH, I DON'T REMEMBER. 160 00:05:04,214 --> 00:05:06,349 - SEVEN YEARS, JOHN. I KEPT TRACK. 161 00:05:06,383 --> 00:05:07,984 - SEVEN YEARS. - MM-HMM. 162 00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:09,653 - WOW. GIVE ME SOME, BRIAN. 163 00:05:09,686 --> 00:05:11,855 - THIS IS RIDICULOUS, JOHNNY. - WHAT? 164 00:05:11,888 --> 00:05:13,990 - IF THAT HAD BEEN YOUR DAD WHO DROPPED DEAD TODAY, 165 00:05:14,024 --> 00:05:15,692 YOU WOULD HAVE MILES AND MILES 166 00:05:15,726 --> 00:05:17,528 OF UNRESOLVED ISSUES WITH IT. - N-- 167 00:05:17,561 --> 00:05:19,062 - AND THEY WOULD HAUNT YOU-- AND ME, 168 00:05:19,095 --> 00:05:20,764 AS THE GUY WHO'S GOT TO LISTEN TO YOU BITCH-- 169 00:05:20,797 --> 00:05:22,098 FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. - I DON'T THINK SO. 170 00:05:22,132 --> 00:05:23,734 - THIS IS SAD. THIS IS REALLY SAD. 171 00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:26,236 IT'S LIKE A DEPRESSING GUS VAN SANT MOVIE 172 00:05:26,269 --> 00:05:29,673 WHEN IT COULD BE A ROB LOWE HALLMARK SPECIAL. 173 00:05:29,706 --> 00:05:32,342 - ROB LOWE? 174 00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:38,048 - YOU GUYS NEVER SAW THE CHRISTMAS SHOES? 175 00:05:38,081 --> 00:05:40,684 OH, MY GOD. IT'S SO GOOD. 176 00:05:40,717 --> 00:05:43,887 SOMETIMES, I EVEN WATCH IT IN THE SUMMER. 177 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,622 - YOU NEED TO CALM HIM, JOHN. 178 00:05:45,656 --> 00:05:46,623 - I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACH HIM. 179 00:05:46,657 --> 00:05:47,858 - I'M SURE YOUR MOTHER DOES. 180 00:05:47,891 --> 00:05:49,460 - HOW CAN YOU HATE YOUR OWN FATHER? 181 00:05:49,493 --> 00:05:50,961 - I DON'T HATE HIM. I DON'T LOVE HIM. 182 00:05:50,994 --> 00:05:53,630 I HAVE NO FEELINGS FOR HIM WHATSOEVER. 183 00:05:53,664 --> 00:05:54,965 - BULLSH--. YOU TOOK ALL YOUR ANGER 184 00:05:54,998 --> 00:05:56,032 AND RESENTMENT FOR HIM, AND YOU TURN 'EM 185 00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:57,801 INTO A MESS OF COMMITMENT PROBLEMS 186 00:05:57,834 --> 00:05:59,536 THAT IS SCREWING UP YOUR DEAL WITH THERESA. 187 00:05:59,570 --> 00:06:01,572 - STOP. - THE COMPASS IN YOUR CROTCH 188 00:06:01,605 --> 00:06:02,773 KNOWS SHE'S THE HOTTEST CHICK YOU'LL EVER BE WITH, 189 00:06:02,806 --> 00:06:04,407 BUT YOUR FEARS ABOUT YOUR FATHER 190 00:06:04,441 --> 00:06:07,043 HAVE INFECTED YOUR THICK IRISH BRAIN. 191 00:06:07,077 --> 00:06:08,779 FIRST TIME IN THE HISTORY OF CIVILIZATION 192 00:06:08,812 --> 00:06:11,147 A MAN'S COCK IS ACTUALLY SMARTER THAN HE IS. 193 00:06:11,181 --> 00:06:14,417 LOOK UP YOUR DAD, AND FACE HOW YOU FEEL. 194 00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:15,318 - YOU KNOW WHAT, HANK? YOU'RE RIGHT. 195 00:06:15,351 --> 00:06:16,487 YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 196 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,054 I SHOULD LOOK HIM UP, 197 00:06:18,088 --> 00:06:20,256 TO THANK HIM. 198 00:06:20,290 --> 00:06:24,928 BECAUSE HIM ABANDONING MY MOM AND I FOR COCO, 199 00:06:24,961 --> 00:06:26,730 BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US. 200 00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:30,400 WE BONDED, LIKE TWO PEAS IN A POD. 201 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:31,768 I MEAN, SURE THERE WAS SOME DOWNSIDES, 202 00:06:31,802 --> 00:06:33,470 LIKE I WAS NEVER ALLOWED 203 00:06:33,504 --> 00:06:37,340 TO HAVE COCOA PUFFS IN THE HOUSE. 204 00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:40,143 BUT THAT WAS MORE THAN MADE UP FOR 205 00:06:40,176 --> 00:06:43,013 BY HER TEACHING ME HOW TO SHAVE, 206 00:06:43,046 --> 00:06:45,749 AND HOW TO DRIVE, 207 00:06:45,782 --> 00:06:46,850 AND HOW TO HIT A CURVEBALL. 208 00:06:46,883 --> 00:06:49,352 I MEAN, WE WERE ALWAYS TOGETHER. 209 00:06:49,385 --> 00:06:50,621 DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE YOUR MOM 210 00:06:50,654 --> 00:06:51,688 TAKE YOU TO A BULLS GAME? 211 00:06:51,722 --> 00:06:54,157 NO, YOU DON'T. 212 00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:56,627 I BET YOU NEVER WENT TO A BEARS GAME 213 00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:59,596 WITH YOUR MOM, AND HAD HER MAKE YOU WEAR MITTENS... 214 00:06:59,630 --> 00:07:01,865 [knocks] 215 00:07:01,898 --> 00:07:05,602 WHEN YOU'RE 14. 216 00:07:05,636 --> 00:07:07,203 I BET YOU NEVER SAT WITH YOUR MOM 217 00:07:07,237 --> 00:07:09,673 AT A BLACKHAWKS GAME, AND SAW SOME FRIENDS 218 00:07:09,706 --> 00:07:12,342 FROM SCHOOL WATCHING WHILE SHE TOOK HER SALIVA 219 00:07:12,375 --> 00:07:14,645 AND SLICKED BACK YOUR HAIR. 220 00:07:14,678 --> 00:07:16,379 ONLY YOU CAN'T TELL HER TO STOP, 221 00:07:16,412 --> 00:07:17,614 'CAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID IF YOU HURT HER FEELINGS, 222 00:07:17,648 --> 00:07:18,782 SHE'S GONNA ABANDON YOU TOO. 223 00:07:18,815 --> 00:07:20,651 SH--. MY COCK IS SMARTER THAN I AM. 224 00:07:20,684 --> 00:07:23,787 AND I GOTTA DEAL WITH FINDING MY GODDAMN DAD. 225 00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:26,857 MOTHER-- [growls] 226 00:07:31,595 --> 00:07:32,896 - I'M TELLIN' YA, THIS IS ALL COVERED 227 00:07:32,929 --> 00:07:34,865 IN THE CHRISTMAS SHOES. 228 00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:40,704 [doorbell buzzes] 229 00:07:40,737 --> 00:07:42,673 - WHO IS IT? 230 00:07:42,706 --> 00:07:44,507 - T? - HEY. 231 00:07:44,541 --> 00:07:46,176 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 232 00:07:46,209 --> 00:07:47,911 - PICKING YOUR MOM UP FOR YOGA. 233 00:07:47,944 --> 00:07:50,480 - MY MOM DOES YOGA? 234 00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:52,649 - YEAH. 235 00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:56,553 - UM, IS SHE WEARING YOGA PANTS? 236 00:07:56,587 --> 00:07:59,355 - NO, SHE'S NAKED. 237 00:07:59,389 --> 00:08:01,992 - I DON'T WANNA SEE MY MOM'S ASS IN YOGA PANTS, 238 00:08:02,025 --> 00:08:02,926 SO MAKE SURE SHE'S SITTING DOWN 239 00:08:02,959 --> 00:08:04,494 WHEN I GET UP THERE. 240 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,029 - I'M A SEXUAL BEING, JOHNNY. 241 00:08:06,062 --> 00:08:09,465 - MOM, THAT'S THE-- [buzz] 242 00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,103 - HEY. BY THE WAY, 243 00:08:13,136 --> 00:08:15,338 THERESA SAYS I LOOK GREAT IN THESE YOGA PANTS. 244 00:08:15,371 --> 00:08:17,908 WHAT WAS THE WORD YOU USED? - LUSCIOUS. 245 00:08:17,941 --> 00:08:19,910 - MY ASS LOOKS LUSCIOUS. 246 00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:21,077 - AND I HAVE NO DOUBT. IT'S JUST THAT 247 00:08:21,111 --> 00:08:23,013 IF I SEE YOUR ASS IN YOGA PANTS, 248 00:08:23,046 --> 00:08:24,615 ANY TIME I SEE ANOTHER GIRL'S ASS IN YOGA PANTS, 249 00:08:24,648 --> 00:08:26,750 I'M GONNA BE THINKING ABOUT YOUR ASS. 250 00:08:26,783 --> 00:08:29,185 AND THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT A SON 251 00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:31,354 WANTS TO BE THINKING ABOUT HIS MOTHER. 252 00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:34,758 AND IT WOULD BASICALLY RUIN YOGA PANTS FOR ME. 253 00:08:34,791 --> 00:08:36,192 WHY ARE YOU HERE? 254 00:08:36,226 --> 00:08:37,761 - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. 255 00:08:37,794 --> 00:08:39,095 YOU BROKE UP WITH HER, I DIDN'T. 256 00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:40,396 - YEAH. I JUST THOUGHT YOGA WOULD BE 257 00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:42,198 A GREAT STRESS RELIEVER FOR YOUR MOM, 258 00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:43,734 AND A GOOD WAY FOR HER TO MEET GUYS. 259 00:08:43,767 --> 00:08:45,636 - OH, TELL HIM ABOUT PIETRO. 260 00:08:45,669 --> 00:08:47,070 - I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT PIETRO. 261 00:08:47,103 --> 00:08:48,705 - HE'S THE HOT BOX YOGI. 262 00:08:48,739 --> 00:08:50,807 - A VERY YOUNG INSTRUCTOR, OF SPANISH DESCENT, 263 00:08:50,841 --> 00:08:52,809 THAT HAS A THING FOR YOUR MOM. 264 00:08:52,843 --> 00:08:54,310 - I LOVE THE HOT BOX. - MM-HMM. 265 00:08:54,344 --> 00:08:56,046 - EVERY THURSDAY NIGHT WE HAVE A HOT BOX SESSION. 266 00:08:56,079 --> 00:08:58,114 YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT LUSCIOUS ASS IN YOGA PANTS? 267 00:08:58,148 --> 00:08:59,983 YOU SHOULD SEE PIETRO 268 00:09:00,016 --> 00:09:01,117 LEAD THE THURSDAY HOT BOX SESSION. 269 00:09:01,151 --> 00:09:02,753 - MA, STOP SAYING THE WORDS 270 00:09:02,786 --> 00:09:04,655 "HOT" AND "BOX" TOGETHER, PLEASE. 271 00:09:04,688 --> 00:09:06,823 AND I DON'T WANNA HEAR ABOUT MY MA AND MY GIRLFRIEND 272 00:09:06,857 --> 00:09:09,392 TROLLING YOGA CLASSES FOR SKINNY SPANISH GIGOLOS. 273 00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:12,796 - OH, OH, FIRST OF ALL, MOM AND EX-GIRLFRIEND. 274 00:09:12,829 --> 00:09:14,164 AND WE ARE NOT TROLLING. 275 00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,166 THOSE YOGIS ARE COMING ON TO US. 276 00:09:16,199 --> 00:09:18,001 - MM-HMM. - AND I AM SEXUAL BEING 277 00:09:18,034 --> 00:09:20,303 IN MY SEXUAL PRIME, AND I WILL SAY "HOT" AND "BOX" 278 00:09:20,336 --> 00:09:21,905 TOGETHER IN THE SAME SENTENCE WHENEVER I WANT. 279 00:09:21,938 --> 00:09:25,008 HOT BOX. 280 00:09:32,983 --> 00:09:34,584 [both exhale] 281 00:09:34,617 --> 00:09:35,852 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ANYWAY? 282 00:09:35,886 --> 00:09:37,020 - I WANNA GET DAD'S INFORMATION. 283 00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:38,154 I WANNA RECONNECT. 284 00:09:38,188 --> 00:09:41,024 - WHAT? WHAT FOR? 285 00:09:41,057 --> 00:09:44,127 - I-I HAVE SOME UNRESOLVED FEELINGS ABOUT HIM. 286 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,862 - WHAT IS WITH YOU AND THE FEELINGS? 287 00:09:45,896 --> 00:09:47,931 ALWAYS WITH THE FEELINGS. 288 00:09:47,964 --> 00:09:49,265 I MEAN, YOU WANNA WORRY ABOUT FEELINGS? 289 00:09:49,299 --> 00:09:51,034 WORRY ABOUT THERESA'S FEELINGS. 290 00:09:51,067 --> 00:09:53,003 HOW ABOUT WORRY ABOUT THERESA'S ASS? 291 00:09:53,036 --> 00:09:56,039 HER ASS, IN THOSE PANTS, IS A PENIS MAGNET. 292 00:09:56,072 --> 00:09:58,274 YOU SHOULD SEE HOW THE GUYS OGLE HER AT THE GYM. 293 00:09:58,308 --> 00:09:59,710 THE OTHER NIGHT I COUNTED FIVE ERECTIONS. 294 00:09:59,743 --> 00:10:02,012 - WHAT? WHY ARE YOU COUNTING ERECTIONS? 295 00:10:02,045 --> 00:10:04,781 - THEY WERE POINTED RIGHT AT ME. 296 00:10:04,815 --> 00:10:06,116 IT FELT LIKE I WAS DOING A PRESS CONFERENCE. 297 00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:07,951 - OH. 298 00:10:07,984 --> 00:10:10,020 - YOU DON'T HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIS DAD ANYMORE? 299 00:10:10,053 --> 00:10:11,454 - YEAH, SURE I DO. 300 00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:13,156 HE SHOULD DIE IN A FIERY CAR CRASH. 301 00:10:13,189 --> 00:10:14,624 - THIS IS A MAN YOU USED TO LOVE. 302 00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:17,360 - LOVE'S FICKLE. REVENGE IS FOREVER. 303 00:10:17,393 --> 00:10:19,362 I'M OLD-SCHOOL IRISH, THERESA. 304 00:10:19,395 --> 00:10:21,164 IN THE DOOLEY TRIBE, WE HOLD TWO THINGS VERY CLOSE: 305 00:10:21,197 --> 00:10:23,633 GRUDGES AND WHISKEY. 306 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:24,868 AND I DON'T LIKE WHISKEY. 307 00:10:24,901 --> 00:10:26,469 - [laughs] 308 00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:28,638 - OH, MY HAMMIES FEEL SO SUPPLE NOW. 309 00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,206 - [grunts] OH. 310 00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,808 - MOM, DO YOU HAVE DAD'S NUMBER OR NOT? 311 00:10:31,842 --> 00:10:32,809 - IF I DID, HE'D BE DEAD ALREADY. 312 00:10:32,843 --> 00:10:34,544 - I HAVE IT. 313 00:10:34,577 --> 00:10:37,613 - YOU NEVER EVEN MET THE MAN. 314 00:10:39,182 --> 00:10:41,551 - I AM REALLY OLD SCHOOL IRISH. 315 00:10:41,584 --> 00:10:44,354 IN THE KELLY CLAN, WE BELIEVE THAT DIVORCE, 316 00:10:44,387 --> 00:10:45,889 NO OFFENSE, IS FOR PUSSIES. 317 00:10:45,922 --> 00:10:47,090 AND THE BEST WAY TO KEEP A GRUDGE 318 00:10:47,123 --> 00:10:48,859 IS UNDER THE SAME ROOF. 319 00:10:48,892 --> 00:10:49,926 I FIGURED IF OUR RELATIONSHIP 320 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,261 WASN'T GONNA WORK OUT, 321 00:10:51,294 --> 00:10:52,162 BECAUSE OF YOUR COMMITMENT ISSUES, 322 00:10:52,195 --> 00:10:53,897 THEN ONE OF US WAS GONNA BE 323 00:10:53,930 --> 00:10:56,332 WANTING SOME ANSWERS OUT OF YOUR OLD MAN. 324 00:10:56,366 --> 00:10:59,102 SO I'VE BEEN KEEPING AN EYE ON HIS INFORMATION. 325 00:10:59,135 --> 00:11:00,937 DON'T CALL HIM FIRST. 326 00:11:00,971 --> 00:11:02,839 HE MAY WEASEL OUT OF MEETING WITH YOU. 327 00:11:02,873 --> 00:11:05,508 DO WHAT WE DO-- AMBUSH HIM. 328 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,177 - WHEN YOU SAY "WE," YOU MEAN THE COPS 329 00:11:07,210 --> 00:11:08,779 OR THE KELLY CLAN? 330 00:11:08,812 --> 00:11:09,946 - BOTH. 331 00:11:09,980 --> 00:11:11,247 - [laughs] 332 00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:13,583 WHOA. 333 00:11:18,054 --> 00:11:19,790 - FRANCIS HARDING HARRIS. 334 00:11:19,823 --> 00:11:21,257 ATTENDED BROTHER RICE HIGH SCHOOL, 335 00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:23,526 GRADUATING CLASS OF 1969. 336 00:11:23,559 --> 00:11:25,461 I GOOGLED HIM, CROSS-REFERENCED THE INFO 337 00:11:25,495 --> 00:11:27,363 FROM HIS OBITUARY, AND FOUND HIS HIGH SCHOOL'S 338 00:11:27,397 --> 00:11:30,066 WEBSITE, AND HIS GRADUATING CLASS' FACEBOOK PAGE. 339 00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,535 THEY'RE ABOUT READY TO HAVE THEIR 45TH REUNION, 340 00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:35,238 AND JUST POSTED PHOTOS FROM THEIR '69 YEARBOOK ONLINE. 341 00:11:35,271 --> 00:11:37,040 BAM! 342 00:11:37,073 --> 00:11:40,210 FRANK HARRIS AND CATHERINE O'CONNELL-- 343 00:11:40,243 --> 00:11:41,878 KING AND QUEEN OF THE BROTHER RICE 344 00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:43,780 1969 SENIOR PROM. 345 00:11:43,814 --> 00:11:45,882 AND I HAVE A MAILING ADDRESS FOR HER. 346 00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:49,419 - BRIAN-- - CSI: CHICAGO ON YOU, BABY! 347 00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:52,722 THE LOST VALENTINE, HANK. 348 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:54,958 JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT, BETTY WHITE, 349 00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:58,228 THE SAME EXACT THEME: CLOSURE. 350 00:11:58,261 --> 00:11:59,896 THIS WOULD ALL BE SO MUCH EASIER 351 00:11:59,930 --> 00:12:01,664 IF YOU'D JUST WATCH THE HALLMARK CHANNEL, HANK. 352 00:12:01,697 --> 00:12:02,833 - HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BLACK MAN 353 00:12:02,866 --> 00:12:04,234 WATCH THE HALLMARK CHANNEL? 354 00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:05,668 - NO. - AND YOU NEVER WILL. 355 00:12:05,701 --> 00:12:07,237 LOOK. THIS IS AGAINST COMPANY POLICY 356 00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:09,072 AND ALL COMMON SENSE. 357 00:12:09,105 --> 00:12:10,606 WHAT IF SHE'S DEAD? 358 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,675 - THEN MY MORAL COMPASS CAN GO BACK TO WORRYING 359 00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:14,978 ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE AND THE CANADIAN SEA OTTER. 360 00:12:15,011 --> 00:12:16,512 THEY'RE SMALL, THEY'RE FURRY, 361 00:12:16,546 --> 00:12:18,815 AND THEY'RE RUNNING OUT OF CLAMS, HANK. 362 00:12:18,849 --> 00:12:20,250 WE ALREADY KNOW THAT SHE WAS THE LOVE 363 00:12:20,283 --> 00:12:22,352 OF FRANK'S LIFE, BUT WHAT IF FRANK 364 00:12:22,385 --> 00:12:24,420 WAS THE LOVE OF HERS? 365 00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:25,288 - OH, WELL, WHAT IF SHE'S MARRIED, 366 00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:26,689 AND THE CURRENT HUSBAND 367 00:12:26,722 --> 00:12:28,258 IS AN INSANELY JEALOUS EX-MARINE? 368 00:12:28,291 --> 00:12:29,759 WHAT IF SHE HAS A DOBERMAN PINSCHER 369 00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,828 WHO HATES EVERYONE EXCEPT HER? 370 00:12:31,862 --> 00:12:33,263 THIS COULD BE A MISTAKE SO ENORMOUS, 371 00:12:33,296 --> 00:12:34,697 IT COMES BACK TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS, 372 00:12:34,730 --> 00:12:38,634 LITERALLY, AS YOU'RE MAKING IT. 373 00:12:38,668 --> 00:12:40,303 AND I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD. 374 00:12:40,336 --> 00:12:41,872 LET'S GO. - GOOD. THE SUBARU'S RUNNING. 375 00:12:41,905 --> 00:12:42,805 LET'S GO! 376 00:12:54,851 --> 00:12:56,286 - HEY, KID, HOW THE HELL ARE YA? 377 00:12:56,319 --> 00:12:58,054 HOLY SH--, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU. 378 00:12:58,088 --> 00:13:00,823 COME ON. YOU WANNA HELP DADDY? 379 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,132 GRAB AN END OF THIS, HELP ME DRAG IT INSIDE. 380 00:13:09,165 --> 00:13:10,400 I WAS GONNA GET A COUPLE GUYS 381 00:13:10,433 --> 00:13:12,135 FROM THE OLD FIREHOUSE, BUT YOU'RE HERE. 382 00:13:12,168 --> 00:13:13,336 THIS'LL SAVE ME SOME TIME. 383 00:13:13,369 --> 00:13:15,471 - UH-- - HOW'S IT HANGIN'? 384 00:13:15,505 --> 00:13:18,909 - HOW'S IT HANGING? 385 00:13:18,942 --> 00:13:21,978 UM, OKAY. - OH, I GET IT. 386 00:13:22,012 --> 00:13:22,879 YOU'RE MAD AT ME. 387 00:13:22,913 --> 00:13:24,247 [grunts] 388 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,349 - YOU MEAN I SHOULDN'T BE? 389 00:13:26,382 --> 00:13:28,184 - HEY, WHO TOLD WHO 390 00:13:28,218 --> 00:13:29,652 TO STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM WHO, HUH? 391 00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:32,322 NOT ME. YOU SAID I RUINED YOUR LIFE, 392 00:13:32,355 --> 00:13:33,389 SO I STAYED OUT OF IT. 393 00:13:33,423 --> 00:13:35,191 NOW YOU'RE PISSED ABOUT IT? 394 00:13:35,225 --> 00:13:38,428 NOT MY PROBLEM. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. 395 00:13:38,461 --> 00:13:40,030 LISTEN. HOW'S YOUR MOTHER? 396 00:13:40,063 --> 00:13:41,898 - SHE STILL HATES YOU. 397 00:13:41,932 --> 00:13:43,233 - OH, CALL THE GODDAMN PAPERS. 398 00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:44,234 OF COURSE SHE HATES ME. 399 00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:45,735 SHE ALWAYS HATED ME. 400 00:13:45,768 --> 00:13:48,104 SHE HATED ME THE ENTIRE TIME WE WERE MARRIED. 401 00:13:48,138 --> 00:13:49,172 - SHE DID? - YEAH. 402 00:13:49,205 --> 00:13:50,941 SHE NEVER TOLD YOU THAT? 403 00:13:50,974 --> 00:13:53,009 - NO. - OH. 404 00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:54,744 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OH"? 405 00:13:54,777 --> 00:13:56,446 - UH, NOTHING, COME ON. YOU'RE ALMOST UP THERE. 406 00:13:56,479 --> 00:13:57,447 THAT'S A BOY, KEEP GOING. 407 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,050 THAT'S IT. 408 00:14:03,386 --> 00:14:05,455 - ARE YOU CATHERINE? 409 00:14:05,488 --> 00:14:07,223 CATHERINE O'CONNELL? 410 00:14:07,257 --> 00:14:09,192 - YES, WHY? 411 00:14:09,225 --> 00:14:11,261 - MY NAME IS BRIAN. 412 00:14:11,294 --> 00:14:13,096 HELLO. 413 00:14:13,129 --> 00:14:15,431 UH, I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU. 414 00:14:15,465 --> 00:14:17,633 - A MESSAGE FROM WHO? 415 00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,402 - FRANK HARRIS, CLASS OF 19-- 416 00:14:19,435 --> 00:14:21,471 - SAL! GOD DAMN IT. 417 00:14:21,504 --> 00:14:24,407 FRANK'S HERE. GET THE HELL OFF MY PORCH. 418 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,876 - WHERE IS HE, HUH? 419 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,111 - THIS IS A VIOLATION OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER. 420 00:14:28,144 --> 00:14:29,980 - HEY, PLEASE, WOULD YOU JUST-- 421 00:14:30,013 --> 00:14:31,547 - OH, YOU'RE DOING GOOD, KID, KEEP IT UP. 422 00:14:31,581 --> 00:14:34,617 - ASSHOLE, WHERE IS FRANK? - CHECK THE BUSHES! 423 00:14:34,650 --> 00:14:36,252 - HE'S DEAD. HE'S DEAD. FRANK IS DEAD. 424 00:14:36,286 --> 00:14:39,655 - HE'S DEAD? - HE DIED OF A HEART ATTACK, 425 00:14:39,689 --> 00:14:40,957 IN THE BACK OF OUR AMBULANCE. 426 00:14:40,991 --> 00:14:43,126 WE ARE EMTs. 427 00:14:43,159 --> 00:14:46,496 HIS FINAL WORDS, WITH HIS FINAL BREATH, 428 00:14:46,529 --> 00:14:51,101 WERE, "TELL CATHERINE THAT I LOVE HER." 429 00:14:51,134 --> 00:14:52,668 - [exhales] 430 00:14:52,702 --> 00:14:54,070 I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER SEE THE DAY. 431 00:14:54,104 --> 00:14:55,571 THANK GOD. - AHH. 432 00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:57,173 DO WE HAVE ANY CHAMPAGNE? - YEAH. 433 00:14:57,207 --> 00:14:58,241 THERE'S A BOTTLE IN THE FRIDGE 434 00:14:58,274 --> 00:14:59,509 LEFT OVER FROM NEW YEAR'S. 435 00:14:59,542 --> 00:15:02,778 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING US. 436 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:10,153 - WHATEVER YOU DO, WATCH THE WALLPAPER. 437 00:15:10,186 --> 00:15:11,754 THAT'S HAND-PAINTED SILK. 438 00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:13,489 IT COST ME A GODDAMN ARM AND A LEG. 439 00:15:13,523 --> 00:15:14,824 COCO PICKED IT OUT AT SOME PLACE 440 00:15:14,857 --> 00:15:17,127 NAMED GRIFFIN AND WONG. IMAGINE THAT. 441 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,029 A MICK AND CHINK SELLING WALLPAPER TOGETHER? 442 00:15:19,062 --> 00:15:21,031 - YOU CAN'T SAY CHINK. - I KNOW, I KNOW. 443 00:15:21,064 --> 00:15:23,299 YOU CAN'T SAY CHINK, 'MO, RETARD. 444 00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:24,634 WE GOT ALL THREE DOWN AT THE FIREHOUSE. 445 00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:25,868 I CAN'T CALL 'EM THAT NO MORE. 446 00:15:25,901 --> 00:15:27,103 - YOU HAVE A RETARDED FIRE FIGHTER? 447 00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:28,604 - SEE, YOU JUST SAID IT. 448 00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:30,040 COME ON. LET'S GET THIS COUCH UPSTAIRS. 449 00:15:30,073 --> 00:15:31,307 - N--I DIDN'T-- [sighs] 450 00:15:31,341 --> 00:15:32,375 I DIDN'T COME HERE TO MOVE A COUCH. 451 00:15:32,408 --> 00:15:34,477 - I KNOW. YOU CAME HERE 452 00:15:34,510 --> 00:15:36,946 TO TELL ME TO KISS YOUR ASS. 453 00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:38,381 WELL, DO ME A FAVOR. 454 00:15:38,414 --> 00:15:40,483 LET'S GET THE COUCH UPSTAIRS FIRST, 455 00:15:40,516 --> 00:15:42,652 BEFORE YOU TELL ME. HOW'S THAT? 456 00:15:42,685 --> 00:15:44,720 - I CAME HERE SO YOU COULD TELL ME 457 00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:47,023 WHY YOU LEFT ME AND MOM HIGH AND DRY, 458 00:15:47,057 --> 00:15:48,658 AND ME WITHOUT A DAD, 459 00:15:48,691 --> 00:15:50,060 SO YOU COULD SAY YOU'RE SORRY. 460 00:15:50,093 --> 00:15:52,028 - SORRY FOR WHAT? I PAID ALL THE BILLS. 461 00:15:52,062 --> 00:15:53,363 WILL YOU PULL, FOR CHRIST SAKES? 462 00:15:53,396 --> 00:15:54,497 YOU GOT THE EASY PART. 463 00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:56,299 ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS STEER. 464 00:15:56,332 --> 00:15:57,833 - LOOK. - [grunts] 465 00:15:57,867 --> 00:16:00,503 - YESTERDAY, WE HAD A GUY DROP DEAD ON US, 466 00:16:00,536 --> 00:16:03,506 MASSIVE HEART ATTACK. 467 00:16:03,539 --> 00:16:06,209 WE BROUGHT HIM BACK, BUT THEN WE LOST HIM. 468 00:16:06,242 --> 00:16:08,711 SPITTING IMAGE OF YOU. - YEAH, SO? 469 00:16:08,744 --> 00:16:13,149 - SO, BEFORE HE GOES, HE HAS A FEW WORDS. 470 00:16:13,183 --> 00:16:16,219 - YEAH? - YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS? 471 00:16:16,252 --> 00:16:18,088 - JESUS CHRIST. IF I KNEW 472 00:16:18,121 --> 00:16:19,422 WHAT HE SAYS, I'D BE A PSYCHIC. 473 00:16:19,455 --> 00:16:24,094 - HE SAYS... 474 00:16:24,127 --> 00:16:26,929 "TELL MY SON I'M SORRY." 475 00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:32,368 - MY LEFT NUT. 476 00:16:32,402 --> 00:16:33,769 NICE TRY. NOW GET MOVIN'. 477 00:16:33,803 --> 00:16:35,037 - ALL RIGHT, HE DIDN'T SAY THAT. 478 00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:38,674 BUT JUST, LIKE, SEEING HIM LAYING THERE, 479 00:16:38,708 --> 00:16:41,211 SEEING HIM DIE, 480 00:16:41,244 --> 00:16:42,545 IT GOT ME WONDERING WHAT I WOULD, 481 00:16:42,578 --> 00:16:44,280 HOW I WOULD FEEL, IF IT WAS MY DAD-- 482 00:16:44,314 --> 00:16:46,382 IF IT WAS YOU. 483 00:16:49,152 --> 00:16:51,321 - REALLY? - YEAH. 484 00:16:52,655 --> 00:16:54,124 WELL, NOT RIGHT AWAY, 485 00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:55,358 BUT AFTER A COUPLE HOURS, YEAH. 486 00:16:55,391 --> 00:16:56,559 - A COUPLE OF HOURS? 487 00:16:56,592 --> 00:16:58,128 YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH? 488 00:16:58,161 --> 00:17:00,096 AH, GO TO HELL, KID, COME ON. 489 00:17:00,130 --> 00:17:01,297 - NO, WAIT-- NO, YOU DISAPPEARED 490 00:17:01,331 --> 00:17:04,134 ON ME WHEN I WAS 13. 491 00:17:04,167 --> 00:17:05,535 HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE, 492 00:17:05,568 --> 00:17:06,869 YOU NEVER CAME TO ANY OF MY GAMES. 493 00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,238 AND THEN YOU SHOW UP SEVEN YEARS LATER, 494 00:17:08,271 --> 00:17:09,905 GOD KNOWS WHY. 495 00:17:09,939 --> 00:17:11,441 - I SHOWED UP TO RECONNECT, NUMB NUTS. 496 00:17:11,474 --> 00:17:13,476 ONLY TO HAVE YOU TELL ME TO DISAPPEAR. 497 00:17:13,509 --> 00:17:14,944 IT MIGHT BE THE ONLY TIME 498 00:17:14,977 --> 00:17:16,612 I EVER DID THE RIGHT THING BY YOU, 499 00:17:16,646 --> 00:17:17,713 AS FAR AS I CAN TELL. 500 00:17:17,747 --> 00:17:19,615 NOW WILL YOU STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY 501 00:17:19,649 --> 00:17:22,618 AND GET THIS COUCH UP THESE FREAKIN' STAIRS? 502 00:17:22,652 --> 00:17:25,288 - NAH. - HEY! 503 00:17:25,321 --> 00:17:26,589 - I'M NOT DOING THIS. 504 00:17:26,622 --> 00:17:27,823 - OH, YOU'RE GONNA DO IT, MISTER. 505 00:17:27,857 --> 00:17:29,625 PICK UP THAT GODDAMN COUCH RIGHT NOW. 506 00:17:29,659 --> 00:17:31,461 - HOW ABOUT THIS? - HEY! 507 00:17:31,494 --> 00:17:32,628 WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 508 00:17:32,662 --> 00:17:34,297 - WHO'S THE PUSSY NOW, OLD MAN? 509 00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:35,465 - I'LL KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE PRICK. 510 00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:36,666 - OH! - HEY! 511 00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:38,434 - OH! - HEY! 512 00:17:38,468 --> 00:17:39,635 - WHAT, ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THIS WALLPAPER? 513 00:17:39,669 --> 00:17:41,304 HOW ABOUT THIS? - NO, NO, NO, NO! 514 00:17:41,337 --> 00:17:42,838 - [laughs] 515 00:17:42,872 --> 00:17:44,174 - WHAT DID YOUR MOTHER DO TO YOU? 516 00:17:44,207 --> 00:17:47,177 - [laughs] - [screams] 517 00:17:52,715 --> 00:17:54,517 - OH, MY GOD. 518 00:17:54,550 --> 00:17:56,519 OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. 519 00:17:56,552 --> 00:17:58,521 HOLY SH--. D-DAD? 520 00:17:58,554 --> 00:18:01,324 DAD, HEY, YOU OKAY? 521 00:18:01,357 --> 00:18:03,125 YOU OKAY? HEY, WAKE UP. 522 00:18:03,159 --> 00:18:05,195 HELLO. OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD, DAD. 523 00:18:05,228 --> 00:18:07,096 OH, I'M SORRY. 524 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,598 I'M SO SORRY, DAD. 525 00:18:08,631 --> 00:18:11,634 - HA, HA. YOU DO LOVE ME. 526 00:18:11,667 --> 00:18:13,269 [chuckles] 527 00:18:13,303 --> 00:18:14,770 - YOU'RE OKAY? 528 00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:16,472 - OF COURSE I'M OKAY, YOU DAMN FOOL. 529 00:18:16,506 --> 00:18:19,342 I'VE TAKEN FALLS LIKE THAT ALL MY LIFE ON THE JOB. 530 00:18:19,375 --> 00:18:22,345 AND YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME. 531 00:18:22,378 --> 00:18:23,879 - BULLSH--. - OH, NO? 532 00:18:23,913 --> 00:18:25,381 YOU WONDERED WHAT YOU'D DO IF YOU SAW ME 533 00:18:25,415 --> 00:18:26,716 LYING ON THE FLOOR, DYING. 534 00:18:26,749 --> 00:18:28,684 WELL, NOW WE KNOW. YOU'D SAVE ME. 535 00:18:28,718 --> 00:18:30,853 JUST LIKE YOU TRIED TO SAVE THAT GUY AT WORK. 536 00:18:30,886 --> 00:18:33,856 BECAUSE YOU'RE DEDICATED TO THE JOB, JUST LIKE ME. 537 00:18:33,889 --> 00:18:35,825 PLUS, YOU SAID YOU WERE SORRY. 538 00:18:35,858 --> 00:18:40,330 AND I ACCEPT THAT AS A BLANKET APOLOGY FOR EVERYTHING. 539 00:18:40,363 --> 00:18:43,333 - HEY. 540 00:18:43,366 --> 00:18:46,269 - AH, WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA WRECK THIS ROOM TOO? 541 00:18:49,839 --> 00:18:51,641 YOUR MOM DIDN'T WANT ME AROUND, 542 00:18:51,674 --> 00:18:54,210 SO I HAD TO TAKE LONG LENS SHOTS. 543 00:18:54,244 --> 00:18:55,811 - WHAT, YOU'RE STALKING ME? 544 00:18:55,845 --> 00:18:57,480 - KIND OF HARD TO PROVE IN COURT 545 00:18:57,513 --> 00:18:59,215 WHEN IT'S A BLOOD RELATIVE, KID. 546 00:18:59,249 --> 00:19:00,583 LISTEN. 547 00:19:00,616 --> 00:19:02,318 I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU. 548 00:19:02,352 --> 00:19:03,719 YOUR MOM LEFT ME. 549 00:19:03,753 --> 00:19:05,187 I KNOW IT LOOKED LIKE I LEFT, 550 00:19:05,221 --> 00:19:07,657 BECAUSE YOU GUYS KEPT THE HOUSE. 551 00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:10,693 BUT SHE HATED ME, AND I HATED HER. 552 00:19:10,726 --> 00:19:12,895 THE MARRIAGE WASN'T WORKING, 553 00:19:12,928 --> 00:19:14,530 BUT WE DECIDED TO STICK IT OUT 554 00:19:14,564 --> 00:19:16,699 TILL YOU WENT TO COLLEGE. 555 00:19:16,732 --> 00:19:17,900 AND THEN ONE DAY SHE TOLD ME 556 00:19:17,933 --> 00:19:22,071 TO JUST TAKE A HIKE, SO I DID. 557 00:19:22,104 --> 00:19:24,807 I DIDN'T MEET COCO TILL AFTER I MOVED OUT. 558 00:19:27,243 --> 00:19:30,346 THAT WAS AN AMAZING SAVE. 559 00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:32,682 [door opens] 560 00:19:32,715 --> 00:19:35,217 - WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE? 561 00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:36,752 - OHH. HI, HONEY. 562 00:19:36,786 --> 00:19:39,355 JOHNNY CAME BY AND WE DID A LITTLE, UH-- 563 00:19:39,389 --> 00:19:40,756 - WE WERE CATCHIN' UP. 564 00:19:40,790 --> 00:19:42,792 - YEAH, WE GOT ALL CAUGHT UP. 565 00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:46,629 - OH, MY GOD. MY WALLPAPER! 566 00:19:46,662 --> 00:19:47,763 OH, BABY. 567 00:19:47,797 --> 00:19:52,535 - WHAT AN ASS ON HER, HUH? 568 00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:54,604 - I-- 569 00:19:54,637 --> 00:19:56,639 - YEAH, IT WAS MY IDEA. 570 00:19:56,672 --> 00:19:58,408 YEAH, I ASKED HIM TO LEAVE. 571 00:19:58,441 --> 00:20:00,610 WE WERE A TERRIBLE MATCH. 572 00:20:00,643 --> 00:20:03,078 OF COURSE, THEN I GOT JEALOUS. 573 00:20:03,112 --> 00:20:06,215 I RESENTED THAT HE MET THIS YOUNG GIRL 574 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,818 AND, YOU KNOW, MOVED ON SO QUICK. 575 00:20:08,851 --> 00:20:11,787 BUT THERE WAS ONLY ONE MAN IN MY LIFE-- 576 00:20:11,821 --> 00:20:15,591 YOU. 577 00:20:15,625 --> 00:20:18,160 - AW. - AW. 578 00:20:20,330 --> 00:20:21,997 - YOUR WORLD BECAME MY WORLD. 579 00:20:22,031 --> 00:20:24,233 YOU KNOW, DRIVING YOU BACK AND FORTH TO BASEBALL GAMES 580 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:28,771 AND BATTING PRACTICE, BATTING CAGES. 581 00:20:28,804 --> 00:20:31,474 BASEBALL, BASEBALL, BASEBALL. 582 00:20:31,507 --> 00:20:35,611 THAT WAS YOUR LIFE, SO IT BECAME MINE. 583 00:20:35,645 --> 00:20:37,647 - YOU'RE A DEVOTED MOM. THANK YOU. 584 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,716 - YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY. 585 00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:48,624 AND THAT'S WHY I SLEPT WITH YOUR LITTLE LEAGUE COACH... 586 00:20:50,993 --> 00:20:52,595 AND YOUR HIGH SCHOOL COACH AND THE HEAD COUNSELOR 587 00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,029 AT THE RON SANTO BASEBALL CAMP. 588 00:20:54,063 --> 00:20:55,598 THERE, I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. 589 00:20:55,631 --> 00:20:59,669 - IS THAT WHY I WON MOST IMPROVED AT CAMP? 590 00:20:59,702 --> 00:21:00,803 - NO, THAT WAS THE WEEK YOU LEARNED 591 00:21:00,836 --> 00:21:03,973 TO HIT THE CURVEBALL. - RIGHT. 592 00:21:04,006 --> 00:21:06,509 SO ARE YOU GONNA LET THIS GRUDGE GO, OR WHAT? 593 00:21:06,542 --> 00:21:07,943 - [deep breath] 594 00:21:07,977 --> 00:21:10,680 FINE. 595 00:21:10,713 --> 00:21:14,817 I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE IN A FIERY CAR CRASH. 596 00:21:14,850 --> 00:21:16,686 BUT JUST A LITTLE BIT OF SKIN CANCER 597 00:21:16,719 --> 00:21:18,688 EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE? 598 00:21:18,721 --> 00:21:22,358 YOU KNOW, A TINY LITTLE MELANOMA ON HIS NOSE. 599 00:21:22,392 --> 00:21:23,726 I GOTTA GO TO YOGA. 600 00:21:23,759 --> 00:21:26,362 MM. I GOTTA PUT ON MY SPECIAL PANTS, 601 00:21:26,396 --> 00:21:27,730 SO YOU MIGHT WANNA LEAVE. 602 00:21:27,763 --> 00:21:29,632 - NO, IT'S COOL. I'LL WAIT AND DRIVE YOU. 603 00:21:29,665 --> 00:21:31,534 I SAW COCO IN HER YOGA PANTS TODAY, 604 00:21:31,567 --> 00:21:34,670 AND THEY'RE PRETTY MUCH RUINED FOR ME FOREVER, SO-- 605 00:21:34,704 --> 00:21:36,606 - HOW'D SHE LOOK? 606 00:21:38,708 --> 00:21:40,109 - FAT.