1 00:00:03,115 --> 00:00:03,977 male announcer: AS FOR JAY CUTLER'S KNEE, 2 00:00:04,012 --> 00:00:05,013 THE MRI CAME BACK CLEAR. 3 00:00:05,048 --> 00:00:06,463 GOOD NEWS FOR THE BEARS, 4 00:00:06,497 --> 00:00:07,912 AS HE'S EXPECTED TO PLAY THIS SUNDAY 5 00:00:07,947 --> 00:00:09,949 AGAINST DREW BREES AND THE RED-HOT SAINTS. 6 00:00:09,983 --> 00:00:11,640 CUTLER SAYS HE FEELS GOOD. 7 00:00:11,675 --> 00:00:12,917 THE KNEE'S NOT GIVING HIM ANY PROBLEMS... 8 00:00:12,952 --> 00:00:14,609 - ANY WORD ON JAY CUTLER? 9 00:00:14,643 --> 00:00:17,612 - PUMP SAYS HE'S A GO. 10 00:00:17,646 --> 00:00:18,992 - GUESS I SHOULD BE GLAD THEY DON'T HAVE PORN 11 00:00:19,027 --> 00:00:20,028 ON GAS PUMP TV. 12 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,788 OR WE'D BE HERE ALL AFTERNOON. 13 00:00:21,823 --> 00:00:24,032 - LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT ME, HONEY. 14 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:24,757 THE DAY THAT WE AS A CIVILIZATION 15 00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:26,172 GET TO THE POINT 16 00:00:26,207 --> 00:00:27,829 WHERE WE'RE BROADCASTING PORNOGRAPHY 17 00:00:27,863 --> 00:00:29,348 FROM TELEVISIONS ATTACHED TO GAS PUMPS 18 00:00:29,382 --> 00:00:31,798 IS THE DAY I START WORKING AT A GAS STATION. 19 00:00:31,833 --> 00:00:34,111 - [laughs] 20 00:00:34,146 --> 00:00:38,184 HOW MUCH PORN AREYOU WATCHING THESE DAYS? 21 00:00:38,219 --> 00:00:40,048 - YOU MEAN, SINCE WE'VE BEEN ON BREAK? 22 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:42,671 - YEAH. - WHY DO YOU ASK? 23 00:00:42,706 --> 00:00:44,121 - WELL, WHEN MY BROTHER DONAL AND HIS GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP, 24 00:00:44,156 --> 00:00:45,122 HE WAS WATCHING IT ALL THE TIME. 25 00:00:45,157 --> 00:00:47,055 DID I TELL YOU THAT I WALKED IN 26 00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,125 ON HIM AND HIS LAPTOP IN MY PARENTS' BATHROOM 27 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:50,127 LAST CHRISTMAS? 28 00:00:50,162 --> 00:00:51,887 TWICE. 29 00:00:51,922 --> 00:00:52,785 - DONAL'S A MORON. I'M NOT DONAL. 30 00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,131 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 31 00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:54,994 AND THIS IS THE TRUTH HERE. 32 00:00:55,028 --> 00:00:56,064 - YEAH? 33 00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:57,893 - KINDA STOPPED WATCHING IT. 34 00:00:57,928 --> 00:00:59,550 - NO, YOU DIDN'T. - YES, I DID. 35 00:00:59,585 --> 00:01:02,898 I LOST ALL INTEREST IN OTHER GIRLS. COMPLETELY. 36 00:01:02,933 --> 00:01:04,452 AND PORN. FIRST TIME IT'S EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 37 00:01:04,486 --> 00:01:06,523 - I AM SO FLATTERED. 38 00:01:06,557 --> 00:01:07,834 - BABE, THIS IS HUGE. 39 00:01:07,869 --> 00:01:09,526 MOST GUYS, 40 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,010 THEY GET OUT OF A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP, 41 00:01:11,044 --> 00:01:13,702 THEIR PORN ADDICTION GOES THROUGH THE ROOF. 42 00:01:13,737 --> 00:01:16,395 ME, I WENT THE OTHER WAY. 43 00:01:16,429 --> 00:01:17,982 - YOU HAD AN ADDICTION? - WHAT? 44 00:01:18,017 --> 00:01:20,468 - YOU USED THE WORD "ADDICTION." 45 00:01:20,502 --> 00:01:22,849 - YEAH. ABOUT DONAL. NOT ME. 46 00:01:22,884 --> 00:01:24,161 I STOPPED. COLD TURKEY. 47 00:01:24,196 --> 00:01:25,058 UH, THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT. 48 00:01:25,093 --> 00:01:27,233 - NO, IT DIDN'T. 49 00:01:27,268 --> 00:01:28,993 - WHAT ABOUT YOU, SMARTY PANTS? 50 00:01:29,028 --> 00:01:30,512 - WHAT ABOUT ME? 51 00:01:30,547 --> 00:01:32,480 - YOU WATCH ANY PORN? - [laughs] 52 00:01:32,514 --> 00:01:33,722 COME ON. 53 00:01:33,757 --> 00:01:35,172 YOU KNOW WHAT PORN IS TO ME. 54 00:01:35,207 --> 00:01:38,037 IT'S REAL ESTATE, SHOES, AND GUNS. 55 00:01:38,071 --> 00:01:39,418 IF I COULD FIND A MAGAZINE 56 00:01:39,452 --> 00:01:40,557 WITH GLOSSY PICTURES OF ALL THREE... 57 00:01:40,591 --> 00:01:42,075 [groans] 58 00:01:42,110 --> 00:01:43,215 THAT'D REALLY GET ME OFF. 59 00:01:43,249 --> 00:01:44,975 - [chuckles] - WHAT? 60 00:01:45,009 --> 00:01:47,288 - I'M THINKIN'. - WHAT ABOUT? 61 00:01:47,322 --> 00:01:49,497 - STARTING A MAGAZINE. - OH, MY GOD. 62 00:01:49,531 --> 00:01:52,534 [upbeat music] 63 00:01:52,569 --> 00:01:55,882 ♪ 64 00:01:55,917 --> 00:01:57,194 - ♪ SUCKER-PUNCHED BY THE CLOCK ♪ 65 00:01:57,229 --> 00:01:59,196 ♪ BUCKLED TO THE KNEES 66 00:01:59,231 --> 00:02:01,750 ♪ CHECKER CAB CURLED AROUND THE SIDE OF A TREE ♪ 67 00:02:01,785 --> 00:02:04,822 ♪ INTO THE GROWL OF THE CITY WITH A DEAFENING CRY ♪ 68 00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:06,548 ♪ AGAIN I RIDE 69 00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:08,619 ♪ AGAIN I RIDE 70 00:02:14,107 --> 00:02:17,007 - AH, SH--. - WHAT? 71 00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:18,042 - MY SISTER MAEVE'S STUPID BOOK CLUB 72 00:02:18,077 --> 00:02:20,355 IS TOMORROW NIGHT. 73 00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:21,839 WE'RE READING GONE GIRL, AND I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET. 74 00:02:21,874 --> 00:02:23,427 AND THEN BILLY SAT ON MY iPAD, 75 00:02:23,462 --> 00:02:26,603 WHICH HAD MY COPY OF GONE GIRLON IT. 76 00:02:26,637 --> 00:02:29,744 - WELL, HERE YOU GO, USE MINE. 77 00:02:29,778 --> 00:02:32,056 - REALLY? - SURE. 78 00:02:32,091 --> 00:02:33,782 - THANKS. - NO PROBLEM. 79 00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:34,887 PASSWORD IS "DITKA." 80 00:02:34,921 --> 00:02:37,234 - 'COURSE IT IS. 81 00:02:37,269 --> 00:02:40,030 - [sighs] LOOKS GREAT. 82 00:02:40,064 --> 00:02:42,929 - THANKS. - WHOLE PLACE LOOKS GREAT. 83 00:02:42,964 --> 00:02:45,346 - YEAH. NEW PLACE, NEW START. 84 00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:48,107 OH, MY GOD, I WANTED YOU TO HAVE MY SPARE KEY. 85 00:02:48,141 --> 00:02:50,765 - OH, OKAY. - FOR EMERGENCIES. 86 00:02:50,799 --> 00:02:53,802 I DON'T WANT YOU TO JUST WALK IN HERE UNANNOUNCED. 87 00:02:53,837 --> 00:02:56,357 - I WON'T. - 'CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW. 88 00:02:56,391 --> 00:02:58,082 - NEVER KNOW WHAT? - [something hits floor] 89 00:02:58,117 --> 00:02:59,152 - WHO MIGHT BE HERE? 90 00:02:59,187 --> 00:03:01,051 - WHO ARE YOU EXPECTING? 91 00:03:01,085 --> 00:03:03,916 - TECHNICALLY, WE ARE BOTH STILL FREE TO DATE. 92 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,746 - HEY, I GAVE UP PORN FOR YOU, REMEMBER? 93 00:03:06,781 --> 00:03:09,715 [text message alert] - [mock groans] 94 00:03:09,749 --> 00:03:11,924 - I'M LATE. MEETING THE GIRLS FOR LUNCH. 95 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,097 YOU GOTTA GO. - [mock groans] 96 00:03:13,132 --> 00:03:14,789 JUST FOR THE RECORD, 97 00:03:14,823 --> 00:03:16,100 YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO JUST DROP BY MY PLACE 98 00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:17,447 UNANNOUNCED EITHER. 99 00:03:17,481 --> 00:03:19,725 - OH, IN CASE I WALK IN ON YOU AND DITKA? 100 00:03:19,759 --> 00:03:21,105 - OH, MY GOD, IF THAT EVER HAPPENS, 101 00:03:21,140 --> 00:03:22,175 JUST START TAKING TONS OF PICTURES, OKAY? 102 00:03:22,210 --> 00:03:23,660 - GO. 103 00:03:23,694 --> 00:03:25,282 - BYE. - BYE. 104 00:03:25,317 --> 00:03:28,941 [siren wailing] 105 00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,494 - HOW'S HE DOIN'? 106 00:03:30,529 --> 00:03:32,462 - HE'S CONSCIOUS. - BLOOD SUGAR'S AT 30. 107 00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:34,671 - GIVE HIM ONE EP OF D-50. - YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. 108 00:03:34,705 --> 00:03:36,086 - THEY GOT THE GOOD DOCTORS ON TODAY. 109 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,984 - I-I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. 110 00:03:38,019 --> 00:03:39,814 - SURE, BRO. CALL YOUR WIFE? - NO, NO, NO, NO. 111 00:03:39,848 --> 00:03:41,298 NO, I NEED YOU TO GO BACK TO MY APARTMENT, 112 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:42,782 CLEAR THE HISTORY ON MY COMPUTER, 113 00:03:42,817 --> 00:03:44,301 AND THEN CALL MY WIFE. 114 00:03:44,336 --> 00:03:45,647 - SERIOUSLY? - PLEASE! PLEASE! 115 00:03:45,682 --> 00:03:46,752 [keys jingle] - YEAH, OKAY. 116 00:03:46,786 --> 00:03:50,756 OKAY. 117 00:03:50,790 --> 00:03:52,861 [keys jingle] 118 00:03:52,896 --> 00:03:54,415 SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK IT IS? 119 00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:56,934 LIKE SOME SURPRISE BIRTHDAY THING FOR THE WIFE? 120 00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:58,281 OR--OH, MY GOD. 121 00:03:58,315 --> 00:03:59,109 YOU THINK HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR? 122 00:03:59,143 --> 00:04:00,800 - YEAH, WITH ONLINE PORN. 123 00:04:00,835 --> 00:04:02,423 - REALLY? - IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT PORN, BRI. 124 00:04:02,457 --> 00:04:05,011 WHY ELSE WOULD A GUY THAT WAS ON HIS DEATHBED 125 00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:06,944 ASK THREE STRANGERS TO GO TO HIS HOUSE 126 00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:08,498 AND ERASE HIS COMPUTER HISTORY? 127 00:04:08,532 --> 00:04:10,948 - OR MAYBE HE'S A TERRORIST. OH, MY GOD! 128 00:04:10,983 --> 00:04:12,467 WHAT IF IT'S SOME KIND OF TERRORIST PLOT? 129 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,469 MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL THE FBI. OR THE NSA. 130 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,953 - YOU KNOW WHAT THE NSA CONSIDERS 131 00:04:15,988 --> 00:04:16,989 THE FIRST SIGNIFICANT SIGN THAT YOU'RE PART 132 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:18,784 OF A TERRORIST PLOT? 133 00:04:18,818 --> 00:04:20,510 - IF YOU DON'T HAVE PORN ON YOUR COMPUTER. 134 00:04:20,544 --> 00:04:23,133 - WELL, THEN THEY'RE COMING AFTER ME, I GUESS. 135 00:04:23,167 --> 00:04:25,653 - YOU DON'T WATCH IT? 136 00:04:25,687 --> 00:04:27,206 - NOT ANY MORE, NO. I STOPPED. 137 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,966 I FOUND THAT FREE ONLINE PORN 138 00:04:29,001 --> 00:04:31,521 WAS BECOMING A CANCER IN THIS COUNTRY. 139 00:04:31,555 --> 00:04:34,040 THE YOUNG MEN IN MY GENERATION, IN PARTICULAR, 140 00:04:34,075 --> 00:04:36,491 WERE BEGINNING TO GET UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS 141 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:40,288 ABOUT BOTH WOMEN'S BODIES AND SEXUAL ACTIVITY. 142 00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:43,326 I THINK IT MAY HAVE SCARRED AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF MEN. 143 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:46,018 SO I DECIDED TO STOP. 144 00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:49,711 AND BEGIN THE HEALING PROCESS. 145 00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:51,610 - HOLY SH--. 146 00:04:51,644 --> 00:04:53,059 EXACTLY HOW MUCH TIME DID YOU SPEND BEATING OFF? 147 00:04:53,094 --> 00:04:54,371 - [laughs] 148 00:04:54,406 --> 00:04:56,200 - UM... 149 00:04:56,235 --> 00:04:58,064 [door opens, closes] 150 00:04:58,099 --> 00:05:01,205 OH, THERE IT IS. 151 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:02,724 - LET'S JUST HIT CLEAR HISTORY, 152 00:05:02,759 --> 00:05:04,139 ERASE HIS CRAP, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 153 00:05:04,174 --> 00:05:05,313 - EVEN THOUGH HE'S A PC GUY. 154 00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:07,729 - MY FATHER'S A PC GUY, SO... 155 00:05:07,764 --> 00:05:09,006 I CAN HANDLE THIS. 156 00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,974 JUST, UH, TWO CLICKS, 157 00:05:11,008 --> 00:05:13,148 AND EASY PEASY. 158 00:05:13,183 --> 00:05:16,807 HERE WE GO. [taps key] 159 00:05:16,842 --> 00:05:17,981 [female moaning over computer] 160 00:05:18,015 --> 00:05:19,396 - YEAH, SEE? TOLD YOU. 161 00:05:19,431 --> 00:05:21,329 - OKAY, OKAY, YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT. 162 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,987 I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING. 163 00:05:24,021 --> 00:05:26,092 NOW HERE COMES THE-- 164 00:05:26,127 --> 00:05:27,749 [horse neighs] all: OH! 165 00:05:27,784 --> 00:05:29,337 [overlapping exclamations] 166 00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,719 [horse neighing] - WHAT IS THAT? 167 00:05:31,753 --> 00:05:35,378 [all yelling] 168 00:05:35,412 --> 00:05:37,932 - IT'S LOUD! - IT'S SO LOUD! 169 00:05:37,966 --> 00:05:40,831 TURN IT OFF! [overlapping exclamations] 170 00:05:40,866 --> 00:05:41,832 - END IT! 171 00:05:41,867 --> 00:05:44,939 [silence] 172 00:05:44,973 --> 00:05:47,735 [elevator music plays] 173 00:05:47,769 --> 00:05:52,118 ♪ 174 00:05:56,468 --> 00:05:59,643 [indistinct radio transmission] 175 00:06:05,097 --> 00:06:06,685 - I DON'T BLAME YOU. 176 00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:08,756 I BLAME SOCIETY. 177 00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:10,689 AND THAT DAMN INTERNET. 178 00:06:10,723 --> 00:06:12,104 HOLD ON. 179 00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:15,452 I GOT SOMETHIN' MIGHT HELP YOU OUT. 180 00:06:15,487 --> 00:06:17,281 [indistinct radio transmission] 181 00:06:17,316 --> 00:06:18,731 - YOU THINK HE HAS A SPECIAL PILL 182 00:06:18,766 --> 00:06:20,837 OR A POTION OR SOMETHING? 183 00:06:20,871 --> 00:06:23,011 - BRIAN, HE'S NOT OZ. - HE'S VERY WISE. 184 00:06:23,046 --> 00:06:25,497 - I THINK I MAY HAVE TO GIVE UP PORN. 185 00:06:25,531 --> 00:06:27,015 - NOW, EVERYBODY, JUST LET'S NOT PANIC, OKAY? 186 00:06:27,050 --> 00:06:28,085 IT WAS A HORSE. 187 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,018 HAVING AN ORGASM. 188 00:06:30,053 --> 00:06:32,055 IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. 189 00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:33,090 AAH, MAYBE IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD. 190 00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:35,023 I CAN'T STOP SEEING IT. 191 00:06:35,058 --> 00:06:37,405 - DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE HOW BLUE THE HORSE'S EYES WERE? 192 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:42,065 - WHAT? - JUST TRYING TO HELP. 193 00:06:42,099 --> 00:06:46,379 - WHENEVER I FIND MYSELF ENGULFED 194 00:06:46,414 --> 00:06:48,554 IN BOTHERSOME THOUGHTS, 195 00:06:48,589 --> 00:06:52,075 I SIT DOWN AND HAVE ME SOME PURE HEAVEN ON EARTH. 196 00:06:52,109 --> 00:06:53,386 GO AHEAD, TAKE A BITE. 197 00:06:53,421 --> 00:06:56,010 [wrappers crinkling] 198 00:07:00,566 --> 00:07:03,949 I SAW A LOT OF BAD SH-- IN VIETNAM. 199 00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:05,260 BUT IT'S WHAT I EXPECTED. 200 00:07:05,295 --> 00:07:08,505 WAR. AND ALL ITS UGLY PARTS. 201 00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:12,060 BUT ONE TIME, ON THIS JOB... 202 00:07:12,095 --> 00:07:15,132 I DONE WHAT YOU FOOLS DID. 203 00:07:15,167 --> 00:07:18,308 I STUCK MY NOSE IN SOME PLACE WHERE IT DIDN'T BELONG. 204 00:07:18,342 --> 00:07:21,518 SEE, EVERYBODY'S GOT A SECRET. 205 00:07:21,553 --> 00:07:24,176 SO WHEN YOU GO IN SOMEONE'S HOME ON A CALL, 206 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,799 YOU WANNA DO WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO. 207 00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:29,008 SAVE THEIR ASS, AND GET 'EM IN THE RIG. 208 00:07:29,043 --> 00:07:30,976 HOW'S THE CANDY? 209 00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:33,496 - DELICIOUS. 210 00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:35,981 - ANYWAY, SO ONE TIME I'M SAVING THIS WOMAN 211 00:07:36,015 --> 00:07:37,914 CALLED IN A HEART ATTACK. 212 00:07:37,948 --> 00:07:40,537 SHE'S LAYING ON HER APARTMENT FLOOR, 213 00:07:40,572 --> 00:07:42,505 AND ONCE I GET HER ON THE STRETCHER, 214 00:07:42,539 --> 00:07:46,094 I THOUGHT I HEARD A NOISE COMING FROM HER CLOSET. 215 00:07:46,129 --> 00:07:48,372 SHE'S LIKE, "NO, IT'S OKAY. 216 00:07:48,407 --> 00:07:51,652 IT'S JUST MY CAT." 217 00:07:51,686 --> 00:07:53,446 BUT IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE NO CAT. 218 00:07:53,481 --> 00:07:58,106 IT SOUNDED BIG. 219 00:07:58,141 --> 00:08:00,453 REAL BIG. 220 00:08:00,488 --> 00:08:02,939 MY CURIOSITY GOT THE BEST OF ME. 221 00:08:02,973 --> 00:08:05,355 AND I OPENED UP THAT DOOR. 222 00:08:05,389 --> 00:08:06,977 AND WHAT I SAW 223 00:08:07,012 --> 00:08:09,393 ERASED ALL FOUR OF THOSE HORRIBLE YEARS 224 00:08:09,428 --> 00:08:11,844 I SERVED IN VIETNAM. 225 00:08:11,879 --> 00:08:17,194 - WAS IT A MOKAVE KING PUMA CAT? 226 00:08:17,229 --> 00:08:20,301 THEY'RE THE LARGEST DOMESTIC BREED. 227 00:08:20,335 --> 00:08:22,061 - NO. 228 00:08:22,096 --> 00:08:26,065 - IT WAS A 350-POUND MAN. 229 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,101 NAKED. 230 00:08:27,135 --> 00:08:30,380 IN A DIAPER. 231 00:08:30,414 --> 00:08:33,521 NOT IN A DIAPER 'CAUSE HE HAD INTESTINAL ISSUES. 232 00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,937 IN A DIAPER BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE A BABY. 233 00:08:35,972 --> 00:08:37,490 AGAIN! 234 00:08:41,529 --> 00:08:44,359 STILL THINKING ABOUT HORSES? all: NO. 235 00:08:44,394 --> 00:08:45,947 - I'M THINKING ABOUT THE WORLD'S LARGEST CASE 236 00:08:45,982 --> 00:08:47,328 OF DIAPER RASH. 237 00:08:47,362 --> 00:08:49,330 - SEE? IT WORKED. 238 00:08:49,364 --> 00:08:51,781 THE KEY TO THIS BUSINESS IS MINDING YOUR BUSINESS. 239 00:08:51,815 --> 00:08:55,163 AND KEEPING YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. 240 00:08:55,198 --> 00:08:57,062 'CAUSE WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR HEAD 241 00:08:57,096 --> 00:08:58,891 WILL STAY IN YOUR HEAD, MOUSSE. 242 00:08:58,926 --> 00:09:00,479 - WHY ARE YOU BUSTING ON ME? 243 00:09:00,513 --> 00:09:01,860 - HOW MANY TIMES I CATCH YOU 244 00:09:01,894 --> 00:09:03,965 LOOKING AT THAT FILTH ON YOUR PHONE, BOY? 245 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,173 - YEAH, MAN, WHAT'S THE POINT? 246 00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:06,692 - IT'S LIKE PORN ON A THIMBLE. 247 00:09:06,727 --> 00:09:07,831 DO YOU EVER CLEAR THE HISTORY ON THAT THING? 248 00:09:07,866 --> 00:09:09,246 - WHY? 249 00:09:09,281 --> 00:09:10,800 - IN CASE SOMEBODY TAKES A LOOK AT IT. 250 00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:12,871 - I DON'T WATCH FILTH ON THAT THING ANYMORE. 251 00:09:12,905 --> 00:09:14,424 I MOSTLY USE MY iPAD. 252 00:09:14,458 --> 00:09:16,840 - WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO WATCH PORN ON AN iPAD? 253 00:09:16,875 --> 00:09:18,497 - WELL, FIRST OF ALL, THE RESOLUTION IS AMAZING. 254 00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:21,155 AND SECOND, IT'S BIGGER-- OH, MY GOD! 255 00:09:21,189 --> 00:09:23,088 THERESA HAS MY iPAD! - SO? SHE KNOWS YOU WATCH PORN. 256 00:09:23,122 --> 00:09:24,434 - I TOLD HER I STOPPED. 257 00:09:24,468 --> 00:09:25,538 - WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? THAT'S IDIOTIC. 258 00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:27,023 - HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN ME? 259 00:09:27,057 --> 00:09:28,369 - GOOD POINT. SURPRISED IT DIDN'T HAPPEN SOONER. 260 00:09:28,403 --> 00:09:30,336 HOW MUCH TIME WE LOOKIN' AT? 261 00:09:30,371 --> 00:09:31,855 - SHE'S HAVING LUNCH WITH THE GIRLS AND HER SISTER. 262 00:09:31,890 --> 00:09:32,545 SO WE HAVE A BIT OF A WINDOW. - WHICH SISTER? 263 00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,168 - MAEVE. 264 00:09:34,202 --> 00:09:35,445 - OH, THAT'S A PRETTY BIG WINDOW. 265 00:09:35,479 --> 00:09:38,034 LET'S GO. - OKAY. 266 00:09:38,068 --> 00:09:42,279 - DID THE GIANT BABY HAVE A GIANT RATTLE? 267 00:09:42,314 --> 00:09:45,041 - BRIAN! - LET'S GO! 268 00:09:45,075 --> 00:09:46,076 [indistinct chatter] 269 00:09:46,111 --> 00:09:48,009 [laughter] 270 00:09:48,044 --> 00:09:50,909 [indistinct chatter] 271 00:09:50,943 --> 00:09:52,289 - I DON'T GET THE WHOLE 272 00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:53,843 MAYONNAISE-ON-FRENCH-FRY THING. 273 00:09:53,877 --> 00:09:55,189 MM-MM. NO. 274 00:09:55,223 --> 00:09:56,569 - IT'S EUROPEAN. 275 00:09:56,604 --> 00:09:58,399 THEY DO IT ALL OVER EUROPE. 276 00:09:58,433 --> 00:10:00,228 - [laughs] IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LOOK CLASSY. 277 00:10:00,263 --> 00:10:01,609 IT'S MAYONNAISE. 278 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:02,645 - IT'S SO CHIC. - NO, IT'S NOT. 279 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:05,406 - YES, IT IS. - NO, IT'S NOT. 280 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,235 - YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE EUROPEANS DO THAT'S CREEPY? 281 00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:08,581 THEY DRINK SODA WARM. 282 00:10:08,616 --> 00:10:10,135 - I LOVE WARM SODA. - SINCE WHEN? 283 00:10:10,169 --> 00:10:14,864 - SINCE FOREVER. - [scoffs] 284 00:10:14,898 --> 00:10:16,486 - ARE YOU OKAY THERE, STATS? 285 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,384 - I CAN'T FIND A BRA THAT FITS ME RIGHT. 286 00:10:18,419 --> 00:10:20,939 YOU GUYS ARE PRETTY WELL SET UP. HOW'D YOU DO THAT? 287 00:10:20,973 --> 00:10:23,562 - LIFT YOURSELF UP, AND THEN PUT YOURSELF IN THE CUP. 288 00:10:23,596 --> 00:10:25,875 SIZE UP, SIZE DOWN, IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT. 289 00:10:25,909 --> 00:10:29,395 [snickers] NOT SQUASHED. LIFT IT. 290 00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:31,432 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 291 00:10:31,466 --> 00:10:33,089 WE WILL ALL TAKE YOU SHOPPING AFTER LUNCH. 292 00:10:33,123 --> 00:10:36,092 - THEY LOVE BOOBS IN EUROPE. 293 00:10:36,126 --> 00:10:37,887 - AWESOME. 294 00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:41,373 WHOO-HOO! HUH? 295 00:10:46,965 --> 00:10:48,449 - IT'S 12:30. 296 00:10:48,483 --> 00:10:49,312 LET'S GET THE HELL IN THERE, GET THIS THING, 297 00:10:49,346 --> 00:10:53,247 AND GET OUT. 298 00:10:53,281 --> 00:10:56,560 - I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR CASH TELLING US THAT STORY. 299 00:10:56,595 --> 00:10:58,908 REALLY CLEARED MY HEAD. 300 00:10:58,942 --> 00:11:02,152 HOW BIG DO YOU THINK THAT DIAPER WAS? 301 00:11:02,187 --> 00:11:04,568 - HEY, YOUR SHOE'S UNTIED. - WHUP? SHOELACE SITUATION. 302 00:11:04,603 --> 00:11:05,984 [horse hooves clomping] 303 00:11:06,018 --> 00:11:08,262 [horse whinnies] 304 00:11:08,296 --> 00:11:11,230 - [cheerful] HEY, GUYS. HOW'S IT GOING? 305 00:11:11,265 --> 00:11:13,785 - HEY, JIMMY. YOU GOT TRANSFERRED TO MOUNTED. 306 00:11:13,819 --> 00:11:15,338 - NO, NO, REQUESTED IT, YOU KNOW? 307 00:11:15,372 --> 00:11:16,580 CHICKS DIG HORSES. 308 00:11:16,615 --> 00:11:18,582 [horse whinnies] - SO I HEAR. 309 00:11:18,617 --> 00:11:20,446 - YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE THE PUSSY A HORSE CAN PULL. 310 00:11:20,481 --> 00:11:21,758 - OH, YEAH, I WOULD. 311 00:11:21,793 --> 00:11:23,104 - YOU GOTTA SEE THE COCK ON THIS THING. 312 00:11:23,139 --> 00:11:24,105 IT'S LIKE FOUR LOUISVILLE SLUGGERS 313 00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:25,624 ALL DUCT-TAPED TOGETHER. 314 00:11:25,658 --> 00:11:27,281 YOU GUYS GOT A COUPLE MINUTES? 315 00:11:27,315 --> 00:11:29,076 'CAUSE USUALLY IF YOU JUST STAND STILL LONG ENOUGH, 316 00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,629 IT'LL JUST GET A RANDOM HARD ON. 317 00:11:30,663 --> 00:11:32,838 - ACTUALLY, WE'RE IN A BIT OF A RUSH. 318 00:11:32,873 --> 00:11:34,667 WE ONLY GOT TEN MINUTES FOR LUNCH. 319 00:11:34,702 --> 00:11:36,324 - MAYBE NEXT TIME. - OH, YEAH, OKAY, COOL. 320 00:11:36,359 --> 00:11:38,188 REAL COOL, ALL RIGHT, WELL, GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME. 321 00:11:38,223 --> 00:11:41,605 WE'LL GO TO THE TRACK AND HANG. 322 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,504 - GREAT. - TAKE IT EASY, GUYS. 323 00:11:43,538 --> 00:11:45,299 - ALL RIGHTY. - BRIAN, LET'S GO. 324 00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:46,300 HELLO! WAKE UP! 325 00:11:51,650 --> 00:11:55,205 [latch turns] 326 00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:00,348 - [whispering] GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 327 00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:04,525 GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 328 00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:06,389 - OKAY, WHERE IS IT? - SHHH! 329 00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:08,529 - NOBODY'S HOME. - SHHH! 330 00:12:08,563 --> 00:12:10,358 - SHE HAS A NOSY NEIGHBOR WHO CALLS THE COPS 331 00:12:10,393 --> 00:12:11,394 AT THE DROP OF A HAT. 332 00:12:11,428 --> 00:12:12,809 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 333 00:12:12,844 --> 00:12:14,224 LOOK, THIS IS HOW THIS IS GONNA GO DOWN. 334 00:12:14,259 --> 00:12:15,708 BRIAN, YOU TAKE THE FRONT QUADRANT, 335 00:12:15,743 --> 00:12:17,641 AND JOHNNY, YOU TAKE THE BACK QUADRANTS. 336 00:12:17,676 --> 00:12:18,573 WHY ARE YOU ASSIGNING QUADRANTS? IT'S MY GIRLFRIEND'S HOUSE. 337 00:12:18,608 --> 00:12:19,643 - I WAS IN THE MILITARY. 338 00:12:19,678 --> 00:12:20,748 I KNOW HOW TO ASSIGN QUADRANTS 339 00:12:20,783 --> 00:12:21,749 IN A SPY MISSION SITUATION. 340 00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:23,578 NOW, LOOK, BRIAN. 341 00:12:23,613 --> 00:12:25,063 - YOU TAKE THE KITCHEN QUADRANT. 342 00:12:25,097 --> 00:12:26,478 I'M GONNA TAKE THE BEDROOM QUADRANT. 343 00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:27,548 BRIAN, YOU TAKE THE LIVING ROOM QUADRANT. 344 00:12:27,582 --> 00:12:29,308 ALL RIGHT? BREAK. 345 00:12:29,343 --> 00:12:30,689 - THAT'S ONLY THREE QUADRANTS. - WHAT? 346 00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:31,586 - QUADRANTS MEANS FOUR AREAS. 347 00:12:31,621 --> 00:12:32,691 YOU ONLY ASSIGNED THREE. 348 00:12:32,725 --> 00:12:34,727 THE PREFIX "QUAD" MEANS "FOUR." 349 00:12:34,762 --> 00:12:36,177 - OKAY, FORGET THE QUADRANTS. - IT HAILS FROM THE LATIN-- 350 00:12:36,212 --> 00:12:38,007 - [whispering] FORGET THE QUADRANTS, OKAY? 351 00:12:38,041 --> 00:12:39,732 IT'LL BE JUST AN AREA, ALL RIGHT? 352 00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:41,148 LET'S GET THE THREE GODDAMNED AREAS. 353 00:12:41,182 --> 00:12:42,839 - I'VE MADE A DECISION! - SHHH! 354 00:12:42,874 --> 00:12:44,358 I'M NOT WHISPERING - KEEP YOUR GODDAMN VOICE DOWN. 355 00:12:44,392 --> 00:12:45,393 - BRIAN, YOU TAKE THE LIVING ROOM QUADRANT 356 00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:47,257 AND THE KITCHEN QUADRANT. 357 00:12:47,292 --> 00:12:49,432 - THIS WOMAN IS A PSYCHOPATH. [car horn honks twice] 358 00:12:49,466 --> 00:12:53,677 [dog yipping] 359 00:12:53,712 --> 00:12:55,507 - YOU HAPPY NOW? 360 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:58,337 - ALL RIGHT. - ARE HAPPY NOW? 361 00:12:58,372 --> 00:13:00,684 - OKAY, OKAY. 362 00:13:00,719 --> 00:13:02,376 - OH, MY GOD. 363 00:13:02,410 --> 00:13:04,136 - WHAT? - THERESA'S COMPUTER. 364 00:13:04,171 --> 00:13:07,830 - OH, DON'T DO IT, JOHN. - DO YOU THINK IT'S WRONG? 365 00:13:07,864 --> 00:13:11,385 - YES. PLUS, I BELIEVE THAT IT'S IN MY QUADRANT. 366 00:13:11,419 --> 00:13:12,386 - LOOK, NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS. 367 00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:14,250 - HOW BAD COULD IT BE? 368 00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:15,699 - DIDN'T WE ANSWER THAT QUESTION EARLIER TODAY? 369 00:13:15,734 --> 00:13:17,356 - LOOK, I KNOW WHAT THERESA'S INTO. 370 00:13:17,391 --> 00:13:20,083 AND IT'S NOT HORSES HAVING SEX, OKAY? 371 00:13:20,118 --> 00:13:21,360 IT'S REAL ESTATE AND GUNS. 372 00:13:21,395 --> 00:13:23,224 AND SHOES. 373 00:13:23,259 --> 00:13:28,436 AND I GUARANTEE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO SEE. 374 00:13:28,471 --> 00:13:32,233 [taps key] 375 00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:34,442 "THE ROCK"? 376 00:13:34,477 --> 00:13:37,549 THAT MUST BE A GLITCH. 377 00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,413 [taps key] "THE ROCK" AGAIN? 378 00:13:39,447 --> 00:13:41,691 - HIT HISTORY. 379 00:13:41,725 --> 00:13:44,452 "'THE ROCK' ABS. 'THE ROCK' ARMS. 380 00:13:44,487 --> 00:13:46,696 'THE ROCK' ASS"? 381 00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:48,249 "'THE ROCK' EYES?" 382 00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:49,595 - WHO'S DWAYNE JOHNSON? 383 00:13:49,630 --> 00:13:51,770 - ALSO THE ROCK. HIS GIVEN NAME. 384 00:13:51,804 --> 00:13:54,083 HE DEBUTED AS THE ROCK IN 1996, 385 00:13:54,117 --> 00:13:55,463 WHEN HE BECAME A PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER. 386 00:13:55,498 --> 00:13:57,534 - OH, MY GOD. - WOW. 387 00:13:57,569 --> 00:13:59,571 THAT PORN HORSE AND THE ROCK 388 00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:02,056 HAVE THE SAME EXACT MUSCULAR DEFINITION. 389 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,644 - LOOK AT THE RIPPLES ON THAT BACK. 390 00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:05,439 - OKAY, ENOUGH. 391 00:14:05,473 --> 00:14:09,892 THIS IS AN INVASION OF THERESA'S PRIVACY. 392 00:14:09,926 --> 00:14:12,204 - "PENELOPE CRUZ LIPS," "PENELOPE CRUZ EYES." 393 00:14:12,239 --> 00:14:13,757 - OH. - "PENELOPE CRUZ BIKINI"? 394 00:14:13,792 --> 00:14:16,208 "PREGNANT PENELOPE CRUZ BIKINI"? 395 00:14:16,243 --> 00:14:18,279 YOU USE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S COMPUTER 396 00:14:18,314 --> 00:14:20,385 TO LOOK AT CELEBRITY CHICKS? - N-- 397 00:14:20,419 --> 00:14:22,387 - PREGNANT CELEBRITY CHICKS? I'M SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. 398 00:14:22,421 --> 00:14:24,044 - NOT ME. IT'S THERESA. 399 00:14:24,078 --> 00:14:25,631 PENELOPE CRUZ IS HER LESBIAN FREE TICKET. 400 00:14:25,666 --> 00:14:26,632 IT'S THE ONE GIRL SHE'D EVER HAVE SEX WITH 401 00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,496 IF SHE EVER HAD THE CHANCE. 402 00:14:28,531 --> 00:14:31,672 ME, BEING A GRACIOUS BOYFRIEND, SAID SHE COULD DO IT. 403 00:14:31,706 --> 00:14:33,329 - WHO'S YOUR FREE TICKET? - JENNIFER ANISTON. 404 00:14:33,363 --> 00:14:36,470 - OH, YOU MORON. - WHAT? WHY AM I A MORON? 405 00:14:36,504 --> 00:14:39,645 - BECAUSE IF YOU PICK PENELOPE CRUZ TOO, 406 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,440 AND THE DAY HAPPENS TO COME WHERE YOU BOTH MEET HER 407 00:14:41,475 --> 00:14:43,684 AND YOU HIT IT OFF, YOU GET TO HAVE A THREESOME! 408 00:14:43,718 --> 00:14:45,755 - EVEN I KNOW THAT. - OH, I DIDN'T-- 409 00:14:45,789 --> 00:14:47,343 - PUT 'EM UP, MOTHERFU-- - OH! 410 00:14:47,377 --> 00:14:49,517 - HOLY SH--, YOU GUYS! 411 00:14:49,552 --> 00:14:52,693 I ALMOST WASTED Y'ALL! - JESUS. BILLY! 412 00:14:52,727 --> 00:14:54,453 OH, MY GOD. 413 00:14:54,488 --> 00:14:56,145 WHY--WHY DON'T-- 414 00:14:56,179 --> 00:14:58,837 WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON? 415 00:14:58,871 --> 00:15:04,256 WHY IS YOUR PENIS SO BIG? 416 00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:05,982 - IT'S NOT THATBIG. 417 00:15:06,017 --> 00:15:08,364 - I SAY THIS AS A BLACK MAN AND A GAY DUDE, 418 00:15:08,398 --> 00:15:10,159 YOUR COCK IS ENORMOUS. 419 00:15:10,193 --> 00:15:11,470 - REALLY? THANKS, MAN. 420 00:15:11,505 --> 00:15:12,920 MY BROTHERS ARE BIGGER. 421 00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:14,611 I'M THE SMALLEST ONE IN MY FAMILY. 422 00:15:14,646 --> 00:15:16,165 - I WOULD LOVE TO VISIT THEIR HOUSE FOR THANKSGIVING. 423 00:15:16,199 --> 00:15:18,477 - GOD, YOUR BALLS LOOK TINY. 424 00:15:18,512 --> 00:15:21,687 - HOW--HOW DO YOU BUY PANTS? 425 00:15:21,722 --> 00:15:23,655 I DON'T KNOW WHO'S BIGGER, HIM OR THE PORN HORSE. 426 00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:26,692 - HE IS, BY A NOSE. 427 00:15:26,727 --> 00:15:27,797 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, BILLY? 428 00:15:27,831 --> 00:15:30,075 - I WAS SLEEPING UPSTAIRS. - NAKED? 429 00:15:30,110 --> 00:15:31,318 - YEAH. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO FIND THE RIGHT SIZE UNDERWEAR. 430 00:15:31,352 --> 00:15:32,767 - MY HOUSE IS CLOSE TO THE STATION, 431 00:15:32,802 --> 00:15:34,700 NO UNDERWEAR NECESSARY. - STOP HITTING ON HIM. 432 00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:38,290 - HE'S NOT HITTING ON ME. - OH, I'M HITTING ON YOU HARD. 433 00:15:38,325 --> 00:15:39,533 - DID YOU SLEEP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND? 434 00:15:39,567 --> 00:15:42,432 - UM...I DON'T THINK SO. 435 00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:44,848 [door opens] 436 00:15:44,883 --> 00:15:47,161 - HOLY SH--! - OH, MY GOD. 437 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,439 HE'S COVERING IT UP AND I CAN STILL SEE IT. 438 00:15:49,474 --> 00:15:51,338 - 99TH PERCENTILE, THAT'S HOW BIG THAT IS. 439 00:15:51,372 --> 00:15:53,271 99TH PERCENTILE. - WOW. 440 00:15:53,305 --> 00:15:55,169 - UM, I THINK I'M GONNA PUT SOME PANTS ON. 441 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,550 - NO! - NO! 442 00:15:56,584 --> 00:15:59,035 - I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. - OKAY. 443 00:15:59,070 --> 00:16:01,486 - WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 444 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,350 - WHAT IS HEDOING HERE? 445 00:16:03,384 --> 00:16:04,972 - HIS APARTMENT'S BEING FUMIGATED, 446 00:16:05,007 --> 00:16:06,836 AND HE'S WORKING NIGHTS COVERING FOR A GUY, 447 00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:08,907 SO I SAID HE COULD STAY HERE. WHAT ARE YOUDOING HERE? 448 00:16:08,941 --> 00:16:12,048 - WELL, I JUST CAME OVER TO-- 449 00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:14,913 TO, UH, SHOW THE GUYS THE NEW COFFEE TABLE. 450 00:16:14,947 --> 00:16:16,466 THERE IT IS, BOYS. WHAT'D I TELL YOU? 451 00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:17,640 - OH, WOW! IS THIS OAK? 452 00:16:17,674 --> 00:16:18,848 - DID YOU GET THIS USED? 453 00:16:18,882 --> 00:16:20,194 - YEAH, YEAH. IT'S NICE. 454 00:16:20,229 --> 00:16:22,369 - WHY IS MY COMPUTER OPEN? 455 00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:26,476 - THE TRUTH IS THAT iPAD-- MY iPAD THAT I LENT YOU-- 456 00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:28,375 IT'S, UH... 457 00:16:28,409 --> 00:16:31,481 IT'S GOT PORN ON IT. - I KNOW. 458 00:16:31,516 --> 00:16:34,174 - YOU LOOKED AT MY iPAD? - TWO SECONDS AFTER YOU LEFT. 459 00:16:34,208 --> 00:16:35,899 WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE TELLING THE TRUTH 460 00:16:35,934 --> 00:16:40,249 ABOUT GIVING UP PORN, WHICH OF COURSE YOU WEREN'T. 461 00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:41,905 YOU LOOKED AT MY COMPUTER? - YEAH, I DID. 462 00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:43,838 AND I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT. 463 00:16:43,873 --> 00:16:44,874 BUT JUST WHAT THE HELL IS THE DEAL WITH ALL THE... 464 00:16:44,908 --> 00:16:46,255 - HEY! - ROCK PICTURES, HUH? 465 00:16:46,289 --> 00:16:47,773 - HEY! - CAN YOU TELL ME THAT? 466 00:16:47,808 --> 00:16:48,912 - FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. 467 00:16:48,947 --> 00:16:50,224 - [laughs] - SECOND OF ALL... 468 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:52,882 I LIKE THE ROCK. HE'S HANDSOME. 469 00:16:52,916 --> 00:16:54,746 HE'S AGILE. 470 00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:56,437 AND HE'S FUNNY. 471 00:16:56,472 --> 00:16:57,714 - AND HE CAN DO THAT THING WITH HIS EYEBROWS. 472 00:16:57,749 --> 00:16:59,371 - YES, HE CAN. 473 00:16:59,406 --> 00:17:00,959 - I LOVE WHEN HE DOES THE EYEBROWS. 474 00:17:00,993 --> 00:17:02,719 - THE ROCK IS HUGE IN EUROPE. THEY LOVE HIM THERE. 475 00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:06,930 - WHAT'S WITH PENELOPE CRUZ? - [laughs] 476 00:17:06,965 --> 00:17:09,416 - SHE'S MY LESBIAN FREE TICKET, OKAY? 477 00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,452 - WHO'S HIS FREE TICKET? - JENNIFER ANISTON. PFFT. 478 00:17:11,487 --> 00:17:12,729 - IDIOT! 479 00:17:12,764 --> 00:17:14,283 - IF IT WAS PENELOPE CRUZ, THEN-- 480 00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:17,182 - YEAH, I GOT IT NOW, STATS. THANKS. 481 00:17:17,217 --> 00:17:18,873 - SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT BROWSER HISTORY... 482 00:17:18,908 --> 00:17:20,772 [laughs] - HMM. 483 00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:24,224 - WHAT IS WITH ALL OF THE RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS SEARCHES 484 00:17:24,258 --> 00:17:25,880 ON YOUR iPAD, HUH? 485 00:17:25,915 --> 00:17:28,918 "RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS BERMUDA," 486 00:17:28,952 --> 00:17:30,506 "RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS ITALY." 487 00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,680 "RACHEL MCADAMS TOPLESS MACAU"? 488 00:17:32,715 --> 00:17:34,544 - SHE TRAVELS A LOT. - OH. 489 00:17:34,579 --> 00:17:36,581 - IT'S EMBARRASSING, BUT THE TRUTH IS... 490 00:17:36,615 --> 00:17:38,548 I DON'T HAVE ANY TOPLESS PICTURES OF YOU, 491 00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:39,687 AND SHE KIND OF REMINDS ME OF YOU. 492 00:17:39,722 --> 00:17:41,551 THERE YOU GO. 493 00:17:41,586 --> 00:17:44,968 I WANTED A TOPLESS PICTURE OF YOU, 494 00:17:45,003 --> 00:17:48,386 AND THAT WAS AS CLOSE AS I COULD GET. 495 00:17:48,420 --> 00:17:49,904 - THAT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF SWEET. 496 00:17:49,939 --> 00:17:51,906 - YOU NEVER GAVE HIM ANY TOPLESS PHOTOS? 497 00:17:51,941 --> 00:17:53,460 IN EUROPE, EVERYONE GOES TOPLESS. 498 00:17:53,494 --> 00:17:55,047 - SHUT UP, MAEVE. 499 00:17:55,082 --> 00:17:57,602 YOU SPENT ONE SEMESTER STUDYING IN SCOTLAND. 500 00:17:57,636 --> 00:18:00,122 [sighs] 501 00:18:00,156 --> 00:18:03,263 YOU THINK I LOOK LIKE RACHEL MCADAMS? 502 00:18:03,297 --> 00:18:05,437 - YEAH. I DO. 503 00:18:05,472 --> 00:18:07,957 A LOT. 504 00:18:07,991 --> 00:18:09,545 SO MUCH SO THAT I'VE SEEN ALL OF HER MOVIES... 505 00:18:09,579 --> 00:18:10,994 EXCEPT THE VOW. - OH, MY GOD. 506 00:18:11,029 --> 00:18:12,548 WHAT ARE YOU SAVING IT FOR? 507 00:18:12,582 --> 00:18:14,308 - THERESA, I CAN'T FIND MY PANTS. 508 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,965 - DANG IT, BILLY. 509 00:18:15,999 --> 00:18:19,624 - YES! - IS THAT MY iPAD? 510 00:18:19,658 --> 00:18:22,489 - IS YOURS THE ONE WITH BIG BOOBY CAR WASHON IT? 511 00:18:22,523 --> 00:18:24,284 - YES. - YEAH. 512 00:18:24,318 --> 00:18:25,768 - YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S YOURS. 513 00:18:25,802 --> 00:18:26,803 - REALLY? - MM-HMM. 514 00:18:26,838 --> 00:18:27,977 - THANKS, MAN. 515 00:18:28,011 --> 00:18:29,323 - CHICAGO NORTH... - NO! 516 00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,497 - AMBULANCE 14. - OH, THANK GOD. 517 00:18:30,531 --> 00:18:31,636 - LIFE ALERT, 16 EAST GROVE. 518 00:18:31,670 --> 00:18:32,809 - THAT'S OUR QUADRANT. 519 00:18:32,844 --> 00:18:35,398 WE'D LOVE TO STAY, BUT... 520 00:18:35,433 --> 00:18:36,951 - AMBULANCE 14 RESPONDING. 521 00:18:36,986 --> 00:18:39,920 ONE OF YOU BITCHES IS TAKING A PICTURE. 522 00:18:39,954 --> 00:18:43,234 - GUYS. 523 00:18:43,268 --> 00:18:44,994 - [laughing] 524 00:18:52,346 --> 00:18:53,589 - WHICH ROOM WAS IT? [phone ringing] 525 00:18:53,623 --> 00:18:55,487 - 2-0-0-8. 526 00:18:58,076 --> 00:19:00,043 - EMERGENCY SERVICES! 527 00:19:00,078 --> 00:19:01,528 - WHY IS THE PHONE STILL RINGING? 528 00:19:01,562 --> 00:19:03,046 - 911 DISPATCH. NOBODY'S ANSWERING. 529 00:19:03,081 --> 00:19:04,634 - HELLO? EMERGENCY SERVICES! 530 00:19:04,669 --> 00:19:07,741 HELLO? ALL RIGHT, STAND BACK. 531 00:19:10,813 --> 00:19:13,436 HELLO? 532 00:19:13,471 --> 00:19:14,851 [phone ringing] - [indistinct talking] 533 00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:16,853 [moaning] OH, MY GOD! 534 00:19:16,888 --> 00:19:18,821 OH, THAT'S IT. OH, THAT'S IT. 535 00:19:18,855 --> 00:19:21,686 all: OH! - OH! OH, MY GOD! 536 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,688 GET OUTTA MY HOUSE! - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 537 00:19:23,722 --> 00:19:25,241 - CALL THE POLICE. - NO! NOPE, NOPE. 538 00:19:25,276 --> 00:19:26,656 EVERYTHING'S OKAY. WE'RE PARAMEDICS. 539 00:19:26,691 --> 00:19:28,486 WE GOT AN EMERGENCY CALL. 540 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,247 - THIS IS THE EMTs. IT'S A FALSE ALARM. 541 00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:34,077 IT LOOKS LIKE THE LIFE ALERT WAS SET OFF, UM... 542 00:19:34,112 --> 00:19:36,321 ACCIDENTALLY. - OH, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING. 543 00:19:36,356 --> 00:19:38,806 - SHH, OKAY. - IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY. 544 00:19:38,841 --> 00:19:42,845 UM, JUST NEXT TIME YOU ENGAGE IN ATHLETIC ACTIVITIES, 545 00:19:42,879 --> 00:19:44,053 UM, TAKE OFF THE NECKLACE. - PLEASE. 546 00:19:44,087 --> 00:19:45,641 - THANK YOU. - PLEASE. 547 00:19:45,675 --> 00:19:46,883 - WE'RE JUST GONNA... - PLEASE. 548 00:19:46,918 --> 00:19:48,816 - [speaks indistinctly] 549 00:19:52,717 --> 00:19:55,720 [elevator music plays] 550 00:19:55,754 --> 00:19:57,894 ♪ 551 00:20:26,544 --> 00:20:28,994 OKAY, CAN WE JUST-- - YEAH. 552 00:20:29,029 --> 00:20:30,755 - THAT WAS SO-- - BEAUTIFUL. 553 00:20:30,789 --> 00:20:32,688 [laughing] RIGHT? 554 00:20:32,722 --> 00:20:35,932 TWO HUMANS IN LOVE, THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE. 555 00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:38,383 THAT-- THAT WAS POETRY. 556 00:20:38,418 --> 00:20:40,661 - IT WAS THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS MAKING A SEX TAPE. 557 00:20:40,696 --> 00:20:41,524 - NOT TO ME. 558 00:20:41,559 --> 00:20:43,768 I WAS MOVED. 559 00:20:43,802 --> 00:20:47,427 HORSE...GONE. 560 00:20:49,981 --> 00:20:52,259 SEE YA, GUYS. 561 00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:53,743 - I DON'T THINK I'M EVER GONNA GET THAT MAN'S SAGGY SCROTUM 562 00:20:53,778 --> 00:20:55,055 OUTTA MY HEAD. - OR HER ASS. 563 00:20:55,089 --> 00:20:57,713 IT WAS SO, UH, WRINKLED. 564 00:20:57,747 --> 00:20:58,783 I MEAN, I THOUGHT IT WAS HER ASS. 565 00:20:58,817 --> 00:21:00,371 MAYBE IT WAS-- OY. 566 00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:01,958 GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY. 567 00:21:01,993 --> 00:21:03,097 [phone chimes] GIANT BABY, GIANT BABY. 568 00:21:03,132 --> 00:21:06,031 GIANT BABY... - TEXT FROM MAEVE. 569 00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:07,723 OOH, PLEASE BE WHAT I THINK IT MIGHT BE. 570 00:21:07,757 --> 00:21:09,725 JACKPOT! - WHAT? 571 00:21:09,759 --> 00:21:12,141 - GOODBYE, SAGGY SCROTUM. HELLO, KING DONG. 572 00:21:12,175 --> 00:21:13,625 SHE SENT ME A PHOTO OF BILLY'S DICK. 573 00:21:13,660 --> 00:21:14,626 SHE SENT ME A PHOTO OF BILLY DICK. 574 00:21:14,661 --> 00:21:16,421 - AH. 575 00:21:16,456 --> 00:21:18,043 - [exhales] I'M A FREE MAN. 576 00:21:18,078 --> 00:21:19,769 I'MA SAVE THIS BITCH RIGHT NOW. 577 00:21:19,804 --> 00:21:21,461 - WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? 578 00:21:21,495 --> 00:21:24,360 [repeating] GIANT BABY. [phone chimes] 579 00:21:24,395 --> 00:21:28,088 IT'S A TEXT FROM THERESA. - WHAT IS IT? 580 00:21:28,122 --> 00:21:31,091 - NOTHING. 581 00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:32,506 - [sighs]