(Man laughs continuously)
MAN: Shut up!
MAN: So, girls,
this advertising campaign is for a new type of aftershave
specifically targeting the poor demographic.
It's called...
...Stank.
I just want you girls to give me your best trashy
when we get there, alright? You understand?
What we're looking for here is total realism.
Total realism.
That's why I picked this, the worst suburb in Australia.
The worst.
- Have a go at that, bra! - Wow!
Come on, everyone. Let's go.
Let's go. Security. Thank you.
Girls, let's go. Let's get into our gear. Quickly.
So, girls, when it comes to the walk,
we're going to want kind of a drunk, ﬂat hustle.
Good.
Ohm.
(Phone rings)
(Shrieks)
I gotta go!
Give me skank!
Ha-ha!
Thanks for the text, man.
Have a go at that, Franky!
Come on, girls. Give it to me! Give me slut!
Ahh!
Come on, babe. Put something into it.
(All laugh)
- Get your gear off! - I think she was looking on me, man.
- Show us your titties! - Nah, no way, bro.
- She was on me. - Show Reg your titties!
Ahh!
(All cheer)
Yeah, fucking cop that, ya fuckin' anorexic sluts!
Fuckin' comin' down here ﬂashing ya fuckin' gash round, makin' my man horny!
Arggh!
Let's smash those posh wankers!
Arggh!
Hey, Shaz, all this has made me fully toey, babe!
You fancy a 68?
What the fuck's a 68?
It's like a 69,
but you give me head and then I owe ya one!
I'll fuckin' give ya head!
I'll give ya a fuckin' broken head, ya fuckwit!
Stop makin' so much bloody noise!
(Siren blares) - I can't hear the TV!
All the people on the pension...
- Make some noise! (All cheer)
♪ (Raps) We hang down on the block
♪ This is where we live and we just don't give a fuck
- Yeah, bro! J“ 'Cause we don't have a job
♪ Some scam and others rob
♪ We wear thongs, bro
♪ We do AVOs, we wear uggs, bro... ♪
Where'd me kids go?
And if you come here after 7:00...
- You'll have to deal with Kevin. - Why?
♪ 'Cause we're houses
♪ Houses, housos
♪ Houses, houses, housos
♪ Houses, housos, houses'. 4'
Neighbours getting to be good friends?
Yeah, fucking come down to Sunnyvale, mate!
(Babies cry)
(Babies cry continuously)
How ya goin'?
My name's Barry. (Laughs)
Most people call me Bazza.
This is me local.
I know ya met me niece, Shazza Jones, a bit earlier.
She's a good sort, eh? (Laughs)
If I was a bit younger, and wasn't her uncle, I'd probably give her one.
(Laughs)
He fucked up...
BAZZA: Shazza lives with her de facto, Dazza.
Yeah, times are tough around here.
(Laughs)
Shut up, ya fuckin' monger!
You spastic!
Have a look!
Bloody parking fines and court bills and your mum's fuckin' prescriptions!
We need money!
I can't hear the television!
And poor old Shazza, oh, she hasn't had a good run lately.
Hey, Beryl, can you mind Bub for me? I need to have a cone!
I'm not lookin' after your kids so you can get off your bloody head!
SHAZZA: Bitch!
What?
Shazza's dad, me brother, Wazza, he passed away recently.
Poor bugger.
He had a heart attack
while he was in bed with this filly he picked up at the races.
Not the four-legged kind, you know, that'd be weird.
We were ail upset, but it hit Shazza pretty hard.
I guess the worst part was we couldn't afford a decent funeral.
We could have got Dad a heaps better fuckin' headstone
if you didn't waste all the cheque money on that fuckin' esky wagon!
You're fucked in the face, Daz!
Maybe we should leave Shazza and Dazza alone for a little while.
Why don't I give you a tour of Sunnyvale?
Most people think it's a shithole. But it's not. It's our area.
It's where we grew up. It's where we live.
These are the local cops.
They're just a bunch of boofheads if you ask me.
Stop!
Fuck it! Fuck it! They're juveniles.
Too much paperwork. Fuck it.
I'd like to taser those little arseholes!
Nothin' but a bunch of fuckin' oxygen thieves!
Yeah, that's the local Lebo gang,
the Sunnyvale Assassins.
Not the bloody sharpest tools in the shed, this lot.
Last week, they tried to do a drive-by on a bloke that owed them money.
But because the coppers defected all their cars,
one of them had to get his mum to drive them.
(Tyres screech)
What the fuck's going on?! Slow down!
Oh, my God! Like, Mummy!
Slow down, please. What are you doing?
(Yells in Arabic)
Oh, my God! Like, you're s'posed to go slow so I can shoot them.
(Yells in Arabic)
Who the fuck brings their mum to a drive-by, you dickhead?!
Shut up, Rocky! Where's your mum?
Don't talk about my mum, Habib, or I'll shoot ya!
Did you see that?
I think there was a Ninja inside the car.
Oh, have a go at this lot.
Yeah, they're the local junkies.
'Cause they keep robbing all the buses,
they don't even run a bus service down here anymore.
Ya didn't have to take my lunch, ya little pricks!
Bloody junkies.
(All cheer)
This here's a bit of a birthday tradition down here on the block.
'Cause most people can't afford a cake for their birthdays,
we usually just burn a car instead.
Hey, Big Wheels, you gonna be on the icerink later?
Sure am, bro. Wanna buy some dope?
Nah, man.
Even if I did, like, as if I could afford it.
That bloke there is Franky.
He's Dana's best mate.
Good bloke, but he's always in trouble with either the coppers or the ladies.
Franky, fuckin' off from a threesome before ya blow?
I thought I was dating a fuckin' gentleman.
Oh, one minute slap my arse, 'Oh, go harder, Franky.'
Now, 'Be gentle, man.'
Don't confuse on my brain, please. (Siren blares)
Oh, sometimes he's in trouble with both at the same time.
(Siren blares)
Falzoni! Stop, Falzoni! Stop there!
Here. Time for me to take the dogs for a run.
Fuckin' go, Franky!
Go fuckin' under it! Fuckin' under it!
Fuck!
- Stop the cops, mate! - Fuck off!
I wanna block the coppers, mate!
Arggh!
Park your fuckin' vehicle properly, will ya, ya fuckwit!
I got a fucked motor brain, ya fuckin' mongrel dog!
- Get the little prick! - Come here, ya little fuck!
Too slow, mate! Too slow!
Big Wheels! Give us a lift, mate. Turn around! The cops are comin'!
- Get on, get on. - Go!
- Wanna buy some rack, man, or what? - No, man, just a lift.
If you wanna know why the coppers are after Franky, well, it's simple.
'Cause he's always doin' stupid shit.
Have a bit of a squiz at what he did yesterday 'cause he was bored.
I am the cop hunter!
(Tyres screech)
What the fuck is he doing?
- Ahhhh! - Ahhhhhh!
Ohm.
How did I miss them?!
Alcohol.
That's why they say don't drink and drive.
It affects accuracy.
Ha!
Look on that, mate!
Not even a scratch, mate!
And I did it 'cause I hate authority, mate! I hate it!
Sunnyvale, mate! Sunnyvale for life, mate.
Yeah!
You're fuckin' mental!
Fuck, what's mental about that?
Oh, I think I might have shit meself!
Come back here, ya little fuck!
- Where'd he fuckin' go? - Fucked if I know.
Ask these coconuts. They might have fuckin' seen him.
Oi!
Did you see a little guy run through here
with his hat on backwards, little poofy shorts and fuckin' thongs on?
Why don't youse just piss off
and go catch some real criminals
instead of comin' down here and scarin' my kids, ya dogs?!
What the fuck do you think we're trying to do, ya stupid scrag!
Oi, don't talk to my missus like that, bro.
That's Dazza's other best mate, Kev,
and his missus, Vanessa.
She's not a bad bird,
but she's always on about her arse.
You two lazy pigs are just jealous, eh,
that you'll never get this fuckin' arse, eh?!
The fuckin' bestest arse in Sunnyvale, mate!
The bestest arse in fuckin' Sunnyvale?
I'm surprised it fits in fuckin' Sunnyvale.
- Your head looks like a fuckin' arse. - It's a two-suburber.
I reckon she's got a donkey arse, and the donkey wants it back.
You can't fuckin' sleep there, mate. Get that fuckin' thing out of the way.
- Hey! Where youse off to? - Oh, we're not ambos, mate!
- Just ring triple-O, ya pillock! - Come help me!
Oh, shit!
Darren, go and get the letters.
I fuckin' twisted me knee
when I slipped on the shitty nappy that you didn't pick up!
You might remember I did my fuckin' hip, too,
which is why I can't work,
so I can't get up and go and get the mail!
Fuck! Thanks for caring!
Reg! Get the letters.
The letters.
(Shouting in distance)
Tyres! Why would they steal the fuckin' tyres?
Give us back our fuckin' tyres, ya junkies!
(Laughs)
Oh, me fuckin' nuts!
You useless fuckin' monger, Reg!
Don't speak to your stepfather like that!
Oh, come on, Mum. You don't even root him anymore.
You probably don't even toss him.
You're only with him for a fuckin' carer's benefit.
I'm not stupid!
(Laughs)
Sharon!
(Continues laughing)
Ya spastic fuckin' clown.
(Continues laughing)
Shut up!
' He)', Shaz? - What?!
I got a letter here for ya.
It's from Alice Springs.
I don't know anyone from Alice Springs, ya dickhead!
WOMAN'. Dear Sharon, I know you're pissed off with me
because I ran off with Keith the kangaroo trainer when you were three.
But right now, love, put that emotion to the side.
I'm sick and I need to see ya.
Me address is on the envelope and me phone number, too,
or you can add me on Facebook, or you can send me a tweet.
Hurry, love. Your loving mum, Rayleen.
How could you leave me and Dad for that fuckin' gronk, Mum?
How could ya?
Fuckin' bitch.
(Sighs)
Oh, hey, Shaz,
I know you're upset but I'm dying for a cone.
Can you chuck us the bong?
Nah, look, me mum just sent me a letter saying she's sick
and I just don't know how to feel about it, alright?
Didn't she piss off when you were a kid?
SHAZZA: It's fucked.
I don't even remember that much about her, eh.
Except she taught me how to roll me first joint.
I remember once Mum teaching me me first fuckin' swear word.
Your dad, Wazza, is fucked in the face, Shazza.
Say it. Fucked in the face.
Fucked in the face.
And the only other thing I remember
was catching Mum and Dad rooting back in the day.
Fuck, Dad used to go hard after he'd come home from the pub.
I never even got to know her. She just pissed off, eh.
Like Mr Kelly says, 'Such is life', Shaz.
Now stop being such a selfish mole,
and give us the fuckin' bong!
Or at least a ciggie!
Piss off! Arggh!
Serves ya right, ya dickhead!
Arggh! Oh, shit, my fuckin' arm!
Anybody video that?
Why weren't you filming? I could have got more pension!
(Shouts in Arabic) - Ohh, shit!
(Phone beeps)
Oh, fuck this!
I'm going down the icerink with Franky and Kev!
Bring me some smokes! And some tampons!
Oh, yeah! I just pay for 'em with me imaginary credit card, you bloody idiot!
Don't grow up and be like Mummy, Neddy.
(Coughs)
How could ya, Mum?
(Shouts in Arabic)
Oh, no, it's all good, mate. Don't worry about payment.
It's pensioner-free Tuesday. I'm on the pension.
VIP, very important pensioner.
Good on ya, mate. Keep an eye on my wheels for me.
Dazza, you space cadet. How you doing, man?
Yeah, not bad.
The missus has got the shits again.
How's the cripple drifting going?
Like, I think they've pulled off a few decent moves today.
I've even seen, like, a couple of these donuts they've been doing.
Spin 'em, Big Wheels! Go, mate!
It's not a patch on Bathurst, matey.
Oh, hey, this'll make everything better, bro.
(Giggles)
Franky, matey, what's going on with the pussy lately?
'Cause you keep changing your Facey status, eh.
I can't keep up, mate.
Yeah, man, look, I don't know, the thing of it is, like,
I think I'm still full like cut over what's happened to Kylie,
'cause I do feel like I'm full responsible and that.
KYLIE, ON PHONE: I love you. - I keep like doing my head in
by playing her last video message over and over.
- I love you! - Oh, it wasn't your fault, bro.
Just like a stale beer, ya gotta move on, cuz.
But, man, like, you know, I feel guilty 'cause,
look, I was the one who asked her to tag that train,
like, as a love dedication tag.
You really gonna do it?
- I love you. - Yeah, I love you, man!
And, like, you know, if probably she had not tagged it for me...
Yeah, go, go.
...maybe she would not, like, have got like hitten by the train.
Go, Kylie!
(Horn blows)
Kylie, that's too close for a tag!
Kylieeee!
KYLIE: I love you. - Kev's right, matey.
Ya just gotta get over it, eh.
Yeah, but, man, like, I've been trying.
Like, you know, I've been rooting other chicks
to, like, make my brain forget you know, about Kylie.
GIRL: Franky, come on!
- Um... - Fuck, Franky!
- Yeah, it's just not happening, mate. - What?!
Like, I got back with Cheree, my ex.
Fuck, she used to be hot, man, but then she got on the ice.
And now ya can't get a fat, mate. She's a shocker.
I'm fuckin' awesome. I still am. I always was and I still am...
Shush, shush, shush, don't talk.
What? Tell me! Talk to me! Fuck!
Alright, you wanna know?
You're a skank, ya got on the ice and now look at ya, mate!
Get out of my house! Get out, Franky!
Get out of here, you stinking piece of shit!
- Ah, you're a skank, mate! - You arsehole!
And you know the barmaid? Like, from the pub?
Me and her have, like, a semi-regular thing going.
(squeals repeatedly)
- And youse know Kazza the stripper? - Yeah.
Yeah, we're sort of been... like an unofficial BF and GF.
- Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! - Ohhhhhh!
I thought you were going out with Kylie's sister now.
Nah, man.
Like, you know, she's just, like, friends with benefits.
Sucked in, cops! (Grunts)
And the only reason I let her stay, like, in my place
is 'cause she's up for, like, threesomes and foursomes and that.
Ohh! Yeah!
My dick has never been happier.
But my heart is, like, I don't know, man.
I've still got Kylie on my heart, mate.
Like a herpe on your heart?
Don't talk to me about herpe, man.
Crystal, I think, still has one.
Ahhhh!
My missus has got one of those contraceptives in her arm.
You know, those little stick things?
I don't know what's in it, cuz, but she either wants to bash me...
I hate you!
...or ride rodeo.
I'm so sorry, Kevin!
(Both yell)
- Ahhhh! - Fucking hell!
What, did your kids like try and burn your house down again?
Yeah, bloody silly kids.
Hey, nothin' wrong with kids burning shit down.
I burnt down me first school when I was four, mate.
- (Giggles) - Just like Ned Kelly!
- Oh, choice tatt, bro. - Fuckin' go, Neddy!
Hey! There's no alcohol in here, mate.
Hey, you know what I don't like, dickhead?
When people like you puttin' your authority on me.
My thong has gone on the ice.
Hello?
SHAZZA: What day is it today?
It's Thursday, two o'clock, and you're still at that icerink, aren't ya?
- Fuckin' moron! - Franky!
- Franky mate! - What?
I forgot. It's our Centrelink appointment now.
But I gotta get a new thong. It's busted, man.
Ohh, ohh! Ohh... ooh.
Thanks, mate.
Hey, Mullet. Give me one of your thongs, mate.
Sucked in, mate.
It's your chick, man.
Oi, Shazza! We're going now, alright?
- Where are you goin'? - I'm goin' to the pub.
Don't fuck up. We really need some money.
Hey! Franky!
You owe me money for the child support!
That kid looks nothin' like me, mate!
It's got a head as big as a bloody pot plant.
I saw the baby! The baby was look exactly like your nose!
If you continue to put your authority on me, mate,
I'm gonna lose it on you, alright?
No, no! You have to pay me the money!
Fuckin' calm down! Bash him later, Franky.
So?
Fuck, ya got shit to do!
- You a chicken! - I gotta go to Centrelink, mate!
- Chicken! - This is not over, alright?
♪ (Sings) Chicken little Frankily! ♪
You're gonna cop a fuckin' thonging, mate!
Chicken! Frankily!
Oh, gidday, Nessa. What's doin'?
Oh, one of me kids, they bit a teacher's finger off at school.
Yeah.
How fuckin' awesome is that, eh? (Laughs)
Oi!
Give us a beer, would ya, darlin'?
I've only got enough for half, but fill her up
and I'll give you the rest on cheque day, eh?
Oh, what's doing, Shazza?
Oh, Dazza and Franky have gone up to Centrelink.
They're trying to get us cashed up, eh?
BAZZA'. Now, Dazza needed to make Shazza happy,
so he needed money real bad.
Now, Franky remembered down at Centrelink
if you tell them you can't feed your kids,
they'll give you food vouchers.
Feed your miserable children.
Franky, mate, what fuckin' good is this shit?
- These are the food vouchers, yeah? - Yeah, but it's not money.
This is what we're gonna do.
OK, go voucher them chickens in the checkout.
I'm gonna go pinch some rafﬂe tickets.
Right, now we go into the pub and we tell the stooges
that we're gonna rafﬂe off them chickens for charity, mate.
(Laughs)
What's it for, mate?
Yeah, uh, this will be for the victims of the fire, man.
This is for the victims of the ﬂood.
This is for the soldiers that got killed
on the landmines on the Anzacs and that.
Uh, vagina research.
It's for herpe research.
Cancer on dick research.
Franky, mate, you should have stuck to one story!
Look at those guys, mate. They're fuckin' talking to each other!
Hey, fuckwit, you told me it was for the ﬂoods,
you told him it's for the fuckin' bushfires.
- Yeah, what the fuck is it? - They're all worthy causes.
Fuck this!
Dazza, man, go home. Save me a chicken leg.
This is not gonna take long.
Thong the fuck out of 'em, Franky!
Big Wheels!
Oh, Franky bro.
What's this, man?
We made a Sunnyvale spa bath!
- Hop in. - Yeah, sick.
But what happened to all the money?
I used a little bit to get beer and smokes for me and Kev.
Most of it went on blood plugs for the missus.
BAZZA: Now, after the boys all had a go in the hot tub...
Hot tub!
...and after Dazza realised the junkies had knocked off his esky wheels...
No!
Fuck you, Dazza! (Laughs)
Fucking junkies!
...Franky suggested they go and see the Lebos.
They might have some dirty deed that might make the boys some money.
Yeah, no, we'll just do a bashing for them, or maybe knock off some cars.
- Then we'll get you some cash, mate. - Oh, choice, bro.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Well, the boys were out of luck,
'cause half an hour earlier,
the Assassins had a run-in with this little bloke.
His name's Johno, and, believe it or not, he's a bikie.
Hey, tic-tac, where'd you get the ride from, bro?
Santa?
(All laugh)
Do you know who I am?!
Who? Poofter smurf?
(All laugh)
You wanna go, fuckers? Let's fuckin' go, then!
- Come on! - Smash him!
- Argghhh! - Come on!
That's Johno's brother, Angry.
He's the president
of the local bikie gang, The Hunters.
These blokes run all sorts of scams around here,
and they're not the son of buggers you want to mess with.
Yeah, I know my little brother can be a prick, but he's blood.
You fuck with him and you're dog meat.
Argqghhhh!
Sorry!
Arrghhh!
I think that rules the Lebos out as an option.
Shit!
Ohh! Ohh!
(Siren blares)
Well, that's when the Lebo boys' luck went from bad to shocking.
Somebody called the coppers to help them,
but when they turned up,
they got arrested for outstanding warrants.
Ah, ya fuckin' knob.
Shut the fuck up, ya zubs!
(All shout)
(Phone rings) - Sharon, answer the bloody phone!
I'm in here dealing with my life at the moment!
You fuckin' answer it!
Reg, you answer it.
(Phone rings)
(Long distance beeps)
WOMAN, ON PHONE: Hello? - Hello?
- Hello?
Whaddya want?!
(Coughs)
- What, ya monger? - (Coughs)
- Give it here and get out! Shit! - Eughh! (Coughs)
Hello?
If this is DOCS, Shazza Jones can't come to the phone at the moment
and she's not responsible for her kids burning or breaking anything.
Sharon? It's me, love. Your mum.
What?
Listen, love. I don't think I've got too much time left.
So I wanna see you face to face so I can explain things to you.
I... I can't talk right now.
(Sobs)
Hey, slow down. I'm rooted.
We walked two whole streets for fuckin' nothing!
Listen, man, on my brain, I just remembered...
You know that cafe down near the train station?
We'll knock it off.
So, Kev, me and you, we'll go check it out, make sure it's cool.
You get some masks.
Hey, then you're gonna get your money.
What is this, mate? These masks are shit.
What, are you gonna go in the Maori Mardi Gras with this thing?
Fuckin' Tyrannosaurus Dickhead over here.
Do I look like a poof to you, bro?
What are you doin', man?
What the hell?
How's that, mate?
What's that s'posed to be, a mask?
Bro, you gotta put some eye holes in it!
That fuckin' thing! This is fuckin' stupid, mate!
You can't even see off it! Come on, man!
You know what? I'm just gonna do it myself, mate.
Just text me if the coppers come.
I just ran out of credit, man. Have youse got credit?
Nuh.
Mind that.
(Shouting in distance)
Hey, is that Franky's ex?
- Cheree? - Yeah, bro.
BAZZA: One thing about Sunnyvale is those last few days before cheque day.
You know, that's when people really get desperate for money.
Hey, hey, hey! What about friends of the Frankily?
What do you want, mate?!
Fuckin' not now, bro. Franky's in there.
Junior and Cheree have been chasing Franky's child support for ages.
Dazza and Kev, they had to get those two idiots away from the cafe.
'Cause they were causing such a stink,
they were going to blow it all for Franky.
Don't push me!
- Tell me where Frankily is? - What the fuck's a Frankily?
You know exactly where he is. He always fuckin' hangs out with you.
- Get outta here, mate! And you! - Yeah!
Get outta here! Go make some more grey babies!
(Laughs) Oh, that's not funny.
Junior! There's Franky! And he's got money!
Frankily!
What's this bullshit, man?
Hey, give me that money for the child support!
Piss off, dickhead mate!
Proceeds of crime do not count
as legitimate income for child support, dickhead!
It's your baby! You put the sperm on the stomach!
We only had a sixty-niner, mate!
(Screams)
(Screams) Junior!
Franky!
Hey, Bubbles! Muli!
Help me! Help me!
- Uh! - Get off him, Franky!
Junior, I got it!
- Cops! Cops! (Siren blares)
Cops! Cops!
It's police, man!
Run! Come on, everybody!
Oh, cops, cops, cops, cops.
(Siren blares)
Mate, how did we lose the money, mate?
There's, like, three of us.
Mate, I lost two fuckin' good thongs on the bitch! I had a go!
How much was it, bro?
What, you think I had time to count it?
Man, I done a lot of robberies in my time,
but I swear to God,
that whole thing in there, that was just freaky, mate.
So, like, I go in there, right, and nobody notices me.
Why? 'Cause they're all, like, playing on their phones.
Like, it's like I'm invisible.
(Cup clatters)
Man, I don't know.
I'm just putting the whole thing down in my 'freaky shit' files.
And I don't mean to be a prick, Dazza,
but, man, my thongs are killing me from this stooging around.
Like, I need a rest now, mate.
Yeah, bro, and after that punch-on, I'm thirsty as.
This is like work!
Fuck Shazza and her fuckin' money!
I need a cone!
- Hey, Big Wheels. - Hey, Dazza.
- You wanna buy some pot? - Fuck, yeah.
I got no money, but. Can I get it on credit?
- No, no credit, mate. - Fuck!
A lot of people say a lot of stuff about Sunnyvale,
like it's like a shit sandwich at a picnic.
That's rubbish.
Tell ya one thing, but. It's never boring.
(Chuckles)
I got her number.
Yeah, last Friday.
Hallelujah, baby! Whoo-hoo!
(Grunts)
Oi! Oi, Shaz?
Hey, I don't mind if you sleep,
but watch where you drop your cigarette, right?
Ya nearly set Neddy on fire, darl.
You and I need to have a talk, Darren.
(cries)
Oh, poo, he stinks! You take him.
You're fuckin' useless!
(cries)
Look, Daz, I need you to listen to me for a second, alright?
Now, I haven't asked you for nothin' since we've been together, eh?
But me mum, she's real fuckin' sick and I need to go visit her, right?
She lives in Ayers Rock.
Can't ya just Skype her, like, on the computer?
No, I can't just fuckin' Skype her! I wanna go see her!
(cries)
Shazza, stop hassling me, right?!
You're making me feel like a nut twisted up inside a pair of budgies!
Hey! Will you two shut the fuck up?!
Get fucked!
We can't shoot up with all that fuckin' noise out there!
Up your arse, mate!
- And up your arse too, bitch! - Fuck you!
BERYL: I can't hear the TV!
Dazza, ya bogan unit. Get in here, man.
Out! You boys jump in the boot.
Make some room for your Uncle Dazza.
- Nice wheels, Franky. - You like the paint, man?
I just knocked this off. I've done it all myself, mate.
Pimped my own ride.
Dazza, you're like gettin' me depressed lookin' at ya.
- What's wrong? - Shazza's doin' my head in.
She wants us to take this big fuckin' trip, right?
I don't know why her fuckin' slut of a mum can't just drive her arse down here.
- Where's her mum live? - Near fuckin' Ayers Rock!
Ohm.
How the fuck am I gonna get me and Shaz up to Ayers Rock?
Ayers Rock, it's nothin' but a big rock.
- It's fuckin' boring. - (Laughs)
Hey, Crystal? Wanna give me a pash?
Franky, look out!
Ahhh!
(Tyres screech)
(Cheering, laughter) - Coppers, mate!
Hey, hey, watch this! Watch this!
(Tyres screech)
Hey! Hey, hey, mate!
- Are you alright? - (Grunts)
Well, then, you'd better cop a thong, you dickhead!
(Laughter)
Get the other one. Get the other one!
(Cheering, laughter)
Suck on that, poof!
(Shouting)
Go, go, go, so!
Hey, kids, stay in the boot! I'll come back for ya later!
(Laughs)
All units!
All Sunnyvale units.
Officers down! Officers down!
Oh, fuck! Useless bastards. They always do this.
Uh, Sunnyvale 4 radio, that's a negative.
We've just been handed a brown paper bag.
We are assessing its contents. Over.
(Laughs) I like that one.
What are you staring at my chips for?
I'm not staring at your chips.
No, you are. You are.
I'm just seeing if you were gonna finish 'em this time.
No, no, no. You stare at my fuckin' chips every time.
You do it every fuckin' time.
Yeah, because you never finish your chips, Garry. Every time.
- I fuckin' do. - Garry, you never do.
- That's why I don't order chips. - You want chips?
- Are you gonna finish 'em or not? - Here! Have some fuckin' chips!
Why would you do that, Garry?
Hope you're happy now!
(Laughter)
Hey, how about that cop? He copped a thong in the face, mate!
You know what it was? It was like Grand Thonged Auto.
(Laughter)
Hey, Dazza, you gotta be cheered up now, man. That was mad.
No, even the pot's not working, man.
What about if I get Kazza to, like, you know,
ﬂash these stripper tits, man?
Would that cheer you up?
Of course I wanna see 'em. But I need fuckin' money, mate.
Look, man, you know, I do have a scam we could try.
That fat bloke down the road, he's done it, and he got a mad payout.
What is it?
BAZZA: Franky knew this bloke Jim.
Well, let's just say, Jim's a bit of a big bloke.
Anyway, he sort of fell through the ﬂoor of his house.
(Wood creaks)
So Jim sued the Housing Commission.
The big bugger got a huge payout, and now he's ail cashed up.
So Franky thought maybe with Beryl's help, they could make some money too.
No bloody way! Ahh!
Argghh...!
Ahh!
Again!
(All grunt)
Drop!
(Laughs)
(All grunt)
" Drop! " Ohh!
(Laughs)
That's e-bloody-nuff!
I'm already on the disability! I don't wanna really be bloody disabled!
- One more, one more. - No!
(Laughs)
- Drop! - Ahhh!
(Laughs)
- It's not working! - One minute.
I wanna check.
Look, it's a concrete slab.
She's heavy as, but she's not going through.
Oh, good one, Mum!
Look, Daz! I know youse are tryin' your hardest
but I've gotta tell you, you are fuckin' useless!
Alright! I know, OK?!
I blame me dad because he wrecked me confidence
and was always putting fuckin' pressure on me!
- Fuck! - (Scoffs)
Darren, you are a complete and utter fucking idiot.
You are a bloody loser.
You are a disgrace to me.
Dazza, you are a fucking wombat.
You are a liability.
You are a fuckin' drongo, aren't ya?
You are a fuckin' wombat.
- What are ya? - A fuckin' wombat.
Why can't you all leave me alone?!
What sort of wombat are you?
Hairy-nosed wombat.
Go away!
Sad sack. Wombat.
Fuckin' idiot.
- Can I have a cuddle? - You want a cuddle, do ya?
OK. (Laughs)
(Neck cracks)
- You feel better now, do ya, son? - Yes, Dad.
He was such a prick, and he fucked up my whole life, Shaz!
- Oh, gidday, Uncle Baz. - Gidday, Shazza.
Now, if you're really desperate in Sunnyvale,
and you got no-one else to sort out your dramas,
you go and see the bikies.
Yeah.
For the right price, they can organise just about anything.
Well, Shazza Jones. What can I do for you?
Look, mate, you know we done business together before?
I just need to make some money so I can go visit me mum.
Shazza, you know I'd like to help ya.
And I do not want to sound like an arsehole.
But we already tried you out for the strip club.
What do we have to do to get a tip off you tight-arses, eh?
Dazza may think you're a cougar,
but I can't put an old Holden in with a bunch of new Ferraris.
Yeah, but you know you can rely on me, eh.
I did that whole thing for you in Bali with the boogie board,
and I didn't fuck it up like Dazza's stupid cousin Schapelle did.
- Did I? - Arggh!
Oh, fuck off, ya ugg boot.
Ya fuckin' dirty skank!
Hey, Johno! Settle. This is business.
Tank, take him outside.
Polish me Harley.
But I fuckin' polished it yesterday!
Oh, fuck off me! Fuck off!
Come here, Shaz.
Tell me what you need. Maybe I can help ya.
Now, Shazza told Angry she needed to go up to Ayers Rock to see her mum.
I reckon Shazza should've bought a lotto ticket,
'cause it was her lucky day.
Right, here's the keys to the van.
This is a fuel card.
It's only good for fuel.
So, you make the drop, you can go and see your mum.
And then you bring the van back.
Do not fuck this up.
Arggh!
Oi, Dazza!
Get up, ya bloody gronk. We're goin' on a road trip.
Kev!
They took the kids, you stupid arsehole! They took 'em!
They took our babies! You bastard!
Kev, what's going on, mate?
Fuckin' DOCS took the kids, bro. 'Cause they burnt down the school again.
Fuck you, Kevin! It's your fuckin' fault!
No wait! This could work out real good, right?
Youse won't need child care,
'cause me and Shazza, we're doin' a road trip.
- You guys wanna come? - Yeah.
Oh, fuck yeah!
Hey, Mum!
We're goin' on a fuckin' road trip!
When are ya fuckin' comin' back?
I don't fuckin' know!
Well, fuck off then!
Ahhh! Ahhh!
(Squeals) - Ahhhh!
(Phone rings)
- Ahh! Ahh! - Hello?
Franky! Franky!
Dazza, bro, I'm having a threesome at the moment, man.
We're going to Ayers Rock, mate! We've got this mad campervan, mate.
It's got TV, DVDs, got a shower and a dunny even.
- Franky... - Hey!
- We've got a fridge full of free piss. - Free piss?
So get your houso arse on the bus! Come on, mate!
Why are we still talking on the phone, man?
Are you fuckin' serious, Franky?
I bludged me shift at the strip club for this root.
Yeah, and I was finally gettin' me rhythm on.
None of us blew, so it's all equals, man.
Oh, we don't have all fuckin' day, Franky! Jesus!
We'll fuckin' finish each other off.
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey! Did one of youse pull the tarp off the Corvette?
Nun!
I think someone's been stoogin' around with it.
Where's the engine?
(All cheer)
Road trip, mate!
Spewin' about that engine, but.
Oh, hey, what the fuck are those fobs up to, bro?
Hey! Hey!
Hey, you coconuts! Is that my engine?
Hey, you didn't pay us the money for the child support,
so we're selling your engine so we can go get some money.
Ha, ha!
Why is Donkey Kong in the nude?
He doesn't want to get his clothes dirty.
Stupid.
Don't get oil on your dip stick!
I've just gotta steal another engine. Sucked in!
Stupid fobs, mate.
Hey, this bed's mad. I'm gonna get up and have a go.
Oi! Just get down, Franky.
Franky, get down!
Oh, man! This is like full comfortable, man.
- Just sit down in your seat, mate. - Take it easy.
Why didn't youse tell me there was a bed?
I would have brought one of the chicks.
So the bikies said all we have to do
is drive the van up there and drive it back?
Well, don't fuckin' argue. It means I get to see me mum.
Anyway, they give us a fridge full of piss.
What more do ya fuckin' want, eh?
Hey, what's this?
Whose is these bags?
BAZZA: Now, Shazza's being a bit of a sly bugger here.
The bikies usually run naughty stuff up to the Territory
in the back of this old couple's caravan.
But the old biddies got busted the other week.
Well, looks like opportunity was knocking for everyone involved.
Right, here's the keys to the van.
The bikies, they needed a driver,
and Shazza needed a way to see her mum.
Hey. ls all these, like, you know, drugs in these bags and the guns up there,
are they like complimentary as well?
Oi! Just put the shit back, would ya!
So these are not complimentary?
- What, you mean we're mules? - Did you make us mules?
- Hey? - Shazza, ya sly bitch.
Yeah, alright.
So we're movin' shit for the bikies.
If youse had come up with some more cash,
I wouldn't have had to bullshit ya, would I?
You fuckin' lyin' slut, Shazza!
I don't mind doin' the crime. I just wanna know I'm doin' it.
Oh, shit, there's a booze bus comin' up!
- Shit! - Quick, hide that shit, man!
Well, fuckin' hold this! I've got an idea on my brain. Let me drive. Move.
- Just take it. Just get in there. - Fuck!
- Switch mate, switch. - Shit!
Hey, hey, hey, look who it is. The K-Mart fuckin' thong slapper.
Fuckin' Falzoni.
Let me handle it, man.
Stop there!
Stop fuckin' there! Stop here!
Oh... oh, here?
- Hey! - Fuck!
- Stop the fucking vehicle here! - Just one minute. I need a sip.
...arrest you, Falzoni! (Tyres screech)
What the fuck are you doin'? Just fuckin' stop!
- Stop the car, Falzoni! Here! - There? OK.
Fuckin' stop! Stop here!
- Relax, mate! - Get the fuck out!
- I'm comin'. - Get out the other fuckin' side now.
BAZZA: You're probably wondering what Franky's up to.
Well, he may look stupid, but he's always got a plan.
Listen, meet me at the Macca's, like, near on the freeway.
I'll be there. Wait for me, alright? I'll be there.
Alright. Youse can arrest on me now.
You're not getting away this time, you little shitbag!
Hey, look at this, mate!
Franky wanted to create so much shit with the coppers
that they'd forget all about the van.
Tastes like bacon.
Let's pepper-spray the prick!
Doesn't work! 'Cause of the sunnies, you dickheads!
- (Grunts) - Fuck!
(All grunt and yell)
Taser the little fuck!
(Electrical sizzling)
(Groans)
mew
(All yell)
Sucked in!
The bourbon covered the electric effect, mate!
BAZZA: Franky's plan worked like a charm.
The coppers went apeshit after him.
Oh, and the van full of naughty stuff got away soot-free.
Don't go over the fence! Cut him off at the park.
I know what this little prick's like!
♪ ROCK MUSIC
- He's gone there, Garry! - Yep.
(Rock music continues)
Garry, I'm not jumping over another fence. Just fuckin' kick it in.
- Jump the fucking fence. - Just kick the fuckin' thing in, mate.
- (Gasps) - That's fuckin' him.
(imitates woman) Hello.
Hey. Hey, hey, it's a fuckin' burqa.
This case could go on forever if we get this fuckin' wrong.
Remember what they taught us? Always be fuckin' sure.
Hey, hey, hey. Look at the fuckin' thongs.
- Huh? - Look at those fuckin' bunions.
- It's him, Gaz. - Oh, it's him.
Piss off, dickhead!
Argh!
GARRY: Come back here, Falzoni, ya little fucker!
I can't fuckin' chase anymore!
Oh, for fuck's sake, try!
I've got a massive stitch, or I'm havin' a fuckin' heart attack.
You know why?
It's because of all the fuckin' chips you stole off me, you fuckwit.
Oh!
(Siren wails in distance)
ANGRY: This is the way it's gonna go, boys.
You go in with a shottie - boom, boom.
You go in...
(Laughter)
You know , when that new batch hits Alice, we're rolling in money.
He went down like a sack of shit.
And I just fully started stomping, caving his head in.
Caving his head in, the stupid fuck!
He doesn't even know who I am!
Fuck you! Fuck you!
(Snap!)
Fuckin' training wheels.
BAZZA: Now after losing the booze bus cops,
Franky knew he'd only have to worry about the coppers on pushbikes.
JOHNO: Argh! Some arsehole stole my fuckin' bike!
Yeah, and with Johno's bike, he thought he could outrun them easy.
But what Franky didn't know was that the Sunnyvale Area Command
had allocated a couple of new vehicles to the block.
Yep, brand-new spanking bikes.
(Sirens wail) - Pull over! Pull over!
Go round! Cut him off!
Fuck off!
(Laughs) Sucked in, mate!
- Falzoni! - Run, boys!
Pull over!
Falzoni!
♪ HIP-HOP
What the fuck happened to me bike?
Mobile Two,
Falzoni's heading down towards Ramsey Street on a blue chopper.
Intercept!
(Heavy metal plays on mobile phone)
- Pull over! - Pick up!
Franky.
Crystal, put Kazza on!
(Slurs) Here, it's Franky for you.
KAZZA: Yeah, Franky? - I need ya to do something for me.
I'm comin' now!
Do it now!
Now! Now!
Do it now! Now!
(Grunts)
Argh!
That would have to be at least 12 demerit points, dickhead.
BAZZA: These two coppers have been on pushbikes for years,
and the very first day they get road bikes, they wrote one off completely
and the junkies stripped the other one for parts.
- Yeah, suck this, copper! - Fuck!
Hand in your badges now.
Well, those two got fired and they had to work as security guards
somewhere in the bush.
Hey! (All cheer)
Stupid bikies, mate, sucked in! Dickheads, mate. Dickheads.
DAZZA: Go, Kevin!
Have a go, Nessa!
I've never done it in a campervan before. Fuck, it's romantic!
Hey, don't distract me with sex noises. I'm a bit pissed and the road's blurry.
It's hard to concentrate, mate.
I'll be really quiet, eh?
- I was talkin' to them, yeah? (Nessa moans)
Fuckin' black magic, Kevin!
Goin' for another Baby Bonus, are youse?
Fuck yeah! Oh, yes!
Hey, hold this for a second.
You have to do the GPS, man, 'cause my hand's busy with the bottle.
I love computers.
Me mum said she only lives about 20 minutes away from the Rock, eh?
- Oh, right. (Moaning and grunting)
- I fuckin' love this campervan, Kevin! - Whoo!
I put Ayers Rock in. It just says go straight for three hours.
Three hours? That doesn't sound right, babe.
It's what the computer says.
Thanks for makin' me look like a dickhead in front of me mates again!
Fuckin' relax! I was just askin', ya sook.
No need to be such a bitch about it!
To be fair, man, you can be a bit of a sook, you know.
You do it!
NESSA: Oh yeah, Kevin! (Grunts)
(Kevin moans)
I've never done it in a campervan, Kevin!
It's not very impressive, eh?
Oh! Isn't it amazing? It's so spiritual, hey?
Look mate, I hate to tease you in front of your friends, but that's not it.
You're a fuckin' dickhead.
Oh, well what is it then, the Taj Mahal, huh, from China?
Look, man. It's a servo.
(Hollow knocking)
- Err! - See, it's hollow, isn't it?
Hollow like your fuckin' head!
BAZZA: So after a little bit of confusion, they were on their way.
But In true Sunnyvale style, all the temptations on the way
were very hard to resist.
Hey, let's all go to Nimbin!
(All cheer)
Nimbin! Nimbin! Nimbin! Nimbin! Nimbin!
Nimbin! Nimbin!
(Laughter)
Hey, hey, let's go to Ned Kelly's grave!
(Cheering)
Neddy!
(Wails) Oh, Ned! You're a legend!
Shazza!
- I gotta go see Bon Scott's grave. - (Laughs)
NOW!
Oh, they detoured bloody everywhere,
but finally they made it to Alice Springs.
Now, all they had to do was drop off the bikies' gear
and it was time to see Shazza's mum.
SHAZZA: Hi!
Oi! Hello!
Hey, there's a note.
It says, like, urn, 'Sorry for the inconveni... venience.
We are busy burying someone.
Be back later. The bickies.'
Bikies. Bikies.
(Pants) I love you, Kevin.
(Grunting and groaning)
Fuck, all that shit with the bikies has given me a fuckin' headache.
Give us a fuckin' smoke.
- That's me last fuckin' one! - Oh, fuckin' pull ya head in, dickhead.
(Both grunt and groan) - Blah!
(sighs happily)
WOMAN: Who the fuck's that? (Coughs)
Mum, is that you?
It's me, Sharon!
Oh, come right in, love. I'm out the back in the bedroom.
Say hi to your mum for me, alright? We're gonna watch the van.
Yeah, you weren't invited anyway, ya dickhead.
Cam, Ness.
Is that you, Sharon?
Yes, Mum. It's me.
Oh!
Um, hi, I'm Vanessa, Shazza's mate.
I've got a great arse, don't ya think?
Would ya fuck off, Nessa? Jesus!
Well, I'll just go watch TV. Hope you got fuckin' Foxtel!
Thanks for coming, love.
Yeah, what's wrong with you, anyway?
Well, the doctors reckon it's the fags, but they're fuckin' liars anyway.
- You haven't got one, have ya, love? - Oh, um, nah, sorry.
I just smoked me last one, eh?
(Coughs, gags)
Oh, fuck me! Look at all these animals!
It's like Noah's Park. Have a look!
(Animals grunt)
Which one's got the biggest dick?
The kiwi. om Nah. (Laughs)
(LOWS)
Camels, mate. They look similar to the Assassins, them. Look at 'em.
It does look like Abdul. You gotta admit it, mate.
(Hisses) (Hisses, all laugh)
You know what I hate?
- I hate kangaroos, man. - What?!
They think they're good. They're on everything.
They're on like underpants of Olympic swimmers,
they're like on like coins and notes and this and that.
They're just wankers of the animal world.
They're like heroes, man! Like Ned Kelly.
Shazza, I got you here to apologise
to you, love, for leaving you when you were three.
Yeah, well, it was pretty fuckin' fucked in the face of ya.
It wasn't my fault.
Your dad had gambling debts coming out of his arse.
Oh, blame Dad. He was always there for us.
It wasn't my fault! I had to create 18 fuckin' false identities
to pay off his debts.
Are you fuckin' serious?
The cops were after me. I had to piss off.
Shit, Mum! Why didn't you say something before?
Can ya forgive me?
Um, is it just me, or is there, like, no fuckin' TV in here?
How can you live without a fuckin' TV?
Don't know why youse are standing over there, mate.
- It stinks from them animals. - Yeah, alright.
Hey, Kev, give us your phone.
- I want to show Franky that app we got. - Oh, yeah!
- Check this out, man. It's a pussy. - What do you mean?
Look at it, man. Get your finger and rub the pussy and it's gonna come.
- On the screen? - On the screen, man. Look, rub.
(Woman moans with pleasure, phone beeps)
- It's like a chick. - Keep goin', keep goin'.
What, I go quicker'? I get it now! You do this and then...
I see. (Laughs)
- Hey, look at that! (Moaning intensifies)
(All laugh, woman yells with pleasure)
(Woman screams) - Dickhead, mate!
It's fucked on it. Here, take it.
- What? - Not my fault!
- Hey! Mmm. (Bottle sloshes)
Watch me give these animals the shits, fully.
(Both laugh)
Skippy, ya big poof, come here, mate.
- Go, Franky! - Oh!
Watch this. (Laughs)
- Go, Skippy! - Yeah!
Catch him! Catch him! Dive on his tail!
We're so similar, you and me.
Fuckin' rortin' Centrelink
and fuckin' fucked up de factos and you love ya smokes.
Do ya bong on, Mum?
Not now, but back in the days, I loved a bucket bong.
Mum! (Laughs)
Ah, excuse me.
You know ya got nothin' in ya fuckin' fridge?
- Go, Franky! - Yeah, go, Franky!
Who am I, mate?
Who am I, ya big poof?
Franky's being an emu too!
(Both laugh) (Shrieks at emu)
I can't tell the difference!
- Watch out he doesn't peck ya! - Come on!
- Oh, he's cheesin' him up! - I'll get ripped up.
- Hit it! Hit it! - You want a go?
- You want a go, bird?! - Smash him!
I swear, I hate these animals, man.
He's got a big bum, like my missus.
(Laughter) - You're right, Kev!
The emu's arse is the same as your missus!
It's piss-boring in there, eh?
Well, get your big arse down here, woman!
Franky's doin' some funny shit! (Laughs)
(Emu shrieks) - Should I go in? Alright, I'll go in.
Hey, I thought ya said ya didn't have smokes, ya bitch.
Oh, come on, Mum. It was me third-last one.
(Laughter in distance)
Oi! Would youse fuckin' shut up?! I'm tryin' to talk to me fuckin' mum!
(Laughter) - (Yells)
- Pecked me on the dick! (Growls)
- You bastard! (Smash!)
It pecked him on the pecker!
(Laughter in distance)
You have it, Mum.
Shazza, I'm fuckin' proud of you. You turned out real good.
Thanks, Mum.
Give it a lick, mate! Give it a lick! That'll fix it!
- (Groans) - Oh, now him too!
Let me film it. Let me film it.
Shaz, do me a favour.
When I'm gone, take me ashes up on top of Ayers Rock
and scatter 'em all over the place.
I promise, Mum.
You're a good girl, Shaz.
(Coughs)
Mum! Mum, are you alright?
(Coughs and groans)
(All laugh and chat)
Oi!
Oi! Me mum just fuckin' died!
(Nessa moans, thumping)
Oh, yes, Kevin! Give it to me!
Hey, Franky!
That was a top idea selling the fuel to pay for the cremation.
I am amazed at the ideas that come on my brain, Dazza.
BAZZA: Oh, the cheeky buggers.
They used the bikies' fuel card to fill up that drum with petrol.
Then they drove a half a kay up the road and started undercutting the servo.
Oh, man! They made a fair bit of money.
Would have made more if it was high octane.
Yeah, I wish youse would have got a bit more cash, but.
I feel fuckin' povo puttin' Mum's ashes in her old ugg boot.
- It's all good, babe. Sheepskin. - Oh, shut ya fuckin' trap!
That's fuckin' 100% Australian wool.
Whoo!
Excuse me, mate, is this the road to the real Ayers Rock, or what?
Yes, this is the road to the real Ayers Rock.
$25 entry fee per person.
What? You're not gonna tell us we have to pay to get in here, are ya?
25 bucks? Bro, what have you got in there?
Waterslides and, like, you know, rides and shit?
What about if we got our pension cards?
Not even 1,000 pension cards will get you in.
Simply pay, or disappear out of my life once and for all.
Mate, how dare you try and block us
like this is fuckin' Facebook or some shit?!
We got a right to see that rock, ya fuckin' cockhead.
Same as we got a right to celebrate the Anzacs
for ﬂoggin' the Chinese back in the day.
♪ FANFARE
We're Aussies, mate.
Ya gotta let us in, ya fuckin' four-eyed knob jockey.
We have those fees so that fuckin' four-eyed knob jockeys like me
can keep bogans like you from coming in here and wrecking the place.
So buzz off.
BAZZA: Now, people in Sunnyvale might be lazy and they might be bludgers.
But one thing about us - we're not used to takin' no for an answer.
You don't wanna give us permission? Stuff ya, then.
We'll just break in.
(Laughs) Mate, that wasn't even a challenge.
There was no barbed wire fence, no security cameras.
Pfft! (Laughs)
Look at this.
Is that a UFO, man?
- What? - Where'd it go?
You're fuckin' seein' things, bro. Let's go.
♪ THE FUNKOARS: Vamoose
We're not seriously climbing that?
It was me mum's dyin' wish. Fuckin' come on.
No, fuck this, bro. Do I look like a forklift to you?
I don't want to carry this shit all the way up there.
Why don't we just do the barbecue over here?
It can be the tribute to death to the mother barbecue.
(All cheer)
(Sizzling)
♪ HEAVY METAL
♪ KING TIDE: Chemical
(Tin rattles)
KYLIE, ON PHONE: I love you. I love you a lot.
Kylie! (Echoes)
If you can hear me up there, I fully miss you!
Kylie!!
(Laughs)
(Grunting and groaning)
(Nessa yells)
That's it, boys. Give 'em an Ularoot, Housos style. That's it.
Hey, hey, Franky! Check this out!
Where's the clown who wouldn't let us in now?
I wish he could see youse!
Fancy that dickhead sayin' they're tryin'
to keep people like us outta here.
What's wrong with us?
- Hey, Dazza! (Both hoot and holler)
What the fuck are you doing?
Hey, I'm gonna go for a climb. I'll be back later. Hectic!
(Grunting and moaning)
Oh, give me Ayers Rock style, mate!
(Moaning and yelling)
♪ THE FUNKOARS: It's All Good
Hey, Shaz, do ya reckon I'd get wasted if I snorted your mum's ashes?
You are deadset fucked in the face, aren't ya?
(Siren wails)
Did ' - You invite them to the orgy? (Laughs)
BAZZA: Sometimes your luck can go from good to bad
in the time it takes to fill out your Centrelink forms.
Look who it is.
That's the two coppers who got fired,
and I think it's fair to say they're still pretty shitty.
Fuckin' housos.
Ha. It's not one of my best ones,
but, I swear, who would have thought tagging Ayers Rock
would be easier than tagging a train?
Sunnyvale for life, Australia!
Yeah!
♪ BROKEN ENGLISH: Don't Go Getting Caught
(Swearing and shouting)
(Shouting)
In breaking news, the former Mayor of Sunnyvale, Simon Abbott,
has been elected into the Federal Parliament.
As the new Federal Minister for National Monuments,
I would just like to say that places like the Sydney Harbour Bridge
and the Opera House, in fact, all our national monuments,
will be protected vigorously by my ministry.
Thank you.
In national news, four people have been arrested
for breaking into Uluru National Park.
Unconfirmed reports claim they started fires and had an orgy.
- Bloody hell! - That's Mum!
(Laughs)
(Shrieks abuse)
BIKIES: Whoo! Yeah!
(Shouting)
Shut up! Shut the fuck up!
Apparently the group made a barbecue, had sex, took drugs
and then defaced the rock by covering this section in graffiti.
Yeah! Go, Sunnyvale! Go, Sunnyvale! Yeah!
Shut up, you idiots!
Can't you see in the background - the coppers have got our campervan.
(Screaming, yelling)
That's bloody disgusting!
Bloody outrageous!
NEWSREADER : The group are not from the Northern Territory,
but from the notorious housing estate known as The Block,
in Sunnyvale, New South Wales.
REPORTER: What's your reaction to this arrest?
You guys, like, film everything and that, eh,
and then like f--- it up on TV and make us look like we're f---ed, eh?
- We're not f---ed. - Yeah, we're not f---ed.
- It's just a rock. - Yeah, but, I mean...
I'm standing on a rock now.
- Have a look. - Yeah, but it's not Ayers Rock.
What's your response to that?
Oh, what's your response to these is a bit more like it, don't ya think?
Simon, get in here!
Senator.
I hated those scumbags when I was Mayor of Sunnyvale.
How dare they desecrate one of our great national objects?
Simon, I want to be kept informed of all the details regarding this case.
What do you reckon happened to Franky?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe a dingo ate him.
(Both laugh) - Shut the fuck up!
The judge is about to talk.
Miss Jones.
Mr Smith.
Mr... Takamatu?
And Miss Talawahoo.
Have you got anything to say before I pass sentence?
Yeah.
Listen, Judge, matey, I do, alright?
All I was tryin' to do was sprinkle me mum's ashes
what are in that ugg boot right there on top of the rock.
Now, can you tell me, as an Australian, how can that possibly be illegal?
You tell him, Sharon!
Yeah, and, mate, it's un-Australian
for you to tell us that, on our own rock, we can't have a barbecue.
It's a bloody Aussie tradition, mate.
- Fuckin' tell him, Shaz! - Yeah.
Now, I don't know much about the Northern Territory,
but I heard youse aren't no soft cocks, eh?
And anyway, even if what we done was illegal,
as a true-blue Aussie, it wasn't wrong, mate.
Especially here in the Territory.
This place is the piss-sinking capital of Australia,
and I, for one, fuckin' love it!
(Applause)
Miss Jones, you know, you're bloody right.
In this part of Australia, we still love a beer and a barbie.
(Whispers) And the occasional bong.
- Oh, what a cone-head! (Chuckling)
I'm gonna let youse off with a warnin'. (Bangs gavel)
Case dismissed.
Bailiff, give 'em all a beer on the way out.
Oh, yeah, bro!
So it's cool to sprinkle me mum's ashes on the Rock, eh?
Don't push your luck, darlin'.
(All cheer)
SHAZZA: Freedom!
BAZZA: Oh, it was a close call, that's for sure.
ABBOTT: Bloody outrageous!
So Shazza got her mum's ashes back.
Oh, and how lucky's this?
They got the camper back, too, without the coppers even searchin' it.
There's Franky, bro.
Oh-ho!
KEV: (Beeps horn) Franky, bro!
What the fuck's with the gear, Franky?
What have you been up to, eh?
What happened to ya? You've been gone ages, mate.
Listen, I've gone through some shit.
And I do not want to talk about it, please.
- You rob a Cash Converters, matey? - I said don't ask!
Bro, you tryin' to start up the Anzacs again, eh?
Why are you wearin' a seaweed salad on your head, mate?
- You got hair like Nessa, eh? - 'Eh, eh.' Fuckin' funny.
Oh, bro, Call of Duty called - they want all their shit back. (Chuckles)
Yeah, New Zealand called, man - they want their sheep back.
Without skidmarks on the arse.
FRANKY: Could we just piss off now, please?
Angry, just got off the phone to the Alice chapter.
The stuffs arrived, mate.
Well... thank fuck for that.
Make a note - we don't use fuckin' housos again.
What's the go with Franky, mate?
Franky! Don't you wanna dump that and get in here?
Dazza, mate, just, like, give me my space, bro.
What the fuck happened out in the bush, mate?
I'm dealing with some issues. Just fuck off.
What the fuck's up Franky's arse?
Oi, Daz. Come sit down here with me, bub.
You know something, babe?
Even after all this shit we went through, it all turned out OK.
Mum'll just have to come live with us now.
You're so good, Shaz.
I really love you, even when you're being a bitch.
I fuckin' love you too, Dazza.
Now, when they got back home, everything sort of went back to normal.
Well, for a little while.
Kevin, I saw you staring at the chick's arse on the TV!
Arghhh!
Oh, you bitch!
(Moaning, groaning)
(All moan and scream)
(All bark)
Where's the kids?
I dunno. They're round here somewhere.
I can't hear the television!
God, it was bloody better when you'd all pissed off!
What the fuck are you doin' in there? Get out.
I found one, Shaz. But no booze or smokes.
You know that cupboard's for potatoes.
Get outta there before you hurt yourself, idiot!
Tonight on A Current Affairs, the Minister for National Monuments
talks to us exclusively.
Minister, good evening.
Hello, John.
Oh, not this fuckin' cockface!
Today you've announced a Federal crackdown
on people who disgrace national monuments.
Would you care to elaborate?
ABBOTT: Yes. As we saw recently, there has been a wave
of what I would call anti-Australian behaviour in the community.
Myself and the Prime Minister agree it has to be stopped.
Shit, eh?
Hey, Shazza! There's a million cops out on the street!
Some stupid mongrel's about to get caned!
♪ HIP-HOP
PRESENTER: So what's the government's response, Minister?
I've decided to use new Federal laws
to rearrest the maggots who showed total disrespect to Uluru last week.
And I believe this is happening as we speak.
Yes. These scum-bums have to pay for their hideous crimes.
Especially the graffiti.
(Women squeal)
Shut up, shut up, shut up. I can hear cops.
(Yelling, commotion)
Where's the sidecar?
Well, Tank... not a bad little machine.
Yeah, what goes around comes around, mate.
♪ HEAVY METAL
They've just charged me with graffiti.
How did they even know I was there? Who's dogged me, man?
Was it one of youse?
Franky, you can be such a tool.
Your ex-girlfriend Cheree dobbed you in.
She saw your graffiti on the TV.
Crime Stoppers? Yep, I want to dob in Franky Falzoni.
Yeah, I saw some shit on TV.
He's me ex-de facto and, definitely, he done it.
Well, let that be a lesson to all of youse.
Pay your child support to ya missus, no matter how many kids ya got.
I pay it to my missus, and I haven't even got kids.
- Senator. - Prime Minister.
I saw the interview on A Current Affair. Great work.
Our approval rating is up five points today.
Thank you.
Hopefully, we can discourage bogans from defacing our great national monuments.
Any popular policy is a policy I fully support.
Good-o.
BAZZA: Now, having the coppers after you is one thing.
But having the whole bloody Federal Government after you
is a different thing altogether.
You know you're up the creek without a paddle.
Look, youse are all shittin' your pants for nothin', I swear.
I've, like, fully 'organasised' all the legal shit.
Yeah, well why don't you tell us what the big fuckin' plan is, then?
If I tell ya, it's gonna jinx the whole thing, alright?
So just, like, trust me. We got a mad legal defence coming.
Sorry I'm late. I was outside havin' a smoke.
Do you realise how far I have to walk because you can't smoke in here?
It's a fuckin' mission, mate.
Franky, ya gotta be fuckin' kidding.
This fuckin' tic-tac better not be our lawyer.
Oi! Ya wanna be a smart-arse, I'll go home right now, ya slut!
Chillax, chillax, will youse?
Pause.
(Whispers) Just trust me, alright? Trust me.
What are you thinkin', Franky, with this Tiny Teddy?
He's not even a lawyer, mate.
Hey, he's small size. That means we're gonna get mad sympathy.
Them judges are all political correct.
He's not gonna go against the disabled - a real one.
What are you lookin' at?
It's an acquittal for sure, mate.
Alright, alright. Let's begin proceedings.
I should like to start...
What-what are you doing?
What, no smoking?
And now you're gonna tell me I can't drink?
What else are you gonna fuckin' throw at me?
You are not allowed to...
Don't you fuckin' talk down to me, mate.
I shall hold you in contempt.
Do you know who I am?! My brother's a bikie!
We'll find you and we'll rip your head off, ya muppet.
Ya dirty fuckin' maggots! Get ya fuckin' hands off me!
Get off me! Put me down! Do you even know who the fuck I am?
Would the accused take off his hat?
Hey, I know the rules, mate.
Your CCTV can see my face, so I don't need to take my hat off.
It's just like in a nightclub.
I told you to take off your hat.
Hey, how come he has to take off his hat and you get to wear your wig?
That's a mad point, mate.
Don't you try and touch that hat, dickheads.
(Chortles)
(Shouting, commotion)
- Simon. - Senator.
Good work using the ASIO CCTV.
This is gold.
SIMON: My God.
Can you believe that people like this
actually share the same air that we breathe?
Excuse me, bro. Um, I'm feeling a little nervous. Um...
(Farts)
You, sir, are disgusting.
(All exclaim in disgust)
Oh!
There's a bit of Rotorua in that one! (Chuckles)
Hey, Judge! You want me to rip one from my awesome arse?
No, please, put that away.
Fuckin' shut up about your arse. Fuck!
I'll catch it.
That, sir, is disgusting.
Have him out. Out! Out!
Well, that was a bit rude throwing me out like that.
We let them go all the time in New Zealand courts. (Chuckles)
Hey, do youse reckon if I sip on this dwarf juice, I'm gonna grow small?
(All laugh)
Now, you all might find yourselves very amusing,
but you are facing very serious Federal charges.
Illegal drug use,
illegal sexual activity
and defacing a national monument.
Matey, I'd like to sub myself in as lawyer, please.
Refer to me as 'Your Honour'.
Refer to me as 'Dazza with a big donger'.
Oh, don't be so rough!
It's what Ned Kelly would have done, and he's a national sacred object!
Go, Ned Kelly!
Alright. Enough is enough.
I think it's time now that we brought in some proper legal aid for you all.
Oh, fuck that!
The last legal aid I used gave me a rash.
That was a marital aid, ya dickhead.
- What? - Fuckin' chatty dildo.
Der.
Ohh...
Take her out too.
Oh, ya fuckin' dirty dog!
Fuckin' dog!
(Farts) MEN: Ohh!
Oh, that's fuckin' chatty, Kevin!
Fuckin' chair vibrated. (Chuckles)
Wish I had Ned Kelly's helmet.
I wanna defend meself.
And me the same as her,
to sub myself in as the lawyer for me on my own, to talk.
If you don't remove your hat, I shall have it removed by force.
You could try, mate. But, look, let's move on from that, mate.
What am I here for?
I'm in possession of my charges that I'm here to defend myself on,
so let's just get to that bit where I get into the thing
that's gonna, like, just get me off the hook and that and...
- Oh, you sneaky prick! (Laughter)
I've just had a bloody corker of an idea.
Let's leak this footage to A Current Affair.
When the public see these dirtbags in court,
I'm sure we'll rack up a couple more approval points, hey?
That is perfect.
Look, I'll just organise it with the press secretary right now.
Hey! Look, Judge, mate,
how about you let me have my say - my say -
then if I can't prove that I'm fully innocent,
I'll take off whatever you want, mate.
Hat, G-string, anything.
Yeah? Yeah, go.
You could use a hat, bro.
OK, your judgeness,
right now, I'm just gonna skip on to a story I need to tell ya,
and this is gonna get us off completely.
I'm warning you, I'm starting to lose my patience.
Just hold on a minute, will ya, and let me talk
'cause this bit's, like, full personal.
Like, what happened was they got busted by security,
and I was, like, wandering, like, alone like an idiot in the bush,
and these black guys, like, I found them.
You know what they told me?
That, like, it's their rock, they own it.
But, hey, who's rippin' 'em off? Who's stoogin' 'em, mate?
The Government, mate.
The money that the Government's pinchin' off them on the door fee to get in,
it doesn't even go to them, mate, it goes to who knows.
That's a big rip-off, man.
Probably your wig tailor.
I've never owned a house. I've only been in public housing.
But I think that's a real fuckin' shit go, mate.
And then I've gone for a piss in the bush.
And, like, I got kinda lost at that point
'cause it was all dark and I'm wearin' sunnies most of the time.
It's a bit stupid, I know, but that's just how I roll.
In the middle of nowhere, man, there was this army base.
So t thought t could just, like, get in there
and just ask 'em to bludge a lift back to somewhere.
Um, any chance I could get a lift back to...?
No, no, no, no! Take it easy!
And how's this, mate?
American soldiers busted me in this place.
They told me that the base was American land.
I don't care what youse got to say.
This is Australia, man. It's not American soil.
If ya keep on bullshitting me, I'm gonna lose it, mate! I'll thong ya.
Can ya believe this?
You know, on the one foot, they charge you, like, an arm and a leg
to go in to see a rock,
and on the other foot, the Government,
they're givin' away, like, our land from this country
to other countries for free!
You know, when I found out about this, I went off the hook.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!
Oi, oi, oi!
♪ PUNK ROCK
(Gunfire)
- I'm not scared of bullets, you poofs! (Gunfire)
I come from a housing commission! I'm not scared of STls!
(Engine stops)
(Silence)
What's going on?
And I know this bit's gonna sound like bullshit,
but I swear on all the de facto kids that I lost to DOCS, it's true.
Oh, no!
“Mm!
om (Exclaims)
(Screams)
They done, like, you know, a few, like, sick probes on me and that.
'Cause you wear them fucking girlie shorts all the time.
What the fuck is wrong with these shorts?
(Farting)
Arrgh! (Grunts)
Ahh, my arse!
Fuckin' paranormal activity up my arse, mate.
Argh!
Oh...
Fuck, Franky, what fuckin' drugs were you and them Abos smokin'?
That's full racist and, look, hey, if there was some drugs
that might have been taken at that thing, that's alleged.
- Mm... - You know? It's not bullshit.
I mean, 'cause I've got that motorbike and I got a pain on the arse.
(Screams)
I don't wanna know about your fuckin' arse.
(Bangs gavel) And how is any of this relevant?
That shit should not happen to an Australian citizen, mate,
especially a disabled pensioner like me, as classed by Centrelink.
I think you should just go for acquittal now.
You could even, like, erase a couple of fines for me, too.
That'd be mad.
All very interesting.
And now will you take your hat off?
After that whole story, he's still on about the fuckin' hat.
You know what? Cop a thong, dickhead!
Why couldn't ya just leave it?! Fuck!
(Laughter) - Shh, shh, shh.
Hi. Is that the head editor of A Current Affair?
How would you like footage
of a bogan throwing a thong at a Supreme Court judge?
I'm surprised you lasted so long, Franky.
Thong the judge, did ya?
I missed his stupid wig by, like, only a bee's dick.
Can I talk now them other dickheads are gone?
Are we guilty of breakin' in?
Yes. Why? Well, 'cause we got no money, mate.
We got no money for fancy suits and nice places to live.
I can't send my kids to a good school.
I can't even bury my parents in a nice place.
And, yeah, we might get smashed and do stupid shit,
and, well, you can make your laws to stop us havin' fun,
but we're true-blue Aussies, mate, and we ain't backin' down to anyone.
ALL: Go, Shazza!
(All chant) Shazza! Shazza! Shazza!
We're like all the good Aussie heroes - like the Anzacs in World War ll
and... and Phar Lap and fuckin' Brockie.
(All chant) Shazza! Shazza! Shazza!
Anzacs in World War ll?
(Chortles) What a faux pas!
This is why I send my kids to private schools.
Sunnyvale for life, mother-fuckers!
- Yeahhh! - Fuckin' Sunnyvale!
So as a real representative of all true-blue Aussies livin' in Australia,
I got a message to give to you and your government.
(sighs) Mm.
Go get fucked, you small-dicked knob-jockey fuckwit wanker!
I rest my case.
♪ Waltzing Matilda
I think I went a bit far calling the judge a fuckin' wanker, eh?
Ned Kelly'd be proud.
Yeah, fuckin' oath.
BAZZA: Well, the judge gave them all ten years each
under the new national monument laws.
Pretty steep if you ask me.
And if you bet on any of this coming good,
I tell ya, it'd be a long shot for sure, mate.
Yeah, the housos looked truly rooted.
But it's funny how things turned out.
That night, A Current Affairs did play the footage that the Senator leaked out.
Tonight on A Current Affairs, the government department
that jailed these poor Aussie battlers
for trying to visit our nation's national symbol, Uluru.
What?! That's not the story we told them to show!
It seems that even tabloid TV
doesn't like the Government tellin' them what to do.
So, Beryl, the Federal Police have arrested your son and his de facto
for what exactly?
They were just trying to sprinkle Sharon's mum's ashes at Ayers Rock.
What's wrong with that?
If you ask me, there's just too many stupid bloody laws in this country.
Now, oh, it's almost like a bushfire around Australia -
thousands of people were outraged at the treatment of poor Shazza,
you know, and the others.
They rang the TV stations, they got on Facebook,
they even emailed the Prime Minister.
Senator, what the bloody hell did you do?
Our polls have dropped 85% and I've received over 60,000 emails.
This is a disaster.
Prime Minister, can I just say...
No. Do not say another word.
Get Shazza Jones and her mates out of jail
and make all of this drama go away.
Or I'm giving your seat to Peter Garrett.
BAZZA: Oh, you wouldn't read about it. Or you probably would.
The sentences were all cancelled,
DOCS gave all the kids back
and by the time they got home, there was a huge block party waiting for 'em.
(Whooping, shouting)
I don't think his nappy's been changed.
(All cheer)
If this was any other suburb in Australia,
this would have been one of the bestest nights ever.
But not here.
♪ I'm on the block, yeah I'm on the block, yeah
♪ I'm on the block and I just won't stop, yeah
♪ I'm on the block, yeah I'm on the block, yeah
♪ I'm on the block and I just won't stop, yeah
♪ I'm on the block, yeah I'm on the block, yeah
♪ I'm on the block and I just won't stop, yeah
♪ I'm on the block... ♪
(All exclaim)
Where is the money for the child of the support?
Big fuckin' hero on TV,
and you're too cheap to pay for your own kid!
- Arghh! (Yelling, commotion)
(Sirens wail)
What are we fighting each other for?
- Let's fight the fuckin' pigs! (All cheer)
Alright, fellas, don't hold back on these fuckin' scumbags!
(Yelling, commotion)
Well, that's it.
That's the whole bloody story in a nutshell.
I'm goin' in there for a few beers, couple of bets
and if I'm lucky, might even pick up a root.
I'll pick up a root for sure.
I can drink a few of the girls in the bar pretty.
Text me next time you're here in Sunnyvale.
♪ It's all good
♪ It's very good
♪ It's all good
♪ It's all good ♪ MAN: It's very good, yes.
♪ It's all good
♪ It's very good
♪ It's all good
♪ It's all good... ♪
I told ya we'd beat 'em, Shaz.
Yeah, it was pretty grouse
of that Senator cockface to let us come up here, eh?
Oh, it's a long bloody climb and the view's not even that good.
I'd rather be at home on the couch with a bong.
(Guffaws) You carrying?
- Is she alright? - Yeah.
Alright, Mum. It's time to set you free.
Mum, goodbye... and I love you.
(Sniffs) 0h!
I know she's your mum, Shaz, but, fuck, she's givin' me mad head spins!
You really are fucked in the face, aren't ya?
So, your reaction
to her actually getting arrested, then?
It's racist.
But you say it's racist, but then at the same time,
she seems to have had no respect
for the culture of the Aborigines.
I don't know, man.
You're hurting my head. You're hurting my head.
Who is this bloke? Who is he? Who does he think he is?
We are angry
because in the beginning we was expect the money
for the child support, and I was...
I was ask for Frankily, like,
10,000 times for the money,
'cause of, you know, for the baby.
'Cause he put the sperm on the stomach
so he's supposed to give the money in the bank, huh?
I'm part of, like, the Sunnyvale Assassins, alright?
The Sunnyvale Assassins?
Yeah, like, it says it right here. Like Sunnyvale...
You've spelled it 'arse'. I'm not sure that you spelled that...
- What do you mean? - 'Arsass'...
'Assassins'...
Yeah, but it's spelt incorrectly.
- Is it? - Yeah.
Is it?
I told you, like, get a spellcheck, idiot.
Fuck I'm dumb, bro. What, I'm not educated.
I'm due for, like, my three o'clock root.
Well, I don't know but...
You know, these tits don't touch themselves, you know?
- Um... no, they don't. - They don't.
No. I mean...
(Gunshots)
♪ 'Cause we're housos, housos, housos
♪ Housos, housos, housos
♪ Housos, housos, housos. ♪
SHAZZA: Neighbours? Getting to be good friends?
Yeah, fuckin' come down to Sunnyvale, mate.
(Gunshot, sirens wail)