1
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,006
- [groans]
2
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:07,659
Parenting is exhausting.
3
00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:10,010
- You're tired because you were
up until 5:00 in the morning
4
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,272
playing a game on your phone.
5
00:00:11,315 --> 00:00:12,447
- It's not a game.
6
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,014
It's a realistic
pizza parlor simulator.
7
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:15,319
[chuckling]
It's very different.
8
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,147
There's no winning.
- Then why do you play?
9
00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:18,627
- To earn pizza points
to get better toppings.
10
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:20,020
- What's up, Peralta?
11
00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,673
- Hey, Trudy Judy and dog Judy.
12
00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:23,414
what's going on?
Are you puppy sitting for Doug?
13
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:25,155
- Well, I was, but I need you
to take him for me,
14
00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,157
because I'm going on
a little vacay,
15
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,332
and let's just say
16
00:00:28,376 --> 00:00:30,030
there's going to be
some activities
17
00:00:30,073 --> 00:00:31,857
that aren't suitable
for a little dog.
18
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,337
Mm!
19
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:34,860
Like parasailing.
- Oh.
20
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,645
Thought you were building
to something much more sexual.
21
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:38,603
- Nope, just really pumped
for parasailing.
22
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:40,170
Also, there's gonna be
a lot of [bleep],
23
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:41,867
but the dog's okay with that.
24
00:00:41,911 --> 00:00:42,868
Here.
- Ugh.
25
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:44,218
As much as we would love
26
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,350
to take care of this
extremely unneutered animal,
27
00:00:46,394 --> 00:00:47,960
we can't,
because I'm too allergic.
28
00:00:48,004 --> 00:00:50,137
- Wait, why isn't Doug Judy
taking care of dog Judy?
29
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:51,268
Is he out of town or something?
30
00:00:51,312 --> 00:00:52,835
- Oh, no, you didn't hear?
31
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,706
Doug got arrested.
He's going to prison.
32
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,968
- Wait, what?
33
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:57,318
- Doug got arrested.
He's going to prison.
34
00:00:57,361 --> 00:00:58,754
- Yeah, no, I heard you.
I was just processing.
35
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:01,887
- Aw. You want to hug a dog?
- Oh, my God.
36
00:01:01,931 --> 00:01:03,585
It's, like, a third of him.
37
00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:06,588
[upbeat music]
38
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:13,551
♪
39
00:01:23,779 --> 00:01:25,650
- Sup, Peralta?
- Hey, what's going on?
40
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:27,043
Why didn't you tell me
you're in jail?
41
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,740
Did you not want me to find out
who arrested you?
42
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,394
Is there another cop
in your life?
43
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:31,874
- No, none of these pigs
mean jack to me.
44
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:33,441
No offense to Evan.
You've been great this week.
45
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,399
- I don't understand.
I thought you went straight.
46
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:38,098
- I did. I got a job.
I have a wife.
47
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:39,490
But the other day,
I was driving
48
00:01:39,534 --> 00:01:41,318
to the new mega Target
in South Orange, New Jersey
49
00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:42,972
because they have 50% off
50
00:01:43,015 --> 00:01:44,539
whole-home mesh
wireless systems.
51
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:45,670
- With a rebate?
- No.
52
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,150
Discount taken
at register.
53
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,935
- Oh, you gotta hit that.
- I know.
54
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:51,241
And on the way over there,
55
00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:52,764
a guy rear-ended me
and the cops showed up.
56
00:01:52,808 --> 00:01:54,418
Turns out I had a warrant out
for my arrest.
57
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:55,593
- But we wiped
your criminal record.
58
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:56,812
- You wiped my New York record.
59
00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,422
I stole a car in Trenton
five years ago.
60
00:01:58,466 --> 00:01:59,945
- Well, you still
should have called me.
61
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,338
I could've helped you out.
- It wouldn't have mattered.
62
00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:02,687
There's a lot of evidence
against me.
63
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:03,906
I left a picture of me
at the scene of the crime
64
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:05,342
with a note bragging about
how I did it.
65
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:07,866
- Ah, well, yes,
that would make it difficult.
66
00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,259
- Impossible.
67
00:02:09,303 --> 00:02:10,391
They're moving me
to South Woods prison tomorrow.
68
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:11,522
- Tomorrow?
- I know.
69
00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,133
But you know
what really bums me out?
70
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:14,612
I had no warning.
71
00:02:14,656 --> 00:02:15,874
I only wish that I had known
it was gonna happen
72
00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:17,920
so I could've had
one last moment of joy
73
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:19,008
before I get taken to jail.
74
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:21,141
But alas...'tis not to be.
75
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:24,187
- Wait a minute.
What if it...'tis to be?
76
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,276
What if I drive you to prison?
77
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,625
We could have
one more adventure!
78
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:28,670
- Honestly, Jake,
I don't see how it's possible
79
00:02:28,713 --> 00:02:30,628
to have fun on a trip
to prison.
80
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:34,110
- Yeah, it sucks, but I dunno,
maybe for just a few hours,
81
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:37,418
you could focus on the journey
and not the destination.
82
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:40,464
- "Focus on the journey,
not the destination."
83
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:42,640
I like that; did you steal it
from a car commercial?
84
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:44,555
- No. It was an Instagram ad
for a travel bidet.
85
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:46,949
Look, I know it's not perfect,
but if you say yes,
86
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:49,778
I promise I will plan
some sexy-ass surprises.
87
00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:51,345
- How sexy we talking?
88
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:52,998
- How sexy you got?
89
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:54,130
[rock music]
90
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,784
- Is that a '79
Pontiac Trans Am?
91
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:58,743
- Sexy-ass surprise number one.
We're riding in style.
92
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:00,267
- I can't believe
the Department of Corrections
93
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:01,920
was cool with you
taking your friend to prison.
94
00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:04,009
- Well, I can
be very persuasive.
95
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,272
I got the guy and his family
96
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:06,969
a six-day pass
to Pirate's Cove Waterpark.
97
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,405
- So many days in the water.
98
00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:09,493
The family's gonna be pruney.
99
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:10,755
- Yeah, it wasn't a good bribe.
100
00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:12,235
- Well, let's hit the road.
- Up-bup-bup.
101
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,628
Before we do that.
There's another surprise,
102
00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:15,325
but I'm gonna need
your hands free for this one.
103
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:16,805
- Wait, you got a pen?
104
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,372
I'll show you a little trick
I learned from a magician
105
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:20,374
who, for legal purposes,
shall remain nameless,
106
00:03:20,417 --> 00:03:24,073
but is unquestionably
a mind freak.
107
00:03:24,116 --> 00:03:25,248
- [whispers]
Criss Angel.
108
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,684
- I can neither confirm
nor deny--bam!
109
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:28,512
Your cuffs and your pen, sir.
110
00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:30,210
- That was incredibly fast.
111
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,037
Consider my mind freaked.
112
00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:35,302
On that note, it is time for
sexy-ass surprise number two.
113
00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,521
A classic Jake and Judy
outfit change!
114
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,349
both: ♪ Ah!
115
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:42,309
[laid-back funk music]
116
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:45,094
♪
117
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,704
- I'm feeling this print.
118
00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:50,230
- I thought you might.
We got tigers and toucans.
119
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,405
- Tigers and toucs!
- Ooh.
120
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,885
And now,
for the pièce de résistance.
121
00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:55,147
- [nasal laugh]
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
122
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:56,758
Little French.
I like where this is going.
123
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:57,976
- And voilà.
124
00:03:58,020 --> 00:04:00,240
- "PB" and "&J."
125
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,545
- Pontiac Bandit and Jake.
126
00:04:01,589 --> 00:04:03,068
Go together
like peanut butter and jelly.
127
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,156
- It's never coming off.
128
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,549
Except for in a couple hours
129
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:06,898
when I have to check
into prison for five years.
130
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,683
- Buh-bup-bup--
journey, not the destination.
131
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,380
- It's never coming off.
- That's the spirit.
132
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,077
Let's ride.
133
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:13,340
♪
134
00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,037
- Mind if I DJ?
- I was counting on it.
135
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,300
Bust out those banging
bar mitzvah beats, bruv.
136
00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:18,997
- Let's see what you got.
137
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:21,130
Kendrick Lamar, Meek Mill,
138
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:23,872
really a lot of Taylor Swift.
- Pfft, I'm over her.
139
00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:26,222
I barely even memorized
all the lyrics to "Folklore."
140
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,397
- What's SAS3?
141
00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,746
- I'm glad you asked,
mon frère.
142
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:31,445
That track is sexy-ass
surprise number three.
143
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:32,707
- [laughs excitedly]
144
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,099
- Okay, so I know this
audio engineer
145
00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:35,449
who's friends with a guy
who's roommates with a guy
146
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:36,450
who gets lunch for a guy
who's friends with a guy
147
00:04:36,493 --> 00:04:37,929
who knows Drake.
148
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:40,280
And he laid down a beat for us
to write a song to!
149
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:41,672
- Drake laid down a beat
for us?
150
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,457
- What? No, no.
The friend did.
151
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:45,372
The Drake thing was just
to establish his credentials.
152
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,764
- And it worked.
153
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:48,288
That dude's, like, six spots
removed from Drake.
154
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,506
He's the real deal.
- Mm.
155
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,291
[hip-hop beat]
156
00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:54,903
- ♪ Uh
157
00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,339
A lot of room for uh's.
I like that.
158
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:57,601
- I thought you would.
159
00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,777
- ♪ Doug and Jake
rolling down the street ♪
160
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:02,345
- ♪ PB and J
a tasty little treat ♪
161
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:04,782
- ♪ Two cool dudes
making sandals for your feet ♪
162
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,088
- What?
- I was going for the rhyme,
163
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,785
but now I kind of feel
like it's a good idea.
164
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,091
- Love it.
165
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,136
♪ Making sandals that last
is our ideology ♪
166
00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:13,965
♪ Made real by our patented,
strapless technology ♪
167
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:15,663
It's magnets.
- [laughing] Okay!
168
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:18,056
♪ Yo, you can wear 'em
on the beach ♪
169
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:19,275
- ♪ Wear 'em on a hike
170
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,582
- ♪ Wear 'em on a Peloton
exercise bike ♪
171
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,975
both: ♪ Doug and Jake,
two best friends ♪
172
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:26,456
♪ With the premium, open-toed
shoes for men! ♪
173
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:27,501
♪ Rah!
174
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:28,980
- [laughs]
That was crazy.
175
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:31,069
We never even rehearsed
and just did it perfectly.
176
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,462
It was like
Jackson Maine and Ally.
177
00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:34,986
- I call Ally.
- Aw, I wanted Ally.
178
00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:37,337
Okay, it's time for
sexy-ass surprise number four.
179
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:38,816
Let me ask you this.
180
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,905
If you could eat any meal
on Earth, what would it be?
181
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,690
- Cheeseburger cracker
flavor Combos,
182
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:45,606
Philly cheesesteaks from Pat's,
Popeye's biscuits,
183
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,608
McDonald's fries,
Wendy's nuggets,
184
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,871
Sonic tots, fountain Coke,
185
00:05:49,914 --> 00:05:52,221
and of course,
my mama's sweet potato pie.
186
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:53,483
- Oh, wow.
187
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:55,355
That's actually
a very tall order,
188
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,531
which I completely filled.
189
00:05:57,574 --> 00:05:59,489
- What?
You smorgasborded it?
190
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:01,012
- I smorgasborded it!
191
00:06:01,056 --> 00:06:02,797
- [laughs]
You know what this calls for?
192
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,451
- What's that?
- Foot slap!
193
00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:05,843
both: Ooh!
194
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:08,585
- How did you find
cheeseburger cracker Combos?
195
00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:10,805
Weren't they discontinued?
Tell me the whole story.
196
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:12,502
- A bodega in Queens
had an old box.
197
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,504
- Wow.
- Yeah.
198
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,114
Kind of makes me sad, though.
- How come?
199
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:17,725
- One day,
it's out in the world thriving,
200
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,423
and then poof,
gets pulled off the streets.
201
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,120
- Ah.
202
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:25,210
Well, I mean, it's not like
it's gone forever.
203
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:26,951
You know, it'll be back
in circulation soon.
204
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,953
- Maybe, but sometimes
when a product
205
00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:31,434
is taken off the shelves,
it never returns.
206
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:32,783
- It's gonna be okay.
207
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,785
I promise I'll visit
the Combos every month.
208
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:37,614
- The Combos will be
very grateful for that.
209
00:06:37,658 --> 00:06:39,137
They're lucky to have
a friend like you.
210
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:42,097
[horn honking]
211
00:06:44,273 --> 00:06:45,709
- Charles?
- Yeah.
212
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:47,537
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
213
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:48,669
Why are you alone
with a criminal
214
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,671
who's escaped you
multiple times?
215
00:06:50,714 --> 00:06:51,846
- Seems like a loaded question.
216
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:53,108
- Oh, that's not even
half my load.
217
00:06:53,151 --> 00:06:55,066
- Okay.
- Oh, my God. I'm too late.
218
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,547
You're already seduced
by Doug Judy's wiles.
219
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:58,461
- Okay, I appreciate
the concern,
220
00:06:58,505 --> 00:06:59,984
but Doug has changed.
221
00:07:00,028 --> 00:07:01,638
This was an old crime, and
he's already owned up to it.
222
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:02,900
He's not trying to escape.
223
00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,293
- He's already out
of his handcuffs.
224
00:07:04,336 --> 00:07:06,077
- Just so we can do
our sweet-ass outfit change.
225
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:08,384
- Tigers and toucans!
- Tigers and toucans!
226
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,908
- Obviously, they're fantastic,
but Jake, by trusting him,
227
00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:12,388
you're putting your job
on the line,
228
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,346
which means you're also
putting my job on the line.
229
00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:15,913
- How so?
230
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:17,393
- Because if you get fired,
I will swim out into the ocean
231
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,003
until I'm too tired
to swim back
232
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,265
and I will sink to the bottom
and then I won't have a job.
233
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,484
- Oh, my God.
All right.
234
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,920
Well, I'm already
driving him to prison,
235
00:07:22,964 --> 00:07:24,531
so there's nothing
I can do about it now.
236
00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,141
- Oh, yes, there is.
237
00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:27,925
Welcome to the Boyle bus.
238
00:07:27,969 --> 00:07:29,449
- Why we getting
in this wack ride?
239
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,842
- Charles refuses to accept
what close friends we are.
240
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,365
He thinks you're trying
to escape
241
00:07:33,409 --> 00:07:35,193
and that your crew's on
the lookout for the Trans Am,
242
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,457
so he insisted we switch
into his weird family bus.
243
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:38,849
- That's ridiculous.
- Isn't it?
244
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,242
- It doesn't matter
what vehicle we're in.
245
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,504
- That's what I said.
246
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:42,940
- I'm gonna escape from you
either way.
247
00:07:42,984 --> 00:07:44,159
- Exactly.
Wait, what was that?
248
00:07:47,075 --> 00:07:48,685
- I still don't understand.
249
00:07:48,729 --> 00:07:49,904
What do you mean
you're escaping?
250
00:07:49,947 --> 00:07:50,905
- Sorry, bro.
Plan is already in motion.
251
00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:51,775
Trudy came to you.
You took the bait.
252
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:52,950
- Come on.
253
00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:53,864
If you were really trying
to escape,
254
00:07:53,908 --> 00:07:55,126
why would you tell me?
255
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:56,040
- Honestly,
I didn't like lying to you.
256
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,215
You're a good friend.
257
00:07:57,259 --> 00:07:58,347
- Well, if I'm such
a good friend,
258
00:07:58,390 --> 00:07:59,435
why are you trying
to escape from me?
259
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,480
- I'm not trying
to escape from you.
260
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:01,568
I'm trying to escape
from prison.
261
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:02,612
Let me ask you this.
262
00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:03,874
Do you know why
I stole that car?
263
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:05,354
- Because you
"love doing crimes."
264
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,399
That's me directly
quoting your catchphrase.
265
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:09,271
- First of all, my catchphrase
is "slurp, slurp."
266
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:11,229
- You've never once said that.
- I say it constantly.
267
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,188
Second of all,
me "loving crime"
268
00:08:13,231 --> 00:08:14,885
is classic empty bravado.
269
00:08:14,929 --> 00:08:16,147
The truth is I was arrested
270
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:18,062
when I was 22
for something stupid.
271
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:19,324
When I got out,
nobody would hire me
272
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,326
because I had
a criminal record.
273
00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:24,025
My dreams of being a landscape
architect were out the window.
274
00:08:24,068 --> 00:08:25,417
- That was your dream?
275
00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:26,549
- I wanted to be the Black
Edward Scissorhands.
276
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:27,985
- Oh, that's great.
- I get all that,
277
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,421
but that's not
what this is about.
278
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:30,597
I mean, you could have escaped
from anyone,
279
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,120
but you chose to set me up.
280
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:34,557
And now my job and my name
are all on the line.
281
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,603
You used me, Doug.
You're a bad friend.
282
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:37,908
- You're the bad friend.
283
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,431
- I got you a tracksuit.
Tigers and toucs.
284
00:08:39,475 --> 00:08:40,737
- Might as well be a jumpsuit.
285
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:41,956
A prison jumpsuit.
286
00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:43,479
You're taking me to prison.
287
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,828
The fact that you thought
I'd go willingly
288
00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:46,134
means you don't know me at all.
289
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,266
- Oh, please.
I know everything about you.
290
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,790
- You didn't know
my catchphrase.
291
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,531
- You have never once said
"slurp, slurp" before today.
292
00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:53,837
- That you believe that
is so hurtful.
293
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,448
- Okay, well, there's clearly
only one way to settle this.
294
00:08:56,492 --> 00:08:58,102
- Ignore him and take him
directly to prison.
295
00:08:58,146 --> 00:08:59,451
- A high-stakes trivia contest
296
00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:00,844
to decide who's
the better friend.
297
00:09:00,888 --> 00:09:02,106
- What?
- If I win,
298
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,586
you agree
not to try and escape.
299
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,109
- But if I win,
you agree to let me go.
300
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:06,894
- Deal.
- That is a bad idea.
301
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,548
I cannot let you take
this risk, Jake.
302
00:09:08,591 --> 00:09:10,288
- It'll be just like game night
at the Camden Senior Center.
303
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,551
You can be Estelle Minderman.
304
00:09:11,594 --> 00:09:14,249
- She's my favorite emcee.
Damn it, I'm in!
305
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,207
[horns honking]
- Charles!
306
00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:17,600
- The name of the game
is called,
307
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:19,559
"Who Knows Mo', Friend Or Foe,
Are You Fo' Real
308
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,256
Or Just Fo' Show?"
- Little wordy.
309
00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:24,128
- Each contestant will answer
and ask ten personal questions.
310
00:09:24,172 --> 00:09:25,956
Whoever gets the most
correct answers
311
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,871
will be crowned
the better friend.
312
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:30,178
- Also, there is that whole
"going to prison or not" thing.
313
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,353
- America can't relate
314
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:32,354
to the prison stuff;
it's too real.
315
00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:33,877
It's a game about friendship,
316
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,618
and may the better friend win.
317
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:38,099
Jake, you will ask
the first question.
318
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,317
Begin!
319
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:40,928
- What is my middle name?
320
00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:43,278
- You tell people it's Zack,
but it's really Jeffrey.
321
00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:45,541
- No, it's Zack,
like Zack Morris.
322
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,934
- Point for Doug.
323
00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:47,848
- What is the name
of the alter ego
324
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,632
I use for fancy crimes?
325
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,634
- Lord Poncy Cumbershire.
326
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,201
- 'Tis correct.
- Point for Jake.
327
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:55,420
- What is my favorite
Knicks memory?
328
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:56,944
- When they fired Phil Jackson.
329
00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:57,988
- Mm.
330
00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,251
Yeah, that was a good day.
331
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:01,644
- What is the most
embarrassing thing
332
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:02,906
that's ever happened to me?
- Oh, when you were
333
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:04,342
cut out of that season
of "Real Housewives"
334
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,953
where you were dating Ramona.
- I wasn't embarrassed.
335
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:07,694
I was just disappointed
at the way it was handled.
336
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:08,999
- Yeah.
337
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,740
What is my least favorite word?
338
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,220
- Buttress.
339
00:10:12,263 --> 00:10:13,438
- It just makes me picture
a mattress with a butt.
340
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,049
- What is my least
favorite thing?
341
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:17,660
- Meringue because it looks
so much better than it tastes.
342
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:18,661
- It's a trick food!
343
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,097
♪
344
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:21,577
- Doug's up by one.
345
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,144
Jake, you need to answer
the final question correctly.
346
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:25,842
Otherwise, he wins.
Doug, lay it on him.
347
00:10:25,886 --> 00:10:27,191
- Hmm.
348
00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:30,760
Jake Peralta,
do I have an earring?
349
00:10:30,804 --> 00:10:32,109
[suspenseful music]
350
00:10:32,153 --> 00:10:33,545
- Um.
351
00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:35,025
What?
- You heard me.
352
00:10:35,069 --> 00:10:36,505
We've been in the car
for three hours.
353
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,899
You've known me
for seven years.
354
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:42,206
Do I have an earring?
355
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,252
- Oh, no.
I'm drawing a blank.
356
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:45,993
I can kind of picture
a diamond stud.
357
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,255
- That'd be a good look.
358
00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,300
- Or maybe a gold cross
or a little hoop.
359
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,954
- I do have versatile ears.
360
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:53,653
- Now I'm just seeing it
pretty clearly with no earring.
361
00:10:53,696 --> 00:10:55,393
Ah, this is hard.
362
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,831
But I'm gonna go with my gut
and say...
363
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,354
yes, you do have an earring.
364
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,705
Nothing but lobe?
This whole time?
365
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,142
- Since the day we met.
- [groans]
366
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,579
- I guess I know you better
after all.
367
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,975
- Or do you?
- Wait, why are you smiling?
368
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:13,847
- Because we played you!
369
00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,284
If you actually knew me,
you would have known
370
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,547
that I only agreed to do
"Who Knows Mo', Friend Or Foe,
371
00:11:18,590 --> 00:11:19,722
Are You Fo' Real
Or Just Fo' Show?"
372
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,811
in order to stall.
- I was in on it.
373
00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,334
"Estelle Minderman"
374
00:11:23,378 --> 00:11:24,988
is the code word we use
for when there's a twist,
375
00:11:25,032 --> 00:11:27,687
because when Estelle hosts game
night at the Senior Center,
376
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:31,516
she always makes sure one
of the games has a sexy twist.
377
00:11:31,560 --> 00:11:33,736
- And when I was writing
my answers into my phone,
378
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,564
I was secretly texting
Captain Holt
379
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,348
our vehicle description
and location.
380
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,394
Backup is already on the way.
381
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:41,918
Wait,
why are you smiling now?
382
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,093
- Because I played you.
383
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,965
I knew you would text
for backup.
384
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,923
So I changed your contacts
while I was DJ-ing.
385
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:50,579
Kendrick Lamar, Meek Mill,
really a lot of Taylor Swift.
386
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,754
So when you were texting
Captain Holt,
387
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:54,322
you were actually texting
Trudy Judy.
388
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,932
- State troopers
are on their way.
389
00:11:55,976 --> 00:11:57,629
Sincerely, Raymond Holt.
390
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,370
- Now my crew knows exactly
where we are
391
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:01,285
and exactly what we're driving.
392
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:04,680
Because I know you mo'.
393
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:05,725
Slurp, slurp.
394
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:12,079
- What do we do?
We can't outrun Doug's men.
395
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,776
Boyle bus tops out at 50.
- [shushes]
396
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,604
I'm calling Holt for help.
[line ringing]
397
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,475
- Go for Trudy.
- Oh, damn it!
398
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:18,781
- Yeah, I changed
all the numbers.
399
00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:20,740
- Come on.
Charles, give me your phone.
400
00:12:21,915 --> 00:12:23,830
All right, all right.
[line ringing]
401
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,919
- Peralta, what's going on?
- Sir, I need your help.
402
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,138
Doug Judy tricked me and now
his crew knows our location
403
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:29,749
and they're on their way
to help him escape.
404
00:12:29,792 --> 00:12:31,315
- Hey, Captain Holt.
- Doug says hi.
405
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:33,404
- How many times have I warned
you not to trust that man?
406
00:12:33,448 --> 00:12:34,884
- A lot of times.
407
00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:36,712
But honestly, you tell me
not to do things so often,
408
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,279
I kinda just tune it out.
409
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:39,759
- If Doug Judy escapes,
410
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,499
I can't help you;
you will be fired.
411
00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:42,805
- Okay, I know I messed up.
412
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:43,980
But can you at least
get us some backup?
413
00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,329
- Send me a pin
of your location.
414
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:47,070
I'll have state troopers
rendezvous with you.
415
00:12:47,114 --> 00:12:48,680
Do Judy's men know
what car you're driving?
416
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:53,250
- Yes. They--no.
Not for long.
417
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,338
- What the hell is this?
418
00:12:54,382 --> 00:12:56,601
- This is the front
of a Galaxie 500
419
00:12:56,645 --> 00:12:57,907
welded to the back of a Datsun
420
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,517
with half its windows
and no trunk.
421
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:00,562
It's all I could afford.
422
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:01,563
- You really think you're gonna
423
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:02,651
make it to the prison in that?
424
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:03,826
- Well, we only have
38 miles left.
425
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,219
So sorry, Judy,
426
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,787
but it looks like I have
the upper hand now.
427
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,314
- Door fell off.
428
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,925
So what you want to talk about?
429
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,884
- Nothing.
We're not talking anymore.
430
00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:19,189
[phone ringing]
No. No, no, no.
431
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:21,278
No phone call for you.
- She's calling for you.
432
00:13:21,322 --> 00:13:22,889
- Yeah, it was gonna be
another fun road trip surprise.
433
00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:24,934
But you don't deserve it.
- Sup, Rosa?
434
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:27,850
- ♪ Judy,
Judy, Judy, Judy, Judy ♪
435
00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,460
- No, no, no, no, there's no
singing for him now.
436
00:13:29,504 --> 00:13:30,897
- But you made me learn
such a long song.
437
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:32,855
It has 35 verses
and no chorus.
438
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,336
- I know. I'm sorry.
But plans have changed.
439
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:37,077
- Let me guess. Doug wasn't
excited about prison
440
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,078
and now he's trying to escape?
441
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:39,557
- Yes.
- You know it.
442
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,037
- [laughs]
Good luck, Doug.
443
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:44,867
- [laughs]
Thank you for planning that.
444
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,608
What's the next surprise?
- There isn't one.
445
00:13:46,651 --> 00:13:47,870
You ruined it.
There's no more fun.
446
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,132
- So that's how it is?
447
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,699
When it's gonna end
with me in prison,
448
00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:52,048
we can have a good time.
449
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,745
But now it's gonna end with me
450
00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:55,312
riding off into the sunset
a free man,
451
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:56,487
and we're all moody?
452
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:57,749
- You're not escaping.
453
00:13:57,793 --> 00:13:59,229
And if you did,
I would lose my badge.
454
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,883
- Maybe it's for the best.
You'd make a dope realtor.
455
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,406
- I don't want to be a realtor.
456
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,886
- You're telling me you don't
want to sell a penthouse
457
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:06,193
to Zayn Malik and then party
with him afterwards?
458
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:09,283
- I mean...
that does sound kind of cool.
459
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,806
- Next thing you know,
you're the go-to guy
460
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,808
for all of One Direction's
property needs.
461
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,505
[chuckles]
Whoo!
462
00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,768
- No! There's too much tension
between Zayn and the others.
463
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:18,248
You're selling me a pipe dream.
464
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,729
- All I'm saying is you're more
than just your job.
465
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,165
- You know, it doesn't matter.
466
00:14:22,209 --> 00:14:23,775
It still doesn't give you
the right to get me fired.
467
00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:26,387
- Honestly, seems like a small
price to pay for my freedom.
468
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:29,869
Think about it.
That's all I ask.
469
00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,393
[siren whoops]
- Oh, finally.
470
00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:34,221
- Captain Raymond Holt
called in for backup.
471
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:35,700
We're supposed to escort you
to the prison.
472
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:36,701
- Copy that.
Thanks.
473
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:37,877
- What are y'all wearing?
474
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,356
both: Tigers and toucans.
475
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,792
Yessir.
476
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,707
- Interesting.
And why isn't he cuffed?
477
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,057
- Uh, don't worry about it.
478
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,059
Peralta knows I wouldn't
physically overwhelm him.
479
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:48,017
What's happening here is more
of a mental overwhelmsion.
480
00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:50,150
- There's been no overwhelmsion
of any kind.
481
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,934
- And yet I just tricked you
into thinking
482
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,937
"overwhelmsion" is a word.
- [scoffs] No.
483
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,200
- Stay in contact
if you need anything.
484
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,985
- Thank you.
485
00:14:59,028 --> 00:15:00,290
- Hey, if we're not gonna talk,
486
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,771
can we at least
play some music?
487
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:06,122
[lively polka music]
Oh, I can get with this.
488
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:09,169
Oompah-oompah-oompah-oompah,
oompah-oompah-oompah.
489
00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,779
- What are you doing?
- Wow.
490
00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:12,259
I can't have
a diverse musical palate?
491
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:13,608
- I'm not sure what
you're so happy about.
492
00:15:13,651 --> 00:15:14,739
I have backup now.
493
00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:15,958
- I'm choosing to focus
494
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,829
on the journey,
not the destination.
495
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,222
- Suit yourself.
496
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:20,354
Wait a minute.
497
00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:21,964
This isn't part of your plan.
Is it?
498
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,444
Are the state troopers
actually your guys?
499
00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:25,272
- Sounds like something
I would do.
500
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:27,970
- I mean, how would you
even have contacted them?
501
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,754
Unless somebody messed
with Holt's phone.
502
00:15:29,798 --> 00:15:31,060
- Classic Doug.
503
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,409
- No, it's crazy.
You're just bluffing.
504
00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:34,237
- Also classic Doug.
505
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,586
- Rerouting.
- Rerouting?
506
00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:36,761
- It's probably nothing.
507
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:37,980
I'm sure we're going down
a side road
508
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:39,677
away from the prison
for a good reason.
509
00:15:39,721 --> 00:15:42,550
[suspenseful music]
510
00:15:42,593 --> 00:15:43,855
- Hey, this is Peralta.
511
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,248
Why'd you guys just turn?
Where are you going?
512
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:46,423
- This is the way
to the prison.
513
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,556
- [groans softly]
514
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:49,557
I'm heading into a trap.
515
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,124
Aren't I?
- Hard to say.
516
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,473
- But if those are your guys,
what are they waiting for?
517
00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:53,648
- Don't know.
- But if they're not your guys,
518
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:54,823
where are we going?
- Unclear.
519
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:56,564
- I'm calling Charles.
[line ringing]
520
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:57,652
- What's up, Peralta?
521
00:15:57,695 --> 00:16:00,611
- No!
All right, Jake, stay calm.
522
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,396
This all makes sense.
You called for backup.
523
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:03,658
Then Holt said backup
was coming.
524
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,051
And now they're here.
These guys are real.
525
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,227
If you can't trust them,
you can't trust anyone.
526
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:09,142
- You're right.
That's good logic.
527
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:12,406
- I can't trust anyone!
528
00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:14,277
[tires squealing]
529
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,976
♪
530
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:20,588
Okay.
We lost them.
531
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:22,111
I gotta know,
were they actually your guys?
532
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:23,895
- Nope.
- Damn it! I knew it!
533
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:25,201
Whatever.
534
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:26,855
It doesn't matter anyway.
We're almost there.
535
00:16:26,898 --> 00:16:28,204
We're just taking
a different route.
536
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,685
- At the next intersection,
turn left.
537
00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:31,773
- Wait,
this doesn't look right.
538
00:16:31,816 --> 00:16:33,122
- Sure, it does.
539
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,645
We just took a different route,
like you said.
540
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:36,125
Came in the back way.
541
00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:38,084
- Yeah, but prison
should be visible.
542
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:39,911
- You have reached
your destination.
543
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,001
♪
544
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,654
- Uh-oh.
- [chuckles]
545
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,004
Slurp, slurp, Peralta.
546
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:47,180
- Slurp, slurp.
- [slurps]
547
00:16:49,878 --> 00:16:52,228
- I don't understand.
How did this happen?
548
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,534
- Remember when I switched out
your contacts?
549
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:55,231
I also changed the destination
in your GPS.
550
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,319
- So we've been driving
551
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:57,625
to the wrong place
this whole time?
552
00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:59,757
Everything else
was just a distraction?
553
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,063
- I wanted you to focus
on the journey,
554
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,151
not the destination.
555
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:04,023
- Oh.
- Yeah. I got that from you.
556
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,589
- Dumbass.
- He's not a dumbass, Trudy.
557
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:07,026
It was a brilliant plan.
558
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:08,549
- Yeah, that hinged on him
handing you his phone
559
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,768
and not noticing that
he was driving directly to us.
560
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:13,510
- Yeah, but there was also
some mental misdirection.
561
00:17:13,554 --> 00:17:14,859
- It was a bit
of a chess match; it's true.
562
00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:16,905
- Yeah, a chess match
with a dumbass.
563
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,038
- All right, we gotta move.
Judys, you get in the SUV.
564
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,387
I'll take care of the cop.
565
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,432
- What do you mean,
"take care of him"?
566
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,999
- Shoot him in the face.
- What?
567
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,609
Doug, who are these guys?
- I don't know.
568
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:27,046
Trudy, who are these guys?
569
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,612
- Well, your old crew split
when you went legit,
570
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:30,310
so I put a ad for goons
on the internet.
571
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:31,528
- TaskRabbit?
- Craigslist.
572
00:17:31,572 --> 00:17:33,617
- Trudy, never contact
Craigslist crooks.
573
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:34,792
- He's a cop.
He's seen our faces.
574
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:35,793
- It's okay.
He doesn't care about you.
575
00:17:35,837 --> 00:17:36,968
He doesn't even
know your names.
576
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,883
- It's Vince Thompson.
- Don't tell him!
577
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,320
- Look, I'm just after Doug,
that's it.
578
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:41,756
- Yeah, he's gonna forget
all about you,
579
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,845
guy whose name
I can't even remember.
580
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:45,542
- It's Vince Michael Thompson.
- What is wrong with you?
581
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,631
- Look, you can let us do
what you hired us to do
582
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:49,546
or you can join your buddy
in a ditch.
583
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:52,114
- Fair enough.
Enjoy the ditch, Jake.
584
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:53,463
- "Enjoy the ditch"?
585
00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,117
Those are your final words
to me?
586
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,772
- Hey man, it's not a game,
and I'm not Estelle Minderman.
587
00:17:57,815 --> 00:17:59,991
Life is about choices,
difficult choices
588
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,036
that sometimes--now!
589
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,473
[dramatic music]
590
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:04,474
- All right, nobody move!
Stay where you are!
591
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:07,260
- See you later, dumbass!
592
00:18:07,303 --> 00:18:08,913
♪
593
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:11,133
[indistinct chatter]
594
00:18:11,177 --> 00:18:12,569
- I'll take the prisoner.
595
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:14,005
- Oh, can you actually
give me one second?
596
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,746
Thanks. Look, Doug,
597
00:18:15,790 --> 00:18:17,618
I'm sorry
it's gotta be like this.
598
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:19,141
If you're mad at me, I get it.
599
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,448
- I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at myself.
600
00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,537
I should never become friends
with a cop.
601
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:24,799
I mean,
how'd I expect this to end?
602
00:18:24,842 --> 00:18:28,237
- [sighs] Well, regardless,
603
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:29,369
thanks for saving me back there
604
00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,587
with the Estelle Minderman
thing.
605
00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:31,632
- I wasn't gonna let them
hurt you, Jake.
606
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:35,070
We're PB and J.
- We're PB and J.
607
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,680
- Yeah.
608
00:18:36,724 --> 00:18:39,466
- I want to hug you,
but you're cuffed.
609
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:42,425
- You can hug me.
610
00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:45,472
[warm music]
611
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:52,000
♪
612
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:56,135
- [sighs]
Okay, you can take him.
613
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,441
I'll see you soon.
614
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:03,098
♪
615
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,057
- Peralta, there's a call
for you.
616
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,624
- Oh, is it a casting agent
from "Double Dare"?
617
00:19:07,668 --> 00:19:09,104
I submitted it as a kid.
618
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,540
Maybe they're finally
calling to put me on the show.
619
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,151
- You think they'd be calling
30 years later?
620
00:19:12,194 --> 00:19:14,196
- All right, fine.
I also submitted to the reboot.
621
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,502
- It's not "Double Dare."
622
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,634
It's an inmate
from South Hills state prison.
623
00:19:19,114 --> 00:19:20,724
- Doug Judy.
624
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:23,988
Hello?
- Hey, Peralta.
625
00:19:24,032 --> 00:19:26,774
What's good?
- Hey, Doug, are you okay?
626
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:28,079
- I wanted you to know,
627
00:19:28,123 --> 00:19:29,516
and I've been thinking
about it a lot--
628
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:31,257
I didn't mean what I said.
629
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:32,388
I'm glad I met you.
630
00:19:32,432 --> 00:19:34,085
Sure, it ended badly,
631
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:36,218
but we had some good times
along the way too.
632
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,437
We went on a cruise together.
633
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,047
- We flew on Mark Cuban's jet.
634
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,354
- We ate at a restaurant
next to Gail from "Top Chef."
635
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,659
- Yeah, and then you got
636
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:44,487
so mad at her
about "Last Chance Kitchen."
637
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:45,706
- I wasn't mad.
I just think it's insane
638
00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,360
that they make you go online
to watch it.
639
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:50,667
The point is I wouldn't trade
those moments for anything.
640
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,930
I'm choosing to focus
on the journey.
641
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:55,150
- [person speaking
non-English language]
642
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,065
- Wait a minute.
What language was that?
643
00:19:57,108 --> 00:19:59,372
- I don't know. Maybe Dutch.
There's a lot of that in here.
644
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,852
You know how active
the Dutch mafia is in Jersey.
645
00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:03,854
- Judy.
- Okay, fine.
646
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:06,596
Surprise! I'm in Amsterdam!
647
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,119
I escaped from prison.
648
00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:10,165
My wife and I
are living the life here now.
649
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,297
Amsterdam is great.
650
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,560
Jake, they got
universal healthcare,
651
00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:14,952
legalized marijuana,
652
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,259
and the workers are treated
so much better.
653
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:18,608
But you know
what the best part is?
654
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:19,870
- That you're a free man again.
655
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,524
- No. Stroopwafels.
656
00:20:21,568 --> 00:20:22,786
They're, like,
these wafer cookies
657
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,266
with caramel in between.
658
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,094
- Oh, yeah, I think I've
seen those at Trader Joe's.
659
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:29,750
Well, look, I guess
I'm happy that you're happy.
660
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:31,882
- Well, I owe it all to you.
- What do you mean?
661
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:34,755
- I think you know what I mean.
- Nope, no idea.
662
00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:37,105
- Really? Because after
we hugged goodbye,
663
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:38,280
I noticed your pen
664
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:39,455
was in my pocket.
665
00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:41,762
- Oh, that's weird. It was?
666
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,154
- Uh-huh, and then I used it
667
00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:44,547
to mind freak myself
668
00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:46,810
out of my cuffs
and then out of jail.
669
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,943
- Well, then I guess
it's certainly lucky
670
00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:50,205
that it ended up
in your pocket.
671
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,773
- I wonder how it got there.
- Yeah.
672
00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:56,255
Well, I guess we'll never know.
673
00:20:56,298 --> 00:20:58,213
- Well, however it got there,
674
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,650
I'm glad it did.
675
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:02,478
I love you, Peralta.
676
00:21:02,522 --> 00:21:03,479
- Love you, too, Judy.
677
00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:04,698
- Tigers and toucs!
678
00:21:06,656 --> 00:21:08,528
- Tigers and toucs.
679
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:10,660
- Not a doctor.
- [shushes]