1
00:00:04,172 --> 00:00:05,915
Attention, squad.
2
00:00:05,946 --> 00:00:07,517
Put your hands together
3
00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:10,570
for the long-anticipated
reunion of...
4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,046
The DDC!
5
00:00:13,142 --> 00:00:14,163
- DD...
- C!
6
00:00:14,249 --> 00:00:15,166
- DD...
- C!
7
00:00:15,252 --> 00:00:16,313
Put a J with a G...
8
00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:17,408
You get DD...
9
00:00:17,494 --> 00:00:19,150
- C!
- C!
10
00:00:19,244 --> 00:00:20,337
Uh, the gas face.
11
00:00:20,423 --> 00:00:21,697
What the hell
is the DDC?
12
00:00:21,783 --> 00:00:22,963
I don't know,
but I love it!
13
00:00:23,049 --> 00:00:24,299
The DDC is the Dope...
14
00:00:24,385 --> 00:00:25,420
- Denim...
- Crew.
15
00:00:25,506 --> 00:00:26,770
Our 20-year high school reunion
16
00:00:26,856 --> 00:00:28,729
is tonight, and the party
is '90s-themed,
17
00:00:28,783 --> 00:00:30,331
so we're dressing the way
we did back then,
18
00:00:30,416 --> 00:00:32,376
AKA
hella fresh.
19
00:00:32,462 --> 00:00:34,466
Can't wait to see everyone
we graduated with
20
00:00:34,615 --> 00:00:36,402
and lie to them
about what I've been up to
21
00:00:36,487 --> 00:00:37,830
for my own amusement.
22
00:00:37,916 --> 00:00:41,173
It's gonna be Fib City,
population: Gina Clooney.
23
00:00:41,259 --> 00:00:42,495
But Jake, how can
you be excited
24
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:43,689
to return
to your high school,
25
00:00:43,774 --> 00:00:45,697
the scene of...
Tattlegate?
26
00:00:45,783 --> 00:00:47,175
What's Tattlegate?
Why haven't I heard
27
00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:49,020
- anything about it?
- It was junior year
28
00:00:49,151 --> 00:00:50,633
and Jake was riding high...
29
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,174
Charles, no one wants
to hear this story...
30
00:00:53,384 --> 00:00:54,420
from you.
31
00:00:54,505 --> 00:00:55,517
It was junior year,
32
00:00:55,603 --> 00:00:57,423
and Jake was riding high.
33
00:00:57,508 --> 00:00:59,512
Sophomore year was rough,
but now I was back
34
00:00:59,597 --> 00:01:02,123
with a hot new look:
an earring and long hair.
35
00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,777
Which was my look,
and he just copied it.
36
00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:05,779
And it worked!
I was finally cool,
37
00:01:05,864 --> 00:01:07,389
and becoming friends
with the most popular kid
38
00:01:07,474 --> 00:01:09,522
in school: Brandon Bliss.
39
00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:11,393
- Dope name; sounds hot.
- He was hot, Rosa.
40
00:01:11,478 --> 00:01:13,166
For the record,
he could barely read.
41
00:01:13,252 --> 00:01:14,588
He didn't have to read,
Gina.
42
00:01:14,674 --> 00:01:16,487
He lost his virginity
when he was 12 years old.
43
00:01:16,572 --> 00:01:17,752
Which is horrifying.
44
00:01:17,838 --> 00:01:19,049
But it wasn't back then!
Back then,
45
00:01:19,134 --> 00:01:21,611
it was...
everything.
46
00:01:21,766 --> 00:01:23,509
He asked me to ditch class
one day with him
47
00:01:23,595 --> 00:01:25,009
and his buddies,
steal a school van,
48
00:01:25,095 --> 00:01:26,370
and go get drunk
at his parents' cabin,
49
00:01:26,455 --> 00:01:28,166
but the day before
we were supposed to go,
50
00:01:28,252 --> 00:01:30,586
someone ratted Brandon out,
and he got suspended!
51
00:01:30,671 --> 00:01:32,197
He thought I was the one
who told,
52
00:01:32,283 --> 00:01:33,353
and from that day forward,
53
00:01:33,439 --> 00:01:35,634
everyone called me
"The Tattler."
54
00:01:35,755 --> 00:01:37,368
Tattler.
It's a sexy nickname.
55
00:01:37,461 --> 00:01:38,783
It was not
a sexy nickname!
56
00:01:38,869 --> 00:01:40,088
It was a scarlet letter,
57
00:01:40,174 --> 00:01:41,877
and it ruined
my senior year,
58
00:01:42,176 --> 00:01:44,789
but luckily,
I'm over all that now.
59
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:45,813
Not me.
I'm gonna go
60
00:01:45,899 --> 00:01:46,994
to this reunion tonight
61
00:01:47,088 --> 00:01:48,260
and kick Brandon Bliss
in the butthole.
62
00:01:48,345 --> 00:01:50,330
Horrifying, but that won't
be necessary, Charles,
63
00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:52,791
for my awesome life will do
the butthole-kicking this eve.
64
00:01:52,877 --> 00:01:54,775
I've got a sweet job,
and a super-smart,
65
00:01:54,861 --> 00:01:56,456
incredible wife.
Tonight's gonna be awesome.
66
00:01:56,541 --> 00:01:57,721
- Right, Gina?
- Damn straight!
67
00:01:57,806 --> 00:01:58,986
- DD...
- C!
68
00:01:59,072 --> 00:02:00,134
- DD...
- C!
69
00:02:00,222 --> 00:02:01,259
- DD...
- C!
70
00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:04,166
*BROOKLYN NINE-NINE*
Season 06 Episode 03
71
00:02:04,389 --> 00:02:07,330
*BROOKLYN NINE-NINE*
Episode Title: "The Tattler"
72
00:02:18,791 --> 00:02:20,908
Sync corrections by srjanapala
73
00:02:22,024 --> 00:02:23,947
Wow, this place
hasn't changed
74
00:02:24,049 --> 00:02:25,900
one bit
in 20 years.
75
00:02:25,994 --> 00:02:27,784
It's a real indictment
of the public school system.
76
00:02:27,869 --> 00:02:29,673
Jake!
Tina!
77
00:02:29,759 --> 00:02:31,486
No way!
Mikey J!
78
00:02:31,612 --> 00:02:33,228
Amy, this is Mike Joseph,
79
00:02:33,314 --> 00:02:36,759
AKA the lead funk bassist
from my legendary ska band,
80
00:02:36,845 --> 00:02:39,845
Skalvester Skallone.
We had one song.
81
00:02:39,931 --> 00:02:41,065
♪ Oh
82
00:02:41,151 --> 00:02:44,112
- ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪
- ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪
83
00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:46,198
- ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪
- ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪
84
00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:47,595
- Whoa!
- Hey, man.
85
00:02:47,681 --> 00:02:49,258
We were so bad.
I can't believe
86
00:02:49,344 --> 00:02:50,837
we thought
we were gonna make it.
87
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,111
So what have you been up to,
man?
88
00:02:52,196 --> 00:02:54,375
Well, I'm still trying to
get the music thing started.
89
00:02:54,497 --> 00:02:56,352
Oh, cool, cool, cool.
Never give up.
90
00:02:56,438 --> 00:02:58,704
Anyway, how are you, Gina?
What have you been up to?
91
00:02:58,790 --> 00:03:00,376
Nothing crazy.
Yeah, just writing
92
00:03:00,462 --> 00:03:02,292
- those "Thor" movies.
- Seriously?
93
00:03:02,378 --> 00:03:03,970
Oh, my God.
Tell me everything.
94
00:03:04,056 --> 00:03:06,321
Legally, I can't get into it
too much,
95
00:03:06,407 --> 00:03:07,701
but just know that
the next one
96
00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:09,225
will have a lot more
full frontal.
97
00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:11,907
Well, if you need some ska
for your soundtrack...
98
00:03:11,993 --> 00:03:13,063
Oh!
99
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:14,362
This is them.
This is Marvel.
100
00:03:14,448 --> 00:03:15,557
They probably want
to talk about.
101
00:03:15,642 --> 00:03:18,649
"Thor 4: More Thor."
I gotta take this.
102
00:03:18,735 --> 00:03:19,962
Okay?
All right.
103
00:03:20,048 --> 00:03:21,452
So how you doing, Jake?
104
00:03:21,537 --> 00:03:24,181
I know the end of high school
was a little... rough.
105
00:03:24,303 --> 00:03:25,829
Oh, uh...
106
00:03:25,976 --> 00:03:28,212
Jake's killing it now.
He's a detective.
107
00:03:28,298 --> 00:03:30,998
Irie, mon!
Irie, irie!
108
00:03:31,198 --> 00:03:32,288
Very nice.
109
00:03:32,373 --> 00:03:34,243
God, you must have
some crazy stories.
110
00:03:34,329 --> 00:03:35,485
Oh, I don't know.
I mean,
111
00:03:35,571 --> 00:03:36,720
is successfully negotiating
112
00:03:36,813 --> 00:03:38,345
a high-tension
hostage situation
113
00:03:38,431 --> 00:03:40,368
- in a bank crazy?
- Yes!
114
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:41,985
Oh, well, then, I guess
I do have
115
00:03:42,071 --> 00:03:44,149
some crazy stories, mon!
116
00:03:44,922 --> 00:03:46,196
Gosh, it's so cool
117
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:48,321
how we all still dress
the same.
118
00:03:50,047 --> 00:03:51,938
Is it so much to ask?
You know what I'm saying?
119
00:03:52,024 --> 00:03:53,431
Why is everyone
gathered around the radio?
120
00:03:53,516 --> 00:03:55,790
Ooh, are they testing the
emergency broadcasting system?
121
00:03:55,875 --> 00:03:57,313
What?
No.
122
00:03:57,398 --> 00:03:58,706
We're listening to a contest.
123
00:03:58,791 --> 00:04:00,321
This is 93.7,
124
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:01,926
The Jamhouse, with...
125
00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:04,212
- JC and the Horndog!
- JC and the Horndog!
126
00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:05,837
FM radio...
127
00:04:05,923 --> 00:04:08,446
Yeah, the hosts
are beyond disgusting,
128
00:04:08,532 --> 00:04:11,066
but they do a fun game
where they play a mystery sound
129
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,134
and callers guess what
it is for a cash prize.
130
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,243
Shh, they're about to play
the new sound!
131
00:04:17,198 --> 00:04:18,205
It's a crinkle.
I solved it.
132
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,915
Yes, but you have to know
what object
133
00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:20,938
is making the crinkle.
134
00:04:21,024 --> 00:04:22,674
- But that's impossible.
- It could be anything.
135
00:04:22,759 --> 00:04:24,056
Yes, sir.
That's the game.
136
00:04:24,142 --> 00:04:26,294
- It's a bag of potato chips.
- Don't be an idiot!
137
00:04:26,379 --> 00:04:27,368
It's a bag of corn chips.
138
00:04:27,454 --> 00:04:29,087
Well, this is
a total waste of time.
139
00:04:29,173 --> 00:04:30,820
Sure, but you can still
have fun,
140
00:04:30,906 --> 00:04:32,502
- even if you're wasting time.
- That's absurd.
141
00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:34,461
Productivity is what
makes things fun.
142
00:04:34,547 --> 00:04:35,962
That's why humans go to work.
143
00:04:37,150 --> 00:04:38,327
It is?
144
00:04:38,423 --> 00:04:39,602
Hey.
So you know
145
00:04:39,688 --> 00:04:41,299
how Alicia and I broke up
because she moved to London,
146
00:04:41,384 --> 00:04:42,727
then we tried to make it work,
but the distance
147
00:04:42,813 --> 00:04:43,947
was too much
and we broke up again?
148
00:04:44,032 --> 00:04:45,212
No.
The last thing you told me
149
00:04:45,298 --> 00:04:46,322
about yourself was that
you were bi.
150
00:04:46,407 --> 00:04:47,578
Well, a lot has happened
since then.
151
00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,025
Anyway, I'm dating
two other people.
152
00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:50,688
So much juice at one time.
153
00:04:50,774 --> 00:04:51,649
I'm drowning.
154
00:04:51,735 --> 00:04:53,650
Oh, gross. Charles, this is why
I don't tell you anything.
155
00:04:53,735 --> 00:04:54,704
- I take it back.
- Okay.
156
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:56,670
Well, it's early stages,
but they both tagged me
157
00:04:56,758 --> 00:04:57,760
in a bunch of photos online,
158
00:04:57,845 --> 00:04:59,049
and they found out
about each other.
159
00:04:59,134 --> 00:05:00,384
- Yikes.
- Yeah, I know.
160
00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:02,040
I shouldn't 'gram so much,
but my brunch friends say
161
00:05:02,125 --> 00:05:03,619
it's the only way to promote
my handmade jewelry line.
162
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,493
Brunch? What?
Homemade... who... Why?
163
00:05:05,579 --> 00:05:06,798
Charles, focus.
164
00:05:06,884 --> 00:05:07,947
Anyway, they're both annoyed,
165
00:05:08,032 --> 00:05:09,103
and now I have to
choose one of them,
166
00:05:09,188 --> 00:05:10,656
and I cannot make up my mind.
167
00:05:10,742 --> 00:05:12,476
It's insane.
I never have trouble
168
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:13,718
making decisions.
169
00:05:13,823 --> 00:05:15,479
Ugh.
Choose the daughter.
170
00:05:15,588 --> 00:05:17,398
I always know exactly
what to do,
171
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,344
but for the first time
in my life, I am stumped.
172
00:05:19,429 --> 00:05:21,132
Rosa, you've come
to the right man.
173
00:05:21,217 --> 00:05:23,132
Boyles are genetically
indecisive beings.
174
00:05:23,218 --> 00:05:24,922
So I chose the worst
possible person to help me?
175
00:05:25,007 --> 00:05:26,125
No.
We've developed
176
00:05:26,211 --> 00:05:27,891
a foolproof system to help us
make choices.
177
00:05:27,996 --> 00:05:29,880
It used to take me so long
to decide what to wear
178
00:05:29,965 --> 00:05:31,531
that I'd never change
my clothes.
179
00:05:31,617 --> 00:05:33,142
Now look what I have on.
180
00:05:33,413 --> 00:05:35,274
Is this different than what
you were wearing yesterday?
181
00:05:35,359 --> 00:05:36,547
Barely.
182
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,715
Wow, your life
sounds amazing.
183
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,325
I'm really happy
it worked out for you,
184
00:05:40,410 --> 00:05:42,588
you know, especially with
the whole Tattler thing.
185
00:05:43,341 --> 00:05:45,122
What?
The Tattler? Wow.
186
00:05:45,239 --> 00:05:46,731
I haven't heard that
in a long time.
187
00:05:46,825 --> 00:05:47,825
Who even was the Tattler?
188
00:05:47,911 --> 00:05:49,068
You.
That's why I'm bringing it up.
189
00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:50,412
Oh, right, I remember now
that I was
190
00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:51,841
misidentified
as the Tattler.
191
00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:53,514
That's so funny.
But I wasn't the Tattler,
192
00:05:53,599 --> 00:05:54,717
so I'm pretty sure
you got this wrong.
193
00:05:54,802 --> 00:05:56,583
No, no, no, I think
I go... hey, Eric.
194
00:05:56,669 --> 00:05:58,677
Didn't people call Jake
the Tattler?
195
00:05:58,848 --> 00:06:00,504
Oh, yeah!
196
00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:03,260
Oh, good, more people
are getting involved.
197
00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:05,942
After my initial design,
they said it couldn't be done.
198
00:06:06,028 --> 00:06:07,613
They said it was too tall,
too flashy...
199
00:06:07,698 --> 00:06:09,310
Building codes, bureaucracy.
200
00:06:09,395 --> 00:06:12,255
Cut to the Freedom Tower
as you see it today.
201
00:06:12,341 --> 00:06:13,396
Wow.
202
00:06:13,482 --> 00:06:15,372
Thank you.
Yeah, I agree.
203
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,153
Look, nobody cares
about that stuff.
204
00:06:17,239 --> 00:06:18,369
We're all adults now.
205
00:06:18,455 --> 00:06:20,685
You're a cop.
I work at a coffin factory.
206
00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:22,759
I'm not sitting around,
thinking about how you tattled.
207
00:06:22,844 --> 00:06:24,599
Yes, we all have jobs
and work on coffins.
208
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,676
I didn't tattle, but whatevs.
We don't have to keep talking about it.
209
00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:28,981
- Great. - Great. - Great.
- Great. - Great.
210
00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:30,766
But you were the Tattler,
right?
211
00:06:30,852 --> 00:06:32,072
Brandon Bliss was my friend!
212
00:06:32,157 --> 00:06:33,403
Why would I tattle
on my friend?
213
00:06:33,489 --> 00:06:35,684
The nickname was inaccurate,
is all I'm saying.
214
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:36,947
Anyways, as you can tell,
215
00:06:37,032 --> 00:06:38,396
I am totally over it.
216
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,146
Ah, man, it's the Tattler.
217
00:06:40,232 --> 00:06:41,794
I didn't tattle!
218
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,682
So...
219
00:06:43,798 --> 00:06:45,757
I think I might not
be over it.
220
00:06:47,961 --> 00:06:50,008
Ugh, this is so unfair.
221
00:06:50,094 --> 00:06:51,773
Everyone remembers me
as the Tattler,
222
00:06:51,851 --> 00:06:53,078
but somehow,
no one remembers
223
00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:54,640
that Darren "Doo Doo" Donaldson
224
00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:56,156
crapped himself during PE.
225
00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:57,203
Look at him out there,
226
00:06:57,289 --> 00:06:58,601
dancing on the dance floor
227
00:06:58,687 --> 00:07:00,179
like he's lived
a doo doo-free life.
228
00:07:00,297 --> 00:07:01,796
Jake, this isn't so bad.
229
00:07:01,882 --> 00:07:04,054
History is full
of great tattlers.
230
00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:06,000
Martin Luther King
tattled on racists.
231
00:07:06,086 --> 00:07:07,274
That's a pretty
undercutting way
232
00:07:07,359 --> 00:07:08,446
of describing
his accomplishments.
233
00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:10,351
I was trying to help.
It felt bad.
234
00:07:10,437 --> 00:07:11,734
It's not even the nickname
that bothers me.
235
00:07:11,797 --> 00:07:13,055
It's that I'm being
wrongfully accused.
236
00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:14,906
I didn't tattle.
I mean, if it was the truth,
237
00:07:14,992 --> 00:07:16,922
go ahead and call me
the Tattler all day long.
238
00:07:17,008 --> 00:07:19,082
- Hey, Tattler.
- Not cool, Jason!
239
00:07:19,547 --> 00:07:20,765
Let's just go home.
240
00:07:20,851 --> 00:07:22,578
No!
We're not going anywhere.
241
00:07:22,664 --> 00:07:24,664
You were wrongfully accused.
We're cops.
242
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,273
Let's just find
the real Tattler
243
00:07:26,359 --> 00:07:27,531
and prove your innocence.
244
00:07:27,617 --> 00:07:28,440
Yes!
I love it!
245
00:07:28,525 --> 00:07:29,687
Why learn to grow
246
00:07:29,773 --> 00:07:31,242
when you can fix the past?
247
00:07:31,328 --> 00:07:33,125
This is exactly why
I don't need therapy.
248
00:07:33,211 --> 00:07:34,962
Not sure that's the lesson
I want you to take away from this.
249
00:07:35,047 --> 00:07:36,704
Too late! We're gonna prove
I wasn't the Tattler.
250
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,582
Therapy is a scam.
Let's do this.
251
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:40,626
No.
252
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,629
The sound was more
of a "khh."
253
00:07:42,715 --> 00:07:44,324
Ooh, how goes
the crinkle hunt?
254
00:07:44,410 --> 00:07:46,160
I see you're not just
wasting time.
255
00:07:46,262 --> 00:07:47,850
You're also wasting
tin.
256
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,637
It was only one piece.
257
00:07:51,114 --> 00:07:52,899
Okay, it was a ton of tin.
258
00:07:52,985 --> 00:07:54,856
Pretty sure it's a guy
eating a sandwich.
259
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:55,728
I'll prove it to you.
260
00:07:55,813 --> 00:07:57,739
I'm not buying you
any more sandwiches, Scully.
261
00:07:57,825 --> 00:07:58,832
I'm doing this for us!
262
00:07:58,918 --> 00:08:00,293
Guys, we can't fight.
263
00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:01,950
That's what the Horndog wants.
264
00:08:02,036 --> 00:08:03,271
We're getting close.
We just need
265
00:08:03,356 --> 00:08:04,474
to keep testing more things.
266
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:06,653
Oh, that's a good idea.
267
00:08:06,739 --> 00:08:08,825
Have you tried
a piece of paper?
268
00:08:09,653 --> 00:08:10,762
Is that your crinkle?
269
00:08:10,871 --> 00:08:12,582
Ooh, maybe... oh.
270
00:08:12,846 --> 00:08:15,191
Maybe it's these bags
of coffee beans.
271
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:17,356
All right, sir.
I think you've made your point.
272
00:08:17,442 --> 00:08:19,005
My point?
Oh, I'm just trying to have fun
273
00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:20,184
by wasting time.
274
00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:23,481
Oh, maybe it's this
crinkly-crunkly yogurt.
275
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:27,492
Terry heard a crinkle.
276
00:08:27,606 --> 00:08:28,887
Holt heard a crinkle, too.
277
00:08:28,973 --> 00:08:30,668
So suddenly, it's not a waste
of time?
278
00:08:30,754 --> 00:08:32,598
Not a waste of time
if we win!
279
00:08:33,024 --> 00:08:34,593
What are you waiting for,
Jeffords?
280
00:08:34,801 --> 00:08:36,333
Call the Horndog!
281
00:08:36,543 --> 00:08:38,207
So then I said
to Steve,
282
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,551
"What if we drop the
'-lications, '
283
00:08:40,785 --> 00:08:41,770
just call them 'apps'?"
284
00:08:41,856 --> 00:08:43,515
That's incredible.
285
00:08:43,887 --> 00:08:45,793
Do you miss him?
Oh, every day, Laura.
286
00:08:45,879 --> 00:08:47,121
Every day.
You should talk
287
00:08:47,207 --> 00:08:48,762
to Quentin Chase.
He's a big-time.
288
00:08:48,848 --> 00:08:49,935
Silicon Valley investor now,
289
00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,067
and he was just telling me
all about it.
290
00:08:51,152 --> 00:08:52,231
Quentin, come here.
291
00:08:52,379 --> 00:08:53,731
You have got to talk to Gina.
292
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,265
She basically invented apps.
293
00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:57,005
They were going
to be called "lications."
294
00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:58,574
You really bungled that.
295
00:08:58,660 --> 00:09:00,060
- What you been working on?
- Currently,
296
00:09:00,145 --> 00:09:01,418
I have been working
297
00:09:01,504 --> 00:09:03,856
on an app called
Toddler.
298
00:09:03,942 --> 00:09:06,199
It's like Tinder,
but for toddlers.
299
00:09:06,285 --> 00:09:07,379
Tinder for toddlers.
300
00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,137
I like it.
How are you gonna spell that?
301
00:09:09,223 --> 00:09:10,262
How many D's?
302
00:09:10,410 --> 00:09:11,473
Five.
303
00:09:12,645 --> 00:09:14,817
All right, we should start
by talking to Brandon Bliss
304
00:09:14,903 --> 00:09:16,739
and find out who told him
you were the Tattler.
305
00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,223
Unfortunately, Bliss
is not here.
306
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:20,957
Probably in the VIP section
at a Fatboy Slim concert.
307
00:09:21,043 --> 00:09:22,731
Would that be cool
for a 37-year-old?
308
00:09:22,817 --> 00:09:24,357
The funk soul brother
is timeless, Ames.
309
00:09:24,442 --> 00:09:26,465
All right, I don't know
who told Brandon,
310
00:09:26,551 --> 00:09:28,091
but I heard it was someone
on the football team.
311
00:09:28,176 --> 00:09:29,997
Okay, well, we need
more information than that,
312
00:09:30,082 --> 00:09:32,027
so take me back to the day.
Spare no details.
313
00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,293
Okay, I saw Brandon
314
00:09:33,379 --> 00:09:34,888
after second period,
and everything seemed tight.
315
00:09:34,973 --> 00:09:36,973
♪ Hey now,
you're an all-star ♪
316
00:09:37,059 --> 00:09:38,645
♪ Get your game on
go play ♪
317
00:09:38,731 --> 00:09:40,887
But then, when I saw him
after third period...
318
00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:42,629
something had clearly changed.
319
00:09:42,762 --> 00:09:43,923
♪ Get paid
320
00:09:44,008 --> 00:09:46,285
♪ All that glitters
is gold ♪
321
00:09:46,371 --> 00:09:47,535
After that, there was
322
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,551
little color left in the world
for young Jake.
323
00:09:49,645 --> 00:09:53,309
My earring, less gold,
my JNCO jeans less purple.
324
00:09:53,395 --> 00:09:54,747
Are you sure
you were becoming cool?
325
00:09:54,832 --> 00:09:55,761
Yeah.
Why?
326
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:56,973
I know how to solve this.
327
00:09:57,059 --> 00:09:58,591
We just have to find out
which football player
328
00:09:58,676 --> 00:10:00,176
had third period
with Brandon Bliss.
329
00:10:00,285 --> 00:10:01,496
We need his class schedule.
330
00:10:01,582 --> 00:10:02,765
Yeah, but where
are we gonna find that?
331
00:10:02,850 --> 00:10:04,832
In the coolest room
in the school.
332
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,629
Good lord!
333
00:10:08,715 --> 00:10:10,020
You coulda just picked
the lock.
334
00:10:10,106 --> 00:10:11,254
I know.
I'm sorry.
335
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:13,465
I'm just so amped up
about Admin.
336
00:10:13,551 --> 00:10:16,340
Okay, this is the Boyle
decision-making manual.
337
00:10:16,426 --> 00:10:17,949
One of these sections
will help you
338
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,246
with choosing your partner.
339
00:10:19,332 --> 00:10:20,349
Here we go.
What do you prefer,
340
00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,098
eyes or butt,
brains or body?
341
00:10:22,184 --> 00:10:23,199
- Brains.
- Uh...
342
00:10:23,285 --> 00:10:24,684
Sorry, no, that's
for deciding lunch.
343
00:10:24,769 --> 00:10:25,965
- Horrifying.
- Oh, I found
344
00:10:26,051 --> 00:10:27,004
the romance section.
345
00:10:27,113 --> 00:10:29,090
Now, first, I will need
the names
346
00:10:29,176 --> 00:10:30,630
of the two people
you're choosing between.
347
00:10:30,715 --> 00:10:32,536
I will not be telling you
any information about them.
348
00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:34,004
No problem.
We can work with that.
349
00:10:34,098 --> 00:10:35,731
I will just call them
by their initials.
350
00:10:35,817 --> 00:10:36,692
- No.
- I will call them.
351
00:10:36,778 --> 00:10:37,770
"Couscous" and "Quinoa."
Whatever.
352
00:10:37,856 --> 00:10:39,336
- Okay.
- Now, for this to work right, you need
353
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,101
to answer these questions
without thinking.
354
00:10:41,523 --> 00:10:42,607
- Who makes you laugh more?
- Quinoa.
355
00:10:42,692 --> 00:10:43,747
- Who has softer lips?
- Couscous.
356
00:10:43,832 --> 00:10:44,911
A new Cirque du Soleil's
in town.
357
00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:46,138
You have the two best seats
in the house.
358
00:10:46,223 --> 00:10:47,607
- Who are you bringing?
- Is this a reward
359
00:10:47,692 --> 00:10:48,606
- or a punishment?
- You decide.
360
00:10:48,692 --> 00:10:49,802
- Quinoa.
- Great. Next question:
361
00:10:49,887 --> 00:10:50,918
You die and become a ghost.
362
00:10:51,003 --> 00:10:52,051
The rules of the afterlife
363
00:10:52,137 --> 00:10:53,202
are that of the movie "Casper."
364
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:54,262
Whose house
would you rather haunt?
365
00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:55,864
How many more
of these questions are there?
366
00:10:55,949 --> 00:10:57,169
309.
367
00:10:57,255 --> 00:10:59,332
- Okay, I've got something.
- Oh.
368
00:10:59,433 --> 00:11:01,035
That's not Brandon's profile.
It's mine.
369
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,021
I just want a quick peek
at your attendance record.
370
00:11:03,106 --> 00:11:04,621
Zero absences.
371
00:11:05,152 --> 00:11:06,684
Oh, mama...
372
00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:07,902
Printing this for later.
373
00:11:07,988 --> 00:11:09,375
Keep it in your pants,
Santiago.
374
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,481
Oh, that's exactly
where it's going.
375
00:11:12,596 --> 00:11:15,121
Okay, here's Brandon's info.
376
00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:16,589
Third period, first semester...
377
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:17,949
Any of these people
on the football team?
378
00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:20,516
Scott Alford, Taylor Black...
Wow, Tom Brady?
379
00:11:20,601 --> 00:11:22,344
Different Tom Brady.
He was in theater.
380
00:11:22,429 --> 00:11:23,574
Although he was the MVP
381
00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:24,825
of that year's production
of "Fiddler."
382
00:11:24,910 --> 00:11:26,238
- Hm.
- Wait a minute.
383
00:11:26,324 --> 00:11:27,613
Danny Matthews.
That's the guy.
384
00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:28,785
He was on the football team.
385
00:11:28,870 --> 00:11:30,048
That's the bastard
who set me up.
386
00:11:30,133 --> 00:11:31,644
Yeah, and look at this.
387
00:11:31,978 --> 00:11:34,087
You did so much
community service.
388
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,234
Me like-y.
389
00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:40,447
Guys, you know how I thought
it would be so much fun
390
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,283
to lie to everyone tonight?
391
00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:42,663
Yeah. Did it finally
catch up with you?
392
00:11:42,748 --> 00:11:44,069
No, the opposite.
Someone wants to buy
393
00:11:44,154 --> 00:11:45,418
a company I made up
on the spot.
394
00:11:45,535 --> 00:11:47,552
The elevator pitch
had him drooling.
395
00:11:47,642 --> 00:11:49,388
As a mother,
I'm always struggling
396
00:11:49,474 --> 00:11:50,787
to find quality playdates.
397
00:11:50,873 --> 00:11:53,779
Most two-year-olds
are boring, lame duds.
398
00:11:53,865 --> 00:11:55,693
All of my daughter's friends
suck.
399
00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:58,169
Well, with Todddddler's
proprietary algorithm,
400
00:11:58,255 --> 00:12:00,948
you will be matched
with top tots,
401
00:12:01,033 --> 00:12:02,123
and those boring duds...
402
00:12:02,208 --> 00:12:03,489
They'll stay where they belong:
403
00:12:03,575 --> 00:12:06,065
the hell away
from you and your family.
404
00:12:07,112 --> 00:12:09,370
I'm not really sure
how to close this.
405
00:12:09,476 --> 00:12:11,284
Maybe you guys could pretend
to be heirs
406
00:12:11,370 --> 00:12:14,581
to a canned-goods fortune
who want to buy my company!
407
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,121
Gina, we don't have time
for your thing right now.
408
00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:18,081
Oh, smart.
Big-time him.
409
00:12:18,167 --> 00:12:19,595
That's the perfect idea.
410
00:12:19,681 --> 00:12:20,997
I won't forget you
when I'm rich.
411
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,598
Thanks so much,
Jake and Jake's wife.
412
00:12:22,718 --> 00:12:24,262
She knows your name.
Oh, look!
413
00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:25,834
It's Danny Matthews!
But he'll never talk
414
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:26,809
with all these people around.
415
00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:28,645
Not a problem.
Just be in the science lab
416
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:30,300
in ten minutes.
I'll get him alone.
417
00:12:30,386 --> 00:12:31,325
What are you gonna do?
418
00:12:31,434 --> 00:12:32,372
Let's just say I'm not above
419
00:12:32,458 --> 00:12:34,028
using my feminine wiles.
420
00:12:34,222 --> 00:12:35,621
Danny Matthews,
I'm with the school.
421
00:12:35,706 --> 00:12:36,810
You need to follow me
right now.
422
00:12:36,896 --> 00:12:39,153
- Is everything...
- I said now, mister.
423
00:12:40,732 --> 00:12:42,092
I'm one caller away.
424
00:12:42,193 --> 00:12:43,534
I can't believe
we figured it out.
425
00:12:43,620 --> 00:12:45,620
And I can't believe
it took you this long.
426
00:12:45,768 --> 00:12:47,713
Yogurt is literally
your one thing.
427
00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:49,534
- Okay, okay.
- Well, I'm just saying.
428
00:12:49,620 --> 00:12:51,450
If the sound were
eating damp rice,
429
00:12:51,568 --> 00:12:53,122
I would've gotten it
immediately.
430
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,475
Guys, they're taking
another guess.
431
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,091
All right,
Brenda from Yonkers.
432
00:12:56,177 --> 00:12:57,964
It's time for you
to name that sound.
433
00:12:58,083 --> 00:12:59,168
Hi.
Quick shout-out
434
00:12:59,294 --> 00:13:01,037
to the nurses
at United Pediatric.
435
00:13:01,123 --> 00:13:03,005
This money'll do those kids
a lot of good.
436
00:13:03,091 --> 00:13:04,880
Cry me a river.
Brenda from Yonkers.
437
00:13:04,966 --> 00:13:06,949
We've all had budget cuts.
Just take your guess.
438
00:13:07,034 --> 00:13:08,146
Is it Styrofoam?
439
00:13:08,232 --> 00:13:09,271
Wrong!
440
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,853
Oh, I can't believe
she guessed Styrofoam.
441
00:13:11,939 --> 00:13:13,232
What a dumb nurse.
442
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,458
Next caller, you're on
with the Horndog.
443
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:16,460
It's me!
444
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,724
The sound is a yogurt
445
00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:20,208
being opened.
446
00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:23,060
That is...
447
00:13:23,146 --> 00:13:24,169
Wrong!
448
00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:25,740
What?
No!
449
00:13:25,826 --> 00:13:27,693
You b-b-b-blew it!
450
00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:29,544
Damn you, Horndog.
451
00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:31,712
Okay, I have tabulated
your responses,
452
00:13:31,798 --> 00:13:33,541
and the results
are definitive.
453
00:13:33,626 --> 00:13:35,529
- Amazing.
- It's a dead tie.
454
00:13:35,735 --> 00:13:36,905
This is dumb.
I'm just gonna end it
455
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:38,105
- with both of them.
- Rosa, stop.
456
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:39,490
There is one more method.
457
00:13:39,576 --> 00:13:41,115
Ancient Boyles believed
458
00:13:41,201 --> 00:13:43,841
that suspending yourself
by your feet forces your blood
459
00:13:43,927 --> 00:13:45,701
to the decision center
of your brain.
460
00:13:45,943 --> 00:13:49,568
We call this method
the "Upside-Down Coward."
461
00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:51,558
You want me to hang
from the ceiling like a bat?
462
00:13:51,644 --> 00:13:53,326
The bat is nature's
most decisive animal.
463
00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:54,981
The creature
that flails around frantically?
464
00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:56,201
Those are all
micro-decisions.
465
00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:58,127
Now, let's get you strapped up.
466
00:13:58,696 --> 00:14:00,612
- How do you feel?
- Nauseous.
467
00:14:00,698 --> 00:14:02,659
Good.
It's working.
468
00:14:02,861 --> 00:14:04,049
- Q?
- Yeah.
469
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,160
Get off the phone.
470
00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:07,862
Now, I'm not sure how serious
you were about funding,
471
00:14:08,008 --> 00:14:11,283
but I should tell you
there's 103 other bidders.
472
00:14:11,369 --> 00:14:13,624
Oof, I am not a fan
of getting into bidding wars.
473
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:16,229
Then don't make an offer,
'cause I want babies on my app,
474
00:14:16,315 --> 00:14:17,979
but not in my boardroom.
475
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:19,325
Oh, damn, Gina.
476
00:14:19,411 --> 00:14:20,823
Did you just
"oh, damn" yourself?
477
00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:21,912
Someone had to.
478
00:14:21,998 --> 00:14:23,127
Okay.
479
00:14:24,242 --> 00:14:25,393
Let's talk numbers.
480
00:14:25,479 --> 00:14:27,541
Mr. Peralta, I believe
you know Danny Matthews.
481
00:14:27,637 --> 00:14:29,252
Jake.
Hey, what's going on, man?
482
00:14:29,338 --> 00:14:30,533
The answer to that question
483
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,393
goes back to a brisk day
in 1997,
484
00:14:33,526 --> 00:14:35,873
a day you told a lie.
485
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:39,008
But the lying stops right now!
486
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,557
Oh, no!
487
00:14:40,643 --> 00:14:42,256
You broke some poor kid's
science project!
488
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:43,307
We have to fix it.
489
00:14:43,393 --> 00:14:44,519
Kind of in the middle
of something.
490
00:14:44,604 --> 00:14:46,064
Oh, you know what?
Krebs cycle.
491
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:47,066
I got this.
492
00:14:47,152 --> 00:14:48,895
Great.
So, Danny,
493
00:14:48,981 --> 00:14:50,028
true or false?
494
00:14:50,114 --> 00:14:51,335
You were on the football team.
495
00:14:51,488 --> 00:14:53,143
- True?
- And true or false:
496
00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:55,234
you had third period
with Brandon Bliss.
497
00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:56,584
Mm, I honestly
don't remember...
498
00:14:56,670 --> 00:14:57,761
It was true!
We checked the records,
499
00:14:57,846 --> 00:14:59,241
and I have one more question.
500
00:14:59,327 --> 00:15:01,167
Ooh, Jake, can you get me
that oxygen on the floor?
501
00:15:01,252 --> 00:15:02,276
- Little red guy.
- What?
502
00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:04,494
Sorry. You know what?
Yeah, I'll get it.
503
00:15:04,982 --> 00:15:06,459
Why did you tell
Brandon Bliss
504
00:15:06,545 --> 00:15:07,471
that I was the Tattler?
505
00:15:07,557 --> 00:15:09,448
Because you were.
I saw you talking to principal.
506
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:10,658
I remember it, clear as day.
507
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:11,894
Look, you couldn't
have seen me,
508
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:13,682
because I wasn't there.
I didn't tattle.
509
00:15:13,768 --> 00:15:15,557
Man, it was you, okay?
510
00:15:15,643 --> 00:15:17,603
You had your long hair
and your little earring,
511
00:15:17,723 --> 00:15:20,354
and the denim jacket you are
literally wearing right now.
512
00:15:21,206 --> 00:15:22,580
Oh, no.
513
00:15:22,767 --> 00:15:24,244
It wasn't me,
514
00:15:25,130 --> 00:15:26,799
but it was the DDC.
515
00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:28,448
Gina.
516
00:15:28,534 --> 00:15:30,987
Jake, guess who just sold
her app idea.
517
00:15:31,073 --> 00:15:32,088
Don't trust her.
518
00:15:32,174 --> 00:15:33,603
Everything she's told you
is a lie.
519
00:15:33,689 --> 00:15:35,315
She made up the company
and everything else.
520
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,517
- She's a liar.
- Jake,
521
00:15:36,608 --> 00:15:37,885
whatever strategy
this is
522
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,830
is not necessary.
I already closed the deal.
523
00:15:39,959 --> 00:15:42,104
I know you were the Tattler.
524
00:15:45,685 --> 00:15:47,669
Amy, I'm ready to go.
525
00:15:47,755 --> 00:15:48,825
Yep, totally.
526
00:15:48,911 --> 00:15:50,278
I'm almost done
with this project,
527
00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:51,794
but I don't need
to finish it,
528
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,294
because what matters
529
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:55,334
is that you are going
through something,
530
00:15:55,475 --> 00:15:58,021
and as your wife,
and love of your life...
531
00:15:58,107 --> 00:15:59,802
Are you vamping
so you can finish that?
532
00:15:59,888 --> 00:16:00,952
I only have
two molecules left.
533
00:16:01,037 --> 00:16:03,162
- Come on, man.
- Jake, we need to talk.
534
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,123
Yeah, you guys
do need to talk.
535
00:16:05,209 --> 00:16:07,909
That sounds excellent.
Friendship, so much history...
536
00:16:07,995 --> 00:16:09,555
I'm just gonna get this
out of your way.
537
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:11,334
Oh, man.
538
00:16:11,865 --> 00:16:12,959
What the hell, Gina?
539
00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:15,017
You ruined
my entire senior year.
540
00:16:15,103 --> 00:16:16,029
How could you do that to me?
541
00:16:16,115 --> 00:16:17,466
Jake, I was only
trying to help.
542
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,819
You were hanging out
with those guys
543
00:16:18,904 --> 00:16:20,826
and getting close,
and they weren't good people.
544
00:16:20,942 --> 00:16:23,007
Do you know why Brandon
wasn't at the reunion tonight?
545
00:16:23,092 --> 00:16:24,311
I don't know.
Probably 'cause he was shooting
546
00:16:24,396 --> 00:16:25,546
a beer commercial
where the whole plot
547
00:16:25,631 --> 00:16:26,796
was that everyone wanted
to sleep with him.
548
00:16:26,881 --> 00:16:28,740
No, 'cause he's on parole.
549
00:16:28,881 --> 00:16:30,885
He's not allowed to leave
the state of Delaware.
550
00:16:31,008 --> 00:16:32,677
Oh, okay, so that's
obviously a bummer,
551
00:16:32,756 --> 00:16:34,194
but I wasn't gonna end up
like him.
552
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,263
You were starting to.
You wanted
553
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:36,821
to steal a van with him,
554
00:16:36,907 --> 00:16:37,849
and I told you not to,
555
00:16:37,935 --> 00:16:38,967
and you weren't listening
to me.
556
00:16:39,052 --> 00:16:40,928
I mean, what would've happened
if you got caught?
557
00:16:41,013 --> 00:16:42,013
I don't know.
558
00:16:42,099 --> 00:16:43,959
You would never
have become a cop.
559
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,896
Yeah, I'm the reason
you're a cop.
560
00:16:45,982 --> 00:16:47,507
I'm your origin story, dude.
561
00:16:47,593 --> 00:16:48,982
You can't be mad at me.
562
00:16:49,102 --> 00:16:50,327
I feel like
I'm still pretty mad.
563
00:16:50,412 --> 00:16:52,466
Peter Parker wasn't mad
at his spider.
564
00:16:52,552 --> 00:16:54,536
Yeah, but they weren't
best friends before the bite,
565
00:16:54,621 --> 00:16:56,538
and it still doesn't explain
how you let everyone think
566
00:16:56,623 --> 00:16:58,271
I was the Tattler for 20 years.
567
00:16:58,357 --> 00:17:00,216
Well, I didn't want
to lose our friendship.
568
00:17:00,302 --> 00:17:01,523
I was being weak.
569
00:17:01,636 --> 00:17:02,841
I'm sorry.
570
00:17:04,529 --> 00:17:05,583
Okay.
571
00:17:05,669 --> 00:17:07,069
And if it makes you
feel any better,
572
00:17:07,285 --> 00:17:09,464
that app thing
completely blew up in my face.
573
00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:11,422
I mean, my night sucked.
574
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,089
Okay, I can see
from your expression
575
00:17:13,175 --> 00:17:14,699
that your night was worse,
576
00:17:14,785 --> 00:17:17,074
and I should've left it
at "sorry."
577
00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:18,785
So did you hear?
578
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:19,995
Someone guessed the sound.
579
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,136
It was a bag of chips.
580
00:17:21,222 --> 00:17:22,628
Wow.
So the lesson here
581
00:17:22,714 --> 00:17:24,114
is to listen to Hitchcock
and Scully more?
582
00:17:24,199 --> 00:17:25,512
- No, that can't be possible.
- Yeah, I don't think
583
00:17:25,597 --> 00:17:27,078
- we earned that today.
- Agreed.
584
00:17:27,164 --> 00:17:29,042
Sorry for dragging you
into that dumb game.
585
00:17:29,128 --> 00:17:30,980
You were right.
It was a waste of time.
586
00:17:31,066 --> 00:17:32,214
No, it wasn't.
587
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,401
Even though it was pointless,
I did enjoy myself.
588
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,613
I can't wait
to go home and tell Kevin
589
00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:39,300
you can have fun
without being productive.
590
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,949
Hey, guys, they're about
to play the new mystery sound.
591
00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:43,605
I can tell Kevin tomorrow.
592
00:17:43,691 --> 00:17:44,913
I'll bet Sharon's
already asleep.
593
00:17:44,998 --> 00:17:46,456
And I've got no one
in my life.
594
00:17:46,694 --> 00:17:48,745
Scully, play that damn noise.
595
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,461
Quentin, can I talk to you
for a minute?
596
00:17:51,547 --> 00:17:53,105
Are you here to give me
a long speech
597
00:17:53,191 --> 00:17:54,636
about how you still deserve
my money?
598
00:17:54,722 --> 00:17:55,745
No.
599
00:17:55,831 --> 00:17:56,847
I am.
600
00:17:56,933 --> 00:17:58,222
Very cool entrance.
601
00:17:58,308 --> 00:17:59,572
Thank you.
Listen.
602
00:17:59,658 --> 00:18:01,589
Gina Linetti is not
a perfect person.
603
00:18:01,675 --> 00:18:03,355
Mm, I'm hoping this gets
more supportive
604
00:18:03,441 --> 00:18:05,441
as it goes along. But what
she lacks in perfection,
605
00:18:05,527 --> 00:18:06,386
she makes up for
606
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:08,620
with an utter and total belief
that she is perfect.
607
00:18:08,706 --> 00:18:09,848
Ooh, you said "but,"
and then you said
608
00:18:09,933 --> 00:18:11,644
something worse.
She is fiercely loyal.
609
00:18:12,237 --> 00:18:14,261
She will do
the right thing for you
610
00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:16,339
even when you can't see it
for yourself,
611
00:18:17,191 --> 00:18:19,613
and she's saved my ass
countless times.
612
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,019
And it's been 12.
I counted.
613
00:18:21,105 --> 00:18:22,652
She came up with an idea
on the spot
614
00:18:22,761 --> 00:18:23,801
that you were interested in.
615
00:18:23,886 --> 00:18:26,253
Imagine what she could do
with time and resources.
616
00:18:26,503 --> 00:18:28,003
Do the world a favor.
617
00:18:28,089 --> 00:18:30,605
Invest in Gina Linetti.
618
00:18:34,593 --> 00:18:35,652
Hard pass.
619
00:18:35,738 --> 00:18:37,524
- What? - What?
- But my great speech.
620
00:18:37,610 --> 00:18:38,933
Yeah, the speech was great,
621
00:18:39,019 --> 00:18:41,730
but I've also been lying
the whole night.
622
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:43,011
I'm not a tech mogul.
623
00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:44,386
I came here
to mess with people.
624
00:18:44,472 --> 00:18:46,258
- How dare you?
- Speaking of which,
625
00:18:46,344 --> 00:18:48,496
did either one of you drive?
'Cause I could use a ride.
626
00:18:48,581 --> 00:18:50,464
- No, Quentin.
- Oh, Quentin.
627
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,737
Okay.
628
00:18:52,876 --> 00:18:54,347
Now open your eyes,
629
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:56,456
and the person you are meant
to be with
630
00:18:56,562 --> 00:18:58,566
should appear before you.
631
00:19:01,144 --> 00:19:02,628
Sorry.
I was just watching.
632
00:19:02,738 --> 00:19:04,620
Get out of here, Hitchcock!
633
00:19:04,863 --> 00:19:05,928
Ugh.
634
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,089
This isn't working.
635
00:19:07,175 --> 00:19:08,393
I'm no closer
to making a decision.
636
00:19:08,478 --> 00:19:09,494
I'm jumping down.
637
00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:11,394
Well, you can't
just jump down.
638
00:19:11,964 --> 00:19:13,837
- My goodness!
- It's over.
639
00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:15,154
I'm gonna put 'em both
in a group text
640
00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:16,136
- and say "peace out."
- Uh, no!
641
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:17,443
There's still more options.
642
00:19:17,529 --> 00:19:18,837
We haven't even
done roleplay yet.
643
00:19:18,922 --> 00:19:19,922
What?
644
00:19:20,111 --> 00:19:21,201
Ugh.
645
00:19:21,357 --> 00:19:22,754
I took too long
getting back to Quinoa
646
00:19:22,839 --> 00:19:24,016
and they got mad
and ended it.
647
00:19:24,102 --> 00:19:25,584
And that's how it's done.
648
00:19:25,670 --> 00:19:27,145
- What are you talking about?
- The process worked.
649
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:28,824
Boyles don't make decisions.
650
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,105
We delay our decisions
651
00:19:30,191 --> 00:19:31,878
until the universe
makes them for us.
652
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,152
That way, we never make
a wrong choice.
653
00:19:34,238 --> 00:19:36,511
That is very sad,
but also, I guess it worked.
654
00:19:36,613 --> 00:19:37,829
- Mm-hmm.
- I do feel pretty good.
655
00:19:37,914 --> 00:19:39,396
Couscous is dope.
She's funny.
656
00:19:39,481 --> 00:19:40,847
Couscous is a she!
I knew it!
657
00:19:40,933 --> 00:19:42,615
- Did you?
- No, and I still don't know.
658
00:19:42,701 --> 00:19:44,373
There's equal chance
you called them "she"
659
00:19:44,459 --> 00:19:46,151
- to throw me off.
- You get me, Boyle.
660
00:19:48,128 --> 00:19:51,691
So I think I figured out
an awesome and dramatic way
661
00:19:51,777 --> 00:19:53,802
to reveal that I
was the Tattler.
662
00:19:53,887 --> 00:19:55,775
It'll be a dance.
There'll be costumes.
663
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,067
Gina, it's fine.
I don't care anymore.
664
00:19:58,152 --> 00:19:59,923
- It's all in the past.
- Oh, thank God.
665
00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,298
That is such a relief,
666
00:20:01,384 --> 00:20:03,767
'cause I didn't want people
thinking I was a tattler.
667
00:20:03,853 --> 00:20:05,454
Where's Amy?
668
00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:06,788
She is in the library,
writing
669
00:20:06,874 --> 00:20:08,380
a book report
on "Jane Eyre,"
670
00:20:08,466 --> 00:20:10,751
and she told me
"not to wait up."
671
00:20:10,837 --> 00:20:12,150
- Oy.
- Yeah.
672
00:20:13,217 --> 00:20:15,126
Thanks for trying to help
with Quentin.
673
00:20:15,212 --> 00:20:16,743
It's funny.
Even though it wasn't real,
674
00:20:16,829 --> 00:20:19,251
it was so fun, imagining
running my own company.
675
00:20:19,337 --> 00:20:20,448
So why don't your pursue it?
676
00:20:20,533 --> 00:20:22,923
I can't raise my kid
and create an app
677
00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:24,775
and work at the Nine-Nine.
It's too much.
678
00:20:24,861 --> 00:20:26,790
Well, then prepare for me
to murder your parents
679
00:20:26,876 --> 00:20:28,157
right in front of your face.
680
00:20:28,243 --> 00:20:29,282
- Rude.
- No.
681
00:20:29,368 --> 00:20:30,611
It's Batman's origin story,
682
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,568
like the radioactive
spider thing you did with me.
683
00:20:32,653 --> 00:20:34,176
I don't read comic books.
684
00:20:35,379 --> 00:20:36,948
You helped me
become who I am,
685
00:20:37,104 --> 00:20:38,853
so now I'm gonna
return the favor.
686
00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:41,540
Gina...
687
00:20:42,288 --> 00:20:44,408
I think your talents might
be wasted at the Nine-Nine.
688
00:20:44,704 --> 00:20:46,993
I love you, but it might
be time for you to move on.
689
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,648
Um, are you firing me?
690
00:20:48,734 --> 00:20:50,501
What? No. I don't think
I could even do that.
691
00:20:50,587 --> 00:20:51,978
Good, because I quit.
692
00:20:52,064 --> 00:20:53,345
You know, tonight I realized
693
00:20:53,431 --> 00:20:54,650
that my talents
694
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:56,439
are being wasted
at the Nine-Nine.
695
00:20:56,558 --> 00:20:58,388
Okay, that's kind of exactly
what I just said.
696
00:20:58,473 --> 00:21:00,798
Jake, let me finish.
This is serious.
697
00:21:01,557 --> 00:21:03,290
It's time for me to move on.
698
00:21:03,454 --> 00:21:05,371
For real, though, it is.
699
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:06,681
Really?
700
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,087
Okay.
701
00:21:12,829 --> 00:21:14,025
Proud of you.
702
00:21:14,288 --> 00:21:15,322
Thank you.
703
00:21:15,464 --> 00:21:16,868
I'm proud of me, too.
704
00:21:17,953 --> 00:21:18,954
Guys!
705
00:21:19,376 --> 00:21:20,820
Vice principal caught me
in the library.
706
00:21:20,905 --> 00:21:21,937
Let's roll!
707
00:21:22,693 --> 00:21:24,610
Not a doctor.
Shh.
708
00:21:24,891 --> 00:21:26,154
Fremulon.