1
00:00:01,958 --> 00:00:05,327
Ah, Captain.
You're at my desk.
2
00:00:05,328 --> 00:00:07,090
Just what I wanna see
first thing in the morning.
3
00:00:07,097 --> 00:00:08,999
You're three minutes late,
Peralta.
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,601
Not my fault.
I had a plumbing problem.
5
00:00:11,635 --> 00:00:12,736
[Musical ringtone]
6
00:00:12,737 --> 00:00:15,246
[Groans]
7
00:00:15,247 --> 00:00:17,249
Which reminds me,
I'm gonna need
8
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:19,885
a new
departmentally issued phone.
9
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:21,854
Oh, come on, really?
I'm a few minutes late,
10
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,273
so you're gonna call me out
in front of everyone?
11
00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,317
Good idea.
Everyone?
12
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:28,072
Gather round, so I can call out
Peralta in front of you.
13
00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:31,284
Okay, fine.
I was three minutes late.
14
00:00:31,285 --> 00:00:33,022
I'm sorry for doing
one thing wrong.
15
00:00:33,056 --> 00:00:35,535
- Oh, it's more than one thing.
- Uh-oh.
16
00:00:35,559 --> 00:00:36,661
Let's start
with the Kristov murder.
17
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:37,965
It was
an amazing solve.
18
00:00:37,966 --> 00:00:39,235
I got him to confess
in 20 minutes.
19
00:00:39,236 --> 00:00:40,672
You also mislabeled
the evidence,
20
00:00:40,673 --> 00:00:42,712
so that confession
is worthless
21
00:00:42,746 --> 00:00:44,485
if the sergeant
hadn't caught your mistake.
22
00:00:44,486 --> 00:00:46,388
Here are three cases
with sloppy paperwork.
23
00:00:46,423 --> 00:00:48,192
Here are two pictures.
24
00:00:48,193 --> 00:00:49,828
One is your locker.
25
00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:52,871
The other is a garbage dump
in the Philippines.
26
00:00:52,872 --> 00:00:57,613
Can you tell
which is which?
27
00:00:57,614 --> 00:01:00,017
- That one's the dump?
- They're both your locker.
28
00:01:00,051 --> 00:01:01,586
Gah, I should've guessed that.
He's good.
29
00:01:01,587 --> 00:01:04,989
This folder is labeled
"undies, dirty."
30
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:07,025
So I won't confuse it
with "undies, clean."
31
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,862
Also, who cares
about all these rules?
32
00:01:08,898 --> 00:01:11,433
I have more felony arrests
than any other Detective here.
33
00:01:11,467 --> 00:01:14,036
You also have more mice
living in your desk
34
00:01:14,037 --> 00:01:16,038
than any other Detective.
35
00:01:16,039 --> 00:01:18,073
[Gasps] Algernon.
[All aw]
36
00:01:18,074 --> 00:01:20,077
You guys,
Algernon's back.
37
00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:23,314
Get rid of the mouse,
and get your act together now.
38
00:01:25,250 --> 00:01:27,286
He's grumpy.
39
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:30,326
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
40
00:01:30,327 --> 00:01:36,326
♪
41
00:01:49,961 --> 00:01:51,763
Okay, detectives,
let's get started.
42
00:01:51,797 --> 00:01:54,900
Santiago, where are we
with the Jay street drug bust?
43
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:57,002
There are 12 keys of coke
unaccounted for,
44
00:01:57,003 --> 00:01:58,804
but we just got a warrant to
search the dealer's apartment.
45
00:01:58,805 --> 00:02:00,605
Good.
Take Boyle and Diaz.
46
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,374
Dream team.
47
00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:05,444
Peralta, brief us
on the vandalism case.
48
00:02:05,445 --> 00:02:07,178
Well, there's no easy way
to put this, sarge,
49
00:02:07,179 --> 00:02:10,115
but someone has been painting
wieners on squad cars.
50
00:02:10,116 --> 00:02:11,449
[Laughter]
51
00:02:11,450 --> 00:02:13,285
And apparently,
they won't stop
52
00:02:13,319 --> 00:02:15,021
until there's a penis drawn
on every cop car in Brooklyn.
53
00:02:15,055 --> 00:02:17,858
Oh, that's what
he's been drawing.
54
00:02:17,859 --> 00:02:20,194
But what are those little
round things at the bottom?
55
00:02:20,195 --> 00:02:21,195
That's the butt.
56
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:22,965
The butt?
57
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,802
I assume you have a plan
to catch this gentleman.
58
00:02:25,803 --> 00:02:27,838
Did you just
say "genital-man"?
59
00:02:27,839 --> 00:02:30,343
Because if so, kudos,
and yes, I have a plan.
60
00:02:30,344 --> 00:02:32,815
I'm gonna plant
a decoy squad car as bait.
61
00:02:32,849 --> 00:02:36,819
Meanwhile, I'll be waiting
in an undercover vehicle here.
62
00:02:36,820 --> 00:02:39,523
He's already tagged
three U/C vehicles.
63
00:02:39,524 --> 00:02:42,228
He can clearly spot 'em.
You should take my minivan.
64
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,100
- A minivan?
- A-ha!
65
00:02:44,101 --> 00:02:45,502
[Laughter]
66
00:02:45,503 --> 00:02:49,006
You all got a problem
with my minivan?
67
00:02:49,007 --> 00:02:51,409
'Cause my wife
doesn't like it either.
68
00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:53,510
She wanted an SUV,
but those things roll, man.
69
00:02:53,511 --> 00:02:55,279
They roll!
70
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:56,913
That's a good idea, sergeant.
We'll take the van.
71
00:02:56,914 --> 00:02:58,547
We?
You're coming with me?
72
00:02:58,548 --> 00:03:01,350
Sir, with all due respect,
I don't need backup.
73
00:03:01,351 --> 00:03:04,017
It's not backup.
It's babysitting.
74
00:03:04,052 --> 00:03:07,284
- Babysitting.
- A-ha!
75
00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:08,285
[Indistinct chatter]
76
00:03:08,286 --> 00:03:09,687
Oh, look at this.
77
00:03:09,688 --> 00:03:11,788
The drug dealer
got a B.A. in art history
78
00:03:11,789 --> 00:03:13,456
from Brooklyn college.
79
00:03:13,457 --> 00:03:14,457
Interesting, huh?
80
00:03:14,458 --> 00:03:16,290
How's that interesting?
81
00:03:16,291 --> 00:03:18,761
Well, it's surprising
because you would think
82
00:03:18,762 --> 00:03:21,468
he had studied... drugs.
83
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,306
I studied
art history too.
84
00:03:23,307 --> 00:03:25,207
- Also not interesting.
- Excuse me.
85
00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:27,540
I know I'm just
a lowly civilian administrator,
86
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,474
but I couldn't
help overhearing
87
00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:32,042
you're looking
for some missing drugs?
88
00:03:32,043 --> 00:03:34,210
As it turns out,
my friend here, Carlene,
89
00:03:34,211 --> 00:03:37,613
is a psychic,
and she's ready to help you.
90
00:03:37,614 --> 00:03:39,214
I do palms, tarot,
91
00:03:39,215 --> 00:03:41,652
and I have a degree
in numerology from the Internet.
92
00:03:41,653 --> 00:03:43,422
- Ugh.
- Really, Gina?
93
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,489
- A psychic?
- What? She's the real deal.
94
00:03:45,490 --> 00:03:47,623
E.G., last week,
she predicted
95
00:03:47,624 --> 00:03:50,260
I would have
a sensuous encounter
96
00:03:50,261 --> 00:03:51,896
with a guy named Mark.
97
00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:54,135
And I did.
98
00:03:54,136 --> 00:03:57,272
[Rock music]
99
00:03:57,273 --> 00:04:00,442
Is anyone here
named Mark?
100
00:04:00,443 --> 00:04:01,777
You're good.
101
00:04:01,778 --> 00:04:04,515
Okay, she's had visions
which, frankly,
102
00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:06,250
science cannot account for.
103
00:04:06,251 --> 00:04:08,852
Also, she can get you
amazing deals
104
00:04:08,853 --> 00:04:10,587
on ladies' footwear.
105
00:04:10,588 --> 00:04:13,788
She's assistant manager
at Leonard's designer shoes.
106
00:04:13,789 --> 00:04:17,325
Vision.
The drugs are in a location.
107
00:04:17,326 --> 00:04:19,194
I see the color blue...
She sees blue.
108
00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:20,762
And yellow.
109
00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:24,298
And I see the letter
"L", "R", "S", "T", "W", "E",
110
00:04:24,299 --> 00:04:25,998
and "B."
111
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:28,098
So basically, everyone's
first eight guesses in hangman?
112
00:04:28,099 --> 00:04:29,931
Thank you, Carlene.
113
00:04:29,932 --> 00:04:33,102
Your entire life
is garbage.
114
00:04:33,103 --> 00:04:34,971
So Holt's coming
on my stakeout now?
115
00:04:35,006 --> 00:04:37,372
I made a mixtape with
some very explicit rap on it,
116
00:04:37,373 --> 00:04:39,275
and now I can't sing along.
You made a mixtape?
117
00:04:39,276 --> 00:04:40,642
Yes, I still listen
to cassettes.
118
00:04:40,643 --> 00:04:42,141
This guy is all over me.
119
00:04:42,142 --> 00:04:43,808
I mean, a Captain
on a minor vandalism case?
120
00:04:43,809 --> 00:04:45,110
It's insane.
121
00:04:45,144 --> 00:04:47,046
What's insane
is how you refuse
122
00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:48,381
to get with the program.
123
00:04:48,382 --> 00:04:49,849
There is a new sheriff
in town, Jake.
124
00:04:49,850 --> 00:04:51,715
Well, I like
the old sheriff.
125
00:04:51,716 --> 00:04:53,515
I mean, McGintley wouldn't care
about a messy desk
126
00:04:53,516 --> 00:04:55,082
or all these stupid rules.
127
00:04:55,116 --> 00:04:57,884
(All) Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase...
Hey!
128
00:04:57,885 --> 00:04:59,285
What the hell's
going on here?
129
00:04:59,286 --> 00:05:00,853
Science experiment.
130
00:05:00,854 --> 00:05:02,822
I wanna see what happens
if I taser this cantaloupe.
131
00:05:02,823 --> 00:05:04,225
Okay.
132
00:05:04,226 --> 00:05:05,962
(All)
Tase, tase, tase, tase, tase...
133
00:05:05,963 --> 00:05:07,564
Ah!
134
00:05:07,565 --> 00:05:09,970
[All oh]
135
00:05:09,971 --> 00:05:12,841
Yeah!
[Cheers and applause]
136
00:05:12,842 --> 00:05:15,044
And McGintley wouldn't care
if I was three minutes late
137
00:05:15,045 --> 00:05:17,980
'cause he was always
an hour late and hungover,
138
00:05:17,981 --> 00:05:19,749
and he would let you do
literally anything you want
139
00:05:19,750 --> 00:05:21,051
if you gave him
a hamburger.
140
00:05:21,052 --> 00:05:22,254
Did he let you play
your mixtape?
141
00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:23,990
Okay.
That's very funny.
142
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,425
Get an iPod, man.
143
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:27,659
Mixtape.
144
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,193
I just want
to apologize
145
00:05:29,194 --> 00:05:31,328
for my fellow
Detective's behavior.
146
00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:35,832
Okay, my granny
also had the gift.
147
00:05:35,833 --> 00:05:39,098
I feel
that I will die soon.
148
00:05:39,099 --> 00:05:42,168
She was right.
She died two years later.
149
00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:46,004
Your sincere belief in my gift
means a great deal.
150
00:05:46,039 --> 00:05:47,938
Vision.
151
00:05:47,939 --> 00:05:50,139
The woman you love,
the one you work with,
152
00:05:50,173 --> 00:05:52,074
the scary one
with the black hair...
153
00:05:52,075 --> 00:05:53,476
- Rosa.
- Yes?
154
00:05:53,510 --> 00:05:54,877
She doesn't
love you back.
155
00:05:54,912 --> 00:05:56,913
She will never
love you back.
156
00:05:56,914 --> 00:05:58,181
Say "thank you," Charles.
157
00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,849
She just told you
your future.
158
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:01,251
Thank you.
159
00:06:08,359 --> 00:06:10,895
You left without me.
You were late again.
160
00:06:10,930 --> 00:06:13,799
Well, I had to put on
my undercover minivan disguise.
161
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,201
Say hello
to Harvey Norgenbloom,
162
00:06:16,202 --> 00:06:19,239
CPA, recently divorced
father of two
163
00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:22,374
with a dark sexual secret.
164
00:06:22,375 --> 00:06:24,710
- What's your cover?
- Angry Captain.
165
00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:27,981
Okay, so you do not like
my ensemble.
166
00:06:27,982 --> 00:06:29,948
I'm just concerned
that you may find it hard
167
00:06:29,949 --> 00:06:32,484
to pursue a criminal on foot
while wearing man sandals.
168
00:06:32,485 --> 00:06:34,890
But the sandals
define Harvey.
169
00:06:34,891 --> 00:06:37,995
He's a sandals guy.
170
00:06:37,996 --> 00:06:39,829
[Sighs]
171
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:41,596
Captain, why the babysitting?
Why are you micromanaging me?
172
00:06:41,597 --> 00:06:43,495
You think I wanna be
sitting here with you
173
00:06:43,496 --> 00:06:44,730
instead of running
my precinct?
174
00:06:44,731 --> 00:06:46,400
Yes.
It was a rhetorical question.
175
00:06:46,401 --> 00:06:48,103
I've spent
the last 12 years
176
00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:49,673
fighting
for my first command,
177
00:06:49,674 --> 00:06:51,244
and I'm not gonna
let you screw it up
178
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,080
because you refuse
to take your job seriously.
179
00:06:53,081 --> 00:06:55,482
Hey, I do take
my job seriously.
180
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:57,317
I put away bad guys.
That's what matters.
181
00:06:57,318 --> 00:06:58,852
Well, so does doing
your paperwork,
182
00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:00,485
showing up on time,
wearing proper footwear.
183
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,254
That's on Harvey.
That's not me.
184
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,655
Well, so here's
the deal.
185
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,156
You're gonna have
a superior officer
186
00:07:05,157 --> 00:07:07,259
babysitting you
on every one of your cases.
187
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,694
And when you show me
that you can do your job...
188
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:11,867
Every part of your job...
Perfectly,
189
00:07:11,868 --> 00:07:14,440
then I'll back off.
190
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:17,675
Okay.
Counteroffer.
191
00:07:17,676 --> 00:07:21,475
I give you 50 bucks, and you
let me do whatever I want.
192
00:07:22,712 --> 00:07:24,514
Fine.
We'll do it your way.
193
00:07:24,515 --> 00:07:25,782
From this point on,
I'll do
194
00:07:25,783 --> 00:07:28,218
every part
of the job perfectly,
195
00:07:28,219 --> 00:07:29,955
perfecter than perfectly.
196
00:07:29,956 --> 00:07:32,793
It's "more perfectly."
You said that imperfectly.
197
00:07:32,794 --> 00:07:36,060
I was testing you.
You did perfectly.
198
00:07:36,061 --> 00:07:37,959
Quick update
on the tagger situation...
199
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,026
He is currently spray-painting
our van right now.
200
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:43,329
Police, freeze!
201
00:07:43,330 --> 00:07:45,230
Ow, ow, ow.
202
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,831
Sandal down.
203
00:07:46,832 --> 00:07:49,198
Lost a sandal.
NYPD, freeze!
204
00:07:49,232 --> 00:07:51,632
I'm here.
205
00:07:51,633 --> 00:07:53,130
You're busted.
206
00:07:53,131 --> 00:07:54,532
Already got him.
We got him.
207
00:07:58,606 --> 00:08:01,440
Oh, hey, Captain.
208
00:08:01,441 --> 00:08:05,477
Hi, so I was able to procure
that $50 after all,
209
00:08:05,478 --> 00:08:07,278
and my offer
still stands.
210
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,213
Let me do whatever I want,
and the $40...
211
00:08:09,214 --> 00:08:11,449
That's how much
I actually have... is yours.
212
00:08:11,450 --> 00:08:14,055
No? Fair enough.
I only had 30 anyway.
213
00:08:14,056 --> 00:08:15,623
Well, I guess
in order to get you
214
00:08:15,624 --> 00:08:17,258
to stop micromanaging me,
I'm gonna have to get back
215
00:08:17,259 --> 00:08:19,560
to the most important piece
of police work there is:
216
00:08:19,561 --> 00:08:20,961
Writing a perfect report.
217
00:08:20,996 --> 00:08:22,696
Good, I'm anxious
to read it.
218
00:08:22,731 --> 00:08:26,236
And I'm anxious to restore
my status as a lone wolf.
219
00:08:26,237 --> 00:08:29,641
[Howls]
220
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:30,976
Anything else, Detective?
221
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:32,444
Yeah, I'm gonna do
one more.
222
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,913
[Howls]
223
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,982
Lone wolf.
224
00:08:39,412 --> 00:08:40,585
He's digging me.
225
00:08:40,619 --> 00:08:42,253
[Clicks tongue]
226
00:08:42,254 --> 00:08:44,420
Hey, sarge, do you know
where we keep the glitter?
227
00:08:44,454 --> 00:08:46,420
Just wanna make sure
this report for the Captain
228
00:08:46,454 --> 00:08:47,586
is extra sparkly.
229
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:48,920
What are you doing,
Peralta?
230
00:08:48,955 --> 00:08:50,688
Look, if I have to do things
his way,
231
00:08:50,689 --> 00:08:52,023
I'm gonna do them
my way.
232
00:08:52,024 --> 00:08:53,991
[Laughs]
Okay, man.
233
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:56,161
It was nice working with you.
[Laughs]
234
00:08:56,193 --> 00:08:57,893
I'm not scared of him,
okay?
235
00:08:57,928 --> 00:09:00,531
I'm not scared
of anyone.
236
00:09:00,532 --> 00:09:02,332
Oh, also, the tagger drew
a penis on your minivan.
237
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,166
I'm sorry.
Please don't chase after me.
238
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,713
What?
There's a penis on my minivan?
239
00:09:07,837 --> 00:09:10,272
High ceilings,
three bedrooms.
240
00:09:10,273 --> 00:09:12,677
Why does every perp
have a nicer place than I do?
241
00:09:12,708 --> 00:09:14,810
You know what they don't
teach you at the academy?
242
00:09:14,811 --> 00:09:15,932
It's better to be
a criminal.
243
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:19,317
Oh, no.
The cabinets are blue.
244
00:09:19,318 --> 00:09:21,121
Tacky.
Not a deal breaker, though.
245
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:22,490
I'd just repaint it.
246
00:09:22,524 --> 00:09:24,359
The psychic predicted
the drugs
247
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,640
would be found
in something blue.
248
00:09:25,661 --> 00:09:28,796
[Slow motion]
I see the color blue.
249
00:09:28,797 --> 00:09:30,799
She also made this really
depressing prediction
250
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,134
about my life.
251
00:09:32,135 --> 00:09:35,171
[Slow motion]
She will never love you back.
252
00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:37,910
And if she's right
about where we find the drugs,
253
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,111
that means she's right
about the other thing.
254
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:41,380
- Uh-huh.
- Kitchen.
255
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,521
- Whoa.
- Jackpot.
256
00:09:46,522 --> 00:09:48,726
There's way more
than 12 keys in here.
257
00:09:48,727 --> 00:09:49,894
Where was it?
258
00:09:49,928 --> 00:09:51,663
Baseboard,
behind the hamper.
259
00:09:51,697 --> 00:09:53,498
What color
was the hamper?
260
00:09:53,499 --> 00:09:54,498
- Green.
- Yes.
261
00:09:54,499 --> 00:09:55,832
The clothes hamper
was green.
262
00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,904
The clothes hamper was green!
263
00:09:58,938 --> 00:10:00,706
Drinks on me.
264
00:10:00,740 --> 00:10:02,640
[Laughs]
You're weird.
265
00:10:02,675 --> 00:10:04,509
[Engine starts]
266
00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:07,178
Sorry this is
taking so long.
267
00:10:07,179 --> 00:10:08,379
Still writing up
my report.
268
00:10:08,413 --> 00:10:10,082
Pretty detailed.
269
00:10:10,116 --> 00:10:12,284
Hey, Gina, can you look up
what the humidity was
270
00:10:12,285 --> 00:10:14,687
about an hour ago and also
what moon cycle we're in?
271
00:10:14,688 --> 00:10:17,992
No, sorry.
Don't feel like it, no.
272
00:10:18,027 --> 00:10:21,195
Thanks, Gina.
273
00:10:21,196 --> 00:10:23,031
And now to you.
What's your name?
274
00:10:23,032 --> 00:10:24,900
My name is
banana fartman, md.
275
00:10:24,935 --> 00:10:26,269
I don't believe you.
276
00:10:26,304 --> 00:10:28,404
Come on, man.
Just tell me who you are.
277
00:10:28,405 --> 00:10:29,738
I need to fill
this thing out perfectly,
278
00:10:29,739 --> 00:10:31,507
so my boss
will get off my back.
279
00:10:31,542 --> 00:10:32,843
Are you a minor?
How old are you?
280
00:10:32,877 --> 00:10:34,778
I'm 610.
I'm a highlander.
281
00:10:34,779 --> 00:10:36,646
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna put that in there.
282
00:10:36,647 --> 00:10:38,882
And then you're gonna be tried
as an adult highlander.
283
00:10:38,883 --> 00:10:41,084
And they're gonna cut
your head off.
284
00:10:41,085 --> 00:10:42,286
Is that what you want?
285
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,557
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news,
286
00:10:44,558 --> 00:10:46,728
but your psychic
friend's predictions
287
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,398
about the drug case
were wrong,
288
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:50,470
which means all
of her predictions are wrong.
289
00:10:50,504 --> 00:10:53,572
Mm-mm. No way.
She's never wrong.
290
00:10:53,573 --> 00:10:55,606
We found the cocaine
behind a green hamper.
291
00:10:55,607 --> 00:10:57,644
Never said green
or the letter "H."
292
00:10:57,678 --> 00:11:00,751
Mm-hmm, she said
"blue" and "yellow," Charles.
293
00:11:00,752 --> 00:11:02,986
I don't know if there's
any kindergarteners present,
294
00:11:02,987 --> 00:11:05,422
but those two colors combined
make green.
295
00:11:05,423 --> 00:11:09,227
She also mentioned
the letters "L" and "B,"
296
00:11:09,261 --> 00:11:12,566
and another name
for a hamper is...
297
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,603
Lady bin?
298
00:11:15,604 --> 00:11:16,705
Laundry basket.
299
00:11:16,706 --> 00:11:18,442
Oh, little boo-boo.
300
00:11:18,476 --> 00:11:20,846
Can you go be depressed
over there?
301
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,348
You're bumming out
my whole area.
302
00:11:23,382 --> 00:11:25,582
Baby, I've got
some bad news.
303
00:11:25,616 --> 00:11:30,454
Someone painted a giant penis
on our minivan.
304
00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:33,223
No, you cannot have
an SUV now.
305
00:11:33,224 --> 00:11:35,626
Those things roll, baby.
They roll!
306
00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,796
Hey, look at this.
307
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,700
Your prints were
on file.
308
00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:42,874
Nice to meet you,
Trevor Podolski.
309
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:48,146
Oh, Podolski, just like deputy
police commissioner Podolski.
310
00:11:48,147 --> 00:11:52,219
Your father is deputy
police commissioner Podolski.
311
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:54,689
I'm not sure
how things work here,
312
00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:57,760
but does that mean
that your career is in my hands?
313
00:11:57,761 --> 00:12:00,498
Okay, you know what?
314
00:12:00,499 --> 00:12:01,667
Yes.
315
00:12:05,734 --> 00:12:07,868
20.2 kilos.
316
00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:09,169
I feel like
we could round up to 21.
317
00:12:09,203 --> 00:12:12,573
Or we could round down
to 20,
318
00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:16,243
take the extra 0.2,
sell it to our friends.
319
00:12:18,214 --> 00:12:19,983
[Giggles]
320
00:12:19,984 --> 00:12:22,252
I'll call the D.A.
Rosa, you log this in.
321
00:12:22,253 --> 00:12:23,854
Charles, maybe watch Gina.
322
00:12:23,855 --> 00:12:25,022
[Laughs]
323
00:12:25,057 --> 00:12:26,223
So what are
you doing tonight?
324
00:12:26,258 --> 00:12:29,194
Nothing.
What about you...
325
00:12:29,195 --> 00:12:30,530
Are doing tonight?
326
00:12:30,564 --> 00:12:33,370
Nothing.
327
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:34,738
Carlene.
328
00:12:36,507 --> 00:12:39,242
Whelp, I hope you find
something to do.
329
00:12:39,243 --> 00:12:41,045
[Chuckles]
330
00:12:41,046 --> 00:12:44,415
I'm gonna pee.
That's what I'm doing tonight.
331
00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:46,851
No.
332
00:12:46,852 --> 00:12:48,253
[Sighs]
333
00:12:48,288 --> 00:12:50,889
Deputy commissioner's son, huh?
[Sighs]
334
00:12:50,924 --> 00:12:53,724
His decision to target cop cars
makes a lot more sense now.
335
00:12:53,725 --> 00:12:55,091
We gotta let him walk,
right?
336
00:12:55,126 --> 00:12:56,725
He defaced
nine police vehicles,
337
00:12:56,726 --> 00:12:58,025
and you caught him
red-handed.
338
00:12:58,026 --> 00:13:00,057
Why would you let him walk?
[Chuckles]
339
00:13:00,058 --> 00:13:02,959
Captain, I did all the work
on this perfectly.
340
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:06,028
I mean, my report
has over 25 pages
341
00:13:06,029 --> 00:13:08,866
of meticulous research,
diagrams, and maps.
342
00:13:08,867 --> 00:13:11,772
I even put an "about the author"
section on the back.
343
00:13:11,806 --> 00:13:14,242
I did everything
you asked me to do,
344
00:13:14,276 --> 00:13:15,710
but this is
above my pay grade.
345
00:13:15,711 --> 00:13:17,245
You gotta make the call.
346
00:13:17,246 --> 00:13:20,714
You're the arresting officer.
It's your call.
347
00:13:20,715 --> 00:13:22,916
I told you to do
every part of your job,
348
00:13:22,917 --> 00:13:25,386
and making this call
is part of your job.
349
00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:28,891
- Yeah, but you think I should process him.
- Mm-hmm.
350
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,626
Well, if I do,
the deputy commissioner
351
00:13:30,627 --> 00:13:32,161
could ruin my career,
and I'll end up on the streets
352
00:13:32,162 --> 00:13:34,064
selling my beautiful body
for a can of beans.
353
00:13:34,065 --> 00:13:35,767
Mm-hmm.
354
00:13:35,768 --> 00:13:38,905
Has anyone ever told you
you look exactly like a statue?
355
00:13:38,906 --> 00:13:40,273
Yes.
356
00:13:40,274 --> 00:13:43,977
Man, you were totally right
about the cocaine,
357
00:13:43,978 --> 00:13:45,913
and you were also right
about Rosa.
358
00:13:45,914 --> 00:13:47,648
Who's Rosa?
The woman I...
359
00:13:47,682 --> 00:13:49,616
The woman who doesn't
love him back.
360
00:13:49,617 --> 00:13:51,084
Oh.
Yes, that woman.
361
00:13:51,085 --> 00:13:52,852
You know, it can be a burden
to always know
362
00:13:52,853 --> 00:13:54,353
what's gonna happen
in the future.
363
00:13:54,354 --> 00:13:55,921
Don't get out
of the chair.
364
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,325
I just had a vision
of you leaving this chair
365
00:13:58,326 --> 00:13:59,960
and getting
seriously injured.
366
00:13:59,994 --> 00:14:01,494
Oh, my God.
367
00:14:01,529 --> 00:14:03,628
I should probably wheel you
back to your desk.
368
00:14:03,662 --> 00:14:05,763
That is a great idea.
Wheel you off a bridge.
369
00:14:05,764 --> 00:14:07,264
[Laughs]
I'm kidding.
370
00:14:07,265 --> 00:14:09,597
♪ Oh, you're alone
371
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:12,101
♪ Uh-oh, you're alone
for life ♪
372
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,105
So here are my options.
373
00:14:14,106 --> 00:14:16,707
One, I process
Podolski's kid,
374
00:14:16,708 --> 00:14:18,475
he fires me, and I spend
the rest of my career
375
00:14:18,476 --> 00:14:21,313
as a Detective, third grade,
which is literally pathetic.
376
00:14:21,314 --> 00:14:24,086
No offense, Hitchcock.
None taken.
377
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,290
Option two,
I let him walk,
378
00:14:26,291 --> 00:14:27,525
and I spend the rest
of my life with Holt
379
00:14:27,526 --> 00:14:29,460
as my babysitter.
380
00:14:29,461 --> 00:14:31,295
Honestly, when I think about
spending the rest of my life
381
00:14:31,296 --> 00:14:32,796
with a babysitter,
382
00:14:32,797 --> 00:14:35,232
she's kind of a cute blonde
named Erica,
383
00:14:35,233 --> 00:14:36,702
and she always has
pizza money
384
00:14:36,703 --> 00:14:38,071
and lets me stay up as late
as I want.
385
00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:39,675
How old are you
in this scenario?
386
00:14:39,676 --> 00:14:41,745
Anyway, the point is
Holt cares more
387
00:14:41,746 --> 00:14:44,314
about whether I
"do my job right"
388
00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:46,017
than whether I have a job
at all.
389
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,386
So I'm taking suggestions.
390
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,256
I say piss off Holt,
391
00:14:49,257 --> 00:14:51,258
so we get to watch your career
end right in front of us.
392
00:14:51,259 --> 00:14:53,093
Okay, thank you
for that, Santiago.
393
00:14:53,094 --> 00:14:54,562
I'm gonna put you down
for "don't arrest,"
394
00:14:54,563 --> 00:14:56,064
and I'm also going
to put your phone number
395
00:14:56,065 --> 00:14:57,567
on every urinal
in Rikers.
396
00:14:57,568 --> 00:15:00,037
Don't arrest him.
Just smack him. Hard.
397
00:15:00,038 --> 00:15:01,505
With a phone book
on a body part
398
00:15:01,506 --> 00:15:03,004
no one can see,
you know what I'm saying?
399
00:15:03,005 --> 00:15:04,906
So you're suggesting
police brutality?
400
00:15:04,907 --> 00:15:07,109
Ha, ha, I guess so, yeah.
Why?
401
00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:09,111
- Hey, Scully.
- Yeah?
402
00:15:09,112 --> 00:15:10,682
You want this collar?
Paperwork's all done,
403
00:15:10,683 --> 00:15:13,351
and it's perfect.
The Podolski kid?
404
00:15:13,352 --> 00:15:15,186
Are you kidding?
I just gave him my lunch.
405
00:15:15,187 --> 00:15:18,055
Okay.
Boyle, what do you think?
406
00:15:18,056 --> 00:15:20,190
I don't know, man.
I'm lost.
407
00:15:20,191 --> 00:15:22,290
The universe is
a cruel and vexing puzzle.
408
00:15:22,291 --> 00:15:24,623
I-I'm at the whim
of the cosmos.
409
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:27,361
All right, I'm gonna put
you down for "bummer,"
410
00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:31,898
and you can hang out in
that category all by yourself.
411
00:15:31,899 --> 00:15:33,599
Hey, everyone.
412
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,369
Hey, Jake, there is a very sexy,
angry official here,
413
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,204
deputy commissioner Podolski.
414
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:41,975
He's asking for you.
Very angry.
415
00:15:41,976 --> 00:15:45,778
Elderly, sexy, furious.
416
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:49,114
Well, my career
is over.
417
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:51,714
See you at the bottom,
Hitchcock. No offense.
418
00:15:51,715 --> 00:15:54,813
No, none taken.
419
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,547
Deputy commissioner.
420
00:15:57,548 --> 00:15:58,647
Where's my son?
421
00:15:58,648 --> 00:16:00,316
He is at my desk,
422
00:16:00,317 --> 00:16:02,821
enjoying a nice glass
of bubbly water
423
00:16:02,822 --> 00:16:05,058
and some chocolate I was saving
for a special occasion.
424
00:16:05,059 --> 00:16:06,729
Hey, Peralta,
when you're done,
425
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:08,900
can you help me wrap up
this massive cocaine bust
426
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,502
I just pulled off?
Thanks.
427
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:14,071
Oh, deputy commissioner,
didn't see you there.
428
00:16:14,072 --> 00:16:15,672
Sorry for interrupting.
429
00:16:15,673 --> 00:16:17,340
Amy Santiago.
430
00:16:17,341 --> 00:16:18,908
[Sighs]
431
00:16:18,909 --> 00:16:21,078
Trevor, what'd you do
this time?
432
00:16:21,079 --> 00:16:22,313
Nothing.
433
00:16:22,347 --> 00:16:24,549
There you have it.
He said he did nothing.
434
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,184
So I caught him red-handed
doing nothing?
435
00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:28,184
I'm saying maybe
it's a possibility
436
00:16:28,185 --> 00:16:29,650
you made a mistake.
437
00:16:29,684 --> 00:16:31,118
You know, normally,
I would agree with you,
438
00:16:31,119 --> 00:16:33,021
but I've been
pretty detail-oriented
439
00:16:33,022 --> 00:16:34,123
the last few hours.
440
00:16:34,124 --> 00:16:35,660
You might not
understand this,
441
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,098
but Trevor is
a special kid.
442
00:16:38,099 --> 00:16:40,832
He makes straight "A"s.
He's going to Duke next year.
443
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,934
Lacrosse scholarship.
Oh.
444
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,705
Sometimes, boys
just need to be boys.
445
00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:48,811
You do realize
he did thousands of dollars
446
00:16:48,812 --> 00:16:50,846
worth of property damage,
though,
447
00:16:50,847 --> 00:16:52,481
to police vehicles.
448
00:16:52,482 --> 00:16:54,449
Look, I think
we can all agree
449
00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:56,552
that I'm ordering you
to let this slide
450
00:16:56,553 --> 00:16:58,189
because nothing happened.
451
00:16:58,190 --> 00:17:00,193
This is officially
out of your hands.
452
00:17:00,194 --> 00:17:03,633
Would you actually mind
just checking out my report?
453
00:17:03,634 --> 00:17:04,834
It's pretty thorough,
454
00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:07,335
and I spent over an hour
on fonts.
455
00:17:07,336 --> 00:17:08,502
Kinda snazzy, so...
456
00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:10,302
Oh, thank you.
457
00:17:10,303 --> 00:17:11,469
I'll get right to it.
458
00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,638
Thanks.
Trevor, let's go.
459
00:17:13,639 --> 00:17:16,341
Have a good one.
460
00:17:23,285 --> 00:17:25,286
Choo.
461
00:17:25,287 --> 00:17:26,387
Yes.
462
00:17:26,422 --> 00:17:28,022
What's up with the chair?
463
00:17:28,023 --> 00:17:31,491
Um, Carlene predicted
if I get out of this chair,
464
00:17:31,492 --> 00:17:33,827
I'd get badly hurt,
so I'm not chancing it.
465
00:17:33,861 --> 00:17:37,763
Oh, man.
There's no pudding cups left.
466
00:17:37,764 --> 00:17:39,965
Ah!
What'd you do that for?
467
00:17:39,999 --> 00:17:43,333
There.
Now you're hurt in this chair.
468
00:17:43,334 --> 00:17:44,801
You can get hurt anywhere,
Boyle.
469
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,637
And if you do,
it won't be
470
00:17:46,638 --> 00:17:50,576
because some shoe salesman
predicted it.
471
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:53,616
You make
your own destiny.
472
00:17:57,853 --> 00:18:00,987
Well, we don't have to worry
about Podolski's son anymore.
473
00:18:01,022 --> 00:18:02,889
The case is officially
out of my hands.
474
00:18:02,890 --> 00:18:04,056
No charges filed.
475
00:18:04,057 --> 00:18:05,660
Why is there yogurt
on this?
476
00:18:05,694 --> 00:18:07,395
The deputy commissioner
threw my report
477
00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:09,130
in Terry's trash can,
478
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:10,796
and he'd been eating
yogurt earlier.
479
00:18:10,831 --> 00:18:13,764
Terry loves yogurt.
480
00:18:13,799 --> 00:18:16,167
Something wrong?
Kinda, yeah.
481
00:18:16,201 --> 00:18:17,904
I called six precincts
about this kid.
482
00:18:17,905 --> 00:18:19,707
He's been brought in
a dozen times.
483
00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:21,744
Theft, vandalism,
drunken disorderly,
484
00:18:21,745 --> 00:18:23,178
but he's never
been processed.
485
00:18:23,179 --> 00:18:26,011
His daddy comes in
and bails him out every time.
486
00:18:26,012 --> 00:18:27,378
He's a lucky little jerk.
487
00:18:27,379 --> 00:18:29,011
No, I wouldn't say
he was lucky.
488
00:18:29,012 --> 00:18:30,579
I feel bad for this kid.
489
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,547
I mean,
what kind of father
490
00:18:32,548 --> 00:18:33,915
cares so little
for his son
491
00:18:33,916 --> 00:18:37,220
that he lets him get away
with everything?
492
00:18:37,221 --> 00:18:39,188
Well, he's someone else's
problem now.
493
00:18:39,189 --> 00:18:42,990
Like you said,
it's out of your hands.
494
00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:43,991
All right, I see
what you're trying to do,
495
00:18:43,992 --> 00:18:45,656
but it's not gonna work.
496
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,492
I'm not going to arrest him.
I'm going to arrest him!
497
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,862
- You want backup?
- Yes.
498
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:53,032
[Siren wails]
499
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:57,005
What is this?
You can't do this.
500
00:18:57,006 --> 00:18:58,473
Get that thing
outta here.
501
00:18:58,507 --> 00:18:59,841
Excuse me, sir.
502
00:18:59,842 --> 00:19:01,877
Trevor Podolski,
you're under arrest
503
00:19:01,878 --> 00:19:03,613
for vandalism
and destruction of property.
504
00:19:03,614 --> 00:19:05,048
What... dad!
What are you doing?
505
00:19:05,049 --> 00:19:06,251
I told you
to back off, Peralta.
506
00:19:06,286 --> 00:19:08,423
First off,
the name's Santiago,
507
00:19:08,424 --> 00:19:10,460
Detective Amy Santiago.
508
00:19:10,461 --> 00:19:12,361
Second, I'm arresting
your son,
509
00:19:12,396 --> 00:19:16,963
which, as I say it aloud,
seems like an unwise choice,
510
00:19:16,964 --> 00:19:18,799
but it's the one
I'm making.
511
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,002
Once again,
my name is Amy Santiago.
512
00:19:21,037 --> 00:19:23,274
You're being stupid, Peralta.
Don't be stupid.
513
00:19:23,275 --> 00:19:25,110
I can make
your life miserable.
514
00:19:25,144 --> 00:19:27,881
Commissioner, please don't talk
to my Detective in that Tone.
515
00:19:27,882 --> 00:19:29,448
If you have a complaint,
you can take it up with me.
516
00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:33,083
You just made yourself
a very powerful enemy, Holt.
517
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:35,818
I'm gonna be watching you,
both of you, like a hawk.
518
00:19:35,819 --> 00:19:36,919
You're gonna have to try
a little harder
519
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,455
if you wanna scare me.
520
00:19:38,456 --> 00:19:40,757
I've been an openly gay cop
since 1987,
521
00:19:40,758 --> 00:19:43,826
so you're not the first
superior officer to threaten me.
522
00:19:43,827 --> 00:19:45,661
You know
how I'm still standing here?
523
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:47,563
'Cause I do my job,
524
00:19:47,564 --> 00:19:50,167
and I do it right.
525
00:19:50,168 --> 00:19:51,570
Damn, son!
526
00:19:51,571 --> 00:19:53,538
Don't say "son."
Sorry.
527
00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:55,273
Deputy commissioner,
if you wanna pick Trevor up,
528
00:19:55,307 --> 00:19:58,142
he'll be
at the nine-nine.
529
00:19:58,143 --> 00:20:00,507
Let's go, fartman.
530
00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:03,944
Carlene was wrong, Gina.
531
00:20:03,945 --> 00:20:06,648
Rosa said it herself...
I'm in charge of my own destiny.
532
00:20:06,649 --> 00:20:08,318
That means she wants me
to make a move.
533
00:20:08,353 --> 00:20:10,488
Mm, but Carlene
was also right.
534
00:20:10,489 --> 00:20:12,924
You did get hurt
'cause Rosa punched you.
535
00:20:12,925 --> 00:20:14,591
And the fact that Rosa
punched you
536
00:20:14,592 --> 00:20:15,992
means she does not
like you.
537
00:20:16,027 --> 00:20:18,759
No, no, she punched me
to prove Carlene wrong.
538
00:20:18,794 --> 00:20:20,760
Move.
539
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,128
Oh, wait,
I take it back.
540
00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:23,929
She definitely is
into you.
541
00:20:23,930 --> 00:20:27,067
So much chemistry.
I know, it's crazy.
542
00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,603
All right, let's get
this meeting started.
543
00:20:28,604 --> 00:20:29,772
I'm not late.
I'm here.
544
00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:33,781
[Alarm beeping]
545
00:20:37,388 --> 00:20:39,856
Right on time.
546
00:20:39,857 --> 00:20:41,792
You're out of uniform,
Peralta.
547
00:20:41,793 --> 00:20:43,862
Baby steps, Captain.
548
00:20:43,863 --> 00:20:46,682
Baby steps.
549
00:20:46,683 --> 00:20:48,643
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/