1 00:00:03,186 --> 00:00:04,929 Attention, squad. 2 00:00:04,967 --> 00:00:06,538 Put your hands together 3 00:00:06,624 --> 00:00:09,390 for the long-anticipated reunion of... 4 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,067 The DDC! 5 00:00:12,163 --> 00:00:13,184 - DD... - C! 6 00:00:13,270 --> 00:00:14,187 - DD... - C! 7 00:00:14,273 --> 00:00:15,334 Put a J with a G... 8 00:00:15,420 --> 00:00:16,429 You get DD... 9 00:00:16,515 --> 00:00:18,171 - C! - C! 10 00:00:18,265 --> 00:00:19,358 Uh, the gas face. 11 00:00:19,444 --> 00:00:20,718 What the hell is the DDC? 12 00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:21,984 I don't know, but I love it! 13 00:00:22,070 --> 00:00:23,320 The DDC is the Dope... 14 00:00:23,406 --> 00:00:24,441 - Denim... - Crew. 15 00:00:24,527 --> 00:00:25,791 Our 20-year high school reunion 16 00:00:25,877 --> 00:00:27,750 is tonight, and the party is '90s-themed, 17 00:00:27,804 --> 00:00:29,352 so we're dressing the way we did back then, 18 00:00:29,437 --> 00:00:31,397 AKA hella fresh. 19 00:00:31,483 --> 00:00:33,487 Can't wait to see everyone we graduated with 20 00:00:33,636 --> 00:00:35,423 and lie to them about what I've been up to 21 00:00:35,508 --> 00:00:36,851 for my own amusement. 22 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:40,194 It's gonna be Fib City, population: Gina Clooney. 23 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:41,516 But Jake, how can you be excited 24 00:00:41,601 --> 00:00:42,710 to return to your high school, 25 00:00:42,795 --> 00:00:44,718 the scene of... Tattlegate? 26 00:00:44,804 --> 00:00:46,196 What's Tattlegate? Why haven't I heard 27 00:00:46,281 --> 00:00:48,041 - anything about it? - It was junior year 28 00:00:48,172 --> 00:00:49,654 and Jake was riding high... 29 00:00:49,739 --> 00:00:52,195 Charles, no one wants to hear this story... 30 00:00:52,405 --> 00:00:53,441 from you. 31 00:00:53,526 --> 00:00:54,538 It was junior year, 32 00:00:54,624 --> 00:00:56,444 and Jake was riding high. 33 00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:58,533 Sophomore year was rough, but now I was back 34 00:00:58,618 --> 00:01:01,144 with a hot new look: an earring and long hair. 35 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,798 Which was my look, and he just copied it. 36 00:01:02,883 --> 00:01:04,800 And it worked! I was finally cool, 37 00:01:04,885 --> 00:01:06,410 and becoming friends with the most popular kid 38 00:01:06,495 --> 00:01:08,543 in school: Brandon Bliss. 39 00:01:08,628 --> 00:01:10,414 - Dope name; sounds hot. - He was hot, Rosa. 40 00:01:10,499 --> 00:01:12,187 For the record, he could barely read. 41 00:01:12,273 --> 00:01:13,609 He didn't have to read, Gina. 42 00:01:13,695 --> 00:01:15,508 He lost his virginity when he was 12 years old. 43 00:01:15,593 --> 00:01:16,773 Which is horrifying. 44 00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:18,070 But it wasn't back then! Back then, 45 00:01:18,155 --> 00:01:20,632 it was... everything. 46 00:01:20,787 --> 00:01:22,530 He asked me to ditch class one day with him 47 00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,030 and his buddies, steal a school van, 48 00:01:24,116 --> 00:01:25,391 and go get drunk at his parents' cabin, 49 00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:27,187 but the day before we were supposed to go, 50 00:01:27,273 --> 00:01:29,607 someone ratted Brandon out, and he got suspended! 51 00:01:29,692 --> 00:01:31,218 He thought I was the one who told, 52 00:01:31,304 --> 00:01:32,374 and from that day forward, 53 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,655 everyone called me "The Tattler." 54 00:01:34,776 --> 00:01:36,389 Tattler. It's a sexy nickname. 55 00:01:36,482 --> 00:01:37,804 It was not a sexy nickname! 56 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:39,109 It was a scarlet letter, 57 00:01:39,195 --> 00:01:40,898 and it ruined my senior year, 58 00:01:41,197 --> 00:01:43,810 but luckily, I'm over all that now. 59 00:01:43,918 --> 00:01:44,834 Not me. I'm gonna go 60 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,015 to this reunion tonight 61 00:01:46,109 --> 00:01:47,281 and kick Brandon Bliss in the butthole. 62 00:01:47,366 --> 00:01:49,351 Horrifying, but that won't be necessary, Charles, 63 00:01:49,437 --> 00:01:51,812 for my awesome life will do the butthole-kicking this eve. 64 00:01:51,898 --> 00:01:53,796 I've got a sweet job, and a super-smart, 65 00:01:53,882 --> 00:01:55,477 incredible wife. Tonight's gonna be awesome. 66 00:01:55,562 --> 00:01:56,742 - Right, Gina? - Damn straight! 67 00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:58,007 - DD... - C! 68 00:01:58,093 --> 00:01:59,155 - DD... - C! 69 00:01:59,243 --> 00:02:00,280 - DD... - C! 70 00:02:00,527 --> 00:02:03,187 *BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Season 06 Episode 03 71 00:02:03,410 --> 00:02:06,351 *BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Episode Title: "The Tattler" 72 00:02:17,812 --> 00:02:19,929 Synchronized by srjanapala 73 00:02:21,045 --> 00:02:22,968 Wow, this place hasn't changed 74 00:02:23,070 --> 00:02:24,921 one bit in 20 years. 75 00:02:25,015 --> 00:02:26,805 It's a real indictment of the public school system. 76 00:02:26,890 --> 00:02:28,694 Jake! Tina! 77 00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:30,507 No way! Mikey J! 78 00:02:30,633 --> 00:02:32,249 Amy, this is Mike Joseph, 79 00:02:32,335 --> 00:02:35,780 AKA the lead funk bassist from my legendary ska band, 80 00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:38,866 Skalvester Skallone. We had one song. 81 00:02:38,952 --> 00:02:40,086 ♪ Oh 82 00:02:40,172 --> 00:02:43,133 - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ 83 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:45,219 - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ - ♪ Stop or my mom will ska ♪ 84 00:02:45,304 --> 00:02:46,616 - Whoa! - Hey, man. 85 00:02:46,702 --> 00:02:48,279 We were so bad. I can't believe 86 00:02:48,365 --> 00:02:49,858 we thought we were gonna make it. 87 00:02:49,991 --> 00:02:51,132 So what have you been up to, man? 88 00:02:51,217 --> 00:02:53,396 Well, I'm still trying to get the music thing started. 89 00:02:53,518 --> 00:02:55,373 Oh, cool, cool, cool. Never give up. 90 00:02:55,459 --> 00:02:57,725 Anyway, how are you, Gina? What have you been up to? 91 00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,397 Nothing crazy. Yeah, just writing 92 00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,313 - those "Thor" movies. - Seriously? 93 00:03:01,399 --> 00:03:02,991 Oh, my God. Tell me everything. 94 00:03:03,077 --> 00:03:05,342 Legally, I can't get into it too much, 95 00:03:05,428 --> 00:03:06,722 but just know that the next one 96 00:03:06,808 --> 00:03:08,246 will have a lot more full frontal. 97 00:03:08,371 --> 00:03:10,928 Well, if you need some ska for your soundtrack... 98 00:03:11,014 --> 00:03:12,084 Oh! 99 00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:13,383 This is them. This is Marvel. 100 00:03:13,469 --> 00:03:14,578 They probably want to talk about. 101 00:03:14,663 --> 00:03:17,670 "Thor 4: More Thor." I gotta take this. 102 00:03:17,756 --> 00:03:18,983 Okay? All right. 103 00:03:19,069 --> 00:03:20,473 So how you doing, Jake? 104 00:03:20,558 --> 00:03:23,202 I know the end of high school was a little... rough. 105 00:03:23,324 --> 00:03:24,850 Oh, uh... 106 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:27,233 Jake's killing it now. He's a detective. 107 00:03:27,319 --> 00:03:30,019 Irie, mon! Irie, irie! 108 00:03:30,219 --> 00:03:31,309 Very nice. 109 00:03:31,394 --> 00:03:33,264 God, you must have some crazy stories. 110 00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:34,506 Oh, I don't know. I mean, 111 00:03:34,592 --> 00:03:35,741 is successfully negotiating 112 00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:37,366 a high-tension hostage situation 113 00:03:37,452 --> 00:03:39,389 - in a bank crazy? - Yes! 114 00:03:39,475 --> 00:03:41,006 Oh, well, then, I guess I do have 115 00:03:41,092 --> 00:03:43,170 some crazy stories, mon! 116 00:03:43,943 --> 00:03:45,217 Gosh, it's so cool 117 00:03:45,303 --> 00:03:47,342 how we all still dress the same. 118 00:03:49,068 --> 00:03:50,959 Is it so much to ask? You know what I'm saying? 119 00:03:51,045 --> 00:03:52,452 Why is everyone gathered around the radio? 120 00:03:52,537 --> 00:03:54,811 Ooh, are they testing the emergency broadcasting system? 121 00:03:54,896 --> 00:03:56,334 What? No. 122 00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:57,727 We're listening to a contest. 123 00:03:57,812 --> 00:03:59,342 This is 93.7, 124 00:03:59,428 --> 00:04:00,947 The Jamhouse, with... 125 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,233 - JC and the Horndog! - JC and the Horndog! 126 00:04:03,584 --> 00:04:04,858 FM radio... 127 00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:07,467 Yeah, the hosts are beyond disgusting, 128 00:04:07,553 --> 00:04:10,087 but they do a fun game where they play a mystery sound 129 00:04:10,172 --> 00:04:12,155 and callers guess what it is for a cash prize. 130 00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:14,264 Shh, they're about to play the new sound! 131 00:04:16,219 --> 00:04:17,226 It's a crinkle. I solved it. 132 00:04:17,311 --> 00:04:18,936 Yes, but you have to know what object 133 00:04:19,022 --> 00:04:19,959 is making the crinkle. 134 00:04:20,045 --> 00:04:21,695 - But that's impossible. - It could be anything. 135 00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:23,077 Yes, sir. That's the game. 136 00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,315 - It's a bag of potato chips. - Don't be an idiot! 137 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,389 It's a bag of corn chips. 138 00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:28,108 Well, this is a total waste of time. 139 00:04:28,194 --> 00:04:29,841 Sure, but you can still have fun, 140 00:04:29,927 --> 00:04:31,523 - even if you're wasting time. - That's absurd. 141 00:04:31,608 --> 00:04:33,482 Productivity is what makes things fun. 142 00:04:33,568 --> 00:04:34,983 That's why humans go to work. 143 00:04:36,171 --> 00:04:37,348 It is? 144 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:38,623 Hey. So you know 145 00:04:38,709 --> 00:04:40,320 how Alicia and I broke up because she moved to London, 146 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:41,748 then we tried to make it work, but the distance 147 00:04:41,834 --> 00:04:42,968 was too much and we broke up again? 148 00:04:43,053 --> 00:04:44,233 No. The last thing you told me 149 00:04:44,319 --> 00:04:45,343 about yourself was that you were bi. 150 00:04:45,428 --> 00:04:46,599 Well, a lot has happened since then. 151 00:04:46,684 --> 00:04:48,046 Anyway, I'm dating two other people. 152 00:04:48,131 --> 00:04:49,709 So much juice at one time. 153 00:04:49,795 --> 00:04:50,670 I'm drowning. 154 00:04:50,756 --> 00:04:52,671 Oh, gross. Charles, this is why I don't tell you anything. 155 00:04:52,756 --> 00:04:53,725 - I take it back. - Okay. 156 00:04:53,811 --> 00:04:55,691 Well, it's early stages, but they both tagged me 157 00:04:55,779 --> 00:04:56,781 in a bunch of photos online, 158 00:04:56,866 --> 00:04:58,070 and they found out about each other. 159 00:04:58,155 --> 00:04:59,405 - Yikes. - Yeah, I know. 160 00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:01,061 I shouldn't 'gram so much, but my brunch friends say 161 00:05:01,146 --> 00:05:02,640 it's the only way to promote my handmade jewelry line. 162 00:05:02,725 --> 00:05:04,514 Brunch? What? Homemade... who... Why? 163 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,819 Charles, focus. 164 00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:06,968 Anyway, they're both annoyed, 165 00:05:07,053 --> 00:05:08,124 and now I have to choose one of them, 166 00:05:08,209 --> 00:05:09,677 and I cannot make up my mind. 167 00:05:09,763 --> 00:05:11,497 It's insane. I never have trouble 168 00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:12,739 making decisions. 169 00:05:12,844 --> 00:05:14,500 Ugh. Choose the daughter. 170 00:05:14,609 --> 00:05:16,419 I always know exactly what to do, 171 00:05:16,505 --> 00:05:18,365 but for the first time in my life, I am stumped. 172 00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:20,153 Rosa, you've come to the right man. 173 00:05:20,238 --> 00:05:22,153 Boyles are genetically indecisive beings. 174 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,943 So I chose the worst possible person to help me? 175 00:05:24,028 --> 00:05:25,146 No. We've developed 176 00:05:25,232 --> 00:05:26,912 a foolproof system to help us make choices. 177 00:05:27,017 --> 00:05:28,901 It used to take me so long to decide what to wear 178 00:05:28,986 --> 00:05:30,552 that I'd never change my clothes. 179 00:05:30,638 --> 00:05:32,163 Now look what I have on. 180 00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:34,295 Is this different than what you were wearing yesterday? 181 00:05:34,380 --> 00:05:35,568 Barely. 182 00:05:35,732 --> 00:05:37,736 Wow, your life sounds amazing. 183 00:05:37,821 --> 00:05:39,346 I'm really happy it worked out for you, 184 00:05:39,431 --> 00:05:41,609 you know, especially with the whole Tattler thing. 185 00:05:42,362 --> 00:05:44,143 What? The Tattler? Wow. 186 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:45,752 I haven't heard that in a long time. 187 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,846 Who even was the Tattler? 188 00:05:46,932 --> 00:05:48,089 You. That's why I'm bringing it up. 189 00:05:48,174 --> 00:05:49,433 Oh, right, I remember now that I was 190 00:05:49,518 --> 00:05:50,862 misidentified as the Tattler. 191 00:05:50,948 --> 00:05:52,535 That's so funny. But I wasn't the Tattler, 192 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:53,738 so I'm pretty sure you got this wrong. 193 00:05:53,823 --> 00:05:55,604 No, no, no, I think I go... hey, Eric. 194 00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:57,698 Didn't people call Jake the Tattler? 195 00:05:57,869 --> 00:05:59,525 Oh, yeah! 196 00:06:00,377 --> 00:06:02,281 Oh, good, more people are getting involved. 197 00:06:02,367 --> 00:06:04,963 After my initial design, they said it couldn't be done. 198 00:06:05,049 --> 00:06:06,634 They said it was too tall, too flashy... 199 00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:08,331 Building codes, bureaucracy. 200 00:06:08,416 --> 00:06:11,276 Cut to the Freedom Tower as you see it today. 201 00:06:11,362 --> 00:06:12,417 Wow. 202 00:06:12,503 --> 00:06:14,393 Thank you. Yeah, I agree. 203 00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:16,174 Look, nobody cares about that stuff. 204 00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,390 We're all adults now. 205 00:06:17,476 --> 00:06:19,706 You're a cop. I work at a coffin factory. 206 00:06:19,792 --> 00:06:21,780 I'm not sitting around, thinking about how you tattled. 207 00:06:21,865 --> 00:06:23,620 Yes, we all have jobs and work on coffins. 208 00:06:23,706 --> 00:06:25,697 I didn't tattle, but whatevs. We don't have to keep talking about it. 209 00:06:25,782 --> 00:06:28,002 - Great. - Great. - Great. - Great. - Great. 210 00:06:28,392 --> 00:06:29,787 But you were the Tattler, right? 211 00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,093 Brandon Bliss was my friend! 212 00:06:31,178 --> 00:06:32,424 Why would I tattle on my friend? 213 00:06:32,510 --> 00:06:34,705 The nickname was inaccurate, is all I'm saying. 214 00:06:34,791 --> 00:06:35,968 Anyways, as you can tell, 215 00:06:36,053 --> 00:06:37,417 I am totally over it. 216 00:06:37,503 --> 00:06:39,167 Ah, man, it's the Tattler. 217 00:06:39,253 --> 00:06:40,815 I didn't tattle! 218 00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:42,703 So... 219 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,778 I think I might not be over it. 220 00:06:46,034 --> 00:06:48,081 Ugh, this is so unfair. 221 00:06:48,206 --> 00:06:49,885 Everyone remembers me as the Tattler, 222 00:06:49,971 --> 00:06:51,198 but somehow, no one remembers 223 00:06:51,284 --> 00:06:52,760 that Darren "Doo Doo" Donaldson 224 00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,276 crapped himself during PE. 225 00:06:54,362 --> 00:06:55,323 Look at him out there, 226 00:06:55,409 --> 00:06:56,721 dancing on the dance floor 227 00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:58,299 like he's lived a doo doo-free life. 228 00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,916 Jake, this isn't so bad. 229 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:02,174 History is full of great tattlers. 230 00:07:02,260 --> 00:07:04,120 Martin Luther King tattled on racists. 231 00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:05,394 That's a pretty undercutting way 232 00:07:05,479 --> 00:07:06,566 of describing his accomplishments. 233 00:07:06,651 --> 00:07:08,471 I was trying to help. It felt bad. 234 00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:09,910 It's not even the nickname that bothers me. 235 00:07:09,995 --> 00:07:11,253 It's that I'm being wrongfully accused. 236 00:07:11,338 --> 00:07:13,104 I didn't tattle. I mean, if it was the truth, 237 00:07:13,190 --> 00:07:15,120 go ahead and call me the Tattler all day long. 238 00:07:15,206 --> 00:07:17,280 - Hey, Tattler. - Not cool, Jason! 239 00:07:17,745 --> 00:07:18,963 Let's just go home. 240 00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:20,776 No! We're not going anywhere. 241 00:07:20,862 --> 00:07:22,862 You were wrongfully accused. We're cops. 242 00:07:22,948 --> 00:07:24,471 Let's just find the real Tattler 243 00:07:24,557 --> 00:07:25,729 and prove your innocence. 244 00:07:25,815 --> 00:07:26,638 Yes! I love it! 245 00:07:26,723 --> 00:07:27,885 Why learn to grow 246 00:07:27,971 --> 00:07:29,440 when you can fix the past? 247 00:07:29,526 --> 00:07:31,323 This is exactly why I don't need therapy. 248 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,160 Not sure that's the lesson I want you to take away from this. 249 00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:34,902 Too late! We're gonna prove I wasn't the Tattler. 250 00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:36,780 Therapy is a scam. Let's do this. 251 00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:38,824 No. 252 00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:40,827 The sound was more of a "khh." 253 00:07:40,913 --> 00:07:42,522 Ooh, how goes the crinkle hunt? 254 00:07:42,608 --> 00:07:44,358 I see you're not just wasting time. 255 00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:46,048 You're also wasting tin. 256 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,835 It was only one piece. 257 00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:51,097 Okay, it was a ton of tin. 258 00:07:51,183 --> 00:07:53,054 Pretty sure it's a guy eating a sandwich. 259 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:53,926 I'll prove it to you. 260 00:07:54,011 --> 00:07:55,937 I'm not buying you any more sandwiches, Scully. 261 00:07:56,023 --> 00:07:57,030 I'm doing this for us! 262 00:07:57,116 --> 00:07:58,491 Guys, we can't fight. 263 00:07:58,577 --> 00:08:00,148 That's what the Horndog wants. 264 00:08:00,234 --> 00:08:01,469 We're getting close. We just need 265 00:08:01,554 --> 00:08:02,672 to keep testing more things. 266 00:08:02,757 --> 00:08:04,851 Oh, that's a good idea. 267 00:08:04,937 --> 00:08:07,023 Have you tried a piece of paper? 268 00:08:07,851 --> 00:08:08,960 Is that your crinkle? 269 00:08:09,069 --> 00:08:10,780 Ooh, maybe... oh. 270 00:08:11,044 --> 00:08:13,389 Maybe it's these bags of coffee beans. 271 00:08:13,554 --> 00:08:15,554 All right, sir. I think you've made your point. 272 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,203 My point? Oh, I'm just trying to have fun 273 00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,382 by wasting time. 274 00:08:18,468 --> 00:08:21,679 Oh, maybe it's this crinkly-crunkly yogurt. 275 00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:25,690 Terry heard a crinkle. 276 00:08:25,804 --> 00:08:27,085 Holt heard a crinkle, too. 277 00:08:27,171 --> 00:08:28,866 So suddenly, it's not a waste of time? 278 00:08:28,952 --> 00:08:30,796 Not a waste of time if we win! 279 00:08:31,222 --> 00:08:32,791 What are you waiting for, Jeffords? 280 00:08:32,999 --> 00:08:34,531 Call the Horndog! 281 00:08:34,741 --> 00:08:36,405 So then I said to Steve, 282 00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,749 "What if we drop the '-lications, ' 283 00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:39,968 just call them 'apps'?" 284 00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:41,713 That's incredible. 285 00:08:42,085 --> 00:08:43,991 Do you miss him? Oh, every day, Laura. 286 00:08:44,077 --> 00:08:45,319 Every day. You should talk 287 00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:46,960 to Quentin Chase. He's a big-time. 288 00:08:47,046 --> 00:08:48,133 Silicon Valley investor now, 289 00:08:48,218 --> 00:08:49,265 and he was just telling me all about it. 290 00:08:49,350 --> 00:08:50,429 Quentin, come here. 291 00:08:50,577 --> 00:08:51,929 You have got to talk to Gina. 292 00:08:52,038 --> 00:08:53,463 She basically invented apps. 293 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:55,203 They were going to be called "lications." 294 00:08:55,289 --> 00:08:56,772 You really bungled that. 295 00:08:56,858 --> 00:08:58,258 - What you been working on? - Currently, 296 00:08:58,343 --> 00:08:59,616 I have been working 297 00:08:59,702 --> 00:09:02,054 on an app called Toddler. 298 00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:04,397 It's like Tinder, but for toddlers. 299 00:09:04,483 --> 00:09:05,577 Tinder for toddlers. 300 00:09:05,663 --> 00:09:07,335 I like it. How are you gonna spell that? 301 00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:08,460 How many D's? 302 00:09:08,608 --> 00:09:09,671 Five. 303 00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:13,015 All right, we should start by talking to Brandon Bliss 304 00:09:13,101 --> 00:09:14,937 and find out who told him you were the Tattler. 305 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,421 Unfortunately, Bliss is not here. 306 00:09:16,507 --> 00:09:19,155 Probably in the VIP section at a Fatboy Slim concert. 307 00:09:19,241 --> 00:09:20,929 Would that be cool for a 37-year-old? 308 00:09:21,015 --> 00:09:22,555 The funk soul brother is timeless, Ames. 309 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,663 All right, I don't know who told Brandon, 310 00:09:24,749 --> 00:09:26,289 but I heard it was someone on the football team. 311 00:09:26,374 --> 00:09:28,195 Okay, well, we need more information than that, 312 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,225 so take me back to the day. Spare no details. 313 00:09:30,311 --> 00:09:31,491 Okay, I saw Brandon 314 00:09:31,577 --> 00:09:33,086 after second period, and everything seemed tight. 315 00:09:33,171 --> 00:09:35,171 ♪ Hey now, you're an all-star ♪ 316 00:09:35,257 --> 00:09:36,843 ♪ Get your game on go play ♪ 317 00:09:36,929 --> 00:09:39,085 But then, when I saw him after third period... 318 00:09:39,171 --> 00:09:40,827 something had clearly changed. 319 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,121 ♪ Get paid 320 00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,483 ♪ All that glitters is gold ♪ 321 00:09:44,569 --> 00:09:45,733 After that, there was 322 00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,749 little color left in the world for young Jake. 323 00:09:47,843 --> 00:09:51,507 My earring, less gold, my JNCO jeans less purple. 324 00:09:51,593 --> 00:09:52,945 Are you sure you were becoming cool? 325 00:09:53,030 --> 00:09:53,959 Yeah. Why? 326 00:09:54,044 --> 00:09:55,171 I know how to solve this. 327 00:09:55,257 --> 00:09:56,789 We just have to find out which football player 328 00:09:56,874 --> 00:09:58,374 had third period with Brandon Bliss. 329 00:09:58,483 --> 00:09:59,694 We need his class schedule. 330 00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:00,963 Yeah, but where are we gonna find that? 331 00:10:01,048 --> 00:10:03,030 In the coolest room in the school. 332 00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:06,827 Good lord! 333 00:10:06,913 --> 00:10:08,218 You coulda just picked the lock. 334 00:10:08,304 --> 00:10:09,452 I know. I'm sorry. 335 00:10:09,538 --> 00:10:11,663 I'm just so amped up about Admin. 336 00:10:11,749 --> 00:10:14,538 Okay, this is the Boyle decision-making manual. 337 00:10:14,624 --> 00:10:16,147 One of these sections will help you 338 00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:17,444 with choosing your partner. 339 00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:18,547 Here we go. What do you prefer, 340 00:10:18,632 --> 00:10:20,296 eyes or butt, brains or body? 341 00:10:20,382 --> 00:10:21,397 - Brains. - Uh... 342 00:10:21,483 --> 00:10:22,882 Sorry, no, that's for deciding lunch. 343 00:10:22,967 --> 00:10:24,163 - Horrifying. - Oh, I found 344 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,202 the romance section. 345 00:10:25,311 --> 00:10:27,288 Now, first, I will need the names 346 00:10:27,374 --> 00:10:28,828 of the two people you're choosing between. 347 00:10:28,913 --> 00:10:30,734 I will not be telling you any information about them. 348 00:10:30,819 --> 00:10:32,202 No problem. We can work with that. 349 00:10:32,296 --> 00:10:33,929 I will just call them by their initials. 350 00:10:34,015 --> 00:10:34,890 - No. - I will call them. 351 00:10:34,976 --> 00:10:35,968 "Couscous" and "Quinoa." Whatever. 352 00:10:36,054 --> 00:10:37,534 - Okay. - Now, for this to work right, you need 353 00:10:37,619 --> 00:10:39,299 to answer these questions without thinking. 354 00:10:39,721 --> 00:10:40,805 - Who makes you laugh more? - Quinoa. 355 00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:41,945 - Who has softer lips? - Couscous. 356 00:10:42,030 --> 00:10:43,109 A new Cirque du Soleil's in town. 357 00:10:43,194 --> 00:10:44,336 You have the two best seats in the house. 358 00:10:44,421 --> 00:10:45,805 - Who are you bringing? - Is this a reward 359 00:10:45,890 --> 00:10:46,804 - or a punishment? - You decide. 360 00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:48,000 - Quinoa. - Great. Next question: 361 00:10:48,085 --> 00:10:49,116 You die and become a ghost. 362 00:10:49,201 --> 00:10:50,249 The rules of the afterlife 363 00:10:50,335 --> 00:10:51,400 are that of the movie "Casper." 364 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,460 Whose house would you rather haunt? 365 00:10:52,546 --> 00:10:54,062 How many more of these questions are there? 366 00:10:54,147 --> 00:10:55,367 309. 367 00:10:55,453 --> 00:10:57,530 - Okay, I've got something. - Oh. 368 00:10:57,631 --> 00:10:59,233 That's not Brandon's profile. It's mine. 369 00:10:59,319 --> 00:11:01,219 I just want a quick peek at your attendance record. 370 00:11:01,304 --> 00:11:02,819 Zero absences. 371 00:11:03,350 --> 00:11:04,882 Oh, mama... 372 00:11:04,991 --> 00:11:06,100 Printing this for later. 373 00:11:06,186 --> 00:11:07,573 Keep it in your pants, Santiago. 374 00:11:07,658 --> 00:11:09,679 Oh, that's exactly where it's going. 375 00:11:10,794 --> 00:11:13,319 Okay, here's Brandon's info. 376 00:11:13,405 --> 00:11:14,787 Third period, first semester... 377 00:11:14,873 --> 00:11:16,147 Any of these people on the football team? 378 00:11:16,232 --> 00:11:18,714 Scott Alford, Taylor Black... Wow, Tom Brady? 379 00:11:18,799 --> 00:11:20,542 Different Tom Brady. He was in theater. 380 00:11:20,627 --> 00:11:21,772 Although he was the MVP 381 00:11:21,858 --> 00:11:23,023 of that year's production of "Fiddler." 382 00:11:23,108 --> 00:11:24,436 - Hm. - Wait a minute. 383 00:11:24,522 --> 00:11:25,811 Danny Matthews. That's the guy. 384 00:11:25,897 --> 00:11:26,983 He was on the football team. 385 00:11:27,068 --> 00:11:28,246 That's the bastard who set me up. 386 00:11:28,331 --> 00:11:29,842 Yeah, and look at this. 387 00:11:30,176 --> 00:11:32,285 You did so much community service. 388 00:11:32,778 --> 00:11:34,432 Me like-y. 389 00:11:36,566 --> 00:11:38,645 Guys, you know how I thought it would be so much fun 390 00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:39,481 to lie to everyone tonight? 391 00:11:39,567 --> 00:11:40,861 Yeah. Did it finally catch up with you? 392 00:11:40,946 --> 00:11:42,267 No, the opposite. Someone wants to buy 393 00:11:42,352 --> 00:11:43,616 a company I made up on the spot. 394 00:11:43,733 --> 00:11:45,750 The elevator pitch had him drooling. 395 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,586 As a mother, I'm always struggling 396 00:11:47,672 --> 00:11:48,985 to find quality playdates. 397 00:11:49,071 --> 00:11:51,977 Most two-year-olds are boring, lame duds. 398 00:11:52,063 --> 00:11:53,891 All of my daughter's friends suck. 399 00:11:53,977 --> 00:11:56,367 Well, with Todddddler's proprietary algorithm, 400 00:11:56,453 --> 00:11:59,146 you will be matched with top tots, 401 00:11:59,231 --> 00:12:00,321 and those boring duds... 402 00:12:00,406 --> 00:12:01,687 They'll stay where they belong: 403 00:12:01,773 --> 00:12:04,263 the hell away from you and your family. 404 00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:07,568 I'm not really sure how to close this. 405 00:12:07,674 --> 00:12:09,482 Maybe you guys could pretend to be heirs 406 00:12:09,568 --> 00:12:12,779 to a canned-goods fortune who want to buy my company! 407 00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:14,319 Gina, we don't have time for your thing right now. 408 00:12:14,404 --> 00:12:16,279 Oh, smart. Big-time him. 409 00:12:16,365 --> 00:12:17,793 That's the perfect idea. 410 00:12:17,879 --> 00:12:19,195 I won't forget you when I'm rich. 411 00:12:19,242 --> 00:12:20,796 Thanks so much, Jake and Jake's wife. 412 00:12:20,916 --> 00:12:22,460 She knows your name. Oh, look! 413 00:12:22,550 --> 00:12:24,032 It's Danny Matthews! But he'll never talk 414 00:12:24,117 --> 00:12:25,007 with all these people around. 415 00:12:25,093 --> 00:12:26,843 Not a problem. Just be in the science lab 416 00:12:26,929 --> 00:12:28,498 in ten minutes. I'll get him alone. 417 00:12:28,584 --> 00:12:29,523 What are you gonna do? 418 00:12:29,632 --> 00:12:30,570 Let's just say I'm not above 419 00:12:30,656 --> 00:12:32,226 using my feminine wiles. 420 00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:33,819 Danny Matthews, I'm with the school. 421 00:12:33,904 --> 00:12:35,008 You need to follow me right now. 422 00:12:35,093 --> 00:12:37,039 - Is everything... - I said now, mister. 423 00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:40,050 I'm one caller away. 424 00:12:40,151 --> 00:12:41,492 I can't believe we figured it out. 425 00:12:41,578 --> 00:12:43,578 And I can't believe it took you this long. 426 00:12:43,726 --> 00:12:45,671 Yogurt is literally your one thing. 427 00:12:45,756 --> 00:12:47,492 - Okay, okay. - Well, I'm just saying. 428 00:12:47,578 --> 00:12:49,408 If the sound were eating damp rice, 429 00:12:49,526 --> 00:12:51,080 I would've gotten it immediately. 430 00:12:51,166 --> 00:12:52,433 Guys, they're taking another guess. 431 00:12:52,518 --> 00:12:54,049 All right, Brenda from Yonkers. 432 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,995 It's time for you to name that sound. 433 00:12:56,081 --> 00:12:57,166 Hi. Quick shout-out 434 00:12:57,252 --> 00:12:58,995 to the nurses at United Pediatric. 435 00:12:59,081 --> 00:13:00,963 This money'll do those kids a lot of good. 436 00:13:01,049 --> 00:13:02,838 Cry me a river. Brenda from Yonkers. 437 00:13:02,924 --> 00:13:04,907 We've all had budget cuts. Just take your guess. 438 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:06,104 Is it Styrofoam? 439 00:13:06,190 --> 00:13:07,229 Wrong! 440 00:13:07,706 --> 00:13:09,811 Oh, I can't believe she guessed Styrofoam. 441 00:13:09,897 --> 00:13:11,190 What a dumb nurse. 442 00:13:11,692 --> 00:13:13,416 Next caller, you're on with the Horndog. 443 00:13:13,502 --> 00:13:14,418 It's me! 444 00:13:14,504 --> 00:13:16,682 The sound is a yogurt 445 00:13:16,768 --> 00:13:18,166 being opened. 446 00:13:18,354 --> 00:13:21,018 That is... 447 00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,127 Wrong! 448 00:13:22,213 --> 00:13:23,698 What? No! 449 00:13:23,784 --> 00:13:25,651 You b-b-b-blew it! 450 00:13:25,926 --> 00:13:27,502 Damn you, Horndog. 451 00:13:27,588 --> 00:13:29,670 Okay, I have tabulated your responses, 452 00:13:29,756 --> 00:13:31,499 and the results are definitive. 453 00:13:31,584 --> 00:13:33,487 - Amazing. - It's a dead tie. 454 00:13:33,693 --> 00:13:34,863 This is dumb. I'm just gonna end it 455 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,063 - with both of them. - Rosa, stop. 456 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,448 There is one more method. 457 00:13:37,534 --> 00:13:39,073 Ancient Boyles believed 458 00:13:39,159 --> 00:13:41,799 that suspending yourself by your feet forces your blood 459 00:13:41,885 --> 00:13:43,659 to the decision center of your brain. 460 00:13:43,901 --> 00:13:47,526 We call this method the "Upside-Down Coward." 461 00:13:47,612 --> 00:13:49,516 You want me to hang from the ceiling like a bat? 462 00:13:49,602 --> 00:13:51,284 The bat is nature's most decisive animal. 463 00:13:51,370 --> 00:13:52,939 The creature that flails around frantically? 464 00:13:53,024 --> 00:13:54,159 Those are all micro-decisions. 465 00:13:54,244 --> 00:13:56,085 Now, let's get you strapped up. 466 00:13:56,654 --> 00:13:58,570 - How do you feel? - Nauseous. 467 00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:00,617 Good. It's working. 468 00:14:00,819 --> 00:14:02,007 - Q? - Yeah. 469 00:14:02,093 --> 00:14:03,118 Get off the phone. 470 00:14:03,204 --> 00:14:05,820 Now, I'm not sure how serious you were about funding, 471 00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:09,241 but I should tell you there's 103 other bidders. 472 00:14:09,327 --> 00:14:11,582 Oof, I am not a fan of getting into bidding wars. 473 00:14:11,668 --> 00:14:14,187 Then don't make an offer, 'cause I want babies on my app, 474 00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:15,937 but not in my boardroom. 475 00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,283 Oh, damn, Gina. 476 00:14:17,369 --> 00:14:18,781 Did you just "oh, damn" yourself? 477 00:14:18,867 --> 00:14:19,870 Someone had to. 478 00:14:19,956 --> 00:14:21,085 Okay. 479 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,351 Let's talk numbers. 480 00:14:23,437 --> 00:14:25,499 Mr. Peralta, I believe you know Danny Matthews. 481 00:14:25,595 --> 00:14:27,210 Jake. Hey, what's going on, man? 482 00:14:27,296 --> 00:14:28,491 The answer to that question 483 00:14:28,598 --> 00:14:31,351 goes back to a brisk day in 1997, 484 00:14:31,484 --> 00:14:33,831 a day you told a lie. 485 00:14:33,917 --> 00:14:36,966 But the lying stops right now! 486 00:14:37,128 --> 00:14:38,515 Oh, no! 487 00:14:38,601 --> 00:14:40,214 You broke some poor kid's science project! 488 00:14:40,299 --> 00:14:41,265 We have to fix it. 489 00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:42,477 Kind of in the middle of something. 490 00:14:42,562 --> 00:14:44,022 Oh, you know what? Krebs cycle. 491 00:14:44,108 --> 00:14:45,024 I got this. 492 00:14:45,110 --> 00:14:46,853 Great. So, Danny, 493 00:14:46,939 --> 00:14:47,986 true or false? 494 00:14:48,072 --> 00:14:49,293 You were on the football team. 495 00:14:49,446 --> 00:14:51,101 - True? - And true or false: 496 00:14:51,187 --> 00:14:53,192 you had third period with Brandon Bliss. 497 00:14:53,278 --> 00:14:54,542 Mm, I honestly don't remember... 498 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:55,719 It was true! We checked the records, 499 00:14:55,804 --> 00:14:57,199 and I have one more question. 500 00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:59,125 Ooh, Jake, can you get me that oxygen on the floor? 501 00:14:59,210 --> 00:15:00,234 - Little red guy. - What? 502 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,452 Sorry. You know what? Yeah, I'll get it. 503 00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:04,417 Why did you tell Brandon Bliss 504 00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:05,429 that I was the Tattler? 505 00:15:05,515 --> 00:15:07,406 Because you were. I saw you talking to principal. 506 00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:08,616 I remember it, clear as day. 507 00:15:08,702 --> 00:15:09,852 Look, you couldn't have seen me, 508 00:15:09,937 --> 00:15:11,640 because I wasn't there. I didn't tattle. 509 00:15:11,726 --> 00:15:13,515 Man, it was you, okay? 510 00:15:13,601 --> 00:15:15,561 You had your long hair and your little earring, 511 00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:18,312 and the denim jacket you are literally wearing right now. 512 00:15:19,164 --> 00:15:20,538 Oh, no. 513 00:15:20,725 --> 00:15:22,202 It wasn't me, 514 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,757 but it was the DDC. 515 00:15:25,234 --> 00:15:26,406 Gina. 516 00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:28,945 Jake, guess who just sold her app idea. 517 00:15:29,031 --> 00:15:30,046 Don't trust her. 518 00:15:30,132 --> 00:15:31,561 Everything she's told you is a lie. 519 00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:33,273 She made up the company and everything else. 520 00:15:33,358 --> 00:15:34,475 - She's a liar. - Jake, 521 00:15:34,566 --> 00:15:35,843 whatever strategy this is 522 00:15:35,929 --> 00:15:37,788 is not necessary. I already closed the deal. 523 00:15:37,917 --> 00:15:40,062 I know you were the Tattler. 524 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,109 Amy, I'm ready to go. 525 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,312 Yep, totally. 526 00:15:46,398 --> 00:15:47,765 I'm almost done with this project, 527 00:15:47,851 --> 00:15:48,985 but I don't need to finish it, 528 00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:50,507 because what matters 529 00:15:50,593 --> 00:15:52,859 is that you are going through something, 530 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,546 and as your wife, and love of your life... 531 00:15:55,632 --> 00:15:57,327 Are you vamping so you can finish that? 532 00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:58,477 I only have two molecules left. 533 00:15:58,562 --> 00:16:00,687 - Come on, man. - Jake, we need to talk. 534 00:16:00,779 --> 00:16:02,648 Yeah, you guys do need to talk. 535 00:16:02,734 --> 00:16:05,434 That sounds excellent. Friendship, so much history... 536 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,080 I'm just gonna get this out of your way. 537 00:16:07,192 --> 00:16:08,859 Oh, man. 538 00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:10,484 What the hell, Gina? 539 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,542 You ruined my entire senior year. 540 00:16:12,628 --> 00:16:13,554 How could you do that to me? 541 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:14,991 Jake, I was only trying to help. 542 00:16:15,084 --> 00:16:16,344 You were hanging out with those guys 543 00:16:16,429 --> 00:16:18,351 and getting close, and they weren't good people. 544 00:16:18,467 --> 00:16:20,532 Do you know why Brandon wasn't at the reunion tonight? 545 00:16:20,617 --> 00:16:21,836 I don't know. Probably 'cause he was shooting 546 00:16:21,921 --> 00:16:23,071 a beer commercial where the whole plot 547 00:16:23,156 --> 00:16:24,321 was that everyone wanted to sleep with him. 548 00:16:24,406 --> 00:16:26,265 No, 'cause he's on parole. 549 00:16:26,406 --> 00:16:28,410 He's not allowed to leave the state of Delaware. 550 00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:30,202 Oh, okay, so that's obviously a bummer, 551 00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:31,719 but I wasn't gonna end up like him. 552 00:16:31,805 --> 00:16:32,788 You were starting to. You wanted 553 00:16:32,874 --> 00:16:34,346 to steal a van with him, 554 00:16:34,432 --> 00:16:35,374 and I told you not to, 555 00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:36,492 and you weren't listening to me. 556 00:16:36,577 --> 00:16:38,453 I mean, what would've happened if you got caught? 557 00:16:38,538 --> 00:16:39,538 I don't know. 558 00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,484 You would never have become a cop. 559 00:16:41,570 --> 00:16:43,421 Yeah, I'm the reason you're a cop. 560 00:16:43,507 --> 00:16:45,032 I'm your origin story, dude. 561 00:16:45,118 --> 00:16:46,507 You can't be mad at me. 562 00:16:46,627 --> 00:16:47,852 I feel like I'm still pretty mad. 563 00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:49,991 Peter Parker wasn't mad at his spider. 564 00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:52,061 Yeah, but they weren't best friends before the bite, 565 00:16:52,146 --> 00:16:54,063 and it still doesn't explain how you let everyone think 566 00:16:54,148 --> 00:16:55,796 I was the Tattler for 20 years. 567 00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,741 Well, I didn't want to lose our friendship. 568 00:16:57,827 --> 00:16:59,048 I was being weak. 569 00:16:59,161 --> 00:17:00,366 I'm sorry. 570 00:17:02,054 --> 00:17:03,108 Okay. 571 00:17:03,194 --> 00:17:04,594 And if it makes you feel any better, 572 00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:06,989 that app thing completely blew up in my face. 573 00:17:07,074 --> 00:17:08,947 I mean, my night sucked. 574 00:17:09,032 --> 00:17:10,614 Okay, I can see from your expression 575 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:12,224 that your night was worse, 576 00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:14,599 and I should've left it at "sorry." 577 00:17:15,124 --> 00:17:16,310 So did you hear? 578 00:17:16,396 --> 00:17:17,520 Someone guessed the sound. 579 00:17:17,606 --> 00:17:18,661 It was a bag of chips. 580 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:20,153 Wow. So the lesson here 581 00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:21,639 is to listen to Hitchcock and Scully more? 582 00:17:21,724 --> 00:17:23,037 - No, that can't be possible. - Yeah, I don't think 583 00:17:23,122 --> 00:17:24,603 - we earned that today. - Agreed. 584 00:17:24,689 --> 00:17:26,567 Sorry for dragging you into that dumb game. 585 00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:28,505 You were right. It was a waste of time. 586 00:17:28,591 --> 00:17:29,739 No, it wasn't. 587 00:17:29,825 --> 00:17:31,926 Even though it was pointless, I did enjoy myself. 588 00:17:32,012 --> 00:17:34,138 I can't wait to go home and tell Kevin 589 00:17:34,224 --> 00:17:36,825 you can have fun without being productive. 590 00:17:36,958 --> 00:17:39,474 Hey, guys, they're about to play the new mystery sound. 591 00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:41,130 I can tell Kevin tomorrow. 592 00:17:41,216 --> 00:17:42,438 I'll bet Sharon's already asleep. 593 00:17:42,523 --> 00:17:43,981 And I've got no one in my life. 594 00:17:44,219 --> 00:17:46,270 Scully, play that damn noise. 595 00:17:46,727 --> 00:17:48,986 Quentin, can I talk to you for a minute? 596 00:17:49,072 --> 00:17:50,630 Are you here to give me a long speech 597 00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:52,161 about how you still deserve my money? 598 00:17:52,247 --> 00:17:53,270 No. 599 00:17:53,356 --> 00:17:54,372 I am. 600 00:17:54,458 --> 00:17:55,747 Very cool entrance. 601 00:17:55,833 --> 00:17:57,097 Thank you. Listen. 602 00:17:57,183 --> 00:17:59,114 Gina Linetti is not a perfect person. 603 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,880 Mm, I'm hoping this gets more supportive 604 00:18:00,966 --> 00:18:02,966 as it goes along. But what she lacks in perfection, 605 00:18:03,052 --> 00:18:03,911 she makes up for 606 00:18:03,997 --> 00:18:06,145 with an utter and total belief that she is perfect. 607 00:18:06,231 --> 00:18:07,373 Ooh, you said "but," and then you said 608 00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,169 something worse. She is fiercely loyal. 609 00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:11,786 She will do the right thing for you 610 00:18:12,115 --> 00:18:13,864 even when you can't see it for yourself, 611 00:18:14,716 --> 00:18:17,138 and she's saved my ass countless times. 612 00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:18,544 And it's been 12. I counted. 613 00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,177 She came up with an idea on the spot 614 00:18:20,286 --> 00:18:21,326 that you were interested in. 615 00:18:21,411 --> 00:18:23,778 Imagine what she could do with time and resources. 616 00:18:24,028 --> 00:18:25,528 Do the world a favor. 617 00:18:25,614 --> 00:18:28,130 Invest in Gina Linetti. 618 00:18:32,118 --> 00:18:33,177 Hard pass. 619 00:18:33,263 --> 00:18:35,049 - What? - What? - But my great speech. 620 00:18:35,135 --> 00:18:36,458 Yeah, the speech was great, 621 00:18:36,544 --> 00:18:39,255 but I've also been lying the whole night. 622 00:18:39,341 --> 00:18:40,536 I'm not a tech mogul. 623 00:18:40,622 --> 00:18:41,911 I came here to mess with people. 624 00:18:41,997 --> 00:18:43,783 - How dare you? - Speaking of which, 625 00:18:43,869 --> 00:18:46,021 did either one of you drive? 'Cause I could use a ride. 626 00:18:46,106 --> 00:18:47,989 - No, Quentin. - Oh, Quentin. 627 00:18:49,085 --> 00:18:50,262 Okay. 628 00:18:50,401 --> 00:18:51,872 Now open your eyes, 629 00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:53,981 and the person you are meant to be with 630 00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:56,091 should appear before you. 631 00:18:58,669 --> 00:19:00,153 Sorry. I was just watching. 632 00:19:00,263 --> 00:19:02,145 Get out of here, Hitchcock! 633 00:19:02,388 --> 00:19:03,453 Ugh. 634 00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:04,614 This isn't working. 635 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:05,918 I'm no closer to making a decision. 636 00:19:06,003 --> 00:19:07,019 I'm jumping down. 637 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,919 Well, you can't just jump down. 638 00:19:09,489 --> 00:19:11,362 - My goodness! - It's over. 639 00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:12,679 I'm gonna put 'em both in a group text 640 00:19:12,764 --> 00:19:13,661 - and say "peace out." - Uh, no! 641 00:19:13,747 --> 00:19:14,968 There's still more options. 642 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,362 We haven't even done roleplay yet. 643 00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:17,447 What? 644 00:19:17,636 --> 00:19:18,726 Ugh. 645 00:19:18,882 --> 00:19:20,279 I took too long getting back to Quinoa 646 00:19:20,364 --> 00:19:21,541 and they got mad and ended it. 647 00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,109 And that's how it's done. 648 00:19:23,195 --> 00:19:24,670 - What are you talking about? - The process worked. 649 00:19:24,755 --> 00:19:26,349 Boyles don't make decisions. 650 00:19:26,435 --> 00:19:27,630 We delay our decisions 651 00:19:27,716 --> 00:19:29,403 until the universe makes them for us. 652 00:19:29,489 --> 00:19:31,677 That way, we never make a wrong choice. 653 00:19:31,763 --> 00:19:34,036 That is very sad, but also, I guess it worked. 654 00:19:34,138 --> 00:19:35,354 - Mm-hmm. - I do feel pretty good. 655 00:19:35,439 --> 00:19:36,921 Couscous is dope. She's funny. 656 00:19:37,006 --> 00:19:38,372 Couscous is a she! I knew it! 657 00:19:38,458 --> 00:19:40,140 - Did you? - No, and I still don't know. 658 00:19:40,226 --> 00:19:41,898 There's equal chance you called them "she" 659 00:19:41,984 --> 00:19:43,676 - to throw me off. - You get me, Boyle. 660 00:19:45,653 --> 00:19:49,216 So I think I figured out an awesome and dramatic way 661 00:19:49,302 --> 00:19:51,327 to reveal that I was the Tattler. 662 00:19:51,412 --> 00:19:53,300 It'll be a dance. There'll be costumes. 663 00:19:53,386 --> 00:19:55,592 Gina, it's fine. I don't care anymore. 664 00:19:55,677 --> 00:19:57,448 - It's all in the past. - Oh, thank God. 665 00:19:57,534 --> 00:19:58,823 That is such a relief, 666 00:19:58,909 --> 00:20:01,292 'cause I didn't want people thinking I was a tattler. 667 00:20:01,378 --> 00:20:02,979 Where's Amy? 668 00:20:03,065 --> 00:20:04,313 She is in the library, writing 669 00:20:04,399 --> 00:20:05,905 a book report on "Jane Eyre," 670 00:20:05,991 --> 00:20:08,276 and she told me "not to wait up." 671 00:20:08,362 --> 00:20:09,675 - Oy. - Yeah. 672 00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,651 Thanks for trying to help with Quentin. 673 00:20:12,737 --> 00:20:14,268 It's funny. Even though it wasn't real, 674 00:20:14,354 --> 00:20:16,776 it was so fun, imagining running my own company. 675 00:20:16,862 --> 00:20:17,973 So why don't your pursue it? 676 00:20:18,058 --> 00:20:20,448 I can't raise my kid and create an app 677 00:20:20,534 --> 00:20:22,300 and work at the Nine-Nine. It's too much. 678 00:20:22,386 --> 00:20:24,315 Well, then prepare for me to murder your parents 679 00:20:24,401 --> 00:20:25,682 right in front of your face. 680 00:20:25,768 --> 00:20:26,807 - Rude. - No. 681 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,136 It's Batman's origin story, 682 00:20:28,222 --> 00:20:30,093 like the radioactive spider thing you did with me. 683 00:20:30,178 --> 00:20:31,701 I don't read comic books. 684 00:20:32,904 --> 00:20:34,473 You helped me become who I am, 685 00:20:34,629 --> 00:20:36,378 so now I'm gonna return the favor. 686 00:20:37,795 --> 00:20:39,065 Gina... 687 00:20:39,813 --> 00:20:41,933 I think your talents might be wasted at the Nine-Nine. 688 00:20:42,229 --> 00:20:44,518 I love you, but it might be time for you to move on. 689 00:20:44,604 --> 00:20:46,173 Um, are you firing me? 690 00:20:46,259 --> 00:20:48,026 What? No. I don't think I could even do that. 691 00:20:48,112 --> 00:20:49,503 Good, because I quit. 692 00:20:49,589 --> 00:20:50,870 You know, tonight I realized 693 00:20:50,956 --> 00:20:52,175 that my talents 694 00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:53,964 are being wasted at the Nine-Nine. 695 00:20:54,083 --> 00:20:55,913 Okay, that's kind of exactly what I just said. 696 00:20:55,998 --> 00:20:58,323 Jake, let me finish. This is serious. 697 00:20:59,082 --> 00:21:00,815 It's time for me to move on. 698 00:21:00,979 --> 00:21:02,896 For real, though, it is. 699 00:21:03,122 --> 00:21:04,206 Really? 700 00:21:08,205 --> 00:21:09,612 Okay. 701 00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:11,550 Proud of you. 702 00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:12,847 Thank you. 703 00:21:12,989 --> 00:21:14,393 I'm proud of me, too. 704 00:21:15,478 --> 00:21:16,479 Guys! 705 00:21:16,901 --> 00:21:18,345 Vice principal caught me in the library. 706 00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:19,462 Let's roll! 707 00:21:20,218 --> 00:21:22,135 Not a doctor. Shh. 708 00:21:22,416 --> 00:21:23,679 Fremulon.