WEBVTT 1 00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:04,700 . 2 00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:07,529 - I'm here! I'm here, I'm here. 3 00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:08,530 You can start the meeting now. 4 00:00:09,574 --> 00:00:09,748 - The meeting is over. You're late. 5 00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,055 You missed roll call and the tutorial 6 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,361 on using the new copiers. 7 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:15,363 Six years, and no matter how hard I try, I still can't 8 00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:17,321 get you to understand the importance of being punctual. 9 00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:19,019 - Maybe you should just give up and accept me for who I am? 10 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:20,194 - No, I will break you. 11 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:21,456 Right now. - Oh. 12 00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:23,023 - While you were out being tardy, 13 00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:25,199 I was hard at work devising a special punishment. 14 00:00:26,504 --> 00:00:28,158 I've crafted an intricate personal high five 15 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,768 with everyone in this office except you. 16 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:31,205 - What? But you hate high fives. 17 00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:33,555 - Yes, every minute of it was hell. 18 00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:36,514 But it'll be worse for you. Squad, dismissed. 19 00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:38,125 Good-bye, Diaz. 20 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,518 - Salute into a fanny waggle? 21 00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:43,304 - Good-bye, Boyle. - Oh, the snake charmer! 22 00:00:43,347 --> 00:00:44,566 - Good-bye, Jeffords. 23 00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,743 - That's a butt bump. - Good-bye, Santiago. 24 00:00:47,786 --> 00:00:49,701 - Double fist bump reverse explosion 25 00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:51,573 into a Pete Townshend strum. 26 00:00:51,616 --> 00:00:54,141 [sighs] All right, that was terrible, 27 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:55,707 but it's over now, and I made it through. 28 00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:56,795 - Good-bye, Leonard from Xerox. 29 00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:59,320 - What? No, no, no. 30 00:00:59,363 --> 00:01:00,451 The copy guy? 31 00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:03,454 [upbeat music] 32 00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:10,505 ♪ 33 00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:21,864 - So nice of you to stop by, Kevin. 34 00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:23,387 Enjoy your day. I hope it's productive. 35 00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:24,432 - Thank you, Raymond. 36 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,782 I hope your day is productive as well. 37 00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,653 PDA in the office? My, my. 38 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,133 - Couldn't help myself. - Hmm. 39 00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,917 Oh, may I please use the precinct facilities 40 00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,267 before I head to work? 41 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:34,268 - Yes. Thank you for asking for permission. 42 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:35,878 - Thank you for granting it. 43 00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:40,404 [sighs] 44 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,406 Whoomp. - There it is! 45 00:01:42,450 --> 00:01:43,407 Got to say, I could have used 46 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:44,626 a little more oomph on the whoomp. 47 00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:45,888 - That's the oomphiest whoomp you'll get. 48 00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:47,411 - So what's going on? Why'd you want to meet in private? 49 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:48,456 - I need your help with a case. 50 00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:49,544 Three antique coins were stolen 51 00:01:50,719 --> 00:01:50,893 from my classics department at Columbia. 52 00:01:52,286 --> 00:01:52,808 - So why not ask Captain Holt for help on the case? 53 00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:54,679 Wait, are you guys getting a divorce? 54 00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:55,811 I can handle it. 55 00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:57,639 This doesn't bring up any weird issues for me. 56 00:01:58,553 --> 00:01:58,727 - No, it's nothing like that. 57 00:01:59,771 --> 00:01:59,858 Raymond's a brilliant detective. 58 00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:01,338 It's just when a case involves me, 59 00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:03,340 he can get a little overemotional. 60 00:02:04,863 --> 00:02:06,213 You remember the safe house. - Oh, yeah, he went crazy. 61 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,866 But I also remember you and me becoming best friends 62 00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:08,954 and watching every Nic Cage movie ever made. 63 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,217 Can you still quote them all? 64 00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:11,218 - No, I purged myself of that nonsense. 65 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:12,523 - Oh, I bet it's still in there. - It's not. 66 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:13,524 - We'll see. - We won't. 67 00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:14,525 - There's a chance it's in there. 68 00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:15,570 - Chance of zero. 69 00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:16,745 - I'd put money that maybe it's there. 70 00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:17,920 - You're losing your money. - Okay. 71 00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:19,661 - So will you help me? - I don't know. 72 00:02:20,836 --> 00:02:21,184 I want to, but keeping a secret from Holt? 73 00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:22,229 That's a lot of pressure. - Hmm. 74 00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:23,317 Am I remembering correctly? 75 00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:25,884 Don't you... eat pressure for breakfast? 76 00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:28,757 - [gasps] Nic Cage in "The Rock." 77 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,889 We are best friends. I am so in! 78 00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:32,543 [door opens] - Oh, no, that's Raymond. 79 00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:33,544 That's how he opens a door. 80 00:02:33,588 --> 00:02:34,632 - Kevin, are you still in here? 81 00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:36,504 - Uh, yes, Raymond, I'm in the stall. 82 00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:37,896 - Some tickets were just released 83 00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:40,247 for Mahler's Fourth Symphony this weekend. 84 00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:41,683 - Great. That sounds great. Let's do it. 85 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:43,902 - Fantastic. Now, which section do you prefer? 86 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:45,600 The first tier, 87 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,863 the second tier, the third tier-- 88 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:48,951 - The first tier. 89 00:02:49,734 --> 00:02:51,345 - Now, which section of the first tier? 90 00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:54,913 Right, left, right center, center... 91 00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:56,654 - Just any section is fine. 92 00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,003 - [laughs] Any section, wow. 93 00:02:58,047 --> 00:02:59,657 Someone had pepper on their eggs this morning. 94 00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:01,659 I'll buy the tickets. - [exhales] 95 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:04,445 - [chuckles] Any section. 96 00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:05,707 - Guys, horrible news. 97 00:03:07,099 --> 00:03:07,709 The fridge broke this morning. Everything's warm. 98 00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:08,971 - Doesn't seem like that big a deal. 99 00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:10,799 - Your yogurt's spoiled. - Who did this? 100 00:03:11,669 --> 00:03:12,627 - Okay, everyone calm down. 101 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:14,542 I will put a request in for a new fridge. 102 00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:15,717 - Good luck getting that approved. 103 00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:17,022 Commissioner Kelly's already slashed our budget 104 00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:17,893 within an inch of its life. 105 00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:19,982 - Yeah, the toilet paper's only one ply now. 106 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:21,679 - My butt hurts all the time. - The AC is broken. 107 00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:22,724 - My butt hurts all the time. 108 00:03:23,855 --> 00:03:24,291 - Scully's butt hurts all the time. 109 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:25,553 - All right, guys, we get it. 110 00:03:26,945 --> 00:03:27,468 - It's just that lunch is the one part of the day 111 00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:28,730 Commissioner Kelly hadn't ruined. 112 00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:30,906 People are pissed. Morale's really taken a hit. 113 00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:32,995 - Okay, I got this. 114 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,823 Hey, squad. Lunch is on me today. 115 00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:36,477 Taking everyone out for pizza. 116 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,000 [people cheering] 117 00:03:38,043 --> 00:03:39,610 And that's how you improve morale. 118 00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:41,960 - Okay. You're not the only sergeant around here. 119 00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:43,397 Let me help. 120 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,703 This side of the room, lunch is on me, 121 00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:48,271 and we're getting something better than pizza. 122 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,403 Sushi! 123 00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,056 [people cheering] 124 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,493 - Are you trying to outdo me? 125 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:54,364 - No, no, no. 126 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,888 Just trying to raise morale. 127 00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,412 - Cool. Cool, cool, cool. 128 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:01,328 Morale, morale, morale. Okay. 129 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:03,591 - Wow, so this is your classroom. 130 00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:04,809 What's today's lecture about? 131 00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,507 - I know you don't care about that. 132 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:07,638 Just ask me what you want to ask me. 133 00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:08,987 - Can I play with your laser pointer? 134 00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,686 - You know, the laser pointer is a bit of a misnomer. 135 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:15,037 It is simply a laser. The pointer is you. 136 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,560 - That was awesome. - Take it for a spin. 137 00:04:16,604 --> 00:04:18,867 - Don't mind if I do. Good afternoon, class. 138 00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,739 Allow me to make my first... point. 139 00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:23,915 - Very impressive. - Thank you very much, Kevin. 140 00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:25,917 But I do have five additional points to make. 141 00:04:25,961 --> 00:04:28,833 Chair, chair, wall, chair, 142 00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:29,834 Captain Holt. 143 00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:31,401 Captain Holt? No. 144 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:34,796 - [laughs] Yes, that was a delicious lunch, Gary! 145 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,015 And I agree, our group does seem happier 146 00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,103 than it was before. 147 00:04:38,147 --> 00:04:39,540 - Oh, the pizza was that good? 148 00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,412 - Pizza? Right, that's what I said we were getting 149 00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:45,023 before we decided to uh-snazz it up. 150 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,764 - Oh, you guys snazzed? 151 00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,593 - Yeah, we snazzed all the way to La Petite Creperie. 152 00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:51,334 - I thought we couldn't say "snazz." 153 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,728 Oh, no, I was thinking of [bleep]. 154 00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:54,990 We can't say [bleep]. Carry on. 155 00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:56,731 - Tell 'em how good it was, Rosa. 156 00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,950 Tell 'em how high our morale is. 157 00:04:58,994 --> 00:05:00,778 - High. - Oh, stop gushing, girl. 158 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:01,953 - I think it's so interesting 159 00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:04,434 you guys didn't stick to your original plan, 160 00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:05,957 because neither did we. 161 00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:07,350 - What? Why? 162 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,483 - Oh, you don't think we knew you were gonna snazz? 163 00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,616 [scoffs] We saw your snazz coming a mile away. 164 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,444 That's why I took my team out 165 00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:16,968 for some big, juicy steaks, and... 166 00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,535 all: ♪ Mashed potatoes 167 00:05:18,579 --> 00:05:21,669 ♪ And some spinach and some key lime pie ♪ 168 00:05:21,712 --> 00:05:22,887 - Thank you, Heather. - Mm-hmm. 169 00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:24,411 - Well, that doesn't sound better than crepes. 170 00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:26,064 - It is. Terry wins. 171 00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,588 We know. We were at both lunches. 172 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:29,894 - How? They were simultaneous and two miles apart. 173 00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:31,722 - It was free food. Life finds a way. 174 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:32,984 - Okay, but you can't win 175 00:05:33,028 --> 00:05:34,421 because it wasn't a competition. 176 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,465 - So let's make it a competition. 177 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:36,684 Same groups tomorrow? 178 00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:38,468 - Okay, but let's agree at the end of this 179 00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:40,078 that we'll still be friends. - No deal. 180 00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:41,863 - Good! 'Cause I didn't mean it anyway. 181 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:43,560 - Hello, sir. How'd you find us out? 182 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:44,605 - Mahler's Fourth Symphony. 183 00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:46,607 He'd never sit in just any section. 184 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:47,999 - I might. I'm flexible. 185 00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:50,915 - Oh, really? You'd sit center left? 186 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,090 In timpani alley? 187 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,918 I'll purchase those tickets right away. 188 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,143 - No, don't! Fine. 189 00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:02,492 Jake is helping me with a burglary 190 00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:03,493 here at the university, 191 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,582 and I asked him not to tell you. 192 00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,758 - Is this about St. Augustine? - Yes. 193 00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,064 - What's going on? - He's embarrassed of me. 194 00:06:09,107 --> 00:06:10,457 Last Christmas, 195 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:11,936 the classics department threw a holiday party. 196 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:16,027 I had one drink too many and utterly humiliated myself. 197 00:06:16,071 --> 00:06:17,855 And that was the point St. Augustine was making 198 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:19,117 in "Consolation of Philosophy." 199 00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,815 - Yeah, sounds super humiliating, 200 00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,120 saying something smart. 201 00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:24,688 - Smart? I confused St. Augustine with Boethius. 202 00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,037 I might as well have stepped on a rake 203 00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:27,561 and bonked myself on the forehead. 204 00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:28,953 - The problem wasn't what you said. 205 00:06:28,997 --> 00:06:30,433 It was that Dean Allister pointed out your mistake, 206 00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:31,826 and you lost your damned mind. 207 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,742 - I misremembered it because I'm reading both simultaneously. 208 00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,570 One book is too few for me. 209 00:06:36,613 --> 00:06:37,571 Where is everyone going? 210 00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,920 [clattering] 211 00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:40,574 - It was quite the kerfuffle. 212 00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,924 - The problem is, is that I get flustered and defensive 213 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:45,535 because I know how they all see me: 214 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,799 as Kevin's working-class bimbo. 215 00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,061 - I can't imagine that's what they think. 216 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,193 - It is. - Really? 217 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:52,586 - Obviously I know that they're wrong, 218 00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:53,935 but they put you in your own head, 219 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:55,153 and you're not yourself around them. 220 00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,155 I'm sorry, I was just trying to protect you. 221 00:06:58,592 --> 00:06:59,549 - Yes, of course, thank you for saving me from myself. 222 00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:00,942 Now, if you'll excuse me, 223 00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:03,814 I'll just go sit by the pool and read some fiction... 224 00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,600 like the bimbo that I am. 225 00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,820 - There's a pool here? 226 00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:12,519 . 227 00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,129 - Sir, wait. 228 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,261 Oh! Wasn't expecting to catch up to you so fast. 229 00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:18,002 I don't know what to say now. I thought I was gonna have 230 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:20,352 more running time to formulate it. Oh, I know! 231 00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:21,745 I'm sorry that we kept the case a secret from you. 232 00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:23,094 - Oh, I understand why you did. 233 00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,053 The truth is, ever since I met Kevin, 234 00:07:26,097 --> 00:07:26,533 I've felt insecure in his world. 235 00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,710 I can't compete with these highly educated academics. 236 00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,276 I worry every day 237 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,236 that I'll make one St. Augustine slip too many, 238 00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:37,108 and he'll realize... 239 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,501 I'm beneath him. - This is insane. 240 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,024 You're the smartest person I know. 241 00:07:40,068 --> 00:07:42,505 - I'll explain it to you. Among Kevin's peers, 242 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,159 I'm a Jake. - No, no, no, no, no. 243 00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:45,639 I refuse to live in a world where you're the Jake, 244 00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,684 because if you're the Jake, what does that make me? 245 00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:49,120 The Charles? - The Hitchcock. 246 00:07:49,164 --> 00:07:51,514 - The Hitchcock? Oh, my God. 247 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,734 You dropped down so many more levels than I was expecting. 248 00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:55,649 Okay, you know what? Screw this. 249 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:56,737 You are so smart, 250 00:07:57,955 --> 00:07:58,390 and we're gonna prove it to those professors. 251 00:07:59,217 --> 00:07:59,479 You're gonna work this case, 252 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,742 and you're gonna find those coins. 253 00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:04,179 - Well, I suppose it would be nice to show them 254 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,529 I'm more than just a hot, dumb piece of ass. 255 00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,052 - Yes! That's the spirit. 256 00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:09,445 Now get that hot ass moving, 257 00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,664 'cause we've got a crime to solve. 258 00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:12,317 - Peralta, please, have some decorum. 259 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:13,754 - What? I was just using your words. 260 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,538 Look, you teach people the way you want to be treated. 261 00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,192 That's what Dr. Phil says. 262 00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:20,064 - Okay, lunchtime starts in ten minutes. 263 00:08:20,108 --> 00:08:21,762 Whichever team wins gets recorded 264 00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,372 on the Whiteboard of Victory. 265 00:08:23,415 --> 00:08:24,765 - The winner will be decided by our judges, 266 00:08:24,808 --> 00:08:26,157 Hitchcock and Scully. 267 00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,072 - Oh, my God, are we high status, Hitchcock? 268 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:29,639 - I think so. - What a world. 269 00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:30,771 - Ah, well, good luck. 270 00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:32,686 I'm sure you know all the best places to eat 271 00:08:33,948 --> 00:08:34,731 since you've reached Elite status on Yelp. 272 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,080 Oh, wait, that was me. 273 00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,168 - Oh, because Yelp reviewers 274 00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,692 are sane people with great taste? 275 00:08:38,735 --> 00:08:41,216 - Oh, sorry, couldn't hear you over GourmetGlen12 saying 276 00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:43,218 that my review of the duck skin at the Hearth and Feather 277 00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,611 was helpful. 278 00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:47,701 - Come on, Team Jeffords. It's chow time. 279 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:48,876 [Boyle chuckles] 280 00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,791 - We have a cool thing to say too. 281 00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:53,663 Team Santiago, let's lunch-a-bunch! 282 00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:56,100 - No, I don't say that. - Come on, Rosa, please? 283 00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:57,145 - [mumbling] Let's lunch-a-bunch. 284 00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:58,363 - Aha, Rosa said it! 285 00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,843 Did you hear that? Did you hear it? 286 00:08:59,887 --> 00:09:03,455 - Ah, Dean Allister? - Policeman Raymond. 287 00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:05,501 Good to see you. [chuckles] 288 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,590 Read any interesting magazines lately? 289 00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,113 - This again? I was waiting for Kevin, 290 00:09:09,157 --> 00:09:11,333 I had finished my book, and I happened to glance 291 00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:14,205 at an issue of "The Economist" that someone left lying about. 292 00:09:14,249 --> 00:09:16,251 - All I remember is you becoming unhinged. 293 00:09:16,294 --> 00:09:18,209 - The only reason I picked it up was to swat a fly. 294 00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:19,428 I mean, I'm not crazy. 295 00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,561 Why are there always flowers here? 296 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:24,433 - So is policeman Raymond joining the case? 297 00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:25,913 - Actually, he's leading it. 298 00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,741 Captain Holt is the finest investigator 299 00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:28,742 I've ever worked with. 300 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:30,787 Sir, tell him our plan of action. 301 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:38,752 - Clues. - Okay, you're freezing up. 302 00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,275 I'm just gonna take the wheel for now. 303 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:41,624 There were no signs of forced entry, 304 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,408 the only people with access to the archives 305 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:44,671 were the professors in the department, 306 00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:47,804 and they all have alibis, which means... 307 00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:49,371 - I don't know what you want me to say. 308 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:51,155 - Okay, that's my fault for throwing it to you again. 309 00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:52,722 Which means we need to examine the crime scene. 310 00:09:53,636 --> 00:09:54,289 It is there that we will find 311 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:59,294 what Captain Holt has so eloquently described as... 312 00:09:59,337 --> 00:10:00,295 - Clues? 313 00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:01,644 - [sighs] Sir, you just said it. 314 00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,777 - Cupcakes up, everyone. 315 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:05,692 Heather, you already ate yours? 316 00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:07,432 The point is to eat it in their faces. 317 00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:10,479 [horn honks] 318 00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,437 - Honk, honk, bitches. - What the hell? 319 00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:13,525 - We rented a party limo, 320 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:14,744 drove to Coney Island for hot dogs, 321 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:16,485 and then did karaoke the entire time. 322 00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:18,443 I sang "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy. Crushed it. 323 00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:19,836 - But that's not even about lunch! 324 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,490 It's-- - An experience. 325 00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:22,839 - Team Amy wins. - What? 326 00:10:22,883 --> 00:10:24,798 How did you get there? You were just with us. 327 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,843 Scully was with them. - Free food. 328 00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,889 - Great cupcake, Sarge. 329 00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:31,674 But Amy still wins. - Eat snazz, losers! 330 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,198 [tires squealing] 331 00:10:34,242 --> 00:10:35,678 - Okay, so there were no witnesses, 332 00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:36,853 no cameras, and no prints. 333 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,550 - In other words, we have nothing. 334 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,509 That's what you get when you put a bimbo on the case. 335 00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:42,685 - Okay, well, let's not give up all hope just yet. 336 00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:43,817 We do know some things. 337 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,688 For example, the perp entered using a key, 338 00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:47,211 which means they probably work here. 339 00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:48,691 And they knew enough to skip past 340 00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:50,650 all these expensive-looking artifacts. 341 00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:52,303 They walked straight up to this shelf 342 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:53,740 and grabbed the coin case from up there. 343 00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:54,871 - It's too high. You can't reach it. 344 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:56,568 - Exactly. So now we know that the thief 345 00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:58,266 was taller than me. That's a good lead. 346 00:10:59,571 --> 00:10:59,789 Also, we know they were a little bit of a freak, 347 00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:02,923 since I am above average height according to the 1940 census. 348 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,402 - I didn't realize you had a thing about your height. 349 00:11:04,446 --> 00:11:06,666 - I don't! Because I'm above average. 350 00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:07,841 Why would I have a thing about my height 351 00:11:09,190 --> 00:11:09,407 when I'm above average? It doesn't make any sense. 352 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:10,670 [snorting laugh] 353 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:12,802 Anyways, we're looking for an insanely tall perp, 354 00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:14,238 a real Shaq type. 355 00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:16,676 - Maybe the thief stood on something, like... 356 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:19,853 one of these drawers. 357 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,724 Turn off the light. 358 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:23,770 Maybe something will show up under UV. 359 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,599 Bingpot! - A footprint. 360 00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:29,427 You did it, you brilliant bimbo. 361 00:11:29,471 --> 00:11:31,647 - Oh, there you are. Why are you in the dark? 362 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:32,909 Were you not able to find the light switch? 363 00:11:34,389 --> 00:11:35,869 - Ha-ha, very funny, but I'll actually have you know 364 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,697 Captain Holt just found a very promising lead. 365 00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,046 - Oh, how fun, a lead. 366 00:11:39,089 --> 00:11:40,569 Meanwhile, we actually found the thief. 367 00:11:40,612 --> 00:11:41,788 - You did? - What? 368 00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:43,398 - Well, technically our janitor found him. 369 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:44,442 Come on in, Randy. 370 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:45,661 Tell them how you did their jobs. 371 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:47,750 - Well, um, I was emptying the trash 372 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,447 in Professor Port's office. 373 00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,581 I saw something shiny sticking out from underneath a notepad. 374 00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:54,278 It was one of the missing coins. 375 00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:55,845 - Great police work. 376 00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:57,934 Perhaps you might want to hire Randy, or... 377 00:11:57,978 --> 00:12:00,328 Randy, you could hire them. 378 00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:02,809 It seems like you all have basically the same skill set. 379 00:12:02,852 --> 00:12:04,288 [chuckles] 380 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:05,899 - We're actually all staffed up in maintenance. 381 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:07,683 - We don't want your job, Randy. 382 00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:10,381 . 383 00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:12,253 - I know Dean Allister humiliated us, 384 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:13,602 but we can still have our revenge. 385 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:15,604 I watched a ton of horny '80s comedies when I was a kid, 386 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,302 and they're filled with ways of getting back at mean deans. 387 00:12:18,346 --> 00:12:20,827 So we are gonna throw the wildest party 388 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,872 this campus has ever seen. - No. 389 00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,308 - Okay, then we'll have a bikini car wash. 390 00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:25,875 - No, no, save your schemes. 391 00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,008 I know exactly how to get back at the dean. 392 00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,923 By arresting him. - For what? 393 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,315 It seems pretty obvious that Port did it. 394 00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:32,490 - No, no, that makes no sense. 395 00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:33,404 Why would someone steal something valuable 396 00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:34,884 and then leave it in their desk? 397 00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:36,190 - I feel like this is a veiled shot at me 398 00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:37,191 for leaving the crown in my desk 399 00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:38,192 during the third Halloween Heist. 400 00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:39,193 - It is. - Oh. 401 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:41,021 - Allister planted the coin 402 00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:42,239 in Professor Port's desk. 403 00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:43,632 They're rivals. - Mm. 404 00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,417 - Did you see the book Allister was holding back there? 405 00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,333 A biography of Macedonian general Parmenion. 406 00:12:49,377 --> 00:12:50,465 He was taunting us. 407 00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:51,553 - Again, I'm the Hitchcock here. 408 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:53,250 You're gonna have to connect the dots for me. 409 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:55,949 - Parmenion was a close advisor to Alexander the Great. 410 00:12:55,992 --> 00:12:57,994 Alexander suspected that Parmenion 411 00:12:58,038 --> 00:13:00,388 was trying to supplant him, so he executed him. 412 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,129 - He was getting rid of his rival. 413 00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:04,653 Sir, you cracked it! You and your big hard brain. 414 00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:05,959 - Hard? - Yes! 415 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:07,351 You have the biggest, hardest brain on Earth, 416 00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:08,613 and I want you to say it. 417 00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:11,181 Say "I am Raymond Holt, and my brain is rock hard." 418 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:12,313 - A brain shouldn't be hard. 419 00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,054 If anything, I'll say, "I am Raymond Holt, 420 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:15,490 and my brain is soft and wet." 421 00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:17,405 -No, don't say that. It's gross and I hate it. 422 00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:19,059 All right, let's go do some cop stuff. 423 00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:22,714 - Wait, why does Terry's team have four wins? 424 00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:25,543 He only won steaks, bowling, and the mobile escape room. 425 00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,284 - You're forgetting about our breakfast 426 00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:28,546 at the Empire State Building. 427 00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,113 - It was so cold up there. 428 00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:32,594 - It sounds a lot better than our indoor skydiving lunch. 429 00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:34,944 Speaking of which, are we gonna get reimbursed for that? 430 00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:37,599 - How dare you complain about the Funtastic FlyZone. 431 00:13:37,642 --> 00:13:39,514 That was funtastic fun for everyone. 432 00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,168 - So what are you guys planning for today? 433 00:13:41,211 --> 00:13:42,473 - Oh, nothing much. 434 00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,605 We're just gonna keep it "caszh." 435 00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,650 - Us too. Super "caszh." 436 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:48,088 Super duper "caszh." 437 00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:50,003 - We all know you're both planning 438 00:13:50,046 --> 00:13:52,483 something insanely complicated and annoying. 439 00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:55,225 - [laughs] Your teammates are turning against you, Terry. 440 00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,010 - I'm on your team. - Who cares? 441 00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:59,273 We're gonna win. Team Lunch-a-Bunch forever. 442 00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,276 - Sir, why are we still doing this? 443 00:14:02,319 --> 00:14:03,581 We've been following him for days, 444 00:14:03,625 --> 00:14:05,148 and he hasn't done anything suspicious. 445 00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:06,454 Let's just confront him. 446 00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,239 - He only hid one of the stolen coins in Port's desk. 447 00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:10,240 He'll probably try to sell the others. 448 00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:11,285 I want to catch him in the act. 449 00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:12,460 [door opens] - Shh. Here he comes. 450 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:18,074 ♪ 451 00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,597 [chuckles] These college kids. 452 00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:20,729 I used to wear long-sleeve T-shirts 453 00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,296 under my short-sleeve T-shirts. 454 00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:23,384 Wait a minute, I still could. 455 00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:24,428 - Hang on. He's stopping. 456 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:25,473 - Oh, no, he forgot his phone. 457 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:26,300 He's gonna turn around and see us. 458 00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:27,736 Come on. 459 00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,130 Sorry, sorry. - Oh, hey, guys, what's up? 460 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:31,435 You want to join our a cappella jam circle? 461 00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:32,436 - Oh, no. 462 00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:33,524 - Are you guys Harry Potter fans? 463 00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:34,656 - I do not like where this is going. 464 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:35,613 - Three, four. 465 00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:39,487 - ♪ Won't you come visit Hogwarts? ♪ 466 00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:43,708 ♪ I'll be alone, dancing in Gryffindor ♪ 467 00:14:43,752 --> 00:14:48,235 ♪ Harry is the best at the spells ♪ 468 00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:51,455 ♪ And as for potions, Hermione does well ♪ 469 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:52,630 - This is actually pretty funny. 470 00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:55,111 You got to know Harry Potter. 471 00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:58,071 Wait a minute. Where'd Allister go? 472 00:14:58,114 --> 00:14:59,289 He was standing right here. 473 00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,074 It's like he vanished without a trace. 474 00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,424 - Wrong, Peralta. He vanished with a trace. 475 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:05,643 Check it out. His footprint. Gotcha. 476 00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:07,254 - [whispers] I am Raymond Holt and my brain is rock hard. 477 00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,342 - I'm not going to say that. - Smart. 478 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:09,560 Saving it for a bigger moment 479 00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:10,735 in front of a bunch of people. Can't wait! 480 00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:13,434 - Okay, squad, hope you ate lunch already, 481 00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:15,697 because it's lunchtime! 482 00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,742 - What's with the getups? - Oh, nothing much. 483 00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,048 We just turned the parking garage 484 00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:20,615 into an elaborate paintball arena. 485 00:15:20,658 --> 00:15:23,226 It's zombie-themed. We hired 60 actors. 486 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:24,488 - That sounds pretty expensive. 487 00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:26,142 - Nah, New York actors are desperate. 488 00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:27,665 For ten bucks, you can shoot 'em right in the face. 489 00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,580 - Wow, that's amazing. 490 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:32,453 I don't know how anybody could ever beat that... 491 00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:35,804 except maybe an in-office teppanyaki grill. 492 00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,023 - Moshi moshi, losers! 493 00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:39,373 - We got shrimp. We got lobster. 494 00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:41,244 Heather, I know you're allergic to shellfish. 495 00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:43,159 You're just gonna have to not eat. 496 00:15:43,203 --> 00:15:46,119 Where's Heather? Where is everybody? 497 00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:48,382 They're on the roof by Gina's statue. 498 00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:50,514 - What the hell, guys? - Oh, God, they found us. 499 00:15:50,558 --> 00:15:52,516 - Don't let them take me. - Why are you hiding from us? 500 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:54,866 - This lunch competition has gotten out of hand. 501 00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:56,259 No one is having fun. 502 00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:57,608 I keep having panic dreams 503 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:00,394 about Sergeant Santiago shooting down my lunch ideas. 504 00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,787 - Historic walking tours don't win lunch, Gary. 505 00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:05,094 - No one cares about winning lunch. 506 00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:07,053 Please, just leave us alone. 507 00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:08,402 - [sighs] 508 00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:09,794 Gary, wait. Look-- 509 00:16:09,838 --> 00:16:11,535 - Oh! - Ow! 510 00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:12,623 Why did you do that? 511 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,190 - Oh, my God, it was an accident. 512 00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:15,539 This thing doesn't have a safety. 513 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:16,758 - Ow! 514 00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:19,804 Ow, stop! Help! 515 00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:22,372 - And a big round of applause for Janitor Randy 516 00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:24,548 for recovering our precious coin. 517 00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:26,637 - Don't applaud for that man. 518 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:27,638 - What's going on? 519 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:28,770 - What's going on is, 520 00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,511 Captain Holt just solved this case. 521 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:32,382 - What's there left to solve? We found the coin 522 00:16:32,426 --> 00:16:34,123 in Professor Port's desk. He's the thief. 523 00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:35,429 - Oh, you'd like everyone to believe that, 524 00:16:35,472 --> 00:16:36,560 wouldn't you, Dean Allister? 525 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:39,389 Or should I say, General Parmenion? 526 00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,174 - Raymond, are you causing a kerfuffle? 527 00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:43,393 - Yes. Sometimes a moment calls for a kerfuffle. 528 00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,221 - No. No moment calls for a kerfuffle. 529 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:46,353 You know my feelings on this. 530 00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:48,746 - Dean Allister framed Professor Port 531 00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:49,791 to get rid of a rival, 532 00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:52,576 just as Alexander got rid of Parmenion. 533 00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:54,883 - Preposterous. Do you even have a shred of evidence 534 00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:55,927 to back up that claim? 535 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:57,190 - Oh, we've got more than a shred. 536 00:16:57,929 --> 00:16:58,408 Look at these photos. 537 00:16:59,714 --> 00:17:00,802 Here, a footprint from the scene of the crime 538 00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,195 left by the thief. 539 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,546 And here, another print made yesterday by you. 540 00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,765 You've been caught, Allister! - Is it happening? 541 00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,245 - Caught by me. - It is happening. 542 00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:12,422 - Me and my rock hard brain. - It happened! 543 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,511 - Oh, Raymond. Look around. 544 00:17:14,555 --> 00:17:17,862 These shoes I'm wearing with their "unique footprint"-- 545 00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:19,299 we all have them. 546 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,257 They were the departmental gift this Christmas. 547 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:22,606 They're actually very funny. 548 00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:24,304 They have Achilles printed on the heel. 549 00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:26,480 - I don't know if I would call that "very" funny. 550 00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:27,916 - I'm surprised you didn't know about them. 551 00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:29,483 Kevin must have gotten a pair. 552 00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:31,267 Oh, I remember what happened. 553 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:32,703 You had to leave the Christmas party 554 00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:33,922 before they were handed out. 555 00:17:35,228 --> 00:17:36,751 Why was that again? Oh, yes. The kerfuffle. 556 00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:38,622 - But what about the autobiography of Persimminons 557 00:17:38,666 --> 00:17:39,667 you were taunting us with? 558 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:41,538 - I suppose I can see how holding any book 559 00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:42,844 would seem like a taunt to you. 560 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:44,193 - I own a book. - But I don't think Raymond 561 00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:45,716 is remembering the story correctly. 562 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:48,154 Alexander didn't see Parmenion as a rival. 563 00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:50,243 He killed him over a dispute about his son. 564 00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:52,462 - Oh, no, it's Boethius all over again. 565 00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,203 - At least you got one thing right. 566 00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:57,293 You do have a rock hard brain. Because that's bad. 567 00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:59,687 Everyone knows that a brain should be soft and wet. 568 00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:01,645 - I wanted to say that, but Jake told me not to. 569 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:04,518 - Yeah, because it's gross. 570 00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:07,173 . 571 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,523 - There you are. 572 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:11,568 You okay, sir? - I'm fine. 573 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:12,830 I have decided to stop fighting it 574 00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,789 and lean in to the fact that I'm an idiot. 575 00:18:14,832 --> 00:18:16,138 Look at me, playing a video game. 576 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:17,661 - Oh, which one? - "Times" crossword app. 577 00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:18,836 - Not a video game. 578 00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:20,838 - It plays a little song when you solve it, 579 00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:22,144 as if you've just learned to potty. 580 00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:23,711 [piano music on phone] 581 00:18:24,755 --> 00:18:26,061 Yes, yes, play me my dunce's tune. 582 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,673 - Okay, so those guys look down on you. So what? 583 00:18:29,717 --> 00:18:31,153 I mean, Amy's parents look down on me. 584 00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,068 They talk about me right in front of my face in Spanish 585 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,243 because they don't think I'm smart enough 586 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:35,592 to learn another language, 587 00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,290 but I've been taking classes, 588 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,856 and now I can understand 589 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,684 all the hurtful things they've been saying. 590 00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:41,946 - And how did that help? 591 00:18:41,990 --> 00:18:43,339 - Well, now I know they think I'm short 592 00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:44,819 and I was able to do some research 593 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,168 and find that 1940s census 594 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:47,691 that proves I'm above average in height. 595 00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:49,040 - For 1940. - Yeah, I'm taller 596 00:18:49,084 --> 00:18:50,694 than the greatest generation. It doesn't matter. 597 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:53,088 The point is, you can use this. 598 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,265 There are benefits to being underestimated. 599 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:59,050 - My goodness. You're right. 600 00:18:59,094 --> 00:19:02,053 There are benefits to being underestimated. 601 00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:03,794 You can get away with anything. 602 00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:06,797 - Sir? Are you going to kill the dean? 603 00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:09,670 - No. What if the thief was someone we dismissed 604 00:19:09,713 --> 00:19:11,193 because they didn't have a classics background? 605 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,108 Someone who wasn't a professor? 606 00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,240 - But what about the footprints? 607 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,850 The shoes were only given to faculty. 608 00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,200 - There was one pair that was unaccounted for: Kevin's. 609 00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:19,941 They were left at the party... 610 00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:21,377 to be cleaned up. 611 00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:22,987 - By Janitor Randy! 612 00:19:23,031 --> 00:19:25,207 My story solved it. I'm tall. 613 00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:28,167 - Hey, everyone, we would like to say we're sorry 614 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,212 for letting this competition get the best of us, 615 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,866 and to make it up to you, 616 00:19:31,909 --> 00:19:33,084 we figured out what to do for lunch. 617 00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:34,303 - Please, whatever your new idea is, 618 00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:35,870 I just don't want to get shot again. 619 00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:38,046 - Ugh, Gary, it was a paintball. Suck it up. 620 00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,656 - Isn't this supposed to be an apology? 621 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:42,616 - Yes. You're right. I'm sorry. 622 00:19:42,659 --> 00:19:44,792 I mean, I shot my husband with a real bullet two years ago, 623 00:19:44,835 --> 00:19:45,793 and it comes up way less than this. 624 00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:46,794 - Way less than this. 625 00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,012 - Guys! - Right. 626 00:19:49,362 --> 00:19:50,841 What we're trying to say is that we lost sight 627 00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:53,627 of what this was all really about: building morale. 628 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,803 - So we bought two-ply toilet paper for the whole squad. 629 00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:57,239 - I call shotgun! - Shotgun! 630 00:19:57,283 --> 00:20:00,068 - Also, I sold the teppanyaki grill 631 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:03,245 and used the money to turn the briefing room into... 632 00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:04,899 the lunch zone. 633 00:20:04,942 --> 00:20:06,335 - Oh, no. What's the lunch zone? 634 00:20:08,032 --> 00:20:09,120 Is it someplace we have to put on a harness and not eat lunch? 635 00:20:09,164 --> 00:20:11,427 - There are no harnesses. 636 00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:14,952 There are phone chargers and noise-canceling headphones. 637 00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,346 - So you can eat your lunch and stare at your phone 638 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:20,001 and you won't have to see or hear anyone you work with. 639 00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:22,786 - It's perfect. It's--it's absolutely perfect. 640 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,005 - We're so glad you like it. 641 00:20:25,354 --> 00:20:26,268 - And just to be sure, I'm not gonna get shot. 642 00:20:27,530 --> 00:20:30,011 - Oh, my God, Gary. Yes! You won't get shot! 643 00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:31,404 - Yeah, I stole those coins. 644 00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:32,970 Can't believe you bought that whole story. 645 00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:34,798 - They underestimated you, Randy, 646 00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:36,713 just as they underestimated Raymond Holt. 647 00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:38,237 - Well, you guys haven't been that great to me either. 648 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,673 - Well, you got to teach people 649 00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:41,414 how you want to be treated, Randy. Dr. Phil, RIP. 650 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:43,024 The point is, Captain Holt 651 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:44,678 solved the case when no one else could. 652 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,028 - He's actually been stealing from these archives for years. 653 00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:48,421 You've been asleep at the wheel, Allister. 654 00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:49,857 You're an embarrassment. - Really? 655 00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:51,250 Well, at least I've never confused 656 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:52,816 St. Augustine with Boethius. 657 00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:55,906 - Oh, who gives a rat's ass about Boethius, Wesley? 658 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,081 - What are you doing, Kevin? 659 00:20:57,908 --> 00:20:58,866 - I am creating a kerfuffle. - Oh, damn. 660 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,390 - Sure, my husband is a hot piece of ass, 661 00:21:01,434 --> 00:21:03,174 but he is so much more than just that. 662 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:05,829 Raymond Holt is as smart as anyone in this department, 663 00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:07,701 but he chooses to use his intelligence 664 00:21:07,744 --> 00:21:09,920 to make our city a better place. 665 00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:14,273 One day, I hope to live up to the standard you set. 666 00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:17,450 You make me want to have a wetter brain. 667 00:21:17,493 --> 00:21:19,060 - Oh, Kevin. 668 00:21:21,889 --> 00:21:23,456 - Y'all are hella specific. 669 00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:25,458 - Not a doctor. - Shh. 670 00:21:25,501 --> 00:21:27,721 - Fremulon.