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I don't want to die!
2
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,471
[Happy] Previously on Happy!
3
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-Argh!
-I serve at your pleasure, Mr. Bug.
4
00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:19,352
[Mr. Bug] They are important gifts
for important people
5
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:23,648
and I expect them to be bright and shining
under the tree Christmas morning.
6
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-Cal was taken from a Sonny Shine event.
-So was Hailey, I get it.
7
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:30,363
[Sax] One of those kids is mine,
so you're going to make a call
8
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:34,034
and you're going to deliver her to me,
midnight tonight, your house.
9
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-Where's Hailey?
-Where's Mikey?
10
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Anyone want to guess what this is?
11
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I let go of my finger
and there goes the neighborhood,
12
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including your precious password
and your wife and kid.
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Mikey is not in the trunk.
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[Sax] Oh, fuck.
15
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[Blue] Okay, kill him.
16
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The only thing that still believes in me
is my kid's imaginary friend.
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Nick! I'm here! Ugh! Urgh!
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Daddy! [yells]
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[gunshot and screaming]
20
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What I'm about to say is very difficult.
I'll only say it once. I believe in you.
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You and me, we've got a job to finish.
22
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Jessica!
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She really is intoxicating, your mother,
lovely voice, real talent.
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She could have been really big.
25
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I love hearing you sing.
26
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It's time you stop protecting me,
and now it's time for me to protect you.
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Ma.
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Ma! Come on! Ma!
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♪ You will get a sentimental feeling ♪
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♪ When you hear voices singing ♪
31
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♪ Let's be jolly
Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
32
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♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop ♪
33
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:53,905
♪ Mistletoe hung where you can see
Every couple tries to stop ♪
34
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♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree
Let the Christmas spirit ring ♪
35
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♪ Later, we'll have some pumpkin pie
And we'll do some caroling ♪
36
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♪ You will get a sentimental feeling ♪
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♪ When you hear voices singing ♪
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♪ Let's be jolly
Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
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♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree
Have a happy holiday ♪
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♪ Everyone dancing merrily ♪
41
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♪ In the new old-fashioned way ♪
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[chattering over police radio]
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Sorry, McCarthy.
44
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:54,674
You want a ride in the van? Left
some takeout in the backseat overnight,
45
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,968
but we can crack a window if you want.
46
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,429
No, thanks. Just take her.
47
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:01,848
Got something I got to do.
48
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,441
-[Sax] Fuckers!
-[gunshot]
49
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,359
[yelling and chainsaw buzzing]
50
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,446
They are killing the shite
out of that motherfucker.
51
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,698
-Is that a table saw?
-[buzzing and yelling]
52
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:20,575
It very well could be, yeah.
53
00:03:20,658 --> 00:03:22,994
-[softly] Shit.
-[screaming and groaning]
54
00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,254
New plan.
55
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:38,009
Are you off your goddamn nut? You think
you're just gonna waltz on out of here
56
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,094
like some Piccadilly on parade?
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00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,680
I am waltzing on out of here
because right now...
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00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,350
Nick Sax is bulletproof.
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00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,268
[laughter]
60
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,561
Now, you waste me...
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00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:52,982
...you waste the Missus and the booger-
eating heir to the porcelain throne.
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00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,361
Now, which one of you dinks
wants to drop that Yule log
63
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:59,822
on the boss's chest
this fine Christmas Eve, hm?
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00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,033
I'll drop that log, you motherfucker.
65
00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:05,286
No! Please! You lunatic!
Take me if you must.
66
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:08,998
I must! Because, I don't know,
call me a stickler for tradition,
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but I just think on Christmas,
the family should be together.
68
00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,047
-Am I right or am I right?
-Oh, dear God.
69
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:19,008
-We're literally about to die.
-Shh.
70
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:22,553
Just keep smiling there, kitten,
and pucker that sphincter,
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'cause Nick Sax shoots early... and often.
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[screams]
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[music: Feliz Navidad by Jose Feliciano]
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Oh! I hate you! Oh!
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[pants]
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[screams and gasps]
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[groans]
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00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,798
[pants]
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00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,717
I'm satisfied.
80
00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:04,262
Now, wait a second.
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00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:06,347
[pants]
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00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:09,892
Oh, a gentleman. Get the hell off of me!
83
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:13,146
All right, your mister and I
have some unfinished business.
84
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-Any idea where he scurried off to?
-What are you going to do to him? [pants]
85
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:22,488
Well, in my work, I take a jazz approach,
you know, strictly improv...
86
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:28,202
but assume that once I'm done,
he won't resemble your husband anymore.
87
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,495
[exhales]
88
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339 Cherry Blossom Court,
his sister's house in Jersey.
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-[grunts]
-The car knows the way.
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Mm.
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Tell him I want a divorce.
92
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What are you looking at?
93
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[tires screech and engine revs]
94
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,937
Best Christmas ever.
95
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,447
[distant blast]
96
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,585
[Isabella] That's right, baby, you eat.
97
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,421
I remember that night you snuck out
98
00:06:20,505 --> 00:06:24,342
and stole the Benz. [chuckles]
You wanted to show up at the club
99
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and impress the girls with the fancy car.
100
00:06:27,678 --> 00:06:31,140
Wanted to be a big shot,
just like your brothers.
101
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,351
No, no, no, Mikey, no. No.
102
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,937
Ut det mihi cibum statim.
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00:06:39,190 --> 00:06:40,316
[Isabella] Oh.
104
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,569
What did he do to you?
105
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,199
Blue.
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Mikey.
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Mikey!
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-[rattle of garage door]
-[people shout] Mikey!
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Mikey, no!
110
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[people yelling]
111
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Mikey!
112
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-Good morning.
-Oh!
113
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Uh-oh. Gotcha.
114
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,664
It's really you. Sonny Shine.
115
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:39,417
Shein, Sheinberg. Louis J.
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00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,336
Sonny Shine is for my fans
of all ages around the world.
117
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:47,008
It's Christmas Eve. Shouldn't you
be out jousting other parents
118
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-over the new Tickle Me Humperdonk?
-I got mine months ago.
119
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:54,432
You'd have to be a fool not to see
how those were going to fly.
120
00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:57,727
My daughter, Hailey, is your biggest fan.
121
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:02,398
We once stood in line at 4:00 a.m.
to get tickets to your studio audience.
122
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It was the happiest day of her life.
123
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:08,821
That tickles my heart.
Nothing means more to me than...
124
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She was kidnapped,
four days ago, at your Wishtacular.
125
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What a world.
126
00:08:18,706 --> 00:08:20,082
What a world.
127
00:08:24,086 --> 00:08:26,214
-My condolences.
-She wasn't the only one.
128
00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:29,634
Seven other children have gone missing
in the last two weeks.
129
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:33,804
Mm. What can I do for you?
130
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,474
There's a common thread
to all the kidnappings.
131
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All the children disappeared ar...
around...
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-Hm?
-...you, your shows or appearances.
133
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,239
And you... you thought you'd come here...
134
00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:57,245
...and ruin Sonny Shine's Christmas
by telling me this, in person?
135
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:03,459
The police have been ineffectual,
worthless, really.
136
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,963
But a man as visible,
as prominent as yourself,
137
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,799
you could bring attention to this,
resources.
138
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:14,178
Resources. You want money, right?
Doesn't everybody?
139
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:16,847
I... I want you to help shine a light.
140
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:18,015
Ew.
141
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:26,148
The letters I get blaming me for little
retard Sally's piss-poor spelling test,
142
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,318
blaming me for Billy's sissy boy lisp!
143
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:34,574
If I wanted to raise children, I'd...
I don't know. I'd adopt some.
144
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:38,494
But I don't want to raise
your goddamn children.
145
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:42,039
I want to entertain them!
Do you see the difference?
146
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:52,008
Dude, I'm... I've been blending ghee
and M.C.T. into my coffee,
147
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,926
so I'm totally lit as fuck.
148
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,596
Celebrity problems.
149
00:09:58,514 --> 00:09:59,890
It's not easy what I do.
150
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,229
Sometimes I just need a release.
151
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:16,490
Your breathing, it's very shallow.
152
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:23,205
You know, it's totally normal, being in
close proximity to someone so famous.
153
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:27,835
Your heart beats faster.
You get a little light-headed.
154
00:10:27,918 --> 00:10:32,423
You know, when I was just a little kid,
all I wanted to do was
155
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:34,884
sit on Dorothy's lap. I totally get it.
156
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,218
Uh, I'd like to go now.
157
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,888
Well, you just... You got here just...
158
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,182
Please.
159
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:50,983
For you and... Ha... it's Hailey.
Hailey, right?
160
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:58,282
If... no, no...
when she decides to come home.
161
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:03,829
Thank you.
162
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:17,927
[door opens and closes]
163
00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:24,475
Don't let her leave the building.
164
00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,732
[breathes heavily]
165
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,696
[guard] Mr. Shine wants her to stay.
166
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,552
Come on. [mutters]
167
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:44,430
Back in there. Come on.
168
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:49,727
[Smoothie] Be careful. Get out.
169
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,564
[Smoothie sighs]
170
00:12:54,690 --> 00:12:58,944
I told him... children are bad business.
171
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,155
Messy, obnoxious,
172
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:04,408
germ-ridden little migraines,
not worth the aggravation.
173
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:08,204
[inhales and sighs]
"I have my reasons," he says.
174
00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:11,457
"We all have to answer to someone,"
he says.
175
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,126
It's ridiculous, a waste of my time.
176
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,550
Did you know
that I can train an adult male
177
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:25,221
to denounce every god he's ever worshipped
and squeal on all fours
178
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,890
like a hog to slaughter in under 24 hours?
179
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:33,604
Because adults have been socialized
into latent obedience, but you...
180
00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:36,649
Really enjoy hearing yourself talk,
don't you, mister?
181
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,445
Well, look who doesn't have a gag.
182
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,077
We located the car, a half-mile from here,
wrapped around a telephone pole.
183
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,454
It's a total loss. No sign of any driver.
184
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,499
-My God. Mikey.
-Right.
185
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:54,917
[sighs]
186
00:13:55,000 --> 00:14:00,005
About that social-media post, your son
has been dead for 48 hours, ma'am.
187
00:14:00,089 --> 00:14:03,342
We got a hit-and-run situation
with serious injuries outside.
188
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:06,178
I need a straight answer
to who was behind that wheel
189
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,139
-or we will haul you all to the station.
-[doorbell]
190
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:14,562
Mr. Scaramucci.
191
00:14:14,645 --> 00:14:18,899
Aw, they got you boys working
on Christmas Eve, that's criminal.
192
00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:23,946
My sister has had
a very difficult morning.
193
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,825
Why don't you officers just run along?
194
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:30,119
You can worry about the paperwork later.
195
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,796
-Where is he?
-Go to hell.
196
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,511
Where is he?
197
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:51,557
[chuckles] You think your guns
are going to protect you now?
198
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:56,186
I got something way more dangerous,
a following.
199
00:14:57,104 --> 00:15:02,276
Yeah, 1.3 million
and I didn't have to buy them, baby.
200
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:07,448
I can't wait for the whole world
to see who you really are, brother.
201
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,825
All right, have a little dignity.
202
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:14,163
The same brother who sucked his thumb
until he was 11,
203
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:18,542
who shat his shorts on The Cyclone
at Coney Island...
204
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,045
...who cried himself to sleep
205
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:24,048
when the boys made fun
of his sorry excuse for a pecker.
206
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,090
[sniggers]
207
00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:29,553
[chuckles] These mugs may fear you,
but I don't,
208
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:33,098
because I know all the secrets
209
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:35,392
and I have all the receipts.
210
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:39,229
So, buy yourself
a pair of paparazzi shades, boo,
211
00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:42,524
[chuckles] 'cause you're about
to become very famous.
212
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,277
Snap! [laughs]
213
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:49,239
[screaming and yelling]
214
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:50,950
Well...
215
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:58,415
We're going to tear this place apart
until we find him.
216
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,213
Michelangelo!
217
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:09,134
Oh, it's Uncle Blue! Oh, come on, Mikey!
218
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:11,261
Come on!
219
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:15,933
Give me what is mine.
Give me what I deserve!
220
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:19,478
Or Mamma's gonna get what she deserves.
221
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:24,108
Don't you think that I won't do it.
[breathes heavily]
222
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,309
[dance music]
223
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,243
[gasps]
224
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,247
[shivers] Nick?
225
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,709
-Yeah?
-I'm cold. So cold.
226
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,044
Cuddle me?
227
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,465
Uh... Okay.
228
00:18:13,008 --> 00:18:13,926
Yeah.
229
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,891
Ah. Still... still cold.
230
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:26,313
Cuddle me closer?
What... What is it, Nick?
231
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:31,485
Hm? Uh, nothing.
Just you seem... different.
232
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:38,534
A little glint in the eye, kind of...
kind of Manson-esque.
233
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:42,371
Did you... Oh, my God!
234
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:47,251
You little scamp,
you killed something, didn't you?
235
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:50,504
Oh, yeah, you did,
I'd know that look anywhere!
236
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,131
I don't want to talk about it.
237
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:53,841
Ah.
238
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,926
Oh, okay.
239
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,346
All right, all right. Look...
240
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:06,979
What can I tell you, pal? The first one...
is always going to stay with you.
241
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,773
You're always going to remember it.
242
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:12,860
Do... do you remember your first?
243
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,320
Yeah, what the hell did I just say?
Of course I...
244
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:24,913
Ye... No, maybe. Look, my point is this...
245
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:30,878
...that you just got to hope
that you did it for a reason.
246
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:34,548
I mean, a good reason.
247
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:39,428
Hailey's a damn good reason.
248
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:41,972
Can I tell you a secret,
249
00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:45,350
-one I stinky-pinky-swore never to tell?
-What?
250
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,853
When Hailey and I
were at the Sonny Shine show...
251
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,605
[engine revs]
252
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,523
...the whole reason she snuck away
253
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,734
-was so Sonny would hear her wish.
-Uh...
254
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:57,112
Her one wish. She'd waited her whole life.
255
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:59,907
[engine revs]
256
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,825
-Hailey's wish...
-Hold that thought,
257
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,453
I'm about to get a little road ragey.
What the...
258
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:12,127
[tires screech and engine revs]
259
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:18,175
I think we'd agree
this one was not my fault.
260
00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:28,685
Officer, is there something wrong?
261
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:31,230
What the hell are you doing in Blue's car?
262
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:37,361
You know, at a certain point, uh,
sticking your gun in my face, uh,
263
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:41,073
kind of loses its specialness,
laws of diminishing returns and all that.
264
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:44,618
If you want me to take you seriously,
you have to pull that trigger.
265
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,454
Crying out loud!
266
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:52,125
Hey. Hey, hey, give me your keys again.
267
00:20:53,877 --> 00:20:57,256
Let's do this.
We get Blue, we get your kid.
268
00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:00,342
[chuckles] Listen to her.
What is this "we" stuff?
269
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:03,262
I didn't know, all right?
There were a lot of things
270
00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:06,348
I looked the other way.
But the kids, I didn't know...
271
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:09,935
-You got to fucking believe me. Amanda.
-[phone]
272
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:11,728
-Amanda?
-[Amanda] Merry!
273
00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:15,357
Merry! I'm in trouble.
It's him. It's got to be.
274
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:17,651
Amanda, it's me. Where are you?
275
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:20,821
Nick! Oh! [gasps]
276
00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:24,199
-He's got her. It's got to be him!
-Who has her?
277
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,452
Sonny Shine! She needs you.
278
00:21:27,536 --> 00:21:30,539
-[Nick] Amanda, listen to me. Amanda....
-[squelching]
279
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:31,873
-Amanda.
-[phone bleeps]
280
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:35,294
What the hell's a Sonny Shine?
281
00:21:35,377 --> 00:21:39,506
♪ He's the one with the Rainbow Castle
A friend to you and me ♪
282
00:21:39,589 --> 00:21:41,216
He'd never hurt Hailey.
283
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,427
He's got Shine Tower,
58th and Lex. Let's go.
284
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:46,513
He doesn't live in a tower.
Sonny lives in a castle.
285
00:21:46,596 --> 00:21:49,975
-I saw it myself.
-Wait, what... What did you just say?
286
00:21:50,058 --> 00:21:53,687
Hailey and I went there! Oh, Amanda
took us. It was the best day ever!
287
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,356
It's a great big building,
with a great big gate
288
00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:00,277
-and there were lights and cameras and...
-Lights and cameras.
289
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:08,952
It was you.
290
00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:14,708
I didn't want it to be.
I told myself lies not to believe it.
291
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,170
Hm. [breathes heavily]
292
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:25,385
Those spray-tanned apes
were a disgrace... to apes.
293
00:22:25,969 --> 00:22:30,432
They threaded their eyebrows, Isa.
They waxed their armpits.
294
00:22:31,391 --> 00:22:36,438
I needed gangsters
and you gave me Spandau Ballet! [grunts]
295
00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:40,108
You think you know all the secrets?
296
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:45,447
I have done things...
297
00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:49,618
...things that
you couldn't possibly imagine.
298
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:57,709
I had no choice, but once I get
that password, those days are over.
299
00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:01,129
[inhales deeply] I answer to no one.
300
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:02,339
[cell phone vibrates]
301
00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:05,759
You going to answer to that?
302
00:23:12,265 --> 00:23:16,561
[Mr. Bug] I had a visit today...
from a mother looking for her daughter.
303
00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:19,898
And I can give you eight good reasons
why this makes me upset.
304
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:24,611
I want them signed, sealed and delivered
tomorrow, Christmas morning.
305
00:23:24,694 --> 00:23:28,782
And if they're not, it won't be me
who gets exterminated!
306
00:23:33,161 --> 00:23:38,250
You came to me an unwashed,
unkempt motley assortment of...
307
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:40,335
Oh, God, who am I kidding?
308
00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:43,547
I cannot wait
to get rid of you Petri dishes.
309
00:23:43,630 --> 00:23:45,715
Uh, especially you.
310
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:51,138
This is not the end of your journey,
but the beginning, blah, blah, blah.
311
00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:55,058
You were plucked from obscurity to serve
a greater purpose, yada, yada, whatever.
312
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,103
There were successes. [chuckles]
313
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,899
And there were disasters.
314
00:24:05,443 --> 00:24:07,028
Congratulations, Kenji.
315
00:24:07,112 --> 00:24:10,282
You have achieved top honors
because you're Asian.
316
00:24:10,365 --> 00:24:12,367
And as a reward, you will go first.
317
00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:15,328
Your new parents will be
very, very proud...
318
00:24:15,912 --> 00:24:19,958
...assuming you survive
the packaging process. [clears throat]
319
00:24:20,959 --> 00:24:24,045
[creaking and rustling]
320
00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:33,346
Mister?
321
00:24:34,514 --> 00:24:35,515
What is it?
322
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:38,435
I need to go to the bathroom.
323
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:42,772
Oh, for God's sake. I told you to go
before we started packaging!
324
00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:45,317
Fine, go.
325
00:24:47,402 --> 00:24:52,032
[Happy] Oh! There it is, Nick,
home of the Rainbow Castle!
326
00:24:52,115 --> 00:24:54,618
If that doesn't scream perv,
I don't know what does.
327
00:24:54,701 --> 00:24:57,537
When I look at it,
all I see is, "Let's play!"
328
00:24:57,621 --> 00:24:59,414
-Exactly.
-Look.
329
00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:01,625
Checking the front entrance now.
330
00:25:02,709 --> 00:25:06,213
-Is that normal for children's TV?
-You tell me, Pops.
331
00:25:07,214 --> 00:25:08,215
Funny.
332
00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:17,098
All right, look,
I got to talk to this little, blue, um...
333
00:25:17,849 --> 00:25:21,019
You keep saying that, but I've never
seen one with wings on its back
334
00:25:21,102 --> 00:25:23,813
and a thing coming out of its head.
We call it a...
335
00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:26,316
Go on.
336
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:34,950
-All right, you, look at me.
-Happilocus Imaginus,
337
00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:37,702
Defender of Zork,
First Knight of the Cupcake Kingdom,
338
00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:40,830
hero of the Frosting Wars,
reporting for duty, sir!
339
00:25:43,750 --> 00:25:45,210
She's counting on you.
340
00:25:47,170 --> 00:25:48,546
I'm counting on you.
341
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:51,883
Go find Hailey.
342
00:25:56,304 --> 00:25:57,347
What?
343
00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,433
Oh, yeah.
344
00:26:07,691 --> 00:26:11,319
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, look,
we got a big building here, so--
345
00:26:11,403 --> 00:26:12,654
Let's split up.
346
00:26:12,737 --> 00:26:14,739
-I'll take the front.
-I'll take the back.
347
00:26:15,865 --> 00:26:17,200
[exhales]
348
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:21,037
-You good?
-[grunts] Yeah.
349
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:30,547
[chuckles] You got this idea that your ex
is some kind of wounded little flower.
350
00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:32,632
Amanda's a goddamn pitbull...
351
00:26:33,550 --> 00:26:37,387
with one hell of a right cross
by the way. She can take care of herself.
352
00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:40,056
[bugs yell and Amanda screams]
353
00:26:44,894 --> 00:26:46,521
Assunta, open the door!
354
00:26:47,522 --> 00:26:49,899
Your son is beyond my help, child.
355
00:26:49,983 --> 00:26:53,403
It's the old Don's password.
Mikey's going to give it to Blue.
356
00:26:53,486 --> 00:26:55,405
No password.
357
00:26:55,488 --> 00:26:59,826
The old Don gave Orcus
to Mikey to give it to Blue.
358
00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:02,495
Like hamburger bag.
359
00:27:02,579 --> 00:27:04,372
Okay. Wait, what?
360
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:07,459
If Mikey give to Blue, all is lost!
361
00:27:07,542 --> 00:27:09,669
Yes. Yes. That's why we must stop him.
362
00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:12,088
Open the door, please. Per favore, dai!
363
00:27:13,798 --> 00:27:15,550
Okay, bye-bye.
364
00:27:15,633 --> 00:27:20,221
-♪ Mamma ♪
-[cat screeches and meows]
365
00:27:20,305 --> 00:27:24,184
♪ Nonna ♪
366
00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:28,480
♪ Bisnonna ♪
367
00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:30,690
I shouldn't have let Mikey
get on that plane.
368
00:27:30,774 --> 00:27:32,776
-I just wanted him to have a good--
-Shh!
369
00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:39,491
Oh, no talisman!
370
00:27:39,574 --> 00:27:42,744
[speaks Italian]
371
00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:47,791
Ecco! [cackles]
372
00:27:48,666 --> 00:27:50,251
Hoo!
373
00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:52,420
Talisman.
374
00:27:53,171 --> 00:27:54,964
[speaks Italian]
375
00:27:55,048 --> 00:27:59,552
So, as the thread weaves the tapestry...
376
00:28:00,303 --> 00:28:02,972
...of space and time,
377
00:28:03,056 --> 00:28:07,477
so does your brother's soul unwind.
378
00:28:08,061 --> 00:28:11,064
[cackles]
379
00:28:11,147 --> 00:28:13,358
That is not a talisman.
380
00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:15,819
That is a ball of yarn.
381
00:28:16,569 --> 00:28:19,614
-Talisman.
-That is a cat toy.
382
00:28:19,697 --> 00:28:25,286
-Talisman!
-After 20 years of tithes and offerings
383
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:29,666
and defending you,
this is all you've got for me, a cat toy?
384
00:28:29,749 --> 00:28:33,837
And after all these years,
you lost your faith?
385
00:28:34,838 --> 00:28:40,427
This is more about you...
than about to me.
386
00:28:45,724 --> 00:28:48,476
[cackles]
387
00:29:04,159 --> 00:29:09,038
Who are you looking for?
Shine... Shine... Shine...
388
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:42,030
[distant gunshot]
389
00:29:51,456 --> 00:29:55,043
Keep loading,
I have something I need to take care of.
390
00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:12,185
[grunts]
391
00:30:13,728 --> 00:30:14,938
[Happy] Hailey!
392
00:30:16,105 --> 00:30:18,316
Hailey!
393
00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:19,984
Oh! Presents!
394
00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:22,612
What the...?
395
00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:18,960
[clunking]
396
00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:31,306
[grunts]
397
00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:33,975
[screams]
398
00:31:55,163 --> 00:31:57,540
[Wishee squeals]
399
00:31:59,042 --> 00:32:00,126
[grunts]
400
00:32:06,966 --> 00:32:08,384
[Smoothie] Sit up straight.
401
00:32:09,552 --> 00:32:11,346
Eat your vegetables.
402
00:32:12,513 --> 00:32:14,891
Put down that smartphone or tablet.
403
00:32:16,851 --> 00:32:19,520
It's a common refrain
from a typical American parent.
404
00:32:19,604 --> 00:32:22,190
-Ah, Smoothie.
-Does it sound familiar to you?
405
00:32:22,273 --> 00:32:23,733
Time to dance, bitch.
406
00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:28,947
[Smoothie] Of course it does...
but did you listen?
407
00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:32,992
No, you didn't and now here we are.
408
00:32:33,952 --> 00:32:36,537
Starting today your little lives
will change in ways
409
00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:38,456
you never could have imagined.
410
00:32:38,539 --> 00:32:42,168
There will be moments when you will wonder
what you have done to deserve...
411
00:32:46,923 --> 00:32:47,757
[grunts]
412
00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:55,223
[grunts]
413
00:32:57,558 --> 00:32:59,560
[grunts]
414
00:33:02,939 --> 00:33:03,898
[groans]
415
00:33:08,945 --> 00:33:10,238
Oh, oh.
416
00:33:10,321 --> 00:33:11,823
Nighty-night.
417
00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:24,252
What the hell is this?
418
00:33:24,335 --> 00:33:28,131
I saw you! You were just standing there
fingering yourself.
419
00:33:28,214 --> 00:33:30,091
Why is this truck still here?
420
00:33:30,174 --> 00:33:33,302
It's all loaded up, Mr. Scaramucci.
We heard gunshots.
421
00:33:33,386 --> 00:33:35,346
-Smoothie said that--
-Smoothie said?
422
00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:39,183
Smoothie? Where is he?
423
00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:41,936
[music: True by Spandau Ballet]
424
00:33:55,116 --> 00:33:56,451
Smile.
425
00:33:57,493 --> 00:33:58,536
Fuck you.
426
00:34:02,957 --> 00:34:05,084
I knew this day would come.
427
00:34:05,168 --> 00:34:08,546
Our destiny is in the stars.
428
00:34:08,629 --> 00:34:10,590
You do see that, Sax, don't you?
429
00:34:10,673 --> 00:34:12,341
You're not going to ask me my sign?
430
00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:16,137
The universe, it conspired
to bring us back together again,
431
00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:21,601
so that immovable object
could finally meet irresistible force.
432
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:23,811
Which one am I?
433
00:34:27,023 --> 00:34:29,025
-The dumb one.
-Yeah.
434
00:34:30,109 --> 00:34:34,322
Now, I have been thinking a lot lately
435
00:34:34,405 --> 00:34:38,159
about what I would do
if our paths ever crossed again.
436
00:34:38,242 --> 00:34:42,371
-That makes two of us.
-See? See? It's destiny.
437
00:34:44,082 --> 00:34:47,960
Clearly, you are a man
438
00:34:48,044 --> 00:34:51,380
who must be broken.
439
00:34:51,464 --> 00:34:52,507
Oh, yeah?
440
00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:58,763
But what is pain to someone like you?
441
00:34:58,846 --> 00:35:01,849
What is death to someone like you?
442
00:35:01,933 --> 00:35:05,520
That is a very curious problem.
443
00:35:05,603 --> 00:35:06,687
Vexing.
444
00:35:06,771 --> 00:35:08,773
You have disarmed me, Sax.
445
00:35:08,856 --> 00:35:11,526
All of my usual weapons,
they just seem so inadequate
446
00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:13,736
and my tried and true methods,
447
00:35:13,820 --> 00:35:19,617
they seem so, well... impotent.
448
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:22,078
-Torture, murder...
-Your hobbies.
449
00:35:22,161 --> 00:35:28,960
Exactly. All trifles to a man
who would cheerfully die in agony.
450
00:35:31,879 --> 00:35:36,968
I am going to show you something
that I bet you never thought you'd see.
451
00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:39,220
Uh...
452
00:35:39,303 --> 00:35:43,724
I am going to show you
why they call me Smoothie.
453
00:35:43,808 --> 00:35:46,477
-But I wasn't curious.
-Let's not do this.
454
00:35:47,019 --> 00:35:50,439
You don't need to do that. No.
Let's just put that right back on.
455
00:35:50,523 --> 00:35:53,151
Yeah, no. Oh, fuck me.
456
00:36:07,039 --> 00:36:09,250
Holy shit!
457
00:36:09,333 --> 00:36:12,587
Yikes! Ugly lady!
It's not nice to sneak up on people!
458
00:36:12,670 --> 00:36:15,840
Come on! I found Hailey! The bad guys
are loading the kids on a truck.
459
00:36:15,923 --> 00:36:19,093
Let's grab Nick before it's too late!
Where are you going?
460
00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:21,554
The wrong way, that's where.
Nick is this way.
461
00:36:21,637 --> 00:36:23,264
I know because he believes in me.
462
00:36:23,347 --> 00:36:25,933
It's like a homing signal,
like in that movie
463
00:36:26,017 --> 00:36:28,936
where the iguana phones home.
Beep, beep, beep, beep.
464
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:32,023
-[grunts angrily]
-Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh...
465
00:36:32,106 --> 00:36:34,692
-There we go.
-[muffled muttering]
466
00:36:34,775 --> 00:36:36,819
This way! This way! This way!
467
00:36:37,778 --> 00:36:39,280
Dumb as a soup sandwich.
468
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:49,040
This way. This way. You're almost there.
Just... Oh, no, oh!
469
00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:51,042
Yes! Go! Go! Go!
470
00:36:57,423 --> 00:36:59,800
[muffled and angry muttering]
471
00:36:59,884 --> 00:37:01,219
Are you cozy?
472
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:05,973
-[muffled and angry muttering]
-[gasps softly] Oh, oh. Oh.
473
00:37:06,057 --> 00:37:10,937
Oh, no, no, no, it's not.
474
00:37:11,020 --> 00:37:13,898
[Nick mutters and grunts]
475
00:37:13,981 --> 00:37:17,443
Sax, relax.
476
00:37:17,526 --> 00:37:19,445
[muffled squeal]
477
00:37:19,528 --> 00:37:21,030
-[wheezes]
-Relax.
478
00:37:25,826 --> 00:37:29,080
I am become destroyer of worlds!
479
00:37:29,997 --> 00:37:32,541
No, you won't, you motherfucker!
480
00:37:32,625 --> 00:37:34,919
[yelling]
481
00:37:35,002 --> 00:37:38,381
Yes! Yes! Not him, you!
482
00:37:53,145 --> 00:37:56,399
Nick! Holy guacamole, Nick!
That was close, buddy!
483
00:37:56,482 --> 00:37:59,485
We got here just in the...
in the nick of...
484
00:38:02,029 --> 00:38:03,656
Oh, jellybeans.
485
00:38:08,536 --> 00:38:09,787
Get it out of me.
486
00:38:17,086 --> 00:38:18,504
Okay, take 'em!
487
00:38:22,925 --> 00:38:26,762
[cell phone buzzes]
488
00:38:31,058 --> 00:38:34,478
It's gone.
The truck just left. It just left!
489
00:38:34,562 --> 00:38:38,399
[Mr. Bug] Good boy. Remember,
those presents better be delivered.
490
00:38:38,482 --> 00:38:40,109
They'll be there!
491
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:42,778
[grunts angrily]
492
00:38:42,862 --> 00:38:48,075
Yeah... Goddamn you!
493
00:38:49,660 --> 00:38:51,454
[yells incoherently]
494
00:38:51,537 --> 00:38:53,539
[music: Little Drummer Boy]
495
00:39:04,383 --> 00:39:08,012
Mr. Scaramucci... you all right?
496
00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:12,308
[groans]
497
00:39:13,601 --> 00:39:14,935
What am I?
498
00:39:18,189 --> 00:39:19,607
What the hell am I?
499
00:39:20,274 --> 00:39:23,235
You... You're the boss.
500
00:39:25,029 --> 00:39:26,614
I'm the boss of nothing.
501
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,038
I'm an errand boy for psychopaths.
502
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:40,544
Don't... Don't say that, Mr. Scaramucci.
503
00:39:44,882 --> 00:39:46,675
[breathes heavily]
504
00:39:46,759 --> 00:39:48,552
If I had that password...
505
00:39:51,222 --> 00:39:53,224
If I only had that goddamn pass...
506
00:39:53,307 --> 00:39:54,517
[gunshot]
507
00:40:07,822 --> 00:40:10,199
The truck, Nick! The truck's getting away!
508
00:40:25,923 --> 00:40:28,300
[grunts and groans]
509
00:40:33,347 --> 00:40:35,141
[purrs]
510
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:37,935
[grunts and groans]
511
00:40:38,936 --> 00:40:39,937
[grunts]
512
00:40:40,896 --> 00:40:42,022
[hisses]
513
00:40:44,316 --> 00:40:45,609
[screeches]
514
00:40:51,657 --> 00:40:53,409
[pants]
515
00:41:00,958 --> 00:41:05,504
[Blue groans]
516
00:41:05,588 --> 00:41:08,466
[Blue] Ow! Ah! Ah!
517
00:41:09,925 --> 00:41:11,719
[grunts] Ow!
518
00:41:14,346 --> 00:41:16,390
[horn blares]
519
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:18,350
-Hailey!
-[Nick grunts]
520
00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:23,981
[Happy] Nick! Hurry!
521
00:41:28,527 --> 00:41:30,321
-Hailey!
-Hailey!
522
00:41:30,404 --> 00:41:32,990
[children call out]
523
00:41:51,383 --> 00:41:53,636
We're too late. She's gone.
524
00:42:01,894 --> 00:42:04,271
[Blue] Oh, good. You two have met.