Previously on Happy!
-Tell me where we’re going. -I don't know. You’re the detective!
What about the guy? Can you describe him? You tell me what he looks like.
He’s going to draw it.
-You owe me. -I owe you nothing.
[Blue] The only man you ever loved...
[Sax] I can’t.
Your father gunned down in the line of duty, your mother loses her mind.
I bring you Sax and we’re even.
These came to the parents of other missing children. Any cop worth a shit
-might stake him out. -See if they get a card.
[Delight] Talk to Mrs. Claws.
Reminds me of a fellow we knew,
worked at Gimbel’s before it closed down, ended up hanging himself.
My monster is very much alive and kicking.
-Not him. His son. -[dog whines]
-You look just like your picture. -[grunts]
[yelling]
Nick, are you all right? Oh, no!
I can see you! [laughs]
[Happy yells]
[Happy groans] Oh, no! No! No, no! Please! Oh.
-You... -Oh! No!
-[cackles] -[Happy] Oh. Oh. [grunts]
You can’t touch me, unless you believe in me!
[sniffs]
[Happy grunts and groans]
Bye, bye. [cackles]
Oh, God. No, no. [screams]
[muffled grunts]
[gulps and gags]
[Santa inhales and sighs]
[grunts]
[soft grunting]
[exhales]
[gurgles and grunts]
[gags]
[gasps and gags]
[yells]
[grunts and gibbers]
-[Sax grunts] -[Santa gags]
[gasps and pants]
Got to go after him.
Nick, are you okay?
[pants]
That guy would’ve fed my ass to me if it hadn’t been for you. You saved me.
That's what partners do.
You need to calm down.
[siren approaching]
Oh, we got to get out here, Nick.
[grunts]
[tires screech and car doors open]
[Happy] What is it?
"The best way to a man is through his stomach."
“Auspicious Dumpling Fortune Cookie Company”?
My ex-husband drove me out of Manhattan,
literally, in his car, but now I'm a Sussex County siren.
They stripped me of my pageant title, but they can't take away my Jersey pride.
They thought white collar prison would break me, but it only made me stronger.
I worried about sleeping with the fishes. Now I'm fighting with these bitches.
Poor Isabella.
Losing a child is the worst tragedy a mother can endure.
But losing four... at once, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy,
which, ironically, is Isabella.
Of course I feel sorry for Isabella. I am not heartless.
But this doesn't mean I forgive her for that shit she pulled
at Edie's wedding.
Isabella will be okay.
Death is a big part of being Italian, death and a good sauce.
-[grunts] -You did this to my boys.
How could you even suggest such a thing?
You're their uncle. You were supposed to protect them!
-They were grown men, Isabella. -They were babies!
They were grown up enough to make their own choices
and grown up enough to find a hitman's bullet.
Why don't you turn off those cameras?
The cameras stay.
Your boys are lying in there with their toes curling up
and you let in these flesh-eating vultures.
I am not ashamed to show people who I am.
You're cruel, Blue. You were a cruel boy and you're a cruel man.
The blonde wife, the house, the fucking sweaters...
No f-bombs, please.
-[distorted] You wanna lose those fingers? -None of it changes what you really are.
All right. Moving inside. Ten minutes.
Nice work.
I'm warning you, Mrs. Scaramucci. This isn't for the faint of heart.
I'm ready.
[gunshot and groans]
[gunshot]
Oh!
[groans]
[sobs softly]
[sobs] Show me!
-[gunshot] -Mikey... my baby.
[wails]
No! [sobs]
And we got it.
[sobs]
Isabella, I need to get you driving up.
Everybody out now!
Especially you.
[inhales and sobs]
[Jean] I shouldn't have gone to the mall that day. It was so crowded.
But I'd promised Cal an autograph from a Wishee.
He knew every word to Sonny's Wish-mas Special.
Um... [sobs softly]
-this song was playing when I lost him. -[upbeat pop music]
It's strange how these things get burned in your memory.
The song is in my head now, playing on a loop.
[both hum tune]
[cell phone bleeps]
We're leaving.
What the hell!
I'm sorry. With sympathy to everything you're going through,
I can't be out here playing TV detective. These are sob stories, not leads.
-What about the red cards? -Maybe.
Maybe, but we can't pretend to know this guy's MO.
-Cal was taken from a Sonny Shine event. -And so was Hailey. I get it.
But I can't investigate every missing kid on the off chance that whoever brought you
-the card is just going to show up. -[brakes screech and engine puts]
[engine stops]
Have you heard the good news about God's Kingdom on Earth?
Have you heard the good news about... Have you heard the good news...
Have you heard the good news about God's Kingdom on Earth?
Why no, I haven't, but I would love to. Please, come in.
A field trip to a cookie factory! Hailey would've loved this.
That asshole knows what's up. Come on.
Yo, Confucius, uh, what say you point me out to the boss man?
Ah, shit.
He said: "Your face looks like it got ran over by..."
-You know Chinese? -Hailey and I take Mandarin at the Y.
Get out of here.
-It's the language of the future. -Oh.
-Our teacher gave us a blue star. -No kidding?
-No big deal. -Forgive my grandfather. He's senile.
It's almost noon.
-Why don't you change out of your jammies? -Yeah.
-Can I help you? -We’re looking for the boss man.
We, me, I.
-You found her. -Oh.
Yup. It's one of ours. I'm not surprised.
We're the sole distributor in the area.
Between you and me, we're this close to landing Delaware.
Mazel tov. I know it's ridiculous. Any chance you can tell me
-what restaurant that came out of? -It's not ridiculous.
It was written a few years back. Sometimes cookies stay on shelves
for decades waiting for their matches.
Their matches?
-You think we send these out at random? -Mm...
-Kind of. -[Happy] That was the wrong answer.
Look, I’ve been chased around the block too many times to believe in mumbo jumbo.
The universe has an order to it. Fortunes shed light on that order.
Each one finds the person that’s supposed to read it.
She's helping us, Nick. Be nice.
I'm going to choose my words very carefully. Um...
I can appreciate in order to sell your dry, flavorless cookies
you got to peddle this story that makes you sound like
a simple-minded asshole, but there... is no such thing as the cosmic order.
The universe is a callous, indifferent bitch.
It will fuck you every chance it gets
and once you think it's done with you, it will fuck you from behind.
Do you think I'm afraid? You don't dominate the Tri-State Area and Delaware
by being afraid of skeptics.
I am rock hard right now.
Think about it this way, Mr. Sax.
That fortune you read, it brought you here today.
That and the number six bus.
Well, isn’t that fortunate... because I know where your cookie came from.
Nom Wah Tea Parlor.
One-eight-one Division Street, where is that?
Oh, shit.
Chinatown.
[Isabella] I was thinking about what you said.
-About turning off the cameras? -About the man who killed my boys,
the hit man.
-I want to be a hitman when I grow up. -[laughs]
-Gerry, please. -Why do you want to be a hitman, Gerry?
-They get to kill people, Auntie Izza. -Oh, Jesus.
But, you know, a hitman isn't just any killer. He's a special type.
He’s not a sociopath. Sociopaths kill for pleasure.
-Understand? -For pleasure.
Mm-hm. A hitman is a businessman. He kills for money.
So, the question becomes...
...who paid that man to kill my boys?
The truth is...
...I think it may have been a revenge killing.
Revenge?
It's no secret that I have done some bad things in my time.
I haven't always been a good man. No, it’s true.
But there's one low to which I have never sunk and I never will...
...this...
...so-called reality TV.
It is a virus, Isabella.
[doorbell rings]
-I'll get it. -Sit down!
Now, does society punish you for this?
No. It rewards you... lavishly.
Perhaps, looking down from...
...100 million feet up in the sky, our Lord...
...decided to take matters into his own hands.
He said: "This is not right.
This is not the world that I labored for seven days to create.
This is not what I wanted for the people for whom I sacrificed my own son to save”.
And so, Isabella, as is his way...
...God smote you.
He took his revenge on you, tit for tat,
killed your boys the way he killed those poor little Egyptian babies
back in historical times,
all because of unfortunate choices made by a parent.
It's not my fault.
It's not even the hitman's fault.
It's yours, Isabella.
You... you killed them.
[doorbell rings]
I'm going to get that.
Frappuccino?
[Mr. Bug] Blue, thank you for coming in on short notice.
Of course. I serve at your pleasure, Mr. Bug.
Do you know what bugs crave more than anything?
Dead... flesh?
Dead things.
[Mr. Bug] Darkness, the shadows.
The inside of a wall, the underside of a rock.
The holes in the cheese, the cavities of the world, one could say.
So, what do bugs loathe more than anything?
-The light? -Exposure!
You come into a room at night, flip the switch,
they scatter to every corner. You understand.
I understand.
Do you, though?
Because fuzzy or not, I know exactly who that is.
[Blue sighs]
[Mr. Bug] There are Jenners less exposed than this.
It's a family issue, I'll squash it--
-[grunts] -No, deal with it. I will.
That's not all. Your guy, Mr. Ho-Ho-Ho?
Junior Mozell? He's under strict orders to stay with the...
-...the cargo. -Oh, just say it, Blue.
The children.
[Mr. Bug] I don't want to second guess the way you do business, Blue,
but... the people you employ do reflect on you. Ah.
I mean, the Santa suit. It's a little... It’s a little camp, don't you think?
Everyone loves Christmas but perhaps he's taking it a little too far.
Do you really think he's stable enough to trust with work this... sensitive?
Yes, he does put his heart into his work, but what more can we--
Listen to me. It's only a few days until Christmas
and I need those deliveries made.
They are important gifts for important people.
I expect them to be bright and shining under the tree Christmas morning.
-Got it. Got it. -I'd like you to accelerate things.
We'll transfer the children to the prep stage tonight.
Yes, sir.
[dance music and chattering in background]
When I'm finished with you, you are going to regret
not having done this sooner.
-[Jessica] Warm. -Yes, warm.
You have such a way with words.
Not to bore you with shop talk, but this wax,
when it’s poured into the nostrils, perfection.
It restricts the breathing passages, not enough to kill you,
just enough to trigger excruciating pain as the blood vessels burst.
Well, what am I rattling on about?
Well, it'll also... there we go... take five years off your hands.
[slight chuckle] So, they'll only look 80.
Oh, now, now, now. Don’t be greedy.
As captivating as it is to stare into those empty, vacant eyes for hours on end,
well, every pleasure has its limits and I need some Smoothie time.
Need.
So, you just sit tight... and watch TV.
Oh, look, it's your favorite show.
[cheesy TV theme music]
-[Isabella] That’s it. -[Pixley] I’m going to win. No.
This is the first nice thing that I've done for myself in a long time.
[muffled groans]
[musical ringtone and cell phone buzzes]
Hold on.
-Smoothie. -Where the hell are you?
[muffled groans]
I am at the McCarthy's with Jessica, like you put me.
[Blue] The Bug is upset.
We're making some changes and I need you to do a scrub down today, now.
-I am in the middle of something. -Get out of it!
Shit.
Okay... I’ll be back.
Ah!
Come on, man. I’m not the guy you’re after.
Yo, I’m basically FedEx. Would you kill FedEx?
You work for murderers.
I don’t know nothing about that. I mean, you work for NYPD.
Pretty sure they’re not all saints up there.
You see this lock of hair? It belonged to a boy named Cal.
He is nine years old. This is not going to be a Merry Christmas for Cal.
If he’s not dead already.
Look at it.
I just deliver envelopes, point A to point B.
Cash is good. I’m just trying to put myself through Julliard.
This shit is not cheap.
-Julliard? -You like music?
-Piano. -What?
I play piano. Jazz.
I’m gonna be the black Bill Evans. See? I’m not some kind of monster, all right?
Piano.
[engine revs]
Oh! Okay. All right, please, please! Come on, man! This is harassment!
How's your finger feel on that throttle?
-Twitchy. -Part of you want to squeeze it?
A real big part.
You are going to tell us where you got that envelope, Liberace.
Or you’re going to need chopsticks to play Chopsticks. You understand?
Okay! All right!
It’s a dead drop. They page me an address. They leave it for me.
There you go.
-[whimpers] -Piano nothing, singing’s your forte.
Listen, you need to go home.
-Not a chance. -All right, I was wrong about you.
Maybe Nick was, too. You’re tough as shit.
But what I’m walking into, you’re going to be a liability to me and to her.
I can take you back to the station and lock you up,
or you can go home and rest.
I will call you as soon as I know anything. I promise.
[cheesy music and chattering in Mandarin on TV]
Nick, I think this cat is trying to tell me something... but what?
Come on.
Look at all the pretty plastic food, the paper lanterns and the funny hats!
I don't get it, Nick. Why do you hate Chinatown so much?
[Sax] Boom! Pai gow, mother... Oh! The deck hates me!
[grunts]
[sighs] Not again.
You’re a guy, aren't you? Meh.
-[groans] -I love a story with a happy ending!
I know I never pass one up.
All right, this is the place.
[girl speaks Mandarin]
Nick Sax. NYPD... ish.
I'm trying to locate a man who eats here, maybe orders in. A big, smelly animal.
Uh, looks like Santa Claus if you ran him over with a truck
and sprayed him with cat piss.
[speaks Mandarin]
Uh...
All right, hit me with some Mandarin slow.
I got this. Repeat after me.
[speaks Mandarin]
-Is that for real? -Shi. That means yes, Nick.
Well, give it to me slowly, will you, please?
[Happy speaks Mandarin and Sax repeats]
Yeah, yeah, keep it going.
[speaks Mandarin]
All right.
Not bad.
I had my doubts. Huh.
What the...
[girl] Yin Yang fish! Dead and alive.
Blue star at the Y, huh? Real impressive.
-She curse me out? -She says to wait for the boy to help us.
Okay, fine, I’ll wait, but I ain’t eating that!
[Happy] I can't believe you did that.
It was the humane thing to do.
All right. Let’s rev up the engines.
[Happy speaks Mandarin]
Speak English. How much weed do you want?
No, no, no, I’m not, uh... Yeah, maybe a J.
But I’m looking for a guy who orders out of this restaurant.
Looks like, uh, Santa Claus if was dragged through a swamp,
doused gasoline on himself.
Yeah. I remember a dude like that. Buys in bulk.
Couple of times a week, every week.
Spare ribs, moo shu, crab rangoon, extra fortune cookies.
-You don't look like immigration. -Immigration?
Dude orders enough to feed 50 Cambodians. Anyway, seems like no one lives there.
I figure it must be some kind of underground sweat shop.
-Whore house, maybe. -Well, color me twice as interested.
-Where is that? -An old buildings near South and Rutgers.
South and Rutgers? Let's be specific, kid. God is in the details.
Oh, sure. Let me check my digital delivery boy log for the coordinates.
Beep-beep-boop-boop. Ah!
Look, I'm trying to save a life here.
My patience has run out for the black hole of millennial sarcasm that is your brain.
Now, you're going to take me to that building,
or I'm going to snap your wrist, back over your delivery bike and smoke your weed.
-You got that? -[exhales sharply and pants]
Get up.
Oh, sweet Jesus, help me.
Serves you right for being a P-I-G.
[Sax] "Next time try duck." Now you tell me.
-What's that, Nick? -Dopey fortune says: "Next time try--"
Duck!
Oh!
[grunting and groaning]
[customers scream]
[Nick groans and triads yell]
[yelling and grunting]
[man screams]
-[laughs] Look, Hap, Yin Yang asshole. -Ah! Look out, Nick!
[grunts]
[grunts and pants]
[Ping] You can hide, but you can't run, Sax.
[crowd] Oh!
[nervous chattering]
Shame there's only five of you. With six, you get eggroll.
-Wow, that is so offensive. -Offensive? You are trying to kill me!
Oh, no, Sax. We're going to kill you.
[yells]
Beat it.
[grunting and groaning]
[groaning]
[pants]
Oh, shit.
I'm going to shove that slinky right up... Oh, shit. That hurt.
Goddammit.
-You shouldn't have come to Chinatown. -Oh, trust me there, Elvis.
I never want to set foot in this shithole tourist trap
for the rest of my life, but today I'm a man on a mission.
Whoa.
[brakes screech and crashing]
Chinatown. All right, come on, let’s go find Rutgers and South Street.
[men shout]
Oh, crap, more of 'em?
Yoo-hoo! Nick! Up here.
[pants softly]
-Did you bring what I asked for? -Si, Signora.
Grazie. [speaks Italian]
A cheeseburger.
Grazie.
And what brings you here today, my dear?
I... I’m just so broken hearted, Signora.
[breathes heavily]
I need to know who did this. I need to know who killed my babies.
Once you know the truth, you cannot un-know it.
-Capisce? -Yes. Si.
-Grazie. -Mamma! Nonna!
Bisnonna! Mostrami i figli di Isabella.
-[TV clicks and white noise] -[gasps]
Oh!
-I see them now. -Si?
They are together.
-They are in peace. -[breathes heavily]
And they love you very much.
[chuckles]
[speaks Italian]
Oh. They--
They warn you. You have an enemy in your house
and this enemy is the one who killed your three sons.
[exhales]
What... what is she saying, three? There’s four.
[speaks Italian]
What? [speaks Italian]
Mikey is not with them.
-Mrs. Scaramucci, what, uh... -I want to see my sons.
I'm in the middle of a very delicate op...
[grunts]
-You sure we're going the right way? -Eh, sure I'm sure. It's, uh...
Yeah, there’s the bridge right there.
That, uh... [exhales] That means we’re going east, then.
Yeah, I think we’re going east and, uh... Or is that east?
That means the building’s got to be, uh... The... Goddamn it.
You can't be lost, Nick.
Been lost 20 years. Trust me, I know lost.
Nick... what are you doing?
[chuckles]
What am I doing? I’m running around like an idiot because of a fortune cookie!
There’s got to be 20 buildings on one block!
Santa could be in any of 'em, or none of 'em.
You understand what I’m saying? We’ve run out of luck.
Wait, hold on.
Well, maybe not completely.
[chuckles]
[pattery of Happy tap dancing]
I have no idea what you’re doing, but I want it to stop!
Are you doing jazz hoofs?
-I’m doing the dance of hope. -Is that to get around the no singing rule
-because this is just as annoying? -No, there’s always hope, Nick.
Always hope. There’s always hope. Let me tell you a little something about hope.
Hope is like this lighter!
Screw it. Dance all you want. I don’t give a shit.
You know something? If you think a bolt is going to come out of the blue
and miraculously just light our way...
[thunder]
Holy shit!
[Happy] Oh, my God, Nick!
Gimbel's is where Santa's daddy worked.
I know. That's why I just said holy shit.
All right, all right.
Now, don't even say it.
Don’t even say it. Don’t say it.
[thunder]
I thought you said this place was ritzy.
Yeah, well, it was when I was a kid.
Oh, I remember how hard it was for Hailey to learn how to tie her shoes.
But she did learn.
Sometimes I miss her so bad, I just close my eyes
and remember that time we learned to make our own pizzas, or when we went to
the planetarium and looked at the telescope and we could see Pluto,
like we were right there.
Memories fade... or they start to hurt. And then one day you wake up
and the newspapers tell you Pluto's no longer a planet.
[sighs] Like none of it ever happened.
All right, come on.
Where to?
Women's Casuals.
[door hinges creak]
[gramophone record jumps] Christmas, Christmas...
[song stops]
[grunting]
[Sax] Oh, God! What’d you do that for?
-[Merry] Sax? -You stabbed me right in my good leg.
This is it, Nick, the dark room!
[pants]
Hailey. Hailey?
[frustrated yell]
[Hailey] Don't worry. Happy and my dad are coming. They are going to save us.
How will he find us now?
I... I don't know.
Say it again! Say it!
Twelve drummers drumming
[kids] On the first day of Christmas My true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree...