1 00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,833 Hey, Kantmiss! 2 00:00:58,835 --> 00:01:01,970 I am the great and powerful-- 3 00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:03,371 Aah! 4 00:01:03,373 --> 00:01:04,739 Dale! 5 00:01:04,741 --> 00:01:06,007 Just wanted to surprise you. 6 00:01:06,009 --> 00:01:07,275 You made me miss my shot. 7 00:01:07,277 --> 00:01:08,677 Ow. 8 00:01:08,679 --> 00:01:10,412 Son of a bitch! My back! 9 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,387 Look what I got. 10 00:01:20,756 --> 00:01:22,290 Is it real? 11 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:24,726 Ohh! Psych! 12 00:01:24,728 --> 00:01:25,960 It's gag bread! 13 00:01:26,963 --> 00:01:27,962 Look at you. 14 00:01:29,299 --> 00:01:30,465 Right. 15 00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:32,600 You know... 16 00:01:33,436 --> 00:01:36,104 we could run away from here. 17 00:01:36,106 --> 00:01:38,006 We could live someplace else. 18 00:01:38,008 --> 00:01:39,307 Like where? 19 00:01:39,309 --> 00:01:42,444 Anywhere that's better than here. 20 00:01:42,446 --> 00:01:44,913 Darfur. Syria. 21 00:01:44,915 --> 00:01:46,281 New Jersey. 22 00:01:46,283 --> 00:01:50,085 Dale, that's--that's romantic and all... 23 00:01:51,721 --> 00:01:53,722 but I can't leave my sister. 24 00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,256 I can't leave either. 25 00:01:55,258 --> 00:01:59,227 My dear, old grandma depends on me to feed her. 26 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:04,566 God, I am never having kids. 27 00:02:04,568 --> 00:02:06,367 I mean, how can you raise a child 28 00:02:06,369 --> 00:02:07,936 in a world where they televise 29 00:02:07,938 --> 00:02:11,406 all of life's misery and inhumanity and then pass it off 30 00:02:11,408 --> 00:02:13,641 as some sort of twisted entertainment? 31 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:15,877 "The Hunger Games." 32 00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:17,245 "16 and Pregnant." 33 00:02:17,247 --> 00:02:18,880 Good morning, 34 00:02:18,882 --> 00:02:20,582 hungry citizens of District 12. 35 00:02:20,584 --> 00:02:23,251 In today's news, we still have no food, 36 00:02:23,253 --> 00:02:25,086 and the weather will be shitty. 37 00:02:25,088 --> 00:02:26,187 Oh, and don't forget, 38 00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:28,656 today is the Gathering Ceremony, 39 00:02:28,658 --> 00:02:31,259 so, parents, please bring your beloved children 40 00:02:31,261 --> 00:02:33,928 to the square for a random death lottery. 41 00:02:33,930 --> 00:02:35,196 Thank you. 42 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,400 I heard that some kids are so afraid 43 00:02:39,402 --> 00:02:40,769 of getting picked for the Games 44 00:02:40,771 --> 00:02:42,937 that they'll actually try to get disqualified 45 00:02:42,939 --> 00:02:45,807 by injuring or maiming themselves. 46 00:02:45,809 --> 00:02:47,375 That's an urban legend. 47 00:02:51,248 --> 00:02:53,515 Uhh! 48 00:03:05,494 --> 00:03:06,728 Get in line. 49 00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:11,833 Oh, come on, bitch. 50 00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:24,846 Ipso facto p-- 51 00:03:24,848 --> 00:03:26,581 Your movie franchise is over. 52 00:03:26,583 --> 00:03:27,782 Get back in line. 53 00:03:27,784 --> 00:03:28,817 Get back in line. 54 00:03:28,819 --> 00:03:30,718 Bloody dick. 55 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,520 Hey, no talking. 56 00:03:33,989 --> 00:03:35,857 Keep it moving. 57 00:03:35,859 --> 00:03:37,992 I gotta find my sister. 58 00:03:37,994 --> 00:03:39,194 Good luck. 59 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,500 Petunia. Kantmiss. 60 00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:48,937 Hey, Mom. 61 00:03:51,707 --> 00:03:55,210 I'm scared, Kantmiss. I'm scared. 62 00:03:55,212 --> 00:03:57,579 Hey, hey, don't be. I got you this. 63 00:03:57,581 --> 00:04:01,449 It's the most courageous bird that there is... 64 00:04:01,451 --> 00:04:03,017 a chicken. 65 00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:05,086 When you wear this, nothing bad can happen to you. 66 00:04:06,523 --> 00:04:08,256 Shh. Shh. No, don't cry. 67 00:04:08,258 --> 00:04:10,024 You're gonna be fine, okay? 68 00:04:10,026 --> 00:04:11,726 I promise. 69 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,366 Keep moving. 70 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:27,609 Line up! 71 00:04:27,611 --> 00:04:30,645 Girls on the right. Boys on the left! 72 00:04:34,383 --> 00:04:39,487 Welcome to the 75th annual Starving Games. 73 00:04:42,224 --> 00:04:44,659 Oh. Oh! Ohh! 74 00:04:49,899 --> 00:04:51,399 Hey. Ohh! 75 00:04:52,569 --> 00:04:54,269 But that was my sausage! 76 00:04:54,271 --> 00:04:57,338 And now a video from our esteemed leader, 77 00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:59,173 President Snowballs. 78 00:05:04,213 --> 00:05:06,414 He once killed his own mother... 79 00:05:08,652 --> 00:05:11,986 because she forgot to cut the crust off his PB&J. 80 00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:16,991 His only Facebook friend is Mel Gibson. 81 00:05:18,094 --> 00:05:19,360 He has an online blog 82 00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,896 that gives away the endings of movies 83 00:05:21,898 --> 00:05:25,166 without ever using the disclaimer "spoiler alert." 84 00:05:25,168 --> 00:05:26,734 What? He is... 85 00:05:26,736 --> 00:05:29,938 the most terrible man in the world. 86 00:05:31,473 --> 00:05:33,374 I don't always like beer, 87 00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:36,978 but when I want one, I choose Tres Equis. 88 00:05:39,515 --> 00:05:42,016 Tastes like piss water. 89 00:05:42,018 --> 00:05:43,084 Aah! 90 00:05:46,789 --> 00:05:49,023 Every year, I make you watch this video, 91 00:05:49,025 --> 00:05:51,292 because, well, you're dumb. 92 00:05:52,695 --> 00:05:54,262 People forget how in the past 93 00:05:54,264 --> 00:05:55,530 shit really hit the fan. 94 00:05:57,366 --> 00:06:00,134 Corporations got too big, and people lost trust. 95 00:06:01,738 --> 00:06:04,439 They staged sit-ins. They rioted. 96 00:06:04,441 --> 00:06:07,108 You elected Lady Gaga as President 97 00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:08,943 and her running mate Nicki Minaj. 98 00:06:08,945 --> 00:06:10,979 That's why we wear these kooky clothes now 99 00:06:10,981 --> 00:06:12,714 and have bizarre hairdos. 100 00:06:14,451 --> 00:06:15,650 Then I took over 101 00:06:15,652 --> 00:06:17,218 and separated the country into districts 102 00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,053 so that stupid shit never happened again. 103 00:06:19,055 --> 00:06:20,755 Aah! 104 00:06:23,226 --> 00:06:24,892 You've proven that democracy doesn't work, 105 00:06:24,894 --> 00:06:27,195 and I'm here, in my sixth self-proclaimed term, 106 00:06:27,197 --> 00:06:29,430 to ensure that all free will is expunged, 107 00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:31,566 never to rear its ugly head again. 108 00:06:41,678 --> 00:06:44,045 Yes, that brings us to today. 109 00:06:44,047 --> 00:06:47,215 Just to prove what a sick, sadistic prick I am 110 00:06:47,217 --> 00:06:48,783 and how you have no control... 111 00:06:49,886 --> 00:06:51,819 and admittedly after watching "The Running Man" 112 00:06:51,821 --> 00:06:53,855 and the Japanese cult hit "Battle Royale," 113 00:06:53,857 --> 00:06:55,356 I came up with the Starving Games. 114 00:06:55,358 --> 00:06:57,792 Two kids from each district are selected 115 00:06:57,794 --> 00:07:00,628 to play a game to the death with only one survivor. 116 00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:03,064 The winner is to be showered with a bounty, 117 00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:05,533 including an old ham... 118 00:07:05,535 --> 00:07:08,036 Oh, I love old ham. 119 00:07:08,038 --> 00:07:09,437 this coupon to Subway-- 120 00:07:09,439 --> 00:07:11,939 buy any foot-long for a six-inch price-- 121 00:07:11,941 --> 00:07:13,007 and... 122 00:07:16,278 --> 00:07:17,712 a partially eaten pickle. 123 00:07:17,714 --> 00:07:20,281 So happy Starving Games, 124 00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:23,451 and may the odds be never in your favor. 125 00:07:29,925 --> 00:07:31,459 A President Snowballs production. 126 00:07:31,461 --> 00:07:35,763 Now let the gathering begin! Ahem. 127 00:07:53,315 --> 00:07:55,683 Hugh Janus. 128 00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:58,019 Hmm? 129 00:07:58,021 --> 00:08:00,922 No? Yeah. All right. 130 00:08:00,924 --> 00:08:02,190 I'll pick again. Heh. 131 00:08:04,893 --> 00:08:06,260 Phil Mahooters. 132 00:08:08,431 --> 00:08:10,531 Please, Phil Mahooters? 133 00:08:14,470 --> 00:08:16,471 Dean Gullberry. 134 00:08:17,707 --> 00:08:19,407 Everyone look around. 135 00:08:19,409 --> 00:08:21,576 Check behind you for a Dean Gullberry. 136 00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:34,455 This is being televised around the country! 137 00:08:35,457 --> 00:08:36,858 You won't be laughing 138 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:39,227 when two of you are picked and thrown into the arena 139 00:08:39,229 --> 00:08:40,495 for your most certain deaths. 140 00:08:43,165 --> 00:08:44,365 Ahem. 141 00:08:49,338 --> 00:08:50,638 It's okay. 142 00:08:57,980 --> 00:09:00,081 Petunia Evershot. 143 00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:07,889 Whoo! 144 00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:09,557 Yes! Yes! 145 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:10,925 I didn't get picked. 146 00:09:10,927 --> 00:09:12,894 Hoo-whoo! 147 00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:15,396 Hoo! Whoo! Yeah! 148 00:09:21,204 --> 00:09:22,603 Whoo! Come on! Gimme some. 149 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:25,039 Yeah. One more. Oh! Whew. 150 00:09:32,147 --> 00:09:34,682 But I got picked. 151 00:09:40,189 --> 00:09:41,923 Petunia, I am so sorry. 152 00:09:45,494 --> 00:09:47,495 Petunia, no. Not fair. 153 00:09:47,497 --> 00:09:49,630 Do not give me those puppy-dog eyes. 154 00:09:55,538 --> 00:09:57,438 I volunteer! 155 00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:58,606 Oh. 156 00:09:58,608 --> 00:10:00,474 I volunteer for the Starving Games! 157 00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,476 Thanks, big sis. 158 00:10:02,478 --> 00:10:04,779 Oh! If you never make it back from the Games, 159 00:10:04,781 --> 00:10:06,614 can I eat your pet hamster? 160 00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:08,616 What? 161 00:10:11,354 --> 00:10:14,021 Come, dear. 162 00:10:15,959 --> 00:10:20,528 Now let's pick a boy to join you in the games. 163 00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,463 I volunteer also! 164 00:10:22,465 --> 00:10:23,864 Who said that? 165 00:10:23,866 --> 00:10:25,266 I did. 166 00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:26,801 I'm Peter Malarkey. 167 00:10:28,537 --> 00:10:30,137 Oh. 168 00:10:35,310 --> 00:10:36,310 Hey, Kantmiss. 169 00:10:38,747 --> 00:10:42,250 I volunteered because I like you, 170 00:10:42,252 --> 00:10:43,517 a lot, and I-- I'm sorry. 171 00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:44,552 Do I know you? 172 00:10:44,554 --> 00:10:45,953 Um... 173 00:10:47,322 --> 00:10:49,457 I'm--I'm the baker's son. 174 00:10:49,459 --> 00:10:51,525 I once fed you when you were hungry. 175 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,461 Oh, right. 176 00:10:53,463 --> 00:10:55,963 You gave me that walnut bread. 177 00:10:55,965 --> 00:10:57,164 Yeah. 178 00:10:57,166 --> 00:10:58,332 Yeah. 179 00:10:58,334 --> 00:11:00,201 I have a severe nut allergy, 180 00:11:00,203 --> 00:11:01,202 and I almost died. 181 00:11:04,139 --> 00:11:07,341 Let's hear it for our contestants! 182 00:11:22,324 --> 00:11:25,293 And don't forget to tune in to the Starving Games 183 00:11:25,295 --> 00:11:28,429 after the season finale of "Downton Abbey." 184 00:11:28,431 --> 00:11:29,530 Can't we say our goodbyes? 185 00:11:29,532 --> 00:11:30,765 Of course, dear. 186 00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:33,834 The Capital isn't completely inhumane. 187 00:11:33,836 --> 00:11:35,303 You got 9 seconds. 188 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:39,240 Petunia! Kantmiss! 189 00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:43,377 Don't worry. You're in good hands with Mom. 190 00:11:50,819 --> 00:11:53,020 What's up with that Peter dude? 191 00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:53,954 What? 192 00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:55,723 I mean he's a total dork, right? 193 00:11:56,625 --> 00:11:58,326 How much do you think he benches? 194 00:11:58,328 --> 00:11:59,393 Uh... 195 00:11:59,395 --> 00:12:00,761 Time's up! 196 00:12:03,532 --> 00:12:04,932 Dale! Yeah? 197 00:12:04,934 --> 00:12:06,667 Promise me you'll take care of Petunia! 198 00:12:06,669 --> 00:12:09,437 I will, Kantmiss. 199 00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:10,938 I promise. 200 00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:12,440 Wait! 201 00:12:12,442 --> 00:12:13,441 Later. 202 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:18,145 Shitheads. 203 00:12:32,327 --> 00:12:33,394 The Nike Swoosh? 204 00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:34,795 Yes, I started selling 205 00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,163 advertising space on my face. 206 00:12:36,165 --> 00:12:37,965 Your willingness to sell out and whore yourself 207 00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:39,967 is the primary reason I made you head programmer. 208 00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:41,102 Thank you, Mr. President. 209 00:12:41,104 --> 00:12:43,204 How is the big TV show looking? 210 00:12:43,206 --> 00:12:45,806 Fantastic. We've replaced Charlie Sheen with Ashton Kutcher, 211 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,875 and no one really seems to give a shit. 212 00:12:49,010 --> 00:12:50,544 And the Starving Games? 213 00:12:50,546 --> 00:12:51,812 It's gonna be a great show. 214 00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,081 We have some very interesting contestants, 215 00:12:54,083 --> 00:12:56,584 with 2 volunteers from District 12. 216 00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:58,119 Volunteers. 217 00:12:58,121 --> 00:12:59,720 R-O-T-F-L-O-L. 218 00:12:59,722 --> 00:13:01,389 And because you made it law 219 00:13:01,391 --> 00:13:04,058 that whoever doesn't watch the Games would be publicly flogged, 220 00:13:04,060 --> 00:13:05,659 we're expecting record high ratings. 221 00:13:05,661 --> 00:13:07,395 Well, after last years debacle, 222 00:13:07,397 --> 00:13:08,896 I really had no choice. 223 00:13:08,898 --> 00:13:11,632 "Celebrity Starving Games" was a lousy idea. 224 00:13:11,634 --> 00:13:13,401 No one could have anticipated 225 00:13:13,403 --> 00:13:15,369 that Oprah would eat all the other contestants. 226 00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:20,374 I want this game to go off without a hitch. 227 00:13:20,376 --> 00:13:21,776 I don't want some underdog 228 00:13:21,778 --> 00:13:25,146 from a poor district to enter the Games and stir up the masses 229 00:13:25,148 --> 00:13:27,214 with her archery skills and her brunette hair 230 00:13:27,216 --> 00:13:29,216 fashioned into a trademark single braid, 231 00:13:29,218 --> 00:13:31,819 inspiring revolt which will not only overthrows my presidency, 232 00:13:31,821 --> 00:13:33,954 but also spawns a successful 233 00:13:33,956 --> 00:13:35,423 four-quadrant blockbuster. 234 00:13:38,093 --> 00:13:40,194 Ohh! 235 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,831 And I may need a new gardener. 236 00:13:43,833 --> 00:13:46,100 I'm Stanley Ceaserman, and this is 237 00:13:46,102 --> 00:13:49,637 "The Starving Games Countdown Show!" 238 00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,314 Tomorrow, the Games begin, 239 00:14:00,316 --> 00:14:02,750 but tonight, we're going to meet the contestants. 240 00:14:02,752 --> 00:14:03,918 You'll get to know them 241 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,386 through their touching backstories, 242 00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:07,922 where we'll manipulate you with heavily edited 243 00:14:07,924 --> 00:14:10,491 home video footage and tragic testimonials. 244 00:14:10,493 --> 00:14:13,861 Then, when you're emotionally attached to them, 245 00:14:13,863 --> 00:14:16,597 we'll send them off to their horrific slaughter. 246 00:14:18,935 --> 00:14:20,835 Let's meet our first contestant. 247 00:14:20,837 --> 00:14:22,736 Going in order from District One, 248 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:24,939 he's the odds-on favorite to win this thing. 249 00:14:24,941 --> 00:14:26,974 He's blond. He's Waspy. 250 00:14:26,976 --> 00:14:29,477 He's the Aryan youth incarnate. 251 00:14:29,479 --> 00:14:32,913 He's Marco! 252 00:14:40,055 --> 00:14:41,355 Yeah! 253 00:14:41,357 --> 00:14:43,858 Ahh! Yeah! 254 00:14:46,795 --> 00:14:48,896 Hello, guy. 255 00:14:48,898 --> 00:14:50,531 Tell us about yourself. 256 00:14:50,533 --> 00:14:53,167 I'm from District One. It's a prime district. 257 00:14:53,169 --> 00:14:53,968 Who are you? 258 00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,236 I'm Cinnamon, 259 00:14:55,238 --> 00:14:56,904 your stylist. 260 00:14:56,906 --> 00:14:58,239 How are you holding up? 261 00:14:58,241 --> 00:14:59,740 I'm scared. 262 00:14:59,742 --> 00:15:01,542 I don't want to die. 263 00:15:01,544 --> 00:15:03,410 Ahh. I'm here to tell you 264 00:15:03,412 --> 00:15:04,812 that I believe in you. 265 00:15:04,814 --> 00:15:05,813 You can win this. 266 00:15:05,815 --> 00:15:07,248 I looked at your records, 267 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:10,217 and you are smarter and craftier than all of them. 268 00:15:10,219 --> 00:15:12,553 Really? You think that I can win? 269 00:15:12,555 --> 00:15:14,255 Yes, Patricia. 270 00:15:14,257 --> 00:15:15,556 I know it. 271 00:15:15,558 --> 00:15:16,557 Who's Patricia? 272 00:15:18,761 --> 00:15:20,794 You're not the girl from District Three? 273 00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:23,197 No, I'm from District 12. 274 00:15:30,005 --> 00:15:31,906 You know, this is perfectly normal. 275 00:15:31,908 --> 00:15:34,642 You seem like you strong-- 276 00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:41,248 And now, from District 12, Peter Malarkey. 277 00:15:43,386 --> 00:15:47,288 So, Peter, tell us, 278 00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:50,925 is there a special someone in your life? 279 00:15:53,228 --> 00:15:54,295 Yeah. 280 00:15:55,664 --> 00:15:56,730 Yeah, there is someone. 281 00:15:56,732 --> 00:15:59,166 Aww. Aww. 282 00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,968 Ohh. 283 00:16:00,970 --> 00:16:03,304 Well, do tell. 284 00:16:03,306 --> 00:16:05,673 The person's actually here tonight, 285 00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:08,442 a person who is... 286 00:16:08,444 --> 00:16:10,678 also in the Games. 287 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:11,979 In the Games with you? 288 00:16:11,981 --> 00:16:14,348 Aww. Aww. 289 00:16:17,586 --> 00:16:20,621 Well, go on. 290 00:16:20,623 --> 00:16:22,289 Well... 291 00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:24,191 it's a person I've been wanting 292 00:16:24,193 --> 00:16:26,527 to get closer to for a long time. 293 00:16:26,529 --> 00:16:28,329 You son of a bitch. 294 00:16:29,497 --> 00:16:30,497 So... 295 00:16:30,499 --> 00:16:31,999 tall, 296 00:16:32,001 --> 00:16:33,834 with beautiful eyes 297 00:16:33,836 --> 00:16:36,804 and a smoking hot bod, but... 298 00:16:36,806 --> 00:16:39,239 you know, more than anything, 299 00:16:39,241 --> 00:16:40,941 this person's got a lot of heart. 300 00:16:40,943 --> 00:16:42,376 Aww. Aww. 301 00:16:42,378 --> 00:16:44,712 Well, you must tell us. Who is it? 302 00:16:50,785 --> 00:16:52,853 It's Marco! 303 00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:54,722 Me? 304 00:16:54,724 --> 00:16:56,290 Heh. 305 00:16:56,292 --> 00:16:57,091 Huh? Huh? 306 00:17:00,161 --> 00:17:01,362 Let's hear it for Peter. 307 00:17:07,636 --> 00:17:08,869 You little shit! 308 00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:11,305 I'm gonna stick a foot in your ass! 309 00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:14,008 Ohh! Jeez. 310 00:17:14,010 --> 00:17:15,476 What the hell was that about? 311 00:17:15,478 --> 00:17:17,378 It's called building an alliance. 312 00:17:18,714 --> 00:17:21,815 Haven't you ever watched "Survivor" or "Big Brother"? 313 00:17:21,817 --> 00:17:23,684 - Aah! - When's-- 314 00:17:23,686 --> 00:17:26,353 When was the last time you trimmed your toenails? 315 00:17:29,824 --> 00:17:31,091 Ohh. 316 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:35,496 And now, for our final contestant, 317 00:17:35,498 --> 00:17:36,797 from District 12, 318 00:17:36,799 --> 00:17:39,033 Kantmiss Evershot. 319 00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:40,868 Whoo! 320 00:17:40,870 --> 00:17:42,403 Let's take a look. 321 00:17:42,405 --> 00:17:45,105 Kantmiss is the best big sister in the world. 322 00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:49,209 She takes care of me. She feeds me. She clothes me. 323 00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:51,245 She even reads to me. 324 00:17:53,715 --> 00:17:55,883 Ever since Dad died, 325 00:17:55,885 --> 00:17:58,452 Mom's been a little bummed out, 326 00:17:58,454 --> 00:18:02,489 but that doesn't stop the three of us from having a whole lot of fun. 327 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:09,229 From the first time I saw Kantmiss, I knew. 328 00:18:09,231 --> 00:18:11,699 I knew she was the one for me. 329 00:18:11,701 --> 00:18:13,934 She's got class. 330 00:18:13,936 --> 00:18:16,537 She's a real lady. 331 00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:20,741 Oh, my God. 332 00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:29,683 Ohh! Oh, my God. 333 00:18:31,454 --> 00:18:32,720 Ohh! Ohh! 334 00:18:33,722 --> 00:18:35,122 Isn't that just touching? 335 00:18:35,124 --> 00:18:36,757 Aww. Aww. 336 00:18:36,759 --> 00:18:38,258 Let's bring her out, shall we? 337 00:18:40,896 --> 00:18:42,930 Kantmiss Evershot! 338 00:18:49,537 --> 00:18:52,706 So, Kantmiss, that's quite a dress. 339 00:18:52,708 --> 00:18:54,141 Give us a little spin. 340 00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:01,582 Heh. Go on. 341 00:19:01,584 --> 00:19:02,649 Don't be shy. 342 00:19:09,258 --> 00:19:11,759 Very nice. 343 00:19:11,761 --> 00:19:12,860 Oh. 344 00:19:16,564 --> 00:19:18,899 Wow, I'm getting word that flames 345 00:19:18,901 --> 00:19:20,801 actually ignite from the dress. 346 00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:21,902 Flames? 347 00:19:27,977 --> 00:19:29,409 Oh! ! Oh! 348 00:19:29,411 --> 00:19:30,944 - Oh, my God. - Oh,. 349 00:19:30,946 --> 00:19:32,780 Oh, . Aah! 350 00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:36,683 Why are you clapping, you stupid?! 351 00:19:36,685 --> 00:19:38,085 Aah! 352 00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:39,820 - I'm on fire! - I'm on fire! 353 00:19:39,822 --> 00:19:43,090 Let's hear it for Kantmiss, the girl on fire! 354 00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:44,825 Ah,! It's on fire! 355 00:19:44,827 --> 00:19:46,193 It's on fire! It burns! 356 00:19:46,195 --> 00:19:48,562 I'm on fire!! 357 00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,432 Good morning, sport fans, 358 00:19:52,434 --> 00:19:55,169 and welcome to the 75th annual Starving Games. 359 00:19:55,171 --> 00:19:56,804 I'm your host Bob Hylox, 360 00:19:56,806 --> 00:19:58,372 and with me is my sidekick 361 00:19:58,374 --> 00:20:01,008 and color commentator, Cleaver Williams. 362 00:20:01,010 --> 00:20:02,109 Cleaver, how you doing? 363 00:20:02,111 --> 00:20:03,577 Excited about today's Games? 364 00:20:06,181 --> 00:20:07,614 Fantastic. 365 00:20:07,616 --> 00:20:10,150 Cleaver is a past Games winner, of course. 366 00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:12,219 In fact, Cleaver, why don't you tell everybody 367 00:20:12,221 --> 00:20:13,453 in the district watching, 368 00:20:13,455 --> 00:20:15,489 how you got that delightful nickname. 369 00:20:15,491 --> 00:20:18,192 I used a meat cleaver to kill everyone. 370 00:20:21,162 --> 00:20:23,831 Still got the old moves. 371 00:20:26,268 --> 00:20:28,101 Hello, Siri. 372 00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:29,403 Hello, Seleca. 373 00:20:29,405 --> 00:20:31,004 How's it hanging, boo? 374 00:20:31,006 --> 00:20:32,005 Low and to the left. 375 00:20:32,007 --> 00:20:35,342 Good one. 376 00:20:35,344 --> 00:20:37,244 All right. Looks like the contestants 377 00:20:37,246 --> 00:20:38,378 have taken the field. 378 00:20:38,380 --> 00:20:40,314 All right, Siri, cut to the field. 379 00:20:55,496 --> 00:20:58,599 Say your prayers, my son, 'cause you are dead. 380 00:21:02,503 --> 00:21:04,872 And the countdown has begun. 381 00:21:04,874 --> 00:21:06,573 30, 382 00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:08,275 29... 383 00:21:08,277 --> 00:21:10,477 Oh, God. 28... 384 00:21:12,580 --> 00:21:13,714 27... 385 00:21:13,716 --> 00:21:14,748 Hmm? 386 00:21:14,750 --> 00:21:16,650 26... 387 00:21:17,752 --> 00:21:18,785 25... 388 00:21:20,856 --> 00:21:22,923 24, 389 00:21:22,925 --> 00:21:24,825 23, 390 00:21:24,827 --> 00:21:27,427 22... 391 00:21:28,696 --> 00:21:29,796 21... 392 00:21:29,798 --> 00:21:31,231 Now, it's very important 393 00:21:31,233 --> 00:21:32,733 that the contestants don't move 394 00:21:32,735 --> 00:21:35,269 off the silver circles before zero. 395 00:21:35,271 --> 00:21:37,004 Otherwise, kablammo, 396 00:21:37,006 --> 00:21:40,474 as the field is booby-trapped with explosives. 397 00:21:40,476 --> 00:21:42,242 Don't need to remind me. 398 00:21:42,244 --> 00:21:44,845 I went too soon, and I still can't poop right. 399 00:21:46,814 --> 00:21:48,849 How 'bout that? 400 00:21:50,151 --> 00:21:51,885 13, 401 00:21:51,887 --> 00:21:52,886 12... 402 00:21:54,622 --> 00:21:55,522 11... Huh? 403 00:21:59,061 --> 00:22:00,460 What are you doing here? 404 00:22:00,462 --> 00:22:01,962 We were asked to perform 405 00:22:01,964 --> 00:22:03,096 at the opening ceremony. 406 00:22:03,098 --> 00:22:05,165 This is the arena. 407 00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:07,868 Oh, you're looking for stage two. 408 00:22:09,838 --> 00:22:11,905 Oh. Thanks. Thanks. 409 00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:18,879 Oops. 410 00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:25,252 Wow! What a way to start the Games! 411 00:22:25,254 --> 00:22:27,254 10, 412 00:22:27,256 --> 00:22:28,755 9... 413 00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:31,725 8... 414 00:22:32,894 --> 00:22:34,494 7... 415 00:22:35,763 --> 00:22:37,497 6, 416 00:22:37,499 --> 00:22:39,366 5... 417 00:22:40,535 --> 00:22:41,601 4... 418 00:22:42,603 --> 00:22:43,603 3... 419 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,174 2... 420 00:22:47,176 --> 00:22:48,675 1. 421 00:23:06,261 --> 00:23:07,995 Siri, more blood. 422 00:23:11,199 --> 00:23:12,199 Oh. 423 00:23:14,136 --> 00:23:15,435 Much better. 424 00:23:31,686 --> 00:23:32,486 Ooh! Ooh! 425 00:23:38,227 --> 00:23:40,994 Yeah, Marco! Yeah! 426 00:23:53,274 --> 00:23:54,408 Let go! 427 00:23:54,410 --> 00:23:55,609 I got here first! 428 00:23:57,512 --> 00:23:59,346 Yaah! Now give it to me! 429 00:23:59,348 --> 00:24:00,680 No. I'm not letting go. 430 00:24:00,682 --> 00:24:02,249 There is a dagger in your back! 431 00:24:02,251 --> 00:24:03,917 I'm okay! 432 00:24:06,788 --> 00:24:07,921 What? 433 00:24:09,223 --> 00:24:10,223 It's fine. 434 00:24:10,225 --> 00:24:12,626 It's fine? 435 00:24:12,628 --> 00:24:14,394 Seriously? You're not letting go? 436 00:24:14,396 --> 00:24:15,695 I want this backpack! 437 00:24:26,107 --> 00:24:28,308 I want this backpack! 438 00:24:28,310 --> 00:24:30,777 I want it. It's mine! 439 00:24:31,879 --> 00:24:33,080 I'm not letting go! 440 00:24:36,150 --> 00:24:37,851 That was my backpack! 441 00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:48,562 What was that sound? 442 00:24:48,564 --> 00:24:49,996 It's the cannon. They shoot it off 443 00:24:49,998 --> 00:24:51,465 to announce whenever someone is killed. 444 00:24:51,467 --> 00:24:52,766 Nice. Looks like the odds 445 00:24:52,768 --> 00:24:54,267 just got better for me, then. 446 00:24:55,504 --> 00:24:56,970 My balls! 447 00:24:58,439 --> 00:25:02,142 Oh! That has got to hurt. 448 00:25:02,144 --> 00:25:03,610 Let's see an instant replay. 449 00:25:03,612 --> 00:25:05,879 My balls! 450 00:25:07,449 --> 00:25:09,916 My balls! 451 00:25:09,918 --> 00:25:11,051 My balls! 452 00:25:12,287 --> 00:25:13,520 My ball-- 453 00:25:13,522 --> 00:25:16,423 My ball-- My--My ball-- 454 00:25:16,425 --> 00:25:18,792 My ball-- 455 00:25:18,794 --> 00:25:22,129 My balls! 456 00:25:23,531 --> 00:25:25,599 That makes me laugh, Bob. 457 00:25:52,393 --> 00:25:54,060 Get away from me! 458 00:26:09,377 --> 00:26:10,577 Wow! 459 00:26:11,747 --> 00:26:12,879 Who is this girl? 460 00:26:12,881 --> 00:26:14,548 What district is she from? 461 00:26:14,550 --> 00:26:18,118 I'm standing here in scummy District 12, 462 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,421 where people can't believe that Peter and Kantmiss 463 00:26:21,423 --> 00:26:23,823 have actually survived the opening. 464 00:26:23,825 --> 00:26:25,859 You can see the excitement is high, 465 00:26:25,861 --> 00:26:30,263 as no one from this district has won in a very long time. 466 00:26:30,265 --> 00:26:31,498 Yeah! Unh! 467 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:33,500 Go, Kantmiss! Whoo! 468 00:26:33,502 --> 00:26:34,568 That's my girl! 469 00:26:34,570 --> 00:26:36,736 That's my girl! 470 00:26:36,738 --> 00:26:38,405 Yeah! 471 00:26:38,407 --> 00:26:40,473 Back to you in the studio. 472 00:26:40,475 --> 00:26:41,975 I'm on TV! 473 00:26:41,977 --> 00:26:43,476 Thanks, Stanley. 474 00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:44,744 And how's the scoreboard looking, Cleaver? 475 00:26:48,282 --> 00:26:49,916 Got a lot of people dead. 476 00:26:49,918 --> 00:26:52,419 Still, lot of people alive. 477 00:26:52,421 --> 00:26:53,853 Enlightening. 478 00:26:53,855 --> 00:26:56,323 Oh, looks like Kantmiss is making her way 479 00:26:56,325 --> 00:26:58,191 to the outer edge of the arena. 480 00:27:00,361 --> 00:27:02,329 Siri, slow her down. 481 00:27:08,769 --> 00:27:10,136 Ow. 482 00:27:10,138 --> 00:27:12,973 Now let's get Kantmiss back to the center of the action. 483 00:27:12,975 --> 00:27:14,107 Holla! 484 00:27:14,109 --> 00:27:16,576 And cue the thrilling action music. 485 00:27:16,578 --> 00:27:18,445 Ooh. 486 00:27:51,279 --> 00:27:52,279 Hmm. 487 00:28:09,730 --> 00:28:12,132 Oh, you want to play, huh? Okay. 488 00:28:12,134 --> 00:28:13,400 Siri. 489 00:28:13,402 --> 00:28:14,401 Yeah, what you need? 490 00:28:14,403 --> 00:28:15,435 Attack her with the latest 491 00:28:15,437 --> 00:28:17,003 technological weaponry we have. 492 00:28:21,375 --> 00:28:23,443 Whoo-hah! 493 00:28:23,445 --> 00:28:24,577 Oh, shit! 494 00:28:24,579 --> 00:28:28,315 Yah! Whee hee hee! 495 00:28:28,317 --> 00:28:29,949 Hee hee hee! 496 00:28:59,313 --> 00:29:00,447 No. 497 00:29:00,449 --> 00:29:01,948 What? What? 498 00:29:01,950 --> 00:29:04,284 Orange you glad to see me? 499 00:29:04,286 --> 00:29:06,052 Hey, hey, hey! 500 00:29:06,054 --> 00:29:08,288 What do you get when you cross an orange 501 00:29:08,290 --> 00:29:09,889 with Quentin Tarantino? 502 00:29:09,891 --> 00:29:11,624 "Pulp Fiction." You get it? 503 00:29:11,626 --> 00:29:14,227 Pulp. 504 00:29:14,229 --> 00:29:15,662 Hey, Kantmiss, 505 00:29:15,664 --> 00:29:17,130 last time I saw tits that small, 506 00:29:17,132 --> 00:29:19,299 I was staring at a pair of kumquats. 507 00:29:20,369 --> 00:29:22,202 Aah! 508 00:29:28,175 --> 00:29:29,709 Go, Kantmiss! 509 00:29:31,612 --> 00:29:33,213 Ooh, 510 00:29:33,215 --> 00:29:35,515 she sure showed yo' sorry ass up! 511 00:29:35,517 --> 00:29:37,751 You--You shut up, Siri. You shut up! 512 00:29:37,753 --> 00:29:38,952 Shit. Don't hate the player. 513 00:29:38,954 --> 00:29:41,154 You-- Hate the game! 514 00:29:41,156 --> 00:29:44,691 Wow! I've never seen anyone do that before. 515 00:29:44,693 --> 00:29:46,526 She's badass. 516 00:29:46,528 --> 00:29:47,761 Respect. 517 00:29:47,763 --> 00:29:49,796 Reminds me a little bit of myself. 518 00:29:49,798 --> 00:29:52,165 I'll stop now before I get too emotional. 519 00:29:52,167 --> 00:29:54,134 Eat my ass! 520 00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:00,273 Think you're so tough? 521 00:30:00,275 --> 00:30:03,143 Well, come back from this, bitch! 522 00:30:21,362 --> 00:30:24,097 Hey, guys, come on! Let's go this way! 523 00:30:25,499 --> 00:30:26,866 Come on. Hurry! 524 00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,067 Let's go! 525 00:30:46,621 --> 00:30:48,488 When I see her, she's mine. 526 00:30:58,098 --> 00:31:00,467 She's gotta be around here somewhere. 527 00:31:10,077 --> 00:31:11,611 You sure Kantmiss came this way? 528 00:31:11,613 --> 00:31:13,146 Uh, I know it. 529 00:31:13,148 --> 00:31:15,548 How can we be so sure that we can trust you? 530 00:31:15,550 --> 00:31:17,317 I mean, didn't you volunteer to be in the games 531 00:31:17,319 --> 00:31:18,751 just so you can get closer to Kantmiss? 532 00:31:18,753 --> 00:31:20,086 No. 533 00:31:20,088 --> 00:31:23,056 I mean, maybe at first, 534 00:31:23,058 --> 00:31:25,692 but I don't like her anymore. 535 00:31:25,694 --> 00:31:26,759 Really? 536 00:31:26,761 --> 00:31:28,761 Well, you know, 537 00:31:28,763 --> 00:31:31,164 back in District 12, she's-- 538 00:31:31,166 --> 00:31:33,199 she's known as quite the whore. 539 00:31:33,201 --> 00:31:34,200 Ahh. 540 00:31:36,437 --> 00:31:37,537 There. 541 00:31:37,539 --> 00:31:38,538 Heh. 542 00:31:38,540 --> 00:31:40,206 Nice work, Peter. 543 00:31:40,208 --> 00:31:42,008 Thanks. 544 00:31:42,010 --> 00:31:44,110 I'm gonna bust her gut wide open. 545 00:31:45,246 --> 00:31:47,080 This little princess is all mine. 546 00:31:49,817 --> 00:31:52,485 Raah! 547 00:31:57,658 --> 00:31:58,758 And there's Kantmiss! 548 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:00,960 Oh, no. We're gonna kill you. 549 00:32:00,962 --> 00:32:03,129 Right after we eat our delicious treats. 550 00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:04,464 Huh? 551 00:32:10,037 --> 00:32:11,971 How can you be with them? 552 00:32:11,973 --> 00:32:14,507 I don't know. 553 00:32:14,509 --> 00:32:17,076 I--I guess I just... 554 00:32:18,279 --> 00:32:19,946 really like them. 555 00:32:19,948 --> 00:32:22,448 Th-They're so cool and popular. 556 00:32:22,450 --> 00:32:24,384 I mean, I'm in the high school A/V club. 557 00:32:24,386 --> 00:32:27,587 I've never been able to hang with the in crowd before. 558 00:32:27,589 --> 00:32:29,289 Mmm. Stay with us. 559 00:32:29,291 --> 00:32:30,290 So good. 560 00:32:30,292 --> 00:32:31,491 Mmm. Oh. 561 00:32:31,493 --> 00:32:34,494 Hey, they said they want to go to prom with me. 562 00:32:34,496 --> 00:32:36,829 We're gonna rent a limo and everything. 563 00:32:36,831 --> 00:32:37,897 Isn't that awesome? 564 00:32:37,899 --> 00:32:40,233 Peter, they are just using you. 565 00:32:40,235 --> 00:32:44,103 There can only be one winner of the Starving Games. 566 00:32:47,775 --> 00:32:49,175 Right. 567 00:32:50,978 --> 00:32:52,979 All right, Kantmiss, game over. 568 00:32:52,981 --> 00:32:55,281 Glammer, you're up. 569 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:00,853 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 570 00:33:02,924 --> 00:33:05,992 Oh! Looks like we got ourselves a streaker. 571 00:33:05,994 --> 00:33:07,894 Happens every Game. 572 00:33:07,896 --> 00:33:10,830 What a yahoo. 573 00:33:18,539 --> 00:33:21,074 Get out of here, man. Get out of here! 574 00:33:21,076 --> 00:33:22,976 Come back here. Come back here. 575 00:33:24,645 --> 00:33:26,479 Give me that. 576 00:33:38,092 --> 00:33:40,560 Nice impaling. Yeah. 577 00:33:40,562 --> 00:33:41,561 He did this. 578 00:33:41,563 --> 00:33:42,562 Then it did that. 579 00:33:42,564 --> 00:33:43,763 Indeed, Cleaver. 580 00:33:43,765 --> 00:33:44,931 And that's definitely gonna be 581 00:33:44,933 --> 00:33:47,800 our Kill of the Day! 582 00:33:47,802 --> 00:33:49,068 Kill of the Day! 583 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:52,138 Kill of the Day-- of the Day! 584 00:33:52,140 --> 00:33:53,539 Our Kill of the Day is brought to you 585 00:33:53,541 --> 00:33:55,208 by BetLife insurance. 586 00:33:55,210 --> 00:33:56,609 Because life is precious... 587 00:33:56,611 --> 00:33:58,411 BetLife. 588 00:34:01,915 --> 00:34:02,915 How are we going to kill her? 589 00:34:02,917 --> 00:34:05,318 Ahem. 590 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:06,552 Uh... 591 00:34:07,421 --> 00:34:09,422 why don't we just take off, 592 00:34:09,424 --> 00:34:11,124 uh, go kill some other kids 593 00:34:11,126 --> 00:34:12,458 and come back later? 594 00:34:12,460 --> 00:34:13,393 We'll wait. 595 00:34:13,395 --> 00:34:15,294 She has to come down sooner or later. 596 00:34:47,928 --> 00:34:49,429 Gross. 597 00:34:56,336 --> 00:34:58,271 Hey. 598 00:34:58,273 --> 00:34:59,539 Shh. 599 00:35:09,718 --> 00:35:10,783 Oh. 600 00:35:13,353 --> 00:35:15,354 Have the bees land on their heads. 601 00:35:16,190 --> 00:35:17,657 Okay. No, shh. Shh. 602 00:35:28,802 --> 00:35:30,269 Those are tracker bees. 603 00:35:30,271 --> 00:35:32,638 Getting stung causes serious hallucinations. 604 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:33,639 Or death. 605 00:35:36,043 --> 00:35:37,777 Oh! 606 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,586 Ow! Ow! 607 00:35:46,588 --> 00:35:47,687 Oh! My ass! Aah! 608 00:35:47,689 --> 00:35:50,890 I think I just swallowed one! 609 00:35:57,664 --> 00:35:58,664 Whoa. 610 00:35:58,666 --> 00:36:00,299 Ooh. 611 00:36:02,469 --> 00:36:04,771 Whoa. Ooh. 612 00:36:05,773 --> 00:36:07,974 What-- 613 00:36:12,746 --> 00:36:14,847 Oh, my God. Oh! 614 00:36:14,849 --> 00:36:17,216 Oh. Oh. 615 00:36:19,420 --> 00:36:20,987 Whoo. 616 00:36:20,989 --> 00:36:23,790 Oh. 617 00:36:23,792 --> 00:36:25,892 No way. 618 00:36:25,894 --> 00:36:28,528 Double rainbow. 619 00:36:29,730 --> 00:36:32,064 Whoo! 620 00:36:32,066 --> 00:36:35,001 Double rainbow! Ha! 621 00:36:35,003 --> 00:36:36,235 Oh. 622 00:36:37,204 --> 00:36:38,905 It's starting to look 623 00:36:38,907 --> 00:36:42,975 like a quadruple rainbow! 624 00:36:42,977 --> 00:36:47,980 Oh, my Gooood! 625 00:36:47,982 --> 00:36:50,550 Yes! Yes! 626 00:36:50,552 --> 00:36:53,152 Ah ha ha! 627 00:36:53,154 --> 00:36:55,888 Oh, taste the rainbow. 628 00:37:06,034 --> 00:37:08,167 Ooh. 629 00:37:08,169 --> 00:37:09,802 Oh. Oh. 630 00:37:09,804 --> 00:37:11,938 Oh. Wha? 631 00:37:13,774 --> 00:37:14,774 Oh, my-- 632 00:37:14,776 --> 00:37:15,775 What is... 633 00:37:22,049 --> 00:37:23,249 Oh. 634 00:37:25,219 --> 00:37:27,153 Do not make any sudden movements. 635 00:37:27,155 --> 00:37:28,187 What's wrong? 636 00:37:30,191 --> 00:37:32,491 I've never seen this happen before. 637 00:37:34,695 --> 00:37:36,829 What are they? 638 00:37:36,831 --> 00:37:38,798 Soul keepers. 639 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,399 Soul keepers! 640 00:37:40,401 --> 00:37:42,301 Ah! Oh, my God! Get 'em off! Get 'em off! 641 00:37:42,303 --> 00:37:43,870 Get 'em off! Get 'em off! 642 00:37:43,872 --> 00:37:45,605 You are not keeping my soul! 643 00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:57,250 Oh! Why? 644 00:37:58,386 --> 00:37:59,986 Right above your head. 645 00:37:59,988 --> 00:38:01,287 No, no, no, no. 646 00:38:09,796 --> 00:38:10,930 Whew. 647 00:38:10,932 --> 00:38:13,799 I think I got 'em all. 648 00:38:13,801 --> 00:38:17,303 Soul Keepers hold all of the souls of our ancient ancestors. 649 00:38:18,272 --> 00:38:19,639 There goes my sister, 650 00:38:19,641 --> 00:38:21,073 my grandma 651 00:38:21,075 --> 00:38:22,708 and my drunk Aunt Sheila. 652 00:38:24,078 --> 00:38:26,212 Oops. 653 00:38:26,214 --> 00:38:28,147 Who are you? 654 00:38:28,149 --> 00:38:29,916 We are a proud and ancient people 655 00:38:29,918 --> 00:38:33,019 created by James Cameron. 656 00:38:33,021 --> 00:38:36,155 I'm the king of the world! 657 00:38:41,728 --> 00:38:43,696 Here. 658 00:38:43,698 --> 00:38:45,331 Give me your hair. 659 00:38:45,333 --> 00:38:47,199 We'll join the ends and make love, 660 00:38:47,201 --> 00:38:49,235 Na'vi style. 661 00:38:49,237 --> 00:38:50,503 Okay. 662 00:38:59,847 --> 00:39:01,547 Ohh. 663 00:39:01,549 --> 00:39:02,648 Yeah. 664 00:39:02,650 --> 00:39:04,650 Oh, yes. 665 00:39:07,220 --> 00:39:08,321 Kantmiss. 666 00:39:08,323 --> 00:39:10,589 Kantmiss! 667 00:39:10,591 --> 00:39:11,691 Kantmiss! 668 00:39:12,759 --> 00:39:14,660 Kantmiss! 669 00:39:14,662 --> 00:39:15,928 Yes. 670 00:39:15,930 --> 00:39:17,663 Kantmiss! Kantmiss! 671 00:39:17,665 --> 00:39:19,498 Kantmiss! 672 00:39:19,500 --> 00:39:21,334 Are you trying to hook up with me? 673 00:39:23,337 --> 00:39:24,370 What? No! 674 00:39:24,372 --> 00:39:26,505 No, no, no, no. Um... 675 00:39:26,507 --> 00:39:28,574 I think that I was just hallucinating. 676 00:39:28,576 --> 00:39:31,644 You better not be. I'm only 12. 677 00:39:33,413 --> 00:39:35,915 The way I see it, if we're gonna survive, 678 00:39:35,917 --> 00:39:37,316 we should work together. 679 00:39:37,318 --> 00:39:40,186 But what happens if we're the last two standing? 680 00:39:40,188 --> 00:39:41,754 I won't hesitate. 681 00:39:41,756 --> 00:39:44,590 This competition is kill or be killed, 682 00:39:44,592 --> 00:39:46,859 and I will kill you where you stand, 683 00:39:46,861 --> 00:39:48,894 dead, end of story. 684 00:39:50,097 --> 00:39:51,530 Shit ain't personal, 685 00:39:51,532 --> 00:39:54,734 strictly business ya dig? 686 00:39:54,736 --> 00:39:57,603 Okay. Here's what I was thinking. 687 00:39:57,605 --> 00:39:59,071 I could set some fires 688 00:39:59,073 --> 00:40:01,574 to flush Marco and his crew out into the clearing, 689 00:40:01,576 --> 00:40:03,876 and if you find a bow and arrow, 690 00:40:03,878 --> 00:40:05,211 you could pick 'em off. 691 00:40:05,213 --> 00:40:07,680 No, no. That's-- That's a great idea, 692 00:40:07,682 --> 00:40:10,116 and Marco will never see it coming. 693 00:40:10,118 --> 00:40:12,284 Hello? 694 00:40:12,286 --> 00:40:13,285 I'm right here. 695 00:40:13,287 --> 00:40:15,688 Run! Run! 696 00:40:25,332 --> 00:40:26,632 Get her! 697 00:40:43,950 --> 00:40:46,052 Shit. 698 00:40:46,054 --> 00:40:47,753 Totally outnumbered. 699 00:40:55,796 --> 00:40:57,997 What do I do? What do I do? 700 00:40:57,999 --> 00:40:59,632 Think, Kantmiss. Think. 701 00:41:06,706 --> 00:41:08,974 Hemorrhoidal irritation. 702 00:41:11,111 --> 00:41:14,480 Aggravate with a swift kick to the posterior. 703 00:41:14,482 --> 00:41:15,815 Raah! 704 00:41:21,721 --> 00:41:23,489 Low-hung scrotum. Debilitate with 705 00:41:23,491 --> 00:41:26,959 concise rabbit punch to the testicular sac. 706 00:41:36,803 --> 00:41:40,439 Awkward metallic orthodontic corrective device. 707 00:41:43,110 --> 00:41:46,011 Snap rubber bands to create blunt force to the cranium. 708 00:41:52,619 --> 00:41:54,920 Rampant adolescent acne vulgaris. 709 00:41:55,922 --> 00:41:57,456 Ah. 710 00:41:57,458 --> 00:42:00,159 Prescribe topical acne cream. 711 00:42:09,970 --> 00:42:12,304 Pubescent boy with raging hormones. 712 00:42:12,306 --> 00:42:14,006 Disarm with natural assets. 713 00:42:16,277 --> 00:42:17,943 Allow to motorboat. 714 00:42:19,914 --> 00:42:21,080 You're pretty. 715 00:42:31,725 --> 00:42:34,059 Raah! 716 00:42:46,073 --> 00:42:47,106 Hee. 717 00:42:53,548 --> 00:42:55,014 You ready to die? 718 00:43:07,294 --> 00:43:08,761 Not really! 719 00:43:08,763 --> 00:43:10,362 I mean, kind of hoping 720 00:43:10,364 --> 00:43:11,630 I could stick around for the sequel? 721 00:43:11,632 --> 00:43:12,831 Huh? Huh? 722 00:43:19,172 --> 00:43:20,573 Mm! 723 00:43:20,575 --> 00:43:23,342 All right! We know what that sound is. 724 00:43:23,344 --> 00:43:24,677 It's the end of the half. 725 00:43:28,549 --> 00:43:30,282 Ah, that sucks. 726 00:43:30,284 --> 00:43:31,550 I wanted to see her die. 727 00:43:31,552 --> 00:43:32,818 Halftime 728 00:43:32,820 --> 00:43:35,421 with the Starving Games cheerleaders, 729 00:43:35,423 --> 00:43:37,356 presented by Viagra. 730 00:43:49,971 --> 00:43:52,338 Eh, I like it, Siri, but it's not-- 731 00:43:52,340 --> 00:43:54,340 it's not popping. 732 00:43:54,342 --> 00:43:55,641 Don't worry, boo. I got you. 733 00:43:55,643 --> 00:43:58,277 More filthy and gratuitous T&A coming up. 734 00:44:30,711 --> 00:44:33,512 Kantmiss, what an exciting first half. 735 00:44:33,514 --> 00:44:35,214 Tell us what you're thinking right now. 736 00:44:35,216 --> 00:44:39,084 First off, I want to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 737 00:44:41,721 --> 00:44:44,390 And, uh, I'm thinking about winning, Stanley. 738 00:44:44,392 --> 00:44:45,624 I just want to win. 739 00:44:48,495 --> 00:44:49,728 Bob. 740 00:44:49,730 --> 00:44:52,131 Stanley, do you get a sense that Kantmiss 741 00:44:52,133 --> 00:44:54,400 is aware of the frenzy she's creating? 742 00:44:54,402 --> 00:44:55,634 I don't think so, Bob. 743 00:44:55,636 --> 00:44:57,069 She's electrifying. 744 00:44:58,204 --> 00:45:02,675 Cleaver's Electrifying Halftime Highlights. 745 00:45:08,849 --> 00:45:09,848 Aah! 746 00:45:25,298 --> 00:45:28,100 Take a look at what's trending right now on Twitter. 747 00:45:28,102 --> 00:45:32,371 Helen in District 7 tweets, "Kantmiss gives me hope!" 748 00:45:32,373 --> 00:45:34,473 And Thomas in District 11 writes, 749 00:45:34,475 --> 00:45:38,944 "Kantmiss rocks, UR sooooo hot!" 750 00:45:38,946 --> 00:45:41,480 And Tyrone in the District of Compton tweets, 751 00:45:41,482 --> 00:45:43,916 "Yo, that ho Kantmiss is da bomb, 752 00:45:43,918 --> 00:45:46,151 she's mad blowin' up in da hood, yo!" 753 00:45:46,153 --> 00:45:48,320 Smiley face emoticon. 754 00:45:48,322 --> 00:45:49,655 She is blowin' up, 755 00:45:49,657 --> 00:45:51,023 and I had the chance to be 756 00:45:51,025 --> 00:45:53,192 on the ground in Kantmiss' own district, 757 00:45:53,194 --> 00:45:56,862 where Kantmiss fever is at an all-time high! 758 00:45:56,864 --> 00:45:58,931 I'm here in District 12, 759 00:45:58,933 --> 00:46:00,966 where everyone is going nuts. 760 00:46:00,968 --> 00:46:02,901 It's the ultimate underdog Cinderella story, 761 00:46:02,903 --> 00:46:05,537 and the po' folks here is eating it up, 762 00:46:05,539 --> 00:46:09,508 buying up merchandise with any and everything that has to do 763 00:46:09,510 --> 00:46:12,644 with Kantmiss or the Starving Games. 764 00:46:12,646 --> 00:46:14,580 T-shirts, mugs, 765 00:46:14,582 --> 00:46:16,548 totes, koozies 766 00:46:16,550 --> 00:46:19,017 and bobbleheads. 767 00:46:26,259 --> 00:46:28,994 Look at me. I'm just like Kantmiss. 768 00:46:28,996 --> 00:46:30,295 Ohh! 769 00:46:30,297 --> 00:46:31,864 Mis cojones. 770 00:46:31,866 --> 00:46:33,832 Yes! Direct hit! 771 00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:36,301 I'm gonna shoot him again. 772 00:46:36,303 --> 00:46:37,870 Ai! Cheese enchilada! 773 00:46:37,872 --> 00:46:39,371 Oh, that felt good. 774 00:46:44,978 --> 00:46:46,712 That was a close one. Yeah. 775 00:46:46,714 --> 00:46:47,713 I almost got you. 776 00:46:47,715 --> 00:46:49,281 I know. I was like, "Ohh." 777 00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,455 Take previous positions. 778 00:46:59,226 --> 00:47:00,392 Game on! 779 00:47:00,394 --> 00:47:01,927 Yay! 780 00:47:04,864 --> 00:47:06,598 You ready to die? 781 00:47:26,820 --> 00:47:28,754 Aah! Aah! 782 00:47:28,756 --> 00:47:29,855 You little turd! 783 00:47:29,857 --> 00:47:31,690 Hey! 784 00:47:31,692 --> 00:47:33,192 Hey! 785 00:47:44,071 --> 00:47:45,103 Aah! 786 00:47:53,646 --> 00:47:55,414 Rudy. 787 00:47:55,416 --> 00:47:56,415 Rudy. 788 00:47:57,517 --> 00:47:59,751 Sing me a lullaby. 789 00:47:59,753 --> 00:48:00,953 Okay. 790 00:48:05,426 --> 00:48:06,825 Not you! 791 00:48:07,660 --> 00:48:08,861 Her! 792 00:48:17,438 --> 00:48:18,637 Am I gonna die? 793 00:48:18,639 --> 00:48:19,872 No. No, no, no. 794 00:48:19,874 --> 00:48:21,607 Of course you're not gonna die. 795 00:48:27,948 --> 00:48:30,916 Worms? Isn't that a little dramatic? 796 00:48:39,927 --> 00:48:41,994 Damn you, Taylor Swift. 797 00:48:41,996 --> 00:48:44,530 What an emotional and... 798 00:48:44,532 --> 00:48:47,032 moving death, Cleaver. 799 00:48:47,034 --> 00:48:49,301 It would bring a tear to my eye 800 00:48:49,303 --> 00:48:51,870 if my tear ducts weren't lacerated. 801 00:48:53,741 --> 00:48:54,740 Ohh. Ohh. 802 00:48:57,510 --> 00:48:59,077 I'm sorry. 803 00:49:05,952 --> 00:49:07,452 This is bullshit. 804 00:49:07,454 --> 00:49:10,022 The Capital can't just treat us like pawns. 805 00:49:10,024 --> 00:49:11,523 Yeah! Yeah! 806 00:49:11,525 --> 00:49:13,559 Our life is our own, 807 00:49:13,561 --> 00:49:15,794 and they can't just make us kill each other 808 00:49:15,796 --> 00:49:17,529 for their own sick amusement! 809 00:49:17,531 --> 00:49:18,597 Yeah! Yeah! 810 00:49:18,599 --> 00:49:19,631 What do you say? 811 00:49:19,633 --> 00:49:20,866 Let's riot 812 00:49:20,868 --> 00:49:23,902 and overthrow this totalitarian government 813 00:49:23,904 --> 00:49:25,904 once and for all! 814 00:49:25,906 --> 00:49:26,905 Yeah! Yeah! 815 00:49:26,907 --> 00:49:28,640 Whoo-hoo! 816 00:49:30,944 --> 00:49:34,313 We take a half-pound of grade-A beef... 817 00:49:34,315 --> 00:49:35,914 and top it with cheese. 818 00:49:37,284 --> 00:49:40,519 Then we top it with chili... 819 00:49:42,021 --> 00:49:44,923 and a hot dog and ribs 820 00:49:44,925 --> 00:49:48,193 and smother it with low-cal ranch dressing. 821 00:49:48,195 --> 00:49:51,496 Then we top it with a slice of pepperoni pizza, 822 00:49:51,498 --> 00:49:53,432 with a sesame-seed bun. 823 00:49:53,434 --> 00:49:54,633 Mmm, mmm. 824 00:49:55,702 --> 00:49:58,070 Hey, uh... 825 00:49:58,072 --> 00:50:00,005 are we still gonna riot? 826 00:50:00,007 --> 00:50:02,074 Maybe later. 827 00:50:02,076 --> 00:50:04,042 I'm too hungry now. 828 00:50:04,044 --> 00:50:06,511 Then we add barbeque sauce... 829 00:50:08,014 --> 00:50:10,415 tomato, onion and lettuce. 830 00:50:13,086 --> 00:50:14,853 Then we add pork rinds, 831 00:50:14,855 --> 00:50:17,155 Funyuns, broccoli, nacho cheese, 832 00:50:17,157 --> 00:50:18,957 Spam and wings... 833 00:50:20,493 --> 00:50:22,294 and ham hocks, chitlins. 834 00:50:23,262 --> 00:50:25,230 Don't forget the watermelon wedge. 835 00:50:25,232 --> 00:50:28,867 Top it all off with two scoops of pistachio ice cream, 836 00:50:28,869 --> 00:50:31,803 and finish it with another sesame-seed bun. 837 00:50:33,107 --> 00:50:37,376 The 600,000 calorie triple bypass burger. 838 00:50:39,012 --> 00:50:40,112 Starbucks? 839 00:50:40,114 --> 00:50:41,647 Got a free latte for it. 840 00:50:52,392 --> 00:50:55,594 Kantmiss fever is causing a serious problem. 841 00:50:55,596 --> 00:50:57,696 We almost had a riot. 842 00:50:57,698 --> 00:50:59,531 What should we do? 843 00:50:59,533 --> 00:51:01,833 Give them more. 844 00:51:01,835 --> 00:51:03,268 I don't understand. 845 00:51:03,270 --> 00:51:05,103 The Starving Games is a hit. 846 00:51:06,005 --> 00:51:07,272 Just look at the trades. 847 00:51:11,878 --> 00:51:14,079 We could finally win an Emmy. 848 00:51:15,214 --> 00:51:17,349 But the show's missing one important thing. 849 00:51:17,351 --> 00:51:19,184 What does every successful show need 850 00:51:19,186 --> 00:51:20,719 to bring it to the next level? 851 00:51:22,021 --> 00:51:23,989 I know exactly what you mean. 852 00:51:23,991 --> 00:51:25,891 A love story! A lesbian love story! 853 00:51:25,893 --> 00:51:28,060 Wait. Lesbian love story? 854 00:51:28,062 --> 00:51:30,962 Who doesn't like to see two chicks get it on? 855 00:51:30,964 --> 00:51:33,365 I know I do, big time. 856 00:51:37,170 --> 00:51:39,137 But there aren't any other women 857 00:51:39,139 --> 00:51:40,338 left alive in the Games. 858 00:51:42,275 --> 00:51:43,208 Fine. 859 00:51:43,210 --> 00:51:46,078 Do your normal straight love story. 860 00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,180 Bor-ing. 861 00:51:50,550 --> 00:51:52,551 Oh, and, Seleca... 862 00:51:52,553 --> 00:51:54,853 throw in a surprise twist at the end, 863 00:51:54,855 --> 00:51:57,055 like she dies or something. 864 00:51:57,057 --> 00:51:58,623 I like that. 865 00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,628 Attention, contestants. 866 00:52:03,630 --> 00:52:05,630 Attention, contestants. 867 00:52:05,632 --> 00:52:08,233 Attention, contestants. 868 00:52:08,235 --> 00:52:10,202 We have a rule change. 869 00:52:11,370 --> 00:52:14,406 There can now be two winners of the Starving Games. 870 00:52:14,408 --> 00:52:16,408 Great. So Marco and Peter 871 00:52:16,410 --> 00:52:17,776 can team up to kill me. 872 00:52:17,778 --> 00:52:20,979 Uh, specifically two people of different genders. 873 00:52:20,981 --> 00:52:23,682 Oh. 874 00:52:23,684 --> 00:52:25,751 Okay. Okay. 875 00:52:25,753 --> 00:52:28,386 So I hook up with Marco, 876 00:52:28,388 --> 00:52:29,821 and we kill Peter together. 877 00:52:29,823 --> 00:52:31,590 Yes! 878 00:52:31,592 --> 00:52:33,458 Yeah. I like that. 879 00:52:33,460 --> 00:52:37,095 No, we were thinking more like you could team up with Peter. 880 00:52:37,097 --> 00:52:38,864 No! No! 881 00:52:38,866 --> 00:52:40,499 No! No! 882 00:52:40,501 --> 00:52:42,134 No, no, I, um-- 883 00:52:42,136 --> 00:52:45,604 I like the whole Marco idea better. 884 00:52:45,606 --> 00:52:47,839 Hey, Kantmiss, do me a favor here, 885 00:52:47,841 --> 00:52:50,142 and hook up with Peter. Please. 886 00:52:50,144 --> 00:52:51,777 I could lose my job for this. 887 00:52:51,779 --> 00:52:54,746 And that's my problem how? 888 00:52:54,748 --> 00:52:56,581 Oh, hey. 889 00:52:56,583 --> 00:52:58,116 Heh heh. Hey, guys. What's going on? 890 00:52:59,887 --> 00:53:01,620 Nah, don't worry. 891 00:53:01,622 --> 00:53:04,923 I got it under control. I swear. 892 00:53:06,260 --> 00:53:07,793 W-What are you-- What are you doing? 893 00:53:11,264 --> 00:53:13,732 Um... 894 00:53:13,734 --> 00:53:15,500 Ohh! 895 00:53:15,502 --> 00:53:17,969 I thought we were friends. 896 00:53:17,971 --> 00:53:19,704 Ah, thanks. 897 00:53:22,776 --> 00:53:26,311 But I got us backstage passes to Justin Bieber. 898 00:53:31,185 --> 00:53:32,651 Oh, my God. 899 00:53:34,921 --> 00:53:37,355 No. No, no, don't you do it! 900 00:53:38,591 --> 00:53:40,025 Right. 901 00:53:40,027 --> 00:53:44,596 Um, I'm just gonna go team up with Peter now, so... 902 00:53:49,101 --> 00:53:51,503 Hmm. 903 00:54:18,130 --> 00:54:21,066 Peter, are you here? 904 00:54:21,068 --> 00:54:23,101 I'm camouflaged. 905 00:54:23,103 --> 00:54:24,269 Where are you? 906 00:54:24,271 --> 00:54:26,471 I'm over here. 907 00:54:27,373 --> 00:54:28,473 I don't see you. 908 00:54:28,475 --> 00:54:29,941 I used my skills as a baker 909 00:54:29,943 --> 00:54:32,477 to seamlessly blend in to my surroundings. 910 00:54:32,479 --> 00:54:35,547 Okay, well, can you give me a hint? 911 00:54:38,818 --> 00:54:40,986 I'm in the cake. 912 00:54:42,922 --> 00:54:44,923 Oh. 913 00:54:52,266 --> 00:54:53,932 You're injured. 914 00:54:53,934 --> 00:54:57,335 Marco found out that I really wasn't into him 915 00:54:57,337 --> 00:55:00,272 and that I ultimately was protecting you. 916 00:55:01,107 --> 00:55:02,774 And he did this to you? 917 00:55:02,776 --> 00:55:03,775 No. 918 00:55:07,847 --> 00:55:10,982 I just got my back waxed. 919 00:55:10,984 --> 00:55:12,384 Aah! 920 00:55:12,386 --> 00:55:14,019 Oh, that-- that looks bad. 921 00:55:14,021 --> 00:55:15,120 I mean, it's... 922 00:55:15,122 --> 00:55:16,254 Oh. Aah! 923 00:55:16,256 --> 00:55:18,323 Oh, it's really oozy. Ow. Okay. 924 00:55:18,325 --> 00:55:19,591 Well, stop poking it! 925 00:55:21,695 --> 00:55:23,361 Okay, well, we should take care of you 926 00:55:23,363 --> 00:55:26,031 before the infection starts to take over. 927 00:55:26,033 --> 00:55:27,532 Come on. 928 00:55:27,534 --> 00:55:29,234 Ooh. 929 00:55:29,236 --> 00:55:30,235 Aah! 930 00:55:30,237 --> 00:55:31,236 Sorry. 931 00:55:31,238 --> 00:55:33,805 Stop poking it, please. 932 00:55:33,807 --> 00:55:35,707 Okay. 933 00:55:38,344 --> 00:55:40,412 Ah, they're cute together 934 00:55:40,414 --> 00:55:42,247 Yeah, well, I still want them to die. 935 00:55:42,249 --> 00:55:44,416 Yeah. Duh! 936 00:55:52,725 --> 00:55:53,758 Okay. 937 00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:56,161 Marco won't find us in here. Come on. 938 00:55:56,163 --> 00:55:58,296 I hope they get naked. 939 00:55:59,333 --> 00:56:00,598 Come on! 940 00:56:00,600 --> 00:56:01,800 Oh. 941 00:56:05,371 --> 00:56:07,739 Night's falling. It's gonna get freezing. 942 00:56:12,411 --> 00:56:13,912 You've got a fever. 943 00:56:13,914 --> 00:56:15,213 Here. I'll check my bag 944 00:56:15,215 --> 00:56:16,247 for something for warmth. 945 00:56:16,249 --> 00:56:19,417 Thanks, Kantmiss. 946 00:56:21,220 --> 00:56:22,721 A Snuggie! 947 00:56:36,936 --> 00:56:38,937 Ah. Mmm. 948 00:56:38,939 --> 00:56:41,439 So warm and comfy. 949 00:56:42,308 --> 00:56:44,209 What? Huh? 950 00:56:59,358 --> 00:57:01,693 You know... 951 00:57:01,695 --> 00:57:04,162 I've had a crush on you for the longest time. 952 00:57:05,966 --> 00:57:09,467 I used to follow you home from school every day. 953 00:57:11,303 --> 00:57:12,637 Every day. 954 00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:14,839 And I remember when you got 955 00:57:14,841 --> 00:57:17,909 your first dress-up dolly on your eighth birthday. 956 00:57:20,147 --> 00:57:22,113 And when you turned 12 957 00:57:22,115 --> 00:57:23,848 and got your first period. 958 00:57:26,119 --> 00:57:28,953 I watched you shower every night, 959 00:57:28,955 --> 00:57:30,789 and after you got out, 960 00:57:30,791 --> 00:57:33,158 I would pick through the drain and collect your hair. 961 00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:35,160 What? 962 00:57:39,365 --> 00:57:41,499 You made a hair doll of me? 963 00:57:41,501 --> 00:57:43,168 Not just one. 964 00:57:44,670 --> 00:57:45,470 Ohh. 965 00:57:45,472 --> 00:57:49,307 That's you and me, 966 00:57:49,309 --> 00:57:52,010 and those are our six kids. 967 00:57:52,012 --> 00:57:53,511 And who's that? 968 00:57:53,513 --> 00:57:55,980 That's our puppy, Alphie. 969 00:57:55,982 --> 00:57:58,516 Woof woof! 970 00:57:58,518 --> 00:58:00,051 Woof! Eww. 971 00:58:01,121 --> 00:58:03,288 She's the runt of the litter, 972 00:58:03,290 --> 00:58:05,757 but we love her all the same. 973 00:58:08,260 --> 00:58:09,461 Ohh. 974 00:58:09,463 --> 00:58:11,229 Ah, you got a hairy chick, dude. 975 00:58:14,300 --> 00:58:16,201 I'm so hungry. 976 00:58:19,138 --> 00:58:20,138 Poor baby. 977 00:58:42,895 --> 00:58:44,629 Soup! What? 978 00:58:44,631 --> 00:58:46,231 That'll definitely make you feel better. 979 00:58:47,967 --> 00:58:49,167 Hmm? 980 00:58:53,205 --> 00:58:55,106 What? 981 00:59:01,580 --> 00:59:04,916 I--I think that they want us to be more romantic, 982 00:59:04,918 --> 00:59:08,419 and, in return, they'll send us stuff to make you better. 983 00:59:08,421 --> 00:59:09,654 Sounds good to me. 984 00:59:34,180 --> 00:59:36,047 Sorry, Dale. 985 00:59:38,184 --> 00:59:39,884 What?! 986 00:59:39,886 --> 00:59:41,019 Really? 987 00:59:41,820 --> 00:59:44,055 Ooh. Oh, come on. 988 00:59:44,057 --> 00:59:45,657 Hey, who thinks they're gonna do it? 989 00:59:45,659 --> 00:59:46,658 We do! We do! 990 00:59:46,660 --> 00:59:48,927 Screw you all! 991 01:00:04,977 --> 01:00:05,977 What is it now? 992 01:00:07,379 --> 01:00:09,414 All right! 993 01:00:09,416 --> 01:00:11,549 Peter, I don't know if I can do this. 994 01:00:11,551 --> 01:00:15,053 Oh, my back. 995 01:00:17,990 --> 01:00:18,990 I'm dying. 996 01:00:20,125 --> 01:00:22,126 I don't know how much longer I can hang on. 997 01:00:22,128 --> 01:00:23,795 All right. Let's... 998 01:00:23,797 --> 01:00:25,063 give them what they want. 999 01:00:40,412 --> 01:00:42,247 Fantastic. 1000 01:00:42,249 --> 01:00:43,281 True dat. 1001 01:00:50,289 --> 01:00:51,589 Ow. Ow! 1002 01:00:51,591 --> 01:00:53,791 Can you not grab my butt so hard? 1003 01:00:54,860 --> 01:00:57,929 I'm not touching your butt at all. 1004 01:00:57,931 --> 01:00:58,763 Ohh! 1005 01:00:58,765 --> 01:00:59,864 Do not be afraid. 1006 01:00:59,866 --> 01:01:02,567 I am but a kindly old wizard. 1007 01:01:02,569 --> 01:01:04,068 Get your hand off my ass! 1008 01:01:04,070 --> 01:01:05,136 Right. Well... 1009 01:01:05,138 --> 01:01:05,937 let me explain. 1010 01:01:05,939 --> 01:01:08,239 You see, we were traveling. 1011 01:01:08,241 --> 01:01:09,307 We were on-- 1012 01:01:09,309 --> 01:01:10,475 We were on our way 1013 01:01:10,477 --> 01:01:13,011 to the Misty-- 1014 01:01:13,013 --> 01:01:14,479 the Misty Mountains, yes. 1015 01:01:14,481 --> 01:01:16,814 And then we heard a moan 1016 01:01:16,816 --> 01:01:18,583 coming from inside this cave, 1017 01:01:18,585 --> 01:01:20,718 and fearing it to be a moan of distress 1018 01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:23,388 and being the good Samaritans that we are, 1019 01:01:23,390 --> 01:01:25,523 we came in here to help you. 1020 01:01:25,525 --> 01:01:26,658 Get out! 1021 01:01:26,660 --> 01:01:28,726 Yes. Well. Okay. 1022 01:01:32,564 --> 01:01:35,867 I bid you adieu. 1023 01:01:42,508 --> 01:01:43,508 Ooh. Ooh. 1024 01:01:51,584 --> 01:01:52,784 Whoa! 1025 01:02:04,831 --> 01:02:07,565 Yeah, love it! I love it! Yeah! 1026 01:02:07,567 --> 01:02:11,035 Not her first trip to the rodeo, eh? 1027 01:02:12,204 --> 01:02:14,572 Oh, yeah! Oh, Kantmiss! 1028 01:02:14,574 --> 01:02:16,207 Yeah! Oh! 1029 01:02:16,209 --> 01:02:18,276 Wow! Whoa. 1030 01:02:18,278 --> 01:02:19,844 Ohh! Ohh! 1031 01:02:19,846 --> 01:02:21,446 Oh, Peter, yes! 1032 01:02:22,449 --> 01:02:24,082 Score! 1033 01:02:25,117 --> 01:02:26,884 Even I don't get to do that! 1034 01:02:26,886 --> 01:02:28,653 Oh, give me your hand. Oh, God. 1035 01:02:28,655 --> 01:02:29,654 Yes! 1036 01:02:29,656 --> 01:02:31,422 Ride the donkey. Yes! 1037 01:02:31,424 --> 01:02:32,824 Ohh! Ohh! 1038 01:02:32,826 --> 01:02:36,027 And it's even better in 3-D. 1039 01:02:39,733 --> 01:02:41,532 Ooh. Ooh. 1040 01:02:50,043 --> 01:02:51,075 Ooh. Ooh. 1041 01:03:12,965 --> 01:03:14,565 Thanks again for last night. 1042 01:03:14,567 --> 01:03:15,833 Now that you're better, 1043 01:03:15,835 --> 01:03:17,201 we have to go out there. 1044 01:03:19,271 --> 01:03:22,774 We have to kill Marco so we can both win the game and go home. 1045 01:03:24,209 --> 01:03:26,110 I--I would, but... 1046 01:03:26,112 --> 01:03:28,513 I think the infection's starting to come back. 1047 01:03:28,515 --> 01:03:30,348 Don't push it! 1048 01:03:35,788 --> 01:03:36,988 Where do you think you're going? 1049 01:03:36,990 --> 01:03:39,090 You can't go in there! 1050 01:04:08,420 --> 01:04:10,688 Whoa! Did you--Ha! 1051 01:04:11,758 --> 01:04:13,191 He's right there. 1052 01:04:13,193 --> 01:04:14,892 When are they gonna kill each other already? 1053 01:04:14,894 --> 01:04:16,961 I'm getting bored. Me, too. 1054 01:04:24,670 --> 01:04:25,870 Aah! 1055 01:04:31,076 --> 01:04:32,877 It's time to end this once and for all. 1056 01:04:32,879 --> 01:04:34,412 Siri. 1057 01:04:34,414 --> 01:04:36,013 Dang! What you need now? 1058 01:04:36,015 --> 01:04:37,882 Let's have a grand finale. 1059 01:04:37,884 --> 01:04:39,484 Send in the big guns. 1060 01:04:58,570 --> 01:05:00,304 Oh, shit. 1061 01:05:04,843 --> 01:05:07,445 I'll give you a war you wouldn't believe. 1062 01:05:08,514 --> 01:05:10,481 Hasta la vista, baby. 1063 01:05:11,617 --> 01:05:12,884 Yippie-ki-yay-- 1064 01:05:12,886 --> 01:05:15,086 Oh. 1065 01:05:15,088 --> 01:05:17,755 Damn it. I don't have a catchphrase. 1066 01:05:17,757 --> 01:05:21,492 Ha ha ha! I have so many of them. 1067 01:05:21,494 --> 01:05:22,627 I'll be back. 1068 01:05:22,629 --> 01:05:24,495 You know what I mean, Chuck? 1069 01:05:24,497 --> 01:05:25,796 No. 1070 01:05:25,798 --> 01:05:27,498 Because I'm Chuck Norris, 1071 01:05:27,500 --> 01:05:30,067 and catchphrases need me! 1072 01:05:30,069 --> 01:05:31,602 Enh. 1073 01:05:31,604 --> 01:05:32,937 Why don't you shut up, 1074 01:05:32,939 --> 01:05:35,373 you smarty-pants wisenheimer piece of shit?! 1075 01:05:35,375 --> 01:05:36,374 Let's just kill 'em. 1076 01:05:36,376 --> 01:05:37,542 Oh. 1077 01:05:39,178 --> 01:05:40,778 Ready! 1078 01:05:43,849 --> 01:05:45,316 Aim. 1079 01:05:45,318 --> 01:05:46,551 Yes! 1080 01:05:46,553 --> 01:05:48,786 Yo, Adrian! 1081 01:05:48,788 --> 01:05:50,922 Fire! 1082 01:06:05,171 --> 01:06:05,970 Gah! 1083 01:06:09,274 --> 01:06:10,274 Dale? 1084 01:06:11,276 --> 01:06:12,376 Dale? 1085 01:06:12,378 --> 01:06:14,178 What's going on with you and this guy? 1086 01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:16,981 I'll talk to you about it later. 1087 01:06:16,983 --> 01:06:18,349 I saw you kiss him. 1088 01:06:19,319 --> 01:06:21,719 I am in the middle of a death match. 1089 01:06:21,721 --> 01:06:22,920 Do you like him? 1090 01:06:22,922 --> 01:06:24,922 Dale, you are embarrassing me. 1091 01:06:24,924 --> 01:06:26,757 Go home. Nyah. 1092 01:06:26,759 --> 01:06:28,859 No! If anyone should leave... 1093 01:06:28,861 --> 01:06:30,094 he should. 1094 01:06:30,096 --> 01:06:33,664 Okay. Yeah. I-I'll leave. 1095 01:06:33,666 --> 01:06:35,566 Now, Dale! Fine. 1096 01:06:35,568 --> 01:06:36,968 Fine! 1097 01:06:36,970 --> 01:06:40,504 But I'm changing my Facebook status to single. 1098 01:06:46,011 --> 01:06:47,712 Sorry about that. 1099 01:06:47,714 --> 01:06:49,547 He's always been really clingy. 1100 01:06:49,549 --> 01:06:51,582 That's cool. 1101 01:06:54,886 --> 01:06:56,120 Unbelievable. 1102 01:06:56,122 --> 01:06:58,389 What are you gonna do, Kantmiss? 1103 01:06:58,391 --> 01:07:00,858 You shoot and miss, lover boy here is dead. 1104 01:07:01,861 --> 01:07:02,960 Yes! 1105 01:07:09,435 --> 01:07:10,468 No, no, no, no! 1106 01:07:18,677 --> 01:07:19,744 Huh? Huh? 1107 01:07:25,584 --> 01:07:26,751 Yeah. 1108 01:07:27,953 --> 01:07:29,420 Yeah. 1109 01:07:33,058 --> 01:07:34,625 Oh! Oh! 1110 01:07:36,795 --> 01:07:38,629 That'll work. 1111 01:07:42,602 --> 01:07:44,402 How about that, Cleaver? 1112 01:07:44,404 --> 01:07:48,572 Against all odds, they've done it. They've won. 1113 01:07:48,574 --> 01:07:49,874 Yay. 1114 01:07:49,876 --> 01:07:52,043 Whew! 1115 01:07:52,944 --> 01:07:54,378 Peter, we won. 1116 01:07:54,380 --> 01:07:56,580 We survived! 1117 01:08:00,886 --> 01:08:02,053 We're both going home. 1118 01:08:09,829 --> 01:08:11,295 Attention, contestants. 1119 01:08:11,297 --> 01:08:14,799 There has been yet another rule change. 1120 01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:22,873 And if you're thinking what I'm thinking, 1121 01:08:22,875 --> 01:08:24,141 you're right. 1122 01:08:24,143 --> 01:08:27,445 There again can be only one winner. 1123 01:08:29,849 --> 01:08:31,082 Good luck. 1124 01:08:35,721 --> 01:08:37,755 What if we don't give 'em the satisfaction? 1125 01:08:42,861 --> 01:08:44,428 What if we both kill ourselves 1126 01:08:44,430 --> 01:08:46,464 and there are no victors? 1127 01:08:49,301 --> 01:08:51,135 We'll ruin the Games, 1128 01:08:51,137 --> 01:08:53,871 and we'll show th-that the Capital, 1129 01:08:53,873 --> 01:08:55,406 they can't control us! 1130 01:08:57,743 --> 01:09:00,411 I found these poisonous berries in the woods. 1131 01:09:01,246 --> 01:09:04,281 W-We can eat them a-and die. 1132 01:09:10,055 --> 01:09:11,756 Shit ain't personal, 1133 01:09:11,758 --> 01:09:14,558 strictly business, ya dig? 1134 01:09:22,001 --> 01:09:24,268 Whaah! Whoa! 1135 01:09:29,074 --> 01:09:30,808 Fuck me! 1136 01:09:38,316 --> 01:09:40,451 Best Starving Games ever! 1137 01:09:46,358 --> 01:09:48,259 It's a nice shot, Kantmiss. 1138 01:09:49,294 --> 01:09:50,628 What're you doing here? 1139 01:09:50,630 --> 01:09:51,862 I practically show up 1140 01:09:51,864 --> 01:09:52,997 at the end of every movie. 1141 01:09:52,999 --> 01:09:55,332 Superhero movies, yeah, but-- 1142 01:09:55,334 --> 01:09:57,668 Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. 1143 01:09:57,670 --> 01:10:00,070 We could use some fresh, young blood. 1144 01:10:00,072 --> 01:10:02,006 I mean, shit! 1145 01:10:02,008 --> 01:10:04,575 Just how many sequels to "Iron Man," 1146 01:10:04,577 --> 01:10:07,778 "Thor" and "Captain America" can we make, right? 1147 01:10:07,780 --> 01:10:09,914 And you're pretty handy with that bow and arrow. 1148 01:10:09,916 --> 01:10:11,882 Ahem! 1149 01:10:11,884 --> 01:10:13,517 Uh, Nick, the, uh, 1150 01:10:13,519 --> 01:10:15,186 bow and arrow is sort of my thing. 1151 01:10:15,188 --> 01:10:17,221 Shut your ass, Hawkeye! 1152 01:10:17,223 --> 01:10:19,456 You're lucky you even in the Avengers! 1153 01:10:19,458 --> 01:10:21,158 Yeah, but-- And don't you think 1154 01:10:21,160 --> 01:10:22,693 for one goddamn minute 1155 01:10:22,695 --> 01:10:25,162 that Marvel is gonna spin off your character! 1156 01:10:25,164 --> 01:10:27,665 "Hawkeye, colon, 1157 01:10:27,667 --> 01:10:30,467 The Avenger Nobody Gives a Shit About," 1158 01:10:30,469 --> 01:10:34,839 will definitely not be coming soon to a theater near you! 1159 01:10:37,476 --> 01:10:40,144 Burn! 1160 01:10:40,146 --> 01:10:41,145 Burn. 1161 01:10:41,147 --> 01:10:42,146 Ow. 1162 01:10:42,148 --> 01:10:44,048 Oh, stop being such a cherry! 1163 01:10:44,050 --> 01:10:45,649 So what do you say, Kantmiss? 1164 01:10:45,651 --> 01:10:47,251 I'm in. 1165 01:10:48,386 --> 01:10:50,754 But, um, I'm kind of hungry. 1166 01:10:50,756 --> 01:10:52,890 Do you mind if we get something to eat first? 1167 01:10:52,892 --> 01:10:54,825 Let's go get some shawarma. 1168 01:10:57,830 --> 01:10:59,530 Avengers assemble! 1169 01:11:00,465 --> 01:11:01,799 Wait, don't step off those-- 1170 01:11:07,472 --> 01:11:08,806 Oops. 1171 01:11:13,346 --> 01:11:16,080 Oh! You know what that sound means? 1172 01:11:16,082 --> 01:11:20,684 Bob's Post-Game Bloopers. 1173 01:11:23,522 --> 01:11:24,889 Aah! Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1174 01:11:27,193 --> 01:11:28,192 Good. 1175 01:11:28,194 --> 01:11:29,693 Blooper reel. 1176 01:11:33,532 --> 01:11:34,331 Ohh. 1177 01:11:34,333 --> 01:11:36,734 Sorry. 1178 01:11:42,008 --> 01:11:44,041 Blooper reel! 1179 01:11:44,043 --> 01:11:45,609 Cutting! Yeah! 1180 01:11:46,913 --> 01:11:47,912 Oh. 1181 01:11:47,914 --> 01:11:49,780 And the wig is down. 1182 01:11:49,782 --> 01:11:51,382 Okay. I'm sorry. 1183 01:11:51,384 --> 01:11:53,350 I gotta get more excited about you. 1184 01:11:53,352 --> 01:11:55,185 Let's do it. 1185 01:11:55,187 --> 01:11:56,620 Touch my leg. 1186 01:11:56,622 --> 01:11:57,621 Here we go. 1187 01:11:57,623 --> 01:11:58,622 Dude, stop. 1188 01:11:59,825 --> 01:12:01,625 Prank, take one. 1189 01:12:01,627 --> 01:12:02,593 Ohh! 1190 01:12:02,595 --> 01:12:05,329 Look at you! 1191 01:12:06,264 --> 01:12:09,333 Dale, that's romantic and all. 1192 01:12:13,873 --> 01:12:16,206 Yes, why don't you give me a little dance? 1193 01:12:19,946 --> 01:12:22,179 On the down, not the up. 1194 01:12:23,349 --> 01:12:24,682 That's good. Now like a penguin. 1195 01:12:27,520 --> 01:12:29,987 That's the worst penguin I've ever seen. Do it again. 1196 01:12:31,390 --> 01:12:34,458 Do you like watching Pygmies? 1197 01:12:34,460 --> 01:12:37,161 Oh, yeah. Oh. That looks good. 1198 01:12:37,163 --> 01:12:38,796 Look at that dripping. 1199 01:12:39,631 --> 01:12:41,131 I just got my back waxed. 1200 01:12:41,133 --> 01:12:43,000 I'm sorry. 1201 01:12:43,002 --> 01:12:44,435 Kick. Hah! 1202 01:12:45,870 --> 01:12:47,137 Sorry. 1203 01:12:47,139 --> 01:12:48,238 I kicked your ass. 1204 01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:49,506 No, that's fine. Don't... 1205 01:12:55,548 --> 01:12:58,182 And this is my sidekick. 1206 01:12:58,184 --> 01:12:59,950 Mother pus. What'd I say? 1207 01:12:59,952 --> 01:13:01,018 With me. 1208 01:13:01,020 --> 01:13:02,353 And this is... 1209 01:13:02,355 --> 01:13:03,854 Shh. ...my sidekick. 1210 01:13:03,856 --> 01:13:04,822 And this is my sidekick. 1211 01:13:04,824 --> 01:13:06,490 Yeah. That's funny. You got one line. 1212 01:13:12,597 --> 01:13:14,565 You do. 1213 01:13:15,567 --> 01:13:17,301 Ready? 1214 01:13:17,303 --> 01:13:20,971 And I have another Tess Tickles. 1215 01:13:20,973 --> 01:13:22,406 I need to see a bi-- 1216 01:13:22,408 --> 01:13:24,408 No, it's not, "I need to see." 1217 01:13:24,410 --> 01:13:27,211 Stop hiding, and show me-- 1218 01:13:27,213 --> 01:13:29,179 God damn it. 1219 01:13:29,181 --> 01:13:32,416 I need a pair of Tess Tickles! 1220 01:13:33,585 --> 01:13:34,585 Shit. 1221 01:13:35,387 --> 01:13:36,820 For bug zapper. 1222 01:13:36,822 --> 01:13:38,355 Contact. 1223 01:13:38,357 --> 01:13:39,356 Contact. Contact. Contact. 1224 01:13:39,358 --> 01:13:40,691 Uh-oh. 1225 01:13:41,726 --> 01:13:43,460 Hold on. 1226 01:13:50,903 --> 01:13:52,669 I'm sorry. 1227 01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:57,975 A partially eaten pickle. 1228 01:14:01,146 --> 01:14:02,546 So happy Starving Games, 1229 01:14:02,548 --> 01:14:05,749 and may the odds be never in your favor. 1230 01:14:06,818 --> 01:14:09,153 That is the worst pickle I've ever had. 1231 01:14:10,890 --> 01:14:13,857 We have to kill Marco and win the games. 1232 01:14:13,859 --> 01:14:15,025 Sorry. Ahh. Sorry. 1233 01:14:15,027 --> 01:14:17,361 We have to kill Marco so we can both go home 1234 01:14:17,363 --> 01:14:19,396 and win the ga-- God damn it. Sorry. 1235 01:14:35,647 --> 01:14:37,114 Wow, that's amazing. 1236 01:14:38,516 --> 01:14:40,217 That is good. What is that? 1237 01:14:40,219 --> 01:14:41,752 It's a divine mixture 1238 01:14:41,754 --> 01:14:45,055 of fox blood and bear. 1239 01:14:45,057 --> 01:14:48,759 Delicious. Right? 1240 01:14:48,761 --> 01:14:50,394 Hey! 1241 01:14:56,768 --> 01:14:57,901 Hey, Phil, stay down there 1242 01:14:57,903 --> 01:15:01,004 and put your finger in his mouth. 1243 01:15:01,006 --> 01:15:03,540 Okay. We're done. 1244 01:15:03,542 --> 01:15:05,375 We're done with this. 1245 01:15:07,580 --> 01:15:08,812 Blooper reel. 1246 01:15:08,814 --> 01:15:10,147 Blooper reel. 1247 01:15:10,149 --> 01:15:11,148 Cutting!