>> HERE WE GO, GIRLFRIEND!
>> ON THIS EPISODE OF BIG ANG...
>> WHAT ARE WE DOING FOR OUR
BIRTHDAY?
>> LET'S DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES
US THINK WE'RE 20.
>> YES.
WE GOT A POOL BOY!
>> WHAT DO YOUSE NEED A POOL BOY
FOR?
>> I THINK I'M GONNA THROW MY
SISTER JANINE A BIG SURPRISE
PARTY.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> I--
WE ARE TOTALLY BUSTED.
SHE KNOWS SOMETHING.
[spliced-up techno music]
>> * I LIKE THE WISE GUYS
* THE WISE GUYS
* I WANT THAT
* I WANNA HAVE FUN
* AND GET WHACKED
* OH, MY GOD
* I-I LIKE THE WISE GUYS
* THE--THE WISE GUYS
* I-I LIKE THE WISE GUYS
* I-I-I LOVE, LOVE DIAMONDS
* I WANT A MASSAGE
* FACIAL, GET SPRAY TANNED
* GET SPRAY TANNED
* MASSAGE, FACIAL
* EVERYBODY LOVES ME
[siren blasts]
>> HEY, ANG.
>> HI, LINDA.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> MAKING A DRINK.
>> WHAT DID YOU MAKE?
>> VODKA CLUB.
YOU WANT LIME OR LEMON?
>> YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER AFTER
40 YEARS.
>> I WAS MAKING IT FOR MYSELF.
YOU STOLE IT.
>> LIME.
WHAT ARE WE DOING FOR OUR
BIRTHDAY?
> UGH, DO YOU HAVE TO REMIND ME
ABOUT THAT?
>> COME ON.
>> THIS TIME OF THE YEAR IS
ALWAYS CRAZY.
ME, LINDA, AND MY SISTER JANINE
WERE ALL BORN ON THE SAME WEEK.
I GOT A GOOD IDEA.
A LITTLE PLASTIC SURGERY.
WE'LL BE VERY YOUTHFUL.
>> WE'RE STARTING AGAIN, YOU
[bleep] PLASTIC SURGERY QUEEN?
>> THAT'S [bleep] REALISTIC.
>> WELL, LET'S GIVE YOU SOME
ANESTHESIA, BITCH, AND RIP YOUR
FACE AND PULL IT.
>> NOW WE'RE TALKING.
>> OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
>> ANTHONY!
>> WHAT'S UP, BROTHER?
>> HOW ARE YA?
>> OH, WOW, WAIT.
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT OUT THERE, A
MOTORCYCLE?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU WANNA DO THAT?
>> I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS--
>> COME ON, ANG!
WE'LL GO DO THAT.
>> IS SHE NOT THINKING?
I DON'T WANT A MOTORCYCLE.
NO WAY IN HELL.
>> OH, WOW.
NICE, ANTH.
>> YOU LIKE IT?
>> THAT'S COOL.
>> I LOVE IT.
>> IT'S, LIKE, VERY MANLY.
I'M SCARED OF THAT.
>> WHY?
>> DO YOU WANNA LEARN ON A
FOUR-WHEELER MAYBE?
>> LAST TIME I DROVE A
FOUR-WHEELER--MY SISTER'S
HOUSE UPSTATE--I WENT THROUGH
THE FENCE INTO THE POOL!
I ALMOST DIED!
>> THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT BETWEEN
YOUR LEGS WITH THE ROAR OF THE
ENGINE.
[grunts]
YEAH.
IT'S A GOOD ORGASM.
>> HERE'S LINDA HUMPING THE
MOTORCYCLE LIKE SHE HUMPS
EVERYTHING ELSE.
SHE IS COMPLETELY OUT OF HER
MIND.
>> IT'S FUN, ANG.
>> ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY IT ONCE.
>> I PROMISE YOU, YOUSE'LL FEEL
YOUNG OR REALLY OLD THE NEXT
DAY, DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU DO.
>> WHAT'S UP, BIG GIR--WHAT THE
HELL IS GOING ON THERE?
>> I'M DOING THE LEAVES.
>> AIN'T THAT NEIL'S JOB?
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO
THEM.
>> YEAH, TAKE IT, BUT YOU HAVE
TO THROW THEM SOMEWHERE.
>> SO GOOD AT--YEAH, YOU KNOW
WHAT?
THROW THEM IN THE [bleep] AIR.
AND I'M FINISHED.
>> [laughs]
>> THAT'S WHAT I THINK OF
LEAVES.
>> KILO?
>> KILO LIKES TO BE WITH YOU.
>> YOU'RE NOT GONNA REALLY
BREATHE ON ME, ARE YOU?
>> YEAH, THANK GOD IT'S ON YOU
AND NOT ME.
>> JESUS CHRIST.
I GOTTA MOVE OVER.
HIS BREATH IS KILLING ME.
>> LISTEN TO ME.
I LOVE THE SHORE, AND I LOVE
MY POOL, NOT THAT I CAN ENJOY
IT.
>> I MEAN, IF THE POOL WAS
CLEAN, WE COULD HAVE HAD A GOOD
TIME RIGHT NOW.
>> THAT'S WHY I NEED TO GET A
POOL BOY.
>> SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
>> A HOT ONE.
>> LINDA GOT A POOL BOY.
>> I GOT A HOT POOL BOY.
>> LINDA GOT EVERY KIND OF BOY.
[laughter]
>> SO WHAT DO YOU WANT HIM TO
DO, ANYWAY?
>> WHEN I'M SITTING HERE RIGHT
NOW, HE'S HANDING ME MY
CHAMPAGNE, FILLING MY GLASS.
>> OILING YOU.
>> I WANT HIM WIPING MY SWEATY
HEAD.
>> OH, OKAY.
>> I WANT HIM TO GIVE ME A TOWEL
WHEN I NEED IT.
>> I'M--YOU WANT EXACTLY WHAT I
HAVE.
>> MAYBE I'LL GET MYSELF A POOL
BOY FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
>> I LIKE THAT IDEA.
YOU SHOULD HAVE THAT.
>> SPEAKING OF BIRTHDAYS, I WANT
TO THROW THE SURPRISE PARTY FOR
JANINE.
AFTER EVERYTHING SHE'S BEEN
DOING FOR ME--
>> SHE DESERVES IT.
>> JANINE'S BEEN SO SUPPORTIVE
WITH THE A.J. SITUATION AND
EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE.
SHE'S ALWAYS THERE WHEN I NEED
HER.
>> WHERE ARE WE DOING IT, IN HER
HOUSE?
>> I THINK THAT'S THE PERFECT
SPOT.
>> MM-HMM, IT IS.
>> IT IS.
>> I REALLY DON'T WANT HER TO
KNOW.
>> SHE'S LIKE ROBOCOP, ANGELA.
HOW YOU KEEPING ANYONE FROM
THAT DETECTIVE?
>> I KNOW, YOU CA--
>> SHE ALWAYS BUSTS US AT
EVERYTHING.
SHE'S NOSY.
SHE'S LIKE THE MOTHER SHIP.
SHE'S ALWAYS HOVERING.
>> I REALLY WANT THIS TO BE A
TOTAL SURPRISE FOR JANINE.
EVERYBODY BETTER KEEP THEIR
MOUTHS SHUT.
LIPPED AND ZIPPED.
DOMINICK.
>> HI, ANG.
COME IN, I'M IN THE KITCHEN.
>> OH, IT'S SO COOL IN THIS
HOUSE, THANK GOD.
I CAN'T TAKE IT.
I'M MEETING UP WITH JANINE'S
HUSBAND, DOMINICK, TO GO OVER
ALL THE PLANS FOR THE SURPRISE
PARTY.
WH--WHERE'S JANINE?
>> SHE'S NOT HOME.
SHE'S AT THE SHOP.
>> YOU HAVE TO DO THIS PARTY SO
PERFECTLY.
SHE CAN'T FIND OUT ANYTHING.
>> YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE?
I WANT TO SHOW YOU THE POOL AND
STUFF.
>> DOM'S GREAT AT PLANNING
PARTIES.
HE KNOWS JUST WHAT WE LIKE--
LOUD MUSIC, GREAT FOOD, AND TONS
OF LIQUOR.
OH, THE YARD LOOKS SO NICE.
>> WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH HER
FOR THE ENTIRE DAY?
>> I'M GONNA TAKE HER WITH ME TO
SEE SEXY TINA.
GONNA GET HER HAIR, HER FEET,
HER MAKEUP--
>> SO I'LL TELL HER I'M TAKING
HER TO THE CITY THAT NIGHT, AND
THEN WE'LL GO FROM THERE.
WHAT IS NEIL PLANNING ON FOR
YOUR BIRTHDAY?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
>> I'M SURE NOTHING, AS USUAL.
>> EH, YOU NEVER KNOW.
>> NO, BUT I WANT A PRESENT.
>> OKAY.
>> DO YOU REALIZE I'M WITH HIM
FOUR YEARS, I NEVER GOT ONE
GIFT?
>> I KNOW I WOULD HAVE BEEN
THROWN OUT FOUR YEARS AGO.
>> THAT'S WHY HE GETS THROWN OUT
RIGHT AFTER MY BIRTHDAY EVERY
YEAR.
IF YOU EVER NOTICED, HE GETS
THROWN OUT EVERY JULY.
[laughter]
IF NEIL ACTUALLY GETS ME A
PRESENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, I WILL
ROLL OVER AND DIE FROM THE
SHOCK.
WE BETTER GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE
SHE COMES.
>> YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.
YEAH, BOY.
OH, IT'S TOO HOT.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
>> I--
>> SHE CAME TO--I CAME DOWN--
>> I CAME HERE, HE LIVES HERE.
I JUST CAME BY.
I WAS ON MY WAY TO THE BAR.
>> WELL, I'M--
>> I WANTED TO SHOW--I WANTED TO
SHOW HER THE CABANA.
>> CABANA?
YOU'VE SEEN THE CABANA.
>> NO, I DIDN'T.
>> NO, SHE DIDN'T SEE IT
FINISHED.
>> ONLY SEEN IT BEING BUILT.
WE ARE TOTALLY BUSTED.
SHE KNOWS SOMETHING'S UP.
I GOTTA GET THE HELL OUT OF
HERE, RIGHT NOW.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME GO.
IT'S TIME TO GET TO THE BAR.
>> I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
>> BYE.
>> THROW THIS OUT.
MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL.
>> THANK YOU.
>> BYE.
>> HOW YOU DOING?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> BUT ANGELA'S LOOKING TO
SERVICE THE POOL.
>> OKAY.
>> SERVICE THE POOL AND ME.
>> HERE WE GO, GIRLFRIEND.
STOP!
WHY ARE YOU GRABBING MY [bleep]?
>> [laughs]
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> CUTTING MOZZARELLA.
>> OOH, MOZZARELLA.
AND SCAMORZA.
>> AHH.
>> NICE HARDENING OF THE
ARTERIES.
SO WHAT ARE WE DOING?
>> I'M TRYING TO GET A POOL BOY.
I'VE CALLED THE POOL SERVICE.
THEY'RE SENDING OVER A BUNCH OF
GUYS.
IT'S GONNA TAKE A WHILE BEFORE
WE'VE TALKED TO EVERYBODY.
I THINK WE SHOULD GET STARTED.
I'M HAVING JANINE HELP ME
INTERVIEW THE POOL BOYS, SO
DOMINICK CAN SNEAK ALL THE PARTY
SUPPLIES INTO HER HOUSE WHILE
WE'RE GONE.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON IN.
UH-OH.
LOOK AT MY HANDSOME POOL GUY.
>> HOW YOU DOING?
NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> PLEASURE.
>> WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
>> VINNIE.
>> LOOKING GOOD.
>> ANGELA'S LOOKING TO SERVICE
THE POOL.
>> OKAY.
>> SERVICE THE POOL AND ME.
>> WOW.
>> OH, MAKE ME A DRINK...
GET ME A TOWEL.
>> THAT'S A CABANA BOY.
>> OH, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.
>> I THOUGHT YOU MEANT POOL BOY.
>> YOU WANT A CABANA BOY?
>> PUT OIL ON ME.
>> OH, GOD.
>> [laughs]
>> AND COME IN THE HOT TUB WITH
ME.
>> OH, GOD.
DO YOU DO ANY OF THAT?
>> [laughs] I'M--I'M A POOL GUY.
I'M--I'M NOT A CABANA BOY.
STRICTLY BUSINESS.
>> STRICTLY BUSINESS.
>> YES.
>> STRICTLY BUSINESS?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
I WANT FRISKY BUSINESS.
>> YOU WANT A SLAVE.
>> EXACTLY.
>> A GOOD-LOOKING SLAVE.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT.
HI.
>> CHRIS, VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU, CHRIS.
>> VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> WELL, ANGELA'S LOOKING FOR
SOMEBODY TO--
>> I WANT A CABANA BOY!
>> CABANA BOY?
ABSOLUTELY.
>> SEE, HE KNOWS.
>> FAN YOU, GIVE LITTLE GRAPES?
>> OH, YEAH--HE REALLY--I LIKE
HIM.
[laughter]
>> SO, WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT
PER DAY?
[shocking music]
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> HOW YOU DOING, SWEETHEART?
>> HELLO, BABY.
>> I CAME TO SEE YOU.
>> HOW OLD ARE YOU, FRANK?
>> I'M GONNA BE 20.
>> LOOK AT HIS CUTE LITTLE FACE.
>> THAT'S WHAT MY GRANDMA TELLS
ME ALL THE TIME TOO.
>> [laughs]
NEXT.
>> HELLO, I'M DANE.
>> HI--OH, HI.
>> HI, DANE.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
>> JANINE.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> WHAT A NICE, CUTE BLONDE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> BEAUTIFUL EYES.
>> YOU'RE VERY HANDSOME.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
I WANT A CABANA BOY.
YOU MIGHT BE THE ONE.
>> CABANA BOYS USUALLY, WHAT,
BRING OUT FRESH TOWELS...
>> YEP.
>> SOME CHAMPAGNE GRAPES?
I ACTUALLY WAS A SWIMMING
INSTRUCTOR FOR TWO YEARS.
>> I CAN'T SWIM, I NEED YOU.
>> WHAT IS YOUR GOING RATE?
>> I CHARGE 7 BUCKS AN HOUR,
AND, UM, I MAKE A MEAN SANGRIA
AS WELL.
>> OKAY.
>> YOU'VE BEEN--IT WAS REALLY
NICE MEETING YOU, THANKS.
>> SO NICE MEETING YOU TOO.
>> AND SUCH A GREAT NAME, DANE.
>> TAKE CARE.
>> THIS WORKED GREAT.
JANINE WAS TOTALLY DISTRACTED.
NOW I JUST GOTTA PICK WHICH ONE
I WANT.
>> WORSE COMES TO WORST, YOU
COULD HAVE MY POOL BOY.
>> I REALLY DON'T WANT HIM.
THANK YOU.
>> [laughs]
>> LINDA, THIS IS YOUR DREAM,
NOT MINE.
>> MY DREAM?
OH, YOU'RE DOING IT WITH ME...
>> NO, I'M NOT.
>> 'CAUSE I AIN'T DOING THIS
[bleep] ALONE.
>> I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
LINDA WANTS US TO DO SOMETHING
FOR OUR BIRTHDAYS THAT MAKE US
FEEL YOUNG AGAIN, SO WE'RE GOING
TO A MOTORCYCLE CLASS.
WHAT THE--
>> HI.
>> HELLO THERE.
>> THIS IS THE MOTORCYCLE?
>> THIS IS THE MOTORCYCLE.
[hard rock music]
*
>> GIVE US SOME LESSONS HERE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> STOP BEING A CHICKEN.
>> I AM SCARED OF THE
MOTORCYCLE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL HER.
OOH, I DON'T LIKE THIS.
>> OH, HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
>> I FEEL LIKE I'M ON AN
AIRPLANE.
ALL RIGHT, GET ON?
>> YES.
>> OH, MY GOD.
AH, THIS THING IS HEAVY!
>> IT'S--THEY'RE NOT THAT HEAVY.
>> OKAY, I'M JUST GONNA TAKE YOU
THROUGH THE CONTROLS.
HERE'S THE THROTTLE ON THIS.
RIGHT, YOU TURN IT TOWARDS YOU
TO INCREASE YOUR SPEED.
>> RIGHT.
>> ALREADY I FORGOT EVERYTHING.
I'M [bleep].
>> PLACE YOUR FOOT ON THE REAR
BRAKE THERE.
LET'S GO OVER TO THE CLUTCH
LEVER, AND DOWN BELOW, YOUR GEAR
SHIFTER.
THIS BUTTON HERE IS YOUR ENGINE
CUT-OFF SWITCH.
THIS BUTTON HERE IS THE STARTER.
SQUEEZE THE CLUTCH IN.
YES.
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU REV IT UP?
[engine revs]
>> AH!
>> WATCH OUT.
[engine revs]
>> HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THERE'S TOO MUCH [bleep] FOR ME.
I DON'T WANT GEARS, AND
CLUTCHES, AND NONE OF THAT.
THANKS FOR THE LESSON.
>> WE HAVEN'T STARTED MOVING
YET.
>> I DON'T WANT TO MOVE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
BITCH AIN'T DOING IT.
LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.
[engine starts, idles]
>> GO, LINDA!
AH! LINDA!
>> HOLD THE CLUTCH, THE WAY WE
DISCUSSED.
NO GAS, NO THROTTLE.
>> NO THROTTLE, NO THROTTLE.
>> AH!
>> BRING IT THIS WAY.
>> YEAH! WHO'S YOUR MAMA?
>> DON'T DO THAT.
>> "DON'T DO THAT."
>> I'M PROUD OF YOU.
I SEE LINDA, SHE'S RIDING IT,
SHE'S DOING REALLY GOOD.
NOW I WANT TO TRY IT TOO.
>> COME ON, GIRL.
>> YOU WANT TO TAKE ME FOR A
RIDE?
>> GET YOUR ASS ON THIS BIKE.
HERE WE GO, GIRLFRIEND!
>> OH, GOD, WE'RE SORRY.
WHOA!
NOW DON'T GO FAST.
>> AH!
STOP!
HOLD ON.
OH, MY GOD.
WHY ARE YOU GRABBING MY [bleep],
YOU PSYCHOTIC BITCH?
[laughter]
>> YEAH, I DID IT.
>> WHO'S YOUR BEST BUDDY RIDER?
>> YOU.
THAT WAS PRETTY FUN, ACTUALLY.
>> WHOA, I LOVE IT, WE
[bleep] HAD SO MUCH FUN.
>> YOU'RE A BIKER CHICK NOW.
>> THAT THING VIBRATES.
I WAS LOVING IT.
>> YOU'RE AN ANIMAL.
>> I AM AN ANIMAL.
>> TONIGHT IS JANINE'S SURPRISE
PARTY, AND SHE HAS NO IDEA
WHAT'S EVEN GOING ON IN HER
HOUSE RIGHT NOW.
OH, THERE'S MY SEXY CHINESE
TINA.
>> YEAH!
>> HEY.
>> MY "BABAY."
>> BABY, MM.
>> HI, GIRL.
>> HI, HI.
>> I'M TAKING HER TO THE SALON
TO GET EVERYTHING DONE--
HER HAIR DONE, HER FEET DONE,
HER MAKEUP DONE, HER NAILS DONE,
AND THAT'S GONNA TAKE A WHILE.
OH, I NEED THIS.
FEELS GOOD ALREADY.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
>> I'M GOING TO THE BAR.
WHAT ELSE AM I DOING?
I GO TO THE BAR EVERY FRIDAY.
>> I'M GOING OUT WITH DOM.
HE SAID IT WAS A SURPRISE.
I GOT MY OUTFIT WITH ME, AND
DOM'S PICKING ME UP HERE.
>> SO WHERE YOU THINK HE'S
TAKING YOU?
>> I DON'T KNOW. I HAVE--
>> MAYBE THE CITY.
>> EVERY TIME I GO TO THE CITY,
I COME HOME, I'M PREGNANT AGAIN.
>> DON'T GO TO THE CITY.
SHE'S CLUELESS.
SHE DOESN'T EXPECT A THING.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I LOVE TO COME AND GET
PEDICURES, BUT I CAN'T WAIT TO
GET OFF THE CHAIR.
I WANT TO BE OVER IT.
I WANT TO GET UP.
OH, YEAH.
>> SHE'S SUCH A [bleep] BABY.
ANGELA, HELLO?
>> YOU KNOW, I CAN'T SIT AROUND
AND GET PAMPERED ALL DAY.
I GOTTA GET OVER TO THE HOUSE
AND MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S GOING
RIGHT GETTING SET UP FOR THIS
PARTY.
>> HEY.
>> LISTEN TO ME.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO, HOW
YOU DO IT, YOU HAVE TO KEEP
JANINE HERE TILL 7:30.
>> HOW ABOUT ALCOHOL?
GET DRUNK.
>> GIVE HER ALCOHOL.
>> GET DRUNK.
>> EITHER I'M GONNA COME BACK
AND GET HER OR HER HUSBAND.
>> OKAY. FINE.
>> SHH.
HUSH, HUSH.
JANINE HAS NO IDEA, AND I CAN'T
WAIT TO SURPRISE HER.
ALL MY PLANS ARE ON TRACK RIGHT
NOW.
[ominous music]
*
[thunder booms]
OH, GOD.
JUST THE WORST.
[thunder booms]
[glasses clink]
>> I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK ALL
DAY.
>> WHERE THE [bleep] IS
EVERYBODY?
>> 'CAUSE OF THE WEATHER.
PEOPLE KEPT TEXTING ME--"IS IT
STILL ON?"
>> WHERE ARE THESE MOTHER--
[thunder booms]
>> I JUST LEFT JANINE AT THE SPA
AND HAD TO DRIVE THROUGH A
[bleep] MONSOON.
THIS RAIN IS THROWING EVERYTHING
OFF RIGHT NOW.
WHERE THE [bleep] IS EVERYBODY?
>> 'CAUSE OF THE WEATHER.
PEOPLE KEPT TEXTING ME--"IS IT
STILL ON?"
>> DID YOU HEAR THAT THUNDER?
[thunder booms]
WHERE ARE THESE MOTHER[bleep]?
>> I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK
ALL DAY.
>> FREAKING OUT.
WE ONLY HAVE 20 MINUTES LEFT
BEFORE I GOTTA PICK UP JANINE.
>> THANK GOD THE RAIN STOPPED,
DOM.
>> LINDA!
>> YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
>> THANK YOU.
WHERE'S YOUR CLOTHES?
>> I COULDN'T EVEN GET HOME TO
CHANGE.
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE JANINE
DO THINGS ALL DAY.
[cell phone ringing]
>> HELLO, "J."
WHAT'S DOING?
NO, THAT'S NOT THE--I'M AT
ANGELA'S HOUSE.
I'LL PICK YOU UP IN A LITTLE
BIT.
>> OH, YEAH, DOM IS AT MY HOUSE.
HE'S GONNA COME AND GET YOU.
>> YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU IN A
LITTLE BIT.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA PICK JANINE
UP.
SHE'S GONNA YELL AT ME BECAUSE
I'M WEARING SNEAKERS AND SHORTS.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> SO I'M GONNA SAY, "NO, I HAD
TO GO MEET SOMEBODY."
'CAUSE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO
OUT TO DINNER.
>> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT, SO THAT'S MY
EXCUSE TO COME BACK HOME.
>> THIS IS IT--SHOWTIME!
[upbeat dance music]
*
[crowd chattering]
OH, THAT'S MINE!
GOOD BOY, ANTHONY.
GOOD BOY.
>> UM, HELLO!
JANINE IS GETTING READY TO PULL
IN.
>> OH, WAIT.
>> SO EVERYBODY GET READY.
>> WHERE'S THE BANNERS?
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> NOT BAD, BABY.
GO, GO, GO, GO.
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
>> SHH.
>> I WANT TO CHANGE RIGHT AWAY.
I WANT TO EAT DINNER.
>> WHY ARE ALL THE LIGHTS ON?
YOU BETTER BE QUICK.
EVERY [bleep] LIGHT IN THE
HOUSE--
>> HURRY UP, COME ON, I GOTTA
SHOW YOU SOMETHING IN THE YARD.
>> EVERYTHING IN THE LIGHT--
>> ALL RIGHT, STOP ALREADY.
>> WHY IS THERE A TOWEL HERE?
>> OH, YOU GOTTA BREAK MY CHOPS
ABOUT A TOWEL? IT'S CAUSE--
>> all: SURPRISE!
>> OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
YOU LITTLE BRAT.
>> I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
JANINE LOOKED SHOCKED.
SHE WAS LIKE...
>> WHOO-HOO!
>> WE GOT HER GOOD.
I NEED AIR.
I'M SITTING HERE BY MYSELF.
I'M STRESSED OUT.
>> HOW DID YOU PULL THIS OFF
WITHOUT ME KNOWING?
>> ME AND DOM PLANNED IT EVERY
DAY.
YOUR KIDS DIDN'T EVEN RAT.
>> I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THANK
YOU.
YOU'RE THE BEST SISTER THAT
THAT ANYBODY CAN HAVE.
>> AW, YOU'RE SO GOOD.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
>> LET'S PARTY.
>> I'M READY.
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
>> all: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
[cheering]
>> WHOO!
[thunder booms]
>> WE'RE NOT GONNA LET NO RAIN
STEAL US AWAY FROM THIS BIRTHDAY
PARTY.
LISTEN, WITH THIS GROUP, IT
DOESN'T MATTER--RAIN, THUNDER,
SNOW, WE'RE GONNA PARTY.
>> PATRON AND A CORONA, POR
FAVOR.
[thunder booms]
>> [shouting indistinctly]
[all cheering]
[upbeat dance music]
**
>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
[crowd roars, cheers]
[glasses clink]
>> YEAH, HE'S GOTTA FEED YOU A
GRAPE.
I LOVE MY NEW POOL BOY.
>> OH, YEAH.
>> OH, LOOK HOW NICE.
>> WHAT DO YOUSE NEED A POOL BOY
FOR?
>> THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT
FROM ME, 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T
[bleep] BUY ME ONE.
>> YOU LOOK LIKE BARBARELLA.
JANE FONDA HAD NOTHING ON YOU,
BABE.
>> WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT I GOT
COMING TODAY.
>> WHAT DO YOU GOT COMING TODAY?
>> THE YOUNG, HOT, GORGEOUS POOL
BOY.
>> OH, WOW.
>> HE'S COMING TO FAN US ALL AND
SERVE US ALL...
>> DOES HE HAVE A VIBRATOR?
>> GOD KNOWS, WHEN LINDA GETS
HER HANDS ON MY LITTLE POOL BOY,
SHE'LL BE ATTACKING HIM.
NOW, LOOK AT THIS--HURRY UP.
>> HELLO! IS THIS OUR POOL BOY?
>> HURRY UP.
>> HE'S ADORABLE.
>> SHE SEES YOUNG, SHE GOES
CRAZY--NUTS.
>> SOMETHING TO DRINK?
>> SOMETHING LIKE THREE SHOTS OF
PATRON?
EXCUSE ME, HONEY, COULD YOU
BRING OUT A LITTLE NAPKIN TOO?
YOU NEED TO RUB ME DOWN.
I'M PERSPIRING.
>> NICE.
>> SO HANDSOME.
>> OH, OH, GET ME, GET ME.
I'M SWEATING.
>> COME OVER HERE.
I WANT TO SWAT YOU.
[whip cracking]
>> JENNIFER WANTS ICE FOR THE
GLASS.
I LOVE MY NEW POOL BOY.
HE'S SO HANDSOME.
>> A PRETTY LADY NEVER LIGHTS
HER OWN CIGARETTE.
>> THANK YOU, MY LOVE.
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE--SOMEBODY
THAT ALWAYS DOES WHAT I WANT,
NEVER SAYS NO.
>> all: OH!
>> OH, I LIKE THAT.
>> LOOK AT MY BABY.
>> THAT'S RIGHT--HE'S GOTTA FEED
YOU A GRAPE.
THAT'S THE TEST.
>> KIM BASINGER AND
MICKEY ROURKE, WHEN HE LOOKED
LIKE A PERSON.
>> [laughs]
>> NICE.
THIS IS A POOL BOY.
>> OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE, BABY!
>> HI, NEIL!
>> WE GOT A POOL BOY.
>> ARE YOU HERE?
>> YOU GOT A POOL BOY?
>> YES, I LIKE YOUR POOL BOY.
CAN WE KEEP HIM?
>> WHAT DO YOUSE NEED A POOL BOY
FOR?
>> NEIL, DO YOU WANT HIM?
>> THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT
FROM ME, 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T
[bleep] BUY ME ONE.
>> OH, YES.
>> OH, LOOK HOW NICE.
>> GUYS, LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL HIS
TEETH ARE.
[chimes ring]
WE THINK MAYBE NEIL COULD LEARN
A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM MY POOL
BOY.
HE SHOULD TAKE CARE OF ALL MY
NEEDS, AND RIGHT NOW WHAT I NEED
IS PRESENTS.
NEIL, I WANT MY BIRTHDAY
PRESENT.
WHERE'S MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT?
>> WHERE'S HER BIRTHDAY PRESENT?
>> IT'S COMING.
>> TILL YOU GET A PRESENT, DON'T
EVEN TALK TO ME.
BYE. YEAH, GET OUT.
>> YEAH, YOUR TIME IS UP.
>> YOU'RE DISMISSED.
>> UNTIL HE COMES BACK WITH MY
PRESENT.
HOW'D THAT WORK OUT FOR YOU?
>> [laughs]
>> NEXT TIME ON BIG ANG...
>> I'M GONNA GET A TATTOO OF
YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT.
>> WE HAVE TO GET THE PERFECT
PICTURE, 'CAUSE YOU'RE STUCK
WITH IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR
LIFE!
YEAH!
>> SAY "DIAMONDS."
>> DIAMONDS.
I THINK I'M LOOKING PRETTY GOOD
RIGHT NOW.
>> LET'S LOSE THE BOA.
[needle buzzing]
>> YOU KNOW, YOUR FACE IS
KILLING ME.
>> YOURS HAS BEEN KILLING ME
FIVE YEARS.
>> OH, GOD.
>> NO TURNING BACK NOW.