>> AND HE KEEPS COMING WITH THE
BOXES.
ON THIS EPISODE OF BIG ANG...
I SAID, "MOVE IN, ONE OR TWO
THINGS."
HE CAME WITH A TRUCKLOAD
OF [bleep]!
>> THAT'S A DISGRAZIA.
>> THE BIGGEST PROBLEM I HAVE IS
YOUR SMOKING AND DRINKING.
>> NO SMOKING, NO DRINKING,
AND EXERCISING EVERY DAY.
WHOA!
LET'S GO TENNIS.
>> SHOT, SHOT, SHOT, SHOT.
>> THIS IS HARDER THAN I'VE
EVER THOUGHT.
[spliced-up techno music]
>> * I LIKE THE WISE GUYS
* THE WISE GUYS
* I WANT THAT
* I WANNA HAVE FUN
* AND GET WHACKED
* OH, MY GOD
* I-I LIKE THE WISE GUYS
* THE--THE WISE GUYS
* I-I LIKE THE WISE GUYS
* I-I-I LOVE LOVE DIAMONDS
* I WANT A MASSAGE, FACIAL
* GET SPRAY TANNED
* A MASSAGE, FACIAL
* EVERYBODY LOVES ME
>> I DECIDED TO LET MY HUSBAND
NEIL MOVE BACK IN 'CAUSE HE
REALLY IS A GOOD GUY, AND I'M
GONNA GIVE HIM A THIRD CHANCE.
>> KNOW WHAT WOULD BE NICE NOW
THAT I'M HOME?
NICE POT OF SAUCE.
>> YEAH, OKAY, LISTEN TO ME.
>> THAT WOULD BE A PERFECT
WELCOME-HOME PRESENT.
>> ME AND NEIL ARE ALMOST
13 YEARS APART.
ANOTHER BABY I INHERITED.
I'M THE MOTHER OF EVERYBODY.
JENNIFER, NEIL, MY OWN KIDS.
I CAN'T!
AND HE KEEPS COMING WITH THE
BOXES.
ALREADY THIS AIN'T WORKING OUT.
I SAID, "MOVE IN, ONE OR TWO
THINGS."
HE CAME WITH A TRUCKLOAD
OF [bleep]!
>> LOUIE, STOP.
>> HE'S WONDERING WHAT THE
HELL'S GOING ON TOO.
TRUST ME.
>> EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
DON'T YOU WORRY.
>> I HOPE THIS AIN'T A MISTAKE
AGAIN.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
>> OH, MY GOD!
I CAN'T HAVE THIS!
>> WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO
WITH IT?
>> NO, NO. NO, NO.
JUST THE THOUGHT AND THE LOOK
OF THAT RIGHT NOW--OH, NO!
>> WELL, I ONLY GOT ONE BOX
LEFT.
>> OH, DON'T EVEN BRING IT IN.
>> SO START PUTTING IT AWAY.
>> KEEP IT IN YOUR CAR.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO WITH
IT.
SO IF THIS DON'T WORK THIS TIME,
THAT'S IT.
>> IT'S GONNA WORK.
>> I WILL NEVER EVER DO THIS
AGAIN OR TRY AGAIN.
THAT'S IT.
THIRD TIME, YOU'RE OUT.
>> THIRD TIME'S A CHARM.
IT'S GONNA WORK.
>> AFTER BEING THROWN OUT TWO
TIMES ALREADY, YOU THINK YOU
FIGURED IT OUT AFTER THE FIRST
TIME.
WITH NEIL MOVING BACK IN,
MY STRESS IS THROUGH THE [bleep]
ROOF.
AND MY SISTER'S ON TO ME--
"GOTTA GO TO THE HEART DOCTOR.
GOTTA GO TO THE HEART DOCTOR."
SO I'M FINALLY GOING TO THE
CARDIOLOGIST.
>> HOW TALL ARE YOU?
>> 5'9".
>> WHEN WAS YOUR LAST MAMMOGRAM?
>> JANUARY.
>> GOOD.
>> EVERYTHING'S UP TO DATE.
I AM A HYPOCHONDRIAC.
>> I'M GONNA GIVE YOU STOOL
CARDS.
YOU TAKE 'EM HOME, YOU DO IT
AT HOME, YOU MAIL IT BACK TO US.
>> THAT'S GROSS.
HOW THE [bleep] DO YOU MAIL
[bleep]?
I DON'T GET IT.
ALL OF A SUDDEN, I'M GETTING
PULLED FOR RARE BLOOD TESTS.
[bleep] THINGS ON MY ANKLES.
MY FOOT HERE, MY ARM THERE.
I FEEL LIKE A RAG DOLL.
EVERYBODY'S PULLING ME ALL OVER.
AND THEY GOT BALLS IN MY FACE.
IT'S LIKE A HORROR SHOW RIGHT
NOW.
HELLO.
>> HEY, COME ON IN.
COME ON, AND YOU SURVIVED, SEE?
VERY NICE.
LET'S TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING.
YOU'VE NEVER HAD ANY HEART
PROBLEMS BEFORE, HAVE YOU?
>> NO.
BUT MY FRIEND WENT TO THIS
PSYCHIC RECENTLY, AND THEY HAVE
ONE OF MY PICTURES.
AND THEY SAID, "WHO'S THAT?"
SHE SAID, "THAT'S BIG ANG."
"SHE SHOULD GO TO THE DOCTOR.
SHE'S GONNA HAVE A HEART
ATTACK."
EVER SINCE SHE TOLD ME THAT,
EVERY WEEK, I THINK I'M HAVING A
HEART ATTACK.
MY ARM IS ALWAYS NUMB.
IT'S HURTING AS WE SPEAK.
THE OTHER DAY, I WAS HAVING
REALLY BAD CHEST PAINS.
LIKE BURNING.
>> DID YOU FEEL SHORT OF BREATH
AT ALL, DID YOU HAVE TROUBLE
BREATHING, DID YOU SWEAT?
>> NO.
AND IF I DID SWEAT, I COULD'VE
BEEN GETTING A HOT FLASH.
[laughs]
>> YOUR EXAM WAS NORMAL.
ALL RIGHT, THE BIGGEST PROBLEM
THAT I HAVE IS YOUR SMOKING AND
DRINKING.
YOU'VE GOTTA WORK ON CUTTING
THAT OUT.
YOU GOTTA STOP SMOKING.
YOUR LIFESTYLE--IT SUCKS.
>> REALLY?
I ONLY DRINK WINE--THIS, THAT.
NOTHING MAJOR.
>> AT LEAST IF YOU CUT IN HALF
RIGHT NOW.
BUTWE'RE GONNA SAY GOOD-BYE
TO THE SMOKING.
>> LISTEN, I DON'T SMOKE THAT
MUCH.
>> HOW MANY YEARS YOU SMOKE?
>> 35.
>> I COULDN'T TELL FROM YOUR
VOICE.
BOTTOM LINE, THE KIND OF YEARS
YOU SMOKE, YOU'RE GONNA BE
LUCKY IF YOU GET A HEART ATTACK
OR CANCER.
YOU REALLY HAVE TO START TAKING
CARE OF YOURSELF.
>> ANG!
WHERE ARE YOU?
>> I'M IN MY ROOM, TRYING TO
[bleep] STRAIGHTEN IT OUT AND
I CAN'T.
>> OH, MY GOD!
THIS IS A DISASTER.
WHAT IS ALL THIS?
>> THAT'S NEIL'S.
>> AND THAT?
>> NEIL.
>> AND THAT?
>> NEIL'S.
HE ONLY CAME WITH TEN BOXES.
>> LOOK AT ALL THESE FURS
THOUGH.
>> YEAH, I GOT A FURRIER GOING
ON.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I LOVE FURS.
I HAVE 30 OF THEM.
IT'S LIKE HAVING MY OWN LITTLE
ZOO.
THERE'S CLOTHES EVERYWHERE,
EVERYWHERE.
THAT'S A MIRROR.
WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW IT'S A
MIRROR?
IT'S COVERED.
>> THAT'S A DISGRAZIA.
>> THIS HOUSE IS CLOSING IN ON
ME.
IT [bleep] MAKES ME HAVE A
HEART ATTACK.
AND THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I HAVE
TO QUIT SMOKING SMOKE.
I'M GONNA SMOKE TWO AT A TIME
NOW.
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A BIGGER
[bleep] HOUSE.
'CAUSE BETWEEN ME AND NEIL,
WE'RE LIKE [bleep] TWO DINOSAURS
WITH OUR HEADS STICKING OVER
THE ROOF.
WE NEED SPACE!
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I WAS DRIVING DOWN THE BLOCK AND
I SEEN THIS HOUSE, AND IT'S HAD
"FOR SALE" SIGN ON IT, AND I
REALLY, REALLY THINK IT'S
PERFECT FOR ME.
>> WHAT'D IT LOOK LIKE?
>> FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S GOT
THAT BIG STAIRCASE, TWO
DRIVEWAYS, AND A BIG PALM TREE
STICKING OUT OF THE YARD.
OH! I LOVE PALM TREES.
>> WELL, LET'S GO LOOK AT IT.
>> I NEED BIG, BIG.
EVERYTHING BIG.
BIG ANG, BIG THINGS.
>> YES.
>> BIG HOUSE!
THIS IS THE PARTY PLACE FOR ME.
I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!
>> HOW LONG ARE YOU NOT SMOKING,
FIVE DAYS?
>> TWO [bleep] DAYS.
>> TWO DAYS, THAT'S IT?
YOU'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT.
>> I NEED TO SMOKE.
>> THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I HAVE TO
CHANGE MY LIFESTYLE, OR I'M IN
TROUBLE.
EVEN THOUGH I LOVE TO SMOKE,
I DON'T WANNA DROP DEAD.
SO I DECIDED TO GO ON A ONE-WEEK
DETOX.
NO SMOKING, NO DRINKING, AND
EXERCISING EVERY DAY.
GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT THIS'LL BE
LIKE.
OH, GOD.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> NOT THIS, I HOPE.
>> WHY?
>> IT LOOKS...EXHAUSTING.
MY BARTENDER ANTHONY'S SUCH A
GYM RAT.
HE'S GONNA HELP ME GET FIT.
>> WANNA GO DO SOME ARMS, CHEST?
WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?
>> I LIKE THIS THING.
IT'S LIKE, "WHOA!
WHOA!"
>> COME ON, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH.
WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?
>> I GOTTA WORK ON MY ARMS.
LOOK, THEY'RE FREAKIN' MUSHY.
>> WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING YOUR
WHOLE LIFE, LIKE, TO LOOK LIKE
THIS?
>> I JUST RUN AROUND A LOT.
I NEVER STOP.
>> THAT'S NOT HEALTHY.
THAT'S--YOU'RE STAYING SKINNY BY
STRESSING.
>> I AM NOT A SLEEPER.
I WORK A LOT.
ALL CRAZY HOURS.
I BURN OFF THE FAT.
THE LAST TIME I WENT TO THE GYM,
THE GYM CAME TO ME.
IN MY HOUSE, WHEN I WAS UNDER
HOUSE ARREST, I HAD A TRAINER.
BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GET
TO THE GYM ANYMORE.
GIVE ME PLASTIC SURGERY.
MUCH EASIER.
THIS IS HARD.
>> LISTEN, IT'S NOT GONNA BE
EASY.
>> I LIKE THE FUN MACHINES.
>> THIS IS THE BOOB BLASTER.
>> I SURELY DON'T NEED THAT.
>> PUSH FORWARD AND SQUEEZE.
>> SQUEEZE!
>> HOW'S THAT? SQUEEZE.
>> SQUEEZE.
DONE?
>> I'M DONE WITH THIS STUFF.
>> WATCH YOUR ARMS.
>> GOING TO THE GYM IS LIKE
SLOW [bleep] DEATH.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
I DON'T WANNA SIT HERE.
I'M BORED, BORING.
I HAVE NO TIME, ZERO PATIENCE,
AND I [bleep] HATE EVERYTHING
ABOUT IT.
WHAT POSSESSED ME TO DO THIS?
I'LL NEVER KNOW.
YOU'RE KILLING ME.
>> WOW, IT'S REALLY NICE.
>> I'VE BEEN LIKE A NINJA
SCOPING OUT THIS HOUSE, AND
TODAY, I'M FINALLY GONNA GET
TO SEE IT.
>> WELCOME, LADIES.
COME ON IN.
>> WOW!
NOW WE'RE TALKING.
SPACIOUS!
BACK IN THE OLD DAYS WHEN I WAS
DATING WISE GUYS, THEY USED TO
BUY ME MANSIONS ON THE WATER.
BUT ALL MY HOUSES THAT THEY GAVE
ME, I SOLD.
NO MORE WISE GUYS, NO MORE
HOUSES.
NOW I GOTTA BUY MY OWN [bleep].
AND WHAT IS THIS?
OOH! THIS IS MY STAGE, YEAH!
I'M GONNA SING ON THIS.
HELLO!
LET'S GET--YEAH!
MAYBE I'M GONNA PUT A POLE,
DO POLE DANCING.
>> THE BEDROOMS ARE HUGE.
>> SHOW HER SOME CLOSETS,
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE NEEDS.
>> PLENTY OF CLOSET SPACE.
>> WHOA!
>> THIS IS LIKE THREE TIMES THE
SIZE.
>> AND FOR YOUR CLOTHES.
>> AH!
NOW SEE?
THIS HERE CLOSET, I LIKE.
I NEED, LIKE, THREE OF THESE
CLOSETS.
I HAVE ABOUT 500 PAIRS OF SHOES,
300 POCKETBOOKS, 200 HATS.
I CAN'T FIT ANOTHER [bleep]
THING IN MY HOUSE AND I THINK
THIS HOUSE HAS PLENTY OF ROOM.
>> OKAY, LET ME SHOW YOU THE
BEST PART OF THE HOUSE NOW.
>> OH, MY GOD!
NOW THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT.
>> WOW, THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
>> THIS IS DEFINITELY THE PARTY
PLACE FOR ME!
OH! LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT COULD I GET YOU TO DRINK?
NOW SEE HOW NICE THIS IS AT
NIGHT?
ROMANTIC.
I'LL BE LIKE, "NEIL, GIVE ME A
MARTUNI AND BRING IT TO ME IN
THE JACUZZI."
>> [chuckles]
I LOVE IT.
>> AND HURRY UP, 'CAUSE YOU'RE
IN FOR A SURPRISE.
>> EXCUSE ME?
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> I WANT IT! I WANT IT!
I WANT IT! I WANT IT!
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES,
I GOTTA LIVE HERE.
AND I LOVE THESE PALM TREES.
THIS IS THE [bleep] HOUSE FOR
ME.
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH IT COSTS
A MONTH.
WHEN I WANT SOMETHING, I GET IT.
>> I'LL BE TALKING TO YOU.
>> TALK TO YOU IN 24 HOURS.
>> I'LL CALL YOU, OKAY?
>> OKAY, BYE, DAVE.
>> THANKS FOR COMING.
>> I REALLY LOVE THIS HOUSE.
I NEED TO LIVE HERE.
>> OH, WOULD YOU STOP THE
MOANING ALREADY?
>> YEAH, WELL, I'M SICK OF
LIVING WHERE I LIVE.
>> I'M SICK OF HEARING YOUR
MOUTH.
>> SO WHAT ARE WE SHOPPING FOR?
>> I GUESS WE'LL BE SHOPPING
FOR SOME WORKOUT CLOTHES.
>> OH, MAYBE SOME YOGA CLOTHES.
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> COME ON.
>> I NEED SOMETHING EXCITING.
THE [bleep] GYM IS NOT FOR ME.
I NEED TO FIND A WORKOUT THAT'S
MORE MY STYLE, MAYBE TENNIS.
PHOO-PHOO, PHOO-PHOO.
CHEE-CHOO.
YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T BEEN
SMOKING.
>> FOR HOW LONG?
>> SINCE MONDAY.
>> REALLY? HUH.
THAT'S PRETTY IMPRESSIVE,
ANGELA.
I'M PROUD OF YOU.
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD JUST THINK
ABOUT YOGA BEFORE YOU SLICE IT
UP.
IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT "OM" AND
"OM."
>> JENNIFER--SHE HAS A LICENSE
IN YOGA.
SO SHE WANTS TO TORTURE
EVERYBODY.
YOGA IS NOT FOR ME.
I THINK IT'S A CRAZY CULT.
>> WHAT I WOULD DO WITH YOU
WOULD BE THE RESTORATIVE YOGA.
JUST TEACHING YOU HOW TO RELAX.
YOU LEARN HOW TO CONTROL YOUR
BREATH.
>> THERE GOES DROP-DEAD JEN
AGAIN, GOING ON AND ON ABOUT
THIS [bleep] YOGA.
GET OVER IT, I DON'T WANNA DO
YOGA!
>> DO YOU GUYS NEED HELP WITH
ANYTHING?
>> WHAT DO YOU HAVE FOR TENNIS?
I AM A [bleep] SHOPPING FANATIC.
IF SHOPPING WAS A SPORT, I'D
BE IN GREAT SHAPE RIGHT NOW.
OOH, LOOK AT THESE.
SHOP-SHOP, SHOP-SHOP, SHOP.
>> TENNIS ANYONE?
CAN I WEAR HEELS?
WHAT? LET ME SEE THE COOLIE.
OH, MY GOD, LOOK HOW NICE YOU
LOOK.
>> LET'S SEE YOUR SHORTS.
>> OH!
CAMEL TOE.
>> OH!
>> I LIKE IT.
>> GUESS WHAT.
>> I LIKE IT.
REALLY, I LOVE IT.
LOOK HOW PRETTY MY GIRLS LOOK.
>> AND GUESS WHAT THIS HAS.
THE POCKET FOR MY TENNIS BALL.
HELLO!
>> IT'S NOT THE ONLY BALLS
YOU'LL HAVE IN THERE.
[cheering]
>> WANT A SHOT?
>> I WANT A SHOT.
>> HI, ANG!
WHAT ARE WE MAKING?
>> MAKING SHOTS.
>> LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
HOW DO YOU WORK IN A BAR...
NOT SMOKE AND NOT DRINK?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT THE [bleep] WAS I THINKING?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> FIRST DAY WORKING SINCE I
STARTED MY HEALTH KICK.
I FEEL LIKE I'M FIENDING RIGHT
NOW, WATCHING EVERYBODY DRINKING
AND SMOKING.
[exhales sharply]
I NEED TO SMOKE.
I OWN A BAR.
I NEED TO DRINK, I NEED TO
SMOKE.
GOES ALONG WITH THE [bleep]
PROGRAM.
YOU DRINK, YOU SMOKE IN A BAR.
THAT'S JUST REALLY THE DEAL.
I AM SNAPPING!
>> HOW LONG ARE YOU NOT SMOKING,
FIVE DAYS?
>> TWO [bleep] DAYS.
>> TWO DAYS? THAT'S IT?
>> I KNOW.
>> YOU'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT.
COME ON.
MAKE HER A DRINK AND GIVE HER
A CIGARETTE, PLEASE.
>> NO! NO!
>> JASON!
>> I DON'T WANT IT!
LINDA'S REALLY NOT HELPING ME
RIGHT NOW.
SHE'S LIKE THE LITTLE DEVIL ON
MY SHOULDER.
>> YOU WANT IT.
>> YOU'RE BEING VERY MEAN.
THANK YOU, LINDA.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY NO!
GOD!
>> THIS IS A BIG TEMPTATION
FOR YOU.
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU EVEN DID
TWO DAYS.
TRUST ME, THIS IS JUST A PHASE
SHE'S GOING THROUGH.
SHE'S GOES THROUGH PHASES EVERY
ONCE IN A WHILE.
SHE'LL GET OVER IT.
>> I CAN DO WHATEVER I SAY I'M
GONNA DO.
AND I WILL PROVE IT.
BUT I'M GONNA HANDLE THIS THE
RIGHT WAY.
>> TAKE A VALIUM.
>> LET'S GO TENNIS!
>> YOU GUYS HAVE ANY ATHLETIC
BACKGROUND?
>> STICKBALL?
>> YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT
BALLS I'VE PLAYED WITH.
>> I GOTCHA.
>> WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO FIRST
IS WE'RE GONNA INSERT THE
SPECULUM.
>> THAT BIG THING?
I DON'T THINK SO!
THIS HURTS!
>> ALL RIGHT, ANG, YOU READY
FOR OUR BIG TENNIS LESSON?
>> NOT REALLY.
>> COME ON, WE'LL HAVE FUN.
>> IT'S DAY THREE WITH THE
DETOX.
GOD KNOWS THIS IS TORTURE.
>> I WONDER WHAT THIS INSTRUCTOR
LOOKS LIKE.
>> HE'S PROBABLY CUTE.
>> I HOPE SO.
>> I NEVER PLAYED TENNIS BEFORE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.
I DON'T WANNA LOOK LIKE A FOOL.
OH, GOD, I SEE HIM RIGHT THERE.
>> OH, HE'S NICE AND TALL.
THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU.
WHERE'S THE ENTRANCE?
>> THROUGH HERE, LADIES.
>> HI.
>> MY NAME IS SERGIO.
>> ANGELA.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> JEN. HOW ARE YOU, DOLL?
>> YOU GUYS LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
>> both: THANK YOU.
>> OKAY.
>> I SEE SERGIO.
I'M ALREADY HAPPY WITH TENNIS.
>> YOU GUYS HAVE ANY ATHLETIC
BACKGROUND?
>> I HAVE ZERO.
>> STICKBALL?
>> STOOP-BALL, HANDBALL.
>> IT'S VERY SIMILAR.
AS LONG AS YOU PLAY WITH SOME
TYPE OF SPORT THAT HAS TO DO
WITH BALLS.
>> YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT
BALLS I'VE PLAYED WITH.
>> I GOTCHA.
WE'RE GONNA START AT THE
BASELINE.
FIRST THING WE DO--IF THE BALL'S
GOING TO THE RIGHT, WE TURN OUR
SHOULDERS TO THE RIGHT.
IF THE BALL'S GOING TO THE LEFT,
WE TURN OUR SHOULDERS TO THE
LEFT.
HAVE FUN, ENJOY YOURSELF.
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
THEREFORE, YOU HAVE TO PLAY
BEAUTIFUL.
ANGELA, EASY!
DON'T RUSH, DON'T RUSH.
YOU HAVE ANOTHER, LOOK.
IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE, DON'T
WORRY ABOUT IT.
JUST TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD
YOU.
>> I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS
[bleep] TENNIS.
SEEMS A LITTLE HARD.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS
[bleep].
>> JUST SLOWLY.
REAL SLOW, REAL SLOW.
EXCELLENT!
EXCELLENT, GOOD.
JUST FINISH OVER YOUR SHOULDER.
>> I DID IT!
>> TWIST.
NOW ONE HAND, TURN YOUR
SHOULDERS TOWARDS THE BALL.
I GOT THIS, GET READY.
GET READY.
SMALL STEPS, SMALL STEPS.
YOU GOT IT.
>> ANGELA, YOU'RE FREAKIN' GOOD!
>> VERY NICE!
>> I AM IN SHOCK.
>> NICE.
>> YOU'RE COORDINATED.
>> YEAH, DON'T BE JEALOUS!
>> SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S BEEN
PLAYING TENNIS AS LONG AS SHE'S
BEEN [bleep] SMOKING.
>> HEY, I'M NOT THAT BAD AT
TENNIS.
MAYBE THIS SHOULD BE MY HOBBY.
LET'S GO TENNIS!
>> TWO MORE, TWO MORE!
>> THIS IS A WORKOUT.
>> LAST ONE, COME ON!
FOR STATEN ISLAND, LET'S GO!
>> UGH!
>> THAT'S VERY NICE, YOU LOOK
GOOD DOING IT.
I LOVE IT!
>> SERGIO WAS BEING VERY NICE,
SAYING HOW BEAUTIFUL WE LOOKED.
BUT THEN AGAIN, ALL GUYS FLIRT
WITH ME.
>> WE HAVE GOOD CHEMISTRY, THE
THREE OF US.
>> VERY NICE.
>> THIS IS A NICE, UH, MENAGE
A TROIS.
>> VERY NICE.
NO, I'M GOOD.
VERY NICE.
>> OKAY, SO WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO
IS YOU'LL USE THE RESTROOM,
YOU'LL EMPTY YOUR BLADDER.
>> AFTER TENNIS, I'M FEELING
BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.
NOW I WANNA GET MY INSIDES
CLEANED OUT.
I HEARD COLONICS IS A FAST
AND EASY FIX, AND I LOVE QUICK
FIXES.
>> WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO FIRST,
ANGELA, IS, UM, WE'RE GONNA
INSERT THE SPECULUM.
>> UH, EXCUSE ME?
WHAT IS THAT?
THAT BIG THING?
I DON'T THINK SO!
>> THERE'S A LOTTA LUBE ON THERE
FOR YOU.
>> I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE THE
SIZE OF A [bleep] STRAW.
THAT THING WAS THE SIZE OF A
MICROPHONE!
>> TAKE SOME SLOW, DEEP BREATHS.
>> THIS HURTS.
BACK UP, SWEETIE.
>> WANT ME TO SEE IF I HAVE A
SMALLER SPECULUM?
>> YEAH, I DON'T LIKE THAT
THING, IT'S TOO BIG.
>> OKAY.
>> I HAVE A LITTLE BUTT, I NEED
A LITTLE ONE.
>> OKAY, THIS IS OUR CHILD
SPECULUM.
>> OH, THAT ONE I LIKE.
>> SO WE'RE GONNA GIVE THIS
ANOTHER WHIRL.
>> THIS HURTS!
OH, I CAN'T DO THIS.
THIS HEALTHY [bleep] IS NOT FOR
ME.
I DON'T NEED NO TUBE IN MY ASS.
I NEED A CIGARETTE IN MY MOUTH
AND A DRINK IN MY HAND.
I DON'T WANT THIS.
>> OKAY.
>> I DON'T HAVE TO BE TORTURED.
>> OKAY.
>> I DON'T EVEN GET DOWN LIKE
THIS IN MY BEDROOM.
EXIT ONLY, MOTHER[bleep].
>> SO WE'RE DOING SHOTS TONIGHT?
>> I CAN'T DRINK.
>> SHOT, SHOT, SHOT-SHOT,
SHOT-SHOT.
>> THIS IS HARDER THAN I [bleep]
EVER THOUGHT.
HAVEN'T HAD YOUR FILL OF
>> HELLO, GUYS!
HOW ARE YA?
>> WERE YOU WAITING LONG?
>> TOO LONG AND WE'RE STARVING.
>> WELL, WE'RE DRINKING, SO
WE'RE GOOD.
NOW, LADIES, ARE WE DOING SHOTS
TONIGHT?
>> I CAN'T DRINK.
>> OH, OKAY.
>> IT'S DAY FOUR WITH THIS DETOX
AND I'M JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN.
I'M GONNA TRY TO BE MISS SOBER
PARTY QUEEN TONIGHT.
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH, BUT WHO
NEEDS CIGARETTES AND BOOZE
WITH CRAZY FRIENDS LIKE THIS?
I COULD DO THIS.
>> LADIES...
IT'S SHOT TIME.
SHOT, SHOT, SHOT-SHOT,
SHOT-SHOT, SHOT, SHOT-SHOT,
SHOT-SHOT.
>> THIS IS HARDER THAN I [bleep]
EVER THOUGHT.
LISTEN TO ME.
A GIRL'S GOTTA DO WHAT A GIRL'S
GOTTA DO.
>> LET'S TOAST TO A CRAZY
SUMMER!
>> HALLELUJAH!
WHERE'S THE BEACH?
GO, ANGIE!
>> WHAT CAN I SAY?
I TRIED.
FOUR DAYS AIN'T [bleep] BAD.
>> MY ANGELA IS A PARTY QUEEN.
SHE'S NOT ABOUT TO GIVE UP
CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL.
PLEASE!
SUMMER'S HERE, WE'RE READY TO
PARTY.
>> [rolling tongue]
>> RIGHT NOW IS BAD TIMING.
I GOT A LOTTA [bleep] [bleep]
GOING ON.
THIS SUMMER, I NEED TO DRINK AND
SMOKE.
AHH.
IT'S LIKE HAVING AN ORGASM.
BIG ANG IS BACK!
[overlapping chatter]
>> OH!
>> NEXT TIME ON BIG ANG...
I REALLY WANT LITTLE LOUIE
TO BE IN A DOG SHOW.
LOUIE, THIS WAY.
I DON'T THINK IT'S THAT HARD.
LOUIE! LOUIE!
LOUIEEE!
[whispering] LOUIE.
TODAY, I'M FINALLY MOVING,
BUT IT'S A NIGHTMARE.
THERE'S SO MUCH TO DO.
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> I NEED TO GO KILL MYSELF.
>> OUR FIRST PARTY!
LET'S BREAK THIS HOUSE IN!
>> TIME TOP PARTY, PARTY, PARTY!
>> OH!
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> SHE HAS TO GO TO THE
HOSPITAL.
>> SHE BROKE HER ARM?
>> CALL THE AMBULANCE!
[sirens]