1 00:00:00,942 --> 00:00:03,179 AHH, PIZZA. [ SNIFFS ] WHAT DO WE GOT? 2 00:00:03,179 --> 00:00:04,281 OH, UH, WE'VE GOT 3 00:00:04,281 --> 00:00:06,149 GLUTEN-FREE WITH CASHEW CHEESE, NUT-FREE WITH SOY CHEESE, 4 00:00:06,149 --> 00:00:08,151 VEGETARIAN MEAT LOVER, AND CRUST-FREE. 5 00:00:08,151 --> 00:00:10,120 GROSS. WHAT EV-- WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO REGULAR PIZZA? 6 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:12,122 I WANT CHEESE -- JUST PLAIN CHEESE. 7 00:00:12,122 --> 00:00:14,157 HONEY, DON'T YOU WATCH THE NEWS? 8 00:00:14,157 --> 00:00:15,392 KIDS WHO EAT PLAIN CHEESE PIZZA DIE. 9 00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:18,228 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] OH. I'LL GET IT. 10 00:00:18,228 --> 00:00:20,063 WHOO! WHOA, WATCH OUT, DAD! 11 00:00:20,063 --> 00:00:21,364 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 12 00:00:21,364 --> 00:00:25,068 HI, LADIES. HOW YOU DOING? HILLARY'S IN HER ROOM. 13 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,037 YOU GIRLS WANT SOME ICE CREAM WHILE YOU TALK ABOUT BOYS? 14 00:00:27,037 --> 00:00:28,371 [ CHUCKLES ] HARDLY. 15 00:00:28,371 --> 00:00:30,340 WE'RE AMENDING THE STUDENT GOVERNMENT CONSTITUTION. 16 00:00:30,340 --> 00:00:32,175 OH, COOL. [ THUD ] 17 00:00:32,175 --> 00:00:34,010 OH. DIANE? 18 00:00:34,010 --> 00:00:35,145 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 19 00:00:35,145 --> 00:00:37,080 OH, WARREN ASKED ME TO COME BY. 20 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,182 I THOUGHT WARREN WAS HAVING A FRIEND SLEEP OVER. 21 00:00:39,182 --> 00:00:41,217 AND HERE SHE IS! [ CHUCKLES ] AH! 22 00:00:41,217 --> 00:00:42,652 MY MOM AND MY FRIEND ARE THE SAME PERSON 23 00:00:42,652 --> 00:00:44,654 SO THAT I KNOW MY MOM APPROVES 24 00:00:44,654 --> 00:00:46,156 AND I KNOW MY FRIEND THINKS MY MOM IS COOL. 25 00:00:46,156 --> 00:00:49,659 OHH. OH, THAT'S A SURPRISING CHOICE FOR...YEAH. 26 00:00:49,659 --> 00:00:52,062 LET'S GO PLAY TWISTER IN MY ROOM. COME ON. 27 00:00:52,062 --> 00:00:55,565 MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THE BEDROOM DOOR OPEN. [ CHUCKLES ] 28 00:00:58,568 --> 00:01:01,638 ♪♪♪ 29 00:01:09,746 --> 00:01:13,083 WOW, MEG, YOU'RE UP BEFORE 8:00. I'M IMPRESSED. 30 00:01:13,083 --> 00:01:15,085 YEAH, RIGHT. I HAVEN'T GONE TO BED YET. 31 00:01:15,085 --> 00:01:16,186 THERE WAS A D.U.I. CHECK POINT 32 00:01:16,186 --> 00:01:17,520 RIGHT DOWN THE STREET FROM YOUR HOUSE, 33 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,588 SO I JUST PULLED INTO YOUR DRIVEWAY. 34 00:01:18,588 --> 00:01:20,123 I WASN'T DRUNK, BUT THERE'S 35 00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:21,691 A SLIGHT CHANCE I BOUGHT A STOLEN CAR. 36 00:01:21,691 --> 00:01:24,194 THAT'S MORE LIKE IT. I'M WORRIED ABOUT WARREN. 37 00:01:24,194 --> 00:01:25,795 YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID, I WAS HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS. 38 00:01:25,795 --> 00:01:28,064 HE'S HAVING SLEEPOVERS WITH HIS MOM. 39 00:01:28,064 --> 00:01:29,199 HIGH SCHOOL'S SUPPOSED TO BE TOUGH. 40 00:01:29,199 --> 00:01:30,600 IT'S OKAY. IT BUILDS CHARACTER. 41 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,269 BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WASN'T VERY POPULAR IN HIGH SCHOOL. 42 00:01:33,269 --> 00:01:34,738 I TURNED OUT OKAY. REALLY? 43 00:01:34,738 --> 00:01:37,540 'CAUSE KATE SAYS YOU WRITE LEGAL PORN IN YOUR FREE TIME. 44 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:39,476 KATE! MEG! 45 00:01:39,476 --> 00:01:41,711 IT'S NOT LEGAL PORN. IT'S JUDICIAL EROTICA. 46 00:01:41,711 --> 00:01:44,047 MM. ANYWAY, D-DON'T WORRY ABOUT WARREN. 47 00:01:44,047 --> 00:01:45,749 JUST...LET HIM DO HIS THING. 48 00:01:45,749 --> 00:01:47,317 LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A GUY WHO DID HIS THING, ALL RIGHT? 49 00:01:47,317 --> 00:01:48,551 ARNIE PLOPPER. 50 00:01:48,551 --> 00:01:50,687 MM-HMM. THAT'S HIS REAL NAME -- THE PLOPSTER. 51 00:01:50,687 --> 00:01:52,188 ARNIE WORKED AT A WIG SHOP, AND THEN ONE DAY, 52 00:01:52,188 --> 00:01:53,690 I SAW HIM DRIVING DOWN THE STREET AND WAS LIKE, 53 00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:55,058 "OH, MY GOD, HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND," 54 00:01:55,058 --> 00:01:56,359 AND THEN I REALIZED THAT HE WAS HAVING 55 00:01:56,359 --> 00:01:57,794 A CONVERSATION WITH A PILE OF WIGS. 56 00:01:57,794 --> 00:02:00,664 IF WARREN STARTS WORKING AT A WIG SHOP, I'LL TALK TO HIM. 57 00:02:00,664 --> 00:02:02,666 I JUST WANT HIM TO HAVE, LIKE, A GOOD GROUP OF FRIENDS, YOU KNOW? 58 00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:05,101 HIS OWN LITTLE CREW, GANG. 59 00:02:05,101 --> 00:02:06,436 WELL, THEN, JUST PUT SOME BEERS IN HIS LUNCH. 60 00:02:06,436 --> 00:02:07,771 THAT'LL GET HIM TO THE COOL TABLE. 61 00:02:07,771 --> 00:02:10,140 AND IF NOT, HE'LL HAVE BEERS IN HIS LUNCH. 62 00:02:10,140 --> 00:02:12,042 UNH, UNH. 63 00:02:12,042 --> 00:02:13,043 WOW! 64 00:02:13,043 --> 00:02:14,010 HEY, BUD. HEY. 65 00:02:14,010 --> 00:02:15,645 HEY, OATMEAL ME. WE'RE OUT OF OATMEAL. 66 00:02:15,645 --> 00:02:18,081 OH, YOGURT ME. OH, MY GOD. 67 00:02:18,081 --> 00:02:20,150 I WAS JUST DREAMING ABOUT YOU, AND NOW YOU'RE HERE. WOW. 68 00:02:20,150 --> 00:02:22,118 KATE, YOGURT WITH TWO SPOONS, PLEASE. 69 00:02:22,118 --> 00:02:24,287 SEE? TOTALLY CHARMING. I'M GOING TO WORK, 70 00:02:24,287 --> 00:02:26,623 WHERE NOBODY'S HAPPY AND NOBODY HAS FRIENDS. 71 00:02:26,623 --> 00:02:27,691 MWAH. PERFECT. 72 00:02:27,691 --> 00:02:29,526 BYE, DAD. SEE YOU IN NINE HOURS. 73 00:02:29,526 --> 00:02:32,195 SO, KATE, WHAT'S ON TAP FOR TONIGHT? 74 00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,064 LISTENING TO DOGS BARK AND GUESSING WHAT THEY'RE THINKING? 75 00:02:34,064 --> 00:02:35,198 ACTUALLY, I WAS THINKING IT'D BE 76 00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:37,434 THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS. 77 00:02:37,434 --> 00:02:39,269 YEP. HOW? I DON'T KNOW. 78 00:02:39,269 --> 00:02:42,105 MAYBE JUST JOIN, LIKE, A TEAM OR A CLUB OR SOMETHING. 79 00:02:42,105 --> 00:02:43,473 YEAH, I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN... 80 00:02:43,473 --> 00:02:46,142 EVERYBODY IN A CLUB SEEMS TO BE INTO THE SAME THINGS. 81 00:02:46,142 --> 00:02:47,744 OR DON'T JOIN A CLUB AND JUST PLAY HACKY SACK 82 00:02:47,744 --> 00:02:49,079 IN THE PARKING LOT WITH THE BURNOUTS. 83 00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:51,581 STANDING IN A PARKING LOT SEEMS REALLY DANGEROUS. 84 00:02:51,581 --> 00:02:53,683 YOU'VE BOTH GIVEN ME A LOT TO THINK ABOUT. 85 00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:58,054 WHAT'S HE DOING? 86 00:02:58,054 --> 00:02:59,122 HE'S GOING TO THINK. 87 00:02:59,122 --> 00:03:01,024 SHH. SHH. 88 00:03:01,024 --> 00:03:03,193 [ SIGHS ] MOM! 89 00:03:03,193 --> 00:03:04,294 DIANE: HEY. 90 00:03:04,294 --> 00:03:07,797 MR. EDISON GAVE ME A "C" ON MY ART PROJECT. 91 00:03:07,797 --> 00:03:09,265 MY LIFE IS OVER! 92 00:03:09,265 --> 00:03:11,167 I MEAN, GOODBYE, PRINCETON. HELLO, BROWN. 93 00:03:11,167 --> 00:03:14,671 OH. OH, HE'S CRAZY. IT'S PERFECT. YEAH. 94 00:03:14,671 --> 00:03:16,339 HOUSE, HILL. YES, YES. 95 00:03:16,339 --> 00:03:18,708 WHAT MORE DOES THAT HIPPIE WANT? HE SAYS IT'S... 96 00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:21,511 [ DEEP VOICE ] "TECHNICALLY PROFICIENT, BUT LACKS DEPTH." 97 00:03:21,511 --> 00:03:23,346 WHAT DOES HE WANT? LIKE, A-A MARIJUANA PLANT IN THE MIDDLE? 98 00:03:23,346 --> 00:03:25,515 [ NORMAL VOICE ] APPARENTLY. I'M CALLING THE SCHOOL. 99 00:03:25,515 --> 00:03:27,083 [ SPEED-DIALING ] MOM, IT'S OKAY, REALLY. 100 00:03:27,083 --> 00:03:29,119 I DID WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME, AND I CORNERED HIM, 101 00:03:29,119 --> 00:03:30,420 AND I TALKED FOR SO LONG THAT HE SAID 102 00:03:30,420 --> 00:03:33,156 I COULD REDO IT IF I WOULD JUST STOP TALKING. [ BEEP ] 103 00:03:33,156 --> 00:03:35,425 HA HA! FILIBUSTER. GOOD GIRL. 104 00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:37,761 [ SIGHS ] CAN YOU HELP ME WITH IT? 105 00:03:37,761 --> 00:03:40,096 OH, WELL, OF COURSE I CAN. 106 00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:42,165 I MEAN, IF IT WERE MUSEUM-LEVEL ART... 107 00:03:42,165 --> 00:03:45,201 BUT IT'S HIGH-SCHOOL-LEVEL ART. YES. 108 00:03:45,201 --> 00:03:46,503 WE NEED TO START THINKING LIKE 109 00:03:46,503 --> 00:03:49,172 AN AVERAGE HIGH-SCHOOL STUDENT WHO NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE. 110 00:03:49,172 --> 00:03:50,073 HMM. 111 00:03:50,073 --> 00:03:52,108 WHO ARTED? 112 00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:54,110 YOU DID. [ CHUCKLES ] 113 00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:55,411 WELL, I... 114 00:03:55,411 --> 00:03:57,580 YOU SEE, JACKIE HAS AN UNDERSTANDING 115 00:03:57,580 --> 00:03:59,182 OF CREATIVE EXPRESSION. 116 00:03:59,182 --> 00:04:01,117 LOOK AROUND THIS PLACE. 117 00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:03,753 IT LOOKS AS IF IT WAS DECORATED BY A PARROT. 118 00:04:03,753 --> 00:04:07,123 YES! ACTUALLY, I WAS GOING FOR A TOUCAN SAM 119 00:04:07,123 --> 00:04:09,793 MEETS ARABIAN NIGHTS MEETS UNDER $200! 120 00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:11,461 I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP, OKAY? 121 00:04:11,461 --> 00:04:13,630 I SUCK AT ART. NO! 122 00:04:13,630 --> 00:04:15,398 HILLARY, YOU CANNOT SUCK AT ART. 123 00:04:15,398 --> 00:04:17,167 I DO. NO, YOU CAN'T. 124 00:04:17,167 --> 00:04:20,403 YES. NO, IT'S LIKE MATH. THERE'S NO WRONG ANSWERS. 125 00:04:20,403 --> 00:04:22,772 AND ON THAT INCORRECT FACT, 126 00:04:22,772 --> 00:04:24,774 I WILL LEAVE YOU TWO TO IT. 127 00:04:24,774 --> 00:04:27,243 REMEMBER, HILLARY -- DON'T EAT ANYTHING SHE MADE HERSELF. 128 00:04:27,243 --> 00:04:29,546 WOULDN'T DARE. BYE, MOM. THANKS, D-BAG! 129 00:04:29,546 --> 00:04:31,748 UM...OH! I MADE A SNACK. 130 00:04:31,748 --> 00:04:33,483 OH. FRESH TROUT PUDDING. 131 00:04:38,254 --> 00:04:40,156 PETE: BERT. 132 00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:41,558 BERT! OH! 133 00:04:41,558 --> 00:04:44,160 HEY, DAD. HOW'S IT GOING? 134 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,628 I THOUGHT WE SAID NO SCOOTER TILL CHRISTMAS. 135 00:04:45,628 --> 00:04:48,131 I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT FOR YOU. 136 00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:52,635 W-WHERE DID ALL THIS STUFF COME FROM? 137 00:04:52,635 --> 00:04:54,137 I BOUGHT IT. 138 00:04:54,137 --> 00:04:56,105 WITH WHAT? MY CREDIT CARD. 139 00:04:57,173 --> 00:04:58,508 TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF. 140 00:05:00,176 --> 00:05:03,179 "BERT LANCASTER HARRISON." THIS IS YOUR CREDIT CARD. 141 00:05:03,179 --> 00:05:05,515 IT'S PLATINUM, SO I GET AIR MILES. 142 00:05:05,515 --> 00:05:07,750 YOU MAY LIKE FLYING COACH, BUT I DO NOT. 143 00:05:08,751 --> 00:05:10,119 GOOD GOD. 144 00:05:12,655 --> 00:05:15,058 [ TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYS ] OKAY. 145 00:05:15,058 --> 00:05:16,059 OOH! 146 00:05:16,059 --> 00:05:19,629 OH, I'M SO EXCITED. I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU. 147 00:05:19,629 --> 00:05:21,297 OH, I NEVER SEE YOU ANYMORE. 148 00:05:21,297 --> 00:05:22,465 I KNOW. I'M SORRY. 149 00:05:22,465 --> 00:05:24,367 I HAVE JUST BEEN SO BUSY, YOU KNOW, 150 00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:27,570 WITH SCHOOL AND THEATER AND MUSICAL THEATER. 151 00:05:27,570 --> 00:05:30,039 HAVE YOU SEEN CAT THEATER? IT'S TERRIBLE. 152 00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:33,042 ALL RIGHT, TAKE OFF YOUR BLAZER. WHY? 153 00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:35,645 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T WRITE A POEM ON A COMPUTER, 154 00:05:35,645 --> 00:05:38,147 AND YOU CAN'T CREATE ART IN A SUIT. 155 00:05:38,147 --> 00:05:41,184 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] THAT IS THE BUMPER STICKER 156 00:05:41,184 --> 00:05:42,485 THAT'S GONNA MAKE ME A MILLIONAIRE. 157 00:05:42,485 --> 00:05:43,720 OKAY. 158 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,722 HEY, DUDE. HOW WAS SCHOOL? 159 00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:47,690 OH, GREAT -- WE HAD CHICKEN PATTIES TODAY AT LUNCH, 160 00:05:47,690 --> 00:05:49,559 AND I GOT TWO BECAUSE THEY WERE ACCIDENTALLY FROZEN TOGETHER. 161 00:05:49,559 --> 00:05:53,129 YEAH. SO, UH, ANY NEWS ON THE FRIEND FRONT? 162 00:05:53,129 --> 00:05:54,197 AH, NEWS. YES. 163 00:05:54,197 --> 00:05:56,199 UH, I TOOK YOUR ADVICE, AND I JOINED A SPORTS TEAM. 164 00:05:56,199 --> 00:05:58,334 WHOA, REALLY? 165 00:05:58,334 --> 00:06:00,236 IN ONE DAY YOU TRIED OUT AND GOT ON A TEAM? 166 00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:03,039 YOU MUST BE A NATURAL. NOT AT ALL! 167 00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:04,774 WELL, WHAT TEAM ARE YOU ON? 168 00:06:04,774 --> 00:06:06,776 OH. FIELD HOCKEY. 169 00:06:06,776 --> 00:06:08,578 EH? 170 00:06:08,578 --> 00:06:11,514 HA, W-WHOA. ISN'T THAT A GIRLS' TEAM? 171 00:06:11,514 --> 00:06:13,116 OH, IT WAS, BUT NOW IT'S CO-ED. 172 00:06:13,116 --> 00:06:14,350 OH, YOU WANT TO HEAR THE CHEER? 173 00:06:14,350 --> 00:06:17,120 WE'RE CHICKS! WE'RE CHICKS WITH STICKS! 174 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,589 IF YOU KNOCK US ON THE GRASS, WE'LL KICK YOU IN THE... 175 00:06:19,589 --> 00:06:22,091 A-A-A-A-A-A.... A-A-A-A... 176 00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:25,061 WE'RE CHICKS! OH. 177 00:06:25,061 --> 00:06:27,096 I'M KIND OF THE JACKIE ROBINSON FIGURE OF THE GROUP, 178 00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:28,298 ONLY I THINK SHE WAS BLACK. 179 00:06:28,298 --> 00:06:31,134 THANK YOU, KATE. YOU MADE THIS HAPPEN. 180 00:06:31,134 --> 00:06:32,068 YES! 181 00:06:32,068 --> 00:06:34,570 [ DOOR OPENS ] 182 00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:35,638 GOD. 183 00:06:38,808 --> 00:06:40,476 WARREN HAS THE BALL! HE SHOOTS! 184 00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:43,379 NO, IT'S ACTUALLY -- IT'S ACTUALLY A PASS TO HIMSELF. 185 00:06:43,379 --> 00:06:47,216 AND HE GETS PAST KAREN AND SAMANTHA AND BAILEY. 186 00:06:47,216 --> 00:06:50,053 [ GASPS ] WARREN GETS IT, KICKS IT... 187 00:06:50,053 --> 00:06:53,623 IN FOR THE...GOAL! 188 00:06:53,623 --> 00:06:55,558 WOW, GREAT GOAL! OH, THANKS. 189 00:06:55,558 --> 00:06:58,294 MAN, I'M REALLY LOVING THIS FIELD HOCKEY. 190 00:06:58,294 --> 00:06:59,762 UH, DON'T YOU THINK THIS MIGHT MAKE IT HARDER 191 00:06:59,762 --> 00:07:01,297 FOR YOU TO MAKE FRIENDS AT SCHOOL? 192 00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:03,499 OH, FOR SURE. 193 00:07:03,499 --> 00:07:05,168 COACH DAWSON SAID THAT IT'S A BRAVE AND UNUSUAL CHOICE 194 00:07:05,168 --> 00:07:07,236 AND THAT MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. 195 00:07:07,236 --> 00:07:08,371 LOOK OUT, WORLD. 196 00:07:09,439 --> 00:07:10,506 WHOA, WHOA, WARREN! 197 00:07:10,506 --> 00:07:12,709 WARREN, YOU GOT TO WEAR UNDERWEAR, DUDE. 198 00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,510 JACKIE: I DON'T WANT YOU TO PAINT THE IMAGE OF THE HOUSE. 199 00:07:14,510 --> 00:07:16,679 I WANT YOU TO PAINT THE ESSENCE OF THE HOUSE. 200 00:07:16,679 --> 00:07:18,414 WELL, HOW DOES IT LOOK? 201 00:07:18,414 --> 00:07:20,717 THAT'S THE WRONG QUESTION. HOW DOES IT FEEL? 202 00:07:20,717 --> 00:07:22,719 IT FEELS LIKE A WASTE OF TIME. 203 00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:24,420 WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE PAINTING FROM HERE 204 00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:25,621 AND NOT FROM HERE. 205 00:07:25,621 --> 00:07:27,323 JACKIE, I CAN'T SEE WHERE YOU'RE POINTING. 206 00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:28,591 KEEP TALKING. 207 00:07:28,591 --> 00:07:30,293 I'M GONNA POINT ON YOU, SO I GOT TO FIND YOU. 208 00:07:30,293 --> 00:07:32,495 GOD, THIS IS SO STUPID. 209 00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,430 THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE USING THIS, INSTEAD OF -- 210 00:07:34,430 --> 00:07:36,566 THIS IS A LAMPSHADE. 211 00:07:36,566 --> 00:07:38,334 THIS IS AWFUL. 212 00:07:39,602 --> 00:07:41,270 MAYBE I DO BELONG AT BROWN. 213 00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:44,107 THAT'S THE DREAM, SISTER. 214 00:07:44,107 --> 00:07:46,809 ISN'T THAT RIGHT, LAMPSHADE? 215 00:07:46,809 --> 00:07:50,279 WHO SENDS AN 8-YEAR-OLD A CREDIT CARD? 216 00:07:50,279 --> 00:07:51,514 IT JUST CAME IN THE MAIL. 217 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:54,183 IT SAID, "CONGRATULATIONS, BERT." 218 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:56,552 SO, I WAS LIKE, "THANKS, LETTER." 219 00:07:56,552 --> 00:07:59,489 IT'S GREAT. YOU CAN USE IT TO GET WHATEVER YOU WANT. 220 00:07:59,489 --> 00:08:01,357 WELL, ALL OF THIS IS GOING BACK. 221 00:08:01,357 --> 00:08:02,658 WE'RE GONNA CUT UP THE CREDIT CARD. 222 00:08:02,658 --> 00:08:04,394 YOU CAN'T JUST USE A CREDIT CARD 223 00:08:04,394 --> 00:08:06,229 TO BUY ANYTHING YOU WANT, BERT. 224 00:08:06,229 --> 00:08:07,263 THINGS COST MONEY. 225 00:08:07,263 --> 00:08:09,165 THAT'S WHY DAD GOES TO WORK EVERY DAY. 226 00:08:09,165 --> 00:08:10,333 BUT YOU HATE YOUR JOB. 227 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:12,335 YOU SHOULD JUST GET A CREDIT CARD INSTEAD. 228 00:08:12,335 --> 00:08:15,338 OKAY, NO MORE CREDIT CARDS FOR YOU. 229 00:08:15,338 --> 00:08:18,341 TIME TO TEACH YOU SOME FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY. 230 00:08:18,341 --> 00:08:21,144 I WILL PAY YOU FOR EVERY CHORE YOU DO. 231 00:08:21,144 --> 00:08:22,478 HOW'S THAT FOR A PLAN, STAN? 232 00:08:22,478 --> 00:08:24,480 WHAT'S THE PAY, RAY? DEPENDS ON THE CHORE. 233 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,182 WHY DON'T YOU START BY 234 00:08:26,182 --> 00:08:28,017 VACUUMING THE LIVING ROOM -- HOW'S THAT SOUND? 235 00:08:28,017 --> 00:08:30,153 [ IMITATES VACUUM WHIRRING ] 236 00:08:30,153 --> 00:08:32,121 NOW YOU DO THE MICROWAVE SOUND. 237 00:08:32,121 --> 00:08:33,423 OH, MY GOD. 238 00:08:34,590 --> 00:08:36,125 OH! GREAT BLOCK! 239 00:08:36,125 --> 00:08:38,127 HEY! GREAT BLOCK! 240 00:08:38,127 --> 00:08:40,463 WHOO! NICE! NICE! 241 00:08:41,631 --> 00:08:43,199 OOH! NICE PASS! NICE PASS! 242 00:08:43,199 --> 00:08:44,567 EXCUSE ME. 243 00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:46,569 I'M LOOKING FOR COACH DAWSON. 244 00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:48,571 YOU GOT HIM. JACK DAWSON. NICE TO MEET YOU. 245 00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:51,541 JACK DAWSON, LIKE "TITANIC"? OH, MY GOD. 246 00:08:51,541 --> 00:08:53,709 ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES. I MEAN, LEONARDO DICAPRIO. 247 00:08:53,709 --> 00:08:56,512 [ CHUCKLES ] HAD A POSTER OF HIM ON MY WALL IN MY BEDROOM -- 248 00:08:56,512 --> 00:08:58,181 2,000 PEOPLE DIED IN THAT HORRIFIC TRAGEDY. 249 00:08:58,181 --> 00:08:59,215 HOW CAN I HELP YOU? 250 00:08:59,215 --> 00:09:01,684 UH...I'M... 251 00:09:01,684 --> 00:09:03,553 WARREN'S STEPMOM. UH-HUH. 252 00:09:03,553 --> 00:09:05,555 WELL, I'M HERE 'CAUSE I'M CONCERNED... 253 00:09:05,555 --> 00:09:08,091 ABOUT WARREN PARTICIPATING ON THE TEAM. 254 00:09:08,091 --> 00:09:09,725 YOU KNOW? [ CHUCKLES ] 255 00:09:09,725 --> 00:09:12,228 NO, I DON'T KNOW. WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHY. 256 00:09:12,228 --> 00:09:13,529 WARREN IS A SWEET KID, 257 00:09:13,529 --> 00:09:15,631 AND A LOT OF HIGH-SCHOOL KIDS ARE THE WORST, YOU KNOW, 258 00:09:15,631 --> 00:09:17,600 SO I'M WORRIED THAT HE'S GONNA GET EATEN ALIVE 259 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,402 FOR BEING ON AN ALL-GIRLS TEAM. 260 00:09:19,402 --> 00:09:21,304 WELL, IT'S GONNA BE PRETTY HARD FOR HIM TO GET EATEN ALIVE 261 00:09:21,304 --> 00:09:22,472 WHEN HE'S PUTTING HIS FIELD-HOCKEY STICK 262 00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:24,373 DOWN THEIR THROATS AND OUT THEIR REAR ENDS. 263 00:09:24,373 --> 00:09:26,509 WHOA! I'M SORRY. I GET A LITTLE... 264 00:09:26,509 --> 00:09:28,478 CARRIED AWAY AND A LITTLE PROTECTIVE OF MY PLAYERS, 265 00:09:28,478 --> 00:09:30,012 BUT, UH, MY LADIES 266 00:09:30,012 --> 00:09:32,014 CAN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES, RIGHT, LADIES?! 267 00:09:32,014 --> 00:09:34,350 [ GIRLS CHEERING ] AND WARREN WILL, TOO. 268 00:09:34,350 --> 00:09:35,485 YEAH. THAT'S SWEET. 269 00:09:35,485 --> 00:09:36,752 I'M JUST MORE CONCERNED 270 00:09:36,752 --> 00:09:38,754 ABOUT IT BEING SOCIAL SUICIDE, YOU KNOW? MM-HMM. 271 00:09:38,754 --> 00:09:41,390 I MEAN, EVEN YOU SAID IT'S A BRAVE AND UNUSUAL CHOICE. 272 00:09:41,390 --> 00:09:43,392 HO-HO! THAT'S RIGHT. 273 00:09:43,392 --> 00:09:46,062 THE SAME BRAVE AND UNUSUAL CHOICE I MADE 16 YEARS AGO. 274 00:09:46,062 --> 00:09:48,064 FIELD HOCKEY CHANGED MY LIFE. 275 00:09:48,064 --> 00:09:51,200 SO THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA CUT WARREN FROM THE TEAM. NO. 276 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,035 IS HE GOOD, AT LEAST? NO, HE'S TERRIBLE. 277 00:09:53,035 --> 00:09:54,537 I MEAN, THESE GIRLS START AT AGE 9. 278 00:09:54,537 --> 00:09:56,105 BUT THERE'S A NO-CUT POLICY. 279 00:09:56,105 --> 00:09:58,708 AND, UH, QUITE FRANKLY, HE'S GREAT FOR MORALE. 280 00:09:58,708 --> 00:10:00,243 THAT'S MY TEAMMATE! 281 00:10:00,243 --> 00:10:02,044 YOU GUYS SEE HER?! USE HER AS AN EXAMPLE! 282 00:10:02,044 --> 00:10:03,479 NICE GOAL! 283 00:10:03,479 --> 00:10:06,616 CAN I COME IN? 284 00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:08,351 IT'S YOUR HOUSE. 285 00:10:08,351 --> 00:10:09,652 [ SNIFFLES ] 286 00:10:09,652 --> 00:10:11,654 HEY. 287 00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,189 OKAY, HERE. 288 00:10:13,189 --> 00:10:16,092 HAVE SOME CREATIVI-TEA. 289 00:10:16,092 --> 00:10:18,427 YOU'RE PRETTY BLOCKED UP, AND THIS IS ACTUALLY 290 00:10:18,427 --> 00:10:20,196 THE TEA I DRINK WHEN I'M CONSTIPATED. 291 00:10:23,599 --> 00:10:26,769 I JUST... DON'T THINK I HAVE IT IN ME. 292 00:10:26,769 --> 00:10:29,405 [ SIGHS ] HONEY. 293 00:10:32,408 --> 00:10:35,011 [ SIGHS ] DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE WORK 294 00:10:35,011 --> 00:10:37,046 OF A GIRL THAT DOESN'T HAVE IT IN HER? 295 00:10:37,046 --> 00:10:38,481 OR THIS? LOOK AT THAT. 296 00:10:38,481 --> 00:10:42,618 OR THIS? [ SIGHS ] 297 00:10:42,618 --> 00:10:45,154 OH, I LOVE THIS. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR DAD. 298 00:10:45,154 --> 00:10:46,522 BUT IT LOOKS LIKE A COW. 299 00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:49,492 THIS ONE YOU MADE ENTIRELY OUT OF LOOSE BEANS 300 00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:51,260 YOU FOUND IN THE BOTTOM OF MY PURSE. I REMEMBER. 301 00:10:51,260 --> 00:10:54,096 THIS IS -- AAH! 302 00:10:54,096 --> 00:10:57,500 THAT'S MY...TAX RETURN. DANG IT. 303 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,335 BERT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAIL THAT. 304 00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:01,337 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KEPT ALL THESE. 305 00:11:01,337 --> 00:11:03,472 HILLARY. 306 00:11:03,472 --> 00:11:07,043 THESE WERE MADE BY A VERY CREATIVE LITTLE GIRL. 307 00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:09,111 YOU SEE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY 308 00:11:09,111 --> 00:11:10,613 AND TURN YOURSELF INTO AN ARTIST 309 00:11:10,613 --> 00:11:13,616 BECAUSE, SWEET PEA, YOU ALREADY ART ONE. 310 00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:17,320 ALREADY ART ONE. THAT WAS PRETTY PUNNY. 311 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,155 AH! [ CHUCKLES ] [ CHUCKLES ] 312 00:11:19,155 --> 00:11:20,389 [ SIGHS ] 313 00:11:21,457 --> 00:11:23,459 YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M READY TO GO BACK OUT THERE. 314 00:11:23,459 --> 00:11:25,461 YEAH?! GOOD! 315 00:11:25,461 --> 00:11:29,098 G-GO PICK OUT A SMOCK OUT OF THAT SMOCK CLOSET. GO, GO. 316 00:11:29,098 --> 00:11:31,767 [ VACUUM WHIRRING ] 317 00:11:37,473 --> 00:11:39,342 PETE: BERT? 318 00:11:39,342 --> 00:11:41,110 [ WHIRRING STOPS ] OH, HEY, DAD. 319 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:43,312 WHAT'S GOING ON? NOT MUCH. HOW WAS WORK? 320 00:11:43,312 --> 00:11:46,182 NOW, BERT, UH...W-WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THESE GUYS? 321 00:11:46,182 --> 00:11:48,050 SCOTT, SCOTT'S FRIEND. THEY'RE DOING MY CHORES. 322 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:52,622 UH, BERT, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. 323 00:11:52,622 --> 00:11:54,423 WHY NOT? I'M PAYING THEM. 324 00:11:54,423 --> 00:11:55,758 I WAS GONNA PAY BERT TO DO THIS, 325 00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:58,594 SO I'M JUST -- I'M GONNA GIVE YOU EACH $5. 326 00:11:58,594 --> 00:12:00,129 UH, WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME? 327 00:12:00,129 --> 00:12:01,797 T-TELL YOUR PARENTS YOU FOUND IT ON THE STREET. 328 00:12:01,797 --> 00:12:04,533 [ LAUGHS ] IT'S HILARIOUS. 329 00:12:04,533 --> 00:12:07,169 [ CLEARS THROAT ] HEY. 330 00:12:07,169 --> 00:12:08,504 I DIDN'T WANT OTHER KIDS TO DO THE CHORES. 331 00:12:08,504 --> 00:12:10,039 I WANTED YOU TO DO THE CHORES. 332 00:12:10,039 --> 00:12:11,507 WELL, I STARTED THEM, BUT I DIDN'T LIKE IT, 333 00:12:11,507 --> 00:12:12,808 SO I HIRED THEM. 334 00:12:12,808 --> 00:12:16,545 I PAID THEM EACH A DOLLAR. I KEEP $3. EVERYBODY WINS. 335 00:12:16,545 --> 00:12:19,081 WELL, NO, YOU LOSE BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING. 336 00:12:19,081 --> 00:12:21,417 WHAT? WHY? THE LIVING ROOM'S CLEAN. 337 00:12:21,417 --> 00:12:23,586 BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE CLEANED IT. 338 00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:25,521 SO? YOU PAY LUISA TO CLEAN IT. 339 00:12:25,521 --> 00:12:27,556 [ SIGHS ] 340 00:12:27,556 --> 00:12:28,524 GO TO YOUR ROOM. 341 00:12:28,524 --> 00:12:30,593 [ SIGHS ] 342 00:12:31,594 --> 00:12:35,097 OH, BY THE WAY, LUISA BROKE THAT GARBAGE DISPOSAL. 343 00:12:35,097 --> 00:12:37,233 DID YOU KNOW? NO, YOU DIDN'T. 344 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:38,701 [ FOOTSTEPS DEPART ] 345 00:12:38,701 --> 00:12:40,436 GOOD GOD. 346 00:12:40,436 --> 00:12:42,138 [ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] 347 00:12:42,138 --> 00:12:44,407 AAH! THAT'S RIGHT! JACKIE: IT'S A CANVAS, NOT YOUR GRANDMA! 348 00:12:44,407 --> 00:12:45,708 GET IN THERE! YES! 349 00:12:45,708 --> 00:12:48,311 YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED IS MORE YELLOW. [ GASPS ] 350 00:12:48,311 --> 00:12:51,447 YEAH! YELLOW. 351 00:12:51,447 --> 00:12:53,516 WHOA! 352 00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:57,553 OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD. 353 00:12:57,553 --> 00:12:59,755 THE COUCH LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER! 354 00:12:59,755 --> 00:13:02,458 YOU'RE A GENIUS, MAN! 355 00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:04,593 COME ON! MORE ARTING! LET'S DO THIS. YEAH! 356 00:13:04,593 --> 00:13:06,696 NEW TRACK, NEW TRACK. 357 00:13:06,696 --> 00:13:08,064 I GOT TO WARN YOU -- THIS NEXT ONE IS JUST 358 00:13:08,064 --> 00:13:09,532 A RECORDING OF A LOT OF PEOPLE SCREAMING. 359 00:13:09,532 --> 00:13:11,801 [ PEOPLE SCREAMING ] 360 00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:13,803 SO, HOW WAS PRACTICE TODAY? [ CLEARS THROAT ] 361 00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:16,339 YOU KNOW, I THINK I FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING 362 00:13:16,339 --> 00:13:18,607 THAT I CAN DO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 363 00:13:18,607 --> 00:13:22,111 OH. WELL...TH-- THAT'S GREAT. GREAT. 364 00:13:22,111 --> 00:13:24,113 YOU KNOW, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE A PASSION AND -- 365 00:13:24,113 --> 00:13:26,582 AND NOW THAT -- NOW THAT YOU'VE MASTERED FIELD HOCKEY, 366 00:13:26,582 --> 00:13:28,718 MAYBE YOU WANT TO LOOK INTO A BUNCH OF OTHER PASSIONS 367 00:13:28,718 --> 00:13:31,087 TO SEE WHICH ONE IS YOUR MOST PASSION-Y. 368 00:13:31,087 --> 00:13:33,622 YOU KNOW, LIKE [INHALES SHARPLY] MAYBE DRAMA TECH. 369 00:13:33,622 --> 00:13:35,458 I DON'T LIKE ACTORS. THEY'RE ALWAYS SINGING. 370 00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:38,394 MAGIC CLUB? "MAGICIAN" IS JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR LIAR. 371 00:13:38,394 --> 00:13:40,496 COMPUTER CLUB. 372 00:13:40,496 --> 00:13:43,165 WHEN I'M ON MY COMPUTER, I PREFER TO BE ALONE. 373 00:13:43,165 --> 00:13:45,501 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? YEAH, I THINK I DO. 374 00:13:45,501 --> 00:13:48,471 HOW ABOUT, UH -- KATE, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 375 00:13:48,471 --> 00:13:50,139 YOU TOLD ME TO PICK A TEAM, AND I DID. 376 00:13:50,139 --> 00:13:52,775 YEAH, I JUST...YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL LIKE YOUR CHOICE 377 00:13:52,775 --> 00:13:55,111 IS GONNA MAKE IT EVEN HARDER FOR YOU TO MAKE FRIENDS. 378 00:13:55,111 --> 00:13:57,546 WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME MAKING FRIENDS? 379 00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:00,015 BECAUSE... YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO 380 00:14:00,015 --> 00:14:01,350 ONLY HANG OUT WITH YOUR PARENTS 381 00:14:01,350 --> 00:14:02,618 WHEN YOU'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL, WARREN. 382 00:14:02,618 --> 00:14:04,587 OH, SO, YOU THINK I'M A LOSER? 383 00:14:04,587 --> 00:14:06,455 NO, I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A LOSER, 384 00:14:06,455 --> 00:14:08,524 BUT I DON'T WANT EVERYONE ELSE TO THINK THAT. [ SIGHS ] 385 00:14:15,598 --> 00:14:20,069 I CAN'T BE IN THIS CAR WITH YOU FOR ANOTHER SECOND. 386 00:14:20,069 --> 00:14:22,071 [ GROANS ] STUPID. [ SIGHS ] 387 00:14:22,071 --> 00:14:25,040 UNDO THE CHILD LOCK PLEASE, KATE. 388 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,510 IT'S JUST REGULAR LOCK, WARREN. 389 00:14:27,510 --> 00:14:29,111 [ SIGHS ] 390 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,516 [ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] 391 00:14:33,516 --> 00:14:35,151 YO, IT'S 7:30 IN THE MORNING. 392 00:14:35,151 --> 00:14:37,319 DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A LITTLE EARLY TO BE DOING LAUNDRY? 393 00:14:37,319 --> 00:14:40,489 UH, I'VE BEEN SEXTING WITH A JAPANESE BUSINESSMAN, 394 00:14:40,489 --> 00:14:42,057 SO MY INTERNAL CLOCK IS ALL OFF. 395 00:14:42,057 --> 00:14:43,726 HEY, DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY STAMPS? 396 00:14:43,726 --> 00:14:46,529 YOSHI SAYS HE'LL PAY TOP YEN FOR MY SOCKS. 397 00:14:46,529 --> 00:14:47,596 OH, GOOD MORNING, WARREN. KATE, I'M GIVING YOU 398 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,131 THE SILENT TREATMENT, SO NO TALKING. 399 00:14:49,131 --> 00:14:51,167 THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. I SAID SILENCE. 400 00:14:51,167 --> 00:14:53,335 BUT YOU I CAN'T NOT TALK TO. 401 00:14:54,804 --> 00:14:57,506 OH, AND, KATE, I THINK YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW 402 00:14:57,506 --> 00:14:59,508 THAT I'M QUITTING THE TEAM SO I'M NOT SUCH A LOSER ANYMORE. 403 00:14:59,508 --> 00:15:02,011 HAVE A BAD DAY! 404 00:15:02,011 --> 00:15:04,079 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 405 00:15:07,183 --> 00:15:08,417 WHOA, LITTLE DUDE'S REALLY PISSED. 406 00:15:08,417 --> 00:15:10,119 I JUST DIDN'T WANT HIM TO BECOME 407 00:15:10,119 --> 00:15:11,253 AN ARNIE PLOPPER, YOU KNOW? 408 00:15:11,253 --> 00:15:12,755 THEN YOU SHOULD TELL HIM ABOUT THE PLOPSTER. 409 00:15:12,755 --> 00:15:14,089 SCARE HIM STRAIGHT. 410 00:15:14,089 --> 00:15:16,058 YEAH. YEAH, MAYBE I WILL. 411 00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:18,627 GOD, I WONDER WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THAT DUDE. LET'S LOOK HIM UP! 412 00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,029 OH, YEAH, I ALSO WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS VIDEO 413 00:15:20,029 --> 00:15:22,331 OF THIS LIZARD WHO'S HIGH ON MUSHROOMS. 414 00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:27,303 WHOA! CHECK THIS OUT. 415 00:15:27,303 --> 00:15:29,805 "TORONTO VENTURE CAPITALIST ARNOLD PLOPPER 416 00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:32,141 "BREAKS GROUND ON PLOPPER PLAZA WITH HIS WIFE, 417 00:15:32,141 --> 00:15:34,710 SWIMSUIT MODEL PLAYA PLIMPKIN-PLOPPER." 418 00:15:34,710 --> 00:15:36,345 HE'S A MILLIONAIRE. 419 00:15:36,345 --> 00:15:38,047 MEG, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? 420 00:15:38,047 --> 00:15:40,082 YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE BANGED HIM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE. 421 00:15:40,082 --> 00:15:42,184 GOD KNOWS I BANGED WAY WORSE. 422 00:15:42,184 --> 00:15:44,553 WARREN'S NOT AN ARNIE PLOPPER. 423 00:15:44,553 --> 00:15:46,055 ARNIE'S NOT EVEN AN ARNIE PLOPPER. 424 00:15:46,055 --> 00:15:47,723 HE TURNED OUT JUST FINE. 425 00:15:47,723 --> 00:15:49,124 I'M THE ARNIE PLOPPER IN THIS. 426 00:15:49,124 --> 00:15:50,759 YOU DO NOT SMELL LIKE FARTS. 427 00:15:50,759 --> 00:15:52,161 WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 428 00:15:52,161 --> 00:15:53,295 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO, BUT I'M GONNA 429 00:15:53,295 --> 00:15:55,164 GET BACK IN TOUCH WITH ARNIE PLOPSTER 430 00:15:55,164 --> 00:15:57,099 SOON AS I MAIL MY SOCKS TO JAPAN. 431 00:15:57,099 --> 00:16:00,069 DO YOU THINK THESE OR, LIKE, DIRTY ONES? DIRTY ONES. 432 00:16:00,069 --> 00:16:04,039 I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH JOSH'S DAD. 433 00:16:04,039 --> 00:16:06,308 HE TOLD ME YOU SOLD JOSH A SODA. 434 00:16:06,308 --> 00:16:08,744 YEAH. HIS PARENTS DON'T ALLOW SODAS. 435 00:16:08,744 --> 00:16:10,613 RIGHT. THAT'S WHY HE CAME TO ME. 436 00:16:10,613 --> 00:16:13,115 BERT, YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE OUR SODAS 437 00:16:13,115 --> 00:16:16,151 AND SELL THEM TO YOUR CLASSMATES. 438 00:16:16,151 --> 00:16:18,354 OH. I DIDN'T KNOW. I'M SORRY. 439 00:16:18,354 --> 00:16:20,723 DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID WRONG? 440 00:16:20,723 --> 00:16:22,291 YES. WHAT DID YOU DO WRONG? 441 00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:23,392 I DON'T KNOW. 442 00:16:23,392 --> 00:16:25,160 GO TO YOUR ROOM. I'M IN MY ROOM. 443 00:16:27,096 --> 00:16:30,733 HOW MANY SODAS DID YOU SELL? 444 00:16:30,733 --> 00:16:32,568 THREE SIX PACKS. 445 00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:36,105 OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? GET YOUR TUSH ON THIS SCOOTER. 446 00:16:36,105 --> 00:16:38,107 GO BACK TO EACH OF THE FRIENDS YOU CHEATED. 447 00:16:38,107 --> 00:16:40,242 GIVE THEM THEIR MONEY BACK. OKAY. 448 00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:42,678 [ SIGHS ] 449 00:16:42,678 --> 00:16:44,480 [ ASIAN ACCENT ] NO, I... 450 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,781 NO. MISS JACKIE NO HERE. 451 00:16:45,781 --> 00:16:48,751 OKAY. NO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE GO. SHE DIE. GOODBYE. 452 00:16:48,751 --> 00:16:51,687 [ NORMAL VOICE ] SORRY. THAT WAS MY MOM. 453 00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:52,788 I GOT A "B." 454 00:16:52,788 --> 00:16:55,024 OF COURSE. A "B"! 455 00:16:55,024 --> 00:16:57,026 OH, OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL. 456 00:16:57,026 --> 00:16:59,361 THAT'S LIKE... THE BEST GRADE YOU CAN GET. I KNOW. 457 00:16:59,361 --> 00:17:01,797 UH, CLOSE. THAT WOULD BE AN "A." 458 00:17:01,797 --> 00:17:03,132 "A." "A." 459 00:17:03,132 --> 00:17:05,167 'EY, 'EY. NO. "A." 460 00:17:05,167 --> 00:17:06,569 'EY, 'EY, 'EY. 461 00:17:06,569 --> 00:17:09,071 OKAY, SO, UH... WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 462 00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:11,106 UH...NOTHING. 463 00:17:11,106 --> 00:17:13,242 [ CLEARS THROAT ] COME IN. 464 00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:15,177 OKAY. 465 00:17:15,177 --> 00:17:18,047 DON'T MIND THE SMELL. I'M JUST DESEEDING SOME OREGANO. 466 00:17:18,047 --> 00:17:20,149 HEY, DAD. HEY. 467 00:17:20,149 --> 00:17:24,019 YOU WERE RIGHT. IT FELT GOOD TO GIVE EVERYBODY THEIR MONEY BACK. 468 00:17:24,019 --> 00:17:26,755 OH, GOOD. GOOD. I'M GLAD YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON. 469 00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:29,091 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT -- I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY 470 00:17:29,091 --> 00:17:31,393 THE $7 RETURN SHIPPING FEE. 471 00:17:31,393 --> 00:17:33,095 $7, YOU SAID? 472 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,364 YEAH, 7...$7. 473 00:17:39,268 --> 00:17:40,769 THERE YOU GO. 474 00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:43,706 WHERE -- WHERE DID YOU GET ALL THIS MONEY? 475 00:17:43,706 --> 00:17:45,307 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! 476 00:17:45,307 --> 00:17:46,475 GIVE IT. WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? 477 00:17:46,475 --> 00:17:48,444 OH, KIDS WERE SO HAPPY TO GET THEIR MONEY BACK, 478 00:17:48,444 --> 00:17:51,580 THEY DIDN'T MIND PAYING $2 FOR A SCOOTER RIDE. 479 00:17:51,580 --> 00:17:54,116 OKAY, BERT, UH, 480 00:17:54,116 --> 00:17:55,751 I'M CONCERNED THAT YOU'RE DEVELOPING 481 00:17:55,751 --> 00:17:59,421 SOME UNETHICAL BUSINESS HABITS, OKAY? 482 00:17:59,421 --> 00:18:01,590 J-JUST BECAUSE THERE'S MONEY INVOLVED DOESN'T MEAN 483 00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:04,259 YOU THROW AWAY ALL YOUR MORALS JUST TO GET IT. 484 00:18:04,259 --> 00:18:06,662 I'M SORRY, DAD. 485 00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:09,164 YOU KNOW WHAT? COME HERE. GIVE YOUR DAD A HUG. 486 00:18:09,164 --> 00:18:11,166 GIVE ME A DOLLAR FIRST. GO TO YOUR ROOM. 487 00:18:20,042 --> 00:18:23,012 THIS SEAT TAKEN? 488 00:18:23,012 --> 00:18:24,079 MM. 489 00:18:24,079 --> 00:18:27,449 AH, THE SILENT TREATMENT. 490 00:18:27,449 --> 00:18:29,118 FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT, HUH? 491 00:18:29,118 --> 00:18:31,620 I WAS DOING IT ALL WRONG. 492 00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:33,789 WARREN, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE. 493 00:18:33,789 --> 00:18:37,092 LISTEN, YOU'RE A GOOD KID, AND... 494 00:18:38,527 --> 00:18:41,330 YOU'RE A GOOD KID, AND -- AND -- AND YOU SHOULD... 495 00:18:41,330 --> 00:18:44,166 HI, CAN I HELP YOU? 496 00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,668 WHO ARE YOU? 497 00:18:45,668 --> 00:18:46,802 I'M WARREN'S STEPMOM. 498 00:18:46,802 --> 00:18:49,171 THE ONE WHO MADE YOU QUIT? 499 00:18:49,171 --> 00:18:50,606 SHE IS NOT AS HOT AS YOU SAID SHE WAS. 500 00:18:50,606 --> 00:18:52,341 OKAY, THAT'S WEIRD. 501 00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:55,477 UM, DO YOU MIND JUST GIVING US A SECOND? NO, NO, KATE. 502 00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:57,146 ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME, 503 00:18:57,146 --> 00:18:58,447 YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS. 504 00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:02,451 OKAY. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 505 00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:03,686 LISTEN, DUDE, I WAS JUST 506 00:19:03,686 --> 00:19:06,321 PUTTING MY HIGH-SCHOOL EXPERIENCE ONTO YOURS 507 00:19:06,321 --> 00:19:08,357 BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS SO WORRIED ABOUT BEING COOL. 508 00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:11,694 AND, IN REALITY, YOU'RE WAY COOLER THAN I EVER WAS 509 00:19:11,694 --> 00:19:14,396 BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPER CONFIDENT IN JUST BEING YOU. 510 00:19:14,396 --> 00:19:17,066 SO, DON'T QUIT THE TEAM, WARREN, OKAY? 511 00:19:17,066 --> 00:19:18,534 'CAUSE IF PLAYING GIRLS' FIELD HOCKEY MAKES YOU HAPPY, 512 00:19:18,534 --> 00:19:20,035 THEN THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, 513 00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:21,770 AND I WILL TOTALLY SUPPORT IT. 514 00:19:21,770 --> 00:19:23,439 LOOK, I EVEN BROUGHT YOUR EQUIPMENT. 515 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:28,377 SO, ARE WE COOL? 516 00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:31,547 ♪ WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER ♪ 517 00:19:31,547 --> 00:19:34,016 ♪ STAND A LITTLE TALLER ♪ 518 00:19:34,016 --> 00:19:37,019 ♪ DOESN'T MEAN I'M LONELY WHEN I'M ALONE ♪ 519 00:19:37,019 --> 00:19:40,022 ♪ WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES A FIGHTER ♪ 520 00:19:40,022 --> 00:19:41,790 ♪ FOOTSTEPS EVEN LIGHTER ♪ 521 00:19:41,790 --> 00:19:47,029 ♪ DOESN'T MEAN I'M OVER 'CAUSE YOU'RE GONE ♪ 522 00:19:47,029 --> 00:19:49,198 ♪ YOU THINK YOU GOT THE BEST OF ME ♪ 523 00:19:49,198 --> 00:19:51,533 ♪ THINK YOU'VE HAD THE LAST LAUGH ♪ 524 00:19:51,533 --> 00:19:55,137 ♪ BET YOU THINK THAT EVERYTHING GOOD IS GONE ♪ 525 00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:57,573 ♪ THINK YOU LEFT ME BROKEN-DOWN ♪ 526 00:19:57,573 --> 00:19:59,775 ♪ THINK THAT I'LL COME RUNNING BACK ♪ 527 00:19:59,775 --> 00:20:03,545 ♪ BABY, YOU DON'T KNOW ME, 'CAUSE YOU'RE DEAD WRONG ♪ 528 00:20:03,545 --> 00:20:05,080 [ MUSIC STOPS ] 529 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,716 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 530 00:20:07,716 --> 00:20:11,053 ♪ STRONGER, STRONGER ♪ 531 00:20:11,053 --> 00:20:14,056 ♪ JUST ME, MYSELF, AND I ♪ 532 00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:16,558 ♪ WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER ♪ 533 00:20:16,558 --> 00:20:19,094 ♪ STAND A LITTLE TALLER ♪ 534 00:20:19,094 --> 00:20:23,398 ♪ DOESN'T MEAN I'M LONELY WHEN I'M ALONE ♪ 535 00:20:23,398 --> 00:20:25,334 ♪ I'M NOT ALONE ♪ 536 00:20:25,334 --> 00:20:28,137 LOOKING GREAT! SWEET POSTURE! 537 00:20:30,784 --> 00:20:33,075 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] OH, OH, OH. RYAN REYNOLDS. 538 00:20:33,075 --> 00:20:35,043 OKAY, RYAN GOSLING. 539 00:20:35,043 --> 00:20:36,111 RYAN, OKAY. UH, UH, RYAN -- RYAN PHILIPPE! 540 00:20:36,111 --> 00:20:38,781 RYAN LOCHTE. OH, OKAY. 541 00:20:38,781 --> 00:20:40,282 NO, HE IS SUCH A MEATHEAD. 542 00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:41,583 NO, HE'S NOT. HE'S HOT. 543 00:20:41,583 --> 00:20:43,552 [ ALL SQUEAL ] 544 00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:46,421 [ LAUGHTER ] 545 00:20:46,421 --> 00:20:47,589 TELL ME -- WHAT OTHER TEENAGE GUY 546 00:20:47,589 --> 00:20:50,125 HAS 15 GIRLS SLEEPING AT HIS HOUSE RIGHT NOW? 547 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,293 WARREN: WHOA, GIRLS. 548 00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,461 THINK HE'S HAVING A GOOD TIME? 549 00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:53,796 [ GIRLS GIGGLING ] GUYS, COME ON. DON'T FIGHT. 550 00:20:53,796 --> 00:20:55,297 STOP. 551 00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:57,800 JUDGING BY HOW LONG HE'S HAD THAT PIZZA BOX ON HIS LAP, 552 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:59,501 I'D SAY HE'S HAVING A GREAT TIME. 553 00:20:59,501 --> 00:21:01,236 WOW, THIS IS -- THIS IS GREAT.