1 00:00:03,213 --> 00:00:06,016 AH, YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR BEING LATE. 2 00:00:06,016 --> 00:00:07,150 OH, I DO. 3 00:00:07,150 --> 00:00:09,152 OLIVIA JUST TOLD FITZ THEY COULD NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN, 4 00:00:09,152 --> 00:00:10,520 AND THEN THEY HAD SEX. 5 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,290 [ CHUCKLES ] I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ALL ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS, 6 00:00:13,290 --> 00:00:16,126 BUT I'LL READ ABOUT IT LATER IN YOUR HELLO KITTY DIARY. 7 00:00:16,126 --> 00:00:18,228 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I'M TALKING ABOUT THE SHOW "SCANDAL." 8 00:00:18,228 --> 00:00:20,530 [ GASPS ] OH, MY GOD. YOU WOULD LOVE IT. 9 00:00:20,530 --> 00:00:23,133 I RESERVE THE WORD "LOVE" FOR MY CHILDREN 10 00:00:23,133 --> 00:00:25,368 AND FOR CHOCOLATE ABOVE 70% CACAO. 11 00:00:25,368 --> 00:00:27,737 LADIES, COME. 12 00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:29,406 MY FIRST PTA MEETING. I'M SO EXCITED. 13 00:00:29,406 --> 00:00:31,107 [ CHUCKLES ] WHOO! 14 00:00:31,107 --> 00:00:33,143 I'M SURE YOU'RE VERY EXCITED 15 00:00:33,143 --> 00:00:36,212 TO TRY AND SPREAD YOUR PARENTAL WINGS, KATE, 16 00:00:36,212 --> 00:00:39,215 BUT LET'S KEEP THOSE LITTLE FEATHERS TIGHTLY TUCKED, 17 00:00:39,215 --> 00:00:40,183 SHALL WE? 18 00:00:40,183 --> 00:00:42,352 OKAY, FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS -- 19 00:00:42,352 --> 00:00:44,321 THE SEMI-FORMAL IS THIS WEEKEND. 20 00:00:44,321 --> 00:00:45,722 [ GASPS ] EXCITING! 21 00:00:45,722 --> 00:00:47,257 [ CHUCKLES ] TIGHTLY TUCKED. 22 00:00:47,257 --> 00:00:49,593 QUESTION -- WHAT ARE CHAPERONES WEARING? YES? 23 00:00:49,593 --> 00:00:52,429 NO BARE SHOULDERS -- LOOKING AT YOU, LISA. 24 00:00:52,429 --> 00:00:54,097 AND BRAS. 25 00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:56,132 OKAY. MOVING ON. 26 00:00:56,132 --> 00:00:57,200 I THINK, UH, SOME OF US 27 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,502 WOULD LIKE TO REOPEN THE SQUASH DEBATE. 28 00:00:59,502 --> 00:01:01,071 SQUASH IS THE... GRANOLA? 29 00:01:01,071 --> 00:01:03,673 MM. ...UNSUNG HERO OF INDOOR COURT SPORTS. 30 00:01:03,673 --> 00:01:05,308 [ CHOKING ] DIANE? OH, MY GOD. [ GASPS ] 31 00:01:05,308 --> 00:01:07,177 OH. IS THERE A DOCTOR? 32 00:01:07,177 --> 00:01:09,112 [ STRAINING ] I AM A DOCTOR. OH. 33 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:12,148 DIANE. HERE! HERE! READY? [ BOTH GRUNT ] 34 00:01:12,148 --> 00:01:14,184 WAIT! NO, DIANE, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU! 35 00:01:14,184 --> 00:01:15,785 [ GRUNTS ] OH, MY GOD. 36 00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,621 [ GRUNTS ] STOP! STOP IT! NO! NO, HERE! 37 00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:19,356 JUST GET READY. ONE... 38 00:01:19,356 --> 00:01:20,357 HURTING OR HELPING?! 39 00:01:20,357 --> 00:01:22,025 [ BOTH GRUNT ] OH! 40 00:01:22,025 --> 00:01:25,228 [ COUGHS ] [ APPLAUSE ] 41 00:01:28,164 --> 00:01:30,600 ARE YOU OKAY, DIANE? NO. 42 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,803 YOUR GRANOLA IS TOO DRY. 43 00:01:39,509 --> 00:01:42,479 ♪♪♪ 44 00:01:49,686 --> 00:01:51,688 I DON'T THINK I'M ASKING TOO MUCH. 45 00:01:51,688 --> 00:01:54,557 JUST ONE "THANK YOU" IN EXCHANGE FOR SAVING HER LIFE. 46 00:01:54,557 --> 00:01:56,226 YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME. 47 00:01:56,226 --> 00:01:59,062 DIANE THINKS BEING INDEBTED TO SOMEONE IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS. 48 00:01:59,062 --> 00:02:02,165 I BET SHE TRIES TO KILL YOU AND THEN SAVES YOUR LIFE. 49 00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:03,733 SHE'S REALLY GOOD AT POINTING OUT WHEN I DO SOMETHING WRONG. 50 00:02:03,733 --> 00:02:07,270 I JUST WANT HER TO POINT OUT THAT I DID SOMETHING RIGHT. IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 51 00:02:07,270 --> 00:02:09,072 WELL, THEN I'M JUST GONNA KEEP SHAMING HERE 52 00:02:09,072 --> 00:02:10,206 WITH FINE JAMS AND MUFFINS UNTIL SHE DOES. 53 00:02:10,206 --> 00:02:12,776 DIANE HATES POPPY SEEDS. ALSO, THAT'S MY MUFFIN. 54 00:02:12,776 --> 00:02:14,277 FINE. 55 00:02:15,245 --> 00:02:17,580 YOU NEED TO LEAVE SO YOU DON'T SEE ME EAT THAT OFF THE FLOOR. 56 00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:20,183 KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. 57 00:02:21,217 --> 00:02:22,285 THE GREATEST THING JUST HAPPENED! 58 00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:25,021 I WASN'T GONNA EAT THIS OFF THE FLOOR! [ CHUCKLES ] 59 00:02:25,021 --> 00:02:27,390 YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER. I LOVE YOU. I CAN'T LIE. I WAS. 60 00:02:27,390 --> 00:02:28,725 DAD, I DON'T CARE, OKAY? 61 00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:30,326 SO, UH, WHAT'S GOING ON? 62 00:02:30,326 --> 00:02:33,029 WELL, I REALLY LIKED THIS BOY, 63 00:02:33,029 --> 00:02:35,298 BUT I WASN'T SURE IF HE WAS GONNA ASK ME TO THE SEMI-FORMAL. 64 00:02:35,298 --> 00:02:38,635 SO I CORNERED HIM IN GERMAN CLUB AND SAID, "ACHTUNG! 65 00:02:38,635 --> 00:02:40,403 YOU ARE TAKING ME TO THE DANCE." 66 00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:41,738 THAT'S HOW YOUR MOTHER FIRST ASKED ME OUT. 67 00:02:41,738 --> 00:02:44,774 I-IT W-WORKED FOR A WHILE, AND THEN IT DIDN'T. 68 00:02:44,774 --> 00:02:46,609 [ EXHALES DEEPLY ] I AM SO PSYCHED. 69 00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:49,713 I MEAN, HE'S CUTE, FUNNY... 70 00:02:49,713 --> 00:02:51,181 UH, WHAT'S THIS KID'S NAME. 71 00:02:51,181 --> 00:02:52,649 EVAN KRAMER. 72 00:02:52,649 --> 00:02:55,285 ARE HIS PARENTS PAUL AND APRIL? 73 00:02:55,285 --> 00:02:59,022 YEAH, I THINK SO. BYE, DAD. 74 00:03:00,356 --> 00:03:03,059 THE KRAMERS. 75 00:03:03,059 --> 00:03:04,527 WAIT, WHO ARE THE KRAMERS? 76 00:03:04,527 --> 00:03:06,463 OUR OLD NEIGHBORS -- THE ONES WE HAD THE FEUD WITH. 77 00:03:06,463 --> 00:03:10,667 OH! THE ONES WHO SAID WE STOLE THEIR WOK. NO, THAT WAS THE WAXBERGS. 78 00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:13,503 UH, THE ONES WHO SAID WE DINGED THEIR CAR. NO, THAT WAS THE HALSTROMS. 79 00:03:13,503 --> 00:03:15,672 WERE YOU HIGH OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE? [ SIGHS ] 80 00:03:15,672 --> 00:03:18,108 THE KRAMERS ON CYPRUS STREET. 81 00:03:18,108 --> 00:03:22,512 OH, THE KR-- THE KRAMERS. OHH, SMELLY BASTARDS. 82 00:03:22,512 --> 00:03:23,580 WHY DO WE HATE THEM, AGAIN? 83 00:03:23,580 --> 00:03:25,248 YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHY WE HATE THEM, 84 00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,183 BUT YOU REMEMBER WHAT THEY SMELL LIKE? 85 00:03:27,183 --> 00:03:30,019 YEAH. WET CASHEWS. BASTARDS. 86 00:03:30,019 --> 00:03:32,355 THEY LENT US A HOSE WITH A TEAR IN IT. 87 00:03:32,355 --> 00:03:33,323 THEN THEY SAID THAT WE DID IT. 88 00:03:33,323 --> 00:03:35,191 [ STAMMERS ] SMALL PEOPLE. 89 00:03:35,191 --> 00:03:37,527 [ SCOFFS ] HILLARY IS NOT GOING TO THE DANCE WITH HIM. 90 00:03:37,527 --> 00:03:39,129 I MEAN, CAN I DO THAT? 91 00:03:39,129 --> 00:03:41,531 CAN I -- CAN I JUST PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND SAY SHE CAN'T? 92 00:03:41,531 --> 00:03:44,200 YEAH. MY FATHER DID IT WITH YOU. 93 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,702 YEAH, BUT WE GOT MARRIED. 94 00:03:45,702 --> 00:03:48,204 YEAH, BUT THEN WE GOT DIVORCED, SO HE WINS. 95 00:03:48,204 --> 00:03:52,275 OF COURSE, HE WAS ALREADY DEAD, SO I GUESS IT'S A PUSH. 96 00:03:52,275 --> 00:03:54,511 KRAMERS ARE THE WORST. OH. 97 00:03:54,511 --> 00:03:56,479 I'D RATHER HILLARY WENT TO THE DANCE 98 00:03:56,479 --> 00:03:59,249 WITH LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE. YEAH, EVEN A MURDERER. 99 00:03:59,249 --> 00:04:01,117 ESPECIALLY A MURDERER. SO YOU'LL BACK ME UP ON THIS? 100 00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:02,285 OH, MAN, YOU GOT IT. 101 00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:05,321 AND, HEY, IF THAT MURDERER GETS ANY IDEAS... 102 00:04:05,321 --> 00:04:07,524 SNIP, SNIP. 103 00:04:10,193 --> 00:04:11,494 WELL, I, UH... [ CLEARS THROAT ] 104 00:04:11,494 --> 00:04:13,363 ...JUST CAME BY TO SEE HOW YOU WERE DOING. 105 00:04:13,363 --> 00:04:15,431 OH, I WAS DOING BETTER YESTERDAY 106 00:04:15,431 --> 00:04:18,368 WHEN MY INTERIOR RIBS WERE STILL INTACT. 107 00:04:18,368 --> 00:04:19,469 YEAH, GREAT. 108 00:04:19,469 --> 00:04:21,304 WELL, I BROUGHT YOU A LITTLE CARE PACKAGE. HMM. 109 00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:24,340 UH, SOME ASSORTED JAMS AND THE FIRST TWO SEASONS OF "SCANDAL." 110 00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:25,642 OH, LOVELY. 111 00:04:25,642 --> 00:04:28,444 AH. JAM WITHOUT TOAST POINTS? 112 00:04:28,444 --> 00:04:30,380 [ CHUCKLES ] WHAT A CRUEL TEASE. 113 00:04:31,347 --> 00:04:34,350 WELL [CHUCKLES] I'M JUST... GLAD I WAS THERE. 114 00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:35,385 I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN WHAT TO 115 00:04:35,385 --> 00:04:37,387 IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I WASN'T. 116 00:04:37,387 --> 00:04:39,422 OH, IS THIS YOUR NOT-SO-SUBTLE WAY OF FISHING 117 00:04:39,422 --> 00:04:40,690 FOR A "THANK YOU," KATE? 118 00:04:40,690 --> 00:04:42,525 OH, WELL, IF THAT'S SOMETHING THAT YOU WANT TO SAY 119 00:04:42,525 --> 00:04:45,361 TO THE PERSON WHO SAVED YOUR LIFE, THEN I SAY GO WITH IT. 120 00:04:45,361 --> 00:04:47,430 I'M NOT GOING TO THANK YOU 121 00:04:47,430 --> 00:04:49,399 BECAUSE I COULD HAVE EASILY SAVED MYSELF. 122 00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:50,366 I COULD HAVE COUGHED IT UP 123 00:04:50,366 --> 00:04:53,436 OR EVEN SELF-ADMINISTERED A TRACHEOTOMY. 124 00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:56,439 IT'S AN INCREDIBLY GRUESOME AND BEAUTIFUL THING 125 00:04:56,439 --> 00:04:58,741 THAT FEW PEOPLE EVER GET TO SEE. 126 00:04:58,741 --> 00:05:00,677 YOU SIMPLY OVERREACTED. 127 00:05:04,581 --> 00:05:06,316 OKAY, THE SEMI-FORMAL'S ON SATURDAY, 128 00:05:06,316 --> 00:05:08,184 AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE I'M NOT FORGETTING ANYTHING. 129 00:05:08,184 --> 00:05:10,220 HOW AM I DOING WITH MY PREP? 130 00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:12,288 TUX? OH. CHECK. 131 00:05:12,288 --> 00:05:15,124 CORSAGE? CHECK. 132 00:05:15,124 --> 00:05:16,125 SIGNATURE ROBOTIC DANCE MOVE? 133 00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:17,760 [ GRUNTING ] 134 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,762 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] 135 00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:25,468 CHECK PLUS! 136 00:05:25,468 --> 00:05:26,469 DATE? 137 00:05:26,469 --> 00:05:28,471 UH, PUT A SMALL CHECK ON THAT ONE. 138 00:05:28,471 --> 00:05:31,474 SEE, I'VE ASKED A COUPLE GIRLS, BUT THEY SAID IT WOULD BE WEIRD 139 00:05:31,474 --> 00:05:33,409 BECAUSE WE GO TO SCHOOL TOGETHER, WHICH IS TRUE. 140 00:05:33,409 --> 00:05:35,545 MY MOM TOLD ME A VERY MOVING BEDTIME STORY 141 00:05:35,545 --> 00:05:38,381 ABOUT HOW A MARINE ASKED MILA KUNIS TO THIS DANCE 142 00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:40,483 OVER THE INTERNET AND SHE WENT. 143 00:05:40,483 --> 00:05:43,419 [ STAMMERS ] BERT, THE DANCE IS ON SATURDAY. 144 00:05:43,419 --> 00:05:45,121 I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT BECOMING A MARINE, 145 00:05:45,121 --> 00:05:46,756 BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE CUTTING IT CLOSE. 146 00:05:46,756 --> 00:05:50,260 NOT THE MARINE PART -- THE CELEBRITY PART. 147 00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:52,662 [ GASPS ] DUDE! DUDE, YOU'RE A GENIUS! 148 00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:55,231 YEP. MAYBE WE COULD DOUBLE DATE. 149 00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:57,800 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE FANNING SISTERS? 150 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:01,104 [ CHUCKLES ] I GOT DIBS ON DAKOTA. 151 00:06:01,104 --> 00:06:03,406 I WISH DIANE WERE HERE SO WE CAN GET STARTED. 152 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:06,209 WELL, WE DON'T NEED DIANE. I CAN JUST FROWN AND SAY... 153 00:06:06,209 --> 00:06:08,678 [ AS DIANE ] "EVERYBODY, LET'S GET STARTED." 154 00:06:08,678 --> 00:06:10,213 [ LAUGHTER ] 155 00:06:11,447 --> 00:06:13,516 WHAT'S GOING ON? IRIS: OH. 156 00:06:13,516 --> 00:06:16,519 OH, JUST A BUNCH OF COOL MAMACITAS 157 00:06:16,519 --> 00:06:18,254 JUST KICKING IT. 158 00:06:18,254 --> 00:06:19,422 WE GOT IT COVERED, DIANE. 159 00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:21,024 YOU SHOULD JUST GO HOME AND GET SOME REST. 160 00:06:21,024 --> 00:06:23,693 OH, I'M FINE. [ GRUNTS, CHUCKLES ] 161 00:06:25,194 --> 00:06:28,064 [ STRAINED ] NEVER BETTER. [ GRUNTS ] 162 00:06:28,064 --> 00:06:30,066 M-MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEAVE, DIANE. 163 00:06:30,066 --> 00:06:31,534 I'M -- I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU. 164 00:06:31,534 --> 00:06:33,536 YOUR HUSBAND WORKS FOR BLACKBERRY, 165 00:06:33,536 --> 00:06:35,338 AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT ME? [ CHUCKLES ] 166 00:06:36,506 --> 00:06:38,808 YOU KNOW, DIANE, REALLY, I-I -- I GOT IT COVERED. 167 00:06:38,808 --> 00:06:40,710 YEAH, YEAH, KATE'S GOT IT. YEAH. 168 00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:43,613 I MAKE A MOTION TO LET DIANE GO HOME AND REST. 169 00:06:43,613 --> 00:06:45,448 I SECOND. WOMAN: ME -- ME TOO. 170 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:48,484 OH, LOOK AT THAT. PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN. 171 00:06:48,484 --> 00:06:50,420 GET OUT OF HERE, LADY. [ CHUCKLES ] 172 00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:52,455 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF INTO. 173 00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,458 UH, YEAH, WELL, I HAPPENED TO SAVE A LIFE YESTERDAY -- 174 00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:58,394 YOUR LIFE -- SO I'M KIND OF ON A ROLL. 175 00:06:58,394 --> 00:07:00,430 OH. 176 00:07:02,498 --> 00:07:05,368 AS YOU WISH. 177 00:07:05,368 --> 00:07:08,071 [ CHUCKLES ] BUT I AM WARNING YOU, 178 00:07:08,071 --> 00:07:12,075 THIS DANCE WILL NEVER COME OFF WITHOUT ME. 179 00:07:12,075 --> 00:07:13,710 DID SHE JUST PUT A CURSE ON THE BALL? 180 00:07:13,710 --> 00:07:15,445 [ LAUGHTER ] 181 00:07:15,445 --> 00:07:17,513 YOU'RE FUNNY. 182 00:07:17,513 --> 00:07:19,549 [ ROBOTIC VOICE ] OH, I AM A JOKE MACHINE. 183 00:07:19,549 --> 00:07:22,418 NEED TO MAKE JOKES. [ LAUGHS ] 184 00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:24,420 [ CLEARS THROAT ] JUST KIDDING. 185 00:07:24,420 --> 00:07:26,556 LET'S JUST GET -- LET'S GET STARTED. 186 00:07:29,459 --> 00:07:31,794 IT'S JUST HOW IT HAPPENED TO TURN OUT. 187 00:07:31,794 --> 00:07:34,163 [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT. ANY OTHER BUSINESS? 188 00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:35,365 YES. YEAH? 189 00:07:35,365 --> 00:07:37,400 SAD NEWS -- THE FIELD TRIP TO THE ART MUSEUM 190 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,635 HAS BEEN CANCELED DUE TO LACK OF STUDENT INTEREST. 191 00:07:39,635 --> 00:07:42,372 ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, WE'VE GOT SOME EXTRA MONEY TO PLAY WITH. 192 00:07:42,372 --> 00:07:46,409 OH. WELL, SUCKS FOR THE ART WORLD, GREAT FOR US. [ LAUGHTER ] 193 00:07:46,409 --> 00:07:49,512 WELL, I-I'D LIKE TO MAKE A MOTION TO DEDICATE THAT MONEY 194 00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:51,447 TO A GIRLS SQUASH TEAM. 195 00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:53,483 [ ALL GRUMBLE ] 196 00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:54,617 YEAH. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 197 00:07:54,617 --> 00:07:56,386 IRIS, WE ALL KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SQUASH. 198 00:07:56,386 --> 00:07:58,521 BUT CLEARLY, YOU'RE ALONE ON THAT. 199 00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:01,424 SO I MAKE A MOTION TO STOP PROPOSING A GIRLS SQUASH TEAM. 200 00:08:01,424 --> 00:08:02,725 EVERYONE IN FAVOR TO QUASH SQUASH? 201 00:08:04,127 --> 00:08:07,263 ALL RIGHT. NEXT. 202 00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:11,367 SWEETIE? HEY. 203 00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:13,202 HI. UH... 204 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:14,337 WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 205 00:08:14,337 --> 00:08:17,440 IT'S ABOUT YOU GOING TO THE DANCE WITH EVAN KRAMER. 206 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,108 OH, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER NOW. 207 00:08:19,108 --> 00:08:20,576 HIS PARENTS WON'T LET HIM GO WITH ME. 208 00:08:20,576 --> 00:08:23,146 THEY FORBID HIM. DID THEY SAY WHY? 209 00:08:23,146 --> 00:08:24,781 WAS IT THE HOSE? WHAT HOSE? 210 00:08:24,781 --> 00:08:27,483 A 20-FOOT HOSE WITH A DETACHABLE NOZZLE. IT DOESN'T MATTER. 211 00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:31,287 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THEY'RE HOLDING THAT GRUDGE AGAINST YOU. 212 00:08:31,287 --> 00:08:33,256 YOU KNOW WHAT, SISTER? YOU'RE BETTER OFF NOT GOING TO THE DANCE 213 00:08:33,256 --> 00:08:36,292 WITH A KID WHO COMES FROM A FAMILY LIKE THAT. 214 00:08:36,292 --> 00:08:39,629 BUT I LIKE HIM SO MUCH. 215 00:08:39,629 --> 00:08:42,365 DAD, WILL YOU PLEASE GO TALK TO EVAN'S PARENTS? 216 00:08:42,365 --> 00:08:45,034 HONEY, I THINK WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. 217 00:08:45,034 --> 00:08:46,502 I-I'M SURE THERE ARE A LOT OF BOYS 218 00:08:46,502 --> 00:08:48,404 WHO'D LOVE TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH YOU. 219 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:50,373 DAD, I BESEECH YOU! 220 00:08:50,373 --> 00:08:52,308 I'D GO EASY ON THE BIG WORDS, THOUGH. 221 00:08:52,308 --> 00:08:54,343 OKAY, SWEETIE. I'LL TRY. 222 00:08:54,343 --> 00:08:57,180 [ GASPS, SQUEALS ] THANK YOU! 223 00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:59,315 I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, TOO. [ SQUEALS ] 224 00:09:01,384 --> 00:09:02,418 [ BOTH SCREAMING ] 225 00:09:02,418 --> 00:09:05,455 OH, MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! 226 00:09:05,455 --> 00:09:07,123 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! WHAT'S THE MATTER? 227 00:09:07,123 --> 00:09:08,558 DID YOU FINALLY FINISH "CHARLOTTE'S WEB"? 228 00:09:08,558 --> 00:09:11,427 OH! NOT EVEN CLOSE! BUT VANESSA HUDGENS 229 00:09:11,427 --> 00:09:14,363 SAID SHE'LL GO TO THE SEMI-FORMAL WITH WARREN! 230 00:09:14,363 --> 00:09:17,200 WAIT. NO, NO. THAT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE RIGHT. NO, NO, NO. IT IS. 231 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,334 I POSTED A VIDEO ONLINE 232 00:09:18,334 --> 00:09:20,369 ABOUT HOW I NEEDED A DATE TO THE SEMI-FORMAL. 233 00:09:20,369 --> 00:09:21,404 HER MANAGER JUST E-MAILED ME 234 00:09:21,404 --> 00:09:23,306 SAYING THAT SHE WOULD REARRANGE HER SCHEDULE 235 00:09:23,306 --> 00:09:25,341 TO MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE! [ SQUEALS ] 236 00:09:25,341 --> 00:09:27,443 SHOW ME THE VIDEO. OKAY. 237 00:09:27,443 --> 00:09:29,412 HI, VANESSA HUDGENS.   I'M WARREN HARRISON. 238 00:09:29,412 --> 00:09:30,546 I KNOW THIS MAY SEEM BOLD, 239 00:09:30,546 --> 00:09:32,248 BUT I DON'T HAVE   A LOT OF TIME LEFT, 240 00:09:32,248 --> 00:09:33,382 SO I'M JUST GOING TO SAY IT. 241 00:09:33,382 --> 00:09:35,351 WOULD YOU GO TO   MY SEMI-FORMAL WITH ME? 242 00:09:35,351 --> 00:09:39,689 I MAY NOT BE THE COOLEST GUY   OR...OR THE MOST POPULAR... 243 00:09:39,689 --> 00:09:42,225 BUT MY BROTHER IS ILL. 244 00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:43,226 OH, BERT. 245 00:09:43,226 --> 00:09:44,360 [ CHUCKLES ]   COME ON. 246 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,362 YOU ARE.   YOU ARE INCREDIBLY ILL. 247 00:09:46,362 --> 00:09:49,398 I MEAN, I HATE TO SAY IT,   BUT I AM PRETTY SICK. 248 00:09:49,398 --> 00:09:53,236 PLEASE HELP MY BROTHER'S   WISH COME TRUE. 249 00:09:53,236 --> 00:09:55,705 SHE THINKS YOU HAVE A TERMINAL ILLNESS. 250 00:09:55,705 --> 00:09:58,074 [ SCOFFS ] BERT, ARE YOU HEARING THIS NONSENSE? 251 00:09:58,074 --> 00:09:59,442 NO. [ GRUNTS ] 252 00:09:59,442 --> 00:10:02,245 WARREN, EVERY WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH 253 00:10:02,245 --> 00:10:04,380 IS EITHER "ILL" OR "SICK" OR "WISH." 254 00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:06,582 AND PLUS, YOU WERE WRAPPED IN AN AFGHAN. 255 00:10:06,582 --> 00:10:07,750 UH, YEAH, BECAUSE I WANTED HER 256 00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:11,354 TO LIKE ME FOR ME AND NOT MY BODY. YEAH. 257 00:10:11,354 --> 00:10:12,355 OKAY, YOU NEED TO E-MAIL 258 00:10:12,355 --> 00:10:13,556 VANESSA HUDGENS' MANAGER RIGHT NOW. 259 00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:15,291 OKAY, I'LL JUST DO IT AFTER THE DANCE. 260 00:10:15,291 --> 00:10:18,294 OKAY, FINE. I'LL DO IT NOW. OOH. 261 00:10:18,294 --> 00:10:21,297 YOU MUST HAVE PUT THIS IN THE TRASH BY ACCIDENT. 262 00:10:21,297 --> 00:10:23,199 I NEVER DO ANYTHING BY ACCIDENT. 263 00:10:23,199 --> 00:10:25,268 [ PLAYER WHIRS ] 264 00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:26,802 [ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ] 265 00:10:26,802 --> 00:10:30,473 OOH. HELLO. 266 00:10:36,746 --> 00:10:38,281 [ BRAKE GRINDS ] 267 00:10:38,281 --> 00:10:40,449 OKAY, WE KNOW THAT YOU CAN BE A LITTLE BIT OF A HOTHEAD. 268 00:10:40,449 --> 00:10:42,018 JUST LET ME DO THE TALKING. 269 00:10:42,018 --> 00:10:45,021 SMART. GOOD PLAN. LOVE THE PLAN. 270 00:10:45,021 --> 00:10:47,156 HEY, PAUL! HEY, APRIL! 271 00:10:47,156 --> 00:10:49,225 JACKIE, PETE! 272 00:10:49,225 --> 00:10:51,561 BOY, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS IN YEARS. IT'S -- CUT THE CRAP, PAUL. 273 00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:54,297 YOU LOOK 10 YEARS OLDER THAN THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU 2 YEARS AGO. 274 00:10:54,297 --> 00:10:56,699 SO MUCH FOR THE PLAN. UH, LOOK... 275 00:10:56,699 --> 00:11:01,137 HILLARY SAID THAT YOU WON'T LET EVAN TAKE HER TO THE DANCE? 276 00:11:01,137 --> 00:11:03,372 WHAT? WE DIDN'T SAY THAT. 277 00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:05,508 CUT THE CRAP, APRIL. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN A LONG TIME. 278 00:11:05,508 --> 00:11:07,610 AND YOUR SKIN DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. 279 00:11:07,610 --> 00:11:09,412 NO SPIN ON THAT AT ALL. OKAY. OKAY. 280 00:11:09,412 --> 00:11:11,747 WHY WOULD WE TELL EVAN HE COULDN'T GO TO A DANCE 281 00:11:11,747 --> 00:11:13,182 WITH YOUR DAUGHTER? 282 00:11:13,182 --> 00:11:15,184 BECAUSE YOU'RE SO SMALL, YOU'RE STILL MAD ABOUT 283 00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:17,186 THE HOSE THAT WE BORROWED THAT YOU SAID, 284 00:11:17,186 --> 00:11:20,423 WHEN WE RETURNED IT, HAD A TEAR IN IT. APRIL: EVAN! 285 00:11:20,423 --> 00:11:23,426 CAN YOU COME OUT HERE FOR A SECOND, SWEETHEART? [ DOOR OPENS ] 286 00:11:23,426 --> 00:11:25,394 OH. HEY, EVAN. 287 00:11:25,394 --> 00:11:26,629 NICE NOSE! 288 00:11:26,629 --> 00:11:29,732 THESE TWO DROP YOU ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU WERE A BABY? 289 00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:32,468 I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP TAKING PERSONAL POTSHOTS. 290 00:11:32,468 --> 00:11:34,136 I'M TRYING. I CAN'T STOP. 291 00:11:34,136 --> 00:11:35,338 WHY DID YOU TELL HILLARY 292 00:11:35,338 --> 00:11:37,440 WE WOULDN'T ALLOW YOU TO TAKE HER TO THE DANCE? 293 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,208 I WAS TOO SCARED TO SAY NO, OKAY? 294 00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:41,477 I MEAN, SHE'S SO BOSSY AND SHE USES BIG WORDS 295 00:11:41,477 --> 00:11:44,146 AND SHE WEARS BLAZERS. 296 00:11:44,146 --> 00:11:46,048 FOR TWO YEARS, I THOUGHT SHE WAS A TEACHER. 297 00:11:46,048 --> 00:11:48,784 IT JUST SEEMED EASIER TO TELL HER IT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS. 298 00:11:48,784 --> 00:11:50,419 I'M... I'M REALLY SORRY. 299 00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:52,421 FIRST OF ALL, SHE DOESN'T JUST WEAR BLAZERS. 300 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:56,025 SHE WEARS NECKERCHIEFS AND BARN JACKETS. 301 00:11:56,025 --> 00:11:57,493 YOU'RE TRYING TO SPARE HER FEELINGS. 302 00:11:57,493 --> 00:12:00,396 JUST -- JUST TRY AND TELL THE TRUTH. 303 00:12:00,396 --> 00:12:03,232 OKAY! I'M SORRY. 304 00:12:03,232 --> 00:12:05,701 I TORE THE HOSE. 305 00:12:07,503 --> 00:12:09,338 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ] 306 00:12:09,338 --> 00:12:11,173 MM. THAT'S THE PRESIDENT. 307 00:12:11,173 --> 00:12:13,042 FITZ -- WAR HERO, CLASSICALLY HANDSOME. 308 00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:14,744 HE AND OLIVIA ARE LOVERS, BUT HE AND HER FATHER ARE ENEMIES. 309 00:12:14,744 --> 00:12:18,347 HMM. WICKED WEB. 310 00:12:18,347 --> 00:12:20,483 [ VACUUM WHIRS ] STOP! 311 00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:22,551 STOP! SHUSH! SIT. 312 00:12:22,551 --> 00:12:25,221 OH, MY HUSBAND'S GOING TO BE HERE SOON TO PICK ME UP 313 00:12:25,221 --> 00:12:27,356 AND I'M NOT DONE AND I STILL HAVE ANOTHER -- 314 00:12:27,356 --> 00:12:29,659 SHH! 315 00:12:29,659 --> 00:12:32,395 OKAY. 316 00:12:32,395 --> 00:12:33,562 FITZ: I LOVE YOU. 317 00:12:33,562 --> 00:12:36,499 THE AMERICAN PUBLIC   NEEDS FIXING. 318 00:12:36,499 --> 00:12:37,533 ...CAN BE VERY SCARRING, 319 00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:39,669 AND I STILL CAN'T HEAR OUT OF MY LEFT EAR, 320 00:12:39,669 --> 00:12:42,371 WHICH IS WHY I VOTE FOR NO DUNK TANK THIS YEAR. 321 00:12:42,371 --> 00:12:44,707 OKAY. WELL, THANK YOU, CONNIE. 322 00:12:44,707 --> 00:12:46,175 CAN I JUST SAY, 323 00:12:46,175 --> 00:12:48,644 THIS MEETING HAS BEEN MORE CIVIL AND RESPECTFUL 324 00:12:48,644 --> 00:12:51,147 AND LESS "WRAP IT UP, CONNIE" THAN EVER BEFORE? 325 00:12:51,147 --> 00:12:53,282 I MEAN, THANK YOU, KATE. 326 00:12:53,282 --> 00:12:56,652 OH. WELL... WOMAN: THANK YOU. 327 00:12:56,652 --> 00:12:59,522 WELL, THANK YOU FOR SAYING "THANK YOU." 328 00:12:59,522 --> 00:13:00,523 I MEAN, CAN YOU BELIEVE 329 00:13:00,523 --> 00:13:02,525 THAT DIANE HAS YET TO THANK ME FOR SAVING HER LIFE? 330 00:13:02,525 --> 00:13:03,626 [ CHUCKLING ] NO WAY! 331 00:13:03,626 --> 00:13:05,461 OH, WAY. BIG-TIME WAY. 332 00:13:05,461 --> 00:13:07,596 I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM... 333 00:13:07,596 --> 00:13:09,298 [ AS DIANE ] "DR. DIANE BUCKLEY, 334 00:13:09,298 --> 00:13:13,369 "THE DOCTOR WHO WENT TO DOCTOR SCHOOL TO BECOME A DOCTOR. [ LAUGHTER ] 335 00:13:13,369 --> 00:13:15,037 HAVE YOU HEARD? I'M A DOCTOR." 336 00:13:15,037 --> 00:13:16,772 [ LAUGHING ] KATE, YOU'RE SO BAD. 337 00:13:16,772 --> 00:13:19,742 [ ROBOTIC VOICE ] I AM DIANE. I CANNOT HUMAN SMILE. 338 00:13:19,742 --> 00:13:23,713 STOP! STOP IT. YOU ARE AWFUL. [ LAUGHTER ] 339 00:13:23,713 --> 00:13:26,248 [ NORMAL VOICE ] I KNEW THERE WAS A CONTEXT WHERE THAT ROBOT VOICE WOULD KILL. 340 00:13:26,248 --> 00:13:28,718 OH! OH! OH! AND WHAT ABOUT PRINCIPAL JOHNSON? 341 00:13:28,718 --> 00:13:30,419 YOU KNOW, THIS GUY IS SORT OF LIKE... 342 00:13:30,419 --> 00:13:32,421 [ SOUTHERN ACCENT ] "OH, I'VE HAD SO MUCH WORK DONE, 343 00:13:32,421 --> 00:13:35,558 MY EYES ARE WHERE MY EARS SHOULD BE." 344 00:13:35,558 --> 00:13:37,693 [ NORMAL VOICE ] OH. OH! CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT THE GYM TEACHER FOR A SECOND? 345 00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:40,529 I MEAN, COME ON! HOW IS THAT GUY A GYM TEACHER?! 346 00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:42,131 FOR REAL?! 347 00:13:42,131 --> 00:13:44,233 I MEAN, HE LOOKS LIKE THE MIDDLE GUY ON THE EVOLUTION CHART. 348 00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:45,534 HE'S LIKE... [ GRUNTING ] 349 00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:48,704 [ DEEP VOICE ] "WAY TO HUSTLE. WAY TO HUSTLE. 350 00:13:48,704 --> 00:13:50,239 [ COUGHS ] WAY TO HUSTLE." 351 00:13:50,239 --> 00:13:52,541 WAIT, WAIT. H-HOW MANY HUSTLES WAS THAT? 352 00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:54,577 [ NORMAL VOICE ] UH, UH, UH, THREE. WHY? OKAY. FOR THE MINUTES. 353 00:13:54,577 --> 00:13:55,578 RIGHT. OKAY. OH! OH! OH! 354 00:13:55,578 --> 00:13:57,580 HALL-MONITOR LADY WHO WALKS AROUND -- 355 00:13:57,580 --> 00:13:59,749 THE -- WAIT. THE WHAT? THE MINUTES. 356 00:13:59,749 --> 00:14:01,517 IT'S THE TRANSCRIPT OF THE MEETING 357 00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:03,419 THAT GOES OUT TO THE WHOLE SCHOOL COMMUNITY. 358 00:14:03,419 --> 00:14:04,553 [ LAUGHS ] 359 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,255 WOMAN: DO THE LUNCH LADY! 360 00:14:06,255 --> 00:14:07,690 OH, YEAH. 361 00:14:11,327 --> 00:14:12,695 IRIS! HEY, WHAT UP, GIRLFRIEND? 362 00:14:12,695 --> 00:14:15,664 [ CHUCKLES ] SWEET JEGGINGS. 363 00:14:15,664 --> 00:14:17,566 OH. DIDN'T SAY IT EARLIER, 364 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:19,201 UNLIKE SOME THINGS THAT I DID SAY EARLIER, 365 00:14:19,201 --> 00:14:21,437 WHICH I WAS HOPING THAT YOU WOULDN'T PUBLISH IN THE MINUTES. 366 00:14:21,437 --> 00:14:23,372 SURE. NO PROBLEM AT ALL. 367 00:14:23,372 --> 00:14:26,208 [ SIGHS ] OH, GOD. THANK YOU. OH, MY GOD. 368 00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:27,510 WHAT A RELIEF. 369 00:14:27,510 --> 00:14:31,180 'CAUSE I WAS LIKE, "EEE," AND NOW I'M LIKE, "AHH." 370 00:14:31,180 --> 00:14:33,249 IT'S MY PLEASURE. 371 00:14:33,249 --> 00:14:34,417 OKAY. HOW ABOUT THIS? 372 00:14:34,417 --> 00:14:36,585 I'LL REDACT YOUR INSULTS FROM THE MINUTES 373 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:41,190 IF YOU PUT THE BUDGET SURPLUS TOWARDS A GIRLS SQUASH TEAM. 374 00:14:41,190 --> 00:14:44,360 OKAY, BUT NOBODY WANTS THE SQUASH TEAM. 375 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,295 I MEAN, I QUASHED THE SQUASH. 376 00:14:46,295 --> 00:14:48,431 THEN UN-QUASH IT, OR ELSE EVERYBODY'S 377 00:14:48,431 --> 00:14:51,200 GONNA HAVE TO READ YOUR LITTLE COMEDY ROUTINE. 378 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,234 YOU KNOW WHAT? SEND THEM OUT. 379 00:14:52,234 --> 00:14:53,402 EVERYONE WILL SEE THAT 380 00:14:53,402 --> 00:14:55,404 YOU WERE EQUALLY AS GUILTY IN EGGING ME ON. 381 00:14:55,404 --> 00:14:56,739 REALLY? 382 00:14:56,739 --> 00:15:00,443 'CAUSE THE TRANSCRIPT READS LIKE I WAS TRYING TO STOP YOU. 383 00:15:00,443 --> 00:15:03,412 "KATE, YOU'RE SO BAD. STOP IT. 384 00:15:03,412 --> 00:15:06,115 STOP IT. YOU'RE -- YOU'RE AWFUL." 385 00:15:06,115 --> 00:15:09,151 YEAH, BUT THAT'S TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT. 386 00:15:09,151 --> 00:15:11,153 OH, I WONDER WHAT PRINCIPAL JOHNSON IS GONNA THINK 387 00:15:11,153 --> 00:15:14,423 WHEN HE HAS TO WRITE COLLEGE RECOMMENDATIONS FOR YOUR KIDS. 388 00:15:14,423 --> 00:15:16,058 AFTER THE THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT HIM, 389 00:15:16,058 --> 00:15:18,260 HE PROBABLY WOULD FROWN IF HE COULD, HUH? 390 00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:19,762 I-IRIS. IRIS. 391 00:15:19,762 --> 00:15:21,464 [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 392 00:15:21,464 --> 00:15:23,399 [ ENGINE REVS, TIRES SCREECH ] 393 00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:25,034 I HATE YOUR JEGGINGS! 394 00:15:25,034 --> 00:15:26,335 I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. 395 00:15:26,335 --> 00:15:28,270 HOW DO YOU TELL YOUR KID SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE THEM? 396 00:15:28,270 --> 00:15:29,538 I DON'T KNOW. 397 00:15:29,538 --> 00:15:31,607 THANK GOD WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS WITH BERT. 398 00:15:31,607 --> 00:15:34,076 [ SIGHS ] 399 00:15:34,076 --> 00:15:37,379 HEY, SWEETIE. HILLARY: HEY. 400 00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:39,315 WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID EVAN'S PARENTS SAY? 401 00:15:39,315 --> 00:15:43,719 WELL, THE TRUTH IS... 402 00:15:43,719 --> 00:15:45,054 YEAH? 403 00:15:45,054 --> 00:15:46,489 ...IT WAS ABOUT THE HOSE. 404 00:15:46,489 --> 00:15:49,325 THEY WOULDN'T LET IT GO. I BEGGED THEM TO PUT IT ASIDE. 405 00:15:49,325 --> 00:15:52,695 IT'S A PIECE OF RUBBER. I SAID, "I'LL BUY YOU ANOTHER! 406 00:15:52,695 --> 00:15:56,232 I'LL BUY YOU 10! JUST PLEASE LET OUR KIDS BE HAPPY." 407 00:15:56,232 --> 00:15:58,534 WELL, IF THEY'RE   THAT UNREASONABLE, 408 00:15:58,534 --> 00:16:00,369 THEN WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK? 409 00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:02,538 THEY CAN'T KEEP ME AND EVAN FROM GOING. 410 00:16:02,538 --> 00:16:04,607 I'M GOING TO GO TALK TO HIM. 411 00:16:04,607 --> 00:16:06,375 Y-YOU CAN'T GO OVER THERE. 412 00:16:06,375 --> 00:16:09,111 [ SCOFFS ] WHY NOT, DAD? 413 00:16:09,111 --> 00:16:11,080 I FORBID IT. THAT'S NOT FAIR. 414 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,181 I DON'T CARE WHAT'S FAIR. 415 00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:13,682 YOU CAN GO TO THE DANCE WITH ANYONE ELSE. 416 00:16:13,682 --> 00:16:16,285 EVEN A MURDERER.   ESPECIALLY A MURDERER. 417 00:16:16,285 --> 00:16:18,587 I HATE YOU. 418 00:16:18,587 --> 00:16:24,093 I JUST UNDID 14 YEARS OF LOVE WITH ONE FAKE CRISIS. 419 00:16:24,093 --> 00:16:26,562 WELL, YOU PROTECTED HER FEELINGS. 420 00:16:26,562 --> 00:16:29,765 THAT WAS A NICE THING YOU DID. 421 00:16:32,134 --> 00:16:35,170 MAKES ME UNEASY WHEN YOU AGREE WITH MY PARENTING STYLE. 422 00:16:35,170 --> 00:16:37,273 YOU WANT ME   TO COME UP WITH A PLAN? 423 00:16:37,273 --> 00:16:40,175 OLIVIA POPE... 424 00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:41,577 [ CHUCKLES ] 425 00:16:41,577 --> 00:16:44,747 FITZ:   ...USE YOUR SUPERPOWER. 426 00:16:44,747 --> 00:16:46,415 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 427 00:16:53,389 --> 00:16:57,026 [ INDISTINCT WHISPERING ] 428 00:16:57,026 --> 00:16:58,527 DIANE, I NEED YOUR HELP. [ TV SHUTS OFF ] 429 00:16:58,527 --> 00:17:02,431 ARE YOU WATCHING "SCANDAL"? NO, NO. HELP WITH WHAT? 430 00:17:02,431 --> 00:17:04,433 IRIS IS TRYING TO BLACKMAIL ME. 431 00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:08,070 [ CHUCKLES ] SO THE PTA ISN'T SO EASY AFTER ALL, HUH, KATE? 432 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:09,405 OKAY, TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW. 433 00:17:09,405 --> 00:17:12,274 SHE RECORDED ME SAYING SOME MEAN BUT -- BUT REALLY FUNNY THINGS 434 00:17:12,274 --> 00:17:13,676 ABOUT PEOPLE IN THE MINUTES. 435 00:17:13,676 --> 00:17:15,210 MM-HMM. AND -- AND THEN NOW SHE'S GONNA PUBLISH THEM 436 00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:17,646 IF I DON'T BACK UP HER SQUASH PROPOSAL. 437 00:17:17,646 --> 00:17:20,516 PLEASE HELP ME. OKAY, BUT WE NEED TO ACT FAST. 438 00:17:20,516 --> 00:17:22,418 TOMORROW MORNING, PUT A TAIL ON IRIS. 439 00:17:22,418 --> 00:17:25,087 WE'VE GOT TO FIND SOME DIRT ON HER. CLAUDIA. MM, YES? 440 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:27,489 I WANT YOU TO TALK TO IRIS' HOUSEKEEPER. SHE'S BOUND TO KNOW SOMETHING. 441 00:17:27,489 --> 00:17:29,358 CLAUDIA'S HUSBAND, I WANT YOU TO LOOK UP 442 00:17:29,358 --> 00:17:31,493 TONY GOLDWYN'S FILMOGRAPHY ONLINE. 443 00:17:31,493 --> 00:17:33,596 I KNOW HE'S BEEN IN SOMETHING, AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! 444 00:17:33,596 --> 00:17:35,698 YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING "SCANDAL." [ SCOFFS ] 445 00:17:35,698 --> 00:17:38,167 IT'S AN EXCELLENT SHOW. 446 00:17:40,235 --> 00:17:42,404 KATE: THERE YOU ARE. THAT'S GREAT. [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ] 447 00:17:42,404 --> 00:17:46,375 ♪ YEAH, YEAH ♪ SHE HAD A LATTE AND A CROISSANT. NOT MUCH OF A TIPPER. 448 00:17:46,375 --> 00:17:48,777 MM. WE NEED MORE. 449 00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,346 ♪ WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR ♪ 450 00:17:50,346 --> 00:17:51,513 I'LL GET US MORE. 451 00:17:53,182 --> 00:17:54,783 ♪ YOUR DREAM WILL TAKE YOU VERY FAR, YEAH ♪ 452 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,453 YES! 453 00:17:57,453 --> 00:18:01,156 ♪ WHEN YOU WISH UPON A DREAM ♪ 454 00:18:02,458 --> 00:18:05,494 IGNACIO: OKAY, ACCORDING TO THE INTERNET, 455 00:18:05,494 --> 00:18:07,062 TONY GOLDWYN IS BEST KNOWN FOR "GHOST," 456 00:18:07,062 --> 00:18:08,697 THE VOICE OF TARZAN, AND "THE LAST SAMURAI." 457 00:18:08,697 --> 00:18:10,399 THAT'S IT. 458 00:18:10,399 --> 00:18:11,600 WE'RE STILL MISSING SOMETHING. 459 00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:15,771 ♪ IN THE SKY SO VERY DEAR ♪ 460 00:18:15,771 --> 00:18:18,407 IRIS' DIRTY LAUNDRY. 461 00:18:18,407 --> 00:18:23,579 CLAUDIA, WHEN I SAID, "IRIS' DIRTY LAUNDRY," I MEANT HER -- 462 00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:27,516 [ GASPS ] HELLO. 463 00:18:27,516 --> 00:18:29,618 WE'VE GOT HER. 464 00:18:29,618 --> 00:18:31,420 ♪ SHINING STAR FOR YOU TO SEE WHAT YOUR LIFE CAN TRULY BE ♪ 465 00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:34,623 HMM. 466 00:18:34,623 --> 00:18:36,158 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] 467 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,360 I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GOING TO THE DANCE. 468 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,063 NOPE. I'M GOING. I E-MAILED VANESSA HUDGENS' PEOPLE. 469 00:18:41,063 --> 00:18:42,331 AND I TOLD THEM THE TRUTH. 470 00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:43,532 AND SHE'S GOING WITH YOU? 471 00:18:43,532 --> 00:18:46,368 NOPE, BUT AFTER MY BRUSH WITH DEATH, IT MADE ME REALIZE, 472 00:18:46,368 --> 00:18:48,037 YOU KNOW, WE GET CLOSER AND CLOSER TO DEATH EVERY DAY, 473 00:18:48,037 --> 00:18:49,672 BUT THAT CAN'T STOP US FROM LIVING. 474 00:18:49,672 --> 00:18:52,775 SO, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO THIS DANCE, AND MY DATE IS LIFE. 475 00:18:52,775 --> 00:18:54,510 AND ALSO HOPEFULLY NICOLETTE DEMAYO 476 00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:56,245 BECAUSE I HEARD HER BOYFRIEND DUMPED HER. 477 00:18:56,245 --> 00:18:58,113 WELL, HOW DO I LOOK? 478 00:18:58,113 --> 00:18:59,248 BEND DOWN A LITTLE. 479 00:19:00,382 --> 00:19:04,286 VANESSA HUDGENS DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S MISSING. 480 00:19:04,286 --> 00:19:05,654 AWW. 481 00:19:12,161 --> 00:19:13,328 OH, JUST IN TIME. 482 00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:15,130 I WAS ABOUT TO SEND OUT THE MINUTES. 483 00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:18,033 THE MINUTES CAN WAIT A MINUTE. WE ONLY NEED A MINUTE. 484 00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:21,537 WE KNOW WHY YOU'VE BEEN PUSHING SQUASH. BECAUSE IT'S A GREAT SPORT. 485 00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:24,506 AND BECAUSE YOU WENT TO WELLESLEY AND YOU WANT YOUR DAUGHTER TO GO THERE, TOO. 486 00:19:24,506 --> 00:19:27,342 BUT YOUR DAUGHTER'S GRADES BLOW. 487 00:19:27,342 --> 00:19:30,412 LUCKY FOR HER, WELLESLEY HAS AN ANEMIC SQUASH TEAM. 488 00:19:30,412 --> 00:19:31,714 THEY'LL ACCEPT YOUNG LADIES WITH A LOW GPA IF THEY HAVE 489 00:19:31,714 --> 00:19:35,350 EVEN A PASSING ACQUAINTANCE WITH THE SPORT SQUASH. 490 00:19:35,350 --> 00:19:37,352 SO I WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR MY DAUGHTER. 491 00:19:37,352 --> 00:19:39,488 THAT'S NOT A CRIME. 492 00:19:39,488 --> 00:19:42,458 NO, BUT USING THE PTA LAPTOP FOR PERSONAL USE IS. 493 00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,126 I NEVER DID THAT. 494 00:19:44,126 --> 00:19:47,196 HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU USING THE LAPTOP, 495 00:19:47,196 --> 00:19:48,564 PLAYING MINESWEEPER AT A COFFEE SHOP. 496 00:19:48,564 --> 00:19:52,401 AND ANOTHER PICTURE OF YOU PLAYING MINESWEEPER 497 00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:54,203 AT A TABLE FOR ONE AT CABO CANTINA. 498 00:19:54,203 --> 00:19:56,038 IT WOULD BE A SHAME FOR YOUR DAUGHTER TO FIND OUT 499 00:19:56,038 --> 00:19:58,173 THAT YOU WERE TRYING TO GET HER INTO COLLEGE. 500 00:19:59,241 --> 00:20:00,476 IN THIS WAY. 501 00:20:01,610 --> 00:20:03,378 FINE. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 502 00:20:06,782 --> 00:20:08,650 DELETE THE MINUTES. 503 00:20:08,650 --> 00:20:11,587 [ SIGHS ] 504 00:20:12,621 --> 00:20:13,522 THERE. 505 00:20:16,058 --> 00:20:17,593 W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DIANE? DIANE? 506 00:20:17,593 --> 00:20:19,528 SCRUBBING THE HARD DRIVE. 507 00:20:19,528 --> 00:20:21,563 OH! MY HIGH SCORE. 508 00:20:23,398 --> 00:20:24,600 IT'S HANDLED. 509 00:20:29,805 --> 00:20:32,174 IT'S HANDLED. [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ] 510 00:20:35,310 --> 00:20:36,478 THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME, DIANE. 511 00:20:36,478 --> 00:20:37,646 YOU'RE WELCOME. 512 00:20:37,646 --> 00:20:40,048 NOW I'M NOT INDEBTED TO YOU ANYMORE. 513 00:20:40,048 --> 00:20:41,550 OH, YOU WEREN'T INDEBTED TO ME. 514 00:20:41,550 --> 00:20:43,552 I JUST HELPED YOU AND WANTED A SIMPLE "THANK YOU" 515 00:20:43,552 --> 00:20:45,621 INSTEAD OF YOUR USUAL SNIPEY COMMENTS. 516 00:20:45,621 --> 00:20:49,057 SNIPPY. AND I DIDN'T NEED YOUR HELP. 517 00:20:49,057 --> 00:20:51,727 OH, I KNOW. YOU NEVER DID, AND YOU NEVER WILL. 518 00:20:51,727 --> 00:20:55,364 BUT IF YOU EVER DO, I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU. 519 00:20:56,665 --> 00:20:59,201 OR I'LL JUST STAND THERE AND WATCH YOU DIE. [ CHUCKLES ] 520 00:20:59,201 --> 00:21:01,270 THANK YOU, KATE. 521 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:08,777 DIANE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOUR CAR'S OVER HERE. 522 00:21:08,777 --> 00:21:12,214 DIANE?