1 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:03,213 [GRUNTS] 2 00:00:03,213 --> 00:00:05,749 WHOA! WHOA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 3 00:00:05,749 --> 00:00:07,083 GETTING RID OF YOUR STUFF. 4 00:00:07,083 --> 00:00:08,451 CAN WE AT LEAST TALK ABOUT THIS? 5 00:00:08,451 --> 00:00:10,120 WE'VE TALKED ABOUT IT ENOUGH, ALL RIGHT? 6 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:11,588 ALL THIS CRAP IS GOING TO GOODWILL. 7 00:00:11,588 --> 00:00:13,356 RIGHT! 8 00:00:13,356 --> 00:00:14,624 WHEW! [CHUCKLES] 9 00:00:14,624 --> 00:00:16,126 WHEW! 10 00:00:16,126 --> 00:00:17,594 WHEN YOU'VE BEEN DIVORCED AS MANY TIMES AS I HAVE, 11 00:00:17,594 --> 00:00:19,129 YOUR HEAD GOES TO A DIFFERENT PLACE 12 00:00:19,129 --> 00:00:20,697 WHEN YOU SEE YOUR CLOTHES THROWN ALL OVER THE LAWN. 13 00:00:20,697 --> 00:00:22,632 I HAVE TO GET RID OF MY -- 14 00:00:22,632 --> 00:00:24,367 MY TURKEY TROT T-SHIRT, 15 00:00:24,367 --> 00:00:25,435 AND YOU GET TO KEEP THAT ONE? 16 00:00:25,435 --> 00:00:27,137 THIS SHIRT MAKES SENSE. I'M CANADIAN. 17 00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:28,538 YOU HAD YOUR INTERN RUN THE TURKEY TROT, 18 00:00:28,538 --> 00:00:29,773 AND THEN YOU TOOK HER T-SHIRT. 19 00:00:29,773 --> 00:00:32,075 LOOK AT ME! 20 00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:33,443 I'M TRIMMING WHILE I TONE! 21 00:00:33,443 --> 00:00:35,612 THIS IS APOCALYPTIC! 22 00:00:35,612 --> 00:00:37,213 ARE YOU SICK? NO. 23 00:00:37,213 --> 00:00:40,483 BUT YOU ARE FOR THINKING THAT YOU CAN CLEAN OUT A GARAGE 24 00:00:40,483 --> 00:00:43,219 AND NOT INHALE PARTICULATED RODENT EXCREMENT. 25 00:00:43,219 --> 00:00:45,021 CAN I HAVE ONE OF THOSE? 26 00:00:45,021 --> 00:00:46,690 I ONLY BROUGHT ENOUGH FOR THE CHILDREN. 27 00:00:46,690 --> 00:00:50,193 SO, JUST A LITTLE HEADS-UP THAT SAD STEVE 28 00:00:50,193 --> 00:00:52,128 IS GONNA BE SPENDING THE NIGHT AGAIN TONIGHT, 29 00:00:52,128 --> 00:00:54,064 SO IF HE'S A LITTLE LATE FOR WORK -- 30 00:00:54,064 --> 00:00:56,066 WINK, WINK -- TRAFFIC. 31 00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:58,134 UH, OUR SON IS FOUR FEET AWAY FROM US. 32 00:00:58,134 --> 00:01:01,204 OH, HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT STEVE, THAT I'M DATING HIM, OKAY? 33 00:01:01,204 --> 00:01:02,138 SO, BE COOL. 34 00:01:03,673 --> 00:01:06,343 "UNCLE BUCK"? YES, PLEASE. 35 00:01:09,346 --> 00:01:12,582 WHOA. PETE'S OLD WEDDING VIDEOS. 36 00:01:13,683 --> 00:01:14,684 [GASPS] 37 00:01:17,187 --> 00:01:19,489 I-IF YOU REALLY LIKE STEVE, YOU SHOULD TELL BERT. 38 00:01:19,489 --> 00:01:21,391 IF HE'S MATURE ENOUGH TO DAY-TRADE, 39 00:01:21,391 --> 00:01:23,259 HE'S MATURE ENOUGH TO KNOW YOU'RE DATING. 40 00:01:23,259 --> 00:01:25,161 DIANE: THAT IS ABSURD. 41 00:01:25,161 --> 00:01:28,131 EVEN IN THIS DAY AND AGE OF SECULAR HEDONISM, 42 00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:32,068 THERE ARE SOME RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE PRIVATE AND SACRED. 43 00:01:32,068 --> 00:01:33,370 OH. 44 00:01:33,370 --> 00:01:35,739 WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS, "I DON'T CARE." 45 00:01:36,673 --> 00:01:42,212 BERT: AAH! HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR LEGS STOP?! 46 00:01:42,212 --> 00:01:52,088 ♪♪♪ 47 00:01:52,088 --> 00:01:55,158 WHY DO YOU GUYS STILL HAVE A VCR? 48 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:56,493 BECAUSE TECHNOLOGY'S CYCLICAL. 49 00:01:56,493 --> 00:01:59,195 THINK ABOUT FIRE. PEOPLE ARE USING IT AGAIN. 50 00:02:00,196 --> 00:02:04,134 DIANE: MY DEAREST PETER, MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN DEVOTED TO PERFECTION. 51 00:02:04,134 --> 00:02:07,103 FROM GRADUATING FIRST IN MY CLASS 52 00:02:07,103 --> 00:02:08,772 TO BECOMING A WORLD-CLASS SURGEON... 53 00:02:08,772 --> 00:02:10,540 WHOA! LOOK AT ALL THOSE RIBBONS. 54 00:02:10,540 --> 00:02:13,209 EVERYONE AT THEIR WEDDING HAD AIDS. 55 00:02:13,209 --> 00:02:15,478 ...NOTHING WAS GOING TO DISTRACT ME 56 00:02:15,478 --> 00:02:18,181 UNTIL THAT NOTHING BECAME YOU. 57 00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:22,085 WITH YOUR TWINKLING EYES AND YOUR CHILDISH GRIN... 58 00:02:22,085 --> 00:02:23,319 [CHUCKLES] 59 00:02:23,319 --> 00:02:27,457 ...I AM SO GRATEFUL I FOUND YOU, 60 00:02:28,591 --> 00:02:31,194 MY PERFECT IMPERFECTION. 61 00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:34,197 EVEN HER KINDNESS SOUNDS MEAN. HUH. 62 00:02:34,197 --> 00:02:36,399 MAN: YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE. 63 00:02:36,399 --> 00:02:37,767 OH, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE. NOPE, NOPE! 64 00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:39,169 OH, GOD! IS IT GONE? IS IT GONE? 65 00:02:39,169 --> 00:02:40,437 YEAH, IT'S GONE. IT'S GONE. 66 00:02:40,437 --> 00:02:42,772 THE BRIDE AND GROOM HAVE ONCE AGAIN ASKED 67 00:02:42,772 --> 00:02:44,240 THAT YOU NOT GO TO THE BAR 68 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,443 TO WATCH THE O.J. SIMPSON COVERAGE. 69 00:02:46,443 --> 00:02:48,678 HE'S STILL DRIVING WITH AL COWLINGS. 70 00:02:48,678 --> 00:02:50,180 WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY'RE GOING. 71 00:02:50,180 --> 00:02:52,482 OH, MAN. THEY WERE DOOMED FROM THE GET-GO. 72 00:02:52,482 --> 00:02:56,019 ♪ OOOH, BABY, I LOVE YOUR WAY ♪ 73 00:02:56,019 --> 00:02:57,754 ♪ EVERY DAY ♪ 74 00:02:57,754 --> 00:02:59,689 OH. 75 00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:01,491 I ALWAYS THOUGHT PETE MARRIED DIANE 76 00:03:01,491 --> 00:03:03,660 'CAUSE HE WAS TOO AFRAID TO BREAK UP WITH HER. 77 00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:07,297 THEY KIND OF LOOK... HAPPY. 78 00:03:07,297 --> 00:03:10,200 [SNIFFLES] 79 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,202 [VOICE BREAKING] THEY'RE PERFECT TOGETHER. 80 00:03:12,202 --> 00:03:13,269 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 81 00:03:13,269 --> 00:03:16,039 MM, IT'S LIKE A FAIRYTALE. 82 00:03:16,039 --> 00:03:17,507 [SNIFFLES] 83 00:03:17,507 --> 00:03:20,076 [BANGING] THEY ARE REALLY GOING AT EACH OTHER. 84 00:03:20,076 --> 00:03:21,644 I LOVE WATCHING THEM BANG. 85 00:03:21,644 --> 00:03:24,114 THANK GOD FOR BBC ON DEMAND. 86 00:03:24,114 --> 00:03:27,117 YOU CAN FINALLY WATCH CLASSIC PARLIAMENTARY DEBATE 87 00:03:27,117 --> 00:03:28,351 WHENEVER WE WANT TO. 88 00:03:28,351 --> 00:03:30,787 IT'S 10 QUID A MONTH, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY SHILLING. 89 00:03:30,787 --> 00:03:35,125 YOU KNOW, RUSS, MAYBE IT'S TIME WE STOP SNEAKING AROUND 90 00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:37,026 AND WE'RE OPEN ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP. 91 00:03:38,461 --> 00:03:40,029 [CHUCKLES] 92 00:03:40,029 --> 00:03:42,565 I'VE BEEN WAITING TWO YEARS TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT. 93 00:03:42,565 --> 00:03:43,533 [EXHALES DEEPLY] 94 00:03:43,533 --> 00:03:44,701 I'M EUPHORIC. 95 00:03:44,701 --> 00:03:46,102 ME TOO. 96 00:03:48,171 --> 00:03:53,042 MAY OUR SPIRITS ALIGN AS PERFECTLY AS OUR GENITALS. 97 00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:54,010 EW. 98 00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:55,545 AND I'M OFF SEX FOR GOOD. 99 00:03:55,545 --> 00:03:59,082 I LOVE THAT I-I NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO NEXT. 100 00:03:59,082 --> 00:04:01,050 THAT GUY CANNOT MAKE A BAD HAIR DECISION... 101 00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:04,020 ...AND THAT'S INSPIRED ME TO TRY THIS. 102 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:05,622 [GASPS] WHAT? 103 00:04:09,058 --> 00:04:13,062 ♪ CLOSE YOUR EYES, GIVE ME YOUR HAND ♪ 104 00:04:13,062 --> 00:04:17,066 OH, MY GOD. THIS GUY KNOWS HOW TO GET MARRIED. 105 00:04:17,066 --> 00:04:21,204 GOD, KATE, YOUR WEDDING MUST HAVE BEEN AMAZING. 106 00:04:21,204 --> 00:04:23,807 OH, ACTUALLY, WE DECIDED NOT TO HAVE A WEDDING. 107 00:04:23,807 --> 00:04:25,208 JUST LESS HASSLE, YOU KNOW? 108 00:04:25,208 --> 00:04:26,509 SO WE JUST ELOPED. 109 00:04:26,509 --> 00:04:28,178 YOU KNOW, IT WAS A SMALL CEREMONY. 110 00:04:28,178 --> 00:04:30,079 IT WAS, UH [CLEARS THROAT] -- IT WAS SWEET. IT WAS SWEET. 111 00:04:30,079 --> 00:04:32,081 THIS THE, UH, THE WINDOW IN THE HALLWAY 112 00:04:32,081 --> 00:04:33,449 AT THE COURTHOUSE WHERE THEY GOT MARRIED. 113 00:04:33,449 --> 00:04:34,717 THERE IT IS. 114 00:04:34,717 --> 00:04:36,452 WE HAD HUGE SANDWICHES AFTERWARDS, 115 00:04:36,452 --> 00:04:38,087 AND I SUCCESSFULLY CONTESTED A SPEEDING TICKET. 116 00:04:38,087 --> 00:04:40,156 [STAMMERS] W-WHERE'S THE ROMANCE? 117 00:04:40,156 --> 00:04:42,091 WE MADE OUT IN THE PARKING LOT. 118 00:04:42,091 --> 00:04:43,426 I MEAN, WE WERE GONNA GO ALL THE WAY, 119 00:04:43,426 --> 00:04:47,063 BUT WE WERE JUST SO FULL FROM THE SANDWICHES, SO...WE DIDN'T. 120 00:04:47,063 --> 00:04:53,503 ♪ IS THIS BURNING AN ETERNAL FLA-A-A-A-A-ME? ♪ 121 00:04:53,503 --> 00:04:56,172 I CAN'T. I CAN'T. 122 00:04:56,172 --> 00:04:58,341 I'M SO SORRY THAT I HAVE TO KICK YOU OUT 123 00:04:58,341 --> 00:05:02,078 SO SOON AFTER OUR FULL-VOLUME SEXTACULAR. 124 00:05:02,078 --> 00:05:03,146 BUWAH. 125 00:05:03,146 --> 00:05:04,113 OH, IT'S OKAY. 126 00:05:04,113 --> 00:05:06,282 OH, UM, HEY, YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO CARBO-LOAD, 127 00:05:06,282 --> 00:05:08,017 ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT I DID TO YOU THIS AFTERNOON. 128 00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,052 [BOTH LAUGH, DOOR OPENS] 129 00:05:09,052 --> 00:05:10,086 HEY, MOM. 130 00:05:10,086 --> 00:05:12,021 GUESS WHAT I LEARNED IN HEBREW SCHOOL. 131 00:05:12,021 --> 00:05:16,626 LORENZO GREENBAUM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SWEAR IN ITALIAN. 132 00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:17,694 WOW! 133 00:05:17,694 --> 00:05:19,395 WHO'S THIS MAN IN OUR HOUSE? 134 00:05:19,395 --> 00:05:21,397 OH, THIS [EXHALES SHARPLY] -- 135 00:05:21,397 --> 00:05:26,135 [CHUCKLING] THIS GUY IS THE BAGEL DELIVERY GUY. 136 00:05:28,438 --> 00:05:31,140 HERE YOU GO, MADAM. 137 00:05:31,140 --> 00:05:33,309 ONE SINGLE BAGEL. AH. 138 00:05:33,309 --> 00:05:36,746 NO BAG, NO NAPKIN, PER YOUR REQUEST. 139 00:05:36,746 --> 00:05:38,448 WHAT'S IN AN EVERYTHING BAGEL? 140 00:05:39,549 --> 00:05:41,618 WELL, UH... 141 00:05:41,618 --> 00:05:43,553 OKAY, WELL, I THINK IT'S TIME 142 00:05:43,553 --> 00:05:46,289 TO GET TO YOUR NEXT BAGEL DELIVERY. 143 00:05:46,289 --> 00:05:49,726 UH-HUH. YEAH. WELL, KEEP ME IN MIND FOR YOUR NEXT EVENT. 144 00:05:49,726 --> 00:05:52,495 WORD OF MOUTH IS OUR BREAD AND BUTTER. OKAY. 145 00:05:52,495 --> 00:05:54,063 [BOTH CHUCKLE] WHAT'S HAPPENING? 146 00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:57,133 ISN'T HE FANTASTIC? 147 00:05:58,368 --> 00:06:00,103 PETE: KATE? KATE. 148 00:06:00,103 --> 00:06:01,237 YEAH? 149 00:06:01,237 --> 00:06:02,305 WHERE YOU BEEN? 150 00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:05,141 I WAS OVER AT MEG'S. WELL, YOU MISSED A LOT. 151 00:06:05,141 --> 00:06:07,677 I GOT IN THIS BIG ARGUMENT WITH THE GOODWILL GUY. 152 00:06:07,677 --> 00:06:10,046 CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT THEY WOULD NOT TAKE THIS? 153 00:06:10,046 --> 00:06:12,081 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M LYING. 154 00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:13,383 [CHUCKLING] I LOVE THIS THING. 155 00:06:13,383 --> 00:06:16,352 I WANT TO KEEP IT. I THINK IT'S CLEVER. 156 00:06:16,352 --> 00:06:18,187 IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, WE -- WE CAN GET RID OF IT. 157 00:06:18,187 --> 00:06:19,689 NO, NO. NO, I DON'T CARE ABOUT IT. 158 00:06:19,689 --> 00:06:21,491 I MEAN, I HATE IT. 159 00:06:21,491 --> 00:06:24,661 I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THERE'S A SKIER IN OUR CLOSET, BUT -- [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY] 160 00:06:24,661 --> 00:06:26,262 DID YOU LIKE OUR WEDDING? 161 00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:28,598 YEAH, OF COURSE. 162 00:06:28,598 --> 00:06:32,135 REMEMBER, I GOT THAT GREAT PARKING SPACE? 163 00:06:32,135 --> 00:06:34,304 THEN WE HAD THOSE BIG SANDWICHES AT THAT PLACE THAT BURNED DOWN. 164 00:06:37,307 --> 00:06:40,276 I JUST WATCHED YOUR OLD WEDDING VIDEOS AND, UH, 165 00:06:40,276 --> 00:06:44,180 THEY WERE TERRIBLE AND BEAUTIFUL AND YOU WALTZED 166 00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:47,283 AND YOU PLAYED THE BONGOS, AND O.J. 167 00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:48,651 [CHUCKLES] 168 00:06:48,651 --> 00:06:51,754 I'M SO SORRY YOU SAW THAT... 169 00:06:51,754 --> 00:06:53,523 ESPECIALLY ME IN A GOATEE. 170 00:06:53,523 --> 00:06:56,125 BUT, HONESTLY... 171 00:06:56,125 --> 00:06:59,562 I WOULD TRADE BOTH OF THOSE DAYS FOR ONE NORMAL DAY WITH YOU. 172 00:07:01,030 --> 00:07:03,800 YEAH, I-I... 173 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,335 I LOVE OUR NORMAL DAYS. 174 00:07:07,203 --> 00:07:09,505 BUT IF I COULD GO BACK... 175 00:07:09,505 --> 00:07:12,108 I WOULDN'T MIND A REAL WEDDING. 176 00:07:13,776 --> 00:07:15,678 UGH, I'M BEING SUCH A GIRL. 177 00:07:15,678 --> 00:07:17,280 I'LL SEE YOU INSIDE. 178 00:07:21,050 --> 00:07:21,751 KATE... 179 00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:23,619 WILL YOU MARRY ME? 180 00:07:25,054 --> 00:07:27,423 AGAIN... 181 00:07:27,423 --> 00:07:29,025 IN FRONT OF PEOPLE? 182 00:07:29,025 --> 00:07:31,094 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 183 00:07:32,395 --> 00:07:35,164 [CHUCKLES] 184 00:07:35,164 --> 00:07:36,065 YES. 185 00:07:36,065 --> 00:07:37,367 [CHUCKLING] YES. 186 00:07:40,570 --> 00:07:42,605 OOH, WHOA, HELP ME UP. 187 00:07:42,605 --> 00:07:43,706 OH. [GRUNTS] 188 00:07:43,706 --> 00:07:45,208 YOU OKAY? I THINK I PULLED A HAMMY. 189 00:07:48,611 --> 00:07:51,280 WHO WOULD SPEND $200 ON A DRESS THEY'RE ONLY GONNA WEAR ONCE? 190 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,216 OH [BLEEP] ME. THAT'S JUST THE SHIPPING. 191 00:07:53,216 --> 00:07:54,684 WELL, IT IS ONLY -- [SINGSONG VOICE] BAH-BAH-BAH, HEY. 192 00:07:54,684 --> 00:07:56,686 COME HERE, COME HERE. I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING. 193 00:07:56,686 --> 00:07:58,421 THIS IS WHAT I WANT OUR WEDDING TO FEEL LIKE. 194 00:07:58,421 --> 00:08:04,227 ♪ YOU MAKE ME HAPPY EACH TIME I SEE YOU ♪ 195 00:08:04,227 --> 00:08:06,362 YOU WANT THE MUPPETS AT OUR WEDDING? 196 00:08:06,362 --> 00:08:07,730 NO, OF COURSE NOT. 197 00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:10,233 I JUST -- I LOVE THE SONG AND THE SPIRIT. YEAH. 198 00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:11,134 [CHUCKLES] 199 00:08:11,134 --> 00:08:12,301 I'M SO GLAD WE'RE DOING THIS. 200 00:08:12,301 --> 00:08:14,170 I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH SAY IN MY FIRST TWO WEDDINGS -- 201 00:08:14,170 --> 00:08:15,705 OR ANY SAY. 202 00:08:15,705 --> 00:08:17,673 DIANE WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME TALK THAT DAY. 203 00:08:17,673 --> 00:08:20,410 NOW I WANT TO INCORPORATE SOME OF MY IDEAS. 204 00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:22,612 I WANT TO HONOR MY SCOTTISH HERITAGE. 205 00:08:22,612 --> 00:08:24,180 YEAH. DIANE: HI, WE'RE HERE. 206 00:08:24,180 --> 00:08:25,281 HI! PETE: OH, YOU'RE HERE! 207 00:08:25,281 --> 00:08:26,482 HI! 208 00:08:26,482 --> 00:08:27,650 HEY. PETE: HEY, BERT! 209 00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:30,219 UH, KATE, A WORD, PLEASE. 210 00:08:31,554 --> 00:08:32,722 SINCE YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE 211 00:08:32,722 --> 00:08:35,558 WHO KNOWS ABOUT RUSS BRADLEY YOU-KNOW-WHO, 212 00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:38,361 I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT WE'VE DECIDED TO GO PUBLIC. 213 00:08:38,361 --> 00:08:41,197 THAT'S GREAT! PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT ME MID-THOUGHT. 214 00:08:41,197 --> 00:08:43,533 FIRST, WE'RE GOING PUBLIC TO THE PUBLIC, 215 00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:45,501 THEN TO FRIENDS, THEN TO FAMILY. 216 00:08:45,501 --> 00:08:49,305 AND SINCE YOU FALL IN SOME NEBULOUS GRAY AREA [CHUCKLES] 217 00:08:49,305 --> 00:08:51,307 I WANTED TO TELL YOU FIRST. 218 00:08:51,307 --> 00:08:53,409 WELL, THANK YOU, DIANE. THAT MEANS A LOT. 219 00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:55,178 IT WASN'T INTENDED TO. 220 00:08:55,178 --> 00:08:57,580 CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR REDUNDANT WEDDING. 221 00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:00,216 FAMILY MEETING, EVERYBODY! SIT! SIT! SIT! 222 00:09:00,216 --> 00:09:03,453 UH, WARREN, BERT, I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION. 223 00:09:04,554 --> 00:09:06,355 WILL YOU BE MY BEST MEN? 224 00:09:06,355 --> 00:09:09,392 THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE! 225 00:09:09,392 --> 00:09:10,793 PETE: ALL RIGHT! WARREN: BRING IT IN, BEST FRIENDS! 226 00:09:10,793 --> 00:09:12,628 MEG, HILLARY... 227 00:09:12,628 --> 00:09:14,163 WILL YOU BE MY MAIDS OF HONOR? 228 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,470 SINCE I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND, MAYBE IT'D BE BEST 229 00:09:20,470 --> 00:09:22,171 IF I JUST TOOK THE LEAD ON THIS. 230 00:09:22,171 --> 00:09:25,241 BUT SINCE I HAVE NEVER DECLARED BANKRUPTCY, 231 00:09:25,241 --> 00:09:28,277 IT MIGHT MAKE MORE SENSE FOR ME TO RUN POINT. 232 00:09:28,277 --> 00:09:30,680 OR YOU GUYS CAN WORK TOGETHER AS A TEAM. 233 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:31,747 [CHUCKLES] 234 00:09:36,085 --> 00:09:38,654 LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE JUST WON THE HUNGER GAMES. 235 00:09:38,654 --> 00:09:41,390 HA-HA. YOU AND YOUR FICTION. 236 00:09:41,390 --> 00:09:44,060 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE GONNA BE COMFORTABLE SHOOTING IN THAT SWEATER VEST? 237 00:09:44,060 --> 00:09:44,694 MMM. MMM. 238 00:09:44,694 --> 00:09:46,095 NOW, WHEN YOU TEXTED ME 239 00:09:46,095 --> 00:09:47,697 TO MEET YOU IN THE PARK FOR TARGET PRACTICE, 240 00:09:47,697 --> 00:09:49,065 I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING RANDY. 241 00:09:49,065 --> 00:09:50,066 OH. 242 00:09:50,066 --> 00:09:51,634 NOW MY HOMEMADE CRANBERRY SCONES 243 00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:52,735 SEEM OUT OF PLACE. 244 00:09:52,735 --> 00:09:54,704 WELL, I JUST THOUGHT 245 00:09:54,704 --> 00:09:57,607 THAT SINCE WE'RE NOT SNEAKING AROUND ANYMORE, 246 00:09:57,607 --> 00:10:00,143 THAT THIS WAS THE PERFECT SPOT FOR OUR FIRST DATE. 247 00:10:00,143 --> 00:10:03,546 MM-HMM. THIS IS WHERE I COME TO LET MY HAIR DOWN. 248 00:10:03,546 --> 00:10:04,747 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 249 00:10:04,747 --> 00:10:06,449 I-I'D OFFER TO JOIN YOU, 250 00:10:06,449 --> 00:10:09,685 BUT MY SOFT CHEESES SHOULD BE CONSUMED WITHIN THE HOUR. 251 00:10:09,685 --> 00:10:11,587 [CHUCKLING] RIGHT, OKAY. 252 00:10:11,587 --> 00:10:13,589 WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT WE CAN SALVAGE 253 00:10:13,589 --> 00:10:15,725 OF THE REST OF THIS DATE, 254 00:10:15,725 --> 00:10:18,594 AND MAYBE NEXT WEEKEND, WE CAN DO SOMETHING THAT WE BOTH ENJOY. 255 00:10:18,594 --> 00:10:20,163 LIKE THE OPERA. 256 00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:23,199 [GASPS] I CAN'T THINK OF A BETTER WAY TO SPEND SIX HOURS. 257 00:10:23,199 --> 00:10:25,101 I'LL GET US THE BEST SEATS IN THE HOUSE. 258 00:10:25,101 --> 00:10:26,536 FOURTH ROW. ORCHESTRA. UPPER LOGE. 259 00:10:27,303 --> 00:10:28,504 I HAD JUST ASSUMED YOU'D AGREE 260 00:10:28,504 --> 00:10:31,240 THAT ORCHESTRA SEATS PUT YOU RIGHT IN THE ACTION. 261 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,278 AND I JUST ASSUMED THAT YOU WOULD PREFER THE UPPER LOGE. 262 00:10:35,278 --> 00:10:37,713 I-IT'S LIKE WATCHING THE PLAY AS GOD. 263 00:10:37,713 --> 00:10:40,149 UH, SORRY. MEETING WENT LONG. 264 00:10:40,149 --> 00:10:41,350 HOW'S OUR LITTLE PROJECT GOING? 265 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,187 OH, NOT TO TOOT MY OWN BAGPIPES, BUT... 266 00:10:44,187 --> 00:10:45,588 I'D SAY FANTASTIC. 267 00:10:45,588 --> 00:10:47,623 [SCOTTISH ACCENT] ME LADS IN KILTS ON MY WEDDING DAY. 268 00:10:47,623 --> 00:10:49,692 IT'S EVERY SCOTTISH FATHER'S DREAM! 269 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:50,593 [GRUNTS] 270 00:10:50,593 --> 00:10:52,261 BAGEL BOY? 271 00:10:52,261 --> 00:10:53,596 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 272 00:10:53,596 --> 00:10:56,532 I...AM, UM... 273 00:10:56,532 --> 00:10:58,467 JUST MAKING ANOTHER DELIVERY. 274 00:10:58,467 --> 00:11:00,736 WHY'S A BAGEL GUY DELIVERING A HOLE PUNCHER? 275 00:11:02,405 --> 00:11:03,506 NICE KILTS! 276 00:11:03,506 --> 00:11:05,474 [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY] WHAT'S THE OCCASION? 277 00:11:05,474 --> 00:11:06,642 OH, MY DAD'S GETTING MARRIED AGAIN. 278 00:11:06,642 --> 00:11:09,312 BOY, I AM SO SORRY THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT WITH KATE. 279 00:11:09,312 --> 00:11:10,413 I MEAN, I GOT TO ADMIT, 280 00:11:10,413 --> 00:11:12,415 I CAN'T SAY IT WAS A TOTAL SURPRISE -- 281 00:11:12,415 --> 00:11:15,384 [NORMAL VOICE] KATE AND I ARE RENEWING OUR VOWS. 282 00:11:17,186 --> 00:11:18,588 CONGRATULATIONS! 283 00:11:18,588 --> 00:11:21,123 THAT'S A GREAT, GREAT JOB 284 00:11:21,123 --> 00:11:24,260 TO LOCK THAT UP AGAIN... ON YOUR...PART. 285 00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:26,095 OH, FUN. 286 00:11:26,095 --> 00:11:27,697 I AM NEVER WEARING PANTS AGAIN. 287 00:11:27,697 --> 00:11:29,765 OH, I THINK IT'S SO ROMANTIC 288 00:11:29,765 --> 00:11:31,701 YOU'RE OFFICIALLY CHANGING YOUR NAME BEFORE THE WEDDING. 289 00:11:31,701 --> 00:11:33,603 OH, WELL, I WANTED TO SURPRISE YOUR DAD 290 00:11:33,603 --> 00:11:34,637 BY BECOMING A REAL HARRISON. 291 00:11:34,637 --> 00:11:37,273 JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T GET ANY MORE WHITE... 292 00:11:37,273 --> 00:11:38,574 UM, MEG, EXCUSE ME. 293 00:11:38,574 --> 00:11:39,675 THE ADULTS ARE TALKING. 294 00:11:39,675 --> 00:11:43,045 SO, KATE, I'VE BOOKED OUR BRIDAL SHOWER 295 00:11:43,045 --> 00:11:45,381 FOR HIGH TEA AT THE MONTAGE LAGUNA. 296 00:11:45,381 --> 00:11:47,617 FINGER SANDWICHES WHILE OVERLOOKING THE OCEAN. 297 00:11:47,617 --> 00:11:51,420 OOH, MEG, HAVE YOU DONE ANYTHING WITH THE BRIDAL SHOWER? 298 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:53,022 YES, I HAVE, DORKATRON. 299 00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:56,659 I SEE YOUR HIGH TEA AND RAISE YOU... 300 00:11:56,659 --> 00:11:58,494 THIS BAG OF NOVELTY PENISES. 301 00:11:58,494 --> 00:11:59,729 [VIBRATING] OH. 302 00:11:59,729 --> 00:12:01,764 MAN: KATHERINE...WALRUS? 303 00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:02,732 YEAH. 304 00:12:02,732 --> 00:12:04,166 YEP, YEP. COMING. 305 00:12:04,166 --> 00:12:06,302 HI. 306 00:12:06,302 --> 00:12:07,737 MS. WALRUS. 307 00:12:07,737 --> 00:12:08,537 "VALROOS." 308 00:12:08,537 --> 00:12:09,639 OH. 309 00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:11,807 WE RECEIVED YOUR REQUEST, 310 00:12:11,807 --> 00:12:13,676 AND WE CAN'T GRANT YOU A NAME CHANGE 311 00:12:13,676 --> 00:12:16,646 FROM YOUR...ZOO-ANIMAL NAME TO A NORMAL NAME. 312 00:12:16,646 --> 00:12:19,682 ACCORDING TO OUR RECORDS, YOU'RE IN THE COUNTRY ILLEGALLY. 313 00:12:19,682 --> 00:12:22,018 [CHUCKLING] WHAT? THAT'S CRAZY. NO, NO. 314 00:12:22,018 --> 00:12:23,586 I-I FILED FOR PERMANENT RESIDENCY 315 00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:25,054 WHEN I GOT MARRIED A YEAR AGO. 316 00:12:25,054 --> 00:12:26,589 OH, CONGRATULATIONS. 317 00:12:26,589 --> 00:12:30,226 AN I.N.S. INTERVIEW WILL BE SCHEDULED FOR YOU IMMEDIATELY. 318 00:12:30,226 --> 00:12:31,727 YOU'LL NEED TO PROVE THE LEGITIMACY OF YOUR MARRIAGE 319 00:12:31,727 --> 00:12:33,095 TO STAY IN THE COUNTRY. 320 00:12:33,095 --> 00:12:35,698 IF YOU FAIL THE INTERVIEW, YOU'LL BE DEPORTED. 321 00:12:35,698 --> 00:12:36,565 DEPORTED? 322 00:12:36,565 --> 00:12:38,701 BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN DONE ANYTHING WRONG. 323 00:12:41,437 --> 00:12:43,673 I GOOGLED STEVE'S BUSINESS, 324 00:12:43,673 --> 00:12:45,574 AND BAGEL BOY IS NOT A DELIVERY SERVICE. 325 00:12:45,574 --> 00:12:48,778 HE'S A DEEJAY FOR BAR MITZVAHS. 326 00:12:48,778 --> 00:12:53,549 WE'RE EATING STOLEN BAGELS FROM BAR MITZVAHS! 327 00:12:53,549 --> 00:12:54,684 YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 328 00:12:54,684 --> 00:12:57,486 STEVE -- HE'S NOT A BAGEL DELIVERY GUY. 329 00:12:57,486 --> 00:13:00,489 I JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THAT STEVE AND I ARE -- 330 00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:01,324 WE'RE DATING. 331 00:13:01,324 --> 00:13:02,458 DATING?! 332 00:13:05,394 --> 00:13:06,329 OH! 333 00:13:06,329 --> 00:13:07,663 BERT DOWN. 334 00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:10,032 [CELLPHONE RINGING] 335 00:13:10,032 --> 00:13:12,134 [CELLPHONE CLICKS] [SIGHS] 336 00:13:12,134 --> 00:13:14,570 HI, DIANE. WHATEVER IT IS, I'M SORRY I DID IT WRONG. 337 00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:15,504 HE HASN'T CALLED. 338 00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,273 WHO? RUSS BRADLEY. 339 00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:19,241 BECAUSE I SPRUNG ARCHERY ON US 340 00:13:19,241 --> 00:13:20,710 AS IF IT WAS AS COMMON AS FENCING. 341 00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:22,311 I'M JUST A LITTLE BIT WORRIED 342 00:13:22,311 --> 00:13:25,715 THAT MAYBE WE'RE NOT THE PERFECT MATCH THAT I THOUGHT WE WERE. 343 00:13:25,715 --> 00:13:27,616 WHY? BECAUSE YOU HAD ONE AWKWARD DATE? 344 00:13:27,616 --> 00:13:29,385 I'M PROUD OF YOU FOR PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE. 345 00:13:29,385 --> 00:13:30,786 THAT'S A BIG DEAL. 346 00:13:30,786 --> 00:13:33,089 KATE, I DON'T EVEN REALLY CARE ABOUT RUSS. 347 00:13:33,089 --> 00:13:34,423 I MEAN, THE ONLY REASON I WAS TELLING YOU 348 00:13:34,423 --> 00:13:37,326 IS BECAUSE I KNOW HOW OBSESSED YOU ARE WITH GOSSIP. 349 00:13:37,326 --> 00:13:40,062 SO, YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST -- GET BACK TO YOUR "TMZ." 350 00:13:40,062 --> 00:13:41,430 WHA--? 351 00:13:43,599 --> 00:13:46,135 WHAT'S WITH THE LAST-MINUTE REDECORATING? 352 00:13:46,135 --> 00:13:47,503 IT'S FOR THE I.N.S. INTERVIEW. 353 00:13:47,503 --> 00:13:48,804 I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE'RE MARRIED. 354 00:13:48,804 --> 00:13:51,674 THEY'RE GONNA GRILL US LIKE IT'S THE NEWLYWED GAME, 355 00:13:51,674 --> 00:13:53,409 AND THE CONSOLATION PRIZE IS CANADA. 356 00:13:53,409 --> 00:13:55,211 IS THAT WHY YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE A COUNSELOR AT A FAT CAMP? 357 00:13:55,211 --> 00:13:58,180 THIS IS A REGULAR GUY WHO DOES NOT HAVE TWO EX-WIVES 358 00:13:58,180 --> 00:14:00,182 AND A HOT, YOUNG WIFE THAT HE BOUGHT ON THE INTERNET. 359 00:14:00,182 --> 00:14:02,017 YEP, RIGHT. 360 00:14:02,017 --> 00:14:03,619 TRICK THE GOVERNMENT WITH COSTUMES. 361 00:14:04,653 --> 00:14:06,589 AND THE RESULTS ARE IN. [EXHALES DEEPLY] 362 00:14:06,589 --> 00:14:08,691 LET'S SEE WHAT OUR FAMILY TARTAN IS. 363 00:14:08,691 --> 00:14:10,059 [COMPUTER BEEPS] 364 00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:11,394 IT SAYS WE'RE FLEMISH. 365 00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:14,330 WHERE IN SCOTLAND IS FLEM? 366 00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:16,165 [SCOFFS] BELGIUM, BRAVEHEART. 367 00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:17,633 WE'RE FROM BELGIUM?! 368 00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:20,336 WELL, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL DAD? 369 00:14:20,336 --> 00:14:22,571 I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW. IT'LL CRUSH HIM. 370 00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:24,240 THE MEN GET MARRIED IN PANTS THERE! 371 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:25,674 HEY, GUYS. HOW'S IT GOING? 372 00:14:25,674 --> 00:14:28,177 STILL SCOTTISH. NOTHING'S CHANGED THERE. 373 00:14:28,177 --> 00:14:29,078 HILLARY: [CHUCKLING] YEAH. 374 00:14:29,078 --> 00:14:30,613 [DOORBELL RINGS] 375 00:14:30,613 --> 00:14:33,682 OKAY, THAT'S THE I.N.S. THEY'RE PROBABLY NOT GONNA ASK YOU ANYTHING, 376 00:14:33,682 --> 00:14:35,651 BUT IF THEY DO, JUST SAY OVER AND OVER AGAIN, 377 00:14:35,651 --> 00:14:37,787 "I CAN'T RECALL, CAN'T RECALL, CAN'T RECALL." 378 00:14:37,787 --> 00:14:40,189 [SCOTTISH ACCENT] OH, AND, FATHER... 379 00:14:40,189 --> 00:14:41,457 REMEMBER... 380 00:14:41,457 --> 00:14:43,092 THEY MAY TAKE YOUR LIFE, 381 00:14:43,092 --> 00:14:46,262 BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE YOUR FREEDOM! 382 00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:49,365 I WANT YOU TO WASH YOUR FACE 383 00:14:49,365 --> 00:14:51,300 AND GO SIT QUIETLY IN THE GARAGE. 384 00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:54,437 HI. I'M AGENT DAWN JOHANSEN FROM I.N.S. 385 00:14:54,437 --> 00:14:55,504 ARE YOU PETER HARRISON? 386 00:14:55,504 --> 00:14:56,672 YES, I AM. PLEASE COME IN. 387 00:14:56,672 --> 00:14:58,607 IS YOUR WIFE AVAILABLE? UH... 388 00:14:58,607 --> 00:15:01,377 HOW DO! SO SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING. 389 00:15:01,377 --> 00:15:03,078 I WAS JUST DOING A LITTLE LAUNDRY. UGH. 390 00:15:03,078 --> 00:15:04,346 COME ON IN. 391 00:15:04,346 --> 00:15:05,614 LET'S JUST HOPE THE BIG GAME'S NOT ON, 392 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:09,452 OR THIS ONE'S GONNA DISAPPEAR IN THE MAN CAVE ALL DAY. UGH. 393 00:15:09,452 --> 00:15:11,754 SOMETIMES IT JUST FEELS LIKE WE'VE BEEN MARRIED FOREVER. 394 00:15:11,754 --> 00:15:13,522 [CHUCKLES] 395 00:15:13,522 --> 00:15:14,557 OH. 396 00:15:14,557 --> 00:15:16,225 BIGGER, KATE. SHE'S NOT BUYING IT. 397 00:15:19,328 --> 00:15:21,130 REMEMBER, IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO A QUESTION, 398 00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:22,164 PLEASE JUST SIMPLY SAY, "I DON'T KNOW." 399 00:15:22,164 --> 00:15:24,667 HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING WITH THE ALIEN? 400 00:15:24,667 --> 00:15:28,237 I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH MY WIFE FOR OVER A YEAR. 401 00:15:28,237 --> 00:15:29,705 [ROBOTIC VOICE] ONE EARTH YEAR. 402 00:15:29,705 --> 00:15:31,240 [LAUGHS] 403 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,209 TALKING JUST TO TALK. [CLEARS THROAT] 404 00:15:33,209 --> 00:15:34,577 WHAT SIDE OF THE BED DO YOU SLEEP ON? 405 00:15:34,577 --> 00:15:35,644 LEFT. LEFT. 406 00:15:36,479 --> 00:15:38,681 W-WE SPOON. A LOT. LOVE THAT. 407 00:15:38,681 --> 00:15:42,218 MM-HMM. WHAT IS THE AMOUNT OF YOUR HUSBAND'S WEEKLY PAYCHECK? 408 00:15:42,218 --> 00:15:43,719 $800. 409 00:15:43,719 --> 00:15:45,754 [GRUNTS] $800,000. 410 00:15:45,754 --> 00:15:47,056 [SIGHS] IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, 411 00:15:47,056 --> 00:15:48,157 PLEASE JUST SAY, "I DON'T KNOW." 412 00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:50,226 I DON'T KNOW. 413 00:15:50,226 --> 00:15:51,327 SIR, IS YOUR MICROWAVE STATIONARY 414 00:15:51,327 --> 00:15:52,761 OR DOES IT HAVE A REVOLVING PLATE? 415 00:15:52,761 --> 00:15:54,096 I DON'T KNOW. 416 00:15:54,096 --> 00:15:55,798 HA! ALL TIED UP. [CHUCKLES] 417 00:15:55,798 --> 00:15:57,199 [DOORBELL RINGS] 418 00:15:59,101 --> 00:16:00,603 UGH. YOU AGAIN. 419 00:16:00,603 --> 00:16:03,472 OH, BERT, I W-- I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO OPEN THE DOOR. 420 00:16:03,472 --> 00:16:05,441 I'M ALLOWED TO OPEN THE DOOR UNTIL 6:00. 421 00:16:05,441 --> 00:16:07,743 YOU LOOK WELL. THANK YOU. 422 00:16:07,743 --> 00:16:09,044 AS YOU CAN SEE, 423 00:16:09,044 --> 00:16:12,147 WE HAVE A BOWL OF BUTTERSCOTCHES BY THE DOOR FOR THE GUESTS, 424 00:16:12,147 --> 00:16:14,550 BUT I AM NOT GIVING YOU ONE. 425 00:16:17,419 --> 00:16:20,289 YOU KNOW, FOR A LONG TIME, PEOPLE CALLED ME "SAD STEVE." 426 00:16:20,289 --> 00:16:23,325 BUT EVER SINCE I MET YOUR MOM, 427 00:16:23,325 --> 00:16:27,463 I'VE BEEN SO HAPPY, NOW PEOPLE CALL ME "STEVE." 428 00:16:27,463 --> 00:16:28,397 JUST "STEVE." 429 00:16:33,402 --> 00:16:36,205 I'M SORRY YOUR LIFE HAS BEEN SO SAD. 430 00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:38,607 MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A FISH. 431 00:16:38,607 --> 00:16:40,142 GOODBYE! 432 00:16:41,744 --> 00:16:43,612 MA'AM, WHERE IS YOUR BATHROOM? 433 00:16:43,612 --> 00:16:45,114 OH, I KNOW THIS ONE. 434 00:16:45,114 --> 00:16:46,749 THERE'S ONE DOWN THE HALL AND ONE THROUGH THE BEDROOM. 435 00:16:46,749 --> 00:16:47,716 BOOM! WRITE IT DOWN. 436 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,552 I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM. 437 00:16:49,552 --> 00:16:51,120 THAT WASN'T AN OFFICIAL QUESTION. 438 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,054 I STILL NAILED IT. 439 00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,088 [BOTH LAUGH] 440 00:16:54,690 --> 00:16:56,025 OH, MY GOD! 441 00:16:56,025 --> 00:16:58,160 PETE, WE ARE SO FAILING THIS TEST, 442 00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,428 AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT. 443 00:16:59,428 --> 00:17:00,663 WHY DID I EVEN WANT A STUPID WEDDING? 444 00:17:00,663 --> 00:17:02,131 NOW I'M GONNA GET DEPORTED BACK TO CANADA, 445 00:17:02,131 --> 00:17:03,232 YOU'RE GONNA GO TO PRISON, 446 00:17:03,232 --> 00:17:04,333 WE'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE A WEDDING VIDEO, 447 00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:05,568 AND YOUR FOURTH WIFE 448 00:17:05,568 --> 00:17:08,070 IS NEVER EVEN GONNA KNOW THAT I EXISTED. 449 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,639 STEVE: I DIDN'T ASK HIM ABOUT HIMSELF, I DIDN'T COMPLIMENT HIM. 450 00:17:10,639 --> 00:17:13,342 THEN HE GAVE ME BUTTERSCOTCHES, AND I BLEW IT. 451 00:17:13,342 --> 00:17:15,110 YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT HELP YOU FEEL BETTER? 452 00:17:15,711 --> 00:17:17,212 COMPLIMENTING MY BRAID. 453 00:17:17,212 --> 00:17:18,614 IS THAT YOUR CAR? 454 00:17:18,614 --> 00:17:20,482 OH, WHAT DO I SAY? 455 00:17:20,482 --> 00:17:22,551 WELL, YOU MIGHT SAY SOMETHING LIKE, 456 00:17:22,551 --> 00:17:24,186 "WOW, JACKIE, I HAVEN'T SEEN A BRAID" -- 457 00:17:24,186 --> 00:17:27,189 OH, ABOUT BERT. UM, SAY WHATEVER. 458 00:17:27,189 --> 00:17:28,524 CAN I GET IN? 459 00:17:28,524 --> 00:17:30,526 UH, YEAH. YEAH, SURE. 460 00:17:30,526 --> 00:17:32,161 WHAT DOES THIS DO? 461 00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:33,195 UH... 462 00:17:33,195 --> 00:17:36,098 UH, THAT PUTS THE TOP UP. YOU WANT TO PUSH IT? 463 00:17:36,098 --> 00:17:37,199 SURE. ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD. 464 00:17:38,634 --> 00:17:40,169 OH, AWESOME! 465 00:17:40,169 --> 00:17:42,137 STEVE: RIGHT? JACKIE: YEAH! LIKE MY BRAID. 466 00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:44,039 WHAT DOES THIS DO? 467 00:17:44,039 --> 00:17:45,274 OH, THAT IS A, UH, CUP HOLDER. 468 00:17:45,274 --> 00:17:47,076 WHAT, YOU NEVER BEEN IN A CAR BEFORE? 469 00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:48,577 [CHUCKLES] 470 00:17:48,577 --> 00:17:50,045 TOO -- TOO SOON? 471 00:17:50,045 --> 00:17:51,714 [CLEARS THROAT] YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM US SHORTLY. 472 00:17:51,714 --> 00:17:52,748 [SIGHS] WE FAILED, DIDN'T WE? 473 00:17:52,748 --> 00:17:54,249 DON'T MIND ME. 474 00:17:54,249 --> 00:17:58,721 I JUST REALIZED THAT PETER AND I NEVER SEPARATED OUR NOVA DVDS 475 00:17:58,721 --> 00:18:01,557 AFTER THE DIVORCE, SO I'D LIKE TO DO IT NOW. 476 00:18:01,557 --> 00:18:03,292 OKAY, DIANE, NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME. 477 00:18:04,426 --> 00:18:06,261 WAIT. IS EVERYTHING OKAY? ARE YOU CHEWING GUM? 478 00:18:06,261 --> 00:18:08,330 NO. [SMACKS LIPS] I'M NOT CHEWING GUM. 479 00:18:08,330 --> 00:18:10,099 [SWALLOWS] I HAD A GREAT DAY. 480 00:18:10,099 --> 00:18:13,102 UH, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF ANYBODY WANTED TO GET SOME PIZZA 481 00:18:13,102 --> 00:18:15,070 OR MAYBE SHARE SOME ICE CREAM. 482 00:18:15,070 --> 00:18:16,105 I'M SORRY. WHO'S THIS? 483 00:18:16,105 --> 00:18:17,139 THAT'S MY EX-WIFE. 484 00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,474 JACKIE: GUESS WHAT, PEOPLE? 485 00:18:18,474 --> 00:18:22,144 THE BAGEL BOY'S NOT JUST "THE BAGEL BOY" ANYMORE, 486 00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:24,246 SO WE BROUGHT SOME BAGELS TO CELEBRATE, Y'ALL. 487 00:18:24,246 --> 00:18:26,682 WE'RE OFFICIALLY A THREESOME! 488 00:18:26,682 --> 00:18:29,585 AND THIS IS...? PETE: THAT'S MY OTHER EX-WIFE. 489 00:18:29,585 --> 00:18:32,588 YOU KNOW, THESE TWO DO NOT NEED GREEN CARDS. 490 00:18:32,588 --> 00:18:33,589 THEY'RE BOTH AMERICAN. 491 00:18:33,589 --> 00:18:35,758 TECHNICALLY, I WAS BORN ON A RESERVATION. 492 00:18:35,758 --> 00:18:38,060 AND I'M FROM CHINA! 493 00:18:38,060 --> 00:18:40,129 BERT, WHY DON'T YOU GO SEE WARREN IN THE GARAGE. 494 00:18:40,129 --> 00:18:42,064 I'M AFRAID OF THE GARAGE. 495 00:18:42,064 --> 00:18:44,433 DAD, OUR WHOLE LIVES HAVE BEEN A LIE. 496 00:18:44,433 --> 00:18:46,735 [CHUCKLES] HI. 497 00:18:46,735 --> 00:18:48,404 UH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 498 00:18:48,404 --> 00:18:50,172 WE'RE BELGIAN, DAD. BELGIAN. 499 00:18:50,172 --> 00:18:51,607 WE NEED TO EIGHTY-SIX THE KILTS. 500 00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:54,076 PETE: UH... HILLARY, I CALLED THE HOTEL. 501 00:18:54,076 --> 00:18:56,111 THEY WON'T LET US PLAY "PIN THE JUNK ON THE HUNK," 502 00:18:56,111 --> 00:18:58,347 SO I THINK YOU SHOULD DO THE RIGHT THING 503 00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:00,082 AND RESIGN FROM YOUR POSITION AS CO-MAID OF HONOR. 504 00:19:00,082 --> 00:19:02,151 SIR, EXACTLY HOW MANY WOMEN ARE LIVING HERE? 505 00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:03,385 HOW MANY FEMALES LIVE HERE? TWO. 506 00:19:03,385 --> 00:19:05,087 [ALL TALKING] KATE, DID YOU HEAR THAT? 507 00:19:05,087 --> 00:19:07,456 WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW? ARE WE SCOTTISH OR NOT?! 508 00:19:07,456 --> 00:19:09,191 IT'S NOT A CRIME. HEY! LOOK! STOP! 509 00:19:10,092 --> 00:19:12,795 HILLARY, YOU LOVE TO BOSS PEOPLE AROUND. OH, I DO. 510 00:19:12,795 --> 00:19:15,064 YOU'RE GONNA TAKE CARE OF THE LOGISTICS OF THE WEDDING. 511 00:19:15,064 --> 00:19:16,298 MEG, YOU HATE RESPONSIBILITY. I DO. 512 00:19:16,298 --> 00:19:17,599 YOU TAKE CARE OF DEBAUCHERY. 513 00:19:17,599 --> 00:19:19,702 TOGETHER, YOU MAKE ONE PERFECT MAID OF HONOR. BOOM. 514 00:19:19,702 --> 00:19:22,171 WARREN, OUR BLOOD MAY BE BELGIAN, 515 00:19:22,171 --> 00:19:25,040 BUT OUR LEGS BELONG IN THE SCOTTISH ISLANDS. 516 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,209 WE ARE GONNA ROCK THOSE KILTS, BABY. 517 00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,111 YES! I'M GONNA GO TAKE MY PANTS OFF. 518 00:19:29,111 --> 00:19:33,148 AND, DIANE, DON'T WAIT FOR YOUR...PATIENT TO CALL YOU. 519 00:19:33,148 --> 00:19:36,185 CALL HIM, BECAUSE YOU ARE DR. DIANE BUCKLEY. 520 00:19:36,185 --> 00:19:38,654 YEAH. TEAM DIANE! WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? 521 00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:41,423 THANK YOU. [CLEARS THROAT] THAT'S VERY GOOD ADVICE, KATE. 522 00:19:41,423 --> 00:19:42,491 UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE. 523 00:19:42,491 --> 00:19:44,193 WELL, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH. 524 00:19:45,394 --> 00:19:49,198 THIS IS CLEARLY NOT A MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE... 525 00:19:50,599 --> 00:19:52,601 ...BECAUSE NOTHING ABOUT IT IS CONVENIENT. 526 00:19:52,601 --> 00:19:54,770 MA'AM, I CONGRATULATE YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. 527 00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:56,672 YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET DEPORTED! 528 00:19:56,672 --> 00:19:58,140 [SINGSONG VOICE] WE'RE GONNA HAVE A WEDDING! 529 00:19:58,140 --> 00:20:00,509 WHOO! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A WEDDING! 530 00:20:00,509 --> 00:20:02,044 GONNA HAVE A WEDDING! GONNA HAVE A WEDDING! 531 00:20:02,044 --> 00:20:03,112 PSST! PSST! PSST! WE'RE GONNA HAVE A WE-- 532 00:20:03,112 --> 00:20:04,179 KATE. SHH-SHH. 533 00:20:04,179 --> 00:20:07,316 UM, HI [CLEARS THROAT] RUSS. IT'S DIANE. 534 00:20:07,316 --> 00:20:10,352 OH, YOU HADN'T CALLED FOR A LITTLE WHILE, SO I WAS JUST -- 535 00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:13,489 OH, I SEE. 536 00:20:13,489 --> 00:20:16,058 HE'S ORDERED US TWO TICKETS FOR THE OPERA 537 00:20:16,058 --> 00:20:17,292 ON THE MEZZANINE LEVEL. 538 00:20:17,292 --> 00:20:18,427 BE COOL. 539 00:20:18,427 --> 00:20:22,264 UM...THAT WOULD BE A LOVELY...COMPROMISE. 540 00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,233 OKAY. YOU KNOW, FOR AN IMMIGRANT, 541 00:20:24,233 --> 00:20:25,801 YOU GIVE VERY GOOD ADVICE. 542 00:20:25,801 --> 00:20:27,102 THANK YOU. 543 00:20:27,102 --> 00:20:29,638 EVERYONE, I AM OFFICIALLY DATING... 544 00:20:29,638 --> 00:20:31,774 RUSS BRADLEY MORRISON. 545 00:20:31,774 --> 00:20:34,243 YOU'RE DATING BRADY ROSS' DAD? 546 00:20:34,243 --> 00:20:36,478 [LAUGHING] AWESOME! I FINALLY HAVE MY IN! 547 00:20:36,478 --> 00:20:40,315 DIANE: YEAH, COME SEE! HE CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU GUYS. 548 00:20:40,315 --> 00:20:42,684 JACKIE: EVERYBODY, HAVE A BAGEL! 549 00:20:46,488 --> 00:20:48,157 I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO MEET MY MOM. 550 00:20:48,157 --> 00:20:49,324 I MEAN, SHE IS CRAZY, LIKE I SAID, BUT FUN, 551 00:20:49,324 --> 00:20:51,260 BUT -- BUT CUCKOO. IT'S GONNA BE GREAT. 552 00:20:52,261 --> 00:20:53,629 [GASPS] 553 00:20:53,629 --> 00:20:55,330 KATIE! 554 00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,198 THAT'S HER! 555 00:20:56,198 --> 00:20:58,267 MOM, WHAT DID YOU DO? 556 00:20:58,267 --> 00:20:59,301 OH, NOTHING. 557 00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:01,303 I MEAN, I JUST BARELY GROPED HIM. 558 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,205 I JUST KIND OF GAVE HIM A BUTT PINCH 559 00:21:03,205 --> 00:21:04,339 WHEN HE GAVE ME ANOTHER BOTTLE OF VODKA. 560 00:21:04,339 --> 00:21:06,175 YOU KNOW, I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN -- 561 00:21:06,175 --> 00:21:08,043 THEY NEVER SHOULD'VE LET MEN BECOME STEWARDESSES. 562 00:21:08,043 --> 00:21:10,179 IT IS JUST TOO MUCH TEMPTATION. 563 00:21:10,179 --> 00:21:13,782 OH, MY GOD. LOOK AT YOU. I JUST WANT TO EAT YOU UP! 564 00:21:13,782 --> 00:21:15,551 BUT FIRST, I KIND OF NEED YOU TO PAY MY BAIL. 565 00:21:15,551 --> 00:21:18,253 IT IS SO NICE TO MEET YOU! I'M CRICKET! 566 00:21:18,253 --> 00:21:19,655 MMM-MWAH! 567 00:21:19,655 --> 00:21:21,256 JIMMY, COME ON! 568 00:21:23,225 --> 00:21:24,660 WHAT JUST HAPPENED?