1 00:00:00,260 --> 00:00:03,048 ♪ AND MANY MORE ♪ 2 00:00:03,048 --> 00:00:04,317 WHOO! [ LAUGHS ] 3 00:00:04,317 --> 00:00:06,002 WHOO! THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 4 00:00:06,002 --> 00:00:08,239 AND NOW MY BIRTHDAY IS OVER. 5 00:00:08,239 --> 00:00:10,277 EVEN THOUGH YOUR BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW 6 00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:11,913 AND THIS TRADITION IS WEIRD. 7 00:00:11,913 --> 00:00:13,683 EARLY ON IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, 8 00:00:13,683 --> 00:00:16,021 I TOLD YOU ABOUT ALL THE SKELETONS IN MY CLOSET. 9 00:00:16,021 --> 00:00:19,728 I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWICE, I HAVE THREE CHILDREN... 10 00:00:19,728 --> 00:00:21,198 ADORABLE CHILDREN. 11 00:00:21,198 --> 00:00:24,804 ...MY GRANDFATHER WAS A HORSE THIEF, AND I HATE MY BIRTHDAY. 12 00:00:24,804 --> 00:00:26,641 NOBODY LIKES GETTING OLDER. 13 00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:28,245 NO, IF ONLY IT WAS THAT SIMPLE, 14 00:00:28,245 --> 00:00:30,181 BECAUSE MY BIRTHDAY IS... 15 00:00:30,181 --> 00:00:31,785 TOGETHER: CURSED! 16 00:00:31,785 --> 00:00:33,020 THIS IS SUCH BULL... 17 00:00:33,822 --> 00:00:35,793 ...POO. [ GASPS ] 18 00:00:35,793 --> 00:00:37,062 I HAVE PROOF. 19 00:00:37,062 --> 00:00:39,299 SOMETHING TERRIBLE ALWAYS HAPPENS ON MY BIRTHDAY. 20 00:00:39,299 --> 00:00:41,103 WHEN I WAS 7, I BROKE MY ARM. 21 00:00:41,103 --> 00:00:42,639 WHEN I WAS 24, 22 00:00:42,639 --> 00:00:45,077 I SOLD ALL MY APPLE SHARES SO I COULD BUY A BOWFLEX. 23 00:00:45,077 --> 00:00:47,649 GO AHEAD. PICK A NUMBER, ANY NUMBER. 24 00:00:47,649 --> 00:00:48,684 36. 25 00:00:48,684 --> 00:00:51,623 MUGGED ON AN AIRPORT SUPER SHUTTLE. 26 00:00:51,623 --> 00:00:53,827 8. FELL OFF A CRUISE SHIP. 27 00:00:53,827 --> 00:00:54,997 UH, 92. 28 00:00:54,997 --> 00:00:57,668 OKAY, YOU CLEARLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS GAME. 29 00:00:57,668 --> 00:01:00,139 TRUST ME, SOMETHING ALWAYS GOES WRONG. 30 00:01:00,139 --> 00:01:02,845 THAT'S WHY NOW WE CELEBRATE THE NIGHT BEFORE. 31 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,982 A LITTLE CAKE, A LITTLE SINGING -- DONE. 32 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:06,753 17. 33 00:01:06,753 --> 00:01:09,624 COULDN'T TELL YOU. I WAS IN A COMA. 34 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:16,705 ♪♪♪ 35 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:24,853 [ DOG BARKING ] 36 00:01:24,853 --> 00:01:26,791 [ HUMMING ] 37 00:01:26,791 --> 00:01:28,328 OH, HEY! 38 00:01:28,328 --> 00:01:30,732 BEFORE YOU GO, I JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU 39 00:01:30,732 --> 00:01:34,105 A VERY, VERY HAPPY... TUESDAY. 40 00:01:34,105 --> 00:01:35,875 YOU GET IT, AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT. 41 00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:37,078 MM! MM! 42 00:01:37,078 --> 00:01:39,749 BYE. 43 00:01:44,124 --> 00:01:46,028 OKAY, HE'S GONE. YOU GOT THE GOODS? 44 00:01:46,028 --> 00:01:47,632 YEAH. 45 00:01:47,632 --> 00:01:49,802 AND I GOT PETE'S BIRTHDAY GIFT. 46 00:01:49,802 --> 00:01:52,407 I GOT HIM SOME STUFF TO EASE THE TRANSITION 47 00:01:52,407 --> 00:01:55,280 INTO HIS GOLDEN YEARS -- SOME ADULT DIAPERS, 48 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,751 SOME DENTURE CREAM AND METAMUCIL. 49 00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:58,786 HA HA HA. 50 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,155 MEG, HE'S 50, NOT 70, OKAY? 51 00:02:00,155 --> 00:02:01,659 TAKE IT AWAY. 52 00:02:01,659 --> 00:02:03,395 OH, ACTUALLY, WE CAN USE THIS NON-SLIP SHOWER MAT. 53 00:02:03,395 --> 00:02:04,798 SEE? 54 00:02:04,798 --> 00:02:06,334 OH! THANKS FOR THIS. 55 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,206 WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CLOAK AND DAGGER? 56 00:02:09,206 --> 00:02:11,176 UM, PETE THINKS HIS BIRTHDAY IS CURSED 57 00:02:11,176 --> 00:02:12,980 AND WON'T LET ME DO ANYTHING NICE, 58 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:14,650 SO IT HAS TO BE A SURPRISE. 59 00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:16,253 WELL, GO EASY ON THE SURPRISE, 60 00:02:16,253 --> 00:02:18,190 YOU KNOW, FOR HIS -- FOR HIS TICKER. 61 00:02:18,190 --> 00:02:19,225 MEG, STOP IT. 62 00:02:19,225 --> 00:02:21,096 50 IS THE NEW 40 AND 40 IS THE NEW 30 63 00:02:21,096 --> 00:02:23,067 AND I'M 30 SO BASICALLY WE'RE BOTH 30. 64 00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:25,203 I HAVE AN AWESOME DAY PLANNED FOR US 65 00:02:25,203 --> 00:02:27,107 FULL OF FUN, YOUNG, SEXY STUFF. 66 00:02:27,107 --> 00:02:28,276 WOW. OKAY. 67 00:02:28,276 --> 00:02:30,280 SOMEBODY'S DEFENSIVE. 68 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,821 I WILL JUST DO MY GROCERY SHOPPING AND SAY MY GOODBYES. 69 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,890 FINE. 70 00:02:35,890 --> 00:02:39,264 WE'RE YOUNG AND COOL, MEG. 71 00:02:39,264 --> 00:02:40,300 YEP. 72 00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:41,802 OH, YOU'RE ALMOST OUT OF EGGS. 73 00:02:41,802 --> 00:02:44,107 YOU'RE OUT OF EGGS. 74 00:02:46,411 --> 00:02:48,815 HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY? 75 00:02:48,815 --> 00:02:50,719 WHY? ARE YOU A DOCTOR? 76 00:02:50,719 --> 00:02:53,725 NO. BUT I'VE SEEN EVERY EPISODE OF "HOUSE." 77 00:02:53,725 --> 00:02:55,696 [ DOOR OPENS ] 78 00:02:55,696 --> 00:02:56,798 OH. 79 00:02:56,798 --> 00:02:58,167 OH, HEY! 80 00:02:58,167 --> 00:03:01,039 OUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERS ARE THREE DIGITS APART. 81 00:03:01,039 --> 00:03:02,475 EVERYONE, EYES UP HERE. 82 00:03:02,475 --> 00:03:05,848 DISREGARD EVERYTHING THAT THIS WOMAN HAS SAID TO 83 00:03:05,848 --> 00:03:07,017 OR PRESCRIBED FOR YOU. 84 00:03:07,017 --> 00:03:08,721 JACKIE, COME WITH ME. 85 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:10,090 OKAY. TWIST MY ARM. 86 00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,161 AND THEN SET IT BACK. [ CHUCKLES ] 87 00:03:12,161 --> 00:03:15,066 IT'S JUST A LITTLE BIT OF ORTHOPEDIC-SURGEON HUMOR. 88 00:03:15,066 --> 00:03:16,736 JACKIE... 89 00:03:16,736 --> 00:03:17,738 [ DOOR SLAMS ] 90 00:03:17,738 --> 00:03:18,840 ALL RIGHT, LET'S MAKE THIS QUICK. 91 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,811 I'M DOUBLE PARKED BEHIND AN AMBULANCE. 92 00:03:20,811 --> 00:03:23,215 HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU FOR THE KIDS' GIFT TO PETER? 93 00:03:23,215 --> 00:03:26,021 IT WAS $225, BUT SINCE YOU HAVE TWO KIDS 94 00:03:26,021 --> 00:03:29,795 AND BERT'S SO LITTLE, YOU OWE TWO-HUNDO AND I OWE $25. 95 00:03:31,933 --> 00:03:34,838 WHAT DID THE KIDS PICK OUT THAT WAS SO EXPENSIVE? 96 00:03:34,838 --> 00:03:35,873 WIND CHIMES. 97 00:03:35,873 --> 00:03:37,510 THE KIDS PICKED OUT WIND CHIMES? 98 00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:39,179 WELL, I MEAN, I HAD TO HELP THEM. 99 00:03:39,179 --> 00:03:41,150 THEY WERE GONNA GET HIM FOOTBALL TICKETS 100 00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:43,387 AND I WAS LIKE, "50-YARD LINE? 101 00:03:43,387 --> 00:03:45,492 THAT SEEMS PRETTY FAR BACK." 102 00:03:45,492 --> 00:03:47,162 I'M NOT CONTRIBUTING TO WIND CHIMES. 103 00:03:47,162 --> 00:03:50,033 THESE ARE TOP-OF-THE-LINE CHIMES, OKAY? 104 00:03:50,033 --> 00:03:52,506 THEY'RE LIKE A NON-STOP EARGASM. 105 00:03:52,506 --> 00:03:54,843 RETURN THEM. [ SIGHS ] SORRY, D. 106 00:03:54,843 --> 00:03:57,381 NO CAN DO. IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT. 107 00:03:57,381 --> 00:04:00,120 THEY'RE HANDCRAFTED, NON-REFUNDABLE. 108 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:01,756 NOTHING IS NON-REFUNDABLE. 109 00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:02,992 WELL -- BETSY? 110 00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,128 BETSY: YES? 111 00:04:04,128 --> 00:04:05,497 HAVE DR. GODOWSKY TAKE MY 10:30. 112 00:04:05,497 --> 00:04:06,900 I'LL BE BACK BEFORE LUNCH. 113 00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:09,872 BETSY, I'LL BE WITH DIANE. 114 00:04:09,872 --> 00:04:11,542 BREAKER, BREAKER, JACKIE OUT. 115 00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:12,945 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 116 00:04:12,945 --> 00:04:14,247 PACKAGE FOR PETER HARRISON. 117 00:04:14,247 --> 00:04:16,885 OH, I'M HIS HEIR. I CAN SIGN FOR IT. 118 00:04:16,885 --> 00:04:18,054 HERE. I GOT IT. 119 00:04:18,054 --> 00:04:19,089 THANK YOU. 120 00:04:19,089 --> 00:04:20,158 ALL RIGHT. 121 00:04:20,158 --> 00:04:21,160 "PERISHABLE." 122 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,463 I WONDER WHAT IT IS. 123 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,901 LET'S OPEN IT. I DON'T WANT IT TO PERISH. OKAY. 124 00:04:24,901 --> 00:04:25,903 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 125 00:04:25,903 --> 00:04:27,472 THERE'S A CARD. 126 00:04:27,472 --> 00:04:29,310 [ CLEARS THROAT ] 127 00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,314 "DEAR PETER, THANKS FOR KEEPING US 128 00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,184 "OUT OF HOT WATER WITH THE EPA, 129 00:04:33,184 --> 00:04:36,256 "BUT FEEL FREE TO PUT THESE IN HOT WATER. 130 00:04:36,256 --> 00:04:37,291 HA HA." 131 00:04:37,291 --> 00:04:39,897 [ GASPS ] LOBSTERS! 132 00:04:39,897 --> 00:04:40,999 I LOVE LOBSTERS. 133 00:04:40,999 --> 00:04:43,403 YOU CAN MAIL THINGS FROM THE OCEAN?! 134 00:04:43,403 --> 00:04:44,505 OKAY, GUYS. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE. 135 00:04:44,505 --> 00:04:45,507 LOBSTER TIME AFTER SCHOOL. 136 00:04:45,507 --> 00:04:47,545 LET'S SEND SOMEONE A SHARK! 137 00:04:47,545 --> 00:04:50,083 I DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO THAT, BUDDY. 138 00:04:53,122 --> 00:04:55,093 COLLEEN: MR. HARRISON? HMM? 139 00:04:55,093 --> 00:04:57,865 THERE'S A REPRESENTATIVE FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE HERE. 140 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,501 GEEZ! 141 00:05:07,483 --> 00:05:09,821 JUST KIDDING. IT'S YOUR WIFE. 142 00:05:09,821 --> 00:05:11,859 [ SIGHS ] COLLEEN, WHAT THE HELL? SEND HER IN. 143 00:05:11,859 --> 00:05:12,860 OH, YES, SIR. 144 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:15,565 HEY, THERE, SEXY ASS. 145 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:17,603 I'M HERE TO TAKE YOU AWAY AND BLOW YOUR -- 146 00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:19,874 GREAT, GREAT, UH, COLLEAGUES, THIS IS MY WIFE. 147 00:05:19,874 --> 00:05:21,511 WIFE, THIS IS SOME COLLEAGUES. 148 00:05:21,511 --> 00:05:25,551 HEY, UM, SO... 149 00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:27,855 IT'S REALLY WINDY OUT. 150 00:05:27,855 --> 00:05:30,561 BLOWING. IT'S BLOWING LIKE CRAZY. 151 00:05:31,563 --> 00:05:33,867 [ BELL JINGLES ] 152 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,205 [ CLANGING ] 153 00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:38,543 HI, JACKIE. THE USUAL? 154 00:05:38,543 --> 00:05:40,447 OH, YOU KNOW IT. 155 00:05:40,447 --> 00:05:42,584 ONE SCORPION HONEY TEA COMING RIGHT UP. 156 00:05:42,584 --> 00:05:44,188 JUST GIVE ME 40 MINUTES. 157 00:05:44,188 --> 00:05:45,190 THANKS, JUNIPER. 158 00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:46,592 HI. 159 00:05:46,592 --> 00:05:48,996 WE'D LIKE TO RETURN THIS SET OF CHIMES 160 00:05:48,996 --> 00:05:51,468 THAT JACKIE ACCIDENTALLY PURCHASED. 161 00:05:51,468 --> 00:05:53,271 OH, WELL, I DIDN'T... 162 00:05:53,271 --> 00:05:55,142 [ CLANGING ] 163 00:05:55,142 --> 00:05:56,578 HERE YOU GO. 164 00:05:56,578 --> 00:05:58,415 ALL FOR YOU. 165 00:06:01,488 --> 00:06:07,098 I AM SO SORRY, BUT THAT ITEM IS NON-REFUNDABLE 166 00:06:07,098 --> 00:06:09,002 ONCE IT'S BEEN EXPOSED TO THE ELEMENTS. 167 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,371 OH, ALL RIGHT. WELL, BUT -- 168 00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:14,646 I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER IMMEDIATELY. 169 00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:16,650 WE DON'T BELIEVE IN TITLES HERE. 170 00:06:16,650 --> 00:06:18,086 EVERYONE'S EQUAL. 171 00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,123 WELL, THEN, I'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH SOMEONE ELSE. 172 00:06:20,123 --> 00:06:22,227 HEAVEN? 173 00:06:22,227 --> 00:06:23,429 BLESSED BE THE DAY. 174 00:06:23,429 --> 00:06:25,534 OKAY, I'LL KEEP SPEAKING TO YOU. 175 00:06:25,534 --> 00:06:26,936 GIVE US HER MONEY BACK. 176 00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:28,606 EXCUSE ME, UH, I'VE BEEN WAITING. 177 00:06:28,606 --> 00:06:30,510 YES, HOW CAN I HELP YOU, CARLY? 178 00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:32,446 I'VE BEEN SO PATCHY LATELY. 179 00:06:32,446 --> 00:06:35,486 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO MINIMIZE EXCESS LIZARD SPIRIT? 180 00:06:35,486 --> 00:06:39,494 YOU DON'T HAVE EXCESS LIZARD SPIRIT. 181 00:06:39,494 --> 00:06:41,231 YOU HAVE ECZEMA. 182 00:06:41,231 --> 00:06:42,600 PUT SOME CORTISONE CREAM ON IT. 183 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:43,936 DO YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND IT? 184 00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:45,472 ANYWHERE -- EXCEPT THIS HOUSE OF NONSENSE. 185 00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:48,477 NOW, GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK, MOON UNIT. 186 00:06:48,477 --> 00:06:50,916 THOUGHT WE HAD AN AGREEMENT. 187 00:06:50,916 --> 00:06:53,588 YOU'RE 50, PETE. IT'S A BIG DEAL. 188 00:06:53,588 --> 00:06:55,158 BIRTHDAYS ARE IMPORTANT. 189 00:06:55,158 --> 00:06:57,094 IT'S A CELEBRATION OF YOUR LIFE, 190 00:06:57,094 --> 00:06:59,366 AND YOU'RE MY HUSBAND AND I WANT TO CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE 191 00:06:59,366 --> 00:07:03,206 IN A FUN, YOUNG, HIP, FUN WAY. 192 00:07:03,206 --> 00:07:04,675 THAT'S WHAT THE CURSE WANTS. 193 00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,145 THE CURSE FEEDS ON FUN. 194 00:07:06,145 --> 00:07:07,615 OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE CURSE. 195 00:07:07,615 --> 00:07:09,485 TIME FOR THE FUN, ALL RIGHT? 196 00:07:09,485 --> 00:07:10,721 THIS IS PHASE ONE. 197 00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:12,223 WE'RE GONNA PICK UP PHASE TWO, 198 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:13,927 AND THEN WE'RE GONNA DRIVE TO PHASE THREE. 199 00:07:13,927 --> 00:07:15,497 WHAT HAPPENS AT PHASE THREE? 200 00:07:15,497 --> 00:07:17,467 THE COAT COMES OFF. 201 00:07:17,467 --> 00:07:19,337 AND THERE'S NOTHING UNDERNEATH IT. 202 00:07:19,337 --> 00:07:21,441 OH, REALLY? 203 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,644 MM-HMM. 204 00:07:22,644 --> 00:07:24,080 [ THUD ] 205 00:07:26,485 --> 00:07:28,489 WHICH PHASE IS THIS? 206 00:07:33,031 --> 00:07:35,468 LICENSE AND REGISTRATION. 207 00:07:35,468 --> 00:07:36,704 OFFICER, WE ARE SO SORRY. 208 00:07:36,704 --> 00:07:39,243 IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY AND I WAS TAKING HIM TO LUNCH. 209 00:07:39,243 --> 00:07:40,445 IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY. 210 00:07:40,445 --> 00:07:43,183 THAT EXPLAINS WHY YOUR LICENSE IS EXPIRED. 211 00:07:43,183 --> 00:07:45,689 OF COURSE IT IS. I WOULD EXPECT NOTHING LESS. 212 00:07:45,689 --> 00:07:47,325 JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO. 213 00:07:47,325 --> 00:07:48,694 WELL, NORMALLY I'D HAUL YOU OUT OF THE CAR, 214 00:07:48,694 --> 00:07:50,497 THROW YOU IN THE BACK SEAT TO SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF YOU, 215 00:07:50,497 --> 00:07:51,433 AND FINE YOU 1,000 BUCKS, 216 00:07:51,433 --> 00:07:53,470 BUT SINCE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, 217 00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:55,341 I'M JUST GONNA SEND YOU TO THE DMV 218 00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:56,743 TO GET THIS RENEWED IMMEDIATELY. 219 00:07:56,743 --> 00:07:58,747 AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE A NICE BIRTHDAY LUNCH 220 00:07:58,747 --> 00:07:59,749 WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. 221 00:07:59,749 --> 00:08:01,418 MY...DAUGHTER? 222 00:08:01,418 --> 00:08:05,360 JUST LISTEN TO THE NICE OFFICER...DAD. 223 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:11,372 I STILL THINK WE COULD HAVE FOUND HIM SOMETHING ELSE 224 00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:12,373 AT OPEN LOTUS. 225 00:08:12,373 --> 00:08:14,377 YES, YOU SAID THAT SEVERAL TIMES. 226 00:08:14,377 --> 00:08:17,616 LET'S JUST GET HIM WHAT EVERYONE OVER THE AGE OF 9 WANTS -- 227 00:08:17,616 --> 00:08:18,752 A GIFT CERTIFICATE. 228 00:08:18,752 --> 00:08:20,655 [ BELL DINGS ] 229 00:08:20,655 --> 00:08:23,127 JACKIE, HOW YOU DOING, LADY? 230 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:25,297 HEY, RON. NOT AS FINE AS YOU. 231 00:08:25,297 --> 00:08:26,434 WHOO-WHEE. 232 00:08:26,434 --> 00:08:28,571 IS THERE NOWHERE THAT YOU ARE ANONYMOUS? 233 00:08:28,571 --> 00:08:30,241 HUH? OH. 234 00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:32,345 RON, THIS IS MY FRIEND DIANE. 235 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:35,551 AND WE WOULD LIKE ONE GIFT CERTIFICATE FOR A MASSAGE. 236 00:08:35,551 --> 00:08:36,553 ABSOLUTELY. 237 00:08:36,553 --> 00:08:37,789 UH, BUT FIRST, 238 00:08:37,789 --> 00:08:39,592 WE'RE ALSO OFFERING A SPECIAL PROMOTION TODAY. 239 00:08:39,592 --> 00:08:42,364 CAN I INTEREST YOU LADIES IN ONE OF OUR SIGNATURE MASSAGES? 240 00:08:42,364 --> 00:08:43,634 OH -- THANK YOU, NO. 241 00:08:43,634 --> 00:08:46,372 I DON'T LIKE MASSAGES. THEY BREAK MY CONCENTRATION. 242 00:08:46,372 --> 00:08:47,407 DIANE! 243 00:08:47,407 --> 00:08:50,513 WHO NEEDS A MASSAGE MORE THAN YOU? 244 00:08:50,513 --> 00:08:52,417 OOH, YEP. MM-HMM. 245 00:08:52,417 --> 00:08:54,253 RIGHT THERE. STIFF AS A CORPSE. 246 00:08:54,253 --> 00:08:56,224 COME ON. IT'S PETE'S 50TH. 247 00:08:56,224 --> 00:08:57,426 WE DESERVE A MASSAGE. 248 00:08:57,426 --> 00:08:59,163 WE HELPED GET HIM HERE. 249 00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,365 I DID CATCH THAT MOLE. 250 00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,103 SHE DID. OKAY. 251 00:09:02,103 --> 00:09:04,507 OH, SO, DO YOU HAVE THIS? YOU GOT THIS? 252 00:09:04,507 --> 00:09:05,476 OF COURSE I HAVE IT, JACKIE. 253 00:09:05,476 --> 00:09:06,578 OKAY, COOL. DON'T PRETEND. 254 00:09:10,451 --> 00:09:13,524 UM, I THINK THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE. 255 00:09:13,524 --> 00:09:15,428 WE WANTED SEPARATE ROOMS. 256 00:09:15,428 --> 00:09:17,332 THE SPECIAL IS FOR A COUPLE'S MASSAGE. 257 00:09:17,332 --> 00:09:21,172 WELL, WE'RE A COUPLE... OF BABES. 258 00:09:21,172 --> 00:09:23,176 JACKIE, HOW ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS? 259 00:09:23,176 --> 00:09:25,113 IS EVERY DAY LIKE THIS FOR YOU -- 260 00:09:25,113 --> 00:09:27,551 SCREW UP, MISUNDERSTANDING, SCREW UP, MISUNDERSTANDING? 261 00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:29,088 COME ON! 262 00:09:29,088 --> 00:09:31,425 IF -- IF PLUSH ROBES AND FREE SLIPPERS ARE A SCREW UP, 263 00:09:31,425 --> 00:09:33,496 THEN I HOPE I NEVER GET ANYTHING RIGHT. 264 00:09:33,496 --> 00:09:34,632 UH, EXCUSE ME. 265 00:09:34,632 --> 00:09:37,437 MASSAGES ARE TRADITIONALLY SILENT, CORRECT? 266 00:09:37,437 --> 00:09:38,439 YES. 267 00:09:38,439 --> 00:09:40,276 OH. OKAY. 268 00:09:40,276 --> 00:09:41,578 SHH. OKAY, WE'LL BE -- OKAY. 269 00:09:41,578 --> 00:09:42,848 LET'S GET SQUEEZY! SHH! 270 00:09:42,848 --> 00:09:46,621 I AM VERY KNOTTY -- AND I MEAN THAT BOTH WAYS. 271 00:09:46,621 --> 00:09:48,525 BRING THE PAIN, OKSANA. 272 00:09:48,525 --> 00:09:52,433 WE'RE HOME, LOBSTERS! 273 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:53,502 [ CHUCKLES ] 274 00:09:53,502 --> 00:09:55,205 WE'VE BEEN ROBBED! 275 00:09:55,205 --> 00:09:57,609 AND THEY ONLY STOLE OUR LOBSTERS. 276 00:09:57,609 --> 00:10:00,448 WARREN, DID YOU PUT THE LID ON TIGHT? 277 00:10:00,448 --> 00:10:03,421 UM, I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND GUESS NO. 278 00:10:03,421 --> 00:10:04,623 OKAY. 279 00:10:04,623 --> 00:10:05,692 GUYS, SPLIT UP. 280 00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:08,096 THEY'VE GOT TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE 281 00:10:08,096 --> 00:10:10,500 AND I'M NOT LOSING DAD'S BIRTHDAY GIFT. 282 00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,371 [ GRUNTS ] 283 00:10:12,371 --> 00:10:13,640 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 284 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,179 YOU'VE GOT TO THINK LIKE A LOBSTER. 285 00:10:16,179 --> 00:10:17,514 THAT'S NOT -- [ GASPS ] 286 00:10:17,514 --> 00:10:20,520 BINGO. 287 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,290 WELL, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. 288 00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:24,361 YOU GET TO HAVE A NEW LICENSE PICTURE 289 00:10:24,361 --> 00:10:26,131 WITHOUT THAT SOUL PATCH ON IT. 290 00:10:26,131 --> 00:10:29,337 HAD IT FOR TWO WEEKS. HAUNTED ME FOR 10 YEARS. 291 00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,341 AND THEN BACK TO BIRTHDAY. 292 00:10:31,341 --> 00:10:33,412 LET'S JUST GET THIS OVER WITH. 293 00:10:33,412 --> 00:10:37,219 HI, I NEED TO RENEW MY DRIVER'S LICENSE. 294 00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:40,225 YOU NEED TO RENEW YOUR MANNERS. 295 00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:41,794 YOU JUST CUT IN FRONT OF 60 PEOPLE. 296 00:10:41,794 --> 00:10:43,498 OH, SORRY. 297 00:10:43,498 --> 00:10:45,402 I-I -- I DIDN'T REALIZE. 298 00:10:45,402 --> 00:10:46,537 FIRST YOU NEED A NUMBER. 299 00:10:46,537 --> 00:10:48,206 TO YOUR RIGHT IS THE LINE TO GET A NUMBER. 300 00:10:48,206 --> 00:10:49,443 AFTER YOU HAVE THAT NUMBER, 301 00:10:49,443 --> 00:10:50,912 YOU MAY ENTER THE LINE FOR FORMS, 302 00:10:50,912 --> 00:10:52,448 AND WHEN YOU HAVE A FORM, 303 00:10:52,448 --> 00:10:54,519 YOU MAY WAIT FOR YOUR NUMBER TO BE CALLED. 304 00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:57,458 OH, WELL, YOU SEE, SIR, WE'RE KIND OF IN A HURRY. 305 00:10:57,458 --> 00:10:58,760 OH, REALLY? THAT'S SO UNUSUAL. 306 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,431 MOST PEOPLE COME HERE TO KILL TIME. 307 00:11:00,431 --> 00:11:03,235 NOW SERVING A7! 308 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:06,609 SEEMS NICE. YEAH. 309 00:11:06,609 --> 00:11:09,414 YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME? 310 00:11:09,414 --> 00:11:11,318 I'VE HAD A GREAT PHASE ONE. 311 00:11:11,318 --> 00:11:14,424 JUST THE IDEA OF PHASE THREE MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY. 312 00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:15,793 SO, WE CAN JUST CALL IT A DAY. 313 00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:17,530 NO, NO, NO. WE'RE DOING THIS, OKAY? 314 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:19,568 WHILE YOU WAIT HERE, I'LL GO GET PHASE TWO. 315 00:11:19,568 --> 00:11:21,504 I LOVE YOU. MWAH! 316 00:11:21,504 --> 00:11:22,673 I LOVE YOU. 317 00:11:22,673 --> 00:11:25,612 SHE AIN'T NEVER COMING BACK. 318 00:11:28,551 --> 00:11:29,453 MM! 319 00:11:29,453 --> 00:11:30,455 IS THE PRESSURE OKAY? 320 00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:33,394 OHH! YEAH. YEAH. 321 00:11:33,394 --> 00:11:35,732 I JUST -- OOH, I FEEL THE TENSION 322 00:11:35,732 --> 00:11:37,235 JUST DRIPPING OUT OF MY -- 323 00:11:37,235 --> 00:11:40,674 OOH! -- PORES! 324 00:11:40,674 --> 00:11:42,912 CAN YOU ACTUALLY GO HARDER? 325 00:11:42,912 --> 00:11:43,914 I'M TRYING. 326 00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:45,918 YOUR MUSCLES FEEL LIKE... 327 00:11:45,918 --> 00:11:47,655 COMMERCIAL FISHING NET. 328 00:11:47,655 --> 00:11:50,493 WELL, YOUR LACK OF STRENGTH IS NOT MY FAULT. 329 00:11:50,493 --> 00:11:52,764 AH, NOW YOU'RE GONNA BE MEAN TO HER, TOO. 330 00:11:52,764 --> 00:11:54,601 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 331 00:11:54,601 --> 00:11:57,674 WELL, YOU WEREN'T VERY NICE TO CARLY AND JUNIPER AND -- OHH! 332 00:11:57,674 --> 00:11:59,311 THAT'S THE SPOT -- 333 00:11:59,311 --> 00:12:00,980 HEAVEN. 334 00:12:00,980 --> 00:12:02,784 WELL, I GOT OUR MONEY BACK, DIDN'T I? 335 00:12:02,784 --> 00:12:05,289 YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BE SO NASTY ABOUT IT. 336 00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,560 I MEAN, DON'T YOU KNOW THAT OLD EXPRESSION 337 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,363 THAT YOU CATCH MORE FLIES WITH HONEY 338 00:12:09,363 --> 00:12:10,499 THAN BY BEING A TOTAL BITCH? 339 00:12:10,499 --> 00:12:12,269 I AM NOT A BITCH. 340 00:12:12,269 --> 00:12:14,340 THEN YOU NEED TO RELAX. 341 00:12:14,340 --> 00:12:16,611 WHEN I RELAX, PEOPLE DIE. 342 00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,581 WHY DON'T WE JUST CALM DOWN AND LIE BACK? 343 00:12:18,581 --> 00:12:22,255 WHY? SO YOU CAN CONTINUE GIVING ME A HALF-ASS MASSAGE? 344 00:12:22,255 --> 00:12:23,424 USUALLY I GET A MASSAGE 345 00:12:23,424 --> 00:12:25,795 AFTER I'VE BEEN KICKED OUT OF SOMEPLACE. 346 00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:27,632 NOW I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO. 347 00:12:27,632 --> 00:12:29,669 WELL, MAYBE SOMEPLACE WHERE EVERYONE ISN'T SO SENSITIVE. 348 00:12:29,669 --> 00:12:30,738 OH, YEAH. 349 00:12:30,738 --> 00:12:32,742 IT WAS SO WEIRD HOW SHE WAS SO SENSITIVE 350 00:12:32,742 --> 00:12:35,780 AFTER YOU CALLED HER A JELLY-FINGERED PILE OF MANURE. 351 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,653 WELL, SHE NEEDED TO KNOW THERE WAS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT. 352 00:12:38,653 --> 00:12:40,757 SHE IS CLEARLY SURROUNDED BY "YES" MEN. 353 00:12:40,757 --> 00:12:42,461 WELL, WHAT ABOUT EARLIER? 354 00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:43,429 Y-YOU MEAN AT THE NINNY HUT? 355 00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:45,299 YES. YOU WERE SO RUDE! 356 00:12:45,299 --> 00:12:46,903 WELL, I WAS IN A RUSH. 357 00:12:46,903 --> 00:12:48,472 OH, I KNOW, DIANE, 358 00:12:48,472 --> 00:12:51,545 'CAUSE YOU'RE A DOCTOR AND JUNIPER IS JUST A SHAMAN/HEALER. 359 00:12:51,545 --> 00:12:53,448 MM-HMM. SHE'S MY FRIEND. 360 00:12:53,448 --> 00:12:54,817 WELL, BUT SHE WAS NOT ACTING -- 361 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,521 YEAH, BUT -- BUT -- 362 00:12:56,521 --> 00:13:00,563 BUT SHE'S MY FRIEND. 363 00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:03,267 I'M SORRY. 364 00:13:03,267 --> 00:13:05,738 I DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND YOUR FRIEND. 365 00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:08,477 BUT WHAT'S DONE IS DONE. 366 00:13:08,477 --> 00:13:09,713 NO, DIANE. 367 00:13:09,713 --> 00:13:12,519 IN A NEW-AGE COMMUNITY, WHAT'S DONE IS NEVER DONE. 368 00:13:13,554 --> 00:13:16,593 IT MAY NOT HAVE EVEN HAPPENED. 369 00:13:16,593 --> 00:13:18,831 NOW SERVING J-124. 370 00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:20,901 HELLO AGAIN. [ CHUCKLES ] 371 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:24,508 UH, LICENSE RENEWAL. ORGAN DONOR. 372 00:13:24,508 --> 00:13:27,715 JUST READ IT OVER. SIGN HERE. 373 00:13:27,715 --> 00:13:29,050 WHOA. WHOA. DUDE? 374 00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:30,453 WHOA. OH, HO. 375 00:13:30,453 --> 00:13:32,390 I DO NOT SEE A CORRECTIVE-LENS RESTRICTION 376 00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:33,459 ON YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE. 377 00:13:33,459 --> 00:13:35,396 OH, THE-- THESE ARE JUST FOR READING. 378 00:13:35,396 --> 00:13:38,736 LIKE READING SPEED LIMITS, SCHOOL CROSSINGS, YIELD SIGNS? 379 00:13:38,736 --> 00:13:40,071 I CAN SEE SHAPES. 380 00:13:40,071 --> 00:13:42,877 IF YOU NEED GLASSES TO READ, YOU NEED GLASSES TO DRIVE. 381 00:13:42,877 --> 00:13:44,681 I DON'T NEED GLASSES TO DRIVE. 382 00:13:44,681 --> 00:13:46,017 STOP RAISING YOUR VOICE. 383 00:13:46,017 --> 00:13:47,653 I'M NOT RAISING MY VOICE. 384 00:13:47,653 --> 00:13:51,560 [ STERNLY ] SIR, I AM ASKING YOU TO CALM DOWN. 385 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,629 I WASN'T RAISING MY VOICE. 386 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,570 WHAT IS THAT? WHAT DID YOU DO? DID I JUST PASS? 387 00:13:56,570 --> 00:13:58,073 YOU'RE TAKING THE ROAD TEST. 388 00:13:58,073 --> 00:13:59,409 THAT LINE IS OVER THERE. 389 00:14:01,546 --> 00:14:04,552 THANK GOD WE FOUND THEM ALL BEFORE DINNER. 390 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,921 OH, WAIT. 391 00:14:05,921 --> 00:14:07,792 THERE'S ONLY FOUR LOBSTERS AND FIVE OF US. 392 00:14:07,792 --> 00:14:09,328 YEAH, WELL, KATE DOESN'T GET ONE. 393 00:14:09,328 --> 00:14:10,564 SHE'S NEW. SHE CAN EAT CEREAL. 394 00:14:10,564 --> 00:14:12,467 WE ARE GOING TO EAT THE LOBSTERS?! 395 00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:14,538 YEAH, BERT. WHAT DID YOU, UH -- WHAT'D YOU THINK THE BIBS WERE FOR? 396 00:14:14,538 --> 00:14:15,606 [ CHUCKLES ] DUH. 397 00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:18,546 I THOUGHT THEY WERE LOBSTER CAPES! 398 00:14:18,546 --> 00:14:19,614 AWW, BERT. 399 00:14:19,614 --> 00:14:21,685 FIRST, WE BOIL THEM, CRACK THEM OPEN. 400 00:14:21,685 --> 00:14:22,887 WOW! SO GOOD! 401 00:14:22,887 --> 00:14:25,125 AND THEN DIP THEIR SWEET, SWEET FLESH IN BUTTER. 402 00:14:25,125 --> 00:14:26,962 OOH, LET'S COOK THEM NOW AND SURPRISE DAD. 403 00:14:26,962 --> 00:14:28,098 YEAH! YEAH! GREAT IDEA! 404 00:14:28,098 --> 00:14:32,406 YOU'RE NOT EATING MY PETS! 405 00:14:38,885 --> 00:14:41,022 PETTER HARSION? 406 00:14:41,022 --> 00:14:42,592 PETER HARRISON, YEAH. 407 00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:44,529 DO YOU HAVE YOUR VEHICLE? 408 00:14:44,529 --> 00:14:46,466 UH, NO, ACTUALLY, MY WIFE HAS IT. 409 00:14:46,466 --> 00:14:47,635 BUT SHE'S GONNA PULL UP HERE IN A SECOND. 410 00:14:47,635 --> 00:14:49,506 BACK OF THE LINE. 411 00:14:49,506 --> 00:14:51,409 COME ON, MAN. PLEASE? IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. 412 00:14:51,409 --> 00:14:53,079 A-AND IT'S -- IT'S BEEN TERRIBLE. 413 00:14:53,079 --> 00:14:54,448 IT'S ALWAYS TERRIBLE. 414 00:14:54,448 --> 00:14:56,385 EVERYTHING SUCKS, AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE. 415 00:14:56,385 --> 00:14:58,389 I'M TELLING YOU, MAN. I AM CURSED. 416 00:14:58,389 --> 00:15:00,660 [ ENGINE REVVING LOUDLY ] 417 00:15:02,831 --> 00:15:05,837 WHOO! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY! 418 00:15:05,837 --> 00:15:07,474 THIS IS PHASE TWO! 419 00:15:08,810 --> 00:15:10,512 YEAH. REAL CURSED. 420 00:15:10,512 --> 00:15:11,548 HI. [ LAUGHS ] 421 00:15:18,495 --> 00:15:20,566 I'M NOT A HOOKER. 422 00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:22,469 [ TIRES SCREECH ] 423 00:15:30,084 --> 00:15:32,155 GOOD! HOW'D IT GO, BABE? 424 00:15:32,155 --> 00:15:33,691 GREAT! 425 00:15:33,691 --> 00:15:36,430 JUST TAKING A LEISURELY DRIVE IN MY RENTED FERRARI 426 00:15:36,430 --> 00:15:39,168 WITH A GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL JUDGING MY EVERY MOVE. 427 00:15:39,168 --> 00:15:40,437 ONE LAST JUDGMENT. 428 00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:41,974 I NEED YOU TO PARALLEL PARK. 429 00:15:41,974 --> 00:15:44,411 IT'S LOS ANGELES. WE VALET. 430 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,847 BABE, YOU GOT THIS. 431 00:15:45,847 --> 00:15:47,184 JUST DIVE RIGHT INTO IT. 432 00:15:47,184 --> 00:15:48,419 OH! 433 00:15:48,419 --> 00:15:51,759 [ TIRES SQUEAL ] THERE YOU GO. 434 00:15:51,759 --> 00:15:54,899 JUST THINK OF IT AS A MILLION PRIUSES! YEAH! 435 00:15:54,899 --> 00:15:57,837 OKAY, EASY. 436 00:15:57,837 --> 00:15:59,507 STOP! STOP! 437 00:15:59,507 --> 00:16:01,711 WHEW! 438 00:16:08,057 --> 00:16:09,059 TA-DA. 439 00:16:09,059 --> 00:16:11,130 YOU FAILED. 440 00:16:11,130 --> 00:16:12,532 CAN I PAY YOU? 441 00:16:12,532 --> 00:16:14,169 THAT'S BRIBERY. 442 00:16:14,169 --> 00:16:15,805 YOU DON'T HAVE A NUMBER? 443 00:16:15,805 --> 00:16:17,074 I LIKE YOUR WIFE. 444 00:16:17,074 --> 00:16:18,978 THAT'S -- THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 445 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:23,119 BERT: IF YOU'RE HERE FOR THE LOBSTERS, FORGET IT! 446 00:16:23,119 --> 00:16:24,689 OH, NO. 447 00:16:24,689 --> 00:16:27,728 WE JUST FELT BAD, SO WE DECIDED TO MAKE YOUR FAVORITE, 448 00:16:27,728 --> 00:16:29,098 A B.L.T. 449 00:16:29,098 --> 00:16:32,203 WITH EXTRA "B," JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT. 450 00:16:36,144 --> 00:16:41,788 SO, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY BEHAVIOR EARLIER. 451 00:16:41,788 --> 00:16:43,559 I WAS RUDE. 452 00:16:43,559 --> 00:16:45,730 AND NASTY. JUST RUDE. 453 00:16:45,730 --> 00:16:47,132 THANK YOU. 454 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:49,136 YEAH, I HAD DREAMT OF THIS. 455 00:16:49,136 --> 00:16:51,073 WE'VE ONLY BEEN GONE A FEW HOURS. 456 00:16:51,073 --> 00:16:52,142 I TOOK A NAP. 457 00:16:52,142 --> 00:16:53,812 WHAT WERE YOU SO TIRED FROM? 458 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:55,181 BLESSED BE THE DAY. 459 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,152 I'LL MAKE YOU SOME TEA. 460 00:16:57,152 --> 00:17:00,057 OKAY, ARE YOU HAPPY? 461 00:17:00,057 --> 00:17:03,063 I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, DIANE! 462 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,165 OH, MY GOD! 463 00:17:04,165 --> 00:17:05,969 WE NEVER GOT THE GIFT CERTIFICATE. 464 00:17:05,969 --> 00:17:07,204 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO GET HIM? 465 00:17:07,204 --> 00:17:09,175 UM, WE COULD GO TO THE MALL. IT'S RUSH HOUR. 466 00:17:09,175 --> 00:17:12,915 HOW ABOUT SOME CHIMES? 467 00:17:14,084 --> 00:17:16,723 PETER DOES HATE WIND CHIMES. 468 00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:18,727 [ ENGINE REVVING ] 469 00:17:18,727 --> 00:17:21,098 WHOO-HOO! 470 00:17:21,098 --> 00:17:23,569 OH, WOW! THIS IS FUN! 471 00:17:24,504 --> 00:17:26,942 I MEAN, REALLY HARD TO DRIVE. 472 00:17:26,942 --> 00:17:28,813 BUT, BABE, LOOK! WE'RE HERE! 473 00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:30,182 PHASE THREE, RUSTIQUE. 474 00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,219 THIS HOTEL HAS TWO BARS. ONE OF THEM ONLY SERVES WATER. 475 00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,956 HOW COOL IS THAT? 476 00:17:33,956 --> 00:17:35,692 HONEY, I JUST WANT TO GO HOME. 477 00:17:35,692 --> 00:17:36,962 NO. IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. 478 00:17:36,962 --> 00:17:38,198 WE'RE HERE TO HAVE FUN! 479 00:17:38,198 --> 00:17:39,700 WHY IS THIS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU? 480 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:42,906 YOU'RE TURNING 50. 50! 481 00:17:42,906 --> 00:17:45,545 THAT'S HALF OF 100, OKAY? SO STOP FIGHTING IT. 482 00:17:45,545 --> 00:17:47,281 STOP FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT. 483 00:17:47,281 --> 00:17:49,285 JUST ACCEPT IT, AND LET'S GO HAVE FUN. 484 00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,891 I'M FINE WITH 50. I'M ACCEPTING IT. 485 00:17:51,891 --> 00:17:52,926 ARE YOU ACCEPTING IT? 486 00:17:52,926 --> 00:17:54,028 YES! I'M ACCEPTING IT! 487 00:17:54,028 --> 00:17:55,831 YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S NOT ACCEPTING IT. 488 00:17:55,831 --> 00:17:57,235 REALLY? YEAH! 489 00:17:57,235 --> 00:17:58,837 TRENCH COAT, FERRARI, 490 00:17:58,837 --> 00:18:00,875 SUPER-TRENDY HOTEL WITH A WATER BAR? 491 00:18:00,875 --> 00:18:02,945 ARE YOU HAVING MY MID-LIFE CRISIS? 492 00:18:02,945 --> 00:18:04,548 [ CRYING ] 493 00:18:04,548 --> 00:18:08,156 OH, IT'S JUST -- IT'S SO WEIRD, YOU KNOW? 494 00:18:08,156 --> 00:18:11,896 I-I LOVE GOING TO BED EARLY AND GETTING UP EARLY. 495 00:18:11,896 --> 00:18:15,068 AND -- AND -- AND -- AND DRINKING AT HOME. 496 00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:16,872 AND I LOVE PAJAMA PANTS! 497 00:18:16,872 --> 00:18:18,141 WHO DOESN'T? 498 00:18:18,141 --> 00:18:19,243 I KNOW! 499 00:18:19,243 --> 00:18:22,816 I SHOULD BE OUT DANCING AND -- 500 00:18:22,816 --> 00:18:25,222 AND STAYING UP UNTIL 3:00 IN THE MORNING! 501 00:18:25,222 --> 00:18:26,591 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? 502 00:18:26,591 --> 00:18:28,227 NO! 503 00:18:28,227 --> 00:18:31,801 SO, YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE BEING TOO COMFORTABLE GETTING OLDER? 504 00:18:31,801 --> 00:18:33,103 YES! 505 00:18:35,041 --> 00:18:37,245 LET'S DO THIS. 506 00:18:37,245 --> 00:18:39,282 LET'S GO PARTY OUR ASSES OFF. 507 00:18:39,282 --> 00:18:40,618 LET'S GO. 508 00:18:40,618 --> 00:18:41,820 [ LAUGHS ] 509 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:45,060 [ GROANS ] 510 00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:46,295 HEY. 511 00:18:46,295 --> 00:18:48,166 ALL YOURS. 512 00:18:48,166 --> 00:18:50,972 WE'RE GONNA RAGE ALL NIGHT LONG. 513 00:18:50,972 --> 00:18:53,243 [ LOUD MUSIC BLARING ] 514 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,083 OH, MY GOD. 515 00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:58,352 SO LOUD! 516 00:18:58,352 --> 00:19:00,089 HOW DO PEOPLE TALK IN THERE? 517 00:19:00,089 --> 00:19:02,226 I THINK THAT DEEJAY WAS TWO PEOPLE IN ONE SHIRT. 518 00:19:02,226 --> 00:19:03,795 [ KEYS JINGLE ] THANK YOU. 519 00:19:03,795 --> 00:19:07,270 MMM. DELISH. 520 00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:09,240 SO, YOU'LL EAT BACON, BUT NOT LOBSTER? 521 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,876 LOBSTERS ARE ALIVE. 522 00:19:10,876 --> 00:19:13,949 BACON JUST COMES FROM THAT WEIRD SLIMY BAG. 523 00:19:13,949 --> 00:19:15,819 WELL, BERT, YOU KNOW "CHARLOTTE'S WEB"? 524 00:19:15,819 --> 00:19:17,055 YEAH. 525 00:19:17,055 --> 00:19:18,190 YOU KNOW HOW THE SPIDER SAVES THE PIG? 526 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:19,259 YEAH. 527 00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,063 YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAVES HIM FROM? 528 00:19:21,063 --> 00:19:22,799 OH, NO. 529 00:19:22,799 --> 00:19:24,135 YEP. 530 00:19:24,135 --> 00:19:26,339 FROM BEING DELICIOUS, CRISPY BACON. 531 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:28,276 THEN I'LL JUST EAT FISH STICKS. 532 00:19:28,276 --> 00:19:29,378 [ SCOFFS ] 533 00:19:29,378 --> 00:19:30,948 "FINDING NEMO"? 534 00:19:30,948 --> 00:19:32,785 MORE LIKE EATING NEMO. 535 00:19:32,785 --> 00:19:34,155 [ GASPS ] YEAH. 536 00:19:34,155 --> 00:19:35,290 HAMBURGERS? 537 00:19:35,290 --> 00:19:37,160 THE COW JUMPED OVER THE MOON... 538 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,797 AND INTO THE MEAT GRINDER. 539 00:19:38,797 --> 00:19:40,299 MM. THAT'S RIGHT, BERT. 540 00:19:40,299 --> 00:19:43,072 YOU'VE EATEN EVERYTHING THAT'S EVER BEEN ON YOUR PAJAMAS. 541 00:19:45,042 --> 00:19:46,278 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY. 542 00:19:46,278 --> 00:19:47,380 THIS IS A HAPPY MEDIUM. 543 00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:49,250 ONE DRINK HERE, IN BED BY 9:00. 544 00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:51,120 MAYBE STOP AT PACO'S TACOS. 545 00:19:55,796 --> 00:19:56,998 [ COIN CLINKS ] 546 00:19:59,169 --> 00:20:01,207 [ BRAGG AND WILCO'S "CALIFORNIA STARS" PLAYS ] 547 00:20:02,843 --> 00:20:05,648 ♪ I'D LIKE TO REST MY HEAVY HEAD TONIGHT ♪ 548 00:20:05,648 --> 00:20:07,184 COME HERE. 549 00:20:07,184 --> 00:20:08,921 ♪ ON A BED OF CALIFORNIA STARS ♪ 550 00:20:08,921 --> 00:20:10,424 I WANT TO DANCE WITH MY WIFE ON MY BIRTHDAY. 551 00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:15,768 ♪ I'D LIKE TO LAY MY WEARY BONES TONIGHT ♪ 552 00:20:15,768 --> 00:20:20,444 ♪ ON A BED OF CALIFORNIA STARS ♪ 553 00:20:23,048 --> 00:20:24,819 [ GASPS ] AAH! 554 00:20:24,819 --> 00:20:27,123 OH, MY GOD. 555 00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:29,361 IT'S THE CURSE. 556 00:20:29,361 --> 00:20:31,331 WE'RE NEVER CELEBRATING YOUR BIRTHDAY AGAIN. 557 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:34,271 IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. 558 00:20:34,271 --> 00:20:35,440 IT'S CURSED. 559 00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:40,315 SALAMI? A PIG. 560 00:20:40,315 --> 00:20:42,052 ROAST BEEF? A COW. 561 00:20:42,052 --> 00:20:43,989 GYROS? A LAMB. 562 00:20:43,989 --> 00:20:46,961 CHICKEN NUGGETS? UH, CHICKEN. 563 00:20:46,961 --> 00:20:49,733 WAIT, WHAT ABOUT HOT DOGS? 564 00:20:49,733 --> 00:20:50,822 TURKEY OR BEEF. 565 00:20:50,822 --> 00:20:53,058 [ SIGHS ] 566 00:20:53,058 --> 00:20:54,526 BOLOGNA? 567 00:20:54,526 --> 00:20:56,028 NOBODY KNOWS. 568 00:20:56,028 --> 00:20:59,097 I'LL EAT BOLOGNA! 569 00:20:59,097 --> 00:21:01,667 [ CHIMES RINGING ] 570 00:21:03,802 --> 00:21:06,305 SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GONNA BE ANOTHER WINDY ONE.