1 00:00:02,047 --> 00:00:04,050 ♪ OH, THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL ♪ 2 00:00:04,050 --> 00:00:07,690 ♪ BUT THE FIRE IS SO DELIGHTFUL ♪ 3 00:00:07,690 --> 00:00:10,696 ♪ AND SINCE WE'VE NO PLACE TO GO ♪ 4 00:00:10,696 --> 00:00:14,369 ♪ LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW ♪ 5 00:00:14,369 --> 00:00:18,076 ♪ MAN, IT DOESN'T SHOW SIGNS OF STOPPING ♪ 6 00:00:18,076 --> 00:00:21,549 ♪ AND I BROUGHT ME SOME CORN FOR POPPING ♪ 7 00:00:21,549 --> 00:00:25,222 ♪ THE LIGHTS ARE TURNED WAY DOWN LOW ♪ 8 00:00:25,222 --> 00:00:28,696 ♪ LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW ♪ 9 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,202 ♪ WHEN WE FINALLY KISS GOODNIGHT ♪ 10 00:00:32,202 --> 00:00:35,675 ♪ HOW I'LL HATE GOING OUT IN THE STORM ♪ 11 00:00:35,675 --> 00:00:39,682 ♪ BUT IF YOU REALLY HOLD ME TIGHT ♪ 12 00:00:39,682 --> 00:00:43,055 ♪ ALL THE WAY HOME I'LL BE WARM ♪ 13 00:00:43,055 --> 00:00:46,361 ♪ OH, THE FIRE IS SLOWLY DYING ♪ 14 00:00:46,361 --> 00:00:50,202 ♪ AND MY DEAR, WE'RE STILL GOODBYE-ING ♪ [ GROANING, GASPING ] 15 00:00:50,202 --> 00:00:53,340 ♪ BUT AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME SO ♪ OH! OH, MY GOD! 16 00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:56,246 ♪ LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW ♪ OH, GET UP! IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY! 17 00:00:56,246 --> 00:00:59,686 WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY AM I WEARING A SANTA SUIT?! 18 00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:02,124 I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. BUT THE KIDS ARE GONNA BE UP ANY MINUTE NOW. 19 00:01:02,124 --> 00:01:03,559 WHY IS THERE A DOG IN HERE?! 20 00:01:03,559 --> 00:01:05,396 I DON'T KNOW. IT'S YOUR HOUSE. 21 00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:06,665 WHY IS THERE A DOG IN HERE? 22 00:01:06,665 --> 00:01:07,800 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 23 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,204 I DON'T KNOW. WHAT AM I DOING HERE? 24 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,742 WHOA! HANGOVER CITY. 25 00:01:12,742 --> 00:01:14,246 [ GASPS ] OH, WOW! 26 00:01:14,246 --> 00:01:15,581 OH, GEEZ. 27 00:01:15,581 --> 00:01:17,184 OKAY, JUST DON'T FREAK OUT. WHAT? 28 00:01:17,184 --> 00:01:18,853 Y-YOU'RE FINE. 29 00:01:18,853 --> 00:01:21,124 JACKIE, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE. 30 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:24,431 NO. WHAT?! NUH-UNH! 31 00:01:24,431 --> 00:01:27,235 OH! THEY'RE GONNA GROW BACK, RIGHT? 32 00:01:27,235 --> 00:01:29,106 YEAH. BERT: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED! 33 00:01:29,106 --> 00:01:31,277 [ KIDS SHOUTING ] IT'S THE KIDS. UH... 34 00:01:31,277 --> 00:01:34,282 [ GASPS ] HEY. 35 00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:35,684 KATE: HEY, GUYS. 36 00:01:35,684 --> 00:01:38,323 HOLY CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. 37 00:01:38,323 --> 00:01:40,259 WHAT HAPPENED? 38 00:01:40,259 --> 00:01:41,662 MERRY CHRISTMAS. 39 00:01:41,662 --> 00:01:42,764 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 40 00:01:42,764 --> 00:01:47,172 DIANE: MERRY CHRISTMAS. WHOO! 41 00:01:47,172 --> 00:01:50,178 ♪♪♪ 42 00:01:57,324 --> 00:01:59,261 WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HOUSE? 43 00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:03,736 OH, MY STARS! THE TREE! 44 00:02:03,736 --> 00:02:04,738 [ GASPS ] LOOK AWAY, BERT! LOOK AWAY! 45 00:02:04,738 --> 00:02:07,176 [ BARKS, SNARLS ] [ ALL SCREAM ] 46 00:02:07,176 --> 00:02:09,179 WHAT IS THAT?! 47 00:02:09,179 --> 00:02:10,649 HE'S FRIENDLY. HE JUST WANTS TO GET TO KNOW YOU. 48 00:02:10,649 --> 00:02:12,218 COME ON, MY LITTLE ANGEL. 49 00:02:12,218 --> 00:02:14,322 YEAH, LET'S GO! LET'S GO LOOK AT OUR BURNING TREE, GUYS! 50 00:02:14,322 --> 00:02:16,559 COME ON! GO! GO! GREAT JOB, YOU GUYS. 51 00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:18,396 WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? I MEAN... 52 00:02:18,396 --> 00:02:19,899 I DON'T REMEMBER. 53 00:02:19,899 --> 00:02:21,736 [ GROANS ] NEITHER DO I. NOT A THING. 54 00:02:21,736 --> 00:02:23,172 THE ONLY OTHER TIME 55 00:02:23,172 --> 00:02:25,176 I'VE EVER BLACKED OUT LIKE THAT WAS FROM OPIUM. 56 00:02:25,176 --> 00:02:28,147 IT WAS IN MOROCCO. IT WAS CUSTOMARY. 57 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:29,416 [ CHUCKLES ] I WAS BEING POLITE. 58 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,589 LET'S GO BACK TO WHAT WE DO REMEMBER. 59 00:02:32,589 --> 00:02:34,258 OH, GOD. OOH, YES. GOOD IDEA. SMART. 60 00:02:34,258 --> 00:02:35,895 UM, I REMEMBER I HAD EYEBROWS. 61 00:02:35,895 --> 00:02:38,433 YEAH, AND I REMEMBER I WAS MAKING DRINKS. 62 00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:39,836 WELL, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU DO EVERY DAY? 63 00:02:39,836 --> 00:02:41,672 [ SCOFFS ] 64 00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:44,276 ♪♪♪ 65 00:02:48,318 --> 00:02:50,321 MMM. 66 00:02:50,321 --> 00:02:51,456 YOU WANT TO SEE A TRICK? 67 00:02:51,456 --> 00:02:53,293 SURE. 68 00:02:53,293 --> 00:02:54,796 THAT'S SO COOL! 69 00:02:54,796 --> 00:02:56,499 HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? 70 00:02:56,499 --> 00:02:58,269 I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR IT -- 71 00:02:58,269 --> 00:03:00,206 THE VAN NUYS INSTITUTE OF MIXOLOGY. 72 00:03:00,206 --> 00:03:01,709 THAT'S WHERE I WANT TO GO! 73 00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:04,480 OH, BEST TWO WEEKS OF MY LIFE. 74 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,484 I JUST WANT TO SAY FOR THE RECORD -- 75 00:03:06,484 --> 00:03:07,686 BAH, HUMBUG. 76 00:03:07,686 --> 00:03:09,489 I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT YOU TO THE MALL. 77 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:10,658 I SAW A WOMAN TRIP ANOTHER WOMAN 78 00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:12,662 TO GET TO AN ELMO WEARING A CHEF'S HAT. 79 00:03:12,662 --> 00:03:13,831 [ THUD, HUMMING ] 80 00:03:13,831 --> 00:03:15,200 OH, GREAT. 81 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,204 HELENE'S POWERED UP HER DECORATIONS. 82 00:03:17,204 --> 00:03:20,376 YOU KNOW, SHE ADDED ANOTHER NATIVITY SCENE. 83 00:03:20,376 --> 00:03:22,647 THAT'S THREE. THAT'S NINE WISE MEN, IF YOU COUNT. 84 00:03:22,647 --> 00:03:24,651 TAKE IT EASY. SHE LIKES TO DECORATE FOR CHRISTMAS. 85 00:03:24,651 --> 00:03:26,688 YOU CAN SEE THAT HOUSE FROM SPACE. 86 00:03:26,688 --> 00:03:28,224 WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 87 00:03:28,224 --> 00:03:30,295 OH, I'M MAKING GLOGG. GLUG? 88 00:03:30,295 --> 00:03:32,264 GLOGG. GLAG? 89 00:03:32,264 --> 00:03:34,535 GLOGG. WHAT ARE WE DOING? 90 00:03:34,535 --> 00:03:35,704 IT'S MULLED WINE. I JUST THOUGHT, YOU KNOW, 91 00:03:35,704 --> 00:03:36,873 IT'S MY FIRST CHRISTMAS WITH YOU, 92 00:03:36,873 --> 00:03:37,942 AND I WANTED TO INCORPORATE 93 00:03:37,942 --> 00:03:39,511 SOME OF MY SWEDISH FAMILY TRADITIONS. 94 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,481 ISN'T THIS A LOT FOR JUST THE TWO OF US? 95 00:03:41,481 --> 00:03:44,420 YEAH, UM...I ACTUALLY INVITED SOME PEOPLE, 96 00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:45,756 UH, PEOPLE YOU'VE MET, 97 00:03:45,756 --> 00:03:47,993 PEOPLE YOU MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO. 98 00:03:47,993 --> 00:03:49,663 KATE, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. 99 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,401 WE HAVE A VERY STRICT HOLIDAY ROTATION. 100 00:03:52,401 --> 00:03:54,605 THIS IS OUR YEAR. WE HAVE THE THREE KIDS. 101 00:03:54,605 --> 00:03:56,977 [ CHUCKLES ] NO DIANE AND NO JACKIE. 102 00:03:56,977 --> 00:03:58,679 I KNOW, PETE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 103 00:03:58,679 --> 00:04:01,919 364 DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR, I'M TOTALLY ON YOUR SIDE. 104 00:04:01,919 --> 00:04:05,225 BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS, BABE. FAMILY SHOULD BE TOGETHER. 105 00:04:05,225 --> 00:04:06,294 OKAY, FINE. 106 00:04:06,294 --> 00:04:08,765 WE'LL GIVE THEM A COOKIE, GLASS OF WINE, 107 00:04:08,765 --> 00:04:10,935 FA LA LA, OUT THE DOOR THEY GO. 108 00:04:10,935 --> 00:04:12,238 [ SIGHS ] 109 00:04:12,238 --> 00:04:13,707 DON'T WORRY, SCROOGE. IT'LL BE GREAT. 110 00:04:13,707 --> 00:04:15,811 HERE. DRINK UP. 111 00:04:15,811 --> 00:04:17,614 SEE? SHE WAS PUSHING THAT ON EVERYBODY. 112 00:04:17,614 --> 00:04:20,319 W-W-WHAT WAS YOUR ANGLE, KATE? 113 00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:21,789 TO GET US ALL SO DRUNK 114 00:04:21,789 --> 00:04:24,327 SO YOU COULD STAY UP AND TRY ON MY LOUBOUTINS? 115 00:04:24,327 --> 00:04:25,028 MM-HMM. I'VE SEEN THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THEM. 116 00:04:25,028 --> 00:04:27,365 OOH, OOH! 117 00:04:27,365 --> 00:04:28,868 IT WAS PROBABLY TO TRY ON MY MOCCASINS. 118 00:04:28,868 --> 00:04:30,805 YEAH, I'VE SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THEM. 119 00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:34,011 I JUST WANTED US TO HAVE A NICE CHRISTMAS. 120 00:04:34,011 --> 00:04:36,249 WELL, I FOR ONE, HATED THE GLOGG. 121 00:04:36,249 --> 00:04:38,519 [ CHUCKLES ] I LOVE THIS GLOGG! 122 00:04:38,519 --> 00:04:40,689 YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE RECIPE, PRONTO. 123 00:04:40,689 --> 00:04:43,529 OH, THAT'S ITALIAN FOR "ARRIBA, ARRIBA!" 124 00:04:43,529 --> 00:04:44,864 [ SNAPS FINGERS, CLICKS TONGUE ] 125 00:04:44,864 --> 00:04:47,302 YOU KNOW, EVERYONE'S REALLY FEELING 126 00:04:47,302 --> 00:04:49,038 THIS FAMILY-TOGETHERNESS THING THAT I CREATED. 127 00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,574 IT REALLY MEANS A LOT TO YOU, DOESN'T IT? 128 00:04:50,574 --> 00:04:51,609 YEAH. 129 00:04:51,609 --> 00:04:52,912 I MEAN, I NEVER HAD THIS GROWING UP. 130 00:04:52,912 --> 00:04:54,282 ACTUALLY, ONE CHRISTMAS, 131 00:04:54,282 --> 00:04:55,751 WE ONLY HAD A PICTURE OF A CHRISTMAS TREE. 132 00:04:55,751 --> 00:04:58,589 IT WAS, LIKE, THIS BIG. IT WAS REALLY, REALLY SMALL. 133 00:04:58,589 --> 00:04:59,825 WOW. 134 00:04:59,825 --> 00:05:01,494 YEAH. 135 00:05:01,494 --> 00:05:04,500 MOM, YOUR GINGERBREAD HOUSE IS AMAZING. 136 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,836 WOW. PRETTY SWEET. 137 00:05:05,836 --> 00:05:07,305 IT'S A FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT, 138 00:05:07,305 --> 00:05:10,010 GLUTEN-FREE, AND STRUCTURALLY SOUND. 139 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,680 WOW. OH, HEY -- YOU KNOW, THE ONLY THING 140 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,984 MISSING FROM THIS MASTERFUL CREATION 141 00:05:13,984 --> 00:05:15,988 IS A GINGERBREAD DOGHOUSE. 142 00:05:15,988 --> 00:05:17,858 YES. HINT. HINT. 143 00:05:17,858 --> 00:05:18,860 HINT. HINT. 144 00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,864 WELL, IF YOU DO GET A DOG, 145 00:05:20,864 --> 00:05:23,635 YOU'LL KNOW SANTA'S REAL, 'CAUSE I'D NEVER GET YOU ONE. 146 00:05:23,635 --> 00:05:24,837 HINT. HINT. 147 00:05:24,837 --> 00:05:26,373 JACKIE: [ CHUCKLES ] CAN SOMEONE HELP ME LIGHT 148 00:05:26,373 --> 00:05:27,442 THE HANUKKAH MENORAH... 149 00:05:27,442 --> 00:05:29,913 AND THE KWANZAA KINARA AND DIWALI DIYA? 150 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:32,551 MY BELL SLEEVES ARE A REAL FIRE HAZARD. 151 00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:33,953 UH, YEAH. 152 00:05:33,953 --> 00:05:36,592 YOU KNOW, I'M CELEBRATING EVERY HOLIDAY THIS SEASON 153 00:05:36,592 --> 00:05:39,297 SO BERT'S LESS CONFUSED. 154 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,768 THIS WEEK IS ABOUT JESUS' BIRTHDAY, 155 00:05:41,768 --> 00:05:44,439 EIGHT DAYS OF OIL, THE ATTAINMENT OF NIRVANA, 156 00:05:44,439 --> 00:05:46,510 AND BLACK PEOPLE BEING AWESOME. 157 00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:49,348 AND DON'T FORGET THAT I'M FASTING FOR RAMADAN, TOO. 158 00:05:49,348 --> 00:05:51,853 YOU DO KNOW THAT FASTING MEANS NOT EATING, RIGHT? 159 00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:52,855 IT'S THE HOLIDAYS. 160 00:05:52,855 --> 00:05:54,024 I MEAN, I THINK WE CAN AFFORD 161 00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:55,560 TO TREAT OURSELVES A LITTLE. 162 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,997 IT ALL STARTS TO GET FUZZY AFTER WE PUT THE KIDS TO BED. 163 00:05:57,997 --> 00:05:59,968 YES, I REMEMBER TELLING THEM 164 00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,370 NOT TO COME OUT OF THEIR ROOMS TILL MORNING 165 00:06:01,370 --> 00:06:03,875 OR SANTA WOULDN'T BRING THEM ANYTHING OVER $40. 166 00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:06,614 AND THEN I REMEMBER DIANE FALLING. 167 00:06:06,614 --> 00:06:08,116 NO, I DIDN'T FALL. I NEVER FALL. MM-HMM. 168 00:06:08,116 --> 00:06:09,919 I REMEMBER WHEN I LEARNED TO WALK. 169 00:06:09,919 --> 00:06:11,088 IT WAS INSTANT. 170 00:06:11,088 --> 00:06:14,394 WELL, THE KIDS ARE ASLEEP, 171 00:06:14,394 --> 00:06:15,930 SO I GUESS I'D BETTER BE GOING. 172 00:06:15,930 --> 00:06:17,099 [ THUD ] OHH! 173 00:06:17,099 --> 00:06:18,836 OH! OH! DIANE. 174 00:06:18,836 --> 00:06:19,972 ARE YOU OKAY? ARE YOU OKAY? 175 00:06:19,972 --> 00:06:21,741 OH, NO. I'M OKAY. I'M OKAY. 176 00:06:21,741 --> 00:06:23,378 ARE YOU OKAY? OH! 177 00:06:23,378 --> 00:06:25,414 [ LAUGHING ] DIANE, Y-YOU'RE -- YOU'RE SMASHED. WHAT? 178 00:06:25,414 --> 00:06:27,852 NO, I'M -- YOU'RE LIKE, "AAH!" BAM! 179 00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:29,021 [ CHUCKLES ] 180 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:30,925 YOU MUST GIVE ME THE RECIPE FOR THAT GLURG. 181 00:06:30,925 --> 00:06:32,361 GLOGG. GLURG. 182 00:06:32,361 --> 00:06:33,730 GLOGG. GLURG. 183 00:06:33,730 --> 00:06:35,400 IT'S LIKE "GLO," GLOGG. GLURG. 184 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,138 GLORG, DIANE. GLORG. 185 00:06:38,138 --> 00:06:40,542 SO, IT WAS KATE'S STUPID GLOGG 186 00:06:40,542 --> 00:06:42,880 THAT MADE US LIKE THIS. 187 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,049 WHAT WAS IN THAT WINE? 188 00:06:44,049 --> 00:06:46,085 IT WAS MOSTLY RAISINS. 189 00:06:46,085 --> 00:06:48,390 YES, BUT WHAT WAS IN THOSE RAISINS, KATE? 190 00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:51,396 [ GROANS ] 191 00:06:51,396 --> 00:06:52,498 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 192 00:06:52,498 --> 00:06:56,004 I'M PROVING I DIDN'T DO THIS. 193 00:06:56,004 --> 00:06:57,840 LOOK. 194 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,577 THIS IS ALL THAT WE DRANK, OKAY? 195 00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:02,115 WITH SOME CLOVES AND ORANGE PEEL. 196 00:07:02,115 --> 00:07:04,453 THAT'S IT. AND THIS BOTTLE OF ABSINTHE. 197 00:07:04,453 --> 00:07:08,694 WHOA. WE DANCED WITH THE GREEN FAIRY. 198 00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:09,929 THIS HAS YOUR NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. 199 00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:11,031 NO, IT DOESN'T, DIANE. 200 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,000 AH. 201 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,970 OH, IT DOES. 202 00:07:14,771 --> 00:07:16,575 YEAH, BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW IT GOT HERE. 203 00:07:16,575 --> 00:07:19,413 WELL, THEN HOW DID IT GET IN THE PUNCH? 204 00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:21,951 AND WHY ARE YOU IN HALF A SANTA SUIT? 205 00:07:21,951 --> 00:07:23,454 AND MOST IMPORTANTLY... 206 00:07:23,454 --> 00:07:28,062 [ BREATHES SHAKILY ] ...IS THIS WHO I AM NOW? 207 00:07:28,062 --> 00:07:31,068 GUYS, THE DOG JUST CHEWED A HOLE THROUGH BERT'S DESK! 208 00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:33,004 WELL, YOU SAID YOU WANTED A DOG. 209 00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:34,173 NOT THAT KIND! 210 00:07:34,173 --> 00:07:36,044 NOW, IF YOU COULD DIRECT US TO THE PRESENTS, 211 00:07:36,044 --> 00:07:38,048 WE'D LIKE TO OPEN THEM, IF THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH TROUBLE. 212 00:07:38,048 --> 00:07:39,951 YEAH, I LOVE PRESENTS. 213 00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:42,957 SURE. 214 00:07:42,957 --> 00:07:44,126 WHERE ARE THEY? 215 00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:45,127 THEY'RE GONE! 216 00:07:45,127 --> 00:07:46,797 YOU MEAN... 217 00:07:46,797 --> 00:07:48,633 [ GASPS ] 218 00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:50,971 ALL: N-O-O-O-O-O-O!! 219 00:07:54,879 --> 00:07:56,081 [ SIGHS ] DID YOU FIND THEM YET? 220 00:07:56,081 --> 00:07:57,617 NO, BUT IT'S ONLY BEEN 30 SECONDS. 221 00:07:57,617 --> 00:07:58,685 HOW ABOUT NOW? 222 00:07:58,685 --> 00:08:01,123 COOL YOUR SHORTS, MY YOUNG CONSUMER. 223 00:08:01,123 --> 00:08:06,766 HELLO? PRESENTS? WHERE ARE YOU? 224 00:08:06,766 --> 00:08:08,703 YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S FINE, YOU GUYS. 225 00:08:08,703 --> 00:08:09,906 WE'LL JUST GO ON INSTAGRAM AND LOOK AT PICTURES OF OUR FRIENDS' PRESENTS. 226 00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:12,744 [ BOTH SIGH ] YEAH. LET'S GO, BERT. 227 00:08:12,744 --> 00:08:16,050 HOW ABOUT YOU GUYS? YOU FIND ANYTHING? 228 00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:18,054 I LOOKED EVERYWHERE. NO, YOU DIDN'T. 229 00:08:18,054 --> 00:08:19,590 YOU PUT ON KATE'S PERFUME 230 00:08:19,590 --> 00:08:20,859 AND DANCED IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR. 231 00:08:20,859 --> 00:08:22,428 I LOOKED EVERYWHERE. 232 00:08:22,428 --> 00:08:24,934 LET'S NOT FIGHT. REMEMBER, THIS IS ALL HER FAULT. 233 00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:26,803 WHAT? NO. 234 00:08:26,803 --> 00:08:29,107 I JUST WANTED US ALL TO BE TOGETHER ON CHRISTMAS. 235 00:08:29,107 --> 00:08:31,445 AND WHAT'S WITH THIS CONFETTI? 236 00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,081 OH, THIS IS SNOW! 237 00:08:33,081 --> 00:08:35,452 YEAH, I THINK YOU WERE SAYING YOU NEEDED IT 238 00:08:35,452 --> 00:08:36,821 FOR OUR WINTER WONDERLAND OR SOMETHING. 239 00:08:36,821 --> 00:08:38,758 WHAT? 240 00:08:40,194 --> 00:08:41,697 OKAY, "WINTER WONDERLAND"? 241 00:08:41,697 --> 00:08:43,200 I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. THAT'S SO LAME. 242 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,603 I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DID. 243 00:08:44,603 --> 00:08:46,239 WHY WOULD YOU SHRED ALL THIS? I DIDN'T. 244 00:08:46,239 --> 00:08:47,608 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WE HAD A SHREDDER. 245 00:08:47,608 --> 00:08:48,776 BEEN LIVING HERE A YEAR, 246 00:08:48,776 --> 00:08:50,079 YOU DIDN'T REALIZE WE HAD A SHREDDER? 247 00:08:50,079 --> 00:08:51,916 AND I SAY, AGAIN, WHAT DOES SHE DO ALL DAY? 248 00:08:51,916 --> 00:08:53,887 PFFT! 249 00:08:55,756 --> 00:08:59,630 [ GASPS ] IT'S A WINTER WONDERLAND! 250 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:02,101 SEE? TOLD YA YOU SAID IT. FACE. 251 00:09:02,101 --> 00:09:04,773 THIS IS MY CASE AGAINST THE BOTANICAL GARDEN. 252 00:09:04,773 --> 00:09:07,912 WHO DID THIS? WHO DID THIS?! 253 00:09:07,912 --> 00:09:11,920 I'M DOING IT! I AM SHREDDING MY FILES! 254 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,088 GOOD FOR YOU, BABY. 255 00:09:13,088 --> 00:09:15,091 I'M DONE WITH THE CONSUMERISM. 256 00:09:15,091 --> 00:09:17,529 IF I STOP MAKING MONEY, WE'RE FREE. 257 00:09:17,529 --> 00:09:19,867 YOU KNOW, BYE-- BYE-BYE, CORRUPT CASE. 258 00:09:19,867 --> 00:09:22,605 TOODLE-OO, SOULLESS JOB. 259 00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,774 HEY, YOU'VE BEEN SINGING THAT SONG 260 00:09:23,774 --> 00:09:24,776 SINCE BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED, SISTER. 261 00:09:24,776 --> 00:09:25,778 YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT? 262 00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:26,880 I'M GONNA CALL DOUG... MM-HMM? 263 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,051 ...RIGHT NOW, AND I AM GONNA TELL HIM 264 00:09:29,051 --> 00:09:32,524 THAT HE DOES NOT HAVE ME TO DENY CLIMATE CHANGE ANYMORE. 265 00:09:32,524 --> 00:09:34,527 YEAH. [ RINGING ] 266 00:09:34,527 --> 00:09:36,264 VOICEMAIL. 267 00:09:37,633 --> 00:09:40,638 UH, DOUG, IT'S PETE. 268 00:09:40,638 --> 00:09:42,809 IT WOULD BEHOOVE YOU TO CALL ME BACK. 269 00:09:42,809 --> 00:09:44,278 IT'S 1:47 IN THE MORNING. 270 00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:46,649 I'LL BE UP FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS. 271 00:09:46,649 --> 00:09:48,019 [ LAUGHS ] 272 00:09:48,019 --> 00:09:50,557 [ LAUGHING ] OH. THAT WAS INTOXICATING! 273 00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:51,959 THAT WAS INTOXICATING! 274 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,829 YOU WANT A REAL HIGH? YEAH. 275 00:09:53,829 --> 00:09:54,831 CALL HIM BACK. 276 00:09:54,831 --> 00:09:58,939 [ CHUCKLING ] OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. 277 00:09:58,939 --> 00:10:02,912 HEY, DOUG! IT'S PETE! IT'S 1:48! 278 00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:05,050 WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME BACK?! [ LAUGHS ] 279 00:10:05,050 --> 00:10:06,085 DDO IT AGAIN. 280 00:10:06,085 --> 00:10:07,855 THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. [ RINGING ] 281 00:10:09,257 --> 00:10:10,259 DOUG!! 282 00:10:10,259 --> 00:10:12,930 OH, MY GOD. WHAT? 283 00:10:12,930 --> 00:10:17,806 I CALLED HIM 16 TIMES BETWEEN 1:47 AND 3:38. 284 00:10:17,806 --> 00:10:19,643 WELL, DID YOU REACH HIM? DID YOU QUIT? 285 00:10:19,643 --> 00:10:21,012 [ CHUCKLES ] I-I DON'T KNOW. 286 00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:23,684 WELL, I TRIED TO STOP HIM, BUT DOES HE LISTEN? 287 00:10:23,684 --> 00:10:25,153 [ SCOFFS ] STORY OF MY LIFE. 288 00:10:25,153 --> 00:10:26,321 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 289 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:28,626 IF IT'S DOUG, I'M NOT HERE. 290 00:10:28,626 --> 00:10:30,830 HI! 291 00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:32,567 HI! HI! HI! 292 00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:35,839 SO, I THINK YOU HAVE MY MARYS. 293 00:10:35,839 --> 00:10:37,843 WHAT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 294 00:10:37,843 --> 00:10:38,745 AHA. 295 00:10:38,745 --> 00:10:40,715 AH! 296 00:10:40,715 --> 00:10:42,719 [ CHUCKLING ] THEY'RE HAVING A TEA PARTY. 297 00:10:42,719 --> 00:10:44,789 THAT'S FRIGGING ADORABLE. 298 00:10:44,789 --> 00:10:46,225 THAT ONE. SHE DID IT. WHAT?! 299 00:10:46,225 --> 00:10:47,894 OH, DON'T LOOK SO SURPRISED. 300 00:10:47,894 --> 00:10:49,998 I CAN'T HELP IT. SOMETHING HAPPENED TO MY EYEBROWS. 301 00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:52,069 HANG ON -- CAN WE JUST GO BACK TO WHAT SHE DID WRONG? 302 00:10:52,069 --> 00:10:54,607 ♪ JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS ♪ 303 00:10:54,607 --> 00:10:57,312 ♪ THERE ARE LOTS OF BELLS ♪ 304 00:10:57,312 --> 00:10:59,316 ♪ THEY'RE -- ♪ OOH. UH, WHOOPS. 305 00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:00,985 UH, UH...OKAY. 306 00:11:00,985 --> 00:11:02,989 ♪ JINGLE BELLS ♪ 307 00:11:02,989 --> 00:11:04,325 OOPS. SORRY. 308 00:11:04,325 --> 00:11:06,061 OOH, SHH! SORRY! 309 00:11:06,061 --> 00:11:07,765 WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? 310 00:11:07,765 --> 00:11:08,800 SHH! 311 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,071 YOU'RE GONNA WAKE THE BABY JESUSES! 312 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,609 NO! DON'T SHUSH ME! THIS IS MY HOUSE! 313 00:11:13,609 --> 00:11:15,913 I'M SHUSH-- SHUSHING FOR JESUS! 314 00:11:15,913 --> 00:11:18,785 [ SIGHS ] OHH, UGH. 315 00:11:18,785 --> 00:11:20,254 [ CHUCKLING ] OH. 316 00:11:20,254 --> 00:11:22,792 THAT'S WHY I TOOK THEM, 'CAUSE IT'S THE THREE OF US. 317 00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:24,195 IT'S KATE, ME, AND... 318 00:11:24,195 --> 00:11:26,699 THE ONE WITH THE DEAD EYES IS DIANE. 319 00:11:26,699 --> 00:11:27,968 EXCEPT WE'RE DEFINITELY NOT VIRGINS. 320 00:11:27,968 --> 00:11:29,337 [ CHUCKLES ] HA! 321 00:11:29,337 --> 00:11:32,844 I AM NOT EVEN GONNA ASK WHY THE MOTHERS OF OUR LORD 322 00:11:32,844 --> 00:11:35,682 WERE EATING JALAPEÑO POPPERS. 323 00:11:35,682 --> 00:11:36,851 [ GASPS ] 324 00:11:36,851 --> 00:11:39,689 JALAPEÑO POPPERS! BAR FOOD. MEG WAS HERE. 325 00:11:39,689 --> 00:11:40,991 GET THE LUSH ON THE PHONE. 326 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:43,664 OKAY. 327 00:11:43,664 --> 00:11:44,799 [ RINGING ] MEG: HELLO? 328 00:11:44,799 --> 00:11:46,302 MEG, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT? 329 00:11:46,302 --> 00:11:49,240 ARE YOU THE ONE WHO SPIKED THE PUNCH WITH ABSINTHE? 330 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,244 THAT IS A CRIMINAL OFFENSE AND WOULD BE YOUR THIRD STRIKE. 331 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,748 THAT'S WHY YOU GUYS WERE ACTING SO WEIRD. 332 00:11:53,748 --> 00:11:55,619 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DRANK THE ABSINTHE WITHOUT ME. 333 00:11:55,619 --> 00:11:56,988 I DROPPED IT OFF FOR KATE LAST WEEK 334 00:11:56,988 --> 00:11:58,691 SO WE COULD DRINK IT TOGETHER ON CHRISTMAS, 335 00:11:58,691 --> 00:11:59,693 BUT I DIDN'T OPEN IT. 336 00:11:59,693 --> 00:12:01,697 ABSINTHE? YEAH, BUT -- 337 00:12:01,697 --> 00:12:03,333 OKAY, WE GIVE ALCOHOL TO EACH OTHER FOR CHRISTMAS 338 00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:05,670 AND BIRTHDAYS AND BANK HOLIDAYS AND... 339 00:12:05,670 --> 00:12:06,739 DON'T FORGET THURSDAYS. 340 00:12:06,739 --> 00:12:08,108 WOW, WE DRINK TOO MUCH. 341 00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:10,246 BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW. 342 00:12:10,246 --> 00:12:12,750 YEAH, THE POINT IS I GOT ATTACKED BY A COYOTE. 343 00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:15,622 WHAT?! ARE YOU OKAY? 344 00:12:15,622 --> 00:12:17,091 NO! I'M IN THE E.R. ON CHRISTMAS! 345 00:12:17,091 --> 00:12:19,830 IT'S ALL... DRUNK SANTAS AND HOBOS. 346 00:12:19,830 --> 00:12:21,299 HOW DID YOU GET ATTACKED BY A COYOTE? 347 00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:24,037 WELL, YOU SAID TO COME OVER FOR THE BEST PARTY EVER. 348 00:12:24,037 --> 00:12:25,707 [ ACE OF BASE'S "THE SIGN" PLAYING ] HELLO? 349 00:12:25,707 --> 00:12:27,744 ♪ IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH? ♪ 350 00:12:27,744 --> 00:12:31,718 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN, AND IT OPENED UP MY EYES ♪ 351 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,221 ♪ I SAW THE SI-- ♪ 352 00:12:33,221 --> 00:12:37,763 ♪ LIFE IS DEMANDING WITHOUT UNDERSTANDING ♪ 353 00:12:37,763 --> 00:12:39,299 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN, AND IT OPENED UP MY EYES ♪ 354 00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:41,001 OH, MY GOD. 355 00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:42,872 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 356 00:12:42,872 --> 00:12:44,408 ♪ NO ONE'S GONNA DRAG YOU UP ♪ 357 00:12:44,408 --> 00:12:47,814 ♪ OR PUT YOU IN THE LIGHT WHERE YOU BELONG ♪ 358 00:12:47,814 --> 00:12:50,385 ♪ BUT WHERE DO YOU BELONG? ♪ 359 00:12:50,385 --> 00:12:52,122 NOT HERE. 360 00:12:52,122 --> 00:12:53,291 WAY TO BRING IT DOWN. 361 00:12:53,291 --> 00:12:55,361 WELL, WE WERE HAVING SO MUCH FUN. 362 00:12:55,361 --> 00:12:57,699 I'M SORRY. WE SANG TOGETHER? 363 00:12:57,699 --> 00:12:59,869 OKAY, BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE COYOTE? 364 00:12:59,869 --> 00:13:03,142 AND I ASK AGAIN, WE SANG TOGETHER?! YEAH. 365 00:13:03,142 --> 00:13:04,812 AND THEN DIANE WENT OUTSIDE TO GO LOOK FOR CHESTNUTS. 366 00:13:04,812 --> 00:13:06,114 I DON'T KNOW WHAT A CHESTNUT IS, 367 00:13:06,114 --> 00:13:07,784 BUT I'M PRETTY SURE THEY DON'T GROW ON DRIVEWAYS. 368 00:13:07,784 --> 00:13:09,120 I DID? 369 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,725 I HAVEN'T DONE THAT SINCE I WAS A GIRL. 370 00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:12,860 OH, WE USED TO ROAST THEM 371 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,763 IN FRONT OF THE FIRE WITH PAPA. 372 00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:17,234 CHESTNUTS. 373 00:13:17,234 --> 00:13:20,007 CHESTNUTS. 374 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:24,314 OH, I'LL PICK YOU THE FINEST CHESTNUTS, PAPA. 375 00:13:24,314 --> 00:13:27,987 AND, OH, HOW THEY'LL JUMP AND THEY DANCE ON THE FIRE. 376 00:13:30,191 --> 00:13:35,334 WELL, HELLO THERE, LITTLE THING. 377 00:13:35,334 --> 00:13:36,369 [ SNARLS ] 378 00:13:36,369 --> 00:13:40,711 OH, MY. AREN'T YOU FRIENDLY? 379 00:13:40,711 --> 00:13:43,282 AREN'T YOU FRIENDLY? 380 00:13:43,282 --> 00:13:47,389 I FOUND US A DOG FOR THE KIDS. 381 00:13:47,389 --> 00:13:50,762 OH, WAIT, THE DOG IS A COYOTE? 382 00:13:50,762 --> 00:13:52,299 MY DOG IS A COYOTE? 383 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,302 I THINK THAT DOG IS A WOLF. MEG: YEAH, IT COULD HAVE BEEN A WOLF. 384 00:13:54,302 --> 00:13:56,339 OKAY, WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE 385 00:13:56,339 --> 00:13:57,942 THAT IT'S A WILD ANIMAL. 386 00:13:57,942 --> 00:14:02,384 COME ON. COME ON, FELLA. OUTSIDE. GO. 387 00:14:02,384 --> 00:14:04,421 WAIT, WHY ARE YOU GETTING RID OF OUR DOG? 388 00:14:04,421 --> 00:14:06,391 THAT DOG WAS A COYOTE. 389 00:14:06,391 --> 00:14:09,130 IT WAS A WOLF. THAT WAS OUR ONLY PRESENT. 390 00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:11,768 OKAY, WELL, GUYS, CHRISTMAS ISN'T ONLY ABOUT PRESENTS. 391 00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:14,906 [ ALL GROAN ] HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE EVEN BE TALKING ABOUT PRESENTS 392 00:14:14,906 --> 00:14:17,879 WHEN THERE'S A SEEMINGLY DEAD WOMAN IN YOUR BATHTUB? 393 00:14:20,884 --> 00:14:23,388 [ GASPS ] MRS. STEINBERG? 394 00:14:23,388 --> 00:14:25,759 PETE: WHAT'S WARREN'S TEACHER DOING HERE? 395 00:14:25,759 --> 00:14:27,463 PATTY! 396 00:14:27,463 --> 00:14:29,266 [ GASPS ] I'LL WORK THE BAKE SALE! 397 00:14:29,266 --> 00:14:30,769 [ ALL SIGH ] I KNEW SHE WASN'T DEAD. 398 00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,272 ME, TOO. [ CHUCKLES ] 399 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,441 I KNEW SHE WASN'T DEAD, EITHER, 400 00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:35,010 BUT I REALLY WANTED ATTENTION. 401 00:14:38,483 --> 00:14:40,420 YOU SURE I CAN'T GET YOU A ROBE OR SOMETHING? 402 00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:42,390 OH, NO, NO. I'M COMFORTABLE LIKE THIS. 403 00:14:42,390 --> 00:14:44,294 SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE? 404 00:14:44,294 --> 00:14:47,399 OH, I FELL ASLEEP IN YOUR TUB 405 00:14:47,399 --> 00:14:49,436 AFTER YOU FED ME THAT DEVIL JUICE. 406 00:14:49,436 --> 00:14:51,307 YEAH, BUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CLOTHES? 407 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,043 OH, PETER TOOK THEM. 408 00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:54,112 [ GASPS ] 409 00:14:54,112 --> 00:14:55,381 WHAT? 410 00:14:55,381 --> 00:14:57,083 WELL, I WAS CAROLING 411 00:14:57,083 --> 00:14:59,321 WITH MY ALL-WOMEN'S CHURCH GROUP. 412 00:14:59,321 --> 00:15:05,332 ♪ FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA ♪ 413 00:15:05,332 --> 00:15:07,303 WHOO! WHOO! GOOD. 414 00:15:07,303 --> 00:15:10,408 MRS. STEINBERG? COME IN. HAVE A DRINK WITH US. 415 00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:13,280 I-I THINK SHE MEANT JUST ME. 416 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,952 I'LL MEET YOU AT THE CHUNS' PRAYER CIRCLE. 417 00:15:15,952 --> 00:15:17,789 [ CHUCKLING ] KATE! LOOK AT THIS! 418 00:15:17,789 --> 00:15:19,124 OH, MY GOD! PETE! THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! 419 00:15:19,124 --> 00:15:20,393 I KNOW. I KNOW. 420 00:15:20,393 --> 00:15:22,063 IT'S THE CASE I'VE BEEN WORKING ON. 421 00:15:22,063 --> 00:15:25,069 OH, WE CAN MAKE A WINTER WONDERLAND FOR THE KIDS! OH! 422 00:15:25,069 --> 00:15:27,406 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? WHAT? 423 00:15:27,406 --> 00:15:28,542 AN ELF! 424 00:15:28,542 --> 00:15:32,315 WAIT... THIS WAS MY IDEA?! 425 00:15:34,085 --> 00:15:36,489 DO I LOOK LIKE AN ELF YET? 426 00:15:36,489 --> 00:15:39,027 ALMOST. THEY'RE JU-- THEY'RE JUST A LITTLE UNEVEN. 427 00:15:39,027 --> 00:15:40,831 MAKE YOURS A LITTLE SHORTER. OKAY. 428 00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:44,170 OH. NO, YOU MADE IT TOO SHORT. 429 00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:45,906 NOW I HAVE TO MAKE MINE SHORTER, TOO. 430 00:15:45,906 --> 00:15:47,075 OKAY, MAKE SURE YOU GET IT RIGHT 431 00:15:47,075 --> 00:15:48,378 BECAUSE THE EYEBROWS ARE THE CURTAINS 432 00:15:48,378 --> 00:15:49,947 TO THE WINDOWS OF THE SOUL. 433 00:15:49,947 --> 00:15:52,953 OKAY. 434 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:55,124 [ GASPS ] 435 00:15:55,124 --> 00:15:56,960 THEY'RE GORGEOUS! 436 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,195 YOW! 437 00:15:58,195 --> 00:16:00,333 WE JUST CREATED THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS MOMENT! 438 00:16:00,333 --> 00:16:02,102 LET'S -- LET'S TAKE A PICTURE. 439 00:16:02,102 --> 00:16:03,104 NO. YES! 440 00:16:03,104 --> 00:16:04,440 COME ON, DIANE, BE FUN. 441 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:05,442 DIANE. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 442 00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:06,944 OKAY, HERE. 443 00:16:06,944 --> 00:16:09,417 I GOT IT. I GOT IT. OH, HANG ON. 444 00:16:09,417 --> 00:16:12,455 MEG, CAN YOU WATCH MY LITTLE PUPPY, PLEASE? 445 00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:14,359 COME ON. OKAY. 446 00:16:14,359 --> 00:16:16,930 YOU KNOW, HE LOOKS A LITTLE LIKE A COYOTE. 447 00:16:16,930 --> 00:16:19,134 HE LOOKS A LOT LIKE A COYOTE. 448 00:16:19,134 --> 00:16:21,404 HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. SQUISH IN. OKAY. OW. 449 00:16:21,404 --> 00:16:22,941 [ SIGHS ] OKAY. 450 00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,110 SEE? I THINK THE THREE OF US COULD BE GREAT FRIENDS. 451 00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:25,579 I REALLY DO. [ CHUCKLES ] 452 00:16:25,579 --> 00:16:28,117 [ CAMERA BEEPING ] 453 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,353 WHY ISN'T IT GOING? 454 00:16:29,353 --> 00:16:31,357 WHY ISN'T IT GOING? 455 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,259 IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'S COMING. IT'S COMING. 456 00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,395 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 457 00:16:34,395 --> 00:16:36,265 [ FLAMES WHOOSH ] CHEESE! CHEESE! 458 00:16:36,265 --> 00:16:37,301 [ ALL SCREAMING ] 459 00:16:37,301 --> 00:16:39,304 IT'S ON FIRE! FIRE! 460 00:16:39,304 --> 00:16:41,441 OH, MY GOD! THAT DOG BIT ME! 461 00:16:41,441 --> 00:16:42,977 GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT! 462 00:16:42,977 --> 00:16:44,314 FIRE! FIRE! 463 00:16:44,314 --> 00:16:45,415 WE'RE SO UNPREPARED FOR THIS! 464 00:16:45,415 --> 00:16:47,954 HO, HO -- 465 00:16:47,954 --> 00:16:49,289 FIRE!! 466 00:16:49,289 --> 00:16:51,459 [ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] 467 00:16:51,459 --> 00:16:53,296 KATE, OPEN THE DOOR! 468 00:16:53,296 --> 00:16:56,469 OKAY! OKAY! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR! 469 00:16:56,469 --> 00:16:58,305 GET IT OUT! OPEN THE DOOR! 470 00:16:58,305 --> 00:17:01,345 OPEN IT! OPEN IT! AAH! 471 00:17:01,345 --> 00:17:03,983 SUIT IS MELTING! HANDS ARE HOT! 472 00:17:03,983 --> 00:17:05,987 [ GRUNTS ] 473 00:17:08,257 --> 00:17:11,263 I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I GOT INTO YOUR SANTA SUIT. 474 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,434 WE WERE TALKING ABOUT 475 00:17:13,434 --> 00:17:14,669 HOW YOU WERE SICK OF MAKING SO MUCH MONEY. 476 00:17:14,669 --> 00:17:16,405 WHAT? 477 00:17:16,405 --> 00:17:19,244 ♪ YOUR HOSPITALITY ♪ 478 00:17:19,244 --> 00:17:20,413 OH. 479 00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:23,251 SO, UM, WHY DO YOU WANT TO QUIT YOUR JOB? 480 00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:27,091 BECAUSE CRASS MATERIALISM IS THE WORST PART OF CHRISTMAS. 481 00:17:27,091 --> 00:17:29,196 YOU WANT TO KNOW THE WORST PART OF CHRISTMAS? 482 00:17:29,196 --> 00:17:31,633 CRASS MATERIALISM. I JUST SAID THAT. 483 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:34,338 NO, IT'S WHEN THE KIDS STOP BELIEVING IN SANTA. 484 00:17:34,338 --> 00:17:36,409 YEAR AFTER YEAR, I SEE THE KIDS STOP BELIEVING 485 00:17:36,409 --> 00:17:39,113 IN THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS. 486 00:17:39,113 --> 00:17:41,918 CHILDHOOD IS OVER, AND FRESH-FACED INNOCENCE 487 00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:44,089 IS REPLACED BY MORE PORNOGRAPHY 488 00:17:44,089 --> 00:17:46,627 THAN YOU CAN SHAKE A STICK AT. 489 00:17:46,627 --> 00:17:49,299 SOMEDAY, BERT'S NOT GONNA BELIEVE IN SANTA ANYMORE. 490 00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:50,467 THAT'S THE TRUTH. 491 00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:52,906 MRS. STEINBERG, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU 492 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,342 TO TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES. 493 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,389 SHOW TIME. 494 00:18:06,464 --> 00:18:09,168 HO! HO! HO! 495 00:18:09,168 --> 00:18:11,373 SANTA? 496 00:18:11,373 --> 00:18:15,446 IS THAT REALLY YOU?! 497 00:18:15,446 --> 00:18:16,983 BYE-BYE! BYE. BYE, GUYS! 498 00:18:16,983 --> 00:18:18,486 KIDS: BYE, MRS. STEINBERG! 499 00:18:18,486 --> 00:18:20,155 BYE, DIANE! L'CHAIM TO US ALL! 500 00:18:20,155 --> 00:18:22,459 BYE-BYE! THANK YOU! 501 00:18:22,459 --> 00:18:24,263 [ SIGHS ] 502 00:18:24,263 --> 00:18:26,233 SO, WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE PRESENTS? YEAH? 503 00:18:26,233 --> 00:18:27,402 I MEAN, IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE BEING PUNISHED 504 00:18:27,402 --> 00:18:28,938 FOR SOMETHING WE DIDN'T DO. 505 00:18:28,938 --> 00:18:31,275 COME ON, GUYS. CHRISTMAS ISN'T JUST ABOUT PRESENTS. 506 00:18:31,275 --> 00:18:32,311 IT'S ABOUT MEMORIES. 507 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,248 BUT YOU CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING. 508 00:18:34,248 --> 00:18:35,283 ABOUT YESTERDAY, BUT TODAY, 509 00:18:35,283 --> 00:18:36,686 WE HAD A LOT OF GREAT MEMORIES. 510 00:18:36,686 --> 00:18:38,522 WE MADE SNOW, WE GOT TO HANG OUT 511 00:18:38,522 --> 00:18:40,693 WITH A VERY COYOTE-LIKE WOLF. 512 00:18:40,693 --> 00:18:42,630 [ LAUGHTER ] AND I SAW SANTA! 513 00:18:42,630 --> 00:18:44,333 YEAH, AND BERT SAW SANTA. 514 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:47,238 SO, I JUST WANT TO SAY... 515 00:18:47,238 --> 00:18:50,444 THANK YOU, KATE, FOR BRINGING US ALL TOGETHER. 516 00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:53,383 PETE: YOU KNOW, AS I SIT HERE, 517 00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:55,520 I CAN'T HELP BUT THINK THAT... 518 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,225 WE HAVE SO MUCH TO CLEAN UP. 519 00:18:58,225 --> 00:19:00,730 [ CHUCKLES ] I THINK IT'S NICE. 520 00:19:01,698 --> 00:19:03,969 IT FINALLY FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS. 521 00:19:03,969 --> 00:19:05,639 HEY, WHAT'S THAT SMELL? 522 00:19:05,639 --> 00:19:07,108 [ SNIFFS ] WARREN. 523 00:19:07,108 --> 00:19:08,745 [ SIGHS ] SMELLS MORE LIKE HILLARY. 524 00:19:08,745 --> 00:19:10,681 WHAT?! IT SMELLS LIKE BURNT PLASTIC. 525 00:19:13,185 --> 00:19:16,191 WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT IS THAT SMELL? 526 00:19:16,191 --> 00:19:18,663 BERT: OH, A BIKE! 527 00:19:18,663 --> 00:19:20,465 SANTA WAS HERE! I KNEW IT! 528 00:19:20,465 --> 00:19:23,471 YES, HE WAS, SON. YES, HE WAS. 529 00:19:23,471 --> 00:19:27,478 ♪ WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪ 530 00:19:27,478 --> 00:19:29,449 ♪ WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪ 531 00:19:29,449 --> 00:19:32,287 ♪ WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS ♪ 532 00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:36,227 ♪ AND IT'S SO HIGH UP HERE ♪ 533 00:19:36,227 --> 00:19:38,465 WELL, WE FOUND THE PRESENTS. 534 00:19:38,465 --> 00:19:41,070 I MEAN, THE BIKE LOOKS PRETTY SALVAGEABLE. 535 00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:43,340 SANTA BROUGHT ME A BIKE BECAUSE I WAS A GOOD BOY. 536 00:19:43,340 --> 00:19:45,211 I WORKED HARD IN SCHOOL, I SHOWERED EVERY DAY, 537 00:19:45,211 --> 00:19:47,114 AND I HELPED KATE WITH HER PARTY JUICE. 538 00:19:47,114 --> 00:19:48,451 WAIT, WHAT?! COME AGAIN? 539 00:19:48,451 --> 00:19:50,454 WHAT? I SHOWERED EVERY DAY. 540 00:19:50,454 --> 00:19:52,324 WELL, ALMOST EVERY DAY. 541 00:19:52,324 --> 00:19:53,393 NO, NO, NO. THE OTHER PART. 542 00:20:07,284 --> 00:20:09,288 ♪ IT WASN'T ME ♪ 543 00:20:09,288 --> 00:20:10,457 ♪ IT WASN'T ME ♪ 544 00:20:10,457 --> 00:20:11,359 YOU HEAR THAT, LADIES? I DIDN'T DO IT! 545 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,362 CONGRATULATIONS, KATE. 546 00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:16,502 AND, OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO HELPFUL BERT. 547 00:20:16,502 --> 00:20:18,672 [ CELLPHONE RINGING ] YES, THANK YOU, BERT. 548 00:20:18,672 --> 00:20:20,208 OH, GOD. 549 00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:21,210 WHAT? IT'S DOUG. 550 00:20:21,210 --> 00:20:24,315 DOUG! HEY, LISTEN, I -- 551 00:20:24,315 --> 00:20:26,186 YES. 552 00:20:26,186 --> 00:20:29,291 I WOULD LOVE TO COME TO WORK ON CHRISTMAS DAY. 553 00:20:29,291 --> 00:20:30,360 YEAH. 554 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,063 I DIDN'T QUIT. 555 00:20:32,063 --> 00:20:34,301 HE DIDN'T QUIT! I DIDN'T QUIT MY JOB! 556 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:35,436 HE DIDN'T QUIT! IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! 557 00:20:35,436 --> 00:20:37,039 YAY! HALLELUJAH! 558 00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:38,375 WELL, I'M GONNA GO LOOK FOR THE COYOTE. 559 00:20:38,375 --> 00:20:40,111 YOU SHOULD COME. UH, IT'S A WOLF. BE CAREFUL. 560 00:20:43,584 --> 00:20:46,256 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN, AND IT OPENED UP MY EYES ♪ 561 00:20:46,256 --> 00:20:49,461 ♪ AND I AM HAPPY NOW LIVING WITHOUT YOU ♪ 562 00:20:49,461 --> 00:20:52,301 ♪ I LEFT YOU, OH, OH-OH-OH ♪ 563 00:20:52,301 --> 00:20:56,308 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN, AND IT OPENED UP MY EYES ♪ 564 00:20:56,308 --> 00:20:58,077 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 565 00:20:58,077 --> 00:20:59,246 ♪ NO ONE'S GONNA DRAG YOU UP ♪ 566 00:20:59,246 --> 00:21:02,552 ♪ TO GET INTO THE LIGHT WHERE YOU BELONG ♪ 567 00:21:02,552 --> 00:21:04,256 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 568 00:21:04,256 --> 00:21:06,292 ♪ I SAW THE SI-I-GN ♪ 569 00:21:06,292 --> 00:21:07,261 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 570 00:21:07,261 --> 00:21:09,098 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 571 00:21:09,098 --> 00:21:12,237 ♪ I SAW THE SI-I-GN ♪ 572 00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,574 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 573 00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:16,278 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 574 00:21:16,278 --> 00:21:19,283 ♪ I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 575 00:21:19,283 --> 00:21:24,703 ♪ AND IT OPENED UP MY EYES, I SAW THE SIGN ♪ 576 00:21:24,703 --> 00:21:26,738 WHOO! NAILED IT!