1 00:00:01,647 --> 00:00:04,252 [ GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS ]   WAIT, WAIT. 2 00:00:04,252 --> 00:00:08,396 ♪ HIGHWAY TO THE DANGER... ♪ 3 00:00:08,396 --> 00:00:10,601 ♪ HIGHWAY ♪ 4 00:00:10,601 --> 00:00:12,204 ♪ TO THE ♪ 5 00:00:12,204 --> 00:00:13,407 [ CELLPHONE RINGING ]   WAIT. 6 00:00:14,108 --> 00:00:15,412 ♪ DANGER ZONE ♪ 7 00:00:15,412 --> 00:00:16,247 [ BEEP ] 8 00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:18,217 HELLO? 9 00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:20,824 YEAH, THIS IS BERT'S STEPMOM.   ♪ TAKE YOU RIGHT INTO ♪ 10 00:00:20,824 --> 00:00:22,795 ♪ THE DANGER ZONE ♪   NO, THE BLOND ONE. 11 00:00:22,795 --> 00:00:24,065 WAIT, WHAT? 12 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:25,335 [ SCHOOL BELL RINGS ] 13 00:00:27,272 --> 00:00:28,609 SO, IT'S LICE. 14 00:00:28,609 --> 00:00:30,546 YEAH. YEAH. 15 00:00:30,546 --> 00:00:32,116 THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. 16 00:00:32,116 --> 00:00:33,821 OH, I'M SORRY.   IT'S MY FIRST DAY. 17 00:00:33,821 --> 00:00:35,291 I'M -- I'M A LITTLE   OVERWHELMED. 18 00:00:35,291 --> 00:00:38,263 [ SIGHS ] YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY   IN MY FAMILY IS A NURSE. 19 00:00:38,263 --> 00:00:39,300 I ACTUALLY WANTED   TO BE A DOCTOR, 20 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,605 BUT, YOU KNOW,   THEY ALL MADE FUN OF ME. 21 00:00:41,605 --> 00:00:43,209 "NOBODY LIKES YOU."   [ CHUCKLES ] 22 00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,179 I GET IT, DAD. 23 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:48,186 LISTEN, DO YOU   HAVE ANY PAMPHLETS OR   INFORMATION ABOUT LICE? 24 00:00:48,186 --> 00:00:49,122 PAMPHLETS? 25 00:00:49,122 --> 00:00:50,258 UH, YEAH, OKAY. 26 00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,828 THINK, TERRY. PAMPHLETS. 27 00:00:51,828 --> 00:00:53,132 UH...   [ DRAWERS RATTLING ] 28 00:00:53,132 --> 00:00:55,504 YES, HERE. 29 00:00:55,504 --> 00:00:57,709 LICE PROTOCOL,   SEIZURE PROTOCOL... 30 00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:58,778 NO.   ...SPLINTER -- 31 00:00:58,778 --> 00:00:59,846 YOU SKIPPED IT. 32 00:00:59,846 --> 00:01:01,116 I'M SORRY? 33 00:01:01,116 --> 00:01:02,720 LICE PROTOC--   YOU SAID THAT ONE FIRST. 34 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,223 I SKIPPED IT? 35 00:01:04,223 --> 00:01:07,164 I SKIPPED IT.   OF COURSE. YES. SO I DID. 36 00:01:07,164 --> 00:01:09,302 OKAY.   [ INHALES DEEPLY ] 37 00:01:09,302 --> 00:01:12,241 ACCORDING TO THIS... 38 00:01:12,241 --> 00:01:13,411 OH. 39 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:15,550 WHOA. 40 00:01:15,550 --> 00:01:17,320 [ TELEPHONE RINGING   IN DISTANCE ] 41 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,759 LORD. THIS IS BAD. 42 00:01:20,728 --> 00:01:24,169 "UNTIL YOU RID YOURSELF   OF LICE, NITS, AND BUGS, 43 00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:26,173 "THE INFECTED PERSONS   ARE NOT ALLOWED 44 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:27,410 BACK ON SCHOOL PROPERTY." 45 00:01:27,410 --> 00:01:28,747 WELL, THAT INCLUDES YOU. 46 00:01:30,751 --> 00:01:33,257 OH, NO, I DON'T --   I DON'T HAVE -- 47 00:01:33,257 --> 00:01:33,891 OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. 48 00:01:33,891 --> 00:01:35,428 NO, THAT -- THAT WAS -- 49 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,266 YEAH! 50 00:01:37,266 --> 00:01:38,903 YOU FOR SURE HAVE IT. 51 00:01:38,903 --> 00:01:41,175 IT WAS JUST MY HAIR SPRAY.   NO, NO. 52 00:01:41,175 --> 00:01:42,612 YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW. 53 00:01:47,389 --> 00:01:50,396 ♪♪♪ 54 00:01:57,178 --> 00:02:00,586 [ CELLPHONE VIBRATING ] 55 00:02:00,586 --> 00:02:01,655 HEY, WHAT'S UP? 56 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,960 BERT'S GOT LICE.   WE'VE ALL GOT LICE. 57 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,731 ROUND UP THE OTHERS. 58 00:02:05,731 --> 00:02:07,267 I'M ON IT. 59 00:02:11,845 --> 00:02:12,814 THANK YOU. 60 00:02:12,814 --> 00:02:14,251 OH. HI. 61 00:02:14,251 --> 00:02:16,923 LET'S SEE --   I'M GONNA NEED SOME CONDOMS 62 00:02:16,923 --> 00:02:19,429 AND, UH, CIGARS, 63 00:02:19,429 --> 00:02:21,300 SOME STOOL SOFTENER, 64 00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,636 AND, UM [CLEARS THROAT] 65 00:02:22,636 --> 00:02:25,443 AND I COULDN'T FIND   YOUR LICE SHAMPOO. 66 00:02:25,443 --> 00:02:27,948 HEY, GARY, IS THE LICE SHAMPOO   ON EIGHT OR NINE? 67 00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:29,352 GARY:   I THINK IT'S ON NINE! 68 00:02:29,352 --> 00:02:31,222 THE LICE SHAMPOO'S FOR -- 69 00:02:31,222 --> 00:02:33,327 IT'S NOT -- I DON'T NEED --   I -- GET IT. 70 00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:35,599 I'M JUST CONSTIPATED,   GARY! 71 00:02:37,270 --> 00:02:38,873 ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 72 00:02:38,873 --> 00:02:40,745 [ GROANS ] THIS IS   WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. 73 00:02:42,014 --> 00:02:45,422 GOOD, YOU'RE BACK.   THE SCHOOL CALLED ME. 74 00:02:45,422 --> 00:02:47,661 NOBODY MOVE, NOBODY TOUCH,   NOBODY SIT. 75 00:02:47,661 --> 00:02:50,834 EVERYBODY, LISTEN TO ME,   AND WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS. 76 00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:51,836 NOW STRIP. 77 00:02:55,312 --> 00:02:56,681 OKAY, NOW, AS I WASH, 78 00:02:56,681 --> 00:02:58,251 THE REST OF YOU   NEED TO PITCH IN 79 00:02:58,251 --> 00:02:59,821 WITH CONTAINMENT   AND ERADICATION. 80 00:02:59,821 --> 00:03:01,024 PETER, STRIP THE BEDS. 81 00:03:01,024 --> 00:03:02,962 HILLARY, START GATHERING   ALL THE LAUNDRY. 82 00:03:02,962 --> 00:03:06,704 AND, KATE, LISTEN TO ME,   BECAUSE THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT. 83 00:03:06,704 --> 00:03:08,675 OKAY.   CAPPUCCINO. 84 00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:10,981 MAKING COFFEE   IS THE MOST IMPORTANT? 85 00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:13,018 OH, CAPPUCCINO   ISN'T COFFEE. 86 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,290 A FORMER BARISTA   SHOULD KNOW THAT. 87 00:03:16,526 --> 00:03:17,730 I WAS NEVER A BARISTA. 88 00:03:17,730 --> 00:03:20,602 OH. I THOUGHT   YOU HAD A JOB ONCE. 89 00:03:20,602 --> 00:03:21,705 YOU KNOW WHAT?   I'LL JUST HAVE BERT DO IT. 90 00:03:21,705 --> 00:03:23,376 TWO SHOTS, NO FOAM --   GOT IT! 91 00:03:23,376 --> 00:03:24,578 GOT IT. 92 00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:26,383 MOM, YOU NEED TO SHAMPOO   MY HAIR NEXT. 93 00:03:26,383 --> 00:03:27,719 TODAY'S THE FIRST DAY   OF PLAY REHEARSAL, 94 00:03:27,719 --> 00:03:29,423 AND IF I DON'T SHOW,   ALEXA MOOSEWOOD 95 00:03:29,423 --> 00:03:31,427 IS GONNA "BLACK SWAN"   HER WAY INTO MY PART. 96 00:03:31,427 --> 00:03:33,064 I'M GONNA STRIP THE BEDS.   OKAY. 97 00:03:33,064 --> 00:03:34,735 I'LL WASH HILLARY'S HAIR. 98 00:03:34,735 --> 00:03:36,439 HERE.   MM... 99 00:03:36,439 --> 00:03:37,441 I'LL DO IT. 100 00:03:37,441 --> 00:03:39,078 OKAY. 101 00:03:39,078 --> 00:03:41,016 THE THING IS,   I PICKED UP THE KIDS. 102 00:03:41,016 --> 00:03:43,522 I GOT THE SHAMPOO.   I BOUGHT A SPECIAL COMB. 103 00:03:43,522 --> 00:03:44,758 AND BEFORE YOU EVEN   GOT HERE, 104 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,729 I WAS KIND OF   RUNNING THIS BITCH. 105 00:03:47,899 --> 00:03:49,034 [ CLICKS ] 106 00:03:49,034 --> 00:03:50,471 WHAT DID YOU   JUST CALL ME? 107 00:03:50,471 --> 00:03:53,043 NO -- I --   NO, NO, NO, NO. 108 00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:55,449 IT MEANS THAT I-I HAD   EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL. 109 00:03:55,449 --> 00:03:56,985 I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY,   YOU'RE NOT A BITCH. 110 00:04:01,831 --> 00:04:05,673 YOU KNOW, I JUST THINK IT'D BE   LESS CONFUSING FOR EVERYONE 111 00:04:05,673 --> 00:04:07,844 IF I WERE TO LEAD   AND YOU WERE TO FOLLOW. 112 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,817 WELL, DIANE, YOU SEE, 113 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:13,958 I HAVE THE LICE ERADICATION   MASTER CHECKLIST. 114 00:04:13,958 --> 00:04:16,396 OH, IS THAT THE CHECKLIST   FROM THE SCHOOL NURSE? 115 00:04:16,396 --> 00:04:18,034 IT IS, SO IT'S OFFICIAL. 116 00:04:18,034 --> 00:04:19,437 I WROTE THAT LIST. 117 00:04:23,580 --> 00:04:24,616 [ KNOCK ON WINDOW ] 118 00:04:24,616 --> 00:04:27,523 HEY, DIANE,   I GOT YOUR MESSAGE! 119 00:04:27,523 --> 00:04:30,095 NO, THANKS!   I JUST CAME TO CHECK ON BERT! 120 00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:31,532 HI, BERTIE! 121 00:04:31,532 --> 00:04:33,135 YOU LOOK FANCY. COME IN. 122 00:04:33,135 --> 00:04:34,872 OOH, I CAN'T, 123 00:04:34,872 --> 00:04:37,512 'CAUSE I JUST SPENT   LIKE A FORTUNE 124 00:04:37,512 --> 00:04:39,082 ON THIS BRAZILIAN BLOWOUT, 125 00:04:39,082 --> 00:04:40,953 AND I'M NOT ALLOWED   TO GET IT WET 126 00:04:40,953 --> 00:04:42,023 FOR THREE DAYS! 127 00:04:42,023 --> 00:04:43,392 JACKIE.   WHAT? 128 00:04:43,392 --> 00:04:45,764 YOU'RE PROBABLY ALREADY   INFESTED WITH LICE, 129 00:04:45,764 --> 00:04:47,134 SO IF YOU DON'T   GET TREATED, 130 00:04:47,134 --> 00:04:49,506 YOU'RE JUST GOING TO   RECONTAMINATE EVERYBODY. 131 00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,544 BUT, DIANE, MY HAIR 132 00:04:51,544 --> 00:04:54,150 HAS NEVER LOOKED   THIS GOOD 133 00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,622 IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! 134 00:04:58,192 --> 00:04:59,997 OKAY! 135 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:05,176 IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP,   YOU'LL GET HER IN HERE. 136 00:05:05,176 --> 00:05:06,411 I MEAN, YOU WERE AN USHER. 137 00:05:06,411 --> 00:05:07,648 YEAH, BUT I CAN DO MORE 138 00:05:07,648 --> 00:05:09,085 THAN BRING JACKIE   IN THE HOUSE. 139 00:05:09,085 --> 00:05:10,788 OOH, YOU CAN WALK HER OUT   WHEN SHE'S DONE. 140 00:05:10,788 --> 00:05:12,124 YEAH. 141 00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:13,461 YOUR CAPPUCCINO. 142 00:05:13,461 --> 00:05:16,001 PERFECT, BY THE WAY. 143 00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:18,038 MY CAPPUCCINO MACHINE,   BY THE WAY. 144 00:05:18,038 --> 00:05:19,174 DO YOU KNOW   HOW TO USE IT? 145 00:05:19,174 --> 00:05:21,647 OKAY!   OKAY, I'LL GET JACKIE. 146 00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,087 PETE: [ GROANS ] 147 00:05:29,999 --> 00:05:31,703 OH, COME ON. 148 00:05:31,703 --> 00:05:33,875 PINEAPPLE? 149 00:05:39,119 --> 00:05:41,626 [ SIGHS ] BEARY WHITE. 150 00:05:41,626 --> 00:05:43,931 I THOUGHT YOU WERE LOST FOREVER. 151 00:05:46,704 --> 00:05:48,040 [ SIGHS ] JACKIE, 152 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,079 DIANE WANTS YOU   TO COME INSIDE. 153 00:05:50,079 --> 00:05:52,183 WELL, I WANT LOCAL BLUEBERRIES   IN DECEMBER, 154 00:05:52,183 --> 00:05:53,252 BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN, 155 00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:55,624 SO YOU GO TELL   HERR COMMANDER LICE 156 00:05:55,624 --> 00:05:58,631 THAT UNLESS SHE WANTS TO GIVE ME   THREE HUNDO FOR A NEW BLOWOUT, 157 00:05:58,631 --> 00:06:00,067 I'M GONNA ROLL THE DICE. 158 00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:02,574 LOOK, I-I THINK YOUR HAIR   LOOKS FANTASTIC. 159 00:06:02,574 --> 00:06:04,277 I MEAN, I WOULD ACTUALLY EVEN   LOVE THE NUMBER OF THE PLACE 160 00:06:04,277 --> 00:06:05,981 WHERE YOU GET IT DONE.   YEAH? 161 00:06:05,981 --> 00:06:07,853 BUT, YOU KNOW, I'M JUST DOING   WHAT I'M BEING TOLD. 162 00:06:07,853 --> 00:06:09,222 [ SIGHS ]   OH, I GET IT. 163 00:06:09,222 --> 00:06:11,093 SO YOU'RE HER   LITTLE TOADIE, YEAH? 164 00:06:11,093 --> 00:06:13,097 THINK YOU CAN COME OUT HERE   AND BAG THE JACKAL. 165 00:06:13,097 --> 00:06:14,167 WHAT? NO! 166 00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,037 SHE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY. 167 00:06:16,037 --> 00:06:17,207 I WAS TAKING CARE OF IT, 168 00:06:17,207 --> 00:06:19,011 THEN SHE JUST SHOWS UP   IN MY HOUSE 169 00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:21,216 WITHOUT KNOCKING,   WITHOUT CALLING. 170 00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:24,657 NOT THAT I MIND   WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT. 171 00:06:24,657 --> 00:06:26,227 I MEAN, WHEN YOU DO IT,   IT'S -- 172 00:06:26,227 --> 00:06:28,867 DON'T WORRY, KATE -- I-I KNOW   THAT I'M ALWAYS WELCOME HERE, 173 00:06:28,867 --> 00:06:30,170 WHETHER YOU'RE HOME OR NOT. 174 00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:32,108 YOUR HOUSE IS MY HOUSE. 175 00:06:32,108 --> 00:06:34,112 YOUR HUSBAND WAS MY HUSBAND. 176 00:06:38,322 --> 00:06:40,293 LOOK WHAT I FOUND   IN YOUR BED. 177 00:06:40,293 --> 00:06:41,964 UH [SCOFFS] 178 00:06:41,964 --> 00:06:43,868 W-WHAT WAS BEARY WHITE   DOING IN MY BED? 179 00:06:43,868 --> 00:06:45,004 HE BELONGS TO BERT NOW. 180 00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:48,612 RIGHT, EXCEPT HE LOST HIM   LAST YEAR. 181 00:06:48,612 --> 00:06:50,082 WE SPENT THREE DAYS   LOOKING FOR HIM. 182 00:06:50,082 --> 00:06:52,254 YOU VOLUNTEERED   TO BE SEARCH CAPTAIN.   [ SIGHS ] 183 00:06:52,254 --> 00:06:54,124 I WAS SO CONCERNED. 184 00:06:54,124 --> 00:06:55,896 WARREN, YOU STOLE HIM. 185 00:06:56,898 --> 00:06:58,101 HE WAS MINE FIRST! 186 00:06:58,101 --> 00:06:59,303 YOU MADE ME GIVE HIM UP   BEFORE I WAS READY! 187 00:06:59,303 --> 00:07:00,707 YOU SAID YOU WERE TOO OLD. 188 00:07:00,707 --> 00:07:02,745 WE HAD THE WHOLE   CHANGEOVER CEREMONY, 189 00:07:02,745 --> 00:07:04,248 THE WALKABOUT,   THE REBIRTH, AND -- 190 00:07:04,248 --> 00:07:06,119 AND I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP   THAT NIGHT. 191 00:07:06,119 --> 00:07:09,159 I-I HAD TO CUDDLE A TRANSFORMER,   AND WHEN I WOKE UP... 192 00:07:09,159 --> 00:07:11,197 IT WAS A CAR. 193 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,600 WHAT DOES SHE THINK? 194 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,372 I DON'T KNOW   HOW TO SHAMPOO HAIR? 195 00:07:14,372 --> 00:07:15,574 I USED TO GROOM DOGS. 196 00:07:15,574 --> 00:07:16,710 [ GASPS ] ME, TOO! 197 00:07:16,710 --> 00:07:18,281 REALLY?   HOW HAVE WE NEVER -- 198 00:07:18,281 --> 00:07:19,984 AH, BUT THAT'S WHAT SHE DOES,   YOU KNOW? 199 00:07:19,984 --> 00:07:21,220 SHE DOESN'T TRUST ANYONE. 200 00:07:21,220 --> 00:07:23,091 SHE JUST DOES   WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO. 201 00:07:23,091 --> 00:07:24,227 ONE TIME,   SHE TRIED TO CONVINCE ME 202 00:07:24,227 --> 00:07:25,363 I WASN'T TYING   MY SHOES RIGHT. 203 00:07:25,363 --> 00:07:26,800 [ SCOFFS ]   TURNS OUT I WASN'T, 204 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,671 BUT I DON'T NEED ANYBODY   TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO, 205 00:07:28,671 --> 00:07:30,174 BECAUSE I AM MY OWN --   AAH! 206 00:07:30,174 --> 00:07:31,611 [ SCREAMING ] 207 00:07:34,751 --> 00:07:36,655 OH, OH, OH! 208 00:07:36,655 --> 00:07:38,259 [ SIGHS ]   [ SCREAMING CONTINUES ] 209 00:07:38,259 --> 00:07:40,364 [ CRIES ]   DIANE: KATE... 210 00:07:40,364 --> 00:07:44,173 YOU HAD ONE JOB TO DO,   AND I HAD TO DO IT FOR YOU. 211 00:07:44,173 --> 00:07:45,175 [ GASPS ] 212 00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,215 [ HOSE CLATTERS ] 213 00:07:48,215 --> 00:07:50,220 I CAN'T BELIEVE   SHE DID THAT TO ME! 214 00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:53,127 [ SIGHS ] 215 00:07:57,871 --> 00:07:59,274 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WOMAN. 216 00:07:59,274 --> 00:08:01,312 SPRAYING ME IN THE FACE   LIKE THAT! 217 00:08:01,312 --> 00:08:04,052 DISRESPECTING MY HOUSE,   USING MY HOSE. 218 00:08:04,052 --> 00:08:05,354 SHE DOESN'T PAY   MY WATER BILL. 219 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,791 IT'S 'CAUSE SHE'S JEALOUS   OF US, 220 00:08:06,791 --> 00:08:08,261 BECAUSE WE'RE YOUNG   AND WE'RE BEAUTIFUL 221 00:08:08,261 --> 00:08:10,133 AND I'M VERY CREATIVE. 222 00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:11,335 I THOUGHT I WAS   WINNING HER OVER. 223 00:08:11,335 --> 00:08:13,306 OH, NO, SHE DOESN'T THINK   VERY HIGHLY OF YOU. 224 00:08:13,306 --> 00:08:16,947 UM, WE SHOULD JUST DROP IT. 225 00:08:16,947 --> 00:08:17,984 LET'S. 226 00:08:17,984 --> 00:08:19,754 OH, BUT THERE WAS   SOMETHING ELSE. 227 00:08:19,754 --> 00:08:21,024 AND WE'RE   PICKING IT UP AGAIN. 228 00:08:21,024 --> 00:08:22,828 OH, IT WAS SO GOOD.   WHAT WAS IT? 229 00:08:22,828 --> 00:08:24,098 OH, YES, UM, 230 00:08:24,098 --> 00:08:26,102 [LAUGHS] SHE CALLED YOU   A HOLOGRAM, 231 00:08:26,102 --> 00:08:27,672 THAT YOU'RE JUST   COLOR AND LIGHT. 232 00:08:27,672 --> 00:08:28,675 OH, SO MEAN. 233 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,844 SHE CALLED ME A HOLOGRAM? 234 00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:31,849 YEAH, THAT WAS MY TAKEAWAY. 235 00:08:31,849 --> 00:08:34,154 ALL RIGHT, TIME IS UP. 236 00:08:34,154 --> 00:08:36,225 BERT, WARREN HAS SOMETHING   HE'D LIKE TO TELL YOU. 237 00:08:38,765 --> 00:08:40,034 [ GASPS ] HE'S ALIVE! 238 00:08:40,034 --> 00:08:42,172 I PRAYED, AND IT CAME TRUE! 239 00:08:42,172 --> 00:08:44,111 THANK YOU, THANK YOU,   THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 240 00:08:44,111 --> 00:08:46,014 YEAH, SURE.   WHERE WAS HE? 241 00:08:46,014 --> 00:08:48,821 UH, H-HE WAS SAFE -- WITH ME. 242 00:08:48,821 --> 00:08:49,757 WARREN, TELL THE TRUTH. 243 00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:54,834 OKAY, LOOK --   BEARY WHITE AWOKE IN THE NIGHT, 244 00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,773 AND HE CAME INTO MY BEDROOM,   AND HE -- 245 00:08:56,773 --> 00:08:57,908 WARREN. 246 00:08:57,908 --> 00:08:59,880 I TOOK HIM. 247 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:02,218 WAIT,   YOU STOLE BEARY WHITE? 248 00:09:02,218 --> 00:09:05,025 UH, Y-YEAH, BUT, HEY,   I-IT'S FOR THE GREATER GOOD, 249 00:09:05,025 --> 00:09:06,394 BECAUSE YOU LEARNED   TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM, 250 00:09:06,394 --> 00:09:07,798 AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS. 251 00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:09,268 GIVE HIM TO ME!   HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! NO! 252 00:09:09,268 --> 00:09:10,738 GIVE ME HIM! HE'S MINE!   GIVE HIM TO ME! 253 00:09:10,738 --> 00:09:12,275 GUYS, GUYS, GUYS,   LOOK AT THIS!   THAT'S MINE! 254 00:09:12,275 --> 00:09:13,912 THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE   FIGHTING OVER. 255 00:09:13,912 --> 00:09:16,117 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!   BEAUTIFUL! 256 00:09:16,117 --> 00:09:17,520 OKAY, THIS IS HOW   IT'S GONNA GO. 257 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,324 YOU GUYS ARE GONNA EACH   STATE YOUR CASE. 258 00:09:19,324 --> 00:09:21,896 I AM GONNA DECIDE   WHO GETS TO KEEP BEARY WHITE. 259 00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:23,901 FINE.   I LOVE YOU, DADDY, 260 00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:27,142 AND I KNOW YOU'LL MAKE   THE RIGHT DECISION. 261 00:09:27,142 --> 00:09:29,347 [ SCOFFS, SIGHS ] 262 00:09:29,347 --> 00:09:30,951 YOU KNOW WHAT SHE IS?   BETTER THAN US? 263 00:09:30,951 --> 00:09:32,956 NO, SHE'S A BULLY.   YEAH, BULLY. YEAH. 264 00:09:32,956 --> 00:09:34,258 AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY   ABOUT BULLIES -- 265 00:09:34,258 --> 00:09:36,196 THE BIGGER THEY ARE...   HUGE. 266 00:09:36,196 --> 00:09:37,933 JUST LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?   MM. MM-HMM. 267 00:09:37,933 --> 00:09:40,305 SHE THINKS SHE'S SO PERFECT.   NOBODY'S PERFECT.   NO. 268 00:09:40,305 --> 00:09:42,444 JUST LOOK AT...   LANCE ARMSTRONG. 269 00:09:42,444 --> 00:09:44,181 OH, DO YOU THINK   SHE'S JUICING? 270 00:09:44,181 --> 00:09:45,952 NO, I'VE -- I'VE   THOUGHT THAT. 271 00:09:45,952 --> 00:09:48,123 WE HAVE TO TEACH HER   THAT SHE'S NOT PERFECT. 272 00:09:48,123 --> 00:09:50,328 I AM READING YOUR MIND. 273 00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,433 WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? 274 00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,037 HMM. 275 00:09:54,972 --> 00:09:56,409 MM-HMM.   [ GASPS ] 276 00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,481 YES! GOOD IDEA! 277 00:09:58,481 --> 00:10:00,518 MAKE HER THINK SHE DIDN'T BUY   ENOUGH LICE SHAMPOO. 278 00:10:00,518 --> 00:10:02,890 OH, SHE WILL BE DEVASTATED! 279 00:10:02,890 --> 00:10:04,260 [ LAUGHS ]   OR... 280 00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:05,897 OR... 281 00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:09,104 SEE HOW WELL   SHE GETS RID OF HER LICE 282 00:10:09,104 --> 00:10:12,045 WITH VOLUMIZING SHAMPOO   FOR COLOR-TREATED HAIR. 283 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,816 NO, NO -- THAT WON'T   GET RID OF LICE. NO. 284 00:10:13,816 --> 00:10:14,483 EXACTLY. 285 00:10:14,483 --> 00:10:17,023 OH, YEAH! 286 00:10:18,292 --> 00:10:19,929 UH, YOUR TURN, DIANE. 287 00:10:19,929 --> 00:10:22,569 WE ARE DONE WITH   THE LICE-KILLING SHAMPOO. 288 00:10:22,569 --> 00:10:23,939 GIGGLE, GIGGLE. 289 00:10:23,939 --> 00:10:25,409 WHY ARE YOU SAYING   "GIGGLE"?   I DON'T KNOW. 290 00:10:25,409 --> 00:10:26,611 IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH. 291 00:10:26,611 --> 00:10:29,986 I USED THE LAST OF THAT BOTTLE   ON HORNDOG. 292 00:10:29,986 --> 00:10:31,322 [ HORNDOG BARKING ] 293 00:10:31,322 --> 00:10:32,926 I DON'T KNOW   WHAT TO TELL YOU, DIANE. 294 00:10:32,926 --> 00:10:35,599 WE BOTH HAVE VERY LONG   AND BEAUTIFUL HAIR 295 00:10:35,599 --> 00:10:38,005 THAT WAS VERY FULL OF BUGS.   [ SIGHS ] 296 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,942 YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT   ONE OF US TO HELP YOU? 297 00:10:39,942 --> 00:10:41,278 OH, NO, I GOT IT. 298 00:10:41,278 --> 00:10:43,082 UH, YOU COULD WATCH THE DRYER 299 00:10:43,082 --> 00:10:45,321 AND LET ME KNOW   WHEN THE TOWELS ARE DONE. 300 00:10:45,321 --> 00:10:46,958 YOU WANT ME TO WATCH   THE DRYER -- 301 00:10:46,958 --> 00:10:48,929 THE ONE THAT BUZZES   WHEN IT'S DONE? 302 00:10:48,929 --> 00:10:50,233 YES, 303 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,471 AND WE'LL NEED ALL THE TOWELS   FOLDED AND ON DECK. 304 00:10:52,471 --> 00:10:53,607 YOU THINK YOU COULD   HANDLE THAT? 305 00:10:53,607 --> 00:10:55,945 [ SCOFFS ]   NOT BY MYSELF. 306 00:10:55,945 --> 00:10:57,349 IT'S DEFINITELY   A TWO-MAN JOB. 307 00:10:57,349 --> 00:10:58,484 OH. 308 00:10:58,484 --> 00:11:00,890 DO YOU WANT...   THE JACKAL? 309 00:11:00,890 --> 00:11:02,193 YEAH. [ CLEARS THROAT ] 310 00:11:02,193 --> 00:11:04,565 ACTUALLY,   I LOVE TO WATCH THE DRYER, 311 00:11:04,565 --> 00:11:06,603 'CAUSE IT GOES   [IMITATES WHIRRING] 312 00:11:06,603 --> 00:11:08,875 WARREN:   FACT -- I HAD HIM FIRST. 313 00:11:08,875 --> 00:11:11,013 FACT -- I NAMED HIM BEARY WHITE. 314 00:11:11,013 --> 00:11:12,349 FACT -- ALTHOUGH BERT 315 00:11:12,349 --> 00:11:14,087 MADE A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT   WHEN HE LOST HIM, 316 00:11:14,087 --> 00:11:16,058 I DON'T THINK   HE REALLY CARED THAT MUCH. 317 00:11:17,361 --> 00:11:20,167 THAT IS NOT A FACT! 318 00:11:20,167 --> 00:11:22,372 OBJECTION NOTED.   WARREN, PROCEED. 319 00:11:22,372 --> 00:11:24,946 [ SIGHS ]   THANK YOU, JUDGE DAD. 320 00:11:24,946 --> 00:11:25,948 AS I WAS SAYING... 321 00:11:25,948 --> 00:11:28,018 I WASN'T READY   TO GIVE HIM AWAY. 322 00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:30,023 YOU AND MOM WOULDN'T LET ME   TAKE HIM TO SCHOOL ANYMORE, 323 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,095 AND HE WASN'T ALLOWED   TO RIDE IN THE CAR WITH US, 324 00:11:32,095 --> 00:11:34,434 SO I THOUGHT, "HEY, MAYBE   I SHOULD GIVE HIM TO BERT." 325 00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:36,071 BUT THE MOMENT I DID,   I REGRETTED IT! 326 00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,343 I WAS UNDER A DRESS! 327 00:11:38,343 --> 00:11:39,512 YOU MEAN... 328 00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:41,717 UNDER DURESS? 329 00:11:41,717 --> 00:11:42,920 YEAH. 330 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,256 TH-THAT TOO. 331 00:11:44,256 --> 00:11:46,227 THAT'S WHAT I SAID.   OKAY, THAT'S --   THAT'S VALID. 332 00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:47,998 I'LL TAKE THAT   INTO CONSIDERATION 333 00:11:47,998 --> 00:11:49,067 IN MY DELIBERATIONS. 334 00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,203 NOW DO YOU WANT TO   CEDE THE FLOOR 335 00:11:50,203 --> 00:11:51,406 TO THE YOUNGER PLAINTIFF? 336 00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:52,441 [ SIGHS ] 337 00:11:52,441 --> 00:11:54,947 FACT --   WARREN STOLE BEARY WHITE. 338 00:11:54,947 --> 00:11:57,352 FACT -- STEALING IS WRONG. 339 00:11:57,352 --> 00:12:00,359 FACT -- WARREN IS WRONG! 340 00:12:00,359 --> 00:12:02,598 THAT'S A VERY STRONG   ARGUMENT. 341 00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:05,672 HOW IS THAT STRONG?!   ANYONE CAN DO THAT! 342 00:12:05,672 --> 00:12:07,342 UH, FACT -- I'M HUNGRY. 343 00:12:07,342 --> 00:12:10,115 FACT -- I WANT A COOKIE.   FACT -- I AM A COOKIE! 344 00:12:10,115 --> 00:12:12,721 YOU'RE NOT A COOKIE. 345 00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:15,026 I CAN BE   WHATEVER I WANT TO BE! 346 00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:17,065 GIVE ME THAT!   HEY, GUYS, GUYS! 347 00:12:19,002 --> 00:12:20,673 DRYER BUZZED. 348 00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,744 [ SIGHS ] 349 00:12:22,744 --> 00:12:25,684 DIANE, I JUST WANT TO   THANK YOU. 350 00:12:25,684 --> 00:12:28,290 I DON'T THINK I COULD'VE MANAGED   TO SHAMPOO ALL THESE HEADS. 351 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:29,593 I ALSO DID LAUNDRY. 352 00:12:29,593 --> 00:12:31,097 EXACTLY. 353 00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:33,135 YOU CAME IN   AND SAVED THE DAY. 354 00:12:33,135 --> 00:12:35,273 I KNOW.   THAT'S JUST WHAT I DO. 355 00:12:35,273 --> 00:12:37,478 YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]   YEAH. 356 00:12:37,478 --> 00:12:41,186 YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T MEAN TO   GET IN YOUR HAIR EARLIER. 357 00:12:41,186 --> 00:12:43,625 [ CHUCKLES ]   [ LAUGHS ] 358 00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:46,064 OH, ARE YOU   SHAMPOOING AGAIN? 359 00:12:46,064 --> 00:12:48,369 DID YOU NOT GET THEM   ALL OUT THE FIRST TIME? 360 00:12:48,369 --> 00:12:49,306 [ LAUGHS ] 361 00:12:49,306 --> 00:12:52,211 NO,   THIS IS MY FIRST TIME. 362 00:12:52,211 --> 00:12:53,581 I JUST DID HILLARY. 363 00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,522 WHAT? 364 00:12:56,522 --> 00:12:58,059 I THOUGHT YOU DID HILLARY   THIS MORNING. 365 00:12:58,059 --> 00:13:00,698 OH, NO,   I JUST DID HILLARY NOW 366 00:13:00,698 --> 00:13:02,436 AND SENT HER OFF TO SCHOOL   FOR REHEARSAL. 367 00:13:02,436 --> 00:13:04,506 SHE'S THERE RIGHT NOW? 368 00:13:04,506 --> 00:13:06,043 YES. 369 00:13:06,043 --> 00:13:07,080 OH. 370 00:13:08,382 --> 00:13:10,052 MM. 371 00:13:10,052 --> 00:13:11,189 WHAT'S GOING ON? 372 00:13:11,189 --> 00:13:12,826 KATE,   YOU HAVE TO TELL HER. 373 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:14,296 SHUT UP, JACKIE. 374 00:13:14,296 --> 00:13:16,568 UM, YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME.   I BEGGED HER NOT TO DO IT! 375 00:13:16,568 --> 00:13:18,071 DO WHAT? 376 00:13:18,071 --> 00:13:19,708 IT'S NOT MY PLACE TO SAY. 377 00:13:19,708 --> 00:13:21,078 KATE? 378 00:13:21,078 --> 00:13:23,249 JACKIE THINKS   YOU'RE ON STEROIDS. 379 00:13:23,249 --> 00:13:25,588 JACKIE.   WHAT? 380 00:13:25,588 --> 00:13:29,463 IS THERE ANYTHING   YOU THINK I SHOULD KNOW? 381 00:13:29,463 --> 00:13:31,235 FINE! 382 00:13:31,235 --> 00:13:32,772 I SWITCHED THE LICE SHAMPOO   WITH REGULAR SHAMPOO 383 00:13:32,772 --> 00:13:34,475 TO MAKE YOU LOOK BAD. 384 00:13:34,475 --> 00:13:36,312 BUT NOT THAT BAD,   BECAUSE YOUR VOLUME 385 00:13:36,312 --> 00:13:37,449 WOULD'VE BEEN   VERY CONTROLLED. 386 00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:38,484 [ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] 387 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,158 YOU DID WHAT?! 388 00:13:46,670 --> 00:13:50,244 [ GROANS ]   WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? 389 00:13:50,244 --> 00:13:52,616 I TOLD HER NOT TO DO IT.   I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE DID IT. 390 00:13:52,616 --> 00:13:54,555 INSECURITIES.   OH, DADDY ISSUES. 391 00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:55,891 I DON'T KNOW --   SHE'S A MESS. 392 00:13:55,891 --> 00:13:58,697 I WOULD LOVE TO DISCUSS   KATE'S PSYCHIATRIC PROBLEMS. 393 00:13:58,697 --> 00:14:01,604 OH, WELL, IF ANYONE CAN   SOLVE THEM, DIANE, IT IS YOU. 394 00:14:01,604 --> 00:14:04,143 [ CHUCKLES ] BUT WE NEED   TO GO GET HILLARY 395 00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:05,713 AND STOP HER FROM SPREADING   THIS EPIDEMIC. 396 00:14:05,713 --> 00:14:07,685 OH, CALL 911. 397 00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:09,790 IT'S A LITTLE DRAMATIC,   DON'T YOU THINK? 398 00:14:09,790 --> 00:14:11,594 UH, KATE,   HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH? 399 00:14:11,594 --> 00:14:13,799 10 MINUTES AGO,   YOU WERE ON MY SIDE. 400 00:14:13,799 --> 00:14:15,569 DON'T YOU REMEMBER,   JACKAL? 401 00:14:15,569 --> 00:14:17,340 I-I DON'T KNOW   WHO THAT IS. 402 00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:19,779 [ GROANS ] SHE'S NOT   ANSWERING HER PHONE. 403 00:14:19,779 --> 00:14:21,583 OKAY. I'LL GO GET HER. 404 00:14:21,583 --> 00:14:23,454 UH, NO, I THINK YOU HAVE   DONE ENOUGH. 405 00:14:23,454 --> 00:14:24,557 I'LL GO GET HER. 406 00:14:24,557 --> 00:14:25,792 NO, YOU STILL HAVE LICE.   I'LL GO GET HER. 407 00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:27,664 WELL, I'M HER MOTHER,   SO I THINK I'LL GO GET HER. 408 00:14:27,664 --> 00:14:29,601 YEAH, BUT YOU'RE GONNA   SPREAD EVEN MORE. 409 00:14:33,544 --> 00:14:34,747 YOU'RE BLOCKING ME IN! 410 00:14:34,747 --> 00:14:36,684 UH, NO, NO, YOU'RE ACTUALLY   BLOCKING ME IN. 411 00:14:36,684 --> 00:14:38,656 WELL, I NEED TO GO.   CAN YOU GET OUT HERE?   CAN YOU PLEASE COME ON? 412 00:14:38,656 --> 00:14:41,596 TAKE A CHILL PILL.   HEY! 413 00:14:41,596 --> 00:14:43,600 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!   COME ON!   NOW, JACKAL! 414 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,572 WEASEL!   HOLD YOUR HORSES. 415 00:14:49,915 --> 00:14:53,489 KATE, YOU'LL NEED TO MOVE   YOUR CAR SO I CAN BACK OUT. 416 00:14:53,489 --> 00:14:55,761 NO. I CREATED THIS PROBLEM.   I'M GONNA FIX IT. 417 00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:59,270 YES, YOU CREATED THE PROBLEM,   SO NOW I WILL FIX IT. 418 00:14:59,270 --> 00:15:00,773 JACKIE, BACK ME UP HERE. 419 00:15:00,773 --> 00:15:02,276 YOU HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM   WITH DIANE, TOO. 420 00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:03,713 JACKIE? 421 00:15:03,713 --> 00:15:05,951 WELL, I THINK   IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS 422 00:15:05,951 --> 00:15:07,455 WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN HERE. 423 00:15:07,455 --> 00:15:09,225 UH, BUT FIRST THING'S FIRST. 424 00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:12,467 I'M GONNA BACK OUT,   'CAUSE I'M BLOCKING YOU GUYS IN. 425 00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:13,769 [ CAR DOOR CLOSES,   ENGINE TURNS OVER ] 426 00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:17,344 [ TIRES SCREECH ] 427 00:15:17,344 --> 00:15:20,518 [ TIRES SQUEALING ] 428 00:15:23,725 --> 00:15:24,661 [ HORN HONKS ] 429 00:15:24,661 --> 00:15:25,830 [ SCOFFS ] 430 00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:27,668 [ DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE ] 431 00:15:27,668 --> 00:15:30,441 DIANE, I AM NOT GONNA   BACK DOWN ON THIS. 432 00:15:30,441 --> 00:15:31,911 I SHOULD'VE PUT   MY FOOT DOWN EARLIER, 433 00:15:31,911 --> 00:15:33,615 BUT I AM PUTTING IT DOWN NOW. 434 00:15:33,615 --> 00:15:35,620 KATE, YOU ARE NOT   GOING TO WIN THIS. 435 00:15:37,657 --> 00:15:39,361 [ KEYS JINGLE ]   WAIT, NO! 436 00:15:39,361 --> 00:15:41,332 [ GRUNTS ] WIN THIS! 437 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,250 WIN THIS! 438 00:15:51,589 --> 00:15:53,928 [ SIGHS ] 439 00:15:53,928 --> 00:15:57,803 SO, DAD,   WHAT'S IT GONNA BE? 440 00:15:57,803 --> 00:16:01,044 DO YOU GUYS KNOW   THE JUDGMENT OF SOLOMON? 441 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,314 IS THAT A VIDEO GAME? 442 00:16:02,314 --> 00:16:03,784 NO.   THEN NO. 443 00:16:03,784 --> 00:16:05,989 IT'S A BIBLICAL STORY   ABOUT TWO WOMEN 444 00:16:05,989 --> 00:16:07,493 WHO WERE FIGHTING OVER A BABY 445 00:16:07,493 --> 00:16:09,063 THAT THEY BOTH CLAIMED   WAS THEIRS. 446 00:16:09,063 --> 00:16:11,802 THEY WENT TO KING SOLOMON   TO EXPLAIN THE SITUATION. 447 00:16:11,802 --> 00:16:13,607 HE CALLED FOR A SWORD 448 00:16:13,607 --> 00:16:16,947 AND PROCLAIMED THERE WAS   ONLY ONE FAIR SOLUTION. 449 00:16:16,947 --> 00:16:20,388 THE BABY WILL BE SPLIT IN TWO, 450 00:16:20,388 --> 00:16:23,061 AND EACH WOMAN WILL TAKE A HALF. 451 00:16:23,061 --> 00:16:24,598 COOL, GREAT STORY. 452 00:16:24,598 --> 00:16:25,700 IT'S NOT OVER YET. 453 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,705 SO, THE LYING WOMAN SAYS,   "DIVIDE HIM," 454 00:16:27,705 --> 00:16:29,877 BUT THE BABY'S TRUE MOTHER SAID, 455 00:16:29,877 --> 00:16:32,851 "GIVE THE BABY TO HER.   JUST DON'T KILL HIM." 456 00:16:32,851 --> 00:16:35,857 AND THAT'S HOW KING SOLOMON   FIGURED OUT 457 00:16:35,857 --> 00:16:37,728 WHO TO GIVE THE BABY TO. 458 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:43,041 SO, UNLESS YOU TWO CAN DECIDE   WHO GETS THE BEAR, 459 00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:45,613 I'M GONNA HAVE TO CUT   BEARY WHITE IN HALF. 460 00:16:45,613 --> 00:16:46,481 SOUNDS FAIR TO ME. 461 00:16:46,481 --> 00:16:47,952 I'M GOOD WITH THAT.   REALLY? 462 00:16:47,952 --> 00:16:49,322 YEAH.   UH-HUH. 463 00:16:49,322 --> 00:16:51,393 YOU WANT ME TO CUT   THIS TEDDY BEAR 464 00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:54,399 THAT YOU BOTH LOVE SO DEARLY   IN HALF?! 465 00:16:54,399 --> 00:16:55,603 GO FOR IT.   SURE. 466 00:16:55,603 --> 00:16:59,078 I'M DOING IT!   I'M CUTTING THE BEAR! 467 00:16:59,078 --> 00:17:02,117 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! 468 00:17:04,122 --> 00:17:05,759 NO, NO, NO! 469 00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:10,436 SORRY AGAIN ABOUT   THE WHOLE SHAMPOO SWITCHEROO. 470 00:17:10,436 --> 00:17:11,740 [ AS DIANE ]   "THAT'S OKAY, KATE. 471 00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:14,078 I WOULD'VE DONE THE SAME THING   IF I WERE YOU." 472 00:17:14,078 --> 00:17:17,787 YOU ARE THE TYPHOID MARY   OF THIS LICE OUTBREAK. 473 00:17:19,557 --> 00:17:21,763 [ NORMAL VOICE ]   IF TYPHOID MARY WAS A PERSON 474 00:17:21,763 --> 00:17:23,500 WHO COULD'VE DONE THINGS   BUT PEOPLE WOULDN'T LET HER, 475 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:24,736 THEN, YES,   I AGREE WITH YOU. 476 00:17:24,736 --> 00:17:26,807 THAT'S NOT WHO SHE WAS. 477 00:17:26,807 --> 00:17:29,814 YOU NEVER LET ME   DO ANYTHING, DIANE. 478 00:17:29,814 --> 00:17:33,055 YOU ALWAYS BOSS ME AROUND.   YOU ALWAYS BOSS EVERYONE AROUND. 479 00:17:33,055 --> 00:17:35,093 AND THIS MIGHT BE HARD FOR YOU   TO HEAR, BUT NOBODY LIKES IT. 480 00:17:35,093 --> 00:17:37,632 I CAN DO THINGS! 481 00:17:37,632 --> 00:17:38,835 KATE.   WHAT? 482 00:17:38,835 --> 00:17:39,837 YOU'VE MISSED THE TURN. 483 00:17:41,709 --> 00:17:43,011 YOU CAN'T PULL   A U-TURN HERE.   I-I -- 484 00:17:43,011 --> 00:17:44,548 NO, GO STRAIGHT AHEAD.   I'M NOT GONNA -- 485 00:17:44,548 --> 00:17:46,051 I-I WAS GONNA GO STRAIGHT.   TWO STREETS DOWN, GO RIGHT. 486 00:17:46,051 --> 00:17:47,956 I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!   YOU CAN GO RIGHT,   RIGHT, AND RIGHT. 487 00:17:47,956 --> 00:17:49,593 [ SIGHS ] 488 00:17:49,593 --> 00:17:51,630 HEY, YOU GUYS   GUT THAT BEAR? 489 00:17:51,630 --> 00:17:53,802 NO. WE FIGURED OUT   A SOLUTION. 490 00:17:53,802 --> 00:17:56,442 YEAH, WE THOUGHT ABOUT HOW   YOU GUYS SPLIT CUSTODY OF US. 491 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,416 LIKE HOW I HAVE CLEAN UNDERWEAR   HERE AND AT MOM'S HOUSE. 492 00:17:59,416 --> 00:18:01,487 AND WE THOUGHT WE COULD DO   THE SAME THING FOR BEARY WHITE. 493 00:18:01,487 --> 00:18:03,057 MONDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY,   AND EVERY OTHER WEEKEND, 494 00:18:03,057 --> 00:18:04,895 HE'S WITH ME, AND THE REST   OF THE TIME, HE'S WITH BERT. 495 00:18:04,895 --> 00:18:06,565 WE'RE STILL WORKING OUT   THE HOLIDAYS, 496 00:18:06,565 --> 00:18:08,002 AND WE'LL DO HIS BIRTHDAY   TOGETHER. 497 00:18:08,002 --> 00:18:09,606 MM-HMM.   IT'S THE BEST FOR HIM. 498 00:18:09,606 --> 00:18:11,710 THAT'S A REALLY GREAT SOLUTION. 499 00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:14,750 YOU GUYS SETTLED OUT OF COURT   JUST LIKE TWO REAL LAWYERS. 500 00:18:14,750 --> 00:18:15,887 I LOVE IT. 501 00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,992 IS THIS WHAT YOU DO   ALL DAY? 502 00:18:17,992 --> 00:18:19,862 I AM WASTING MY LIFE. 503 00:18:19,862 --> 00:18:21,199 YEAH, IT SEEMS LIKE   A REAL WASTE OF TIME. 504 00:18:21,199 --> 00:18:23,671 HEY, I'M --   I'M NOT PROUD OF IT. 505 00:18:23,671 --> 00:18:24,907 HMM. 506 00:18:24,907 --> 00:18:26,711 HEY, BERT, UH,   I HAD AN IDEA. 507 00:18:26,711 --> 00:18:28,682 WHAT IF I TOOK BEARY   FOR CHRISTMAS 508 00:18:28,682 --> 00:18:30,520 AND YOU GOT HIM   FOR THE FOURTH OF JULY? 509 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,494 OKAY, SO, WE'LL DO   HIS BAR MITZVAH TOGETHER? 510 00:18:33,494 --> 00:18:34,663 SOUNDS GREAT. 511 00:18:38,605 --> 00:18:39,775 [ SIGHS ] OKAY. 512 00:18:46,223 --> 00:18:48,228 KATE.   UH, YEAH? 513 00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,533 KATE.   OKAY, WHAT? 514 00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:52,737 WHAT DID I DO WRONG THIS TIME?   D-DID I MAKE ANOTHER WRONG TURN? 515 00:18:52,737 --> 00:18:53,974 IS THIS EVEN THE RIGHT SCHOOL?   [ SIGHS ] 516 00:18:53,974 --> 00:18:56,613 I WAS GOING TO SAY   YOU MAY HAVE A POINT 517 00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:59,019 AND SHOULD BE ENTRUSTED 518 00:18:59,019 --> 00:19:01,658 WITH S-SLIGHTLY MORE   RESPONSIBILITY. 519 00:19:02,995 --> 00:19:03,863 THANK YOU. 520 00:19:05,867 --> 00:19:07,037 AND... 521 00:19:07,037 --> 00:19:09,877 THIS IS A LOT OF SKIN   FOR SCHOOL. 522 00:19:09,877 --> 00:19:11,748 LET'S GET HILLARY   BEFORE SHE SPREADS THE LICE. 523 00:19:11,748 --> 00:19:13,585 LOVE OUR TALKS. 524 00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,723 WAIT. JUST HANG ON. 525 00:19:15,723 --> 00:19:17,728 STUDENTS:   ♪ GIVE ME A HEAD WITH HAIR ♪ 526 00:19:17,728 --> 00:19:19,031 ♪ LONG, BEAUTIFUL HAIR ♪ 527 00:19:19,031 --> 00:19:22,974 ♪ SHINING, GLEAMING   STREAMING, FLAXEN, WAXEN ♪ 528 00:19:22,974 --> 00:19:24,811 ♪ GIVE ME DOWN-TO-THERE HAIR ♪ 529 00:19:24,811 --> 00:19:26,782 ♪ SHOULDER LENGTH OR LONGER ♪ 530 00:19:26,782 --> 00:19:28,252 ♪ HERE, BABY, THERE, MAMA ♪ 531 00:19:28,252 --> 00:19:30,157 ♪ EVERYWHERE, DADDY, DADDY ♪ 532 00:19:30,157 --> 00:19:33,598 ♪ HAIR! HAIR, HAIR, HAIR,   HAIR, HAIR, HAIR, HAIR ♪ 533 00:19:33,598 --> 00:19:35,001 ♪ FLOW IT, SHOW IT ♪ 534 00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:38,008 ♪ LONG AS GOD CAN GROW MY HAIR ♪ 535 00:19:38,008 --> 00:19:40,748 WOMAN: GOOD. NOW GIVE YOUR WIGS   TO THE UNDERSTUDIES! 536 00:19:40,748 --> 00:19:43,687 OKAY, KATE, THIS ONE'S YOURS.   WHAT SHOULD WE DO? 537 00:19:43,687 --> 00:19:44,857 WELL, IF WE RETREAT NOW, 538 00:19:44,857 --> 00:19:46,059 MAYBE ANOTHER KID   WILL BE BLAMED. 539 00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:47,062 MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. 540 00:19:49,935 --> 00:19:52,842 UH, WATCH IT!   STUDENTS: ♪ HAIR ♪ 541 00:19:52,842 --> 00:19:54,847 OOH! MOVE IT! 542 00:19:54,847 --> 00:19:56,217 [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] 543 00:19:56,217 --> 00:19:57,754 LOOK OUT!   OH! 544 00:19:57,754 --> 00:19:58,184 ♪ HAIR! ♪ 545 00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:07,305 JACKIE: OKAY, HIT IT WITH   A LITTLE MORE STEAM, BERTIE. 546 00:20:07,305 --> 00:20:10,445 AH, I DON'T KNOW WHY   I WASTED SO MUCH MONEY 547 00:20:10,445 --> 00:20:12,116 ON GETTING THIS DONE   PROFESSIONALLY. 548 00:20:12,116 --> 00:20:13,586 I MEAN, NOT THAT   YOU'RE NOT PROFESSIONAL, 549 00:20:13,586 --> 00:20:14,922 'CAUSE, I MEAN, SWEETIE, 550 00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,127 YOU COULD HAVE   A REAL FUTURE IN THIS! 551 00:20:17,127 --> 00:20:18,530 I WANT TO BE A SCHOOL NURSE. 552 00:20:18,530 --> 00:20:19,365 WHY? 553 00:20:19,365 --> 00:20:20,568 'CAUSE ANYONE CAN DO IT. 554 00:20:20,568 --> 00:20:22,406 OH, HONEY,   CAN YOU GET MOMMY, 555 00:20:22,406 --> 00:20:24,109 UH, A PILLOW FOR HER KNEES? 556 00:20:24,109 --> 00:20:25,246 'CAUSE...   OKAY. 557 00:20:25,246 --> 00:20:26,649 YEAH. 558 00:20:26,649 --> 00:20:28,186 BERT? 559 00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:29,321 QUICKLY! 560 00:20:29,321 --> 00:20:31,260 QUICKLY, QUICKLY! 561 00:20:31,260 --> 00:20:33,130 QUICKLY, QUICKLY!   [ SIZZLING ] 562 00:20:33,130 --> 00:20:36,171 OH, OKAY, NO,   THAT DOES NOT SMELL RIGHT. 563 00:20:39,278 --> 00:20:40,614 AH... 564 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:42,251 [ SIGHS ] 565 00:20:42,251 --> 00:20:44,457 OH! WHEW! 566 00:20:44,457 --> 00:20:47,731 AW... 567 00:20:47,731 --> 00:20:49,281 OH, WELL. 568 00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:50,515 YOU KNOW, YOU GET   WHAT YOU PAY FOR. 569 00:20:50,515 --> 00:20:52,084 WIN SOME, DIM SUM. 570 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:53,285 [ GASPS ] DIM SUM! 571 00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:55,287 BERT,   WE'RE GETTING DIM SUM!