1
00:00:01,805 --> 00:00:04,968
WAIT, BERT.
LET'S SCARE YOUR MOM.
2
00:00:04,968 --> 00:00:06,209
BUT SCARING'S MEAN.
3
00:00:06,209 --> 00:00:08,371
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT
OF HALLOWEEN ‐‐
4
00:00:08,371 --> 00:00:10,173
GETTING SCARED
AND SCARING PEOPLE.
5
00:00:10,173 --> 00:00:12,335
WHAT'S HAPPENING
TO THIS COUNTRY?
6
00:00:12,335 --> 00:00:14,618
YOU SOUND LIKE
MY BUS DRIVER.
HUH.
7
00:00:14,618 --> 00:00:17,140
[ GASPS ]
8
00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:18,381
[ SCREAMS ]
OH, MY GOD, JACKIE!
9
00:00:18,381 --> 00:00:21,585
BERT! LOOK AWAY.
10
00:00:21,585 --> 00:00:22,946
[ GASPS ]
[ MOANING ]
11
00:00:22,946 --> 00:00:24,387
OH, GOD.
12
00:00:24,387 --> 00:00:26,950
[ ROARS ]
[ SCREAMS ]
13
00:00:26,950 --> 00:00:29,112
[ LAUGHS ]
NOT FUNNY, GUYS.
14
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:31,114
YOU KNOW I'M SCARED
OF BAD TEETH.
GOTCHA.
15
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:33,356
YEAH, YEAH. YOU DID.
WHOO‐HOO! YEAH!
16
00:00:33,356 --> 00:00:35,679
HA HA!
[ GROANS ] THANKS
FOR DROPPING HIM OFF, KATE.
17
00:00:35,679 --> 00:00:36,680
HOW LONG
WERE YOU SITTING THERE?
18
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:37,961
4 1/2 HOURS.
19
00:00:37,961 --> 00:00:39,202
DID YOU FINISH MY COSTUME,
MOM?
20
00:00:39,202 --> 00:00:40,523
YES, I DID.
IT'S IN YOUR ROOM.
21
00:00:40,523 --> 00:00:42,525
GO TRY IT ON AND SEE
IF I NEED TO TWEAK THE CROTCH.
22
00:00:42,525 --> 00:00:43,607
[ MUFFLED ] OH, SURE.
23
00:00:43,607 --> 00:00:45,128
I LOVE HALLOWEEN!
HE'S VERY EXCITED.
24
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:48,131
OH,
WE LOVE HALLOWEEN.
25
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,293
OH, ME, TOO.
IT IS THE FUNNEST HOLIDAY.
26
00:00:50,293 --> 00:00:52,495
FREE CANDY,
RUNNING AWAY FROM THE COPS,
27
00:00:52,495 --> 00:00:53,897
HAVING ONE‐NIGHT STANDS
28
00:00:53,897 --> 00:00:55,178
WHERE YOU NEVER TAKE
YOUR MASKS OFF.
29
00:00:55,178 --> 00:00:57,981
I ONCE MADE OUT WITH A WOMAN
FOR TWO HOURS
30
00:00:57,981 --> 00:01:00,223
BEFORE I REALIZED
THAT IT WAS A WOMAN.
31
00:01:00,223 --> 00:01:02,666
ACT‐‐ ACTUALLY,
THAT'S NOT A HALLOWEEN STORY.
32
00:01:02,666 --> 00:01:04,227
THAT'S A MASK STORY.
33
00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:06,670
ANYHOO, HALLOWEEN
WHEN YOU'RE A MOM ‐‐
34
00:01:06,670 --> 00:01:08,111
IT'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT,
35
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:10,554
'CAUSE IT'S ABOUT CREATING
THESE RITUALS WITH YOUR KIDS,
36
00:01:10,554 --> 00:01:12,956
YOU KNOW, LIKE DRINKING
HOT PUMPKIN BROTH,
37
00:01:12,956 --> 00:01:17,440
OR CELEBRATING THE HARVEST
OR HONORING THE BLESSED DEAD.
38
00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,242
[ CLICKS TONGUE ]
[ BERT SCREAMS ]
39
00:01:19,242 --> 00:01:22,966
OHH, DO YOU HEAR THAT?
THAT IS THE SOUND OF PURE JOY.
40
00:01:22,966 --> 00:01:25,569
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!
41
00:01:25,569 --> 00:01:27,410
WHAT? THIS IS
WHAT YOU ASKED FOR.
42
00:01:27,410 --> 00:01:30,173
YOU'RE THE IRON MAN!
43
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:32,295
IRON MAN DOESN'T IRON.
44
00:01:32,295 --> 00:01:33,416
[ SCOFFS ] WELL,
THAT'S A PRETTY CONFUSING NAME
45
00:01:33,416 --> 00:01:35,819
IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE
DOING ANY IRONING.
46
00:01:35,819 --> 00:01:38,261
JACKIE, DO YOU NOT KNOW
WHO IRON MAN IS?
47
00:01:38,261 --> 00:01:40,984
OH, ARE YOU GUYS DOING
A BIT RIGHT NOW?
48
00:01:40,984 --> 00:01:42,505
NO.
I THOUGHT
BERT MADE HIM UP.
49
00:01:42,505 --> 00:01:45,468
WHY WOULD I MAKE THIS UP?
I'LL LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
50
00:01:45,468 --> 00:01:48,271
WHAT?
FORGET IT. I'M NOT GOING
TRICK‐OR‐TREATING.
51
00:01:48,271 --> 00:01:52,395
BERT!
THIS IS
THE WORST HALLOWEEN EVER.
52
00:01:52,395 --> 00:01:55,478
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW
WHO IRON MAN IS?
53
00:01:55,478 --> 00:01:58,281
HE WAS IN, LIKE,
EVERY MOVIE THIS SUMMER.
54
00:01:58,281 --> 00:01:59,563
ROBERT DOWNEY JR.?
55
00:01:59,563 --> 00:02:01,444
WAIT. HOLD UP.
56
00:02:01,444 --> 00:02:07,050
ROBERT DOWNEY HAD A SON?!
57
00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:10,053
♪♪♪
58
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:20,063
[ SIGHS ]
BERT, PLEASE COME OUT!
59
00:02:20,063 --> 00:02:21,184
BERT: I CAN'T.
60
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:24,227
TOO MANY WRINKLES
I HAVE TO IRON.
61
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:27,190
OH! I DON'T WANT HIM
HANDLING AN IRON.
62
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,752
HE'S BEING SARCASTIC.
63
00:02:28,752 --> 00:02:30,353
SARCA‐‐ WHAT? I ‐‐
64
00:02:30,353 --> 00:02:32,435
EVERYTHING HE SAYS
SOUNDS THE SAME.
65
00:02:32,435 --> 00:02:36,760
OKAY. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO MAKE
A NEW THE IRON MAN COSTUME.
66
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:38,922
YOU KNOW, JACKIE,
THEY DO SELL COSTUMES IN STORES.
67
00:02:38,922 --> 00:02:40,123
OH, YEAH. GUESS WHAT.
68
00:02:40,123 --> 00:02:42,125
THEY ALSO SELL TOOTHPASTE
IN STORES,
69
00:02:42,125 --> 00:02:44,367
BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW MUCH MONEY I SAVE A YEAR
70
00:02:44,367 --> 00:02:45,448
BY MAKING MY OWN?
71
00:02:45,448 --> 00:02:47,330
I DON'T KNOW.
LIKE $20?
72
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:48,892
YEAH. SOME YEARS.
FINE. OKAY.
73
00:02:48,892 --> 00:02:50,694
WE GOT TO BRAINSTORM.
74
00:02:50,694 --> 00:02:54,337
OKAY. CRAZY IDEA ‐‐
I'LL GO TO THE STORE.
75
00:02:54,337 --> 00:02:55,498
WELL, OKAY.
76
00:02:55,498 --> 00:02:59,302
JUST BRAINSTORM
ON THE WAY, THEN.
77
00:03:00,624 --> 00:03:02,265
ALL RIGHT.
78
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,267
COME ON, WARREN.
SLOW AND STEADY.
79
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:05,549
TRICK OR TREAT.
80
00:03:05,549 --> 00:03:08,792
DIANE, Y‐YOU'RE LIKE A GARGOYLE
COME TO LIFE,
81
00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:10,153
NOW MORE THAN EVER.
82
00:03:10,153 --> 00:03:12,115
ZING, PETER.
83
00:03:12,115 --> 00:03:14,157
AND WHAT ARE YOU,
A DOLL MURDERER?
84
00:03:14,157 --> 00:03:16,920
I AM A HUNG...
85
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,161
JURY.
86
00:03:18,161 --> 00:03:20,363
OH, JUST WHAT EVERYONE LOVES ‐‐
A LEGAL PUN.
87
00:03:20,363 --> 00:03:21,565
OH, BUDDY.
COME ON.
88
00:03:21,565 --> 00:03:22,766
[ SLURRING ]
WHY DID I HAVE TO HAVE
89
00:03:22,766 --> 00:03:24,167
DENTAL SURGERY
ON HALLOWEEN?
90
00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:25,569
I KNOW.
THIS REALLY SUCKS.
91
00:03:25,569 --> 00:03:28,131
SWEETHEART, I KNOW
THE TIMING IS NOT GREAT,
92
00:03:28,131 --> 00:03:30,133
BUT IT WAS EITHER
YOUR MOLARS TODAY
93
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:31,134
OR YOUR JAW TOMORROW.
94
00:03:31,134 --> 00:03:32,576
JUST ENJOY THE PAINKILLERS,
BUDDY.
95
00:03:32,576 --> 00:03:34,578
[ GROANS ]
WE DON'T ENJOY PAINKILLERS,
WARREN.
96
00:03:34,578 --> 00:03:36,940
WE TAKE THEM.
ONE EVERY FOUR HOURS.
97
00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:39,262
I THOUGHT IT WAS FOUR
EVERY ONE HOUR?
98
00:03:39,262 --> 00:03:41,745
OH, SWEETIE. [ SMOOCHES ]
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
99
00:03:42,465 --> 00:03:44,067
DON'T WORRY, PETER.
DON'T WORRY.
100
00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:47,310
YOU WON'T EVEN NOTICE ME.
101
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,592
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
102
00:03:48,592 --> 00:03:50,273
YOU WANT SOME TIPS ON
HOW TO CARVE THAT PUMPKIN.
103
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,194
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
104
00:03:51,194 --> 00:03:53,637
HEY, BABY.
HILLARY: HI, DAD.
105
00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:55,358
HI, HILLARY.
[ GASPS ]
106
00:03:55,358 --> 00:03:56,800
GOD.
IT'S MOM.
107
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,161
I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE, MOM.
[ CHUCKLES ]
108
00:03:58,161 --> 00:04:00,003
[ CHUCKLES ] AND WHY
AREN'T YOU IN COSTUME?
109
00:04:00,003 --> 00:04:01,444
'CAUSE HALLOWEEN IS LAME.
110
00:04:01,444 --> 00:04:04,007
I MEAN, WHO ARE YOU?
JUSTIN BIEBER?
111
00:04:04,007 --> 00:04:07,370
[ LAUGHING ] NO. GUESS.
112
00:04:08,211 --> 00:04:12,015
[ FINGERS SNAP ]
113
00:04:12,015 --> 00:04:13,456
DAD AT A WEDDING.
114
00:04:13,456 --> 00:04:15,659
COME ON.
[ LAUGHING ] NO.
115
00:04:15,659 --> 00:04:17,340
I'M ELLEN DEGENERES.
116
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,622
WHAT?
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
117
00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:20,023
ELLEN DEGENERES.
OH.
118
00:04:20,023 --> 00:04:21,865
[ SINGSONG VOICE ]
WHO WANTS SOME CANDY?
119
00:04:21,865 --> 00:04:26,229
ALL: TRICK OR TREAT!
120
00:04:26,229 --> 00:04:27,831
[ NORMAL VOICE ]
WOW! LOOK AT YOU GUYS!
121
00:04:27,831 --> 00:04:29,993
GREAT COSTUMES.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM?
122
00:04:29,993 --> 00:04:32,035
I AM A HUNG JURY.
123
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:36,920
WELL, IF YOU'RE, UH,
A LAWYER, IT'S CLEVER.
124
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,042
IT KILLED AT WORK TODAY.
125
00:04:39,042 --> 00:04:41,444
WHATEVER. HERE YOU GO.
HERE. DIVIDE IT UP.
126
00:04:44,007 --> 00:04:48,091
HEY. HOW'S, UH,
"HUNG JURY" GOING OVER?
127
00:04:48,091 --> 00:04:49,933
GREAT. THE PEOPLE WHO GET IT
REALLY GET IT.
128
00:04:49,933 --> 00:04:51,094
SO, NOBODY?
129
00:04:51,094 --> 00:04:53,136
YEAH. NOBODY.
WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?
130
00:04:53,136 --> 00:04:54,537
ACTUALLY,
I'M AT A COSTUME STORE
131
00:04:54,537 --> 00:04:57,100
BECAUSE JACKIE DOESN'T KNOW
WHO ROBERT DOWNEY JR. IS.
132
00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,262
YOU'RE GONNA STAND IN LINE
AT A COSTUME STORE ON HALLOWEEN?
133
00:04:59,262 --> 00:05:00,824
THAT'S A ROOKIE MOVE.
134
00:05:00,824 --> 00:05:02,626
NOT THE WAY I DO IT,
BABE.
135
00:05:02,626 --> 00:05:03,827
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
136
00:05:03,827 --> 00:05:06,630
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
137
00:05:07,951 --> 00:05:10,073
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
138
00:05:11,595 --> 00:05:13,997
HMM.
139
00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,362
HEY. HEY.
140
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,565
I'LL BUY YOU BOOZE
IF YOU LET ME IN LINE.
141
00:05:21,565 --> 00:05:22,966
WE'RE STRAIGHT EDGE.
142
00:05:22,966 --> 00:05:25,368
WE DON'T DRINK, WE DON'T SMOKE,
WE DON'T HAVE SEX,
143
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,370
AND WE DON'T LET PEOPLE CUT.
144
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,413
REALLY? NO SEX?
145
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,256
OKAY.
146
00:05:33,256 --> 00:05:36,379
SWEETIE, HI!
147
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:38,261
OH.
EXCUSE ME.
THERE'S A LINE.
148
00:05:38,261 --> 00:05:39,903
[ CHUCKLING ]
OH, YOU THINK I'M CUTTING.
149
00:05:39,903 --> 00:05:41,545
NO. NO, NO, NO, NO.
150
00:05:41,545 --> 00:05:44,307
I'M JUST MEETING MY SON
AND HIS BEST FRIEND.
151
00:05:44,307 --> 00:05:45,268
DID YOUR DAD GIVE YOU
ENOUGH MONEY,
152
00:05:45,268 --> 00:05:47,030
OR DO YOU WANT MORE?
153
00:05:47,030 --> 00:05:48,592
I JUST WANT ANOTHER HUG.
154
00:05:48,592 --> 00:05:51,234
[ CHUCKLES ] OF COURSE YOU DO,
YOU LITTLE RUG RAT.
155
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:52,796
YEAH.
156
00:05:52,796 --> 00:05:54,317
OH.
157
00:05:54,317 --> 00:05:56,720
[ SNIFFS ]
158
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,722
DID YOU JUST
SMELL MY HAIR?
159
00:05:58,722 --> 00:06:01,204
GET OFF. GET OFF.
MAN: OKAY. NEXT 10 CUSTOMERS.
160
00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:04,247
THAT'S US.
COME ON, BOYS.
161
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:05,288
STOP STARING AT ME.
162
00:06:06,129 --> 00:06:07,130
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
163
00:06:07,130 --> 00:06:09,332
WARREN:
[ SLURRING ] COMING!
164
00:06:09,332 --> 00:06:11,454
[ LAUGHING ]
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
165
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:14,658
UH, WARREN, YOU JUST RELAX,
HONEY. I'VE GOT IT, OKAY?
166
00:06:14,658 --> 00:06:17,300
GO AHEAD.
JUST RELAX. I GOT IT.
167
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:19,583
TRICK OR TREAT.
SMELL MY FEET.
168
00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:21,785
OH, HOW NICE.
HERE YOU GO.
169
00:06:21,785 --> 00:06:24,107
I KNOW THAT VOICE.
170
00:06:24,107 --> 00:06:27,070
NOT SO FAST.
SAY THAT AGAIN.
171
00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:28,471
TRICK OR TREAT.
SMELL MY FEET?
172
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:29,472
SAY IT AGAIN.
173
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,473
WHY?
PLEASE.
174
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:31,635
TRICK OR TREAT.
SMELL MY FEET.
175
00:06:31,635 --> 00:06:34,798
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
176
00:06:34,798 --> 00:06:36,439
WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!
177
00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:37,761
DAD! THAT'S ‐‐
THAT'S SO UNCOOL.
178
00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:38,842
I'M GONNA
ASK YOU A QUESTION,
179
00:06:38,842 --> 00:06:40,323
AND I WANT YOU TO ANSWER
VERY CAREFULLY.
180
00:06:41,284 --> 00:06:44,327
LAST HALLOWEEN, DID YOU
EGG MY HOUSE AND THEN MOON ME?
181
00:06:44,327 --> 00:06:45,649
[ SCOFFS ] NO.
182
00:06:45,649 --> 00:06:47,210
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
183
00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:49,212
I RECOGNIZE
YOUR STUPID VOICE.
184
00:06:49,212 --> 00:06:50,493
THIS STAYS HERE.
185
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,576
DIANE:
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT.
IT STAYS.
186
00:06:52,576 --> 00:06:53,577
COME ON INSIDE.
I'LL GET YOUR CANDY BACK.
187
00:06:53,577 --> 00:06:54,978
EXPLAIN.
188
00:06:54,978 --> 00:06:56,580
I THINK
I WAS PRETTY CLEAR.
189
00:06:56,580 --> 00:06:58,181
THAT'S THE KID
WHO EGGED MY HOUSE
190
00:06:58,181 --> 00:06:59,542
AND MOONED ME LAST YEAR.
191
00:06:59,542 --> 00:07:01,504
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN HIS FACE.
192
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:02,786
I DON'T NEED TO SEE
HIS FACE, DIANE.
193
00:07:02,786 --> 00:07:05,188
I RECOGNIZED HIS VOICE.
PLUS, I'VE SEEN HIS BUTT.
194
00:07:05,188 --> 00:07:08,191
IT HAS A VERY DISTINCTIVE
BIRTHMARK ON IT
195
00:07:08,191 --> 00:07:09,873
SHAPED LIKE
A COILED SNAKE.
196
00:07:09,873 --> 00:07:11,835
HOW CLOSE WERE YOU?
REAL CLOSE.
197
00:07:12,716 --> 00:07:13,957
TOO CLOSE.
198
00:07:13,957 --> 00:07:16,119
OKAY. PETER,
IT WAS OVER A YEAR AGO.
199
00:07:16,119 --> 00:07:17,520
THERE'S NO
STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS
200
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,562
ON BEING A PUNK.
201
00:07:18,562 --> 00:07:19,963
PETER.
NO, DIANE.
202
00:07:19,963 --> 00:07:22,966
THIS MADNESS
HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.
203
00:07:22,966 --> 00:07:25,408
IT'S GOT TO STOP.
THIS IS ABOUT JUSTICE.
204
00:07:26,570 --> 00:07:30,574
WHEN THE NEIGHBOR STEALS
MY WI‐FI, I DO NOTHING.
205
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:34,537
WHEN THE MAILMAN KEEPS
MY MUSCLE AND FITNESS,
206
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,860
I DO NOTHING.
207
00:07:36,860 --> 00:07:40,223
WHEN A HOOLIGAN EGGS MY HOME
AND MOONS MY FACE, I DO NOTHING.
208
00:07:40,223 --> 00:07:42,265
BUT WHEN THAT KID
HAS THE AUDACITY
209
00:07:42,265 --> 00:07:46,109
TO RETURN TO MY HOUSE
AND ASK FOR CANDY?
210
00:07:46,109 --> 00:07:48,231
THIS ENDS NOW.
211
00:07:48,231 --> 00:07:50,273
OKAY.
YOU'VE CONVINCED ME.
212
00:07:50,273 --> 00:07:52,355
LET'S CUT OFF HIS HANDS
AND KILL HIM.
213
00:07:52,355 --> 00:07:54,357
THAT
WILL NOT BE NECESSARY.
214
00:07:54,357 --> 00:07:57,240
ALL I NEED IS
A CONFESSION AND AN APOLOGY.
215
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:59,282
I'M NOT LEAVING
WITHOUT MY CANDY.
216
00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:01,605
I'M NOT GIVING YOU YOUR CANDY
UNTIL YOU CONFESS.
217
00:08:01,605 --> 00:08:03,607
I GOT NOTHING TO CONFESS.
218
00:08:03,607 --> 00:08:05,929
OKAY. HAVE A GREAT REST
OF YOUR HALLOWEEN.
OH, MY GOSH.
219
00:08:05,929 --> 00:08:07,130
YOU'RE FREE TO GO.
CANDY STAYS.
220
00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:08,291
HMM!
221
00:08:09,372 --> 00:08:10,373
[ DOOR CREAKS ]
222
00:08:10,373 --> 00:08:11,575
JACKIE?
223
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:12,976
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
224
00:08:12,976 --> 00:08:15,579
[ BRITISH ACCENT ]
GUESS WHO I AM.
225
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,180
LADY GAGA.
226
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:18,381
[ SIGHS ]
227
00:08:18,381 --> 00:08:19,462
[ NORMAL VOICE ]
I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.
228
00:08:19,462 --> 00:08:22,826
[ BRITISH ACCENT ]
I'M QUEEN ELIZABETH!
229
00:08:22,826 --> 00:08:24,588
OH.
230
00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,189
YEAH.
LET THEM EAT CAKE.
231
00:08:26,189 --> 00:08:29,873
ANYWAY, HERE'S BERT'S
IRON MAN COSTUME.
232
00:08:29,873 --> 00:08:32,155
[ NORMAL VOICE ] OH, KATE,
I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH,
233
00:08:32,155 --> 00:08:35,238
BUT YOU HAVE TOTALLY SAVED
HALLOWEEN FOR BERT AND ME.
234
00:08:35,238 --> 00:08:37,040
I DON'T KNOW
IF I SAVED IT,
235
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:38,802
BUT, YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT BERT
TO HAVE A FUN HALLOWEEN.
236
00:08:38,802 --> 00:08:41,364
OOH, I LOVE TRICK‐OR‐TREATING
WITH HIM SO MUCH.
237
00:08:41,364 --> 00:08:44,768
IT'S LIKE 30%
OF WHY I ADOPTED HIM.
238
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:46,409
THAT'S...SWEET.
239
00:08:46,409 --> 00:08:48,211
UH...OH, KATE, UM,
240
00:08:48,211 --> 00:08:50,013
CAN I GIVE YOU
SOME MONEY FOR THIS?
241
00:08:50,013 --> 00:08:51,174
OH, DO YOU HAVE MONEY?
242
00:08:51,174 --> 00:08:52,576
NO, I DO NOT.
243
00:08:52,576 --> 00:08:53,617
OH, THEN NO.
244
00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:55,258
OKAY. SO WE'RE EVEN.
245
00:08:55,258 --> 00:08:57,500
UH...Y‐‐ SURE.
246
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,263
GOOD.
HERE. YOU DO THE HONORS.
247
00:09:00,263 --> 00:09:01,825
REALLY?
YEAH.
248
00:09:01,825 --> 00:09:04,628
OKAY. THANKS.
249
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,751
BERT: GO AWAY.
I'M NEVER COMING OUT.
250
00:09:07,751 --> 00:09:10,073
I NEED TONY STARK
TO COME OUT HERE AND SUIT UP.
251
00:09:12,395 --> 00:09:14,197
LOOK WHAT WE GOT YOU!
252
00:09:14,197 --> 00:09:16,239
[ SCREAMS ]
OH, MY GOSH!
253
00:09:16,239 --> 00:09:18,361
KATE, I ADORE IT!
254
00:09:18,361 --> 00:09:19,923
WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT.
255
00:09:19,923 --> 00:09:21,845
KATE! KATE! KATE! KATE!
256
00:09:21,845 --> 00:09:23,927
AND JACKIE! AND JACKIE!
257
00:09:23,927 --> 00:09:25,248
WHOO! JACKIE!
258
00:09:25,248 --> 00:09:27,290
YOU'RE WELCOME, BUDDY.
259
00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:29,292
NOW YOU AND YOUR MOM CAN
GO TRICK‐OR‐TREATING TOGETHER
260
00:09:29,292 --> 00:09:30,654
AND KEEP THE UNIVERSE SAFE.
261
00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:32,415
I DON'T WANT TO GO
WITH MY MOM ANYMORE.
262
00:09:32,415 --> 00:09:33,697
I WANT TO GO WITH YOU.
263
00:09:33,697 --> 00:09:35,859
YOU DO?!
[ INHALES SHARPLY ]
264
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:38,461
YOU DO?
265
00:09:38,461 --> 00:09:40,744
OH. THAT'S FINE.
266
00:09:40,744 --> 00:09:43,146
I MEAN,
WHAT'S HALLOWEEN ABOUT?
267
00:09:43,146 --> 00:09:47,911
HALLOWEEN IS ABOUT RELAXATION
AND INTROSPECTION.
268
00:09:47,911 --> 00:09:52,115
AND LOOK AT THIS ‐‐
MORE PUMPKIN BROTH JUST FOR ME.
269
00:09:52,115 --> 00:09:54,357
YOU'RE GONNA MISS OUT, SO...
270
00:09:54,357 --> 00:09:55,318
WHY DON'T YOU
GO SUIT UP?
271
00:09:55,318 --> 00:09:56,880
OKAY.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
272
00:10:01,284 --> 00:10:04,327
[ GRUNTS ]
IT'S PERFECT!
273
00:10:04,327 --> 00:10:05,488
[ SIGHS ]
274
00:10:09,172 --> 00:10:11,054
JACKIE, I DON'T HAVE TO
TAKE BERT. REALLY.
275
00:10:11,054 --> 00:10:12,415
NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT'S WHAT HE WANTS.
276
00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:13,456
HAVE FUN.
277
00:10:13,456 --> 00:10:14,457
[ DISHES CLATTERING ]
278
00:10:14,457 --> 00:10:15,899
YOU SURE?
279
00:10:15,899 --> 00:10:18,461
I MEAN, IT FEELS LIKE
THIS MEANS A LOT TO YOU,
280
00:10:18,461 --> 00:10:20,784
AND YOU OBVIOUSLY PUT
SOME EFFORT INTO YOUR COSTUME.
281
00:10:20,784 --> 00:10:23,146
THE HARDEST PART WAS FINDING
THIS MUCH WHALE BONE.
282
00:10:23,146 --> 00:10:25,268
VOOM! VOOM!
283
00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:28,271
AH, POWDER FACE!
I WILL VANQUISH YOU!
284
00:10:28,271 --> 00:10:30,073
REALLY?
THIS IS IRON MAN?
285
00:10:30,073 --> 00:10:32,876
THEY MADE A MOVIE
ABOUT THAT?
WELL...
286
00:10:32,876 --> 00:10:34,157
HEY, KATE,
WHAT'S YOUR COSTUME?
287
00:10:34,157 --> 00:10:35,518
OH, I'M, UH...
288
00:10:35,518 --> 00:10:38,041
AWESOME STEPMOM MAN.
289
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:39,482
YOU'RE SO FUNNY AND COOL.
290
00:10:39,482 --> 00:10:41,204
[ LAUGHS ] THANK YOU.
291
00:10:41,204 --> 00:10:43,206
I'LL GO GET ONE OF MY MOM'S
OLD COSTUMES.
292
00:10:43,206 --> 00:10:44,768
SHE LOVES HALLOWEEN.
293
00:10:44,768 --> 00:10:46,329
OH! [ CHUCKLES ]
THAT'S ‐‐
294
00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:47,931
YAY!
[ DISHES CLATTERING ]
295
00:10:47,931 --> 00:10:49,012
[ EVIL LAUGHTER ]
296
00:10:49,012 --> 00:10:50,293
I'VE NEVER SEEN
THIS COSTUME BEFORE.
297
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:51,454
WHAT IS IT?
298
00:10:51,454 --> 00:10:54,257
I'M A CENTAUR ‐‐
HALF‐HUMAN, HALF‐HORSE.
299
00:10:54,257 --> 00:10:55,699
HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?
300
00:10:55,699 --> 00:10:57,981
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
301
00:10:57,981 --> 00:11:01,144
UM...SOMETIMES,
WHEN A MAN LOVES A HORSE ‐‐
302
00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:03,106
KATE, LOOK! COTTON CANDY!
CAN WE GET SOME?
303
00:11:03,106 --> 00:11:06,149
ROOKIE MISTAKE.
YOU HIT THE BIG HOUSES FIRST.
304
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:08,231
BIG HOUSES, BIG CANDIES.
SKIP THE APARTMENTS.
305
00:11:08,231 --> 00:11:09,873
'CAUSE THAT'S WHERE
ALL THE GROSS TAFFY IS.
306
00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:11,635
THEN YOU CLOSE
WITH THE COTTON CANDY,
307
00:11:11,635 --> 00:11:13,797
GET STICKY,
HOSE OFF AT HOME.
308
00:11:13,797 --> 00:11:15,559
KATE,
YOU'RE A GENIUS!
309
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:18,361
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I'M A GENIUS, BUT...
310
00:11:18,361 --> 00:11:21,004
YOU KNOW SO MUCH MORE
ABOUT HALLOWEEN THAN MY MOM.
311
00:11:21,004 --> 00:11:22,525
ALL SHE KNOWS
ARE THE CHANTS.
312
00:11:22,525 --> 00:11:25,168
[ GRUNTS ]
313
00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:26,570
[ RASPY VOICE ] WATCH IT.
SORRY.
314
00:11:26,570 --> 00:11:28,812
[ CROWS CAW ]
315
00:11:28,812 --> 00:11:31,414
COME ON, BERT.
GIDDYUP.
316
00:11:31,414 --> 00:11:33,376
DIANE: WE WON'T CATER TO YOU.
IT'S FOUR AGAINST ONE. WE
THINK THAT THE SHOULD GO.
317
00:11:33,376 --> 00:11:34,938
HILLARY: IT'S RIDICULOUS ‐‐
318
00:11:34,938 --> 00:11:36,539
IT'S PROBABLY
ON THE NEWS RIGHT NOW.
IT'S NOT A DEMOCRACY.
319
00:11:36,539 --> 00:11:37,861
SOME KIND OF
MISSING‐CHILD ALERT.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I HAVE ‐‐
320
00:11:37,861 --> 00:11:39,142
AND I'M GONNA BE KNOWN
AS THE GIRL WHOSE FATHER...
321
00:11:39,142 --> 00:11:40,784
YOUNG MAN: HEY!
...STOLE THE GUY
ON HALLOWEEN.
322
00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,546
I'VE BEEN TRICK‐OR‐TREATING
FOR THREE HOURS.
323
00:11:42,546 --> 00:11:44,067
THAT'S ALL MY CANDY.
324
00:11:44,067 --> 00:11:45,869
HEY. YOU MIND? I'M TRYING TO
TALK TO MY EX‐WIFE HERE.
325
00:11:45,869 --> 00:11:47,551
I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A SECOND, EGGS...
326
00:11:47,551 --> 00:11:49,192
BENEDICT ARNOLD.
327
00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:52,315
REACHING.
YOU HAVE MANY ENEMIES, PETER.
328
00:11:52,315 --> 00:11:54,598
ANYONE COULD HAVE
EGGED YOUR HOUSE. LET IT GO.
329
00:11:54,598 --> 00:11:56,920
THIS FROM THE WOMAN WHO
HAD HER HOUSEKEEPER DEPORTED
330
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,441
FOR SCRATCHING
HER COFFEE TABLE.
331
00:11:58,441 --> 00:11:59,643
I WAS DOING HER A FAVOR.
332
00:11:59,643 --> 00:12:01,044
IN THE PHILIPPINES,
SHE'S A DOCTOR.
333
00:12:01,044 --> 00:12:02,205
[ DOORBELL RINGS ]
I GOT IT.
334
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:03,967
OHH. YOU GET IT.
335
00:12:05,689 --> 00:12:07,050
I THINK DAD'S GONE CRAZY.
[ DOOR OPENS ]
336
00:12:07,050 --> 00:12:08,972
NO. IT'S JUST HIS WARPED
SENSE OF JUSTICE.
337
00:12:08,972 --> 00:12:12,095
IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE ADMIRABLE
IF IT WEREN'T SO EMBARRASSING.
338
00:12:12,095 --> 00:12:13,096
BUT DON'T WORRY.
339
00:12:13,096 --> 00:12:14,497
I'M NOT LEAVING
UNTIL THAT BOY
340
00:12:14,497 --> 00:12:16,259
GETS HIS CANDY BACK
AND GOES.
341
00:12:16,259 --> 00:12:18,421
SO, THAT'S YOUR EX?
342
00:12:18,421 --> 00:12:19,502
YES.
343
00:12:19,502 --> 00:12:21,264
YOU SEEM
WAY TOO SMART FOR HIM.
344
00:12:21,264 --> 00:12:24,147
I LIKE YOU.
345
00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:25,308
BERT:
ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM!
346
00:12:25,308 --> 00:12:27,070
YEAH. YOU GET 'EM.
ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM!
347
00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:28,872
YOU'RE THE BEST
IRON MAN EVER.
ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM! ZOOM!
348
00:12:28,872 --> 00:12:29,993
THANKS.
349
00:12:33,036 --> 00:12:35,599
ZOOM!
COME ON, BERT.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. COME ON.
350
00:12:35,599 --> 00:12:38,041
[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING ]
351
00:12:39,683 --> 00:12:40,724
GET LOST, WEIRDO!
352
00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:43,086
I SAID, "GET OUT OF HERE!"
353
00:12:43,086 --> 00:12:45,008
[ GRUNTS ]
[ NORMAL VOICE ] OW!
354
00:12:45,008 --> 00:12:46,570
FOR THE LOVE OF VISHNU!
RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
355
00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:48,291
JACKIE?
356
00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:53,857
BOO!
357
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,538
[ SCOFFS ]
358
00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:01,625
[ SIGHS ]
359
00:13:02,986 --> 00:13:04,588
OW.
YOUNG MAN: WOW.
360
00:13:04,588 --> 00:13:07,591
LOOKS LIKE YOUR DAD RUINED
MY HALLOWEEN BY TAKING MY CANDY
361
00:13:07,591 --> 00:13:09,833
AND YOUR HALLOWEEN
BY SCHEDULING DENTAL SURGERY.
362
00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:11,394
NO.
MY MOM SCHEDULED IT.
363
00:13:11,394 --> 00:13:13,196
[ SCOFFS ] YOUR DAD
COULD HAVE STOPPED HER.
364
00:13:13,196 --> 00:13:14,558
HE DIDN'T KNOW.
365
00:13:14,558 --> 00:13:17,280
OR MAYBE HE DIDN'T
CARE ENOUGH TO KNOW.
366
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,122
MAYBE.
367
00:13:19,122 --> 00:13:20,003
NO WONDER YOU'RE SO MAD.
368
00:13:20,003 --> 00:13:21,524
I'M NOT MAD.
YES, YOU ARE.
369
00:13:21,524 --> 00:13:23,086
I AM?
SUPER MAD.
370
00:13:23,086 --> 00:13:24,487
HUH.
371
00:13:24,487 --> 00:13:26,289
AND I DON'T BLAME YOU.
372
00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:28,692
I JUST WISH THERE WAS A WAY
WE COULD SHOW YOUR DAD
373
00:13:28,692 --> 00:13:32,295
HOW ANGRY YOU ARE AND HOW...
INNOCENT I AM.
374
00:13:34,297 --> 00:13:36,299
[ SIGHS ]
SO...
375
00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:38,101
CAN I HAVE
A GLASS OF WATER?
376
00:13:38,101 --> 00:13:40,904
WATER, CANDY, FREEDOM ‐‐
377
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,586
IT'S ALL YOURS
ONCE YOU CONFESS.
378
00:13:42,586 --> 00:13:44,107
BUT I DIDN'T DO IT.
379
00:13:44,107 --> 00:13:45,589
HEY. THAT'S MINE!
380
00:13:45,589 --> 00:13:47,711
WHAT DO WE HAVE ‐‐ OOH.
381
00:13:47,711 --> 00:13:49,673
OOH.
382
00:13:49,673 --> 00:13:51,915
OOH, I WOULD LOVE
TO HEAR YOUR REASONS
383
00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:55,438
FOR HAVING EGGS IN YOUR BAG
ON HALLOWEEN.
384
00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:00,163
MY MOM ASKED ME
TO PICK UP EGGS.
385
00:14:00,163 --> 00:14:03,366
SHE'S MAKING A FRITTATA
FOR HER BOYFRIEND.
386
00:14:03,366 --> 00:14:04,808
HE HATES ME.
387
00:14:04,808 --> 00:14:06,209
NICE, PETER.
388
00:14:06,209 --> 00:14:07,330
[ SCOFFS ] FRITTATA.
389
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:10,293
THESE EGGS WERE MEANT
FOR MISCHIEF.
390
00:14:12,015 --> 00:14:13,977
SEE? IT WASN'T ME.
391
00:14:13,977 --> 00:14:17,060
HANG ON. UH...
WATCH THE CANDY.
392
00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:19,783
I'M SORRY.
393
00:14:19,783 --> 00:14:20,984
[ SCOFFS ]
I JUST WANT MY CANDY
394
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:23,747
AND I WANT TO LEAVE ‐‐
NO HARM, NO FOUL.
395
00:14:23,747 --> 00:14:25,348
OKAY, IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME
TO TAKE BERT TRICK‐OR‐TREATING,
396
00:14:25,348 --> 00:14:27,270
YOU SHOULD HAVE
JUST TOLD ME.
397
00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:28,672
YOU DIDN'T NEED TO FOLLOW US
IN DISGUISE.
398
00:14:28,672 --> 00:14:29,913
SPARE ME, KATE.
399
00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:32,075
I KNOW A POWER PLAY
WHEN I SEE ONE.
400
00:14:32,075 --> 00:14:34,477
UH, "OH! LOOK AT ME
WITH MY PRETTY BLONDE HAIR
401
00:14:34,477 --> 00:14:36,840
"AND ALL THE STUFF I KNOW
ABOUT THE IRONING MAN!
402
00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:39,242
AND DON'T I LOOK SEXY
AS A ‐‐ A CENTAUR!"
403
00:14:39,242 --> 00:14:40,764
I MEAN, ET CETERA.
YADA, YADA.
404
00:14:40,764 --> 00:14:42,485
PLEASE STOP FIGHTING.
405
00:14:42,485 --> 00:14:45,288
WE'RE NOT FIGHTING.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER.
406
00:14:45,288 --> 00:14:47,010
LISTEN,
IF IT WASN'T FOR ME,
407
00:14:47,010 --> 00:14:48,011
HE'D STILL BE HOLED UP
IN HIS ROOM
408
00:14:48,011 --> 00:14:49,252
PLAYING WITH
A WRINKLED SHIRT.
409
00:14:49,252 --> 00:14:51,094
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
YOU OVERSTEPPED.
410
00:14:51,094 --> 00:14:53,136
I'M STEPPING UP.
NOW STEP OFF SO I CAN STEP UP.
411
00:14:53,136 --> 00:14:55,538
YEAH ‐‐
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US,
412
00:14:55,538 --> 00:14:58,101
I'M GONNA GO TRICK‐OR‐TREATING
WITH MY SON.
413
00:14:58,101 --> 00:14:59,302
FINE.
BERT.
414
00:14:59,302 --> 00:15:01,144
BERT. BERT?
415
00:15:01,144 --> 00:15:02,305
BERT!
BERT?
416
00:15:02,305 --> 00:15:03,627
WHERE'D HE GO?
I DON'T KNOW.
417
00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:05,629
BERT!
HEY, BERT,
YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.
418
00:15:05,629 --> 00:15:07,430
BERT.
BERT!
419
00:15:07,430 --> 00:15:09,633
BERT. BERT!
BERT!
420
00:15:09,633 --> 00:15:11,434
BERT!
421
00:15:11,434 --> 00:15:13,637
BERT!!
BERT!!
422
00:15:13,637 --> 00:15:15,999
I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE
HAD HIM MICROCHIPPED.
423
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:20,523
BERT!
[ EVIL LAUGHTER ]
424
00:15:20,523 --> 00:15:22,085
OLLIE, OLLIE,
IN COME, BERT!
425
00:15:22,085 --> 00:15:23,847
MARCO!
426
00:15:23,847 --> 00:15:25,448
MARCO!
427
00:15:25,448 --> 00:15:27,410
ME LLAMO MARCO.
QUÉ PASA?
428
00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:28,852
NOT YOU.
GET OUT OF HERE, MARCO.
429
00:15:28,852 --> 00:15:30,133
GO.
430
00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:32,535
OKAY ‐‐ YOU GO THAT WAY,
I GO THIS WAY,
431
00:15:32,535 --> 00:15:35,138
WE MEET BACK HERE
IN FIVE MINUTES.
NO. THAT'S STUPID.
I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.
432
00:15:35,138 --> 00:15:36,339
I GO THIS WAY,
YOU GO THAT WAY,
433
00:15:36,339 --> 00:15:37,701
WE MEET BACK HERE
IN FIVE MINUTES.
434
00:15:37,701 --> 00:15:38,902
TH‐‐
435
00:15:38,902 --> 00:15:40,704
[ GROANS ]
436
00:15:40,704 --> 00:15:43,106
BERT! BERT!
WHERE ARE YOU?!
437
00:15:43,106 --> 00:15:44,307
EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.
438
00:15:44,307 --> 00:15:45,829
HAVE YOU SEEN A LITTLE BOY
ABOUT THIS TALL
439
00:15:45,829 --> 00:15:48,151
CARRYING A BUCKET
OF CANDY?
440
00:15:48,151 --> 00:15:50,554
RIGHT. OKAY.
441
00:15:50,554 --> 00:15:51,675
[ GASPS ] BERT!
442
00:15:51,675 --> 00:15:52,796
OH, THANK GOD.
443
00:15:52,796 --> 00:15:54,397
OH, YOU SCARED THE CRAP
OUT OF ME.
444
00:15:54,397 --> 00:15:55,518
OKAY. COME ON.
445
00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,082
I FOUND BERT!
I FOUND BERT!
446
00:16:00,924 --> 00:16:02,485
WE JUST KIDNAPPED
TWO KIDS.
447
00:16:03,767 --> 00:16:06,570
GO. FORGET OUR FACES.
448
00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:09,252
WHAT? OH, MY GOD.
449
00:16:12,335 --> 00:16:14,938
LOOK WHO I FOUND
EGGING HIS OWN HOUSE.
450
00:16:14,938 --> 00:16:17,180
ME. WARREN.
451
00:16:17,180 --> 00:16:18,541
I TOLD YOU TO RUN.
452
00:16:19,502 --> 00:16:21,625
YEAH. OH, YEAH.
453
00:16:22,746 --> 00:16:25,589
WELL, AT LEAST YOUR WINDOWS
ARE FINALLY GETTING WASHED.
454
00:16:25,589 --> 00:16:28,031
WARREN,
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
455
00:16:28,031 --> 00:16:29,432
I DON'T KNOW. COOL KID.
456
00:16:29,432 --> 00:16:31,234
[ SNORTS, LAUGHS ]
457
00:16:31,234 --> 00:16:32,315
DRUGS.
458
00:16:33,757 --> 00:16:35,919
YOUNG MAN:
HEY. HILLARY, RIGHT?
459
00:16:35,919 --> 00:16:37,200
YEAH.
460
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,842
CAN I ASK YOU
SOMETHING?
461
00:16:38,842 --> 00:16:40,323
SURE.
462
00:16:41,765 --> 00:16:43,206
WHY DOES YOUR DAD
HATE ME?
463
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:45,809
WHY DID YOU HAVE MY BROTHER
EGG OUR HOUSE?
464
00:16:45,809 --> 00:16:47,410
WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT ELSE TO DO.
465
00:16:47,410 --> 00:16:49,613
YOUR DAD WAS CONVINCED
I WAS GUILTY,
466
00:16:49,613 --> 00:16:51,615
SO I FIGURED IF YOUR BROTHER
EGGED THE HOUSE,
467
00:16:51,615 --> 00:16:53,897
THEN HE WOULD THINK THE REAL
EGGER WAS STILL OUT THERE
468
00:16:53,897 --> 00:16:55,699
SO I COULD GET MY CANDY BACK
AND GO HOME.
469
00:16:55,699 --> 00:16:56,940
SOUNDS COMPLICATED.
470
00:16:56,940 --> 00:16:57,941
I WAS DESPERATE.
[ CHUCKLES ]
471
00:16:57,941 --> 00:17:00,343
YOUR DAD
JUST WON'T GIVE UP.
472
00:17:02,786 --> 00:17:06,590
YOU'RE, LIKE,
THE ONLY NORMAL ONE HERE.
473
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:07,951
HOW DO YOU DEAL?
474
00:17:07,951 --> 00:17:11,154
I JUST CLOSE MY EYES
AND PRETEND I'M AT PRINCETON.
475
00:17:11,154 --> 00:17:12,235
YOU'LL GET THERE.
476
00:17:13,196 --> 00:17:15,599
OH, I KNOW.
477
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:18,962
LISTEN. I CAN'T CHANGE
MY DAD'S MIND.
478
00:17:18,962 --> 00:17:22,325
BUT...I CAN PISS HIM OFF
FOR YOU.
479
00:17:22,325 --> 00:17:24,487
[ MUMBLING ]
480
00:17:24,487 --> 00:17:27,530
OH, MY GOD.
481
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:32,015
HILLARY IS GIVING HIM
A BLOW POP!
482
00:17:32,015 --> 00:17:34,778
[ SIGHS ] THESE BOOTS
ARE REALLY SLOWING ME DOWN.
483
00:17:34,778 --> 00:17:36,219
WAIT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHAT?
484
00:17:36,219 --> 00:17:38,381
THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER
IF YOU JUST LET ME RIDE YOU.
485
00:17:38,381 --> 00:17:40,584
WHAT?! NO. JACKIE,
GET OFF ME.
486
00:17:40,584 --> 00:17:42,305
ST‐‐ COTTON CANDY!
487
00:17:42,305 --> 00:17:43,587
WH‐‐ HOW COULD YOU THINK ABOUT
CANDY WHEN BERT'S MISSING?
488
00:17:43,587 --> 00:17:45,629
WHERE DID YOU GET
THE COTTON CANDY?
489
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:48,992
[ MUMBLES ]
THANK YOU.
JACKIE, COME ON!
490
00:17:48,992 --> 00:17:50,433
[ GRUNTS ]
491
00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:52,115
COME ON!
I KNOW WHERE HE IS.
492
00:17:52,115 --> 00:17:53,116
EXCUSE ME!
493
00:17:55,799 --> 00:17:59,282
OKAY ‐‐ I'M SORRY
FOR SEDUCING YOUR DAUGHTER
494
00:17:59,282 --> 00:18:02,926
AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF
YOUR BRAVE AND INSPIRING SON.
495
00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:05,048
[ GIGGLES ]
I JUST WANT MY CANDY BACK.
496
00:18:05,048 --> 00:18:06,570
AND I JUST WANT JUSTICE.
497
00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:07,811
IT'S OVER, PETER.
498
00:18:07,811 --> 00:18:09,492
YOU ARE OFFICIALLY BEING
A PAIN IN THE BUTT.
499
00:18:09,492 --> 00:18:11,134
THAT'S IT ‐‐ THE BUTT.
500
00:18:11,134 --> 00:18:12,696
SHOW ME YOUR BUTT.
501
00:18:12,696 --> 00:18:14,297
SHOW ME THE SNAKE
ON YOUR BUTT.
502
00:18:14,297 --> 00:18:15,939
WHAT?! NO!
DAD! GROSS!
503
00:18:15,939 --> 00:18:17,741
PETER!
[ MUMBLES ]
504
00:18:17,741 --> 00:18:18,902
IT'S VERY SIMPLE ‐‐
505
00:18:18,902 --> 00:18:19,943
YOU SHOW ME YOUR BUTT,
I GIVE YOU CANDY.
506
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:25,148
[ CHUCKLES ]
507
00:18:25,148 --> 00:18:26,950
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
508
00:18:26,950 --> 00:18:28,952
PETER, I'M DONE.
509
00:18:28,952 --> 00:18:32,075
I'M A GROWN‐UP.
I HAVE THINGS TO DO.
510
00:18:32,075 --> 00:18:33,957
YOU'RE MAKING
A BIG MISTAKE.
511
00:18:33,957 --> 00:18:37,961
[ CHUCKLES ]
BYE, FRIEND!
512
00:18:37,961 --> 00:18:41,524
IT WAS REALLY NICE
TO MEET YOU.
513
00:18:41,524 --> 00:18:43,406
I STILL
THINK IT WAS HIM.
514
00:18:43,406 --> 00:18:46,930
HEY! HUNG JURY!
FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS!
515
00:18:46,930 --> 00:18:47,931
[ ALL GASPING ]
516
00:18:47,931 --> 00:18:48,972
OH!
OHH!
517
00:18:48,972 --> 00:18:50,814
IT DOES LOOK LIKE
A COILED SNAKE.
518
00:18:50,814 --> 00:18:52,816
SEE? I TOLD YOU.
519
00:18:52,816 --> 00:18:55,819
PRETTY PROUD
OF YOUR DAD NOW, HUH?
520
00:18:55,819 --> 00:18:57,621
[ GASPS ]
521
00:18:57,621 --> 00:18:58,902
[ LAUGHS ]
522
00:18:58,902 --> 00:19:01,745
HALLOWEEN'S OVER.
523
00:19:01,745 --> 00:19:03,747
WHAT A THROW.
BEST HALLOWEEN EVER.
524
00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:04,828
LET'S GO INSIDE.
525
00:19:04,828 --> 00:19:07,030
OHH!
OH. BERT.
526
00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:08,912
OH, THANK GOD.
527
00:19:08,912 --> 00:19:11,555
[ SMOOCHES ]
OH, I'M SO SORRY
528
00:19:11,555 --> 00:19:14,477
THAT KATE SCARED YOU AWAY
BY FIGHTING.
529
00:19:14,477 --> 00:19:15,879
WHAT?
I WASN'T SCARED.
530
00:19:15,879 --> 00:19:18,481
I DID THE BIG HOUSES FIRST,
LIKE KATE SAID TO DO,
531
00:19:18,481 --> 00:19:21,044
AND NOW I'M CLOSING WITH
THIS AWESOME COTTON CANDY.
532
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:23,687
IS THIS YOUR
ADORABLE BOY?
533
00:19:23,687 --> 00:19:27,050
YES.
YES.
534
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:29,292
JACKIE, I'M SORRY.
535
00:19:29,292 --> 00:19:31,454
I‐I LOVE HALLOWEEN,
AND I WAS JUST SO EXCITED
536
00:19:31,454 --> 00:19:32,856
THAT BERT WANTED TO
SHARE IT WITH ME,
537
00:19:32,856 --> 00:19:34,978
BUT WE SHOULDN'T
HAVE GONE WITHOUT YOU.
538
00:19:34,978 --> 00:19:36,820
YEAH.
539
00:19:36,820 --> 00:19:39,903
I GUESS I GOT A...
LITTLE JEALOUS.
540
00:19:39,903 --> 00:19:42,105
JUST ‐‐ HE'S MY BABY,
541
00:19:42,105 --> 00:19:44,347
AND IT'S SO HARD
TO WATCH SOMEONE ELSE
542
00:19:44,347 --> 00:19:46,630
BE A MOM
TO MY LITTLE BERTIE.
543
00:19:46,630 --> 00:19:49,633
JUST FELT SO GOOD
TO BE THE HERO FOR ONCE.
544
00:19:49,633 --> 00:19:51,234
DO YOU KNOW HOW LITTLE
I GET RIGHT?
545
00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:52,676
YEAH. NEXT TO NOTHING.
546
00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:54,878
YOU'RE NOT GREAT
AT READING SOCIAL CUES,
547
00:19:54,878 --> 00:19:57,280
AND YOU WALK LIKE YOU'VE NEVER
WORN A CENTAUR COSTUME BEFORE,
548
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,962
AND...
549
00:19:58,962 --> 00:20:02,966
OH. IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW BERT LOVES ME MORE.
550
00:20:02,966 --> 00:20:05,969
CONGRATULATIONS
ON THE SUPREME COURT DECISION.
551
00:20:05,969 --> 00:20:08,171
I BELIEVE ALL LOVE
IS SACRED.
552
00:20:08,171 --> 00:20:10,253
AWW.
THANK YOU.
553
00:20:10,253 --> 00:20:12,175
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
554
00:20:12,175 --> 00:20:15,178
HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
555
00:20:15,178 --> 00:20:17,781
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.
556
00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,623
I THINK WE'VE HAD ENOUGH
ADVENTURE FOR ONE DAY.
557
00:20:19,623 --> 00:20:20,784
BYE!
558
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:25,388
WHAT SUPREME COURT
DECISION?
559
00:20:25,388 --> 00:20:27,751
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
560
00:20:30,393 --> 00:20:33,877
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
561
00:20:33,877 --> 00:20:36,720
ALL RIGHT, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
FOR YOU GUYS TODAY.
562
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,361
WE'RE GIVING AWAY
SKI VACATIONS,
563
00:20:38,361 --> 00:20:41,164
SPA DAYS, AND SNOWBOARDS!
564
00:20:41,164 --> 00:20:42,606
HE'S NOT GONNA DO
THE WHOLE SHOW, IS HE?
565
00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:44,608
DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S NO MUSICAL GUEST.
566
00:20:44,608 --> 00:20:45,969
OH, YEAH ‐‐ BUT FIRST,
567
00:20:45,969 --> 00:20:49,412
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUEST...
TONY STARK!
568
00:20:49,412 --> 00:20:50,614
TONY STARK!
569
00:20:50,614 --> 00:20:51,615
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
570
00:20:51,615 --> 00:20:52,816
OH, YEAH! OKAY.
571
00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:55,979
FIRST, TONY,
WHAT'S WITH YOUR ‐‐
572
00:20:55,979 --> 00:20:56,980
OH!
[ JACKIE LAUGHS ]
573
00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:01,224
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET THIS ONE TO BED.
574
00:21:01,224 --> 00:21:02,626
COME ON, GUYS.
GRAB A LIMB.
OKAY.
575
00:21:02,626 --> 00:21:03,827
BERT:
COME ON, HILLARY.
576
00:21:03,827 --> 00:21:06,229
GRAB A LIMB, EVERYBODY.
HILLARY: OKAY, BERT.
577
00:21:06,229 --> 00:21:07,631
DIANE:
COME ON. ON THREE.
578
00:21:07,631 --> 00:21:09,633
ONE, TWO, THREE.
[ ALL GRUNTING ]