1 00:00:01,066 --> 00:00:03,058 ♪♪♪ 2 00:00:03,058 --> 00:00:05,055 [ SIGHING ] AH. HI. 3 00:00:05,055 --> 00:00:06,061 HI. OH. 4 00:00:06,061 --> 00:00:07,062 WHERE'S YOUR NECKTIE? 5 00:00:07,062 --> 00:00:09,055 IT'S SATURDAY. 6 00:00:09,055 --> 00:00:10,057 MORNING, DAD. HEY, BUD. 7 00:00:10,057 --> 00:00:11,064 BUT I LOVE IT WHEN YOU WEAR NECKTIES. 8 00:00:11,064 --> 00:00:13,073 I ONLY WEAR A NECKTIE MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY. 9 00:00:13,073 --> 00:00:15,060 I KNOW. I LOVE IT. 10 00:00:15,060 --> 00:00:17,081 NONE OF THE GUYS I DATED EVER HAD NECKTIE JOBS. 11 00:00:17,081 --> 00:00:19,082 A LOT OF THEM DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A SHIRT JOB. 12 00:00:19,082 --> 00:00:21,074 WELL, GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. 13 00:00:21,074 --> 00:00:23,077 WHO ARE YOU, AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY DAUGHTER? 14 00:00:23,077 --> 00:00:26,069 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DADDY? YOU'RE IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD. 15 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:27,092 SO AM I. YEAH, BUT THAT'S NOT NEWS. 16 00:00:27,092 --> 00:00:29,093 I'M JUST HAPPY. HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY. 17 00:00:29,093 --> 00:00:31,081 SHALOM, EVERYONE! 18 00:00:31,081 --> 00:00:33,079 SHALOM. HELLO. SHALOM. 19 00:00:33,079 --> 00:00:34,094 WHAT DO WE HAVE TO NOSH ON? 20 00:00:34,094 --> 00:00:37,086 TO NOSH UPO‐‐ 21 00:00:37,086 --> 00:00:38,087 HILLARY, WHERE ARE THE REST OF YOUR PANTS? 22 00:00:38,087 --> 00:00:40,089 DAD, THEY'RE JUST SHORTS! 23 00:00:40,089 --> 00:00:42,090 KATE, IS THIS NORMAL ATTIRE FOR THE YOUTH OF TODAY? 24 00:00:42,090 --> 00:00:43,095 UM... 25 00:00:47,099 --> 00:00:49,098 I THINK SHE LOOKS BANGIN'. 26 00:00:49,098 --> 00:00:50,104 "BANGIN'"? 27 00:00:50,104 --> 00:00:52,110 WHO SAYS "BANGIN'" ANYMORE? 28 00:00:52,110 --> 00:00:54,103 NICE TRY, BELOVED WIFE. 29 00:00:54,103 --> 00:00:58,110 OH, THANK YOU, BUT, UM, I'M ACTUALLY YOUR EX‐WIFE. 30 00:00:58,110 --> 00:01:00,104 ALSO, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? 31 00:01:00,104 --> 00:01:01,110 WELL, UH... 32 00:01:01,110 --> 00:01:02,111 ALSO, GOOD MORNING! 33 00:01:02,111 --> 00:01:03,118 WARREN: GOOD MORNING, JACKIE. 34 00:01:03,118 --> 00:01:05,111 JACKIE, HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE? 35 00:01:05,111 --> 00:01:06,121 THROUGH THE DOGGY DOOR. 36 00:01:06,121 --> 00:01:08,126 OH, OF COURSE. I CAN COLLAPSE MY COLLARBONE. 37 00:01:08,126 --> 00:01:10,114 WE HAVE TO GO. 38 00:01:10,114 --> 00:01:12,135 WE HAVE OUR PLAYDATE TODAY WITH SAWYER! 39 00:01:12,135 --> 00:01:15,119 SAWYER? AW, MAN! 40 00:01:15,119 --> 00:01:17,131 HE'S SUCH A PAIN IN THE TUCHUS. 41 00:01:17,131 --> 00:01:19,132 I DON'T KNOW WHO'S BEEN TEACHING BERT ALL THIS YIDDISH, 42 00:01:19,132 --> 00:01:21,124 BUT IT REALLY NEEDS TO CONTINUE. 43 00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,139 OKAY. BYE, GUYS. HAVE FUN, LITTLE MAN. BYE. 44 00:01:23,139 --> 00:01:25,133 [ TELEPHONE RINGS ] OH. 45 00:01:25,133 --> 00:01:26,149 THIS HOUSE. 46 00:01:26,149 --> 00:01:28,141 LOOK, BABY, IT'S YOUR OTHER EX‐WIFE. 47 00:01:28,141 --> 00:01:30,136 HMM. RIGHT. MM‐HMM. 48 00:01:30,136 --> 00:01:31,144 HEY. 49 00:01:31,144 --> 00:01:32,153 DO YOU KNOW WHERE OUR DAUGHTER WAS LAST WEEKEND? 50 00:01:32,153 --> 00:01:35,146 YEAH, SHE WAS AT A SLUMBER PARTY AT ALI'S. 51 00:01:35,146 --> 00:01:36,157 WRONG. 52 00:01:36,157 --> 00:01:38,141 SHE SNUCK OUT TO A PARTY 53 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,156 AND HOOKED UP WITH SOME BOY ON YOUR WATCH. 54 00:01:40,156 --> 00:01:43,148 WHAT? SHE HOOKED UP? ARE YOU SURE? 55 00:01:43,148 --> 00:01:44,159 YES, I'M SURE, PETER. 56 00:01:44,159 --> 00:01:47,154 I DIDN'T BEAT EIGHT MALPRACTICE SUITS BY NOT BEING SURE. 57 00:01:47,154 --> 00:01:48,155 YOU'RE FINE. 58 00:01:48,155 --> 00:01:49,168 HANG ON. 59 00:01:49,168 --> 00:01:52,155 SO, HILLARY HOOKED UP WITH SOME BOY AT A PARTY THIS WEEKEND. 60 00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:56,160 OH. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 61 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,170 WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 62 00:01:57,170 --> 00:01:59,162 MAYBE THEY JUST KISSED. 63 00:01:59,162 --> 00:02:00,169 OR? 64 00:02:00,169 --> 00:02:02,182 [ SIGHS ] DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT. 65 00:02:02,182 --> 00:02:08,174 SEX! 66 00:02:08,174 --> 00:02:11,177 ♪♪♪ 67 00:02:18,183 --> 00:02:20,190 WHO IS THE BOY? 68 00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:22,188 ALL I KNOW IS HIS NAME IS ACE MCBRADY. 69 00:02:22,188 --> 00:02:24,194 OH, NO. HE SOUNDS COOL. 70 00:02:24,194 --> 00:02:27,190 AND SINCE THE "VODKA IN THE WATER BOTTLE" INCIDENT, 71 00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,195 WELL, THAT'S WHY I'M CONCERNED. 72 00:02:28,195 --> 00:02:29,204 SO WHEN SHE'S GONE, 73 00:02:29,204 --> 00:02:31,215 LOOK IN HER ROOM FOR LOVE NOTES, CONDOMS, ANYTHING. 74 00:02:31,215 --> 00:02:32,217 [ SIGHING ] OH. 75 00:02:32,217 --> 00:02:34,205 IF YOU FIND A DIARY, READ IT. 76 00:02:34,205 --> 00:02:36,216 WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT ELSE SHE'S BEEN HIDING FROM US. 77 00:02:36,216 --> 00:02:37,222 SHE'S ONLY 14. 78 00:02:37,222 --> 00:02:39,219 YOU WANT ME TO SNOOP IN HER BEDROOM? 79 00:02:39,219 --> 00:02:41,226 YES, I WANT YOU TO SNOOP IN HER ROOM. 80 00:02:41,226 --> 00:02:43,227 YOU'RE HER FATHER, RIGHT? 81 00:02:43,227 --> 00:02:45,219 THIS IS WHAT PARENTS DO. 82 00:02:45,219 --> 00:02:46,231 DEAL WITH THIS. 83 00:02:46,231 --> 00:02:48,219 [ BEEP ] 84 00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:51,229 SO MANY OF OUR CONVERSATIONS END WITH "DEAL WITH THIS." 85 00:02:51,229 --> 00:02:53,216 YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING 86 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,230 ABOUT DEALING WITH A TEENAGE GIRL. 87 00:02:54,230 --> 00:02:55,234 AND YOU DO? 88 00:02:55,234 --> 00:02:57,223 WELL, IT WASN'T TOO LONG AGO THAT I ‐‐ 89 00:02:57,223 --> 00:02:58,236 YEAH, I KNOW. DON'T SAY IT. [ SIGHS ] 90 00:02:58,236 --> 00:03:01,238 YOU CANNOT SNOOP IN HER ROOM. HUGE INVASION OF PRIVACY. 91 00:03:01,238 --> 00:03:02,245 WHEN I WAS HILLARY'S AGE, 92 00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:04,237 MY MOM SNOOPED IN MY ROOM AND FOUND A JOINT, 93 00:03:04,237 --> 00:03:05,239 AND I WAS SO MAD AT HER. 94 00:03:05,239 --> 00:03:07,238 I DIDN'T TALK TO HER FOR THREE WEEKS. 95 00:03:07,238 --> 00:03:09,249 THE POINT IS YOU JUST NEED TO TALK TO HER 96 00:03:09,249 --> 00:03:11,236 AND TREAT HER WITH RESPECT. 97 00:03:11,236 --> 00:03:13,236 YOU KNOW, YOU'LL FIND OUT WAY MORE THAT WAY. 98 00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:15,250 YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL CROSS‐EXAMINE HER. 99 00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,257 JACKIE: OKAY, SO, HERE'S WHAT I'M THINKING. 100 00:03:17,257 --> 00:03:20,263 SAWYER'S MOM, KIRSTEN, OWNS THIS REALLY HIP BOUTIQUE SHOP 101 00:03:20,263 --> 00:03:23,268 THAT WOULD BE A GREAT SHOWCASE FOR MY JEWELRY CREATIONS, 102 00:03:23,268 --> 00:03:25,260 BECAUSE ‐‐ I'M SORRY ‐‐ 103 00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:27,252 BUT BEING A FULL‐TIME JEWELRY DESIGNER 104 00:03:27,252 --> 00:03:30,275 HAS BEEN KIND OF MY DREAM FOR I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG. 105 00:03:30,275 --> 00:03:32,263 LIKE, WEEKS. 106 00:03:32,263 --> 00:03:34,259 BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR JOB? 107 00:03:34,259 --> 00:03:35,267 OH, YOU KNOW, REAL ESTATE'S GREAT 108 00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:38,284 FOR THOSE THAT ARE BUSINESS SAVVY, WHICH I AM, 109 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,285 BUT I'VE BEEN ASKING MYSELF LATELY, 110 00:03:40,285 --> 00:03:42,287 "YOU KNOW, JACKIE, WHY ARE YOU NOT FULFILLED?" 111 00:03:42,287 --> 00:03:44,289 WHAT'S "FULFILLED"? LIKE, HAPPY. 112 00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:47,281 SO I THINK GETTING MY JEWELRY INTO SAWYER'S MOM'S SHOP 113 00:03:47,281 --> 00:03:52,280 IS KIND OF EXACTLY WHAT I NEED. 114 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,280 WAIT. WHY AM I ON THE FREEWAY?! 115 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,299 [ DOOR OPENS ] 116 00:03:57,291 --> 00:03:59,283 HEY. 117 00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:00,295 HEY. 118 00:04:00,295 --> 00:04:02,307 SO, TELL ME ABOUT THIS SLEEPOVER. 119 00:04:02,307 --> 00:04:05,289 WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU GIRLS DO? 120 00:04:05,289 --> 00:04:07,290 UH, ALI GOT A FANCY NEW CAMERA, 121 00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:09,296 SO WE ALL TOOK A BUNCH OF GOOFY PHOTOS. 122 00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:11,304 AND THEN, AFTER THAT, WE WATCHED "THE HUNGER GAMES." 123 00:04:11,304 --> 00:04:16,314 ANYTHING ELSE, ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO TELL YOUR FATHER? 124 00:04:16,314 --> 00:04:19,307 NO. NO, THAT'S ALL. 125 00:04:20,303 --> 00:04:22,305 GOT TO GO. 126 00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:25,326 ONE MORE QUESTION ‐‐ HOW DOES "HUNGER GAMES" END? 127 00:04:26,326 --> 00:04:28,314 SHE WINS THE HUNGER GAMES. 128 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:29,335 YOU CAN GO. 129 00:04:32,326 --> 00:04:34,333 WHAT DOES HAPPEN AT THE END OF "THE HUNGER GAMES"? 130 00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,342 YOU NEED TO CHILL. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 131 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,330 I GAVE HER THE CHANCE TO COME CLEAN, 132 00:04:38,330 --> 00:04:40,325 AND SHE LIED TO MY FACE? 133 00:04:40,325 --> 00:04:42,337 SHE NEVER USED TO KEEP THINGS FROM ME. 134 00:04:42,337 --> 00:04:44,344 WE USED TO SIT AND TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING GOING ON IN HER LIFE, 135 00:04:44,344 --> 00:04:47,341 EATING ICE CREAM STRAIGHT OUT OF THE CARTON. 136 00:04:47,341 --> 00:04:49,333 UH, YEAH, BY THE WAY, YOU GUYS NEED TO STOP DOING THAT, OKAY? 137 00:04:49,333 --> 00:04:50,337 IT'S GROSS. 138 00:04:50,337 --> 00:04:51,353 NOW SHE'S SNEAKING OUT, 139 00:04:51,353 --> 00:04:53,358 HOOKING AROUND WITH ACE MCBRADY, 140 00:04:53,358 --> 00:04:58,342 AND I'M ‐‐ I'M ABOUT TO SNOOP THROUGH HER BEDROOM. 141 00:04:58,342 --> 00:04:59,348 DON'T DO THIS. 142 00:04:59,348 --> 00:05:01,344 I DON'T WANT US TO BE THAT KIND OF FAMILY. 143 00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:02,366 I WANT US TO BE ONE OF THOSE FUN FAMILIES 144 00:05:02,366 --> 00:05:04,352 WHERE EVERYONE'S BEST FRIENDS 145 00:05:04,352 --> 00:05:05,368 AND WE WEAR EACH OTHER'S CLOTHES 146 00:05:05,368 --> 00:05:08,366 AND WE'RE IN A BAND TOGETHER AND WE SHARE SURFBOARDS. 147 00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:12,359 YOU'RE CONFUSING FAMILY WITH A GANG OF BEACH HOBOS. 148 00:05:12,359 --> 00:05:13,378 JUST DON'T SNOOP IN HER ROOM. 149 00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:15,361 I'M GONNA SNOOP. YOU'LL REGRET IT. 150 00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:16,368 CALL ME DR. DRE, 151 00:05:16,368 --> 00:05:19,368 'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO SNOOP, DAWG. 152 00:05:20,382 --> 00:05:22,385 YOU KNOW THAT MADE NO SENSE, RIGHT? 153 00:05:22,385 --> 00:05:25,376 COME ON. I NEED HELP LOOKING THROUGH THIS STUFF. 154 00:05:25,376 --> 00:05:27,379 NO. I'M STAYING IN THE HALLWAY. 155 00:05:27,379 --> 00:05:29,387 THIS IS A BREACH OF TRUST. 156 00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:31,393 SHOULD I CUT HER MATTRESS OPEN? 157 00:05:31,393 --> 00:05:33,377 NO! 158 00:05:33,377 --> 00:05:34,386 SHE'S A GOOD KID, AND THAT'S A GOOD MATTRESS. 159 00:05:34,386 --> 00:05:35,397 I'VE SEEN ENOUGH LOCAL NEWS 160 00:05:35,397 --> 00:05:37,399 TO KNOW WHAT TEENAGERS DO THESE DAYS. 161 00:05:37,399 --> 00:05:39,404 I SAW THIS THING WHERE THESE GIRLS HAVE THESE PARTIES 162 00:05:39,404 --> 00:05:41,403 WHERE THEY WEAR DIFFERENT‐COLORED TURTLENECKS 163 00:05:41,403 --> 00:05:43,406 BASED ON THE KIND OF SEX THEY WANT TO DO. 164 00:05:43,406 --> 00:05:46,408 OH, YEAH, IT'S THE RAINBOW‐TURTLENECK SEX PARTIES. 165 00:05:46,408 --> 00:05:48,409 YEAH, THEY INTERVIEWED THIS WOMAN. 166 00:05:48,409 --> 00:05:51,399 SHE SAID SHE FOUND A TURTLENECK IN HER DAUGHTER'S CAR. 167 00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:52,408 YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. 168 00:05:52,408 --> 00:05:53,413 ORANGE. 169 00:05:53,413 --> 00:05:54,417 WHO WEARS TURTLENECKS ANYWAY? 170 00:05:54,417 --> 00:05:57,413 [ SIGHS ] I GOT NOTHING. 171 00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:58,420 OKAY, GOOD, SO LET'S GO. 172 00:05:58,420 --> 00:06:01,407 [ SIGHS ] 173 00:06:01,407 --> 00:06:03,414 PETE? 174 00:06:05,412 --> 00:06:06,421 OH, MY GOD. PETE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 175 00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:08,422 I AM GONNA DO A SEARCH ON THIS ACE MCBRADY CHARACTER. 176 00:06:08,422 --> 00:06:11,437 DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? 177 00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:14,437 WHAT IN THE... 178 00:06:14,437 --> 00:06:16,429 [ KEYBOARD CLACKING ] 179 00:06:16,429 --> 00:06:17,438 COME ON. 180 00:06:17,438 --> 00:06:20,441 THIS STUPID WEBSITE IS NOT LETTING ME SEARCH. 181 00:06:20,441 --> 00:06:21,441 WHAT ABOUT... 182 00:06:21,441 --> 00:06:23,449 I AM NOT WATCHING THIS. 183 00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:27,434 STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER AND CLOSE HER LAPTOP. 184 00:06:32,452 --> 00:06:33,453 OH. 185 00:06:36,444 --> 00:06:37,444 I‐I SEE WHAT I'VE DONE. 186 00:06:37,444 --> 00:06:38,448 [ GASPS ] 187 00:06:40,451 --> 00:06:43,449 THIS IS NOT IDEAL. 188 00:06:43,449 --> 00:06:45,461 NICE WORK, SNOOP DOGG. 189 00:06:45,461 --> 00:06:46,462 [ SIGHS ] [ DOOR OPENS ] 190 00:06:46,462 --> 00:06:47,469 HILLARY: IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME. 191 00:06:47,469 --> 00:06:51,459 I HEAR COURTNEY WINTERS IS GONNA BE THERE. 192 00:06:51,459 --> 00:06:52,463 [ CHUCKLES ] 193 00:06:52,463 --> 00:06:55,468 YEAH, HOLD ON. I'M LOGGING ON RIGHT NOW. 194 00:06:55,468 --> 00:06:56,479 [ SIGHS ] 195 00:06:56,479 --> 00:06:59,462 [ SCREAMS ] 196 00:06:59,462 --> 00:07:00,474 THINK SHE SAW IT? 197 00:07:03,481 --> 00:07:04,489 HEY. SHE'S MAD AT ME. 198 00:07:04,489 --> 00:07:06,482 ALTHOUGH, HONESTLY, I THINK SHE SHOULD BE MAD 199 00:07:06,482 --> 00:07:07,493 AT WHATEVER WEB DESIGNER 200 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:10,473 PUT THOSE BOXES SO CLOSE TOGETHER. 201 00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:11,483 SHE SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING TO US. 202 00:07:11,483 --> 00:07:12,493 IT WAS HER BEHAVIOR THAT STARTED THIS. 203 00:07:12,493 --> 00:07:13,493 EXACTLY. 204 00:07:13,493 --> 00:07:15,486 DAD RUINED MY LIFE. 205 00:07:15,486 --> 00:07:17,490 OKAY, LET'S GO. FOREVER! 206 00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:19,500 OH, HONEY, I KNOW. I KNOW. HE CROSSED A LINE. 207 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,503 YOU POOR THING. WHAT?! 208 00:07:21,503 --> 00:07:24,491 YOU GOT CAUGHT. 209 00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:26,504 POOR THING. COME ON. LET'S GO HAVE A NICE TIME. 210 00:07:26,504 --> 00:07:28,500 YOU KNOW, YOUR MOTHER ‐‐ YOUR MOTHER'S RIGHT. 211 00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,506 IT WAS ALL MY IDEA. 212 00:07:30,506 --> 00:07:32,513 YOUR MOTHER HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON. 213 00:07:32,513 --> 00:07:34,505 SHE WAS, UH, COMPLETELY IN THE DARK ‐‐ NOT A CLUE. 214 00:07:34,505 --> 00:07:36,508 I WAS THE MASTERMIND. 215 00:07:36,508 --> 00:07:40,511 OH, NO, IT WAS MY IDEA. I WAS THE MASTER...MIND. 216 00:07:40,511 --> 00:07:42,527 FINE, THEN. I HATE YOU BOTH! 217 00:07:42,527 --> 00:07:44,515 YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR LYING ABOUT THE SLEEPOVER. 218 00:07:44,515 --> 00:07:45,519 [ SCREAMS ] 219 00:07:45,519 --> 00:07:46,524 HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN "THE HUNGER GAMES"? 220 00:07:46,524 --> 00:07:48,512 THANKS A LOT FOR THROWING ME UNDER THE BUS. 221 00:07:48,512 --> 00:07:49,526 YOU COULDN'T MASTERMIND A SINGLE MANEUVER DOWN TO THE ‐‐ 222 00:07:49,526 --> 00:07:52,519 UH, HI. EXCUSE ME. JUST FROM PARENT TO PARENTS, 223 00:07:52,519 --> 00:07:54,517 NO MORE OF THIS CIA PARENTING, OKAY? 224 00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:56,521 NO MORE INTERROGATING. NO MORE SNOOPING. 225 00:07:56,521 --> 00:07:57,529 I'LL HANDLE IT. 226 00:07:57,529 --> 00:07:58,542 OH, REALLY? YOU'RE HANDLING IT? 227 00:07:58,542 --> 00:08:01,535 YES. I'M GONNA GO TALK TO HER AS A FRIEND. 228 00:08:01,535 --> 00:08:03,550 SOME OF US DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN AN "ORSON WELLIAN" FUTURE. 229 00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,531 [ CHUCKLES ] 230 00:08:05,531 --> 00:08:06,536 WHY DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE THE ANSWER? 231 00:08:06,536 --> 00:08:07,546 OH, GOD, THAT'S RIGHT, 232 00:08:07,546 --> 00:08:09,541 BECAUSE YOU WERE A TEENAGER YOURSELF TWO YEARS AGO. 233 00:08:09,541 --> 00:08:10,554 HEY! [ CLEARS THROAT ] 234 00:08:10,554 --> 00:08:12,542 AMONG OTHER REASONS. 235 00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:16,539 WHAT THE HELL IS AN "ORSON WELLIAN" FUTURE? 236 00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,563 SAWYER, DO YOU WANT TO PLAY OPERA‐‐ 237 00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:21,554 YOU'RE MAKING A SHADOW ON MY PHONE! 238 00:08:21,554 --> 00:08:22,556 [ SCOFFING ] OH! 239 00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:26,555 KOMBUCHA IS SERVED. 240 00:08:26,555 --> 00:08:27,561 [ BEADS RATTLING ] 241 00:08:27,561 --> 00:08:29,561 OH. WOW. 242 00:08:29,561 --> 00:08:30,572 LOOK AT THAT JEWELRY. 243 00:08:30,572 --> 00:08:34,558 OH! OH! YOU MEAN, MY ‐‐ MY WEARABLE ART? YES. 244 00:08:34,558 --> 00:08:35,563 OH, DO YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF? 245 00:08:35,563 --> 00:08:36,569 OH, I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO. 246 00:08:36,569 --> 00:08:38,570 NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO WORK WITH PINK TURQUOISE. 247 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:40,567 MM. IT LOOKS BEAUTIFUL. 248 00:08:40,567 --> 00:08:41,577 THANK YOU. [ CHUCKLES ] 249 00:08:41,577 --> 00:08:44,568 YEAH, YOU SHOULD SEE HOW IT MAKES YOUR SPLEEN FEEL. 250 00:08:44,568 --> 00:08:46,575 KIDS LOVE IT, TOO! 251 00:08:46,575 --> 00:08:47,584 OH, BERT, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME. 252 00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:49,576 [ CHUCKLES ] 253 00:08:49,576 --> 00:08:52,581 WEARING MY MOM'S JEWELRY IS FUN, 254 00:08:52,581 --> 00:08:53,587 AND IT KEEPS ME OUT OF TROUBLE. 255 00:08:53,587 --> 00:08:55,584 MM. YOU SHOULD SELL IT AT YOUR BOUTIQUE. 256 00:08:55,584 --> 00:08:56,602 OH, UH, YEAH. 257 00:08:56,602 --> 00:08:59,592 I MEAN, WELL, SOMETIMES I'LL TRY OUT A NEW LINE 258 00:08:59,592 --> 00:09:00,606 AND SEE HOW IT DOES. [ GASPS ] 259 00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:05,610 WELL, WHAT A SURPRISING AND UNUSUAL TURN OF EVENTS. 260 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,591 [ LAUGHS ] 261 00:09:07,591 --> 00:09:08,609 CHEERS. CHEERS. 262 00:09:08,609 --> 00:09:10,600 DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING, DID YOU? 263 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,604 NO. MNH‐MNH. 264 00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:12,610 [ UP‐TEMPO POP MUSIC PLAYS ] 265 00:09:12,610 --> 00:09:13,619 HEY. 266 00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:16,611 MIND IF I COME IN AND CHILL FOR A SEC? 267 00:09:16,611 --> 00:09:17,614 SURE. SOUNDS GROOVY. 268 00:09:18,610 --> 00:09:19,619 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 269 00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:22,606 YEAH, AN ADULT ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO COME IN ‐‐ 270 00:09:22,606 --> 00:09:23,611 WHAT A CRAZY IDEA, RIGHT? 271 00:09:23,611 --> 00:09:24,619 [ CHUCKLES ] 272 00:09:24,619 --> 00:09:26,633 [ SIGHS ] 273 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:30,618 LISTEN, HIL, UM, I LOVE YOUR DAD, 274 00:09:30,618 --> 00:09:32,619 BUT SOMETIMES HE JUST REMINDS ME 275 00:09:32,619 --> 00:09:34,622 OF THAT SONG "PARENTS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND." 276 00:09:34,622 --> 00:09:35,621 [ CHUCKLES ] 277 00:09:36,628 --> 00:09:37,629 WILL SMITH? 278 00:09:37,629 --> 00:09:39,626 OH. YEAH. 279 00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:41,628 JADEN SMITH'S DAD. [ CHUCKLES ] 280 00:09:41,628 --> 00:09:43,636 "KARATE KID"? WILLOW'S BROTHER? 281 00:09:43,636 --> 00:09:46,636 YEAH, EXACTLY. 282 00:09:46,636 --> 00:09:48,637 UM [CLEARS THROAT] THE POINT IS 283 00:09:48,637 --> 00:09:50,636 I JUST WANT YOU TO THINK OF ME AS YOUR FRIEND. 284 00:09:50,636 --> 00:09:52,651 YOU KNOW, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. 285 00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:54,653 I HAD MY OWN ACE MCBRADY WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE ‐‐ 286 00:09:54,653 --> 00:09:55,654 BRANDON KING. 287 00:09:55,654 --> 00:09:57,644 HE ROCKED THE WHITE‐GUY DREADLOCKS 288 00:09:57,644 --> 00:09:58,660 BEFORE THEY EVEN GOT ALL TRENDY. 289 00:09:58,660 --> 00:10:00,662 GROSS. [ SIGHS ] 290 00:10:00,662 --> 00:10:02,664 I JUST ‐‐ I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE 291 00:10:02,664 --> 00:10:05,653 MY DAD WOULD LOOK THROUGH MY ROOM AND MY COMPUTER. 292 00:10:05,653 --> 00:10:08,656 I FEEL SO VIOLATED. 293 00:10:08,656 --> 00:10:10,673 AND THEN TO EMBARRASS ME LIKE THIS? 294 00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:13,671 I MEAN, IT LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE I WROTE "ACE MCBRADY" 295 00:10:13,671 --> 00:10:15,672 LIKE 50 TIMES. 296 00:10:15,672 --> 00:10:17,665 I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, HIL. 297 00:10:17,665 --> 00:10:18,682 NO, YOU DON'T. 298 00:10:20,668 --> 00:10:22,674 UM... 299 00:10:22,674 --> 00:10:23,685 THE THING IS, IS THAT YOUR PARENTS ‐‐ 300 00:10:23,685 --> 00:10:26,683 THEY JUST ‐‐ THEY'RE TRYING THEIR BEST, YOU KNOW? 301 00:10:26,683 --> 00:10:32,680 AND THEY ‐‐ WELL, WE JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY. 302 00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,687 THERE'S A PARTY TONIGHT, AND I BARELY EVEN GOT INVITED, 303 00:10:35,687 --> 00:10:38,685 'CAUSE I'M A SOCIAL OUTCAST NOW. 304 00:10:38,685 --> 00:10:40,687 BUT DO YOU THINK THAT I CAN MAYBE GO? 305 00:10:40,687 --> 00:10:42,693 [ GASPING ] OH. [ CHUCKLES ] 306 00:10:42,693 --> 00:10:45,692 I MEAN, IT SOUNDS LIKE A FUN‐ASS TIME, YOU KNOW, 307 00:10:45,692 --> 00:10:47,699 BUT YOU'RE STILL GROUNDED, SO... 308 00:10:47,699 --> 00:10:48,711 I FIGURED YOU'D SAY THAT. 309 00:10:50,705 --> 00:10:52,715 DO YOU THINK THAT I CAN JUST GO SEE A MOVIE WITH BREE AT LEAST? 310 00:10:52,715 --> 00:10:55,718 I JUST REALLY NEED TO SEE A FRIEND RIGHT NOW. 311 00:10:55,718 --> 00:10:57,705 BESIDES YOU, OF COURSE. 312 00:10:57,705 --> 00:10:58,716 [ CHUCKLES ] 313 00:10:58,716 --> 00:10:59,726 [ CHUCKLES ] 314 00:11:00,724 --> 00:11:03,718 LET ME GO SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 315 00:11:03,718 --> 00:11:05,710 AWW, YOU'RE AWESOME. [ CHUCKLES ] 316 00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:07,714 PUT IT HERE, GIRLFRIEND. OH, WOW. 317 00:11:07,714 --> 00:11:09,736 [ CHUCKLES ] LOOK AT YOU, ALL HIP AND... 318 00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:12,717 [ LAUGHS ] WOW. YEP. 319 00:11:12,717 --> 00:11:13,721 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 320 00:11:13,721 --> 00:11:14,729 [ DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE ] 321 00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:16,724 SO, JUST BRING 50 PIECES BY THE BOUTIQUE TOMORROW. 322 00:11:16,724 --> 00:11:17,725 OH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT! 323 00:11:17,725 --> 00:11:21,729 AND, UM, BYE! 324 00:11:21,729 --> 00:11:22,734 YES! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! 325 00:11:22,734 --> 00:11:23,742 50 PIECES! 326 00:11:23,742 --> 00:11:24,748 WE NAILED IT! 327 00:11:24,748 --> 00:11:26,749 AAH! 50 PIECES, OKAY. 328 00:11:26,749 --> 00:11:28,746 ONLY PROBLEM IS I ONLY HAVE 30 PIECES, 329 00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:31,736 AND EACH ONE TAKES ME A GOOD 4 DAYS TO MAKE. 330 00:11:31,736 --> 00:11:34,739 OY VEY. WE HAVE TO GET TO WORK. 331 00:11:34,739 --> 00:11:37,743 1, 2, 3... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 332 00:11:37,743 --> 00:11:40,761 ALL RIGHT, SO, I SPOKE TO HILLARY, 333 00:11:40,761 --> 00:11:43,760 AND I'D LIKE TO TAKE HER TO SEE A MOVIE WITH HER FRIENDS. 334 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:44,765 NO, SHE'S GROUNDED. 335 00:11:44,765 --> 00:11:45,768 I KNOW SHE LIED TO YOU, 336 00:11:45,768 --> 00:11:47,752 BUT, COME ON, YOU SNOOPED IN HER ROOM, 337 00:11:47,752 --> 00:11:48,762 AND YOU HUMILIATED HER ONLINE. 338 00:11:48,762 --> 00:11:50,754 [ SIGHS ] I SAY WE CALL IT EVEN. 339 00:11:50,754 --> 00:11:52,778 LET'S START TREATING HER LIKE AN ADULT. 340 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,766 YOU KNOW, KATE, I KNOW, FROM TIME TO TIME, 341 00:11:54,766 --> 00:11:56,772 IT SEEMS LIKE I DON'T APPRECIATE OR RESPECT YOUR OPINION 342 00:11:56,772 --> 00:11:59,783 OR YOUR CONTRIBUTION OR YOUR...WARDROBE, 343 00:11:59,783 --> 00:12:02,778 BUT I THINK THIS IS A FAIR PLAN. 344 00:12:02,778 --> 00:12:04,781 WELL, THANK YOU, DIANE. [ CHUCKLES ] 345 00:12:04,781 --> 00:12:07,773 THAT MEANS A LOT, COMING FROM YOU. 346 00:12:07,773 --> 00:12:09,796 BUT I STAND BY MY T‐SHIRT. 347 00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,776 I STILL THINK SHE SHOULD BE GROUNDED. 348 00:12:12,776 --> 00:12:13,785 BUT, MORE IMPORTANTLY, 349 00:12:13,785 --> 00:12:15,785 I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU AND KATE AGREEING ON SOMETHING. 350 00:12:15,785 --> 00:12:17,802 MAYBE THIS IS THE START OF A BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP. 351 00:12:17,802 --> 00:12:19,788 PLEASE, PETER. 352 00:12:19,788 --> 00:12:21,797 I DON'T CARE FOR HER OPINIONS OR HER TATTERED TEES. 353 00:12:21,797 --> 00:12:23,807 I JUST BOUGHT US SOME TIME TO SNOOP. 354 00:12:23,807 --> 00:12:25,790 I ALREADY SNOOPED. 355 00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:26,801 [ SIGHS ] BYE, GUYS. 356 00:12:26,801 --> 00:12:28,792 BYE. THANK YOU. 357 00:12:28,792 --> 00:12:30,796 [ DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] WELL, AMATEUR HOUR IS OVER. 358 00:12:30,796 --> 00:12:31,795 I DIDN'T BUY HER ALL THOSE JOURNALS 359 00:12:31,795 --> 00:12:33,808 SO SHE COULD EXPRESS HERSELF. 360 00:12:34,808 --> 00:12:36,810 POLISHING WAX. 361 00:12:36,810 --> 00:12:39,816 BUFFING CLOTH. 362 00:12:39,816 --> 00:12:43,810 CASHEW CHEESE. 363 00:12:43,810 --> 00:12:44,821 MMM! 364 00:12:44,821 --> 00:12:46,812 ALL RIGHT. 365 00:12:46,812 --> 00:12:48,822 I THINK WE MADE GOOD PROGRESS. 366 00:12:48,822 --> 00:12:51,816 I'M GONNA QUIT FOR THE NIGHT. 367 00:12:51,816 --> 00:12:53,822 BUT WE HAVE TO KEEP GOING. 368 00:12:53,822 --> 00:12:56,824 OH, BUT, BERTIE, I NEED TO RECHARGE MY BATTERIES. 369 00:12:56,824 --> 00:12:57,825 [ SIGHS ] 370 00:12:57,825 --> 00:12:59,825 I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A SINGLE PIECE 371 00:12:59,825 --> 00:13:01,840 THAT ISN'T JUST AMAZING, YOU KNOW? 372 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,846 I'LL GET BACK TO IT TOMORROW. 373 00:13:03,846 --> 00:13:05,838 OKAY. 374 00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:08,832 BUT YOU, MY LITTLE HELPER, HAVE BEEN SO GOOD. 375 00:13:08,832 --> 00:13:09,852 SO, HOW MAY I THANK YOU? 376 00:13:09,852 --> 00:13:12,856 WOULD YOU LIKE SOME ICE CREAM OR ‐‐ OOH! ‐‐ A COOKIE? 377 00:13:12,856 --> 00:13:14,860 I DON'T WANT TO GET SCHMUTZ ON MY SHIRT. 378 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,862 CAN WARREN JUST COME OVER IF HE'S NOT BUSY? 379 00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:19,845 OF COURSE YOUR BROTHER CAN COME OVER. 380 00:13:19,845 --> 00:13:21,855 I MEAN, COME ON. THAT DUDE IS NOT BUSY. 381 00:13:21,855 --> 00:13:23,864 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 382 00:13:23,864 --> 00:13:26,865 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 383 00:13:26,865 --> 00:13:29,863 OKAY, HAVE FUN. 384 00:13:29,863 --> 00:13:30,869 HEY, THANK YOU FOR BEING SO COOL. 385 00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:32,857 SURE. YOU ROCK. 386 00:13:32,857 --> 00:13:34,859 OH, WELL, THERE'S BREE. 387 00:13:34,859 --> 00:13:35,875 I WILL SEE YOU GUYS LATER. 388 00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:38,873 OKAY. BYE. THANK YOU. 389 00:13:38,873 --> 00:13:40,876 CAN'T BELIEVE SHE THINKS YOU'RE COOL. 390 00:13:40,876 --> 00:13:42,867 I AM COOL. [ CHUCKLES ] 391 00:13:42,867 --> 00:13:43,888 OH, LOOK, THERE'S A YOGURT SHOP OVER THERE. 392 00:13:43,888 --> 00:13:44,891 OH, CAN WE STOP AT THAT ATM? 393 00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:47,890 [ SIGHS ] MAN, I CRUSHED IT TODAY. 394 00:13:47,890 --> 00:13:49,874 [ ATM BEEPING ] YOU KNOW, PETE AND DIANE ‐‐ 395 00:13:49,874 --> 00:13:50,884 THEY DON'T KNOW TEENAGERS LIKE I DO. 396 00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:52,882 YOU JUST ‐‐ YOU GOT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM FIRST, 397 00:13:52,882 --> 00:13:54,880 AND THEN THEY'LL ALWAYS BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. 398 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:55,883 TOTALLY. 399 00:13:56,898 --> 00:13:58,895 THERE GOES YOUR FRIEND. 400 00:13:58,895 --> 00:14:01,891 ♪♪♪ 401 00:14:01,891 --> 00:14:03,888 OH, MY GOD, SHE LIED TO ME! 402 00:14:03,888 --> 00:14:04,908 I BET SHE'S GOING TO THAT PARTY. 403 00:14:04,908 --> 00:14:07,911 SOME FRIEND SHE IS. SHE DIDN'T EVEN INVITE YOU. 404 00:14:07,911 --> 00:14:08,915 IS SHE WEARING A TURTLENECK? 405 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,905 I'M GONNA KILL HER. 406 00:14:10,905 --> 00:14:12,896 COME ON. LET'S GO! 407 00:14:14,909 --> 00:14:17,924 ♪♪♪ 408 00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,912 THIS IS THE BORINGEST CAR CHASE EVER. 409 00:14:20,912 --> 00:14:21,918 GO FASTER. 410 00:14:21,918 --> 00:14:22,928 NO, WE'RE TAILING THEM. 411 00:14:22,928 --> 00:14:25,922 I SWEAR, IF BREE'S SISTER MAKES ONE VIOLATION, 412 00:14:25,922 --> 00:14:26,928 IT'S ALL OVER. 413 00:14:26,928 --> 00:14:28,916 WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. 414 00:14:28,916 --> 00:14:30,933 THIS IS LIKE FOLLOWING SOMEONE TO BRUNCH AFTER CHURCH. 415 00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:33,935 ♪♪♪ 416 00:14:44,948 --> 00:14:48,937 [ GRUNTS ] 417 00:14:48,937 --> 00:14:51,948 [ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] 418 00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:56,962 PETER! 419 00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:57,963 PETER? 420 00:14:57,963 --> 00:14:58,963 PETE: HMM? 421 00:14:58,963 --> 00:15:01,947 HILLARY'S GOING TO A PARTY. 422 00:15:01,947 --> 00:15:03,958 NO, SHE ‐‐ SHE'S AT THE MOVIES. 423 00:15:03,958 --> 00:15:07,953 NO, SHE'S GOING TO A PARTY PROBABLY TO SEE ACE MCBRADY. 424 00:15:07,953 --> 00:15:08,964 WHERE ARE YOU GETTING ALL THIS INSIDE INFORMATION? 425 00:15:08,964 --> 00:15:09,970 IT DOESN'T MATTER. 426 00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:10,974 YES, IT DOES MATTER. 427 00:15:10,974 --> 00:15:11,974 FINE. 428 00:15:11,974 --> 00:15:13,976 I SET UP A PROFILE 429 00:15:13,976 --> 00:15:16,977 FOR A FAKE GIRL NAMED COURTNEY WINTERS 430 00:15:16,977 --> 00:15:18,971 WHO SUPPOSEDLY LIVES ONE TOWN OVER. 431 00:15:18,971 --> 00:15:20,975 AND THEN I MADE SURE SHE GOT REALLY POPULAR, 432 00:15:20,975 --> 00:15:22,978 AND NOW I USE HER TO SPY ON OUR CHILDREN. 433 00:15:22,978 --> 00:15:27,982 I'M FEELING LITERALLY EVERY EMOTION TOWARDS YOU RIGHT NOW ‐‐ 434 00:15:27,982 --> 00:15:28,992 FEAR, DISGUST, PRIDE. 435 00:15:28,992 --> 00:15:31,979 OH, RELAX. IT'S JUST SOME LIGHT CATFISHING. 436 00:15:31,979 --> 00:15:32,985 WHAT? 437 00:15:32,985 --> 00:15:34,978 I THINK SHE JUST MADE THREE RIGHTS 438 00:15:34,978 --> 00:15:35,989 IN ORDER TO AVOID A LEFT. 439 00:15:35,989 --> 00:15:37,990 MEG: WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW? 440 00:15:39,002 --> 00:15:41,986 SHE'S PULLING OVER TO TEXT. 441 00:15:41,986 --> 00:15:42,996 WHO DOES THAT?! 442 00:15:42,996 --> 00:15:43,997 BERT: HERE, USE SOME BLUE. 443 00:15:43,997 --> 00:15:45,009 HEY, BERTIE. 444 00:15:45,009 --> 00:15:47,010 ARE YOU AND WARREN HAVING A GOOD TIME PLAYING TOGETHER? 445 00:15:47,010 --> 00:15:49,007 WARREN: I MIGHT END UP DOING JADE FOR THIS ONE. 446 00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:52,002 HURRY UP, WARREN! YOU'VE ONLY MADE ONE NECKLACE! 447 00:15:52,002 --> 00:15:54,004 I CAN DO THIS FAST, OR I CAN DO IT RIGHT. 448 00:15:54,004 --> 00:15:55,008 PICK ONE. 449 00:15:55,008 --> 00:15:56,017 I PICK BOTH. 450 00:15:56,017 --> 00:15:58,019 BERT, WHY ARE YOU FORCING WARREN TO MAKE JEWELRY? 451 00:15:58,019 --> 00:16:00,013 I'M PAYING HIM. 452 00:16:00,013 --> 00:16:02,008 OKAY, WHY? 453 00:16:02,008 --> 00:16:04,025 BECAUSE KIRSTEN NEEDS 50 PIECES BY TOMORROW. 454 00:16:04,025 --> 00:16:06,029 OH, HONEY, NO, NO. 455 00:16:06,029 --> 00:16:09,022 I SHOULDN'T HAVE STRESSED YOU OUT WITH MY ISSUES. 456 00:16:09,022 --> 00:16:10,026 LOOK AT ME. HEY. 457 00:16:10,026 --> 00:16:13,024 GROWNUPS HAVE PROBLEMS SOMETIMES, OKAY? 458 00:16:13,024 --> 00:16:16,036 BUT THAT'S FOR US TO SOLVE, NOT FOR YOU TO SOLVE. 459 00:16:16,036 --> 00:16:18,037 BUT HOW WILL YOU BE HAPPY? 460 00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:21,040 OH, SWEETIE, LISTEN. 461 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,038 BUSINESSES, THEY COME AND GO, RIGHT? 462 00:16:24,038 --> 00:16:27,037 LIKE MY REAL‐ESTATE BUSINESS, MY PICKLE BUSINESS. 463 00:16:27,037 --> 00:16:29,037 BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY? 464 00:16:29,037 --> 00:16:30,056 MY SHAYNA PUNIM? 465 00:16:30,056 --> 00:16:32,055 OH! EXACTLY. 466 00:16:32,055 --> 00:16:34,053 EXACTLY. [ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ] 467 00:16:34,053 --> 00:16:36,053 WOW. [ CHUCKLING ] YES, DAD. 468 00:16:36,053 --> 00:16:38,060 [ CHUCKLES ] HEY, DAD. 469 00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:40,057 TO WHAT DO I OWE THE PLEASURE? 470 00:16:40,057 --> 00:16:42,061 SOME KID AT YOUR SCHOOL IS HAVING A BIG PARTY TONIGHT. 471 00:16:42,061 --> 00:16:44,051 I NEED THE ADDRESS. 472 00:16:44,051 --> 00:16:45,067 OH, WELL, I HAVE NO IDEA. 473 00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:47,068 WELL, ASK YOUR FRIENDS. 474 00:16:47,068 --> 00:16:49,052 ALL RIGHT, BUT, HEY, THEY'RE NOT GONNA KNOW EITHER. 475 00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:50,072 "HEY, SLUT." JUST HANG ON. 476 00:16:50,072 --> 00:16:52,061 "WHAT'S THE ADDRESS OF THE PARTY? 477 00:16:52,061 --> 00:16:53,078 "I DEFINITELY WANT TO SWING BY 478 00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:56,062 "AFTER I PROOFREAD MY SPANISH HOMEWORK. 479 00:16:56,062 --> 00:16:58,072 M‐WAH. ‐‐ COURTNEY." 480 00:16:58,072 --> 00:17:00,078 THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE. 481 00:17:00,078 --> 00:17:03,082 ALEXA ALWAYS HAS THE DEETS. 482 00:17:03,082 --> 00:17:05,074 OH, HEY, UM, DAD, IF YOU FIGURE OUT WHERE THE PARTY IS, 483 00:17:05,074 --> 00:17:06,079 CAN I COME, TOO? 484 00:17:06,079 --> 00:17:08,081 [ CELLPHONE CHIMES ] OH! BINGO. 485 00:17:08,081 --> 00:17:10,073 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 486 00:17:10,073 --> 00:17:11,090 [ MID‐TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ] 487 00:17:11,090 --> 00:17:13,087 NO MORE MRS. COOL MOM. 488 00:17:13,087 --> 00:17:15,079 I HOPE THESE KIDS HAVE BOOZE. 489 00:17:15,079 --> 00:17:17,081 I WONDER IF COURTNEY WINTERS IS COMING. 490 00:17:17,081 --> 00:17:19,083 I HUNG OUT WITH HER YESTERDAY. 491 00:17:19,083 --> 00:17:20,089 ALL: OOH! 492 00:17:20,089 --> 00:17:21,097 BOY: YEAH! 493 00:17:21,097 --> 00:17:23,089 PARTY'S OVER! 494 00:17:23,089 --> 00:17:24,104 [ GASPS ] KATE?! 495 00:17:24,104 --> 00:17:26,095 WHERE'S THE BOOZE? 496 00:17:26,095 --> 00:17:28,106 I'M CONFISCATING IT. ANY BOURBON? 497 00:17:28,106 --> 00:17:30,108 ANY SINGLE‐BARREL BOURBON? 498 00:17:30,108 --> 00:17:32,113 YOU LIED TO ME, AND I TRUSTED YOU. 499 00:17:32,113 --> 00:17:35,107 THIS IS THE WORST NIGHT OF THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. 500 00:17:35,107 --> 00:17:36,117 WELL... 501 00:17:36,117 --> 00:17:37,120 PETE: HILLARY, ARE YOU DOWN HERE? 502 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:39,116 HERE SHE IS. OH, MY GOD! 503 00:17:39,116 --> 00:17:42,122 HILLARY RODHAM HARRISON, I AM BEYOND DISAPPOINTED. 504 00:17:42,122 --> 00:17:45,125 YOU LIED TO US AGAIN. DO YOU EVEN LIKE MOVIES? 505 00:17:45,125 --> 00:17:47,112 OKAY, SO, IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO EMBARRASS ME ONLINE. 506 00:17:47,112 --> 00:17:48,134 NOW YOU HAVE TO DO IT IN PERSON, TOO? 507 00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:50,120 OH, YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF. 508 00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,125 ABSOLUTELY. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. 509 00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,136 WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME? 510 00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:54,134 WELL ‐‐ UM, BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME. 511 00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:55,139 I WAS BEST FRIENDS WITH MY MOM, 512 00:17:55,139 --> 00:17:57,132 AND SHE LET US DO WHATEVER WE WANTED. 513 00:17:57,132 --> 00:17:58,135 OKAY, WELL, NOT WHATEVER WE WANTED. 514 00:17:58,135 --> 00:17:59,143 YEAH, PRETTY MUCH WHATEVER WE WANTED. 515 00:17:59,143 --> 00:18:00,145 I MEAN, WE DROVE HER CAR WHEN WE WERE LIKE 13. 516 00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:02,136 OKAY. 517 00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:03,137 THAT'S CRAZY! 518 00:18:03,137 --> 00:18:04,140 THAT'S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO DRIVE! 519 00:18:04,140 --> 00:18:05,149 OKAY, ENOUGH OF THIS 520 00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:08,144 "BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH YOUR CHILD" NONSENSE. 521 00:18:08,144 --> 00:18:11,143 I THINK THAT WE'VE ALL LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON ‐‐ 522 00:18:11,143 --> 00:18:13,138 NEVER QUESTION DIANE. 523 00:18:13,138 --> 00:18:14,139 NO, OF COURSE. [ SCOFFS ] 524 00:18:14,139 --> 00:18:15,149 NO, THAT'S NOT THE LESSON. 525 00:18:15,149 --> 00:18:16,152 IF ANYTHING, BEING SO OVERPROTECTIVE 526 00:18:16,152 --> 00:18:18,148 IS PROBABLY WHAT DROVE HER TO THIS. 527 00:18:18,148 --> 00:18:20,159 OH, ABSOLUTELY NOT. OH, YEAH, SURE. BLAME THE PARENTS. [ CHUCKLES ] 528 00:18:20,159 --> 00:18:22,162 WELL, WHAT ‐‐ THANK YOU FOR ONCE FOR AGREEING WITH ME. 529 00:18:22,162 --> 00:18:24,148 IT'S ALWAYS THE PARENTS' FAULT. IT'S NEVER EVERYONE ELSE'S. IT'S NEVER THE FAULT ‐‐ 530 00:18:24,148 --> 00:18:25,154 EXCUSE ME! 531 00:18:25,154 --> 00:18:27,151 DO YOU MIND TAKING THIS ARGUMENT ELSEWHERE? 532 00:18:27,151 --> 00:18:28,158 SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO RAGE. 533 00:18:28,158 --> 00:18:29,168 WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? 534 00:18:29,168 --> 00:18:32,157 HI. 535 00:18:32,157 --> 00:18:33,161 ACE MCBRADY. 536 00:18:33,161 --> 00:18:34,167 ACE MCBRADY. 537 00:18:34,167 --> 00:18:36,169 YOU'RE ACE MCBRADY? 538 00:18:36,169 --> 00:18:37,175 WELL, MY REAL NAME'S MARTIN, 539 00:18:37,175 --> 00:18:39,168 BUT THEY CALL ME ACE 'CAUSE I ACE EVERY TEST. 540 00:18:39,168 --> 00:18:40,178 MEG: WHERE'S THE LIQUOR, MCBRADY? 541 00:18:40,178 --> 00:18:42,170 I THOUGHT HE'D BE COOLER. 542 00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:43,182 YEAH, ME TOO. 543 00:18:43,182 --> 00:18:46,175 DID YOU NOT HEAR? I ACE EVERY TEST. 544 00:18:46,175 --> 00:18:48,186 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU GUYS ARE SO FREAKED OUT. 545 00:18:48,186 --> 00:18:51,175 I MEAN, IF THIS IS THE KIND OF PARTY SHE'S GOING TO, 546 00:18:51,175 --> 00:18:52,192 YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE WORRIED ABOUT. 547 00:18:52,192 --> 00:18:53,194 THIS PARTY SUCKS. 548 00:18:53,194 --> 00:18:55,193 WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? 549 00:18:55,193 --> 00:18:57,194 THIS PARTY'S OFF THE CHAIN! 550 00:18:57,194 --> 00:18:59,197 I MEAN, THAT GIRL IS SITTING ON A COFFEE TABLE! 551 00:18:59,197 --> 00:19:01,195 I'M EATING PIZZA THAT'S NOT ON A PLATE. 552 00:19:01,195 --> 00:19:02,199 I BET THESE KIDS DON'T EVEN RECYCLE. 553 00:19:02,199 --> 00:19:04,190 GIRL: [ GASPS ] OF COURSE, WE RECYCLE! 554 00:19:04,190 --> 00:19:05,205 PETE: I THINK THOSE KIDS ARE PLAYING BRIDGE. 555 00:19:05,205 --> 00:19:08,197 OKAY, MAYBE WE OVERREACTED. 556 00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:10,207 THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF PARTY WE WANT HILLARY TO GO TO. 557 00:19:10,207 --> 00:19:11,211 YEAH. 558 00:19:11,211 --> 00:19:14,201 WELL, WE WOULD LIKE NO FOOLING AROUND. 559 00:19:14,201 --> 00:19:16,222 SO, NOW THAT WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT I'M A GREAT KID, 560 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:18,222 CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE? 561 00:19:18,222 --> 00:19:20,205 YEAH, MY MOM HASN'T MET YOU GUYS YET. 562 00:19:20,205 --> 00:19:22,214 WE'RE GOING. YOU'RE COMING WITH US. 563 00:19:22,214 --> 00:19:23,219 YOU'RE STILL GROUNDED. DIANE: I'LL HANDLE THIS. 564 00:19:23,219 --> 00:19:24,220 WE'RE LEAVING, BUT YOU'RE COMING WITH US. 565 00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:25,224 YOU'RE STILL GROUNDED. 566 00:19:25,224 --> 00:19:27,219 STOP! I AM THE ORIGINAL GROUNDER! 567 00:19:27,219 --> 00:19:29,221 I GET TO SAY IF SHE'S STILL GROUNDED! 568 00:19:29,221 --> 00:19:30,225 HILLARY, WE'RE LEAVING. YOU'RE COMING WITH US. 569 00:19:30,225 --> 00:19:31,229 AW. I'M SO SORRY. YOU'RE STILL GROUNDED. 570 00:19:31,229 --> 00:19:33,222 I JUST SAID THAT. I'M SO SORRY. 571 00:19:33,222 --> 00:19:34,237 COME ON. YOU TWO. I'M SO EMBARRASSED! 572 00:19:34,237 --> 00:19:36,220 KEEP UP THE GOOD GRADES. 573 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:38,238 WOW. HILLARY STILL GETS GROUNDED? 574 00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:40,235 WHAT IS SHE, 10? 575 00:19:40,235 --> 00:19:41,246 HI. 576 00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:44,237 YOU'RE LINDSEY, RIGHT? COURTNEY WINTERS' BEST FRIEND? 577 00:19:44,237 --> 00:19:45,239 YES. 578 00:19:45,239 --> 00:19:49,248 I'M COURTNEY WINTERS. 579 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,252 [ SIGHS ] I JUST WANTED TO BE HER BEST FRIEND, YOU KNOW? 580 00:19:56,252 --> 00:19:57,257 SHE'S A TEENAGER. 581 00:19:57,257 --> 00:19:59,259 SHE'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND WHEN SHE'S 25. 582 00:19:59,259 --> 00:20:02,265 TILL THEN, 12 YEARS OF HER THINKING YOU'RE EVIL. 583 00:20:02,265 --> 00:20:03,266 REALLY? 584 00:20:03,266 --> 00:20:05,249 I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S WHAT I HEAR. 585 00:20:05,249 --> 00:20:06,257 [ SIGHS ] 586 00:20:06,257 --> 00:20:08,259 I'VE GOT AS MUCH EXPERIENCE RAISING TEENAGERS 587 00:20:08,259 --> 00:20:09,265 AS YOU DO. 588 00:20:09,265 --> 00:20:11,261 WHAT ABOUT WARREN? 589 00:20:11,261 --> 00:20:13,273 WARREN'S A UNIQUE CASE. 590 00:20:13,273 --> 00:20:15,261 PBHT! PBHT! PBHT! PBHT! PBHT! 591 00:20:15,261 --> 00:20:16,273 OH, WARREN, STOP. 592 00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:20,285 [ SIGHS ] "DEAR COURTNEY, 593 00:20:20,285 --> 00:20:22,278 "I KNOW WE'VE NEVER MET IN PERSON, 594 00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:24,270 "BUT I THINK WE'D REALLY HIT IT OFF. 595 00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:25,290 "I'D LOVE TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE SOMETIME. 596 00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:28,284 "I'M FREE ANY NIGHT FOR ANY ACTIVITY. 597 00:20:28,284 --> 00:20:31,277 "PLEASE SAY YES. 598 00:20:31,277 --> 00:20:35,278 "YOUR FRIEND AND, HOPEFULLY, FUTURE BOYFRIEND 599 00:20:35,278 --> 00:20:38,289 "AND ‐‐ HEY. WHO KNOWS? ‐‐ MAYBE FUTURE HUSBAND, 600 00:20:38,289 --> 00:20:39,299 WARREN HARRISON." 601 00:20:39,299 --> 00:20:41,297 [ SIGHS ] 602 00:20:43,301 --> 00:20:46,308 [ GUNFIRE ] 603 00:20:46,308 --> 00:20:50,293 [ COMPUTER CHIMES ] 604 00:20:51,301 --> 00:20:53,298 [ KEYBOARD CLACKING ] 605 00:20:53,298 --> 00:20:55,320 "DEAR WARREN, YOU'RE REALLY HANDSOME, 606 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:59,318 "BUT I ONLY DATE BOYS WITH A 3.5 GPA OR HIGHER. 607 00:20:59,318 --> 00:21:02,313 SINCERELY, COURTNEY." 608 00:21:02,313 --> 00:21:04,329 I WILL EARN YOUR LOVE, COURTNEY WINTERS. 609 00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:07,332 ♪♪♪