1
00:00:01,186 --> 00:00:03,555
Katie, honey, it's dad.
2
00:00:03,589 --> 00:00:07,926
Oh, I can't believe...
Ooh...
3
00:00:07,996 --> 00:00:12,200
That you're leaving
for college next week.
4
00:00:12,233 --> 00:00:13,935
So many memories.
5
00:00:13,968 --> 00:00:15,937
Come on,
let me see that sweet face.
6
00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:18,139
Come on.
7
00:00:23,712 --> 00:00:26,648
Now I'm reminded of your birth.
8
00:00:26,798 --> 00:00:28,800
My life is over.
9
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:30,535
Baby, I know you thought
you and Chad
10
00:00:30,569 --> 00:00:32,904
would be together forever.
11
00:00:32,938 --> 00:00:35,640
But I promise you
there's one guy
12
00:00:35,674 --> 00:00:37,976
that will always be there
for you no matter what.
13
00:00:38,009 --> 00:00:41,046
I love you, daddy.
14
00:00:41,079 --> 00:00:43,815
Oh, wait. You thought
I was talking about me?
15
00:00:43,849 --> 00:00:48,420
This is awkward.
16
00:00:48,453 --> 00:00:50,322
And... We're out!
17
00:00:51,756 --> 00:00:54,326
Give it up
for the one, the only,
18
00:00:54,359 --> 00:00:57,896
America's number-one dad,
David Hobbs!
19
00:01:00,765 --> 00:01:03,535
Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
20
00:01:03,568 --> 00:01:04,803
Uh...
21
00:01:04,836 --> 00:01:06,771
Boy, this show has been my life
22
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,874
for the past ten years,
and to tell you the truth,
23
00:01:08,907 --> 00:01:10,375
I can't believe it's over.
24
00:01:10,408 --> 00:01:14,513
This cast and crew have been
like my family, except better,
25
00:01:14,546 --> 00:01:16,548
because I don't have to see them
on weekends and holidays.
26
00:01:17,949 --> 00:01:20,585
- One more season!
- You're the best!
27
00:01:20,619 --> 00:01:23,688
I will... I'll miss them more
than they will ever know.
28
00:01:23,722 --> 00:01:25,724
We love you, David!
29
00:01:25,757 --> 00:01:26,958
Get out of here.
30
00:01:26,992 --> 00:01:28,160
This is the guy right here.
31
00:01:28,193 --> 00:01:29,961
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is my dear friend
32
00:01:29,995 --> 00:01:32,697
and our head writer,
Mr. Marcus Barnes.
33
00:01:33,965 --> 00:01:35,901
Marcus...
34
00:01:35,934 --> 00:01:38,470
I just want to take
a moment and tell you something
35
00:01:38,503 --> 00:01:42,174
that I've been dying to tell you
for a long time.
36
00:01:42,207 --> 00:01:45,410
I quit!
37
00:01:45,410 --> 00:01:47,279
Too late.
You're fired!
38
00:01:52,484 --> 00:01:54,452
Well, folks,
as bittersweet as this is,
39
00:01:54,486 --> 00:01:56,488
I'm really looking forward
to spending some quality time
40
00:01:56,521 --> 00:01:58,290
with my real family.
41
00:01:58,323 --> 00:01:59,958
And if you don't mind,
I'd love you to meet them.
42
00:01:59,991 --> 00:02:01,259
Come on out here, real family.
43
00:02:01,359 --> 00:02:04,229
My beautiful wife, Amy,
and our kids.
44
00:02:07,432 --> 00:02:11,102
Great news, guys...
daddy's coming home.
45
00:02:12,444 --> 00:02:32,739
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
46
00:02:32,825 --> 00:02:34,059
I can't believe it's over.
47
00:02:34,092 --> 00:02:35,694
Well, honey,
it's time to move forward,
48
00:02:36,226 --> 00:02:37,628
start act two.
49
00:02:37,661 --> 00:02:40,230
Speaking of, uh, act two,
50
00:02:40,264 --> 00:02:42,032
there's something
I need to talk to you about.
51
00:02:42,066 --> 00:02:43,200
Is this about me?
52
00:02:43,233 --> 00:02:45,803
Isn't it always?
53
00:02:45,836 --> 00:02:47,137
Hey, baby.
54
00:02:47,171 --> 00:02:48,572
Janie, honey,
I thought you were asleep.
55
00:02:48,605 --> 00:02:51,875
Dr. Monkey Chunks told me
she's sad.
56
00:02:51,909 --> 00:02:55,446
Oh. Did daddy forget to kiss
Dr. Monkey Chunks good night?
57
00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:56,914
- Uh-huh!
- Aw.
58
00:02:56,947 --> 00:02:58,749
That's 'cause
Dr. Monkey Chunks
59
00:02:58,782 --> 00:03:01,151
smells like poo.
60
00:03:06,023 --> 00:03:08,626
That's all you got?
61
00:03:08,659 --> 00:03:10,594
Lame.
- Ah.
62
00:03:11,996 --> 00:03:15,733
Hey, guys.
63
00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:18,168
I wanted to practice my part
in the school play before bed.
64
00:03:18,202 --> 00:03:20,204
Oh.
Hail Caesar!
65
00:03:20,237 --> 00:03:22,806
David, that was his part.
66
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,341
Ooh!
67
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:27,544
Sorry, Joe. I really want
to hear it from you.
68
00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:29,480
Hail Caesar!
69
00:03:29,513 --> 00:03:31,882
Whoa!
And there it is.
70
00:03:31,915 --> 00:03:33,751
That's my boy!
71
00:03:33,784 --> 00:03:37,788
In ancient Rome,
they never wore underpants.
72
00:03:37,821 --> 00:03:39,123
You know, he's right, honey.
73
00:03:39,156 --> 00:03:41,992
All romans
went full commando...
74
00:03:42,026 --> 00:03:45,362
Claudius, Julius, Testiculus.
75
00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,799
Okay, good night, Joe.
76
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:53,637
Ah, so, Mr. David,
I have some exciting news.
77
00:03:53,671 --> 00:03:55,439
You're not pregnant, are you?
78
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:56,440
No!
79
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:59,576
Whoo!
80
00:03:59,610 --> 00:04:01,544
I, uh...
81
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:04,348
Got a call from the producers
of All The Days.
82
00:04:04,381 --> 00:04:07,651
They want my character, Sarah,
to come back.
83
00:04:07,685 --> 00:04:09,553
Come back from what, her coma?
84
00:04:09,586 --> 00:04:12,022
Yeah, they feel it's time
to end that storyline.
85
00:04:12,056 --> 00:04:16,260
Doesn't her lack of brain
activity end that storyline?
86
00:04:16,293 --> 00:04:17,962
They want my character
to wake up,
87
00:04:17,995 --> 00:04:20,164
rejoin the show.
88
00:04:20,197 --> 00:04:23,367
Oh. I don't know, Amy.
The timing's not great.
89
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,202
How do you figure?
90
00:04:25,235 --> 00:04:29,572
Well, doesn't that mean
that you'd be working full-time,
91
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:31,241
and I'd be staying home
with the kids?
92
00:04:31,275 --> 00:04:34,578
Yeah!
93
00:04:34,611 --> 00:04:36,313
I just thought
we'd all be together...
94
00:04:36,347 --> 00:04:37,681
having breakfast
in the morning,
95
00:04:37,715 --> 00:04:39,149
you dropping the kids off
at school,
96
00:04:39,183 --> 00:04:43,053
me playing a round of golf and
smoking cigars with the guys,
97
00:04:43,087 --> 00:04:45,522
spending the afternoon
at the track...
98
00:04:45,556 --> 00:04:49,727
With you.
99
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,364
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it does
sound pretty ridiculous, huh?
100
00:04:53,397 --> 00:04:56,433
Ha! Leaving you home
with the kids.
101
00:04:59,069 --> 00:05:00,237
Hold on a second.
102
00:05:00,270 --> 00:05:02,106
You don't think
I can handle my kids on my own?
103
00:05:02,139 --> 00:05:03,841
- I never said that.
- But that's what you meant.
104
00:05:03,874 --> 00:05:05,175
- No, I didn't.
- That's exactly what you meant.
105
00:05:05,209 --> 00:05:07,011
Need I remind you
that just last year
106
00:05:07,044 --> 00:05:08,912
I was voted TV Guide's
number-one dad?
107
00:05:08,946 --> 00:05:11,215
Baby, I voted for you.
108
00:05:11,248 --> 00:05:13,083
You're going
back to work, okay?
109
00:05:13,117 --> 00:05:15,219
I got this.
- Really?
110
00:05:15,252 --> 00:05:17,988
Am I not the man who built
his son's science project
111
00:05:18,022 --> 00:05:21,292
and delivered a litter
of puppies all in one night?
112
00:05:21,325 --> 00:05:22,860
That was on the show.
113
00:05:24,962 --> 00:05:27,698
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
114
00:05:27,731 --> 00:05:30,167
But I like where you're going
with this, mister.
115
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,568
Come on, you know what?
Come here.
116
00:05:31,602 --> 00:05:35,372
It's your turn.
You deserve this.
117
00:05:35,406 --> 00:05:37,041
And besides, you had them
for the "diaper" years.
118
00:05:37,074 --> 00:05:39,276
I mean, how hard can this be?
119
00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:41,912
You're so pretty.
120
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:51,522
- Can I talk to you, mom?
- Sure, baby, yeah.
121
00:05:51,555 --> 00:05:52,723
What's up?
122
00:05:52,756 --> 00:05:54,525
Oh, it's about Matthew Pearson.
123
00:05:54,558 --> 00:05:56,226
Oh, that's my cue.
I'm out of here.
124
00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:57,394
Oh, no, no, no, honey.
125
00:05:57,428 --> 00:05:58,862
You need to be
a part of this now.
126
00:05:58,896 --> 00:06:00,064
But, mom!
127
00:06:00,097 --> 00:06:01,165
Go ahead, love.
128
00:06:01,198 --> 00:06:02,733
Fine.
129
00:06:02,766 --> 00:06:05,202
Um, well, you know
that I was hoping...
130
00:06:05,235 --> 00:06:06,437
- And did he?
- No! I can't believe it!
131
00:06:06,537 --> 00:06:07,838
- Even after...
- I know, I know.
132
00:06:07,871 --> 00:06:09,039
But tell me you didn't...
No! I did exactly what we...
133
00:06:09,073 --> 00:06:10,207
- Good, good. Did you try...
- Twice!
134
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,608
- And not even a...
- Nope.
135
00:06:11,642 --> 00:06:13,277
Oh, wow.
136
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:16,180
David, you want to jump in here?
- On what?
137
00:06:16,213 --> 00:06:19,316
You guys sound like a cell phone
that keeps cutting out.
138
00:06:19,350 --> 00:06:21,585
See? I knew
he wouldn't understand.
139
00:06:21,618 --> 00:06:23,620
Can I buy a vowel or something?
140
00:06:23,654 --> 00:06:25,289
Now that I'm going back to work
141
00:06:25,322 --> 00:06:26,624
and you're in charge,
142
00:06:26,657 --> 00:06:28,125
you need to know
how to handle these situations.
143
00:06:28,158 --> 00:06:30,260
Wwwait. You're leaving,
and he's staying?
144
00:06:30,294 --> 00:06:32,496
He doesn't know anything
about raising a daughter.
145
00:06:32,497 --> 00:06:35,766
I think Entertainment Weekly
might disagree with you on that.
146
00:06:35,799 --> 00:06:37,901
Fine.
147
00:06:37,935 --> 00:06:40,604
I'm trying to get a guy
to ask me to the dance.
148
00:06:40,638 --> 00:06:42,106
Any words of wisdom?
149
00:06:42,139 --> 00:06:45,809
Did you not see
our very special prom episode?
150
00:06:45,843 --> 00:06:47,578
Nothing good ever happens
at a dance.
151
00:06:47,611 --> 00:06:48,946
You're not going.
152
00:06:48,979 --> 00:06:51,982
Unbelievable!
153
00:06:52,016 --> 00:06:53,717
Yeah, see that?
154
00:06:53,751 --> 00:06:57,321
This is gonna be awesome!
155
00:06:57,354 --> 00:06:59,522
Morning, family.
How's everybody today?
156
00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:01,825
- Horrified.
- Me too.
157
00:07:01,859 --> 00:07:03,260
So you heard the good news.
158
00:07:03,294 --> 00:07:05,329
- I think it's great, dad.
- Me too.
159
00:07:06,530 --> 00:07:08,532
Now we get
some "dudes only" time.
160
00:07:08,565 --> 00:07:11,402
Dude, we are gonna have
all kinds of "dudes only" time,
161
00:07:11,435 --> 00:07:14,705
starting right now...
catch.
162
00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:21,078
Daddy,
we don't throw things to Joe.
163
00:07:21,111 --> 00:07:23,013
David, we really need to go
over a few things
164
00:07:23,047 --> 00:07:24,214
before I leave.
165
00:07:24,248 --> 00:07:27,184
One sec, honey.
I just need my coffee.
166
00:07:27,217 --> 00:07:28,452
There we go.
167
00:07:28,552 --> 00:07:29,887
Morning.
168
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,221
Hello, David.
169
00:07:31,255 --> 00:07:34,325
Hello, David's real family.
170
00:07:34,358 --> 00:07:37,361
- Thank you.
- No problem, dad.
171
00:07:37,394 --> 00:07:41,165
Uh, uh, David.
172
00:07:41,198 --> 00:07:44,101
David, what was Kevin
from the show doing here?
173
00:07:44,134 --> 00:07:45,936
Bringing me my scone.
174
00:07:45,970 --> 00:07:47,705
Scone... okay.
175
00:07:47,738 --> 00:07:49,540
Uh, it's 6:45.
176
00:07:49,573 --> 00:07:51,542
At 7:00,
the kids need to be upstairs...
177
00:07:51,575 --> 00:07:53,711
teeth, hair, faces,
brushed, combed, washed.
178
00:07:53,744 --> 00:07:55,612
You prep the backpacks,
and you make the lunch.
179
00:07:55,646 --> 00:07:57,214
Now, this is important.
180
00:07:57,247 --> 00:07:59,283
Emily only eats
out of recyclable containers.
181
00:07:59,316 --> 00:08:01,185
Joe's food can't touch.
Don't ask.
182
00:08:01,218 --> 00:08:03,153
You're driving carpool.
183
00:08:03,187 --> 00:08:06,156
Leave at 7:30
because Joe cannot be late.
184
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:09,793
You won't like Joe
when he's late.
185
00:08:09,827 --> 00:08:10,995
What do I do with Janie?
186
00:08:11,028 --> 00:08:13,831
- You take her with you.
- All day?
187
00:08:13,864 --> 00:08:16,567
Oh, honey, I think I see
where you've gone wrong here.
188
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,403
You golf?
189
00:08:19,436 --> 00:08:23,374
Ah. This is the family book.
190
00:08:23,407 --> 00:08:25,709
How many families are
in this thing?
191
00:08:25,743 --> 00:08:27,211
Do not mock the family book.
192
00:08:27,244 --> 00:08:28,779
The family book
is your best friend.
193
00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,681
Everything you need
is right here.
194
00:08:30,714 --> 00:08:32,082
- Honey, honey?
- Huh?
195
00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:33,483
- I got this.
- Mm-hmm.
196
00:08:33,484 --> 00:08:36,020
- Okay? Come on.
- Mommy, don't go!
197
00:08:36,053 --> 00:08:40,257
Please don't leave us
with daddy!
198
00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:42,493
Not funny, Emily.
199
00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:45,796
Too much?
200
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,369
- Dad!
It's 7:29!
201
00:08:52,403 --> 00:08:54,071
I can't be late!
I can't be late!
202
00:08:54,104 --> 00:08:55,372
I know, Joe.
I know.
203
00:08:55,406 --> 00:08:56,874
Here you go.
Girls, we got to go!
204
00:08:56,907 --> 00:08:58,375
We're gonna lose your brother.
205
00:08:58,409 --> 00:09:00,244
Yeah, come on in.
206
00:09:00,277 --> 00:09:01,679
- Hey, Mr. H.
- Good morning.
207
00:09:01,712 --> 00:09:05,115
- First day of freedom, huh?
Must be hard being up at 7:30.
208
00:09:05,149 --> 00:09:07,551
7:30?
209
00:09:07,584 --> 00:09:09,519
Is anybody else hot?
210
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,121
Mary, can you go get
Emily, please?
211
00:09:11,155 --> 00:09:13,190
Thank you.
Hey, good morning, Marcus.
212
00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:14,658
Hey. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, baby, I got it.
213
00:09:14,692 --> 00:09:16,060
I'm across the street
at David's,
214
00:09:16,093 --> 00:09:18,128
dropping Mary off at carpool.
215
00:09:18,162 --> 00:09:20,064
It's on the list.
216
00:09:20,097 --> 00:09:22,399
I got it right there.
217
00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:24,868
Uh-oh.
218
00:09:24,902 --> 00:09:27,938
Oh, great.
You sent it again.
219
00:09:27,972 --> 00:09:31,541
I love you.
Hello?
220
00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:33,476
I miss work!
221
00:09:33,477 --> 00:09:35,612
- Come on, girls!
It's 7:32!
222
00:09:35,646 --> 00:09:38,849
What's that sound?
223
00:09:41,952 --> 00:09:43,721
Let me get the book!
224
00:09:44,855 --> 00:09:48,058
Oh, you got it covered.
All right, thanks.
225
00:09:48,092 --> 00:09:50,394
So Amy's going back to work,
226
00:09:50,494 --> 00:09:52,763
and you're going
to raise the kids?
227
00:09:52,796 --> 00:09:55,232
Yeah.
228
00:09:55,265 --> 00:09:58,268
Hey, hey, good luck
with that, man, seriously.
229
00:09:58,302 --> 00:10:00,304
Why is this funny to you?
230
00:10:00,337 --> 00:10:03,240
David, because
people take care of you.
231
00:10:03,273 --> 00:10:05,809
You don't take care of people.
- What?
232
00:10:05,843 --> 00:10:07,911
Marcus, you seem to forget
that I'm the guy
233
00:10:07,945 --> 00:10:09,880
that threw a birthday party
for 20 kids
234
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,749
with nothing but leftover
Christmas candy
235
00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:14,284
and stuff I found in a car.
236
00:10:14,318 --> 00:10:16,654
That was on the show, David.
237
00:10:18,155 --> 00:10:19,590
Really?
238
00:10:22,026 --> 00:10:23,526
Before you say anything,
239
00:10:23,527 --> 00:10:25,528
mom lets me dress this way
for school.
240
00:10:25,529 --> 00:10:28,632
Shall we go to the book?
241
00:10:28,666 --> 00:10:30,701
Dad, maybe you haven't noticed,
242
00:10:30,734 --> 00:10:33,504
but I am a grown woman.
243
00:10:33,537 --> 00:10:35,673
No, you're not.
You're 14!
244
00:10:35,706 --> 00:10:39,109
You haven't even gotten your...
Daddy!
245
00:10:39,143 --> 00:10:42,246
I was gonna say
driver's license.
246
00:10:42,279 --> 00:10:44,848
Emily! Hey!
Why are you so mad at me?
247
00:10:44,882 --> 00:10:46,050
Em... Emily!
248
00:10:48,519 --> 00:10:51,588
Daddy, Dr. Monkey Chunks
is still wet.
249
00:10:51,622 --> 00:10:52,823
I know she's still wet, honey.
250
00:10:52,856 --> 00:10:54,191
Do you have any idea
how hard it is
251
00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:55,526
putting that stupid
little straw
252
00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:58,329
inside that stupid
little juice box?
253
00:10:58,362 --> 00:11:01,031
At work, I had a straw guy.
254
00:11:01,065 --> 00:11:03,701
- I need a snack.
- Me too.
255
00:11:03,734 --> 00:11:05,235
Are you kidding?
256
00:11:05,269 --> 00:11:06,770
You want a snack?
257
00:11:06,804 --> 00:11:09,506
Janie, you've had six pounds
of cheezy chips today.
258
00:11:09,540 --> 00:11:10,975
No more snacks.
259
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:13,210
I told your mother I'd make you
a nice healthy dinner, okay?
260
00:11:13,243 --> 00:11:15,779
Oh, damn it, the chicken.
261
00:11:20,784 --> 00:11:23,087
"Allow six hours to defrost"?
262
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:25,589
Aw, come on!
263
00:11:25,622 --> 00:11:26,957
I could go to a petting zoo
264
00:11:26,991 --> 00:11:29,159
and wring a chicken's neck
in six hours.
265
00:11:29,193 --> 00:11:30,794
Daddy, no!
266
00:11:30,828 --> 00:11:33,731
Daddy's not gonna killing
a chicken, honey.
267
00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:35,099
You know what?
We're going to do this.
268
00:11:35,132 --> 00:11:36,466
Put it on high.
269
00:11:36,467 --> 00:11:37,901
And we'll cook and defrost
at the same time,
270
00:11:37,935 --> 00:11:39,470
and we're right back
on schedule, folks.
271
00:11:39,471 --> 00:11:41,271
Just have a snack.
272
00:11:41,305 --> 00:11:43,707
Joe, I need you to take off that
toga and wash it for me, okay?
273
00:11:43,741 --> 00:11:45,576
I'm little.
I don't know how to wash stuff.
274
00:11:45,609 --> 00:11:47,011
I'm big.
I don't know either.
275
00:11:47,044 --> 00:11:49,747
Check the book.
276
00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:50,914
Emily.
277
00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:52,816
You do not want to go
in there, Mr. H.
278
00:11:52,850 --> 00:11:54,385
Why is she so mad at me?
279
00:11:54,485 --> 00:11:56,520
Emily has been waiting
the entire semester
280
00:11:56,553 --> 00:11:59,256
to talk to Matthew Pearson,
a sophomore.
281
00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:01,592
With his own car!
282
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,294
And right when that happens,
283
00:12:03,327 --> 00:12:05,495
her daddy pulls up
in carpool Lane,
284
00:12:05,496 --> 00:12:06,764
honking and waving...
285
00:12:06,797 --> 00:12:09,499
"Emily, hurry.
Janie's got to go pee-pee."
286
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,402
Who says "pee-pee"?
287
00:12:11,502 --> 00:12:14,338
Nobody says "pee-pee"!
288
00:12:14,371 --> 00:12:18,776
And bye-bye,
Matthew Pearson.
289
00:12:24,181 --> 00:12:27,017
Emily, it's dad.
290
00:12:27,051 --> 00:12:29,520
Hey, listen, I know you thought
that you and Chad...
291
00:12:29,521 --> 00:12:33,390
I mean, um, Matthew...
292
00:12:33,424 --> 00:12:35,159
would be together forever,
293
00:12:35,192 --> 00:12:38,729
but I promise you
there's one guy
294
00:12:38,762 --> 00:12:43,534
that'll always be there
for you no matter what.
295
00:12:47,371 --> 00:12:48,906
Seriously?
296
00:12:48,939 --> 00:12:51,208
Quoting your own show?
297
00:12:52,676 --> 00:12:56,981
You were home one day,
and you ruined my life.
298
00:12:57,014 --> 00:12:58,749
Suck it!
299
00:13:00,651 --> 00:13:03,153
Hey, I'm your dad...
300
00:13:03,187 --> 00:13:05,889
And a three-time emmy nominee.
301
00:13:05,923 --> 00:13:08,225
I never won,
but I'm going to get over it.
302
00:13:08,258 --> 00:13:11,595
I deserve some respect.
303
00:13:11,629 --> 00:13:13,263
So, when you decide
to show me some respect,
304
00:13:13,297 --> 00:13:14,932
I'll be downstairs...
305
00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:17,167
Sucking it.
306
00:13:19,770 --> 00:13:23,207
Oh, what the...
cheezy chips?
307
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,242
Come on, guys,
I told you to have a snack,
308
00:13:25,275 --> 00:13:27,811
not throw a super bowl party.
309
00:13:27,845 --> 00:13:30,514
Daddy, I just had a yucky burp.
310
00:13:30,547 --> 00:13:33,017
Oh!
311
00:13:33,050 --> 00:13:35,319
Joe, look away.
Do not look at the puke!
312
00:13:35,352 --> 00:13:37,855
Joe, look away!
Don't... don't... come on!
313
00:13:37,888 --> 00:13:39,356
Daddy, look!
314
00:13:43,127 --> 00:13:45,929
Aah!
315
00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:48,531
Janie, why is Monkey Chunks
in the oven?
316
00:13:48,532 --> 00:13:50,801
The chicken was lonely.
317
00:13:52,236 --> 00:13:56,140
I'll save you, David,
and David's real family.
318
00:13:57,574 --> 00:14:00,377
Enough!
You got it! You got it!
319
00:14:00,411 --> 00:14:02,613
Oh, you know what?
Go nuts!
320
00:14:02,646 --> 00:14:04,281
Oh, great.
Come on, Kevin, more!
321
00:14:04,315 --> 00:14:05,783
You missed a couple of spots!
322
00:14:05,816 --> 00:14:07,651
Over there!
Get the microwave!
323
00:14:07,685 --> 00:14:10,888
Joe, daddy's crazy.
324
00:14:10,921 --> 00:14:12,856
Guys, I'm home.
325
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:14,591
Run, daddy, run!
326
00:14:21,052 --> 00:14:22,553
Rough day, dear?
327
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:25,339
Let's just say things didn't
go exactly according to plan.
328
00:14:25,373 --> 00:14:26,507
I need my cheezy chips.
329
00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:29,143
What? Come on,
tell me what happened... sit.
330
00:14:29,176 --> 00:14:31,078
Well, the producers
had a few...
331
00:14:31,112 --> 00:14:33,347
Notes.
- Really? Like what.
332
00:14:33,381 --> 00:14:34,849
Come on, let's go get the mail.
Tell me all about it.
333
00:14:34,882 --> 00:14:37,718
They feel since I've been
in a coma for ten years,
334
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:39,787
I should look
more well-rested, huh?
335
00:14:39,820 --> 00:14:41,322
So let's go take a nap, then.
336
00:14:41,355 --> 00:14:42,823
And that since I've been
getting my nutrients
337
00:14:42,857 --> 00:14:45,259
from a tube, I should be
ten pounds thinner.
338
00:14:45,293 --> 00:14:47,695
Bastards. They have no right
calling you fat.
339
00:14:48,896 --> 00:14:51,365
Fat?
340
00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:53,734
Who... who said anything
about... about fat?
341
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,169
Am I fat?
Do you think I'm fat?
342
00:14:55,202 --> 00:14:57,471
Absolutely not, honey.
No, no, no, no.
343
00:14:57,505 --> 00:15:01,409
Oh!
Ooh, you're so skinny.
344
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,377
Oh, this is turning me on.
Come on, let's go upstairs.
345
00:15:03,411 --> 00:15:05,146
The kids are...
- I need my babies.
346
00:15:05,179 --> 00:15:07,315
All these problems will
disappear once I see the kids.
347
00:15:07,348 --> 00:15:09,984
I think you overestimate
their powers.
348
00:15:11,419 --> 00:15:13,821
Hi, mommy.
349
00:15:16,157 --> 00:15:19,694
Who threw up?
350
00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:23,564
Skittables, gooey bears,
cheezy chips...
351
00:15:23,598 --> 00:15:25,800
And a button.
David.
352
00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:28,202
My God, you're likeCSI.
353
00:15:28,236 --> 00:15:30,470
And I've never seen that button
in my life.
354
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:33,841
Kids, go upstairs, clean up,
355
00:15:33,874 --> 00:15:36,143
and lay down in our bed, okay?
356
00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:39,814
Yeah.
Mommy's side.
357
00:15:39,847 --> 00:15:44,385
Kevin, shoo.
358
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,853
I, for one,
359
00:15:45,886 --> 00:15:47,755
would like to consider today
my learning curve.
360
00:15:47,788 --> 00:15:50,558
It doesn't matter
anymore, David.
361
00:15:50,591 --> 00:15:52,560
I'm quitting the show.
- What?
362
00:15:52,593 --> 00:15:56,063
I'm not blaming you.
This was all my fault.
363
00:15:56,097 --> 00:15:58,299
Just... you weren't ready
for this.
364
00:16:00,902 --> 00:16:04,405
I got this.
I totally got this.
365
00:16:05,539 --> 00:16:07,108
Okay, guys you ready
to do this?
366
00:16:07,141 --> 00:16:10,411
Daddy, Dr. Monkey Chunks
doesn't like what I'm wearing.
367
00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:11,946
Well, I'm way
ahead of you, chunks.
368
00:16:11,979 --> 00:16:14,215
Kevin!
- We need Janie's wardrobe.
369
00:16:14,248 --> 00:16:16,083
Copy that.
370
00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:18,953
- That one.
- Let's get Janie changed.
371
00:16:18,986 --> 00:16:20,121
Ready for hair and makeup?
372
00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:21,555
Ugh.
373
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:24,926
Ooh! Feathers!
374
00:16:24,959 --> 00:16:27,561
But I'm only doing this
for mom!
375
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,463
- Amy's coffee?
- Amy's coffee.
376
00:16:29,497 --> 00:16:30,965
What's Amy's 20?
377
00:16:30,998 --> 00:16:33,334
This isn't
a non-fat cap, Bruce!
378
00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:36,037
Fix it, Bruce!
Fix it!
379
00:16:36,070 --> 00:16:38,039
There's your lunch.
Go get your backpack, Joe.
380
00:16:38,072 --> 00:16:39,373
Transpo, you ready for carpool?
381
00:16:39,473 --> 00:16:40,541
Transpo's ready.
382
00:16:40,575 --> 00:16:42,474
Amy's on the move.
We need breakfast!
383
00:16:42,475 --> 00:16:43,644
Amy's close in five.
384
00:16:43,678 --> 00:16:44,845
Amy's on the move.
385
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,047
- Four...
- Get her coffee, Kevin.
386
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,381
- Three... Two...
- Lock it down.
387
00:16:47,481 --> 00:16:49,584
- And one.
- Lock it down.
388
00:16:50,851 --> 00:16:54,322
- Morning, honey!
- David, wow!
389
00:16:54,355 --> 00:16:56,257
Cappuccino?
390
00:16:58,492 --> 00:17:00,761
- This is unbelievable.
- I know, right?
391
00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:02,964
Uhhuh.
Where are the kids?
392
00:17:02,997 --> 00:17:05,766
Tada!
393
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,302
Too much?
394
00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:13,808
Um, I'll go brush my teeth.
395
00:17:16,210 --> 00:17:18,813
Morning, mom.
396
00:17:18,846 --> 00:17:20,181
What were you doing
in the pantry?
397
00:17:20,214 --> 00:17:23,450
Organizing canned goods.
398
00:17:23,451 --> 00:17:26,687
David, I can't believe
you went to all this trouble.
399
00:17:26,721 --> 00:17:28,356
Come on,
honey, for you, anything.
400
00:17:28,456 --> 00:17:32,860
No, I mean, I can't believe
you went to all this trouble.
401
00:17:32,893 --> 00:17:34,795
Everyone, that's a wrap!
402
00:17:34,829 --> 00:17:36,464
Okay, people,
let's break this down.
403
00:17:36,497 --> 00:17:37,999
We got...
404
00:17:38,032 --> 00:17:42,470
hello, David's real wife.
405
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,673
- Can I get a word?
- Sure.
406
00:17:45,706 --> 00:17:46,741
Thanks.
407
00:17:48,209 --> 00:17:51,478
So how'd you figure it out?
408
00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:55,816
Your lighting crew caught me,
uh, coming out of the shower.
409
00:17:55,850 --> 00:17:57,385
Oh.
410
00:17:57,485 --> 00:18:01,856
Well, I'm not paying 'em,
so I guess it's a little bonus.
411
00:18:01,889 --> 00:18:04,759
Honey, I just wanted everything
to be perfect for you, okay?
412
00:18:06,394 --> 00:18:09,363
The kids and I
don't need perfect, David.
413
00:18:09,397 --> 00:18:13,200
We just need you.
414
00:18:13,234 --> 00:18:17,872
Well, I'll tell you what...
I'll make you a deal.
415
00:18:17,905 --> 00:18:20,841
You don't quit,
and I won't quit.
416
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:23,044
Are you sure?
417
00:18:23,077 --> 00:18:25,880
Yeah.
418
00:18:25,913 --> 00:18:27,214
And I promise you this.
419
00:18:27,248 --> 00:18:31,451
Right now we have three living,
breathing children.
420
00:18:31,452 --> 00:18:33,453
And when you come home,
421
00:18:33,454 --> 00:18:35,623
we'll have something
close to that.
422
00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:41,228
Thank you, David.
423
00:18:41,262 --> 00:18:43,197
We're glad you're home.
424
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:47,868
- Well, not all of you.
- Mm-hmm.
425
00:18:47,902 --> 00:18:49,570
One wrong honk, and suddenly
426
00:18:49,604 --> 00:18:51,471
you're public enemy number one.
427
00:18:51,472 --> 00:18:53,574
Oh, honey...
428
00:18:53,608 --> 00:18:56,476
This isn't about the honking.
429
00:18:56,477 --> 00:18:58,112
Your daughter's had
to share you
430
00:18:58,145 --> 00:19:01,481
with another family
for ten years.
431
00:19:01,482 --> 00:19:03,818
Emily's misses you most of all.
432
00:19:10,958 --> 00:19:12,793
Mom said you wanted
to talk to me.
433
00:19:12,827 --> 00:19:13,861
I did.
434
00:19:13,894 --> 00:19:16,429
Sit.
435
00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:17,765
There's good.
436
00:19:20,968 --> 00:19:22,236
Um...
437
00:19:22,270 --> 00:19:25,606
Emily, I'm sorry...
438
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,209
That I haven't been here
for you.
439
00:19:28,242 --> 00:19:32,079
I mean, I've been here,
but I haven't been here.
440
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:37,451
If you give me
the chance, I-I...
441
00:19:37,485 --> 00:19:40,621
I-I know... I think I can be
the... the dad
442
00:19:40,655 --> 00:19:43,858
that you deserve, okay?
443
00:19:46,027 --> 00:19:48,296
Okay.
444
00:19:48,329 --> 00:19:50,531
Um...
445
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,300
So are we good?
446
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:54,135
This is real life, dad.
447
00:19:54,168 --> 00:19:56,203
And in real life,
hurt daughters stay angry
448
00:19:56,237 --> 00:19:58,005
a lot longer
than a commercial break.
449
00:19:58,039 --> 00:20:01,642
See, I didn't know that.
450
00:20:01,676 --> 00:20:05,146
Part of my learning curve.
451
00:20:05,179 --> 00:20:07,982
Can I, um... can I get a hug?
452
00:20:08,015 --> 00:20:11,886
I know I'm pathetic,
but humor me.
453
00:20:22,897 --> 00:20:25,166
Can we get in on that?
454
00:20:25,199 --> 00:20:27,668
Yes!
455
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,676
Sorry to interrupt,
David's real family,
456
00:20:35,710 --> 00:20:37,345
but you should really
get going.
457
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,513
Joe's got a math test,
Janie's got a play date,
458
00:20:39,547 --> 00:20:41,082
and today's recycling day.
459
00:20:42,917 --> 00:20:46,220
- How did you know all that?
- I read the book.
460
00:20:46,254 --> 00:20:49,991
- He's good.
- Can I keep him?
461
00:20:51,325 --> 00:20:52,793
Okay.
462
00:20:52,827 --> 00:20:54,262
Yes!
463
00:20:54,400 --> 00:21:24,907
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