1
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,952
[cell door slams]
2
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:10,040
[theme song playing]
3
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,833
[cell door slams]
4
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,951
[cell door slams]
5
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,795
[vocalizing]
6
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I'm DIY Fly Flaca.
7
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,033
And this your girl, T-T-Tova.
8
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And together we're bringin' you...
9
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,952
[both] ♪ Flava to the Max ♪
10
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:36,272
Reinventin' prison radio,
one show at a time.
11
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:37,589
For us, by us.
12
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:41,037
With peace, love and beauty tips.
13
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,279
Speakin' of peace and love,
I ain't seein' a whole lot of it lately...
14
00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,079
- Mmm-mmm.
- ...DIY Fly Flaca.
15
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:51,313
- Feelin' all kinds of bad juju up in here.
- Mmm-hmm.
16
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,710
Girls leavin' dookie on the laundry,
17
00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,275
- cloggin' up the drains.
- Gross. Nasty!
18
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,432
- Drink spikin' with laxatives.
- [scoffs] Mmm-mmm.
19
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:03,912
Oh. Oh. And all these newfound
painful uses for hot sauce.
20
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,000
Ouch!
21
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,311
- And over what?
- What?
22
00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:08,550
Some stanky cheese?
23
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:11,997
Oh, my God, guys,
dairy is not good for you.
24
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,976
From what I've seen, cheese withdrawals
make you sweat through your shirt...
25
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,674
- Mmm. Mmm!
- ...scratch your arms and not sleep.
26
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,514
- Mmm-mmm.
- Plus, all those hormones in milk now.
27
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,399
You notice all the ladies
growing beards in here?
28
00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,200
So, bottom line, avoid dairy.
29
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,069
- Your chin and booty will thank you later.
- Chin hair's real, y'all.
30
00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:33,312
And don't be pissin', hittin' and sh...
31
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,074
doo-dooin' on each other no more.
32
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,880
Right? Let's keep it low-key lit.
33
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,839
What the... fudge does that mean?
34
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:45,038
Lit, but not too lit to get in trouble.
You know?
35
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,952
Lit is the fuckin' opposite of low-key.
36
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,394
Hey!
37
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:49,749
No cursing!
38
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,199
You don't wanna see what happens
when I open my eyes this early.
39
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,795
[Flaca] Next topic:
Plucking till you got sperm eyebrows.
40
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:01,270
A no-no? Or a yes-yes?
41
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,352
[inhales deeply] Yes!
42
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,200
Idiots.
43
00:03:05,201 --> 00:03:09,319
My super-powered pregnant nose
still smells doody in here.
44
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,394
My regular nose smells it, too.
Like the stench lives in my nose hairs.
45
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:18,191
We gotta get those fucking C-Block
cumbuckets to pay for this now.
46
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,679
I got it. I got it.
47
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,116
We sharpen a toothbrush,
stick it in a book,
48
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,398
then shove it into the book cart bitch,
Deitland, when she's collecting.
49
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,200
No, no, no.
She's much too small potato fries.
50
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,591
That's like stabbing the castle janitor
when you hate the king.
51
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,196
We should at least be stabbing a knight
or a lady-in-waiting.
52
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,516
The way I see it, we go after Creech.
53
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,240
We just gotta get through
Shruti Chambal first.
54
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,552
Now, I have some ground-up rat poops
that I've been saving...
55
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,836
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
56
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,877
Time out, okay?
57
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,630
Listen, you're diving into the gang thing
here with both feet.
58
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,270
On one hand, it's a sign of loyalty.
That is admirable.
59
00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:01,957
But, on the other hand, it'll lead
to that West Side Story fantasy of yours
60
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,477
becoming a reality.
Except, instead of being Maria,
61
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:10,077
you're gonna wind up Tony
or Riff or Bernardo.
62
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,231
I don't wanna be
any of those Puerto Ricans.
63
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,073
It's just my mama bear instincts
64
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,040
are raging to protect little Julius
or Augustine...
65
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,589
I'm still workshopping the names.
66
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,512
Weren't those the rat names?
67
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,195
Never forget.
68
00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:28,352
Hey, Daddy.
Daddy, kooky cookie over there,
69
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,557
she's got a plan
to get back at Cock-Block.
70
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,040
Hey, preggo, come here.
71
00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:37,994
I don't need to hear plans
'cause I've got a huge plan in the works.
72
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,912
We'll fuck 'em up and get our drugs back.
73
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,913
I'm smoothing out the final deets,
but you'll be in on it soon.
74
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,400
Can't we help it go faster?
75
00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:48,315
Trust me. I'm very happy with it
and you'll be very happy with it.
76
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,155
Hey, you got somethin'
for your special girl?
77
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:56,754
[Daddy sighs]
78
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,797
I always got somethin' special
for you, girl.
79
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,439
This ain't what I mean.
80
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,633
I've got something I'm moving on.
You'll have your candy soon, baby.
81
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:09,476
Please? This ain't no junkie shit.
I'm in a lot of pain.
82
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,319
You're lucky you're so damn fine.
Wait here.
83
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:26,880
Only one?
84
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:31,638
I know girls here right now who'd
chop your hand off to get what's in it.
85
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,714
Came from Barb's personal stash.
Don't be ungrateful.
86
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,796
Hey, hey! Hey!
87
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:49,674
Sit the fuck down.
88
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,793
Get the fuck out of here.
89
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,191
Hey, Hellman, you got a sec?
90
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,591
Tell your girls to knock it off
before I start shipping them to the SHU.
91
00:06:07,720 --> 00:06:08,995
We're bored.
92
00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:12,359
It's like that kid show,
Thomas the Tank Engine.
93
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,080
We all wanna be useful engines, right?
94
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,799
You gotta find jobs for us.
95
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,792
Your job is not my job.
96
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,432
Funny you should mention that.
97
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,560
Have you done your job
of finding us a new pipeline?
98
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,599
That'd keep a lot of these girls
out of your hair.
99
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,354
Or scalp, in your case.
100
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,750
Shit came in today via breakfast burrito.
101
00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:38,595
And after I made the drop,
my chorizo and egg tasted of plastic wrap.
102
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:41,195
So, fuck you. You're welcome.
103
00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,715
Today? I just checked the spot.
104
00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:47,072
I didn't leave it there.
I gave it to Carol.
105
00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:49,550
Carol?
106
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,074
She told me
to deal with her direct from now on.
107
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:02,599
Step off. This is a closed game.
108
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:07,516
[chuckles] Carol, tell your goon
that we need to speak in private.
109
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,990
Teng, sit. Your turn to switch in.
110
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:17,431
Oh, I see how it is.
111
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,115
[chuckles] I'm the fall girl
112
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,510
- but I didn't do nothin'...
- Exactly.
113
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:27,595
You did nothin' to keep those D-Block
half-wits from sabotaging our jobs.
114
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,637
You've done nothing since.
115
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,877
We should all be ass-deep
in commissary candy,
116
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,395
not penny-pinching for deodorant.
117
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:39,077
Listen, I got big ideas
to make Douche-Block pay, like you said.
118
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,959
Mad plots. But I'm being strategical...
119
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,110
Shut it.
120
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:48,355
No matter what you do, you're a joke
to Barb and her dipshits now.
121
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:49,510
A bad joke.
122
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,874
So, my friends,
when you turn on your burners,
123
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,749
listen for the hissing snake sound
of the gas escaping...
124
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,115
Hiss...
125
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:04,433
and wield your lighters carefully
over the gas-air mixture,
126
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,239
and voilà!
127
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,276
Voilà!
128
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,478
If you need more gas, Mr. Sprang,
use Fartison.
129
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,472
[all laugh]
130
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,233
Do a wicked one, Fartison.
131
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:17,991
Christ, it was one little fart
in the fourth grade.
132
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,720
For the love of Pete! Let it go already!
133
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:24,714
Carolina queefed the other day
and nobody's calling her "Queefolina."
134
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,154
[laughs]
135
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:27,435
We will now.
136
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,196
Watch what you call my friend, Luke,
or we'll call ya Luke,
137
00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,119
- the guy whose mom fucks a garbage man.
- Fuck you.
138
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,438
Sanitation is a good government job.
Besides, it doesn't even rhyme.
139
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,955
All right, all right. We've had our fun.
140
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,312
- Fartison... Madison.
- [all laughing]
141
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,552
Madison, come up here and be my assistant.
142
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:49,838
- All right.
- [all imitating farting]
143
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:51,950
All right.
144
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,760
[students giggling]
145
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,599
[screams]
146
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,718
Open the door, or you're grounded
for three more months.
147
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:08,111
Like I got any fuckin' place to go.
Fuck you!
148
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,679
What's the matter with you?
149
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:14,993
We can't keep leaving work every time
you feel like acting like a baby!
150
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,391
- You like eatin' and livin' in a house?
- Clearly she likes eatin'.
151
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,077
You're expelled this time.
Over what? Name-callin'?
152
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,310
How dumb are you?
153
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,359
- Fuck that place!
- You know what? It's our fault.
154
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,477
We should've disciplined her
like her brothers.
155
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:30,835
Now she's a fuckin' monster!
156
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,276
You touch me with that,
I'll throw you out the window!
157
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,239
The one you broke two days ago
with your last baby tantrum?
158
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,993
I'm not a baby!
159
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:39,400
[grunts]
160
00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:44,111
Christ, Madison! What did we do to you
that was so bad? Jesus!
161
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,877
This is garbage.
162
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,036
We should do something better
with our lives in here.
163
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:57,670
Hmm. You have fun with that.
164
00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:00,514
I'm gonna take this
"When Will You Peak?" quiz.
165
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,035
You'd have a frappuccino
over a cappuccino?
166
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,040
What about doing something better
with your life?
167
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,998
It might be practical
to know when I'll peak.
168
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,799
I've always done very well
with a deadline.
169
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,559
Okay, these are my first five answers:
170
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:13,676
C.
171
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:15,680
C.
172
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,200
B.
173
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,279
Uh, D.
174
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:21,476
A.
175
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,160
Okay.
176
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:28,838
"How would you best describe your ships,
relation-, friend-?
177
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,957
A, super awesome.
178
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,793
B, sorta awesome.
179
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,031
C, less awesome.
180
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,157
D, I'm on a ship alone."
181
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,440
I've only got you,
but I'm not alone, so A.
182
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,239
Super awesome.
183
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:47,394
I have an ex-fiancé
who ran off with my best friend.
184
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:51,997
- My parents mildly tolerate me.
- [sighs]
185
00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:53,639
C, less awesome.
186
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,872
"How do you describe your performance
in your career?"
187
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:00,956
Does the soap business count?
188
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,350
It doesn't matter either way.
It's completely over.
189
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:08,754
Well, I was but a simple mule who climbed
the ranks to become a top trafficker
190
00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,672
in a transnational criminal organization.
191
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:16,509
Plus, I got the girl. I think that means
A, nailed it. [chuckles softly]
192
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,272
- All right, final question.
- Mmm-hmm.
193
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,750
"Do you feel like a winner or a loser?"
194
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,474
I'll go out on a limb and say
"loser" for you now,
195
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,597
meaning "loser" for me later,
196
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:32,752
when we discuss
and analyze this quiz ad nauseam.
197
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:38,031
All right, according to this,
you are peaking right now.
198
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,795
What? How?
199
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:44,520
I've failed at everything,
especially prison.
200
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,597
Not only have I not been reformed,
201
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:50,754
I think I've actually made prison worse.
We are now in a worse prison.
202
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,639
So, now is your time to course correct.
203
00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:58,319
- I could write a memoir.
- [chuckles softly]
204
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,511
A cautionary tale. Share my experience.
205
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,993
Expose the system.
206
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,877
I could get a publishing deal.
207
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:12,395
- What's it say?
- I've peaked already.
208
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,751
I'm on the other side of the hill,
going down. Fuck.
209
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,075
[Piper] Ugh.
210
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,755
- [exclaiming in Spanish]
- [shushing]
211
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:32,914
I've been thinking about
your near-death by commode.
212
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,709
Now, tell me.
Do you have any beef with the Chinese?
213
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,718
No, wait. That's too sloppy for the MSS.
214
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:43,830
It doesn't make sense.
215
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:45,513
You think I tried to kill myself, too?
216
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:49,480
Look, I'm telling you.
It was someone or something else.
217
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:52,200
[shushes] You wanna go back
in that suicide chair?
218
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:56,160
No. No, I can't.
I can't go back in that thing.
219
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,312
I gotta leave Psych before
they make me commit suicide for real.
220
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:04,119
Now, tell me.
Is there somebody or something
221
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:10,558
that wants to know what you know.
By the way, the manticores are back.
222
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,395
[sighs] Or, wait...
223
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,238
What if someone or something
is trying to silence you
224
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,990
about something that you know,
but that you don't know that you know?
225
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,070
I don't know nothin'. Okay?
226
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:32,270
But I do know people have reason
to want to kill me, though.
227
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:34,556
Like, um...
228
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:39,513
Gloria, that sneaky bitch Gloria,
and that snitch bitch Blanca,
229
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,656
that white bitch Chapman,
that guard bitch McCullough.
230
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:46,277
And that bitch Luschek, the guard hostages
bitches and the ones from camp.
231
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:51,879
And that girl... guy... Whatever,
Daddy bitch and all her D-Block bitches.
232
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:55,638
- So, we're looking for a bitch!
- Yes.
233
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:03,360
[sighs] No, I... It's not about that.
234
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,556
Okay, look.
235
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:11,396
I was face down in that toilet water,
and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't scream.
236
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,156
And I thought, "This is really the end."
You know, right?
237
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:20,474
And then I just stopped fighting,
and, all of a sudden, I felt...
238
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,837
like... at peace.
239
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,517
Why peace, when I'm about to die?
240
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,716
Ruiz!
241
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,631
I'm not goin' back in that chair.
I didn't do nothin'.
242
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:32,720
Right on!
243
00:14:32,721 --> 00:14:34,359
Time for your psych evaluation.
244
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,552
Do not tell her about the manticores.
245
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:38,710
Do not.
246
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,474
And I may or may not be going
on a very special mission
247
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,200
that may or may not involve
the Basque separatist movement.
248
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:48,519
If I do not get to see you before then,
goodbye! Bye!
249
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,875
[door closes]
250
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:53,194
[shower running]
251
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:54,760
[grunts]
252
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,036
- Fuck.
- Son of a bitch.
253
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,200
[sighs]
254
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:06,670
Come here.
255
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:10,120
In no way do I condone
brushing your teeth in the shower,
256
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,556
but I'm doing this
so that you help a fellow cripple out.
257
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,479
Just across this and...
258
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,000
Why can't I brush my teeth in the shower?
259
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,638
There should be a separation
between church and state,
260
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,792
so your spit doesn't get on my sandal
the next time I step in.
261
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:32,280
Spit's cleaner than piss.
262
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,796
It's the other way around,
but don't do that in here either.
263
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:49,310
You bleach someone to death
over at Mighty Maids?
264
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,438
- That what you're in for?
- You got me.
265
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,517
I'm passionate about cleanliness,
and I will kill for it.
266
00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,194
Nah, you're too smart for that.
267
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,957
You were on top of something big,
268
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,476
calling those shots. I can tell. [spits]
269
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:09,280
Yeah, well, maybe.
270
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:14,040
But I've peaked,
and my glory days are in the rearview.
271
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,074
I'm like one of those
goddamn gypsy psychics.
272
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:22,393
Should get me a hotline and go on TV.
Thinkin' of switchin' my shit up again.
273
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,550
[both chuckle]
274
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:27,429
Yeah. Maybe this time,
I'll change my name to Radisson.
275
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,911
That's a hotel chain.
You might want to rethink that one.
276
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,435
You're good. Real good.
277
00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:39,674
Okay, okay. Hey, hey.
So, here's a question.
278
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,070
If you had the energy and ambition
of a younger you,
279
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,954
and you were looking
to find a new pipeline in,
280
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,999
which of your cookie camp guards
would you corrupt?
281
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,029
I don't think that way anymore.
282
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:57,511
Oh, I get it. You're out to pasture.
283
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:02,320
Never mind.
You've probably lost your eye anyway.
284
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:06,236
[scoffs] Luschek.
285
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:10,274
He's completely spineless
and morally bankrupt, but... Nevermind.
286
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:13,000
Whoa! Don't get shy now.
287
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,595
What? He gonna make me
do something X-rated?
288
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:18,076
I can get real kinky. Look...
289
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:21,392
All right. Stop. Just stop. Stop. Listen.
290
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:25,679
Why are you even messing with drugs?
This place is a fucking wasteland.
291
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,956
There's so much stuff that people want.
292
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,839
The more scarce it is,
the more profitable.
293
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:35,392
Last night, my bunkie was literally
praying for a plate of pasta carbonara.
294
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:40,439
Vause, you're a fuckin' genius.
295
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,280
- [counselor] Get down.
- [panting]
296
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,513
No breaks.
297
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:52,438
All the way down, or I'll push you down.
298
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,270
[counselor] Rest when you're done.
Let's go.
299
00:17:56,360 --> 00:18:00,593
[Nardi] When we tell you to do something,
zero seconds before you do it.
300
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:05,118
No hesitation. No questions asked.
You will learn to obey.
301
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,189
Because the world out there won't tolerate
302
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:12,718
your good-for-nothing,
hormonal, teenage insubordination.
303
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,519
Yes, sir. Hitler, sir.
304
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,670
[all laugh]
305
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,394
You're now digging our waste pit.
306
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,240
[all grunting and panting]
307
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:23,440
[counselor] No, no, no.
308
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,394
They're not even fucking looking.
I'm gonna stop.
309
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:29,480
[panting]
310
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,479
I like your style. What's your deal?
311
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:36,038
I got caught fucking
my mom's boyfriend, Steve.
312
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:37,600
She went nuts.
313
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:42,311
A huge fight where I may or may not have
stabbed her with a fish knife.
314
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,279
- I'm Duray.
- I'm Patty.
315
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:47,519
What'd you do, Pretty Patty?
316
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:49,753
I was leasing my pussy out for blow.
317
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:52,355
Your turn.
318
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,835
Oh. [chuckles nervously] Uh...
319
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,593
I'm Madison Murphy.
320
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,711
- But my friends call me Badison.
- [all laugh]
321
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,838
They don't call you that.
That's too "Sadison."
322
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,400
They do, too.
323
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:11,317
And I did some fucked-up shit.
You should be scared of me.
324
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,400
[grunts]
325
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,277
The only one you could scare around here
is Roach.
326
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,874
Boo! [chuckles]
327
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:27,037
"You are a bad beep mother beep. Beep.
328
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,510
If I had beep been there,
329
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:33,150
I would have
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep."
330
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:37,792
Dang. Is there one full sentence
that the guards did not black out?
331
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,433
- Right here.
- "Black Lives Matter."
332
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:41,874
I'll take it.
333
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:46,516
Damn, man, I wish Poussey could see
all this love.
334
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,352
[giggles]
335
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:55,550
"Injustice on the highest level
won't be silenced into our labels.
336
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,156
Another sister added to the bodies.
337
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,551
Never gonna stop the Litchfield ladies..."
338
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:09,038
Okay, now, Suzanne would hate
all of these slant rhymes.
339
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:13,000
Yeah, but the first letter of each line
spells out
340
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,953
- "I wanna lick yo' pussy."
- Oh, my God!
341
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:22,034
Actually, she'd love this,
and she'd probably frame it.
342
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:26,114
- Yeah.
- Damn! I miss her.
343
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,429
We should try to see her.
344
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,831
Yeah, well, don't see her
tryin' to find us.
345
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,230
Maybe she don't know how?
346
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:38,511
How about we invite her to yard time?
347
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,958
And you could tell her tomorrow
on your radio show.
348
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:45,275
Uh...
349
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,750
What Flaca and I do is like...
[exhales deeply]
350
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,672
jazz, okay?
351
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:58,516
We riff. Pre-planned announcement
might fuck up the flow. You feel me?
352
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,799
Bitch, you are barely
finding your way on that show.
353
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,395
Okay, look, all I'm sayin' is...
354
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,837
When we in the flow,
can't guarantee a message gonna come up.
355
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,560
Look, she's our girl, Cindy.
356
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,758
These letters are telling us
to look out for our own.
357
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,274
I'll try.
358
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,834
But that Flaca chic is crazy
with her veto power.
359
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,676
Doc, I gotta leave Psych.
360
00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:26,116
I'm not like these locas out there.
361
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:30,634
This place should be punishing the person
that tried to kill me. I was attacked.
362
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,273
There's no evidence
anyone else was with you.
363
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,829
So, I pushed my own head into the toilet?
364
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,956
If I was gonna kill myself,
I wouldn't do it in people's turd water.
365
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,077
But I didn't try to kill myself.
366
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,795
Prison rules stipulate I can't release you
367
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,951
until I'm convinced
you're not gonna try it again.
368
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,514
Again? But...
369
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,029
Okay, fine. Here it is.
370
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,471
I got all screwed up
because of the extra time that I got.
371
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,151
Ten years. I mean...
372
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,233
That would be enough
to upset anyone, right?
373
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,560
But that was in the moment,
and now I see that
374
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,109
hurting myself is not the way out, okay?
375
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,510
I can't tell if you're being sincere
376
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,559
or simply saying what you think
I want to hear.
377
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,154
I can see you next week.
378
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:26,280
No, Doc.
379
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:34,230
I got a baby, a baby girl,
and I need to live for her.
380
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:38,439
I don't want her to grow up without a mom.
I wouldn't do that to her.
381
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,399
And I may be a criminal
and a piece of shit,
382
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,960
but I love my baby.
383
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:49,036
I stay alive for my baby,
and that ain't gonna change.
384
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,912
Okay, fine. I'm releasing you.
385
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,231
I'll prescribe Paxil
to help with the transition.
386
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,916
Thank you, Doc.
I promise you won't need to see me again.
387
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:01,912
- Okay, get on your way.
- Thank you.
388
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,074
Thank you. Thank you.
389
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,795
I know you didn't try to commit suicide.
390
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,473
What'd you say?
391
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:14,191
That incident you were talking about?
That sounded like a baptism to me.
392
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,279
Suddenly, everyone has an opinion
about what happened to me.
393
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:27,389
Suicide. Manticore. And now you think
it was God who dunked me in the toilet?
394
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,634
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
395
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:31,440
Jesus!
396
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,000
His only begotten son.
397
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:39,636
What are the cells' dimensions?
398
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:42,556
Small by even smaller?
399
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,153
Is there a way we could fit four
in each cell?
400
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,240
[knock at door]
401
00:23:47,241 --> 00:23:48,754
Hey, Boo's bitch.
402
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,016
- Shall we go to the next block?
- [Pennsatucky] No, no, no!
403
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,396
I see you seein' me, Von Barlow.
404
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,279
Except, why are you out there
and I'm in here?
405
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,433
Hey, quiet down, inmate.
406
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:02,716
I am so sorry.
407
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,598
They get like this sometimes.
408
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,159
[Pennsatucky] Is it 'cause I hit you?
'Cause I was having a bad day.
409
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:13,076
It does happen. So, like, I'm sorry!
Come on! Don't be a bitch!
410
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,115
Do you know her?
411
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,319
Can you get me a tape measure?
412
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,598
- I would do it myself, but I'm in heels.
- Got it.
413
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:24,117
You've internalized
the oppression of women's fashion.
414
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,193
You may own those shoes,
but they're in charge.
415
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,274
Think about it. I'll be back in a jiff.
416
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,200
So, what's up, pretty skirt lady?
417
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,671
Is it some kind of a training program
here at Max?
418
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,959
They turn out inmates into escorts?
I mean, I don't care.
419
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:50,239
I just kinda want in on it.
Anything to get the fuck out of this box.
420
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,717
- You think that I look like a prostitute?
- A whore, all right?
421
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:58,271
But then we get into
some tomato-potato territory,
422
00:24:58,360 --> 00:24:59,953
eh, and they both rhyme to me.
423
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,430
Just take me with you. Come on.
424
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:04,674
[Linda clears throat]
425
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,712
So, funny thing...
426
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,792
I've actually worked for MCC
this whole time.
427
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:14,477
You mean, like, some under the covers
21 Jump Street?
428
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,950
No. No, I just...
I got caught up in there.
429
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,829
[scoffs] Yeah, you did, you sly dog.
430
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,800
You got caught up
in between a pair of pasty, fluffy thighs.
431
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:29,875
I don't know a more clever way to say it,
but you ate out Boo and she ate you, too.
432
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,156
- Now, there's a rhyme for ya.
- [shushes]
433
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:40,080
Um, technically, she ate
and my turn was more manual,
434
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:43,153
but regardless, we don't need
to mention that to anyone.
435
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:47,075
I hear ya. I don't normally get into
the subtle types of things,
436
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,278
but, man, that's a funny one.
And the thing is...
437
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,393
I don't know how I'll be able
to not say anything,
438
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,632
unless if you have a magic key
to keep my mouth shut.
439
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:04,837
I'd like to take a whack at that VCR.
440
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,276
I'd feel better taking
a whack out of Luschek.
441
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:11,274
[scoffs] Nobody's ever taken a whack
at Luschek, except Luschek.
442
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:12,319
[Gloria chuckles]
443
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:13,674
[blowing sharply]
444
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,553
Uh, this is a joke.
445
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:20,078
Watching you beat up a beat-up VCR
does not count as exercise.
446
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:23,232
- We deserve better.
- You don't need a tape.
447
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,397
All right? Do 400 jumping jacks.
448
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,190
Go!
449
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,676
You wanted to see my ladies bounce
in your face?
450
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,592
[scoffs]
451
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,036
God damn it. How can you do that
with a broken leg?
452
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,198
This is my physical therapy.
It hurts a lot. [grunting]
453
00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:49,239
[blows whistle]
454
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:52,080
Class dismissed.
455
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:54,955
God damn it.
456
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:06,560
I knew a guy like you,
tryin' to do his best at his job.
457
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,518
Nobody givin' him the credit he was due.
458
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,512
He damn near snapped.
459
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,398
I'm not gonna snap.
460
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,509
Of course not. [chuckles]
461
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,671
You've got it all under control.
462
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,317
My guy didn't snap either.
463
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,314
He found another way
to make his job more rewarding.
464
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,838
You think you're the first inmate to talk
to me about my job being rewarding?
465
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:36,200
My job will only be rewarding
if I get 60% of whatever you got in mind.
466
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,636
20%. 30% tops.
467
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,436
This is all gonna depend
on how hard I have to work.
468
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:44,999
What are you looking to get your hands on?
469
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:55,433
- Can I have some of your water? I'm out.
- You were supposed to ration.
470
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:58,754
One sip.
471
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:01,240
[horse whinnies]
472
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,072
[Patty chuckles] Ooh!
473
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,079
God damn it! That was my fucking water!
474
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:08,719
Here, have some of mine.
475
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,034
[Duray and Patty chuckle]
476
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,311
Maybe Roach'll let you drink
her buckets of sweat, Sandison.
477
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:23,754
[Nardi] Murphy!
478
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,436
- Up here with me, now.
- [spits]
479
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:27,636
[Duray chuckles]
480
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,029
Oh, you in trouble now, Fatison.
481
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:35,079
- I was tryin' to be nice.
- Enough of your excuses.
482
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:39,560
Listen, I see how
they're messing with you. I'm not blind.
483
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,871
But you gotta stop taking the bait.
484
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,031
You wanna be garbage all your life?
485
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,032
Don't let those girls
keep you in the gutter.
486
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:47,594
You decide who you wanna be.
487
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,359
And wash your face.
It'll help with the zits.
488
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,710
- So, in conclusion...
- [Black Cindy] Mmm-hmm.
489
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:02,790
...if you wanna heal those nasty scabs,
all you need is...
490
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,599
- lotion.
- Oxy.
491
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,389
- Right. Lotion.
- Mmm-hmm.
492
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:11,154
Anything can kick a cheese habit,
it's lotion.
493
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:12,993
- [both] Mmm-hmm.
- [Luschek snaps fingers]
494
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:17,957
Our producer is signaling to us
that we need to wrap up,
495
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,839
and you know we run a tight-ass ship.
496
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,436
- So, any last thoughts, Black Cindy?
- [mimics sad fanfare]
497
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,796
- I'm Tova.
- Tova.
498
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,270
Let's set things straight
right here, right now.
499
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:30,360
Okay.
500
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:36,040
- Yeah, um... So, before I sign off...
- Come on! I gotta take a leak.
501
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:42,117
[sighs] I wanna give a shout-out
to my girl, who's also your girl,
502
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:44,237
- Suzanne.
- Hi!
503
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,915
Miss you, boo. Um...
504
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,118
T's back. Come and play with us
in the yard sometime.
505
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,479
[Flaca] Thanks for keepin' it cute
with DIY Fly Flaca...
506
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:58,474
[Black Cindy] And your girl,
T-T-Tova, bringing you...
507
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,075
[both] ♪ Flava to the Max ♪
508
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:04,075
[sighs]
509
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,237
Where the fuck is Daddy with our plan?
She's had the whole day.
510
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:25,760
What we looking for?
511
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,958
Something to put in the electrical socket
to shock myself.
512
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,953
A wire hanger, a tuning fork...
513
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,111
How would you get that in prison?
514
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,113
I need adrenalin.
Choke me till I pass out.
515
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,475
I'm good.
516
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,995
Come on, Swope. You're up.
517
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,280
[Swope] Sorry, I have carpal tunnel.
518
00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:57,399
Lazy cunts.
519
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:06,111
I'm amending my previous statement.
You're a lazy and clumsy cunt.
520
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:07,760
- I'll clean it up.
- [Vazquez chuckles]
521
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:54,834
Did you jerk off in there?
522
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:56,680
No.
523
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:58,194
Mmm-hmm. Then where's the mop?
524
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,016
- Hey, Chief.
- ["I'm On Fire" playing on car stereo]
525
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,440
They get you back, too?
526
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,479
No, I'm just waiting on somebody.
527
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:21,993
I'm never coming back to this dump.
528
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,952
I get it. You got PTSD, too.
529
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:28,035
Take your time.
530
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,037
It took me a few extra weeks
to come back to this place myself.
531
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:36,114
And listen... Sorry about
that mutiny thing on my part.
532
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,557
Anyway, water under the bridge?
533
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:42,993
I gotta get going.
534
00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:45,515
You better get in there.
You don't wanna be late.
535
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,035
- Officer.
- Mmm-hmm.
536
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,231
I've been looking for love
in all the wrong places.
537
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:10,360
So, where are you taking me
on this first and final date?
538
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:12,432
Please tell me you made a reservation.
539
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:13,749
I called in a favor.
540
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,833
I got us in at that new
French place across town,
541
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,480
Château Abruti.
542
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:23,276
Ew. No, no, no. French is a no-go.
543
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:26,034
They put beurre on everything.
544
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,635
And "abruti" means "jerk" in French.
545
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,634
You booked us into the house of jerks,
which makes so much sense.
546
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:39,152
Fig, being this is our one and only date,
547
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:43,274
you think we can drop
the tough acts for once?
548
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:48,879
I wanna try and get a glimpse
of the real Natalie before I go.
549
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:51,953
Just a glimpse.
550
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,269
Glimpse is one of those words
that's English,
551
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,511
but sounds Yiddish, you know?
552
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:58,896
- [sighs]
- Like it's something Jews eat.
553
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,389
"I'll have a glimpse
with a side of sour cream."
554
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,598
Come on, Joe. This is what we do.
555
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:11,072
Fine. I will go along with your
556
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:15,154
weird role-playing-by-not-playing-a-role
fantasy game.
557
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:19,473
But it better make you
hard as a steel beam,
558
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,997
and turn off that noise. I hate Bruce.
He's not the boss of me.
559
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,192
How can you hate Bruce?
560
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:27,280
[switches off stereo]
561
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,192
I don't wanna talk about it.
562
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:33,478
Nat, I'm leaving town.
What have we got to lose?
563
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,520
[sighs]
564
00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:44,951
I was at the concert
at the St. Paul Civic Center
565
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,839
the night the "Dancing in the Dark" video
was shot.
566
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:48,839
[chuckles]
567
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:54,313
Courteney Cox was two away from me
when she got pulled up from the crowd.
568
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:57,395
If I hadn't been too fat
to haul up onto the stage,
569
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,995
it could've been me
in that video with him.
570
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,236
It haunts me. [scoffs]
571
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,233
All that Friends money.
Jesus, she's so fucking rich.
572
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:10,555
You were fat?
573
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,436
Not for long after that. [scoffs]
574
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,991
The BS incident made me stop
diddling with bulimia
575
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,197
and get serious about my anorexia.
576
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:25,958
You know Courteney Cox was planted
in the audience, right?
577
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:27,880
That's a conspiracy theory.
578
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,634
You weren't there.
You don't know how real it was.
579
00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:34,634
He picked that tiny-assed,
pixie-cutted waif.
580
00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:38,153
And she had this amazing career
because of it.
581
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:40,833
But it doesn't matter.
582
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:46,751
It made me practical and pragmatic,
hardworking...
583
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:48,797
How's that going for you?
584
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:52,275
[scoffs]
585
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,875
Slow death by fluorescent lighting.
586
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:59,111
- Mmm. I hear you.
- [chuckles softly]
587
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:00,429
All right, let's go.
588
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,354
We'll go find a place
with some real light bulbs.
589
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:11,274
- [giggles]
- [Nicky] Nuh-uh.
590
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,553
Nah, he's not talking.
591
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:15,199
- No.
- No.
592
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:17,160
[sighs]
593
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,559
How about we go talk to eyebrows
over there instead?
594
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,316
My mother told me to stay away
from Cunt-Block trash like that.
595
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,470
Mmm-hmm.
596
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:29,873
One, your mom does not know
about gangs in prison.
597
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,276
And, two, Red is a Cunt-Block.
598
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,000
I haven't heard from her
since she got transferred to gen pop.
599
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,151
Come cross enemy lines with me.
600
00:36:37,240 --> 00:36:39,596
It'll be a natural high.
601
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,560
No, no. I'll be staying here,
teaching my son about loyalties.
602
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,151
Well, your baby told me he's with C-Block.
603
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,319
- Please.
- Mmm-hmm.
604
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:51,040
[Lorna exhales deeply]
605
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,350
Hey.
606
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,116
Hey.
607
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,159
You know how Red's doing?
608
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,512
She's not talking to me.
She's not talking to no one.
609
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,074
Can you get her a message from me?
610
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,874
Don't you listen?
Roja's not talking to us.
611
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,713
What crawled up your snatch?
612
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,395
You still jonesing?
I thought you quit after the riot.
613
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:17,315
[scoffs] Fuck you. I'm not a junkie.
Purely recreational.
614
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:20,520
I'm jonesing for some semen
going up my toto.
615
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,910
Oh, wait. You comin' on to me?
616
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,437
[scoffs] Strictly hot dogs over seafood,
thank you very much.
617
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,831
Okay, so why don't you grab a cucumber
and bang one out?
618
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:32,196
There's no fresh produce over here.
619
00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:33,915
What I want is a baby.
620
00:37:34,000 --> 00:37:37,311
But by the time I get out of here,
it might be too late.
621
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,272
Doctor says
it's probably already too late.
622
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,640
Now, my pops and his new wifey
623
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:45,030
recently made
a fresh batch of white privilege,
624
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,760
and they are way older.
625
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:51,356
Two words: artificial insemination.
626
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,831
Right. I'm sure it's covered
by the prison HMO.
627
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:58,954
Uh, I suppose
it would be more a DIY project,
628
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:02,795
but scrappy is good.
It'd be like an Etsy pregnancy.
629
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,360
You know, totally doable.
630
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:08,116
I know because I used to inseminate cows
at rehab number four.
631
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:09,270
Check it out.
632
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,876
All you need is to smuggle in
some spunk from your boyfriend.
633
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:15,634
Then, you shoot it up your baby maker
with a turkey baster,
634
00:38:15,720 --> 00:38:18,679
hang out with your legs in the air
for a half hour...
635
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,150
Ding. Easy-Bake Baby.
636
00:38:21,240 --> 00:38:23,755
Where am I supposed to get
a turkey baster?
637
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,000
We use the dropper
from the commissary eye drops.
638
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:30,232
You know, clean out that bottle
real good, and...
639
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:40,435
How in the hell did you manage
to get into Florida, Doggett?
640
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,918
- I got my ways.
- Well, I bet you do.
641
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:49,552
You must've put on one hell of a show,
'cause you ain't a granny or a tranny,
642
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:51,433
and that just leaves looney tooney.
643
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,110
Hey, why am I in here?
644
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:58,112
No. I'm an old soul.
645
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:04,040
They're not relaxin' the rules, are they?
646
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:08,478
No, they wouldn't do that.
This is supposed to be a safe space.
647
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:13,794
It better be. I made a deal with the devil
to have my ass in here.
648
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:14,916
What kind of deal?
649
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,034
It's a secret deal.
650
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,240
If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret.
Would it?
651
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,756
Wouldn't telling it feel so much better?
652
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:24,880
No.
653
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,632
[Suzanne] Not hiding anything?
654
00:39:28,240 --> 00:39:31,278
Not having to figure out whether or not
to go to the yard
655
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:33,716
to see your friends 'cause
you don't know what to say
656
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,679
'cause you're scared you don't deserve
to be their friend anymore,
657
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,958
but also scared
you're going to spill the secret?
658
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,876
And one friend would be mad at you,
659
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:44,896
and the first friend
would be mad at the other one,
660
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,798
and then you're hitting yourself
and screaming
661
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,395
and wishing you go back
to where you were before,
662
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,437
because you miss them.
663
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,035
Now, would that
or would that not be better?
664
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:55,389
You got a secret, Warren?
665
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:59,759
- No. Nope. Why would you think that?
- Oh.
666
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:01,240
No reason.
667
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,073
But if you ask me,
friends are a liability.
668
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:09,154
And that dung hole they call a yard
ain't even a real yard.
669
00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:13,234
Just a bunch of bricks on a roof
with some slats over it,
670
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,392
where big, scary bullies hang out.
671
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:19,716
Thanks, brother.
672
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:21,360
- [indistinct chatter]
- [music playing]
673
00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:31,918
Here's to seeing Beer Can
with an actual beer can.
674
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:36,153
Here's to watching Hell Bitch suck on one
for longer than a minute and a half.
675
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:38,400
- [Fig chuckles]
- No.
676
00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:44,833
I saw Dixon was back.
677
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:47,031
Yes. Yes, you did.
678
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,033
You sure you wanna bring back old guards?
679
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:54,512
I mean, they weren't the sharpest tools
in the box to begin with.
680
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,116
And the riot couldn't have helped
with their PTSD.
681
00:40:58,720 --> 00:41:01,713
They're bringing you back to prison,
albeit in Missouri.
682
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,475
You're probably right. They'll be fine.
They're tough.
683
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,037
- Like me.
- [both chuckle]
684
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,591
And the camp girls...
Are they adjusting to Max?
685
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:15,433
Taystee's in gen pop, right?
686
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:17,590
For someone who's leaving,
687
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,798
you're annoyingly curious
about the minutiae of my prison.
688
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:25,189
I'm just trying to make conversation.
I don't give a fuck.
689
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,160
Oh, come on, Joe.
690
00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:29,709
Play this truth-telling game by the rules.
691
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,196
You do give a fuck. That's who you are.
692
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,555
That's the old me.
693
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:39,633
Missouri me will not get bogged down
by others,
694
00:41:39,720 --> 00:41:42,554
and I'm gonna take care of me from now on.
695
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,280
What you did for them was for you.
696
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,634
Those girls mean something to you, and...
697
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:54,590
You helped them, sort of, in your own way.
698
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,751
[sighs] Yeah, yeah.
699
00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,554
That's what you hate about me.
700
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:01,674
I don't hate you.
701
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,199
[karaoke host]
And we are back from break, folks.
702
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:08,478
Next up, we have Joseph C.
703
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,016
- Joseph C, come on up.
- [Caputo chuckles]
704
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:13,477
No. No, you... You didn't.
No, Joe. Don't...
705
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:14,994
["I'm On Fire" playing]
706
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:23,315
[laughs]
707
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:26,636
♪ Hey, little girl, is your daddy home? ♪
708
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:29,952
♪ Did he go away
And leave you all alone? ♪
709
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:31,110
[giggles]
710
00:42:31,200 --> 00:42:34,034
- ♪ I got a bad desire ♪
- Oh...
711
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,920
♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪
712
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,716
♪ Tell me now, baby, is he good to you? ♪
713
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,395
♪ Can he do to you the things that I do? ♪
714
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:49,269
♪ Oh, no, I can take you higher ♪
715
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:55,200
♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪
716
00:42:56,520 --> 00:43:00,036
♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪
717
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,880
♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm on fire ♪
718
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:11,795
No, no, no.
719
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,318
Go and get him, or I will.
720
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,114
[giggling]
721
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:01,000
I can't believe you're leaving.
722
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,673
Uh...
723
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:12,000
Excuse me.
724
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:13,673
Where are the memoirs?
725
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,116
Figure it out yourself, Caca-Block.
726
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,510
So you know,
I didn't have anything to do with it.
727
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:21,160
In fact, when they asked me,
I defied them.
728
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,474
- I'm on your side on this one.
- You wanna defect?
729
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:27,951
I wanna stay neutral.
I'm writing a memoir.
730
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,034
About prison.
731
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,673
About my experience.
732
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,434
I think I have a fresh perspective,
but I wanna make sure.
733
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:38,000
Can you help, please?
734
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:40,675
No memoirs here. Only law books.
735
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,480
That aisle is on assault,
and that one is on murder.
736
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,678
- I didn't murder anybody.
- Charlize Theron.
737
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,034
I think she's still alive. I think.
738
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,715
- Celebrity news travels slowly here.
- No.
739
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,110
To each, their own. Charlize Theron.
740
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:58,910
I like to replace phrases
with celebrity names that rhyme.
741
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:01,834
- You mind if I peruse?
- Charlize Theron.
742
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,432
Oh. I get it. Clever.
743
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,077
I can CeeLo Green how that works.
744
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:08,514
No, not for you.
745
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,236
- Do you know what these are?
- Oh.
746
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:49,916
A photo man used to come
and take pictures the inmates could buy.
747
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,753
Those ones didn't get paid for.
748
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:55,516
Don't waste your time.
The good ones for masturbation are gone.
749
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,320
Why are there photos of
C-and D-Block together?
750
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,672
It's a fairy tale
only the old biddies go on about.
751
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,594
Khakis and blues, having fun in the sun.
752
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,957
- But there's photo evidence.
- What does it matter now?
753
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:12,080
Crap-Block, with its dung
and piss everywhere, actin' like animals.
754
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:16,313
You know what happens to animals?
They get shot. Gutted.
755
00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,871
Their skin flayed off
and tanned for leather.
756
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:25,877
Their meat cooked for food.
Blood drained. Bones cracked.
757
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:29,317
Well, I have everything I need.
Thank you for your help.
758
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:31,596
I'll leave you
to your riveting tales of...
759
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:37,679
Thank you for your help.
760
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:41,600
[upbeat music playing over cell phone]
761
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:43,394
Now headbang.
762
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,955
It's like EDM, but with vocal textures.
763
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,475
- That's the genius of Sssen.
- Who?
764
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,040
The band, Sssen,
765
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:58,716
like the name the witch gives the girl
in Miyazaki's Spirited Away,
766
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:01,395
but with extra silent S's
at the beginning.
767
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,514
You're sexy when you talk smart.
768
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:05,600
Now pretend you have glow sticks.
769
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:09,276
Oh. The head swing was bad,
but fuck the glow stick. Uh-uh.
770
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:12,319
[in Spanish]
771
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:17,160
Whoo!
772
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:19,874
[in English] I could dry hump
the first dick I see.
773
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:22,479
That would be Luschek.
774
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:23,630
I know, Flo.
775
00:47:23,720 --> 00:47:26,872
Hey, he's the poor man's Chris Pratt.
776
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:28,320
- [Blanca scoffs]
- [Gloria laughs]
777
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:30,513
I accept that.
778
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:31,600
[music stops]
779
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:34,750
Aw! Turn it back on.
780
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:37,674
Ladies, ladies, you flatter me.
781
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:41,834
That's all my heart could take for today.
Come back Friday.
782
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:45,636
I'm tryin' to get LED headbands
through security, so... [clicks tongue]
783
00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:47,154
Huh?
784
00:47:49,240 --> 00:47:51,675
Thanks for the rave, Luschek.
785
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:55,231
Haven't been to one in years.
I especially liked this move.
786
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:57,833
Ooh...
787
00:47:57,920 --> 00:47:59,752
- [chuckles]
- Oh, yeah.
788
00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:04,077
I'll have all new songs on Friday.
789
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,911
Hope you bring more electricity next time.
790
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:11,870
Right. Next time, I'm gonna really
show 'em how to charge it up.
791
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:13,599
Enough cutesy code shit.
792
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,752
Maybe there'll even be somethin' extra
in it for ya
793
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:18,672
if you bring the phones in faster.
794
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:20,797
- Bitches love 'em some Snapchat.
- [chuckles]
795
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:28,835
Somebody stole a piece.
796
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:33,189
Fuckin' bitches. I got a plan
to take 'em down. You in?
797
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:38,116
Nah, I wanna lay low. Can't risk getting
extra time in this circle of hell.
798
00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:39,714
If we don't do something,
799
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,919
there will be more Durays and Pattys
waiting for us on the outside.
800
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,469
We gotta write our own stories.
801
00:48:48,520 --> 00:48:51,035
- What you got in mind?
- Follow my lead.
802
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:58,800
[Roach grunts]
803
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:00,320
Hey, everybody.
804
00:49:00,321 --> 00:49:01,913
Watch me spray a roach.
805
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,235
[Roach screams]
806
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:05,279
[Nardi] On the ground!
807
00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:06,919
Stop! Hey! Get her down!
808
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:08,832
- Get her down!
- [counselor] On the ground!
809
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:10,354
What happened? What'd I miss?
810
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:12,119
[Roach screams]
811
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:14,589
Badison burned herself a roach.
812
00:49:14,720 --> 00:49:17,952
- [Roach cries]
- [counselor] Call 911!
813
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:48,190
Someone put you up to this or what?
Why you sittin' here?
814
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:51,795
'Cause it's a chair.
815
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,120
They call me guard goat.
816
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:58,113
This won't get you popular
with the pendejas around here, so...
817
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:02,354
I don't give a fuck.
818
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:06,034
I could sit next to anyone
in this motherfucker
819
00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:08,032
and not give a fuck about nothin'.
820
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,750
[Maria sighs] Right.
821
00:50:15,160 --> 00:50:17,231
This how you dealin' with your extra time?
822
00:50:20,360 --> 00:50:22,317
I don't know what you talkin' about.
823
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:28,234
I'm walking on fuckin' air. Like Jesus.
But with air.
824
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:33,039
[Black Cindy speaking indistinctly]
825
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:40,676
Suzanne!
826
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:49,871
[shrieks excitedly] What's up?
What's up? Oh, man.
827
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:52,711
- Not mine.
- Me, neither.
828
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:56,110
Doesn't look like it'll get stabby
or sexy anyway.
829
00:50:56,240 --> 00:50:58,311
All right. Simmer down, inmates.
830
00:50:59,840 --> 00:51:02,719
Yo, it's good to see you.
831
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:04,959
How you been?
832
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:06,878
Ain't it good to see Taystee?
833
00:51:07,560 --> 00:51:10,234
Sure. It's good to see you.
834
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,112
I got somethin' that will put a smile
on that face.
835
00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:17,910
Look, people been talkin' about Poussey,
even the papers.
836
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,879
I mean, we got copycat riots going on.
837
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,429
We are making the change.
838
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,274
We are being the change.
839
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:29,954
Everything's goin' our way.
840
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:32,955
[Taystee] Hey.
841
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:35,793
They treatin' you okay in here?
842
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:39,518
You got your meds all straight?
843
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:42,216
Your mama comin' to visit you...
844
00:51:42,240 --> 00:51:46,519
Stop! Stop smothering me.
845
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,510
I'm not a child.
I can take care of myself.
846
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:52,991
I don't need you two always
all over me all the time.
847
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:55,716
Okay.
848
00:51:56,840 --> 00:52:01,278
Uh, my bad. I hear you. I'll back up.
I wanted to be sure you was okay.
849
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:05,832
I'm fine. Or, at least, I was fine until
you two made me come up here.
850
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,593
This dung hole.
851
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:13,756
It's not even a real yard.
It's a bunch of bricks with big bullies.
852
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:19,399
- What makes her feel that way?
- Mmm-mmm.
853
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:21,879
Where you keepin' 'em?
854
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:25,116
What?
855
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:28,557
- What are you talkin' about?
- Holy shit.
856
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:32,680
You swallowed Barb's whole stash?
You idiot. What the fuck?
857
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:34,672
Relax. I got a few left.
She'll never know.
858
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:37,150
- Do you know how fucked I am now?
- [sighs]
859
00:52:37,240 --> 00:52:38,440
I thought you had a huge plan.
860
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:40,517
I had one, but he pussied out,
861
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:43,160
and no other guard will touch
our damaged D-Block asses.
862
00:52:43,240 --> 00:52:44,833
That was all I had left.
863
00:52:45,720 --> 00:52:48,713
I'm unleashing my girls on you.
They'll fuck you up.
864
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:52,919
- Yeah? Come on.
- I know how to really hurt you.
865
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:13,520
Okay. I've got the answer
to all our problems.
866
00:53:14,200 --> 00:53:17,511
- A time machine?
- Kinda. Sorta.
867
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:19,034
We're gonna bring back kickball.
868
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:20,713
Oh, Christ.
869
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:25,676
It was a time of peace and fun.
Inmates of all blocks would play together.
870
00:53:25,760 --> 00:53:28,594
People need something nice here,
and I think we could give them it.
871
00:53:28,680 --> 00:53:31,070
"We"? I thought we were writing a memoir.
872
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:35,359
Exactly. This would be a more hopeful note
to send the reader off on.
873
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:39,110
As of now, the takeaway is that
I've made prison worse.
874
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:42,591
But if I do a good deed,
all's well that Denzel.
875
00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:43,875
- What?
- It's a thing.
876
00:53:43,960 --> 00:53:45,360
It's tricky, but I can teach you.
877
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:46,715
No.
878
00:53:47,680 --> 00:53:52,994
Yo, Gapman, I need a second private
with your missus-to-be.
879
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:57,399
Anything you wanna say to her,
you can say to me.
880
00:53:57,480 --> 00:53:59,676
That's why we're gonna be Mrs. and Mrs.
881
00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:02,194
Enemies close, remember?
882
00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:04,840
Charlize Theron.
883
00:54:13,680 --> 00:54:15,239
Our plan fuckin' worked.
884
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:17,196
And it turns out
885
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:20,637
a phone's worth ten times more
than a gram of coke.
886
00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:22,951
Carol will beg for me to come back.
887
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:27,114
Best of all, everyone's gonna know
how badass I am.
888
00:54:27,240 --> 00:54:30,870
I'm glad it worked out for you.
You might wanna keep a low profile.
889
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:34,351
Hey, you're my right-hand gal.
890
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:37,073
We gotta game plan the bigger picture.
891
00:54:37,160 --> 00:54:39,436
I'm not gonna be a player in your game.
892
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:43,070
I did you a solid,
laying off Gapman and all.
893
00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:46,198
This is me,
collectin' on the fuckin' favor.
894
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:51,640
I'm not fucking waiting on Daddy anymore.
I need drugs now.
895
00:54:53,240 --> 00:54:56,074
- One of those is mine.
- Mother-forgetter, the other two are mine.
896
00:54:57,320 --> 00:54:58,993
- Give me drugs.
- What drugs?
897
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:00,480
[Annalisa] Don't play dumb.
898
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:02,392
You guys been keeping them all
for yourself.
899
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:05,712
Junkie. I don't deal drugs no more.
It's Carol's thing now.
900
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:09,840
You hidin' them in that smelly thing?
Bet your arm's not even broken.
901
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:11,480
[grunts]
902
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:14,396
- Fucking bitch.
- [Annalisa grunts]
903
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:16,600
I swear.
904
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:18,515
[gasps]
905
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,432
- Don't mess with D-Block!
- [Annalisa] Fuck.
906
00:55:20,520 --> 00:55:22,000
Shit!
907
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:23,878
- Oh, fuck.
- [groaning]
908
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:25,713
- Are you okay?
- Take it. Take it.
909
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,912
- I'm not fucking with that.
- Take the fucking thing.
910
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:30,000
[screams]
911
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,077
- [Piper] Hey, are you hurt?
- [Alex] Let's go.
912
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:33,230
[groans]
913
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:35,312
[inmate] That's right, that's right!
914
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:36,959
[all clamoring and yelling]
915
00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:47,390
♪ I'm gonna fuck you up, gonna cut you up
Gonna fuck you up ♪
916
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:57,639
♪ And then I'm gonna fuck you up
Gonna cut you up, gonna fuck you up ♪
917
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,234
♪ I'm gonna cut your hair ♪
918
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:06,193
♪ Now, won't you stare? ♪
919
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:09,390
♪ I'm gonna cut your hair ♪
920
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:13,430
♪ And then I want you to stare ♪
921
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:15,800
♪ Once... ♪
922
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:36,993
♪ I spy with my little eye ♪
923
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:44,754
♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad bitches ♪
924
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:50,433
♪ Bitches, bitches, bitches ♪