1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,095
This program me contains
strong language and adult humour
2
00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:36,055
Tonight, on Eight Out Of Ten
Cats Does Countdown,
3
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:38,535
Jon Richardson...
APPLAUSE
4
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,895
...Richard Ayoade...
APPLAUSE
5
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,815
...Katherine Ryan...
APPLAUSE
6
00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,175
...Laura Smyth...
APPLAUSE
7
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,935
...Mat Ewins...
APPLAUSE
8
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,935
...Susie Dent...
APPLAUSE
9
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,295
...Rachel Riley...
APPLAUSE
10
00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:57,655
...and your host, jimmy Carr.
APPLAUSE
11
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,495
Hello, and welcome to Eight Out
Of Ten Cats Does Countdown,
12
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,815
the show about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
13
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:04,815
OK, let's meet tonight's players.
14
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,335
First up, it's team captain,
jon Richardson.
15
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:12,375
APPLAUSE
16
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,695
jon stars in a mockumentary
about his life,
17
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:15,895
but you can tell it's not real,
18
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,455
becausejon comes across
as funny and likeable.
19
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:19,815
APPLAUSE
20
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,815
You obviously haven't seen it.
21
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:24,575
No-one's seen it.
LAUGHTER
22
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,855
And Jon's team mate, Katherine Ryan.
23
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:31,815
APPLAUSE
24
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:33,735
Katherine once set her garden
on fire.
25
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,695
Well, Katherine, might I suggest
you don't rub it so hard.
26
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:39,015
LAUGHTER
27
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,695
Up against them this evening,
it's guest team captain,
28
00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:41,855
Richard Ayoade.
29
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:47,375
APPLAUSE
30
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,455
Richard is pretty awkward,
31
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,135
he's the human equivalent
of calling your teacher, "Mummy."
32
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,255
LAUGHTER
33
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,015
He's as awkward as matching
with your dad on Tinder.
34
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,735
LAUGHTER
35
00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,335
LAUGHTER
36
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,695
And joining Richard tonight,
it's Laura Smyth.
37
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,655
KATHERINE: Yeah!
APPLAUSE
38
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,215
Laura spells Smyth
with a Y instead of an I.
39
00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,255
The standard on this show
is normally pretty low,
40
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:13,175
but we've never had someone on before
that can't spell their own name.
41
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,535
Laura, you grew up in the East End.
42
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,535
Do you have any favourite
cockney phrases?
43
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,535
Most Cockney phrases mean,
"Mind your own business,"
44
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,695
doesn't it, really? I think a lot of
my early childhood
45
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:26,055
thinking I was getting a puppy for
the number of times
46
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,415
my dad was going to see
a man about a dog.
47
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,935
But, erm, it never materialised.
48
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,655
OK, Richard, now,
you've written books,
49
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:35,175
you've written books for adults
and for children. That's right.
50
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,655
Who do you prefer to write for?
51
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,775
Well, I think I'm currently in
the promotional cycle for
52
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,095
the children's books,
so, why would you say that, Jim?
53
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:44,575
LAUGHTER
54
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:46,935
Anyone call you Jim?
Does anyone call mejim?
55
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,295
Yeah.
Erm, yeah, a lot of people do once.
56
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:50,895
OK.
LAUGHTER
57
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,255
Are you trying to be Cockney, Jim?
Oi-oi.
58
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:56,735
COCKN EY ACCENT:
A lot of people try it...once.
59
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,495
Gotta go and see a man about a dog.
60
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,135
If you can talk like that,
just talk like that all the time.
61
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,735
It's much better.
How dare you?
62
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:07,335
Erm, Jon.
Hello there, friend.
63
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:11,615
Call him jim, he likes it.
Sock it to me, jim.
64
00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,255
You're turning 40 soon.
How do you feel about it?
65
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,655
I think I'm all right with it.
66
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:20,095
I'm gonna have a midlife crisis
though, cos...
67
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,455
How would that manifest for
a man that wears cardigans?
68
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,095
Like, what's your...? What's your...?
69
00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,735
Oh.
What do you think of that?
70
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,255
He's wild. This is... That watch
isn't even set to the right time.
71
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:36,055
I don't even give a shit.
It is and I do, but...
72
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,455
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
they've come straight back down.
73
00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,855
I know, I got a bit over excited.
74
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,415
I don't wanna risk a graze.
75
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,615
I have got a scab on my elbow
which I, erm, I suffered at a...
76
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:48,695
What happened, Jon?
77
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:52,135
I was at an indoor
trampolining centre. Oh.
78
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,415
You'd love to know what it would be
like to be taller, wouldn't you?
79
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,735
Could you make these into shoes?
80
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,455
I liked mid-life crisis Jon,
it's exciting.
81
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,015
Thanks, he's starting to
piss me off, I'm not gonna lie.
82
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,775
OK. Katherine, what have you been up
to since we last saw you?
83
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:11,495
I've been up to, erm, witnessing
84
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,135
a lot of toxic masculinity since
I was last here. Errn, I had a...
85
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,455
Sorry aboutjon.
Yeah.
86
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:26,975
Errn, I spent a lot of my career
rallying against toxic masculinity
87
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,335
and just, you know,
stereotypical men
88
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,975
and then I married
a retired athlete
89
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,655
and then I gave birth to a boy.
I'm just like a man factory now.
90
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,935
One in, one out.
One in, one out.
91
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,775
Show some respect, Jim.
92
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,415
I'm sorry, I was out of line, mate.
It's lucky she's here.
93
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,895
Maybe we should do a cockney
special, it's more fun, isn't it?
94
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,775
Oh, listen... Laura, cockneys
are having more fun.
95
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,455
I'm from Surrey,
this is all bullshit.
96
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,575
Now, erm, Katherine,
have you got a mascot?
97
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,975
I've brought something
that's hopefully
98
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,295
going to inspire me,
inspire us all.
99
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:04,215
I brought a photo of me,
100
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,855
the last time I was here
on Countdown.
101
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,775
Do you notice anything different?
102
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,735
Erm...
I was fat as hell.
103
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,815
A lot of us had a difficult pandem,
a difficult lock down.
104
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,815
Some of us gained three stone.
105
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:20,455
And that was a humbling experience
for me.
106
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,335
I learned that it's OK,
and I've wroten a...
107
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,655
I've learned that it's OK
and I've written a poem about it.
108
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,695
You've... You've wroten a poem?
109
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,775
Well, I think we're all looking
forward to that, aren't we?
110
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,335
Because you sound like
a hell of a rotter.
111
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,935
If a lady can't make a malapropism,
what kind of a show is this, mate?
112
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,095
I wrote a poem about my experience
113
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,455
gaining loads of weight
in lock down
114
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,815
and how it's made me
a better person. Let's hear it.
115
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,775
My doctor said I had
to take steroids,
116
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,735
and I thought, "OK."
I always wanted to be
117
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:51,535
a professional baseball player
one day.
118
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,895
But what actually happened with
the help of some cake,
119
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,775
is I gained three stone
of pure fat in
120
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,855
the work-from-home break.
121
00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,655
My husband claimed not to notice
that all my clothes had gone funny.
122
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,775
In fairness, he does golf a lot
and was blinded by my money.
123
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,695
Unable to travel,
office too close to the kitchen,
124
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,615
I became this fat prick,
which aroused much suspicion.
125
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,015
What has she done to her face?
Too much Botox or filler?
126
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,175
She's addicted to surgery,
the next eye lift could kill her.
127
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,175
Save your tweets, Linda,
your concern for me is fake,
128
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,575
just like my tits.
129
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:30,975
But honestly,
what's in my face is just weight.
130
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,895
But then it struck me, "Hang on,
I think big girls look fine."
131
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:38,455
How can I be body positive
if I'm criticising mine?
132
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,295
Remember,
if you got fat in lock down,
133
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,575
and you gained two stone or three,
134
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,375
that if it's good enough for Lizzo,
135
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:48,015
then it's good enough for me.
Shake that ass,
136
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,495
don't watch yourself,
beauty is from within.
137
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,015
Learning self-acceptance is
the only way to win.
138
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,655
And then I got lipo and came back.
139
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:03,335
Katherine Ryan, everyone.
APPLAUSE
140
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,815
Richard, have you got a mascot?
Yes, I do.
141
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:10,255
I have... I find the Countdown music
erm, quite stressful...
142
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,775
...because I feel it injects
jeopardy when...
143
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,895
At a time when I need it
the least. I need calm.
144
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,455
Ancl so that's why I brought,
erm, headphones,
145
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,135
and my own portable
music playing system,
146
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:26,415
and during the Countdown, which...
147
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,775
It's really oppressive.
It's right there,
148
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,655
it's very stressful.
I want the headphones on
149
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,095
and I want music of my choosing.
150
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,615
What music are you
going to be playing?
151
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,255
I'm going to have
relaxing music, jimmy.
152
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,455
So, I'll be listening to that
during game play
153
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,175
and, erm, I think you'll see
a huge upswing in
154
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,255
the kind of results I'm producing.
155
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,935
OK. Laura, have you got a mascot?
I have. I have.
156
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,255
What have you got?
157
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,975
Holy crow.
Whoa.
158
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:55,375
That's a, erm... A Countdown teapot.
Winners' teapot.
159
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:59,695
What I won off, what I like
to call, the real Countdown.
160
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:05,215
Erm, I'm reliably informed this...
Sorry, jon, are you all right?
161
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,455
Yeah, Jon?
Yeah, that's right.
162
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,975
I'm sorry.
163
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,415
I'd have to review the footage,
164
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,775
there was some really shit ones
early on.
165
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:13,735
But we'll not talk about that.
Well, speaking of reviewing the...
166
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,335
Can we review the footage?
Yeah!
167
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:16,815
You've got footage?
Let's... This is...
168
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,615
Genuinely, Laura is a Countdown
champion, everyone. Wow.
169
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:24,335
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
170
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,695
OK, Margaret.
Five.
171
00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,735
Yes. And Laura?
Errn, six.
172
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,335
OK, hear five, then.
Sound.
173
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,655
Sound.
Sound, hear six.
174
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,655
Gonads.
Gonads.
175
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,495
LAUGHTER
176
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,055
Yeah!
Yeah.
177
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:41,095
Sorry.
We've got gonads here.
178
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,095
Well clone, Laura.
179
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,535
So, you won
the actual, real Countdown?
180
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,895
Won the real Countdown,
I got a teapot,
181
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:52,095
I think I got about 107...
104, that's how many... Wow.
182
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,975
Thanks, Susie.
Brilliant.
183
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,895
So, when was this? When was the win?
184
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,015
2004, maybe.
185
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,695
So, Jon's having a panic attack,
let's check in with him. Yeah.
186
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,495
All right, Jon?
2004, I think I was out shagging.
187
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,255
Oh.
THEY LAUGH
188
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,855
Are you getting 2004 mixed up
with never?
189
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,215
I don't want to read into the game,
190
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,655
but Margaret looked like
she was upset by something.
191
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,175
I don't know what you said
to her in the dressing room,
192
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,055
but, it looked like you freaked
Margaret out
193
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,255
and she shit herself, so...
194
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,135
You'll find me a tad harder
to intimidate.
195
00:09:26,680 --> 00:09:29,015
Erm, Jon, have you got a mascot?
I have got a mascot, jimmy, yes.
196
00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,215
What have you got?
Yes. You know sometimes you're at
197
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,855
a party or a social gathering and...
RICHARD: No.
198
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,735
LAUGHTER
199
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,055
Erm, conversation's flowing,
200
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,415
everyone's having a good time,
and you think,
201
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:44,775
"Fuck this, let's go back to
the beginning bit when it was tense,
202
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:45,855
"nobody knew each other,
203
00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,575
"we all had a bit of space
and time to think."
204
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:53,375
What you need isjon Richardson's
book of Ice Makers. Whoa!
205
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,855
Tactics and phrases you can use
206
00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:01,775
to put the tension back into
a room. Ooh.
207
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,535
The opening prologue here,
"Why is the film called Titanic,
208
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,935
"when clearly the iceberg is
the star?
209
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,055
"Without the iceberg,
210
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,615
"you'd be watching three hours
of people making small talk,
211
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,495
"and someone getting fucked in
a car.
212
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,055
"Bring down any house party
with my collection of ice makers.
213
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:20,815
"Chapter One:
Get Ahead Of The Game.
214
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,455
"Your first boring comment
should be with your attire.
215
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:27,855
"Things to consider, elbow patches.
Not just on a cardigan,
216
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:30,175
"why not pair a vest with
a couple sellotaped
217
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,535
"to your bare elbows?
218
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:37,895
"Croce." Ancl I haven't written
anything else there, that's enough.
219
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,495
Chapter Two is One To One.
220
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,175
"Now you've mastered
the more blunt weapons,
221
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,815
"you're ready for
some close-up work,
222
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:48,175
"or slight of mouth. For example,
'Your hair is beautiful.
223
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,975
" 'May I take a clipping
for my collection?' " Oh!
224
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,855
Yeah? Like that?
225
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,815
" 'Shall we slip off somewhere
a little quieter?
226
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,175
" 'I've photographed every
hand drier I've ever used,
227
00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,415
" 'and I'd love to talk you through
the highlights.' "
228
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:03,295
Yeah? And then we've got
other chapters.
229
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,775
Chapter Five is a favourite of mine,
"Ways Of Breathing."
230
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,895
"Chapter Eight: Eye Contact,
All Or Nothing."
231
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:14,655
That'sjon Richardson's Ice Makers
232
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,415
and it's available now,
from my hand.
233
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:18,895
jon Richardson, everyone.
234
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,055
Over in dictionary corner,
it's Mat Ewins.
235
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,535
APPLAUSE
236
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,615
Erm, Mat, what have you been up to?
237
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:30,655
Well, Jimmy, people might not know
that as well as doing computers,
238
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,295
I'm also a professional model
239
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,655
and I've just come back from
a pretty extensive photo shoot on
240
00:11:34,680 --> 00:11:36,415
a pretty significant
advertising campaign.
241
00:11:36,440 --> 00:11:39,295
Got some pictures from the...
From the shoot if I can...
242
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,735
Indulge me.
Oh, hang on a minute, that's...
243
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,015
It's, sort of, quite grim, actually.
244
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,575
Sorry, let me just skip
through this.
245
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,335
Right, let's skip through this,
it's quite a grim campaign,
246
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,815
actually, jimmy. just give me a sec.
Let me just roll through it, Jimmy,
247
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:52,375
give me a sec. Yeah. Don't smoke,
I think, was the take-home message
248
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,695
of the campaign. But you know,
249
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:55,815
probably best you come back
to me later.
250
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,615
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
251
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,815
And with Mat, of course,
it's Susie Dent.
252
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:07,535
APPLAUSE
253
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,455
I'm not saying Susie's been on
the show for a long time,
254
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,735
but, last year, we found asbestos in
her chair.
255
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,495
Susie, you tweet a word of
the day, every day.
256
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:18,975
Have you got one for us tonight?
257
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,415
Errn, yes. I remember you, Laura,
and it's a lovely French word,
258
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:24,735
retrouvailles, which means the joy
259
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:26,695
of meeting someone after
a long time.
260
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,895
I think that's exactly...
But, otherwise, there is gigil,
261
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,695
which is from the Philippines,
and that is the irresistible urge
262
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,855
to squeeze someone really cute.
That's forjon.
263
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,815
And there's jobblyjock, which is...
What, sorry?
264
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,455
jobblyjock.
Oh, yeah, sometimes.
265
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,775
But then I have a cuddle
and try again in five minutes.
266
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:43,855
Well, it is for you, actually,
267
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,575
cos it's for someone
intensely irritating.
268
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,255
Oo-oo-oh!
269
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,175
And in charge of the numbers,
it's Rachel Riley.
270
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,015
APPLAUSE
271
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,695
Last year, Rachel Riley appeared on
Celebrity Antiques Road Trip
272
00:12:58,720 --> 00:12:59,815
with an old vase.
273
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:02,335
The experts complained they could see
a crack in the bottom.
274
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,855
I told her the dress was too short.
275
00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:07,775
You've done over 3,000
Countdown shows.
276
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,295
Erm, what's the funniest word
that's ever come up?
277
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,335
One of the new ones I learned
from Susie was, erm, piss a bed.
278
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,935
That's a real word and it's...
It's... Pissabed is a...
279
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,375
Pissabed is a real word.
And it means?
280
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,735
Pissabed' is an old word for
the dandelion,
281
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,655
cos it's a diuretic.
Dandelion leaves,
282
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,335
which you can have in tea,
283
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,095
make you pee,
so it's called piss a bed.
284
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,175
Well, I mean,
if anyone's big into water sports,
285
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,815
I guess, dandelion tea, everyone.
286
00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,255
OK, the prize the teams will be
competing for tonight is this,
287
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,255
the Countdown Home Decorating Kit.
288
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:39,455
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
289
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,455
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
290
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,455
OK, let's Countdown, everybody.
Time for our first game.
291
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,815
Richard, Laura, you get
the first pick of the letters.
292
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,655
Please. We're with a pro here.
Thank you.
293
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,055
Can I have a consonant,
please, Rachel?
294
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:06,455
Thank you, Laura. R.
And another, please.
295
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,255
M.
And another.
296
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,575
C.
And another, please.
297
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,255
And a vowel.
298
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,175
And another vowel
0.
299
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,495
And another vowel.
A.
300
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:21,695
And another, please.
301
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,375
U.
You're crazy for those vowels.
302
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,975
And, erm, four... Four vowels,
five consonants is optimum.
303
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,175
And another consonant, please.
SHE LAUGHS
304
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,335
Ancl an optimum D.
305
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,175
I might do my recycling
while this is going on.
306
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,455
And for the first time today,
here's the Countdown Clock.
307
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,375
HE GRUNTS
308
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:51,815
MUSIC: 'I Got You Babe'
by Sonny & Cher
309
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,015
CROWD CHEER
310
00:14:59,000 --> 00:14:59,975
Oh, Jesus.
311
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,775
Sorry, Susie, I just...
Cos it's dog shit.
312
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,575
It's a very good book.
Thank you.
313
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:22,775
I'm very sorry.
Have you read it?
314
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,935
What?
LAUGHTER
315
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,815
OK, erm, )on, how many'?
316
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,615
Erm, seven.
317
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:33,255
Ooh. Katherine, how many?
Eight.
318
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,695
Ooh!
Richard, how many?
319
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,055
Five.
OK. Solid five. Nice.
320
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,455
I just really got into
the music, actually.
321
00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,415
It's been...
It's been counter productive.
322
00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:44,695
What were you listening to?
What wasn't I listening to?
323
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,375
The Countdown Clock.
That's right. Got it in one, Jim.
324
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,215
OK.
LAUGHTER
325
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,815
What I like is that I feel like
I look like I'm at
326
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,255
the United Nations,
but from a fun country.
327
00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:07,735
I know, our contribution to this
debate isn't really significant.
328
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,135
Laura, how many?
Errn, seven.
329
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:13,335
Well, Richard, let's hear your five.
330
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,575
Moped...Moped, I moped.
331
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,295
OK, Jon, your seven.
332
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,055
Erm, well, I had cramped.
333
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,015
There is a nine up there
but it's only a word in Norfolk,
334
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,855
it's what they erm,
do their homework on. A cumpoedar.
335
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,535
Laura, your seven.
Errn, compared.
336
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,535
No, that's eight.
SHE GASPS
337
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,095
Yes.
Oh, fuck.
338
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,935
LAUGHTER
339
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,935
But I said eight, so, I win.
Countdown rules, you're wrong.
340
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,015
Urghg
341
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:43,535
Sorry...
Oh.
342
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,935
I'll tell you, I've never seen this
side of Katherine Ryan before.
343
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:50,215
Somewhere at home now
Margaret is pissing herself.
344
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,095
Fuck you.
345
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,935
I got eight, jimmy.
Mate.
346
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,535
No, she hasn't. She's got nothing.
347
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,215
I was too humble,
that's my problem.
348
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,975
I can't believe Katherine Ryan is
properly going, "She's got nothing."
349
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,175
We've got... We've got mo-ped.
And he pronounced it moped.
350
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,895
That's what we've got.
351
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,695
The reason it's called a moped
352
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,495
is cos you're sad
you've not got a motorbike.
353
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,175
It's a moped.
354
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,055
And, Katherine, what is your
eight-letter word? Pray tell.
355
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,135
My eight letter word is compared.
And now what are you going to do?
356
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,615
It's eight points to you.
Yeah?
357
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:27,455
Oh, my God.
358
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,775
It's the lights,
it's the bright lights.
359
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,015
It's Susie remembering me.
360
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,855
Everything got to me,
that's what happened.
361
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,135
Oh, did they not have lights
in 2004?
362
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,455
Mat, Susie,
could they have clone any better?
363
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,815
There was another eight, com padre.
But, no, nothing better than eight.
364
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,575
Ah.
On to our first numbers round.
365
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,935
OK.jon, Katherine,
you get to pick the numbers.
366
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,295
I'm tempted to say we should pick
four big ones,
367
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,535
then there's less chance
of us getting an eight
368
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,295
and Laura thinking it's a seven.
369
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,055
KATHERINE: Oh!
370
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,775
Pick six little ones. This has
spurred me on, this has.
371
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,455
This is the worst thing that
could have happened to you.
372
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:05,615
Do you want six little?
373
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:07,815
Don't care, do what you like.
374
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,175
Am I the least nerdy person here?
Yes.
375
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:14,575
Is that what's happening?
376
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,535
Whatever. I don't even care
about this.
377
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,295
Shut up, sir, I'm not listening.
378
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:24,655
You're well... Let him.
Go on, pick your numbers, mate.
379
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,495
We'll have six little, why not?
RACHEL: Six little ones.
380
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,375
Are you doing six little, really?
Six little, mate, little ones count.
381
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,895
Why is everything about size?
382
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,735
You can still do it with
the little ones, can't you, Rachel?
383
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,375
Yeah, it's what you do
with them, Jon. Right.
384
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,735
We've got nine...
That's a big one! Wow.
385
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,095
Another nine.
Oh, wow, wow.
386
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:47,095
Four, six, three and seven.
Ancl the target...
387
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,495
295.
388
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,775
I don't know how to do this.
389
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,015
OK. And your time starts...now.
390
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:09,335
MUSIC: 'Footloose'
by Kenny Loggins
391
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,175
OK. Jon, did you get it?
392
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,775
No, I got two hundred...
393
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,815
Oh, maybe I did. Yeah, I did.
394
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:33,375
Yeah. OK.
No, you didn't!
395
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:35,815
Richard?
What?
396
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,375
Did you get it?
I didn't do it, sir.
397
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:38,655
Why would I bother?
398
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:41,615
Because it's so lame.
399
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,335
Well, Richard, it's your own time
you're wasting. Laura?
400
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,735
I can waste yours, Jim.
401
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,975
No, I think I got 285, but I'm
not convinced that I got that.
402
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,255
And Katherine?
I would need a lot more time.
403
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,615
OK, Jon, How did you get it?
Talk us through it.
404
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,975
Well, I don't know if I did,
but we'll find out live...
405
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:03,415
on Channel four. Six times four.
What a rush.
406
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:06,655
Six times four. 24.
407
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:11,095
Oh, no, I think I've fucked it.
Nine plus three.
408
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:13,615
Nine plus three.
ls 12?
409
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,535
Yeah.
What if you times them together?
410
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,975
What do you think that is?
288.
411
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,695
It is 288. OK. That's good, Jon.
Look at her face.
412
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,015
Ancl then add the seven.
Yay.
413
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,575
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
414
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,575
Wow.
415
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,935
Why do people waste their lives
writing drama?
416
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,055
Oh, it feels like there's
a little bit
417
00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,375
of trouble in paradise over there.
No, no. He's cool.
418
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,815
How dare you call this paradise?
419
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,175
It's ten points tojon Richardson.
Wow.
420
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,575
What is this, mate?
Yeah.
421
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,255
Jon! I cannot do the math.
It's fine.
422
00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:53,775
It's fine.
It's fine.
423
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,135
Is it fine, though?
Jim, it's fine.
424
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,855
Jim, back it off.
Yeah. Back it off!
425
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,335
Back it off, Jim.
A phrase no-one's ever used.
426
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:08,015
Back it... I'm not reversing a van.
Mate.
427
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,495
I like the new cool Richard Ayoade,
by the way. I like it.
428
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,695
Whatevs.
429
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:15,895
You're gonna need to take the
cravat off to fully commit to that.
430
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:22,295
So, Richard and Laura have no points,
jon and Katherine have 18 points.
431
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:27,855
Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Unbelievable.
432
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:28,735
And here is your teaser.
433
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,735
The words are, "Own girth"
434
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,775
and the clue is,
"You might need two hands."
435
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,495
That's, "Own girth,"
"You might need two hands."
436
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,015
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE
437
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,535
Welcome back,
the answer to the teaser,
438
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:54,735
the words were, "Own girth,"
439
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,455
the clue was,
"You night need two hands."
440
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,775
It was of course, throwing.
441
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,975
Time for our next letters game.
Jon, Katherine, your turn to choose.
442
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,895
Two consonants Rachel
and then a vowel.
443
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,135
And then I'll see how I feel.
444
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:11,775
Two more consonants and a vowel.
445
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:19,295
And a vowel, please.
446
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,575
O.
And another consonant.
447
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,895
Vowel.
A vowel, E.
448
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,255
Jon, you're pretty good
at Countdown, right? Yeah.
449
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:31,775
Could you do it...? Could you
do anagrams while dancing?
450
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,415
Well, I mean... When was the last
time we went out dancing?
451
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,895
Oh, my God.
Come on, let's dance, come on.
452
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,215
Come on. Come on, let's... Come on.
453
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:39,975
Oh, we never hold hands
when we dance.
454
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:43,335
Come on. We never do.
Now, do you wanna stretch first?
455
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,215
Yeah.
just get yourself...
456
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,815
I've stretched the bits you use.
457
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:53,735
All right, OK.
And your time starts now.
458
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:54,895
MUSIC: 'Starstruck'
by Years 81 Years
459
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:55,935
# All night
Don't need your cash
460
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,935
# I got my own to spend it on ya
if I like
461
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,255
# If you wanna dance, baby
Let's dance
462
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,295
# We can dream until the sun
463
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:12,695
# I can't help it
I get starstruck around you
464
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,615
# What can I do, baby?
465
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:21,015
# I can't help it
I get starstruck around you
466
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:23,775
# What can I do, baby? #
467
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,655
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
468
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,535
Thank you, yeah. Good. It was good,
it was like the old days.
469
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,895
Yeah. I think you messed up one of
the moves.
470
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,575
Yeah. just a little bit, you've gotta
be slightly more... Yeah.
471
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,975
Phwoar.
It's fine, though. Do you know what?
472
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,415
When you dance, it looks like you
473
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,095
haven't got a bald patch,
but then, erm...
474
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,335
It's just... It's weird.
It's the weirdest thing,
475
00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:44,495
when you were dancing,
I was thinking,
476
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:45,655
"God, hasn't he got
a thick head of hair?"
477
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,455
But then, now, when I look at it,
there's a big bald patch.
478
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,655
Katherine, how many?
Seven.
479
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,015
Seven. Erm, Laura, how many?
Eight.
480
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,055
Err, Richard how many?
Seven.
481
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:57,935
OK, Jon, how many?
Eight.
482
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,295
Eight with a lovely dance.
Wow.
483
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,735
Wow.
My seven definitely isn't a word.
484
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,055
OK, what's...? What is...?
What is your seven?
485
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,055
Sometimes, you could go out goating.
486
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,135
Erm...
487
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,575
Is it, like, East End goating, like?
That's right.
488
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,615
There's no... It's got an E on
the end, it's goatine. Oh, Goatine.
489
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,935
LAUGHTER
490
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,255
Ancl, actually, you can you can put
a D on that and just go,
491
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,255
"You've been goatined, mate."
492
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,095
"You've been in that field
all night, it's been rough,
493
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:28,535
"you're goatined, mate."
Is that in it?
494
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,935
No.
Oh, shut up.
495
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,295
Katherine, your seven?
Stained.
496
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,655
Jon, your eight.
Sedating.
497
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,215
Oh.
Very good.
498
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,095
Oh, it's a good word.
Laura, what have you got?
499
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:42,895
Diagnose.
Wow.
500
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:47,655
Diagnose. Diagnose. OK,
well, eight points to both teams.
501
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,775
Mat, could they have done any better?
502
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,095
Nothing better than eight.
OK, at the end of that round,
503
00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,615
Richard and Laura have eight points.
504
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:57,215
jon and Katherine are in
the lead with 26.
505
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,615
Bullshit.
506
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,135
OK, onto our next numbers
round. Erm, Richard,
507
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,415
Laura, your turn to pick the numbers.
508
00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,295
Shall we go two from the top?
509
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:08,975
This... I've lost my bottle.
Two from the top, please,
510
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:10,415
and any other four.
511
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:13,055
What's behind the word bottle
there, now. In cockney rhyming...
512
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,655
I've lost my bottle?
Oh, bottle and glass, arse.
513
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:16,815
Ooh.
I've lost my arse.
514
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,815
Yeah.
Why would you lose your arse?
515
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,615
Well, cos everything
falls through, I guess.
516
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,975
I genuinely found out an interesting
derivation the other day.
517
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,935
I found out the derivation of,
erm, blow job.
518
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,255
Ooh.
Oh.
519
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,775
I didn't realise it's below job
from World War One. What?
520
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:30,895
It was a below job. The American Gls.
521
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,175
How did you find that out, jimmy?
Where were you?
522
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,895
I like books about derivation,
but, erm, just not boring ones.
523
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:39,815
Only ones about...
Only ones about cocks.
524
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,735
Why do they call it
getting sucked off?
525
00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:48,455
Come on, boring maths.
526
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,255
From blowjobs to numbers. Seamless.
527
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,255
Right, one.
See, nobody wants to play anymore.
528
00:25:57,800 --> 00:26:00,455
Nine. Let's hope for a six,
come on, guys.
529
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:05,655
Two, fucking hell. 75 and 50.
530
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:06,855
What?
Oh.
531
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,735
OK.
And the target, 828.
532
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,095
OK, and your time starts now.
533
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:45,415
OK, so the target was 828.
Katherine, did you get it?
534
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,855
I've 823 which is really good
for me.
535
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:51,135
Er, jon, did you get it?
No, I got 827.
536
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,455
827, OK. Richard did you get it?
I got 827.
537
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,015
Laura, did you get it?
827.
538
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,375
Laura, how did you get 827?
Oh, but hang on,
539
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,215
can't I prove once that I might
have got... Oh, yeah, let...
540
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,215
...almost close.
Yeah, go on.
541
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,735
Nine plus two.
Yes.
542
00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,295
11 times 75.
825.
543
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,215
Add the two ones.
Lovely, one away.
544
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:12,295
That's right.
545
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,415
I think I might have got it,
post event.
546
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,775
Tell us anyway. I'll give it to you
if you've got it.
547
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:26,815
50 times 9.
50 times 9, 450.
548
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,695
Add one.
Add one.
549
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:34,655
Times two.
Yeah, 451 times 2, 902.
550
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,135
Minus 75.
Yep.
551
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,175
And then add the one.
552
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,375
KATH ERIN E: WOW.
553
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,495
Ten points to Laura.
554
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,335
just so I know how seriously to
take the rest of the game,
555
00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:48,095
we're giving her that, are we?
Yes.
556
00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:50,415
LAUGHTER AND GROANING
557
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,775
just so I know whether
to mentally checkout, or not.
558
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,455
Oh, stop. I don't mind if we've
come here for fun,
559
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:56,895
but I was under the impression
we come here for
560
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,215
a game of Countdown. So, just...
561
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,575
Oh. I think...
I don't mind which one it is.
562
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,615
No, I think
the little boy's gonna cry.
563
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,495
Yeah, no, it's fine. It's just
if it's not real Countdown,
564
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,695
I don't need a fucking pen, do I?
565
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,415
Ancl by the way, mentally checkout?
Get your own act.
566
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:18,215
I came here to mentally checkout.
I haven't really checked out.
567
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:22,575
I only threw my pen cause I knew
I had a back-up. I'm still here.
568
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,215
OK, so, Richard and Laura have 18,
569
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,495
Jon and Katherine still in
the lead with 26.
570
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,095
Time to go across
to Dictionary Corner.
571
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,495
Mat, what have you got for us?
Well, Jimmy,
572
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,375
I've been getting
a lot of online abuse recently.
573
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:39,695
I would like to take this
opportunity to ask people
574
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,135
to just stop. It's a nightmare,
575
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,135
like, I'm not on social media,
but if you just like,
576
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:44,975
type my name onto, you know,
online,
577
00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,775
it's just horrible stuff.
If you type in Mat Ewins,
578
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,495
it comes up, do you mean Twat Ewins?
Like, the related searches, jimmy.
579
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:51,855
I don't want people
to be looking for it to get that
580
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,215
to come up. It's a nightmare.
Ancl the worst thing is,
581
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,815
you see on the images,
it's just thumbnails
582
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:57,775
of this one viral video where
I forgot to lock
583
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,975
the toilet door on a train, right.
584
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,455
That's my online presence, Jimmy,
it's a nightmare.
585
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,375
It's been following me around
for years.
586
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:08,535
So, I'm trying to get better,
you know,
587
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:09,775
I'm trying to exercise,
588
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,255
but I don't want people
to see my odd arms
589
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,015
and my odd legs. How do I exercise
without looking like a fool?
590
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,375
Well, I've worked it out, right,
how to exercise without,
591
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:18,215
you know, getting into your shorts,
or what not.
592
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,815
What I do is I go to
a train station wearing a full suit
593
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,175
and then for an hour and a half
pretend I'm late for my train.
594
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:28,335
Yeah? just run around going,
"What platform is it?"
595
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,855
"|t's gotta be...
It's gotta be number four."
596
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,055
Yeah, do that for 90 minutes
597
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,775
get in a pretty good
cardio work out.
598
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:35,455
I'm getting into
a lot of sport recently.
599
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,335
I've been doing, erm, boxing.
600
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:38,695
Well, I'm a bit of a boxer
601
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,055
and I'm not like these professional
wimps, you know,
602
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,055
with their big, erm...
You know, with their gum shields,
603
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:44,255
I've got one of those
dentist guards,
604
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:46,055
so, I've got my teeth more out,
if anything.
605
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,695
Bring it on, bring it on,
I ain't scared of ya.
606
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:52,375
I'll fight ya. I'm, erm, yeah,
607
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,735
into a lot of extreme...
Extreme sports.
608
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,495
I've been doing, erm, park our.
You know, free running.
609
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,255
I'm not great at it,
I'll be the first to admit,
610
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,575
but I'm getting better all the time.
611
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:05,735
I'm really improving on that.
612
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,775
Mat Ewins, everyone.
And here is your teaser.
613
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,975
The words are, "Tape arse."
The clue is, "They're moved apart."
614
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:15,335
That's, "Tape arse,"
"They're moving apart."
615
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,615
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE
616
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,135
Welcome back,
the answer to the teaser,
617
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,655
the words were, "Tape arse,"
the clue was, "They're moving apart."
618
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,215
It was, of course, separate.
OK, this letters game is big,
619
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,935
it's time for the real-life Countdown
winner Laura Smyth
620
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,615
to go head-to-head with our very
own Countdown resident genius,
621
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:47,175
jon Richardson.
622
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,975
That's right, everyone,
it's Battle Of The Super Nerds. Wow.
623
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:58,375
In this round,jon and Laura
will be using 18 letters.
624
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:00,015
CROWD: Ooh.
625
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:03,015
Correct.
We're playing for double points,
626
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:07,415
so, there's a possible 36 points up
for grabs.
627
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,775
So, nerds, do you think you can get
an 18-letter word?
628
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,175
I don't think there are
any 18-letter words.
629
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,135
No, I've never even heard of
such a thing.
630
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:14,695
Erm, Susie, are there any
18-letter words?
631
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,375
Yeah, quite a lot.
Counterintuitively...
632
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,495
...hyperconsciousness, erm...
Hang on, let me write them down.
633
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,175
Jon, have you got any trash talk
for former champion Laura?
634
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:27,335
No, I don't think I need to.
635
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,615
I think her own demons will, erm,
take their toll.
636
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,135
A quick question for you though,
did you want me
637
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:34,535
to say what I've gojt
within 30 seconds,
638
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,215
or can we fuck around for five
minutes afterwards ancl then I'll...
639
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,655
Ooh.
640
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:44,055
Ooh. Laura, do you have anything
to say to rat boy, jon Richardson?
641
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:48,415
Rat boy. I don't think
you're good at Countdown.
642
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:50,495
CROWD: Ooh.
643
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:52,495
Oh, my God. Laura, if you pick
the first nine letters
644
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,295
and then, jon, you pick
the second nine
645
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,695
and then you'll have 18 letters
to play with.
646
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,695
36 points on offer. OK, let's go.
647
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,055
Consonant, please.
Consonant, I.
648
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:04,655
And another, please.
Y.
649
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:05,655
Cos I want one.
650
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:09,935
I'm sorry. It's a classic bit
of Countdown humour.
651
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:11,015
Classic, a classic.
652
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,535
And a vowel, please.
653
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:18,895
And another one, please.
654
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:21,615
And another, please.
655
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,135
And a consonant, please.
656
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:27,375
And a vowel.
657
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,455
And a consonant.
658
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:32,655
And a consonant, please.
659
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,895
OK, Jon.
Another vowel, please.
660
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,935
And another consonant, phase.
661
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,735
And another consonant, phase.
662
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,295
This is madness.
Ooh.
663
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,215
Ancl another vowel, please.
This is madness.
664
00:32:48,240 --> 00:32:49,695
It's crazy.
Ooh.
665
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:50,815
A vowel, please.
666
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:53,815
A consonant, please.
667
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,855
H.
Consonant, please.
668
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,135
And another consonant.
669
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:01,495
And another vowel.
670
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,775
Ancl that's your last one. I.
671
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,375
For the battle of the super nerds...
672
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,775
DRAMATIC FLOURISH
673
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,375
...here's the Countdown Clock.
674
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,535
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
675
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:21,175
I prefer this actually. It's nice.
It's chill.
676
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:22,695
It's like Hans Zimmer did a remix.
677
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,255
You need to get some more
low brass in.
678
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:32,575
It's very nice.
679
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,975
That went quick. Well, when you're
having as much as that.
680
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,215
Jon, 36 points up for grabs,
how many?
681
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:48,615
I think I've got a nine.
682
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:52,015
That's not more than
we would usually have.
683
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:53,815
So, let me see... Nine is still...
Nine's still impressive.
684
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:55,215
OK, Laura, how many?
685
00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:56,495
I think I've got a ten.
686
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:57,975
KATHERINE: Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
687
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:00,815
Yes. OK, jon,
your disappointing nine.
688
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,255
Slaughter.
OK, Laura.
689
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,735
Unearthing.
Oh, yes.
690
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,615
Oh.
That's amazing, well clone.
691
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,135
20 points to Laura.
That's right.
692
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,535
Ooh. Whoa, whoa.
693
00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:21,335
OK, and can I ask, Mat, Susie,
could they have done any better?
694
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,055
There were a couple
of 12s, nauseatingly,
695
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:30,495
neutralising and
a 13, inaugurations. Whoa.
696
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:31,735
Wow.
Wow. Great.
697
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:38,255
It's all too much for you, is it?
Yeah. I only go up to nine.
698
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,295
We'll take their word for it.
Yeah, there we go.
699
00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:47,095
So, at the end of that,
Richard and Laura are in
700
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:48,735
the lead with 38 points.
Yes.
701
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,255
Sad that you could have
got double there.
702
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,775
OK, onto the next numbers
round. Richard, Katherine,
703
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,175
you're going head-to-head in
The Battle Of
704
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,495
The Super Nerd And Katherine Ryan.
705
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:05,335
DRAMATIC FLOURISH
706
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,375
Katherine would you like
to get inside Richard's head?
707
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,615
Richard.
Yes, Katherine.
708
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,255
You will lose
this mathematics round. I agree.
709
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,615
You look like a live-action
Scooby-Doo character.
710
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:22,135
How dare you suggest
I'm live action.
711
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,495
I would actually love
a Richard Scooby-Doo.
712
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,855
Can you imagine how good that
would be, how funny that would be?
713
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:31,455
Yeah. They do celeb cameos now,
don't they?
714
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:32,815
Yeah.
Scooby doing Guess Who.
715
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,215
Look...
Ricky Gervais has clone one.
716
00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:36,735
I've come here to get work.
717
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,415
Wow.
It would be them and you.
718
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:40,415
So, it'd be Shaggy saying to you...
719
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,815
AS SHAGGY: "Like, Richard."
Ancl then you'd go...
720
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,455
That was pretty good.
RICHARD IMPERSONATES SCOOBY-DOO
721
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,455
OK. Katherine, pick the numbers.
722
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,855
Two big and the rest small please,
Rachel. Classic.
723
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:58,215
Two big ones,
four little ones coming up.
724
00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:03,575
Two, four, seven, eight, 50 and 100.
725
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,255
Ancl 584.
No!
726
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,615
Time for Battle Of
The Super Nerd And Katherine Ryan...
727
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,895
DRAMATIC FLOURISH
728
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:12,535
...here's the Countdown Clock.
729
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:16,535
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
730
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,015
Did you get it, Katherine?
I think so.
731
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:46,575
Richard, did you get it?
No.
732
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,935
OK, Katherine, how do you think
you got it?
733
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:50,695
OK, Rachel.
Mm-hmm.
734
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:55,095
100 plus 50 is 150.
Yes, you have got it!
735
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:56,255
What?
She's got it.
736
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,255
B-B-But how do you know this early?
737
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:02,655
Because you know, Look, watch this.
That, I need these. Yeah, so...
738
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,695
Ancl then I'm gonna go... And then
you're gonna times it by four.
739
00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:07,175
600.
OK, and then, separately...
740
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,015
Yeah.
Eight times two is 16.
741
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,175
See, she's got it.
742
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,695
And then you minus that from 600
and I've got it.
743
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:15,255
Katherine Ryan, everyone.
Katherine Ryan.
744
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,255
Ten points to Katherine Ryan.
745
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:21,335
Yes!
746
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,695
In my defence, I got nowhere near.
OK.
747
00:37:23,720 --> 00:37:26,735
I did get 585 and I didn't put
my headphones on
748
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,055
and I received a torrent
of abuse before.
749
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,095
I don't know what we should do on
international policy.
750
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:35,855
I don't know.
751
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,095
Are you moonlighting at the UN again?
752
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:39,855
Oui.
753
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:46,335
OK, the scores at the moment,
jon and Katherine have 36 points.
754
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,175
Richard and Laura are in
the lead with 38.
755
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,655
Oh, 38!
We are so close.
756
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:53,455
It's all so juicy.
757
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,775
OK, time to go across
to Dictionary Corner once again.
758
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:56,735
Mat, what have you got for us?
759
00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:58,735
Well, Jimmy, I've spent the last
few years trying
760
00:37:58,760 --> 00:37:59,935
to make computer games
761
00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:01,975
and I'm desperately trying
to get a publisher.
762
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,855
I mean, a couple of years ago,
I made, erm,
763
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,975
this brilliant game,
Mat Ewins, Now That's Soccer 2020,
764
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:08,295
and the publishers
weren't happy with it,
765
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:09,495
they weren't happy with
the animations.
766
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,295
They said they weren't realistic.
I mean, look at that,
767
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,735
look at that guy,
he's so excited for scoring a goal.
768
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,095
What a great celebration.
He does a little football jog.
769
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:18,415
You can't say that guy isn't crazy
about football, yeah?
770
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:19,655
He's having a whale of a time.
771
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:22,575
He couldn't be more crazy
about football,
772
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:23,775
he's obsessed with it.
773
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,135
You know, I enjoy sport
but it's sometimes hard
774
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:27,175
to fit that into
your day-to-day life,
775
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:28,615
because there's better things
to do, like, you know,
776
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:29,935
go to the pub.
777
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:32,295
So, I was like, "How can I try
and make sport and pub,
778
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:34,655
"you know, be combined?"
Ancl cos I'm an innovator,
779
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,015
that's what I've clone. I've created
a computer game called Pub Golf
780
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,375
which I'd like to invitejon
and Katherine to play,
781
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:42,015
where we can have a lovely game
of golf out on the links,
782
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,055
but, at the same time,
have a nice time in the pub.
783
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,855
So, if you could get your
controllers out, please. Yes.
784
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:51,255
So, basically what I've clone, Jimmy,
is I've connected flow sensors
785
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,535
to those tubes. So, the more
that you drink your pints,
786
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,975
the faster your avatars on
the screen play
787
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,215
a lovely game of golf.
788
00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:00,055
So, we've got a little
Jon Richardson there,
789
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,095
out there playing a game of golf.
Wow.
790
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,455
Ancl a little Katherine Ryan there.
So, you start on the left-hand side.
791
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,375
The person who sucks
the fastest is the winner.
792
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,735
Katherine Ryan you're feeling
confident on this, right.
793
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,095
Yes, I've been tricked in pubs
with this game before,
794
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,735
but not this time.
Not this time.
795
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:17,055
Not this time. I've checked
and they are actual straws.
796
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:20,375
Get ready, go.
OK.
797
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,335
Right, you need to go left
as quick as you can,
798
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:23,575
suck as much as you can on
the left one.
799
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,055
Don't let us down.
Oh, hang on a minute.
800
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,335
Oh, no, that looks promising.
Yeah, I've fucked it.
801
00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:31,895
Are there any lights on
those controllers?
802
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:33,055
I'll be honest with you, Jimmy,
803
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,615
this has taken a fucking week
of my life, right?
804
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:37,695
What's happening? Wait a minute.
Should that be plugged in?
805
00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:38,815
Not again!
806
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,655
The good news is that my phone
is charging, though.
807
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,215
Sorry, Jimmy,
we'd better leave it there.
808
00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:52,455
Now, one of the games I'm very
proud of is Clumso.
809
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:53,975
You know, a lot of games are...
810
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,775
You know, you've gotta have quite
good dexterity.
811
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,335
I don't have that,
I make a lot of mistakes
812
00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,095
and I've got quite bad
hand-to-eye coordination.
813
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,415
So, I've got Clumso,
yeah, zero fear,
814
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:02,655
zero hands-to-eye coordination.
815
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,815
It's the it's the spy
with very bad spacial awareness.
816
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,175
Let's see if I can do it.
Right, let me just reload that,
817
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,535
Oh, hang on a minute.
Get in there, come on,
818
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:13,055
come on, Clumso, come on, go on,
get that gun reloaded mate, go on.
819
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,575
We're getting shot at here, mate.
Turn around.
820
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:19,415
Come on. Well, boy...
Oh, no, game over.
821
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:20,815
Right, that's Clumso.
822
00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,015
I'm worried about making stuff
that's too violent.
823
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,375
So, I wanted to make, like,
a sort of game about peace,
824
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:28,735
about discovery and I...
Susie, you inspired me.
825
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,255
Oh, thank you. And I've made
this game for you.
826
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:34,175
It's called Susie Dent:
Tome Reader, right?
827
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,735
Ancl it plays you on the
on a journey to try
828
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,135
and find a very old book.
829
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:40,495
So, that's the controller there
for you. OK.
830
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:43,415
And, basically, you're in this
very old antique shop
831
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,775
and the shopkeeper has got
an old book for you.
832
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,135
So, you just navigate round this
precious vase shop
833
00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:50,055
and go and talk to him using
the controller. So... That's it.
834
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,415
Ooh. Susie, this is
an old antiques shop.
835
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:54,695
You're gonna annoy this guy.
836
00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:56,455
Now, go round.
just round the corner.
837
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,295
Susie, you've gotta angle it round,
angle it round. OK.
838
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:01,095
That's it. Sideways, that's it.
Up there.
839
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:02,495
Up round the corner, Susie.
840
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:05,655
Susie, well, you've smashed
his shop to pieces. Right, now...
841
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:09,095
Stand, stand, stand still
in front of the counter, Susie.
842
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:10,375
Stand still in front of the counter.
843
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,735
Come a little bit further down.
That's it, that's it.
844
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:16,295
That's it. Stay at the front.
Now, ask him about the...
845
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,935
Bloody hell, Susie. Give it to me!
846
00:41:20,240 --> 00:41:24,055
You've shot that guy's son.
Fucking hellfire.
847
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:26,335
Mat Ewins, everyone.
APPLAUSE
848
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,455
And here's your final teaser.
849
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,655
The words are, "Achy lips,"
the clue is, "No time for talking."
850
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,215
That's, "Achy lips,"
"No time for talking."
851
00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:40,215
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE
852
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,295
Welcome back.
The answer to the teaser,
853
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:54,575
the words were, "Achy Lips,"
854
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:57,655
the clue was, "No time for talking."
It was, of course, physical.
855
00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,975
OK, time for our final letters game.
856
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:01,615
jon and Katherine,
your turn to choose.
857
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:02,815
Consonant, please, Rachel.
858
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,815
It's a Q, Jon.
Q, you've ruined it already.
859
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:08,655
Is that bad?
Vowel.
860
00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:09,695
Ah.
861
00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:11,735
Consonant, please.
862
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,295
D.
Another vowel, please.
863
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:16,855
Erm, consonant, please.
864
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,615
Another vowel, please.
865
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,855
Oh, no. Consonant, please.
866
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:27,215
And another consonant, phase.
867
00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:30,015
R. Let's have another crack
at that U, shall we?
868
00:42:30,040 --> 00:42:31,255
Come on.
869
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,535
I'm gonna fill in an application form
870
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:36,175
to be on Love Island,
cos that's a proper show,
871
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,095
I'm bored of this.
Erm, your 30 seconds starts now.
872
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,335
Katherine, would you go
on Love Island?
873
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,775
I would absolutely go on
Love Island.
874
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,015
It's one of my favourite shows
875
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:27,455
and I feel like there's a gap in
the market
876
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:31,335
for women who've lived lives,
been divorced. They be fucking.
877
00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:34,975
Jon, would you go on Love Island?
878
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:36,935
I don't need to, jimmy.
If I want to be on
879
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,215
an island full of single women
who don't wanna have sex with me...
880
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:41,415
..| already am.
881
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:50,255
Katherine, how many?
882
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,055
I have a risky seven,
883
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,375
but I don't think it's a word,
so, six.
884
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,695
OK, all right. And, jon, how many?
885
00:43:56,720 --> 00:43:58,495
I've got a risky seven,
so I'll go for it.
886
00:43:58,520 --> 00:43:59,895
OK. Erm, Richard, how many?
887
00:43:59,920 --> 00:44:02,255
Six.
OK, Laura?
888
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,575
I've got a seven.
Katherine, your six.
889
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:05,975
Reload.
890
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,375
Richard, your six.
891
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:08,735
Loader.
892
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:10,375
Jon?
Lagered.
893
00:44:10,400 --> 00:44:11,815
Lagered?
894
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:12,935
Yeah.
As in, "We got lagered?"
895
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,935
it just there as a noun,
I'm afraid. Sorry.
896
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:17,055
Laura, your seven.
897
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:18,655
Regaled.
Yes.
898
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:19,735
Oh!
899
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,335
Regaled, oh. A, "yes,"
from Dictionary Corner.
900
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:27,055
APPLAUSE
Yes.
901
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:30,295
I'm gonna get lagered up tonight.
Trust me.
902
00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:34,695
How many pints you gonna have,
seven or eight? Ooh.
903
00:44:34,720 --> 00:44:37,215
OK, could they have done any better?
BOTH: No.
904
00:44:37,240 --> 00:44:38,335
Seven was the best.
905
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:40,895
OK, sojon and Katherine
have 36 points,
906
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,255
Richard and Laura have 45,
they're in the lead.
907
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:44,935
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is exhilarating.
908
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,495
OK, this is a crucial
Countdown Conundrum.
909
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:54,055
Oh, my God.
It means whoever gets this, wins.
910
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:55,495
OK.
It's all on this.
911
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:57,455
I'll tell you what a conundrum is,
912
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,615
do I surrender the round
and surrender the game,
913
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:04,975
or do I look down at my monitor at
the angle I need to to see it
914
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,655
and expose my bald spot?
915
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:12,535
It's so weird though,
916
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,855
when you were dancing earlier,
I could have sworn... I know.
917
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,215
...it was a full head of hair. I know,
but we don't live in a world
918
00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:20,495
where you cannot have hair
and then have hair again.
919
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:30,775
Right, let's do this.
920
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:34,015
So, time for today's crucial
Countdown conundrum.
921
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:36,815
Eyes down, we're doing this.
Your time starts now.
922
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:57,135
Oh. Yep, Katherine.
Katherine. Katherine.
923
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,095
Impounded.
That is the right answer.
924
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:05,015
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
925
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:08,055
OK, that means the final scores
are Richard and Laura
926
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:09,775
have a commendable 45 points.
927
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,415
But the winners,
jon and Katherine, have 46 points.
928
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:16,255
Congratulations.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
929
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,735
You are the proud owner of this,
the Countdown home decorating kit.
930
00:46:20,760 --> 00:46:23,335
Whoa.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
931
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,295
Thanks to all our panel lists,
our wonderful studio audience
932
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:26,615
and to all of you for watching
at home.
933
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,175
That's it from us, good night.
934
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:32,815
Subtitles by Red Bee Media