1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,215 This program me contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:30,095 APPLAUSE 3 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:35,495 Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown - 4 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,775 Sarah Millican, 5 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,615 Joe Lycett, 6 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,415 Rhod Gilbert, 7 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,215 Judi Love, 8 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,015 jazz Emu, 9 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,855 Susie Dent, 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,135 Rachel Riley 11 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:53,575 and your host - jimmy...Carr! 12 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,375 Hey! 13 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:00,255 Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, 14 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,695 a show about letters, numbers and conundrums. 15 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:04,775 OK, let's meet tonight's players. 16 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,135 First up, it's team captain Sarah Millican. 17 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,055 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 18 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,615 Sarah says she constantly needs to wee 19 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,455 because she has an old-lady bladder or, as I like to call it, 20 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,695 nanny fanny. 21 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,295 If the letters come up, can we have "nanny fanny" on this? 22 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:26,895 It's too many. Oh, it's too many letters. Too many letters. 23 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,615 Unless it's N-A-N-I. Oh, yeah. "Nan-eye fan-eye". 24 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,975 It's quite Brummie. It is quite Brummie! "Nan-eye fan-eye". 25 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,895 And Sarah's team-mate Rhod Gilbert. WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 26 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,775 Thank you, thank you. 27 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,855 Here we go. Rhod used to be the voice of the Welsh Tourist Board 28 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,175 and the slogan, "You've got on the M4 the wrong way, 29 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,415 "never mind, welcome to Wales." 30 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,175 Up against them this evening it's team captain Joe Lycett. 31 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,455 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE Team captain. 32 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,295 joe is originally from Birmingham. People belittle Birmingham, 33 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:07,775 but it's Britain's second shitty. 34 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,255 And joining Joe tonight, it's judi Love. WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:18,855 When judi was little, she would perform in front of imaginary crowds, 36 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,495 which was a great practice for her last tour. 37 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,375 Ooh! 38 00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,095 My last show, I was a supporting act for you, 39 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,215 so let's talk about your audience that wasn't there. 40 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,375 Yay! 41 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,775 Yes! S0me0ne's finally got him! 42 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,135 Yeah... I think that this show is us against you. 43 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,695 It's not, it's all of us against jimmy. Yeah. 44 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,935 Take that, you prick. 45 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,455 Well... I've really found my energy now. 46 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,815 Sarah, it says here you started your own YouTube channel. 47 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,335 Does that make you an influencer? No! It really doesn't. 48 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:01,055 It's, erm... You know those... Have you seen those Get Ready With Me videos that they do... 49 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,415 Oh, yes. ..when you watch somebody and they get ready? 50 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:05,775 I was going to do one of those, but the first 15 minutes 51 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,815 is just me having a shit and... 52 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,135 I'd watch that. Yeah, I'd watch it. Watch me have a... 53 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,375 I'd watch the first 15 minutes. 54 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,375 So you'd watch the concentration... 55 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:20,055 You wouldn't want the wiping, but you'd want the straining. 56 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,215 Oh, yeah, I'm not a pervert. Little bit of crying... 57 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,335 Sometimes I have to take me top off because I've got hot. 58 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,295 Oh, my gosh, I do... Yeah. Do you have to have slippers on? 59 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,655 No, why do you have to have slippers on? 60 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,295 I have to have slippers on, I can't have my bare feet... Why? 61 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:36,735 I need to have the slippers... Is it for purchase? 62 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,535 it just makes me... it just makes me feel grounded and connected. 63 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,855 Connected! Have you ever done a poo 64 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,215 when your feet weren't touching the ground? 65 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,815 Because I stayed in a hotel- in Wales, funnily enough - 66 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,375 where the toilet was on, like, a...a ledge. 67 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,815 That was a shelf. 68 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,975 I think you may have been in a B&Q,Joe. Yeah. 69 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,375 OK, uh, Rhod, what's...what's the one thing 70 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,735 guaranteed to cheer you up? I'm into wild swimming at the moment. 71 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,055 it just clears your head. Where do you do it? 72 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,855 just in the house. 73 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,495 just take a bit of LSD, hop in the bath. 74 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,655 Clears the head. 75 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,975 Yeah, completely. Er, anything else? 76 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,935 just normal stuff we're all into. Bowling. 77 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,215 Where do you do the bowling? In the house. 78 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,255 I just cut off a friend's head... 79 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,335 ...buff it up a bit, stick my fingers in it 80 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,615 and lob it down the stairs. 81 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,655 Er, do you have any weird habits? 82 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,215 Not really. 83 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,695 I don't get out much. 84 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,935 Judi... Yeah. Life hacks - have you got any life hacks? 85 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,615 Do you know what, life hack - if you run out of tooth paste, 86 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,255 use salt? 87 00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,615 Put salt on a toothbrush... Stay with me. 88 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:01,015 Back in the clay, you'd use salt for everything, to preserve everything. 89 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,655 just put some salt on the toothbrush... 90 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,335 Yeah. ..and brush your teeth, but don't talk to anyone. 91 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,255 Breath's going to smell like shit. 92 00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,935 just try it. If you run out of Fairy Liquid, 93 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:16,215 use shower gel to wash the plates - that's a life hack. 94 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:20,855 The life hack is just use any other shit that's in the house 95 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:24,695 and make it work. If you run out of champagne, try bleach. 96 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,695 No, no, no. 97 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,855 Oh, we don't run out of champagne, darling, no. 98 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,495 Joe, have you got a mascot? What have you brought for good luck? 99 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,855 I've been in show business for about 15 years, 100 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,575 but I still get imposter syndrome, I still feel like I'm not worthy, 101 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,135 that I shouldn't be here, that it's not good enough. 102 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,255 But that all changed after I started collecting 103 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,655 celebrity urine samples. 104 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,895 Celebrities are just humans, we're all just... 105 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,775 ...we're all the same, really, and no celebrity is better than another 106 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,615 and it reminded me that I'm actually fine and I've got all sorts here, 107 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,895 from a sort of...a rich Ross Kemp, that one is, 108 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,375 erm, down to a sort of, ooh, a lovely... 109 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:07,255 This is a delicious Carol Kirkwood, it smells so... 110 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,815 Some of them have been donated by the celebrities themselves 111 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:15,815 and some of them sourced from, let's call them unethical GPs. 112 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:19,255 Er, this was a donation - that's Eammon Holmes. 113 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:21,655 Still warm. Warm! 114 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,535 It's nice there. It's like he's here. Yes. 115 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,975 Some of the ones at the back here are a bit, erm, 116 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:32,295 a bit more eclectic. So that's Des Lynam's, that's just dust. 117 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,495 Des Lynam's. Errn, Gino D'Acampo there, 118 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:39,735 that's a vinaigrette. 119 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,375 Alan Sugar's, just broken glass. 120 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,415 Errn... Well, that explains why he's grumpy. 121 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,175 Yes, and the way he walks. That's mine, 122 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,575 that's a different sample actually, so... 123 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,135 And we've got one here, this is jimmy Carr's. 124 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,455 Ooh! just black ink. 125 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,935 That is... Captures your sort of soul, doesn't it? 126 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,695 And your hair. Whoever's hair that is. 127 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,215 And if you're wondering how much the collection is worth, 128 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,495 I've been told it's basically uninsurable. 129 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,335 OK. Sarah, have you got a mascot? Yes, I have. 130 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,375 I was quite a lonely kid, I didn't really have many friends at school, 131 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,775 erm, but I'll tell you somebody who was always my friend was the dinner lady. 132 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,095 Erm, I've got the new... 133 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,335 ...er, dinner-lady comfort doll. 134 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,495 Ooh. But it's just so really I can kind of hold her hand 135 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,615 like I did at school every now and again, just to feel sort of comforted 136 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:36,935 and less, you know, sort of nervous. 137 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,415 She says comforting things as well, should I... 138 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,895 Oh, go on. Would you like to hear? I'd love to. OK, she says a few. Er... 139 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,495 RECORDED VOICE: "More mash, love?" 140 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,855 That's to go with the, you know, with the mash scoop, obviously. 141 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,335 Aw... 142 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:52,655 "No, you can't come and live with me, 143 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,095 "I live in the school." 144 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,375 Who knew? I didn't know they lived in the school. 145 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,735 "Don't worry about not having any friends, 146 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,695 "it's chips today." 147 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,655 Words to live by. 148 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,655 Er, Judi, have you got a mascot? I have got a mascot 149 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:16,215 and, erm, what it is, you know, obviously, my surname is Love 150 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,335 and I'm all about the love and hooking up and getting peace. 151 00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,655 So I thought my mascot is, like, you know, dating shows. 152 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,335 Are you pitching these shows? Yeah. 153 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:31,055 So, look, "Love will", er, "keep you together." 154 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:34,975 Lovely, OK. "Love will tear us apart", OK? 155 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:40,295 Ancl if it tears you apart, find a shag from your neighbour - 156 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,695 "Love thy neighbour." 157 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,935 They get me. Right? 158 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,735 "Love finds a way." 159 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,935 Like, find me or your love in the bush. 160 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,495 Some of us have a bush anyway 161 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,015 and it's just hard enough finding it when you've got the bush. 162 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,055 But if there's a bush outside, you travel through that bush 163 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,295 to get to the bush. 164 00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:07,255 Sorry, is that... Couples have got to find your vagina in a jungle? 165 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:12,415 I'd watch that. Not exactly, but it's a good show. It's a good show. 166 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,095 You could do a double bill with Millican's shit. 167 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:20,375 Can mine have a catchier name, do you think, than Millican's Shit? 168 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,175 OK. Rhod, have you got a mascot? What have you brought? 169 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,975 I have got a mascot, jimmy. Funnily enough, his name is jimmy. 170 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,815 jUDl GIGGLES 171 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,535 He's a rescue cock. 172 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:35,815 Like, I went to Battersea Cocks Home... 173 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,295 ...and he was in a little cage on the end, 174 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,695 and I fell in love with him. 175 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,335 I don't know what's going on. Are you on LSD again? 176 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,095 No, he's quite...he's quite shy... jimmy? 177 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,815 Here he is. 178 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,855 Here he is. 179 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,895 He loves this show, he's a big fan...a big fan of this show. 180 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,295 You laugh, don't you, when you're watching this, jimmy? 181 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,535 IT CACKLES LlKEjlMMY 182 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,015 Where was he? Was he just found abandoned at the side of the road? 183 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,775 I don't know. He was already in Battersea Cocks when I met him. 184 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,095 Would he like to give a sample? 185 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,975 IT CACKLES 186 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,535 Why would they rescue him and take him to the cock house? 187 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,935 Why wouldn't they take him home? Why would who take him home? 188 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,815 Why wouldn't they take him home? If I found a big fat cock 189 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,815 on the side of the road, I would not be taking it to Battersea Cock Home. 190 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,975 Is he still looking for a home though maybe, Judi? 191 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,975 Would you like to go home withjudi, jimmy? 192 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,575 IT CACKLES 193 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,815 He's getting tired. 194 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,295 I'm not sure if there's room for two massive cocks 195 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,335 with weird laughs like that on this show. 196 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,815 Can we just keep him, then? Well, there's the door! 197 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,855 You can take him off. You can take him away if you want to. 198 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,215 Do you want me to... He's had a long day. 199 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,535 I'll pull him off. Yeah, you pull him off. 200 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,815 Bye-bye, massive penis. Come on. 201 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,375 IT CACKLES 202 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,175 Come on. Come on. 203 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,255 I'm enjoying watching it walk off. I like the little dance! 204 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,815 That was weird, wasn't it? 205 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,855 Over in Dictionary Corner, it's jazz Emu. 206 00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,095 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 207 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,855 jazz, it's your first time on the show. Tell us about yourself. 208 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,215 Thank you, jimothy, it's a pleasure to be here. 209 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,215 I am a musician by trade, but, er, I used to be a foley artist, 210 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,575 recording the sound effects for movies. 211 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,535 You're probably familiar with my work, 212 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:02,135 though you might not know it, er, like the leaking dungeon pipe 213 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,575 in Morgog's Revenge 2. 214 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,095 HE MAKES PLOPPING SOUND That was me. 215 00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,295 Not a big deal. Everyone always thinks they know foley, don't they? 216 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,895 They really only know the main ones, like, er... 217 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,335 Like, er, knock two halves of a coconut together, 218 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,375 you get the sound of... Horse's hooves? 219 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,775 Horse hooves, that's exactly right. Yes. 220 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:26,935 If you do it the other way round - knock two halves of a horse together, 221 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,975 you get the sound of police sirens and a little girl saying, 222 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,455 "Oh, God, my horse, what have you done to my horse?" 223 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,775 It's a fascinating art form. 224 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,215 I'd like to show you some of my foley work, if that's all right. 225 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,135 Thought you were going to show us your horse. Oh, no, no, please. 226 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,495 Not right now, thank you! 227 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,015 I'll just show you some of my work here. CHIME 228 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,815 Ooh. Oh. 229 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,095 Oh, I hate these. Oh, so sorry about this. 230 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,775 "Select all the squares containing traffic lights." 231 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,855 CHIME 232 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,695 "These are railway signals, these are not for traffic." 233 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:07,015 Seems a little pernickety. Let's try another one. 234 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,095 I really think they could have chosen slightly lower numbers, 235 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,895 Escape, escape. 236 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:19,215 "Select all the squares containing correctly clicked squares." 237 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,855 Can't even see the squares! 238 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,135 jazz Emu, everyone. 239 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,615 Now... 240 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,055 And, of course, with jazz, Susie Dent. 241 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,295 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 242 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,455 Susie Dent has written 14 books. I wish I knew the secret 243 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,815 to writing an engaging, entertaining, non-fiction book because if I did, 244 00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,575 I'd tell Susie. 245 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,575 Susie, what have you been looking into recently? Er, well, er, 246 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,935 genuinely, I have been looking into glory holes, before you ask. 247 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,255 Yes! 248 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,055 But in the Oxford English Dictionary, 249 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,855 so I've been following what it meant over time. It started off meaning 250 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,695 just a corner where you would just heap everything together. 251 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,255 That was the first glory hole. Yeah, sounds about right. 252 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,535 Then it was a hall where the Salvation Army practised. 253 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,895 Sounds about right. Sounds about right. 254 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,815 Erm, and then it was a deep opening in a mine. 255 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,055 Sounds bang on! 256 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,255 And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley. 257 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,135 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE Yeah, Rachel! 258 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,935 Rachel Riley or, as I like to think of her, Abacus Barbie. 259 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,055 Oh, I love it. You've described regular Countdown 260 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,055 as the side of yourself you'd show your grandparents 261 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,135 and Cats Countdown as the side you'd show your mates. Yeah. 262 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,255 Who's the real Rachel? I think... You get it, everyone's a bit of a mix. 263 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,895 I think, with most grandparents, you have to watch your words a bit, 264 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,575 but I didn't with my grandma because grew up in the war, 265 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,935 she's from Salford, she also was a dinner lady, 266 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,575 but she thought that she was the reincarnated spirit of Cleopatra. 267 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:57,015 Do you think Cleopatra would've been gutted to know she came back as a dinner lady? 268 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,215 OK, the prize the teams will be competing for tonight 269 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,695 is this - the Countdown melodica. 270 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:12,015 Little bit of quiet, please, this has been a month's rehearsal. Hit it. 271 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,295 HE PLAYS COUNTDOWN THEME 272 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,775 H E PLAYS FALTERI NGLY 273 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,535 HE PLAYS WRONG NOTES 274 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,375 HE PLAYS BADLY 275 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,615 HE PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTES 276 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,855 APPLAUSE 277 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,575 OK, let's count down, everyone. Time for the first game. Er, 278 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,935 Joe, Judi, you get the first pick of the letters. 279 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,415 We'll take a consonant, please. Thank you,joe. 280 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:47,855 S 281 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,775 This must be the letters one, yeah? Yep. 282 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,575 Consonant, yes. A consonant, please. Yep. 283 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,295 F. Consonant. Another consonant? G. 284 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,135 G. Vowel? Vowel, yeah, let's have a vowel! 285 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,735 A. OK. I haven't been on this show for a few years, 286 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:05,015 I remember it being faster. 287 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,895 Vowel, vowel, consonant, vowel! 288 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,175 O, U, 289 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,735 C, E. Probably a consonant. 290 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,775 Yep, a finalT. Right, so let me have... Wait, hold on, babes. 291 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,095 Hang on a minute. I'm trying to catch up. Start again. 292 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,375 S, F, G... I can't see. 293 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,775 A, O, U, C, E, T. 294 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,375 C, E, T. It's not an eye test! 295 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,855 And, for the first time today, here's the Countdown clock. 296 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,335 MONKISH CHANTS 297 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,215 THEY CHANT COUNTDOWN THEME 298 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:08,455 Ooooh. APPLAUSE 299 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,055 Right. 300 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,415 Come on, then, fellas. Thank you, I'll see you at the orgy. 301 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,655 How many? Seven. 302 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,975 Whoo. Sarah, what have you got? 303 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,415 I just got loads of fives. Uh, Joe, what you got? 304 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,615 I got a seven. Mm-hm. That's impressive. judi? 305 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,135 Whoa, we're a team, so I've got a seven. 306 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,415 So, you've got a seven, what have YOU got? 307 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,375 Well, you know, I've got a... I've got a five. 308 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,295 What's your five? Erm, I have got SAUCE. 309 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,775 Your five, Sarah, your assorted fives? 310 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,815 I've got GUEST and I've got GOATS. 311 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,815 Rhod, your seven? Mine's, well, I'm hoping - FAUCETS. 312 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,375 Yes. I've got FAUCETS as well. 313 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,175 Whoa! FAUCETS, everyone. 314 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,055 That's an impressive word. Well done. Seven points to both teams. 315 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,415 jazz, Susie, could they have done any better? 316 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,815 I don't mean to brag, jimothy, but I actually got an eight. 317 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,735 Wow. Yes. 318 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,575 ATE - "ate". 319 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,255 Three letters. But, er, Susan? 320 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,615 Er, yeah, there is an eight there - OUTFACES, 321 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,775 which is to confront someone boldly and defeat them. 322 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,135 APPLAUSE 323 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,215 OK, on to our first numbers round. 324 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,575 OK, Sarah, Rhod, your turn to pick the numbers. 325 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:22,615 If you were not good at maths, for example, what would you do? 326 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,455 If you want to have a shot of getting it, I'd go two large, 327 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,695 but it you want to screw not just yourselves but the other team over, 328 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:32,295 then you could go four large. They don't need to be screwing anyone over. 329 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,735 No, it's too hard. If you wantjudi not to get it, 330 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,975 just play the game. 331 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,015 Go for the easy one, I don't want that team to lose interest completely. 332 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,935 Right, four little ones. Glad we got there. 333 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,255 I thought it was... That ship may have sailed. 334 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,295 5, 7, 7, 335 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,895 5... What do we do? just write them down. 75 and 100. 336 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,215 Look like you know what you're doing, flower. 337 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,535 And the target - 565. 338 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,855 What, that's the number we've got to get? Yeah. 339 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,575 And your time starts... Oh, shit. 340 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,575 "HOW. 341 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,095 What was it? 565. 342 00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,095 SHE LAUGHS EXCITEDLY 343 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,855 Arghh! 344 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,135 Rhod, did you...did you get it? 345 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,615 568, call it. 346 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,455 I've got 564, I think. Oh, well done. 564, pretty close. 347 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,055 No, it's still not right. Joe, did you get it? I got 566. 348 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,375 I got 565. 349 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,415 How did you get 565? I did 100 times 5, 350 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,975 right? Yeah. Add 75. 351 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,255 Yeah. Take away 5. 352 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,295 Yeah. Take away 5. 353 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,615 Which 5? Oh, you... There's two 5... Oh... There's two 5s. 354 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,855 No. I'm confused, right? Look... 355 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,215 You've got one 5 here. We've got to use those numbers. 356 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,415 Take away that... No. Ancl one 5 here. No, no, no. 357 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,895 Well, you know what... 358 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,375 I was born in the '80s and the way we did maths 359 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,895 was a little bit different. 360 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:19,295 You were so close. Thank you. Sarah, how did you get, er, 564? 361 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,655 Written it down wrong, it's 566 is what I got. 566. 362 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,975 It's one the other way. OK, go on. Er, 5 multiplied by 100 363 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,935 plus 75, 364 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,175 minus both of the 7s plus the 5. Yeah. 365 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,735 Joe, did you get it the same way? Yeah, the same way. 366 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,615 I wasn't far. Yeah, you were. No, you were so close! 367 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:41,015 No, no, no, I'm listening to the clon. She said I wasn't far. 368 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,375 All you needed to do was take off one more 5... Yeah. 369 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,935 So if you do 7 over 7 is 1... Yeah. 370 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,975 ...and then you do 100 minus the 1 - 99. Uh-huh. 371 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,855 Then you times it by 5... Yeah. 372 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,175 ...you get 495 and then you just, you can carry on. Yeah. 373 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:58,855 75 and the 5. I think my paper looks just like yours, if I'm honest. 374 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:03,655 just one little one different. Seven points to both teams. Genius. 375 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,615 And here is your teaser. The words are RODBALLS, 376 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,975 the clue is - they're hard as concrete. That's RODBALLS, 377 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,295 they're hard as concrete. See you after the break. 378 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,015 APPLAUSE 379 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,335 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were RODBALLS, 380 00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,335 the clue was - they're as hard as concrete. It was of course BOLLARDS. 381 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:38,695 Wow. My balls are not hard as concrete, I should point out. 382 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,095 Although they are as heavy. 383 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,375 I'm housebound some days. 384 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,295 It's that last little lip to get them out of the doorway, you know. Oh, yeah. 385 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,135 It's like taking a 14-year-old Alsatian for a walk. 386 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,135 Get them to the door and then... 387 00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,495 ...then I can't get them over that last little lip. 388 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,255 OK, they've been playing in teams so far, but this game 389 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,775 is just for Sarah and Joe. Ooh! 390 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,655 So, Sarah, your turn to choose. Oh, no. 391 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,015 Erm, ooh, a vowel, please, Rachel. 392 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,975 Thank you, Sarah. Good choice. I. Thanks. Another vowel, please. 393 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,335 E. Erm, a couple of consonants, just chuck a couple up. 394 00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,655 Thanks, flower. Y, N. 395 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,815 Oh, can I not have those? Why? They're all right. 396 00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,415 No, let's have two more consonants, please. 397 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,855 T and P. Oh. 398 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,295 What? Let's have another vowel. A. 399 00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,735 Ancl then one more vowel and one more consonant, please. 400 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,135 And O. These are good. 401 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,215 Are they? You've nailed it. L. What if I'm still shit though? 402 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,015 I'm going to take a look at the old Countdown family photo album. 403 00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,015 Your time starts now. 404 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,055 Aww. Oh, my God. 405 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,615 A very attractive 14-year-old Goth girl. Erm, Rhod? 406 00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:23,335 Yeah. Were you Goose in Top Gun? 407 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,295 It looks like you've got four eyebrows 408 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,655 and two of them are trying to get away. 409 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,095 That young man there was a bit of a hit with the ladies. 410 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,455 Really? A lot of girlfriends. 411 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,815 Some were girls in my class. Some were older. 412 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,375 Some were, er, cereal boxes with a hole cut in the back. Oh, no. 413 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:45,055 One was a rubber glove filled with fairy liquid. 414 00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,895 Does anyone remember their childhood in the 1950s? 415 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,495 AWW! 416 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,535 Look at that, it's Sarah Millican. 417 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,095 You look like you're playing darts. 418 00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,095 You look like a bloke playing darts. 419 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:03,575 That's the world's first game of "pull my finger", that is. 420 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,335 You got one of you there, jimmy? Oh, yeah. There's one of me. 421 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:10,255 Can we see it? There you go, there's me. Is that you? Wow. 422 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,295 It's like someone painted a face on a thumb. 423 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,535 It's like an early prototype for Wallace and Gromit. 424 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,375 He looks like, you know when they show, like, murderers 425 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,415 and then they show, like, their baby pics? 426 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,215 You sort of look and you go, "Yeah, I can see it." 427 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,375 It looks like that. All right, er, Sarah, how many did you get? 428 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,775 Er, only six. Joe, how many? 429 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,215 Seven. Ah, God dammit. Oh! 430 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,575 OK, Sarah, what's your six? PLENTY. 431 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,655 Joe, what did you get? PENALTY. Yes, excellent. 432 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,975 So, er, seven points to Joe's team. Yes! 433 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,855 Could they have done any better? PONYTAIL, that was it. 434 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,055 OK, so at the end of that, Sarah and Rhod have 14 points, 435 00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,375 Joe andjudi are in the lead with 21 points. 436 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,615 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 437 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,615 It's now time for Rhod and Judy to go head-to-head. 438 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,055 Er, Judi, your turn to pick the numbers. 439 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,255 At the top... You want all the top? We want... 440 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,135 ...three... 441 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,895 Oh, my God, oh, my God. Four. Four top, yeah. Oh, God. 442 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,535 One middle. Yeah. One middle! 443 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,535 One bottom. One bottom. 444 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,375 Confident? Four large. That's what I'm saying, four tops. 445 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,015 Right, we're going top heavy. Right, the... 446 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,615 ...little ones - 9 and 5. You're going top heavy. 447 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,895 And then we've got 75, 25, 448 00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,495 50 and 100. 449 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,815 229. OK, and your time starts now. 450 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,735 Oh, it's all to play for. The noise, 451 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,015 the noise is making me nervous. 452 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,375 What have we got to get? 229. 453 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,975 JOE LAUGHS 454 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,855 OK, the target was 229. 455 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,455 Judi, didjoe get it? Erm... 456 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,655 I'm so nervous, I need Joe to explain it for me. 457 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,615 You got it! Wow! 458 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,775 So out of breath. That's amazing, well done. Rhod, did Sarah get it? 459 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,575 No. But, 230. 460 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,255 Well, for the sake of argument, Judi, how did you get it? 461 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,135 100, right? Yes. 462 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,415 Add...75. 463 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,895 Yes. Yeah. Right. Add 50. 464 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,215 Yes. Ancl then I did, right, the 9. 465 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,495 Yes. Take away the 5, motherfos. 466 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,775 You've got it! 229. 467 00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,815 Well done. Well done. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 468 00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,775 I'm going to call it and say everyone was cheating - no points to anyone. 469 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,135 What?! You've made a mockery of the most boring bit of the show. 470 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,735 So Sarah and Rhod have 14 points, Joe andjudi have 21. 471 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,215 APPLAUSE 472 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,255 CONVERSATION DROWN ED OUT 473 00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,415 Time to go now to Dictionary Corner. jazz, what have you got for us? 474 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,975 jimothy, there's...there's so much pain in this world, 475 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,015 so much suffering like, er, like the little strip of paper 476 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,255 that holds a new roll of bin bags together - 477 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,815 how does it end its life? 478 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:27,135 Ripped in two and swallowed by the very thing it swore to protect. 479 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,415 And I've had enough, I'm standing up 480 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,095 against the evil and suffering in this world... FUNKY BASS LICK 481 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:37,095 ...and I'm not afraid to speak truth to power. 482 00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:41,495 To speak out against the things that make life hard for people. 483 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,975 # English language # English language 484 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,535 # We've all had enough of you making it tough for us all 485 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,815 # To pronounce ya 486 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,375 # You need to pick a frickin' lane with the sounds you're making 487 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:57,935 # like O-U-G-H 488 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,255 # It's said how it's spelt # "Dog"? 489 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,895 # Psych, it's... 490 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,575 # What the fough is ough with that? # I'm so confused 491 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,575 # English lang-ua-gay # English lang-ua-gay 492 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,735 # We've all had "enoo" of you making it "too" for us 493 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,495 # To "pro no-wonkay" 494 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:21,855 # It feels like you're just taking the P out of pterodactyl 495 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,375 # To fough with us 496 00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,615 # Let's talk about queue, that sound's already the first letter 497 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,455 # So what's with the extra "way-way"? 498 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,855 # Are we just adding any old shit to the endings of words now? 499 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,735 # In that case, I'll have the "fish and chips" 500 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,855 # English lan-joo-ajay # English lan-joo-ajay 501 00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:45,255 # We've all had "enow" of you making it "tow" for us 502 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,015 # To pronoo-ouncay # Pronoo-ouncay 503 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,575 # Why is the plural of mouse mice 504 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,535 # But we can't live in semi-detached hice? 505 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,495 # If you keep on laughing at me, you're going to drive me 506 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,535 # To commit mans-laughter 507 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,975 # And don't even get me started on the place names 508 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:05,855 # Chum-lee? 509 00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,135 # Hayz-brough? 510 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,615 # Woolzery? You know what 511 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,095 # Screw this, I'm moving to France... # 512 00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,975 Oh, sweet Jesus. 513 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,335 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Thank you. 514 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,375 Whoo! 515 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,735 jazz Emu there, that was fantastic. I've never seen Susie have so much fun. 516 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,255 And here is your teaser. The words are SHITSFAR 517 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:35,015 and the clue is - it's a wet one. That's SHITSFAR, it's a wet one. 518 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,815 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 519 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,015 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were SHITSFAR, 520 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:56,975 the clue was - it's a wet one. 521 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,855 It was of course, STARFISH. Oh! OK, time now for a quick bonus round. 522 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,655 So far, we have tested their maths and English skills. 523 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,695 But it's time now to test their general knowledge. 524 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,655 So let's play Didn't Go To University Challenge. 525 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,375 The team with the most correct answers at the end of this wins five bonus points. 526 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,855 Here's your first question, it's all about ancient history. 527 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:18,975 Ahh! Oh, God. 528 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,735 We all know Susie Dent has been on this show for a long time, 529 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,055 but which of these events happened before Susie's first appearance 530 00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,295 on Countdown? 531 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,295 You may confer with your team-mate. 532 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,535 THEY CONVERSE QUIETLY 533 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,535 Oh, also, I didn't get an A in maths. 534 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,535 What did you get? What did you get? A star. 535 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:51,855 THEY GROAN Come on! 536 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:55,135 Such a dick. Oh, my God. 537 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,455 We don't say it enough, she is such a dick. 538 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,215 OK. Joe, Judi, we need an answer. 539 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,255 B. B. We think text message. 540 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,095 Rhod, Sarah? A, please. 541 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,855 The answer is, er, none of them. Incredibly, they've all happened 542 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,375 since Susie Dent has been on Countdown. Whoa. 543 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,215 We've actually got a picture of Susie's first appearance on Countdown - 544 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,455 take a look at this. 545 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,775 No, we've got... No, that's the wrong...that's from her second year. 546 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,215 Let's have a look at a picture of her, 547 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,855 this is her first appearance, take a look. 548 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:34,295 Oh, wow. OK, next up in Didn't Go To University Challenge, 549 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,655 we have a practical challenge for you. 550 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,135 The London accent was recently voted the sexiest in the UK. 551 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,175 Quite right. We're going to put that to the test. 552 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,975 I'm going to give you each something to read and I want to see 553 00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,895 who has the sexiest accent. 554 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,175 Susie, you're our linguistic expert, so you'll be judging. OK. 555 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,495 Ooh. OK?joe, you're up first. 556 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,415 This is how to prepare a roast turkey. 557 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,495 The Brummie accent came seventh, 558 00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,135 so let's have it as sexy as possible, please. 559 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,255 Well, obviously, I don't have a Brummie accent because I went to a grammar school, 560 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:06,975 but...| will try and recreate what the people around me sound like. 561 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,575 BRUMMIE ACCENT: Loosen the skin over the breast... 562 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,815 ...by slipping your fingers in at the neck end, 563 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:21,575 spread softened butter liberally over both breasts. 564 00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,775 Handle the giblets gently 565 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,735 and thoroughly stuff the cavity. 566 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:34,455 Roast for at least 90 minutes until the juices run clear, 567 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,415 be sure to turn halfway through, you bastard. 568 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,055 APPLAUSE Sexy. Sexy. 569 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,375 That was nice. That was sexy. Yeah. 570 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,135 I like that because you know "joining giblets" 571 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,135 was once a euphemism for sex. 572 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,415 In what context would you say "joining..." 573 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,255 This was about 150 years ago, when I'd just started on Countdown. 574 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,055 Judi, you're up next. OK. Let's see if the London accent 575 00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:06,895 is really the sexiest. Here's an aeroplane safety procedure. Take it away, judi Love. 576 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:12,215 BREATHY LONDON ACCENT: In the event of an unexpected landing, 577 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:16,975 the exits are located here and here. 578 00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:24,695 inflate your life jacket by firmly tugging the cord. 579 00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:29,375 If necessary, use two...hands. 580 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,335 To further inflate... 581 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,255 "blow... 582 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:43,055 "strongly into the mouth piece. 583 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,975 Always blow...your own 584 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:53,735 before blowing...others around you. 585 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,495 APPLAUSE 586 00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,015 OK. The Welsh accent, fourth sexiest, Rhod. 587 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,975 Fourth? Let's see if you can sex up 588 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,495 the Haynes repair manual for a 1961 Volvo. 589 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,415 HIGH-PITCHED WELSH ACCENT: Remove the nut from the camshaft... 590 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,295 Thought he was doing me! 591 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,135 Ohh, I'll tell you what, Rhod, 592 00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,135 there's not a dry seat in the house. 593 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,415 Remove the nut from the camshaft, now remove the thrust flange, 594 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,815 start it on its way by getting purchase under the two holes in the timing gear. 595 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,935 Be careful not to push the camshaft backwards, certainly do not hammer it... 596 00:34:34,720 --> 00:34:37,255 ...because the hole is supposed to be sealed off for life 597 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,255 and it certainly won't be if the camshaft is hammered against it. 598 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,215 APPLAUSE Yeah, I mean... Really good. 599 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,375 I can tell you, the Geordie accent, Sarah, 600 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,735 was voted the third sexiest in the country. 601 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,055 You've got the side effects of a well-known medicine. 602 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,055 OK. 603 00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,135 BREATHY GEORDIE ACCENT: Headaches... 604 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,975 Ohh! ..nausea... 605 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,175 ...bloating... 606 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,415 ...tummy cramps... 607 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,095 ...fluid retention... 608 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,095 ...overproduction of saliva. 609 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,855 Unexpected swelling of the glands. 610 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,215 Constipation. 611 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,295 Diarrhoea... 612 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,375 Excessive... 613 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,015 ...diarrhoea... 614 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,655 ...and... SHE GASPS ORGASMICALLY 615 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,815 "erectile dysfunction. 616 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,575 APPLAUSE 617 00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,375 CHEERING 618 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,775 Very impressive. That's really good. 619 00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,095 Can you say "saliva" again? 620 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,495 Saliva. 621 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,575 I am as hard as an old Parmesan down there. 622 00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,775 OK, Susie, who's got the sexiest voice? Oh, that's so hard. 623 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,535 just because of the fluid retention and the saliva, 624 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,335 it's got to be Sarah. You get the five bonus points. 625 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,055 Bonus points. There's points! 626 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,055 OK, all right, on with the game. 627 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,455 Joe, Judi, you get to pick the letters. 628 00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,975 Continent. Con... 629 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,295 Continent! Consonant. A couple of continents. 630 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,575 R. Continent. Continent. R and I. 631 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,535 Vowel. A. 632 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,455 Vowel. E. 633 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,735 Er, consonant. 634 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,255 M. Consonant. 635 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,815 D. What do you fancy, a little vowel maybe? 636 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,335 Yeah, vowel, yeah, that's what I was thinking, a vowel. 637 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,015 Cheeky I. Errn, consonant. 638 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,855 T. Vowel. 639 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:58,255 This is good. guys. A final E. You always say that. 640 00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,215 And your time starts... Wait, wait, wait, wait! 641 00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:03,335 ...now. Wait... There's a screen in front of you, Judi. 642 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,975 Where? Oh, yeah. There is! 643 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,775 Judi, how many? I've got EL, I've got LATE, 644 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,135 I've got DATE, I've got REMI. 645 00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,655 Can I take this opportunity to congratulate you on LATE? 646 00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,695 I think that's really good. Thank you. 647 00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:43,855 I was too busy looking for longer ones, I didn't see it. 648 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,615 OK, so you got a four-letter word. Er, Joe? 649 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,815 Seven. Seven. Yeah. Pretty great. OK, Sarah, how many? 650 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,015 Seven. Seven, oh. Rhod, how many? I'm going eight. 651 00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,775 Eight, these are exciting times. Er, Sarah, your seven? 652 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,735 MEDIATE? MEDIATE. That's a good word. 653 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,775 Joe, your seven? TRAILER. You need two Rs. 654 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,495 Oh, I need two Rs. 655 00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:07,935 Uh, Rhod, your eight? REMEDIAL. 656 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,375 Damn. Wow. He's only gone and bloody done it. APPLAUSE 657 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,495 Eight points to, er, Sarah and Rhod. 658 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,415 Let me tell you something, if this was a three-word... 659 00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:22,935 Four... Not word. Three-letter word challenge, 660 00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,935 I'd fuck this place up. 661 00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,655 What would your word be? 662 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,295 CAR. 663 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,135 Oh, what, from these? There's no C! 664 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,535 Er, do you know, I just was in the moment. 665 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,855 You asked me for a three-letter word and I just... 666 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:44,255 ..| just said CAR. 667 00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,295 But if it was that, I would go for ATE. 668 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,655 Out of interest, Judi, is it harder to come up with 669 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,775 a random three-letter word with the clock going behind you? 670 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:55,095 It is! Ancl it's...it's really hard! 671 00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,815 Ohh... Look, he's just looking at me... 672 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,735 Ooh! CAT! 673 00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,375 just popped into my head. APPLAUSE 674 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,015 just popped in my head then. 675 00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:12,415 Wow. OK, jazz Emu, Susie Dent, could they have done any better? 676 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,335 No better, we just got eights too. They couldn't. 677 00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:18,895 I've only just realised you get the number of points the word...thing. 678 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:22,815 "We got eight!" Who's not getting the game now? 679 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,775 Wow. Wow. 680 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,255 That's another good three-letter word there. 681 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,015 She's on fire. She's on fire. 682 00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,735 Roll through you! OK. 683 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:40,175 OK. Sarah and Rhod are in the lead with 27 points. 684 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:44,055 APPLAUSE Oh, wow. Amazing. 685 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,095 Time to go once again to Dictionary Corner. 686 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:50,855 jazz Emu, what have you got for us? Er, I love forming close connections 687 00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,655 with other humans, you know. In fact, er, 688 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,655 the human connection that most inspired me over the last year 689 00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,655 was actually this, er, genuine email I received in my junk inbox. 690 00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,175 It was so lyrical in the way that it was written 691 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,655 that I was inspired to write a song with it. 692 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,375 JOLLY INTRO 693 00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,935 # Dear Henderson 694 00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,895 # I am contacting with urgent request 695 00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:23,295 # I am grieve to say your relation David Henderson 696 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,775 # Recently killed in a motor accident in my country 697 00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:30,335 # He leave some money total $1.3 million 698 00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,535 # In account that shares your name, Henderson 699 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,735 # And I like give it all to you 700 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,695 # My bro the... 701 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:46,215 # All I need is you can make a modest payment 702 00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:50,695 # And I send all funds to you 703 00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:54,255 # My bro the... 704 00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,095 #just a $280 705 00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:02,095 # Can allow me to transmit this funds to you 706 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,095 # Well, well, well 707 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:11,855 # Since you do not send the payment, I have bad news 708 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,695 # I have many webcam picture 709 00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:18,215 # This is picture from the webcam of him looking at some 710 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:22,055 # Well, just say some naughty picture 711 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,495 # And police can be interested 712 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,335 # You guessed 713 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:32,655 # This pictures are of you 714 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,855 # My bro the... 715 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:40,535 # And I promise to send to to your friends and family 716 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,855 # If not receive payment soon 717 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,895 # My bro the... 718 00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:51,175 # I don't think that you will like this 719 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:56,775 # And, yes, your mother is every upset 720 00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,655 # Oh, she's upset 721 00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,935 # You upset your mother 722 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,935 # Kind regards, 723 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,535 # Doctor johns tone Bennett 724 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:09,855 # Legal Finance Assosciate # 725 00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,815 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 726 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:18,855 And your final teaser, er, the words are IBANGROD, 727 00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,895 the clue is - everyone jump on. 728 00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,215 That's IBANGROD, everyone jump on. 729 00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:25,855 See you after the break. APPLAUSE 730 00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,575 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 731 00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:43,415 Welcome back. The answer to the teaser - the words were IBANGROD, 732 00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,815 the clue was - everyone jump on. It was, of course, BOARDING. 733 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,255 OK, time for our final letters game. Sarah and Rhod, your turn to choose. 734 00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,615 You want to choose? It's nice actually to have a chance. 735 00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,695 Yeah, yeah, go for it, love. All consonants, please. 736 00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:58,415 It's not Welsh Countdown. 737 00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,495 What do you fancy? Consonant. Consonant. 738 00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:05,895 Good start. Well clone. W. Another consonant. 739 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,535 Oh, I love Ws. S. 740 00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,295 Another consonant. I love an S... 741 00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,415 M. Oh, thank God. Now put a vowel in there, Rachel. 742 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,775 O. Put another vowel in there, Rachel, please. 743 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,135 U. Put another vowel in there, Rachel, please. 744 00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,095 E. There's MOUSE up there, Judi, if you're interested. 745 00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:21,815 I saw it. 746 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,455 I've already written it down. 747 00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:30,015 Consonant, please. D. Consonant. 748 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,775 X. A vowel, please. 749 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,935 Ancl a final I. 750 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,815 Ooh. Right, I'm starving. Erm, Fabio, 751 00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,335 can I... If the oysters are fresh, I'll get the oysters. 752 00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,375 Oh, your time starts now. 753 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,215 Oh, lovely. Thank you. 754 00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:50,055 And they're fresh, yes? 755 00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:55,655 Oysters... 756 00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,375 DEEP GURGLING 757 00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,215 Ohh... 758 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:07,135 GURGLING 759 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,455 Fabio, can you grab me the bucket? 760 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,615 Urghhh! 761 00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:18,855 Urghhh! 762 00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:20,735 Oh, that is awful! 763 00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,735 HE BELCHES AND RETCHES 764 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,975 APPLAUSE 765 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,055 I think that's it. Better out than in. Sorry about that, Fabio. 766 00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,295 Does anyone... 767 00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:37,735 Does anyone want an oyster? They're actually all right. 768 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:39,695 Judi, how many you got? Five. 769 00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:43,175 Joe, how many? Six. Six, OK. Sarah? 770 00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,495 Five. Sad. Rhod, how many? 771 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,855 I'll go a risky seven, shall I? Yeah, risky. Judi, your five? 772 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,175 I think I might know. MOUSE. 773 00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,895 APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING 774 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,255 Could you put MOUSED? No. Yeah! 775 00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:02,215 MOUSED, yeah. I've got actually this there. I've got that there - MOUSED. 776 00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:04,495 Sarah, your five? No, I said six. 777 00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:06,775 No... You said five. 778 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,015 It's just my accent. It's strong. 779 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,615 MOUSED 780 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:15,295 I've got it written down! OK, MOUSE, MOUSE. OK, so really, 781 00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,375 this isjoe versus Rhod here. Joe, your six? 782 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,335 MOUSED 783 00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:23,935 APPLAUSE 784 00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:25,775 This is amazing! 785 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,935 This is the best round I've ever clone! 786 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:35,055 Everyone talks about my five...five...letters...leh... 787 00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,735 Very well slurred. 788 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,175 OK, Rhod, your risky seven? 789 00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:41,415 MEDIOUS 790 00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,215 MEDIOUS? MEDIOUS. 791 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,535 No. Go on. No. 792 00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,575 Six points tojoe and Judi, it's neck and neck. 793 00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,815 GASPING AND WHOOPING 794 00:45:55,720 --> 00:45:58,055 jazz, Susie, could they have done any better? No. 795 00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:00,575 You could have EXODUS and WISDOM as well. 796 00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,695 This is a crucial Countdown conundrum, OK? 797 00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:06,135 Winner takes all. Your time starts now. 798 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,215 BELL Joe Lycett for the win. 799 00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:27,055 I5 it MONEYBAGS? 800 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:28,895 RHOD: Oh, it is! He's got it! 801 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,895 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 802 00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:33,535 Joe Lycett andjudi Love! 803 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,975 It came down to the wire, but the final scores are - 804 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,455 Sarah and Rhod have 27, judi andjoe have 37 points. 805 00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,775 You're now the proud owners of this, the Countdown melodica. 806 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,015 WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE 807 00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:47,775 Thanks to all our panel lists, our wonderful studio audience 808 00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,895 and to all of you for watching at home. That's it from us. Good night! 809 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:56,255 Subtitles by Red Bee Media