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This program me contains strong
language and adult humour
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APPLAUSE
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Tonight on 8 Out Of 10 Cats
Does Countdown -
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Sarah Millican,
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Joe Lycett,
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Rhod Gilbert,
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Judi Love,
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jazz Emu,
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Susie Dent,
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Rachel Riley
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and your host - jimmy...Carr!
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Hey!
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Hello and welcome to 8 Out Of 10
Cats Does Countdown,
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a show about letters,
numbers and conundrums.
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OK, let's meet tonight's players.
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First up, it's team captain
Sarah Millican.
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WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
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Sarah says she constantly needs
to wee
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because she has an old-lady bladder
or, as I like to call it,
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nanny fanny.
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If the letters come up,
can we have "nanny fanny" on this?
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It's too many. Oh, it's too many
letters. Too many letters.
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Unless it's N-A-N-I.
Oh, yeah. "Nan-eye fan-eye".
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It's quite Brummie. It is
quite Brummie! "Nan-eye fan-eye".
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And Sarah's team-mate Rhod Gilbert.
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
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Thank you, thank you.
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Here we go. Rhod used to be
the voice of the Welsh Tourist Board
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and the slogan, "You've got
on the M4 the wrong way,
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"never mind, welcome to Wales."
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Up against them this evening
it's team captain Joe Lycett.
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WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
Team captain.
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joe is originally from Birmingham.
People belittle Birmingham,
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but it's Britain's second shitty.
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And joining Joe tonight, it's judi
Love. WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
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When judi was little, she would
perform in front of imaginary crowds,
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which was a great practice
for her last tour.
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Ooh!
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My last show,
I was a supporting act for you,
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so let's talk about your audience
that wasn't there.
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Yay!
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Yes! S0me0ne's finally got him!
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Yeah... I think that this show
is us against you.
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It's not, it's all of us
against jimmy. Yeah.
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Take that, you prick.
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Well... I've really found
my energy now.
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Sarah, it says here you started
your own YouTube channel.
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Does that make you an influencer?
No! It really doesn't.
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It's, erm... You know those... Have you seen
those Get Ready With Me videos that they do...
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Oh, yes. ..when you watch somebody
and they get ready?
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I was going to do one of those,
but the first 15 minutes
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is just me having a shit and...
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I'd watch that. Yeah, I'd watch it.
Watch me have a...
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I'd watch the first 15 minutes.
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So you'd watch the concentration...
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You wouldn't want the wiping,
but you'd want the straining.
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Oh, yeah, I'm not a pervert.
Little bit of crying...
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Sometimes I have to take me top off
because I've got hot.
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Oh, my gosh, I do... Yeah.
Do you have to have slippers on?
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No, why do you have
to have slippers on?
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I have to have slippers on, I can't
have my bare feet... Why?
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I need to have the slippers...
Is it for purchase?
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it just makes me... it just makes me
feel grounded and connected.
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Connected! Have you ever done a poo
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when your feet weren't
touching the ground?
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Because I stayed in a hotel-
in Wales, funnily enough -
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where the toilet was on, like,
a...a ledge.
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That was a shelf.
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I think you may have been
in a B&Q,Joe. Yeah.
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OK, uh, Rhod,
what's...what's the one thing
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guaranteed to cheer you up? I'm into
wild swimming at the moment.
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it just clears your head.
Where do you do it?
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just in the house.
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just take a bit of LSD,
hop in the bath.
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Clears the head.
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Yeah, completely. Er, anything else?
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just normal stuff
we're all into. Bowling.
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Where do you do the bowling?
In the house.
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I just cut off a friend's head...
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...buff it up a bit,
stick my fingers in it
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and lob it down the stairs.
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Er, do you have any weird habits?
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Not really.
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I don't get out much.
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Judi... Yeah. Life hacks -
have you got any life hacks?
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Do you know what, life hack -
if you run out of tooth paste,
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use salt?
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Put salt on a toothbrush...
Stay with me.
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Back in the clay, you'd use salt for
everything, to preserve everything.
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just put some salt
on the toothbrush...
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Yeah. ..and brush your teeth,
but don't talk to anyone.
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Breath's going to smell like shit.
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just try it. If you run out
of Fairy Liquid,
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use shower gel to wash the plates -
that's a life hack.
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The life hack is just use
any other shit that's in the house
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and make it work. If you run out
of champagne, try bleach.
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No, no, no.
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Oh, we don't run out of champagne,
darling, no.
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Joe, have you got a mascot? What
have you brought for good luck?
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I've been in show business
for about 15 years,
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but I still get imposter syndrome,
I still feel like I'm not worthy,
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that I shouldn't be here,
that it's not good enough.
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But that all changed
after I started collecting
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celebrity urine samples.
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Celebrities are just humans,
we're all just...
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...we're all the same, really, and
no celebrity is better than another
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and it reminded me that I'm actually
fine and I've got all sorts here,
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from a sort of...a rich Ross Kemp,
that one is,
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erm, down to a sort of,
ooh, a lovely...
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This is a delicious Carol Kirkwood,
it smells so...
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Some of them have been donated
by the celebrities themselves
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and some of them sourced from,
let's call them unethical GPs.
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Er, this was a donation -
that's Eammon Holmes.
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Still warm. Warm!
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It's nice there.
It's like he's here. Yes.
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Some of the ones at the back here
are a bit, erm,
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a bit more eclectic. So that's
Des Lynam's, that's just dust.
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Des Lynam's.
Errn, Gino D'Acampo there,
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that's a vinaigrette.
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Alan Sugar's, just broken glass.
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Errn... Well, that explains
why he's grumpy.
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Yes, and the way he walks.
That's mine,
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that's a different sample actually,
so...
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And we've got one here,
this is jimmy Carr's.
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Ooh! just black ink.
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That is... Captures your
sort of soul, doesn't it?
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And your hair.
Whoever's hair that is.
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And if you're wondering how much
the collection is worth,
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I've been told it's basically
uninsurable.
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OK. Sarah, have you got a mascot?
Yes, I have.
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I was quite a lonely kid, I didn't
really have many friends at school,
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erm, but I'll tell you somebody who
was always my friend was the dinner lady.
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Erm, I've got the new...
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...er, dinner-lady comfort doll.
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Ooh. But it's just so really
I can kind of hold her hand
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like I did at school every now and
again, just to feel sort of comforted
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and less, you know, sort of nervous.
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She says comforting things
as well, should I...
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Oh, go on. Would you like to hear?
I'd love to. OK, she says a few. Er...
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RECORDED VOICE: "More mash, love?"
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That's to go with the, you know,
with the mash scoop, obviously.
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Aw...
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"No, you can't come
and live with me,
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"I live in the school."
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Who knew? I didn't know
they lived in the school.
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"Don't worry about
not having any friends,
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"it's chips today."
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Words to live by.
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Er, Judi, have you got a mascot?
I have got a mascot
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and, erm, what it is, you know,
obviously, my surname is Love
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and I'm all about the love
and hooking up and getting peace.
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So I thought my mascot is, like,
you know, dating shows.
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Are you pitching these shows? Yeah.
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So, look, "Love will", er,
"keep you together."
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Lovely, OK.
"Love will tear us apart", OK?
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Ancl if it tears you apart,
find a shag from your neighbour -
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"Love thy neighbour."
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They get me. Right?
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"Love finds a way."
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Like, find me or your love
in the bush.
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Some of us have a bush anyway
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and it's just hard enough finding it
when you've got the bush.
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But if there's a bush outside,
you travel through that bush
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to get to the bush.
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Sorry, is that... Couples have got
to find your vagina in a jungle?
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I'd watch that. Not exactly, but
it's a good show. It's a good show.
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You could do a double bill
with Millican's shit.
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Can mine have a catchier name, do
you think, than Millican's Shit?
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00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,175
OK. Rhod, have you got a mascot?
What have you brought?
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I have got a mascot, jimmy.
Funnily enough, his name is jimmy.
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jUDl GIGGLES
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He's a rescue cock.
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Like, I went to
Battersea Cocks Home...
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...and he was in a little cage
on the end,
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and I fell in love with him.
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I don't know what's going on.
Are you on LSD again?
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No, he's quite...he's quite shy...
jimmy?
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Here he is.
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Here he is.
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He loves this show, he's
a big fan...a big fan of this show.
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00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,295
You laugh, don't you, when
you're watching this, jimmy?
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00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,535
IT CACKLES LlKEjlMMY
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00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,015
Where was he? Was he just found
abandoned at the side of the road?
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00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,775
I don't know. He was already
in Battersea Cocks when I met him.
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Would he like to give a sample?
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00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,975
IT CACKLES
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00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,535
Why would they rescue him
and take him to the cock house?
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00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,935
Why wouldn't they take him home?
Why would who take him home?
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00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,815
Why wouldn't they take him home?
If I found a big fat cock
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00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,815
on the side of the road, I would not
be taking it to Battersea Cock Home.
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00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,975
Is he still looking for a home
though maybe, Judi?
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00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:52,975
Would you like to go home
withjudi, jimmy?
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00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,575
IT CACKLES
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00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,815
He's getting tired.
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00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,295
I'm not sure if there's room
for two massive cocks
195
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,335
with weird laughs like that
on this show.
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00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,815
Can we just keep him, then?
Well, there's the door!
197
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,855
You can take him off. You can
take him away if you want to.
198
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,215
Do you want me to...
He's had a long day.
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00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,535
I'll pull him off.
Yeah, you pull him off.
200
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,815
Bye-bye, massive penis. Come on.
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00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,375
IT CACKLES
202
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,175
Come on. Come on.
203
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,255
I'm enjoying watching it walk off.
I like the little dance!
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00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,815
That was weird, wasn't it?
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00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,855
Over in Dictionary Corner,
it's jazz Emu.
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00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:42,095
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
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00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,855
jazz, it's your first time
on the show. Tell us about yourself.
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00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:50,215
Thank you, jimothy,
it's a pleasure to be here.
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00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:54,215
I am a musician by trade, but, er,
I used to be a foley artist,
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00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,575
recording the sound effects
for movies.
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00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,535
You're probably familiar
with my work,
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00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:02,135
though you might not know it, er,
like the leaking dungeon pipe
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00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,575
in Morgog's Revenge 2.
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00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,095
HE MAKES PLOPPING SOUND
That was me.
215
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,295
Not a big deal. Everyone always
thinks they know foley, don't they?
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00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,895
They really only know
the main ones, like, er...
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00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,335
Like, er, knock two halves
of a coconut together,
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00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,375
you get the sound of...
Horse's hooves?
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00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,775
Horse hooves, that's exactly right.
Yes.
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00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:26,935
If you do it the other way round -
knock two halves of a horse together,
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00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,975
you get the sound of police sirens
and a little girl saying,
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00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,455
"Oh, God, my horse, what have
you done to my horse?"
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00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,775
It's a fascinating art form.
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00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,215
I'd like to show you some of
my foley work, if that's all right.
225
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,135
Thought you were going to show us
your horse. Oh, no, no, please.
226
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,495
Not right now, thank you!
227
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:48,015
I'll just show you some
of my work here. CHIME
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00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:49,815
Ooh. Oh.
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00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,095
Oh, I hate these.
Oh, so sorry about this.
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00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:55,775
"Select all the squares
containing traffic lights."
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00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,855
CHIME
232
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,695
"These are railway signals,
these are not for traffic."
233
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:07,015
Seems a little pernickety.
Let's try another one.
234
00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,095
I really think they could have
chosen slightly lower numbers,
235
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,895
Escape, escape.
236
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:19,215
"Select all the squares containing
correctly clicked squares."
237
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,855
Can't even see the squares!
238
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,135
jazz Emu, everyone.
239
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,615
Now...
240
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,055
And, of course, with jazz,
Susie Dent.
241
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,295
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
242
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,455
Susie Dent has written 14 books.
I wish I knew the secret
243
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,815
to writing an engaging, entertaining,
non-fiction book because if I did,
244
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,575
I'd tell Susie.
245
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,575
Susie, what have you been
looking into recently? Er, well, er,
246
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,935
genuinely, I have been looking into
glory holes, before you ask.
247
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,255
Yes!
248
00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:57,055
But in the Oxford
English Dictionary,
249
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,855
so I've been following what it meant
over time. It started off meaning
250
00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:02,695
just a corner where you would
just heap everything together.
251
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,255
That was the first glory hole.
Yeah, sounds about right.
252
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,535
Then it was a hall where
the Salvation Army practised.
253
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:10,895
Sounds about right.
Sounds about right.
254
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,815
Erm, and then it was
a deep opening in a mine.
255
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,055
Sounds bang on!
256
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,255
And in charge of the numbers,
it's Rachel Riley.
257
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,135
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
Yeah, Rachel!
258
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,935
Rachel Riley or, as I like to think
of her, Abacus Barbie.
259
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,055
Oh, I love it. You've described
regular Countdown
260
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,055
as the side of yourself
you'd show your grandparents
261
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,135
and Cats Countdown as the side
you'd show your mates. Yeah.
262
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,255
Who's the real Rachel? I think...
You get it, everyone's a bit of a mix.
263
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,895
I think, with most grandparents, you
have to watch your words a bit,
264
00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,575
but I didn't with my grandma
because grew up in the war,
265
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,935
she's from Salford,
she also was a dinner lady,
266
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:52,575
but she thought that she was the
reincarnated spirit of Cleopatra.
267
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:57,015
Do you think Cleopatra would've been gutted
to know she came back as a dinner lady?
268
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,215
OK, the prize the teams
will be competing for tonight
269
00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,695
is this - the Countdown melodica.
270
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:12,015
Little bit of quiet, please, this has
been a month's rehearsal. Hit it.
271
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,295
HE PLAYS COUNTDOWN THEME
272
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,775
H E PLAYS FALTERI NGLY
273
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,535
HE PLAYS WRONG NOTES
274
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,375
HE PLAYS BADLY
275
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,615
HE PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTES
276
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,855
APPLAUSE
277
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:41,575
OK, let's count down, everyone.
Time for the first game. Er,
278
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,935
Joe, Judi, you get the first pick
of the letters.
279
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,415
We'll take a consonant, please.
Thank you,joe.
280
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:47,855
S
281
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,775
This must be the letters one, yeah?
Yep.
282
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,575
Consonant, yes.
A consonant, please. Yep.
283
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,295
F. Consonant. Another consonant? G.
284
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,135
G. Vowel? Vowel, yeah,
let's have a vowel!
285
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,735
A. OK. I haven't been
on this show for a few years,
286
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:05,015
I remember it being faster.
287
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,895
Vowel, vowel, consonant, vowel!
288
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,175
O, U,
289
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,735
C, E. Probably a consonant.
290
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,775
Yep, a finalT. Right, so let me
have... Wait, hold on, babes.
291
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,095
Hang on a minute. I'm trying
to catch up. Start again.
292
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,375
S, F, G... I can't see.
293
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,775
A, O, U, C, E, T.
294
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,375
C, E, T. It's not an eye test!
295
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,855
And, for the first time today,
here's the Countdown clock.
296
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,335
MONKISH CHANTS
297
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,215
THEY CHANT COUNTDOWN THEME
298
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:08,455
Ooooh.
APPLAUSE
299
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,055
Right.
300
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,415
Come on, then, fellas. Thank you,
I'll see you at the orgy.
301
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,655
How many? Seven.
302
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,975
Whoo. Sarah, what have you got?
303
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,415
I just got loads of fives.
Uh, Joe, what you got?
304
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,615
I got a seven. Mm-hm.
That's impressive. judi?
305
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,135
Whoa, we're a team,
so I've got a seven.
306
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:33,415
So, you've got a seven,
what have YOU got?
307
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:35,375
Well, you know,
I've got a... I've got a five.
308
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,295
What's your five?
Erm, I have got SAUCE.
309
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,775
Your five, Sarah,
your assorted fives?
310
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,815
I've got GUEST and I've got GOATS.
311
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,815
Rhod, your seven? Mine's, well,
I'm hoping - FAUCETS.
312
00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,375
Yes. I've got FAUCETS as well.
313
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,175
Whoa! FAUCETS, everyone.
314
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,055
That's an impressive word. Well done.
Seven points to both teams.
315
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,415
jazz, Susie, could they have done
any better?
316
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,815
I don't mean to brag, jimothy,
but I actually got an eight.
317
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:00,735
Wow. Yes.
318
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,575
ATE - "ate".
319
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,255
Three letters. But, er, Susan?
320
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,615
Er, yeah, there is an eight there -
OUTFACES,
321
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,775
which is to confront someone boldly
and defeat them.
322
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,135
APPLAUSE
323
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,215
OK, on to our first numbers round.
324
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,575
OK, Sarah, Rhod,
your turn to pick the numbers.
325
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:22,615
If you were not good at maths,
for example, what would you do?
326
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,455
If you want to have a shot
of getting it, I'd go two large,
327
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,695
but it you want to screw not just
yourselves but the other team over,
328
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:32,295
then you could go four large. They
don't need to be screwing anyone over.
329
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,735
No, it's too hard.
If you wantjudi not to get it,
330
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,975
just play the game.
331
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,015
Go for the easy one, I don't want
that team to lose interest completely.
332
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,935
Right, four little ones.
Glad we got there.
333
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,255
I thought it was...
That ship may have sailed.
334
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,295
5, 7, 7,
335
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:50,895
5... What do we do?
just write them down. 75 and 100.
336
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,215
Look like you know
what you're doing, flower.
337
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,535
And the target - 565.
338
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,855
What, that's the number
we've got to get? Yeah.
339
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,575
And your time starts... Oh, shit.
340
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,575
"HOW.
341
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,095
What was it? 565.
342
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,095
SHE LAUGHS EXCITEDLY
343
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:32,855
Arghh!
344
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,135
Rhod, did you...did you get it?
345
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,615
568, call it.
346
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,455
I've got 564, I think.
Oh, well done. 564, pretty close.
347
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,055
No, it's still not right.
Joe, did you get it? I got 566.
348
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,375
I got 565.
349
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,415
How did you get 565?
I did 100 times 5,
350
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,975
right? Yeah. Add 75.
351
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,255
Yeah. Take away 5.
352
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:54,295
Yeah. Take away 5.
353
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,615
Which 5? Oh, you... There's two 5...
Oh... There's two 5s.
354
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,855
No. I'm confused, right? Look...
355
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,215
You've got one 5 here.
We've got to use those numbers.
356
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,415
Take away that... No.
Ancl one 5 here. No, no, no.
357
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,895
Well, you know what...
358
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,375
I was born in the '80s
and the way we did maths
359
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,895
was a little bit different.
360
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:19,295
You were so close. Thank you.
Sarah, how did you get, er, 564?
361
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,655
Written it down wrong,
it's 566 is what I got. 566.
362
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,975
It's one the other way. OK, go on.
Er, 5 multiplied by 100
363
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,935
plus 75,
364
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,175
minus both of the 7s plus the 5.
Yeah.
365
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,735
Joe, did you get it the same way?
Yeah, the same way.
366
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,615
I wasn't far. Yeah, you were.
No, you were so close!
367
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:41,015
No, no, no, I'm listening
to the clon. She said I wasn't far.
368
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,375
All you needed to do was take off
one more 5... Yeah.
369
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,935
So if you do 7 over 7 is 1... Yeah.
370
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,975
...and then you do 100 minus the 1 -
99. Uh-huh.
371
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:50,855
Then you times it by 5... Yeah.
372
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,175
...you get 495 and then you just,
you can carry on. Yeah.
373
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:58,855
75 and the 5. I think my paper looks
just like yours, if I'm honest.
374
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:03,655
just one little one different.
Seven points to both teams. Genius.
375
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,615
And here is your teaser.
The words are RODBALLS,
376
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,975
the clue is - they're hard
as concrete. That's RODBALLS,
377
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,295
they're hard as concrete.
See you after the break.
378
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,015
APPLAUSE
379
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,335
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser - the words were RODBALLS,
380
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:34,335
the clue was - they're as hard as
concrete. It was of course BOLLARDS.
381
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:38,695
Wow. My balls are not hard
as concrete, I should point out.
382
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,095
Although they are as heavy.
383
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,375
I'm housebound some days.
384
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,295
It's that last little lip to get them out
of the doorway, you know. Oh, yeah.
385
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,135
It's like taking a 14-year-old
Alsatian for a walk.
386
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,135
Get them to the door and then...
387
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:00,495
...then I can't get them over
that last little lip.
388
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,255
OK, they've been playing in teams
so far, but this game
389
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,775
is just for Sarah and Joe. Ooh!
390
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,655
So, Sarah, your turn to choose.
Oh, no.
391
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,015
Erm, ooh, a vowel, please, Rachel.
392
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,975
Thank you, Sarah. Good choice.
I. Thanks. Another vowel, please.
393
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,335
E. Erm, a couple of consonants,
just chuck a couple up.
394
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:19,655
Thanks, flower. Y, N.
395
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,815
Oh, can I not have those?
Why? They're all right.
396
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,415
No, let's have two more
consonants, please.
397
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,855
T and P. Oh.
398
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,295
What? Let's have another vowel. A.
399
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,735
Ancl then one more vowel
and one more consonant, please.
400
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,135
And O. These are good.
401
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:39,215
Are they? You've nailed it. L.
What if I'm still shit though?
402
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,015
I'm going to take a look at the old
Countdown family photo album.
403
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:44,015
Your time starts now.
404
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,055
Aww. Oh, my God.
405
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,615
A very attractive 14-year-old
Goth girl. Erm, Rhod?
406
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:23,335
Yeah. Were you Goose in Top Gun?
407
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,295
It looks like you've got
four eyebrows
408
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,655
and two of them
are trying to get away.
409
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,095
That young man there
was a bit of a hit with the ladies.
410
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,455
Really? A lot of girlfriends.
411
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,815
Some were girls in my class.
Some were older.
412
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,375
Some were, er, cereal boxes
with a hole cut in the back. Oh, no.
413
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:45,055
One was a rubber glove
filled with fairy liquid.
414
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:47,895
Does anyone remember
their childhood in the 1950s?
415
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,495
AWW!
416
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,535
Look at that, it's Sarah Millican.
417
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,095
You look like you're playing darts.
418
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:58,095
You look like a bloke playing darts.
419
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:03,575
That's the world's first game
of "pull my finger", that is.
420
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,335
You got one of you there, jimmy?
Oh, yeah. There's one of me.
421
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:10,255
Can we see it? There you go,
there's me. Is that you? Wow.
422
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,295
It's like someone
painted a face on a thumb.
423
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,535
It's like an early prototype
for Wallace and Gromit.
424
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,375
He looks like, you know when
they show, like, murderers
425
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,415
and then they show, like,
their baby pics?
426
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,215
You sort of look and you go,
"Yeah, I can see it."
427
00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:30,375
It looks like that. All right, er,
Sarah, how many did you get?
428
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,775
Er, only six. Joe, how many?
429
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,215
Seven. Ah, God dammit. Oh!
430
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,575
OK, Sarah, what's your six? PLENTY.
431
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,655
Joe, what did you get? PENALTY.
Yes, excellent.
432
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,975
So, er, seven points to Joe's team.
Yes!
433
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,855
Could they have done any better?
PONYTAIL, that was it.
434
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,055
OK, so at the end of that,
Sarah and Rhod have 14 points,
435
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,375
Joe andjudi are in the lead
with 21 points.
436
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,615
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
437
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,615
It's now time for Rhod and Judy
to go head-to-head.
438
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,055
Er, Judi, your turn
to pick the numbers.
439
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:06,255
At the top... You want all the top?
We want...
440
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,135
...three...
441
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,895
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Four. Four top, yeah. Oh, God.
442
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,535
One middle. Yeah. One middle!
443
00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,535
One bottom. One bottom.
444
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,375
Confident? Four large.
That's what I'm saying, four tops.
445
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,015
Right, we're going top heavy.
Right, the...
446
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,615
...little ones - 9 and 5.
You're going top heavy.
447
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,895
And then we've got 75, 25,
448
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,495
50 and 100.
449
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,815
229. OK, and your time starts now.
450
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,735
Oh, it's all to play for. The noise,
451
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,015
the noise is making me nervous.
452
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,375
What have we got to get? 229.
453
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,975
JOE LAUGHS
454
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,855
OK, the target was 229.
455
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,455
Judi, didjoe get it? Erm...
456
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,655
I'm so nervous, I need Joe
to explain it for me.
457
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,615
You got it! Wow!
458
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,775
So out of breath. That's amazing,
well done. Rhod, did Sarah get it?
459
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,575
No. But, 230.
460
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,255
Well, for the sake of argument,
Judi, how did you get it?
461
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,135
100, right? Yes.
462
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,415
Add...75.
463
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,895
Yes. Yeah. Right. Add 50.
464
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:38,215
Yes. Ancl then I did, right, the 9.
465
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,495
Yes. Take away the 5, motherfos.
466
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,775
You've got it! 229.
467
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,815
Well done. Well done.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
468
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,775
I'm going to call it and say everyone
was cheating - no points to anyone.
469
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,135
What?! You've made a mockery of
the most boring bit of the show.
470
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,735
So Sarah and Rhod have 14 points,
Joe andjudi have 21.
471
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,215
APPLAUSE
472
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:07,255
CONVERSATION DROWN ED OUT
473
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,415
Time to go now to Dictionary Corner.
jazz, what have you got for us?
474
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,975
jimothy, there's...there's
so much pain in this world,
475
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:17,015
so much suffering like, er,
like the little strip of paper
476
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,255
that holds a new roll of bin bags
together -
477
00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,815
how does it end its life?
478
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:27,135
Ripped in two and swallowed by
the very thing it swore to protect.
479
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,415
And I've had enough,
I'm standing up
480
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,095
against the evil and suffering in
this world... FUNKY BASS LICK
481
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:37,095
...and I'm not afraid
to speak truth to power.
482
00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:41,495
To speak out against the things
that make life hard for people.
483
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:45,975
# English language
# English language
484
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,535
# We've all had enough of you
making it tough for us all
485
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,815
# To pronounce ya
486
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,375
# You need to pick a frickin' lane
with the sounds you're making
487
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:57,935
# like O-U-G-H
488
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,255
# It's said how it's spelt
# "Dog"?
489
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,895
# Psych, it's...
490
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,575
# What the fough is ough with that?
# I'm so confused
491
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:11,575
# English lang-ua-gay
# English lang-ua-gay
492
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,735
# We've all had "enoo"
of you making it "too" for us
493
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,495
# To "pro no-wonkay"
494
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:21,855
# It feels like you're just taking
the P out of pterodactyl
495
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,375
# To fough with us
496
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:26,615
# Let's talk about queue, that
sound's already the first letter
497
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:30,455
# So what's with
the extra "way-way"?
498
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,855
# Are we just adding any old shit
to the endings of words now?
499
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,735
# In that case,
I'll have the "fish and chips"
500
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,855
# English lan-joo-ajay
# English lan-joo-ajay
501
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:45,255
# We've all had "enow" of you
making it "tow" for us
502
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,015
# To pronoo-ouncay
# Pronoo-ouncay
503
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,575
# Why is the plural of mouse mice
504
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:53,535
# But we can't live
in semi-detached hice?
505
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:58,495
# If you keep on laughing at me,
you're going to drive me
506
00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:01,535
# To commit mans-laughter
507
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,975
# And don't even get me started
on the place names
508
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:05,855
# Chum-lee?
509
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:08,135
# Hayz-brough?
510
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,615
# Woolzery? You know what
511
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,095
# Screw this,
I'm moving to France... #
512
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,975
Oh, sweet Jesus.
513
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,335
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Thank you.
514
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,375
Whoo!
515
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,735
jazz Emu there, that was fantastic.
I've never seen Susie have so much fun.
516
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,255
And here is your teaser.
The words are SHITSFAR
517
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:35,015
and the clue is - it's a wet one.
That's SHITSFAR, it's a wet one.
518
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,815
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE
519
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,015
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser - the words were SHITSFAR,
520
00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:56,975
the clue was - it's a wet one.
521
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,855
It was of course, STARFISH. Oh!
OK, time now for a quick bonus round.
522
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,655
So far, we have tested
their maths and English skills.
523
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:05,695
But it's time now to test
their general knowledge.
524
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,655
So let's play
Didn't Go To University Challenge.
525
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,375
The team with the most correct answers
at the end of this wins five bonus points.
526
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,855
Here's your first question,
it's all about ancient history.
527
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:18,975
Ahh! Oh, God.
528
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,735
We all know Susie Dent has been
on this show for a long time,
529
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,055
but which of these events happened
before Susie's first appearance
530
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,295
on Countdown?
531
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,295
You may confer with your team-mate.
532
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,535
THEY CONVERSE QUIETLY
533
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,535
Oh, also, I didn't get an A
in maths.
534
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,535
What did you get?
What did you get? A star.
535
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:51,855
THEY GROAN
Come on!
536
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:55,135
Such a dick. Oh, my God.
537
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,455
We don't say it enough,
she is such a dick.
538
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,215
OK. Joe, Judi, we need an answer.
539
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,255
B. B. We think text message.
540
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,095
Rhod, Sarah? A, please.
541
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,855
The answer is, er, none of them.
Incredibly, they've all happened
542
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,375
since Susie Dent
has been on Countdown. Whoa.
543
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,215
We've actually got a picture of
Susie's first appearance on Countdown -
544
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,455
take a look at this.
545
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,775
No, we've got... No, that's the
wrong...that's from her second year.
546
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,215
Let's have a look at a picture
of her,
547
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,855
this is her first appearance,
take a look.
548
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:34,295
Oh, wow. OK, next up in
Didn't Go To University Challenge,
549
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,655
we have a practical challenge
for you.
550
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,135
The London accent was recently
voted the sexiest in the UK.
551
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,175
Quite right. We're going to
put that to the test.
552
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,975
I'm going to give you each
something to read and I want to see
553
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,895
who has the sexiest accent.
554
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:50,175
Susie, you're our linguistic expert,
so you'll be judging. OK.
555
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,495
Ooh. OK?joe, you're up first.
556
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,415
This is how to prepare
a roast turkey.
557
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,495
The Brummie accent came seventh,
558
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,135
so let's have it as sexy
as possible, please.
559
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,255
Well, obviously, I don't have a Brummie
accent because I went to a grammar school,
560
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:06,975
but...| will try and recreate what
the people around me sound like.
561
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,575
BRUMMIE ACCENT: Loosen the skin
over the breast...
562
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,815
...by slipping your fingers in
at the neck end,
563
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:21,575
spread softened butter liberally
over both breasts.
564
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,775
Handle the giblets gently
565
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,735
and thoroughly stuff the cavity.
566
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:34,455
Roast for at least 90 minutes
until the juices run clear,
567
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:38,415
be sure to turn halfway through,
you bastard.
568
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,055
APPLAUSE
Sexy. Sexy.
569
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,375
That was nice. That was sexy. Yeah.
570
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,135
I like that because you know
"joining giblets"
571
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,135
was once a euphemism for sex.
572
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,415
In what context
would you say "joining..."
573
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,255
This was about 150 years ago, when
I'd just started on Countdown.
574
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,055
Judi, you're up next. OK.
Let's see if the London accent
575
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:06,895
is really the sexiest. Here's an aeroplane
safety procedure. Take it away, judi Love.
576
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:12,215
BREATHY LONDON ACCENT: In
the event of an unexpected landing,
577
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:16,975
the exits are located
here and here.
578
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:24,695
inflate your life jacket
by firmly tugging the cord.
579
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:29,375
If necessary, use two...hands.
580
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,335
To further inflate...
581
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,255
"blow...
582
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:43,055
"strongly into the mouth piece.
583
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,975
Always blow...your own
584
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:53,735
before blowing...others around you.
585
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,495
APPLAUSE
586
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,015
OK. The Welsh accent,
fourth sexiest, Rhod.
587
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:02,975
Fourth? Let's see if you can sex up
588
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,495
the Haynes repair manual
for a 1961 Volvo.
589
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,415
HIGH-PITCHED WELSH ACCENT:
Remove the nut from the camshaft...
590
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,295
Thought he was doing me!
591
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,135
Ohh, I'll tell you what, Rhod,
592
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,135
there's not a dry seat in the house.
593
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,415
Remove the nut from the camshaft,
now remove the thrust flange,
594
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,815
start it on its way by getting purchase
under the two holes in the timing gear.
595
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,935
Be careful not to push the camshaft
backwards, certainly do not hammer it...
596
00:34:34,720 --> 00:34:37,255
...because the hole is supposed
to be sealed off for life
597
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,255
and it certainly won't be if the
camshaft is hammered against it.
598
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,215
APPLAUSE
Yeah, I mean... Really good.
599
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,375
I can tell you,
the Geordie accent, Sarah,
600
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,735
was voted the third sexiest
in the country.
601
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,055
You've got the side effects
of a well-known medicine.
602
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,055
OK.
603
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,135
BREATHY GEORDIE ACCENT: Headaches...
604
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,975
Ohh! ..nausea...
605
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,175
...bloating...
606
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,415
...tummy cramps...
607
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,095
...fluid retention...
608
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,095
...overproduction of saliva.
609
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,855
Unexpected swelling of the glands.
610
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,215
Constipation.
611
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,295
Diarrhoea...
612
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:40,375
Excessive...
613
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,015
...diarrhoea...
614
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,655
...and...
SHE GASPS ORGASMICALLY
615
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,815
"erectile dysfunction.
616
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,575
APPLAUSE
617
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,375
CHEERING
618
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,775
Very impressive. That's really good.
619
00:35:57,080 --> 00:35:59,095
Can you say "saliva" again?
620
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,495
Saliva.
621
00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:04,575
I am as hard as an old Parmesan
down there.
622
00:36:08,760 --> 00:36:11,775
OK, Susie, who's got the sexiest
voice? Oh, that's so hard.
623
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,535
just because of the fluid retention
and the saliva,
624
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,335
it's got to be Sarah.
You get the five bonus points.
625
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,055
Bonus points. There's points!
626
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:24,055
OK, all right, on with the game.
627
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:26,455
Joe, Judi, you get to pick
the letters.
628
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,975
Continent. Con...
629
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,295
Continent! Consonant.
A couple of continents.
630
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,575
R. Continent. Continent. R and I.
631
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,535
Vowel. A.
632
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,455
Vowel. E.
633
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,735
Er, consonant.
634
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,255
M. Consonant.
635
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,815
D. What do you fancy,
a little vowel maybe?
636
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,335
Yeah, vowel, yeah, that's what
I was thinking, a vowel.
637
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,015
Cheeky I. Errn, consonant.
638
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:53,855
T. Vowel.
639
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:58,255
This is good. guys. A final E.
You always say that.
640
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,215
And your time starts...
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
641
00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:03,335
...now. Wait... There's a screen
in front of you, Judi.
642
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,975
Where? Oh, yeah. There is!
643
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,775
Judi, how many?
I've got EL, I've got LATE,
644
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,135
I've got DATE, I've got REMI.
645
00:37:36,160 --> 00:37:38,655
Can I take this opportunity
to congratulate you on LATE?
646
00:37:38,680 --> 00:37:40,695
I think that's really good.
Thank you.
647
00:37:40,720 --> 00:37:43,855
I was too busy looking
for longer ones, I didn't see it.
648
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:48,615
OK, so you got a four-letter word.
Er, Joe?
649
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,815
Seven. Seven. Yeah. Pretty great.
OK, Sarah, how many?
650
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,015
Seven. Seven, oh.
Rhod, how many? I'm going eight.
651
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,775
Eight, these are exciting times.
Er, Sarah, your seven?
652
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:00,735
MEDIATE? MEDIATE.
That's a good word.
653
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,775
Joe, your seven? TRAILER.
You need two Rs.
654
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,495
Oh, I need two Rs.
655
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:07,935
Uh, Rhod, your eight? REMEDIAL.
656
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,375
Damn. Wow. He's only gone
and bloody done it. APPLAUSE
657
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:14,495
Eight points to, er, Sarah and Rhod.
658
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,415
Let me tell you something,
if this was a three-word...
659
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:22,935
Four... Not word.
Three-letter word challenge,
660
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:24,935
I'd fuck this place up.
661
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:28,655
What would your word be?
662
00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,295
CAR.
663
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,135
Oh, what, from these? There's no C!
664
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,535
Er, do you know,
I just was in the moment.
665
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:42,855
You asked me for a three-letter word
and I just...
666
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:44,255
..| just said CAR.
667
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,295
But if it was that,
I would go for ATE.
668
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,655
Out of interest, Judi,
is it harder to come up with
669
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,775
a random three-letter word
with the clock going behind you?
670
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:55,095
It is! Ancl it's...it's really hard!
671
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,815
Ohh...
Look, he's just looking at me...
672
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,735
Ooh! CAT!
673
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,375
just popped into my head.
APPLAUSE
674
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,015
just popped in my head then.
675
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:12,415
Wow. OK, jazz Emu, Susie Dent,
could they have done any better?
676
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,335
No better, we just got eights too.
They couldn't.
677
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:18,895
I've only just realised you get the
number of points the word...thing.
678
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:22,815
"We got eight!"
Who's not getting the game now?
679
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,775
Wow. Wow.
680
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,255
That's another good
three-letter word there.
681
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,015
She's on fire. She's on fire.
682
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,735
Roll through you! OK.
683
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:40,175
OK. Sarah and Rhod
are in the lead with 27 points.
684
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:44,055
APPLAUSE
Oh, wow. Amazing.
685
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,095
Time to go once again
to Dictionary Corner.
686
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:50,855
jazz Emu, what have you got for us?
Er, I love forming close connections
687
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:53,655
with other humans, you know.
In fact, er,
688
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,655
the human connection that most
inspired me over the last year
689
00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,655
was actually this, er, genuine email
I received in my junk inbox.
690
00:40:00,680 --> 00:40:03,175
It was so lyrical in the way
that it was written
691
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,655
that I was inspired to write
a song with it.
692
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,375
JOLLY INTRO
693
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,935
# Dear Henderson
694
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:18,895
# I am contacting
with urgent request
695
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:23,295
# I am grieve to say
your relation David Henderson
696
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,775
# Recently killed in
a motor accident in my country
697
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:30,335
# He leave some money
total $1.3 million
698
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:33,535
# In account that shares your name,
Henderson
699
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,735
# And I like give it all to you
700
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:41,695
# My bro the...
701
00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:46,215
# All I need is you can
make a modest payment
702
00:40:46,240 --> 00:40:50,695
# And I send all funds to you
703
00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:54,255
# My bro the...
704
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:57,095
#just a $280
705
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:02,095
# Can allow me to transmit
this funds to you
706
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,095
# Well, well, well
707
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:11,855
# Since you do not send the payment,
I have bad news
708
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,695
# I have many webcam picture
709
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:18,215
# This is picture from the webcam
of him looking at some
710
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:22,055
# Well, just say
some naughty picture
711
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,495
# And police can be interested
712
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,335
# You guessed
713
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:32,655
# This pictures are of you
714
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,855
# My bro the...
715
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:40,535
# And I promise to send
to to your friends and family
716
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,855
# If not receive payment soon
717
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:47,895
# My bro the...
718
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:51,175
# I don't think that
you will like this
719
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:56,775
# And, yes,
your mother is every upset
720
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,655
# Oh, she's upset
721
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,935
# You upset your mother
722
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,935
# Kind regards,
723
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,535
# Doctor johns tone Bennett
724
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:09,855
# Legal Finance Assosciate #
725
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,815
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
726
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:18,855
And your final teaser, er,
the words are IBANGROD,
727
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,895
the clue is - everyone jump on.
728
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,215
That's IBANGROD, everyone jump on.
729
00:42:23,240 --> 00:42:25,855
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE
730
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,575
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
731
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:43,415
Welcome back. The answer to the
teaser - the words were IBANGROD,
732
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,815
the clue was - everyone jump on.
It was, of course, BOARDING.
733
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,255
OK, time for our final letters game.
Sarah and Rhod, your turn to choose.
734
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,615
You want to choose?
It's nice actually to have a chance.
735
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:55,695
Yeah, yeah, go for it, love.
All consonants, please.
736
00:42:55,720 --> 00:42:58,415
It's not Welsh Countdown.
737
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,495
What do you fancy?
Consonant. Consonant.
738
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:05,895
Good start. Well clone. W.
Another consonant.
739
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,535
Oh, I love Ws. S.
740
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,295
Another consonant. I love an S...
741
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,415
M. Oh, thank God.
Now put a vowel in there, Rachel.
742
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:15,775
O. Put another vowel in there,
Rachel, please.
743
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,135
U. Put another vowel in there,
Rachel, please.
744
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,095
E. There's MOUSE up there, Judi,
if you're interested.
745
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:21,815
I saw it.
746
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,455
I've already written it down.
747
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:30,015
Consonant, please. D. Consonant.
748
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,775
X. A vowel, please.
749
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,935
Ancl a final I.
750
00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,815
Ooh. Right, I'm starving.
Erm, Fabio,
751
00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:40,335
can I... If the oysters are fresh,
I'll get the oysters.
752
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,375
Oh, your time starts now.
753
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,215
Oh, lovely. Thank you.
754
00:43:48,240 --> 00:43:50,055
And they're fresh, yes?
755
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:55,655
Oysters...
756
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,375
DEEP GURGLING
757
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:05,215
Ohh...
758
00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:07,135
GURGLING
759
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,455
Fabio, can you grab me the bucket?
760
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,615
Urghhh!
761
00:44:17,240 --> 00:44:18,855
Urghhh!
762
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:20,735
Oh, that is awful!
763
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,735
HE BELCHES AND RETCHES
764
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:26,975
APPLAUSE
765
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,055
I think that's it. Better out
than in. Sorry about that, Fabio.
766
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,295
Does anyone...
767
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:37,735
Does anyone want an oyster?
They're actually all right.
768
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:39,695
Judi, how many you got? Five.
769
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:43,175
Joe, how many? Six. Six, OK. Sarah?
770
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,495
Five. Sad. Rhod, how many?
771
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:48,855
I'll go a risky seven, shall I?
Yeah, risky. Judi, your five?
772
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,175
I think I might know. MOUSE.
773
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,895
APPLAUSE AND WHOOPING
774
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,255
Could you put MOUSED? No. Yeah!
775
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:02,215
MOUSED, yeah. I've got actually this
there. I've got that there - MOUSED.
776
00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:04,495
Sarah, your five? No, I said six.
777
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:06,775
No... You said five.
778
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,015
It's just my accent. It's strong.
779
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,615
MOUSED
780
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:15,295
I've got it written down!
OK, MOUSE, MOUSE. OK, so really,
781
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,375
this isjoe versus Rhod here.
Joe, your six?
782
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,335
MOUSED
783
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:23,935
APPLAUSE
784
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:25,775
This is amazing!
785
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,935
This is the best round
I've ever clone!
786
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:35,055
Everyone talks about
my five...five...letters...leh...
787
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,735
Very well slurred.
788
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,175
OK, Rhod, your risky seven?
789
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:41,415
MEDIOUS
790
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,215
MEDIOUS? MEDIOUS.
791
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,535
No. Go on. No.
792
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,575
Six points tojoe and Judi,
it's neck and neck.
793
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:50,815
GASPING AND WHOOPING
794
00:45:55,720 --> 00:45:58,055
jazz, Susie, could they have done
any better? No.
795
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:00,575
You could have EXODUS
and WISDOM as well.
796
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:03,695
This is a crucial
Countdown conundrum, OK?
797
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:06,135
Winner takes all.
Your time starts now.
798
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,215
BELL
Joe Lycett for the win.
799
00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:27,055
I5 it MONEYBAGS?
800
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:28,895
RHOD: Oh, it is! He's got it!
801
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,895
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
802
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:33,535
Joe Lycett andjudi Love!
803
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,975
It came down to the wire,
but the final scores are -
804
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,455
Sarah and Rhod have 27,
judi andjoe have 37 points.
805
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,775
You're now the proud owners
of this, the Countdown melodica.
806
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,015
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
807
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:47,775
Thanks to all our panel lists,
our wonderful studio audience
808
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,895
and to all of you for watching at
home. That's it from us. Good night!
809
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:56,255
Subtitles by Red Bee Media