♪ Hello, hello, it's a mellow day ♪
♪ You see me sittin' pretty while the cellos play ♪
♪ I am a walkin' movie, I am center stage ♪
♪ If you want it, you can find me on the yellow page ♪
- Whoo! - ♪ I look good ♪
My boob job was a success.
♪ I look good ♪
I went from an A cup to a double D.
I told the doctor I wanted to stay within, like, C,
but then when I was on the surgical table,
I was like, "You know what, go big or go home."
I'm looking forward to these things, like, bouncin'.
Hello?
Hi, babe, I just got back.
- Finally! - I know.
I can't wait to, like, move.
My place looks like an absolute disaster.
My ex didn't leave it in the best way.
Is he completely gone?
Yeah, he had all his stuff out while I was away in Houston.
So much has changed. My ex just moved out,
I've found a new place, and, I mean...
I'm a new person.
I'm moving in four days.
- Yes, finally. - What did I miss?
I mean, Natalie and Jason are making out again.
She has a big heart. She just wants to be loved, in a sense.
She's probably just ovulating.
Honestly, like, I wanna hump everything when I'm ovulating.
- How's Audrey? - I kind of was hearing
that her and Chris might have ended things.
I've told you my biggest fear in this would be, like,
- if it wasn't genuine for you. - Right.
Do you even wanna be with him?
I'm pretty happy with where we're at.
I think I've just found a place where I need
to take a little bit of a step back.
I want you, Audrey. Like, I want us.
And, like, I want to prove that.
You know, with the whole, like, miscommunication stuff
that we had in the beginning,
I really thought we were just gonna be enemies.
You're not a girl's girl, though.
Any time there's a [bleep] in the room,
you immediately need their validation.
- That's what it feels like. - That is not----ing true.
If Audrey and Chris are on not great terms,
I feel like she's really gonna need her girlfriends.
Everyone's gonna be so excited to see your boobies.
Shayne's gonna really be excited to see them.
I feel you getting romantic with me is a really bad idea.
- [bleep]. - Saw that sh-- and was like...
I told her that your best bet now is, like,
for me to be your friend.
I don't know. She might look bad as [bleep]
when she comes back with those new titties, though.
I've been gone for a while. I wonder if anyone missed me.
♪ I can never lose, boys in the one like the two ♪
♪ Stacking up my wins like my views on page ♪
♪ They copying what I do, never give credit when it's due ♪
♪ I'm the topic, yeah, put me on the news ♪
♪ Recognize who just walked in the room ♪
♪ Ain't no competition when it come to me and you ♪
♪ I'm a baddie too, I got it all, I'm a muse ♪
Here comes the love of my life.
♪ You can't fake this, what I've won, there's no replacement ♪
What's up, sugar mama?
I'm a little sleepy. I've been working.
Really? Where were you at? SUR?
- Yeah, I did brunch. - Oh, nice.
Look at Audrey. She looks so cute today.
She always looks cute.
- I like your hair. - I like your hair.
- You smell bangin'. - I smell good?
- Yeah, what is that? - Gucci.
- This is very, very cool. - Welcome to Shutterfly.
You guys are going to do something called fluid art.
Now, you guys are each going to get your own canvas.
You guys are gonna do some mixing in there,
you're gonna do some pouring, some blowing on there.
And we're gonna see what kind of art we make today.
- Okay? - Okay.
Since my first date gone wrong with Angelica,
I'm really cautious on where I take girls.
What the actual hell was that?
Lateral drop.
You know, Natalie's really artistic and creative,
and she's got spontaneity to her,
and I thought, hey, let's go painting.
Holy sh--, this is so cool.
We got safety goggles for this one.
You guys are going to go ahead and pour the paint inside
and fill it up till the rim inside is full.
Oh, there you go. You see that?
- That's what we want. - Wow.
That looks very cool.
I like how he's just free for all,
and I like how you're so delicate and detailed.
That describes us perfectly.
That is so us.
I like yours a lot. The colors are just tasty.
I don't think the paint's bad for our skin, is it?
No! Okay, that's enough. That looks really pretty.
Let's see what it looks like on you.
Okay.
So what'd you think about that beach party that we went to?
I mean, they're hot.
I just love that, like, we can just do that,
and the next day we're not like, "What was that?"
Oh, like weird or anything, yeah.
"Was that weird?" No, it was just like, that was hilarious.
That was sick.
Having friendships with straight men is not always easy.
These are shirts that I'm gonna have you guys throw paint on.
There's always that moment where the guy develops feelings,
and then the friendship becomes complicated.
But Jason has been the sweetest guy friend
that I could've asked for coming out of a breakup.
I say we go for the hug.
It's just been so fun and lighthearted.
Yeah, just keep spinning.
Okay.
That was insane.
Holy [bleep].
Oh, my God.
There's a very potential spark here.
And I'm down for this to be a more regular thing, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah. - Oh, it feels great.
I love this. My work is so good. Aww!
That's so cool!
I spilled a teabag
all over the place. It, like, ripped in half.
Dude, I just taught Natalie what teabagging was the other day.
What? She didn't know what that meant?
She said that a guy, like, hit her in the face with his nuts,
and I was like, "That's teabagging."
She said, "Oh, I didn't know that's what that was."
That's something I feel like Natalie would know.
Let's go sit down out here.
- All the tea. - Cheers.
This is my favorite kind of session.
Tea sesh? You wanna come? Come on.
Good girl.
Do you wanna see some of the ideas that I have
- to decorate Gay Pride? - Yes.
I was definitely thinking we get these big-ass
blow-up rubber duckies and put Gay Pride sh-- on them.
Oh, hell yeah.
Lisa gave me a budget of 500 bucks.
Period. You can do a lot with that.
Period!
My Pride budget is $500, but I spent $250 of my own.
I bought a big blow-up unicorn pool floaty,
water guns for the boys, tons of streamers.
So I spent $750 on Pride. And a little bit of my dignity.
I'm so excited. I also have something going on next week.
What is it?
I got the opportunity to do a stand-up comedy show.
- Okay. - A friend of a friend was like,
"I know you've talked about comedy before,
"we have an opening, would you wanna do it?"
And I was like... "Yeah!"
I came to LA with the pursuit of being an actress,
which I still want to do.
I just think that comedy kind of popped up out of nowhere,
like, "Hey, what about me?"
I go to a stand-up show probably once or twice a week,
and so I think that putting myself on as many stages
as possible is just gonna make me more of a diverse talent.
If you can stand up on a stage in front of people
and just be, like, dance monkey,
I think you could do anything, honestly.
I need to bring up everyone's bullsh--,
call 'em out on it, but, like, in a funny, lighthearted way.
Well, if it comes to Angelica, we need to talk about her brain
- versus her education. - Yes!
Have you ever met someone that has a neuroscience degree
but is actually stupid?
In Paso, when I was comforting her on the bus,
I actually saw a side of her where she was showing what
I thought was remorse for her actions towards the boys.
Give me a hug. It's okay.
It's not worth it.
And then the next day, I never saw that remorse again.
It's like the robot short-circuited for a second
and then came back on. The AI rebooted.
I have to bring a penis pump.
- Yeah. - Like I told you about Chris.
Do you think that he still wants to be with you?
Based on the conversation in the bar, yeah.
He was like, "I wanna do these amazing things for you,
"like, I do have strong feelings for you."
And then afterwards, me, him, and Parker
went back to him and Jason's place.
So I really enjoyed that, and then I ended up staying there
'cause I drank, but, like, nothing happened. Like, very PG.
Honestly, I feel like Chris is not
in the position in his life to settle down.
He just wants to have fun, explore different cities,
- different panties. - It was so chill.
It was like us talking how we always talk and us being normal.
In Texas, people are raised with traditional values
of finding, like, your significant other
and starting a family, and Chris ain't that.
He didn't push any boundaries. He's very mature.
Coming up...
I'm gonna be going to Europe, Jersey, and probably Bali,
so I'm like, I don't think we should take that big step yet.
♪ Still I fall, fall, fall, fall ♪
♪ If you feel the way I'm feeling for you ♪
♪ Still I fall, fall, fall, fall ♪
Hot and dangerous!
♪ Falling for you, I don't know, know, know, know ♪
Hello?
Yeah, I'm already at SUR. What are you doing?
I'm literally coming around the corner right now.
- Hi! - Holy guacamole!
Stop! Now you're making me nervous.
No, they look great. I'm sorry,
I can't stop making eye contact with them.
No, actually, look at them. I spent too much on them.
Sorry, but my boobs are down here.
Wow.
I have all my swimsuits here.
I have it in every size, so when the girls show up,
we can just get the fitting started.
As the host of Pride, I have plenty of plans for everyone.
Angelica is gonna be providing her swimsuit line
for all of the girls that work at SUR.
Marcus is gonna be DJing.
- If you want to DJ... - Yes, dude.
That's a big opportunity.
Chris, Shayne, and Jason are gonna be my strippers.
I need the muscles out. They'll bring all the gays in.
And Natalie is gonna be performing
her hit single, "Passenger."
Do something like that.
- I love that. - That's it.
I don't know what I'm gonna wear.
I'll put an order in right now for a Speedo,
and we can have a couple. I wanna see Shayne in a Speedo.
Do you think he wears size small?
That man is big. He's built.
Don't be saying all that.
I'm here to see the twins.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!
- They're still really stiff. - Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.
- Are you supposed to massage? - Yeah, I do.
- I can help you. - Thank you.
Angelica's boobs enter the room before she does.
They look insane. Like, in the best way possible.
- I know. It doesn't hurt. - It seems painful.
No, it doesn't. I have to squeeze them.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - Oh, my God.
They are really hard.
I love your new boobs, but...
you're not a new person just because you have new boobs.
They just make you hotter.
I've got swimsuits for you guys.
Venus wants to see you guys all lined up in a fashion show,
so I'm gonna hand out sizes.
You're gonna give me a performance.
- You should try 'em. - Good luck, everybody.
Oh, wait, this is super cute.
All right, we'll take the first girl to come out.
Oh, my God. I thought you were
about to do a round off, girlfriend.
That was hot.
- Styling her for the Olympics? - Good job.
Is that Audrey? Bombshell. Oh, my God.
If I had the dream body, it would look like this.
I think I'm straight.
If the string fits, wear it.
All right!
Serving straight [bleep] per usual.
I don't know how we're gonna work in these.
We are gonna be serving people food, not vagina.
I'm obsessed. I cannot wait to see this.
- Thank you, Angelica. - You all look amazing.
Please put some bronzer on them legs. Whoo!
♪ Ooh, I feel so young and free ♪
♪ No worries in the world, I'm living like I want to ♪
Oh, yeah. I already know you're coming. I already know.
You never let me work out, honey.
All right.
Bandit! Goddamn.
♪ Feeling good, feeling fine, making money in the summertime ♪
♪ Having fun, flying high ♪
♪ We pop bottles every day and night ♪
♪ Singing na-na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na ♪
♪ Feeling good, feeling fine, making money in the summertime ♪
- Hello! - Hi!
- How you doing? - Hi!
So I see you got all the paint off.
That was super cool. Thank you for coming.
No, I know. I'm like, I have no idea what to expect.
I'm not the best dancer, so it's like it depends
what kind of moves we're incorporating. I'm like...
My friend's gonna take care of us, and she's not gonna
let us look bad 'cause I'm worried about the same thing.
When Venus asked me to sing my song "Passenger" at Pride,
the answer was an automatic yes.
Hi!
If I wanna, like, envision myself as this sexy pop star,
what better than to have two cute backup dancers with me?
- I'm Rianna. - Jason, nice to meet you.
So you're the one showing us the moves today.
- I am. - Gonna make us look so good.
I mean, as long as they stand behind me and do everything
that I've seen them do on a night out, we're good.
What is your comfortability level with dance in general?
I mean, I do a little-- I can do a little two-step.
- I'm okay. - I get down a little bit.
- Do some body rolls. - I'm not a choreographer.
Okay, so you do have experience.
With a pole.
This is gonna be a piece of cake for me.
Honestly, I got a lot of different moves.
Stripping is much harder.
Have you ever seen Magic Mike? I'm like that.
- Yeah. - Ooh!
This is just, like, simple movements.
Whoo! Iconic.
I only have to worry about myself.
You don't have to worry about dropping a girl on her head.
This one bachelorette was on my motorcycle,
AKA "the hot seat," and I had to, you know,
obviously pick her up off the motorcycle,
and that's when I do a little bit of moves.
Like, I just throw the hips into her.
And I almost dropped her, but I got away with it.
Like, I almost-- I did, like, one of these.
- You guys ready? - Yeah.
Okay, let's spread out.
I'm just gonna use a hair clip as a mic.
So after "One, two, three,"
the boys, we're just gonna do three poses.
You wanna stick it-- oh, oh, oh-- like that,
- but very... - Got it.
- Robotic? - Yeah.
Very, very strong. Hit it.
No.
- Like this? - No.
Hit it.
No.
No, I don't like that.
Make them bigger.
Do you wanna try that with music?
- Yeah. - Okay, let's go, guys.
Five, six, seven, eight. Big, guys.
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ - Yep.
♪ Doing to me, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
Yep! Nice.
- Let's go. - Oh!
- Very, very nice, guys. - It's gonna be good.
- You look great. - Thank you.
- You sound----ing amazing. - You do. No, for real.
Not even just saying that. You sound incredible.
- Like, you're very talented. - Thank you.
Seriously.
Thank you so much. See you on the flip.
Dude, we actually killed that.
- Yeah. - Definitely need to practice it
- a little bit more, obviously. - Oh, no doubt.
But once we just get-- I think the toughest part
- is the first part for me. - Yeah.
The "oh." Like, that I'm a little uncomfortable with.
- Do it again. Do it again. - ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Getting ready to go ♪
It's----ing hot!
I'm gonna put the windows down.
Anyways, dude. After that date,
I'm really feeling Natalie's energy.
- Mm-hmm. - She got a big heart,
and if she feels loved and feels, like, safe around you,
- she's gonna open up. - Right.
I love that for you guys. I love that for you.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm really liking Natalie.
She's fun and super affectionate.
She goes with the flow with everything.
I'm really attracted to that.
So how are you feeling about Audrey?
We're kind of back to where we were, 'cause, like,
we hashed it out at the bar, and I needed to prove to her that
I do want this and just really locked in
on just where our heads are at.
We seem to be on the same page now,
but I was just thinking how us traveling so much
and not being with each other this summer
is gonna affect, you know, us.
I'm definitely stuck in between opposite ends.
One day I'm, like, confident that I wanna be with her,
and then the next day I overthink and I'm thinking of
all these certain scenarios and possibilities, and I'm like,
"Okay, maybe this isn't the right decision."
I'm gonna be going to Europe, Jersey, and probably Bali,
so I'm like, well, I'm not gonna see her.
The one thing I know for certain is that
I don't wanna lose Audrey.
I just feel like I got a little ahead of myself.
So I'm like, I don't think we should take that big step yet.
- I like what we have. - You told her that?
I didn't tell her that. No, I'm going to.
Probably should, because she made it really clear
that she wants romance. I mean,
just be straight up with her, bro.
It's gonna be hard to tell her that because I feel like
she took it as, like, I really wanna go all in.
I did kind of say that.
I know exactly what's going on.
Chris always goes back and forth making decisions with girls.
One time Chris did a porn with a really famous porn star
and she did fall in love with him.
She wanted to take him everywhere, and he was
just like, "I don't know if I wanna date a porn star."
And she was really cool. Like, we really liked her.
Even if it's the right girl and he's feeling safe,
it's just still, like, inside of him,
his nervous system starts to just pull back a little bit.
So you generally feel like
you wanna just be friends with her, then?
Well, it's not even-- 'Cause we're still gonna be
more than friends, that's the thing. We're just kind of,
- like, hanging out. - There's no romance.
I mean, I will bring romance to the table.
It's just, like, I'm not gonna ask her to be my girlfriend
and, like, make it that exclusive. I'm just gonna keep
doing what we're doing but add a little bit of romance and
- prove to her that-- - Bro, I----ing love you,
but I'm just gonna be real with you.
Romance for her is make it exclusive.
Yeah, I'm gonna think about it more.
Yeah, just think about it, dude. Let it sizzle for a bit.
A lot of people always say the phrase,
"You can't have your cake and eat it too."
But why the [bleep] not?
I think we all deserve to eat
our own----ing cake once in a while.
Why the [bleep] do you have the cake if you're not gonna eat it?
You're a----ing good guy. You have a good-ass heart.
Like, you're gonna make the right choice no matter what.
- Yeah, I know. - Definitely, bro.
Coming up...
So weird with Shayne now, 'cause he was like--
he went from wanting to be romantic to cutting that off.
He was kind of coming on to me the other day.
Do I need to, like, stab you?
- Hi! - Hi!
Oh, my gosh, thank you for meeting me.
- Yes, I'm excited. - I'm so excited.
I have wanted to do stand-up for so long,
and I think it's, like, so freaking terrifying,
but, like, I wanna push myself and do it.
It's good to know that it's terrifying going in.
Oh, my God. It is so terrifying.
Performing live is not a first for me.
I did theater a lot growing up.
So I feel lucky that I don't have stage fright,
but I am still nervous that I'm being myself.
You're taking a risk. Like, is the audience gonna like you?
Which, I hope so.
Do you have any specific pointers that you wish
your 22-year-old self knew getting into stand-up?
Oh, just that if anything doesn't go
the way you expect it to...
- It's not the end of the world. - ...it's not a big deal.
It's so not a big deal. Like, stay true to yourself
and have fun and tell things, again, that are original
but also relatable to me is always gonna be, like,
the best hit when you start getting broader audiences
and all this stuff. There's so many people doing comedy
and the best way to be original is to be yourself, right?
And I have so many crazy stories.
I bet. I feel like you do.
My lore, like, goes back centuries.
Tell me what kind of stuff you're thinking about.
Okay, well, I definitely wanna include stories about,
like, my personal life. I also do have a lot of friends
that are gonna be there, though, especially some co-workers,
and I kind of wanna take my opportunity to roast them.
- Yeah! Oh, my God. - And they can't even
say anything about it.
I, like, annihilate people in my head.
Like, I feel like I always have a roast ready to go.
One of the girls that's gonna be in the audience
is one of my co-workers, and we had this argument one time.
Any time there's, like, a [bleep] in the room,
you immediately need their validation.
- That's what it feels like. - That is not----ing true.
I wanna dig at that somehow. Like, either doing some kind
of crowd work where I'm like, "You like my tattoos?"
Or, like, "You like my hair?" And someone's like, "Yeah."
And I'm like, "Oh, great. Like, I just came my pants.
"Like, I seek male validation, like, so much."
Or something like that. Like, digging at that.
- Yeah. - Does that make sense?
You're gonna know if you feel comfortable to venture out.
Just kind of, like, test the waters.
- Yeah. - See what feels right.
Seems pretty fair to me.
Hopefully they all take it well. Because some of them are crazy.
So maybe some of them will walk out, I don't know.
- Hopefully not. - You don't seem like someone
who's, like, trying to be mean.
- No, never. - Let's have some fun here.
No, never.
- I just wish the sun was out. - I know. It's been cloudy.
But tomorrow's supposed to be really hot.
- Welcome in, guys. - Hi. How are you?
- Good. How are you guys? - Good.
- Have any recommendations? - You should try the cake.
- Okay. - I'd love a BLT.
- Can I do it with avocado? - Yeah, of course.
- Where's my... - Thank you, sugar mama.
- Of course. - I'll go get our table, baby.
Oh, thank you for taking my purse.
Yeah, of course.
I probably have been a little bit too active
since surgery. Like, I moved the last couple days.
The day I was moving yesterday,
my ex stopped by the house.
He's been actively checking in on me and asking me, like,
- "What are you doing?" - Why?
And then he was like, when we were on the trip,
"Did anything happen?"
That's why, like, trying to stay friends, like,
doesn't work, especially in the beginning,
and especially when you're still figuring out
- your living situation. - You're so right.
I know. I don't know why.
- It just doesn't work. - I was so delulu with it.
At least you don't work together.
I'm excited. I'm talking to someone new, actually.
Oh, my God. What? How? Where? When? How? Why?
It's just becoming serious.
Like, I'm literally picking him up from LAX tomorrow,
and he's gonna spend the night.
I don't wanna be heartless,
but that's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Wow.
You know how they say, like, healing is not like this,
it's like this?
She's just looking for love anywhere she can find it.
He travels a lot for, like, work.
He's taking me to dinner, and, like, there's no question.
Like, he just takes care of everything,
which is really strange, because, like,
I'm used to actually picking up the bill all the time.
When I was in my last relationship,
I had met the man of my dreams.
I was, like, thinking, like,
"How is it that a guy like this is single?
"Why wasn't he single when I was single?"
And then after Shayne broke up with me,
he was the first person I messaged.
Like, "Hello. You remember me?"
- What's going on with Shayne? - I don't know.
It's so weird now, 'cause he was, like-- he went from
wanting to be romantic to, like, cutting that off
the moment I showed that I had any emotions.
He was kind of coming on to me the other day.
Wait, Shayne was coming on to you again?
Do I need to, like, stab you?
Seriously? You're gonna trail backwards
just because I wasn't there for a week?
Me leaving and going to Houston
was supposed to make you miss me, not Natalie.
I went to this party.
Audrey was there, Chris, Jason, me, Shayne.
And I was just catching up with him, and he was just like,
"I feel like I'm talking to the Nat
"that I used to FaceTime and, like, phone call with.
- Ew. - "You're so cool."
I asked Jason for, like, permission to revisit this.
First of all, why would you have to ask Jason for permission?
Because me and Jason aren't anything, like...
Oh, you guys seem like a thing like that.
No, it's not a thing, though. It's just like...
Make out buddies?
I'm so, like, I'll kiss anyone when I'm drunk.
He was matching my energy, and I was like, "Whoo-hoo."
- I did learn that. - Jason, Jason.
Yeah, I don't know. I just do whatever the [bleep] I want.
- So. - Shayne told me...
- Probably horrible things. - He was just like,
"I feel like I never have anything to say to Nat.
"She doesn't, like, intellectually stimulate me."
To me, that's, like, an inside thought,
but if she wants to tell me that,
it's not really gonna hurt my feelings.
Like, I know that she liked him for, like, five days.
I don't want to be bothered,
'cause, like, we had such a good connection,
and then, like, he stopped it, like, abruptly.
- So that, like, kind of hurt. - That was kind of--
♪ Light my fuse like a few times ♪
♪ Money in the bank, no price check here ♪
♪ This is what it feels like ♪
We're open!
Do not want to work.
- Hey, you. - Thank you, boo.
Hello!
♪ Neck, wrist frozen ♪
♪ Clear water ocean ♪
Enjoy.
Welcome in.
You wanna start with some Pumptinis?
Ooh!
- Hello. - Hi, how are you?
How are you?
What's happening? Anything I should know?
Um...
- That's good. - No.
Okay, good. All right.
Enjoy.
I need to talk to you quickly.
So, are you prepared for Pride?
I'm fully prepared. I'm amazing.
Now, the event has to be amazing, not you, darling.
Have you put out all the flyers?
I think me and all the girls are gonna go out Friday night,
and we're gonna pass them all around West Hollywood.
That's a bit late, isn't it?
Listen, this is all on you.
If it goes wrong, I'm coming to you.
Remember what I told you as well.
- This is your moment. - Yes. Yes.
What's open? Do you want me to do a little walkthrough?
There's your OJ.
Can we do it in a tall glass?
Tequila, orange juice, and top it with cranberry.
Perfect.
I got you. I'll train you.
Yo, what's up, dude?
Big dog. What's up?
- Uh-uh-oh! - Uh-uh-uh-oh!
No, I'm a hostess right now.
Where the hell you done come from, bud?
I just came out the blue.
What'd you hear about me?
- Do you wanna go inside? - Okay.
- Oh, my-- - I'm sorry
I can't keep my eyes-- Okay, hold up. Let me just...
Okay, Jesus.
Yeah, just, um, no, it's cool. I can totally...
- What are you talking about? - You should be used to looking
at me through my eyes. I mean, like, not that there was--
- You have beautiful eyes. - Thank you.
Okay, I appreciate it.
She might even surpass me.
As the hottest person at SUR.
That doesn't matter. I hang there.
What has happened in the week that I was away?
You wanna have something with Natalie now?
Okay, what happened is...
we all went out.
We ended up being a little friendly.
We didn't do anything. We didn't make out.
All right, let's go outside before
- this place actually gets busy. - Oh, goddamn.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- I'm really chatty. - Yeah,
- you can't do that here. - You can't talk here?
You can talk to people as they walk in, but you can't, like...
Really?
One person has to be here at all times.
I thought, like, you didn't like her at all.
I think I was, like, kind of--
Were you lonely?
It sounds so bitch-ass when you say it that way, like...
You're at a party, you're kind of alone, like...
- Mm-hmm. - And then we were just
kind of linked up, and... I feel a little bit like a dickhead.
- Like a tool? - Yeah.
Yeah.
How are you and Natalie? Didn't y'all have a date?
We did, it was fun as hell.
We were, like, flirty and stuff.
Well, Angelica talked to me today.
Uh-huh.
When I was talking to Natalie earlier,
she said that, like, Shayne is, like,
trying to get back with her, and I was just like, "What?"
She said that Shayne talked to you
because he was gonna ask you for your blessing
to reopen things with Natalie.
He didn't say that to me.
Can I leave the host stand?
What the [bleep]?
Not even a week ago, Shayne told me,
"You have my blessing, go after Natalie."
Where's Natalie at?
If he told me, "Hey, bro, I still have feelings for her,"
I wouldn't have done that.
It feels very two-faced.
I'm also interested in you.
- I don't know. - You don't know?
Not based off what you told me,
so I, like, I started talking to someone else.
You started talking to someone else?
- Yeah. - It's already serious?
I'm picking him up from LAX tomorrow.
So that's, like, a huge commitment, right?
Oh, my God! You move--
That's fast.
Should've had me when you had me.
Doesn't he know that someone like me
is not gonna stay single for long?
He had this window where I was available for him,
and now he's just gotta get back in the end of the line, buddy.
I'm rooting for you and Natalie to work out.
- So, good luck. - That's how it is?
- Are you kidding? - I'm going inside now.
- Natalie. - What?
Did Shayne, like, ask you to, like,
open things up with you again?
He was like, "You look so good, I might have to revisit that.
- "Ha, ha, ha." - What'd you say?
I was like, I'm sure you would love that, wouldn't you?
- That's very full circle. - Okay.
I was like-- I don't know.
Oh, look, it's him.
What's up, bro? You little sly fox.
You wanna go outside real quick?
What the actual [bleep]?
Is she making sh-- up or...
No, I----ing-- Okay, so...
She said to Audrey that you talked to me about...
- But we haven't talked yet. - That's what I said.
- All right-- - What's cracking?
I brought this up accidentally and I didn't mean to.
Angelica was like,
"Shayne wants to reopen things with Natalie..."
Well, that's dramatic, because in my mind,
I wasn't even sure if that was something I was going to...
pursue yet.
They just went on a date.
So, like, it's just, like, the last time,
I went on a date with Angelica.
Before I know it, you're macking it with Angelica.
I think you're hot, but I don't know you.
You don't need another S.
That's all there is to it.
Then I went on a date with Natalie,
and then out of nowhere, you're like,
you want Natalie back, so I was just like, [bleep].
When it's ready, I'll come get you guys.
Perfect. Well, thank you so much.
- Thank you. - Yeah, yeah.
Here's your Moscow Mule. I have to go on break.
If she truthfully wants friends, then go for it.
Here she is.
- What's up? - Hi, Natalie.
So we are in a little bit of a debacle.
- Why? - If you're, like, open-minded
with going out with Shayne,
then I'd be like, "Okay, I'm just gonna step out."
Like, I'm down to just be friends,
- but, like, obviously we are-- - We've always been friends.
We are friends, but I mean, like...
You and I had a connection before.
- Okay. - I don't think we had
a romantic connection initially. I think we were just having fun.
I do think that's the difference.
- Okay. - Well, it's not about you.
It's about me and his friendship.
- So, bye. - Well, it's not that dramatic.
- Like, we don't have to-- - I'm saying so then
what do you need from me? Why does anyone care if we go out?
- Well, it's... - Because y'all had just
gone on a date, and so maybe he was like...
- Who went on a date? - Y'all.
I mean, we didn't go on a date, though.
- He called it a date. - I thought it was a date.
How do you think it's a date?
I was starting to feel you, and then I was just like,
"Okay, I see where your energy's at."
It's cool. I'm down to be friends.
- It's all good. - Yay!
I still got some sh-- to talk about.
I mean, everything, like...
Let's go inside. Let's let them talk.
- No, I'm just saying, like-- - "Go after it"?
What am I, a dog?
No, I'm saying do what you wanna do.
At this point, I'm not interested in either one,
and you know who gets to decide
who I'm gonna give my attention to? Me.
I hate men. I hate them. I hate all of them.
I hate both of you right now. And I am still on the clock,
so this is, like, really annoying.
Goodbye.
Coming up...
I thought I'd start this off by telling you guys
a little bit about myself.
I'm blonde. I'm 22 years old.
I have a lot of tattoos.
To answer the question you're all thinking,
yes, my parents are really proud of the stripper I almost became.
♪ I'm living life of luxury ♪
♪ When it's so real, it doesn't fade ♪
♪ Fine little things you love for me ♪
It's hot.
- Hi. - How are you?
Do you have any non-alcoholic beers?
Yeah, I have quite a few, actually.
- What's up, papa? - What's up, turd?
- You already got one? - Yeah.
- Nice. What are you drinking? - I got a Mexican lager.
I'm gonna just do whatever he's drinking.
Alcoholic. You're doing non-alcoholic?
- You coward. - I got a non-alcoholic.
I didn't know I was gonna be outed.
I would be getting - ed up right now,
but since Gay Pride is coming up,
I just wanna preserve my slim waist and a fat ass.
Nice.
Well, this is the first time we've hung out
- just the two of us in a while. - I know.
Cheers to being like old times.
I know.
Me and Venus's relationship is in
a interesting place right now.
We've gone through so much recently.
I feel like we've had moments where
we've gotten through things, but not 100%, you know what I mean?
It does feel good to have it go again,
but deep down, it's like, still a little bit of
"I don't know," there for me personally.
First of all, I wanna be able to say this, no judgment.
- Are you gonna judge or no? - It depends.
- Just spit it out. - That's fair.
- You're gonna die, actually. - Oh, my God.
Just say it. What the [bleep]?
Kimberly has made an executive decision about
something that she is intending on doing with her body.
- She wants a tit job? - No.
She's gonna stop taking something.
Are you-- are you about to tell me
this bitch wants to stop taking birth control?
She already did.
There is no way in hell Marcus is ready to have a baby.
He sleeps on a mattress in the corner of his bedroom.
- You need to wear a condom. - That's never gonna happen.
- You pull out? - That's what we were saying.
Maybe it's the new method.
Pulling out doesn't stop a baby.
Do you want a child right now?
Nine months from now, maybe.
Bitch, I love you, but you're definitely not ready for a baby
- and neither is Kim. - I've raised two dogs already.
I am rooting for him, but let's be so for real.
Until he becomes an adult,
children are off the table because he is a walking toddler.
That baby would be drinking a----ing Miller Lite.
You would have to literally let go of your entire lifestyle.
No one's more aware than me and Kimberly.
- You know what I mean? - Hallelujah.
We are having the conversation just like you guys
would hope that we are, you know what I mean?
I'm getting older.
It's not time to wait until it's perfect anymore,
but it would also be cool to have a new lineage
that comes from my parents, you know?
How cool would it be to have, like, a son
that totally reminds me of my dad?
We've got a lot of growth to do.
So there's some better communication going on, or?
The communication has definitely gotten better.
Yeah, 'cause I don't need no negativity at Pride.
You and her better not be fighting.
There better not be no weird sh--.
No, there's not gonna be any weird sh--.
We're gonna----ing celebrate your----ing day, dude.
I'm gonna pray for-- You know I don't usually pray,
but I'm gonna pray for Kim.
Are you gonna be the godmother or the godfather?
Obviously godmother.
♪ Feeling like a million bucks all at once ♪
♪ Only right we shake it ♪
I'm so excited for you.
- Thank you. - Are you so nervous?
A little bit.
It'll be good. It'll be fun.
Also, if you----ed up, who gives a sh-- ----ing sh--?
'Cause also, you're about to----ing...
roast everyone. It's gonna be so bad.
I can't believe she's actually doing stand-up tonight.
I feel like she's gonna do amazing.
Audrey and I may have had our differences,
but at the end of the day, I want to see her win.
- Oh, cute! - Hi.
I didn't know that she did stand-up comedy.
Who knew she had some of these hidden talents?
It's so unfair.
- Over here. - Holler!
- Hi. - Hi.
Let's have a cheers for Audrey's comedy debut tonight.
Cheers to me, cheers to me.
- Whoo! - [bleep] yeah!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Good to see you, big guy. How you doing, brother?
- Looking good, man. - What's up?
- Hi. - What's up?
I think it's a little----ed up
that Natalie is snubbing me.
If anybody was to do the snubbing,
I think it would be me.
Guys, I'm really excited for this.
This is actually my first live stand-up thing I've ever seen.
- Really? - Like, off Netflix.
You know, through all my past relationships,
I have learned one thing.
You will never win an argument with a woman,
so don't try it.
You guys ready?
- Are you ready? - Are you ready?
Kill me now. Kill me now.
No pressure, babe. I'm ready for the spice.
I'm so ready.
I hope she roasts the [bleep] out of me,
'cause roasting is part of my love language.
I can handle the heat, though.
- Can you? - Yep.
That's just, like, the Italian New Jersey part of me.
I love when people make fun of me.
I'm gonna be dodging 'em like Mike Tyson.
I don't know. They may hit ya.
Angelica was wondering if Shayne's coming.
He's coming, yeah. He should--
Speak of the devil. Oh!
- He's not coming? - No, he's coming.
Showing up with another girl?
That is so Shayne of Shayne.
- Who is that girl? - Yeah.
Shayne needs to learn that he's not gonna have any access
to my sandwich until I'm the only sandwich on his menu.
- Hi. - Don't worry.
- Hi, good to see you. - Hi, good to see you too.
- Looking very pretty. - Thank you.
This next comedian coming up to the stage, she's very special.
It's her first time doing comedy.
Let's give it up for Audrey, everybody.
Thank you. Thank you. This is really intimidating.
Yes, this is my first time doing stand-up comedy.
Give it up. Give it up.
I thought I'd start this off by telling you guys
a little bit about myself.
I'm blonde. I'm 22 years old. I have a lot of tattoos.
Yeah, yeah. So to answer the question you're all thinking,
yes, my parents are really proud of the stripper I almost became.
Yeah, I dated a girl for three years.
After that, he transitioned into a man,
which was really weird for me.
I was like, "Okay, I've now been dumped by both genders."
After him, though, I'm strictly dickly.
I'm only dating men now.
Yeah, which is really rough, especially out here in LA.
Everyone's, like, a [bleep] boy, okay?
Even some of my friends. That one back there, like,
he'll cry in the car listening to Frank Ocean
while he's on the way to [bleep] two different girls
in the same day.
And then he'll go back home and he'll journal about it.
And he'll be like, "I'm really growing. Only two today."
Get him. Get him, girl. Get him.
And then I have other friends like these two right here.
They're dating. They're in love.
They had this fight one time, though, where he said
that he was falling out of love with her. And I was like, girl,
this man isn't falling out of love with you, okay?
He looks like he pays for his gas in quarters.
Audrey is killing it.
This is the best stand-up comedy I've ever seen in person
in my entire life, hands down.
Um, let's see.
In person?
Dating has been going really unwell for me.
I work at a restaurant called SUR in West Hollywood.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I started talking to the bartender
'cause, you know, free drinks, why not?
He's sitting right there.
He's great. He's a great guy, yeah.
The first night I slept over at his house,
I looked in the shower, and there it is.
A penis pump. I was like...
Penis pump! Penis pump! Penis pump! Penis pump!
The [bleep]? I left for one week and y'all get a sense of humor?
I was burned at the stake when I even dared
to say the words "penis pump,"
and now Audrey's getting a whole crowd chanting it.
Is this, like, a Brita filter for your dick?
Like, what is this?
If I got up on that stage and started chanting "penis pump,"
I'd probably get tomatoes pelted at me.
I ended up telling one of my other coworkers--
love you-- about this penis pump, and she was like,
"Okay, well, let me go tell everyone else about it."
And I was like, girl, shut the [bleep] up.
And so the next time I saw her, we were arguing about
this penis pump, and halfway through, she's like,
"You're just supporting the pump
"because you're seeking male validation."
I was like, "Honey, you live with your ex." Like...
That is not independence. That is emotional homelessness.
Okay?
You're calling me desperate, honey?
You are negotiating bedtimes with someone that not only
ruined your credit, but also your self-worth.
Oh, my God.
God.
She's killing it on Instagram, though. She really is.
She's posting these mirror selfies up there,
saying, like, "Really reflecting on life nowadays."
I'm like, "No, honey, you just found
"Facetune and Symmetry, okay?"
- Yeah. - Okay.
But anyways, no, I, uh...
- No, stop. Stop. - No, I don't wanna be here.
Sorry, I know, it sucks. It really sucks.
I'll see you later, I'll see you later.
Tell your ex I said, "Hi."
Girl, read the room.
Audrey! Audrey! Audrey! Audrey!
Had to do it to 'em. Had to do it to 'em.
Not girls supporting girls.
Not a funny bit.
Like, that wasn't cool.
I feel bad,
but I think Audrey - ing killed it
and told no lies.
- Yo. - Yeah.
That was, like, really, really, like, a lot.
I do seek male validation,
but at least I don't live with my ex and call it healing.
I just wanna go.
Okay.
♪ Don't lie ♪
Next time on the season finale
of Vanderpump Rules...
Thanks for coming out for 2025 Pride!
Let's get drunk, mother----ers!
What'd you think about last night?
- A little savage. - There was a lot of personal
things that I went through that she, like, turned into a joke.
Until you're my girlfriend--
Until I'm your girlfriend, it's, like, open game.
Until-- You say it like that...
I do wanna go on more dates with you.
How do I know you're just not bored
of, like, the last girl you were just talking to?
You turned all of my trauma into a bit.
I didn't do sh-- to you.
You do seek male validation.