Previously, on "Below Deck"...
How you doing, pal?
-Good, Cap. -Good to be here.
My Captain Lee is ----ing back.
Mwah.
This ----ing sucks.
I just need to train them to do a little better.
We have to step up our game.
Loving service, but doing both is gonna be difficult,
because I can't pick up the slack if there is any.
Get your sh-- together, Heather.
Nobody wants me to get sour, trust me.
You need anything?
Okay.
I have.
I'm really shocked about Eddie's behavior behind my back.
It was actually very hurtful.
You are going to be a working first officer.
You are directly under me.
With great power comes great responsibility indeed.
Cheers, guys, to a happy season ahead.
Oh!
But did you guys see Rayna kinda, like...
I think they're gonna hook up, straight up.
Yeah, I think so.
I have never seen a crew romance work out.
[alarm blares]
New day, hella sh-- to do.
No butties, no.
Oh, God, I hope I got this before the captain saw it.
I need Advil.
No, I can't wear that, that's disgusting.
Hey, good morning.
Morning.
How's it going?
-How's it going? -Good, how are you?
Good, good.
I kissed Jake.
I mean, whatever, who cares?
Morning, everyone feeling all right today?
Yeah.
Yeah? Good.
It was so hot.
Like, the pulse of my coochie's, like [beating noises].
So, it wants to.
Morning, see you guys on deck in five minutes.
See you, see you.
Did you have fun last night, darling?
I did, I had a blast.
I drank too much, but...
We might wanna see how Rayna's feeling today.
Yeah, Rayna and Jake, it's a thing.
So today, you can kind of run the wash-down.
Cool.
You know, let people know where they need to be,
see how that goes for you.
Yeah.
-Good morning. -Good morning.
So, I'm gonna start you on crew mess.
Okay.
And then Fraser, I'm gonna have you
just get straight on to master.
After this last charter, I'm irritated with my team.
So, really need to be more hands-on,
because we have to do better.
Better.
Let's do better.
Cool.
Did you guys just listen to our sh--
when it comes to entertainment stuff?
I ----ing hate American music.
Yeah, [bleep] American music.
I know.
Go to a concert to see some guy standing behind a desk, going...
[laughing]
[imitating electronic music]
[speaks foreign language]
Oh, my Lord.
Stop, and then... yeah.
Heather, Eddie, and Rachel, can I see you guys in the crew mess?
Copy for Rachel.
-Copy. -Copy.
[yawns]
There he is. Hey, sports fans.
What's up?
Thank you very much, sir.
Okay, primary charter guest is Michael Durham.
Michael is a Seattle-based real estate broker
with an appreciation for fine whiskey.
Joining Michael are his other broker friends,
Justin and Terri, who work together at the same firm;
Colin, Sean, and his fiancé, Curtis.
That is your classic real estate broker pose.
Can't you just picture that on a billboard somewhere?
I can actually see me sitting on his face at a bus stop.
[laughing]
Okay.
Which you know what I'm talking about, right?
On the bench.
Okay, so big bourbon drinkers.
-Coffee... -Coffee with bourbon.
They would like to invite me to a whiskey-paired,
multi-course dinner.
The guests are requesting a white party on night one,
and they wanna do a Hawaiian luau on day number two.
Love!
The good news is we have a late pickup, so...
Ooh.
We don't need to worry about lunch
Okay, cool.
They also want golf balls off the back of the boat.
Cool, sounds good.
-Thank you. -Later, kids.
-Later. -Bye, Captain, thank you.
♪ Do, do, do, do
Oi...
I was trying to slow up, and then those
----ing blue shots came in.
Yeah, I had two of them.
-I had two of them, too. -Ugh!
How's your team doing the day after the night out?
Get a little lit up last night?
-I loved it. -They're cool, man.
-Yeah. -They're good.
They're all working hard.
With Eddie, I am playing nice at this point.
Saying the things that he did about me,
it felt like betrayal,
because to my face, he was my friend.
Someone's gotta have a talk with her when she's sober again.
Be like, you're a ----ing monster when you drink.
Rachel is obnoxious.
Just keep her the [bleep] away from me right now.
I hold maybe just a tad bit of bitterness,
but I really need to get rid of that,
because that's not my flavor.
Can't wait till they're not my team anymore.
Aw!
I can just sulk away into the shadows
-of the first officer's cabin. -Right.
Hey, cutie.
I'm so tired.
-It's terrible. -How are you?
Good, how are you?
Well, okay, so I was a bit tipsy last night.
I love you.
To put it lightly.
-What? -Did I do anything silly?
-No, you didn't. -Did we all go to bed together?
-You went to bed, and then... -Oh!
We went to bed, like, maybe 10 minutes after you.
Did you have a smooch?
-Did I? -Yeah, a little kissy?
Ugh.
Did you? Did you?
Well, it's good. He's amazing.
I know, but I don't want to, like...
I really like someone, and he lives in Canada.
Issa's someone that I hooked up with a couple months ago
in Mexico in the club.
And then no one can really stop drunk Rayna,
so next thing I know, I left with Issa.
We've just been talking, nothing, you know, too serious.
He's the one I'm still trying to figure out.
But you know, he loves him some Rayna.
And so you don't wanna mess with...
I don't care if I kissed Jake,
because I'm still single or whatever.
Of course, right.
But I don't wanna [bleep] him.
-You don't have to. -I know, I know.
So you just... you wanted, like, a friendly flirt.
Yeah, yeah.
I would friendly flirt with Jake until the cows come home.
He's so cute. Like, I'm so into that.
I ----ing love you.
[humming]
How the [bleep] is this just popping off?
[phone rings]
Hi, Nick speaking.
Hi, Nick, it's Rachel from My Seanna.
-Hey. -I 'm calling about a pig
for a beach luau,
and then also do you have a spit available?
-Thank you, Nick. Bye-bye. -Bye.
I want a Modelo Pacifico.
Woo, dinner.
-Heather? -Yes, darling?
-I've finished the cabins. -Nice.
And then am I okay to clock off?
-Please. -Perfect.
Hey, Jake, what else needs to get done?
Well, we're just doing the polishing for now.
Okay.
Yeah, everything's pretty good to be honest.
Good, that's awesome, thank you.
Go take a shower.
Yeah, we can smell you from here.
Eddie, Eddie, Rachel.
Can I talk to you in the main salon?
Hey, babe!
Oh sh--.
So, what's up?
Um...
I kinda wanna have a little chat.
Last season, there were some really alarming things
that were said on your behalf about me.
It was, like, viciously attacking.
Hm.
Going straight for, like, my integrity and character,
and it was really uncalled for.
Coming up...
All I expect out of you is to do your jobs.
I do have two rules:
Do not embarrass yourself, do not embarrass the boat.
I will bury your ass.
Previously, on "Below Deck"...
There were some really alarming things
that were said on your behalf about me.
It was, like, viciously attacking
that kind of threw me for a loop,
and it was really, really hurtful,
and it stayed with me
for the whole duration before this season.
I'm really sorry for saying anything
that might have hurt your feelings.
I did not get along with the Rachel of last season,
and I never came and talked to you directly
about my issues with you, and I'm sorry that I didn't.
Yeah.
Last time Rachel and I worked together,
we started out with, like, a really good relationship,
but then she started drinking.
She's just a different person.
I want some ----ing dirty-ass sh--.
Walking away from this situation.
I ----ing hate this.
It makes my skin crawl.
Titties!
But I should have talked to Rachel personally.
So, the only thing I can do is just be better from here.
Just to make sure that, like, it doesn't happen again,
that's all, because it's super hurtful.
I get that, that must have been hard.
Thank you for giving me another chance
to be your friend this season.
-Okay, thank you. -Seriously.
Moving forward through this sh--uation,
I think Eddie and I can play in the same sandbox this season
without stabbing each other with spades.
Yay.
I won't have to flip a table or eat someone's larynx.
All right, well, let's go [bleep] this charter
in the face.
-I'm gonna hug it out. -Hug it out!
-You're awesome. -All right.
Get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning.
See you in the morning, buddy.
This looks great.
And I'm gonna be up earlier, so it'll be fine.
[phone rings]
Hi, good evening.
This is Ed Lucas on My Seanna.
Listen, I got some provisions that we need
for this charter coming up.
Golf clubs and biodegradable golf balls.
We'd also need Astroturf for the tee.
I really appreciate that, thank you.
Hello.
I had to make my one phone call from prison.
You look tired.
Yeah, I'm ----ing exhausted.
Shut up!
Stop making fun of my pajamas.
Why are you in the garage?
Oh, my God.
My mom and I are close.
She had me at a very young age, 19, so we bicker a lot.
Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking.
When I decided I was going to school to be a cosmetologist,
she went back to school to be a mortician.
She wants me to do hair and makeup on her bodies.
I said no.
[laughing]
I don't know why I ever call you.
Because you love me.
Love you, goodbye.
Oof!
I'm so tired.
Note to self... don't start projects.
-How you doing, Wes? -Hey, Captain.
That slip over there is gonna be our new home.
Ooh!
Oh, man, that'll make things a heck of a lot easier.
Yes, it will.
Look at all the room we got to maneuver over there.
I know, right?
We've got about 18 feet here, so.
Nice.
Because we only draw eight and a half.
What?
My boat's 7.5.
I can't go really that many places.
Yeah.
How are you doing?
Good, how are you, love?
Did you wanna get started on ironing
all of Captain Lee's clothes?
Try to get them done in the next hour and a half.
Okay.
-Are we uncovering? -Why not?
It is hot in here.
All crew, we have provisions on the dock.
Copy.
More!
----ing hell.
Ah! That shocked my whole arm!
-You all right? -Yeah.
As my grandma says, "Good enough."
Attention all crew,
I'm gonna need everybody in the sky lounge.
Copy.
Uh-oh.
It is assigned seating.
It's like you pick your seat the first day in school,
-and if somebody else... -Takes it?
Oh, enemy for life.
How's everybody doing?
-Good, Cap. -Good.
We didn't get to have our formal meeting that we normally have,
so I thought I would take this opportunity,
because we have a late pickup.
All I expect out of you is to do your jobs.
Radios is my pet peeve.
If you are looking for your radio,
odds are I already have it.
I will bury your ass.
I do have two rules:
Do not embarrass yourself, do not embarrass the boat.
I have no problem with letting somebody go
in the middle of a charter.
I've got a pocketful of plane tickets
that I hope I don't have to use,
but if I do, it'll be quick and severe.
Captain Lee reminds me of my dad.
It's like a chocolate chip cookie that's been sitting out.
Like, hard on the exterior, but very soft and mushy inside.
I mean, well, that's how my dad is,
but I'm hoping that's how Captain Lee is, too.
Work hard or get fired... that's it.
-Have a good season. -Thank you, Captain.
Let's kick this charter's booty.
Those dresses don't need to be steamed.
-We have so much to do up there. -I know, I know.
-This is dinner stuff. -I get it.
-You done scuppers? -Yeah, man.
-Sick. -And everything nice and shiny.
This could be the year, Eddie. I like what I'm seeing so far.
-Jake? -Yeah.
He hustles.
What's his background?
Worked on two 50-meter yachts,
and he got up to lead deckhand in one of them.
That speaks well for him.
I know that Eddie would like to promote Jake,
but I have seen that backfire,
where you give somebody too much responsibility
and they crash and burn.
Watch the bow, please. Goddamn it!
I need the spring line done!
Watch your bow, watch your bow, watch your bow!
Goddamn it!
And it's your fault, because you set them up to fail.
I don't want that to happen.
Since I'm first officer,
I would like to get off deck as soon as possible.
After I do a little more observing,
we'll maybe make a call on a lead deckhand.
Cool.
Fraser, can you meet me in the master?
Copy that.
I'll just walk you through what I want for final touches.
-Yeah. -You need a towel in here.
Yeah.
One more hand towel on this side as well.
I feel absolutely terrified going into this second charter.
These orchids, like, need more love.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm a little scarred from the trip we just had.
It just never stopped.
Hi, how's it going?
Oh, my gosh.
We don't have our game together.
Wipe this one, and this.
That... yeah.
Shall we have a quick liaison in the sky lounge?
Yeah, let's do it.
Jess, do you wanna come up to the sky lounge?
I've climbed the ladder for the last five years,
and I've done every sh-- job you could ever think of,
and I busted my ass, and that's exactly what I expect
from my team.
There is no room for errors.
I want you both to know where I come from
in a bigger picture sense.
I'm gonna need to pull you to make the guests happy.
I need you both to be a little fluid.
With that being said, I feel that we need to pick up
the pace in laundry and making some cocktails.
Fifteen-minute martinis,
we should really try to come up with a quicker way
and a quicker recipe.
It's not that I'm saying we need to drop
the standard down in any way.
It's just I want us to be able to keep the ball rolling.
All I got from this meeting is that we're going to be
running it the same way we just ran it for the last,
which was a load of sh--.
We'll keep you on mornings, we'll keep you on lates.
I have never worked with a chief stew...
And so, I'm feeling insecure with her as my leader.
I feel that if you don't keep progressing every day,
you might as well die.
I mean, let's kick some ass.
Heather reminds me of my grandmother...
She always has to have a hand in something.
We just have to do everything the way
that Heather wants it done.
[snorts]
Let's get it!
Attention all crew, I need everybody in their whites.
-Copy that. -Copy, Captain.
-Try to get those streaks off... -Yeah.
And see if it's, like...
-I'll get that glass stuff... -Yeah.
We have 15 minutes till guest arrival.
Always down to the wire, isn't it?
Let's go get 'em.
[champagne pops]
Jesus.
[laughing]
This is so awesome, I love it!
Oh, here they come.
All crew, they are walking down the dock.
Oh sh--.
God, this is gonna be ----ing great.
-Dude, look at that boat. -Oh, my God.
I dunno about you, I'm ready for a cock... oh!
I'm throwing somebody in the ----ing water.
So it's gonna be...
This crew has no idea what's in store for them.
Coming up...
Justin?
What the [bleep] is going on, right?
They're drunker'n a four-peckered goat.
What's going on, man?
This sh-- upstairs can kiss my ass.
They're drunker than a herd of four-peckered goats.
You're being a ----ing jackass.
-Thank you. -Go [bleep] yourself.
There were some really alarming things
I dunno about you, I'm ready for a cock... oh!
I'm throwing somebody in the ----ing water.
This crew has no idea what's in store for them.
-Hello, everybody! -How we doing?
-Hello! -Captain Lee.
Yes, sir, good to see you.
Hi, Heather, pleasure to meet you.
-Hello, Heather. -Can I offer you a cold towel?
-Nice to meet you. -Hi, Heather.
You can take a towel.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
-Yeah.
Welcome to St. Kitts.
I'm gonna have Heather give you a tour of the boat,
and we're gonna get the hell outta Dodge
and go have some fun.
Let's get the hell out of here!
That sounds like a good plan.
-Thank you. -Let's take a tour of the boat.
Go to work.
We can get into our blue polos.
Let's come on up this way.
This is what we call our bridge deck aft.
You'll find me passed out there about every damn day.
Well, just tell me if we should wake you or not.
Nah.
-Yeah. -Maybe.
And this is what we call the sundeck.
My hot tub at home is set up the same way,
just bar and everything.
Minus the yacht.
Minus the hot tub and the bar.
Here you go, guys.
I'm gonna kick you down the Goddamn stairs.
-Is that all of it? -Yep.
Come down this way.
I will do whatever the [bleep] I want.
The master stateroom.
-Wow! -This is nice.
Are you gonna sit like Richard Nixon at that desk?
Trump, Donald Trump.
You have two bathrooms?
One for when I sh-- and one for when I don't.
-Okay, those rails off. -Copy.
Nice.
Will this work for the queen?
That'll work.
With your 38,000 shirts?
-Let's make a train? -Yeah, no.
Makin' trains.
So, how are you guys feeling?
Are you feeling like a little nibble?
Bites would be lovely, because we just finished
an entire bottle of Tito's while we were waiting.
In my experience in yachting,
having guests come on the boat drunk is a great sign,
because that just means they're gonna get
their hangover in about three hours,
so they're probably gonna skip dinner, hopefully.
Chahoo!
We're just gonna set up some nibbles on the bridge deck aft.
I'd love it if you can find out what time they want dinner.
Yeah, of course.
Passerelle secured, we're all set.
All right, let's get outta here.
You're starting with the first line up there on the bow.
-Copy. -Here we go.
Hey, let's go up front, you wanna go?
Let's watch them get outta here.
Hold on, I need more bourbon, though.
All right, you got that first line?
-Yes. -Yeah, pull, pull, pull.
-Okay, I'll take that. -Loosen it.
And we're off.
-This... -This is ----ing cool.
-...is amazing. -Does not suck.
All right, let's tidy these lines up.
No, we don't need to do fenders until we get out of the channel.
Yeah, let's take a picture of all three of you.
It's just shadows.
-Jesus tap-dancing Christ. -Port side is clear.
Good job, everybody.
Interior, interior, galley.
Is there any way I can run the platters up?
Copy that, Rachel.
And I've got some fresh hummous coming up.
Okay, so is this going up to the bar?
I'm a'comin'.
How are you doing?
Lovely, these peppers are really good.
Really good.
Oh, just sit back and wait...
Chef Rachel's about to take you for a wild ride.
Don't you even [bleep] with me today.
Would you like to chat about a dinner time?
Seven-thirtyish?
Okay, tonight is the white party and whiskey pairing.
Chef Rachel wants to plan around it,
so we just wanted to touch base with you which ones you liked,
which you didn't.
So, we've got the Woodford Reserve,
the Bullitt bourbon, Knob Creek, Chivas Regal, and Maker's Mark.
Okay, if we have to choose three...
The first three.... those are the actual bourbons.
Oh, Woodford, Bullitt, and Knob?
-Yes. -Beautiful.
-That'll be fine. -It's gonna be great.
Can I have this in a thermal cup?
In a little coffee cup?
Well, I swear to God, it'll make your life easier.
Nothing says classy like whiskey out of a thermos
on a mega yacht.
Lid or no lid, good sir?
I'll take lid, thank you.
Pleasure's all mine.
-'Sup, sugarpuss? -Wassup, wassup?
How's your department work?
How does my department work?
Yeah.
I am third, so I do the grunt work.
Fraser's usually on service,
Good point.
Ready on the anchor.
On my mark, drop.
Two and a half shots out.
Copy that, check the stay.
Short stay, 12:00.
-Oh, yeah, you got it. -Let's lock it in.
All right, securing her in.
Ugh, ugh, ugh, get it, get it, girl
Drop it, drop it, drop it
All the way down, all the way down
Ah, ah, ah, scrub that floor, scrub that floor
-Two hours till dinner. -Yeah, no worries.
-I'm gonna pull. -I wanna do a Tom Yum.
Yum.
We'll do a pad Thai, but it will be
with lobster instead, good to go.
This one time I was in Bangkok, right,
I'm drinking shots of Thai whiskey
and all of a sudden I come across this really
dodgy guy on Khaosan Road selling pad Thai with,
like, the random street meat that was incredibly greasy.
Nothing says good times like the next morning
when you have fire snakes.
Hello.
How's it going?
Good, how are you?
I'm doing good, I just wanted to check in,
see if you're gonna join them for dinner this evening.
Okay. I can.
I will not be participating in the bourbon tasting, though.
Of course.
You want apple juice in your bourbon shooters?
Apple juice would be fine, give it a little color with a lime.
I would say we're gonna be two people down soon.
Really?
If you wouldn't mind putting more bourbon in that?
Yeah, of course I can.
They're enjoying their first day, to say the least.
They weren't lying when they said
they had mouths like sailors, were they?
Nice!
That's not really enough balls, I would say.
I mean, they're not gonna be hitting balls all ----ing night.
Really, they're just gonna wanna hit drivers anyway.
[squealing]
Oh, it's hard to contain, it's alive.
Where would you like it?
-The corner over there. -All right.
Thank you.
-Oh, I missed it! -Are you guys golfing?
Can we join you?
[bleep] yeah, we can.
-You gonna have a swing at this? -Yeah.
-Do you see that white boat? -Yeah.
I'm gonna hit it.
You're not supposed to hit the ----ing boat.
Too late.
Come on, get after it.
Nice... nope. Not that nice.
Better than yours.
-That was garbage. -You didn't hit the deck.
Watch this sh--.
Oh [bleep].
Jesus Christ, Durham, you haven't played with that
much carpet since you were married last time.
Ah!
Hope you can sell houses better than you can hit a golf ball.
[bleep] off.
All right, deck crew, get into blacks.
What's happening?
Nothing.
I'm really proud of my team.
How did you think they did?
You know, they'll be fine,
and I like the fact that Jake pays attention.
Have you given any more thought to Jake as lead?
We could certainly use a lead deckhand.
I'm just concerned that it might be too soon.
Does he step up to the plate?
Mm-hmm.
Or do his nerves get the better of him,
and he comes apart like a cheap suit?
Captain Lee hired me to this position because he trusts me,
and so I would hope that Captain Lee would also respect
my decision that Jake would make a good lead deckhand,
because right now, I'm a ----ing three-stripe bosun,
and I'm ready to move off the deck.
He's a goofy guy, but you know,
I think he's got a really good head on his shoulders,
and the other deckhands look up to him.
If I have someone up there that I can rely on
and that can get me off deck a little bit
and get me in here to learn, that'd be a win.
-It's a roll of the dice. -Yeah.
I hope I don't regret this... get him up here.
Jake, Jake, Eddie, can you come to the wheelhouse, please?
Yeah, copy.
But if I do regret it, so will you.
Okay.
Coming up...
Get your ass up and get the [bleep] down these stairs.
Oh, my God.
Hurry up.
Pitter-patter, mother----er.
Somebody can go [bleep] right off,
as far as I'm ----ing concerned.
I dunno about you, I'm ready for a cock... oh!
He's a goofy guy, but you know,
I think he's got a really good head on his shoulders.
Well, I hope I don't regret this.
Jake, Jake, Eddie. Come to the wheelhouse, please.
Yeah, copy.
But if I do regret it, so will you.
Okay.
-How you doing, bud? -Yeah, all good, thank you.
Well, listen, Cap and I were just sitting here
talking about you.
We wanna give you the opportunity to be lead deckhand.
I'd love to take it, if you guys think I'm up to it.
That's great. You got a big day tomorrow.
-Yeah. -You got the luau.
We really want you to take that and get your deck team in order,
and make sure everything runs as smoothly as possible.
Thank you.
You got this team under you that doesn't have
the same experience you have, but I think you can lead them,
and that's what both of us wanna see.
I can do that for sure.
And do something about that hair.
Try to keep it as nice as your moustache.
Really happy that Captain Lee finally saw the light
and that we got a lead deckhand.
I'm already gonna look like a leather bag
by the time I'm 60, so, thank you, Cap.
-Thank you. -Do me well.
-Swear to God, you better. -Thank you, Captain.
-Cheers. -You're welcome.
-Thank you. -It's a roll of the dice.
-Yeah. -Do you feel lucky?
No, never.
-Thank you so much. -Pleasure.
Jess, do you wanna jump down to Colin and Justin's cabin
and just give it a spruce, please?
Is it ready for a turndown, or no?
Hey, Richards, you can go [bleep] yourself
whenever you want from me.
Would you get me a bourbon, please?
Nope.
Did I hear someone yell for a bourbon?
-Yes, please. -Are you ready?
Yep!
What happened?
They gave me lead deckhand.
Yes! Ah!
[radio feedback]
Oh, the captain's gonna kill me.
Jake being the lead deckhand is a great idea.
Cheers, thank you very much.
Yeah, man, absolutely.
Perfect for me, because what is he gonna do, yell at me?
That's not possible, he just kissed me.
See this guy?
Oh, yeah!
I think Jake is a pretty solid bet as lead deckhand.
I mean, it's mostly the moustache,
and that thing commands respect.
So, I'm all for it.
I wonder how he gets his moustache so dark?
I don't know, gotta ask him.
[laughing]
I hate these pillowcases.
So, where's Richard?
-There he is. -Richard.
No, I was not. I was on the--
We didn't know where you were.
I would not go in there.
How many pounds lighter are you right now?
I would not go in there.
We'll talk about that tomorrow, okay?
Okay.
Hey, are we supposed to put white clothes on right now?
Well, I don't want to.
-Why do you not want to? -We could.
Because I don't wanna ----ing change, actually.
Not one Goddamn bit.
I'm gonna go change.
Well, it's a white dinner tonight.
I'm gonna go change into some rainbow sh--.
-Yeah, he is. -Goddamn it.
-Whose side am I on? -The side of sanity?
-Where you going? -I have to change.
Your room is down here, Terri.
This way? Okay.
So is Justin's, for that matter.
-Really? -Yes.
Yeah.
Wes, may I be able to use you?
Yeah, what's up?
Add about that much mint here...
-Mm-hmm. -Here,
and then it's gonna go coriander, coriander, basil.
So, I'm not gonna...
I'm gonna tell you, I've never done things in the kitchen.
I don't care.
What in the hell is that?
Espresso martini.
Jesus Christ, did you wanna throw up
on the boat tonight, or what?
-Time for dinner. -Is it time for dinner?
Let's go.
Two, four, six, eight.
Oh, this is just wonderful.
Still or sparkling?
I would like more bourbon, please.
Beautiful.
What in the high name of hell is this?
Captain Lee, the guests are all seated
and we're ready when you are.
Copy that, thank you.
Can I have a little more bourbon in my...
I would love to.
-Where's Captain? -Just be patient.
I'm hungry.
You still have three full drinks.
How about I be in control of what I drink?
-Who's that? -That was Jake.
Jesus.
Oh, God.
Has anybody ever told her we can't take her anywhere?
Are you talking about yourself again?
Because that's accurate, too.
You have a Thermos at a formal dinner on a yacht.
Because I'm trying to be efficient.
-Hey! -Good evening.
-There he is! -How's everybody tonight?
-Good, how are you? -I'm doing good.
I'm gonna go into the soup.
And does the soup have a pairing, or no?
Jess, can I get you to the galley to help with service?
On my way.
Are you from Florida originally?
-No, Michigan. -So is Terri!
I grew up in Ann Arbor. I went to Ferris State.
That's a nice college.
Jesus, Terri, you went to college?
I wouldn't know it by your mouth.
I'm sorry, how many words do you use a day?
Usually they start with [bleep] and "you."
-These are ready to roll. -I can carry this.
I'm coming.
This is amazing.
What the hell is that?
For our tasting, we've got Tom Kha Gai with coconut milk,
infused with lemongrass.
This is accompanied with a Woodford Reserve
due to the fact that there is a sweet, oaky palate on it
with a hint of vanilla that will coincide
with the spiciness of the dish, thank you.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
There it is.
-What'd you order? -Apple juice with lime.
Fair enough.
I have no idea what I'm eating.
It's got a little kick to it, it's not bad.
A little spicy.
This is soup?
Oh, and then you take a drink of this.
I'm smelling it.
How the [bleep] do I eat this?
Mm.
[belching]
So, if you can put this in there to here.
Okay.
You've dealt with a bunch of assholes, haven't you?
On occasion.
We're just a bunch of real estate buffoons.
Can I clear this glass?
Absolutely not.
Hold on a minute.
So good.
Notice how he's, like, clutching his Thermos.
Listen, I have not had to ask anybody
for a refill on my drink because my ice is still original.
You are at the fanciest dinner of your entire life,
and you have a Thermos...
This is not the fanciest dinner of my entire life.
How do I get tequila down here?
-Jesus Christ. -No.
We are in the middle of a whiskey pairing.
If you ask for tequila, I will kill you.
You can just go [bleep] yourselves.
-Justin. -Stop.
-Shut the [bleep] up. -Stop.
Okay, well, there you go.
I'm throwing myself off the boat.
I'm hungry.
He's a goofy guy, but you know,
You all finished with dinner?
No, actually, I walked out of dinner.
Oh, God, they're gonna be pissed.
Justin.
What the French [bleep] is going on, right?
I ----ing hate that sh--.
I'm ready to go in, like, two minutes; not even.
We're down a guy, he left the table.
What's going on, man?
I can't ----ing stand sitting at a formal ----ing dinner
with a ----ing kiss-asses for no asses.
Oh, no.
That guy's being a petulant drunk.
I'm sitting here just trying to enjoy myself.
I think you're doing a fantastic job.
I'm peanut butter and jealous right now.
Go, I'll be there in a second.
Hello.
Where's Justin at?
Fancy ----ing dinner can kiss my ass.
Oh, my goodness, this looks amazing.
That girl down in the galley is...
-oh, that... that... -Rachel!
Yeah, that...
that's the one I was talking about.
This beef is from Buckhead, Georgia.
It's signature 1855 filet,
and so the bourbon will help break down the fattiness.
-Please enjoy. -Thank you.
-Hey, Captain Lee? -Yes, sir.
Where the [bleep] did she come from?
She was probably born, like the rest of us.
They're drunker'n a four-peckered goat.
I've never had anything better in my mouth.
They're drunker than a herd of four-peckered goats.
Morons.
You look like a hatful of assholes, and you're perfect.
How are they doing?
They're doing amazing right now.
He said he's loving the steak.
Awesome.
Getting that anchor watch in. Hell yeah, pure excitement.
Oh ----ing good God.
Thank you.
This is gonna be delightful, isn't it?
This is a pad Thai sauce sautéed down with lobster, poached.
-It's absolutely stunning. -This looks wonderful.
Thanks, Rachel.
Son of a bitch.
Can I get you anything?
You know what, here's what I want.
I would like my dinner here.
I can do that.
This guy's so litty-titty,
and that's why I don't drink whiskey.
Never give me whiskey.
I'm like a Goddamn gremlin.
I once started a fight with a Jeep.
It was parked, no one was in it, kicked the tires.
It was like [bleep] you, Jeep!
I do handle my alcohol well, just not whiskey.
Hey, Rachel, Justin's on the swim platform,
and he would like his dinner.
Sure, you need to roll up a napkin, a tray...
-Yeah. -Okay, let me go grab a tray.
Okay, awesome.
-What does your wife do? -Nothing.
She's paid her dues.
She has to put up with your ass.
Is she in did you say Florida?
-Ft. Lauderdale. -Okay.
It's a horrible place to live, isn't it?
I love Florida.
-Oh, yeah. -Yes.
Justin wants to have his dinner on the swim platform.
What?
Bon appetito.
Kiss my ----ing ass.
-Hey there. -Hi.
I'm gonna set up a little table for you.
God, I ----ing love you.
Ugh... well, let's do that.
-Fraser, Heather. -G o ahead, Heather.
If I could send you down to cabins.
Copy that, on my way.
We have warm ones in the master; keep those cold.
Pardon?
I'm just saying there's...
don't put the cold one down,
because it's just gonna leave a stain.
-I have warm Evian. -Yeah.
[bleep] me.
Hardly.
Do you know what it is, babe?
What?
It's the tone of voice that's used.
You don't like it?
No, I really don't.
I just try and ignore her.
Fraser's entitled to his opinions,
and I can understand it.
I feel the same way sometimes.
But you just have to put all your feelings
into a little balloon and go whew...
you let it go. Bye!
I'm just happy that I'm not the only one
who finds her so difficult.
Yeah, no, it's not you.
-How's it going? -Peachy keen.
Oh, my God.
It looks good, that looks really organized.
Good, because it wasn't.
I don't wanna eat up there. I hate that sh-- .
-I can't stand... -I know.
-Oop. -It's okay.
Hold on, how do we fix that?
I'll go grab you some more.
-Do we have his meal? -Yeah.
Thank you very much.
I feel really fat right now.
-Thank you very much. -You're very welcome, enjoy.
I don't know what I'm eating.
Where did you go to school?
-In Michigan. -Really?
-Did you grow up in that area? -Saginaw.
I worked in Saginaw, everything, and Detroit.
So, where did you grow up?
Michigan.
It's so interesting, because we grew up in the same place.
We did.
Super annoying.
Oh, my God, this is so good.
You all done?
Yeah?
It was delicious, by the way.
Good.
Well, if you will excuse me, thank you for dinner.
Thank you very much for joining us tonight.
Thank you for having me.
And we... well, you know, yeah, it's our pleasure, really.
I'll take my ----ing bourbon in a ----ing coffee cup, thank you.
-Good night. -Get some rest.
You looked like you were having your teeth pulled.
Like I had two root canals.
Oh, my God, that was a disaster.
No way.
-What happened? -That was brutal.
I don't know how many times she told me she's from Michigan.
And Justin, that boy is just flat-out rude.
I'd rather be hanging out with you ----ing people.
I don't give a sh--.
Dinner was very good, though.
-It was great. -Thank you.
Okay. I'm outta here, kids.
See you in the morning, Cap.
I'm gonna dream about Michigan.
[laughing]
Jess, Jess, Heather.
Go down for the night.
Thank you so much.
I'm going to head to bed.
See you shortly, my dear.
Good night, Beetlejuice.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I feel like we're gonna be rock stars.
Durham, go to bed.
-Durham, Durham, go to bed. -[hiccups]
What?
You should go to bed.
I'm doing it. [hiccups]
Excuse me.
Good night, good sir.
Night-night.
Oh, my God.
You have a great evening.
Thank you.
[hiccups]
I want something to drink.
-Richards. -What?
What the [bleep] are you doing, you dumb...
Jesus Christ.
I swear to God, I will kill him.
He missed a lovely lobster...
No, I just ate my dinner down here,
so go [bleep] yourself, dickhead.
[laughing]
Go [bleep] yourself and throw yourself off the...
No, you can [bleep] yourself, right now.
Asshole.
Hey, Terri, no.
There she goes.
-Eddie? -Yes?
What is going on down here?
He's just sitting out.
----ing dick.
Justin, what are you doing?
Sitting my ass on the ----ing back of the boat.
Are you ----ing kidding me right now?
Justin, look at me, in the... in my eyes...
go [bleep] yourself.
Okay.
No!
I'm gonna kill somebody.
I'm just comfortable as ----ing sh-- down here.
No, you're not comfortable, you're being
a ----ing jackass right now.
-No... no, I am not. -Are you kidding me?
No.
You all finished with dinner?
I'm just comfortable as ----ing sh-- down here.
No, you're not comfortable,
you're being a ----ing jackass right now.
No, no, I am not.
Justin, are you kidding me?
No.
I love guest drama, because it's not my drama, finally!
I'm wonderful and comfortable.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
All right.
-How are you doing? -Good.
Hey, girl.
Oop!
I wish I was there for that.
I don't like you right now.
I wish I could muster up a give a [bleep] about that.
You did not show up to what we are doing right now,
and that's bullsh--.
Can you unpack that for me?
We were all in a ----ing dinner, and you were...
well, I don't know what the [bleep] you were doing,
but you did not show up.
Unpack it further.
No, I don't have to pack it unfurther.
I said "unpack," not "pack it further."
Heather, Heather, Fraser.
You really wanna see this, come upstairs.
We've got drama.
-We came on here... -No.
...as a family, and you were not there.
-Did we really? -Go [bleep] off.
Like, of all the ----ing people in the group,
I ----ing love you the most.
Are you ----ing kidding me?
I think that Terri and Justin are secretly ----ing
and none of their friends know.
But she's the dominant here,
and he's finally drunkenly getting angry
and being like, no, bitch, go [bleep] off.
-Nope. -Yep.
I run this show, all right? It's me.
No more pegging, no more screaming, I'm in charge here.
Drop it, Terri.
If you wanna get ----ing pissed about it,
just watch how ----ing confident...
Done. I'm done.
Just watch how Goddamn confident I am
sitting here happy as ----ing [bleep].
Justin!
Shut up and listen to me for a second.
No!
Come back to the stairs, you can hear everything word for word.
I cannot believe you're doing this right now.
Wait, is something good happening?
I'm missing it.
You just, like ----ing [bleep] everything.
They're just really not chic.
They probably won this trip
from some form of lottery or something, I don't know.
I'm gonna do a favor, okay?
No, don't do me a favor.
I'm not asking you to do a ----ing favor.
You ----ing know better than that, okay?
I'm gonna walk you back to your ----ing room,
and you're gonna shut the [bleep] up.
They don't belong on a yacht.
What?
Get your ass up and get the [bleep] down these stairs.
Oh, my God.
Hurry up, pitter-patter, mother----er, let's go.
No ----ing [bleep].
You crouching tiger, hidden stew?
Son of a bitch, this is a whole ----ing circus.
Everybody can go [bleep] right off
as far as I'm ----ing concerned.
I'm just nervous something's gonna happen
that we can't control.
Can I get you anything?
-Nope. -Okay.
Nope.
No sh--. What do you want me to do?
No, nope, come here.
Stop it. Stop it.
She needs to go away, now.
-Stop. -Pardon?
She needs to go away.
What does "go" mean?
Can you elaborate a little more?
She needs to go in her ----ing...
her room and shut the [bleep] up.
Justin is just out of control and overly aggressive.
This is absolutely unacceptable behavior from a charter guest.
It's dangerous.
I think it's best we all just...
No, go [bleep] yourself and throw yourself off the boat.
Take a walk...
[sobbing]
-Two fingers, or one? -Three, actually.
Hold on... no, come here.
What the [bleep]?
She needs... she needs to go.
So, maybe it's just best if you just kind of just,
like, stay away from each other right now.
-Just, like,... -Bullsh--.
-We can't... -No, can I stop them?
There'll be somebody jumping off this boat tonight.
[bleep].