1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:03,200 ♪ Heads down, eyes to the ground ♪ 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:07,520 ♪ Get in rhythm with a brand-new sound, shout it loud, now jump up and down ♪ 3 00:00:07,520 --> 00:00:10,600 That's weird, when I first saw this uniform, I wept. 4 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,720 #Too blessed to be badly dressed. 5 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,600 Do you know what? I'm actually gonna miss it. 6 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,560 -Where did you get a shredder? -Fraser's office. 7 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,400 What did you do on your last day of school, sir? 8 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,200 You know, I don't actually remember. 9 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:25,240 You don't remember Boris Johnson bumming you with the handle of your Quidditch broom? 10 00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:28,720 Ah, Cleopatra, who am I gonna have next year to make wisecracks 11 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,760 about me getting sodomized at a fictional boarding school? 12 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,800 -Oh, don't be down, sir. -I'm not, Chantelle. 13 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,400 We've still got plenty of things to look forward to until the term ends 14 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,000 and you all leave me forever. 15 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,560 -Like the last ever class wars. -Exactly, Joe! 16 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:44,200 It's gonna be the best one yet. Zombie Apocalypse. 17 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:48,160 -Ooh! -I've even sorted out an actual zombie to attack the class. 18 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:52,560 -How? -Told the librarian that we had a few overdue books in here, 19 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,720 then I stole her insulin. 20 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,840 -Urgh! -[laughing] 21 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:59,920 And we're not all leaving, sir. Jing will be here next year. 22 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,400 -Yeah, me and Jing. -Whoo! 23 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:06,200 We can still see each other, sir. I mean, you still see your teachers. 24 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,320 Yeah, course I do. This isn't the end. 25 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:12,960 -No one splits up this gang. Who wants to be blood brothers? -A bit much, sir. 26 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:17,240 Sorry. It's just that we're all such good friends. 27 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,320 -Alfie! -Frank! 28 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,240 [whirring] 29 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,360 -Ugh! -[laughing] 30 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,400 Oh, look, there you are. 31 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:31,280 Alfie, why have your class destroyed their uniforms? 32 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,800 -There's like a week left of term. -Couldn't say no to them. 33 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:36,600 Well, you know they're late for their career seminar? 34 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,480 Just saying our goodbyes. Quick hug from teach. 35 00:01:40,480 --> 00:01:42,240 -Everyone gets a spoon. -Me next! 36 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,120 -Not you! -Oh. 37 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,520 [upbeat music playing] 38 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,840 ♪ Yeah, politics ♪ 39 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,840 [man rapping] 40 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,800 Last week, you sat a state of the art three dimensional aptitude test 41 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,800 to ascertain what career suited your unique skill set. 42 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,480 [Martin] Your answers were fed into a revolutionary new data mining computer program, 43 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:30,160 the most advanced careers predicting technology on the planet. 44 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,400 Let's see the results. 45 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,800 Stephen, you are destined to become... 46 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,600 [computer] An archaeologist. 47 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,120 An archaeologist... An archaeologist. 48 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,640 Computers don't lie, Chantelle. The emotionally crippled spinsters 49 00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:48,200 I'm automatically paired with on Guardian Soulmates redefine harsh but fair. 50 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,800 An archaeologist. An archaeologist. An archaeologist. 51 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,800 An archaeologist. A stuntman. 52 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,480 Right, well he's not gonna be a stuntman. 53 00:02:57,480 --> 00:03:00,800 -A stuntman. A stuntman. A stuntman. A stuntman. -That's a glitch. 54 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,280 I'm sure you're gonna turn out to be... 55 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,480 A male escort. 56 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:15,120 Guys, guys, come on, class selfie. Everyone in. 57 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,880 [cheering] 58 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,800 Give it. Delete. Delete. 59 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:23,760 Delete. 60 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,000 Ooh, work, I look cute in that one. 61 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,840 Okay, I'll send it to you all if you just give me your numbers. 62 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,760 -Do you want my Snapchat dates? -100% definitely not. 63 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,000 Don't worry, I'll make a slideshow. 64 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,320 Sir, do you wanna be my date to the prom? Or are you back with her? 65 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,720 -We're taking things slowly. -Office romances never work. 66 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,800 -It's a Cosmo no-no. -Maybe you're right. 67 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,160 I know we're meant for each other, 68 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,000 but working together at school, 69 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,920 sometimes it feels like she's just embarrassed by me. 70 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,440 Never let anyone make you hide who you really are, sir. 71 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,640 -That's why Stephen Carmichael is not going to the prom. -What? 72 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:59,280 #Sorry, not sorry. Howevs, he gave his wristband to Stephanie Pearce. 73 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,400 -Yes! -It's his female alter ego. 74 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,200 Ain't you worried people are gonna pick on ya? 75 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,800 -Haters gonna hate. -Haters gonna be drunk, lairy, 76 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,560 and technically no longer at school. 77 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:12,360 They could be real dicks about it, Stephen. 78 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,160 Sir, I've applied for a creative writing course in Paris. 79 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:20,880 -What? -I want to be a writer and Tring isn't the most inspiring place. 80 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,880 -But you can't all leave. Then I'll be on my own. -Grow a pair, yeah? 81 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:29,600 I know, Cleo, I'm sorry. I just can't deal with this emotional shit. 82 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,800 I'm posh. Where I come from feelings are meant to be buried 83 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,720 or taken out years later on a horsey secret drinker wife 84 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:37,960 that my mother made me marry for her childbearing hips. 85 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,320 But you'll have a whole new class next year, Alfie. 86 00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:45,240 I don't want a new class. I want you guys. You're my kids. 87 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:55,760 Right, who's next in the careers hot seat? 88 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,600 Dad, I need a new job. 89 00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,600 I can't cope without my kids. 90 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:03,960 Right, how are you with ruins? Handy with a trowel? 91 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,120 Happy smuggling monuments out of Greece? 92 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,480 Dad, I'm not being an archaeologist. 93 00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:12,360 Listen, losing your first class can be devastating, 94 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,480 but each new year brings a fresh start. 95 00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,600 Thanks, Dad, that's good advice. 96 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,800 And look on the bright side, I mean, parents get stuck with their kids for life. 97 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,600 Less strong. 98 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,120 Is this about Rosie? 99 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:30,440 Let me tell you a pertinent yarn. 100 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:35,520 In the '70s, two students met on summer jobs in the London Dungeons. 101 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:39,160 They fell in love, but the dream turned to a nightmare 102 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,440 when I found that I couldn't work under the spell 103 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,440 of your mother's veracious sexual appetite. 104 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:45,560 Oh, God. 105 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:49,680 Fortunately, we were fired when a visiting headmaster reported sightings 106 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:54,400 of a partially disrobed Mary, Queen of Scots felating Jack the Ripper 107 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,800 through the letterbox of 10 Rillington Place. 108 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:03,760 Right. Well, that is the single most harrowing 109 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,360 30 seconds of my life. 110 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,440 Fraser. 111 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,760 [giggling] 112 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,120 Why? 113 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,800 I hid in the leaver's photos. 114 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,000 But they're individual portraits. 115 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,600 Look, Fraser, if you promise not to go crazy, 116 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:39,760 then we can have a grownup discussion about my P45. 117 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,240 [Fraser screaming] 118 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,240 -[sighs] -[crashing] 119 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:51,840 Alfie, I've just spoken to Martin. You can't leave Abbey Grove. 120 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,440 You're a great teacher. 121 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:56,280 But I wanna be a great boyfriend, Rosie. 122 00:06:56,280 --> 00:07:00,480 You gave me a second chance. I'm not gonna throw that away. 123 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,680 Hi, Rosie. 124 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,440 I punched my reflection. 125 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,640 Alfred, I've had a quiet think about your moment of madness 126 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,800 and I'm willing to forgive you if you agree to stay on at Abbey Grove. 127 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:14,960 Goodbye, guys. 128 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:20,840 I see. Would you excuse me? 129 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,800 Oh, God, you traitor! 130 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,280 Alfie, what will you do? 131 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:31,640 Rosie, I'm a young, self-motivated, 132 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,880 highly qualified professional. 133 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:39,680 Trust me, I'm gonna be beating off the job offers with a shitty stick. 134 00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:49,160 She says, "I think it's MDF," and I'm like, "What are you going on about? 135 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,800 You're gonna need some primer," and she says "I think I need some paint." 136 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:57,000 I'm like "No, you don't, you need primer, you stupid tart," 137 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:01,400 -Silly bint. -Yeah, what a dumb bitch. 138 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,280 Here's one you lads will like. 139 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:11,360 This geezer asks me for the strength of a torch, in candles. 140 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,840 [laughs] 141 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,240 Really thought that would illicit more of a titter. 142 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:22,440 [man] Staff call, spillage in the bathroom section. 143 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,440 [laughs] Look. 144 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,920 Oh, that poor old dear thought one of the display toilets was real. 145 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,920 Who's the unlucky bastard that gets to clean that up? 146 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:36,720 Yeah, it's me, isn't it? I'm the unlucky bastard. 147 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,640 By the way, let me know if you're up for a few jars after work. 148 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,920 Pencil you in as maybes. 149 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:02,240 Oh, my God, the lads I work with are amazing. 150 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,680 Already planning a boys' weekend in Marbs. 151 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,960 And to think I became a teacher because I struggle to form lasting friendships 152 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,880 with people my own age. 153 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,920 Sorry, let me just go back a few steps. You're working in a... 154 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,400 PlayStation game testing factory. 155 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,800 [Joe] What kind of stuff do you do? 156 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:19,480 I shouldn't be telling you this, 157 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:25,400 but we are developing a new button, the hexagon. 158 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,800 -Wow. -Yeah. 159 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,560 -Wait. -But enough about me, what about you guys? 160 00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,560 Stephen, you got a date yet? 161 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,760 None of the boys here can handle a real woman. 162 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,680 You've got to come to the prom, sir. 163 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:38,000 I can't. I don't work here anymore. 164 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,120 [Fraser] You're damn right. 165 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,480 Hello, Judas. I thought you'd be hanging from a tree by now. 166 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:49,320 What's it like at the PlayStation factory? No, Fraser, stay strong. 167 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:53,400 -I blocked you on Facebook. I think it's for the best. -Fraser, we weren't lovers. 168 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:57,600 Didn't want you getting Facebook envy of me and my new best friend, Mr. Heather. 169 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,280 This guy's banter is off the chain. 170 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,680 Do I have to wear this shirt? I'm getting a rash. 171 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:05,760 Me and my homeslice gonna smoke bear sticky icky hand bongs in these bad boys. 172 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,320 I can't smoke, I'm asthmatic. 173 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,400 Oh, Kareem Abdul banter, just slam dunk to the basket low. 174 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:15,240 I miss you every day. Damn it, Fraser. 175 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:20,200 Well, as you're not longer a member of staff, I must ask you to Alf wiedersehen. 176 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:24,600 Bothered. We have Subway for lunch every day at PlayStation HQ. 177 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:25,840 The land of milk and honey. 178 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,720 What do you think about coming to the prom, Alfie? 179 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,680 Look, Joe, maybe it's best if we all move on. 180 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,320 -Are you crying? -Hold your tongue, Heather. 181 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:44,560 Hey, guys, did anyone order a maverick teacher that's more like your best mate? 182 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,240 Coming right up. 183 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:50,160 Ooh, ooh, Christmas crackers, in June. 184 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:53,280 Come on. It'll be a laugh. 185 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,600 Hey, hey, Frank, did I ever tell you about my embarrassing tattoo? 186 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:03,800 Bit of ammunition there, go on, have a swing. 187 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:05,520 Sorry, Miss, it's just not the same. 188 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,400 You got too much self-esteem. 189 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:13,200 Turns out I need that bumbling toffee-nosed wank stain like day needs night. 190 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,720 Frank, that's so poetic. 191 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,480 I miss Mr. Wickers too. He's literally my yang. 192 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:21,640 [Rosie] Guys, come on. Cheer up. 193 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:25,560 Oi, sound of music, just put on a DVD and leave it, yeah? 194 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:29,960 -What about class wars? -Keep talking. 195 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,960 Yeah, like one big end of term final battle extravaganza. 196 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,800 Would Alfie mind us doing it without him? 197 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,600 Babes, it's what he would have wanted. 198 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,720 Yeah, yeah! Now we're cooking with gas. Yeah! 199 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,440 How about the battle for women's rights in the workplace? 200 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:48,160 -Yeah! -Okay, everyone on the left, 201 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,920 you can be like young independent women, 202 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,280 and on the right you can be the establishment. 203 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,960 Boo! 204 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,400 [imitates gunshot] 205 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,320 I don't think I'm very good at this irresponsible teacher thing. 206 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,360 Yo, Miss G. Here's the shopping list. 207 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,000 So much for equality in the workplace. 208 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,560 We're gonna need barbecues, fairy lights and Chinese lanterns. 209 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,880 -What are you wearing? -My DJ clobber. Swedish House of Fraser. 210 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,480 I'm spinning tunes at the prom tonight. Any requests? 211 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:22,720 Any requests except the request that I don't DJ this evening. 212 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,160 Decking. 213 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,960 Claw hammer. 214 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:37,520 Cable ties. 215 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,320 Lime. Oh, God. 216 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,360 Why don't these tills come with a panic button? 217 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:44,720 [laughs] 218 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,360 -[cell phone rings] -Oh. 219 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:50,120 Oh, sorry, do you mind if I get this? It's my girlfriend. 220 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,920 Women. Can't live with 'em. 221 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,400 Okay. Bye. 222 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,560 -How's the PlayStation factory? -Great. 223 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:07,840 The PS4 gang will be the death of me, old Billy, 224 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,280 Joel, Ringo 225 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,720 and Sink. 226 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,400 Well, glad you're happy. 227 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,800 How are my kids? Have they forgotten about me already? 228 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,360 You're all they talk about. 229 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:23,520 Oh, you've got to come to the prom, Alf. 230 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,800 I'm in DIY Home Stores getting decorations now. 231 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:29,520 -You're in DIY Home Stores? -Mm-hmm. 232 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:34,760 -You should leave right now. -Why? 233 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:41,160 Because I heard that they use sweatshops. 234 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,480 Yeah, all their garden furniture is made by children. 235 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,320 So you should get out of there before you have kids' blood on your hands. 236 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,960 Alfie? 237 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,960 Hey. Surprise. 238 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,280 What are you doing? 239 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,920 I'm just trying out this bath. 240 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,800 Very spacious. 241 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:01,680 Why are you wearing that apron? 242 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,960 You mean this old friend? 243 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,920 I've always had this. 244 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:10,920 All right, busted. 245 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:15,680 -I'm actually trying to blag a staff discount, so shh. -Oh. 246 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:20,320 Right, it just, it looks like you could sort of maybe work here. 247 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:23,240 What, me work here? Don't be ridiculous. 248 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:28,280 Oi, Dickers. Fella over there said you just walked away and stopped serving him. 249 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,800 Sorry, mate, I think you might have me mistaken for somebody else. 250 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,320 Nah, definitely you who served him. He said it was a posh twat 251 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,800 who looked like a chubby ostrich with a plum stuck up his ass. 252 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:38,960 Wow. 253 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:41,400 -You all right, Miss? -Hmm. 254 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,400 -Still would. -Thank you, Dean. 255 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,280 Charming as ever. And nice to see that DIY Home Stores 256 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,920 stock a wide variety of massive spanners. 257 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:55,240 -Yeah, you love it. -Sorry, you know Dean? 258 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,960 Dean Grayson. He's Grayson's brother. I taught him years ago. 259 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:01,400 And suddenly everything makes sense. 260 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,560 Why didn't you tell me the truth? 261 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,360 I was gonna apply to other schools, 262 00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:08,160 but I knew it would just be the same heartbreak at the end of it. 263 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:13,240 Whatever you do, whatever your job is, I don't care, 264 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,640 and I don't care because-- 265 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,520 Please, just come back to Abbey Grove. 266 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,760 I can't. 267 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,280 Anyway, I love my job here. 268 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:29,680 [man] Alfie Wickers, Alfie Wickers, Code Brown in bathroomware. 269 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,440 Doris. I've gotta go. 270 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,840 Why? 271 00:15:34,840 --> 00:15:39,880 A geriatric lady thinks she's about to soil a display toilet. 272 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,480 Not on my watch. 273 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,520 Hello, is that the manager? 274 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,000 Yes, I'd like to report an employee of yours, 275 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,600 an Alfie Wickers. 276 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,280 What did he do? What did he do indeed. 277 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,800 He fingered me in a summerhouse. 278 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,880 -[clicks] -Hello. Oh. 279 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,000 Hi, Fraser. 280 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,360 Can I have your permission to take Form K on a fieldtrip? 281 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:14,120 Do what you want. 282 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,160 God, I am drinking these Kalibers like there's no tomorrow. 283 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,320 I'm the world's first no alcohol alcoholic. 284 00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,760 I'm basically just addicted to yeast. 285 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,200 Right, I'll leave you with that thought. 286 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,280 [snoring] 287 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,880 [exhales] Your move, Brown Baron. 288 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:42,440 Dean, if you're gonna show me your balls in a paint tray again-- 289 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,800 Guys. Rosie. What are you-- 290 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,800 We came for you, sir, and we're not leaving without you. 291 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,240 I didn't want you to see me like this. 292 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,360 Sir, we know you don't wanna teach at Abbey Grove anymore, 293 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,400 but you've got to come to the prom. 294 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,160 I just don't know if I can handle it, Chantelle. 295 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,720 But, Alfie, listen to what your class are telling you. 296 00:16:57,720 --> 00:16:59,800 Look, I appreciate you coming down here. 297 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,920 Seeing you is the first time I've smiled in like a week. 298 00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,560 But you've gotta let me move on with my life. 299 00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:10,320 I'm sorry. 300 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,320 But, sir, you wouldn't even get to meet Stephanie Fierce. 301 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:21,800 Still going in drag? Good on ya. Who needs a date, right? 302 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:26,360 Oh, I've got a date. I'm taking the only man strong enough to handle Stephanie. 303 00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:33,560 ♪ You think that I ♪ 304 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:37,560 ♪ Refuse to let go of the past ♪ 305 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,880 ♪ Oh, no, I'm strong ♪ 306 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:44,520 ♪ I'll move on now ♪ 307 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,760 ♪ See what this could be ♪ 308 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,520 ♪ You bring out the best in me ♪ 309 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,840 ♪ Make me believe it's you, you're gonna see this through ♪ 310 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,320 -You look amazing. -Thank you, Frank. 311 00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,480 [laughing] 312 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:05,640 ♪ We're free to brave the heart ♪ 313 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:09,560 ♪ We're free to brave your life ♪ 314 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,280 ♪ We're free to brave the heart ♪ 315 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,600 ♪ We're free ♪ 316 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,960 ♪ We're free ♪ 317 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,800 Why you come dressed as Odd Job? 318 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,600 Chantelle made me get a spray tan. 319 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,800 [laughs] He's an Oompa Loompa. 320 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,800 -Throw your hat at him, Joe. -Oh, come on gang, 321 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,440 let's raise a glass to absent friends. 322 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,480 Absent friends. 323 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,640 What are we thinking for the post-work session then, 324 00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:45,640 head round my crib for a few tinnies? Don't tell the missus. 325 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:49,120 Not that I give a shit 'cause she's a bloody woman. 326 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:53,440 Uh. Right, why is this not stopping? 327 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,600 Oh, you've cut the brake wires, haven't you? Very funny. 328 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,640 Guys, seriously. [screams] 329 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,640 [laughing] 330 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,160 Come on, guys, huh? 331 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:13,840 Hey, who wants to spike Fraser's Kaliber? 332 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,280 Or we could have a dance-off and really lose our dignity. 333 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,320 Come on, everyone make a circle around me. 334 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,240 Whoo! Yeah! 335 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,920 -Yeah! -[cheering] 336 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,400 We can still have fun. Yeah! 337 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,560 We can have a good time, yeah! 338 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,440 Uh, miss. 339 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,240 Alfie, you came. 340 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,160 So did you quit DIY Home Stores, Sir? 341 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,400 Yes, I did, Frank. 342 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,680 But don't worry. I did it with dignity. 343 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,720 Doris, this has been the battle of a lifetime 344 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,840 and you a worthy adversary. 345 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,640 But now we must unite to destroy our common enemy. 346 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,560 This is Dean's motorcycle helmet, 347 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,960 take it, Doris, and do what you do best. 348 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,160 Drop it like it's hot, girl. 349 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,840 [laughing] 350 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,400 Let's get up and dance. 351 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:11,560 Oh, what do we have here? 352 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,880 Some total stranger's crashed the prom. 353 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,560 Go on, Heather, destroy him with one of your quips. 354 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,880 -Nice to see you, Alfie. -Boom! 355 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,000 What time do you stop serving, Heather? 356 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,280 Fraser, I quite my job at DIY Home Stores. 357 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,400 Heather, you're fired. I knew you'd come back to me. 358 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:28,560 Things got out of control. I got drunk on yeast 359 00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,560 and signed us up to the Baccalaureate and I don't even know what that is. 360 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,800 Look, mate, you don't need to fire anyone. I'm just here for the prom. 361 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,720 -Alfie, they're playing Bublé. -Tune! 362 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:43,680 ♪ It's a new dawn it's a new day, it's a new life ♪ 363 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,400 ♪ It's a new dawn it's a new day ♪ 364 00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,360 ♪ It's a new life ♪ 365 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:53,200 ♪ It's a new life for me ♪ 366 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:57,240 ♪ And I'm feeling ♪ 367 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,680 ♪ Good ♪ 368 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:04,160 It gives me great pleasure to announce the prom king and queen of Abbey Grove 2014. 369 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,840 [gasping] 370 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,280 The votes are in and the prom king and queen are 371 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,600 Grayson and Stephanie. 372 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:22,360 I would like to thank Scherzi for teaching me that to be schermazing on the inside. 373 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,600 You know, we could make this work. 374 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,800 Us being a couple at Abbey Grove. 375 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,320 But I don't wanna risk it not working. 376 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,240 I love you, Rosie, and I love teaching, 377 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:39,880 but if I had to choose one, I choose you. 378 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:44,400 But what if you don't have to choose? 379 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,960 Sir, it's the last song. Can we go say goodbye to our classroom? 380 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:56,520 Go on. They need you. 381 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,960 -Another beer, sir? -I better not. 382 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,640 Don't wanna set a bad example. 383 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,800 I think it's a little bit too late for that. 384 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,840 Go on then. 385 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,440 Sir, we wanted to give you something. 386 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,920 I know I've been dropping hints all term, 387 00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,680 but you haven't actually bought me a hot tub, have you? 388 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,960 The best gifts aren't bought in a shop, they're homemade. 389 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,720 -Er. -We made you a slideshow of photos. 390 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,000 Oh, God. It's not like the last slideshow you made for me? 391 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,960 If it is, I will probably have to destroy it. 392 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,800 No. It's of all of us, here at school. 393 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,800 Thanks, guys. That means a lot. 394 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,800 -[Stephen] Oi, what you doing? -Carving my initials, right? 395 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:40,400 -This isn't prison, babe. -I know. 396 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,920 But I used to think school was like prison. 397 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,520 I've been to 12 now, 398 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,600 and this is the first one I actually kinda like. 399 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,280 -If you like it, you could stay. -Nice try, bruv. 400 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,280 Sir, you know if you stayed on as a teacher, 401 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,760 it would make it easier for us to come and visit you? 402 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:56,720 I just don't think I can, Stephen. 403 00:22:56,720 --> 00:22:58,440 You're the best teacher in the world, sir. 404 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,960 If I'm so good, then how come my entire class 405 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,240 are leaving after GCSEs? 406 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,640 I think on paper that constitutes a pretty crap teacher. 407 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:10,600 But school's not just about the tests and the exams and the grades. 408 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,800 Yeah, on paper, we've probably had a terrible education. 409 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,520 Our GCSE results are gonna be rubbish. 410 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,440 Hey, we don't know that. 411 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,680 Yeah, I mean they're probably not gonna be great. 412 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,720 But none of that makes you a bad teacher. 413 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,960 When I first came to this school, I sort of knew who I was, 414 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,320 deep down, but I was scared of being that person. 415 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:33,520 -Stephanie? -No, Stephen. 416 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:35,840 The boy who does the splits in the canteen. 417 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,600 The one man Glee. I'll sing it from the rooftops. 418 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,560 I am Stephen Carmichael. 419 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:44,960 You made me not give a shit about this, even though my mom bollocked you 420 00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,720 when you made me play a tank in class wars. 421 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,760 It was the first time that I actually thought having a chair was boss. 422 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,800 Why do you think I flirted with you, sir? 423 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,760 You're the first guy who actually liked me for who I was. 424 00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,800 The flirting was just because I didn't know how to handle being appreciated. 425 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,680 You don't realize it, Alfie, but you're that teacher, 426 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:09,640 the one who talks to us like we're adults, the one who always helps us, no matter what. 427 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,440 You're the teacher that makes us feel good about ourselves 428 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,440 for things that other people don't even notice. 429 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:18,760 And that's why you're the teacher we'll remember for the rest of our lives. 430 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,400 And if you stopped being a teacher, 431 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,920 then I'd feel guilty for all the kids who never got to be taught by Alfie Wickers. 432 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,120 Thanks, Joe. 433 00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:30,600 Thanks all of you. 434 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,360 [cell phone beeps] 435 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:37,920 Gotta go. Mom's here. 436 00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:39,440 Bye, sir. 437 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:56,360 I never realized just how horrible that shade of yellow was. 438 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:04,800 Thanks, sir. 439 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:14,120 Safe, yeah? Down low. 440 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:35,400 See you later, sir. 441 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,720 [crying] 442 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,000 Bye. 443 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,800 Yo, Alfredo. New term, new threads. 444 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,600 Don't worry, this thing turns on a sixpence, I'm coming back for you. Shit! 445 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,760 -[crashes] -[laughing] 446 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,160 [upbeat music playing] 447 00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,720 ♪ Yeah, politics ♪ 448 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:30,280 [man rapping]