1 00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:02,200 - [bell ringing] - [makes cocking sound] 2 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,720 Lock and load, bitches. It's class wars! 3 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:06,800 [cheers] 4 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:07,920 Mitchell, Rem Dogg, corridor. 5 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,800 You're the advancing German army. 6 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,760 Right, it's the 27th of May, 1940. 7 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,680 Thousands of British troops have been stranded 8 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,760 on the beaches of Dunkirk. 9 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,640 French beach, is it one of those topless ones? 10 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:23,320 No Chantelle, keep your clothes on, and prepare for battle! 11 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,440 [yelling] 12 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,440 Hey, gang! 13 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:35,480 [door shuts] 14 00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:36,920 I'm Mr. Schwimer. 15 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,760 Uh, where did you come from? 16 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,400 All the way from Harvard University, 17 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,760 sunshine state of California, reporting for duty, sir! 18 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:45,840 Yeah, we're doing the battle of Dunkirk. 19 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:48,280 Which means you're about four years too early, mate. 20 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,680 You're doing humor. I love British humor. 21 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,880 Corgies with me majesty, me lord? 22 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,400 Please, can I have another crumpet? 23 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,240 Alright, settle down everybody, take a seat. 24 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,680 Is he fucking mental. 25 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,760 Oi, Dick Van Dyke, what the hell are you doing here? 26 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,400 - This is my class. - Didn't Miss Pickwell tell you? 27 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,600 I'm here to take over Form K. 28 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,000 [makes buzzer sound] 29 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,120 No you're not, these are my pupils. 30 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,480 Sorry, hombre, not anymore. 31 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:16,760 Well, actually, yes any more, hombre. 32 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,760 I'm in charge around here. I've got their respect. 33 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,480 I'm like a God to them. 34 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:24,200 [speaking German] 35 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,920 What? Dunkirk was at sea. 36 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,480 [upbeat music] 37 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:05,280 [Fraser] Welcome to Radio Frase, the chat quota of LBC, 38 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,200 but with a host who was loved as a child. 39 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,840 Avengers, assemble-y. 40 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:15,280 Last one there gets a detention, unless it's Rem Dogg. 41 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,560 First announcement on the new tannoy, check. 42 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,800 Felt weird without any trousers on. 43 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,680 Note to self: fake tan and white slacks don't mix. 44 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,640 The tannoy is still on, isn't it? 45 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,120 [sharp screech] 46 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,880 Just to clarify, I am wearing underpants. 47 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,360 Have you seen Pickwell? God, when I see her, 48 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,360 I'm gonna give it to her with both barrels. 49 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,800 Dick. 50 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:51,920 Maybe a change would do you good? 51 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:55,000 Yea, you would say that, cradle snatcher. 52 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,120 Alex is three years younger than you. 53 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,880 We're happy. Get over it. 54 00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,160 [Alfie] Did you have a fun weekend? 55 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,160 We went for a lovely, romantic meal. 56 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,800 A Happy Meal, was it? What toy did she get? 57 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,600 If anyone's a child here, it's you. 58 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,360 Great. Well, that means, you can set me and Alex up on play dates. 59 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,480 Well, she does have some very fun toys. 60 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:14,920 Oh. 61 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:20,440 Hello, wilkommen and awooga! 62 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:25,320 Item one: the school's got a couple of new furry friends. 63 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,360 And I'm not talking about the pair of puppies 64 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:29,440 Erica Tinkler's recently acquired. 65 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:30,560 Woof, woof! 66 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,600 ♪ Who let the dog's out ♪ 67 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:33,920 [laughs] 68 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,520 Damn puberty let the dogs out. 69 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:41,640 It's normal for your bodies to change and grow. 70 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,120 In fact, the other day I thought I found a lump. 71 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,400 Don't worry, nothing cancerous, 72 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,120 turns out it's just a knot of dead skin in the old pork purse. 73 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,160 Rats, we've got rats. 74 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:56,360 Rats are really just big black mice, like Rastamouse. 75 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,800 So, don't be scared of them and please, 76 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,440 please, please don't tell your parents. 77 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,560 Item Two: the PE teacher has quit to become a tree surgeon, 78 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,120 I know, email from his lawyer saying 79 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:10,880 something about operations on a yew tree. 80 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:12,200 Good luck to the guy. 81 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,800 Luckily, we've got a new signing, 82 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,960 who's gonna be taking over the school's worst performing class, Special K... 83 00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,720 ...um, Form K. 84 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,320 As the Archbishop of Banterbury, 85 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,360 I hereby ordain thee Brother Schwimer. 86 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,480 Explosion, shrapnel. 87 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:36,680 [both grunting] 88 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,800 That handshake is the best thing 89 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:39,640 that's ever happened to me. 90 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,000 So, a little about me. 91 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,400 I just got back from Malawi, Africa, 92 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,840 where I was helping the victims of a savage civil war. 93 00:04:49,840 --> 00:04:52,440 But I am sure as heck pretty darn excited to be 94 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:56,160 here now in Watford, United Kingdom. 95 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,120 OK, so I'm going to be teaching History, 96 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,920 and helping out with Gym class. 97 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:04,320 So I guess you guys are wondering what exactly 98 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,440 - qualifies this guy to teach gym? Huh? - Yes. 99 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,800 Well, I did make a brief appearance at the Olympics, 100 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,720 here in London, England on team USA. 101 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,240 [students cheer] 102 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,520 What do you want, a medal? 103 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,440 I won gold with the coxless four. 104 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,960 [students cheer] 105 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,520 Now I wanna give you guys a taste of the good old US of A. 106 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:29,400 But I will leave the school food to you. 107 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,640 I'm not saying my students back home were chunky or anything, but, 108 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,960 I could catch them skipping class on Google Earth. 109 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,320 [students laugh] 110 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,480 Let's hope they keep the gun culture at home as well, mate. 111 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,640 We all know why they keep their kids so fat... 112 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,560 [makes cocking sound] ...bigger targets. 113 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,480 [makes shooting sound] 114 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:49,880 High school massacres. 115 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,640 Am I right? 116 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:54,960 Yeah. 117 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,800 Come on, he's yanking your chain. 118 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,720 Gallows humor. Throw him in the bloody tower 119 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:02,920 with Saint Arthur of the Round Lake. 120 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,160 [students laugh] 121 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:08,760 Classic, someone lock this guy up in Bant-anamo Bay! 122 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,320 Hey, Timberlake? 123 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,440 Who's with me? 124 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,200 I love Justin Timberlake. 125 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,520 Mr. Wickers not with you? 126 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:23,800 Why, do you want him? 127 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,120 [laughs] 128 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,480 No, I don't "want" him. 129 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,120 I just thought he'd be yapping around your cankles 130 00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,240 like some over-excited puppy 131 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,800 that needs a good spade to the genitals. 132 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:36,160 Just to clarify, 133 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,440 because I don't want you misreading any signals, 134 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:43,960 it may shock you to learn that a sexual carnivore 135 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:49,400 like myself, was, for a spell, herbivorous. 136 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,960 Well, I don't understand a word of what you just said 137 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,400 but I'm guessing it's something to do with the fact 138 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:55,880 that I've got a girlfriend. 139 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:59,280 I understand your surprise now, but this velociraptor 140 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,640 couldn't wolf down the caper bush forever. 141 00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,400 Are you trying to flirt with me? 142 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,800 No, no, God, no, no, no. 143 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,600 Women cannot live on pita alone. 144 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,480 I need a little Kofte in my kebab. 145 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,560 Well, I'm sure that comes as a relief to many, many men. 146 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,760 I want you to know that I am... 147 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,400 ...back on solids. 148 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,600 Phew... 149 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,280 We need to talk about Kevin. 150 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,840 You can talk to me about anything you want. 151 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:38,440 My door is so open, it's off its hinges. 152 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:42,920 [drill revs] 153 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,520 Yeah, I get it, very clever. 154 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,520 Why didn't you tell me I was losing my class? 155 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,680 After that fire at the swimming gala, 156 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,680 Pickwell has got my jolly pink giant 157 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,800 by the scruff of its neck. 158 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:53,640 She said either I hire Kevin 159 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,240 or she reports me to various child welfare agencies, 160 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,720 none of which are mahusive fans of Super-F. 161 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,840 Well, I don't care where I have to take this fight I'm getting my kids back. 162 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:07,360 Oh, BT dubs, if you're planning a Fathers for Justice style protest, 163 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,400 I've got a wide variety of superhero costumes you could borrow. 164 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,320 The only one I can't lend you is the Superman one. 165 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,720 Why not? 166 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,840 How long have you been wearing that? 167 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,200 Every day for four years. 168 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,400 In case I need to save the school bus. 169 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,640 Buttons, buttons, where are the buttons? 170 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,440 Right, look, you can't just give my class away. 171 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,720 - Can too. - Cannot. 172 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,880 Can can, can can, I can do the can can. 173 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,640 Yea, well, I've spoken to them and my class want me back. 174 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:47,200 They would take a bullet for me. 175 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,120 Ha, find that hard to believe. 176 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:51,600 What the hell is that? 177 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,520 OK, right, you are aware this isn't Hogwarts? 178 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,800 Mr. Wickers, meet Rumsfeld. Rumsfeld, meet Mr. Wickers. 179 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,160 Why is there an owl on your arm? 180 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,560 Well, Mr. Fraser's attempts to eradicate the vermin 181 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,800 have thus far been unsuccessful, so. 182 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:09,920 An owl is the solution? 183 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,720 Well, I wanted to use mustard gas, 184 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,760 but some precious red tape Susan said 185 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,320 that sulphur-based cytotoxins and children are incompatible. 186 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,280 Hence, Rumsfeld and I, are hunting rats. 187 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,360 Oh, and there's one in particular that's so grubby, 188 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:25,240 even turds retch as they glide past him in the sewer. 189 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,240 OK, well I assume I'm that rat 190 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,400 in that little pooey analogy of yours. 191 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,160 But let me tell you this, there is absolutely no way on earth 192 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,760 that I'm just gonna stand by and watch you. 193 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,800 [Pickwell chirping] 194 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,640 Would you like to meet your new form now? 195 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:38,800 Fine. 196 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,400 I'm teaching 2-J? 197 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,000 Putting me in there is like 198 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,200 putting Justin Bieber on the main stage at Reading. 199 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,520 They'll murder me. 200 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,720 Now, remember, don't look them in the eye. 201 00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:53,280 Oh, and the smell of urine, 202 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,360 they're just marking their territory. 203 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,800 As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. 204 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,520 ♪ I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left ♪ 205 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,720 ♪ 'Cause I've been laughin' and blastin' so long that ♪ 206 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:05,920 ♪ Even mama thinks that my mind is gone ♪ 207 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,720 I didn't know you were a Coolio fan? 208 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,920 It's the Bible, Psalms 23. 209 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,280 Whatever, it's definitely Coolio. 210 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,360 It's a tune though, give you that. 211 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:17,400 Oh, forgot to mention, they're studying this. 212 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:28,320 Right. Listen up, you little bastards. 213 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:33,280 Before we begin, I want to make one thing crystal clear. 214 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,480 I could kick the shit out of you in a fight. 215 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,400 And don't think that I wouldn't, 216 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:48,680 just because you're smaller than me and some of you are little girls. 217 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:49,880 Any questions? 218 00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,240 No, thought not. 219 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,760 Beowulf, Chapter One. 220 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,640 In hildy-fildy pildy harque-wun 221 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,800 pur-pon diddly dee di diddle-um dee didly doom. 222 00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:09,280 [children yelling] 223 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,960 - Six minutes, 17 seconds. - They're monsters! 224 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,720 They're 11, just think of it as babysitting. 225 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,320 I'm not a babysitter. 226 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,960 No, no, of course you're not. They are babysitting you. 227 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,960 I see visions of me dead, Lord, are you there? 228 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,600 - The Bible? - Tupac. 229 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,840 - No please! - [children yelling] 230 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,640 A little orphan looked up at me and said. 231 00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,520 Nicola Berti's been stabbed! 232 00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,520 Don't worry, I know first aid. 233 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,200 She's bleeding out by the school gates. 234 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,960 Go quick, go, go. 235 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:50,000 Okey dokey, time for a little chat. 236 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,800 - Is Nicola gonna die? - Nicola? 237 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:57,000 Oh, no, that was just something I said to get rid of Kevin of Nazareth. 238 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,400 - Gullible! - So, not LOL, sir. 239 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,600 - What's that? - Mr. Schwimer ran the New York marathon 240 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,760 to Protect the Rhino. 241 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,760 Protect the Rhino? [chuckles] 242 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,360 They're basically dinosaurs, I think they can look after themselves. 243 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,960 Now, I have been thinking long and hard about 244 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,480 how I'm gonna get you guys back. 245 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,120 I have considered every possible option, 246 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,560 and I'm going to need one of you to say that Kevin touched you. 247 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,160 Little fiddle, anyone? 248 00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:29,920 God, you guys are so square. 249 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,920 Joe? Your new haircut's given you a kind of choir boy vibe. 250 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,320 - They tend to dig that look? - No way. 251 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,680 I just want my class back. 252 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,600 What am I gonna do? 253 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,640 Cut and run, take me to France, sir. 254 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:48,400 Overnight ferry, shack up in Bordeaux, let the manhunt begin. 255 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:50,120 Come and get us, Interpol. 256 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,680 I've got a plan to get rid of him, sir. 257 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,160 - Shoot. - Right. 258 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,400 We're gonna need a van, some cable ties, and an alibi. 259 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,680 Mitchell, we're not re-enacting your parent's honeymoon 260 00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,560 We have to get rid of Kevin somehow. 261 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:02,880 He's such a dick. Isn't he? 262 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:10,440 Well, the thing is, sir, Mr. Schwimer's actually pretty rad. 263 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,840 Rad? Who are you? 264 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,480 Look, what has this guy got, that I haven't? 265 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:16,680 - Timetables. - Abs. 266 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:18,360 - Dress sense. - A penis. 267 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:22,400 Mr. Schwimer went to college with Ashton Kutcher. 268 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,320 - [sighs] - So what, give a shit? 269 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,800 I've got celebrity friends too. 270 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,720 My friend Atticus Hoye was on Total Wipeout. 271 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,440 Mr. Schwimer's a pro skater, sir. 272 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:32,840 He invented his own trick. 273 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:35,800 What else has he done, turned water into wine? 274 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:36,280 He's teetotal. 275 00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,160 [scoffs] Jesus. 276 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,280 As if he couldn't get any creepier. 277 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,880 Kids, if I can teach you one thing about life, 278 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:45,720 never trust a man that doesn't drink. 279 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,760 Has Kevin just been peacocking all morning? 280 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,400 I mean, has he actually taught you anything? 281 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,640 The English kings and queens. 282 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,000 All of them? That's impossible. 283 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,520 ♪ Five, Six, Seven, Eight ♪ 284 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:56,960 ♪ Willie, Willie, Harry, Stee ♪ 285 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,640 ♪ Harry, Dick, John, Harry three ♪ 286 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,160 ♪ One two three Neds, Richard two ♪ 287 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,800 ♪ Harrys four five, six, then who ♪ 288 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,360 ♪ Edwards four, five, Dick the bad ♪ 289 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,960 ♪ Harrys seven, eight, Ned the lad ♪ 290 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,520 ♪ Mary, Bessie, James the vain ♪ 291 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,440 ♪ Charlie, Charlie, James again ♪ 292 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,800 ♪ William, Mary, Anna, Gloria ♪ 293 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:11,880 ♪ Four Georges, William, Victoria ♪ 294 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:13,360 ♪ Edward seven next, and then ♪ 295 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:14,760 ♪ George the fifth in 1910 ♪ 296 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,520 ♪ Ned the eighth soon abdicated ♪ 297 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:18,640 ♪ Then George the sixth was coronated ♪ 298 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,360 ♪ And if you've not lost your breath ♪ 299 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,520 [gasp] ♪ Give a cheer for Elizabeth ♪ 300 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:25,400 [cheers] 301 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,200 Meh. 302 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,440 When would you actually use that? 303 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,360 I teach you transferable life skills, 304 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,720 like the rap from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 305 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,600 ♪ In West Philadelphia, born and raised ♪ 306 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,240 Please, not again. 307 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,880 ♪ B-ball... 308 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,680 [groans] 309 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,960 Please help me? I hate 2-J! 310 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:56,120 One of them made me fellate a Pritt Stick. 311 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,320 My mouth's still gluey. 312 00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,720 [laughs] 313 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,640 Why don't you seduce Miss Pickwell? 314 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,920 Flirt your way out of it. 315 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,600 You can practice on me, if you like? 316 00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:06,160 Please, Chantelle. 317 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,200 I would have to try literally everything, 318 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,920 before I resorted to flirting with Pickwell. 319 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,800 Hey, Izz. 320 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,240 You're looking pretty fit today. 321 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,600 How do you get that lovely natural glow to your skin? 322 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,840 Pumice and bleach. 323 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,360 What do you want? 324 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,800 Just wanted to ask you a question. 325 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,720 Are you from Tennessee? 326 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:40,280 'Cause you're the only ten I see. 327 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,640 Plans tonight? 328 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,800 Me, you, my crib, 329 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,400 turn my onesie into a twosie? 330 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:53,240 Hey, was your Dad a thief? 331 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,960 No, he was a butcher in East Kilbride. 332 00:15:55,960 --> 00:16:00,320 'Cause, he stole the stars and put them in your eyes. 333 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,680 Was your father a surgeon, 334 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,560 because he stole the brain of an ape 335 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:10,200 and put it into the body of a hairy little girl. 336 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:15,200 Come, come, Isobel, there's no need to be like that. 337 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,000 Silly me. 338 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,640 [groan] 339 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,360 Thirty minutes, me on top... 340 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,520 ...penetrative. 341 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,320 Those are my terms, Mr. Wickers, 342 00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:40,840 should you wish to screw your way out of this. 343 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,800 Oh, and biting. 344 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,880 Lots and lots of... biting. 345 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,440 Yo, alpha male. 346 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,800 Hey, you know Kevin DJs? 347 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:34,520 He's coming 'round mine later. 348 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,760 I'm gonna play him a mash-up I've done 349 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,240 of Chaka Khan and Chaka Demus and Pliers. 350 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,160 It's called Chaka Chaka Demus and Khan, are you in? 351 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,400 Oh, God, no I can't. 352 00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,000 I've got to get home tonight and run a bath 353 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,800 to slit my wrists in because someone gave my class away 354 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,160 to some stupid American that they've all fallen in love with 355 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,200 and I'm stuck with shitty, horrible 2-J. 356 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,680 Why have you got a recorder? 357 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,000 Well, I read this article written by a freelance 358 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:55,600 pest control expert in Germany. 359 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:56,680 From what I could gather, 360 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,320 his method for drawing the rats away 361 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:00,400 from the villagers was this. 362 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:01,560 [high pitched recorder] 363 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,840 - The Pied Piper? - Yea, the Pied Piper, you know him? Hmm. 364 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,160 Mitchell, what are you guys doing? 365 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,360 I'm gonna get Emo Elliot 366 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:13,960 to lend Mr. Schwimer his skateboard. 367 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,560 Oi, Catch the rugger ball, Jonathan Wilkinson. 368 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,240 Here, surprise sir, do us a trick. 369 00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,240 I can't, well, no, I mean, with my knees. 370 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,720 I mean, they're just in super real bad shape, 371 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,120 you know, after the marathon. 372 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,800 - Don't be a pussy, sir! - Yeah, go on, sir! 373 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,400 - I bet you're amazing at it. - I'll do a trick. 374 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,160 Well, yeah, yeah, Mr. Wickers will do the trick, huh? 375 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,520 - Can you skate? - Tony Hawk's, intermediate. 376 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,240 Gaming don't make you a skater, you melt. 377 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,920 Rooney plays FIFA, so eat a bag of shit for breakfast, Mitchell. 378 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,400 Just give me the board, dickhead. 379 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:58,400 And stand back kids. This school's insurance policy doesn't cover blown minds. 380 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,880 Hash-tag this shit gonna be cray. 381 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,800 This shit gonna be fifty shades of cray. 382 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,400 [all chanting] Wickers, Wickers, Wickers! 383 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,840 [groans] 384 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:18,480 - Oh, shit. - [heavy breathing] 385 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,480 [echoing] You OK, buddy? 386 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,360 Am I dead? 387 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:28,760 [laughs] 388 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:46,440 Oh, Mother Theresa, where did it all go wrong? 389 00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,840 [air hissing] 390 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:54,880 Sir? 391 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:59,320 Oh, hey Jing, where are the others? 392 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,800 Mr Schwimer's friend from the British museum lent him some weapons and armor. 393 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,200 They're all outside doing a Civil War reenactment. 394 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:10,120 Class wars, is nothing sacred? 395 00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:11,240 I need to talk to you about something. 396 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,400 My Jenga. 397 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,400 Do you remember when we used this 398 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,880 to run through 9/11 conspiracy theories? 399 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,720 See, still got the FBI dynamite on it. 400 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:25,800 [gasp] And look, it's all the Jews that didn't go into work that day. 401 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,800 Take it, something to remember me by. 402 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,720 - You're not dying. - Inside I am, Jing. 403 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,200 But it's alright. I understand. 404 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,280 I have to let you go. 405 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,640 Just promise me this. 406 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,520 Don't ever let that man patronize you. 407 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:42,800 [gasp] Look! 408 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,000 My suffragette glove puppets! 409 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,960 Please give me the vote, watch out for the horsey! 410 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,400 Listen. Mr. Schwimer isn't who he says he is. 411 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,360 Jing, I get it: I'm shitty old Alfie, 412 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:59,000 he's Mr. Perfect, Good Teeth, Junior the Third. 413 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,800 But he isn't perfect! 414 00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:06,640 Look at this photo, something's not right. 415 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,520 - Look. - Oh, my God. 416 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,640 The jogger behind him has a semi. 417 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,280 No, Mr Schwimer. 418 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,840 - Mr Schwimer's got a semi? - The hand! 419 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:20,000 That's a wedding ring, and it's a lady's arm. 420 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,480 Mr. Schwimer isn't married, or a lady. 421 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,760 I knew there was something wrong with him, right from the start. 422 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,720 It's his eyes, right? Too close together. 423 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:31,160 No, he said he went to Harvard, California, 424 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:32,560 but Harvard's in Massachusetts. 425 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,360 And, did you see how reluctant 426 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,960 the pro skater was in doing a trick? 427 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,560 Why are you helping me, Jing? 428 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,760 Because I love this class. 429 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,600 It's just not the same without you. 430 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,480 You're an idiot... 431 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,000 ...but you're also a nice, kind man. 432 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,560 Let's destroy this bastard's life. 433 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,880 It's mash-up time, dedicated to my new best buddy, 434 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,840 two time Superbowl winning champion, Mr. Schwimer. 435 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:03,560 ♪ I'm every woman, It's all in-- ♪ 436 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,880 ♪ If I ever tell you 'bout Maxine, you only say ♪ 437 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,440 ♪ I don't know what I know, but ♪ 438 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,800 ♪ Murder she wrote, murder, murder ♪ 439 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,800 ♪ Every woman, it's-- ♪ 440 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:14,240 [reggae] 441 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:18,720 ♪ I know this little girl, her name is Maxine ♪ 442 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,000 ♪ Murder ♪ 443 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,600 And one of my ancestors, 444 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,400 actually fought in the battle of Agincourt. 445 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,440 - Oi, Kevin! - Yo, G. 446 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,280 Mr. Wickers to you, mate. 447 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,440 It's time you confessed. 448 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:30,840 Let me see your arms. 449 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,240 My arms? 450 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:36,480 [laughs] Oh, mi lud, stick a shilling up me chuffer. 451 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,840 This is another one of your dry, British irony jokes, right? 452 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,680 Stop trying to rape Mr. Schwimer, sir. 453 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,320 Shut up, Mitchell! 454 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,720 - Are those your arms? - Yes. 455 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,760 They look pretty feminine to me. 456 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,240 I have slim arms. 457 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:56,400 - Slim, hairless, married ladies' arms? - Yes. 458 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,840 Oh, funny that, 'cause didn't you win a gold medal 459 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,120 in the Olympic rowing, right? 460 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,160 Um... 461 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:03,200 [buzzer] The US team won bronze, 462 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,520 and you weren't in it. 463 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:06,840 I don't even remember saying that. 464 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,440 You're not a pro skater, or a DJ. 465 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:12,400 Oh, and that horrible war in Malawi. 466 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,840 Don't bring the war into this, you weren't there, man! 467 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:16,880 No, I wasn't, no one was. 468 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,760 Because there wasn't civil war in Malawi. 469 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,360 You're a pathological liar. 470 00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:23,800 So, come on Kevin, what have you got to say for yourself? 471 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,360 Spit it out, we're all ears. 472 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,000 Sure, I exaggerate a bit. 473 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,520 But, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. 474 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,160 I just wanted you to like me. 475 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:42,560 Oh, God, a teacher craving his pupils' approval. 476 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,120 Pathetic, go on, piss off. 477 00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:47,840 So it was all lies? 478 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,360 You never won the Superbowl? 479 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:52,560 - You don't know Ashton? - I'll never meet Demi. 480 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:57,200 It's all fake. The stories, the Harvard education, 481 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,120 this stupid plastic armor. 482 00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:01,720 [clink] 483 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,680 Yea, these shitty little toy guns. 484 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,000 Please be careful, those are actually antique! 485 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000 Ooh, my name's Kevin, I've got a buddy at a British Museum! 486 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,440 - [gun fires] - [screams] 487 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,120 - Oh, dear. - Ow! 488 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,360 Are you insane? 489 00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:18,120 They weren't supposed to be fired! 490 00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:21,160 You shot him in the arse, brilliant! 491 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,520 Oh, my God, oh, my God! 492 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:24,840 Don't worry, Joe, it's just a little flesh wound. 493 00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,600 Help, help, someone go and get help. 494 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,280 Does anyone know first aid? 495 00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:31,840 - I do. - Really? 496 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,960 - No. - Oh, Jesus! 497 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,880 Sir, you're meant to suck the bullet out. 498 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,520 No, you idiot, you're meant to piss on it. 499 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:38,880 That's jellyfish, you tit! 500 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,480 Wait, that is jellyfish, right? 501 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,520 - Lie on your front. - No, no Jing, it's fine, 502 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:43,920 I'll do it, I'm desperate anyway. 503 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:44,920 No, sir! 504 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,960 Oh. Joe, just a quick one. 505 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,440 You know the way your mum's not like a massive fan of mine, 506 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:53,600 if she asks about this, she might not, 507 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,960 could you maybe tell her that you sat on the bullet? 508 00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,920 - [groans] - Wrong moment. 509 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:00,400 Help, help! 510 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,400 Sir literally gave him a new arse hole. 511 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,520 Why is no one coming? Pass me the other gun! 512 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:05,760 Gonna put him out of his misery, sir? 513 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,800 No, distress signal 514 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,200 [gun fires] 515 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,400 [screech] 516 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,680 Oh, shit, Rumsfeld! 517 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,400 Shit, shit, shit! 518 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,480 Please don't be dead, please don't be dead. 519 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,720 One two, one two. Come on, Rumsfeld. 520 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,200 Don't fly towards the light. 521 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,360 - Pickwell's coming. - [Pickwell] Oh, no! 522 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,360 Right, if anyone asks, Kevin fired the guns. 523 00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:38,920 [all agreeing] 524 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,640 - That's a lie! - Is it a lie, or am I just exaggerating? 525 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:45,560 - My baby. - I heard gun shots! 526 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,480 The man of steel, he's here to say the day! 527 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,920 [sobbing] 528 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,600 - Are you OK, sweetheart? - My bum hurts. 529 00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:55,920 Not for the first time. 530 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,440 Keep pressure on the wound. 531 00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:59,480 What have you done? 532 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:05,680 It wasn't him, Miss Gulliver. I fired the gun by mistake. 533 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:09,520 See, you told me my kids wouldn't take a bullet for me, but... 534 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,000 Joe's a hero, miss. 535 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,640 He threw his arse in front of the bullet. 536 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:15,680 Yeah, his bottom was like Kevin Costner in The Bodyguard. 537 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,760 Forget about the boy! Rumsfeld! 538 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,480 This man has lied about everything, 539 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,480 except for the bit about shooting Joe. 540 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,840 I'm a fraud. 541 00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:26,840 What about my mash-ups, you said you liked them? 542 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,880 - I didn't really. - You're dead to me. 543 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,400 When we confronted him, he freaked out, turned the gun on Joe. 544 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,800 And then he reloaded to shoot your pigeon. 545 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,680 I have a problem, I can't help lying. 546 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:42,800 I say one thing and then it just spirals. 547 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,320 I'm not even from America, I'm from Birmingham. 548 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:46,840 Not even Birmingham actually, Dudley. 549 00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:51,640 Near Tipton, you know, off the A4123. 550 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:55,000 Sorry, everyone. Now I've been honest, can we be buddies? 551 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,800 I've got a jet pack, I flew to France on it, all the way. 552 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,400 [makes engine sound] 553 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,440 Do you wanna have a go? 554 00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,280 I'll have a go. 555 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,160 He's lying again, isn't he? 556 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,920 If you ever set foot on these premises again, 557 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,440 I will personally send you back to Dudley, piece by piece. 558 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,280 Starting with these. 559 00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:20,400 [high pitched squeal] 560 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:22,000 Does this mean we get Mr. Wickers back? 561 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,840 - I think it does. - [cheering] 562 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,520 That's right, kids, daddy's back for good. 563 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:32,680 And I will never, ever let you get put in danger again, 564 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,880 because I am here to protect you, children. 565 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,800 23rd of October, 1942. 566 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,520 The tank battle of El-Alamein. 567 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:43,600 Rommel, ready? 568 00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:46,320 Monty, ready? 569 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:48,600 Three, two, one! 570 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:52,560 - [whistle blow] - [yelling] 571 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:55,160 [loud thud] 572 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:57,920 [Alfie] Oh, fuck.