1 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,400 Where IS she? 2 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,480 She's a superagent. A legend. 3 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,120 Yeah, but do you think she gets invited to a lot of school plays? 4 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,200 How do you think they found Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, La Lohan? 5 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,520 The difference is they were kids. You're literally a grown-arse man. 6 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:54,320 Yeah. This school play is being colonised by a teacher. 7 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,160 You've turned it into an audition. 8 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,840 Oh, haters! 9 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:01,200 This is why I don't explain myself to civilians. 10 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,560 This is not an audition, it's a showcase. 11 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,360 The poster is just a picture of you. 12 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,880 There's literally a picture of every single one of you on that poster. 13 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,160 It don't look like a play. 14 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,240 It looks like you've died and we've just done a fun run to remember you. 15 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,440 I'm sick of these low-rent gigs! I need a new agent! 16 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,120 Warren did his best for you, sir. 17 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,000 Warren got me reading at a church, hmm? 18 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,720 To be fair, they paid cash. 19 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,160 That was the collection plate. 20 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,680 GASPS SHARPLY 21 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,040 She's here! 22 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:31,640 She actually came! 23 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,880 Um, don't sound so surprised. I am manifesting good things! 24 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,840 Oh! I'm gonna give the children live tonight! 25 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,760 Um, where's Blessing? 26 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,960 Oh, she's with Mitchell coming back from football. 27 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,560 They got merked 27-0. 28 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:48,240 OK. I don't want any drama, so, Warren, find Blessing. 29 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,440 You lot - costume. 30 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:52,680 Enjoy. 31 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,200 Er, kids don't go free. Thank you. Lovely. 32 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,560 There you are. 33 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,160 Sir? 34 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,560 Keep smiling in case they're watching us, 35 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,960 cos this is Pizzagate 36 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,800 with some 5G stuffed crust. 37 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:08,560 That school that was playing us at football - half of them are ex-pros. 38 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,960 I KNEW I recognised that keeper off Match Of The Day. 39 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,400 That school don't even exist! 40 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,240 Hoburn said her mate was a teacher there. 41 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,480 I should've smelt a rat, she ain't got mates. 42 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,200 So who's this lot, then? 43 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,200 She made them watch the football with her too. 44 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:25,080 They're the school governors. That's the Bishop of Tring. 45 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,640 And there's our local MP. 46 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:32,680 I am so sorry you had to witness that atrocity, Minister. 27-0! 47 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:34,760 Bernadette, if there's one thing I know about, 48 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,120 it's fickle mistresses, and football is one of them. 49 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,200 Oh, no, please, don't make excuses for me. 50 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,000 I accept full responsibility for our defeat. 51 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,320 That woman wouldn't cop to a fart. 52 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,040 What's she up to? 53 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,040 As a retail tzar, I'll always fight on to the bitter end, 54 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,640 but I know... I know I'm on very thin ice. 55 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:57,560 Don't be put off by one set of cataclysmic exam results. 56 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,120 I've spoken to the governors. They won't fire you. 57 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,080 I suppose I have delivered some truly revolutionary innovations. 58 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,120 Well, thanks to my work with big dairy 59 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,680 back when I was slashing the size of Toblerones, 60 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,200 I've been able to abolish maternity leave at Abbey Grove, 61 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,280 all for the price of an industrial milking pump 62 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,640 and half-a-dozen stools. 63 00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:16,920 Plus the severance package you negotiated's financially crippling. 64 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,720 The governors literally can't fire you. 65 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,960 If they had to pay you off, they'd bankrupt Abbey Grove. 66 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,240 HE SNIGGERS 67 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,200 Yes, you're right. I suppose this play would need to be a bloodbath 68 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,520 to close Abbey Grove, and pay me off, of course. 69 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:29,800 THEY CHUCKLE 70 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,960 SCHOOL MUSICIANS PRACTISE 71 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,880 Where's Stephen? 72 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,200 In the changing rooms. Which one? I don't know. There's only two. 73 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,400 Oh, my days! Get back, fam! 74 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,840 I can't breathe! 75 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,280 Oh, my God! Stephen, Hoburn fixed the match. 76 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,600 She's got her eyes on a big, fat package. 77 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,800 Oh, Mitchell! 78 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,360 A severance package! Get your mind out the gutter. 79 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,000 Look, Hoburn wants to get fired. 80 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,960 If the governors pay her off, then they'll bankrupt the school. 81 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,440 We can say goodbye to Abbey Grove. 82 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,880 OK, but...um, have you heard of knocking? 83 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,640 What's with the accent? I'm playing Meghan Markle tonight. 84 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,600 So, um, I'm staying in character. 85 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,560 You're what? 86 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,480 You're not listening to me. 87 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,040 Hoburn wants this to tank. 88 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:21,320 Then, why did she literally beg me to write an iconic 89 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,360 and iconoclastic tribute to Great Britons? 90 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,600 She knows your Great Britons 91 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,880 will go down like a cup of cold sick with the governors. 92 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,200 Er, rude...and wrong. I had to do... 93 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,880 Ah! I had to do lots of historical research. 94 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,200 I watched The King's Speech - on two times speed. 95 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,280 Oh, about the king with the stutter? 96 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,000 Was it? He sounded cute to me. 97 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,560 Mate, them governors are so old, 98 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,120 they look like they spunk dust. 99 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,520 They are going to hate this. 100 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,760 That's why I'm serving British family values 101 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,560 with Snow BoJo and his seven official children. 102 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,320 Knees up, two, three, four! Jesus. 103 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,960 Where's the energy? 104 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:58,320 # Micro-wah-vay! Micro-wah-vay! # 105 00:04:58,320 --> 00:04:59,920 Nigella, you're flat. It's... 106 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,920 # ..micro-wah-vay! # 107 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,160 Hmph. Who are you supposed to be? 108 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,680 Oh, Naomi Campbell. She's singing a song about loving yourself, 109 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,800 no matter what society says. 110 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,320 It's called Blood Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend. 111 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,120 Sir, sir! 112 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,240 I found our Edward Colston. 113 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,600 He was hanging round the shopping centre. 114 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,680 I know you wanted a kid but no-one in the class wanted to get wet. 115 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,160 Can it swim? Dunno. He hasn't said a word, 116 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,520 although I was actually thinking it may be even better 117 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,560 if he CAN'T swim...for the show. 118 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,760 Er, not so much for him. 119 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,320 Yeah, um...move it along. 120 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,880 Ooh, blimey! Oh, you're joking. 121 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,680 Oi-oi! This is Drill Captain Tom! 122 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,920 BEAT-BOXING 123 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,920 # I step on that road real slow 124 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,200 # But I make bare what for the doc, ha! # 125 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,320 Hey! Woo! 126 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,800 # You don't need the lizzies 127 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,520 # But man's flaming got administrative course! # 128 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,240 CHEERING 129 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,320 So good! 130 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,200 Well, at least you got the NHS flag, I suppose. 131 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,160 The governors love that patriotic stuff. 132 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,920 Er, the NHS stole that flag. 133 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,240 It belongs to the gays. 134 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,960 Ask Sir which iconic British queer celeb we're celebrating tonight. 135 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,600 I can't help being an inspiration, hmm? 136 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,680 OK! Right, everyone, five-minute call! 137 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,840 Stephen, hold on. That football match 138 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,760 won't be the biggest thing that I lose today. 139 00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:18,360 Abbey Grove is the only place 140 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,920 where I don't feel like a total muppet all the time. 141 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:22,720 I love it here, and I really like you lot! 142 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,320 Look, I'm glad you're happy here and you wanna stay 143 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,280 but we have a sacred duty to our audiences. 144 00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,520 Sir basically means he's invited an agent. 145 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,520 Right, I'm pulling the fire alarm. No! Wait, stop! Look... 146 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,560 There's a way through this but you have to trust me. 147 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,240 Huhee! 148 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:53,880 Hail, Elaine Paige, full of grace, 149 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,000 Lord Lloyd Webber is with thee. 150 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,040 Protect us from Usma's flat feet... 151 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,520 Ugh! Rude! 152 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,320 Ugh! Tech team! Turn your torches off. We are not down a mine! 153 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,800 And Mr Carmichael should not be holding hands with you. 154 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,080 He should be holding hands with the talent. 155 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:11,040 Uh, Warren! I am not like that. 156 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,240 MOUTHS, KNOCKING AT DOOR 157 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:17,200 Is now a good time for your pre-show dinner? 158 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,920 My Scotch Revels. 159 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,920 I've combined the the-atre of a Scotch egg 160 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:23,800 with the whimsy of a Revel. Sounds lovely. 161 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,960 Each egg contains a mystery filling - 162 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:28,640 an olive, a grape, pommes frites, baba ghanoush 163 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,720 and, in a meta twist, actual Revels. 164 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,440 It's like meat roulette. 165 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,160 What is that? That is a devilled prune. 166 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,000 It contains a terrifying amount of roughage. 167 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,360 It's like a depth charge in the large intestine. 168 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,000 Focus! Y'all know Hoburn's plan. 169 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,960 She wants us to crash out so she can cash out. 170 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,960 - Do we want her to win? - No. 171 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,480 - I says, do we want her to win?! - No! 172 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,960 Good. That's why I have made the painful decision 173 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,120 to perform the lead in all of the songs tonight. 174 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,680 THEY ALL GASP What? 175 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,360 I'm sorry but it's the only way we're guaranteed to slay. 176 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:06,080 Sir! I'm not being dramatic, but if you take my song away from me, 177 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,760 I'm going to get you tried for crimes against humanity. 178 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,160 And if that judge acquits you, 179 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:12,720 I'm going to shoot you on the courthouse steps. 180 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,080 Yep. As a stage fright survivor, I find this deeply triggering. 181 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,480 Jinx! 182 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,680 Some people's parents bought tickets for tonight. 183 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,600 You want them to have a good time, do you not? 184 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,200 Bought tickets. Aren't they free? 185 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,480 But if we don't want to offend the governors, 186 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,800 surely it's better to change the problematic songs 187 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,120 rather than who sings them. 188 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,920 Bad ideas done well don't hurt people. 189 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,400 Look at Lin-Manuel. 190 00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,800 And McBusted. 191 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,920 The guy who invented the Segway... 192 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,560 ..until it killed him. RIP. 193 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:46,760 We dedicate our first act to British legends that we have lost, 194 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,800 starting with our tribute to Sir Winston Churchill. 195 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,240 Er...rip. 196 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,560 It's RIP! 197 00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:07,240 # Winston! 198 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,680 # Yeah! 199 00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:16,040 # Smoking big cigars and drinking brandy 200 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:20,360 # Washing down my lunch with Pol Roger 201 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,120 # Quit snarlings, darling! 202 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,680 # Make way, Mahatma Gandhi 203 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,480 # Cos with my hat, my suit, my shoes, my socks 204 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,600 # Meow! I came to slay! 205 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,960 # Blasting all the Nazis like a hero 206 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,920 # Looking Churchillicious all the while 207 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:44,880 # You always vote me the best You quote me, oh, yes! 208 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:51,200 # We'll win in Winston... # 209 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:54,760 JAZZ RHYTHM ON CYMBALS 210 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,800 # ..style! Ooh, yeah! # 211 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,360 Oi, she's making it worse. We've got to do something. 212 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:02,920 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 213 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,600 Meat roulette! 214 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,680 MUSIC DRAWS TO AN END 215 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,560 SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE 216 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:21,040 LOW CHATTER 217 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,080 Hello, young drummer. 218 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,200 Here, you need to replenish your energy. 219 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,320 MUSIC STARTS 220 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,600 # Angie 221 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:33,920 # Yes, Tiff, honey 222 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,880 # Angie, are you crying? Oh, you noticed that! 223 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,360 # Are you OK? 224 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:39,560 # Not really 225 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:40,840 # Are you OK? 226 00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,840 # I have a secret and I'm not sure I can say 227 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,640 # Just say OK, but...you can't tell anyone 228 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,000 # I won't 229 00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:50,960 # Not Scotty T or Gemma Collins and not even Darren Day 230 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,320 # OK 231 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:54,760 # Then, I'll say... 232 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,040 # David's dead! 233 00:10:57,720 --> 00:10:59,120 # Aah! 234 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:01,480 # No, he's not! Yes, he is 235 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,880 # Oh, my God, everybody! What? David's dead! 236 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,680 # What? David's dead! I've got to see the body... # 237 00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,720 # David's dead, David's dead David... 238 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,320 # No, he's not He's right here! 239 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,040 # No, not that David! # ALL: What? 240 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,200 # Not the egg-shaped music producer David Gest... # 241 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,680 # Then, which David? 242 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,040 # My David! # 243 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,680 SEGUES INTO ROCK MUSIC 244 00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:31,200 # This is the story of the song that changed my life 245 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,840 # There was a time when this heart of mine 246 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,240 # Well, it couldn't keep a rhythm with my two left feet 247 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:41,080 # When my soul came alive in 1965 248 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,880 # I heard a new sound and my heart skipped a beat 249 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:48,280 # It came from the radio in my dad's car 250 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,160 # The music that would take this little boy so far 251 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:57,880 # It was the sound of the rhythm of electric guitar! 252 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,400 # Rah! # 253 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,720 STRUGGLES WITH ELECTRIC GUITAR SOLO 254 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,240 Warren, come on! 255 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:09,560 Rah! Ha-ha! 256 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,080 Argh! MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY, CROWD GASPS 257 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,960 Ugh...oh... 258 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,520 STOMACH GURGLES 259 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,000 Sir, get up, you can do it. 260 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,120 OK, this needs to stop. 261 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,560 Huh? No, no, no, no, no! 262 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,320 # The show much go on! # 263 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,080 I'm gonna call an ambulance. 264 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,680 You and your sister... just sit down. 265 00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:34,800 Are you seeing double? 266 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:39,240 Huh? It's fine! It's, it's nearly...hit the floor...! 267 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,200 HE CRIES HYSTERICALLY 268 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,320 Oh, my God, I feel like a swan! 269 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,480 I'm totally calm and regal on the surface, 270 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,360 but below the waterline I am frantic! 271 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,560 Ah, careful, argh! This is a nightmare! 272 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:56,720 There's a superagent out there, and she's not gonna see my Markle. 273 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,640 Why won't you stop talking about this agent? 274 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,280 Is that the only thing you care about? 275 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,600 All right! I want to get signed, OK? 276 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,880 I want to do something with my life. 277 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:08,000 What about us, you prick? She's gonna destroy Abbey Grove. 278 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:11,680 I'm sorry, but look at my injury. The show is over. 279 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,960 Bollocks. In case you ain't noticed, this lot have been smashing it. 280 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,800 They just had the crowd on their feet. 281 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,800 Guys, just keep doing what you're doing 282 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,200 and we might just get the governors onside. It's true. 283 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,560 One of you's gonna be the next Daniel Kaluuya, 284 00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:26,120 and I'll still be here. 285 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:27,600 You won't even remember me. 286 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,600 Sir, we can't forget you. 287 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,560 You made us pinkie promise that any future acceptance speeches 288 00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,960 we have to mention you by your full name and Instagram handle. 289 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,680 Seriously? That's not the only reason we won't forget you. 290 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:42,040 I've never felt at home at any school I've been to, 291 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:45,160 and sometimes it's hard getting out of bed in the morning, 292 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,360 and not just because I like a heavy toggage. 293 00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:50,000 You guys don't just make life bearable, 294 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,280 you make life fun. 295 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,480 No offence, but you guys are 296 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,120 the best thing about this place. 297 00:13:56,120 --> 00:14:00,840 Maybe we...got a little wrapped up in the moment. We? 298 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,680 The royal "we". 299 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:07,120 I'm sorry... Genuinely. 300 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,840 I'm so proud of all of you. 301 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,560 It's too late. Mr Carmichael made the second act all about him. 302 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,320 No-one else can play Meghan Markle. 303 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,440 Correct. No-one else has my range. 304 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,280 I'm glad somebody else said it. 305 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,880 Out of all of us, Jinx has the best voice. 306 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,680 Yeah. She's good at accents too. She spent a weekend in Berlin 307 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,680 and came back sounding like Werner Herzog. 308 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,200 Oh! You guys! 309 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,720 Danke schoen. 310 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,240 But she's white. 311 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,080 Nein, nicht, gut, guys! Come on! 312 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:40,160 Although, ultimately, the whole human race is from Afr... 313 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,040 No, I'm not right for it. 314 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,480 Blessing? I can't hit those high notes. 315 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:50,600 OK, look, Inchez, you and I both know that 316 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,000 you have the voice of an angel. 317 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,840 He sings soprano in our church choir. So? 318 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,440 At man's last evensong, there was so many bundas bouncing 319 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,360 that you'll think man was playing in the Bundesliga, fam! 320 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,120 I swear on my mum's life! 321 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,320 Beep! That's the sound of your mum flat-lining, bruv! 322 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,520 Maybe it is too late. 323 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,480 And maybe it is curtains for Abbey Grove. 324 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,360 But it's not about beating Hoburn! 325 00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:16,640 It's about playing the game our way, even if we go down swinging! 326 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:20,000 Guys, we are Class K! That is what we do! 327 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,560 Inchez, if we're gonna slay the house down, 328 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,880 we've all got to step out of our comfort zone. Mm. 329 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:31,840 OK. 330 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,000 Yes! 331 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,400 Yes! OK. Wait, wait! 332 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,280 Inchez needs time to learn the part 333 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,880 and we need someone to cover for him, so... 334 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:42,920 Mitchell, I know you have the range of a North Korean missile 335 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,280 but...I'll keep it simple. 336 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,320 No chance. I'd rather shit in my hand and clap. 337 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,400 Whoa! What about doing things the Class K way, fam? 338 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,480 Guys, there are only two things that school teaches ya. 339 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:58,800 One, there is nothing more overrated 340 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,000 than a trip to a chocolate factory. 341 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:04,280 And two, sometimes you've just got to step up. 342 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,560 Ambulance. 343 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,520 A man just hit his head. 344 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,840 Look, I'm a theatrical agent. 345 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,840 I know what true desperation looks like, 346 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,440 and Stephen Carmichael would genuinely prefer to die 347 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,280 than stop the show. 348 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,680 Get your bananas! Banana incoming! 349 00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,280 Carb up, teams. 350 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:34,000 OK! Act two - Living Legends. 351 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,400 Fraser, get the pots and pans out of your kitchen ready for Nigella. 352 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,320 # Micro-wah-vay! # 353 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,440 Better! Yes! 354 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,920 Oh, Harrison, hold these. Mitchell is singing a song 355 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,240 to literally the only tune he knows off by heart. 356 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,640 Um, I'm going to need you to go to the back of the hall 357 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,520 holding these up one by one so we can read the words, hmm? 358 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,280 What's this song about, sir? Um, Tim Berners-Lee. 359 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,920 Um...some sweet, odd man who didn't want any coin 360 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,480 from inventing the internet. 361 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,520 HE SCOFFS 362 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,160 The governors are going to love it. 363 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,400 What's funny? 364 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,120 The idea that a human invented the internet. 365 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,600 What'd he do? Do it on a computer... without the internet?! 366 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,240 Harrison, Harrison! There's a... 367 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,760 ..two-headed dork in the playground. 368 00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,400 Poor thing must have escaped from a nearby lab. 369 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,960 Maybe we need pan pipes. Or a harp. 370 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,120 Yes. I'll see what we've got backstage. 371 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:35,240 Oh, look, let me hold those for you. 372 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,320 You'll need both hands to carry the harp. 373 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,080 Yeah. 374 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:44,240 LIGHT APPLAUSE 375 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,520 Three Lions 376 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:57,200 # Google Chrome, it's Google Chrome Safari 377 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,760 # The internet's coming home 378 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:03,440 # It's coming home It's coming home 379 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:07,200 # It's coming The internet's coming home 380 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,960 # Everyone thinks it's just for porn 381 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,600 # They've seen gangbangs before 382 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,320 # They just know 383 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,360 # They're so sure 384 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:25,080 # But I remember before Pammy and Tom 385 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,000 # Hulk Hogan and Paris Hilton 386 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,200 # It's not just for wanking 387 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,720 # 4Chan on the shirt! # 388 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,520 Mind the pyros! 389 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,560 # Paedos and the Clintons 390 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,880 # 30 years of hurt... # 391 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,280 Oh, my God! 392 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,440 # Never stopped Trump winning 393 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,800 # So many wokes, so many... # 394 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,240 GASPS 395 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,160 # With all those... # SUDDEN EXPLOSIONS, SHRIEKS 396 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,000 Bloody hell! 397 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,480 EXPLOSIONS 398 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:13,360 OK, finale time. Piers Morgan, Prince Andrew, 399 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,400 stage right - now. Shapeesh. Good luck. Break a nail. 400 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,680 Inchez, come on, mate. It's shit meat pot time. 401 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:24,160 Nah, man. I've got bare collywobbles. 402 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,720 Look, Jinx, you're a stage fright survivor, hmm? Say something? 403 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:30,320 Er, sort of, erm... 404 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,720 Well, basically, I used to find it impossible to pee on my dad's boat 405 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,680 because the master bedroom was right next to the toilet, 406 00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:38,880 but then I was like, "Do you know what? 407 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,840 "I can blame the noises on the bilge pump." 408 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,320 Well, that's relatable?! Jesus. 409 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,600 Can I have a word in private, sir? Mm-hm. Thank you. 410 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,440 Also, Inchez, even if everyone out there thinks you've gone moist, 411 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,680 you'll always be my OG. 412 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,480 Piss off. 413 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,800 Yes. Mm. 414 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,400 Right, come on, you lot, let's go. Places, yeah? 415 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,640 PIANO PLAYS LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY 416 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,720 Tally ho. 417 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,680 I met the girl of my dreams tonight. 418 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,160 She's an American divorcee 419 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,640 and my family will love her. 420 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:24,640 Basically, like, the truth is, that bishop out there - 421 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,520 he's my dad. 422 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,720 Your dad's one of the governors? 423 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,720 Look, I get it. 424 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,760 You're scared of what he'll say 425 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:37,560 if he sees you refusing to conform to traditional definitions 426 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,480 of what it means to be, like, a man in a patriarchal society. 427 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,560 I'm scared he's gonna stand up 428 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:46,440 and yell something horrible like... 429 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,120 ..like, "That's my son and I love him." 430 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,800 Wait, so...your problem is you're scared that 431 00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:01,400 your dad is gonna love and accept you, no matter what you do? 432 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:02,520 Yeah. 433 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,560 OK. 434 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,520 Pack up the pity party and get on that stage! 435 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,680 Here she comes now! 436 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,280 PIANO FLOURISH Bye, Harry. 437 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:29,320 Oh, my gosh, I just met the most amazing man. 438 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,880 He told me he's a prince. 439 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,480 Er...Siri, what's a prince? 440 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:38,480 Prince, noun, the son of a king or queen, 441 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,240 and you can be his princess, Meghan. 442 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:48,520 # To be a princess It could be such a wondrous thing 443 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,400 # To wear my prince's ring And so 444 00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:56,600 # The answer is yes, I feel so happy I could sing 445 00:21:56,600 --> 00:22:00,880 # The simple Yankee girl who found her ginger king 446 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:05,080 # I hope the public see that girl that Harry sees 447 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:09,720 # A kindly soul who helps out with some charities... # 448 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,360 Not so fast! 449 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,520 No, Piers Morgan! Yes, it's me! 450 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,320 Go away! What? 451 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,080 # I've been silenced 452 00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:20,440 # A crime But I don't hear any sirens 453 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,680 # I've been maligned 454 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,880 # For not caving to the violence of the woke police 455 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,560 # The cannot-take-a-joke police 456 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,600 # The Britain-hating, free-speech-taking, vegan-baking 457 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,920 # Weaklings want my silence! 458 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:36,480 # But I'm an alpha I do not do compliance, 459 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,200 # Or toe the line 460 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,680 # I won't give in to the tyrants with their fake belief in her 461 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:44,600 # The head snowflake-in-chief 462 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:48,040 # She will pay the price, dears No more Mr Nice Piers! 463 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:52,440 # To be a princess Is not as lovely as it seems 464 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,480 # The press are awful But it's worse behind the scenes 465 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:00,320 # My Harry is a cutie But his family is a mess 466 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,080 # His uncle won't shut up about... 467 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:07,120 # Pizza Express! 468 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,960 # I've seen the Seven Wonders 469 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,720 # Travelled round the world And yet 470 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:20,040 # That perfect night in Woking That's a night I can't forget 471 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,320 # Woo! I'll order four seasons I eat pizza for my tea 472 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,960 # From January 1st, I'm fit to burst with calzone verdure 473 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,840 # So when you ask, "Where's Andrew?" Well, it won't take long to guess 474 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,120 # You'll find His Grace in his favourite place, it's... 475 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,160 # Pizza Express? Yes! 476 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,800 # I'm a Pinot Grigio drinker Waiter, pop that cork 477 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,240 # Let's hope there's enough halloumi bites 478 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,640 # For the Grand Old Duke of York 479 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,560 # And if you think I'm sweating Well, my darling, I am not 480 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:55,480 # Cos Giuseppe don't get sloppy Even when the American's hot, oi! 481 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,400 # Silenced! To be a princess... 482 00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:58,880 # Another quattro formaggi 483 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,480 # I've been silenced! To be a princess... 484 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,800 # And more doughballs for me! Where's my pollo piccante? 485 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,720 # She wouldn't even shag me! # 486 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,080 Oh? What was that? 487 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,320 Yo, yo, yo... What's going on? Mr Carmichael! 488 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,360 HUBBUB 489 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:16,760 What the...? 490 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,360 Out of my way! Out of my way! 491 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:22,040 Find a tech person. Tell them I need them now. Thank... 492 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,080 You! 493 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,320 CONFUSED CHATTER 494 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:34,600 Everyone, don't panic! Do not panic! Please take your seats. 495 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:36,760 Yeah, nothing to see, mate. This way, this way... 496 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:38,920 Excuse me, could you tell me what's going on, please? 497 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,840 Yeah, look, don't panic, your Royal Highness. 498 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,720 I am a responsible adult. 499 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,200 DRUM FLOURISH 500 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:45,320 Pack that right in! 501 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,040 What are you doing? 502 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:53,120 I'm pulling the plug on this whole dysfunctional hellmouth! 503 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:55,560 I've tried removing chairs from the staffroom, 504 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,720 I've tried pay-as-you-go toilet roll, 505 00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,480 but I still can't balance the books! 506 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:04,480 So, I am putting this school, and myself, out of our misery. 507 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,680 Just quit! You don't have to bring the whole school down with you! 508 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,640 Look, if I quit, I don't get my money! 509 00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,320 There was a converted barn in the Cotswolds with my name on it! 510 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:16,120 What about the kids, hmm? They're the ones that matter. 511 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,240 Says Teacher of the Year?! 512 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,240 The man who sets essays on how to achieve 513 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,680 the full dramatic potential of a - 514 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,000 and I quote - "butt-cleavage". 515 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:29,400 Don't...you...dare 516 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,440 bring Rihanna into this. 517 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,800 Do you not remember what it was like being a kid at school? 518 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:36,800 I was home schooled. 519 00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,320 That explains literally everything. 520 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:45,040 Everybody just calm down, all right? It is all under control. 521 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:47,440 There is absolutely nothing to worry about. 522 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,280 Thank God, here you are! 523 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,200 This is the man you're looking for. 524 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:52,680 You can keep it. 525 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:56,880 I found loads of them tucked under the windshield wiper of my car. 526 00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:59,480 If this play ends with the drama teacher getting hospitalised, 527 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,400 the governors are going to have to fire Hoburn! 528 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,000 Then Ladimir Putin could be back in power! 529 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,360 Bitch, please! 530 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:06,880 Over here, thank you. 531 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,160 CONFUSED CHATTER 532 00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,640 Is someone hurt? 533 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:18,360 No! 534 00:26:18,360 --> 00:26:21,040 Step back, bitch, because I will slap! 535 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,200 ALARMED VOICES 536 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,320 Ladies and gentlemen, our NHS! 537 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,600 SHE LEADS THE CHEERING 538 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,280 Yes, doctors! Yes, nurses! 539 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,320 Yes, gynaecologists! Them as well. 540 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,400 Can we get all of our governors onstage, please, 541 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:47,240 for a photo with our NHS heroes! 542 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,040 Yes, Mr Harper, thank you. 543 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,640 Er, Minister, your excellency... 544 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,440 Sorry, could you shift along a bit? 545 00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,640 You see! Why do you need a pay rise when you've got all this? 546 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,160 HE CHUCKLES SUPERCILIOUSLY 547 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:05,760 Well, well, well. 548 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:09,440 I hope you'll all agree that, despite some bumps along the way, 549 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,320 this play has shown us that 550 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:15,320 Abbey Grove really has got its heart in the right place. 551 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,960 Three cheers for your headmistress. Long may she reign. 552 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,040 - Hip-hip! - Hooray! 553 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,840 - Hip-hip! - Hooray! 554 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:25,600 - Hip-hip! - Hooray! 555 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,560 Wait, wait! The show's not over. 556 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,560 Oh, I'm here... Oh, I'm here. 557 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:34,680 Argh! Argh! 558 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,360 Thank you. Thank you so much. 559 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:39,000 Is the vein in his head supposed to be throbbing like that? 560 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,480 Oh, shit! 561 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,760 INCREDULOUS GASPS 562 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,960 Inchez, you were fierce. I'm not just saying it. 563 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,440 You were great. 564 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,360 You all right, Mr Harper? One, and two... 565 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,600 Yeah, I'm all right. 566 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,120 Well done, you lot! You smashed it. Ugh! 567 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,520 I want that back, thank you very much! 568 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:04,280 Stephen... you left your head shot in my car. 569 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,520 Look, I can see you're in a lot of pain so I'll make this quick. 570 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,000 We're a small agency. 571 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,360 We're very selective, but I would love it if... 572 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,160 Yes, yes! 573 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,400 Sorry, um, finish your sentence. 574 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,160 ..if you would introduce me to that man in the other wheelchair, 575 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:20,680 Mitchell Harper. 576 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:26,360 Now, he has got such a raw, unselfconscious intensity. 577 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:29,800 Morphine!