1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,120 This programme contains adult humour 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,840 # Blow the dice for me Woo 3 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,200 # Put your pretty ass lips together Blow it real nice for me 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,400 # Blow it real nice for me Yeah 5 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,000 # I'm tryna hit a lick and slide to the dealership in the morning 6 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,320 # Wah 7 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:15,040 # Poppa need a brand-new foreign 8 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,640 # Uh, hot hand, they not gon' believe me 9 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,080 # But check the recording 10 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,440 # Ooh, just touched down, up a few thou' 11 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,840 # Big booty hoes with me in the big house 12 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,480 # Bar full of liquor, cash for the strippers 13 00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,600 # It's gonna get weird tonight, so no pictures 14 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,560 # Pretty...with some money to blow 15 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,920 # I'm 'bout to buy Las Vegas after this roll BURPS LOUDLY 16 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,160 # I'm about to buy Las Vegas after this roll 17 00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:41,000 # Come on, 7-7-7, let's go... # 18 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,000 You've got bean juice on your whistle. 19 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:46,760 Peanut! 20 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,560 Oh, my life. 21 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:50,960 # I'm J to the M to the E 22 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,600 # I make G-R-I-M to the E... # 23 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,480 Peeps say getting inked hurts. 24 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,200 Must have a high pain threshold. 25 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,320 Yeah, for eyeliner. 26 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,720 Dickhead. 27 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,560 "Mug life." 28 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,880 Bruv, I told you to write "thug life." 29 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,360 You saying I'm dyslexic? My spelling is on point, bruv. 30 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:10,080 You best put some R-E-C-P-T-E-T-E on my name. 31 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,080 THEY LAUGH 32 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:16,040 You guys, I was on Wowcher last night because I'm so skint 33 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,760 and I found this hip-hop yoga class called NamastDizzle. 34 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,120 And I was thinking... 35 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,960 Jinx, is that a yoga class or a hate crime? 36 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,240 Yeah, so lame, right? 37 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,640 I'm so blessed to have you guys as my galdem. 38 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,520 And I got these. 39 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:36,920 Cute. 40 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,360 Yo, bup, bup, bup, bup, Blessing, bust me a pack of Nik Naks. 41 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,800 My label owes me gwap. 42 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,200 Label? I didn't know they paid people to sing on Songs Of Praise. 43 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,480 Hey, allow it. 44 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,920 And I told you, I was only in that church choir for the pussy. 45 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,360 Like you've even seen one. 46 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,440 Morning! 47 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,160 It is me. It is I. 48 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,480 All right, sir. 49 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:01,960 Er... 50 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,360 It's giving matinee energy. 51 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,200 We'll try that again, shall we? 52 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,960 CHEERING 53 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,040 Now that just felt sarcastic. 54 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,760 Out, out, out, out. Everybody out! 55 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,880 Sir, why are you kicking us out? 56 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,080 You broke one of my only rules, Usma - 57 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,040 "No bad vibes." 58 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,880 Sharpish. 59 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,200 What? 60 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,640 # Uh-oh 61 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:42,120 # Uh-oh, you're in trouble... # 62 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,760 And you can get out, too. 63 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,440 You're the definition of bad vibes. 64 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,320 You can't send me out, treacle. 65 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,720 I'm a teacher, too. 66 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,760 I can do whatever I want. 67 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:54,520 I can run in the corridor, chew gum. 68 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,040 I can even swing on my chair. 69 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,000 I'm invincible. 70 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,520 Oh! 71 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,640 # Yeah, proper tings 72 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,000 # Original style 73 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,320 # We've come to keep them down 74 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:26,440 # The wicked man is one, yeah. # 75 00:03:36,160 --> 00:03:38,240 No lipstick, girls. 76 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,080 This is a school, not a brothel. 77 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,800 Why aren't you working? 78 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,720 I want As coming out of this classroom, 79 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,960 and currently there are too many Ds. 80 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,440 Oi, miss man, you don't like the D? 81 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:55,960 KIDS SNICKER Of course I don't like Ds. 82 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,480 What happens when you catch a D, Miss? 83 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:00,280 I'd be clamping down on it... 84 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,560 ..very hard. 85 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,320 KIDS LAUGH 86 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,080 Don't sneak back in. 87 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,200 I can smell... HE SNIFFS 88 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:20,600 ..urgh, cheap deodorant and morning breath. 89 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,200 Funny, I'm wearing Chanel number 90 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,320 do you want to get fired? 91 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:29,120 Oh, I thought I was smelling Mr Harper. 92 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,400 Doubt it. Jinx has confiscated my Lynx Africa. 93 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,640 She said it was problematic. 94 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,400 It's like Jesy Nelson in a can. 95 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,280 You send them all out for bad vibes? 96 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:38,720 That's not true, Miss. 97 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:40,520 He sent me out for blocking his light. 98 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,400 Mr Harper, where's your class? 99 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,000 In the gym playing Capture The Flag. 100 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,280 Well, what if the game ends? The game won't end, Miss. 101 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,920 Why not? Because I've got the flag. 102 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:48,960 LAUGHTER 103 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,640 You two, my office, now. 104 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,640 Mate, I can't lose this job now. 105 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,120 My Mrs says it's turning me into a responsible adult. 106 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,560 Oi-oi. 107 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,680 HE LAUGHS How was your trip, you tuna melt? 108 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,960 How come your arse ain't flapping? 109 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,680 I'm like Prince Andrew. 110 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,440 That is not something to say in a school. 111 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,080 As in, I'm not sweating. Full stop. 112 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,480 Er, move. 113 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,000 I'm booked and busy. 114 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,240 Joe McElderry's got shingles on the Grease tour and they want... 115 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:21,440 Nice. West End? 116 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,680 Doncaster Art Centre. 117 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,800 Then the bright lights of LA. Los Angeles? 118 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,200 Lytham St Annes. Oh. 119 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,120 PHONE VIBRATES Oh, it's my agent. One sec. 120 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,000 Darling! 121 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,360 I thought you'd forgotten me. 122 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,000 What's she doing in there with the maths teacher? 123 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,240 I'll let you into a dirty little secret. 124 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,880 I got my IB when I was 17. 125 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:44,160 Bernadette, I had no idea. 126 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,760 No. Well, I usually keep it on the QT. 127 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,200 You know, employers can get very funny about these things 128 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,320 and make me feel like I'm some sort of freak. 129 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,320 THEY LAUGH 130 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,840 Fuming. What? 131 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,520 That little tart's made a full recovery. 132 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,640 I thought shingles was fatal. 133 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,600 Now you're sweating. STEPHEN SIGHS DEEPLY 134 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,000 Your career's back on the blink, and I've got this to think about. 135 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,040 Oh, cute. Innit? 136 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,960 And he's hung like a donkey. 137 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,480 That's the umbilical cord. 138 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,640 Oh, is that what they're calling it nowadays? 139 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,000 DOOR CLOSES Children. 140 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,080 The head mistress will see you now. 141 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,760 "Children"? 142 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,640 Would a child do this? 143 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,520 Jog on, Calculator. 144 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:30,240 You two are by far the worst performing teachers in this school. 145 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,040 Er, you can't just throw a shade like that without receipts. 146 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,680 Oh, you want receipts? Well, how about this? 147 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:39,080 Hey, Keira and Tom, have a fab time at Thorpe Park. 148 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,640 Live your best lives. School's out. 149 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,960 Aw, cute. 150 00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,120 It's one of the cameo videos I did for my devotees. 151 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,520 "Devotees"? 152 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,160 No, these are students, and they are tricking you. 153 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,440 You have given them permission to play truant. 154 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,480 HE LAUGHS She means bunk off. 155 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,920 And now we turn to the Poundland Joe Wicks. 156 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,640 Could you please explain to me why we found your cross-country team 157 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,880 heading for John O'Groats? 158 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,480 What, the pub near the roundabout? 159 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,280 I did tell them to stay hydrated, to be fair. 160 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,280 No, it's the furthest point in Scotland. 161 00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:07,560 Then what you got the 'ump for? 162 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,080 That is literally cross-country. Enough. 163 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,920 The government is making cuts to education 164 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,040 and accordingly I have to cut our budget by 30%. 165 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:19,280 So we are going paperless, heatless and school counsellorless. 166 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:22,160 But I also need to lose one whole department. 167 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,240 I've narrowed it down to a shortlist of two. 168 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,440 Can you guess which they are? 169 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,280 Erm... Oh, I love guessing games! 170 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,160 Er, yeah. Er... 171 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,040 History and the one with the Bunsen burners. 172 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,360 Drama and physical education. 173 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:39,520 It's alright for me, then. 174 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,440 I've never even heard of physical education. 175 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,360 It's PE, dipshit. 176 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,560 Oh, bollocks. 177 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,960 Look, prove to me which of your tinpot subject 178 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,280 is of greater value to Abbey Grove. 179 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,440 I mean, which can actually be used to teach our pupils 180 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,640 genuinely useful things? 181 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,480 Ah, when the kids had their chemistry mocks, 182 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,400 I taught them that dry periodic table song. 183 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,440 Stephen, slaytrogen is not on the periodic table. 184 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:07,000 It's... # Slay-tra-g-ogen. # 185 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,880 And half of them wrote that E equals MC Squared 186 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,640 is a Mariah Carey album. 187 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:12,840 Well, it is. 188 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,880 You have until the end of the week. 189 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,400 Then you will be back in here and one of you will get fired. 190 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:21,200 Oh, well, I'll miss you, babes. 191 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,680 I'll miss you too, mate. Good luck with the job hunt. 192 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:26,960 Huh? Just face it. You're the one that's going to be back signing on. 193 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,120 Joke's on you, mate, cos I still am. 194 00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,120 Whaaaay. 195 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,600 Gotcha! 196 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,640 Psst! Stephen, I need a word. 197 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,880 What? 198 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,240 The cuts mean I have to buy produce that's got about 21 seconds to go 199 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,800 before it becomes life threatening. 200 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,160 So now I have to print off health warnings, by law. 201 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,920 Well, Hoburn's not going to like that 202 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,920 because she wants the school to go paperless. 203 00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,120 Oh, crap-tin-fantastic. 204 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,400 Then I really need your help. 205 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,400 The thing is, I was bashing away at the buttons 206 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,800 and it started printing something about aardvarks. 207 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,640 Erm, I don't think you can serve those. 208 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,640 No, Stephen, it's a word that begins with a double A. 209 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,280 Don't you get it? 210 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,480 This is the entry form to Alcoholics Anonymous. 211 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,880 Ah, well, we've suspected it for years. 212 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,040 No, Stephen, I think I'm printing... 213 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,840 ..the entire Internet. 214 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,760 I don't have time for this drama, just unplug the printer. 215 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,560 PRINTER STOPS 216 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:35,920 HE SIGHS 217 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,400 PRINTER RESTARTS 218 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,960 Oh, no, it's gone viral. 219 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,080 Today we're doing something a little bit different. 220 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:53,880 We're integrating the PSHE into our class 221 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,200 to show all the ways that drama can make you a healthier, 222 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:59,160 more valuable person. 223 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,640 Ignore me. Pretend I'm not here. 224 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,000 Let's talk trauma. 225 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,440 What better way to deal with it than with theatre? Therapy. 226 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:14,560 Shh! So who wants to share some trauma they've experienced? 227 00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:17,360 Sir, I'm carrying a lot of trauma. 228 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,840 I've got the unbearable weight 229 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,600 of being the only peng ting in Tring. 230 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,880 I'm exhausted. 231 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,240 Sir. Hm. 232 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,400 Go on, Harrison. 233 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,960 I'm in an abusive relationship... Ohh. 234 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,440 ..with biscuits. CLASS GIGGLES 235 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,680 Can we have a serious one, please? It is. 236 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,120 It's not good for the gains. 237 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,760 I tried to quit, but then my nan found me round the back of Londis, 238 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,720 crouched by the wheelie bin with a face full of ginger nuts. 239 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,920 I'm just so ashamed. Uh. 240 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,320 Anyone else? My mum and I are leaving home. 241 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:44,200 Oh, hello. 242 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,480 We're going to live on a farm. 243 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,840 The Soho farmhouse. 244 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,040 But the spa is broken. 245 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,440 But the only reason we're going there is because my parents 246 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,960 are getting a divorce. 247 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,600 Oh, brilliant! 248 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,880 Oh, well, not for them or for you. 249 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,680 Start there. Yo. I feel for her. 250 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,920 That's why she's been beg friend of the year. 251 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,560 I'm scared I won't get to see my friends this half term, 252 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,240 now that I have to go on two separate skiing holidays. 253 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,560 Oh, I just stopped feeling bad for her. 254 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,480 The Caucassie. Er... 255 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,960 Who wants to play Jinx's mum and dad in a role play? 256 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,240 Oh, no. 257 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,800 Oh, no, no, no. 258 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,960 Of course not. That was an inappropriate question. 259 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,400 I'll play them both. 260 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,440 Oi, Fraser, have you got any passata? 261 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,400 Mitchell, I'm printing the Internet in colour, 262 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,360 and it's coming out of every printer in the school. 263 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,960 Hoburn cannot find out. 264 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,880 Help me get the rest of eBay in the oven 265 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,560 and then I'm going to tackle the Kanye. 266 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:46,960 You take his tweets, I'll grapple with the discourse. 267 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,360 Look, I think I know why Bernie's in such a filthy mood. 268 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,880 I overheard her complaining about having IB. 269 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,400 Have you ever heard of it? 270 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,960 IB? AKA irritable bowel. 271 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,720 No laughing matter. Well, can it spread? 272 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:59,000 Cos I think she might just be full blown irritable. 273 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,360 I wish I could help you out, 274 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,080 but I've just turned the NHS website into a smoothie. 275 00:12:03,080 --> 00:12:06,480 Jinx, this is your chance to say what you need to your parents. 276 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:09,040 Your deepest, darkest fears. 277 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,480 Let it all out, girl. 278 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:17,080 OK. Mum, Dad, are you splitting up because of me? 279 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,880 No, Jemima, sweetie, of course not. 280 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,360 Er... 281 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,680 I guess I needed to hear that. 282 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,240 We're getting a divorce because somebody spent 283 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,480 all of our money on fast cars, fine wine, 284 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,720 and probably something to do with crypto. 285 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,480 Our money? That's a stretch. 286 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,000 That's why Jinx is stuck in that inner city school 287 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,760 with the dregs of Greggs. 288 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,280 But Jinx has one fantastic teacher - Mr Carmichael. 289 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,920 What? That drop dead ten you undress with your eyes 290 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:50,920 at every parents evening? 291 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:54,560 Plot twist! 292 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,280 I'm sorry, Jemima, 293 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,440 but Mr Carmichael has made me feel things that take me right back 294 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:00,840 to boarding school. 295 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:04,400 Sir, I really appreciate everything you're trying to do here, 296 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:09,080 but I'm starting to feel slightly overwhelmed and quite confused. 297 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,840 As long as you're feeling, babes. 298 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:14,520 And that's what we'll show the entire school tomorrow. 299 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,240 We're going to do an assembly...about divorce. 300 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,840 And scene. 301 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,320 # Don't sweat the technique... # 302 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:35,280 Right, today we are going to be integrating some geography with PE. 303 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,640 Two lessons for the price of one. Bargain. 304 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,320 Yes, it sounds good, but I'm not here. 305 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,280 You know nothing about geography, sir. 306 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,520 You told me that Carluccio's was the capital of Italy. 307 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,400 KIDS GIGGLE Shut it. 308 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,320 We are going to learn about tectonic plates and volcanoes 309 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,800 by playing The Floor Is Lava. 310 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,240 Period. 311 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,920 See? We're in sync. 312 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,160 Yeah, nice try. 313 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,360 But even I know periods only come when it's a full moon. 314 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:02,440 What's that? 315 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:06,440 Gout. 316 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,080 Well, if you fall in some fruit and veg, it might do you some good. 317 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,520 OK. Let me get my mouth guard. 318 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,120 And my helmet, and my girdle, and ankle support, 319 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,200 and kneepads, and protective goggles. 320 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,480 Mr Harper, Mr Carmichael's class was very triggering. 321 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,680 I need to talk to someone about my feelings. 322 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:22,920 Have you tried Siri? 323 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:25,160 Mr Carmichael wants to do a whole school assembly 324 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:26,480 about my parents' divorce. 325 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,760 He's hijacking my trauma to show off the drama department. 326 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:33,720 Well, I am going to show you why drama can suck PE's balls. 327 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,240 Oh, sorry. 328 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,280 Physical Education's balls. 329 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:39,800 Ohhh... 330 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,280 THEY CHEER 331 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,240 Did I mention that I'm allergic to garlic? 332 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,120 What are you, a vampire? Jump. 333 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,520 Warren! Warren! Warren! Warren! Warren! 334 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:59,800 Warren! Warren! Warren! Warren! Warren! Warren! 335 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:03,520 Go on, little man. 336 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,840 You got this! 337 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,880 HE YELLS 338 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,880 # That glides 339 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,720 # Across the sky... # 340 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,080 He don't go this. I'll get the first aid kit. 341 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:21,720 That was a perfectly good shelf. 342 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,960 Warren, are you OK? 343 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,120 This is full of beer. 344 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,520 Who done that? 345 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:31,800 HE SNICKERS 346 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,200 I'm going to die. 347 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,160 Ooh! 348 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,280 Content for the Gram, Bernie? 349 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,760 "Gram"? 350 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,680 I'm putting the coffee machine on eBay. 351 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,160 Every penny counts. 352 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,600 Oh... Fab! 353 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,640 Um... 354 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,040 Psst... 355 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,120 I'm not one to tell tales out of school, but since we're in school, 356 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,040 um... Naming no names, 357 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,280 one of your members of staff is planning a very expensive 358 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:04,960 vanity project and again, naming no names... 359 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,320 It's a new PE kit. 360 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,240 Harper! Mm-hm. 361 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:09,920 I found these in his locker. 362 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,920 That's the spring-summer collection. 363 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,360 This is the autumn-winter. 364 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:17,160 That gilet alone costs the same as a laptop. 365 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,240 What in the LGBTQIA+ is that?! 366 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,000 It is a preposterous attempt to make it look like 367 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,640 you would have the taste, 368 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:27,320 wit and manual dexterity 369 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,960 to make a mood board. 370 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:33,760 Mr Carmichael, if you spent more time teaching 371 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,640 and less time trying to throw your rival under the bus, 372 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,720 then perhaps your subject would not be on the chopping block. 373 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,040 Two can play that game. 374 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,640 Ha! 375 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,360 Ooh! Close, close, close... 376 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,400 Right, now Dickers. 377 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,360 Harrison! 378 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,240 You all right, mate? Yeah, you all right? 379 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,920 Yeah. I'm buzzing for this assembly. What's it about? 380 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,360 It was going to be about Jinx's parents divorcing, 381 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:07,240 but then Sir got an angry text from her dad, so now Sir needs another 382 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,680 big issue, otherwise he's going to be selling it. 383 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,760 That's a touch, because I just heard that Hoburn's got irritable bowels. 384 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,760 Oh. And she is dead keen to raise awareness. 385 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,920 But why would she want us to be aware of her bowels? 386 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,320 Kids are cruel, sir. 387 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:20,960 That's why she needs a powerful assembly to show everyone 388 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,280 this is no laughing matter. 389 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,600 Ohhh... Harrison, it's a chance... 390 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:29,360 To use drama to break down the stigma surrounding 391 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:33,000 irritable bowels, a condition that's very close to her heart. 392 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:36,520 Well, stomach. Let me stop you there. 393 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,480 It's genius. # We just wanna have fun... # 394 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,240 The book fair tomorrow morning has been moved to the history block 395 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,120 because the industrial cleaners... 396 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,440 Fraser? You all right? I haven't slept... 397 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,600 ..have still not slept. I thought the end was in sight 398 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,680 and then I hit Wikipedia at 5am this morning. 399 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,280 Finally, we have what we were promised would be 400 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,280 a brief PSHE presentation, 401 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,360 though if it's anything like his assembly on pronouns, 402 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,800 strap in. 403 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,600 Class K, and Mr Carmichael. 404 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,680 Let's go! Positions. 405 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:15,000 LIGHT LAUGHTER 406 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,320 In a world of darkness, 407 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,200 knowledge is light! 408 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,320 FUNKY POP MUSIC PLAYS 409 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,320 THEY WHOOP 410 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,200 STEPHEN LAUGHS 411 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,000 As a disco ball, 412 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,040 I see it all. 413 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,880 Here I am at a house party. 414 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,520 Giving, twirling, shining! 415 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,080 Who's this unconventionally attractive teenage gworl? 416 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,240 Zancing with the village hunk? 417 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,320 Tommy? 418 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,720 WOLF WHISTLE 419 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:45,960 Wait! 420 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,120 What's that frown? 421 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,520 GROANING, STOMACH RUMBLES 422 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,840 What's holding her back? 423 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,640 MUSIC ENDS OUT OF TUNE 424 00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:55,080 My name's Jeanette Bowman, and I want my first kiss for Tommy 425 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,400 tonight to be fireworks. 426 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,720 SAD VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYS 427 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,320 But I'm scared...those fireworks might come out the wrong end 428 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,840 because I suffer... 429 00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,160 - ..from... - ..I-B-S. 430 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,360 Irritable 431 00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:08,440 bowel 432 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:09,920 syndrome! 433 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,720 Oh, no! Zon't panic. 434 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,520 Have you done any of the following to trigger your symptoms? 435 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,800 Have you eaten chillies, bruv? "Chilli"? 436 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,840 I'm a lemon and herb girl! 437 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,320 Are you on drugs, man? 438 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,080 "Drugs"? Heck, no. 439 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,920 They're for mugs. 440 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,200 Maybe you're stressed. 441 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,280 Oh, yes! Stre-e-ess! 442 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,600 I'm stressed about my exams because I dream of having a management job 443 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:39,640 in some kind of public institution. 444 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,240 Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who suffers from IBS. 445 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,880 Tch! Ow, man! 446 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,760 IBS. IBS. IBS! 447 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,280 Lauren! 448 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:51,920 But you're not alone, Jeanette. Oh! 449 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:53,520 Whoa! 450 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:54,880 SNICKERING 451 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,800 One in 20 people suffer with IBS. 452 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,560 It can affect anyone, whether you're old or young, 453 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,480 black, white, a man or a woman of a certain age 454 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,800 doing a high pressure job in education. 455 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:09,840 LAUGHTER 456 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,480 Thanks for calling out the BS in IBS. 457 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:14,440 I can do anything now. Whoo! 458 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,920 Be an astronaut, an Olympic swimmer, 459 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:21,320 or even a head mistress. Whoo-o-o-o! 460 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,040 STEPHEN LAUGHS 461 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,080 That's the spirit, Jeannette Bon-Bon. 462 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:29,080 Now, the only thing you'll be feeling in your tummy are... 463 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,880 ..butterflies. 464 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:34,720 What the actual... 465 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,320 We wanted you to feel seen. 466 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,000 How is she meant to maintain authority when you've just told 467 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,600 the entire school she's bowel divergent? 468 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,720 Harrison said that you wanted to raise awareness 469 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,600 about your condition. It's not my condition. 470 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,400 I have a perfectly functioning digestive tract. 471 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,920 Well, Mr Harper said that you wanted to raise awareness. 472 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,360 Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, Harrison. Mm! 473 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:57,400 Miss Hoburn, I was just trying to take the initiative. 474 00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,960 I heard you pouring your heart to the human calculator... 475 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,520 ..about your IB. 476 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:05,240 IB is the International Baccalaureate. 477 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,440 It's an exam. 478 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,640 HE SNIGGERS Obviously. Duh! 479 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,280 Look, to be fair, I was just as shocked that that assembly 480 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,320 weren't about your international balaclava. 481 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:14,600 Look, by Friday, 482 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,480 one of your departments will cease to exist. 483 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,400 Forget disco balls. 484 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,200 I'm bringing a wrecking ball to this little party. 485 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,920 # Me again, allow me to pick up where I left off... # 486 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,920 Move, get out the way! 487 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:31,640 Move! 488 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:34,200 METAL CLATTERS 489 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,320 Inchez, this is well muggy. 490 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,880 You told me it was Fish And Chip Friday on a Tuesday. 491 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,240 Move, bitch! 492 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,480 DOOR OPENS What the...?! 493 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,440 HE YELPS Ugh... 494 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,840 Warren! You said Nicole Scherzinger was street-casting 495 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,120 for the new Pussycat Dolls. You made me run in my vintage zebra belt. 496 00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:50,560 MITCHELL SNICKERS 497 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,560 And what is she doing here? 498 00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,360 Chip and Stormzy. Mm-hm. 499 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,920 Biggie versus Pac. Yeah! 500 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,720 Vardy and Colleen! Yeah! 501 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,000 Eh-heh! 502 00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,920 All beefs lead to bloodshed. 503 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,440 This has to stop! 504 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,600 I have nothing to say to this unseasoned dustbin fire 505 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:06,800 of a human. Oh... 506 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,680 SHE SLAMS TABLE Stop it! 507 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,080 My whole life is shit. 508 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,680 I can't rely on anyone at home, 509 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,560 I had to move schools, 510 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,400 they sold my horse. 511 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:19,920 I was so lonely. 512 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,280 And then I came here... 513 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,920 ..and found you guys. 514 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,200 My... 515 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,320 My tribe. 516 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:34,160 But like so many tribes before us, 517 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,560 we are being decimated 518 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,720 by the forces of capitalism. 519 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:42,960 And I'm sorry for my white tears. 520 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,520 Don't apologise for crying, Gee! 521 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:47,200 You're both great teachers. 522 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,400 You actually equip us for real life. 523 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,880 Sir, you taught me about the Renaissance... 524 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,440 ..and Beyonce's other albums. 525 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,240 Mr Harper, 526 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:57,040 You taught me how to shotgun a beer. 527 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,200 Guys, I'm sorry for being extra. 528 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,360 I didn't mean to upset you. 529 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:04,520 Just Mitchell. Yeah. 530 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,720 No hard feelings, eh? 531 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,200 Well, I guess we've just got to knuckle down and hope that 532 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,480 Hoburn has a change of heart. Are you man dumb or dumb? 533 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,600 There's only one way you both get to keep your jobs. 534 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,240 You need to work together to destroy some other teachers. 535 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,760 Ooh! 536 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,840 J'adore! Bitches unite. Mm-HM! 537 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,560 But who should we throw to the wolves? 538 00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:31,720 Wait... 539 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,680 You guys thinking what I'm thinking? 540 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,640 Miss, the art teacher forced us to do this. 541 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,800 When I tell my dad, miss, he'll be pissed. 542 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:44,400 This is haram! 543 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,440 Sabotage by Beastie Boys 544 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,560 Shall I go tell him he's fired? 545 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,600 Bellissimo! 546 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,400 Is that Italian for "nonce"? 547 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:09,040 I can't believe anyone could coax this kind of flair 548 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,880 from the mouth-breathers at Abbey Grove! 549 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,840 Our art department are working miracles. 550 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:18,680 THEY SIGH 551 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,360 Miss... The music teacher is a t'ief. 552 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:24,280 My man is stealing my bars that I spit in his lesson. 553 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,200 And he's making money selling them to big artists. 554 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:31,040 Mr Redley, who brings in the most potent egg mayo sandwiches 555 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,640 to save money, is making a fortune off you? 556 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,760 Tell her Mr Redley has a very comfortable lifestyle 557 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:38,200 for a music teacher. 558 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,400 I saw Mr Redley in a German whip 559 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,720 with big rims and some bad Bs 560 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,680 with the fattest bunda riding dirty in the town centre. 561 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,200 Are you having a stroke? Nah! Look... 562 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:49,760 You heard of Ed Sheeran? 563 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,600 Looks like a character you'd see on the tap of a real ale? Yeah! 564 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:53,880 His song Galway Girl? 565 00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,000 That's my riddim! 566 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:57,400 I wrote the song Holway Girl before that ginger prick 567 00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,800 bought my lyrics off Sir. 568 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,240 Tell her you'll sue! 569 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:01,480 I'm Sue. 570 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,880 THEY SIGH 571 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:04,680 No, I'll sue YOU! 572 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,560 Man's going to make it rain, fam. 573 00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,400 Really? Call her bluff! 574 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,160 Miss... 575 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,280 You is buff. 576 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:17,000 Well, let me speak, then! Shut up, you never let me finish! 577 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,640 STEPHEN SCREAMS, HE WINCES 578 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,360 It's so rude to have headphones in when you're talking to someone. 579 00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,480 What are you listening to? Nothing! 580 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:24,560 HE SIGHS 581 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:25,800 Let me listen. 582 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,080 STEPHEN SQUEAKS 583 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:34,520 # Got a little rhythm, a rhythm, a rhythm 584 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:38,120 # That did a pass through my brain... 585 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,640 # So darn persistent the day isn't distant 586 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,760 # But it'll drive me insane... # 587 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,160 I'm impressed. Shh! 588 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,240 Mr Redley is interesting students to musical theatre. 589 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:49,520 THEY GIGGLE 590 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:52,440 Even though this singer is in completely the wrong key. 591 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:53,480 Bitch! 592 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,320 Bitch! I beg your pardon?! 593 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:56,640 STEPHEN GASPS 594 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:58,680 Pitch. 595 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,920 Yeah. It's in the wrong pitch. 596 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:03,760 Ah... 597 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:04,840 Mm! 598 00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:08,760 I wasn't! 599 00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,680 This has been a surprisingly difficult decision, 600 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,960 given that you both chose to stage a masterclass 601 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,880 in incompetence this week. 602 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,960 But as only one staff member needs to go... Ah-ah-ah. 603 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,520 Wait, if you fire one of us... 604 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:24,600 Both of us... We protest. Huh? 605 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,200 I thought I needed a nuclear option. That's not what we agreed. 606 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,600 The point is, Bernie, if you fire one of us, both of us quit. 607 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:36,720 STEPHEN SIGHS 608 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,240 She sacks both of us. 609 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,960 THEY SIGH 610 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,120 But you guys will be all right without us. Just... 611 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,760 Just remember the Class K motto, yeah? 612 00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,000 Chat shit, get banged. Not that one. 613 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,800 No bad vibes. Yeah. 614 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,400 Come on, y'all. 615 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,760 Group hug. Get in here. 616 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,680 HE SOBS 617 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,880 HE SIGHS HEAVILY I'm a goner too. 618 00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,240 Fraser? 619 00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,320 The school intranet has become sentient. 620 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,240 It doesn't matter how many printers I disable, 621 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,400 it's going to get the job done one way or another. 622 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,920 I've just intercepted the tail end of WebMD, 623 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,560 which means we're onto websites, starting with the letter X. 624 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,400 Ooh, that ain't going to be pretty. 625 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,320 Whoever plugs their printer in next 626 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,280 is going to unleash a tsunami of poonani. 627 00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:17,440 THEY GROAN, RETCH 628 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,320 Oi, sir! That's your chance, man. 629 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,360 # One time, circling the block 630 00:27:25,360 --> 00:27:27,200 # Lil buddy got murdered on a flock 631 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,880 # Two times, you know how we rock 632 00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:31,120 # You know who we knocked on You know who we socked... # 633 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:34,080 Miss, Miss, come quick, something awful's happened in the Maths room. 634 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,240 # Christian Dior, I'm crippin' Bjork 635 00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,360 # Made an uh-oh letting Vince in the door... # 636 00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,480 DISTANT CHEERING 637 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,640 We're meant to be going paperless! 638 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,560 Jesus, Mary... 639 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,360 Joseph! Is that a donkey?! 640 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:49,600 Only...I promise... I did not print any of this. 641 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,160 I-I-I was just trying to teach them equations. 642 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,880 He ain't lying, Miss. This page shows how three goes into one! 643 00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,480 HE SNICKERS 644 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,800 This is a criminal offence, you degenerate! 645 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,160 Pack up your classroom. 646 00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,720 Buga By Kizz Daniel & Tekno 647 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:15,600 SHE GASPS 648 00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:16,960 You guys! 649 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:29,360 THEY CHEER AND APPLAUD 650 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,160 Better! 651 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,120 Now, because we got the maths teacher fired, 652 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,520 I have to temporarily teach you maths, so...! 653 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,040 The basics. 654 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,400 Counting. After me! 655 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,040 A five, six, seven, eight. 656 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:49,520 THEME SONG PLAYS