1 00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:05,164 PREVIOUSLY ON 21 JUMP STREET 2 00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,000 You're a fucking nerd. 3 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:10,102 Boy, you lucky you even graduating. 4 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,603 - Fuck! - Oh! 5 00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:13,505 You're good at this, huh? Yeah. 6 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,441 You're really good at this. Yeah. 7 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:16,563 Hey, you want to be friends? 8 00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:20,252 Yours isn't loaded, right? 9 00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:23,749 Just touch it. I'm scared. 10 00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:26,018 Just touch it. 11 00:01:26,020 --> 00:01:27,700 Seriously. All right, all right, all right. 12 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,789 You took a bullet for me, man. 13 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:31,791 You shot me in the dick! 14 00:01:33,793 --> 00:01:35,227 Boom, motherfuckers! 15 00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:37,463 You two sons of bitches are going to college! 16 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:47,272 Yin is characterized as slow, soft, passive 17 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,942 and is associated with water and femininity. 18 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:54,346 While, Yang, by contrast, is fast and solid and... 19 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,582 Man, this is BS. 20 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:59,518 I thought we were going to actual college, not online college. 21 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,753 Listening for coded messages in lectures. 22 00:02:01,755 --> 00:02:02,754 What are you talking about? 23 00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:03,756 Look around. 24 00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:05,824 This is our city. 25 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:06,959 What do we want to be in college for? 26 00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,193 You're right. 27 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:10,762 Partners for life. 28 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:13,765 At Metro city port, the tide comes in at 10:30 A.M. 29 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,434 Then it will return to the sea. 30 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,469 Metro port. One hour. 31 00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:21,406 Let's do this. 32 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,484 Surprise. There's two more arms. 33 00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,939 - Shit! That's the ghost. - The ghost? 34 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:55,440 Joste nillsen, 35 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:57,309 biggest trafficker of illegal goods in Metro city. 36 00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,278 He teamed up with a Mexican cartel 37 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,013 and they're running all this shit through the port. 38 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:01,980 What the hell are we supposed to be buying? 39 00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:02,982 I don't know. 40 00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,685 What are you doing? Huh? 41 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,320 I got a new identity that's gonna be killer. 42 00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:10,042 I'll be throwing it to you to make it legit. 43 00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,624 Okay. 44 00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,393 I'm gonna need you to improvise. Okay? 45 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,594 I don't want to improvise. 46 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,396 I'm gonna need you to improvise. 47 00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,131 I suck at improvising. I don't want to do it. 48 00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:21,733 I need absolute silence while I fall into character. 49 00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,603 I need absolute silence while I fall into character. 50 00:03:26,105 --> 00:03:27,406 Can you give me a head start on... 51 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,875 I need absolute... I need absolute silence. 52 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,277 Can you please... Absolute silence. 53 00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:49,962 Are you fucking serious right now? 54 00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:54,366 All right. I hate people who are late. 55 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,471 We're trying to see that product. 56 00:03:59,839 --> 00:04:00,839 Shit! 57 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,942 Yo, sleepy! What's up, homie? 58 00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,811 You know my cousin, sad boy. 59 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,813 I think you got the wrong guy, homes. 60 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:10,115 Oh, that's bullshit, man! You sleepy! 61 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:11,650 Everyone say in the barrio, 62 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,486 sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine and shit. 63 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,455 Hey, my partner here, he want to see the product. 64 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,589 Why ain't he talking? 65 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:22,827 My name is Jeff. 66 00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:24,796 That's jeffe, man. 67 00:04:26,199 --> 00:04:28,200 Tell 'em about mousie's quinceanera, man. 68 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:31,603 Tell 'em about that crazy adventure you guys had. 69 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,940 I don't know what you're talking about. 70 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,509 Oh, man, when you were telling the story last night, 71 00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:39,511 you had so much detail! 72 00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:41,713 The detail was so rich! It was rich detail! 73 00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:44,383 Go into incredibly descriptive details 74 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:45,684 of the story, so we all know. 75 00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:47,953 Oh, yes. 76 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:51,757 It was Dora and Diego 77 00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:53,292 and swiper. 78 00:04:53,726 --> 00:04:54,993 Swiper? 79 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,595 Who was that you choked out, man? 80 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,530 He had it coming! Who was that? 81 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,800 Boots. 82 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:05,137 No, man, that wasn't boots! Boots isn't a real name! 83 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,305 You got to tell them the real story, man. 84 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,273 Start over from the top. 85 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:11,376 That's a made-up name. 86 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:15,047 I can't believe the punks I have to deal with these days. 87 00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,688 It really makes me miss the '90s, 88 00:05:23,956 --> 00:05:25,691 when we had professionals around. 89 00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,075 You want to check out the goods? 90 00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:32,798 Check it out. 91 00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:37,035 And shut up. Right? 92 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,770 Where'd you find this gringo, man? 93 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:41,540 At the fucking Mumford & sons concert and shit? 94 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,585 What is it? Guns? Drugs? 95 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:56,388 No! No! 96 00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,957 Dude! It's gross! 97 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,826 It's inking in my mouth! 98 00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:03,462 I'll get it off. 99 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:06,565 Its tentacle is eating me! 100 00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:08,533 It's so strong! It's really on there, man. 101 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,668 It's biting my face! 102 00:06:12,672 --> 00:06:14,172 Shit! 103 00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,908 Black market exotic animals, just like we expected to be in there. 104 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:17,976 The accents are gone, huh? 105 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,846 Take them out, guys. They're cops. 106 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,276 What was that? I don't know! I think we're moving. 107 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,726 We're definitely moving! 108 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,294 There's fucking birds and shit in here! 109 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,462 There's actual shit! 110 00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:39,431 What the fuck? 111 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:41,867 There's a fucking dragon in here! 112 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,029 Shit! 113 00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:46,872 What was that? 114 00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,476 Dude, that was our car. 115 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,712 We shared so much in that car! 116 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:57,382 I'm going to shoot them in the face for that! That was our fucking car! 117 00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:59,384 What are you doing? 118 00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:01,219 Don't teen wolf on the truck! 119 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,354 Don't leave me here alone! 120 00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:03,388 Then get up here! 121 00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,823 I can't do that! 122 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,759 Then fucking climb around. Come on, climb around. 123 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,795 Let's go. Come on, buddy. You got it. 124 00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:10,829 This is so scary! 125 00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:11,897 Shoot him! 126 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,465 Don't leave me out here! 127 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,400 I'm all out. You stupid moron! 128 00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,562 That's it. Come on. 129 00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:20,472 Fucking get up here. Come on. Fuck! 130 00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:21,807 All right, you good? Yeah! 131 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,509 All you got to do is walk now, okay? Okay. 132 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:26,845 Shit! 133 00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,649 What the fuck are you doing? Get up here! 134 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,417 I can't! 135 00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:34,252 All right, fine, I guess I'll just drag you. 136 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,787 I'm gonna die! 137 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,423 You're not gonna die. Just get the fuck up here! 138 00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:44,696 Pull yourself up here. 139 00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:46,598 Use your core! 140 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:50,902 You got it, you got it. Come on, come on. Yeah! 141 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:51,636 All right. Think you can stand on your own now? 142 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,038 Yes! 143 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,040 I think we lost them. 144 00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:56,107 Shit! 145 00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:58,530 He's the fucking Terminator! 146 00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:00,278 That's fucking dangerous! 147 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:05,784 You are under arrest! 148 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,819 Pull the truck over! 149 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,988 I said pull the fucking truck over right fucking now! 150 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,724 You owe me a car, 151 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,226 and it'd better be a fucking Lamborghini, you bitch! 152 00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:15,560 I did it! 153 00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:16,962 You have the right to remain silent. 154 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,330 Oh, shit! 155 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,405 Holy Moses! 156 00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:28,773 Shit. 157 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,576 What happened? 158 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,778 I think they got away. 159 00:08:36,415 --> 00:08:38,650 Is that a hickey? 160 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:43,788 Oh. This was actually an octopus-related incident. 161 00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:48,860 I'd opened a crate and the octopus had leapt onto my face. 162 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,663 Apparently, they have many, many arms. 163 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,098 They have eight tentacles. 164 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,466 Yes, and... 165 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:56,434 Look, ladies, 166 00:08:56,436 --> 00:09:00,872 nobody gave a shit about the jump street reboot when you first came on. 167 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,941 Anyone with half a brain, myself included, 168 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,744 thought it was destined to fail spectacularly. 169 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,312 But you got lucky. 170 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,080 So now this department has invested 171 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:13,118 a lot of money to make sure jump street keeps going. 172 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,353 We've doubled their budget. 173 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:18,189 As if spending twice the money guaranteed twice the profit. 174 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,593 Like that's going to work. 175 00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:25,864 Yeah. Well, the commissioner's convinced this debacle happened 176 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,600 because you weren't doing the same undercover student thing 177 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:30,001 you did the first time. 178 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:32,337 She doesn't get that it's always worse 179 00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:33,339 the second time around. 180 00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:36,207 You settle into worn-out roles. 181 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,877 One gets possessive, the other runs away. 182 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,079 You begin a slow, painful unraveling, 183 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,615 as all the good things that came before 184 00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:47,052 begin to be crushed by the trash compactor of sadness. 185 00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,221 That doesn't sound like us. I mean... 186 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,890 I'm getting a divorce. 187 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:56,528 We don't want to do the same thing. 188 00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,930 We want to burst through our ceiling. 189 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,265 And you're gonna find another ceiling 190 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,800 and you got to bust through that one, 191 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:02,601 and you just got to keep hammering ceilings. 192 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,502 Okay, okay, okay. 193 00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:07,172 What if we actually went into the secret service 194 00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:08,640 and, like, tried to protect the white house? 195 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,809 I think... I don't think that would work. 196 00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,544 I'm going to ask you to stop talking. 197 00:10:12,546 --> 00:10:13,979 I thought it was a pretty good idea. 198 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:17,716 Do the same thing as last time, everyone's happy. 199 00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:23,655 I can't believe the Koreans bought their church back. 200 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,423 Yeah. Good thing there was an even bigger 201 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,158 abandoned church directly across the street. 202 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,829 Yeah. That's convenient. Yes, it is convenient. 203 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,364 Next year, we'll probably just be right back across the street. 204 00:10:32,366 --> 00:10:33,765 Just next door. 205 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,600 Let's not get ahead of ourselves. 206 00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:36,868 We're not ahead of ourselves. 207 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,110 We're right next to each other. 208 00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:44,109 This is awesome. Like, way more expensive for no reason. 209 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:46,044 Look at dickson's office. 210 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:49,247 Looks like a giant cube of ice. 211 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,749 How you bitches like jump street now? 212 00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:52,050 Hey! 213 00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,719 Y'all see this shit? 214 00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,689 22 jump street is the lick. 215 00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,224 And I got a big-ass raise 216 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:01,726 to babysit you two fuckers again. 217 00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:04,162 Designed it myself. We got an espresso bar. 218 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,964 I'm thinking about a shark tank over there. 219 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,432 Ooh, I like sharks. 220 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:11,202 Fuck a 21 jump street, and fuck a Korean Jesus. 221 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,104 Whoa! Cap, come on, Korean Jesus is right there. 222 00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,739 That's Vietnamese Jesus. 223 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,941 See, this a Vietnamese church. 224 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:20,345 You racist, sacrilegious sack of shit. 225 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:25,116 Look at that. Vietnamese Jesus just dripping swagoo. 226 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,651 And we got some new dumb-ass interns. 227 00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,119 Hey, hey! Look alive! Huh? 228 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,321 Boys. Yo, jenko. 229 00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:35,060 Hey, Schmidt! 230 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,699 Don't do that. 231 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,801 So, they want the same shit, so here we go. 232 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,170 Same identities. 233 00:11:46,439 --> 00:11:48,139 Same assignment. 234 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,641 We're going back to high school? 235 00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:51,576 Your ass look like you about 50. 236 00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,111 You're going to MC state. 237 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,746 We're going to college for real? 238 00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:58,216 Somebody's out there, they're cooking up a new drug. 239 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,252 It's Adderall mixed with ecstasy mixed with God knows what else. 240 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,888 Wipey? 241 00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:06,157 No, you dumb motherfucker. Whyphy. 242 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:09,627 Stands for work hard? Yes. Play hard? Yes. 243 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,396 Now, these kids take this shit, 244 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:15,066 and they get laser-focused for about four hours of studying, 245 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,169 and then they party like it's goddamn 1999. 246 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:20,338 Who's this? 247 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:21,906 That's Cynthia Watson. 248 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,742 She was a student at MC state. 249 00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:24,976 She took some whyphy, 250 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,244 got locked out of her dorm, 251 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,479 ended up falling off the roof. 252 00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:29,514 And now she's dead. 253 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,953 That's her buying drugs on campus. 254 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,654 And that's the dealer. 255 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,857 Find him and we find the supplier. 256 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:41,726 Sir, can I just say, 257 00:12:41,728 --> 00:12:45,597 it is so refreshing to have a case with a black victim. 258 00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,299 I mean, we care so much more because she's black. 259 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,568 I think what he's really trying to say 260 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:53,371 is that we care equally. 261 00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,541 It's a tie, really, how much we care. 262 00:12:56,543 --> 00:13:00,078 Uh... no, we're not. If it was a white person, I wouldn't even care. 263 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,800 One less cracker-ass cracker to worry about. 264 00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:06,484 Why every time you speak I want to throw the fuck up? 265 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:09,387 Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier. 266 00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:20,565 You all right? 267 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:22,600 Yeah. 268 00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:24,402 It's just... 269 00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:30,275 I'm the first person in my family to pretend to go to college. 270 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,110 Best part is we get to do it together. 271 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,246 What's up, college? 272 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,648 What's up, bro? We're 322. 273 00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:37,715 Fuck high school, right? 274 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:38,850 Fuck high school. 275 00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,052 Oh, so tight! 276 00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,888 Oh, this is so baller! 277 00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,890 Beds... oh, shit. 278 00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:48,159 Oh, dope. That looks like cum. 279 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,828 That's cum. Okay. All right. 280 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,310 Already got cum on the mattress, dawg. 281 00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:54,432 Welcome to college. Fuck, yeah. 282 00:14:02,308 --> 00:14:04,309 Hilarious shirt that signals we drink alcohol. 283 00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:09,247 Some bacon machine that my mom got me. 284 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,582 I do not understand how it works. 285 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,226 It's true. 286 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,588 Super high-tech police gear. 287 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:26,097 Carte Blanche with the budget, motherfucker. 288 00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,869 I'm going to veto that poster. 289 00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,371 It's a touch childish. 290 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,107 Okay. What do lambos have to do with touching children? 291 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,276 Lambos are lame. 292 00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:41,112 I get one choice. I get one thing that I'm not... 293 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,881 We have to agree. You know what I mean? 294 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:45,383 What up, fellas? We're your across-the-hall neighbors. 295 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,351 Oh, hey, there's two of you. You're twins. 296 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:47,485 What's up, man? 297 00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:49,854 We're the yangs, man. Kenny Yang. What's up? 298 00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:51,189 Keith Yang. 299 00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:52,523 What's going on? What's going on? 300 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:53,691 Did you say the yangs? 301 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,293 Yeah, dad's Chinese, man. 302 00:14:55,295 --> 00:14:57,528 Our mom's not Chinese. She's black. 303 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,997 Oh. She's like real black. 304 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,632 Like Wesley snipes black. Exactly. 305 00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:01,666 We're brothers, too. 306 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,769 No. He's not kidding. He's serious. 307 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,170 Oh, really? 308 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:07,605 What? Like, one of y'all older? 309 00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,307 Mmm-hmm. 310 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,174 Yeah, 'cause you got crow's feet under your eyes, man. 311 00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:11,876 You specifically. 312 00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,646 We're actually just normal college age. 313 00:15:14,648 --> 00:15:16,314 I mean, even if you're a little older, that's cool, man, 314 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:17,615 because, you know, girls here love older dudes. 315 00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,917 That's true. 316 00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,785 Plus, there's mad fuckable girls here. 317 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,720 Mad fuckable. Especially during spring break. 318 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,923 I love spring break. But I do have to say, 319 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:26,424 I've fucked a thousand girls by now 320 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,692 and I don't know, at the end of the day, 321 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:28,960 you just kind of want something 322 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,061 that's just a little deeper really. 323 00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,932 Yeah, balls deeper. Jinx. Buy me a coke. 324 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:37,335 Oh, snap, we're still saying the same thing. This is amazing! 325 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:40,271 Carrots. Pumpernickels. Glow sticks. Twins! 326 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,173 That's dope, dude. That's so sick. 327 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:45,443 That's crazy. We have that brother connection, too. 328 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,811 You ready? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 329 00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,513 Pirates! Baby feet! Paper clips! Bananas! 330 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,481 Sun! Anger! I don't know! Words! 331 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:51,716 Quicksand! Shoes! 332 00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,117 Boom! 333 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,552 That's hip-hop, man. Awesome. 334 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:55,554 That's great. 335 00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:58,056 It's gonna be super fun. 336 00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,178 All right? Same as last time. 337 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:02,060 Dude, if it's like last time, 338 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,928 you're gonna have an awesome time, and it's gonna suck for me. 339 00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:05,596 No. You're gonna have an awesome time, too, 340 00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,165 because I'm gonna make sure of it. 341 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,633 You took a bullet for me. 342 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:11,202 That's right, I did, and it sucked, but I'd do it again. 343 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,404 No way. It's my turn. I owe you a life debt. 344 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:14,505 Co-ed bathrooms. 345 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,307 What? Oh, shit. 346 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,077 I'm not gonna take a shit 347 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:19,944 the entire time I'm here. 348 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,179 I know. 349 00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,614 Hey. How you doing? 350 00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,950 Hey. 351 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,686 What's up? 'Sup? 352 00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:30,788 Just exhausted from inventing Facebook 353 00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:33,124 or whatever website people our age use. 354 00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,129 They still have books? 355 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,198 I thought they just put the books inside the computers. 356 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,734 Yeah, I guess the kids just use the stacks to hide and have sex. 357 00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:44,736 So we'll go to all Cynthia's classes and activities, 358 00:16:44,738 --> 00:16:46,137 ask around about the drug 359 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,772 and find out who the dealer is. 360 00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,040 Yeah, it's just like last time. 361 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,908 Exactly like last time. 362 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,076 Dude, in human sexuality, 363 00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:53,644 do you get to fuck 364 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,206 or do you just get to watch people fuck? 365 00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:56,781 Neither. 366 00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,670 What the fuck am I taking it for, then? 367 00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,989 Now, obviously, we've all heard this statement before, 368 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,726 I've got a first impression for you. 369 00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,064 Oh, y'all like psychology? 370 00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,399 Tracy Morgan. 371 00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,203 Nobody? 372 00:17:20,639 --> 00:17:22,640 Work hard, play hard, am I right? 373 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:28,946 You looking for some whyphy? 374 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,048 Yeah, man, that'd be sick. 375 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,682 Go to the police station, 376 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,451 walk in and ask your captain to see the evidence room 377 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:34,613 'cause you're a fucking narc. 378 00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,355 I think you're mistaken. 379 00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,323 You're literally wearing your badge. 380 00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,291 Did you really just check to see 381 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:41,359 if you were wearing your badge? 382 00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,361 This guy's a fucking cop. 383 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,128 I didn't look down. 384 00:17:47,499 --> 00:17:50,368 Wait, Professor Jacobs, doesn't history happen a long time ago? 385 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,203 Well, history happens... 386 00:17:52,205 --> 00:17:55,306 This class is such a gut. 387 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,207 Hey, you guys play football? 388 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,209 No, this is actually my laptop. 389 00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,491 Yeah, I'm taking notes right now. 390 00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:02,313 I'm kidding. It's a football. 391 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:03,315 Mr. mcquaid? 392 00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:05,683 Covalent bonds. 393 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:12,423 What has been the result of the war on drugs? 394 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,592 Why would you ask me? I'm not a cop. 395 00:18:15,994 --> 00:18:17,595 Because this is a college seminar, 396 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:20,064 and that's how college seminars work. 397 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:23,634 Professor gets into a lively conversation with the student. 398 00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,771 Friction creates fire, and that leads to lessons learned. 399 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,039 Well, it's definitely harder to get drugs. 400 00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,607 I can personally tell you that. 401 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:31,576 The average price of cocaine 402 00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,545 has dropped 70% in the last 30 years. 403 00:18:34,547 --> 00:18:37,187 Then your dealer's probably selling you some pretty stepped-on shit. 404 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:41,452 Mr. mcquaid, college is a wonderful place. 405 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:45,022 This is where you get to decide who you actually are, 406 00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,725 instead of the person that you're clearly pretending to be right now, 407 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,161 which everyone sees through, by the way. 408 00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:53,664 You got to decide, do I just keep doing the same thing, 409 00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,100 or am I gonna choose a different path 410 00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,602 and question my convictions? 411 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,705 I don't have any prior convictions. 412 00:19:03,575 --> 00:19:05,309 Why are you saying this stuff? 413 00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,448 That's exactly the answer I wanted, Mr. mcquaid! 414 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,884 I want you to question what I'm saying. 415 00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:15,219 This is the basis of this whole course, 416 00:19:15,221 --> 00:19:16,821 and that's the beauty of college. 417 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,389 You can say whatever you want. 418 00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:20,057 You can be whatever you want. 419 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:22,894 I mean, I have tenure. I can really say whatever I want. 420 00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:24,595 George Washington was a black lesbian. 421 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,430 The Eiffel tower is made of dildos. 422 00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,199 They can't fire me. I'm indestructible. 423 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:30,801 I'm sleeping with two of my students. 424 00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:32,069 Her and her. I actually am. 425 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:34,138 Now, just like you did before, 426 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:37,742 I want you right now to say whatever you want. 427 00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:39,377 Say whatever you want. 428 00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,913 Fieto. 429 00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:45,183 Fieto, not a word, but I'm gonna accept it. 430 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,152 You can do whatever you want with your life, Mr. mcquaid. 431 00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:50,121 The only way you can fail this class 432 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,523 is by not becoming who you truly are. 433 00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:54,792 Please respond to my text. 434 00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,798 Okay, we got time for just one more improve game. 435 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,800 For this one, we need a ton of different suggestions. 436 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,036 So, we just need you guys to fill in the blank 437 00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,637 in a sentence that we're gonna set up. 438 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:09,373 So it'll go like this. Oh, I'm so hungry, I wish I had a... 439 00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,342 Tampon! Okay, but we want... 440 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:12,710 We want it to be actual food 441 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,145 so that it, like, makes sense with the game. 442 00:20:14,147 --> 00:20:17,081 It's more fun that way. So, uh, let's try it one more time. 443 00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:19,116 Oh, I've got to get home so I can feed my... 444 00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,651 Boner! 445 00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,953 You know what? Let's just play the game, okay? 446 00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:24,388 All right, so what would you... 447 00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,856 Hey, that girl's in my psych class. 448 00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,258 Damn, she's hot. Go talk to her. 449 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:28,759 You come talk to her with me. 450 00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:31,462 Stop being a pussy and go talk to her. Go. 451 00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:32,763 All right, all right. 452 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,832 Coming to the stage, we got... 453 00:20:37,469 --> 00:20:38,970 J. Bohnes, aka... 454 00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:41,072 Hey. Hi. 455 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,554 I think we're in the same psych class. 456 00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:44,642 Oh, yeah. Hi. 457 00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:46,244 Yeah. 458 00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:51,115 Pills! Pills! Bills! Pills! 459 00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:54,619 Bills! A sign of the times that rhymes 460 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,487 Amanda Bynes 461 00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:59,156 drop that raggedy Andy circus 462 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,058 circle jerkus... 463 00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:03,027 You guys are the improve guys, right? Yeah. 464 00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,428 That's cool. 465 00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,230 You're the guy with the terrible suggestions. 466 00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,933 Yeah, yeah. You're welcome, man. Yeah. 467 00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:12,236 Thanks, guys. Um, lady J is gonna be up next for you. 468 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:14,639 Cynthia, that girl who died, 469 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:15,840 she used to come here all the time, right? 470 00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,074 Mmm. 471 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:19,877 This piece is called areolas. 472 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:22,346 Did you know her? 473 00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:24,315 Yeah, she lived across the hall from me. 474 00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,750 Yeah? So why do you care so much? 475 00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:28,352 I'm... I'm writing a... 476 00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:30,588 Greedy man hands! 477 00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:33,157 ...a slam poem in her honor. 478 00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:34,759 Early stages, very early stages. 479 00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,060 Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. 480 00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:37,561 Wouldn't it be better 481 00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:39,130 just to, like, plan the stuff out ahead of time, 482 00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:42,800 and then not say it in front of people and embarrass yourself? 483 00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:46,237 That's a thing that people do. That's stand-up comedy. 484 00:21:46,239 --> 00:21:47,371 That's probably what you should do, 485 00:21:47,373 --> 00:21:49,073 because that stuff's funny. 486 00:21:49,075 --> 00:21:53,010 My brown nipple will produce white milk during lactation... 487 00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:54,612 What do you think of this? 488 00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,614 I actually think it's really powerful. 489 00:21:56,616 --> 00:21:58,149 That's cool that you said that, 490 00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:00,351 'cause I actually thought it was really powerful, too, 491 00:22:00,353 --> 00:22:03,020 when the one girl was talking about her nips and shit. 492 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:08,426 Okay, does anybody have anything they want to share? 493 00:22:08,428 --> 00:22:09,760 Let's see what you got. 494 00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,395 Any more poets in the audience? 495 00:22:11,397 --> 00:22:12,797 I... I mean, do you really do poetry? 496 00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:14,799 I do, and I will. 497 00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:16,167 I got somebody. What? 498 00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,969 Okay, we got somebody. All right, give it up, guys. 499 00:22:18,971 --> 00:22:20,371 Yeah! Okay. 500 00:22:20,373 --> 00:22:21,639 Just go up there. All right, okay. 501 00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:22,807 Okay. No pressure. 502 00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:23,849 You'll see, it's good. Yeah! 503 00:22:29,514 --> 00:22:30,681 Um... 504 00:22:32,317 --> 00:22:34,752 This is a work in progress. 505 00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:37,822 So, uh... 506 00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,562 Slam poetry! 507 00:22:45,263 --> 00:22:46,464 Yelling! 508 00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:48,165 Angry! 509 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,770 Waving my hands a lot! 510 00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:54,972 Specific point of view on things 511 00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:57,007 Cynthia! 512 00:22:57,676 --> 00:23:00,478 Cynthia 513 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,714 Jesus died for our sin-thee-uhs 514 00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:05,616 Jesus cried 515 00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:07,585 runaway bride 516 00:23:08,653 --> 00:23:10,121 Julia Roberts! 517 00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:12,757 Julia rob 518 00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:14,525 hurts 519 00:23:16,496 --> 00:23:17,962 Cynthia! 520 00:23:20,133 --> 00:23:22,233 Cynthia 521 00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:23,934 you're dead you are dead 522 00:23:28,273 --> 00:23:29,273 You're dead 523 00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:33,144 that's for Cynthia, who's dead. 524 00:23:39,017 --> 00:23:40,017 Whoo! 525 00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:48,192 I don't have a single lead. 526 00:23:48,194 --> 00:23:51,028 I do. I hear you can get whyphy on campus anywhere 24/7. 527 00:23:53,231 --> 00:23:54,899 Do you think they mean whyphy the drug 528 00:23:54,901 --> 00:23:55,941 or WI-Fi like the Internet? 529 00:23:57,335 --> 00:23:58,869 What... 530 00:24:00,238 --> 00:24:02,339 Fuck you, brain. 531 00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:05,509 How did we find the dealers so easy the first time? 532 00:24:05,511 --> 00:24:07,011 Well, his number was literally on a sticker. 533 00:24:07,013 --> 00:24:09,013 Well, let's go find this guy's sticker. 534 00:24:09,015 --> 00:24:10,781 I don't think this guy does stickers. 535 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:13,717 Well, we need help. We need to consult an expert. 536 00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,686 Yo, dude, you shot him in the dick, dude. 537 00:24:15,688 --> 00:24:16,754 I got him in the dick. Yep. 538 00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:19,190 Shot him in the dick. 539 00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,529 If it isn't Turner and hooch, in the flesh. 540 00:24:25,531 --> 00:24:27,998 Holy shit, you are looking fit. 541 00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:32,436 Hey, you should get some tips from this guy. 542 00:24:32,438 --> 00:24:35,172 He's looking good. Look at those pectoral muscles. 543 00:24:35,174 --> 00:24:37,241 That's the kind of definition I want out of you, man. 544 00:24:37,243 --> 00:24:39,076 What's up, Eric? Hey. 545 00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:41,645 Mr. Walters, we should, um... 546 00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:43,180 Or I should apologize for, uh... 547 00:24:45,617 --> 00:24:47,117 For shooting my penis off? 548 00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,486 Yeah. Yeah. 549 00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:51,822 Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally. 550 00:24:51,824 --> 00:24:53,064 You know they gave me a vagina? 551 00:24:53,758 --> 00:24:55,693 It's awesome. You guys want to see it? 552 00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:57,761 No, no, no, no! No, no, no. 553 00:24:57,763 --> 00:24:59,930 That's fine. All right. Eric's seen it. 554 00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:02,266 Eric's been all up in that shit. Isn't that right, Eric? 555 00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:03,734 You guys got to get me the fuck out of here. 556 00:25:03,736 --> 00:25:04,768 Hey, guess what. 557 00:25:04,770 --> 00:25:05,770 I'm Eric's bitch. 558 00:25:06,271 --> 00:25:07,404 No, you're not. 559 00:25:07,406 --> 00:25:09,206 Yes! I am! 560 00:25:09,774 --> 00:25:10,875 I'm your bitch. 561 00:25:12,110 --> 00:25:14,545 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, honey. 562 00:25:14,547 --> 00:25:16,914 I didn't mean that. You know that, right? 563 00:25:16,916 --> 00:25:18,883 I am such a bitch when aunt Flo shows up. 564 00:25:18,885 --> 00:25:21,886 It bleeds so much, it's crazy. 565 00:25:21,888 --> 00:25:24,288 It's like the elevator doors opening in the shining. 566 00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:26,957 Your vagina doesn't fucking work, man. 567 00:25:26,959 --> 00:25:29,627 Worked for you last night. 568 00:25:29,629 --> 00:25:32,963 You are so clearly forcing Eric into this relationship. 569 00:25:32,965 --> 00:25:35,032 Eric, am I forcing you into anything? 570 00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:37,268 Yes. See? 571 00:25:37,270 --> 00:25:38,669 Look, they sent us in undercover at a college 572 00:25:38,671 --> 00:25:40,304 to find the dealer of this new synthetic, 573 00:25:40,306 --> 00:25:42,339 and no one will tell us anything. 574 00:25:42,341 --> 00:25:44,608 That's 'cause you guys look like fucking narcs, all right? 575 00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:46,210 College kids aren't dumb like Eric. 576 00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:47,845 I was supposed to go to Berkeley. 577 00:25:47,847 --> 00:25:50,581 Well, they gave us a picture, so we do have that. 578 00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:51,749 Well, that's your lead, motherfucker! 579 00:25:51,751 --> 00:25:53,651 That's what you start with. 580 00:25:53,653 --> 00:25:55,619 I know, but we can't see his face, so we don't know who it is. 581 00:25:55,621 --> 00:25:57,655 We don't know who it is. 582 00:25:57,657 --> 00:25:59,723 I'm Schmidt. My pants are filled with doody. 583 00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:01,792 That's you. 584 00:26:01,794 --> 00:26:03,194 That doesn't sound anything like me. 585 00:26:04,029 --> 00:26:05,596 You sort of sound like that. 586 00:26:05,598 --> 00:26:06,764 That doesn't sound anything like me. 587 00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:07,831 That doesn't sound anything like me. 588 00:26:07,833 --> 00:26:09,266 It's not not you. 589 00:26:09,268 --> 00:26:13,237 Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking right now. 590 00:26:14,974 --> 00:26:16,974 That's Schmidt being a little bitch. 591 00:26:16,976 --> 00:26:18,542 That's just not a good impression. 592 00:26:18,544 --> 00:26:19,743 Whoa! 593 00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:21,679 Nice job, super sleuths. 594 00:26:21,681 --> 00:26:22,980 Did you even bother to look at the fucking picture? 595 00:26:23,481 --> 00:26:25,015 Yeah. Huh? 596 00:26:25,017 --> 00:26:26,297 There's a reflection right here. 597 00:26:27,819 --> 00:26:29,987 Your fucking guy's got a tattoo. 598 00:26:29,989 --> 00:26:33,557 Find the tattoo, find the dealer. 599 00:26:33,559 --> 00:26:37,728 Fuck, man, I don't know. I do a lot of stupid tattoos to drunk kids. 600 00:26:37,730 --> 00:26:39,063 Do you remember that stupid tattoo? 601 00:26:39,065 --> 00:26:40,931 A bazooka? 602 00:26:40,933 --> 00:26:44,535 Think I might have did it on a football player. 603 00:26:44,537 --> 00:26:45,903 Guy with a red Mohawk. I don't know. 604 00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:47,771 They all start to look the same to me. 605 00:26:47,773 --> 00:26:49,607 I think I know exactly who he's talking about. 606 00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:54,378 Fuck you! 607 00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,981 Fuck you, you little walk-on fuck! 608 00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:58,782 I can't, like, move around in these things. 609 00:26:58,784 --> 00:27:00,451 God, I love walk-on day! 610 00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:01,453 Fuck, yeah. 611 00:27:04,022 --> 00:27:05,489 That's a weird time to be q-tipping. 612 00:27:05,491 --> 00:27:08,325 You're all fucking pussies! 613 00:27:08,327 --> 00:27:10,260 Dude, you don't have to do this. What? 614 00:27:10,262 --> 00:27:11,829 I just don't want you to get hurt. I'm not gonna get... 615 00:27:11,831 --> 00:27:12,963 Whoops. 616 00:27:12,965 --> 00:27:14,264 Shit. Whoa. 617 00:27:14,266 --> 00:27:15,833 Dude, I am so sorry. 618 00:27:15,835 --> 00:27:16,934 It's all right, man. Don't worry about it, man. 619 00:27:16,936 --> 00:27:18,402 Are you sure? All right... Yeah. Ow. 620 00:27:18,404 --> 00:27:20,471 Shit. I got it. 621 00:27:20,473 --> 00:27:21,705 Okay, I got it, I got it. 622 00:27:21,707 --> 00:27:23,307 Ow! That's fine. 623 00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:24,875 I'll get it. No, no, let me get it, let me get it. 624 00:27:24,877 --> 00:27:26,276 No, I got it. Let me just get it. No, let me get it. 625 00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:28,312 I got it, I got it. Let's just... 626 00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:31,048 Dude, I'm sorry. I got my q-tip in your meat, bro. 627 00:27:31,050 --> 00:27:33,050 No, man, I got my... I got my meat in your q-tip. 628 00:27:33,052 --> 00:27:35,319 It's like a whole new type of sandwich. 629 00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:37,287 Like, a meat q-tip. 630 00:27:37,289 --> 00:27:38,289 Like a meat-qute. 631 00:27:40,725 --> 00:27:42,126 That's funny. 632 00:27:42,128 --> 00:27:43,728 Hey, you guys want some of this sandwich? 633 00:27:43,729 --> 00:27:45,129 It's a meat-qute sandwich. 634 00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:47,398 Me and this guy are having a meat-qute. 635 00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:51,035 You're hilarious, dude. What's your name? 636 00:27:51,037 --> 00:27:53,070 Brad. Wait... Brad. 637 00:27:53,072 --> 00:27:54,405 Uh, yeah, yeah, it's Brad. 638 00:27:54,407 --> 00:27:55,839 I'm Zook. Nice to meet you. Zook. 639 00:27:55,841 --> 00:27:57,808 Nice to meet you, too, man. 640 00:27:58,610 --> 00:27:59,810 Blue 20! 641 00:28:01,246 --> 00:28:02,413 Blue 20! 642 00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:04,381 Set, hut! 643 00:28:26,604 --> 00:28:27,604 You love walk-on day now? 644 00:28:31,643 --> 00:28:33,683 Your arm all right? You want to take that sleeve off? 645 00:28:35,213 --> 00:28:36,380 No, I'm good. 646 00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:40,684 Dude, holy shit, bro. Great fucking catch, dude. 647 00:28:40,686 --> 00:28:44,455 If you see that safety line up that deep, though, hit me quicker. 648 00:28:44,457 --> 00:28:46,356 Oh, yeah, I didn't know you had wheels like that, bro. 649 00:28:46,358 --> 00:28:48,058 It's funny, 'cause he's my brother. So... 650 00:28:48,626 --> 00:28:50,194 Um... 651 00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:53,931 Hey, uh, you know, we have this rush party at zeta. 652 00:28:53,933 --> 00:28:56,800 But I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys. 653 00:28:56,802 --> 00:28:58,302 It'd be really fun, I think. 654 00:28:58,304 --> 00:28:59,436 Great. Yeah, maybe we will. 655 00:29:00,972 --> 00:29:02,606 Are you guys, like, together? 656 00:29:02,608 --> 00:29:04,508 Yeah. Yeah, this is my bro. 657 00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:07,044 That's... Funny, dude. You're funny. 658 00:29:07,512 --> 00:29:09,012 Oh. 659 00:29:09,014 --> 00:29:10,714 Uh, really? Wow. Um, okay. 660 00:29:10,716 --> 00:29:12,483 Yeah, man, sure. You, too, you can come, too. 661 00:29:12,485 --> 00:29:13,917 We'll see what we can do. 662 00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:15,052 Also, I said a bunch of stuff earlier 663 00:29:15,054 --> 00:29:16,186 that you didn't acknowledge... 664 00:29:16,188 --> 00:29:18,055 Great catch. Cool, yeah. 665 00:29:18,057 --> 00:29:19,156 See you then. So you won't address that? 666 00:29:19,158 --> 00:29:20,624 What the fuck's up with that guy? 667 00:29:20,626 --> 00:29:22,526 All we have to do now is rush the frat long enough 668 00:29:22,528 --> 00:29:25,295 to confirm that rooster has that bazooka tattoo. 669 00:29:25,297 --> 00:29:27,364 Look, man, do you think it's cool if you come? 670 00:29:27,366 --> 00:29:29,533 'Cause, I mean, he kind of really just asked me. 671 00:29:29,535 --> 00:29:30,601 I just don't want to start off 672 00:29:30,603 --> 00:29:31,883 on the wrong foot with this guy. 673 00:29:33,639 --> 00:29:36,206 Dude, you're tripping. We do everything together. 674 00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:37,841 You should lose the puka shells, though. 675 00:29:37,843 --> 00:29:40,210 Things are different since you didn't go to college. 676 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,347 Yo, Brad! What's up, dude? 677 00:29:44,315 --> 00:29:45,716 Same puka, dude. 678 00:29:45,718 --> 00:29:47,017 You got the same... Puka bros. 679 00:29:47,019 --> 00:29:48,259 Holy shit! 680 00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:50,454 Look at him, it's, like, all the same. 681 00:29:50,456 --> 00:29:51,955 Dude, you wear pants, too? 682 00:29:51,957 --> 00:29:54,024 What? Bros, man. Dude. 683 00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:55,626 I knew we were gonna be connected, just like that. 684 00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,094 Yeah, why don't you guys just tie your dicks together 685 00:29:57,096 --> 00:29:57,895 and get married, right, rooster? 686 00:29:57,897 --> 00:29:59,930 Rooster. What's up, bro? 687 00:29:59,932 --> 00:30:01,431 You look good, man. 688 00:30:01,433 --> 00:30:02,766 What's up, rooster? 689 00:30:02,768 --> 00:30:04,434 How you doing, man? Digging the puka. 690 00:30:04,436 --> 00:30:05,769 Thanks, dude. I can't believe it's the same... 691 00:30:05,771 --> 00:30:07,070 How you doing, rooster? 692 00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:08,205 Rooster is getting some pop. 693 00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:09,447 Why don't you go check him out? 694 00:30:13,478 --> 00:30:15,318 You in the zone, bro? In the fucking zone, dude. 695 00:30:19,551 --> 00:30:20,951 Hey. What's up? 696 00:30:21,719 --> 00:30:22,920 What's up? I'm rooster. 697 00:30:22,922 --> 00:30:24,755 Oh, yeah, no. 698 00:30:24,757 --> 00:30:26,089 We've met before. 699 00:30:26,091 --> 00:30:27,524 Oh, really? I don't remember that at all. 700 00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:29,459 You must just have a really plain face. 701 00:30:29,461 --> 00:30:31,261 Yeah. They call me ol' plain face. 702 00:30:31,963 --> 00:30:33,564 They call you that? 703 00:30:33,566 --> 00:30:36,600 So, do you have any body art or, like, any ink I could see? 704 00:30:36,602 --> 00:30:38,602 That's a pretty random question. 705 00:30:38,604 --> 00:30:41,071 Hey, anyway, it was so nice chatting with you, man. 706 00:30:41,073 --> 00:30:42,406 Nice to meet you, man. 707 00:30:42,408 --> 00:30:43,440 Yo, what the fuck, bro? 708 00:30:43,442 --> 00:30:44,641 Yo, what the fuck are you doing, dude? 709 00:30:44,643 --> 00:30:45,676 You serious right now? You... 710 00:30:45,678 --> 00:30:47,044 You're being weird. 711 00:30:48,379 --> 00:30:49,379 You've been weird. 712 00:30:51,082 --> 00:30:53,684 It was just like, what am I hearing? 713 00:30:53,686 --> 00:30:54,918 What am I hearing right now? 714 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:55,919 And the psychic told you that? 715 00:30:55,921 --> 00:30:57,521 Yo. That is so crazy, dude. 716 00:30:57,523 --> 00:30:59,189 Hey, dude, you want to go see the roof? 717 00:30:59,191 --> 00:31:00,557 Fuck yeah, I want to see the roof, dude. 718 00:31:00,559 --> 00:31:02,226 Come on, let's go, let's go. Come on. 719 00:31:02,228 --> 00:31:04,188 Come on to the roof, come on to the roof. Let's go. 720 00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,493 Come on, you can do it. Come on, come on, come on! 721 00:31:13,004 --> 00:31:15,472 I miss climbing so much. Come on, let's go. Come on. 722 00:31:15,474 --> 00:31:16,540 All right, uh... 723 00:31:21,679 --> 00:31:23,080 One more time. 724 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:25,015 I'm just gonna go home. 725 00:31:25,017 --> 00:31:26,283 I don't know parkour, so... 726 00:31:27,452 --> 00:31:28,452 All right. 727 00:31:33,491 --> 00:31:35,025 Hey, Maya Angelou! 728 00:31:36,962 --> 00:31:39,496 Poetry, okay. I got it. 729 00:31:39,498 --> 00:31:40,658 Make fun of the poetry major. 730 00:31:42,033 --> 00:31:43,533 So, I guess you have no interest 731 00:31:43,535 --> 00:31:45,168 in having a real job in the future. 732 00:31:45,170 --> 00:31:47,371 Absolutely not. No, right? 733 00:31:47,373 --> 00:31:49,773 What about you? 734 00:31:49,775 --> 00:31:52,142 Um, I'm an art major. 735 00:31:52,144 --> 00:31:55,245 Okay. So you definitely cannot talk any shit, 'cause... 736 00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:57,281 No, I can't. I cannot. 737 00:31:57,283 --> 00:31:58,181 ...you're never gonna make any money. 738 00:31:58,183 --> 00:32:00,183 I'm never gonna make any money, 739 00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:02,119 so don't tell my parents, but... 740 00:32:02,121 --> 00:32:03,320 When I talk to your parents tonight, 741 00:32:03,322 --> 00:32:05,155 I will not tell them about your major. 742 00:32:05,157 --> 00:32:06,757 Okay, thank you. You're welcome. 743 00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:08,191 All right, art major. 744 00:32:09,027 --> 00:32:10,961 What do you think about that? 745 00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:15,666 Um, I would say that 746 00:32:17,101 --> 00:32:20,070 it's these two beings 747 00:32:20,072 --> 00:32:22,940 leaning up against each other in perfect balance. 748 00:32:22,942 --> 00:32:25,609 If one were to fall, they would just lose each other. 749 00:32:26,577 --> 00:32:28,679 So it's just about support. 750 00:32:30,882 --> 00:32:33,483 You can't admit that it looks exactly like testicles? 751 00:32:35,253 --> 00:32:37,120 That's exactly what it looks like. 752 00:32:40,224 --> 00:32:42,893 So, is there someone who supports you? 753 00:32:42,895 --> 00:32:44,394 No, I'm just one of those people 754 00:32:44,396 --> 00:32:46,563 that really likes to spend time with myself. 755 00:32:47,665 --> 00:32:50,033 Tell me about it. 756 00:32:50,035 --> 00:32:53,370 I love to be alone. I am, like, the best at it. 757 00:32:53,372 --> 00:32:56,373 I just love when you're sitting there in a room, 758 00:32:56,375 --> 00:32:57,975 and you're just there with your thoughts, 759 00:32:57,977 --> 00:33:00,043 and you're like, oh, my gosh, I'm alone. 760 00:33:00,045 --> 00:33:01,845 Would anyone ever love me? Or whatever. 761 00:33:01,847 --> 00:33:04,614 And, like, do I know anyone who would care 762 00:33:04,616 --> 00:33:06,717 if I just ever came out of this room or not? 763 00:33:06,719 --> 00:33:08,352 Or whatever and, like... 764 00:33:08,354 --> 00:33:09,519 I don't know. It's just peaceful. I just like it. 765 00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:11,154 Yeah. 766 00:33:11,156 --> 00:33:13,090 Well, if you don't want to be alone tonight, 767 00:33:13,092 --> 00:33:14,852 we are gonna go hang out at the art building, 768 00:33:14,959 --> 00:33:16,526 if you want to come. 769 00:33:17,095 --> 00:33:18,562 Okay, okay. 770 00:33:19,731 --> 00:33:21,631 Okay. Okay. 771 00:33:28,106 --> 00:33:30,107 I expected tonight would go in a way that you wouldn't expect, 772 00:33:30,109 --> 00:33:31,508 but what I didn't expect was tonight would go 773 00:33:31,510 --> 00:33:33,443 in the exact way that you would expect. 774 00:33:33,445 --> 00:33:36,413 You know what I mean? Totally. 775 00:33:36,415 --> 00:33:38,248 So you guys hang out here a lot? 776 00:33:38,250 --> 00:33:40,717 Yeah. I mean, we're not into the whole frat party kind of stuff. 777 00:33:40,719 --> 00:33:42,452 We like to sit around, just drink some good wine 778 00:33:42,454 --> 00:33:44,454 and talk about some important stuff. 779 00:33:44,456 --> 00:33:48,558 Banging bitches and getting wasted all fucking day. 780 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,660 Those are, like, two of my favorite things to do. 781 00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:53,296 You are, like, a slightly less attractive version of... 782 00:33:53,298 --> 00:33:54,464 Picasso? Picasso. 783 00:33:54,466 --> 00:33:55,532 Right? I've been told that before. 784 00:33:55,534 --> 00:33:56,534 You read my mind. 785 00:33:58,069 --> 00:33:59,102 What? 786 00:34:18,323 --> 00:34:20,257 Oh, that's Cynthia Watson's room. 787 00:34:20,992 --> 00:34:22,526 Oh. 788 00:34:22,528 --> 00:34:26,063 It's only 2:00. I thought it was late. Do you want to come in? 789 00:34:26,065 --> 00:34:29,332 It's only 2:00? I usually go to dinner at, like, 2:00 A.M., so... 790 00:34:29,334 --> 00:34:30,834 Sure, yeah, why not? 791 00:34:34,205 --> 00:34:36,765 I'm gonna do it. I just got to get it at the right angle. 792 00:34:38,377 --> 00:34:40,277 - Dude, stop. - Stupid fucking goalpost! 793 00:34:40,279 --> 00:34:42,712 It's impossible. You can't fucking do it. 794 00:34:42,714 --> 00:34:44,848 The fans used to rush the field 795 00:34:44,850 --> 00:34:46,483 after every win and tear down the goalposts, 796 00:34:46,485 --> 00:34:49,052 and coach hated it. And so he cemented them in. 797 00:34:49,054 --> 00:34:50,454 They storm the field, and still do it, 798 00:34:50,456 --> 00:34:52,222 but they just bounce around. 799 00:34:52,224 --> 00:34:53,557 Fuck this goalpost, bro! 800 00:34:53,559 --> 00:34:54,858 You guys might want to hold on, 801 00:34:54,860 --> 00:34:57,427 'cause this shit is coming down. 802 00:35:01,532 --> 00:35:04,534 Yo, what is that? The tattoo, what's that right there? 803 00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:06,069 Oh. Oh, this? Mmm-hmm. 804 00:35:06,071 --> 00:35:09,706 It's my old high school team. The plainview red herrings. 805 00:35:09,708 --> 00:35:10,708 Look at it swim. 806 00:35:12,343 --> 00:35:14,678 Shit. What? 807 00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:16,580 Shit, that's a really outside-of-the-box 808 00:35:17,715 --> 00:35:18,715 high school mascot. 809 00:35:18,916 --> 00:35:20,383 Hold on, guys. 810 00:35:23,454 --> 00:35:25,755 Hey, why don't you come to practice today? 811 00:35:25,757 --> 00:35:27,957 I mean, you're obviously good enough to play on the team. 812 00:35:28,860 --> 00:35:30,760 Look, I'm not supposed to be here to play football. 813 00:35:30,762 --> 00:35:32,462 What? 814 00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:34,464 I'm just here to do my assignments 815 00:35:34,466 --> 00:35:36,366 and get out, that's it. 816 00:35:36,368 --> 00:35:38,768 I mean, yeah, school's important or whatever, 817 00:35:38,770 --> 00:35:41,705 but when I was throwing you those passes, 818 00:35:41,707 --> 00:35:44,227 it was like I knew where you were gonna be before you went there. 819 00:35:45,209 --> 00:35:47,344 You know, I had this, like, vision of me 820 00:35:47,346 --> 00:35:50,547 throwing bullet tds to you, dude, 821 00:35:50,549 --> 00:35:52,916 and then all these fans just started going, like... 822 00:35:54,319 --> 00:35:56,319 Zook! Mcquaid! Zook! Mcquaid! 823 00:35:56,321 --> 00:35:58,355 And they were chanting and chanting, 824 00:35:58,357 --> 00:36:00,290 and then the goalposts came down. 825 00:36:00,791 --> 00:36:02,893 Dude? 826 00:36:02,895 --> 00:36:05,829 I have had that exact vision, like, my entire life. 827 00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:09,099 Dude. Dude. 828 00:36:09,101 --> 00:36:10,800 Bro? Bro. 829 00:36:10,802 --> 00:36:12,369 Dude. Bro. 830 00:36:12,371 --> 00:36:13,371 Dude. 831 00:36:14,705 --> 00:36:16,506 Like, well, we fucking can, bro. 832 00:36:16,508 --> 00:36:17,828 All you gotta do is join the team. 833 00:36:21,412 --> 00:36:22,846 Yeah. Why not? 834 00:36:22,848 --> 00:36:24,281 Yes! 835 00:36:24,283 --> 00:36:26,449 Fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yeah, dude. 836 00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,485 What's that? 837 00:36:28,487 --> 00:36:29,452 My tattoo. 838 00:36:29,454 --> 00:36:31,254 Yeah, fuck, look. 839 00:36:31,256 --> 00:36:34,391 Look, it's me, Zook. 840 00:36:34,393 --> 00:36:37,294 Got a fucking bazooka for an arm. Know what I mean? 841 00:36:41,999 --> 00:36:43,466 Dude, I'm so fucking pumped 842 00:36:43,468 --> 00:36:45,108 you're gonna be on this fucking team, bro. 843 00:36:45,904 --> 00:36:46,904 Yep. 844 00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:53,677 What's up with it? 845 00:36:54,780 --> 00:36:55,845 How you doing? 846 00:36:55,847 --> 00:36:57,214 Hi. Good. 847 00:36:57,882 --> 00:36:59,449 How was the, um... 848 00:37:01,386 --> 00:37:02,719 How was the sex for you? 849 00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:04,955 It was fun for me. It was a good time. 850 00:37:06,190 --> 00:37:07,290 Yeah, right. 851 00:37:07,292 --> 00:37:08,225 I enjoyed it. 852 00:37:08,227 --> 00:37:09,426 Yeah. 853 00:37:10,595 --> 00:37:11,695 This is why I don't drink. 854 00:37:12,463 --> 00:37:13,496 Oh. 855 00:37:13,498 --> 00:37:15,298 Hey. How you doing? 856 00:37:15,300 --> 00:37:17,334 I'm fine. 857 00:37:17,336 --> 00:37:19,803 I mean, I'm not listening to you guys fornicate all night long. 858 00:37:19,805 --> 00:37:20,904 Thrusting and pumping. 859 00:37:20,906 --> 00:37:22,606 Okay. 860 00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:24,841 I thought your hip popped out at one point. 861 00:37:24,843 --> 00:37:26,676 I'm just saying, it's, like, all fun and games, 862 00:37:26,678 --> 00:37:28,959 and then you wake up in bed next to a 40-year-old freshman. 863 00:37:29,413 --> 00:37:31,414 I'm 19, so... 864 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:34,050 Nineteen minutes late to pinochle, 865 00:37:34,052 --> 00:37:35,652 where you're meeting your old friends in the park? 866 00:37:35,654 --> 00:37:37,420 Yeah, that's what I meant. 867 00:37:37,422 --> 00:37:38,955 Oh, my gosh, Maya, look at him. 868 00:37:38,957 --> 00:37:41,324 He's still so sharp. That's so inspiring. 869 00:37:41,326 --> 00:37:44,060 Tell us about the war, any one of them. 870 00:37:44,062 --> 00:37:46,496 You're, like, the loudest climaxer I've ever heard. 871 00:37:46,498 --> 00:37:49,666 It was, like, the sound of, like, a 30-year-old sprinkler 872 00:37:49,668 --> 00:37:52,068 finally going off for the first time. 873 00:37:52,070 --> 00:37:56,439 Okay, well, so lovely talking with you. 874 00:37:56,441 --> 00:37:57,907 You're a lovely person. Hmm. 875 00:37:58,943 --> 00:38:00,810 Nice to meet you. 876 00:38:00,812 --> 00:38:02,812 Oh, my God. 877 00:38:02,814 --> 00:38:04,514 She seems nice. 878 00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:05,949 She's horrible. 879 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:08,318 God. 880 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,020 She was Cynthia's roommate, 881 00:38:10,022 --> 00:38:11,454 and I felt bad for her, so I told her I would room with her. 882 00:38:12,056 --> 00:38:13,056 So... 883 00:38:15,493 --> 00:38:17,394 So you probably have a bunch of stuff 884 00:38:17,396 --> 00:38:18,436 that you have to do today. 885 00:38:19,130 --> 00:38:20,297 Right? No. 886 00:38:20,299 --> 00:38:22,532 Oh. Okay. 887 00:38:22,534 --> 00:38:23,933 Look, I just want you to know 888 00:38:23,935 --> 00:38:27,470 I'm not, like, a hit it and quit it type of fella. 889 00:38:27,472 --> 00:38:29,105 I'm, like, a hit it, 890 00:38:29,107 --> 00:38:33,176 continue to hit it both physically and emotionally kind of guy, so... 891 00:38:33,178 --> 00:38:35,418 Hey, Doug, you're not gonna be weird about this, are you? 892 00:38:35,980 --> 00:38:37,447 No. 893 00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:38,815 I mean, you're cool with just hooking up? 894 00:38:38,817 --> 00:38:41,818 Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I'm glad you said something. 895 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:43,253 'Cause I don't even know if I like you when I'm sober. 896 00:38:43,255 --> 00:38:44,521 No, I know, and it's like, 897 00:38:44,523 --> 00:38:46,256 that doesn't even hurt, like, at all. 898 00:38:46,258 --> 00:38:48,992 Okay, so, um... 899 00:38:48,994 --> 00:38:51,494 I'm gonna... I'm gonna split. I'll text you later. 900 00:38:52,630 --> 00:38:55,999 Great, that was great sex. You're good at it. 901 00:38:56,001 --> 00:38:57,400 And I'll text you, three to five minutes or something? 902 00:38:57,402 --> 00:38:58,402 All right. 903 00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:19,723 What the fuck is this? 904 00:39:21,092 --> 00:39:23,226 This is bullshit. 905 00:39:23,228 --> 00:39:25,362 Are you two fucking around at school again? 906 00:39:25,364 --> 00:39:26,830 Hey, we got to pay for this shit. 907 00:39:26,832 --> 00:39:28,631 We need results! No, no, no. 908 00:39:28,633 --> 00:39:31,234 Look, we are looking aggressively 909 00:39:31,236 --> 00:39:33,103 for this very specific tattoo. 910 00:39:33,105 --> 00:39:34,704 Or the tattoo could just be a dead end. 911 00:39:35,573 --> 00:39:37,774 What the fuck? It's the same case! 912 00:39:38,509 --> 00:39:40,510 Do the same thing. 913 00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:42,979 Well, it's not exactly the same case, 'cause 914 00:39:44,148 --> 00:39:45,382 one of us got laid last night. 915 00:39:46,016 --> 00:39:47,016 Schmidt? 916 00:39:47,018 --> 00:39:48,284 Shh. 917 00:39:48,286 --> 00:39:50,186 Don't wake up my dick. 918 00:39:50,188 --> 00:39:51,988 Flew in on the red-eye, hasn't gotten a wink of sleep. 919 00:39:51,990 --> 00:39:53,289 Damn. 920 00:39:53,291 --> 00:39:54,791 We're talking missionary. 921 00:39:54,793 --> 00:39:57,327 We're talking missionary. 922 00:39:57,329 --> 00:40:00,397 We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back. 923 00:40:02,133 --> 00:40:04,200 She's smart, she's an art major. 924 00:40:04,202 --> 00:40:06,836 She can't be that smart. She's a fucking art major. 925 00:40:06,838 --> 00:40:08,304 Come on. 926 00:40:08,306 --> 00:40:09,839 I will give you some daps, Schmidt. 927 00:40:09,841 --> 00:40:10,840 Give me some motherfucking daps, man! 928 00:40:10,842 --> 00:40:12,075 Come on, give me some. 929 00:40:12,077 --> 00:40:13,910 Give me some. Come on! 930 00:40:13,912 --> 00:40:16,813 My human sexuality class is blowing my mind. 931 00:40:16,815 --> 00:40:18,581 Did you know I used gay slurs in high school? 932 00:40:18,583 --> 00:40:20,683 Yes, directed at me. 933 00:40:20,685 --> 00:40:24,020 Dude, I am so sorry for being a homophone. 934 00:40:24,022 --> 00:40:26,356 Are we gonna talk about how weird you were today with Dickson? 935 00:40:26,358 --> 00:40:29,192 Look, I don't think the tattoo means what you think it means. 936 00:40:29,194 --> 00:40:31,428 I mean, for all we know, a lot of people could have that tattoo. 937 00:40:31,430 --> 00:40:34,931 This tattoo? This absurdly specific tattoo? 938 00:40:34,933 --> 00:40:36,293 Name one other person who has this. 939 00:40:37,401 --> 00:40:39,602 For starters, Zook has it. 940 00:40:39,604 --> 00:40:41,037 Zook has the tattoo? 941 00:40:41,039 --> 00:40:46,242 What the fuck? We've been looking for this tattoo for days! 942 00:40:46,244 --> 00:40:47,977 Do you understand this means Zook is the dealer? 943 00:40:47,979 --> 00:40:49,646 I really want you guys to hang out. 944 00:40:49,648 --> 00:40:52,782 We have hung out. He's completely ignored me. 945 00:40:52,784 --> 00:40:55,585 I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to investigate your new bff. 946 00:40:55,587 --> 00:40:57,153 We're gonna put cameras everywhere, 947 00:40:57,155 --> 00:40:58,888 and we're gonna monitor the fuck out of what he's doing. 948 00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:00,223 We can't just walk into zeta house 949 00:41:00,225 --> 00:41:02,525 and just put up a bunch of fucking cameras, okay? 950 00:41:02,527 --> 00:41:04,260 There's dudes there everywhere. 951 00:41:04,262 --> 00:41:06,029 All right, your plan is stupid. I'm sorry. 952 00:41:06,031 --> 00:41:08,498 My plan is stupid? That's interesting. What... okay. 953 00:41:08,500 --> 00:41:09,833 I'm, like, basically done 954 00:41:09,835 --> 00:41:11,434 fucking watching your shit all the fucking time. 955 00:41:11,436 --> 00:41:12,702 Okay, yeah, exactly. I'm the fucking stupid one. Yeah. 956 00:41:12,704 --> 00:41:14,037 Oh, that's really fucking stupid. 957 00:41:14,039 --> 00:41:16,206 Man, it must be hard being so different. 958 00:41:16,208 --> 00:41:19,442 We're exactly the same. It makes everything so much easier. 959 00:41:19,444 --> 00:41:21,945 Guys, can you just give us some space? 960 00:41:21,947 --> 00:41:23,046 We're really trying to figure something out, 961 00:41:23,048 --> 00:41:24,280 and we need to focus, okay? 962 00:41:24,282 --> 00:41:26,316 You're not gonna have trouble focusing, man. 963 00:41:26,318 --> 00:41:29,452 Yeah, man, those krispie trea53,6r6y, you shoul65How w less at you th,542784 --, my8584 7 gonna haep, tho less ai6y