(THEME SONG PLAYING)
(SINGING) Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit Wander Over Yonder!
Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit Wander Over Yonder!
Wander! Wander! Over! Over!
Yonder! Yonder! Wander! Yonder!
Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit Wander Over Yonder!
Wander! Wander! Over! Over!
Yonder! Yonder! Wander! Yonder!
Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit Wander Over Yonder!
(LORD HATER LAUGHS)
Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit Wander Over Yonder!
Wander! Wander! Over! Over!
Yonder! Yonder! Wander! Yonder!
Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit Wander Over Yonder!
Do-do-do-do-do
NARRATOR: Ancient prophecy foretold that the beloved Princess Demurra,
would be kidnapped by King Draykor the evil Dragon King
who, hungry for power, stole her away to his labyrinth of delusion.
And now, only one hero can rescue her.
Her one true love.
And once he saves her,
they will live happily ever after.
And use their compatible features to produce many attractive offspring
who will also live happily ever after.
And I,
Sir Brad Starlight am...
Now, Draykor plans to wed Demurra at sundown.
I beseech you, kind travelers, will you help me save her
so we may live happily ever after?
Are you kidding?
Save a princess? I've always wanted to save a princess!
-Let's go save a princess. -(THUDS)
Whoa, there, my furry fellow.
I like your enthusiasm, but remember,
I'm the hero here.
You're my goofy sidekick.
Who trapes, japes, gapes
and of course, sings my theme song.
And my noble steed.
Who trudges, drudges, begrudges,
-and generally does all the heavy lifting. -(MOSQUITO BUZZING)
Whoa, nuh-uh!
I don't just let anybody hop in this saddle
(GROWLING)
Sylvia, come on.
A princess is in danger.
(SIGHS WEARILY) Okay, fine.
But only 'cause we're helpin' a sister out.
Hyah! Onward, noble steed!
Princess rescue!
(WHOOPING)
WANDER: (SINGING) I sing the tale of Brad Starlight
A worthy, brave, and daring knight
He helped a crone to cross the street
BRAD: Now more dangerous!
WANDER: (SINGING) Though it was lava 'neath his feet
BRAD: Put in that I fought a bear, so they know how strong I am.
He wrestled large and scary bears
And come on, old crone?
Yuck! Make it a pretty lady!
All to help a maiden fair
(CHUCKLES) Yes.
She totally wants to smooch me.
Then his sidekick, brave and true...
Whoa! Silence, silly sidekick.
We're here.
The Labyrinth of Delusion.
-(THUNDERCLAP) -(WOLVES HOWLING)
(SQUEALS) Don't worry, princess, we'll save you.
Uh, the prophecy says that the hero always leads the way?
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, of course.
After you, Sir Starlight.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(BRAD CHUCKLING)
BRAD: You poor silly, stupid sidekick,
that way is clearly a trap!
This is the correct path!
(EAGLE CRYING)
Are you flarpin' serious?
Easy, girl.
I know the danger spooks dumb beasts like you.
You have no idea what you're doing, do you?
Whoo, tasty carrot.
(SIGHS WEARILY) Wander, keep an eye on this fool.
(BRAD LAUGHS)
That a girl.
Onward, sidekick
Oh, and try and throw in some pratfalls and silly catchphrases if you can, okay?
WANDER: Copy that
Whoop-a-deedy-doo!
-(THUDS) -Splat!
Careful, sidekick.
A gauntlet of traps most fearsome awaits us.
A weakling like you cannot hope to withstand it.
Truly, it'll take one with big hero-ey muscles such as myself,
to make it through this alive.
We're coming, princess!
(LASER WHIZZING)
Ah, clearly, this is just a warm-up challenge.
Okay, here we go.
Excelsior!
(THUDS)
-(GRUNTS) -(SIZZLING)
(SKIDS)
WANDER: That's it, Sir Starlight!
You're almost through! A-whoop-a-deedy-doo!
(SLURPING)
What? I don't... How?
Oh, Sylvia?
She took the other path.
Turns out it was quite pleasant!
There was even a lemonade stand.
Let's see ya get outta this one, champ.
But don't worry, it's a pattern.
So all ya gotta do is...
No, no!
The hero does not need the sidekick's help.
(THUDS)
Now, clearly it's some sort of pattern.
BRAD: Ow! (SCREAMS)
-(BLADES CLANGING) -Sharp, sharp, sharp, sharp!
(THUDS)
-(EXPLOSION) -(CREATURE GROWLS)
-Nice griffin. -(BITES)
-Ow! -(LASERS FIRING)
(SIZZLING)
-(GROWLING) -(SCREAMS)
(YELPS) The griffin has my cape! The griffin has my cape!
(THUDS)
Get off.
My sword!
Your sidekick tomfoolery has cost me my sword.
The prophecy specifically states the hero has a mighty sword.
WANDER: Is this mighty enough?
(BRAD GASPS)
The Sword of Destiny.
Forged in the fires of a collapsing star,
the Andromeda lords themselves crafted it,
so that only the most noble, the most daring,
-the most truly righteous hero could... -(SLINGS)
Wha?
But the hero is supposed to...
Uh, put it back, put it back. put it back!
Oh, sorry.
Don't know my own strength.
Ugh, come on.
It's like you haven't even read the prophecy.
-(DRUM ROLL) -(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
(EXHALES, GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
(STRAINING)
(PANTING)
(GRUMBLES)
(SCREAMS)
(STRAINING)
-Ain't happening, pretty boy. -(GRUNTING)
(INHALES)
Don't!
(SPITS)
(CRACKS NECK)
(GRUNTING)
(STATIC BUZZ)
It's better this way.
Now come on, stop dilly-dallying, we're gonna be late.
SYLVIA: (GRUNTS) Helping a sister out, helping a sister out.
(WOLF HOWLING)
(THUNDERCLAP)
(SCARY MUSIC PLAYING)
BRAD: The day's end may be nigh, Princess Demurra.
(CRASHES)
But fear not, no barrier can keep my love from you.
I shall smash the...
Oh, come on, are you serious?
It was unlocked.
I don't care.
I need to make a dramatic entrance.
Close it.
(CREAKS, THUDS)
(LAUGHS) No door is strong enough to keep me from you, my love.
(ALL GROWLING)
(YELPS)
For the Princess!
Wait! Just a... Come on, this is my...
I wanted to...
Stop!
All I wanna do, is save my one true love,
and have everyone know how great a hero I am.
Just like the prophecy says.
And you're ruining it, you're ruining it, you're ruining it!
Why can't you get it?
Sidekick, Steed, Hero...
Prisoner.
(TOCCATA AND FUGUE IN D MINOR PLAYING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(GROWLING)
So, these are the heroes who come to steal my bride?
Well, you're too late, Sir Starlight
Soon, the sun will set, and Princess Demurra will be...
PRINCESS DEMURRA: (GASPS) Beloved!
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
She's beautiful.
And pink.
Ugh...
Demurra. It is I, Brad Starlight.
Silence, cur!
-(SHUSHES) It's all right. -(PURRS)
There's no need to shout, beloved, it's fine.
I'm so sorry, honey.
You know I... (SNIFFS)
I just want this day to be perfect for you.
-You know? (PURRS) -Oh, and it will be, Drake.
As long as we're together.
Oh... (GRUNTS) You're pooky.
Seriously, Bradley? This again?
I'm sorry, did he drag you two along on some crazy rescue mission?
(CLAPS)
It's not a crazy mission.
The prophecy foretold.
"Prophecy"? You mean, like, your diary from when we were what, 15?
(SIGHS WEARILY)
Look, Brad. I know this is hard.
But, things don't always work out the way you want.
Life isn't a fairy tale.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Come on, we can just be friends, right?
No!
(GRUNTS)
The princess will be mine.
The prophecy will be fulfilled.
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Demurra, my love.
(EXCLAIMS) We gotta save her.
You. What should we do?
Yes, you.
Only one brave enough to conquer the insane Labyrinth we set up to stop
Bradley is heroic enough to help save Demurra, right?
I've always wanted to save a princess.
Okay, guys. New bad guy, new plan.
We are going to need everybody's individual talents to pull this off.
-ALL: Yeah. -We're all gonna have to work together
-as a team. -ALL: Yeah!
Today... we're all gonna be heroes.
ALL: Yeah
(CROWD CHEERING)
We're all collectively coming to save you, princess.
(BRAKES SCREECH)
Guys, it's fine. I handled it myself.
Like I said, this isn't a fairy tale.
-(WHOOPS) -(ALL CHEERING)
(SIGHS IN RELIEF) That's why I love her.
(CHURCH BELLS RINGING)
(WEDDING MARCH MUSIC PLAYING)
And they lived happily ever after.
Well, that's the plan, but real relationships take a lot of work.
However, if we listen, communicate, and are sensitive to each other's needs.
Happily ever after.
We kinda sorta saved a princess.
-(WHOOPING) -(ALL CHEERING)
(HORN BLOWING)
Happy birthday, Lord Hater.
So, me and the guys all chipped in and got you a little something.
Can ya guess what it is?
Is it a Doom Arena?
It's a Doom Arena!
(SINGING) Doom Arena!
LORD HATER: Meh.
(GIGGLES) I thought you'd might say that.
But don't you worry, because our next gift is sure to put a smile on your face.
May I present to you...
Your most despised enemies...
Wander and Sylvia
(WATCHDOGS BOOING)
WATCHDOG: I hate those guys.
See, Sylvia? I told you it was a real party.
(GASPS) Oh, look. It's Mr. Peepers.
Mr. Peepers
Thank you for the invitation to the birthday party
And you thought it was a trap.
Yes. Best! Birthday! Ever!
Not only do I get to watch the destruction,
of my most despised enemy,
I get to see him cower before me,
to see that goofy grin, replaced with pure fear.
-Yes! -(THUNDERCLAP)
(WANDER LAUGHS)
(GRUNTS) Peepers.
There is a distinct, lack of cowering in my Doom Arena.
That is contrary, to the purpose of the Doom Arena!
Wander, we've got to get outta here!
Oh, come on, Sylvia.
The party's not that bad.
Although it is poorly decorated.
And not very well attended.
(GASPS) And worst of all,
(WHISPERS) the birthday boy does not appear to be enjoying the festivities.
Sylvia, we have to stay in order to see that Hater has fun
on his most special of special days,
it's up to us, to see that sad ol' scowl, replaced with a big ol' smile.
(EXHALES) Thunder noise.
(GROANS)
Don't worry, sir.
-One groveling do-gooder coming right up. -(BEEPING)
Yeah. Get him! (CHEERS)
Finally, some more party guests.
But what are they gonna do for fun?
Crush us into a fine paste?
Ooh! Sylvia, I have a sure fire plan to put a smile on Hater's face
All you need to do is make sure those gladiators can't see anything.
With pleasure.
Ladies, shall we?
(YELLS)
My eye! My only eye!
(HUMMING)
-(THUDS) -(GROANS)
-(HUMMING)
(WHIMPERING)
I really wish I had a second eye!
Put some glue, more glue, oh.
Glitter, definitely some glitter. Hater loves glitter!
(ALL GROANING)
Finished.
Now, who wants to show Hater a good time, by bashing his face in?
Hey, the party's over here, you optic nerds.
(ALL CLAMORING)
WATCHDOG GLADIATOR: Take that, Wander
(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
(ALL GASP)
(WHOOPS) Candy!
(ALL CHEERING)
Peepers, Wander still appears to be enjoying himself.
Now at the expense of my face.
Don't worry, sir, we have plenty of terrifying traps left.
Hmm, let's see, meat tenderizer, flamethrowers, flying tiger...
-(GRUNTS) Hurry up, already. -(BEEPS)
Sylvia, Hater is still not enjoying himself.
The corners of his mouth are still pointing south!
We gotta spin that grim into a grin.
(WHIRRING)
WANDER: Spin the Bottle?
Hater, you sassy man.
You do wanna get this party started.
(STRAINING)
(SIGHS) Little help?
Hi-ya!
(WATCHDOGS WHIMPERING)
(KISSING)
(IN SING-SONG VOICE) Who's it gonna be?
I'm so excited.
(ALL GROAN)
(CHUCKLES)
(YELPS)
Hater! I was hoping' you'd win.
Now, pucker up, and let's see that smile.
(LASER BLAST)
(ALL GASP)
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
Oh, man, did you see the look on Hater's face?
I know! Isn't that awful?
At this rate, we're never gonna get a smile out of that guy.
Sir, I know this party isn't going as, uh, perfectly as you'd like...
so may I recommend the big red button in the upper right corner?
(WHIRRING)
(GRUNTS)
(CROWD CHEERING)
(GROWLS)
Stand back, Wander. This fella ain't no party game.
(GRUNTS)
(GROWLS)
(YELLING)
(GRUNTS)
(DISTANT SCREAM)
(LAUGHS)
Hey, Wander. Your precious protector Sylvia is gone.
How you feeling, scared?
(GROWLS)
Yes, here comes the fear.
(GROWLS)
Any... moment... now...
(SNIFFS, WHINES)
(EXCLAIMS)
(WANDER LAUGHS)
Who's a hungry boy? Who's a hungry boy?
WANDER: (CHUCKLES) That's right, it's you.
-(CREATURE WHINES) -Yes, it is. Yes, it is
WANDER: Happiness is a happy puppy, right, Hater?
(ALL LAUGHING)
-ALL: Boo! -I disapprove of this turn of events.
-Oh, sir, come on. -Grr!
Don't let Wander ruin this party for you.
What if we have him quietly vaporized out back, then do cake?
Will that make ya happy?
No! I want it to be perfect.
All I wanted for my birthday
was to see my most hated enemy cower in fear, before his untimely doom.
Is that so much to ask?
-Oh. -Party's over.
(SCREAMS)
(GROANS)
(BEEPING)
(ALARM BLARING)
Apparently, this pathetic "Doom Arena" couldn't even terrify a trembling toddler!
I guess I'm just gonna have to do it my...
Self?
(WHIRRING)
(SCREAMS)
(WHIMPERING)
(LORD HATER SCREAMING)
(LASER FIRING)
(CHUCKLES) Here we go.
Hater, look at all this stuff, we're gonna have so much fun,
and you're gonna be so happy.
(SINGING) Doom Arena!
Limbo!
(SINGING) Doom Arena!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
-Hot Potato. -(BEEPING)
(YELPS)
(SINGING) Doom Arena!
(CROWD CHEERING)
Yeah! Whoo, whoo, whoo!
-(BUBBLING) -Musical Chairs.
(LORD HATER YELPING)
(EXPLOSION)
-(LORD HATER SCREAMS) -(CRASHES)
Race you to the finish.
(CLANGING, WHIRRING)
(GRUNTING)
Aw, the birthday boy should win at least one.
(GASPS)
(WHIRRING)
-(GASPS) -(CLANGS)
(GROWLING)
Let me get that for you.
Wha... how did... did you... what, how...
Did you see my Doom Arena?
You should be totally afraid.
Oh, Hater, I am afraid.
I'm afraid you aren't enjoying your birthday party.
I got it.
I know what will save this party,
and finally put a smile on your face.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) Oh, it's your happy birthday
Here's your happy birthday song
And on your happy birthday
Nothing can go wrong
I can tell that you're all grumpy 'Cause you've been around a while
Just because you're old and frumpy Doesn't mean you shouldn't smile
Because...
It's your happy birthday
Here's your happy birthday song
And your birthday best be happy
'Cause you won't be around for long!
So, try not to be so sad
About your impending doom
Someday, we'll light birthday candles On your frigid tomb
Oh, It's your happy birthday
Here's your happy birthday song
And your birthday won't be happy
Till you all sing along!
Everybody!
ALL: (SINGING) Oh, It's your happy birthday
Here's your happy birthday song
Just the pit monster!
(SINGING INDISTINCTLY)
(GROWLS)
ALL: I can tell that you're all grumpy 'Cause you've been around for a while
Just because you're old and frumpy
BOTH: Doesn't mean you shouldn't...
What's that I see? Oh...
BOTH: (SINGING) Smile!
(CROWD CHEERING)
WANDER: (DISTANTLY) Happy birthday, Hater.
(WHISTLING)
(GROWLS)
(SNIFFS)
(CHEWING)
(YELPING)
ALL: Aw.
(THUMP)
(LORD HATER YELPING)