1 00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,569 Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's "The Eric Andre Show"! 2 00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:06,138 [ Screaming ] [ Buzzer sounds ] 3 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:12,511 ♪♪ 4 00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:15,547 [ Screaming ] 5 00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,616 [ High-pitched screaming ] 6 00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:18,650 [ Bell dings ] 7 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,688 Aah! 8 00:00:23,723 --> 00:00:25,424 [ Screaming ] 9 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:31,129 ♪♪ 10 00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:32,597 [ Chainsaws buzzing ] 11 00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:36,301 [ Screaming ] 12 00:00:36,336 --> 00:00:37,602 I don't know who did this to me, 13 00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:39,771 but I can't stop killing! 14 00:00:39,806 --> 00:00:41,406 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 15 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:45,010 [ Screaming ] 16 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,445 What the [bleep]? Stop, man. 17 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:49,648 What the hell is wrong with you? 18 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,450 Oh! 19 00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,086 [ Breathing heavily ] 20 00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,827 [ Audience cheers ] 21 00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,162 [ Grunting ] 22 00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,533 Yes. [ Noisemaker sounds ] 23 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,769 Ahh. Okay. 24 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,304 I was thinking the other day, 25 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:16,174 "Don't you wish Bono got killed by a tree skiing 26 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,576 instead of Sonny 'Bon-o'?" 27 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:20,745 Then the streets would have no name. 28 00:01:20,780 --> 00:01:23,582 [ Light applause and laughter ] 29 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:25,484 Oh, man. 30 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,418 Ha. 31 00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:28,887 [ Light laughter and booing ] 32 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:33,058 Sorry, I'm getting political on y'all, okay? 33 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,359 Brexit. 34 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:37,062 ♪♪ 35 00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:44,569 Hello! Oh, my God! 36 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:45,804 I'm the Bench Mensch! 37 00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:48,306 ♪♪ 38 00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:50,041 Aah! 39 00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,910 Don't take the stairs. Take the bench. 40 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,713 Today's goal -- helping a friend move. 41 00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:55,747 [ Giggles ] 42 00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:56,915 I can help you move these boxes. 43 00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,083 I didn't mean to startle you. 44 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,050 [ Glass breaks ] Oh! 45 00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:00,685 Sorry! Butterfingers! 46 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,320 I'm the bench -- Oh, sorry. 47 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:05,524 This is fragile. I'm the Bench Mensch! 48 00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:06,691 I'm a bit of a klutz. 49 00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:07,626 I think we're all good. 50 00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:08,894 I just need -- You want a Reuben? 51 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,195 I am all good on a Reuben right now. 52 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,363 What's wrong? You vegan? 53 00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,397 [ Glass breaks ] Oh, geez. 54 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:13,698 Sorry, we just got to watch this stuff. 55 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,367 Sorry. This is super fragile. 56 00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:16,535 [ Glass breaking ] No, no, no, no, no. 57 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,670 [ Theme music plays ] 58 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,172 Hello! Oh, shit. 59 00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,706 [ Theme music plays ] 60 00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:24,276 He keeps saying, "I can help you. I'm the Bench Mensch." 61 00:02:24,311 --> 00:02:26,144 Dude, kick me, not the boxes. 62 00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:29,281 [ Theme music playing ] 63 00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:34,119 Uh, the next guest is Omarion. 64 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,388 Please come out, Omarion. 65 00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:38,957 ♪ We can tell ♪ Yeah! 66 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,358 ♪ We used to date ♪ 67 00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:42,627 ♪ We can try, we can try ♪ 68 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:45,163 ♪ We can try to forget ♪ 69 00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:47,432 [ Speaking indistinctly ] 70 00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:48,934 You look like you can defuse a bomb. 71 00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:51,269 Omarion, you are great. 72 00:02:51,304 --> 00:02:52,771 What's happening? How you doing, man? 73 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:55,574 Thank you for your "You Got Serviced," my friend. Okay. 74 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,508 Ha ha! At ease. 75 00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:57,209 Well appreciated. 76 00:02:57,244 --> 00:02:58,777 [ Both laugh ] 77 00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:00,979 God bless you. When is the last time you got served? 78 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,616 [ Groaning ] 79 00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:06,585 You good? 80 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,953 My G. 81 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,388 She dead? 82 00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:12,023 Whew! Who? 83 00:03:12,058 --> 00:03:13,225 She dead? 84 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:15,126 What? 85 00:03:15,161 --> 00:03:16,561 I know. Yeah, I know. 86 00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:18,530 I didn't see nothing. 87 00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,799 Who are we talking about? 88 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:21,866 Unh. 89 00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:27,339 Omarion, so you are so appreciated. 90 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,241 [ Cheers and applause ] 91 00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,109 And you were the bad guy in the Fat Albert movie. 92 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,277 Yes. I was. 93 00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:33,979 How did Bill Cosby get the pills 94 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,647 in the drinks with that fat suit on? 95 00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:38,283 Was his fingers like, "Oh, Theo, you know," 96 00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:40,352 just mumbling around? 97 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,753 [ Chuckling ] 98 00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,222 How did he do it? 99 00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:53,632 I'm not sure. 100 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,833 Man: Yeah! 101 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,035 [ Cheers and applause ] 102 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,136 I'm not sure. 103 00:03:58,171 --> 00:03:59,337 You want some sushi? 104 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:02,341 Can we have some sushi for our guest, please? 105 00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,545 I can get -- You want sushi? 106 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:08,880 I actually want... Or you want some chili? 107 00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,148 I want to see... Can we have some chili? 108 00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,616 [ Cheering ] 109 00:04:11,651 --> 00:04:13,551 What the [bleep] is that? 110 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:16,655 My G. My G... 111 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,523 It's George Clooney from "Ocean's Eleven." 112 00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:20,759 Oh, hell no, bro. 113 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,961 You got to chill out with this. 114 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,629 My own tequila. 115 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,498 Oh, you wildin', fam! 116 00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:31,569 Oh, my man! What are you... 117 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:34,105 ♪♪ 118 00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,341 [ Up-tempo music plays ] 119 00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:42,013 Dude, what are you up to? You surveying the land? 120 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:43,081 [ Laughs ] 121 00:04:44,884 --> 00:04:47,252 Survey says, "It's time for cerveza." 122 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,622 ♪ Time to hang with a land surveyor ♪ 123 00:04:50,657 --> 00:04:52,991 ♪ Time to bro out with a land surveyor ♪ 124 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,659 Bro, I'm just another god in the quad 125 00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,362 looking for a warm bod to watch Chuck Todd. 126 00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,530 You got to "Meet the Press," 127 00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,932 then you got to press the meat, baby boy. 128 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,233 What does that button do? No, no, no, no! 129 00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,501 What the [bleep] you doing, bro? 130 00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:04,836 Don't be touching the shit, man. 131 00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:05,870 Need a ranch hand? 132 00:05:05,905 --> 00:05:08,807 Hey, cowboy. Need a ranch hand? 133 00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:12,177 [ Heavy metal music plays ] 134 00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:14,946 I got it. Are we good right there? 135 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,482 You want the Wi-Fi password? Would that help? 136 00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:18,717 I think we got off on the wrong foot, man. 137 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,951 Oh, no, no, no. Don't touch it, man. Oh, shit. 138 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,486 Come on, man! I'm sorry, dude. 139 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:23,088 Gonna call the [bleep] cops! Leave me alone! 140 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:23,855 Dude, I'm -- No, look. 141 00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:26,157 You want to hit this lava lamp? 142 00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:28,326 [ Siren wails ] 143 00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:29,728 Dude! Right dude here! 144 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:33,131 ♪ Praise the Lord with a beautiful song ♪ 145 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,966 Dude. Let me calibrate it. Stop! 146 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,935 Stop! Listen, stop, bro! 147 00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,804 He's wearing just a G-string. 148 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,943 ♪♪ 149 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,010 And we're back with Omarion. 150 00:05:46,045 --> 00:05:48,413 What's this? The Cup Man? 151 00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:50,248 Wow. 152 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:54,853 Oh, man. 153 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,921 You got an album out called... 154 00:05:56,956 --> 00:06:00,192 You got a much long-awaited album called... 155 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,160 [ Grunting ] 156 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,762 Aah! Get off me! 157 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,397 [ Laughing ] 158 00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,037 [Bleep] you, bitch! 159 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,640 I mean, that was [bleep] powerful. 160 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:18,009 I don't even hang out under these circumstances, man. 161 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,444 Everybody has a penis. 162 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,813 ♪♪ 163 00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,283 [ Man screaming ] 164 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:27,452 [ Thud ] [ People gasp ] 165 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:31,189 [ Groans ] Help me. Help. 166 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:32,123 Are you okay? 167 00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,258 I fell down. 168 00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:36,761 And I got to finish, or my boss will kill me. 169 00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,264 Yo, yo. 170 00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,632 Have a seat. Don't touch me. 171 00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,000 Nothing gives you that right. 172 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:43,001 [ Explosion ] 173 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,136 I got to get in my hours. 174 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,872 I have to keep working. 175 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,777 My friend got sleepy. 176 00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,248 He's cold. 177 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,249 You can leave him alone. 178 00:06:58,284 --> 00:06:59,250 He's just sleepy. 179 00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:01,086 I hate that guy. 180 00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:03,288 Can you hear me? 181 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,757 We'll shower. 182 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,326 He tried to sleep my wife. 183 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,795 ♪♪ 184 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:15,700 ♪ Ohhhh ♪ 185 00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:18,236 Ladies and gentlemen, celebrity psychic Tyler Henry. 186 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,505 [ Applause ] 187 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,440 ♪♪ 188 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,576 [ Woman screams ] 189 00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:29,781 Oh, God, man. I'm really worn down. 190 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:30,915 I feel you. 191 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,017 ♪ Where the streets have no name ♪ 192 00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:36,521 That dickhead forced his crappy album onto my iPod. 193 00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:39,290 Did he? Can you predict him to die soon? 194 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,525 [ Laughs ] 195 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,228 [ Cheers and applause ] 196 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:52,971 What do you do for, uh... 197 00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,175 ...you know, fun? 198 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,277 I don't know. Paint? 199 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,145 You want to help us workshop some new characters? 200 00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,480 Sure. Let's bring them out. 201 00:08:02,515 --> 00:08:04,616 Hey, this is Mohammed Otter. 202 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,918 [ Ululating ] 203 00:08:06,953 --> 00:08:08,887 [ Blade plunges ] A sea-animal hijacker. 204 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:12,357 Oh, this is Jewbacca. 205 00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,692 [ Growling softly ] 206 00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,561 [ Light applause ] 207 00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:19,597 Jackson Polyps next. 208 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,698 Hey, Jackson. 209 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:23,335 [ Farting ] [ Jazz music playing ] 210 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:30,909 And then we have N-Word Scissorhands. 211 00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,512 Hey, hey, hey. What's up? Y'all niggas want a fade? 212 00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:35,914 And I have no comment. 213 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,216 Okay. Thank you, guys. 214 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,385 Hey, can you talk to the dead? 215 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,620 I can. Can you make me a believer? 216 00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:44,022 I can't make you a believer. 217 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,623 No, not in two minutes. [ Grunting ] 218 00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:47,825 What do you mean? I'm not a skeptic. 219 00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,193 Well, then you're a believer. 220 00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:50,261 [ Both laugh ] 221 00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,496 Oh, shit. Oh, shit! 222 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,231 All right. That's coffee for you. 223 00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:55,100 [ Band laughing ] 224 00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:04,275 Paper straws are behind us. 225 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:06,377 There you go, right? Who needs them? 226 00:09:06,412 --> 00:09:09,013 I'm, like, consistently... 227 00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:10,615 You know what I mean? Yeah. 228 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,584 Do people think you're Macaulay Culkin? They do. 229 00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,652 I feel like I'm better looking than Macaulay Culkin. 230 00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:17,322 Ohhh! I will put that out there. 231 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,490 Shots fired. 232 00:09:19,525 --> 00:09:21,860 [ Chainsaw buzzing ] [ Surf rock music playing ] 233 00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:25,463 ♪♪ 234 00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,632 [ Gunfire ] 235 00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:30,735 [ Siren wailing ] 236 00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,339 Hey, how you doing, man? 237 00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:35,974 Um... Repair? 238 00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:39,911 I-I need you to erase the footage on this body cam. 239 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:41,212 I'm in kind of, like, a bad situation. 240 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,614 I don't even know how to do that. 241 00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:45,583 Really? Maybe these magnets will help me futz with it or... 242 00:09:45,618 --> 00:09:46,551 Oh, shit. 243 00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,188 Woman on radio: Shots fired. Officer down. Shit. 244 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,489 Second officer has fled the scene. 245 00:09:51,524 --> 00:09:53,191 Officer Andre, prime suspect. Shit. 246 00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,125 He is considered armed... 247 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,193 Whatever you have to do... 248 00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,394 We're both in this now, man. 249 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,196 Look, I know you can help me. Look, look, look. 250 00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,764 Take this money, man. It's all yours. 251 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,869 It's liquid. You can invest it in a high-interest CD 252 00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:05,837 and watch your money grow. 253 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,538 I don't even know how to do that. 254 00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:08,573 Trade clothes with me, man. 255 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,274 I can't do that, boss. 256 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,010 Nelson, you're the cop now, okay? No. I can't do it. 257 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,678 You're the cop. I'm Nelson, huh? 258 00:10:15,348 --> 00:10:17,115 You're Officer -- Can we trade clothes? 259 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:17,882 No. 260 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,584 My chief, she's hot, man. 261 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,985 And if she sees this death footage, 262 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,120 she's going to withhold sex from me. 263 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,721 Do you understand? 264 00:10:23,756 --> 00:10:25,723 ♪♪ 265 00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,792 Freeze! What the [bleep]? 266 00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:32,030 I smell a crime cooking, and you're the chef. 267 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,898 What are y'all doing here? 268 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:36,100 [ Farts ] 269 00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,002 Yeah. You're on "Fart 'Splosion." 270 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:40,304 It's a show about, like -- Have you ever farted before? 271 00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:42,440 Of course I've farted. Who the [bleep] don't fart? 272 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,208 My man. [ Fart ] 273 00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:47,012 Ladies and gentlemen, Machine Gun Kelly. 274 00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:49,847 Oh, hell no. 275 00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:51,683 Andre: Now it's time for Machine Bug Kelly. 276 00:10:51,718 --> 00:10:53,518 What the f... [ Rapping ] ♪ I don't like flies ♪ 277 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,219 ♪ I don't like bugs ♪ 278 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:58,056 Now it's time for Stun Gun Kelly. 279 00:10:58,091 --> 00:10:58,956 [ Zapping ] 280 00:10:58,991 --> 00:10:59,857 Do it. Do it. 281 00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:00,692 Ooh. ♪ Keep rapping ♪ 282 00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:01,826 [ Zapping ] Aah! 283 00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,361 [ Laughs ] 284 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:05,963 Machine Gun Kellyanne Conway. 285 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,131 ♪ What are you waiting for? ♪ 286 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,700 [ Zapping ] [Bleep] 287 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,537 Omarion: Oh, you wildin', fam!