1
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:06,671
[ up-tempo music plays ]
aaah!

2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:10,074
Aah! Aaaah!

3
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:14,546
[ clatter ]
aah! Aah! Aaah!

4
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:16,748
♪♪

5
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,751
[ indistinct shouting ]

6
00:00:19,753 --> 00:00:21,886
Aah! Aah!

7
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:23,688
[ shouts indistinctly ]

8
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,556
[ explosion ]

9
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,090
K.O.!

10
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,827
Aah! Aah! Aaah!

11
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,764
Uh, uh...

12
00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:34,499
[ soft music plays ]
I'm bad.

13
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,301
[ up-tempo music plays ]

14
00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,503
Ugh!

15
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,572
[ breathing heavily ]

16
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,542
[ wheels and gears squeaking ]

17
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,451
[ soft music plays ]

18
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,918
Oh!     Oh!
Oh!             Oh!

19
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,855
[ both grunting ]

20
00:00:56,857 --> 00:01:00,258
♪♪

21
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,194
[ crowd cheers ]
whew.

22
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:05,930
[ band vocalizing ]

23
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:09,734
So, you ever see this movie
"my big fat greek wedding"?

24
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,004
Yeah, I saw it like once.

25
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:13,605
Why can't they just call it

26
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,675
"my plus size
mediterranean civil union"?

27
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,211
[ cheers and applause ]

28
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,847
[ noisemakers rattling ]

29
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,827
♪ I like my hair like this ♪

30
00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:38,563
♪ I like my hair like this ♪

31
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,565
Hey, how you doing?
Okay. How are you?

32
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:42,300
Weird if I tried on,
like, a wig?

33
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,036
I like this one.
This looks great, right?

34
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,238
How does it look?
That's good, right?

35
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,773
[ laughs ]
oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

36
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,308
I'm gonna do some lipstick,
too, I think.

37
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,776
♪ doo doo doo doo ♪

38
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,246
Oh, yeah.
So, I look beautiful. Yeah.

39
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:55,914
What do you think?
Am I ready for the ball?

40
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,649
Excuse me, sir.
[ clears throat ]

41
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,317
Have you seen this man?

42
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,520
[ dramatic music plays ]

43
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:03,389
He's wanted for murder.

44
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,990
Yes.

45
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:08,260
[ whispering ] don't you
say a [bleep] word.

46
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:11,796
Shh.

47
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:12,931
Have you seen him?

48
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,132
I just --
I need to get an answer.

49
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,802
We're looking.
Hsss.

50
00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:21,005
What's up?

51
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:22,474
My wig?
No, I'm still trying it on.

52
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,677
No, no, no, no, no.
I would like the wig back,
please.

53
00:02:24,679 --> 00:02:26,078
I look good. Why?

54
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,079
No, no, no, no, no.

55
00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:28,547
No, I can -- I can...

56
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,415
Excuse me.
You seen this man?

57
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,817
He's been going around
impersonating a cop.

58
00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,018
He might look
a little different.

59
00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,688
[ whispering ] don't you
say a [bleep] word.

60
00:02:35,690 --> 00:02:38,223
[ whispering ] don't you
say a [bleep] word.

61
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:40,825
-Don't you say a [bleep] word.
-Don't you say a [bleep] word.

62
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,628
Don't you say
a [bleep] word.

63
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,630
Pranksters: Don't you say
a [bleep] word.

64
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,632
Don't you say
a [bleep] word!

65
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,834
Don't you say
a [bleep] word!

66
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,970
[ maniacal laughter ]

67
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:54,639
Aaah!

68
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:57,175
[ dramatic music plays ]

69
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,445
What the [bleep] shit?

70
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:03,382
So, that's what they do
out here?

71
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,988
Ladies and gentlemen,
chet hanks!

72
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,390
[ cheers and applause ]

73
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,259
[ vocalizing ]

74
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:19,197
♪♪

75
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,200
Ch-ch-ch-ch-chet.
Ch-ch-ch-ch-chet.

76
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,469
Thank you for being here.
Chet hanks!

77
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,671
Yeah, man. What's up, man?

78
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:30,542
Ya know mean? [ chuckles ]
you know what I'm sayin'? Yeah.

79
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,545
You're like "ali g show"
24 hours a day, my dawg.

80
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,947
That's right.
That's right.

81
00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:36,881
[ laughs ] yeah.

82
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,683
[ sharpener whirring ]

83
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:41,820
Ah, you know, man.
What are you working on?

84
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,555
Nothing.

85
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,958
[ cheers and applause ]

86
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,293
That makes sense.

87
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:51,296
What's the difference between
tom hanks and tom cruise?

88
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,831
Uh...

89
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,433
Tom cruise, um...

90
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,837
...Is not my dad.

91
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,839
Man: Yeaaaaah!

92
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:01,974
[ cheers and applause ]

93
00:04:01,976 --> 00:04:03,242
That makes sense.

94
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,245
If your dad's rude to you,
do you go,

95
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,781
"hanks, but no hanks"?

96
00:04:08,783 --> 00:04:10,649
[ laughter ]

97
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,118
Give a man enough rope,
he'll hanks himself.

98
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,252
Phew!

99
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,189
You ever get pulled over,
you look at the cop,

100
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:20,392
You just hand him a copy
of "forrest gump" and you go,

101
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,327
"let me on my way, pig"?

102
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,196
[ laughs ] bah!

103
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,599
What is going on
with you?

104
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,867
Dude, I'm just here,
you know?

105
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,202
What the hell
happened to you?

106
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,270
I know, I know, I know.

107
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,872
You are tense.

108
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,273
I'm walking on [bleep]
eggshells up here.

109
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,608
[ loud crash ]

110
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,277
Hey, you want a kraz
hard segregated seltzer?

111
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,346
[ hard rock
music plays ]

112
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:43,682
They got kraz for whites
and kraz for blacks.

113
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:46,218
Don't be too jealous now.
I get to drink both.

114
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,820
[ chuckles ]
yeah.

115
00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:50,555
I'm bringing your taste buds
back to birmingham, brother.

116
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:51,924
[ laughs ]

117
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,227
Give me
the black one.

118
00:04:55,229 --> 00:04:56,961
[ music stops ]

119
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:59,097
[ elevator music plays ]

120
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:02,567
♪♪

121
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,102
Hey, how you doing?
Hi.

122
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,238
-Fine if I just drop this here?
-Oh, yeah.

123
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,439
Mind if I use your restroom
real quick?

124
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,773
Do you know where it is?

125
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,843
-I've been here a bunch.
-Oh, okay. Cool.

126
00:05:10,845 --> 00:05:13,045
[ door creaks, closes ]

127
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,950
[ growling, snarling ]

128
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:20,486
Oh, hell no.

129
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,255
[ growling ]
aah!

130
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:24,589
[ growling continues ]

131
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:27,059
[ gasps ] oh, my god.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

132
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,260
-Hi!
-[ gasps ]

133
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:30,328
I'm drew barrymore.
I'm here to help.

134
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,464
It's what I do!
Are you okay?

135
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,399
No. I'm not okay.
Unh-unh.

136
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:37,536
I sense distress,
and I'm an empath.

137
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:38,803
[ growling ]

138
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,072
Mm, no, not today.

139
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:42,274
[ sniffs ]
that's wolverine piss.

140
00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:43,976
What the [bleep] is that?

141
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,883
That's wolverine piss, alright.

142
00:05:50,885 --> 00:05:52,484
[ eric speaking
in french accent ]

143
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:55,420
That is definitely
not my box.
Okay.

144
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:59,892
And there is definitely not a --
how you say -- wolverine inside.

145
00:05:59,894 --> 00:06:01,025
Huh.
[ eric laughs evilly ]

146
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,494
I bid you adieu!

147
00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,964
Not today, mnh-mnh.
Not today.

148
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,366
Announcer: Only on cbs.

149
00:06:07,368 --> 00:06:08,367
♪ aw, yeah ♪

150
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:10,369
Chet: Should I get
tactical with it?

151
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,237
Check it out.

152
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:19,177
♪♪

153
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,645
Talk about tom cruise.

154
00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,314
It was like
"columbine: The musical."

155
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:24,116
Your blood look like
a little michael jordan.

156
00:06:24,118 --> 00:06:25,117
Yeah.

157
00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:26,652
[ audience oohs ]

158
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,857
And we're back
with chet haze.

159
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,659
It's not haze, dude.
You want haze or hanks?

160
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,661
Hanks, dude.
[ applause ]

161
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,330
Is it 'cause...
Is it 'cause, uh...

162
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,332
You want to hear
my ice-t impression?

163
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:41,466
Oh, shit.

164
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:48,673
[ scatting ]

165
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:51,209
♪ they want me to get
vaccinated ♪

166
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:52,877
♪ but I'd rather get ♪

167
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,347
♪ inseminated ♪
oh!

168
00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:57,282
♪ the flow is flagrant ♪

169
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:59,217
You know what I mean?
So, I'm just...

170
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,286
Ladies and gentlemen,
gay blade.

171
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,155
[ cheers and applause ]

172
00:07:03,157 --> 00:07:09,094
♪♪

173
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:15,033
♪♪

174
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:19,171
So, people give you shit
for speaking patois?

175
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:21,640
Yeah.
What other cultures
have you considered integrating

176
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,175
Into your personality?

177
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:26,244
[ scottish accent ] ah, yeah.
You know, you want some milk?

178
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,648
You want a glass of milk?

179
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:32,217
It's fooking hot out here.

180
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,320
[ bagpipes play ]

181
00:07:35,322 --> 00:07:36,989
When it comes to selling
real estate,

182
00:07:36,991 --> 00:07:39,425
Sometimes things get
a little crazy.

183
00:07:40,995 --> 00:07:42,995
-Hey, how you doing?
-I'm doing alright.

184
00:07:42,997 --> 00:07:45,864
-Pleasure.
-Nice to meet you.

185
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,732
Come on in. Have a seat.
Have a seat.

186
00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:52,270
Just write down your goals,
like, what your ideal house is.

187
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,339
Hey!

188
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,074
Give me --
this is my colleague.

189
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,676
Just give me a second.
I just need to do powwow

190
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,944
Real quick.
We'll just have a quick meeting.

191
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,613
-Just give me two seconds.
-Sure.

192
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:02,815
Okay.

193
00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:04,283
[ indistinct conversation ]

194
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:08,954
[ sharon moaning ]

195
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:17,429
[ moaning continues ]

196
00:08:23,037 --> 00:08:24,636
-Oh, hey.
-Hey.

197
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:27,305
Hey. [ clears throat ]
you're still here?

198
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,907
We were just having
a little meeting.
I'll just use the bathroom
real quick.

199
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:30,743
Yeah. Yeah.
The restroom's there.

200
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:37,850
Listen, my wife's pulling up
in like 20 minutes, so just...

201
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:39,852
Let's leave that meeting
off the books.

202
00:08:39,854 --> 00:08:44,389
♪♪

203
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:46,324
You want me to knock
a couple bucks off the price?

204
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,792
Huh?

205
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,094
Just think about it.

206
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:53,232
$50,000 off?

207
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,736
Eh...
You ever heard of hedonism?

208
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,405
Yes.
You could watch.

209
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:04,877
You come to jamaica
with us.

210
00:09:04,879 --> 00:09:05,911
All expenses paid.

211
00:09:07,081 --> 00:09:08,047
Ah!

212
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,585
But now the wheels
are turning.

213
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,689
My man.

214
00:09:20,294 --> 00:09:21,660
No one
would have to know.

215
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,429
Deal.

216
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:25,430
I love you.
Mm?

217
00:09:25,432 --> 00:09:30,703
♪♪

218
00:09:30,705 --> 00:09:32,437
You know her from tv's
and movies --

219
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,638
Natasha lyonne!

220
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:34,907
[ cheers and applause ]

221
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:36,641
Wow.

222
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:38,777
A mermaid,
before my very eyes.

223
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,044
Hey!

224
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,647
Little red.
What's up, girl?

225
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:45,117
-Hello!
-Hello!

226
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:46,985
You created
"russian doll."
co-created.

227
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,121
Why not call the show
"groundhog's day"?

228
00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:50,789
Ehh...
"...The series."

229
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:52,657
Yeah. This season --
you know what I mean?
You ever see that movie?

230
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,127
You've seen "groundhog's day"
with bill murray, right?

231
00:09:55,129 --> 00:09:56,395
Yeah.

232
00:09:56,397 --> 00:09:58,230
[ sander whirring ]

233
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:00,265
You could do it.

234
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:05,870
Son, you have no idea how lucky
you are in this country.

235
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,672
Dad...
Do you understand
what it was like

236
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:10,275
I-I -- I don't --
do you have any idea?

237
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,411
Dad, in the middle of this
natasha lyonne interview,

238
00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:13,812
You thought this was
a good time to reminisce --

239
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,347
Every time
is a good time

240
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,482
To reminisce
about yugoslavia?

241
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:20,485
You comin' home.
You don't appreciate
the old country!

242
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:21,686
[ cheers and applause ]

243
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:24,022
Aaaaah!

244
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,089
Hyah!

245
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:28,092
[ all speaking indistinctly ]

246
00:10:28,094 --> 00:10:29,494
Hyah!
[ glass shatters ]

247
00:10:29,964 --> 00:10:32,431
[ indistinct shouting,
objects clattering ]

248
00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,633
Ladies and gentlemen,
diplo!

249
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:38,036
♪♪

250
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,038
Ladies and gentlemen,
whiplo!

251
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,307
[ shouting continues ]

252
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:45,177
♪♪

253
00:10:45,179 --> 00:10:47,379
Ladies and gentlemen,
dip-lo.

254
00:10:47,381 --> 00:10:49,381
[ shouting continues ]

255
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:55,387
♪♪

256
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,255
Ladies and gentlemen,
kick-lo.

257
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,390
This sucks.

258
00:10:58,392 --> 00:10:59,391
Aaaaah!

259
00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:00,325
God damn it!