[On Fire by Andy Blunda]
- YOUR LOVE IS LIKE A RIVER
FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS
I CAN'T GET ENOUGH
I'M ON FIRE
WE'RE ON FIRE
OUR LOVE'S TOO MUCH
- MM. - [sighs]
- I COULD JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP.
- [laughs]
- FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS,
CHRIS AND I ARE REKINDLING OUR ROMANCE.
THE ALONE TIME HAS REALLY REMINDED US
HOW SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT WE ARE TO EACH OTHER.
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING IT BACK AND FORTH.
YOU CAN LEAVE SOME STUFF HERE IF YOU WANT.
- YEAH, I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT...
[chuckles] HAVING A LITTLE DRAWER
WITH A TOOTHBRUSH AND TOOTHPASTE AND UNDERWEAR.
- WELL, I MEAN--
- HAVING TO SPLIT MY TIME BETWEEN THE GIRLS
HAS BEEN REALLY DEVASTATING.
I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS TORN IN HALF.
TO BE MAKING, YOU KNOW, EVERYBODY VERY HAPPY.
- IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME.
I--I CAN'T BE IN LOVE WITH TWO WOMEN
MAYBE NOW IT'S TIME
THAT THE THREE OF US SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT
WHAT EVERYONE WOULD REALLY LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP TO LOOK LIKE.
- AND I'M SAYING THAT I WANT TO SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT IT.
AND THE THREE OF US CAN SIT DOWN AND HAVE A TALK.
- OKAY.
I HAVE TO GO THOUGH, NOW.
I HAVE TO GO TEACH. - ALL RIGHT.
- I WANT TO GET TOGETHER AND TALK
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT CHRIS SO STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE.
BUT I'M SCARED TO GET TOGETHER AND TALK, AS I ALWAYS AM.
- I SAW THE CONDOMS AND LUBE.
THAT'S IN YOUR BAG? - YEAH.
- YOU HAVE IT? - I'LL BRING ALL THE TOYS.
- OKAY. ALL THE TOY STUFF.
- GREAT.
MICHAEL AND I ARE PACKING UP.
WE'RE GETTING READY FOR THIS BIG RETREAT
WHERE WE TRY TO GET ALL OUR LOVERS TOGETHER
- AND I GOT--THE FLAGS ARE THERE. OKAY. COOL.
- YEAH, I GOT THE FLAGS.
THANK YOU. FUN.
THIS GETAWAY IS SO EXCITING
BECAUSE WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BIG SEX PARTY
WITH ALL OUR NEW LOVERS AND SOME OF OUR OLD LOVERS, AS WELL.
- TZIPORAH. - HEY, HONEY.
- THE ULTIMATE GOAL OF THIS GETAWAY
IS TO BOND ALL OF OUR LOVERS.
- HEY, HONEY. - GETTING PACKED UP?
- WE ARE. - HI.
- THE NEW PEOPLE HAVEN'T BEEN THROUGH THESE EVENTS YET
AND THEY'RE PRETTY EMOTIONALLY STRESSFUL, I'D SAY.
- JESSE! - GOOD.
I'M THRILLED. GOOD, HONEY.
I'M SO GLAD THAT HE'S WILLING
TO STEP OUTSIDE OF HIS COMFORT ZONE AND SHOW UP.
- I'M REALLY STOKED YOU CAME, BRO.
- YEAH. - WHAT MADE YOU CHANGE YOU MIND?
- I--WELL, OBVIOUSLY, I REALLY WANT TO BE WITH JEN.
IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME THINKING ABOUT,
LIKE, NOT GOING AND THEN, HER GOING.
UM, I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO GO TO THE SEX PARTY THOUGH.
I JUST, LIKE, IT--I'VE GOT THIS BIG KNOT
IN MY STOMACH RIGHT NOW.
- JESSE'S NEVER BEEN TO A PLAY PARTY.
SO WE'LL SEE.
- I'VE REALLY GOTTA TALK TO MEGAN
AND I'VE GOT TO GET HER TO COME AROUND
AND DISCUSS THE STATUS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.
- SO HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT?
- [sighs]
YOU JUST, LIKE, TEXT ME, "OH, I'M GOING TO STAY OVER
AT LEIGH ANN'S AGAIN" AND, YOU KNOW--
I DON'T KNOW, IT'S--LIKE, YOU HAVE NO DECENCY
TO BE, LIKE, OH, PLAN AHEAD, BY THE WAY,
AND LIKE, YOU KNOW, I'VE MADE PLANS FOR US.
YOU KNOW, YOU STAY A COUPLE NIGHTS HERE,
A COUPLE NIGHTS THERE WITHOUT ANY WARNING.
- YOU KNOW, HONESTLY, MEGAN,
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, THAT'S REALLY WHAT THIS HINGES ON, MEGAN,
IS ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE?
CAN WE INVITE HER OVER TONIGHT
AND SEE IF WE CAN FIND SOME COMMON GROUND
THAT WE CAN ALL BUILD ON?
I WANT MY FAMILY BACK.
I DEFINITELY HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT MEETING WITH CHRIS AND LEIGH ANN.
I KNOW HOW OUR CONVERSATIONS HAVE GONE IN THE PAST,
SO I JUST HAVE TO TAKE A MOMENT
TO THINK IF I'M READY TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- WE'RE HERE.
- YAY! - HERE.
- WE MADE IT! - YES.
- WE SURVIVED.
FOR OUR BIG LOVERS' RETREAT.
- I REMEMBER THIS WALK.
I'VE BEEN HERE SO MANY TIMES
WITH A NEW GROUP OF PEOPLE.
- SO HERE WE ARE. - YAY.
- THIS IS HOME. - NICE.
- BEAUTIFUL. - YEAH.
- [laughing] - WHO GETS WHAT?
- THERE'S ENOUGH ROOMS FOR EVERYONE TO BE SEPARATE,
BUT, YOU KNOW, THE WHOLE POINT'S TO KIND OF FIGURE OUT
HOW TO SLEEP TOGETHER.
- I'M A VERY LIGHT SLEEPER, AND I DON'T REALLY WANT TO SLEEP
IN THE SAME PLACE WHERE PEOPLE
- YEAH, YEAH, I MEAN, YOU GUYS CAN SLEEP SEPARATE.
WE'LL MISS YOU, THOUGH. - THANKS.
- YEAH, I DON'T--I DON'T WANT TO PROMISE
ANYBODY ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
[laughs] - THAT'S COOL.
- OKAY. - THAT'LL JUST MAKE IT EASIER.
- YEAH. - AND THEN IF WE DECIDE
TO JOIN IN, WE CAN. - COOL.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS. - I DO.
THANKS. - I LOVE YOU.
- I'LL SEE YOU IN A BIT. - YEAH, YEAH.
- I LIKE MY OWN SPACE.
MICHAEL'S SUCH A LOUD SNORER
THAT I LITERALLY CAN'T SLEEP IN THE SAME VICINITY AS HIM.
- THIS IS NICE, OUR OWN LITTLE PRIVATE ROOM.
THAT I'D LIKE TO HAVE A PLACE FOR HIM AND ME TO GO,
SO WE CAN BE SECLUDED, IF HE NEEDS IT,
IF HE GETS TOO UPSET, OR HE STARTS REALLY REACTING.
I WOULD HAVE BEEN SAD IF YOU DIDN'T.
- YEAH.
I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.
AND I FELT LIKE GOING FOR A LITTLE WHILE--
- WITHOUT ME? LEAVE ME HERE?
- YEAH, I PROMISE, I WON'T, UM,
OBVIOUSLY BE WITH ANYBODY ELSE.
I MEAN, IT'S JUST, LIKE, WHAT EVERYBODY'S COMPLAINING ABOUT
TO ME IS BASICALLY WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW,
IS ISOLATING OURSELVES AND HANGING OUT.
AND I DON'T MIND, BUT I DO HAVE A HUSBAND
AND, YOU KNOW, AND I NEED TO SPEND A LITTLE--
SOME TIME WITH HIM, I THINK.
I'M REALLY TORN RIGHT NOW,
BECAUSE IF I GO TO THIS PARTY WITHOUT JESSE,
HE'S GOING TO BE SUPER UPSET.
IF I DON'T GO TO THE PARTY,
TAHL'S GOING TO BE UPSET WITH ME,
SO I'M REALLY JUST KIND OF STUCK IN THE MIDDLE.
- I'M TRYING TO BE, YOU KNOW, AS POLY AS I CAN.
BUT I GOTTA TAKE BABY STEPS.
- ISN'T THIS PLACE GREAT?
- YES. IT'S REALLY BEAUTIFUL HERE.
- RACHEL'S NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE,
SO I'M REALLY EXCITED TO SHOW HER AROUND.
NOW THAT SHE'S MOVING TO SAN DIEGO,
NOW I'M HOPING TO TALK WITH HER ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.
WHAT WOULD THAT LOOK LIKE FOR YOU?
- I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO MORE ONE-ON-ONE TIME
THAT YOU AND I--ALONE.
- MM-HMM. - YEAH.
- I KNOW THAT WE LOOKED AT HAVING THAT RELATIONSHIP
WITH KAMALA AND EVEN PLAYING IN THREESOME AND--
- YEAH.
- DO YOU NOT WANT TO,
- WITH HER AND ME, OR...
- I THINK, FOR NOW, I WOULD BE OKAY
WITH KIND OF LETTING THAT ONE GO.
IT KIND OF CRASHED AND BURNED THE FIRST TIME.
- WHAT ABOUT--WHAT ABOUT IN, LIKE, IN THE SEX PARTY...
- YEAH. - YOU KNOW, AS WELL?
- OTHER THAN GROUP, YOU KNOW, SEX, AND THREESOMES AND THINGS,
WHAT DOES GOING DEEPER WITH ME MEAN TO YOU?
LIKE, WHAT DOES-- - WELL, LIKE--
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY THAT?
IS THERE ANY WAY THAT YOU WANT TO GO DEEPER
THAT GOING DEEPER WITH ME INVOLVE OTHERS?
- YOU KNOW, I STILL DO HAVE A WIFE.
- BUT THAT DOESN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.
- WELL, YOU KNOW, I--I MAINLY, YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A LOT
AND INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR WIFE,
THAT THAT REALLY LEAVES US WITH NOT A LOT.
- I'M VERY AWARE. - YEAH.
- I SEE IT ALL THE TIME
AND YOU CAN'T EVER BREAK AWAY FROM THAT
AND THAT'S A PROBLEM.
I DON'T WANT IT TO ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A BIG POLY POD, YOU KNOW?
- MM-HMM. - I JUST WANT TO HAVE A POLY
BOYFRIEND SOMETIMES, TOO. - MM-HMM.
IT WOULD REALLY BE MORE LIKE ME, YOU KNOW,
LIKE, HAVING A SEPARATE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
- THAT'S STILL POLY.
THAT'S NOT NOT POLY. - WELL, YEAH IT IS,
THAT I HAVE MY LIFE SET UP, YOU KNOW?
I HAVE-- - BUT MAYBE THAT'S WHY
YOU NEVER GO DEEPER WITH GIRLS.
- MAYBE. YEAH.
YEAH.
- DO YOU LIKE THIS COLOR?
- I DO, BUT I LIKE THE BLUE BETTER.
- TODAY I'M MEETING WITH EMMA.
SHE HELPS ME PUT MY CLOTHING LINE TOGETHER.
- YEAH. THIS WOULD NEED TO BE DOUBLED.
- YEAH. - THIS IS GOOD.
SHE ACTUALLY HAS KNOWN CHRIS AND LEIGH ANN LONGER THAN ME.
SO I THINK SHE WILL HAVE REALLY GOOD INSIGHT.
- HOW'S YOUR MOM? - UGH.
AND I'VE DEFINITELY BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME
WITH NOT REALLY HAVING A SUPPORT SYSTEM THROUGH ALL OF THIS,
SINCE MY FAMILY DOESN'T REALLY AGREE WITH MY RELATIONSHIP.
YOU KNOW, CHRIS AND LEIGH ANN
HAVE BEEN LIKE THE ONLY FAMILY THIS LAST THREE YEARS,
I WAS JUST LIKE, OH, MAYBE I REALLY HAVE TO THINK
ABOUT WHAT IS MY FUTURE GOING TO LOOK LIKE, YOU KNOW?
- WELL, HAVE YOU TALKED TO THEM?
- [sighs] - WHERE IS EVERYTHING TODAY,
- CHRIS HAS BEEN GOING BACK AND FORTH.
I JUST DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THE GIRL ON THE SIDE.
- WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH.
EMMA IS VERY GOOD WITH TOUGH LOVE.
- SHE IS NO BULLSHIT AND WILL CALL YOU OUT.
- IN A PERFECT WORLD, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- I WANT CHRIS AND LEIGH ANN TO MAKE A COMMITMENT
AND I DON'T THINK THAT'S SOMETHING
SHE WANTS TO BE THE WIFE AND--
- BUT YOU WANT TO BE THE WIFE, TOO.
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE EQUAL...
- SAY? - SAY.
MY QUESTION IS, LIKE, ARE WE, LIKE,
GOING TO KEEP GOING FOREVER.
- IN A YEAR.
I WANT TO KNOW THAT
IF I'M PUTTING A LOT INTO A FUTURE
- I'VE KNOWN CHRIS AND LEIGH ANN A REALLY LONG TIME.
I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THEM TO EXPERIMENT.
I REMEMBER WHEN YOU CAME INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.
- MM-HMM. - AND I REMEMBER
HOW GREAT IT WAS.
AND THEN I REMEMBER ABOUT A YEAR INTO IT,
LEIGH ANN SAYING TO ME, "WOW.
"BEFORE THIS STARTED, BECAUSE NOW I'M IN A POSITION
"WHERE I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE
"THAT I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH,
"AND I SHOULD HAVE, AS A MARRIED WOMAN, WITH MY HUSBAND,
I DON'T KNOW THAT LEIGH ANN WAS EXPECTING
ON A PERMANENT BASIS. - MM-HMM.
I'M KIND OF SHOCKED THAT LEIGH ANN WASN'T HONEST WITH ME,
BUT I THINK THAT I HAVE ALWAYS FELT THAT.
MAYBE IF SHE WAS HONEST FROM THE VERY BEGINNING,
I WOULDN'T BE HERE TODAY.
WHEN YOU HAVE A CONVERSATION, DO YOU SAY WHAT YOU THINK,
OR DO YOU SAY WHAT CHRIS WANTS TO HEAR?
AND I DON'T KNOW THAT CHRIS
- IT'S HARD. - TO HAVE TWO PEOPLE
THAT LOVE HIM AND CATER TO HIS EVERY NEED.
CHRIS IS CHRIS' PRIORITY,
SO WHATEVER HE CAN DO TO MAINTAIN HIS HAPPINESS,
HE'S GONNA DO.
AND YOU AND LEIGH ANN,
YOU MAKE SURE THAT CHRIS IS HAPPY,
WITH YOUR OWN SELF JUST PUSHED BY THE WAYSIDE.
I THINK YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF.
YOU CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY, YOU KNOW?
- I KNOW.
- YOU HAVE TO SIT DOWN AND TALK TO THEM.
YOU HAVE TO NOT BE AFRAID TO SAY HOW YOU FEEL,
- EMMA IS DEFINITELY RIGHT.
I THINK IT'S TIME I TALK TO THEM ABOUT HOW I FEEL
AND WHAT I NEED AND WHAT I WANT MOVING FORWARD.
- MWAH. BYE. - BYE.
- I'M DEFINITELY PREPARED TO SAY
THAT I'M LOOKING FOR EQUALITY IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
- IN THE SEVEN YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN DOING PLAY PARTIES,
I'VE FOUND THAT HAVING A PRE-PARTY CONVERSATION
TO SET INTENTIONS IS ESSENTIAL,
AND SINCE WE HAVE A NUMBER OF NEW PEOPLE,
WE WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT THEIR BOUNDARIES ARE,
SO THAT WE AVOID HAVING BREAKDOWNS,
AND WE INCREASE THE BREAKTHROUGH.
I NEED TO KNOW IF SOMEBODY'S LIKE,
"LOOK, I DON'T WANT YOU GUYS TO SLEEP TOGETHER."
IF YOU WANT TO JUST SAY, I'M A RED LIGHT TO THAT PERSON--
SLEEPING WITH THAT PERSON OR MAYBE I'M A YELLOW,
WHICH MEANS GO SLOW, OR GREEN.
YOU KNOW, IT'S TOTALLY COOL.
JASON AND I HAD A CHECK-IN
AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT HE'S A FREE AGENT
- WITH OTHER PEOPLE IN THE POD.
HOW ABOUT FOR YOU, JESSE?
- UM...YOU KNOW, I'M NOT COMFORTABLE
WITH JEN BEING SEXUAL
OR REALLY SENSUAL WITH ANY GUYS EXCEPT, YOU KNOW, TAHL.
WOMEN, I GUESS I'M OKAY WITH,
I'VE NEVER BEEN. I HAVE TO KIND OF HAVE TO
FEEL OUT THE SITUATION.
I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.
- YOU GUYS CAN STAY TOGETHER ALL NIGHT,
YOU STILL OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY
OF HER COMING WITHOUT YOU?
- I MEAN, IT'S--IT'S NOT REALLY MY CHOICE TO MAKE, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, YOU GUYS ARE HER FAMILY.
LIKE, IT'S NOT REALLY MY CALL.
- IT'S AWESOME THAT YOU CAME UP HERE
AND YEAH, I'D WANT JENNIFER
TO REALLY RESPECT JESSE'S BOUNDARIES.
- SOUNDS GOOD. - YEAH.
AND THE RED LIGHT'S WITH SEXUALLY PLAYING WITH RACHEL
MAINLY BECAUSE I'M NOT 100% COMFORTABLE YET
- AND THE BOUNDARY WAS, YOU KNOW, NO SEX,
AND IF YOU AND I ARE GOING TO CUDDLE OR KISS, THAT'S OKAY.
- I'VE NOT CONNECTED WITH RACHEL YET SEXUALLY.
WE KIND OF HAVE THAT INCOMPLETE,
AND IT'D BE NICE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN US TONIGHT.
IT'S KIND OF MY INTENTION. - [apprehensive sigh]
I DIDN'T REALLY CARE TO REVISIT.
I DON'T REALLY NEED TO HAVE A SECOND TIME
THAT THAT DOESN'T WORK OUT.
THAT I'D LIKE TO EXPLORE
SOME OTHER PEOPLE TONIGHT. - UH-HUH.
- AND NOT REALLY REVISIT THE THREESOME WITH YOU.
- MICHAEL AND I HAVE A TOTAL INCLUSION.
EVERYONE WE'RE PLAYING WITH IS ALWAYS BEEN I'M INCLUDED,
AND FOR YOU TO SAY YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE
DOING A THREE-WAY WITH ME IS LIKE SAYING YOU'RE EXCLUDING ME
AND I'M NOT OKAY WITH THAT.
I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY WITH HER,
BUT IF SHE DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH ME,
SHE AT LEAST NEEDS TO KNOW THE RULES OF A PLAY PARTY
IS THAT MY HUSBAND AND I ALWAYS INCLUDE EACH OTHER.
- [sighs]
- OKAY, OUR LOVERS ARE GONNA BE HERE SOON, SO LET'S GO DO IT.
SO IT'S TIME TO GET READY FOR THE PLAY PARTY.
WE'VE GOT TO SET THE ROOM, THEN DRESS UP AND CHANGE.
- THAT'S REALLY CUTE. - ISN'T IT CUTE?
- YEAH. - I LOVE THAT.
- IT'S REALLY CUTE. HERE, WILL YOU TIE THAT?
- WANT ME TO TIE IT? YEAH.
- SO LOOK, I REALLY WANT JESSE TO GO TO THIS PARTY
SO I THINK MAYBE IF I PUT ON SOME LINGERIE
AND SHOW HIM WHAT I WOULD WEAR TO THIS PARTY,
all: HEY!
- BRO', HOW'S IT GOING?
- AS WE'RE GETTING READY, OUR OTHER LOVERS SHOW UP.
ROXANNE'S MY GIRLFRIEND.
LAST YEAR, I WAS REALLY POSSESSIVE,
BUT I LEARNED HOW TO SHARE HER WITH MICHAEL
AND NOW I'M EXCITED TO SHARE HER WITH OUR NEW LOVERS.
YOU GUYS EXCITED ABOUT TONIGHT? - STROKE, STROKE.
- YEAH. - EXCELLENT.
- CHRIS CALLED ME EARLIER
AND SAID THAT MEGAN'S READY FOR US ALL THREE
I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING
AND THE MORE I'VE DONE, THE MORE I'VE REALIZED THAT TONIGHT
BY COMING CLEAN ABOUT MY BIGGEST FEAR ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.
[sighs]
[knocks on door] - GOT IT?
- YEAH.
HEY. - HI.
- GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
COME ON IN. - WHERE'S MEGAN?
- UM, GETTING READY.
WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN, HONEY?
- HI.
- I HAVE-- - HELLO.
- OH, SHE'S HERE.
- IF MEGAN AND LEIGH ANN AREN'T GOING TO WORK IT OUT,
CLEARLY IT'S NOT GONNA WORK,
AND I DON'T KNOW YET WHAT THAT MEANS FOR ME.
- OH, TO-- - I KNOW IT'S A LITTLE TENSE,
BUT... - TO WHAT?
LIKE, WHAT ARE WE TOASTING TO?
- THE THREE OF US BACK IN A ROOM.
I DON'T KNOW. HONEST CONVERSATION?
I'M REALLY HOPING THAT EVERYONE COMES TO THE TABLE TONIGHT
IN A MOOD TO BE HONEST AND OPEN.
I REALLY WANTED THE TWO OF YOU TO SIT DOWN HERE WITH ME.
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT I IMAGINED
HOW HAPPY THE THREE OF US WERE, AT ONE POINT.
- YOU KNOW, I CAN REFLECT ON THE PAST AND YOU KNOW, YEAH.
WE HAD AMAZING TIMES AND STUFF,
BUT I THINK A LOT--OUR PROBLEM
WHAT DOES OUR FUTURE LOOK LIKE MOVING FORWARD,
BECAUSE WE DIDN'T REALLY, LIKE, HAVE A PLAN.
WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT THINGS.
WE DIDN'T SCHEDULE THINGS.
- I ABSOLUTELY AGREE-- - WE KNOW HOW TO--
- THERE HAS TO BE SCHEDULING.
THERE HAS TO BE SOME RULES.
THERE HAS TO BE SOME BOUNDARIES.
AND THAT'S WHERE THIS GOT FUCKED UP.
- I'VE BEEN SAYING THIS WHOLE TIME, I WANT TO WORK IT OUT.
- I'M VERY MUCH, LIKE, LOOKING VERY MUCH IN THE FUTURE
AND, YOU KNOW, I WANT TO FEEL LIKE I'M AN EQUAL.
THAT I'M A PRIORITY.
- YOU KNOW, HONEY, AS LONG--AS MUCH
AS I'VE WANTED TO GIVE THAT TO YOU...
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN GIVE YOU
EQUAL RIGHTS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
- WELL, I'M GOING TO BE HONEST.
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S YOUR CHOICE ANYMORE.
YOU KNOW, I GOTTA TELL YOU.
CAN I CUT HER OUT OF MY LIFE NOW?
NOW THAT YOU'RE COMING AROUND AND SAYING,
YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU CAN REALLY SHARE?
I DON'T KNOW THAT I CAN.
AN IMPORTANT PLACE IN OUR FAMILY.
- THIS IS THE PART
AND I TOTALLY FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU.
HOW SERIOUS YOU WERE GONNA GET
AND WE WERE GONNA GET IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
LIKE, IT WAS REALLY NOT WHAT I WANTED.
THAT'S WHERE MY FEAR AND MY BOUNDARY, LIKE, CAME IN
AND I WAS AFRAID TO SAY THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED.
AND I HOPED THAT, LIKE, OVER TIME,
LIKE, I WOULD GROW TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH THAT,
BUT THE TRUTH IS, IS I GREW FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY
- I MEAN, IT'S NOT THE EASIEST THING TO HEAR,
BUT I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SCARED TO SAY THAT
FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
AND I THINK, AS HARD AS IT IS--LIKE, YOU'RE CRYING NOW,
LIKE, BEING HONEST TO ME.
BUT I DON'T WANT TO JUST, LIKE, BE THE GIRLFRIEND FOREVER.
I WANT A COMMITMENT, YOU KNOW?
I WANT TO HAVE KIDS,
AND I CAN'T HELP BUT ASK IF, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
GOING TO BE ABLE TO WORK TOWARDS?
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU.
THAT'S THE ONE THING I CAN TELL YOU,
IS THAT I CAN'T COMMIT TO IT RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW?
I THINK THAT YOU TWO WOULD HAVE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN,
BUT IT SCARES ME TO THINK THAT A GIRL
THAT'S TEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME COULD COME IN
PARTWAY THROUGH OUR RELATIONSHIP
AND EARN ALL THE CREDIT
AND ALL THE RESPECT THAT I HAVE.
IT SCARES ME.
WHAT I AM SAYING THAT I'M COMMITTED TO
IS I'M WILLING TO BE HONEST.
LIKE, I AM RIGHT NOW AND I'M WILLING TO TRY
AND TAKE THE LITTLE STEPS THAT WE'VE NEVER GOTTEN TO TAKE
TO GET FARTHER THAN WHERE WE ARE NOW.
I'VE FINALLY SPOKEN MY TRUTH
ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO COMMIT TO MEGAN.
I'M THE ONE WHO CREATED THIS SITUATION,
AND I EITHER HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT OR LEAVE THEM.
WANT TO PUT DOWN, LIKE, SOME FOUNDATION.
I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE'S SO FUCKING SCARED ABOUT THE FUTURE
AND I CAN'T KEEP GOING ON LIKE THAT.
- IS IT A QUESTION THAT REALLY HAS TO BE ANSWERED TODAY?
- [sighs]
AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT--I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO SAY.
WE'VE COVERED A LOT IN ONE DAY.
- I GUESS I'M GOING TO GO HOME, THEN.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
- WE'LL WALK YOU TO THE DOOR. - ALL RIGHT.
- BYE.
- I BELIEVE THAT MY FUTURE IS WITH THESE TWO WOMEN.
I'M REALLY NOT SURE WHETHER OR NOT
I WOULD ATTEMPT POLYAMORY AGAIN.
- I WANT TO DROP IN
AND LET'S GET CONNECTED TO THE INTENTION THIS EVENING,
WHICH IS TO CELEBRATE OUR LOVE AT OUR LOVERS' RETREAT.
I'M STARTING THE PLAY PARTY
AND I'M EXCITED TO SEE ALL OUR LOVERS.
BUT JEN AND JESSE AREN'T THERE, AND THAT'S A LITTLE SAD FOR ME.
SO THE FIRST IS EVERYTHINS CONSENSUAL.
LIKE, YOU'RE... - MM.
- ONLY DOING THAT WHICH
YOU'RE A "HELL, YES" TO.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE EARLY,
THEN YOU'D TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOME PEOPLE COMING EARLY.
- OOH! - YAY.
- SORRY WE'RE LATE. - NO. IT'S PERFECT TIMING.
WE'RE JUST STARTING, SO... - WELL, I'M GLAD YOU CAME.
- HI. - COME ON IN.
- YAY!
- JESSE FINALLY CAME AROUND,
BECAUSE HE JUST REALIZED
THAT IF HE WANTS TO DATE ME,
HE CAN'T SEPARATE ME TOO MUCH FROM MY FAMILY.
EVEN IF HE'S MISERABLE, HE CAN SEE WHAT I'M DOING.
IT'S NOT A FREE-FOR-ALL.
TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENTS.
THE NEXT REALLY IMPORTANT THING
IS ONCE WE GET INTO FLUID EXCHANGE,
WHICH IS, YOU KNOW, ANYTHING INVOLVING THE GENITALS,
WE WANT TO BE PRACTICING IMPECCABLE SAFE SEX.
AND, THEN, ALSO...
STOP TALKING!
[giggling]
[laughter]
[moaning]
[chatter]
- IT FEELS REALLY GOOD TO BE AT MY FIRST PLAY PARTY
I THINK ONCE JESSE SAW
THAT I WASN'T GOING TO BREAK ANY BOUNDARIES,
IT WAS FUN FOR HIM.
[laughs]
[laughter]
- WOW!
WHOO-HOO-HOO! [laughs]
- [moans]
- TOLD YOU GUYS I WAS GOING TO GET SWEATY.
- I NOTICED THAT RACHEL'S CONNECTING WITH MICHAEL
AND OTHER PEOPLE.
SHE'S INTIMIDATED BY ME.
IF SHE DOESN'T LEARN TO COMMUNICATE WITH ME AS A WOMAN
AND AS HER BOYFRIEND'S WIFE, IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK FOR US.
[laughter]
[chattering and moaning]
- I DO WANT TO START SPENDING MORE TIME WITH RACHEL.
SOMEWHAT DIFFERENTLY NOW.
[moaning]
- IF ALL OF MY RELATIONSHIPS WERE PERFECT, IT'D BE BORING.
I THINK IT'S OUR VULNERABILITIES,
OUR INSECURITIES, THAT HELPS US GROW.
AND WE JUST KEEP SUPPORTING EACH OTHER.
THAT'S WHAT ALWAYS US TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL.