The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.
(RANGANATHAN, VOICEOVER) Last ever episode of A League of Their Own.
I want you to leave it all out on the studio, OK?
Jamie, you're gonna bring your experience.
20 years I've been doing this show. I've loved every second.
Let's make this the best show ever. OK, longer than I'd hoped.
Meeks, you gonna bring the energy? Big Meeks energy, let's go!
Jill, gonna bring the innuendos and all that?
Yeah, I'm always happy to slip one in.
OK, great, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
We're gonna go in there, and we are gonna destroy!
League of Their Own for the win! One! Two!
Three! League! Come on!
(ENERGETIC MUSIC)
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Hello, I'm Romesh Ranganathan and welcome
to a very special episode of A League of Their Own on Sky. Let's meet the teams.
Joining Jamie Redknapp tonight is a rapping chef
and the greatest ever British female Olympian.
I'll let you work out which one is which,
it's Big Zuu and Dame Laura Kenny!
And on the Blue Team, alongside Jill and Micah
is the angriest man in showbusiness, but that's what happens
when you spend a lifetime supporting Everton.
It's Tony Bellew!
Welcome, everybody. Welcome back, Laura. Er,
how are you? Thank you so much for joining us on our last show.
Thanks for having me. Er, now, we've gotta say,
since you were last on the show, you have been voted
the UK Sportswoman of the Century.
(APPLAUSE) An incredible achievement.
Erm, how did you find out about that?
Erm, I mean, I was on holiday, actually. I get a message saying,
"Will you come on the radio tomorrow morning?! And I was like, "Yeah."
And I ring up, I'm literally beachside,
and they're like, "You've been voted Britain's Female of the Ce..."
and I was like, "What?" But, yeah, it was amazing. It felt incredible.
Congratulations. I dunno if you're aware,
but Jamie actually won UK Sportsman of the 18th Century.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Yeah! Redknapp!
Er, now, Tony, welcome back - to the show. - Tony.
Er... (CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Big Tone, they love him.
Thank you.
Tony, we love you on this show. Thank you.
Absolutely legend of the game. I hate coming on, but thank you.
Well, that's what I was gonna ask you, are you sad
it's your last time on the show? Absolutely not. Er,
I had some lunatic psychopath try and choke me to death
the first time I come here.
Since then, I've been stuck on ceilings, stuck to planes.
It's a fucking joke, just get rid of the whole show.
(APPLAUSE)
We should point out, actually, you're recovering from an injury
at the moment, so you're not gonna be able to do any, like, mad stunts
or games tonight. Erm... - I'm sure you'll find something. - No.
Have you just made that injury up?
No, what, what happened - No, Jill, absolutely not.
I think everybody who watched Soccer Aid
seen me come off, er - You got injured in Soccer Aid?! Yeah, what happened -OK, Meeks,
let's not rub it in, mate. You've seen me limping,
it's not a fucking act. Listen, Meeks, it was bad.
He lost a big 50/50 with someone from Westlife.
It only happens to me.
Big Zuu. - Big Zuu! - My guy.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE) - Zuu! - Now, Zuu,
you got the winner at Soccer Aid - this year. - Yeah!
Zuu, for people that haven't seen it,
talk us through it. Talk us through the goal, please. Oh, it was four-four.
I knew I had one opportunity, one shot, one chance.
I made myself free in the box.
Jagielka covers there, Wilshere was there, Defoe was there.
Couldn't mark me, - know what I'm saying? - Yeah.
Someone back-heeled it, it's passed to me, a through-pass,
I gotta hit it. I give it left foot, finessed bottom corner.
I dunno why man are laughing like this.
(LAUGHING) Oh my god! I banged it bottom corner.
Banged it. I banged it. - On my mother's life. - What a strike.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Let's have a look at it right now. Yeah!
COMMENTATOR: It's John O'Shea, back to Brown. It's Big Zuu.
Trying to go for it...! Oh, Big Zuu!
Big Zuu's done it!
He's come up with the right recipe to put the World XI in front,
and it moves the World ahead.
CO-COMMENTATOR: He said it, to be fair.
Pre-game, he said, "I'm gonna get a goal.
I'm gonna get the winner." (CHEERING) Paddy McGuinness!
D'you know what makes that goal more impressive?
Scored past one of the best keepers to ever host Take Me Out.
Jill, what are you saying over there, cos I can see you - saying some comments. - Meeks,
what d'you make of that goal? (LAUGHS)
That goal was so bad... Why?..Africa started
sending money back. Ahh.
Alright, I've gotta ask you - a question. - Go on.
How many goals have you scored - - at Old Trafford? - Oh. - Ooh!
Just asking. I'm just asking.
Have ya? No, I've not scored at Old Trafford. Oh!(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Oh! But hold on, you was against - Paddy McGuinness! - So what?
So what? He was shit! Have you seen the score sheet?
It says Wayne Rooney, Tony Duggan, Jermain Defoe,
Carlos Tevez, Big Zuu.
(APPLAUSE)
Finish! Finish!
Er, right. It is time for a sporting challenge.
I sent Big Meeks and Zuu to meet an F1 legend at Silverstone
ahead of the British Grand Prix.
Er, Zuu, are you a good driver? Erm,
I'm not the best. I've had - my licence for two years. - Mm-hmm.
Er, and as I got my licence, I crashed into a parked bus.
You crashed into a parked bus? - Yeah, the bus was parked. - Yeah.
They're sneaky, difficult to see, aren't thy?
Er, Meeks, were you worried about going up against Zuu?
Come on, look at him.
You'd only passed your test for two weeks.
I wasn't worried, come on. Two years, actually. - What about you, Jay? - What?
Driver? Am I a good driver?
We've all just been talking about driving, yes.
Yeah, I know but... I don't really wanna get involved cos... Why?
...I'm banned. Are ya?
How d'you get banned?
Speeding. Oh.
You don't seem the kind, Jay. - You don't seem the type. - I know.
Accumulation of points. And how d'you expect him to be able to count how many points he's on?
I think I've got... four, er, six.
Er, OK. Er, now, before Meeks and Zuu were let loose
around Silverstone, I'd arranged for them to meet one of the greatest drivers
in the history of Formula 1, that's right, Max Verstappen,
to get them up to speed. Check this out.
(ROCK MUSIC)
Hi, guys. Hey. Nice seeing you again.
We're like besties. Welcome to Silverstone.
Thank you. I think we're gonna have quite a good day today.
Yeah. - What we doing? - You guys get to drive around the F1 track.
Yes! But the best bit is,
I'm gonna be the judge who is the best driver around here. But how we gonna do it?
We've never actually been on a - track. - The fun bit. I'm gonna drive you around.
Each. You're gonna drive us round? - One lap. One lap, yeah. - Nah.
Wait, before we go. Just looking at us, who d'you think'll be the best driver?(LAUGHS) Well...
I mean, I don't want you to, er... You know, in F1 also, you know,
when you're normally a bit lighter it helps a bit.
But we might have some good grip - in the corners. - Yeah!
In Max we trust. - In Max we trust. - Yeah. - I'll try my best. - We gonna do this?
So you're actually gonna drive us? - Yep. Let's go. - Lead the way!
Sky, ay, that Sky budget is crazy, boy.
I can't teach them enough in one lap, but I'll try my best.
I'm gonna be driven by the fastest driver in the world. Ahh!
It's like me, best player in the world at one point,
best dri... you know, can you see the similarities? I've had my licence for two years.
I am the underdog. But it ain't over till the fat lady sings,
and I'm not a fat lady. I'm a fat man.
Ow! Are we ready? Whoo!
Oh my days, oh my god!
Whoo!
The first 20 seconds, I couldn't hear anything
when Micah was in the car. Ahh!
I'm like, oh my god, - what is going on? - Whoo!
Zuu was screaming as well. You go wide, you have to always open up the corner.
Hit the kerb a little bit. Ahh!
Basically, let's go fast.
Ahh! Ahh!
I closed my eyes for the first, probably, eight corners. Ahh!
This is fast!
This is quite a fast corner, - you see. - Ahh!
I was petrified, and there was genuine pee
coming out of my pee hole.
You see these road markers? Oh, so that's 150.
These are telling you when to chill out. Oh my days, you brake hard.
The first combination of corners.
OK, so straight into that. Max, I have a life. I have a family.
Oh, Max!
Remember, outside, inside, outside.
Yeah, whatever you say, bro.
Use all the road. Use all the road? Ahh!
Ah-ha-ha!
Here we're sliding. Yep, it's slidy. God, it's slidy!
There's a lot to take in, you know, the braking,
the driving, I'm a bit overwhelmed, I'm not gonna lie. A bit worried.
How as that, Big Zuu? Ooo-hoo!
How was it?
Having been out with Max, I'm a little bit nervous.
I was really cocky at the start, but now reality is hitting.
Have you got any toilet roll?
(APPLAUSE)
Er, Meeks, that was a bit embarrassing, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was embarrassing. I mean, you almost put HIM off,
and he's a Formula 1 driver.
You were louder than an F1 car.
Erm... so that left you slightly, er, less confident?
Less confident, yeah. Mmm.
Zuu, what was it like getting a driving lesson - from Max Verstappen? - Oh, bro,
like, just surreal, like, I can't... I never ever thought
I'd be doing that. After hitting that bus, I didn't think - I'd get to that level. - Er, Laura,
what sort of driver are you? Erm, it depends who you ask.
I think if you ask Jason, he would say I'm aggressive,
but I would say - I drive with purpose. - Right.
Everything's a race, you know, when you see car, it's a race, like,
yeah, I'm a bit of a maniac probably. You're an aggressive driver.
Now, Jamie, the challenge actually was to see
who Max Verstappen thought was the best driver,
as opposed to who was just the fastest.
Does that give you a bit more confidence in Zuu? I've, I've got confidence in my man
Big Zuu. It's not the quickest driver - round the track? - The best.
That's just fake. Listen, just be pleased you could do it.
(APPLAUSE)
Now, Jill, as I said, the challenge wasn't just about speed.
It's about driving lines, being a smooth driver,
are you still feeling confident Meeks is gonna win this?
I think if it was about finishing quickly, I've heard you're good at that.
But because it's about safety, and protection...
...I think he's gonna be shit.
OK, it's time to see how Meeks and Zuu got on at Silverstone.
They each had a lap around the track.
For their safety, they'd be joined by a stunt driver,
and for Max's safety, he'd be watching from Redbull HQ.
Whoever impressed Max the most wins three points for their team.
Let's see how they got on.
Ahh. Easy. You alright?
I can't get my head in. Right, put the seat down, Zuu.
On the control, go down. That's good.
All the way down.
Ahh. I've got this.
Good acceleration.
Outside, inside.
Kind of outside.
He's fast. Committed.
Brakes, brakes, brakes. - Yeah. - Brakes, brakes. - Back on the power. - Yep.
Keep it all the way right. That's a bad turn. You've gotta hug the side.
Max said, hug the side. Alright, left, keep it left.
Keep it left. - Ooh! - Almost the wrong exit.
(LAUGHS) - Brakes now. Brakes. - Ooh!
That was late on the brakes.
He's better than I thought! Definitely better than Redknapp. I feel like I'm being hustled here.
He shouldn't be this good.
Ooh, that's close!
Oh, we've touched a little bit of, er, dirt.
He went on the grass! (LAUGHS) I've already won!
You can't go on the grass and be finesse.
Yep, we hug that kerb.
Power now. Yep.
Bit tighter. Yep.
Committed on entry. Good.
Yeah, I'm impressed with the guys.
Nice. (APPLAUSE)
Now, despite Zuu struggling initially to get into the car,
I can tell you that there was only one second between your laps.
Er, Meeks... - - One second?! - Yeah. - One second?!
...d'you think you might've - underestimated Zuu? - Maybe.
To be honest, I were just happy to go round a track
without getting pulled over.
I mean, it wouldn't be great to lose to a guy who couldn't fit his head in the car.
Thought you'd leave it hanging there like a dog. Er, OK,
here is what Max had to say.
Who am I picking was a very tough one.
Erm, yeah, initially I thought
Micah was... was the one, er,
then I was, like, jumping in the car with both of them, Micah screamed
for 20 seconds straight, so I couldn't hear a thing.
So I was like, ooh, it might not be him.
Then, you know, I sort of started the laps with Zuu,
he felt a bit more comfortable. Looked like a bit more comfortable.
So it was very tough to make the decision.
Also, they were promising me all sorts of, you know, food,
tickets to games, you know. It was very hard
for me to choose between these two things.
And at the end, I think, er, yeah, for me, what, er, did it
was that Micah looked a little bit more in control
also at the end of the lap, erm, so I have to give it to Micah.
Yeah! (CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Ah, man!
Congratulations, Micah, how d'you feel about that? I feel great.
Obviously, I was offering him the tickets, you offering him food? I said I'd cook him dinner.
Nah, honestly, the better man won. He deserved it.
Well done. Oh wow. (APPLAUSE) Yes!
Come on, Meeks.
Er, a big thank you to F1 Oracle Redbull Racing and Max Verstappen.
And that means, at the end of that, Blue Team,
you've scored three points. Yeah!(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
OK, this question is for both teams.
Take a look at this.
(STIRRING POP MUSIC)
COMMENTATOR: The long wait is over.
Andy Murray is Wimbledon champion.
Jessica Ennis is Olympic champion.
This is a super-duper Saturday.
For Great Britain, it's gold!
Chloe Kelly!
England European champions for the very first time.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
So there you saw incredible British sporting moments that have all taken place
since the show started in 2010. But which one did the British public vote as being the most iconic?
The Lionesses winning their first ever Euros?
Sir Andy Murray becoming the first British man to win Wimbledon
in 77 years, or Super Saturday at the London 2012 Olympics?
I don't know about you, but for me, Super Saturday is when I find out the kids are staying
at their friends# and Lisa's had a glass of wine. But that's just me. Jill,
you were a part of the Lionesses' first Euros win in 2022.
Whoo! (CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Thank you.
Would you say that your achievement is the most iconic?
Ooh, they're pretty iconic, to be fair. Erm, yeah,
I was part of it. I suppose... 16 years with England,
I played 10 tournaments, and I think the only thing people remember
from my career is me saying to a German player,
"Fuck off, you fucking prick."
That was probably my most iconic moment.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
I heard a report that it was the German player
that swore at your first. I heard that she said,
"What ze fuck are you doing here, Crouchy?"
Tony, what would you say your beloved Everton's sporting highlight of the last 15 years is?
That time they nearly got relegated but didn't,
or that other time they nearly got relegated and didn't?
What about the other year when they nearly got relegated - and they didn't? - Sorry, Rom,
who do you support again? Why did I poke the bear?
I just wanna know who do you support, Rom?
I'm an Arsenal fan. Oh, is that the fuckers
who just bottle it every single season? And choke at the very last hurdle?
Who spent a billion quid and got nothing to show for it?
Why did I start?!
What the fucking hell are yous laughing at over there?
Just another one, we've got another fucking blag Kopite over there.
Never been to Liverpool - a day in his life. - Yeah!
You know what I mean?
"Who d'you support?" "I support Liverpool.
I'm from London, but I support Liverpool."
Zuu, er, Liverpool's first title in 30 years
didn't make the list, because, you know,
it was Covid, so it doesn't - really count. - It definitely does. It counts about as much as
scoring past the guy that says, "No likey, no lighty," d'you know what I mean?
Tony, what do you think about Liverpool's, Covid title?
Er, listen, they're not having a great time at the minute,
they've bought the league, er, they've spent, you know, 500 million quid just to -
We bought the league?! You just bought the league, mate, literally,
they bought this season's league. It's a joke, let the bastards piss off.
Damn!
OK, don't be a hater, come on Tony. Mate, we've got the best stadium in the country,
it generates so much noise. D'you know we're the fifth loudest decibel noise
that's ever been created in a football stadium? And we're only just getting started.
Everton Football Club are coming back. The big times are coming back.
I'm telling you now, we're gonna have - (SINGS) # Since 1995
♪ Since 1995 Oh my god. ♪ You haven't won a trophy
My god. ♪ You haven't won a trophy ♪
And you've never been in fucking Anfield.
You silly bastard, if we shut the airports
and we closed the train stations, your ground's empty.
I love it! I was just gonna ask Tony,
cos by the time this gets aired, it'll probably be November,
so Everton might've lost quite a few games, relegation fights, so if you -OK,
now we're getting on Botox Jay.
(APPLAUSE) Oi, you've had a little bit of Botox, you told me. Fuck off.
Got one fella who supports two teams. Come on,
that means... if that isn't a reason for an arrest,
I don't know what is. When Liverpool play Bournemouth,
who d'you actually support, Jay? Well, that's an interesting one, Tone, actually.
So I like Bournemouth -
Yeah, but who do you support when they play each other? Bournemouth and Liverpool?
I want them to draw. Oh my... get him out the studio.
Someone come with handcuffs and take him now.
It's a fucking crime what he just said. I have actually got, you know,
like, the scarves, half and half. Oh, no. No, Jamie.
So what about Super Saturday, then? Meeks, you competed for Team GB
at London 2012. - Yes, I did. I'm an Olympian. - Yeah.
Er, did you get into the Olympic spirit? Oh, I loved it, it was amazing.
It was a bit weird though, cos the first couple of weeks
you've got to pretend to like sports like hockey and cycling, haven't ya?
But after that... sorry, Laura.
But it was just unbelievable, weren't it, Jill? Come on.
Yeah, no, it was. It was really good.
I think you were doing different things in the Olympics to me, though.
What... what was I doing? Like, while we were trying to win a medal,
you were just cleaning up in the Village.
You were. - I was. I was. - You were.
Did you hit the McDonald's hard? - Oh, McDonald's was amazing. - Yeah.
No, I didn't - Remember the free McDonald's? Yeah, but I didn't mean
cleaning up the food, I meant the girls.
Then you liked the hockey and the cycling. "I'll give you a good ride, come on."
Laura, be honest with me,
do you count footballers like Jill and Meeks as proper Olympians?
Right, er... whoa... listen, hear me out, hear me out.
Right, once an Olympian, always Olympian, yeah?
You can have the title, that's fine. But, like, it's not your pinnacle. As proven by the fact
you don't seem to care.
Whereas for us, it's, like, it's everything,
and, like, so it just - Yeah, they take it for granted.
No, we don't. Yeah. Spoilt pricks, aren't they?
They get an opportunity to represent Team GB in the Olympics,
they're just running round the corridors
trying to pull - Yeah, exactly, you just didn't care. Your highlight from the Olympics,
"McDonald's was sick, bruv. And I was up and down the corridors on the rampage."
Jill, we've actually got a photo of you from 2012.
You've barely changed, to be honest.
You horrible bastards.
Such a cheap shot.
Er, OK, teams, I need an answer from you guys so lock them in.
Red Team, er, what are you going for on this? Put them in order, please.
Can you repeat the question one more time, Rom, please? Yes, put those in order.
Well, er, let's see if you're right.
I can tell you that the Lionesses - winning the Euros was third. - Yes!
Super Saturday was second, Andy Murray winning Wimbledon... No!...came in at number one.
No way. She was right.
Red Team, you've got zero. Blue Team, you got one. We took a gamble.
Now, as it's the last show, we asked the public
which game they would like to see, and there were two clear favourites,
Popstar Penalties and Human Darts.
Er, we couldn't decide which one to do, so we did this.
♪ Popstar
♪ Human Darts
♪ Popstar, Human Darts
♪ Popstar Tell me about the Popstar
♪ Popstar, Human Darts, yeah ♪
Yes, this is Popstar Human Darts.
Our teams are gonna see who can get the highest score
using their Popstar Human Darts.
There's three points for the winner. All we need now is a Popstar.
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING RYTHMICALLY)
Popstar! (CLAPPING ALONG) Popstar!
Let's see who's up first playing for the Blue Team.
(MUSIC)
Please welcome Una from The Saturdays!
(MUSIC)
Una, welcome to the show. Are you a big fan of darts?
It was certainly not on my bingo card to be a human dart ever in my life.
But here I am. Listen, it's gonna go great.
OK, Blue Team, you're gonna be up first. You've got three goes.
Una, happy about the decision to come on?
Here we go. Oh, this show. Fucking hell.
Yeah!
Blue Team, you're up first.
How far do we pull back? As far as you like, I guess. As far as you can.
Let's play darts. - OK, here we go. - Back, back, back.
Pull your leg down, girl. You ready, Una? Two. Three. Go!
OK, Blue Team, your second dart, please.
Keep that head down, girl. Pull her lower.
Two steps behind the line. Head down. Ready, head down. One. Two. Three. Pull!
Blue Team, that was a bullseye!
OK. Time for your third dart.
Una, are you OK? Good. I was aiming for the bullseye. - Oh, well done. - Yeah.
Great stuff.
Another bullseye, girl. Another bullseye. Come on.
One. Two. Three. Pull!
(MUSIC) # I wanna know
♪ If you'll be my girl ♪
OK, can we take this to VAR, please? Because... she didn't actually... I mean,
she sort of face-planted it.
Look at this, you can see here... - bang. - Yes.
We're giving 18. You've got a total of 73!
I dunno about you, Jill, but I'm still quite peckish.
Who fancies another Popstar? Ah, yeah.
(CLAPPING ALONG) Popstar!
Popstar! Let's see who it is.
(MUSIC)
Playing for the Red Team,
please welcome the one and only
Chesney... Hawkes...!
♪ CHESNEY HAWKES: 'The One And Only'
Chesney, Chesney, lovely to see you,
thanks for coming on the show.
Er, how are you? I'd rather be dressed up like a dickhead
and fly through the air than sing that song again.
Er, Jay, are you a big fan of Chesney's?
Mate, he's my one and only. So happy.
Right, go on Jay, go and pull Chesney off really hard.
OK, Red Team, it's your turn.
Let's play darts.
Head down! Head down! Head down! Head down!
Ready? One, two, three, go!
(MUSIC)
You scored 12 points.
OK, dart number two. Let's play darts.
Bit more, bit more, bit more. Ready? Yes, Chesney. Ready?
One, two, three, go!
OK. Your third dart. Let's play darts.
Trebble 20. Aim high. Aim high. Aim high. Aim high. One. Two. Three. Go!
There we go. That's it.
So after that, Blue Team, you scored 73, Red Team, 41,
which means the Blue Team have won the bonus point!
Please give it up for the PVC Darts Dancers and our popstars
Una and Chesney!
See you in a bit.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Now, this is the show that makes dreams come true,
so as it's the final episode, I arranged a special treat
for Jamie. Jamie, tell everyone what your ultimate fantasy is.
Ah, Rom, you know what it is, baby.
I wanna - mean, I keep it show-suitable,
I'm not talking about the one with the twin sisters and the panda.
I want a hole in one. - You want a hole in one. - Yeah.
Now, Jamie, you've tried a hole in one before, er, on the show. Well not just tri... I've been
playing golf since I was probably eight years of age.
And all I've wanted to do is get a hole in one,
and I've not been lucky enough to get one yet. We did try a few years ago
and unfortunately I couldn't do it. Yes, I mean, that's right.
On the previous occasions you let everybody down, but as it's the final show,
I wanted to give Jamie one more chance to fulfil his dream.
But to help motivate him, he was going head-to-head
against golf lover Tony.
If either of them managed to get a hole in one, they'd win three bonus points
for their team. However, there was one small detail I forgot to mention
before they arrived.
Beautiful day, Tone. What a day
for a hole in one challenge with one of my best mates. Mate, thank you very much.
I'm happy to be here, and the most thing I'm happy about,
we're doing a normal challenge. There's nothing silly gonna happen,
no-one's sticking me to a ceiling, and no one's trying to attach me to a plane. Just gonna play golf.
Jay.... what's that about? Come on!
Every time I come on this show, it's planes, its roofs, heights.
This is a joke. This is not on. This is down to Romesh, gotta be.
Jamie, Tony!
D'you know who that is? - No. - That's Mark from the Guiness Book of Records.
What's he doing here? Fuck.
Oh, I don't like that stuff either. Oh, mate, I don't need this.
What... what's that for? Welcome, welcome gentlemen.
It's time for a head-to-head challenge.
The first of you to get a hole in one
will achieve a Guiness World Records title
for the highest altitude hole in one.
Are you coming up there with us? (LAUGHS)
No.
Alright, gentlemen, all harnessed up and ready to go?
Yeah. You have until sunset
to achieve the record. One last thing, I am in charge of how high you go.
Good luck. Good to see you're still - a bundle of fun. - Take it up!
This is definitely safe, guys, yeah? I feel sick.
How are you feeling? This is high enough. That's enough now, this is perfect.
Halfway there. - What?! - Oh, it's getting quicker as well.
I don't like this, Tone. And it's getting wobbly, Tone.
And windy. Jay, will you stop reminding me of what I already know?
This is as high as we can go? Alright, whoa, it's moving. I'm getting, I'm getting down.
Get down, Tone. Oh, Tone, it's... why is it doing that noise?
What's - I don't know! This is not fair.
Mark, how high are we now?
We'll need to measure. Just stand tight.
Stand tight? I'm moving around!
Tony, you'll be going first.
If you can take up your position, it's time to begin.
For the record.
Oh, for fuck's sake. - Nah, nah. - Oi.
No-one said anything about fireworks, doughnut!
You're out of order, Mark.
Right, are you ready? - Yeah. - You're going first.
Come on, Tone, put it in.
Come on, Tone. This is gonna be so hard.
I've come here for a game of golf and, as usual, I have been set up.
You understand how high up we are - here? - I'm trying not to think about it, Tone.
My arse is twitching.
Tone, it's going in. It's in!
Is it possible today? Look, I'm gonna need to make sure I hit a great shot.
I've been playing golf so long, I've still not had a hole in one.
Oh no, that's so bad.
Your practice shots are over. If you can start taking it seriously, please.
Oh, what's he give it all that for!
Come on, Tone.
Bit hard, innit? Yep, it is a bit hard. Like one of your left hooks.
Mark, you ready? I've been ready for the last hour.
Ere'yare, pick that one up, Mark.
Gentleman, I have to remain impartial,
but if I could give you one piece of advice?
Yeah. Aim for the hole.
Ah, shut up! Oh, don't be a plonker.
Come on, Tone, concentrate.
Go on. Ooh, what a try, Tone!
That was the closest yet.
Together, you have collectively hit over 200 balls.
If one of the next ones can go in the hole, that would be appreciated.
Mark, make yourself useful and clear the balls away, please!
Do something properly, lad. That's it.
Tone, let's go home, mate. This is it.
That's a good strike.
Oh!
Oh my God, that danced round the hole.
Ahh! Come on.
They gave me a hard hat for safety.
They could've just asked me to sit on the hole.
Shut up, you doughnut. This is it, baby. Guinness Book of Records time.
That's got a chance, Tone. That has a chance.
That does. That does! Oh my god!
For fuck's sake. Wow, wow, wow.
I'm gonna have to put in for overtime at this rate.
Mark. Look at that.
Could it get any closer? Pretty close, but not quite there. We've been up there three hours.
You giving up?
So close. - Ahh! - So close!
Er, was it a, was it a nice little surprise
being part of a Guinness World Records attempt? No, mate, you always put me up
on the fucking gods in the sky.
It's just ridiculous. I thought I was going for a nice little knock at golf with me mate Jamie,
and then turned up and seen this big stupid crane
on a golf course, and I was just, this is ridiculous. Er, how horrible was it
being up there? - Cos it looks pretty shaky. - Mate,
when the wind was kicking in, it wasn't nice at all.
Yeah, wasn't nice. It was horrible.
Er, Jay, at any point did you start to worry
about letting everyone down again, you know, us, the crew,
your family and friends? Everyone watching tonight, Sky TV,
television as a whole? It was so difficult, and everyone thinks... it only
looks like we're hitting it softly, but we had to land it
in the perfect spot.
So yeah, it was a bit of a nightmare and I felt, obviously,
so disappointed. Jill, think either of them
are gonna do it? I'd like to see them do it.
It's nice to see Jamie's career finally reach a decent height,
though, innit?
Well, that's what I enjoyed about it, I think.
Er, Zuu, do you play golf?
I've no idea what you lot - are talking about. - Golf.
Par four for the four, par for the four?
That sounded like a vibe, you know. Albatross, birdies.
Albatross with the... albatross, - what? - Laura,
now that you've retired, have you got into new hobbies like golf?
Er, no, not golf. I'm on the same wavelength,
I haven't got a clue what you're going on about, to be honest. It's just like a stop-start walk.
Yeah. Like, I don't wanna stop-start. I just wanna walk, like...
Jill's gonna play soon. You two go out, have a game. Isn't that expensive to do though?
How much is it, like a year's membership? Depends where you're a member.
But if I wanted to become a member of - You could get blackballed,
if you didn't - Why would I -Wow.
(SEVERAL VOICES AT ONCE)
You should get cancelled soon.
I know this is the last show, Jay, but...
I... the question was, could I join your golf club?
Immediately you go, you could get blackballed.
It is... it's actually true, there are some courses,
if you join and they're not sure about you, you could be blackballed. - What d'you mean, not sure? - Well,
if they don't like, you know, what you do or where you're from - So if you're black?
No, no, no.
Let's move on, let's go, let's go to the hole in one.
I mean, Jay... What?..you keep applying the tan,
you might be close to getting banned yourself.
Well, after already missing 521 times between them,
Jamie and Tony decide to have one final push.
Let's see how they got on.
Right, come on, Tone. Round two, mate, round two.
This is where there's no more Mister Nice Guy.
In your own time.
That's close.
Fuck off. Ah, Tone.
Fuck off. (LAUGHS)
Tone, Tone, Tone!
Ahh! Oh!
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Come on, come back, we need you, Tone.
If I can just remind you of the challenge.
It's to get the ball in the hole.
Is there a world record for the least funny man?
Congratulations, you've just won another one.
That's got a great line on it.
Oh, no! Oh my god!
It went in the hole. It went in the hole and bounced out.
If the ball bounces out, it does not count, I'm afraid.
Oh my god.
The sun is setting, gentlemen, this is your last chance
to get your hole in one. Good luck.
This is it, baby. Hole in one time.
Guinness Book of Records time. Come on, lad. Come on, Jam, let's go!
That's the perfect place to land!
Oh my god. It's gone in the hole and round it.
Time is getting away from us, gents.
Come on. This is the one.
This is the one.
Ahh! I'm losing the will to live.
Oh, fuck off!
Right, last go. Come on.
D'you think one's gonna slam-dunk, or we're gonna roll it in? It's not gonna stay, mate.
It's got to roll in. Even a second bounce might not stay in.
See, it's gonna have to roll like that! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Whoo!
Have some of that, baby...!
Oh my god. Oh, yes!
Yes, Tone! Yes!
Yes, Tone! Whoo!
We've done it, big boy. Listen... Champ.
We've done it. Marky!
You did it. We did it, Marky!
Yes! Yes!
Yes, boys. Are we record-breakers?
Congratulations, you are officially amazing.
Thank you, mate. Top man, Mark.
We're in A League of Our Own, guys.
Mark, I'm gonna get the ball, alright?
Come on. This is it.
Whoo! (CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Wow, give it up for Jamie Redknapp!
Jamie, that was... Ahh... that was unbelievable.
Er... So happy... how, how d'you feel? I can honestly say
it makes me emotional watching that, because to do it
on the last ever episode, with my big mate Tony,
we'd tried so hard, and genuinely we had 15,
20 minutes left of daylight, and we had to do it, Tone, didn't we?
I didn't mind who did it at that point, and we just got the perfect line on one,
and it just dribbled in. Oh, so happy.
D'you reckon you would've got there, Tony? Were you happy or disappointed?
It was a good laugh. We had a laugh, didn't we?
Er, in the end, the height just went away,
because I was up there for that fucking long,
I'd lost the will to live, and I just thought, even if I fall off, I'm not arsed anymore.
At one point, he was go... he said... seriously,
he said to me, "Take me harness off, I've had enough of this."
I'm Scouse, I'm not Welsh.
Er, you got three bonus points. You've also got yourself
a world record, and to present you with your certificate,
please welcome Mark!
Mark, really nice to see you.
Welcome back to the show. Buzzing to be back?
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
How did you feel about Jamie kissing you?
Well, it wasn't the first time it's happened.
Mark, was there part of you hoping it would go further? I wished that Tony had won,
to be honest.
OK, listen, time to make it official now, Mark, over to you.
Congratulations, Jamie. One final time,
you are officially amazing. - Well done. - Thank you, mate. Thank you.
(MUSIC/CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Are you pleased for me?
Please give it up for Mark from Guinness World Records...!
See you in a bit.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE
It's time for our final round.
Let's see what they're up against tonight.
This is Goalmouth Scramble.
I'm transporting the teams back to the days of proper football with leather balls, muddy pitches
and big tackles. They'll be trying to answer multiple choice questions
by scoring in the goal that matches the right answer,
while the other team try to stop them. Let's welcome back our teams.
♪ 'Come On Feel The Noize' - SLADE
Chesney has subbed in for Tony
as he's recovering from a snapped Achillies. Jamie,
was that something that would've kept a player like you - out? - No, I'd have played on
with that one Tone, sorry. Erm, Laura, are you looking forward to this?
Definitely, yep. Er, OK.
Zuu, you look unbelievable. Can we get a...
Who are you today, Zuu? I'm not sure.
What player are you feeling? You've gotta go into that era, - who are you thinking? - Dunno.
I don't know any old players. Er, Jamie Redknapp.
OK, Blue Team, you're gonna be defending first.
Red Team, you are answering questions.
Get yourselves into position, - please. - Come on Zuu, we need you. Urgh!
What is this brown stuff? Er, I produced it earlier.
Blue Team, you're defending first, Red Team, answering questions.
Question one, which one of these athletes won gold
on Super Saturday at London 2012?
A, Victoria Pendleton, or B, Jessica Ennis-Hill?
Can we tackle?
(CROWD CHEERING)
Come on! (YELPS)
What a goal! That is correct.
Yes, Zuu. Oh my life -That was better than your Soccer Aid goal.
OK, here's your second question, Red Team.
Wimbledon, he never won the US Open. Off you go!
(CROWD CHEERING)
But I'm sure he won the U.S Open. Ahh!
I'm afraid you don't get the point, it's handball. (CROWD BOOS) Why?
Hand of God! You didn't see it, ref. No, Hand of God is like that,
hand of God is not picking it up and luzzing it into the goal. I dunno what they're talking about.
Question number three, Red Team.
Cruiserweight, A. OK, go or it.
Zuu. Zuu! Zuu, this way!
This way! Ref, he's pulling my undies, ref!
What's going on?
Well done, Red Team, you scored two points.
Oh, fuck.
That might end up on a porn website.
I think you're safe. - Are you sure? - Yeah.
This show has gone to new depths. Yeah, d'you know what, actually,
watching this, I think, know what, it is good that it's ending.
Red Team, you're defending, Blue Team, answering questions. Your first question is...
Albatross is... (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Let me go tackle 'em. Go Zuu, go!
Big shot. Big shot!
What a goal!
Blue Team, your next question.
Get there, get there!
That's the wrong one, wrong one! That was the wrong, er... OK, Blue Team, question three.
Jason. Don't look at me, - I ain't helping you. - Yeah.
Laura. Go long!
That was correct. Correct.
Well done, Blue Team, you scored two points!
So that means tonight's winners are the Blue Team!
You are in A League Of Your Own, well done.
So thanks to Jamie, Zuu, Laura, Micah, Jill and Tony,
and now, to sing us out,
it had to be the One and Only, Mark from Guinness World Records!
♪ 'Freed From Desire' - GALA
♪ My love has got no money, he's got his strong beliefs
♪ My love has got no power, he's got his strong beliefs
Yeah! ♪ Want more and more
♪ People just want more and more
♪ Freedom and love, what he's looking for
♪ Want more and more
♪ People just want more, freedom and love
♪ What he's looking for
Let's go! ♪ Freed from desire
♪ Mind and senses purified
♪ Freed from desire, mind and senses purified
♪ Freed from desire
♪ Whoo! Na-na-na-na-na, na-na na-na-na, na-na-na
♪ Na-na-na-na-na na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na (REPEATS TILL END)
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
A huge thank you to everyone who's been a part of this show
over the years, the guests, the crew,
everyone behind the scenes and, most importantly, Jamie's Botox guy.
And thank you so much for watching.
This was A League Of Their Own. Goodnight.
(CHEERING/APPLAUSE)
Subtitles by Sky Access Services www.skyaccessibility.sky