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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org

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In the spring of 1956, Archangel Films,

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a landmark studio located
in Culver City, California,

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produced a science fiction
movie of such immense scope,

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it was said it would eclipse anything

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00:00:35,408 --> 00:00:38,383
yet seen on the silver screen.

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Mr. Archibald Angel,
Chairman of the studio held

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a private screening of this film

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for a select group of shareholders.

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Reportedly, the movie earned its title

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when the VIP's screamed
out, "Unbelievable,"

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on several occasions
during the first reel.

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It was then that Mr. Angel allegedly

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went berserk trying to
set fire to the film.

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00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:05,258
In the early morning
hours of April 13th, 1956,

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the entire studio burned
to the ground and those

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who had seen the movie tragically
perished in the flames.

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Incredibly, one of the only items

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to survive the fire was the film itself.

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Inside one of the metal canisters

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was a note Mr. Angel wrote to his wife,

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making her promise not to show anyone

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the movie until quote,

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"It decomposes into a
mass of gelatinous goo."

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After she recently passed away,

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film preservationists were astounded

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to discover this cinematic treasure

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00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,278
at a garage sale in Bel Air.

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Purchased for the sum of $3,

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it has been restored
to its original luster

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and it's now ready to be
presented to the world.

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Produced before computerized
special effects,

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and bloated production budgets,

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it is a true reflection of
Hollywood during its Golden Age.

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You will be among the
first to see this movie.

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Lost for more than 50 years,

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it is my distinct pleasure to present

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the world premier of, "Unbelievable!!!!!"

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If you stare at it
for another five hours,

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I'm sure they'll call.

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The studio's not interested.

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How could they treat us
like this after all we did?

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00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,798
We don't appeal to their demographic.

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Live long and prosper my ass.

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I say let's wake this town up.

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How do you plan to do that?

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With this.

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A lousy script?

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00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:18,838
What's it about?

50
00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,803
It's like "Airplane!" only funnier,

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or "Spaceballs" but ballsier.

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But who's gonna produce it?

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- Us?
- Come on.

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We know a lot of people.

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Most everyone I know is
either here or at Forest Lawn.

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I'll tell you who we need.

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We need Kirk.

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Kirk, are you kidding?

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Is he still alive?

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Better than alive.

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He's immortal.

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What the hell?

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Don't tell me he sold his
soul to the Weinstein's?

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Nope, rumor has it he went

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to the best plastic surgeon in town.

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He's been vacuu-formed.

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Get him on the phone.

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Yeah, this is Kirk.

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Who's this?

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Oh, yes.

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Always glad to hear
from the little people.

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What's that?

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00:04:17,450 --> 00:04:19,423
You want me to do your film?

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Well, my normal day rate's six figures.

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Scale?

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No.

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No.

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Listen, when they find a
cure for Alzheimer's, call me.

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Daddy, we want a role.

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- Yes.
- Please.

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- Yeah?
- Oh, I want a role.

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- Okay, If you want me,
- Please.

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you have to give all my
girls roles in the film.

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Oh, yay!

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And my pony gets some face time, too.

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You know how I love horses.

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Okay.

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Okay, we got a deal.

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- Good, good.
- Thank you!

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Two games left.

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Do you have to strut around like that?

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I've been stranded here

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for six months with no hairdresser,

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no manicures, no masseuse.

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The least I can do is
keep my tan from fading.

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Well, I'm not sure my
fiance would approve.

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Please.

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You're as bad as that
fruity husband of mine.

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The only time I get a rise out of you

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is when you want a beer.

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Well, I could use a
cold one right about now.

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Dream on, Jack.

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I drank the last of it three weeks ago.

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Are you expecting someone?

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00:08:00,425 --> 00:08:02,123
Must be a Jehovah's Witness.

106
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:04,813
Tell 'em to hit the road.

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What's with you?

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It was...

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I saw a...

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It looked like a bush!

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Well, get a bikini wax.

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No, it's scraggly and green.

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Well, that's a little more
information than I need.

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And your personal problems should

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be shared between you and your husband.

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You hear me?

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Cheryl?

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Cheryl?

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Oh my God!

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It's all over her body.

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She must've caught some
extraterrestrial STD.

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Oh, holy herpes!

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I've got it, too.

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Why in the hell did I wash
her panties with mine?

125
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Oh no!

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It's spreading!

127
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Oh!

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Hi, Miss Hastings?

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Yeah?

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I'm Private Durwood, radio operator 171,

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reporting for A.S.S duty.

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Contact Lunar Base.

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00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:25,363
Yes, Ma'am.

134
00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:34,808
Lunar Base, this is
Mission Control in Houston.

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Do you read Lunar Base?

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00:09:36,550 --> 00:09:37,978
Do you read me Lunar Base?

137
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:39,678
Do you read?

138
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,548
Over.

139
00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:42,006
They still can't read?

140
00:09:42,008 --> 00:09:44,688
Yeah, why can't we train
them to be more polite?

141
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:45,773
What do you think?

142
00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:48,808
I guess I don't think.

143
00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:51,147
And that's why we hired you, Dillwood.

144
00:09:52,145 --> 00:09:53,258
It's Durwood.

145
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,133
Yeah, whatever.

146
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:57,183
Okay.

147
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:00,381
Sorry.

148
00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:01,491
Should I just keep contacting them?

149
00:10:01,493 --> 00:10:04,808
Just keep
contacting the Lunar Base.

150
00:10:04,810 --> 00:10:05,643
Oh!

151
00:10:07,417 --> 00:10:08,867
It's my first day.

152
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:12,480
Aunt Jemima.

153
00:10:15,774 --> 00:10:19,225
Oh, smiley face emoticon.

154
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,597
Mrs. Butterworth!

155
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:23,688
Tatty Tayle here, reporting

156
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from Captain Kirk Stillwood's ready room.

157
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,168
It's been quiet here
for the past few hours.

158
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,670
The Space Agency's always
been open with the press,

159
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:35,748
but with this launch, A.S.S.
has become incredibly tight.

160
00:10:35,750 --> 00:10:37,608
Hey, put a sock in it.

161
00:10:37,610 --> 00:10:39,788
Some of us are trying to sleep.

162
00:10:39,790 --> 00:10:40,718
Sorry.

163
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,111
Let's see what happens next.

164
00:10:46,653 --> 00:10:49,058
Amber, where did you come from?

165
00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:50,291
Well, I came from the launch site

166
00:10:50,293 --> 00:10:51,718
if that's what you're asking.

167
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:52,628
Hello?

168
00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:53,898
Aren't you forgetting to mention

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the 800 pound doughnut in the room?

170
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THE GARDENER OF FRICKIN'
FOREVER: Whoa, whoa,

171
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whoa, whoa, whoa, pally, okay?

172
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I'm not a doughnut.

173
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I am The Gardener of Frickin' Forever.

174
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You jacked that thing like 50 years ago.

175
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,128
Oh, stealing an artifact
from another world

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is against the prime derivative.

177
00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,398
I'd rather hollow out my
eyes with a rusty corkscrew

178
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,508
than violate that sacred law.

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THE GARDENER OF FRICKIN'
FOREVER: This putz,

180
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this narcissistic putz!

181
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,528
It'll take him frickin' forever

182
00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:20,848
to admit he's a full on kleptomaniac.

183
00:11:20,850 --> 00:11:22,468
Where did you get those cribbles?

184
00:11:22,470 --> 00:11:23,968
- Oh, that's Nay Nay
- I'm Nay Nay.

185
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:25,758
and that's Tay Tay,

186
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:26,848
- space groupies.
- I'm Tay Tay.

187
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:27,731
They mean nothing to me.

188
00:11:29,153 --> 00:11:30,778
Hey, you two shut it.

189
00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:31,908
- Boy!
- Stop makin' a scene.

190
00:11:31,910 --> 00:11:34,098
- Quiet!
- Boogie my block.

191
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:35,318
We're ready for launch.

192
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,263
Just, please try to make everything look

193
00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:40,798
as routine as possible, okay?

194
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,818
You must think I'm one
hell of an actor, huh?

195
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:45,578
In your wettest of dreams, Kirk.

196
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,448
You know, if something
goes wrong up there,

197
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:50,138
this'll be the end of the program.

198
00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:52,478
Well, I thought we
had 80 more minutes...

199
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,598
Oh, that program.

200
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:54,431
Oh.

201
00:11:54,433 --> 00:11:56,598
Before you leave, somebody
wants to debrief you.

202
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,728
Oh Amber, I've told you
1,000 times, I'm straight.

203
00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:01,833
Why won't anyone believe me?

204
00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:06,348
So, I like sweaty puppets on steroids.

205
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,487
Does that make me weird?

206
00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:10,185
You can come in now.

207
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:11,018
THE GARDENER OF
FRICKIN' FOREVER: I can be

208
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:13,578
a gateway to your own past.

209
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:17,068
All you gotta do is say the
word and I'll be your gateway.

210
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,718
Now, many such journeys are possible.

211
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:22,068
Just enter and allow me to show you

212
00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:23,891
The Gardener of Frickin'
Forever, to show you...

213
00:12:25,525 --> 00:12:26,554
Damn it!

214
00:12:26,556 --> 00:12:28,737
I didn't have time to finish the shpeel.

215
00:12:28,739 --> 00:12:30,788
To all inferior creatures,

216
00:12:30,790 --> 00:12:32,566
I bring great tidings of joy.

217
00:12:32,568 --> 00:12:36,928
His Holiest of Holies will
be amongst you in seconds.

218
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,128
This is interesting.

219
00:12:38,130 --> 00:12:40,585
Maybe we can get some
real news for a change.

220
00:13:24,932 --> 00:13:26,480
Greetings.

221
00:13:26,482 --> 00:13:27,988
Shizzle my nizzle.

222
00:13:27,990 --> 00:13:30,898
Before you stands the most righteous,

223
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:34,933
the most spectacular Major LeGrande Bushe,

224
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:40,901
here for you to obey, honor,

225
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:45,903
bow down, to kneel before,
you lame ass humans.

226
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,138
You may proceed.

227
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:50,666
Oh, Tay Tay.

228
00:13:50,668 --> 00:13:53,261
LeGrande Bushe!

229
00:13:53,263 --> 00:13:55,128
- Oh!
- Well, hello ladies.

230
00:13:55,130 --> 00:13:58,076
Climb onboard the good ship, Bushe,

231
00:13:58,078 --> 00:13:59,497
- for a ride like
- Oh, Nay Nay!

232
00:13:59,499 --> 00:14:00,330
you've never known.

233
00:14:01,470 --> 00:14:03,818
Hey, find your own women, pal.

234
00:14:03,820 --> 00:14:05,308
So you're Tay Tay,

235
00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:06,728
and you're Nay Nay,

236
00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:09,003
or are you Nay Nay and you Tay Tay?

237
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:15,050
Gets a bit confused since
you're so luscious, both of you.

238
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,608
You'll be sorry.

239
00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:17,848
Why is that my man?

240
00:14:17,850 --> 00:14:19,428
'Cause their sister for Va-Jay Jay

241
00:14:19,430 --> 00:14:21,167
was the only one born female.

242
00:14:24,801 --> 00:14:26,213
Oh, now who?

243
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,173
That would be my most
awesome military aid.

244
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:35,433
I present, Captain Buttock Snortz.

245
00:14:54,974 --> 00:14:56,100
I am Buttock,

246
00:14:56,102 --> 00:14:58,718
Captain of the spaceship, Facetious,

247
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,438
from the First Federation
of the second nation,

248
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,498
to the third conglomeration.

249
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,598
You are obviously primitive creatures

250
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,558
who have no reason to live.

251
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:09,245
Yet, the great and powerful Bushe

252
00:15:09,247 --> 00:15:11,578
has graced you with his presence.

253
00:15:11,580 --> 00:15:12,978
Honor this opportunity

254
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:16,588
or you shall certainly perish
in everlasting torment.

255
00:15:16,590 --> 00:15:17,825
I never forget a face.

256
00:15:17,827 --> 00:15:21,068
Didn't you destroy the
Star Ship Constipation?

257
00:15:21,070 --> 00:15:22,005
Silence!

258
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:27,238
Whoa.

259
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,618
Excuse you.

260
00:15:28,620 --> 00:15:30,008
Refrain from speaking

261
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:33,128
when the great and powerful
Bushe is addressing you.

262
00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:35,438
Thank you, Captain Snortz.

263
00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:37,538
Yo Pups, the Lunar Base has been

264
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,680
on the down low for the past two weeks.

265
00:15:39,682 --> 00:15:43,118
Nobody knows squat about
our homies up there.

266
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:45,308
We don't know why they took a powder,

267
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:47,528
but this Star Trekker voice,

268
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:51,008
it's gotta look completely routine.

269
00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:53,268
There's nothing routine
about our routine...

270
00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:54,787
Shut your hole.

271
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,455
Oh hell no!

272
00:15:57,512 --> 00:16:01,048
Can I get a PA to
bring me a towel please?

273
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:02,588
Is that really necessary?

274
00:16:02,590 --> 00:16:03,978
- Oh!
- Nasty.

275
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:06,568
Just who do you think you are?

276
00:16:06,570 --> 00:16:09,238
Well, lil homie, I'm really an alien

277
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,811
here to take over the world.

278
00:16:11,813 --> 00:16:16,528
So, how did you get here
on our planet, the Earth?

279
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:21,068
Well, we arrived in a 5,000
mile long mothership fool.

280
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:23,175
It's double parked on
the backside of the Moon.

281
00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:26,118
That's very funny, Major.

282
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,208
If this alien thing
doesn't work out for you,

283
00:16:28,210 --> 00:16:30,648
you've always got a future in stand-up.

284
00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:31,481
Insolence!

285
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:34,321
Damn it, Bones.

286
00:16:34,323 --> 00:16:36,045
I'm a captain, not an exorcist.

287
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,758
That's just
another demonstration

288
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,338
of our superiority.

289
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:45,706
Well, it's been fun,
but we have to get going.

290
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:53,748
These stupid ass humans.

291
00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:55,510
Soon I will take over the planet

292
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,407
with my army of plants.

293
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:06,826
Damn, you got some big
teeth, Captain Snortz.

294
00:17:06,828 --> 00:17:08,795
I'm
big all over, Major.

295
00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:14,211
Yeah.

296
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,108
Let's roll a blunt.

297
00:17:19,110 --> 00:17:20,708
This is the launchman.

298
00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:25,108
Launch T-minus four hours,
22 minutes and counting.

299
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:27,978
Clear the launch area immediately.

300
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,488
All authorized personnel are requested

301
00:17:30,490 --> 00:17:32,388
to leave the launch site.

302
00:17:32,390 --> 00:17:33,978
All unauthorized personnel

303
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,783
can do whatever the hell they want.

304
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:39,913
Hello?

305
00:17:42,277 --> 00:17:44,113
Yeah, we'll accept the charges.

306
00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,023
Yeah, she's right here.

307
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,883
It's Amber Earhardt for you.

308
00:17:58,297 --> 00:17:59,738
Ah!

309
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:03,668
Hey, Amber girl.

310
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:05,318
Did you get any last night?

311
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:07,108
Let's not go there.

312
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:10,370
Hey, what's the deal with that Bushe?

313
00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:12,068
Oh, Bushe.

314
00:18:12,070 --> 00:18:14,248
I thought you said you
didn't wanna go there.

315
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:16,591
No, I meant the Major who briefed us.

316
00:18:16,593 --> 00:18:20,158
He looked like he was
growing out of his clothes

317
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,168
like some sort of a weed.

318
00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:23,518
What the hell?

319
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,618
I'll contact the personnel
director and see what she knows.

320
00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:29,733
Keep the press canned though
and everything will be a-okay.

321
00:18:31,130 --> 00:18:31,963
Okay.

322
00:18:33,390 --> 00:18:34,858
Is there trouble?

323
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,405
What do you think?

324
00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,238
I don't think.

325
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,833
And that's why you make
the big bucks, Dagwood.

326
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:44,738
It's Durwood.

327
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:47,031
Yeah, close enough.

328
00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:49,720
Joe Durwood!

329
00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:54,355
Durwood.

330
00:19:44,831 --> 00:19:47,358
Clear the
launch area immediately.

331
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,333
Clear the launch area immediately.

332
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,468
Oo, we have leaks in
five primary systems.

333
00:20:15,470 --> 00:20:17,888
Our fuel line is ruptured and we have loss

334
00:20:17,890 --> 00:20:19,968
of power in our life support batteries.

335
00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:21,643
Can you override?

336
00:20:25,130 --> 00:20:25,963
It's a go!

337
00:20:27,512 --> 00:20:28,968
What time is it?

338
00:20:28,970 --> 00:20:31,290
27 minutes to launch.

339
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,428
How much longer?

340
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:36,086
Mm, just under 10 minutes.

341
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:40,627
Why are you so nervous?

342
00:20:40,629 --> 00:20:43,600
'Cause I built this
piece of crap!

343
00:20:50,623 --> 00:20:52,193
This isn't givin' me
a lot of confidence.

344
00:20:52,195 --> 00:20:53,828
I'm surprised you have any at all.

345
00:20:53,830 --> 00:20:55,328
Oh, I can't stand this.

346
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,290
What time is it?

347
00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:10,868
We leave in two minutes.

348
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,618
Let me now acquaint you with

349
00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:15,208
the various safety
features aboard our craft.

350
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,048
We have life vests under your seats

351
00:21:17,050 --> 00:21:20,043
and inflatable rafts over both coat racks.

352
00:21:21,230 --> 00:21:24,913
We're down to one
minute, T-minus 60 seconds.

353
00:21:26,738 --> 00:21:30,453
Yeah, lemme get a large pepperoni
and onion, light cheese.

354
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,073
Everything is a go.

355
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,223
T-minus 40 seconds.

356
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,328
Yeah, my number?

357
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:44,330
Yeah, it's 987-654-3210.

358
00:21:47,085 --> 00:21:48,210
No, not yet!

359
00:21:56,990 --> 00:21:57,823
Oh.

360
00:21:58,900 --> 00:21:59,733
Oh, damn.

361
00:22:01,120 --> 00:22:03,163
Oh, I'm so blamin' this on someone else.

362
00:22:05,460 --> 00:22:08,228
Yeah, no, I'm gonna pick that up.

363
00:22:08,230 --> 00:22:09,788
Yeah, no, no, I'm comin' now.

364
00:22:09,790 --> 00:22:11,045
Oh, yeah, thanks.

365
00:22:17,362 --> 00:22:18,193
Whoa!

366
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:22,238
Warp speed.

367
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,966
Don't flush till we're over the ocean.

368
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,821
Good thing I changed my underwear.

369
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:41,471
What's wrong?

370
00:22:41,473 --> 00:22:44,208
Well, for starters I'm being chased

371
00:22:44,210 --> 00:22:46,118
around the block house by an alien.

372
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,038
Oh, don't jump to conclusions.

373
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:48,871
Are you sure

374
00:22:48,873 --> 00:22:49,704
- it's an alien, Amber?
- Go away!

375
00:22:49,706 --> 00:22:52,428
Well, it's ugly and it's
disgusting and green.

376
00:22:52,430 --> 00:22:55,328
Ew, it's roots are outrunning me.

377
00:22:55,330 --> 00:22:56,628
Don't panic.

378
00:22:56,630 --> 00:22:58,528
We've gotta keep a lid on this.

379
00:22:58,530 --> 00:22:59,878
Now if the press finds out we have

380
00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:03,188
an alien running around the block house,

381
00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:05,451
we'll never get another dime.

382
00:23:05,453 --> 00:23:06,284
Oh!

383
00:23:06,286 --> 00:23:07,775
But, but...

384
00:23:07,777 --> 00:23:09,346
Yeah, yeah, don't worry.

385
00:23:09,348 --> 00:23:10,308
- Stop it!
- Don't worry,

386
00:23:10,310 --> 00:23:13,060
- Stop it!
- I'll get back to you.

387
00:23:13,898 --> 00:23:14,729
Aliens?

388
00:23:15,716 --> 00:23:16,798
Yeah.

389
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:17,843
What do you think?

390
00:23:19,819 --> 00:23:20,929
I don't think.

391
00:23:20,931 --> 00:23:24,668
And therefore you don't exist, Deadwood.

392
00:23:24,670 --> 00:23:26,258
- It's Durwood.
- Get back down there.

393
00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:28,310
Okay.

394
00:23:28,312 --> 00:23:29,143
Oo.

395
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:40,868
Ah, we've slipped the
surly bonds of Earth.

396
00:23:40,870 --> 00:23:43,487
There goes the big, blue marble.

397
00:23:44,850 --> 00:23:45,763
What the what?

398
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,553
There's a potted plant out there.

399
00:23:51,928 --> 00:23:52,761
What?

400
00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:58,928
Oh, there's a potted plant out there.

401
00:23:58,930 --> 00:24:00,288
Nope.

402
00:24:00,290 --> 00:24:02,998
You're hallucinating as usual.

403
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,171
Why is he always trying to scare me?

404
00:24:05,173 --> 00:24:07,013
I will pop a cap in your wood ass.

405
00:24:19,632 --> 00:24:23,420
Whoa, it's the flamin', coitus.

406
00:24:24,290 --> 00:24:25,792
Don't even think about it, hickory nut.

407
00:24:25,794 --> 00:24:27,418
Oh!

408
00:24:27,420 --> 00:24:28,496
But, but.

409
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:39,083
Boris, this is Natasha.

410
00:24:39,940 --> 00:24:42,263
I am activating my 3D holographic display.

411
00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:44,021
Come in.

412
00:24:44,023 --> 00:24:45,827
This is Boris coming in.

413
00:24:47,258 --> 00:24:48,938
Report, comrade.

414
00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:52,398
I have successfully
penetrated Americana airspace.

415
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,224
No challenge, no resistance.

416
00:24:55,226 --> 00:24:57,243
It would be futile.

417
00:24:57,245 --> 00:24:58,076
Panama, come in.

418
00:24:58,078 --> 00:24:59,716
State your current location.

419
00:24:59,718 --> 00:25:02,973
Wait, comrade, I'm receiving
another transmission.

420
00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:05,350
I'll see what they want.

421
00:25:08,728 --> 00:25:09,871
Mm.

422
00:25:09,873 --> 00:25:11,103
Panama, come in.

423
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,370
Please state your current location, over.

424
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:16,920
Over the Cape.

425
00:25:19,058 --> 00:25:20,238
What do you see down there?

426
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,073
Over.

427
00:25:23,523 --> 00:25:25,888
It's unbelievable.

428
00:25:25,890 --> 00:25:28,688
Cars abandoned in the road.

429
00:25:28,690 --> 00:25:30,361
There's no sign of life.

430
00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:31,608
Lights in the tower are on

431
00:25:31,610 --> 00:25:34,278
but I don't see anyone down there.

432
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,222
Just a lotta plants.

433
00:25:37,224 --> 00:25:38,243
Over.

434
00:25:38,245 --> 00:25:39,227
Plants?

435
00:25:39,229 --> 00:25:41,037
- Over.
- Yeah, Roger, plants.

436
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:48,708
Please return to base, over.

437
00:25:48,710 --> 00:25:50,208
Roger, Roger.

438
00:25:57,388 --> 00:26:01,148
Boris, the Americana's are
fleeing their homeland.

439
00:26:01,150 --> 00:26:04,128
They must have received word
of our impending invasion.

440
00:26:04,130 --> 00:26:06,718
Excellent news, Natasha.

441
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,637
I'll inform Placidium.

442
00:26:08,639 --> 00:26:11,696
You will receive order of
landing for your bravery.

443
00:26:11,698 --> 00:26:12,947
Returning to base.

444
00:26:16,150 --> 00:26:17,811
Good evening and welcome

445
00:26:17,813 --> 00:26:20,878
to another edition of "One on One."

446
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:23,637
I'm your host, Laura Luzair.

447
00:26:23,639 --> 00:26:27,878
Tonight, we have with us Dr.
Samantha Stamen, Head Botanist

448
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:31,157
at the U.S. Department of
Agriculture in Washington, D.C.

449
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:35,968
Dr. Stamen, thank you for joining us.

450
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,548
The pleasure is all yours.

451
00:26:37,550 --> 00:26:39,248
Indeed!

452
00:26:39,250 --> 00:26:43,308
So, how did you become a head botanist?

453
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:46,148
I wasn't aware that plants had heads.

454
00:26:46,150 --> 00:26:47,499
I wasn't aware that you didn't.

455
00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:49,838
As to my chosen profession,

456
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,288
I guess I was destined to be a botanist

457
00:26:52,290 --> 00:26:54,488
since my family name is synonymous

458
00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:57,168
with the plants' reproductive sack.

459
00:26:57,170 --> 00:26:59,918
I got a lot of taunting at school,

460
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,758
- but I'm sure
- Aw!

461
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,648
you can relate to that, Luzair.

462
00:27:03,650 --> 00:27:05,318
Of course!

463
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,778
Tonight, we are facing the
greatest threat to humanity.

464
00:27:09,780 --> 00:27:13,028
I am talking about the household plant.

465
00:27:13,030 --> 00:27:16,611
We invite them into our homes
because they look innocent

466
00:27:16,613 --> 00:27:18,298
and they don't give us any crap,

467
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:21,758
but my research shows that they are

468
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,408
the first wave of a massive
invasion force headed

469
00:27:25,410 --> 00:27:28,848
for this planet at this very moment.

470
00:27:28,850 --> 00:27:32,018
Let me demonstrate a
quick and effective way

471
00:27:32,020 --> 00:27:34,963
to rid yourselves of these
treacherous creatures.

472
00:27:36,890 --> 00:27:40,618
Put the noose around the
stem and pull it taught

473
00:27:40,620 --> 00:27:43,363
so the plant can't escape and then,

474
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:49,108
push it off the closest
ledge or window sill.

475
00:27:49,110 --> 00:27:50,173
Oh, dear God!

476
00:27:51,010 --> 00:27:53,028
Why didn't you warn us?

477
00:27:53,030 --> 00:27:55,268
Ladies and gentlemen,
if it's not too late,

478
00:27:55,270 --> 00:27:57,978
please send your children
into another room.

479
00:27:57,980 --> 00:27:59,611
You fools!

480
00:27:59,613 --> 00:28:01,640
You're in danger!

481
00:28:01,642 --> 00:28:02,909
Don't you see it?

482
00:28:02,911 --> 00:28:04,678
They're after you!

483
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:06,338
They're after all of us.

484
00:28:06,340 --> 00:28:08,918
Your wives, your children.

485
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:10,948
Oh, they're already here!

486
00:28:10,950 --> 00:28:11,918
Oh!

487
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,597
You're next!

488
00:28:13,599 --> 00:28:14,599
You're next!

489
00:28:17,823 --> 00:28:19,293
I don't see anyone.

490
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:25,243
Just these plants, everywhere.

491
00:28:27,580 --> 00:28:29,513
Where did all the people go?

492
00:28:30,580 --> 00:28:34,123
It's like they're still here but aren't.

493
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:38,193
What's with all these weird spores?

494
00:28:39,180 --> 00:28:41,969
I don't know, but they better
not clog up our air supply.

495
00:28:41,971 --> 00:28:43,457
Hey, you guys?

496
00:28:48,979 --> 00:28:50,963
What the hell is this?

497
00:28:52,190 --> 00:28:54,853
I don't know, one of
them damn vegans from LA?

498
00:29:00,090 --> 00:29:03,263
It says right here his
name is Benjamin Ficus.

499
00:29:04,610 --> 00:29:07,060
Hey, there's plants in
all the other cars, too.

500
00:29:08,513 --> 00:29:09,344
Call headquarters.

501
00:29:09,346 --> 00:29:13,068
This whole town's turning
into a giant nursery.

502
00:29:13,070 --> 00:29:16,173
Say, are you feelin' all right?

503
00:29:17,670 --> 00:29:18,768
You look kinda tired.

504
00:29:18,770 --> 00:29:19,910
You gettin' enough sleep?

505
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,409
Get your eyes checked.

506
00:29:22,411 --> 00:29:23,242
You're the one looking

507
00:29:23,244 --> 00:29:24,488
like roadkill.

508
00:29:24,490 --> 00:29:26,148
Well, if you ask me both

509
00:29:26,150 --> 00:29:28,388
of you should find the
nearest funeral home.

510
00:29:28,390 --> 00:29:31,288
Yeah, well nobody's askin'
you Miss Recedin' Hairline.

511
00:29:31,290 --> 00:29:32,121
Oh, really?

512
00:29:32,123 --> 00:29:33,918
Look who's talking, Miss It Took Me

513
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:36,168
a Week to Cover my Bald Spot!

514
00:29:36,170 --> 00:29:38,888
What you two need is
a good plastic surgeon.

515
00:29:38,890 --> 00:29:41,354
Your faces are hanging
down below your ankles.

516
00:29:41,356 --> 00:29:42,628
- What?
- Hey, come to think of it,

517
00:29:42,630 --> 00:29:44,728
you're startin' to look like her.

518
00:29:44,730 --> 00:29:46,528
That's funny, I was thinkin'

519
00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:48,804
the same thing about you two losers.

520
00:29:48,806 --> 00:29:50,966
- Oh, my God!
- Oh!

521
00:29:51,904 --> 00:29:53,620
We're starting to mutate!

522
00:29:53,622 --> 00:29:57,721
No, no, no, no, I can't
look as hideous as you!

523
00:29:57,723 --> 00:30:00,218
I can't tell if that's
your face or your ass!

524
00:30:00,220 --> 00:30:01,218
Oh my God!

525
00:30:01,220 --> 00:30:05,263
What a way to go.

526
00:30:07,118 --> 00:30:10,335
What the hell
is happening to us?

527
00:30:10,337 --> 00:30:11,420
Let me see!

528
00:30:13,724 --> 00:30:16,701
I look like the Crypt
Keeper's father!

529
00:30:16,703 --> 00:30:17,610
Come here!

530
00:30:17,612 --> 00:30:19,674
Get back here!

531
00:30:19,676 --> 00:30:21,891
Shut your hole!

532
00:30:21,893 --> 00:30:25,968
Holy Botox, my husband'll
never lay me again.

533
00:30:25,970 --> 00:30:27,385
He'll never lay me again either.

534
00:30:27,387 --> 00:30:30,678
You're the one
who's been screwin' him?

535
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,118
Oops, sorry.

536
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,064
What are friends for?

537
00:30:33,066 --> 00:30:34,187
I oughta!

538
00:30:34,189 --> 00:30:37,588
Yeah, well, better you than her.

539
00:30:37,590 --> 00:30:39,123
Guess it's time to confess.

540
00:30:40,670 --> 00:30:41,503
Uh oh.

541
00:30:42,527 --> 00:30:45,064
You cheap little tartelette!

542
00:30:45,066 --> 00:30:47,543
- You whore of Babylon!
- Don't fight, don't fight!

543
00:30:47,545 --> 00:30:48,805
No, no, no, no!

544
00:30:48,807 --> 00:30:49,695
Don't fight!

545
00:30:52,666 --> 00:30:54,217
- Don't fight, don't fight!
- Watch my hair.

546
00:30:54,219 --> 00:30:56,567
My hair, my hair!

547
00:30:59,850 --> 00:31:02,068
Miss Hastings, I have the latest report

548
00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:03,577
from the National Guard.

549
00:31:03,579 --> 00:31:05,828
Read it to me, Douchewood.

550
00:31:05,830 --> 00:31:06,663
Okay.

551
00:31:08,607 --> 00:31:11,995
"Blackout has spread
throughout the county,

552
00:31:11,997 --> 00:31:13,235
"including the Cape.

553
00:31:13,237 --> 00:31:17,798
"No apparent reason or
explanation yet discovered."

554
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:18,828
Wait.

555
00:31:18,830 --> 00:31:20,018
Oh my God.

556
00:31:20,020 --> 00:31:21,238
What is that?

557
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:22,738
It's moving right for us.

558
00:31:22,740 --> 00:31:23,571
Terry, don't!

559
00:31:23,573 --> 00:31:25,292
Oh, come on, man.

560
00:31:25,294 --> 00:31:26,505
I just wanna touch it.

561
00:31:28,196 --> 00:31:31,638
Oh, no, Terry, open fire.

562
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,078
Joe, open fire!

563
00:31:35,180 --> 00:31:37,349
Shoot that green son of a bitch.

564
00:31:39,980 --> 00:31:40,918
Wait!

565
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,418
How the hell did it get behind me?

566
00:31:42,420 --> 00:31:43,698
Get it off my face!

567
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:44,768
- I can't breathe.
- Oh!

568
00:31:44,770 --> 00:31:45,601
I can't breathe.

569
00:31:45,603 --> 00:31:48,163
I can't, I can't, it's changing me!

570
00:32:02,151 --> 00:32:03,398
I'm afraid that's it.

571
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,418
Well, you better call the President.

572
00:32:06,420 --> 00:32:08,378
This is a national emergency

573
00:32:08,380 --> 00:32:13,287
and all action taken should
be thorough and...

574
00:32:17,652 --> 00:32:20,485
Shut your hole!

575
00:32:21,991 --> 00:32:24,201
Immediate.

576
00:32:28,755 --> 00:32:33,088
Assure him that I'm staying
on top of the situation.

577
00:32:34,398 --> 00:32:37,404
Busy, busy, busy, busy again.

578
00:32:37,406 --> 00:32:39,638
I'm the President of the United States.

579
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:42,018
You'd think I could at least
get ahold of my bookie.

580
00:32:42,020 --> 00:32:44,618
All our communications are being jammed.

581
00:32:44,620 --> 00:32:48,333
Every cell tower in America is
being overwhelmed with vines.

582
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:53,091
Secretary Downe, you
send the Army over there

583
00:32:53,093 --> 00:32:55,228
with some great big weed
whackers, all right?

584
00:32:55,230 --> 00:32:59,858
I want those towers cleared
and those damn vines whacked.

585
00:32:59,860 --> 00:33:01,388
I wish we could, Sir.

586
00:33:01,390 --> 00:33:04,613
Here are these, the latest
satellite surveillance photos.

587
00:33:06,700 --> 00:33:07,800
Sweet Mother of God.

588
00:33:11,024 --> 00:33:14,318
There are vines everywhere.

589
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,578
What am I gonna say to millions
and millions of people?

590
00:33:17,580 --> 00:33:19,438
They're all gonna lose their leaves.

591
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,481
Mr. President, I've
got A.S.S. on the phone.

592
00:33:21,483 --> 00:33:23,007
You got what?

593
00:33:23,009 --> 00:33:25,168
I've got A.S.S. on the phone.

594
00:33:25,170 --> 00:33:26,628
Ass?

595
00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:28,808
You got a ass on the phone?

596
00:33:28,810 --> 00:33:31,528
Well, then spray somethin'
on the damn thing.

597
00:33:31,530 --> 00:33:32,361
Put some disinfectant on it

598
00:33:32,363 --> 00:33:34,228
if you're gonna put that thing in my face.

599
00:33:34,230 --> 00:33:35,843
- No sir, no.
- Clean your own ass

600
00:33:35,845 --> 00:33:37,198
- Sir, Sir...
- for Christ sakes.

601
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:38,031
No, no, no.

602
00:33:38,033 --> 00:33:38,864
- No, Sir.
- What the hell are you doin'?

603
00:33:38,866 --> 00:33:40,278
- What are you thinkin'?
- It's the Space Agency.

604
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,511
Some private named Doodywood is calling.

605
00:33:42,513 --> 00:33:44,328
Doodywood and an ass phone.

606
00:33:44,330 --> 00:33:46,528
What the hell is this country coming to?

607
00:33:46,530 --> 00:33:47,780
Put him on speaker phone.

608
00:33:50,100 --> 00:33:51,478
Go ahead, Doodywood.

609
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,638
This is National Security
Advisor, Russell Sprout.

610
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,508
- I'm here with President Dover,
- Yeah.

611
00:33:58,510 --> 00:34:00,853
and Defense Secretary Downe.

612
00:34:02,290 --> 00:34:03,373
What's goin' on?

613
00:34:04,490 --> 00:34:06,148
Doodyhead, you're on the phone

614
00:34:06,150 --> 00:34:07,898
with Neil Downe and Ben Dover.

615
00:34:07,900 --> 00:34:09,242
Will you respond, Sir?

616
00:34:12,090 --> 00:34:14,208
Say
somethin' you idiot.

617
00:34:14,210 --> 00:34:17,488
I'm sorry, Sir, I'm afraid
we're cut off from the world.

618
00:34:17,490 --> 00:34:19,858
All right, that's enough.

619
00:34:19,860 --> 00:34:22,558
Now it's time to nuke
these green goblin bastards

620
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,428
right down to their stem cells.

621
00:34:24,430 --> 00:34:25,368
Right?

622
00:34:25,370 --> 00:34:28,638
Total, complete, absolute deforestation.

623
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:29,598
You understand?

624
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,408
Mr. President, right now,

625
00:34:31,410 --> 00:34:33,745
I couldn't order us a pizza.

626
00:34:33,747 --> 00:34:35,614
Well, who the hell's gonna eat a pizza?

627
00:34:35,616 --> 00:34:38,023
Unless you cook it at 9,000 degrees.

628
00:34:38,860 --> 00:34:42,098
I want nuclear ash up
to the windows in here.

629
00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:43,348
I'm gonna take 'em out.

630
00:34:43,350 --> 00:34:44,688
I'm gonna take 'em down.

631
00:34:44,690 --> 00:34:46,438
It's over for them vines and that's it

632
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,808
or my name ain't Ben Dover.

633
00:34:48,810 --> 00:34:51,078
We'll be at your command
bunker in a minute.

634
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,038
You can run the attack from there.

635
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:54,361
If we make it alive because

636
00:34:54,363 --> 00:34:55,992
this idiot's all over the road.

637
00:34:58,595 --> 00:34:59,845
Hang on, honey!

638
00:35:00,707 --> 00:35:03,091
You got to get a new wardrobe my dear.

639
00:35:03,093 --> 00:35:05,321
I can't feel my legs!

640
00:35:05,323 --> 00:35:06,154
Where is the slide?

641
00:35:06,156 --> 00:35:07,799
Get me outta here!

642
00:35:07,801 --> 00:35:09,767
- Mr. President, help!
- Come on!

643
00:35:13,247 --> 00:35:14,484
Give me my hand.

644
00:35:14,486 --> 00:35:16,762
- Sir!
- Go ahead, kill him!

645
00:35:16,764 --> 00:35:17,903
Let go of my pants!

646
00:35:22,853 --> 00:35:24,338
This way, Mr. President.

647
00:35:24,340 --> 00:35:26,078
I'm gon' shield you with my Afro.

648
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:27,507
- Shoot, let's go.
- Well, thank you.

649
00:35:27,509 --> 00:35:28,340
Let's go.

650
00:35:28,342 --> 00:35:29,803
Get the hell outta here.

651
00:35:31,020 --> 00:35:31,948
Come on, Eileen.

652
00:35:31,950 --> 00:35:34,152
Okay, Dad, don't burst a valve.

653
00:35:40,773 --> 00:35:42,258
- Mr. President?
- Yeah?

654
00:35:42,260 --> 00:35:44,058
Your wife will be
joining you any minute.

655
00:35:44,060 --> 00:35:45,534
Oh, thanks for reminding me.

656
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,151
Oh no.

657
00:35:49,153 --> 00:35:50,038
Oh, there, there.

658
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:52,248
Sweetheart, I'm sure
your mom's gonna be okay.

659
00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:54,138
I've got no bars.

660
00:35:54,140 --> 00:35:56,098
Wait, what are we doing
in this creepy place?

661
00:35:56,100 --> 00:35:58,218
Honey, this is the presidential bunker.

662
00:35:58,220 --> 00:35:59,051
All right?

663
00:35:59,053 --> 00:35:59,884
You'll be safe here.

664
00:35:59,886 --> 00:36:01,198
I don't wanna be safe.

665
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,528
I wanna go to the mall.

666
00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:04,638
Mr. President?

667
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,168
Yeah?

668
00:36:06,170 --> 00:36:10,087
We have a situation.

669
00:36:12,343 --> 00:36:14,783
Listen, your name is Sprout, right?

670
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,433
So why don't ya like talk plant to them?

671
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,893
We come in peace.

672
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:41,670
We mean you no harm.

673
00:36:48,115 --> 00:36:50,618
You know, it ain't workin' so,

674
00:36:50,620 --> 00:36:53,018
this blows my reelection
completely to hell.

675
00:36:53,020 --> 00:36:55,920
I'm just gonna go over there
and shoot myself in the face.

676
00:37:00,170 --> 00:37:02,438
Well, gang, I think it's a good time

677
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:03,978
to talk about ourselves.

678
00:37:03,980 --> 00:37:06,538
That way we'll get to
know each other better.

679
00:37:06,540 --> 00:37:07,518
Why?

680
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,558
The audience has to bond with us.

681
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,813
Otherwise we're nothing more
than cardboard characters.

682
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,033
I'll start.

683
00:37:18,980 --> 00:37:21,708
I am an Aires with a Taurus rising

684
00:37:21,710 --> 00:37:23,878
and my Moon in Libra.

685
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:26,128
I was an Eager Beaver
Scout at the age of 10,

686
00:37:26,130 --> 00:37:30,768
then graduated three years later
with a PhD in astrophysics.

687
00:37:30,770 --> 00:37:32,437
Now, although I'm married,

688
00:37:32,439 --> 00:37:36,458
I've never been sexually
aroused by my wife.

689
00:37:36,460 --> 00:37:38,968
I'm intelligent, resourceful,

690
00:37:38,970 --> 00:37:42,698
loyal, honest, and squeaky clean.

691
00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:47,700
I'm also highly naive and
possess a nonexistent libido.

692
00:37:47,740 --> 00:37:51,383
My main goal in life is to live forever.

693
00:37:52,250 --> 00:37:54,258
Okay, your turn.

694
00:37:54,260 --> 00:37:57,218
I was born and raised
in the sewers of New York.

695
00:37:57,220 --> 00:38:00,748
I found out pretty quickly
that I needed an education,

696
00:38:00,750 --> 00:38:03,238
so I knocked over a bank and entered one

697
00:38:03,240 --> 00:38:05,626
of those ritzy finishing schools.

698
00:38:05,628 --> 00:38:08,913
Then, I was ready for the world.

699
00:38:10,057 --> 00:38:11,655
I started making phone calls.

700
00:38:11,657 --> 00:38:16,309
I got ahold of some big shot
who worked at the agency.

701
00:38:16,311 --> 00:38:18,038
I told him about my qualifications

702
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:21,023
to be an astronaut and he hired me.

703
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:24,338
How about you guys?

704
00:38:24,340 --> 00:38:28,882
I don't know where,
when or why I was born.

705
00:38:28,884 --> 00:38:31,973
A pack of wolves found
me at Yellowstone Park.

706
00:38:32,910 --> 00:38:35,819
I lived with them for 23
years before I bailed.

707
00:38:35,821 --> 00:38:39,413
It taught me all about
nature and the wilderness.

708
00:38:40,574 --> 00:38:43,378
I still sleep
on a bed of leaves.

709
00:38:43,380 --> 00:38:45,861
My best friends are plants and animals.

710
00:38:48,530 --> 00:38:51,788
I'm sensitive, shy, loving,

711
00:38:51,790 --> 00:38:54,253
and have hidden wells of creative talent.

712
00:38:55,470 --> 00:38:58,633
I crave orange juice and nudity.

713
00:39:01,050 --> 00:39:05,728
My secret desire is to
spread mustard on my...

714
00:39:05,730 --> 00:39:07,268
Thanks, Charlie.

715
00:39:07,270 --> 00:39:09,798
Okay, Doc, what's your story?

716
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,200
Well, I come from a
large Chinese farm family.

717
00:39:13,230 --> 00:39:14,478
When I got tired of picking rice,

718
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,556
I hopped a banana boat to Houston.

719
00:39:16,558 --> 00:39:18,853
I inherited psychic abilities from Buddha.

720
00:39:20,116 --> 00:39:21,978
A few years ago, I found my medical degree

721
00:39:21,980 --> 00:39:23,513
in a Cracker Jack box.

722
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,244
Pretty easy bein' a doctor.

723
00:39:26,246 --> 00:39:28,796
All you have to do is double
talk to sick bastards.

724
00:39:30,650 --> 00:39:34,632
I'm pretty materialistic and
I have a pretty short temper,

725
00:39:34,634 --> 00:39:36,578
and I've killed or maimed dozens

726
00:39:36,580 --> 00:39:38,213
with my stunning incompetence.

727
00:39:39,500 --> 00:39:42,348
Don't you guys feel the love?

728
00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:44,908
Well, now people will
actually care about us.

729
00:39:44,910 --> 00:39:46,088
Wanna bet?

730
00:39:46,090 --> 00:39:48,183
Let's float back to our bunks.

731
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,928
Ah, the feeling of weightlessness.

732
00:39:56,930 --> 00:39:58,430
Isn't this awesome?

733
00:39:59,290 --> 00:40:00,876
Words don't do it justice.

734
00:40:03,564 --> 00:40:04,395
Whoa!

735
00:40:04,397 --> 00:40:07,203
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

736
00:40:13,391 --> 00:40:16,038
Connie, read me a story.

737
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,572
Not tonight, Kirk.

738
00:40:17,574 --> 00:40:18,628
I've got a headache.

739
00:40:18,630 --> 00:40:20,858
Oh, come on, Charlie, be a pal.

740
00:40:20,860 --> 00:40:23,508
We're going 10,000 miles an hour.

741
00:40:23,510 --> 00:40:24,898
I'll get space sick.

742
00:40:24,900 --> 00:40:25,731
Bob?

743
00:40:25,733 --> 00:40:26,564
Don't even ask.

744
00:40:26,566 --> 00:40:27,398
Oh.

745
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,348
Well, then I'll read it to you.

746
00:40:29,350 --> 00:40:32,203
It's one of my best stories.

747
00:40:32,205 --> 00:40:35,298
Wait, you're gonna read
us something you wrote?

748
00:40:35,300 --> 00:40:38,685
Of course, I can't get enough of myself.

749
00:40:38,687 --> 00:40:40,535
"Goodnight, Earth.

750
00:40:40,537 --> 00:40:43,005
"Goodnight, joy and mirth.

751
00:40:43,007 --> 00:40:46,578
"Goodnight to my belt
and ever expanding girth.

752
00:40:47,717 --> 00:40:48,875
"Goodnight, Earth.

753
00:40:48,877 --> 00:40:51,233
"Goodnight to those lights in Perth.

754
00:40:51,235 --> 00:40:55,574
"Goodnight to my agents and
my outstanding networth."

755
00:40:56,409 --> 00:40:57,448
That's enough of that noise.

756
00:40:57,450 --> 00:40:59,178
Huh?

757
00:40:59,180 --> 00:41:01,283
Hey, we all need some rest.

758
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:03,288
Okay, then.

759
00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:04,538
Goodnight, Connie.

760
00:41:04,540 --> 00:41:05,528
Goodnight, Kirk.

761
00:41:05,530 --> 00:41:06,361
Goodnight, Charlie.

762
00:41:06,363 --> 00:41:08,058
- Goodnight, Kirk.
- Goodnight, Charlie.

763
00:41:08,060 --> 00:41:08,891
Goodnight, Connie.

764
00:41:08,893 --> 00:41:09,730
Goodnight, Bob.

765
00:41:09,732 --> 00:41:10,563
Goodnight, Connie.

766
00:41:10,565 --> 00:41:11,488
Goodnight, Bob.

767
00:41:11,490 --> 00:41:12,321
Yeah, yeah, okay, goodnight.

768
00:41:12,323 --> 00:41:13,448
Goodnight, Bobby Boy.

769
00:41:13,450 --> 00:41:14,670
And don't call me boy.

770
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:17,231
I'm Chinese.

771
00:41:17,233 --> 00:41:18,064
What?

772
00:41:18,066 --> 00:41:19,348
You're Chinese?

773
00:41:19,350 --> 00:41:21,833
Where's the shuttle now?

774
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:24,193
Oh my God.

775
00:41:25,310 --> 00:41:27,658
It's three minutes from lunar impact.

776
00:41:27,660 --> 00:41:28,798
Better wake 'em up.

777
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,258
Yes, my mistress.

778
00:41:30,260 --> 00:41:32,193
Slither off, slave.

779
00:41:44,010 --> 00:41:45,873
Do you approve, Sensei?

780
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:51,336
I find your need for approval annoying.

781
00:41:53,839 --> 00:41:57,843
Never attempt to curve my favor

782
00:41:57,845 --> 00:42:00,413
with such a shameful display.

783
00:42:02,270 --> 00:42:04,208
You have much to learn.

784
00:42:04,210 --> 00:42:06,548
Oh, thank you, Sensei.

785
00:42:06,550 --> 00:42:08,458
I shall try harder.

786
00:42:08,460 --> 00:42:09,293
Do.

787
00:42:10,558 --> 00:42:11,936
There is no try.

788
00:42:26,641 --> 00:42:29,568
Houston, this is Lunar Shuttle Five.

789
00:42:29,570 --> 00:42:33,208
We've made a successful landing
and everything's just swell.

790
00:42:33,210 --> 00:42:34,328
Oh, hold on.

791
00:42:34,330 --> 00:42:36,921
I hereby promise the
people of Earth one thing,

792
00:42:36,923 --> 00:42:39,168
that we won't contact you again

793
00:42:39,170 --> 00:42:41,986
until we've solved this vexing enigma.

794
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:44,287
We're sorry,

795
00:42:44,289 --> 00:42:46,367
you have reached a number
that has been disconnected

796
00:42:46,369 --> 00:42:48,197
or is no longer in service.

797
00:42:56,340 --> 00:42:58,848
Hey, shouldn't we be wearing suits?

798
00:42:58,850 --> 00:43:00,843
This isn't a formal occasion.

799
00:43:05,045 --> 00:43:07,371
I sure hope my friend
Jack's okay in there.

800
00:43:07,373 --> 00:43:09,225
What about your wife?

801
00:43:09,227 --> 00:43:11,173
Her too.

802
00:43:12,490 --> 00:43:13,968
Who is it?

803
00:43:13,970 --> 00:43:17,863
It's Kirk and Connie
and Bob and Charlie.

804
00:43:22,410 --> 00:43:23,708
Hey.

805
00:43:23,710 --> 00:43:24,614
Look who's here.

806
00:43:24,616 --> 00:43:27,818
Hi.

807
00:43:27,820 --> 00:43:28,920
How are you, Connie?

808
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:44,780
Good to see you, too.

809
00:43:45,810 --> 00:43:46,810
Kirk, how are you?

810
00:43:48,220 --> 00:43:49,743
Have you lost your mind?

811
00:43:50,810 --> 00:43:51,641
Come on in.

812
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,893
Hello, Cheryl.

813
00:43:58,870 --> 00:43:59,960
Did you miss me?

814
00:44:02,300 --> 00:44:03,773
Are you happy to see me?

815
00:44:06,192 --> 00:44:07,542
Are you having a good time?

816
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,313
Are you happy to be going home?

817
00:44:14,930 --> 00:44:16,330
Good talking to you, Cheryl.

818
00:44:17,190 --> 00:44:20,133
Connie, how long are you staying?

819
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:23,019
- As long as...
- As long as necessary.

820
00:44:23,021 --> 00:44:25,491
I think Jack was talking to me.

821
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:33,468
Bob, I want you to give these
two a through examination.

822
00:44:33,470 --> 00:44:35,448
You need my report as soon as possible.

823
00:44:35,450 --> 00:44:37,628
I need your
report as soon as possible.

824
00:44:37,630 --> 00:44:38,612
So do I.

825
00:44:38,614 --> 00:44:39,674
Come with me.

826
00:44:46,050 --> 00:44:46,923
What happened?

827
00:44:48,490 --> 00:44:49,321
What gives?

828
00:44:49,323 --> 00:44:51,793
What is it, what, what's going on?

829
00:44:52,990 --> 00:44:54,988
What happened to my Jack?

830
00:44:54,990 --> 00:44:56,760
What indeed?

831
00:44:56,762 --> 00:45:00,158
I bet he's been brainwashed
by that slutty ho of yours.

832
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:01,918
No, I think it's something

833
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,858
more than that slutty ho of mine.

834
00:45:04,860 --> 00:45:05,694
Let's look around.

835
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:08,233
Wow.

836
00:45:09,350 --> 00:45:10,183
Odd.

837
00:45:12,900 --> 00:45:16,203
Trail of dirt seems to
lead to this drawer.

838
00:45:20,458 --> 00:45:21,291
Hm.

839
00:45:26,079 --> 00:45:26,996
Plant food.

840
00:45:28,493 --> 00:45:29,324
Hm.

841
00:45:29,326 --> 00:45:31,229
Interesting plot development.

842
00:45:32,540 --> 00:45:34,428
♪ Freaky, freaky boys ♪

843
00:45:34,430 --> 00:45:35,498
♪ Sexy, sexy boys ♪

844
00:45:35,500 --> 00:45:37,400
What's the verdict, Doc?

845
00:45:37,402 --> 00:45:38,978
Well, they seem strong enough.

846
00:45:38,980 --> 00:45:41,048
I'll have my final report later.

847
00:45:41,050 --> 00:45:42,958
Kirk, you have to go downstairs

848
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:44,831
and get our computerized
flight plan ready.

849
00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:47,008
- All right, then...
- all right, we can,

850
00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:50,139
this time he's talking to me.

851
00:45:50,141 --> 00:45:50,974
Hm.

852
00:45:52,351 --> 00:45:55,358
I mean, we can go
right now if you'd like.

853
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:56,212
Great.

854
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,758
They want outta here bad.

855
00:46:02,760 --> 00:46:06,328
Are you havin' a
psychic impression, Bob?

856
00:46:06,330 --> 00:46:07,963
Yeah, you could call it that.

857
00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:10,700
I'll stay here and finish my report.

858
00:46:11,687 --> 00:46:13,888
Let's go after 'em.

859
00:46:13,890 --> 00:46:14,723
Oop!

860
00:46:30,683 --> 00:46:31,633
Is this a sauna?

861
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:34,923
Nope, it's an elevator.

862
00:46:36,330 --> 00:46:38,818
It looks like a sauna.

863
00:46:38,820 --> 00:46:41,223
Trust me, it's an elevator.

864
00:46:44,150 --> 00:46:45,358
It's gettin' pretty hot in here.

865
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:46,258
It's an elevator, okay?

866
00:46:46,260 --> 00:46:48,243
Okay, okay, it's an elevator.

867
00:46:49,910 --> 00:46:52,340
Now what's downstairs, Charlie?

868
00:46:52,342 --> 00:46:53,968
It's a top secret room where

869
00:46:53,970 --> 00:46:56,808
our most sophisticated computers are.

870
00:46:56,810 --> 00:46:58,769
Only a few people in
the world have access.

871
00:46:58,771 --> 00:46:59,602
Hm.

872
00:46:59,604 --> 00:47:01,498
Well, how do you keep
unauthorized personnel

873
00:47:01,500 --> 00:47:03,598
from just wandering it?

874
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,628
Besides being 240,000 miles from Earth,

875
00:47:06,630 --> 00:47:09,678
and 100 feet below the lunar surface,

876
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,018
there are five security
devices that we have to pass.

877
00:47:13,020 --> 00:47:15,018
Can you elucidate?

878
00:47:15,020 --> 00:47:18,284
I could, but who's gonna clean it up?

879
00:47:18,286 --> 00:47:19,148
Hm.

880
00:47:19,150 --> 00:47:20,676
Well, not me.

881
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,120
Sinus analyzer.

882
00:47:28,870 --> 00:47:31,316
Cover nose and breathe deeply.

883
00:47:33,507 --> 00:47:35,218
Oh, breathalyzer, all right.

884
00:47:35,220 --> 00:47:36,418
Whoa!

885
00:47:36,420 --> 00:47:38,419
Sinus analysis complete.

886
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:40,260
You may proceed.

887
00:47:41,095 --> 00:47:42,258
What's this room?

888
00:47:42,260 --> 00:47:44,088
Footprint analyzer.

889
00:47:44,090 --> 00:47:45,683
Place feet on sensor.

890
00:47:47,060 --> 00:47:48,688
Footprint analysis complete.

891
00:47:48,690 --> 00:47:50,463
You may proceed.

892
00:47:54,970 --> 00:47:56,848
Bite analyzer.

893
00:47:56,850 --> 00:47:57,973
What?

894
00:48:00,890 --> 00:48:02,740
Bite down on sponge.

895
00:48:05,860 --> 00:48:06,691
Really?

896
00:48:06,693 --> 00:48:08,487
Bite down on sponge.

897
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:12,978
Bite down on sponge, damn it!

898
00:48:12,980 --> 00:48:14,612
All right.

899
00:48:14,614 --> 00:48:17,351
Bite analysis complete,

900
00:48:18,186 --> 00:48:20,028
at last.

901
00:48:20,030 --> 00:48:20,861
You may proceed.

902
00:48:21,696 --> 00:48:23,198
What the hell is this?

903
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,618
Belly button analyzer.

904
00:48:25,620 --> 00:48:28,278
Place plunger over belly button.

905
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,206
Belly button analysis complete.

906
00:48:31,048 --> 00:48:32,008
Stupid.

907
00:48:32,010 --> 00:48:33,097
You may proceed.

908
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:37,998
Is this the last of it?

909
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:39,388
Yes.

910
00:48:39,390 --> 00:48:40,783
What's this one do?

911
00:48:44,867 --> 00:48:46,703
Anal analyzer?

912
00:49:02,770 --> 00:49:03,601
Oi!

913
00:49:12,050 --> 00:49:14,350
We're gonna get that
computerized print out.

914
00:49:15,630 --> 00:49:17,130
I don't think I can make it.

915
00:49:19,375 --> 00:49:21,878
Well, that's strange.

916
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:23,728
What do you mean?

917
00:49:23,730 --> 00:49:27,048
We just got TSA'd big time.

918
00:49:27,050 --> 00:49:28,858
How are they able to move?

919
00:49:28,860 --> 00:49:30,538
Good question.

920
00:49:30,540 --> 00:49:32,908
We need to talk but not here.

921
00:49:32,910 --> 00:49:34,978
Jack and Cheryl might hear us.

922
00:49:34,980 --> 00:49:36,283
No we won't.

923
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:39,848
There's a conference room on level two.

924
00:49:39,850 --> 00:49:41,088
We can talk there.

925
00:49:41,090 --> 00:49:42,278
Great.

926
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:44,130
Let's see if we can stand.

927
00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:47,548
Oh, man.

928
00:49:47,550 --> 00:49:49,971
Anal analyzer, mother...

929
00:49:50,806 --> 00:49:52,071
Oh!

930
00:49:52,073 --> 00:49:54,598
Oo!

931
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:56,800
Wow, man!

932
00:49:56,802 --> 00:49:58,451
Wowza!

933
00:49:58,453 --> 00:49:59,803
That yoga's really payin' off.

934
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,513
Get out here now!

935
00:50:06,690 --> 00:50:08,033
Oo, whoa!

936
00:50:09,590 --> 00:50:12,708
White boy's packin' some
serious heat up in here.

937
00:50:12,710 --> 00:50:13,543
Yeah!

938
00:50:14,710 --> 00:50:16,318
It's not what you think.

939
00:50:16,320 --> 00:50:20,328
Oh, well you certainly
have come to the right girl.

940
00:50:20,330 --> 00:50:21,795
Let's take a little peek.

941
00:50:21,797 --> 00:50:23,309
Okay.

942
00:50:23,311 --> 00:50:25,538
Careful.

943
00:50:25,540 --> 00:50:30,540
Oh, what the Jolly Green Giant is this?

944
00:50:30,700 --> 00:50:34,219
Have you been rippin'
off the commissary again?

945
00:50:34,221 --> 00:50:35,054
It just grew.

946
00:50:36,030 --> 00:50:37,419
Grew?

947
00:50:37,421 --> 00:50:39,908
What else do you have down here?

948
00:50:39,910 --> 00:50:42,218
Two great big onions.

949
00:50:42,220 --> 00:50:45,148
Well, this is a real
mess ain't it, Farmer John?

950
00:50:45,150 --> 00:50:47,711
Didn't you attend any of my
personal hygiene courses?

951
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:49,543
Oh no.

952
00:50:49,545 --> 00:50:51,724
I feel a tomato coming on.

953
00:50:51,726 --> 00:50:53,198
Oh, what do I do?

954
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,950
Well, grow some lettuce or
I'm gonna toss me a salad.

955
00:50:58,625 --> 00:51:00,761
I'm so thirsty.

956
00:51:00,763 --> 00:51:01,842
Are you thirsty?

957
00:51:01,844 --> 00:51:03,165
I'm thirsty.

958
00:51:03,167 --> 00:51:04,143
I need water.

959
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:07,535
Lots and lots of water.

960
00:51:07,537 --> 00:51:09,370
- Hey, water?
- Water.

961
00:51:10,596 --> 00:51:12,344
- Hey.
- What happened?

962
00:51:12,346 --> 00:51:13,179
No, no.

963
00:51:14,030 --> 00:51:16,297
I need to be watered, you got to water me.

964
00:51:17,433 --> 00:51:18,964
This won't be enough.

965
00:51:23,276 --> 00:51:24,263
Find another jug.

966
00:51:26,204 --> 00:51:28,408
It's too dark in here, huh?

967
00:51:28,410 --> 00:51:29,241
I need light.

968
00:51:29,243 --> 00:51:30,298
I need, no.

969
00:51:30,300 --> 00:51:31,195
Warm, wonderful light.

970
00:51:31,197 --> 00:51:33,168
No, no, no.

971
00:51:33,170 --> 00:51:34,328
I need light.

972
00:51:34,330 --> 00:51:35,908
Get to one side.

973
00:51:35,910 --> 00:51:36,818
I can't.

974
00:51:36,820 --> 00:51:38,166
My roots are stuck to the floor.

975
00:51:40,501 --> 00:51:42,676
I'm afraid it's too late.

976
00:51:42,678 --> 00:51:45,246
We're turning into plants.

977
00:51:47,204 --> 00:51:48,962
I guess this is the end.

978
00:51:48,964 --> 00:51:50,812
Goodbye, Durwood.

979
00:51:52,766 --> 00:51:54,434
You called me Durwood.

980
00:51:54,436 --> 00:51:55,936
I did, didn't I?

981
00:51:57,681 --> 00:51:58,868
Let's pollinate.

982
00:51:58,870 --> 00:52:00,348
I love you.

983
00:52:00,350 --> 00:52:01,865
I have always loved you.

984
00:52:01,867 --> 00:52:03,272
I'm gonna lick your fruit gub.

985
00:52:03,274 --> 00:52:06,628
I want us to have wild, botanic sex.

986
00:52:06,630 --> 00:52:08,968
I'm gonna squeeze your melon.

987
00:52:08,970 --> 00:52:10,518
Kneel down, Durwood.

988
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:13,992
Kneel down and feast upon
the fruit of my loins.

989
00:52:13,994 --> 00:52:15,224
- Yeah!
- Tug on my banana, baby.

990
00:52:15,226 --> 00:52:16,515
I'll tug hard.

991
00:52:16,517 --> 00:52:17,778
Yeah!

992
00:52:17,780 --> 00:52:18,648
Yeah!

993
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:26,393
Oh, good, you're here.

994
00:52:28,020 --> 00:52:31,283
Guys, we're on this end over here.

995
00:52:32,851 --> 00:52:33,792
Hey.

996
00:52:33,794 --> 00:52:35,068
Hey.

997
00:52:35,070 --> 00:52:35,901
Guys?

998
00:52:39,854 --> 00:52:41,433
Man, this table's big.

999
00:52:43,130 --> 00:52:43,963
Oo.

1000
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:49,978
Hey guys, what do you
say we change it up a bit

1001
00:52:49,980 --> 00:52:52,398
and meet on the other end of the table?

1002
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:53,698
No, we're good here.

1003
00:52:53,700 --> 00:52:55,188
We like it here.

1004
00:52:55,190 --> 00:52:56,023
Oh.

1005
00:52:57,540 --> 00:52:59,708
Oh, this table is so long.

1006
00:52:59,710 --> 00:53:01,375
Oh, chest pains.

1007
00:53:09,410 --> 00:53:14,410
Garrison, must have mouth-to-mouth.

1008
00:53:17,460 --> 00:53:18,863
Oh, yeah.

1009
00:53:21,830 --> 00:53:23,628
That's my medical report.

1010
00:53:23,630 --> 00:53:24,751
I've gone over it and over it.

1011
00:53:24,753 --> 00:53:26,196
Is this all you've got?

1012
00:53:26,198 --> 00:53:27,608
So far.

1013
00:53:27,610 --> 00:53:29,688
I didn't have time to give
'em the full treatment.

1014
00:53:29,690 --> 00:53:31,168
What have you found?

1015
00:53:31,170 --> 00:53:33,198
Well, they're in perfect shape.

1016
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:34,948
I've never seen two people more healthy.

1017
00:53:34,950 --> 00:53:37,198
She hasn't said a
word since we got here,

1018
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:38,718
maybe she's hiding something.

1019
00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:40,008
Yeah, she wasn't hiding much.

1020
00:53:40,010 --> 00:53:43,158
You ever seen a woman
wear a bikini backwards?

1021
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,730
No, but I sure hope it's a trend.

1022
00:53:46,732 --> 00:53:49,218
There's one thing we know for sure.

1023
00:53:49,220 --> 00:53:50,628
Something happened to those two.

1024
00:53:50,630 --> 00:53:52,878
Another psychic impression, Bob?

1025
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,158
You could call it that.

1026
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,148
They've certainly been acting strange.

1027
00:53:56,150 --> 00:53:59,218
Jack thinks I'm Kirk and thinks Kirk's me.

1028
00:53:59,220 --> 00:54:01,998
- Yes, I noticed that, too.
- Yeah.

1029
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,158
They haven't eaten any of
their food in two weeks.

1030
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:05,538
And we haven't heard from them

1031
00:54:05,540 --> 00:54:06,642
in the past couple of weeks.

1032
00:54:06,644 --> 00:54:09,068
So, the obvious answer is...

1033
00:54:09,070 --> 00:54:10,888
They've been on a diet for two weeks

1034
00:54:10,890 --> 00:54:12,238
and didn't wanna tell us.

1035
00:54:12,240 --> 00:54:13,626
Now we're getting somewhere.

1036
00:54:13,628 --> 00:54:14,955
The thing I don't understand is...

1037
00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:19,603
That's a shuttle taking off.

1038
00:54:22,605 --> 00:54:26,363
Well, at least they didn't
jack the nuclear reactor.

1039
00:54:27,613 --> 00:54:28,958
Huh?

1040
00:54:28,960 --> 00:54:29,926
Those fucking dicks!

1041
00:54:33,650 --> 00:54:36,089
Intercom, activate hummingbird.

1042
00:54:40,079 --> 00:54:42,768
Connie, Charlie, Bob, get back down here.

1043
00:54:42,770 --> 00:54:45,278
The nuclear reactor's
going super critical.

1044
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:46,328
And it's about to explode!

1045
00:54:46,330 --> 00:54:49,608
This will cause a large scale destruction.

1046
00:54:49,610 --> 00:54:50,693
Hey, wait up.

1047
00:54:53,108 --> 00:54:54,666
Look at the door!

1048
00:54:54,668 --> 00:54:55,946
It's fused shut.

1049
00:54:55,948 --> 00:54:57,961
Is there another way in?

1050
00:54:57,963 --> 00:54:59,868
Connie, go get a laser gun.

1051
00:54:59,870 --> 00:55:01,698
Maybe we can blast our way through.

1052
00:55:01,700 --> 00:55:02,531
Right.

1053
00:55:02,533 --> 00:55:04,208
Bob, go call Houston.

1054
00:55:04,210 --> 00:55:07,348
Tell them of our situation
and of Jack and Cheryl.

1055
00:55:07,350 --> 00:55:08,183
Sure thing.

1056
00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:10,898
Wait, I almost forgot.

1057
00:55:10,900 --> 00:55:13,310
Can we attain ingress
through another passage?

1058
00:55:13,312 --> 00:55:15,493
No, but there's another way in.

1059
00:55:17,580 --> 00:55:18,788
Having that piece of chalk

1060
00:55:18,790 --> 00:55:21,988
was certainly fortuitous, Charlie.

1061
00:55:21,990 --> 00:55:23,328
Lucky, too.

1062
00:55:23,330 --> 00:55:25,190
Now, okay, here we have the kitchen

1063
00:55:25,192 --> 00:55:27,619
and over here are the bathrooms,

1064
00:55:27,621 --> 00:55:30,828
and this is the master bedroom.

1065
00:55:30,830 --> 00:55:32,833
Yes, but where is the reactor room?

1066
00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:36,311
Sorry.

1067
00:55:36,313 --> 00:55:37,146
Wrong complex.

1068
00:55:38,180 --> 00:55:39,518
Hurry Charlie, we don't have much time.

1069
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:42,025
Okay, now this is the reactor room.

1070
00:55:42,027 --> 00:55:45,858
There's an access tube
that leads in here but...

1071
00:55:45,860 --> 00:55:46,743
But?

1072
00:55:47,620 --> 00:55:50,808
It's connected to the
third floor computer complex.

1073
00:55:50,810 --> 00:55:52,968
You mean, I've got to go through

1074
00:55:52,970 --> 00:55:56,558
all those security devices again?

1075
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:57,805
I'll keep in touch with you by intercom.

1076
00:55:57,807 --> 00:55:59,198
Sounds swell.

1077
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:00,031
Wish me luck.

1078
00:56:00,033 --> 00:56:01,658
Good luck, Kirk.

1079
00:56:01,660 --> 00:56:02,910
We're all counting on ya.

1080
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:04,718
All right.

1081
00:56:06,661 --> 00:56:07,768
Sinus analyzer.

1082
00:56:07,770 --> 00:56:09,028
- Whoa!
- Cover nose

1083
00:56:09,030 --> 00:56:10,480
- Guys!
- and breath deeply.

1084
00:56:11,930 --> 00:56:13,523
Sinus analysis complete.

1085
00:56:14,390 --> 00:56:15,868
You may proceed.

1086
00:56:15,870 --> 00:56:19,817
Must hurry, must hurry,
must hurry.

1087
00:56:22,830 --> 00:56:23,663
Stand back!

1088
00:56:27,760 --> 00:56:28,675
Nothing's happening.

1089
00:56:28,677 --> 00:56:30,388
I know.

1090
00:56:30,390 --> 00:56:32,248
I'll increase to full power.

1091
00:56:32,250 --> 00:56:33,081
Isn't that a little risky?

1092
00:56:33,083 --> 00:56:35,358
Maybe but we've gotta get in there.

1093
00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:36,558
Where's Kirk?

1094
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:37,393
I'll check.

1095
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:42,182
Footprint analyzer.

1096
00:56:48,490 --> 00:56:50,578
place feet on sensor.

1097
00:56:50,580 --> 00:56:51,848
They're on!

1098
00:56:51,850 --> 00:56:53,373
Footprint analysis complete.

1099
00:56:55,385 --> 00:56:56,390
You may proceed.

1100
00:57:01,460 --> 00:57:03,238
Bite analyzer.

1101
00:57:03,240 --> 00:57:04,313
Bite down on sponge.

1102
00:57:06,630 --> 00:57:08,888
Bite down on sponge!

1103
00:57:08,890 --> 00:57:11,399
Bite down on sponge you little wuss.

1104
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:13,529
Ow, come here!

1105
00:57:18,173 --> 00:57:19,449
Mm.

1106
00:57:19,451 --> 00:57:21,738
Bite analyzer complete.

1107
00:57:21,740 --> 00:57:23,038
You may proceed.

1108
00:57:27,980 --> 00:57:30,368
It's wet t-shirt time, Ramora,

1109
00:57:30,370 --> 00:57:31,878
and you're gonna get it.

1110
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:35,151
Dr. Deystrum, you don't
have a long enough hose.

1111
00:57:35,153 --> 00:57:36,600
Well, we'll see...

1112
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:40,193
Belly button analyzer.

1113
00:57:41,540 --> 00:57:44,358
Place plunger over belly button.

1114
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:45,658
I did, I did.

1115
00:57:45,660 --> 00:57:47,318
Belly
button analysis complete.

1116
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:48,970
You may proceed.

1117
00:57:49,805 --> 00:57:50,638
Ouch!

1118
00:57:58,279 --> 00:57:59,883
Anal analyzer.

1119
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:01,938
Oh, God.

1120
00:58:01,940 --> 00:58:02,813
I forgot the KY!

1121
00:58:17,700 --> 00:58:18,708
Kirk?

1122
00:58:18,710 --> 00:58:20,048
There's only seconds left.

1123
00:58:20,050 --> 00:58:21,628
Ahead of you is the tube hatch.

1124
00:58:21,630 --> 00:58:23,567
Enter one, two, three
on the security keypad

1125
00:58:23,569 --> 00:58:25,278
and the hatch will open.

1126
00:58:25,280 --> 00:58:28,078
Climb into the tube and
you'll be in the reactor room.

1127
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:29,375
Can you do it?

1128
00:58:29,377 --> 00:58:32,671
I think I can.

1129
00:58:32,673 --> 00:58:33,840
I think I can.

1130
00:58:35,377 --> 00:58:39,000
I think I can.

1131
00:58:41,590 --> 00:58:43,208
Oh, no.

1132
00:58:43,210 --> 00:58:44,238
Oh, please.

1133
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:47,308
Please little gerbil, don't fail us now.

1134
00:58:47,310 --> 00:58:49,265
Not in our most desperate hour.

1135
00:58:49,267 --> 00:58:52,266
We beseech you to keep
the wheels spinning.

1136
00:58:52,268 --> 00:58:55,728
Although we are only
human and you are not,

1137
00:58:55,730 --> 00:58:57,408
- So what?
- please grant

1138
00:58:57,410 --> 00:58:59,918
us deliverance from the dark.

1139
00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:00,753
Amen.

1140
00:59:02,654 --> 00:59:04,355
Okay.

1141
00:59:15,220 --> 00:59:17,153
I'll remember you, always.

1142
00:59:18,786 --> 00:59:19,805
Hm.

1143
00:59:23,290 --> 00:59:24,347
Whoa!

1144
00:59:26,984 --> 00:59:28,419
Jerk-off.

1145
00:59:30,087 --> 00:59:31,146
What's happening?

1146
00:59:31,148 --> 00:59:31,979
Watch out!

1147
00:59:31,981 --> 00:59:33,197
You'll get killed by the laser.

1148
00:59:33,199 --> 00:59:34,030
Oh, sorry.

1149
00:59:34,032 --> 00:59:35,385
Shield your eyes.

1150
00:59:35,387 --> 00:59:37,088
That light can blind you.

1151
00:59:37,090 --> 00:59:38,058
How much time do we have?

1152
00:59:38,060 --> 00:59:40,196
It's gonna blow any second.

1153
00:59:40,198 --> 00:59:42,112
What about this door?

1154
00:59:42,114 --> 00:59:44,611
Oh, silly me, there is another door.

1155
00:59:44,613 --> 00:59:46,090
Come on!

1156
01:00:18,620 --> 01:00:19,612
We fixed it!

1157
01:00:19,614 --> 01:00:21,418
That was a close one.

1158
01:00:21,420 --> 01:00:22,759
Yeah, but Bob saved the day.

1159
01:00:22,761 --> 01:00:24,474
Aw, shucks.

1160
01:00:24,476 --> 01:00:26,922
I'd like you guys to know that
I did it just to save myself.

1161
01:00:29,422 --> 01:00:30,788
Okay.

1162
01:00:30,790 --> 01:00:31,623
Yes.

1163
01:00:37,780 --> 01:00:39,258
Okay, Charlie.

1164
01:00:39,260 --> 01:00:40,093
I'm in.

1165
01:00:41,290 --> 01:00:42,123
What now?

1166
01:00:42,964 --> 01:00:43,797
Huh?

1167
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:46,934
I was supposed to save us.

1168
01:00:46,936 --> 01:00:48,878
We couldn't
wait any longer, Kirk.

1169
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:52,238
Oh, so what do you
have to say for yourselves?

1170
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:53,938
We're sorry.

1171
01:00:53,940 --> 01:00:55,630
What do you make of it, Doc?

1172
01:00:55,632 --> 01:00:57,978
Well, it may be advanced schizophrenia

1173
01:00:57,980 --> 01:01:00,618
or perhaps a drug related
psychosis impairing

1174
01:01:00,620 --> 01:01:02,827
their ability to rationalize
their thoughts and actions.

1175
01:01:02,829 --> 01:01:05,608
Whatever it is, I'm gonna jack 'em up

1176
01:01:05,610 --> 01:01:07,678
if they pull that crap again.

1177
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,767
Come on, let's go after 'em.

1178
01:01:11,580 --> 01:01:12,568
Did you see that?

1179
01:01:12,570 --> 01:01:13,401
What?

1180
01:01:13,403 --> 01:01:16,158
These plants, they're shaking.

1181
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:18,018
I think they're tryin'
to tell us something.

1182
01:01:18,020 --> 01:01:20,588
Charlie, plants are your best friends.

1183
01:01:20,590 --> 01:01:23,663
Do you think you can
make telepathic contact?

1184
01:01:23,665 --> 01:01:24,933
I can try.

1185
01:01:25,856 --> 01:01:29,707
Ohm.

1186
01:01:35,440 --> 01:01:36,888
Well?

1187
01:01:36,890 --> 01:01:38,422
It's Jack.

1188
01:01:38,424 --> 01:01:39,848
Huh?

1189
01:01:39,850 --> 01:01:40,938
It's Jack.

1190
01:01:40,940 --> 01:01:42,318
He says he wants a beer.

1191
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,238
- No.
- Come on.

1192
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:45,073
Ask him.

1193
01:01:46,220 --> 01:01:49,283
Jack, is it really you?

1194
01:01:50,130 --> 01:01:52,828
Oh, Jack, it is you.

1195
01:01:52,830 --> 01:01:54,723
Why did you do this to yourself?

1196
01:01:56,400 --> 01:01:59,598
I think they were turned
into plants by aliens.

1197
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:01,828
What kind of aliens?

1198
01:02:01,830 --> 01:02:03,878
Probably the same kind who were taking

1199
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:05,228
over Earth when we left.

1200
01:02:05,230 --> 01:02:08,498
So, those other two were aliens?

1201
01:02:08,500 --> 01:02:10,878
You certainly are psychic, Bob.

1202
01:02:10,880 --> 01:02:12,573
I'm glad you're on our side.

1203
01:02:12,575 --> 01:02:14,173
I know you are.

1204
01:02:14,175 --> 01:02:16,378
We gotta get those miserable aliens.

1205
01:02:16,380 --> 01:02:17,548
She's right.

1206
01:02:17,550 --> 01:02:20,243
Let's expel some gas.

1207
01:02:29,830 --> 01:02:30,661
Down periscope.

1208
01:02:32,484 --> 01:02:34,234
Oh, we're gaining on them.

1209
01:02:37,210 --> 01:02:39,073
Scootie, we need more power!

1210
01:02:39,075 --> 01:02:40,946
Me poor bombs are about
to overheat, Captain,

1211
01:02:40,948 --> 01:02:42,898
but I'll try to get you a wee bit more.

1212
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:46,608
Steady, steady.

1213
01:02:46,610 --> 01:02:48,888
Fire futon torpedoes.

1214
01:02:48,890 --> 01:02:51,554
This isn't a TV show Captain Jerk.

1215
01:02:51,556 --> 01:02:53,377
We don't have weapons.

1216
01:02:57,765 --> 01:02:59,781
Look at the size of that thing.

1217
01:02:59,783 --> 01:03:02,002
It's like a gigantic greenhouse.

1218
01:03:14,270 --> 01:03:15,248
We're too late.

1219
01:03:15,250 --> 01:03:16,293
Now what do we do?

1220
01:03:20,610 --> 01:03:22,243
It's time to crash this party.

1221
01:03:22,245 --> 01:03:23,147
Hang on!

1222
01:03:55,209 --> 01:03:58,058
I feel a disturbance in the force,

1223
01:03:58,060 --> 01:04:01,468
as if a million plants
just cried out in terror.

1224
01:04:01,470 --> 01:04:03,058
To hell with those weeping willows.

1225
01:04:03,060 --> 01:04:05,208
At least we stopped their invasion.

1226
01:04:05,210 --> 01:04:07,448
But now we've got to warn humanity.

1227
01:04:07,450 --> 01:04:09,861
Let's get to Earth as fast as we can.

1228
01:04:24,097 --> 01:04:27,748
Well, now that
we're back on Earth,

1229
01:04:27,750 --> 01:04:29,673
maybe we should take a look around.

1230
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:34,871
Whew!

1231
01:04:44,514 --> 01:04:45,345
Huh?

1232
01:04:50,959 --> 01:04:51,792
What?

1233
01:04:52,697 --> 01:04:53,701
Oh.

1234
01:04:53,703 --> 01:04:56,163
I'm not going to this party.

1235
01:05:04,670 --> 01:05:05,838
Connie, this is Kirk.

1236
01:05:05,840 --> 01:05:07,008
What do you got?

1237
01:05:07,010 --> 01:05:08,637
Just plants and trees.

1238
01:05:08,639 --> 01:05:09,903
All sorts of 'em.

1239
01:05:11,822 --> 01:05:13,811
What do you suppose it means?

1240
01:05:13,813 --> 01:05:14,675
Huh, I don't know

1241
01:05:14,677 --> 01:05:17,742
but there's somethin'
awfully shady about this.

1242
01:05:18,577 --> 01:05:19,513
Bob, report.

1243
01:05:20,483 --> 01:05:21,768
Nothing yet.

1244
01:05:21,770 --> 01:05:24,758
Still scanning the area.

1245
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:25,591
Okay.

1246
01:05:25,593 --> 01:05:27,148
Charlie?

1247
01:05:27,150 --> 01:05:28,368
Yes?

1248
01:05:28,370 --> 01:05:31,188
Have you seen anything unusual?

1249
01:05:31,190 --> 01:05:33,009
Nothing I haven't seen before.

1250
01:05:33,011 --> 01:05:35,123
Okay, Charlie, I'll get back to you.

1251
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:37,118
This is Connie.

1252
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:38,213
Oh, I'm sorry.

1253
01:05:39,417 --> 01:05:42,177
Charlie, okay, I'll get back to you.

1254
01:05:42,179 --> 01:05:43,188
This is Bob.

1255
01:05:43,190 --> 01:05:44,163
Oh, hi Bob.

1256
01:05:45,190 --> 01:05:47,937
Oh, I got a headache.

1257
01:05:51,353 --> 01:05:52,184
Whoa!

1258
01:06:03,500 --> 01:06:05,943
50 years later and he's still pissed.

1259
01:06:07,740 --> 01:06:09,408
Crazy kid.

1260
01:06:09,410 --> 01:06:11,638
Throw the rock then growl.

1261
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:14,133
Sorry, Daddy.

1262
01:06:15,135 --> 01:06:18,021
Stupid flower out in
the middle of nowhere.

1263
01:06:23,150 --> 01:06:24,938
What are you doin', fool?

1264
01:06:24,940 --> 01:06:27,158
You just kicked over a plant.

1265
01:06:27,160 --> 01:06:28,668
Your carelessness just cost the life

1266
01:06:28,670 --> 01:06:29,973
of a innocent by-stalker.

1267
01:06:31,450 --> 01:06:33,891
Ladies and gentlemen,

1268
01:06:33,893 --> 01:06:35,038
boys and girls...

1269
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:37,187
Stop eatin' the popcorn
while I'm doin' my scene.

1270
01:06:39,424 --> 01:06:42,285
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...

1271
01:06:43,474 --> 01:06:44,557
Now the phone's ringin'?

1272
01:06:45,392 --> 01:06:49,228
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

1273
01:06:49,230 --> 01:06:50,680
Apollo commands the...

1274
01:06:51,730 --> 01:06:52,919
Stop it!

1275
01:06:52,921 --> 01:06:55,254
Let's get ready some more!

1276
01:06:57,548 --> 01:06:59,188
Hummingbird motion.

1277
01:06:59,190 --> 01:07:00,392
Let's go.

1278
01:07:00,394 --> 01:07:01,914
Here we go.

1279
01:07:01,916 --> 01:07:03,146
Come on.

1280
01:07:03,148 --> 01:07:03,981
Let's go.

1281
01:07:08,077 --> 01:07:10,284
Yeah, take that, oh.

1282
01:07:10,286 --> 01:07:11,117
Oo.

1283
01:07:11,119 --> 01:07:12,107
Oh, you a little wild one.

1284
01:07:18,276 --> 01:07:19,109
Oh!

1285
01:07:20,046 --> 01:07:23,382
Oh, give me...

1286
01:07:26,302 --> 01:07:27,740
Take that.

1287
01:07:28,760 --> 01:07:30,413
Oh!

1288
01:07:30,415 --> 01:07:31,852
Missed me.

1289
01:07:32,687 --> 01:07:34,384
Man, don't touch my hair, man.

1290
01:07:34,386 --> 01:07:35,514
Get away from me.

1291
01:07:35,516 --> 01:07:37,759
You ain't got nothin',
you ain't got nothin'.

1292
01:07:39,441 --> 01:07:41,010
I'm Captain Kirk Stillwood.

1293
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:54,198
Who are you Bushe and what do you want?

1294
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:57,823
I am the Lord Sovereign of
the Plant Kingdom, Holmes.

1295
01:07:58,760 --> 01:08:01,588
Millions of years ago, plants were brought

1296
01:08:01,590 --> 01:08:05,198
to the planet Earth but
they were used and abused.

1297
01:08:05,200 --> 01:08:06,363
Some were even eaten.

1298
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:11,418
And for that, mankind has to pay,

1299
01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:13,938
and bitch better have my money.

1300
01:08:13,940 --> 01:08:16,598
You mean all these plants?

1301
01:08:16,600 --> 01:08:18,650
What's left of the human race.

1302
01:08:22,470 --> 01:08:24,008
At least everyone's gone green.

1303
01:08:24,010 --> 01:08:26,038
How did you do it?

1304
01:08:26,040 --> 01:08:28,478
Our spores were blown all over the world

1305
01:08:28,480 --> 01:08:31,228
and inhaled by you fool ass humans.

1306
01:08:31,230 --> 01:08:33,668
They immediately became plants.

1307
01:08:33,670 --> 01:08:34,959
How's that possible?

1308
01:08:34,961 --> 01:08:36,373
Shit if I know.

1309
01:08:37,810 --> 01:08:39,678
Hey man, can you help us out?

1310
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,198
Who the hell are you?

1311
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:43,494
We're the Choom Gang.

1312
01:08:43,496 --> 01:08:46,608
I'm Buzz, this here is my bro, Budd.

1313
01:08:46,610 --> 01:08:49,609
We just got in from Venus.

1314
01:08:51,300 --> 01:08:53,274
Somethin' smells about you two.

1315
01:08:53,276 --> 01:08:55,083
There's a strange odor.

1316
01:08:55,940 --> 01:08:57,031
Are you cannabis?

1317
01:08:57,033 --> 01:08:58,058
- No man.
- No.

1318
01:08:58,060 --> 01:08:58,891
- No man,
- No.

1319
01:08:58,893 --> 01:08:59,724
- no, you got it all wrong.
- You got it all...

1320
01:08:59,726 --> 01:09:00,978
Captain Snortz?

1321
01:09:00,980 --> 01:09:02,368
At your service, Major.

1322
01:09:02,370 --> 01:09:03,498
Take over.

1323
01:09:03,500 --> 01:09:06,488
These plants are in need
of some real tough love.

1324
01:09:06,490 --> 01:09:07,728
Careful, Sir.

1325
01:09:07,730 --> 01:09:08,631
They mights be narcs.

1326
01:09:10,450 --> 01:09:12,008
Feel no shame in what you are.

1327
01:09:12,010 --> 01:09:16,228
Pounds is the newest line of
five blast bongs and bubblers

1328
01:09:16,230 --> 01:09:18,388
which offer a premium smokin' experience.

1329
01:09:18,390 --> 01:09:21,708
The Battleship has a rim around the top,

1330
01:09:21,710 --> 01:09:26,698
makin' it easy to get to the
suction for those massive hits.

1331
01:09:26,700 --> 01:09:27,664
That's what I'm talkin' about.

1332
01:09:27,666 --> 01:09:28,950
Yeah.

1333
01:09:28,952 --> 01:09:31,313
The 13 inch Mothership, whew,

1334
01:09:32,370 --> 01:09:37,370
she's built with a
barrel and a percolator.

1335
01:09:37,717 --> 01:09:40,475
The Rocketship, let me tell
you about the Rocketship.

1336
01:09:40,477 --> 01:09:41,714
Mm, mm, mm.

1337
01:09:41,716 --> 01:09:46,358
The Rocketship has a diffused downstream,

1338
01:09:46,360 --> 01:09:47,953
allowing the user to cover the hole

1339
01:09:47,955 --> 01:09:52,778
with the ideal suction
when they spark it up.

1340
01:09:52,780 --> 01:09:55,149
So, whether you into flower or oil,

1341
01:09:55,151 --> 01:09:58,168
Pounds has the perfect product for you.

1342
01:09:58,170 --> 01:10:01,248
And remember, my most excellent hempsters

1343
01:10:01,250 --> 01:10:04,778
go to maryjane.com for all
the latest industry news

1344
01:10:04,780 --> 01:10:06,516
for all things cannabis, baby.

1345
01:10:07,820 --> 01:10:09,081
What do you want Bushe?

1346
01:10:09,083 --> 01:10:11,397
On Mars you stole somethin'.

1347
01:10:11,399 --> 01:10:13,748
Somethin' that didn't belong to you.

1348
01:10:13,750 --> 01:10:15,498
You mean the Big Bang Bean?

1349
01:10:15,500 --> 01:10:17,788
The Big Bang Bean.

1350
01:10:17,790 --> 01:10:19,008
We want it back.

1351
01:10:19,010 --> 01:10:22,168
You'll never get it you
despicable odious alien.

1352
01:10:22,170 --> 01:10:25,371
Captain Snortz, release the
hounds on his cray cray ass.

1353
01:10:30,180 --> 01:10:31,053
Whoa!

1354
01:10:31,055 --> 01:10:32,394
Ah!

1355
01:10:32,396 --> 01:10:33,227
Whoa!

1356
01:10:33,229 --> 01:10:34,060
Ah!

1357
01:10:34,062 --> 01:10:36,335
- Shut your hole!
- Whoa!

1358
01:10:36,337 --> 01:10:37,418
Whoa!

1359
01:10:37,420 --> 01:10:38,251
- He's in trouble.
- Run, run for it!

1360
01:10:38,253 --> 01:10:39,563
And so are we.

1361
01:11:15,131 --> 01:11:16,698
Those aliens are everywhere.

1362
01:11:16,700 --> 01:11:17,778
Wait a minute.

1363
01:11:17,780 --> 01:11:19,418
Where's Kirk?

1364
01:11:19,420 --> 01:11:20,251
I thought he was with you.

1365
01:11:20,253 --> 01:11:22,578
Oh, we must've passed him somehow.

1366
01:11:22,580 --> 01:11:24,828
Where the hell could his little butt be?

1367
01:11:24,830 --> 01:11:25,661
There he is.

1368
01:11:25,663 --> 01:11:27,313
He's out there with the aliens.

1369
01:11:27,315 --> 01:11:29,388
Oh dear God, he's surrounded.

1370
01:11:29,390 --> 01:11:30,278
Is he dead?

1371
01:11:30,280 --> 01:11:32,048
No, it looks like he's playing possum.

1372
01:11:32,050 --> 01:11:33,480
I'm a possum.

1373
01:11:33,482 --> 01:11:34,649
I'm a possum.

1374
01:11:44,952 --> 01:11:46,119
Ah!

1375
01:11:54,232 --> 01:11:56,442
Come on, come on, come on, come on.

1376
01:11:58,670 --> 01:11:59,719
Huh?

1377
01:11:59,721 --> 01:12:00,554
What?

1378
01:12:02,350 --> 01:12:03,732
Weed killer?

1379
01:12:05,070 --> 01:12:05,903
Die!

1380
01:12:07,087 --> 01:12:08,772
I wanna make out with you.

1381
01:12:09,993 --> 01:12:11,061
Yeah!

1382
01:12:11,063 --> 01:12:11,894
Oh!

1383
01:12:11,896 --> 01:12:12,727
Weed killer.

1384
01:12:12,729 --> 01:12:13,562
Yeah.

1385
01:12:15,420 --> 01:12:16,469
Unbelievable.

1386
01:12:16,471 --> 01:12:17,632
Open the door, open the door!

1387
01:12:17,634 --> 01:12:19,075
Open the damn door!

1388
01:12:24,073 --> 01:12:25,548
Are you okay?

1389
01:12:25,550 --> 01:12:26,568
Yeah.

1390
01:12:26,570 --> 01:12:27,718
They'll be back.

1391
01:12:27,720 --> 01:12:28,824
You can bet on it.

1392
01:12:40,911 --> 01:12:42,448
All right.

1393
01:12:42,450 --> 01:12:44,498
Aliens have conquered Earth.

1394
01:12:44,500 --> 01:12:46,461
The whole human race gone.

1395
01:12:46,463 --> 01:12:48,288
What do they want from us?

1396
01:12:48,290 --> 01:12:50,858
They want the Big Bang Bean.

1397
01:12:50,860 --> 01:12:51,808
What?

1398
01:12:51,810 --> 01:12:52,728
The Big Bang Bean.

1399
01:12:52,730 --> 01:12:54,228
I brought it back from Mars.

1400
01:12:54,230 --> 01:12:55,768
They want it returned.

1401
01:12:55,770 --> 01:12:57,008
So, give it to them.

1402
01:12:57,010 --> 01:12:58,548
What good is it anyway?

1403
01:12:58,550 --> 01:13:01,442
Well, the Big Bang
Bean has awesome power.

1404
01:13:01,444 --> 01:13:03,358
They could use it against us.

1405
01:13:03,360 --> 01:13:05,518
Yeah, well, maybe we
could use it against them.

1406
01:13:05,520 --> 01:13:06,351
Yeah.

1407
01:13:06,353 --> 01:13:07,184
Where is it?

1408
01:13:07,186 --> 01:13:09,231
It's in a top secret hiding place.

1409
01:13:09,233 --> 01:13:11,528
Only the President of the United States

1410
01:13:11,530 --> 01:13:14,208
and I know where it's actually located.

1411
01:13:14,210 --> 01:13:16,358
Yes, but now that the
President's a geranium,

1412
01:13:16,360 --> 01:13:17,356
you're the only one.

1413
01:13:17,358 --> 01:13:19,088
I guess so.

1414
01:13:19,090 --> 01:13:20,538
Just give us the Big Bang Bean

1415
01:13:20,540 --> 01:13:21,648
and they'll leave us alone.

1416
01:13:21,650 --> 01:13:24,113
No, I found it and I'm keeping it.

1417
01:13:25,260 --> 01:13:27,968
I think it's time for
some gentle persuasion.

1418
01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:31,778
I won't give up the Big Bang Bean,

1419
01:13:31,780 --> 01:13:33,448
not even for the trillions of dollars

1420
01:13:33,450 --> 01:13:35,033
out there completely unguarded.

1421
01:13:36,410 --> 01:13:37,598
What did you say?

1422
01:13:37,600 --> 01:13:39,238
Well, think of it, all those banks

1423
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:41,708
and credit unions just wide open waiting

1424
01:13:41,710 --> 01:13:43,868
for someone to walk in and clean 'em out.

1425
01:13:43,870 --> 01:13:44,838
Yeah.

1426
01:13:44,840 --> 01:13:46,368
What a thought.

1427
01:13:46,370 --> 01:13:47,669
I suppose none of that matters...

1428
01:13:49,830 --> 01:13:50,663
Guys?

1429
01:13:51,860 --> 01:13:52,693
Where'd they go?

1430
01:13:53,700 --> 01:13:56,978
Oh, yeah, I bet they're going
on a reconnaissance mission,

1431
01:13:56,980 --> 01:13:58,648
spyin' on those aliens.

1432
01:13:58,650 --> 01:14:00,748
Hope they bring back somethin' we can use.

1433
01:14:00,750 --> 01:14:03,898
Oh, you can count on it.

1434
01:14:03,900 --> 01:14:04,900
Hm.

1435
01:14:07,666 --> 01:14:10,058
It's been four hours.

1436
01:14:10,060 --> 01:14:11,938
We should've heard from them by now.

1437
01:14:11,940 --> 01:14:13,718
Oh, give 'em time.

1438
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,342
They've probably got their hands full.

1439
01:14:17,177 --> 01:14:18,858
Oh, someone
just climbed the fence.

1440
01:14:18,860 --> 01:14:19,773
That must be them.

1441
01:14:21,010 --> 01:14:22,768
I knew they'd have their hands full.

1442
01:14:22,770 --> 01:14:24,093
Oh, they sure do.

1443
01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:26,633
Look at those aliens.

1444
01:14:28,040 --> 01:14:30,372
No, don't stop.

1445
01:14:30,374 --> 01:14:31,995
Oh!

1446
01:14:31,997 --> 01:14:33,298
I can't look.

1447
01:14:33,300 --> 01:14:34,768
Oh!

1448
01:14:34,770 --> 01:14:36,528
This is Buttock.

1449
01:14:36,530 --> 01:14:38,348
Escape is impossible.

1450
01:14:38,350 --> 01:14:41,128
You have three minutes left.

1451
01:14:41,130 --> 01:14:42,248
They've got us surrounded.

1452
01:14:42,250 --> 01:14:43,888
It's hopeless.

1453
01:14:43,890 --> 01:14:46,752
Maybe I should just give
them the Big Bang Bean.

1454
01:14:46,754 --> 01:14:50,178
No wait, I just had a stroke of genius.

1455
01:14:50,180 --> 01:14:52,118
Well, whatever it is, it won't work.

1456
01:14:52,120 --> 01:14:54,741
We left it on the Moon!

1457
01:14:54,743 --> 01:14:56,789
They won't fall for that.

1458
01:15:02,750 --> 01:15:05,768
Well, they fell for that.

1459
01:15:05,770 --> 01:15:07,583
Boy, plants really are stupid.

1460
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:11,668
I guess that takes care of the aliens.

1461
01:15:11,670 --> 01:15:12,503
Not quite.

1462
01:15:14,233 --> 01:15:15,064
Oh!

1463
01:15:15,899 --> 01:15:16,730
Oh, oh the violence!

1464
01:15:16,732 --> 01:15:18,167
I'm sorry, Stillwood,

1465
01:15:18,169 --> 01:15:21,793
but I've gotta kill those aliens myself.

1466
01:15:21,795 --> 01:15:22,795
Ow, okay.

1467
01:15:34,684 --> 01:15:35,515
Kirk?

1468
01:15:38,255 --> 01:15:39,230
Can you hear me?

1469
01:15:41,910 --> 01:15:44,707
I feel so, so woody.

1470
01:15:47,390 --> 01:15:49,258
Can you hear me, Kirk?

1471
01:15:49,260 --> 01:15:50,091
Connie?

1472
01:15:50,093 --> 01:15:50,924
Is that you?

1473
01:15:50,926 --> 01:15:51,968
Who else?

1474
01:15:51,970 --> 01:15:54,178
Well, you could be an alien.

1475
01:15:54,180 --> 01:15:56,948
The computer shows you're
only 30 miles from the Moon.

1476
01:15:56,950 --> 01:15:58,288
Why are you going there?

1477
01:15:58,290 --> 01:15:59,838
I am gonna give
them the Big Bang Bean.

1478
01:15:59,840 --> 01:16:02,963
Well, you don't have the Big Bang Bean.

1479
01:16:02,965 --> 01:16:04,859
Connie Oh, really?

1480
01:16:04,861 --> 01:16:06,388
Go check the secret hiding place.

1481
01:16:06,390 --> 01:16:07,221
Huh?

1482
01:16:09,380 --> 01:16:12,383
All right, I know the Big Bang
Bean is in here somewhere.

1483
01:16:13,224 --> 01:16:14,158
Where is it?

1484
01:16:14,160 --> 01:16:14,993
Where is it?

1485
01:16:15,910 --> 01:16:17,007
Damn it!

1486
01:16:18,090 --> 01:16:19,188
Okay.

1487
01:16:19,190 --> 01:16:20,708
How did you know where it was?

1488
01:16:20,710 --> 01:16:22,598
You talk in your sleep.

1489
01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:23,518
What else did I say?

1490
01:16:23,520 --> 01:16:25,678
Oh, something about dipping me in honey

1491
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:28,451
and strapping me into gravity boots.

1492
01:16:28,453 --> 01:16:30,448
Oh, I must've been delirious.

1493
01:16:30,450 --> 01:16:31,888
Look, if you damage the Big Bang Bean,

1494
01:16:31,890 --> 01:16:35,628
there'll be a huge
explosion like a supernova.

1495
01:16:35,630 --> 01:16:36,461
It's okay.

1496
01:16:36,463 --> 01:16:38,189
I have to give my life away.

1497
01:16:38,191 --> 01:16:39,928
It's something I've always wanted to do.

1498
01:16:39,930 --> 01:16:41,128
Stop it!

1499
01:16:41,130 --> 01:16:42,377
Connie, please, stop it.

1500
01:16:42,379 --> 01:16:43,968
You can't do this to me.

1501
01:16:45,901 --> 01:16:46,734
Connie!

1502
01:16:49,686 --> 01:16:54,686
Connie!

1503
01:17:10,603 --> 01:17:12,537
The Moon!

1504
01:17:14,423 --> 01:17:16,331
Oh no!

1505
01:17:40,908 --> 01:17:43,364
No.

1506
01:17:43,366 --> 01:17:44,199
No!

1507
01:17:45,094 --> 01:17:47,163
No, no.

1508
01:17:47,165 --> 01:17:51,158
The Moon is gone.

1509
01:17:51,160 --> 01:17:52,608
The Moon gone.

1510
01:17:52,610 --> 01:17:53,441
Gone.

1511
01:17:53,443 --> 01:17:54,274
Gone.

1512
01:17:54,276 --> 01:17:55,108
Gone is the Moon.

1513
01:17:55,110 --> 01:17:56,858
That means Connie's gone.

1514
01:17:56,860 --> 01:17:57,691
Bob's gone.

1515
01:17:57,693 --> 01:17:58,524
Charlie's gone.

1516
01:17:58,526 --> 01:17:59,357
Gone!

1517
01:17:59,359 --> 01:18:01,568
Oh, everybody's gone.

1518
01:18:01,570 --> 01:18:02,703
No, no, no!

1519
01:18:05,428 --> 01:18:06,428
Wait a minute.

1520
01:18:06,430 --> 01:18:07,884
I'm still here.

1521
01:18:07,886 --> 01:18:12,748
I guess every cloud does
have a silver lining.

1522
01:18:12,750 --> 01:18:14,368
Let's see.

1523
01:18:14,370 --> 01:18:15,618
The radiation from that blast

1524
01:18:15,620 --> 01:18:17,928
will reach lethal levels in four hours.

1525
01:18:17,930 --> 01:18:20,648
Just enough time for me to jump

1526
01:18:20,650 --> 01:18:23,913
a shuttle and go someplace else.

1527
01:18:24,910 --> 01:18:27,970
Maybe Uranus.

1528
01:18:27,972 --> 01:18:30,833
I've always wondered how it got that name.

1529
01:18:31,840 --> 01:18:33,690
Must've been a deranged proctologist.

1530
01:18:34,570 --> 01:18:35,403
Yes.

1531
01:18:36,855 --> 01:18:37,686
Hm.

1532
01:18:45,054 --> 01:18:45,887
Okay.

1533
01:18:47,690 --> 01:18:49,143
Yeah, uh huh.

1534
01:18:51,200 --> 01:18:52,053
All right.

1535
01:18:59,926 --> 01:19:01,213
Whoa.

1536
01:19:06,510 --> 01:19:07,888
Cheryl?

1537
01:19:07,890 --> 01:19:09,319
What are you doing here?

1538
01:19:09,321 --> 01:19:12,997
My name is Anne, Anne Droid.

1539
01:19:12,999 --> 01:19:16,325
I was designed in the image of your wife.

1540
01:19:16,327 --> 01:19:18,668
Somebody must really hate me.

1541
01:19:18,670 --> 01:19:20,218
You are my purpose.

1542
01:19:20,220 --> 01:19:22,120
- My reason to exist.
- Oh.

1543
01:19:22,122 --> 01:19:24,008
I was programmed to function like

1544
01:19:24,010 --> 01:19:26,298
a normal human female to provide

1545
01:19:26,300 --> 01:19:30,993
for your satisfaction and to
quench every carnal desire.

1546
01:19:31,913 --> 01:19:34,408
I didn't wanna be with the real one.

1547
01:19:34,410 --> 01:19:36,799
Why would I engage in
coitus with an imitation?

1548
01:19:36,801 --> 01:19:39,858
I am to be the mother
of the next human race.

1549
01:19:39,860 --> 01:19:41,748
This body is yours.

1550
01:19:41,750 --> 01:19:44,633
Let me be your mate for all eternity.

1551
01:19:51,095 --> 01:19:51,928
Oo.

1552
01:19:52,960 --> 01:19:54,743
Uranus, here I come!

1553
01:20:07,092 --> 01:20:08,508
Oh, I can't stand this.

1554
01:20:08,510 --> 01:20:09,473
What time is it?

1555
01:20:10,310 --> 01:20:12,969
We leave in two minutes.

1556
01:20:12,971 --> 01:20:14,439
Huh?

1557
01:20:14,441 --> 01:20:15,892
What's your problem?

1558
01:20:19,624 --> 01:20:22,173
Stillwood's heartbeat
just jumped off the scale.

1559
01:20:23,007 --> 01:20:26,158
Kirk, are you doing
what I think you're doing?

1560
01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:28,223
Of course, it was a premonition.

1561
01:20:28,225 --> 01:20:30,578
I've seen the future.

1562
01:20:30,580 --> 01:20:33,688
I know what will happen,
but now I can change it.

1563
01:20:33,690 --> 01:20:36,128
Have you lost your mind?

1564
01:20:36,130 --> 01:20:38,368
Connie, contact Amber Earhardt.

1565
01:20:38,370 --> 01:20:40,398
Tell her to find Bushe and inject him

1566
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,578
with a lethal dose of Dick Weed Killer.

1567
01:20:42,580 --> 01:20:43,795
Dick Weed Killer?

1568
01:20:44,630 --> 01:20:45,538
Don't argue with me.

1569
01:20:45,540 --> 01:20:47,048
It's the only thing that will stop him.

1570
01:20:47,050 --> 01:20:48,778
Are you sure you're all right?

1571
01:20:48,780 --> 01:20:52,293
Bob, for the first time in
my life, I know what I'm doing.

1572
01:20:54,730 --> 01:20:57,263
I'm ready for them this time.

1573
01:21:21,260 --> 01:21:24,260
It's time to flower my little kumquat.

1574
01:21:26,466 --> 01:21:27,961
Bloom.

1575
01:21:27,963 --> 01:21:31,208
Oh, Auntie Petunia, it's you.

1576
01:21:31,210 --> 01:21:32,823
How long was I hibernating?

1577
01:21:33,740 --> 01:21:36,961
Oh, it's been nearly three harvests now.

1578
01:21:36,963 --> 01:21:39,333
Are you strong enough to sprout?

1579
01:21:40,530 --> 01:21:41,745
I suppose so.

1580
01:21:41,747 --> 01:21:43,893
What a horrible dream I had.

1581
01:21:46,570 --> 01:21:47,678
Oh, that feels good.

1582
01:21:47,680 --> 01:21:49,268
Can I have another?

1583
01:21:49,270 --> 01:21:51,018
Of course, dear.

1584
01:21:51,020 --> 01:21:55,621
Oh, Auntie Petunia, you sure
know how to till the soil.

1585
01:21:55,623 --> 01:21:58,538
I certainly should,

1586
01:21:58,540 --> 01:22:01,887
after all the fields
I've plowed.

1587
01:22:03,950 --> 01:22:04,978
And who are you?

1588
01:22:04,980 --> 01:22:07,478
Like, I'm Nurse Uri.

1589
01:22:07,480 --> 01:22:10,056
I'm gonna need a stool sample.

1590
01:22:10,058 --> 01:22:11,440
Wait a minute.

1591
01:22:15,250 --> 01:22:17,878
You gave us all quite a scare.

1592
01:22:17,880 --> 01:22:19,796
For awhile there, we thought

1593
01:22:19,798 --> 01:22:23,088
you were going to leave us.

1594
01:22:23,090 --> 01:22:24,928
Oh, but I did leave.

1595
01:22:24,930 --> 01:22:26,803
Aunt Petunia, I leave to Mars

1596
01:22:26,805 --> 01:22:31,433
and went to Earth and you and
you and you were there, too.

1597
01:22:32,890 --> 01:22:35,378
The people there weren't very nice,

1598
01:22:35,380 --> 01:22:37,567
especially this little limp idiot.

1599
01:22:37,569 --> 01:22:38,498
Hm!

1600
01:22:38,500 --> 01:22:41,588
He even tried to pump me
full of Dick Weed Killer.

1601
01:22:41,590 --> 01:22:42,720
Oh my dear.

1602
01:22:43,847 --> 01:22:46,274
You have such an imagination.

1603
01:22:47,450 --> 01:22:48,992
Oh, Dodo, we're home,

1604
01:22:48,994 --> 01:22:53,258
and I'm never going to leave
again because I love you all.

1605
01:22:53,260 --> 01:22:54,518
Oh, Auntie Petunia?

1606
01:22:54,520 --> 01:22:55,498
Yes, dear?

1607
01:22:55,500 --> 01:22:57,284
There's no place like home.

1608
01:23:05,866 --> 01:23:07,781
Holy horse dump,

1609
01:23:07,783 --> 01:23:10,333
what a massive bender that was.

1610
01:23:11,410 --> 01:23:15,403
My head's pounding so
hard, it's turning blue.

1611
01:23:16,370 --> 01:23:19,343
What the hell was this cheap ass shit?

1612
01:23:21,170 --> 01:23:23,751
Oh, this damn Cranya again.

1613
01:23:23,753 --> 01:23:26,144
Serves me right for drinking anything

1614
01:23:26,146 --> 01:23:28,428
with a flying skull on it.

1615
01:23:28,430 --> 01:23:30,519
What a nightmare.

1616
01:23:30,521 --> 01:23:34,199
I was surrounded by plants and a puppet,

1617
01:23:34,201 --> 01:23:36,827
a hamster and a chicken

1618
01:23:36,829 --> 01:23:38,879
and the stupidest people in the universe.

1619
01:23:40,698 --> 01:23:41,717
I told 'em to shut their holes
but they wouldn't listen.

1620
01:23:47,652 --> 01:23:49,639
What's so funny?

1621
01:23:49,641 --> 01:23:50,850
I've been laughin' since

1622
01:23:50,852 --> 01:23:54,857
you passed out, fool.

1623
01:23:54,859 --> 01:23:58,442
Oh,
just shut your hole.

1624
01:23:59,379 --> 01:24:00,210
Yo,

1625
01:24:00,212 --> 01:24:01,043
over here not over here.

1626
01:24:01,045 --> 01:24:02,097
Yo, sit down, all right?

1627
01:24:02,099 --> 01:24:03,008
You thought it was over.

1628
01:24:03,010 --> 01:24:04,091
Well, forget about it.

1629
01:24:04,093 --> 01:24:06,158
This damn thing is never gonna
end, you understand that?

1630
01:24:06,160 --> 01:24:07,278
You're in purgatory.

1631
01:24:07,280 --> 01:24:10,298
That's why they call me The
Gardener of Frickin' Forever.

1632
01:24:10,300 --> 01:24:11,888
Watch what happens when they enter

1633
01:24:11,890 --> 01:24:13,328
this hot mess in an award show.

1634
01:24:13,330 --> 01:24:16,056
Welcome, to
the Gilded Horn Awards.

1635
01:24:16,058 --> 01:24:17,073
What, Mommy?

1636
01:24:17,075 --> 01:24:17,908
Stop it.

1637
01:24:20,420 --> 01:24:25,317
♪ After today, I'll be incredible ♪

1638
01:24:25,319 --> 01:24:30,037
♪ After today, I'll be unbelievable ♪

1639
01:24:30,039 --> 01:24:35,039
♪ After today, no one's
gonna push me around ♪

1640
01:24:35,225 --> 01:24:40,225
♪ No one's gonna bring
me down after today ♪

1641
01:24:43,508 --> 01:24:46,008
♪ After today ♪

1642
01:24:52,807 --> 01:24:57,148
This year's Gilded Horn
Award for best original song,

1643
01:24:57,150 --> 01:24:58,904
goes to Miss Emily Stanton.

1644
01:24:59,739 --> 01:25:01,238
I would like to thank the Academy.

1645
01:25:01,240 --> 01:25:03,384
You love me, you really love me!

1646
01:25:09,317 --> 01:25:13,020
The Gilded Horn Awards have
celebrated artistic merit

1647
01:25:14,010 --> 01:25:19,010
in the motion picture industry
for the past 2,000 years.

1648
01:25:19,500 --> 01:25:22,448
Coveted by filmmakers around the world,

1649
01:25:22,450 --> 01:25:23,928
there's little doubt that everyone wants

1650
01:25:23,930 --> 01:25:25,584
to get their hands on a Horny.

1651
01:25:25,586 --> 01:25:30,586
Congratulations to all the
Horny winners here tonight,

1652
01:25:31,310 --> 01:25:36,310
and to the Horny losers,
better luck next time.

1653
01:25:36,340 --> 01:25:40,498
And now to introduce the
final award of the evening.

1654
01:25:40,500 --> 01:25:44,858
It is my privilege to
introduce to sci-fi legends.

1655
01:25:44,860 --> 01:25:47,218
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome

1656
01:25:47,220 --> 01:25:49,938
the lovely Marina Sirtis
and Robert Picardo.

1657
01:25:59,030 --> 01:26:01,915
The nominees for Best Picture are,

1658
01:26:01,917 --> 01:26:04,057
"Back with the Wind,"

1659
01:26:04,059 --> 01:26:05,468
the heart wrenching story

1660
01:26:05,470 --> 01:26:09,083
of a submarine crew battling
suffocating flatulence.

1661
01:26:09,949 --> 01:26:11,362
"The Sodfather,"

1662
01:26:11,364 --> 01:26:16,058
the saga of a poor gardener
turning his day job

1663
01:26:16,060 --> 01:26:18,865
into a dirty family business.

1664
01:26:18,867 --> 01:26:20,648
"Westside Story,"

1665
01:26:20,650 --> 01:26:23,988
a tale of millions of Angeleno's searching

1666
01:26:23,990 --> 01:26:27,433
in vain for that dream, a parking space.

1667
01:26:28,407 --> 01:26:30,278
"Forrest Dump,"

1668
01:26:30,280 --> 01:26:33,478
the tragic tale of a young man forced

1669
01:26:33,480 --> 01:26:36,498
to relieve himself in the wilderness.

1670
01:26:36,500 --> 01:26:39,467
And finally, "The Sound of Muzak."

1671
01:26:40,520 --> 01:26:45,448
A young nun descends into
madness after being von Trapp-ed

1672
01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:47,963
in an elevator for 98 harrowing hours.

1673
01:26:49,720 --> 01:26:51,433
And the award goes to,

1674
01:26:55,840 --> 01:26:56,673
unbelievable!

1675
01:26:58,426 --> 01:27:00,378
Oh, thank you, thank you!

1676
01:27:00,380 --> 01:27:01,968
Thank you very much.

1677
01:27:01,970 --> 01:27:03,608
I'd like to thank the Academy

1678
01:27:03,610 --> 01:27:07,868
for this overdue recognition
of my immense talent.

1679
01:27:07,870 --> 01:27:09,923
Oh yes, of course, my fellow thespians

1680
01:27:09,925 --> 01:27:12,338
come join me up here on stage.

1681
01:27:12,340 --> 01:27:13,718
Come on guys!

1682
01:27:13,720 --> 01:27:15,368
Make room.

1683
01:27:15,370 --> 01:27:17,592
Get those nasty aliens up here, too.

1684
01:27:20,794 --> 01:27:23,718
I'd like to thank all
the captains before me,

1685
01:27:23,720 --> 01:27:25,828
Captain Ahab, Kangaroo, Morgan,

1686
01:27:25,830 --> 01:27:29,181
Stubing, Picard, Phillips and Tennille!

1687
01:27:34,231 --> 01:27:37,068
It all all began for me
back on a summer's day

1688
01:27:37,070 --> 01:27:39,288
when my parents were feeling frisky.

1689
01:27:39,290 --> 01:27:41,438
- Oh, hello.
- Excuse me.

1690
01:27:41,440 --> 01:27:42,271
Yes?

1691
01:27:42,273 --> 01:27:43,508
That award isn't for you.

1692
01:27:43,510 --> 01:27:45,288
Well, of course it is.

1693
01:27:45,290 --> 01:27:47,590
We're the cast and crew
of "Unbelievable!!!!!"

1694
01:27:48,550 --> 01:27:50,808
Excuse me, excuse me, I'm really sorry,

1695
01:27:50,810 --> 01:27:53,558
but I was just surprised at the picture

1696
01:27:53,560 --> 01:27:58,148
which had one and just kind
of blurted out unbelievable.

1697
01:27:58,150 --> 01:28:01,390
I'm really sorry if
there's been any confusion.

1698
01:28:01,392 --> 01:28:03,939
- So, who won?
- I'm not sorry.

1699
01:28:03,941 --> 01:28:06,278
It wasn't confusing to me.

1700
01:28:06,280 --> 01:28:07,875
- So...
- Me either.

1701
01:28:07,877 --> 01:28:11,198
So, I'm afraid, would you
all go back to your seats?

1702
01:28:11,200 --> 01:28:12,396
- I'm afraid you all have
- Whoa!

1703
01:28:12,398 --> 01:28:13,631
- to go back to your seats.
- Run for it, guys.

1704
01:28:13,633 --> 01:28:14,464
Run for it!

1705
01:28:16,139 --> 01:28:16,970
What?

1706
01:28:20,901 --> 01:28:24,053
Must leave building!

1707
01:28:24,055 --> 01:28:25,495
♪ Today ♪

1708
01:28:25,497 --> 01:28:30,265
♪ No one's gonna push
me around after today ♪

1709
01:28:30,267 --> 01:28:32,994
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

1710
01:28:38,200 --> 01:28:41,283
I do my own stunts but why?

1711
01:28:56,462 --> 01:28:57,545
Warp speed!

1712
01:29:14,317 --> 01:29:15,227
Hang in there, guy.

1713
01:29:16,140 --> 01:29:16,971
We're almost there.

1714
01:29:16,973 --> 01:29:18,388
You're lookin' good.

1715
01:29:18,390 --> 01:29:21,689
Don't quit on us, fella.

1716
01:29:21,691 --> 01:29:22,988
The ER's right around the corner.

1717
01:29:22,990 --> 01:29:23,821
Stay strong.

1718
01:29:23,823 --> 01:29:25,044
Have faith.

1719
01:29:25,944 --> 01:29:27,758
Try to ignore the Angel
of Death surrounding you.

1720
01:29:27,760 --> 01:29:29,160
Don't worry, pal.

1721
01:29:30,410 --> 01:29:32,324
I'm sure someone can sew
the head back on for ya.

1722
01:29:33,224 --> 01:29:35,379
Oh God, I can't take it.

1723
01:29:38,041 --> 01:29:39,611
What the hell is goin' on here?

1724
01:29:39,613 --> 01:29:40,826
Is that the victim?

1725
01:29:40,828 --> 01:29:42,255
I need to get his statement.

1726
01:29:42,257 --> 01:29:43,925
Get lost, gumshoe.

1727
01:29:43,927 --> 01:29:46,763
Nobody blows off Detective Dan Marr.

1728
01:29:47,629 --> 01:29:48,460
You know something.

1729
01:29:48,462 --> 01:29:50,138
Now cough it up.

1730
01:29:53,500 --> 01:29:54,930
Oh, won't talk, huh?

1731
01:29:54,932 --> 01:29:57,348
I know how to get a confession
out of a punk like you,

1732
01:29:57,350 --> 01:29:58,550
and go get your partner.

1733
01:30:02,541 --> 01:30:04,888
This is a triage area.

1734
01:30:04,890 --> 01:30:06,558
You'll have to leave.

1735
01:30:06,560 --> 01:30:08,138
Do I need to take everybody downtown

1736
01:30:08,140 --> 01:30:09,688
and beat 'em with a rubber hose?

1737
01:30:09,690 --> 01:30:11,968
I still have to get his statement.

1738
01:30:11,970 --> 01:30:12,920
Take it outside.

1739
01:30:17,900 --> 01:30:19,053
Pulse zero.

1740
01:30:20,090 --> 01:30:21,798
Blood pressure, 0/0.

1741
01:30:21,800 --> 01:30:22,868
We're losing him.

1742
01:30:22,870 --> 01:30:24,545
Get the neurosurgeon, stat.

1743
01:30:24,547 --> 01:30:25,380
Stat!

1744
01:30:26,899 --> 01:30:30,000
I'm a doctor, damn
it, not a messenger boy.

1745
01:30:32,440 --> 01:30:33,640
Let's use the paddles.

1746
01:30:35,480 --> 01:30:36,311
Clear!

1747
01:30:44,425 --> 01:30:46,204
Do it like this.

1748
01:30:46,206 --> 01:30:47,623
No, like this.

1749
01:30:47,625 --> 01:30:49,838
Oh, forgive me my young lieutenants

1750
01:30:49,840 --> 01:30:51,879
but I have failed once again.

1751
01:30:51,881 --> 01:30:54,698
Oh, Grandmaster,

1752
01:30:54,700 --> 01:30:56,428
I know I'm destined for some great thing,

1753
01:30:56,430 --> 01:30:57,998
but what I do not know.

1754
01:30:58,000 --> 01:31:00,538
If only I can be assured that I was

1755
01:31:00,540 --> 01:31:02,133
on my true and spiritual path.

1756
01:31:02,995 --> 01:31:05,938
If only I can be given a sign.

1757
01:31:05,940 --> 01:31:07,698
Just a small sign.

1758
01:31:07,700 --> 01:31:09,437
Nothing too dramatic.

1759
01:31:09,439 --> 01:31:10,565
Whoa!

1760
01:31:12,350 --> 01:31:13,181
Oh!

1761
01:31:13,183 --> 01:31:14,027
Faint signs of life.

1762
01:31:14,029 --> 01:31:16,603
He still has a snowball's chance in hell.

1763
01:31:17,450 --> 01:31:19,218
Doctor, patient's not breathing.

1764
01:31:19,220 --> 01:31:21,218
His temperature is 80
degrees below normal.

1765
01:31:21,220 --> 01:31:24,128
His body's devoid of
blood, flesh and bone.

1766
01:31:24,130 --> 01:31:25,223
I say we call it.

1767
01:31:27,053 --> 01:31:28,858
It's margarita time.

1768
01:31:28,860 --> 01:31:32,428
Is there any chance
to save him, Dr. Soon?

1769
01:31:32,430 --> 01:31:35,143
I suppose it's possible.

1770
01:31:36,690 --> 01:31:40,873
I could transform him into
an artificial life form.

1771
01:31:43,050 --> 01:31:45,593
But doctor, what if you're wrong?

1772
01:31:47,840 --> 01:31:49,678
It's a chance you'll have to take.

1773
01:31:49,680 --> 01:31:51,124
Let's have a closer inspection.

1774
01:31:56,703 --> 01:31:57,786
Unbelievable!

1775
01:32:04,787 --> 01:32:06,110
Hey, yeah.

1776
01:32:06,112 --> 01:32:09,118
Well, we're having the
premier at the Coliseum.

1777
01:32:09,120 --> 01:32:11,888
Yeah, the LA Coliseum,
can you believe that?

1778
01:32:11,890 --> 01:32:14,998
We're expecting 100,000 or more.

1779
01:32:15,000 --> 01:32:15,831
That's right.

1780
01:32:15,833 --> 01:32:16,664
No, no.

1781
01:32:16,666 --> 01:32:18,018
You can't have tickets.

1782
01:32:18,020 --> 01:32:18,973
Try a scalper.

1783
01:32:20,626 --> 01:32:21,676
TMZ, how about BFD?

1784
01:32:23,677 --> 01:32:26,168
Get in line, Harvey.

1785
01:32:26,170 --> 01:32:28,688
Kirk is doing "Conan" and "The View."

1786
01:32:29,720 --> 01:32:32,698
He's got no time for your
sorry syndicated ass.

1787
01:32:32,700 --> 01:32:33,777
Get us saturation coverage

1788
01:32:33,779 --> 01:32:36,155
on each network's prime time slate.

1789
01:32:36,157 --> 01:32:37,088
Yeah.

1790
01:32:37,090 --> 01:32:39,718
I don't care what it costs.

1791
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:40,848
The studio's covering P&A.

1792
01:32:40,850 --> 01:32:44,468
No, you're only getting
distribution rights

1793
01:32:44,470 --> 01:32:47,893
for North America, that's it.

1794
01:32:47,895 --> 01:32:52,895
We're debuting wide on 7,000 screens.

1795
01:32:53,270 --> 01:32:57,451
Well, Europe, Asia and South
America are already gone.

1796
01:32:57,453 --> 01:33:01,413
Well, we do have Fiji, the
Seychelles and Tasmania

1797
01:33:01,415 --> 01:33:02,968
if you'd like those.

1798
01:33:02,970 --> 01:33:03,801
Yeah.

1799
01:33:03,803 --> 01:33:05,078
Who's this?

1800
01:33:05,080 --> 01:33:08,958
Gee, we were just talkin' about you guys,

1801
01:33:08,960 --> 01:33:11,598
over the past few decades.

1802
01:33:11,600 --> 01:33:13,328
You wanna do a deal?

1803
01:33:13,330 --> 01:33:14,658
Yeah.

1804
01:33:14,660 --> 01:33:16,498
Put the chairman on.

1805
01:33:16,500 --> 01:33:17,550
I'll hold.

1806
01:33:19,660 --> 01:33:24,056
So, Brad, you're runnin'
things over there now, huh?

1807
01:33:25,250 --> 01:33:27,493
Well, call us back in 40 years.

1808
01:33:27,495 --> 01:33:28,563
We'll do lunch.

1809
01:33:29,680 --> 01:33:32,648
I just sold our merchandising

1810
01:33:32,650 --> 01:33:36,348
and licensing rights for 800 large.

1811
01:33:36,350 --> 01:33:38,408
We're back on top boys and girls.

1812
01:33:38,410 --> 01:33:39,513
- Yes!
- Yeah.

1813
01:33:40,481 --> 01:33:41,312
I understand.

1814
01:33:41,314 --> 01:33:43,928
- Hold on a second.
- Yeah!

1815
01:33:43,930 --> 01:33:45,678
- Knock it off, guys.
- What?

1816
01:33:45,680 --> 01:33:47,081
- It's CAA.
- Oh.

1817
01:33:47,083 --> 01:33:49,148
Oh my God.

1818
01:33:49,150 --> 01:33:52,082
You want Kirk for the lead
in the next Spielberg film?

1819
01:33:53,481 --> 01:33:57,463
Well, I think I can speak
for him when I say he's in.

1820
01:33:58,500 --> 01:33:59,333
Thanks a lot.

1821
01:34:00,240 --> 01:34:02,078
Thanks a lot yourself.

1822
01:34:02,080 --> 01:34:03,028
Don't worry.

1823
01:34:03,030 --> 01:34:05,028
You're perfect for the role.

1824
01:34:05,030 --> 01:34:07,425
It's a live action remake of "Pinocchio."

1825
01:34:07,427 --> 01:34:10,353
Now you've got a chance for
what you've always wanted.

1826
01:34:11,410 --> 01:34:14,028
No, you mean that...

1827
01:34:14,030 --> 01:34:16,308
Yes, Kirk, yes!

1828
01:34:16,310 --> 01:34:19,284
You're gonna become a real little actor.

1829
01:34:20,270 --> 01:34:21,101
Yes.

1830
01:34:32,753 --> 01:34:33,584
Silence!

1831
01:34:34,419 --> 01:34:36,475
♪ Oh ♪

1832
01:34:38,071 --> 01:34:39,294
♪ Oh ♪

1833
01:34:40,610 --> 01:34:42,443
Where is God damn wallet?

1834
01:34:44,884 --> 01:34:45,884
I can't see.

1835
01:34:47,983 --> 01:34:49,568
I can't find it.

1836
01:34:49,570 --> 01:34:50,401
- Oo, would you
- Get out of the way!

1837
01:34:50,403 --> 01:34:52,338
- two just move!
- Out!

1838
01:34:52,340 --> 01:34:55,093
Oh, says here, here!

1839
01:34:56,140 --> 01:34:57,660
♪ Oh ♪

1840
01:34:57,662 --> 01:34:59,191
Tell me his name.

1841
01:34:59,193 --> 01:35:00,557
What's his name?

1842
01:35:02,290 --> 01:35:03,358
His name's Bernie Ficus.

1843
01:35:03,360 --> 01:35:04,620
What the fuck is his name?

1844
01:35:07,308 --> 01:35:09,058
♪ Oh ♪

1845
01:35:11,251 --> 01:35:13,533
I'm reporting you.

1846
01:35:13,535 --> 01:35:14,477
Incompetent!

1847
01:35:14,479 --> 01:35:16,542
Ah, I'm infected!

1848
01:35:17,377 --> 01:35:19,030
Where was the wallet?

1849
01:35:23,200 --> 01:35:26,648
As you can see, you have much to learn.

1850
01:35:26,650 --> 01:35:29,610
Oh, thank you, Sensei.

1851
01:35:29,612 --> 01:35:31,683
I will try harder.

1852
01:35:36,580 --> 01:35:37,900
Do!

1853
01:35:37,902 --> 01:35:40,864
- There is no try.
- Yes, Sensei.

1854
01:35:47,550 --> 01:35:49,588
Hey, look who's here.

1855
01:35:49,590 --> 01:35:51,244
Hi, honey.

1856
01:35:51,246 --> 01:35:52,746
- Boom, boom.
- Up!

1857
01:35:54,393 --> 01:35:56,738
Do it from the door opening.

1858
01:35:56,740 --> 01:35:57,573
Close the door.

1859
01:35:58,694 --> 01:36:00,098
Here we go.

1860
01:36:00,100 --> 01:36:01,668
Set.

1861
01:36:01,670 --> 01:36:04,503
It's Kirk and
Connie and Bob and Charlie.

1862
01:36:05,994 --> 01:36:08,803
I'm sorry, do that again.

1863
01:36:10,924 --> 01:36:11,755
Do that again.

1864
01:36:11,757 --> 01:36:12,672
Charlie!

1865
01:36:15,770 --> 01:36:17,491
Not just Charlie, do all four would ya?

1866
01:36:17,493 --> 01:36:20,018
Jesus Christ, what are ya, a puppet?

1867
01:36:21,645 --> 01:36:22,799
Here we go, here we go.

1868
01:36:24,030 --> 01:36:26,133
Any friend of
Connie's is a friend of mine.

1869
01:36:27,584 --> 01:36:28,415
Strange.

1870
01:36:28,417 --> 01:36:29,428
All right, let's go.

1871
01:36:29,430 --> 01:36:30,817
Whoa, I'm floating.

1872
01:36:31,776 --> 01:36:32,800
Oh, Lord.

1873
01:36:37,050 --> 01:36:40,412
So, what do you say?

1874
01:36:40,414 --> 01:36:41,488
No, no, we're good.

1875
01:36:41,490 --> 01:36:43,431
- We like it here.
- Yeah.

1876
01:36:43,433 --> 01:36:44,433
Oh, right.

1877
01:36:46,685 --> 01:36:47,518
Okay.

1878
01:36:51,772 --> 01:36:55,476
Oh, I seem to have self destructed.

1879
01:36:55,478 --> 01:36:57,178
I've fallen and I can't get up.

1880
01:36:57,180 --> 01:36:58,213
I'm lost in thought.

1881
01:36:59,330 --> 01:37:01,627
I'm paralyzed in thought right now.

1882
01:37:02,902 --> 01:37:03,733
Oh, shit.

1883
01:37:03,735 --> 01:37:04,637
Oh, shit.

1884
01:37:07,510 --> 01:37:09,345
That doesn't sound good.

1885
01:37:09,347 --> 01:37:10,178
There we go.

1886
01:37:10,180 --> 01:37:11,512
- Oh, Spock!
- That's good,

1887
01:37:11,514 --> 01:37:12,607
- everything's all right.
- To the bridge.

1888
01:37:13,640 --> 01:37:15,741
Let's see if we can stand.

1889
01:37:23,050 --> 01:37:23,940
Oh, wow!

1890
01:37:25,830 --> 01:37:27,510
I seem to have lost my...

1891
01:37:28,560 --> 01:37:30,460
I can't...

1892
01:37:30,462 --> 01:37:31,462
Disoriented.

1893
01:37:33,070 --> 01:37:35,171
Can't find equilibrium.

1894
01:37:35,173 --> 01:37:36,828
Whoa!

1895
01:37:36,830 --> 01:37:39,606
Oh maybe I'll just lay
here for a little bit.

1896
01:37:39,608 --> 01:37:40,532
- Just rest.
- Cut!

1897
01:37:40,534 --> 01:37:41,365
That's the cut.

1898
01:37:42,636 --> 01:37:43,938
- 17.
- Mark.

1899
01:37:43,940 --> 01:37:45,302
- Taking it in.
- What I was trying

1900
01:37:45,304 --> 01:37:46,761
to do the last time but it went so fast.

1901
01:37:46,763 --> 01:37:48,145
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Settle.

1902
01:37:48,147 --> 01:37:49,362
Can you put
his hand in or somethin'

1903
01:37:49,364 --> 01:37:51,418
so I get a start focus mark?

1904
01:37:51,420 --> 01:37:52,978
Start focus mark.

1905
01:37:52,980 --> 01:37:53,945
Here you are.

1906
01:37:55,819 --> 01:37:56,660
Thank you.

1907
01:37:56,662 --> 01:37:57,528
I think I got it.

1908
01:37:57,530 --> 01:37:58,573
You're welcome.

1909
01:37:59,550 --> 01:38:00,928
Set.

1910
01:38:00,930 --> 01:38:01,930
Action!

1911
01:38:02,764 --> 01:38:03,595
Oh!

1912
01:38:03,597 --> 01:38:04,428
Emergency!

1913
01:38:07,063 --> 01:38:07,894
Cut!

1914
01:38:10,250 --> 01:38:12,218
Oh God, I forgot the KY!

1915
01:38:16,680 --> 01:38:17,565
I'm waiting.

1916
01:38:22,920 --> 01:38:24,558
Oh, someone just climbed the fence.

1917
01:38:24,560 --> 01:38:25,913
That must be them.

1918
01:38:27,580 --> 01:38:29,598
No, they're going the other way now.

1919
01:38:29,600 --> 01:38:31,048
I'm confused.

1920
01:38:31,050 --> 01:38:32,250
Where the hell are they?

1921
01:38:33,690 --> 01:38:35,328
Wait, are they in Burbank?

1922
01:38:35,330 --> 01:38:36,490
That looks like Burbank.

1923
01:38:41,200 --> 01:38:42,317
Cut!

1924
01:38:42,319 --> 01:38:43,258
Action!

1925
01:38:43,260 --> 01:38:47,138
Hey, everybody, I just
sold our merchandising

1926
01:38:47,140 --> 01:38:51,207
and licensing rights for
800 large.

1927
01:38:54,366 --> 01:38:57,508
On the open end, on the front end,

1928
01:38:57,510 --> 01:39:02,510
and 50% gross on the long term.

1929
01:39:05,581 --> 01:39:08,250
Damn if I don't still have it.

1930
01:39:09,505 --> 01:39:13,573
Everybody, we're back
on top, boys and girls.

1931
01:39:13,575 --> 01:39:15,937
- Oh yeah!
- Hey, wait to go!

1932
01:39:15,939 --> 01:39:20,939
Boy, I, I never been
so shitty in my life.

1933
01:39:26,195 --> 01:39:31,195
♪ I'm the girl in the back
of the bus sitting quietly ♪

1934
01:39:34,148 --> 01:39:39,148
♪ Afraid to mess things up entirely ♪

1935
01:39:41,828 --> 01:39:46,828
♪ But I'm tired of hiding
who I am from everyone else ♪

1936
01:39:49,804 --> 01:39:53,882
♪ I'll just hold my head up high ♪

1937
01:39:53,884 --> 01:39:57,428
♪ And lift my eyes up to the sky ♪

1938
01:39:57,430 --> 01:40:01,651
♪ After today I'll be incredible ♪

1939
01:40:01,653 --> 01:40:05,381
♪ After today I'll be unbelievable ♪

1940
01:40:05,383 --> 01:40:10,165
♪ After today no one's
gonna push me around ♪

1941
01:40:10,167 --> 01:40:13,254
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

1942
01:40:13,256 --> 01:40:17,507
♪ After today ♪

1943
01:40:17,509 --> 01:40:21,837
♪ After today ♪

1944
01:40:21,839 --> 01:40:26,839
♪ Does it make you feel
better about yourself ♪

1945
01:40:29,014 --> 01:40:33,981
♪ When you tear me down ♪

1946
01:40:33,983 --> 01:40:37,205
♪ 'Cause I'm rising up ♪

1947
01:40:37,207 --> 01:40:41,913
♪ And standing on my own ♪

1948
01:40:41,915 --> 01:40:45,341
♪ I'm becoming stronger ♪

1949
01:40:45,343 --> 01:40:49,518
♪ You'll see that I've grown ♪

1950
01:40:49,520 --> 01:40:53,470
♪ After today I'll be incredible ♪

1951
01:40:53,472 --> 01:40:57,516
♪ After today I'll be unbelievable ♪

1952
01:40:57,518 --> 01:41:02,130
♪ After today no one's
gonna push me around ♪

1953
01:41:02,132 --> 01:41:05,538
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

1954
01:41:05,540 --> 01:41:09,566
♪ After today ♪

1955
01:41:09,568 --> 01:41:11,969
♪ After today ♪

1956
01:43:33,353 --> 01:43:37,396
♪ After today I'll be incredible ♪

1957
01:43:37,398 --> 01:43:41,269
♪ After today I'll be unbelievable ♪

1958
01:43:41,271 --> 01:43:46,143
♪ After today no one's
gonna push me around ♪

1959
01:43:46,145 --> 01:43:49,290
♪ No one's gonna bring me down ♪

1960
01:43:49,292 --> 01:43:53,333
♪ After today ♪

1961
01:43:53,335 --> 01:43:55,835
♪ After today ♪

1962
01:44:33,674 --> 01:44:34,662
What's goin' on here?

1963
01:44:34,664 --> 01:44:35,857
Yo, man, I don't know.

1964
01:44:35,859 --> 01:44:36,690
That's why I called you.

1965
01:44:36,692 --> 01:44:38,098
All these people are here.

1966
01:44:38,100 --> 01:44:39,355
What the hell is goin' on?

1967
01:44:39,357 --> 01:44:41,678
- Excuse me, who are you?
- I'm Sam Asghari.

1968
01:44:41,680 --> 01:44:42,558
It's his house.

1969
01:44:42,560 --> 01:44:43,438
This is a closed set.

1970
01:44:43,440 --> 01:44:44,618
You're gonna have to leave.

1971
01:44:44,620 --> 01:44:45,618
What do you mean we have to leave?

1972
01:44:45,620 --> 01:44:46,451
You have to leave.

1973
01:44:46,453 --> 01:44:48,782
This is my home jerk-off, get outta here.

1974
01:44:48,784 --> 01:44:49,615
Get out, guys.

1975
01:44:49,617 --> 01:44:50,448
Get out.

1976
01:44:50,450 --> 01:44:52,408
Man, where's the production?

1977
01:44:52,410 --> 01:44:53,468
In the back in the garage.

1978
01:44:53,470 --> 01:44:54,458
Okay.

1979
01:44:54,460 --> 01:44:55,291
Get out, leave.

1980
01:44:55,293 --> 01:44:56,242
Yeah, I told you, man.

1981
01:44:56,244 --> 01:44:57,159
Sam Asghari, the fitness king,

1982
01:44:57,161 --> 01:44:58,098
- Oh yeah.
- can I take a selfie?

1983
01:44:58,100 --> 01:44:59,630
Sure thing, sure thing, of course.

1984
01:44:59,632 --> 01:45:00,463
Yay.

1985
01:45:00,465 --> 01:45:01,296
Thank you.

1986
01:45:01,298 --> 01:45:02,612
- Yeah, one more.
- Okay.

1987
01:45:02,614 --> 01:45:04,781
I wanna bear your child.

1988
01:45:05,740 --> 01:45:07,281
Get lost before I call the cops.

1989
01:45:07,283 --> 01:45:08,114
- I love you!
- Leave you guys,

1990
01:45:08,116 --> 01:45:09,186
get outta here.

1991
01:45:09,188 --> 01:45:10,998
It's more like ridiculous.

1992
01:45:11,000 --> 01:45:13,039
Get, get out guys.

1993
01:45:13,041 --> 01:45:13,872
Get out.

1994
01:45:13,874 --> 01:45:15,228
Isolate, isolate!

1995
01:45:15,230 --> 01:45:16,998
Social distancing, asshole!

1996
01:45:17,000 --> 01:45:19,524
We're sheltering
in place with coronavirus!

1997
01:45:24,990 --> 01:45:25,936
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org