- WHEN STORAGE UNITS ARE ABANDONED...
IN THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS,
THE TREASURES WITHIN...
- THAT'S THE PRIZE.
- ARE PUT UP FOR AUCTION.
- YEAH. - RIGHT HERE!
- YEAH!
- COMING UP...
- OH!
- ALL THESE AMATEURS HERE, THEY JUST SEE THE JUNK.
I'M LOCKED ONTO THAT LITTLE BLACK BOX.
THERE WE GO.
- HOLD ON A MINUTE.
THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING RATTLE.
- WHAT IS THAT? - SOME KIND OF MEDAL.
- I WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY TO HIS FACE.
I DON'T LIKE VIC.
- I HOPE MISS LESA SPANKS SOME ASS.
[firing] - AAH!
- AND IT'S SOLD!
- TODAY, WE'RE TRAVELIN' WEST AGAIN
FROM DALLAS TO FORT WORTH, TEXAS.
- THIS IS WHERE ALL THE COWBOYS ENDED UP
WHEN ALL THE YUPPIES CHASED 'EM OUTTA THE CITY.
- SO, WE MIGHT FIND WESTERN COLLECTIBLES.
- AND HOPEFULLY SOME OTHER ITEMS GEARED TOWARDS COUNTRY FOLK.
- I WONDER IF HE'S GONNA SHOW UP.
JUST RECENTLY, ON AN APPRAISAL,
BUBBA AND I CROSSED PATHS
WITH PRO FOOTBALL PLAYER ROY WILLIAMS.
- YOU SHOULD COME WITH US SOMETIME.
CHECK IT OUT. - I WOULD LOVE TO.
- THAT HIM?
I BELIEVE IT IS.
- I'VE ALWAYS BEEN CURIOUS ABOUT STORAGE AUCTIONS.
JUST LIKE POKER, JUST LIKE FOOTBALL.
IT'S COMPETITION.
I MADE A LITTLE POCKET CHANGE IN SPORTS.
AND I'M READY FOR A NEW CHALLENGE.
I HAVE NO CLUE.
- WE'LL WALK YOU THROUGH IT, DON'T WORRY.
- EVERYTHING WE GET TODAY,
ROY, BUBBA, AND I ARE GONNA SPLIT IT THREE WAYS.
- I THINK THAT MIGHT BE THAT FOOTBALL PLAYER ROY WILLIAMS
STANDIN' AGAINST THE WALL OVER THERE.
I'M NOT GONNA OUTBID HIM, HE'LL TACKLE ME.
- THIS THE ROY WILLIAMS THAT LEFT OUR COWBOYS
FOR THE BEARS?
WHAT'S HE DOIN' HERE?
- WHAT'S GOIN' ON, MAN? HOW YOU DOIN'? I'M ROY.
- WHAT'S UP, ROY WILLIAMS?
- HOW YOU DOIN'? NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHY'RE YOU JUST LOOKIN' ME UP AND DOWN?
WHY'RE YOU SIZIN' ME UP, MY MAN?
[laughter]
DAMN.
- I DON'T TRUST THIS GUY.
- RIGHT OFF THE BAT, I CAN TELL ROY IS READY TO PLAY.
AND I LOVE IT.
- SO, YOU--YOU DO, LIKE--
YOU'RE A FOOTBALL PLAYER, AND YOU DO WHAT WE DO.
- YEAH.
- DID YOU LEAVE AFTER THE YEAR THAT, UH--
- WANNA JOIN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION, LESA?
I'LL WELCOME YOU IN.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE IN ON THIS CONVERSATION.
WHAT'RE YOU TRYIN' TO DO?
- YOU DON'T LIKE VIC? - SHE DON'T LIKE ME.
- NO, I DON'T LIKE VIC. - WHY? WHAT HAPPENED?
- I WILL TELL YOU EXACTLY TO HIS FACE.
I DON'T LIKE VIC.
- I MET LESA ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO AT AN AUCTION.
WE DIDN'T HIT IT OFF.
I'M IN LOVE WITH HER, ACTUALLY. - HE'S ARROGANT.
- SOMETIMES I GET A LITTLE SARCASTIC WITH HER
TO GET IN HER HEAD.
IF I COULD THROW YOU OFF ON YOUR GAME ONE DAY,
JUST GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD, THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
- HE'S GOT UGLY WORDS COMIN' OUTTA HIS MOUTH.
- CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
- HE SAID SOMETHING UGLY TO YOU?
- VICTOR HAS BEEN ANNOYING ME FOR FOUR YEARS, NOW.
I GOT A LOTTA NEW CUSTOMERS TO BUY FOR.
I DON'T NEED ALL THIS CRAP IN MY HEAD, YOU KNOW?
AND HE'S ALL UP IN THAT--
AND THEN HE'S TALLER THAN I AM TOO,
SO I'M TRYING TO WEAR HEELS NOW.
- TELL ME, HE SAID SOMETHING UGLY TO YOU?
WHAT DID HE SAY?
- I'M NOT GOING TO REPEAT IT.
- [gasps] - I WON'T REPEAT IT.
- OH, WOW.
MAN, THESE PEOPLE ARE [bleep] CRAZY.
- OKAY, GATHER 'ROUND, EVERYBODY.
HERE ARE THE RULES FOR TODAY'S AUCTION...
FIRST THING IS YOU'LL HAVE FIVE MINUTES
TO LOOK AROUND AFTER WE OPEN THE DOOR.
YOU'LL NOT BE ALLOWED TO TOUCH OR STEP INSIDE EACH LOCKER.
IT'S A CASH-ONLY SALE.
PLEASE BID ONLY WITH THE MONEY THAT YOU HAVE TODAY.
ARE YOU READY TO GO?
all: YEAH!
- HAMMER UP, LET'S GO!
[cheers]
- OH! - WHOA!
- NICE, SMALL, LITTLE UNIT.
WASHER AND DRYER IN HERE, THOUGH.
- WASHER AND-- - WHY NOT?
THIS WASHER AND DRYER
WOULD BE A SNAP TO SELL TODAY.
- OH, YEAH. I LIKE THE WASHER AND DRYER.
LOOKS GOOD. - WORK BOOTS.
- WE GOT SOME BOXES.
AND IT'S GONNA GO HIGHER JUST 'CAUSE THE WASHER AND DRYER.
- THANK YOU.
- IT'S A NICE LOCKER.
BUT I DON'T HAVE THE ROOM IN MY TRAILER
FOR A WASHER AND DRYER SET.
- WELL, COME ON DOWN AND GET SOME O' THAT 500.
- I'M MIGHT GET SOME REEBOKS IN THIS ONE? AH!
- SOME BOXES O' STUFF.
MIGHT BE SOME GOODIES IN THOSE SHOEBOXES.
- SOME COWBOY BOOTS, EVEN.
- THERE YOU GO. - I'M GOOD.
- ROY IS OBVIOUSLY NOT PLAYING THIS ONE CLOSE TO THE VEST.
YOU DON'T WANNA TELL PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE
INTERESTED IN THE UNIT.
THAT JUST DRIVES THE PRICES UP.
THEY KNOW YOU WANT IT, SO THEY'RE GONNA ROLL YOU UP.
- INTIMIDATION ALWAYS WORKS FOR ME.
I'M TELLIN' EVERYBODY I WANT THAT LOCKER.
- OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
READY TO SELL THIS ONE, NUMBER 43.
LITTLE WASHER AND DRYER LOCKER, HERE.
- 52 BUCKS.
- THOUGHT YOU WAS SAYIN' 200.
WHAT'M I BID HERE? 50!
- ...TWO. 52. - 52!
I'LL TAKE 52.
NOW 75. ANYBODY GIVE 75?
I HAVE 75. NOW 100.
BIDDING 100.
- HE'S NEW? I'M DEFINITELY RUNNING THIS GUY UP.
- NOW A QUARTER--125.
AND 50, BIDDING 150.
NOW 75. 175...
175!
I HAVE 175. NOW 200!
TOOK TOO LONG!
200. NOW A QUARTER. WE NEED 225. 225.
SHE SAYS NO.
225, IS THAT A YEAH?
- YEAH. - 225.
250, NOW 50.
250? 250?
SOLD IT, BUBBA.
- YOU GOT IT.
- SOLD IT, BUBBA, $225.
- WHY DOES IT GOTTA BE RICKY AND BUBBA?
WHAT ABOUT-- - RICKY, BUBBA, AND ROY!
- AND ROY! - AND ROY!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S YOU.
- THIS IS MY FIRST UNIT. [grunts]
- WE JUST PAID 225 FOR A HUNDRED-DOLLAR LOCKER.
- TEAMIN' UP WITH A CELEBRITY IS FUN,
BUT NOT CHEAP.
- OH! - [claps]
- [whistles] - HOLD ONTO YOUR MONEY!
- Y'ALL HOLD BACK!
- THAT LOOKS LIKE SOME OLD JORDANS IN THERE.
- WE'LL START THERE. - THE MICROWAVE.
- MISSIN' DRAWERS, MESSED UP COUCH.
- BUT SHE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S INSIDE THAT, UM...
- THAT LITTLE BLACK BOX? - YEAH.
- LOOKS LIKE A PISTOL CASE.
I LIKE IT THAT ROY IS POINTING OUT SOME OBSCURE ITEMS,
BUT A GUN CASE DOESN'T MEAN THERE'S A GUN.
THIS UNIT'S NOT FOR US, ROY. NO.
- GOT A POOPY SCOOTER, GOT A POOPY SEAT...
THAT'S VICTOR'S UNIT, RIGHT THERE.
- MM-HMM.
- PROCESSIN' THIS UNIT COST US TEN TIMES MORE
THAN WHAT WE PAID FOR IT.
- THIS LOOKS LIKE CRAP.
- WHERE'S VIC? - RIGHT THERE.
- VIC, IT'S YOU, BROTHA.
- TOP HALF OF THE HOVEROUND CHAIR IS MISSING,
TWO OLD TVs YOU CAN'T GET A DIME FROM...
THERE IS A BLACK BOX, THERE.
WE'LL SEE.
ALL THESE AMATEURS HERE,
THEY JUST SEE THE JUNK.
I'M LOCKED ONTO THAT LITTLE BLACK BOX.
- ALL RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE WE GO!
WHAT'M I BID HERE?
- $20!
- VICTOR, $20! NOW 30...
[auctioneering]
WAKE UP!
- 30!
- NOW 30! WHAT?
- 30!
- OKAY, I GOT VICTOR AT 20, AND VICTOR AT 30!
- OH!
- GET 40, NOW, 40!
- SOUNDED LIKE $20!
- ROOKIE MISTAKE!
I SOLD IT, SOLD IT, SOLD IT! VICTOR, FOR $30!
[cheering]
- SUCKER! [laughs]
SUCKER!
WELL, THAT CUT VICTOR DOWN A SIZE.
- WE HAVE A NEW ROOKIE AMONGST US!
- ROOKIE?
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
IF YOU CAN'T BUY, YOU AUCTIONEER.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP VICTOR OUT, HUH?
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- HE WOULDN'T HAVE LOOKED SO BAD.
- NO, HE DID IT TO HIMSELF.
- I'M RUNNIN' BACK TO THE LOCKER I PAID $30 FOR.
THAT LITTLE BLACK BOX I SAW COULD BE A CASE TO A GUN,
OR SOMETHING COLLECTIBLE.
- WELL, I SPOTTED THIS FROM OUTSIDE.
WHOA!
THERE YA GO. OLD BILLS.
NOTHIN' IN THERE.
THAT LITTLE BLACK BOX TURNED OUT TO BE NOTHING.
BUT I'M NOT GIVIN' UP.
AND ALSO BEHIND THE MATTRESSES...
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
ALSO THE GOOD STUFF IS UNDER THE DRAWER.
NOT IN THIS CASE.
THAT'S FIREWOOD, TVs ARE JUNK...
NIKES AND STUFF, BUT THEY'RE USED.
THERE'S NOTHIN' THERE.
BOXES OR SOMETHING--
THERE WE GO.
HMM.
AND MY TOMAHAWK.
LOOKS TO BE, UH-- LOOKS TO BE A LITTLE OLD TO ME.
THIS TOMAHAWK'S COOL.
WHETHER IT'S KITSCH OR ANTIQUE,
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
I DEFINITELY GOTTA TAKE THIS SOMEWHERE.
THAT'S SOMETHIN' I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT.
I GOT WHAT I WANTED OUTTA THIS LOCKER.
WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO
WITH THE REST OF THAT GARBAGE IN THERE?
- OKAY.
- OKAY--OH, SO YOU GOTTA GET ONE.
I THINK IT'S IN MY ROOM.
WHAT? THERE COULDA BEEN A FLAT-SCREEN IN THERE.
I'LL SELL IT TO YOU RIGHT NOW FOR 40.
- HEY.
- DEAL.
IT WASN'T TOO HARD TO FIND A READY AND WILLING
BUYER FOR MY $30 LOCKER.
IF SHE WORKS HARD, SHE MIGHT MAKE HER MONEY BACK.
I JUST SOLD MY ROOM, I MADE $10.
- OH, NICE.
- LOOKIT THAT THERMOMETER, ROY.
- OH!
[crowd chatters]
- OKAY, ROY, LET'S LOOK IT OVER. WHAT DO WE THINK?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THE BOXES?
- THIS UNIT LOOKS LIKE THEY GOT
EVERYTHING THEY WANTED OUT OF IT, AND THEN LEFT.
I'VE GOT STACKS AND STACKS OF THOSE OLD TVs.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
- SO NO.
- NO. THIS UNIT'S NOT FOR US. OR ROY.
- IT'S DEFINITELY BEEN GONE-THROUGH.
THEY TOOK OUT WHAT THEY WANTED FROM HERE.
CHEAP RADIO...
NO. NOT TODAY.
- ALL RIGHT, I NEED TO LOOK AT THIS ONE CLOSE.
- LITTLE BUCKET OF TOOLS, STEREO...
- TABLE AND CHAIRS...
- TV...
THAT DRILL STICKIN' UP LIKE THAT?
THAT MAKES ME THINK THERE'S MORE TOOLS BURIED IN HERE.
I HOPE MISS LESA SPANKS SOME ASS AND GETS THIS UNIT.
- I'LL BID ON THIS ONE. IT'S CLEAN.
- OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
- SO, IS THIS YOUR GUYSES FIRST SALE?
- YEAH. YOU?
- WHAT'M I BID? - 15.
- 15, NOW 20.
GIVE $20 BID. 20. NOW 30. HOW 'BOUT THAT?
30, NOW 40. - YEAH!
50, 50, NOW 60, GIVE $60 BID.
I HAVE 60 OVER THERE, NOW 70. - YEAH!
- THAT'S 70, NOW 80, NOW 90.
LESA, YOU'RE OUT 90.
90, AND 100.
100, 100...
100 HERE, NOW 10!
WANNA GIVE 110!
NOW 20, 20, 20. WE'LL DO $120 BID.
120, GIVE 120. 120.
I SOLD IT, SOLD IT, SOLD IT. LESA, $110. LESA, $110.
- THAT'S A GOOD DEAL. [cheering]
SPOTTED THE CLEANEST UNIT I'VE SEEN ALL HERE DAY.
- IF YOU BUY A UNIT,
IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CLEAN IT OUT AND SWEEP IT.
- HOLD ON, SO IF YOU BUY A UNIT,
YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE WHAT YOU WANT, THEN LEAVE IT?
- OH, NO. EVERYTHING'S GOTTA COME OUTTA THERE.
- RICKY, BUBBA, AND I...
WE'RE WALKIN' UP TO THE FIRST LOCKER
THAT I'VE EVER BEEN A PART OF BUYING.
IT'S THE LOCKER THAT WE PAID 225 FOR
THAT HAS A WASHER AND DRYER, AND SOME BOXES.
DO WE HAVE ANYBODY THAT CAN COME CLEAN UP FOR US?
- YEAH.
- OH! SO, I'M THE-- I'M THE GUY?
- WELL, WE'LL HELP YA. I'LL HOLD THE DUSTPAN.
- ROY HELPED US OVERPAY ON THIS UNIT, SO [chuckles]
THERE'S NO QUESTION, HE'S GONNA DO HIS SHARE O' THE WORK.
- LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT IN HERE. - LET'S DO IT.
- OKAY.
BE CAREFUL THROWIN' THAT STUFF.
THAT MIGHTA HAD MAMA'S CHINA IN THERE.
- NOTHIN'? - NOTHIN'.
- GOT SOME Q-TIPS, SON!
- AH, DON'T MESS WITH THEM! THAT'S NASTY!
- SOME GOOD WAX ON IT! EWW!
- PERSONAL PAPERS.
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKIN' FOR RIGHT HERE IS MAYBE GIFT CARDS.
- "BEST WISHES FOR A MEMORABLE DAY AND GREAT YEAR AHEAD..."
- GIFT CARDS, NOT BIRTHDAY CARDS, ROY.
- [laughs] OOH, BUBBA.
both: [laugh]
- OH, MAN! - OH, MY LORD.
- DO YOU GUYS SELL THESE, OR WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO?
- NO, I--I THINK THEY MIGHT THROW US UNDER THE JAIL
WE TRY TO SELL THOSE. - OR UNDER THE BUS OR SOMETHIN'.
- GIRLIE PICS AREN'T GONNA MAKE OUR MONEY BACK.
CAREFUL WITH WHAT WE'RE THROWIN' AWAY.
HOLD ON A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE, I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHIN' RATTLE.
MORE COINS.
- WHAT IS THAT? - SOME KIND OF MEDAL.
- I'M SORRY?
- THIS--WHATEVER THIS IS, IS DATED 1860-SOMETHING.
DUDE, THAT'S OLD. WE GOTTA GET THIS CHECKED OUT.
- BUBBA AND RICKY,
THOSE COUNTRY BOYS ARE SMART.
NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER.
- THIS COULD BE REALLY, REALLY SOMETHIN'.
- SO, NOT BAD FOR YOUR FIRST UNIT.
- ROY DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHERE TO TAKE SOMETHIN' LIKE THIS.
SO WE'RE GONNA TAKE IT AND GET IT APPRAISED FOR EVERYONE.
GUYS, THIS IS THE DEAL. - YEAH.
- WE GONNA MAKE SOME MONEY. - LET'S HOLD ONTO THAT.
- SEE WHAT WE'VE GOT.
JERRY AND I ARE BACK TO THIS LOCKER
THAT I JUST PAID $110 FOR.
- MAN, I'M TIRED OF TOTIN' THESE DAMN THINGS.
- YOU KNOW WHAT, I LIKE THIS UNIT.
WE GOT A TABLE, HERE,
WE'VE GOT A COFFEE TABLE...
ALL THIS STUFF IS WRAPPED, AND IT'S WRAPPED NICE.
AND WE GOT TOOLS HERE. $20.
LITTLE VANITY GIRL.
OOH, LOOK.
TOOLS. COOL.
- I ALREADY TOLD MISS LESA'S TOOLS IN HERE.
- HERE'S ABOUT 15, $20 RIGHT HERE.
SO THERE'S PROBABLY ABOUT 30 BUCKS IN THIS BOX RIGHT HERE.
[sighs]
THAT'S INTERESTING.
- WHAT'D YOU GET, LESA?
- OH, MY GOD.
- LESA HATES IT WHEN I COME AROUND
AND SHE'S GOIN' THROUGH HER STUFF.
JERRY.
- LOOK, IT'S FOR YOUR MOBIPAD.
- SO, HOW'D THIS FURNITURE TURN OUT TO BE
THAT WAS ALL WRAPPED UP IN HERE?
- IT'S NOT BAD.
- VICTOR IS JUST HERE TO SEE WHAT HE MISSED OUT ON.
110 BUCKS, I DEFINITELY TRIPLED--QUADRUPLED MY MONEY.
JERRY WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS.
- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS.
- WHAT'RE YOU DOING? - UH-OH.
- WHO GOES THROUGH MY [bleep]?
- OH, COME ON! COME ON!
- I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO GOES THROUGH MY STUFF.
- STOP IT, NOW.
- WHAT THE HELL'S THAT?
A PAINTBALL GUN.
- DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT'S WORTH?
'CAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE. I HAVE NONE.
- SOME OF THESE THINGS ARE THREE, AND FOUR, AND 500 BUCKS.
- YOU KIDDING ME? - IT'S IN A CASE--
IT'S IN A NICE CASE. NO, REALLY.
- GET IT OUTTA HIS HANDS. - GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY [bleep].
- NO, THEY MIGHT'VE BURIED IT.
I ACTUALLY KNOW THE PERFECT GUY TO APPRAISE THIS THING.
- MAYBE SOMEDAY WE CAN GO OUT PAINTBALLING.
YOU CAN SHOW ME HOW YOU SHOOT-- - I COULD GET TO SHOOT YOU?
- NO, YOU CAN SHOOT THE PAINTBALL.
OH, HE'S GONNA COME TO THIS APPRAISAL.
I'M NOT GONNA PASS UP A CHANCE TO SHOOT VICTOR IN THE ASS.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS. - ALL RIGHT.
PEACE OUT.
THE HELL OUTTA HERE.
LET'S PUT THIS INTO THE TRUCK.
- HELL, I'M JUST EXCITED TO SEE THIS GUN PUT TOGETHER.
- WE DID GOOD, JERRY. WE DID REAL GOOD.
- THEY GOTTA KNOW SOMETHIN' HERE.
- TODAY, BUBBA AND I ARE AT THE TEXAS CIVIL WAR MUSEUM.
- RAY RICHEY. GOOD TO SEE YA. - BUBBA. NICE TO MEET YOU.
- AND HOPEFULLY WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT
THE VALUE OF THAT STAR MEDAL THAT WE FOUND IN THE LOCKER.
- BACK TO THE TOP-SECRET AREA. - UH-HUH.
WHAT YOU HAVE IS PART OF A MEDAL
THAT WAS GIVEN TO THE UNION ARMY VETERANS
WHEN THEY JOINED THE VETERAN'S ASSOCIATION
CALLED THE GRAND ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC.
IT WAS ABOUT 1880 WHEN THEY STARTED.
- IT'S PRETTY OLD, STILL.
- THERE'S NOT NEAR THAT MANY THAT HAVE SURVIVED.
- IT'S 100 YEARS OLD, NOT VERY MANY SURVIVED.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE MONEY.
- THIS MEDAL ACTUALLY BELONGED
TO THIS PARTICULAR SOLDIER RIGHT HERE.
COLONEL CHARLES HENRY BANES. - MM-HMM.
- NOW, IF YOU HAVE ONE THAT'S IDENTIFIED,
AND YOU HAVE SOME HISTORY BEHIND IT,
THESE THINGS COULD BE VALUED UP TO $400.
'COURSE, YOURS IS UNIDENTIFIED.
YOU DON'T HAVE THE, UH-- THE RIBBON,
YOU DON'T HAVE THE EAGLE PIN ON IT.
- I BET ROY THREW THE REST OF IT AWAY
WHEN HE WAS OGLING THOSE NUDIE PICS.
WITH THAT IN MIND, WHAT WOULD YOU--
WHAT KIND OF A VALUE WOULD YOU PUT ON THAT MEDAL?
- UH...
I THINK IT MIGHT BE WORTH...
MAYBE $25.
- THAT'S A BIG DIFFERENCE FROM 400, ISN'T IT?
THAT'S THE DOLLAR MENU.
IT SURE WOULDA BEEN NICE TO HAVE THOSE OTHER PIECES,
BUT THAT'S THE COST OF TRAINING A ROOKIE.
- YOU FIND SOMETHING ELSE, BRING IT IN.
OKAY, THAT'D BE GREAT.
[medal clangs on floor] - [bleep]!
D'OH! - ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
- $23.
- ENJOY.
- BEFORE I DUMPED MY LOCKER ON THAT LOCAL LADY,
I TOOK OUT AN OLD INDIAN TOMAHAWK.
HELLO, HELLO! GOOD MORNIN'!
NOW I'M AT WATERBIRD TRADERS TO SEE IF IT'S WORTH ANYTHING.
- WHY DON'T WE COME IN HERE?
- YOU GOT A LOTTA, LOTTA STUFF HERE.
- LOTTA STUFF.
- I'D LIKE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING I FOUND IN A STORAGE LOCKER.
- M'KAY.
IT'S A TOMAHAWK, COMMONLY CALLED, OR A PIPE AXE.
THE INDIANS-- THEY'D SMOKE IT FOR PLEASURE,
THEY'D SMOKE IT TO SEAL AN AGREEMENT
OR A TREATY, IF YOU WANNA CALL THAT,
BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE.
OR MAYBE IN A, UH-- A WAR COUNCIL.
- SO IT'S LIKE A HOOKAH WITH AN ASSAULT RIFLE ATTACHED TO IT.
- THIS IS A NICE PIECE,
BUT IT'S A COMMERCIALLY MADE DESIGNER PIECE.
SOMETHING TO HANG ON THE WALL. - MM.
- THIS WOULD PROBABLY RETAIL IN A CATALOG...
FOR AROUND $150.
- OKAY. STILL NOT BAD AT $150. - NOT BAD.
- I MADE $150 ON A LOCKER
I WOUND UP DUMPING ON SOMEBODY ELSE.
THANK YOU, SIR. I WILL BE BACK. - THANK YOU. HAVE A NICE DAY.
- I MADE A PROFIT,
AND WOUND UP NOT HAVING TO PROCESS A WHOLE LOCKER.
I THINK THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION OF FINE TOBACCO.
[sighs]
- VICTOR WAS SO INTERESTED IN THIS PAINTBALL GUN,
HE HELPED ARRANGE A MEETING FOR ME
WITH THE OWNER OF A LOCAL PAINTBALL STORE.
YOU THINK IT'S--HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY YOU THOUGHT IT WAS?
- UH, I THINK IT'S PROBABLY 500 OR LESS.
- I'M THINKIN' IT'S $500 OR MORE.
- REALLY? SOUNDS LIKE A BET.
- THE LOSER... - UH-HUH.
- GETS TWO MINUTES AS A TARGET. - ALL RIGHT, I'M ON.
- SO IT'S ON. - OH, IT'S ON!
HEY, JUDD.
- HEY, HOW ARE Y'ALL TODAY?
- THESE ARE MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS,
UH, LESA AND JERRY.
- THESE ITEMS LOOK BRAND NEW.
THIS IS CALLED A DYE 4 GOGGLE.
AND OBVIOUSLY THE GOGGLES ARE TO PROTECT YOUR FACE
WHEN YOU'RE OUT THERE PLAYIN' PAINTBALL.
- YOU'RE GONNA NEED THAT.
- YOU GOT ANYTHING TO PROTECT THE HAIR?
- UH, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PROTECT THE HAIR.
- OKAY.
- VICTOR'S WEARIN' ENOUGH GEL, HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED A HELMET.
- OH, WOW.
THIS IS A MOTORIZED LOADER.
IT TAKES BATTERIES, AND WHAT HAPPENS IS, UH,
WHEN YOU PUT THE PAINTBALLS IN THERE,
IT HELPS FEED THE PAINTBALLS INTO THE PAINTBALL GUN.
THIS ONE FEEDS ON THE UPWARDS OF 30 BALLS PER SECOND.
PUT THE LOADER ON THERE...
THIS IS MORE OF A PROFESSIONAL-LEVEL,
SPECIALIZED, UH, TYPE PAINTBALL GUN.
WHERE YOU WOULD ONLY GO TO A PRO SHOP
AND PURCHASE SOMETHIN' LIKE THIS.
- POP, POP, POP, POP...
[laughs]
- I HAVE AN AIR SYSTEM, HERE.
SO LET'S AIR IT UP, AND MAKE SURE IT DOES WORK.
- IT'S DEFINITELY BROKEN.
[fires] - AAH! AH, AH, AH!
- PAY UP.
- DID YOU HEAR THAT?
HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY YOU THOUGHT IT WAS?
- UH, I THINK IT'S PROBABLY 500 OR LESS.
- I'M THINKIN' IT'S $500 OR MORE.
- REALLY? SOUNDS LIKE A BET.
- IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, WHAT DID YOU PAY FOR IT?
- UH, $110.
- WELL, I'D BE WILLIN' TO GIVE YOU RIGHT AROUND $1,900.
- HOLY--BAM, YEAH!
[laughs]
- I'M GONNA ENJOY WATCHIN' MR. FANCY-PANTS
GET HIS ASS WHUPPED.
- YOU GOT PINK ONES?
- UH, YEAH, YOU CAN HAVE PINK PAINTBALLS AS WELL.
- DO WE HAVE PINK ONES HERE SO I CAN SHOOT VICTOR WITH THOSE?
- [laughs]
- ON TOP OF BEATIN' VICTOR AT THE AUCTIONS,
I'M LITERALLY GETTING TO KNOCK HIM ON HIS ASS
WITH PINK PAINTBALLS.
THAT'S A PERFECT DAY FOR MISS LESA.
- OH, MAN!
- THE FORT WORTH WINNER WAS LESA LEWIS,
MAKING 2,000 BUCKS ON HER PAINTBALL UNIT.
VICTOR'S HOOKAH-BAZOOKA TOMAHAWK MADE HIM $160 PROFIT.
AND, RICKY, BUBBA, AND ROY BUSTED ON THEIR CIVIL WAR MEDAL,
SPLITTING A $200 LOSS THREE WAYS.
- OOH, LOOKIT THAT. RIGHT THERE.
- AAH!
[screaming]
- [laughs]
- HEY, YOU'RE COUNTIN' TWO MINUTES, MAN!
- [firing]
- AAH!
YOU GOT ME!
- [firing]
- AAH!
- HA! GOT 'IM!
- OH!
AAH!
- DROP IT!
- YOU SHOT MY ASS!