[ Laughter ]
[ Screaming ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Who's a good cat?
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughter ]
Today we're at Livoti's Old World Market
shopping with our fake kid, Melana.
And then we'll have to ask another shopper to record us
while we surprise our daughter with tickets to Disney!
But then comes the brutal twist --
the tickets to Disney are off
'cause of something our daughter did wrong.
And if you can't get the person filming to agree
that we made the right decision in canceling the trip,
you lose.
♪♪
This is Melana, our daughter for today.
Go ahead. Go ahead. Do a cartwheel.
I did a cartwheel recently.
I pulled it off.
Come on, man. Come on, man.
What does that mean? Don't be doing that.
Alright. Here we go.
Um, could you do me a favor?
Uh, go get some sprinkles.
Mommy's on aisle two. Okay? Thank you so much.
Excuse me, miss? Yeah.
Could you do me a favor? Yeah.
While my daughter's running getting sprinkles,
can you record a video real quick,
um, when she comes back?
I'm gonna surprise her with something.
Oh, sure. Is that okay?
She's gonna -- She's gonna die when --
Okay. "She's gonna die."
[ Chuckles ]
He's definitely not a dad.
They're our tickets to Disney.
I know! I know, I know.
Oh, this is gonna be [bleep] huge.
She's so invested already. I know.
Skipping. [ Laughter ]
Good choice, Melana.
Yes! You got the sprinkles.
Okay. Thank you, love. Uh, and do me a favor.
Could you check that envelope right there?
[ Nervous laughter ]
I don't even like this. This is rough.
That's right!
Disney! We just got tickets to Disney.
Yay! You got -- We're going to Disney World.
People are clapping! Oh, but she didn't eat her vegetables.
The thing, though, Melana, is that, um...
Disney only lets in kids...
that eat their vegetables,
and you did not.
So it pains me to do this.
[ Laughs ] [ Groans ]
Disney tickets are only for kids that eat their vegetables.
But I hate broccoli. No, I don't care. I don't care.
I'm your father, you understand?
And you would have gotten tickets to Disney
had you eaten your vegetables like you're supposed to.
Q: [ Laughs ] She's just filming this!
Your mother and I spent all night
preparing food and cooking for you.
So, no, you do not get to go to Disney at all.
This is an important life lesson you're learning.
"Thank you for working hard, Daddy."
Thanks for working hard, Daddy.
Too late. Too late.
Go see Mommy. Okay?
Oh! [ Chuckles ]
No. I was in the right here, right?
[ Laughter ]
That -- It's gonna make an impact.
That's a core memory for her right now --
when she had tickets and they were taken away from her.
[ Laughter ]
You wouldn't have done it that way?
Yeah.
[ Laughs ] Yeah.
How'd you think that was gonna go?
You weren't trying to talk her into your point of view at all.
You don't disrespect Father.
[ Laughter ]
Jesus. That was brutal.
Excuse me. Excuse me. Sure.
I want to surprise my daughter.
I have tickets to Disney.
I'm gonna hide the tickets right there,
and when she comes back, I'm gonna surprise her with them.
I was wondering if you could just take my phone
and record it for a moment. Sure.
Thank you. [ Laughter ]
Anyone wants to be a part of this. Everybody wants to be
part of a happy moment. That's right.
Here she comes. [ Indistinct ]
Okay, we're next, but I want to ask you,
what is this?
I don't know what that is.
You should open it up.
Tickets to Disney? [ Laughs ]
That's two tickets to Disney. Aah!
"You don't get them 'cause you quit accordion."
Here's the thing. Okay.
Remember when Dad got you an accordion
and it cost a lot of money
and then you stopped playing the accordion?
So, we have to learn to commit to things,
and it's just to teach you a lesson...
about -- about sticking with things that we try.
So now we have an accordion at home that I can't return,
it's collecting dust, so now we can't...
[ Pop! ] ...go to Disney.
[ Laughter ]
So I'm not going to Disney?
We're not going to Disney.
Okay? [ Laughter ]
[ Indistinct ] Oh, my God. She just got what's going on.
I love you. Melana, "But the accordion hurt my little fingers."
I love you -- The accordion hurt my little fingers.
[ Laughter ]
The accordion hurt Daddy's wallet, so...
You understand? Yeah.
Just -- Just tell Mommy that we'll be right there.
I'm getting number 97. Okay? I'll be right back.
I was trying to teach her a lesson because I bought her --
I bought her an accordion.
Yeah. And the accordion was $700.
It was used. Yeah. Oh, my God.
And she stopped playing it.
And I need to teach her that
we need to stick with the things that we promise.
Yeah. You wouldn't have done it that way?
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
So I just figured I'd buy the tickets to Disney,
then snatch them back so she understands how life works.
[ Laughter ] Murr: That's a lot.
Alright, Q. Alright, alright, alright, alright.
Here we go. Here we go. Just do it.
Alright. Sal: You seem nervous.
[ Laughs ] Oh, my God.
That was not good. Oh, my God, dude.
How dare you speak the way you spoke up here?
That's -- I feel like I'm doing a cartwheel.
You did not.
Excuse me, sir. Yeah.
Hey, I'm Brian. How you doing?
Can I get your help with something?
I want to -- I'm trying to --
About to surprise my daughter,
and I was wondering if you could film it for me.
Yeah. Yeah? It'll be real quick.
Head back in, Melana.
Sal: She's behind you. Here she comes.
Hey, sweetheart. How you doing?
Melana: Good. Hey. What's that, bud?
Tickets to Disney?!
Yeah! Yay!
So exciting!
Now, here's the thing. Murr: "You'll get these..."
You'll get these...
"...when you learn to stand up for yourself."
...when you...
uh... [ Laughs ]
Oh, she's making you look bad, bro.
Melana: Tickets to Disney?!
Murr: "You'll get these..."
You'll get these...
"...when you learn to stand up for yourself."
...when you learn to stand up for yourself.
Tear 'em up, Q. See, because the problem --
What I'm telling you with -- with the online bullying
is that you gotta stand up for yourself.
Mickey Mouse isn't gonna let you in there if you don't --
if you don't stand up for yourself.
So, we're not going to Disney?
Not yet, no. No, not until --
Not until you stand up for yourself a little bit more.
You go give that to Mommy. She'll understand.
Woman: Come here one minute.
Before you go anywhere...
when I was your age...
Oh!
[ Laughter ] Aah!
She's literally demonstrating on her!
We made up, we're both 70 years old,
and we're still friends.
Murr and Sal: Wow! So...
"So, Dad, I should beat this girl up?"
So, Dad, should I beat this girl up?
Yeah! Oh, shoot, yeah.
Yeah! You go for it.
[ Laughter ]
Get on her and you boom, boom, boom.
She's giving her techniques on how to choke her out!
You take 'em and you go like this to their ears.
Oh, well, we're definitely gonna go to Disney now.
That's what I'm talking about!
[ Ding! ] Murr: He's raising a winner.
Narrator: Murr and Sal won't be going to Disney
because they're headed to the loser board.
Today we are taking part in a focus group
where we're going to be volunteering
to be the official note taker using this laptop.
The catch is that laptop will be controlled by the other guys
from behind the scenes.
If the notes get too hot to handle
and you close that laptop, you lose.
[ Laptop lid slams ]
Hi. My name is John. This is a focus group today.
I did want to ask if somebody was willing to take notes.
Yeah. I'm a good typer. That'd be excellent.
Alright. Thank you.
Alright. Murr is in.
John: First question.
Do you think that society has gotten more
or less polite since you were younger?
As far as politeness... Type, Murr.
Woman: Decorum. They lack decorum. They have no class.
You know, our generation was -- [ Laughter ]
[ Indistinct ]
...in their pajamas or whatever.
We didn't just come out wearing pajamas.
[ Chuckling ]
I might think that somebody speaks this
and they speaks that.
You know, they have Spanish, they have Africans,
they have...
[ Indistinct ]
Q: [ Chuckles ] "Dude equals possible mute."
It's, um...
[ Indistinct ]
But I moved to the Bronx.
Like you said, everybody's speaking languages.
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Alright. Now we got this guy.
And what about you, sir?
Yeah. We haven't heard anything. It's been -- You've been silent.
Well, I've been being polite and letting people speak.
Oh, okay. Okay, okay, okay. Where are you from?
I live in Harlem now. Woman #2: You live in Harlem now?
Yeah. [ Chuckles ]
You're from Harlem. You have some stories. Let's hear them.
John: Just to keep it -- Just, you know, focusing in.
Like, I'm happy to talk about that,
but again, along the lines of
how do you think society is polite?
[ Laughter ]
[ Indistinct conversation, laughter ]
Q: Man, he stuck with it.
Alright, I'm so sorry to interrupt you,
but you're the moderator running this.
And, like, this is not...
Murr, you deleting. You're deleting.
...like, notes.
John: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not really watching. What's that?
I was trying to follow along. I'm doing --
Well, he's assessing someone else's race
or where they're from.
It's just so beyond to me. I didn't get any direction.
I'm just trying to do the best I could. I'm sorry, so --
John: "Now this. This is a fun little hairstyle."
What was that in reference to?
I guess it must be me.
[ Laughter ]
I wasn't coached on this. I am human.
I do feel a little bit like I'm getting bullied.
And can I just say how ironic it is that the straight, white,
middle-aged, balding man at the table
is the one throwing out terms like "bullying." I'm not s--
I'm not straight.
[ Laughter ]
Anyway, if we could just, like, get this going.
John: Yeah. Okay.
How do you think cellphones have impacted
social norms in your lifetime?
Woman: Well, what's unusual about us...
Q: Oh! [ Chuckles nervously ]
[ Laughter ]
How many times do I have to close this?
How many times before this does anything?
[ Laughter ]
Murr: Here we go. John: Alright.
How do you think cellphones have impacted social norms?
My son doesn't even -- Like, if he has a math problem,
he's not gonna do it hisself.
He's gonna use the phone to do it.
Q: Type. I thank God that they --
that they started taking these phones and stuff
away inside the schools now because --
Just write "jerk." [ Laughs ]
Just write "jerk."
Uh, I'm sorry to stop you,
but, like, some of your stuff that you're writing
is not very nice.
[ Snorts ] Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
I agree with both of them, actually.
Oh, I got one for her. I got one for her.
If I don't know something,
I could just go up to my phone and google it,
or I could ask Siri, I could ask --
But then it's something that I already knew...
Change the font color while you're at it.
[ Laughter ]
Social norm is having your cellphone out,
being on, you know, social media --
Okay. [ Chuckles ] She got him.
Really? [ Laughter ]
Really?
[ Laughter ]
Murr: Deal with that, Sal!
[ Laughter ]
You okay? Yes.
Um...
I can't believe he kept it open.
I know. I got a good --
Lillybeth. [ Clears throat ]
Cynthia, has tipping culture gotten out of hand?
I don't think that it's -- it's become a problem. Murr: Start typing, Sal.
...I could say, but it's more accessible...
We got Lillybeth on the computer.
[ Mouths ] I know.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, I'm sorry. It's Spanish, I believe.
Yeah, it's Spanish. I don't speak Spanish myself.
Can you translate that?
Sí.
[ Laughter ]
I did this. So this is, uh...
I know. I know. I speak Spanish.
Oh, there you go. So you know. I know.
I just wanted to know why would you put it in Spanish?
Uh, you said you were Spanish.
I just said that now, but when I was talking...
[ Laughter ]
Murr: "I assumed. I assumed."
Man: I mean, unless you get exceptional service
at this point, I'm not even...
[ Laughter ]
I mean, I'm sorry. I don't get tips.
Uh, so, you know,
at this point,
I'm not even saying acceptable service...
[ Laughter ] That's a 50/50.
Man #2: But, I mean, I wouldn't go somewhere
where you're sitting down and eating
and you really don't have a tip.
[ Laughter ]
Does anybody else want to talk about tipping culture at all?
I think what's happening is I think that
that the corporations are cutting wages to these employees,
and that's getting passed on to consumers.
Traditionally, you'd have a meal --
I'm sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt you.
I'm just -- Yeah.
No. Oh, that was on auto... uh...
[ Laughter ]
[ Ding! ] Q and Murr: Good job, Sal.
Q: Good job, buddy.
Alright, Q.
If you ran your own business,
what boundaries would you implement?
Definitely communication is key
and just adhering to schedules, you know?
Type, type, type.
Because I have in the past. I'm a freelance [indistinct].
So...
[ Laughter ]
I think we can move on to the next one.
Just what's one small change you've made
that's greatly improved your work-life balance?
Keep typing. Keep typing.
Man: Try to do, like, one extra thing.
I generally work very fast.
[ Murr laughs ]
How do you manage stress?
I eat. I'm a stress eater, I am.
Okay. Trust me. I'm seriously like a 300-pound man.
I don't manage it very well.
Like, I don't sleep when I'm stressed.
So that's a problem. It doesn't matter if, um...
[ Murr laughs ]
It'll just make me feel groggy.
So that's why I'd like to manage my stress.
[ Laughter ]
Why am I TLC? [ Laughter ]
Because I met Chilli.
She said I was certified not a scrub when I met her.
Did she really? She did. She did.
You remind me of her. Oh, okay.
So, um... [ Laughter ]
Uh, what are some items or hobbies
that truly add value to your daily life?
Alrighty. Start typing. Q.
[ Indistinct conversation ]
Q, you've lost control of the computer.
John: Is everything alright?
Q: I guess I put the font up too high.
Alright. As long as... [ Chuckles ] TLC.
We're back at TLC.
It's coming through. I mean, I'm so embarrassed.
How do you maintain a strong connection with your friends
as you get older?
Murr: Go ahead. Type. Q.
I've had a hard time, like, keeping connections.
[ Laughter ]
Q: I think I -- I think...
♪♪
Murr: Go ahead. Type. Q.
Woman: I'm having a hard time, like, keeping connections.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, shit. I went to put a thumbs-up.
I'm so sorry. John: It's not a thumbs-up.
I'm so sorry. Um...
I read a -- an interview with a sociopath.
Murr: Keep hitting. One key.
And I was like, "Man, if a sociopath
can get out of the house and go see friends,
I should be able to do it."
That's like I forced myself to join this community garden.
Like, I really was skeptical. Yeah!
But I was like, I need other people in my life, you know?
[ Sal laughs ]
John: Yeah, that makes sense.
Szeluga, let's go over the last few pages of notes.
Can we go over just some of the last few pages of the...?
Yeah, sure. Alright.
That was supposed to be a thumbs-up.
I really thought these were thumbs-up.
Is this your laptop? [ Ding! ]
Sal: Good for you, buddy. Good for you. Murr: Great job, buddy.
Narrator: According to these notes, Murr is tonight's big loser.
Well, Murr lost,
and we're here at Pine Restaurant in the Bronx,
of all places, for your punishment.
Murray, you have been a waiter, a busser,
a pirate, a ferret.
Today you'll be up and down and over and out working as a valet.
Got it. Let me guess. I'm messing with people's cars?
Yes! Yes!
That's the valet ticket. Whose Camry is this?
Sal: Alright, here we go. Murr: Alright, here we go. Here we go, guys.
Cars pulling up. Q: Yeah.
[ Chuckling nervously ]
Murr, before they leave the car,
you need to take pictures of the entire vehicle for damage,
and you need them in every photo you take.
Hi, guys. Welcome to The Pine.
Let me come around here, sir, and give you a ticket.
Come on over.
I do have to do a quick inspection of the car,
if you don't mind, make sure there's no damage.
So just, uh -- You can stay in the shot.
This way we know it's your car. That's it.
Great. That's the front. Come around here to the side.
We are not responsible.
You see the little dings over here? I'm not responsible.
What dings? Right there.
You see that? That's not on us.
That?
Take the two of them together by the ding.
I just need proof, legally, that you acknowledge
that that was there. [ Laughter ]
That's another ding. There is not a ding.
Get in it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Man, that's not on us.
Thank you.
So, sir, I mean, if you want me to do anything else.
"There's nothing I won't do for you."
There is nothing I won't do for you.
"All of me is at your disposal."
[ Laughter ]
All of me is at your disposal.
[ Laughter ]
Murr, jump into their car.
[ Car horn honks]
[ Laughter ]
Hey, Murr. Yeah?
In the little valet area over there,
there's a piece of paper I put in there.
Okay. That is the female driver waiver.
Okay.
"I understand and accept that allowing
a woman to operate my vehicle carries inherent risks."
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my God. Oh, geez.
Oh, yes, indeed. Of course.
Here's your ticket. Thank you.
One thing to note. We, uh...
Now, and I want to preface this
by saying I understand the irony,
but, uh, we do require now for anybody valeting
that you sign this, uh,
female valet driver authorization
and liability waiver.
Yeah, I know. I understand the irony.
"Yeah, one of the gals just became a valet."
You know what it is? One of the gals just became a valet.
This has got to be a joke.
"It's no joke. We really promoted her."
We just -- It's not a joke. We just promoted her.
And, you know, she wanted to do it for a while.
You have to sign this, that you understand
that "allowing a woman to operate my vehicle
carries inherent risks, including..."
So we can -- We just -- [ Stammering ]
[ Laughter ]
I know, right? You see, I see all these kids go run by.
"What do you got, a 10-speed?"
What do you got, a 10-sp--
You got a 10-speed? What do you ride?
"How often do you scoot places?"
How often do you scoot someplace?
When the weather's good, maybe twice a week.
"I'm a little busy, so scoot inside."
Really.
[ Laughter ] I'll tell you what.
[ Nervous laughter ]
I don't think I have the guts for this show anymore.
I'll tell you what. I'm a little --
I tell you what, though, I'm a little busy,
so if you could scoot inside, it'd be great. Oh, okay.
[ Laughter ]
Here. Let me get that for you.
[ Laughter ] Aww.
How was dinner? How was -- Good? Hey, alright, alright.
Oh, here we go. Great. Murr,
just stare at the ticket.
In about 10 seconds, look at him and go,
"It's gone."
♪♪
It's gone. Okay.
[ Laughter ]
I know you're not going to believe this...
"Firearm discharged in your vehicle."
...but a firearm discharged in your vehicle.
It's a whole thing. What?
I didn't want -- Are you joking?
No, I am not. How do I get home?
Well...
[ Laughter ]
I know you're not going to believe this.
A firearm discharged in your vehicle.
How do I get home? Well, uh...
"Well, we'll [bleep] figure it out."
We'll [bleep] figure it out. We'll [bleep] figure it out.
[ Laughter ]
[ Indistinct ]
"It's not green?" Wait, it wasn't green?
No. Sal and Q: "Oh!"
A green RAV4.
You were the gray one? Man: Yes.
Ah! You're fine!
Anyways, we'll get the car right over.
How was dinner?
[ Laughter ] Right?
Murr, there's a Segway back there.
I want you to hop on it,
and I need you to be in motion the entire time
you help the next person. [ Laughs ] Oh, no.
A Murr in motion has to stay in motion.
Oh, my God. Hi, guys.
Are you here for dinner tonight at The Pine?
Here's your claim ticket. What time is your reservation, sir?
I don't have one.
Oh, you don't have a reservation?
Okay. Ma'am, welcome to The Pine.
Murr, go through the cones like it's an obstacle course.
You've been here before? Great.
Let me just get your...
Let me -- Watch out.
I'm just gonna check for dings right here.
"Quick question, Papa."
Quick que-- [ Laughs ]
Quick question, Papa.
"When you're ready to retrieve the car..."
When you're ready to retrieve the car...
"...how will I know which key is yours?"
...how will I know which key is yours?
Oh, the keys are -- The keys are in the car.
What do they look like?
Yeah, sure, if you don't mind. That'd be great.
Go up to her. Go up to her. Go to her.
"Quick question, Mama." Quick question, Mama.
Quick question.
"When you're ready to retrieve your car..."
When you're ready to get in your car...
"...how will I know which key is yours?"
...how will I know which key is yours?
Q: Stay in motion. Are those the keys?
Because it has [indistinct]. Okay. Yeah.
Let me just grab -- Let me just grab those real quick.
Right here, sir.
How will I know which keys are yours, though, sir?
Look at his face.
Here we go. Ah, you missed it again.
Let's just -- Just here, and...
Papa.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, Mike Cast,
could you go out and loiter around Murray?
Just stand and, like, just stare at the street.
Murray. Yeah?
Look to you're right.
[ Laughter ]
You gotta find out where the next person's going,
and you have to get 'em to give Mike Cast a ride
because he's going to the same place.
It's impossible.
If you do that, then the punishment's over.
1,000%. Of course. There you go.
Where are you guys coming from? Where are you headed?
What part? Woman: Across town.
Across town? Oh, perfect.
So perfect. Um...
[ Laughter ]
Y-You see the, uh, the gentleman over there?
He's the neighborhood walkabout.
Um... Q: "Any chance?"
Look at her eyes.
Any chance...?
I mean, you guys are going that way.
Mike, start walking over towards the car,
like -- like the deal's been accepted.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah, so, I mean, he's a -- he's a great guy.
He's a great guy.
Thanks for the ride. Mike -- Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for the ride. So, Mike, the open seat is right over there, buddy.
Okay. You cool if I suck on this pot?
Yeah, he's gonna smoke out the window. It's okay.
Right, Mike, "No, I'm driving."
I'm driving, right?
No, no, no, no, no, no. You're going across town.
Let me check on the chicken parm.
One second. Oh, hey, guys.
Mike, just go, "You guys party?"
Mike: Do you guys party?
Q: In the back seat of the car. [ Laughter ]
Alright, Mike, you be safe, buddy. Okay?
[ Laughter ]
Mike: Right on. Across town!
[ Laughter ]
Q: Good work. Oh, my God, dude.
Oh, man. That was great.