[ Laughter ]
[ Screaming ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Who's a good cat?
[ Laughter ]
[ Chuckles ]
[ Laughter ]
Today, we are bartending at Connelly's
and our boss is gonna take away our phone.
But we still need to send a text message,
so we'll have to ask a bar patron to send a text message
on our behalf using their phone.
The catch is that the other guys will be
on the other end of that text thread.
The goal is to get a customer to send as many texts as possible.
Whoever gets the fewest texts sent back loses.
Q: Alright, guys, we're in.
How is everything, guys?
It's great.
It's Dan Case.
You want to catch him on his phone for
the [bleep] umpteenth time?
James, what are you doing?
Give me the phone. Murr: Are you serious?
Give me the phone.
This is the third time I've told you already today.
Q: It's your wife.
I just had to text my wife.
I don't want to see you texting.
Come on, Dan.
I am a grown man that just got scolded
in front of two people.
Murr: He's the manager. He's just a real jerk, you know?
I had one more text to send to my wife.
Do you -- Can I give you the number?
Say you're my friend at work, okay?
Q: Here we go.
I saw a missed call. Is everything okay?
Thank you, buddy. Hey, we got it.
We got it.
A bit of foreshadowing,
but everything's not going to be okay.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
[ Laughter ]
She wrote back? Yeah, mate. Yeah.
What'd she say? "Yes.
Please tell him I can't do this anymore."
[ Laughter ]
Sal: Don't say anything.
Just keep on looking back and forth.
Murr, just go into a thousand yard stare.
[ Laughter ]
Are you okay? Sorry, mate.
Sal: She's probably talking about something else.
I need clarification. Write her back.
Say, "Can't do what exactly?"
We're painting the guest bedroom.
So maybe she just can't do it anymore.
Man: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How about painting the guest bedroom and our marriage?
[ Laughter ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
What she write? What she write?
Q: Two separate texts.
[ Laughter ]
It's just painting the guest bedroom.
Oh, my God.
It's gonna come through right now.
Dude.
[Bleep] hell is right.
[Bleep] hell. Oh!
Q: This couldn't be better.
Leave him alone for a second.
We sent another text he hasn't seen yet.
Woo!
Sal: [ Laughs ] There we go.
[ Cellphone chimes ] Here it is.
Here it is, here it is, here it is.
Here it is. Watch his face, watch his face.
Watch his face.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Everything okay with the Guinness?
Yeah, we're all good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect.
Yeah? Alright. Good, good, good.
Sal: Oh! Does he not tell him?
I wouldn't hold it against the guy.
It's a hot one today in New York.
It is. Yeah. Q: He's not gonna tell him.
Leave him alone so he can tell her.
Give me one second, one second, one second.
[ Laughs ] There we go.
[ Laughing ]
Come on. What are you guys doing to me, man?
We're just throwing a little fuel on the fire.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
Murr, he's read the other texts.
Did you? Did you get another text?
Uh...
What -- What'd she say?
Sal: Look at the girl.
The girl's like, "Candy Crush."
[ Laughter ]
The guest room is finished?
[ Laughter ]
Ah, shit. Is that all she wrote?
[ Chuckles ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
Matte finish?!
I said semi-gloss.
And you wonder why I'm sleeping with her sister.
[ Laughter ]
You guys good? Yeah.
Uh-oh. He's on his phone, Dan Case.
Are you serious? Yeah.
Give me your phone.
Sal, it's your mom you were texting.
She's visiting. She's staying at your house right now, Bud.
I just need to get back to my mom.
Do not want you on the phone, okay?
We're not supposed to be on it. I know that.
But my mom is at my house right now,
so I've been texting with her, you know?
Yeah.
Could I? Would you -- would you mind?
Oh. Ah!
Just say, um, you're my friend from work?
Oh, here we go.
You got the first one?
Send. [ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughs ] Ah, Sal.
He's -- He's looking for you, bud.
You got an answer.
Ask her what she ate.
Q: Here we go. Murr: [ Laughs ]
He's typing, he's typing.
What did you eat?
[ Cellphone chimes ]
Oh, he knows already.
Mushroom chocolates, baby.
Those delicious -- Those delicious
chocolates in your fridge.
Oh, my [bleep] God. No.
[ Laughter ]
Mushrooms.
[ Laughter ]
Can you ask her how much she ate?
Q: Oh, he's got another one. Oh, [bleep]
Shit.
She's getting -- It's like hallucinogenics.
[ Laughter ]
Did she say that?
I'm really -- I'm really okay.
Okay.
Tell her not to leave the house.
"Don't leave the house."
Q: Sal, just got the right guy.
Yeah. He just got the guy.
Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
What'd she say? Send me a little bit of a personal text.
I don't know if you want me to read it out loud.
Yeah. I can't...
[ Laughter ]
She said that? Yeah.
She's so high.
Can you just say, "You're high and you're gonna get higher?"
"You're high, you're going to get higher.
You're going to have a bunch of thoughts.
Try to ignore them. I'll be home by 8:30.
[ Laughs ]
Let's see this kid get his round --
his mouth around that.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
This guy's -- This guy's great, man.
Okay.
What the [bleep] is she talking about?
[ Laughter ]
She thinks...
[ Laughter ]
Another one came through, Sal.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
Oh, my God. I gotta go.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
Send...
[ Laughter ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
I'm just gonna send a photo of a woman from the Internet.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
Tell her she's alive. You didn't die.
You texted me.
Q: That's it, buddy.
Murr: Alright, buddy.
How you guys doing? All right?
Yeah, pretty good. What are you guys drinking?
Is your phone ringing?
Hold on a second, sorry. My -- My wife is calling.
Are you serious? Give me your phone.
But it's just my wife -- Get off the phone.
I don't want you on your phone.
I'll give it to you when you're done with your shift.
Okay.
Sorry, it's embarrassing, guys.
My wife never calls.
So now I'm like, what the hell did she want?
Would you mind sending a quick text just to ask
if she's all right?
Say you're my friend from work?
Yeah. Thank you so much, brother.
Yeah, it's not a problem.
"Brian doesn't have his phone.
He just wants to make sure you're okay."
Thank you so much, guys, I appreciate it.
Yeah, no problem. Thank you.
It's come in. Alright, Q. The game has begun.
Here we go.
Man: I got a text back.
Okay, great. Could you read it to me?
Sal: [ Laughs ]
Could you ask her which job I applied to?
I applied to so many. Sounds like she's pissed.
Sal: Uh-oh. And the texts coming in.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
Uh, alright, could you just tell her I'll make it up to her?
It'll be okay?
Sorry about everything. Q: No. Hey, man, it's alright.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
I got another text.
Oh, okay. [ Messages chiming ]
Um, I'm getting a lot of texts.
Oh, no. She's on a tear. What is she saying?
So...
Just type her back, [bleep] you."
[ Laughs ] Oh, really?
She says...
I'm a dead man? Yeah.
Murr: [ Laughs ]
She's not gonna kill you guys, so don't worry about that.
Say, "I'd like to see you try."
[ Laughs ] He's gonna do it.
That crazy [bleep] bitch answer?
No. No? Good.
I blocked the number.
You blocked it? Yeah.
Sal: Oh. Probably smart, I guess.
You're texting that? [ Chuckles ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
He texted him from another number.
Murr: [ Laughs ] Q.
I thought you blocked it.
Yeah, I did.
Block her again.
Murr: Johnna, come here. Johnna. Sal: Perfect.
[ Laughs ]
Oh, my God.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
[ Laughter ]
Dude, this picture is bonkers.
Alright, well, that was a mistake.
[ Laughs ]
Bro, what the [bleep]?
The move right now is to send Johnna in.
Johnna in. [ Laughs ]
♪♪
Sal: The move right now is to send Johnna in.
Murr: Johnna in. [ Laughs ]
I don't know. That's so funny.
Murr: Okay, Johnna, you gonna sit next to him?
Don't say a word. Stare straight ahead.
You're crazy.
[ Laughter ]
Like, that's fun. That's crazy.
Sal: Alright, go ahead, Johnna. Do it.
I found you. [ Laughter ]
Oh...
Uh, please don't kill us.
We're -- We're just the messenger.
Johnna, if you're willing, take a beer
and pour it over your own head.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause you're crazy.
Why don't we go talk over there one second?
Don't do that. Don't do that.
That's his beer. That's his beer, baby.
That's his beer. That's his beer.
Sal: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: Murr was left unread,
so he's first up on the loser board.
Help me find my son!
Today we're nervously pacing around the mall at Bay Plaza,
asking shoppers, "Have you seen my kid?"
And of course, the outrageous description
of our kid will be given to us by the other guys.
If you can't get someone to say that
they've seen your weird kid, you lose.
Alright, boys, we're going old school on this.
Oh, yeah? We're going to give each
other lines on the old pad.
Yeah! Oh!
♪♪
Here we are. Murr: Alright.
Excuse me. Have you guys seen a little girl?
I'm looking for my daughter.
I can describe her for you.
She's got, like, brownish hair.
She's, like, a little taller than this.
Maybe this tall. Um, she's --
She's, um, she's tough. She's got my balls.
[ Laughter ]
She's possibly wearing a jet pack.
She got, like, on like a backpack
that looks like a jet pack. Okay.
If you see her, she may try to sell you on a timeshare.
It's... [ Laughter ]
She's a decorated child soldier, so I'm not too concerned.
A child soldier. Okay.
That's where she got the jet pack.
"So you didn't see anybody like that?"
You didn't see anybody.
"Wearing a jet pack?"
Wearing a jet pack? She's a decorated child soldier.
Uh, you know. Woman: Um, no, I haven't seen her.
She was -- when I last saw her,
she was eating sauerkraut at Zales.
[ Laughter ]
Uh, I'll tell you, the last thing
I can tell you about her is Jimmy crack corn and she cared.
Wait, I think I saw her.
[ Both gasp ]
Do you really think you saw her?
Yeah. Yeah?
Thank you guys so much.
Ah! Come on! Ah! We went too far.
Did she believe me? No, she did not.
But did she help me? Yes, she did.
She did, Yes, she did. Yes, she did.
A rare Sal victory. Damn.
Brianna.
[ Laughter ]
Q, you have a look that says you only have
visitation on the weekends.
[ Laughs ]
I have a look that says I only want
visitation on the weekends.
[ Laughter ]
Aiden, excuse me. I'm looking for my son.
I turned my head for a second. It's a baby?
No, no, no, you would know him if you saw him.
His body is kind of shaped
like a gas station chicken tender.
He's a little bit like this.
You see anybody like that running around?
Aiden. He's, uh, he's --
That's upside down, so I can't. It's hard for me to.
Oh, [bleep] He's -- He's --
He's most likely, like, twirling around.
[ Laughter ]
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Q: You see how hard this is?
You give it to me upside down?
You can't read upside down, bro?
[ Laughs ]
Excuse me. Did you see --
I'm looking for my son running around.
Did you see a little kid over there,
like, running around unattended?
Um, he looks like --
like if drywall went to elementary school.
He's, uh, he's 13.
He's still got his umbilical cord dangling down.
Did you see anybody like that dragging along the way?
He's reminiscent of a large wooden structure.
You see anybody like that walking around.
White, looks like drywall, he's 13.
He's got an umbilical cord still.
But the first thing you'll notice about him is the rash.
But I love -- I love the little [bleep].
Did you see this kid?!
Murr: Sorry, buddy. Miserable failure.
Excuse me. I lost my kid.
I don't know if you saw, like, a little girl.
She's -- She's built --
She's -- She's built like a Greek tragedy.
[ Laughter ]
I don't know if you saw a little kid wandering this way.
She's -- My daughter's wearing a cone right now around her neck.
She had surgery, and I don't want her to bite.
Um, she -- she recently had her lashes singed.
[ Laughter ]
Did you see it?
If you've heard a goose die,
you've heard my daughter's voice.
That's what she sounds like if you listen.
If you listen, listen.
[ Imitating dying goose ]
Do you hear -- Do you hear, like, a goose?
She sounds just like a goose dying.
You didn't see anyone in any direction that looked like that.
I'm sorry.
Do you think she bought it?
Thank you. [ Laughter ]
Geez, Trina?
We'll give you a few more.
Did you see a little kid?
He's like brown-haired like me, you know?
He's like -- He -- He's like.
Q: [ Laughs ]
Murr: Did you see a little kid? Child: What he'd look like?
He's like brown-haired like me, you know?
He's like -- He -- He's like --
You guys might recognize him.
He's TikTok famous for setting me on fire in the shower.
He got, like, a million subscribers.
He -- He's like -- He's like 3'6" of pure muscle.
I have to tell you more?
[ Laughter ]
Narrator: Murr and Q never found those kids,
so Murr is tonight's big loser.
[ Wedding music plays ]
♪♪
Dearly beloved, Murr lost.
So we are gathered here today at Park Chateau Estate and Gardens
to infiltrate a wedding cocktail hour.
Now the bride and groom are in on it,
but with the guests don't know
is that the wedding videographer is actually...
[ Laughter ]
James S. Murray, I now pronounce you
the worst videographer they've ever met.
Do I have to?
You do. You do.
I do.
[ Laughter ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Nice.
Sal: Murr, you look like Yanni [bleep] Fabio.
[ Laughter ]
But a little too close to a microwave.
Yeah. [ Laughter ]
Want to say any quick words to Katie and Matt
about congrats, if you don't mind?
Okay. Go ahead.
Hey, Matt. Hey, Katie.
Murr, when he's done, just go, "Yikes!"
I wish you guys the best in everything in your life.
Yikes. [ Laughter ]
"Uh, maybe go talk to a friend,
think about something more interesting and come back?
Maybe go talk to a friend,
come up with something more interesting.
And then when you think of something... You got it.
...come back to me and we'll rerecord that for you.
We'll figure it out. It's early. Thanks.
Oh! Oh!
This is nerve-wracking.
Oh, I feel alive!
Did you say congrats yet to the bride and groom?
I haven't. Do you mind if I, uh, real quick?
Yeah, let's do it. Okay, ready? We are rolling.
Congrats, Matt and Katie. I love you guys very much.
Sal: "How are you guys drunk already?"
How are -- How are you guys drunk already?
Q: Oh! I'm not drunk enough.
"Just [bleep] rock it."
Just [bleep] rock it.
[ Laughter ]
Congrats, Matt and Katie. I love you guys.
Murr: Let's go. Ready? And go!
Alright, Matt and Katie.
Congratulations to both of you...
"Boring!"
So happy for you --
Boring! Right?
Yeah, but you cut me off.
Yeah, I know because I'm not going to use that.
That was terrible.
[ Laughter ]
Okay, so we're good? We're good.
Great. Thank you, sir. I appreciate you.
Q: Oh. [ Laughs ]
Oh. Ooh!
Folks, do you mind a quick congrats to the bride and groom?
Is that okay? Ready? And go ahead, guys.
Hi, Katie and Matthew.
"Who are you? Are you the plus one?"
Who are you? You're the plus one.
Do the bride and groom know you or no?
The bride and groom do not know us.
Look down your camera and delete them from the memory card.
You guys don't know the bride and groom?
Sal: Delete them from the memory card.
Yeah, I'm just going to delete this interview.
One second. [ Laughter ]
No, we're good. Thank you.
Murr: Let's take it again. Take it again.
"Let's do a little less greeting cardy."
Let's try it again, but a little less greeting cardy, you know?
A little less greeting card. Yeah.
Hey, Danny. Hey, here we go.
"Danny, get the [bleep] out of my shot."
Get the [bleep] out of the shot, man.
I was about to -- Get the [bleep] out
of the shot for one second, thank you.
It was on him. Sal: Ooh
I don't want to be here anymore.
I don't want to be here.
Great, there you go. Much better.
Sal: [Bleep] rock it tonight, guys.
Hey, it's [bleep] rocking tonight, right?
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Congrats to the bride and groom, whatever you want to say.
And...you're good.
Katie Schmid, you guys had a beautiful wedding.
Sal: "Wait, wait, wait, what?" Great to see you guys.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What?
Sal: "You said Schmid?"
You said Schmid? It's the groom.
"Katie -- Katie's not changing her last name, is she?"
[ Laughter ]
Wait, wait, wait. Isn't Matt...
[ Laughter ]
I mean, Katie's not changing her name, right?
I don't know.
"[ Laughing ] Guys, guys, this is an emergency.
Where's Katie?"
Guys, this is an emergency. Where's Katie?
"Someone has to get through to her."
Someone's gotta get through. She can't change her last name.
"I won't have it." "You guys are supposed to be her friends."
Aren't you guys her friends?
We have to stop her. This is a horrible mistake.
I prefer Cox.
Oh! [ Laughs ]
That's the worst. I've never heard of such a last name.
Q: "Let's [bleep] rock it tonight."
[ Laughs ] I'm just kidding, guys.
Let's [bleep] rock it tonight, right?
Alright.
[ Laughter ]
Do you mind a quick congratulations
to the bride and groom?
Is that okay? Uh, my name is Colin.
Let me roll.
Sal: Murr, "this is beautiful, huh"
This is, uh, this is beautiful, isn't it?
This whole wedding. Oh, man.
"Vows were a bit of a snooze fest, but..."
The vows were a bit of a --
the vows were a bit of a snooze fest, didn't you think?
A little boring.
Q: Oh.
Yeah, I do a lot of weddings.
"I would have like to see them speak more from the heart."
Like, for me, if it were me,
I would have liked to have them speak more
from the heart, you know?
Q: Oh!
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Sal: Cut him off. Yeah, great.
That's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
[ Laughter ]
Murr, turn around. "[Bleep] rock it tonight, guys."
Hey, guys. [Bleep] rock it tonight.
What? Man: We're gonna do that again.
Oh.
Sal: [ Laughs ]
You're gonna get us all killed.
♪♪
We're gonna do that again.
Oh.
Oh, I was just trying to be funny. Okay.
Q: Oh. Sal: She hired him.
She hired him. Oh.
There's so much vitriol aimed toward me right now.
Well, let's see what happens after you bump into the cake
and knock it over.
[ Laughter ]
I'm not joking. That's it, buddy.
Do that and your punishment's over, pal.
What are you doing to me?
See that -- See that beautiful three-tier
cake on that golden platform?
Yes! It's giant. It's going down, baby.
Oh, God. Guys...
We're gonna get a big group shot with everybody.
Oh, my God. I don't know how to do this.
Murr, if I can give you one piece of advice?
Just [bleep] rock it, you know? Like...
[ Laughter ]
Murr, If I have any advice for you. Oh, my God.
It's note where the exits are right now.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Ooh. Look at that.
You have goosebumps. We have goosebumps, people.
Guys, guys, this is 150 people here.
The bride is right in front of me.
It's a punishment. Cheer -- Everybody, cheers on three.
Ready? Okay, cheers on three. Cheers on three.
[ People shouting ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
Murr, start picking it up and putting it back together.
It's still good. It's fine.
Just say it's not on you.
I got it, I got it, I got it. Just get off!
Get away! Just give me a table.
That's -- I didn't do that. That's not on me.
[ Laughs ] Shape the cake. Get it back in shape.
It's fine. Oh, my God.
It's fine, it's fine. It's gonna be fine!
I didn't put that there. That's not on me.
"Let's just [bleep] rock it." [ Laughs ]
Just -- Let's just [bleep] rock this wedding.
It's fine!
[ Laughter ]
Let's [bleep] rock it, okay?
No, no, no.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah. Why don't you Get out of there, pal.
Alright. I'm sorry.
What an end to the season, my friend.
Cheers. Cheers to you, congrats.
Thank you, everybody, for watching.
Thank you.
I'm just leaving.
[ Laughter ]