Hello. It's your pal brian quinn.
Look, I think we've all noticed how toxic sal and murr
Have become towards each other.
I hurt when I see it.
So I've decided to intervene.
Today they will enter couples therapy to work on their issues.
I have decided to document the process for our enjoyment --
I mean research purposes.
Now, obviously they're going to need their room
For this to work.
So the only thing I could do was take a beautiful, long vacation.
This is a delicate process that requires a licensed therapist,
But no one on "impractical jokers" has medical insurance,
So I'm just making casey do it.
Please enjoy this very special episode of "impractical jokers"
While I tour london.
♪♪
Murr? Sal? Yes?
We're here to discuss your troubled relationship.
The bickering over the years has reached a peak.
And your friend brian wants you to squash your beef.
Uh... Are we here because we want to be here
And, like, we're trying to work this out?
Or are we going to be taking jabs at each other?
Just let me know the tone.
I think you got it. Okay.
A lot will be said,
And anything that's said in here is -- it's a safe space.
It never leaves this room. You mean this alcove?
You know, there's actually no walls there.
There's no walls.
We've been filming you for over a decade.
And so, we're going to dive into a lot of clips today.
Why don't we take a look at some of the deepest issues first?
Okay.
That's why I love shooting at fairway.
Just eat delicious cold cuts all day long.
I know that right now, on purpose,
You're smacking your lips and chewing -- this is how I chew.
Already. Already at each other's throats. Already.
Okay. They --
Ooh, that [bleep] stinks, bro.
Did murray fart?
No, he's eating his third chinese meal.
We're all in this little freaking trailer,
And the thing smells like we're in the bathroom at an airport.
It is disgusting to watch people eat, isn't it?
It is, because I watch you eat all day, every day.
And now you j-- I'm glad you just said that.
Murray hates his beard. I mean, you could shave it.
Well...
[ laughter ]
Some teammate, sal.
They're seeing the left side. Show them the right side.
How's your back, buddy?
[ laughter ]
'cause he shaves his entire body.
Sal trumps him! Now you're selling murray out?
Look at this. I can't do this.
He gets scared. He's got to think about railings.
Murr: Dude... Murray, there's no [bleep] way, buddy.
Can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it.
You got a limp hook, man. It's just dragging on the floor.
It's not easy! Watch it, sal.
You're far more prissier than I am.
I am? Whoa!
Murr, light cough. [ coughs ]
Can he do anything subtly, please?
Sit down, sit down, sit down.
You just stepped on my foot again, you son of a bitch!
I never hit anybody else. Every single day,
You step on my feet 10 times.
I never do it to anybody else. Every single day.
That's what happens to shoes, buddy. They're on your feet.
You have ruined 90% of my shoes.
Yeah? I'll take it. 90%.
Because I thought you were going to say I've ruined 90% of your life.
That's what I thought you were gonna say. I'll take the shoes.
How would you like to break this down?
The food.
So, sal, one of your biggest gripes
Is how murr eats on set, right?
I mean, you can eat on set, but the way he eats
Is he just keep shoveling his mouth right in front of you.
He's two feet to my left,
And his lips and gums are slapping and smacking.
Are you serious?
You just shot me with spit when you laughed. Did I?
It's right -- it's right here.
Murr, when sal calls out your gross mouth,
How does it make you feel?
I will admit, there are times
That sometimes things have shot out of my mouth.
It has happened.
That's progress. That is progress.
That means a lot to me.
We're going to jump into another clip.
This is an early example
Of when we first started showing the audience behind the curtain.
You got a chapstick on you?
Chapstick?
No. You can't use my chapstick. Are you insane?
I'll put it on my finger or something.
I don't want your finger on my chapstick.
That's worse. [ laughs ]
Put your finger out and then put your finger on my lips.
I'm not putting my finger anywhere.
Let's keep your fingers and your lips to yourself. Sal...
Yeah? You wouldn't give it to me?
I'm not going to give him my chapstick. I know.
You know where that's been.
Yeah, I mean, that's another thing.
It's like, you know, there's boundaries
That you don't see them.
The way I think of it, if I can defend myself,
Is that, um, do unto others
As you would have done unto you.
If we were in a desert, walking across the sahara,
And I had chapstick and your lips were burning
And cracking in the desert and you said to me,
"brother of 40 years, can I have some chapstick,"
I would give it to you. It's a relatable scenario.
We're there on set busting our humps under hot lights
Working in a basement at a sneaker store. Like a desert, yeah.
That was my sahara, and in my time of need,
You didn't give it to me.
And if you asked me right now,
You could have a little swig of my vaseline.
I wouldn't dip my finger in that.
You can literally see it's brand-new.
So I think what we're talking about a little bit is trust,
Right, and the lack of trust.
I'm going to show you another clip.
And in this moment, sal, you broke murr's trust.
All right. Q: We don't have to say anything.
If we give it enough time,
They're just going to self-destruct.
This is the most delicious thing I've ever smelled in my life.
Let me see.
[ laughter ]
Joe: Wow!
You guys are supposed to be on the same team. Same team!
Now, murr, help people like that.
[ laughter ]
Did you find everything you need, sir? You find everything?
No problems? Okay. Oh, no. What happened?
What are you doing? You're supposed to be on the same team!
Dude, I didn't know it was gonna be like that.
What are you doing?! I ran away.
[ laughter ]
I didn't know it was gonna come out like that. That's your teammate.
You're on the same team. Step back out there.
I'm sorry, buddy. Had no idea.
Idiot!
[ both laugh ]
I forgot about that. Me too.
I will tell you this. You're a good sport.
I have no ill feelings towards sal,
For that is a crime of opportunity.
You can't prosecute a criminal for a crime of opportunity.
That's the law. Wow.
Let that roll right off his back.
Yeah, let it roll right off his freshly-shaved back.
I have my wife shave my back now.
That's why I got married. That the only reason you got married?
What's next?
[ laughs ]
Do you feel that you're in a marriage?
Uh...
Yeah. I think we are. Yeah.
It feels like that.
We've been with each other every day for 14 years.
You're partners. Sometimes in challenges you're partners.
And in this next clip, you guys play marriage counselors.
Oh. And you're partners on the same team.
Let's take a look.
Okay, so here we go. Let's get started, shall we?
How to be a perfect partner. Okay.
So this is who we are. Mm-hmm.
I was james murray from binghamton, new york.
Yep. I was salvatore vulcano from cape may, new jersey.
Was.
But cupid's gayest arrow struck true, and we married in 2011.
[ laughs ] ah, you guys are a married couple.
All right.
So there is no such thing as perfect. This is important.
Now, here are some of the things
We've had to contend with in our imperfect union.
Premature balding. I was not always like this.
We met each other in '90.
You started balding in about, uh...
'90. About '90. '90, yeah.
1990, murray was 13.
Late for everything.
That's this guy.
Overthinks everything is...
Hey. All right.
These are a lot of my flaws, for sure.
Guilty. Yeah, sure. Yep, yep. Yeah.
Now, see what's happened?
The fractures are starting. The fractures!
So much to unpack there.
You guys were fighting in public.
Yeah. I'm not proud of those times.
I'm not, either. I'd rather fight with you in private.
I like what you just did physically.
You put your arm around him.
And, in fact, we're going to try an exercise.
So why don't you turn towards each other?
Okay. Yeah.
I didn't sign up for this.
Yeah. This is called soul gazing. Okay.
And now look into each other's eyes.
Now say, "I see your soul."
Both: I see your soul.
You feel like giving me back my soul anytime? No. No.
It's framed at my house. Is it?
Of course. It's in my spare bedroom.
The contract for my soul?
Yeah. Your soul is in my house.
These guys are making incredible progress.
Why don't we take a break?
We'll be right back after these messages.
Both: I see your soul.
Oh, hi. Welcome back to "couples therapy."
Sal and murr have really been going through it
Over the last couple years,
And brian put me in charge of fixing them.
They have beef, and we're about to cook it.
I see your soul. So, gentlemen...
Yeah? I like that you guys were just working as a team.
It felt good. It felt natural. Yeah.
I was following orders.
Why don't we take a look at some clips
Where you guys worked well together?
Joe: All right, here we go. Okay. Ready, sal?
[ laughs ] I'm gonna...
Ah!
Easy, easy. Be careful.
Oh, my god.
[ laughter ]
Now, how do I hold this? This is hard to hold.
I don't know. Joe: Yeah, that's not a good item to start.
Here we go, here we go, here we go, sal.
Q: Ah!
Murr! Murr! Don't throw that.
I can't hold that.
No, no, look at me. You can't throw that right now.
I don't want him as a partner. I -- I default.
You have to wait, you --
[ laughter ]
Yes!
What?! He got --
It was a good rim shot, man.
He came at you with heat, that squash.
Great catch!
Oh, my god, dude, it knocked the wind out of me.
This thing's like 8 pounds.
Joe: He picked a prize-winning kumquat.
Sal, sal, sal.
You got to be careful.
Sal, nice!
That's three. That's three.
♪♪
Oh, he got something. Is that a tin can?
I can't hold that little thing.
I need stuff with a little bit of mass.
Murr, it sounds to me like sal doesn't trust you
To pick out something to throw. Yes.
Don't listen to them, buddy.
Here we go. Murray's trying to sneak in.
Don't let her see you, bro.
Murr looks so anxious shopping for meats.
Here we go! Here we go!
Wide open lane.
They're officially murray's bananas.
This woman had bananas. Now she is without bananas.
♪♪
He dropped it! He dropped it! You dropped!
[ laughs ] no good!
Magic.
Yeah. The kumquat was luck.
I'll tell you why I threw those things. I believe in you.
I have always believed in you
And that you are greater than you can even possibly believe
And you can achieve anything in life.
And I knew you could catch a kumquat,
You could catch bananas,
You could catch anything you set your mind to.
You've also caught a lot of things.
Most of them got cured.
Yeah.
One of my favorite things that murr does is he pushes you.
He pushes you into situations, and you just have to react.
Sometimes he's just such a perfect piece-of-shit moron
For your, you know, paranoid stupid.
Mm-hmm. I would agree.
Let's explore another moment when you guys were teammates.
Joe: Here goes murray.
He brought bubbles. Q: Bubbles.
Murr, blow them -- blow them that way.
Murr: They're coming back at me.
[ laughter ]
No. Blow them that way.
The air-conditioning is blowing it back.
Well, this is easy.
I'm gonna walk up here right now and get the dip.
These two are lined up and ready to go.
Okay, sal. Hold on. Let me get a long fry.
Oh, murray's got props.
It's all about distraction.
Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop,
Ugh, ugh! Ugh!
Oh [bleep]
There's no way for me to get that.
[ laughter ]
Sal? What the hell, man?
Q: They are not a well-oiled machine.
Joe: Okay, now murr's dipping.
♪♪
Hey, guys. Wanna see a nice distraction?
Do you?
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
This guy right here. See him? Right there.
Yeah, I see him.
You guys got this guy right here?
Yeah! There he goes.
You see this guy? Joe: Murray got it!
He got it! One, one.
He doesn't know. My man right here doesn't know what's going on.
[ q, joe cheer ]
He got another one! Now he's smiling at you. He's enjoying it.
You guys, you guys, you see the guy right here?
[ laughter ]
[ ding! ]
Aah!
You got caught, you cocky son of a bitch!
This is a microcosm of your relationship.
Well, what I see here is something that's been true
Since day one, season one.
Your hips are an incredible distraction to the tv show
And to our friendship.
Like, I see your hips, I can't turn away.
Shakira calls me for advice.
Is it possible, sal, that in that challenge,
Some of your anger was misguided?
Maybe you were maybe more frustrated
With the challenge and not murr.
Hmm. All things are possible.
That's what quantum physics says.
You know, everything lies in the superposition.
So, yes, all realities are possible.
Everything exists at the same time.
So, yes, sal was upset at me
And also could have been upset at the challenge.
And deflecting and deflecting by proxy.
Well, he mentioned superposition,
And that was a super-annoying position I was put in.
Dealing with the challenge or with murr?
[ breathes deeply ]
The challenge.
Wow.
A big part of team building is trust falls.
So before we go to another commercial,
We're going to do a trust fall.
Okay.
Who do you trust, sal, to catch you?
Me? Okay.
I can't do it, though, technically,
So it's going to have to be murr.
Okay. I'll catch you, buddy.
Yeah. I don't know.
We're going to have to do it.
Otherwise these people are never going to get their commercials.
Let's do it. Come on, let's go.
Really? I got to get up and do all this?
Just stand up right now, sal. Let's do it.
Okay.
So I'm going to trust that you catch me. Yeah?
I'll catch you.
3...
...2...
...1.
Ah! [ clattering ]
Wow!
Casey: A big part of team building is trust falls.
I got you. Ah!
Wow!
We are back. This is "couples therapy."
I am casey jost. I'm the therapist.
[ laughing ] we definitely broke the couch.
Well, can I tell you something? You broke that couch together.
You cannot trust this couch, though.
You're breaking comforts.
We're too comfortable in tearing each other down.
And now we're rebuilding this friendship,
Kind of shit like that.
Now, you just shared a traumatic experience, correct?
Near-death. And traumatic.
Do you bond when something happens to both of you?
Sure. Yeah.
Well, the thing I'd like to talk about is the fact
That you get put together for these punishments
And they say, "oh, they'll never last.
We'll put them in a ski lift
And they'll just rip each other apart."
Oh, my god, I forgot about that.
And you prove it right.
Let's take a look.
Hit the button! Hit the button!
Sal: Oh [bleep]
[ both laugh ]
I don't like this at all. Why are we [bleep] stopped?!
Hey, boys. How's it going, guys?
This is not funny. I don't like being suspended here, guys.
It's freezing. Q: This is your punishment.
Yeah! This is your punishment. This is it.
See you guys later. Well, good luck.
Sal: Guys, it's freezing. Murr: It's nine degrees out here.
You guys hang out up here. All right?
Joe: Zip up. We don't want you to catch a cold.
Would you want to trade hats, by any chance? No.
Why would I trade hats with you?
Because I'm cold and you're not.
Won't just switch me for 10 minutes?
No! Would you switch with me?
Yeah, I would switch with you. You would not.
Yes, I would! You would look at me, and you'd say,
"that's what you get, murr."
[ sighs ]
Yes. You [bleep] brought food.
I love it. Give me a piece.
What? You're not gonna give me a piece?
I'm not giving you a piece. Are you nuts? Come on, dude.
[ stammers ] [bleep] [bleep]
Come on! Stop it, you [bleep] it's not funny!
[ with mouth full ] that's what you get! [bleep]
What you get!
That's my only food!
[ laughs ]
You ate the kit kat so fast.
[ laughing ] I forgot all about that.
[ both laugh ]
We were on that ski lift for like three hours.
Remember that? Yeah. I don't ski really, either.
Do you know the, uh, the evolution?
Did I ever tell you the evolution of the --
When I married your sister?
It was...
That's the last sentence I thought you were gonna say.
It started on top of a ski lift.
We were going to put you up at the top of the ski lift on skis
And say you have to race to the bottom,
Knowing that you can't ski... Oh, right.
...Because at the bottom was going to be me with spaghetti,
Eating to kiss your sister. Get there. Okay.
And then that evolved over time into...
You got wed under god.
Tell her -- tell her I asked for her, okay?
I'm not telling her anything.
There's been times that your friendship has seen new heights,
Like the helicopter punishment.
Let's take a look. Oh!
[ laughing ]
Q and joe: Ready...Set...
[ air horn blows ]
Joe: And they're off! And they're off! Q: Oh! Oh! Oh, my god!
Oh, murray goes down! Ohh!
Murray! Yeah! He can't handle the fat.
He can't handle the fat!
So you're the gold winner.
Yep. Yep. You're the silver winner.
And to the victor, my friends, goes the spoils.
Yes, and the spoils in this case is a seat.
All right! You get the seat.
[ laughs ] what does that mean?!
[ laughter, sal screaming ]
Holy [bleep]
What the hell?
I'm actually getting nervous.
Like, this is crazy.
[bleep]
[ screams, laughs ]
Aah!
Holy [bleep]
What's that? Oh, we just heard.
We just heard from the pilot
That you guys are in danger of crashing.
You got to lose some weight.
What does that mean? Who's the heaviest on the plane?
They gotta jump out.
Murr, you don't still have that weight on you, do you?
No! I'm light as a feather!
[bleep] I won!
I [bleep] won!
I won! Ohh!
I'm gonna push you out the plane.
Get the [bleep] off me! I'm not going out!
[bleep] he's trying to push me out!
No! I don't want to do it!
No!
I can't!
Sal, it's time to go, baby. We gotta lose some weight.
I hate you!
[ laughter ]
Oh, my god! 3, 2, 1!
Go!
[ screaming ]
Oh!
Yay! Yeah!
[ laughs ]
You see how that cuts out really quick?
Yeah. That was the scariest moment for me on the show, not the jump.
But once I hit that lake and I went under,
All the equipment collapsed and went around my neck,
And that gold suit filled up with water,
And I had my shoes on, and I could not stay afloat.
Wow.
And I felt my body starting to freeze pretty quickly.
Murr, how would you have felt if, in that moment, sal died?
You know, we would have mourned you, for sure.
It would have been tragic.
And when murr tripped, right, sal --
I got screwed over. I would have won that race.
But the weight wasn't dispersed evenly.
You were losing 100% of the race.
They put physical plates of weight on me
That all came loose the second I started running.
So I'm running with loose,
Free-roaming weights underneath my costume.
How would you have felt if murr died
From that little bruise on his knee?
[ sighs deeply ]
We would have mourned him. You would have?
Somebody would have mourned him.
I would like to switch gears a little bit.
I'd like you to say something to the other person,
A punishment that they've done
That you feel that you couldn't have done.
I wouldn't have wanted a vibrating remote-control dildo
Up my [bleep]
Or be treated like a pinata
Or have multiple prostate exams in front of a group.
And vice versa, I mean, the kittens were terrible.
I would do all those before the kittens again.
Before I give you my final diagnosis,
We're going to take a commercial break.
And we're back.
And I'd like to thank you both for being here.
I think you've done such incredible work
On yourselves as a unit.
My assessment is that you are fixed, but I need it to stick.
Okay. So I have no choice
But to do electroshock therapy...
Because I need to shock it into your body.
I thought I was getting home just easy-peasy.
No, this is really good. This is really cool stuff.
Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
How many times am I going to get electrocuted?
Why don't you put them on each other?
All you have to do is say something genuinely positive
About your friend. Oh, I can't get shocked, man.
[ laughter ]
All we have to do is say something genuinely positive?
Genuinely positive. I don't want to get shocked!
Sal will start.
[ clears throat ]
No. I genuinely love you.
You're the best. I have had so much fun with you.
Some of the best times, if not the best times, in my life
Have been shared with you.
Despite all of our ups and downs and ebbs and flows,
At the end of the day, I love you like a brother.
And, uh -- and that's true.
Do you believe him?
I do. I actually do believe that.
I'm, like, surprised. I was ready to shock the shit out of you.
[ laughs ]
All right. I love you like a brother, as well.
You are the funniest person I've ever met in my life.
The best times in my life have always been with you.
[ electricity zaps ] ah! What the [bleep]
Why did you do that?! I don't believe you.
I was speaking from my -- I was speaking from my heart!
I've seen you have more fun with chá.
Best times of my life have been with you and chá.
[ laughter ]
One day -- one day, promise me,
Before we pass on,
You and I are going to remake
"nothing's going to change my love for you"
By glenn medeiros, the music video.
I want you and I riding horseback on a beach
Making that video. Okay.
And would you like that, sal? I'll do that.
Aah! I don't believe you. I don't believe you.
I said yes. I don't believe you.
I believe him. Okay, I do believe that you've made incredible progress.
I'm going to leave you the room,
And you guys can end the show however you like.
Okay. Thank you, doctor.
Shut up.
♪♪
Thanks for joining. We'll see you soon on "impractical jokers."
The articles.
[ both laugh ]
I do love you. I love you so much.
I love you, buddy.