[ laughter ]
[ screaming ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Who's a good cat?
[ laughter ]
[ chuckles ]
[ laughter ]
All: Uh-oh!
Today we're working at the offices of the bachrach group
Alongside temp workers.
And our boss, jana is on the way in, and, boy, is she [bleep]
So we'll scurry and hide under the desk of the temp worker
And ask them to cover for us.
From under the desk, we'll whisper things
To our coworker to say on our behalf,
And if you can't get them to keep your cover, you lose.
I'm going in, boys.
[ clattering ] son of a...
You know what's exciting about this for sal is,
Since we're shooting this right now in manhattan, the shoes
That sal's face will be right next to under the desk
Will have walked the entirety of manhattan.
All the pee, the dog poop an inch from sal's mouth.
So we'll have to see him struggle through that.
This is going to be phenomenal.
Cole: Uh, eddie, this is sean.
Oh. What's up, sean? Sean is gonna help us out.
How you doing? Nice to meet you. How's everything?
[ laughing ] oh, boy.
Where are you from? I am from boston.
Oh, no way. I love that town. Yeah.
I think it's time to send in cole.
When people are working from home -- hey, eddie?
Sorry. I'm sorry to interrupt. Um, jana is here.
She's pretty upset.
She seems upset? Uh-oh.
I don't want to get involved.
She looks [bleep] okay, okay, okay, okay.
[ laughing ] oh, no.
My boss. You know what?
Maybe I'll just say I'm out to lunch.
Q: [ laughs ] she's coming. She's coming.
Dude, just let me get in here real quick.
[ speaks indistinctly ]
"tell her I had to move the car."
Tell her -- just tell her I had to move my car.
Tell her I had to move my car.
Had to move your car? Okay.
Go, jana. Send in jana.
[ door closes ]
Hi. Hi. Have you seen eddie?
Um, he went to move his car.
If you want me to, like, come find you
When he comes back or something?
I'm going to hang around until he gets back. Shit.
Q: Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Murr: Uh-oh!
I mean, how long does it take to move a car?
It only takes a few minutes, right?
Tell her when I ran out,
I said something's wrong with the car.
Okay. Okay, okay.
Oh! Murr: Oh, he's slipping him a notepad.
Um, honestly, I'm not sure. He did mention
That there was something that might be wrong with,
Like, the hood or something, so I don't know.
I don't think he knows anything about cars.
Q: Sal, the chrysler sebring,
Which you drive, is notorious for problems, bro.
Get that information across.
The chrysler sebring is notorious for problems.
[ laughter ]
The warranty was up, and the car is a [bleep] lemon.
"the car is a [ bleep] lemon."
What kind of car was it? Do you know?
It might have been a chrysler lemon?
Does that sound right?
[ laughter ]
Did he mention anything about the earnings call?
Yeah, they were sick earnings. Sick earnings.
That's really the only thing I need.
Um...
Sick. They were sick.
All I remember him really saying is that, like,
It was, like, sick earnings. Like...
[ laughter ]
What did he say? The earnings were sick?
Sick.
What's the bad news, though?
You know, where are sales the weakest?
Ozarks! Ozarks!
The ozarks!
Sean? In the ozarks.
We are losing our [bleep] asses in the ozarks, sean.
I think he might have said that in the ozarks,
Maybe, is where sales were not doing well.
We're losing our [bleep] asses.
To confess something to you, I was actually --
I have a kind of, like, little crush on him.
Really? Did he mention me at all?
Say yes, yes, yes. Um...
Yes. He -- he might have a little bit.
I just always imagine that he's going to,
Like, walk up and ask me out to dinner
At some fancy place like delmonico's or something.
Delmonico's is way too pricey, bro.
I gotta get with this but not at those prices.
[ laughter ]
Can you suggest a restaurant that's a little more casual?
How do you -- like, do you feel like that's a good place for,
Like, a first date, though,
If it's, like, super, like, upscale and stuff?
Wow. This guy is -- is there! This guy's good.
Like, I feel like a good first date is always something, like, a little bit more casual.
Suggest beefsteak charlie's.
Beefsteak charlie's.
Beefsteak charlie's has been out of business for 30 years.
How do you feel about, like, beefsteaks?
I think it's beefsteak charlie. I think it's, like, a pretty good steak place.
$2 sign.
I feel like they closed a long time ago, right?
Really? Yeah.
There's one left. There's one left. There's one left.
There's probably, like, one left. Right?
I feel it was, like, relatively successful,
I bet it's still open. Yes!
Q: Oh, my god!
You sure he went to fix the car?
Um... Don't throw this for me, sean.
[ laughter ]
Yeah, as far as I know.
Oh!
All right. I have to call my husband, anyway. I'll be back later.
Wait, you have a husband?
What the...?
[ ding! ]
Tony, this is michael. Michael, tony.
Um... Michael, hey, how are you?
I'm tony. How are you? Very nice to meet you, sir.
Oh, I think this guy's gonna help.
I don't know.
Thanks for coming in, helping out today.
How long do they have you here?
I don't know. I mean, I'm willing to stay.
Whatever you want. Sorry to interrupt. Tony,
Jana was looking for you.
Jana is looking for me? Yeah, jana's here.
She said it was urgent, and she's looking to talk with you.
Murr: Uh-oh. She's coming here? Oh.
And she doesn't seem too happy.
Oh, man. All right. You gotta cover for me.
When -- when jana comes in...
Tell her I'm at the dentist.
...Just tell her I'm at the dentist.
Like, my tooth was hurting and I left.
Okay. Thank you.
Murr: Oh, no! The door's locked.
Excuse me.
[ laughter ]
[ laughing ] it's so real.
Sal: He's bemused.
Hi. Hi. Hi. Sorry to bother. Have you seen tony?
The man who went to the dentist, you mean?
[ murr laughs ]
Did he say what was wrong?
Impacted molar.
Something about a... Impacted molar.
...A molar or something. Impacted molar.
[ laughter ]
I don't want to keep you.
The only problem is, he has the bathroom key,
And it's the only key in the office.
Murr: We left you the bathroom keys under the desk with you.
Get it into mike's hands.
Did he say if he left it here?
I'm sorry? It's just -- it's the only one.
Yeah. Yeah.
Murr: He's gonna fake getting it out of the drawer!
There's a key in here.
Yes!
Oh-ho-ho! He faked it.
Sal: "now, there is a mess in there."
Now, there -- there was a mess in there, and he's gone, right?
So you're kind of the only other person that had access.
Do you know anything about the mess?
"yes, it was you."
Take the -- take the blame.
"you dookied."
You dookied. It's your dookie, mike.
Mike, it's your dookie.
It's mike's mess. It's mike's big mess.
Jana: Yeah, he, uh...
He's -- he's mean-mugging you and not saying.
He hasn't been here. It's just been me and you.
Mikey's big mess. Take the blame.
There's probably an explanation for it.
[ laughter ]
He did say before he left
That he was going to tell me a few personal things about tina.
Yes.
"tina's kneecaps are titanium."
Tina's kneecaps are titanium.
I don't know.
Murr: You're losing him, q.
If he says titanium knees, I'll give it to you. Yeah. Yeah.
Something aluminum-y.
Titanium.
Stainless steel.
Titanium.
Bronze.
Murr: Q, you lost him.
Shoot me straight. Are you sure he's not here?
Am I sure? I'm not sure of anything at this point, miss.
[ buzzer ]
Murr: Good time!
Hi. What's your name? Pleasure.
This is your boy, murray. You're relying on him.
You better win him over.
So what do you got? Who's first?
I got alexandra alvarez.
That one I already have.
Hello. Hey. Sorry to interrupt.
Um, jana just called me, and she said she's on her way in.
Sounded kind of urgent. She's actually kind of mad.
She's coming to see you right now, so...
Just a heads-up.
[ laughter ]
Great cole delivery. There we go, there we go.
Uh... I don't need this right now.
You got to cover for me, buddy.
I can't have her find me here.
I'm gonna hide here, okay?
Just tell her -- tell her that I'm --
Tell her that I'm like, um...
"my neighbor called, and I have rabbits on the roof again."
My neighbor called, and I had to run out
Because he has rabbits on the roof again or something like that.
Okay? Just, I'm not here. Rabbits on the roof?
Q: Send in jana.
Hi.
Hello. How are you? Have you seen james?
James? Yeah.
Oh, he stepped out, like, about 10 minutes ago.
Something about -- something about neighbors having a rodent thing.
He was just -- he just walked out, like, in a panic.
Do you know if he put in his lunch order?
Lunch order?
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, he did, he did.
By the way, it's his turn to pay today.
He's supposed to order for the whole office.
Oh, for the whole office? Oh. Yeah.
I gave you the credit card.
Here, I'll give you the number --
4-1-6-6-3-7-2.
[ laughter ]
He's got a ride-or-die guy here, man.
There's the number.
All right. Well, if he didn't give it to you,
I hope he at least answers his phone.
I'm going to try him.
No, no!
[bleep]
[ laughter ]
Jana: All right. Well, if he didn't give it to you,
I hope he at least answers his phone.
I'm going to try him.
No, no!
Wait a second. This might be acc--
This might be accurate. Oh.
I love this guy!
Oh, wait. Oh, great.
Yes!
What about the security code for the card?
Security code? [bleep]
[ laughter ]
7-3-5. The security code is 7-3-5.
Sal: He's like, "shut the [bleep] up."
He's in too deep now, you understand? He's --
Yeah. He's complicit.
If she finds him now, he's also to blame.
Jana: 7-3-5. You have an amazing memory. Thank you.
And, um, just the security question, too.
What's his favorite kind of music?
Murr, murr, murr, piping hot jazz.
[ laughs ]
Piping hot jazz.
My favorite music is piping hot jazz.
I always remember him bragging about piping hot jazz.
Maybe that's it?
[ laughter ]
Why not just "jazz"?
"it's better when it's piping hot."
[ laughter ]
There's a muffled fart machine under the table.
Let's see if he takes the bullet.
[ fart noise ]
[ laughter ]
Oh, shit. [ laughs ]
Something not agreeing with you?
Don't. Don't apologize. It's fine.
Tell her it was you.
It's this kombucha. It's called cayenne cleanse.
[ laughter ]
I love him, I love him.
Note to self -- no kombucha.
Yes, I'll see you around.
[ fart noise ]
Just to double check, that is you farting?
Yes.
[ laughter ]
Unbelievable, this guy.
She's crazy, man. She comes in...
Yeah. Anyways, back to these names.
Um...
Sorry. One more thing.
Oh!
[ fart noise ]
[ ding! ]
Q: Wow!
Narrator: There's no hiding from this one.
Q is first up on the loser board.
Today we're at jackson-cohen, long island city,
And we're approaching fellow patrons asking for feedback
On a sensitive e-mail we're about to send.
Of course, each absurd e-mail was written by the other guys.
If you can't get a stranger to tell you
That your e-mail is ready to send as is, you lose.
♪♪
Sal: All right, buddy.
Excuse me.
Can I trouble you for one minute?
Just got a -- I have to send an e-mail.
And I could use a female perspective.
It's very short. It's a paragraph.
I'd feel better if I bounced it off someone.
Murr: All right. It's super quick.
It's, uh... "it's called 'onboard meeting.'"
It's called "onboarding meeting."
That's the subject.
And it says,
"look, I said I just wanted to follow up about our conversation earlier.
When I said I was 'excited to be working with you
And your team,'
I realize that statement was vague
And could possibly be misinterpreted.
I just want to clarify that my 'excitement' was not sexual
Or romantic in nature."
Um...
"you are not my type.
I tend to go for more physically-fit women."
[ laughing ] oh!
"I didn't think you took it that way.
You seem normal. Anyhoo, great to have you on board."
[ laughing ] oh! I would, like, not send that e-mail.
That's not a good e-mail to send. Really?
[ laughter ]
Okay, well, so don't send this at all? No, no.
"thank god I asked you."
Thank you so much.
Q, open the laptop, and like, "shit, I hit 'send.'"
Oh!
I hit "send."
You did?
[ buzzer, laughter ]
Murr: All right, buddy.
Q: Getting a little help with your e-mail today, pal?
Okay, sal, open the e-mail that says, "hey, missy."
That's the one we want you to read. Yeah.
Sal: Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
I'm sending an e-mail right now that's a little bit --
Uh, it's a touchy one. I don't want to send the wrong thing.
Can I use an opinion from you? Yeah, sure.
Oh, I appreciate you so much.
Yes! All right!
So it's, uh -- the subject is about missy.
Uh, "hey, mom, I spoke to the vet this morning.
Missy is very sick, and there's nothing you
Or anyone could do for her at this point.
The humane thing to do right now
Is to just let the vet kill her."
"dr. Kenneth promises it will be quick and painless.
They'll kill her right there in front of you
So you can see how good they do it.
And if we kill her first thing in the morning,
We can still make it to frankie's for breakfast.
Sound good? I'll see you mañana. Love you, little skeevatz."
[ laughter ]
Does that feel okay? I don't know.
Um...
[ laughter ]
"sound good? I'll see you mañana.
Love you, little skeevatz."
[ laughter ]
Does that feel okay? I don't know.
Um...
Is there a way to, like, lessen the use of the word "kill"?
[ laughter ]
Bam!
Okay, that makes sense. So change --
It's a lot of changes.
Yeah.
Sorry, little skeevatz.
I'm feeling good.
I'm going back to the -- the old murr here. Okay?
Got a foolproof plan. This is going to work.
Oh. Ah, here we go. All right, murr.
Bring your attention to the folder labeled "dear mikey."
Pull up that e-mail.
This is not right.
[ laughter ]
Don't read it.
Are -- are you a good writer?
Why?
I'm writing an e-mail, but I don't know if it's good or not.
Do you mind if I -- you don't mind? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't care. Oh, man. Dude, you're awesome. Hold on one second.
"just let me know if I can -- if it's ready to send."
You let me know if this is ready to send.
Okay, so to my brother. It's a touchy subject.
So it's, uh, to my brother mikey.
"dear mikey, I mean no disrespect with my comments
About my sweet 9-year-old niece nina eating a worm.
I stand by saying,
'if that's the worst thing she puts in her mouth,
You'd be a lucky dad.'"
[ laughs ]
"but where your mind went from there is on you.
Your baby girl could eat rat poison, chomp glass,
Suckle bleach, or blah, blah, blah, blah
That I won't even say.
I'll be there for you both forever,
Even when things get weird, and we know they will.
Love" --
Scrap the last part? Yeah. This is your brother.
You should just call him.
That's -- just call him? Call him.
I would.
I think you're right, buddy.
I think you're right. Let me just call him.
You're right. Okay.
Go back over there, if you don't mind,
Because I'm trying to work.
[ laughter ]
He essentially said, "good day, sir."
You got -- you got murdered. "good day."
Now I know what it's like when you talk to me.
And what changes will you be making going forward?
None. Not a single change.
All right, murr, that guy beat you up so much,
We're going to give you one more shot to get your confidence back.
Try that guy with the headphones.
Please open the folder that says "dear margaret."
I'm writing an e-mail. Can I read it to you
And you tell me if it's any good or not?
I don't know if it's good to send.
Do you mind listening to it for a sec?
Oh, this guy is nice, man.
"dear margaret,
I'm afraid you have a basic understanding
Of our relationship.
I'm the concert pianist, and you are the piano tuner.
Read -- you are my subordinate, not my peer.
Therefore, I do not desire to converse with you at rehearsals,
And that shan't be expected."
[ laughter ]
That sounds good. It sounds good?
Yeah. Yeah. Great. Good to send? Great.
He said yes?! He said yes!
Take that, red hat.
[ laughter ]
I'm back, baby!
[ ding! ]
Narrator: Q and sal drafted a loss,
Making q tonight's big loser.
All right. Yes! You lost.
So tonight, we are at 235th's
Rooftop bar for his punishment.
That's right, buddy.
And as partygoers come up to the rooftop,
There's going to be a photographer on hand
To snap a photo of them. Okay.
And you'll be mulling around that area.
And all you have to do is,
Once ladies set their purses down to strike a pose,
You have to get caught rifling through their purses.
Come on. No way. Yeah. Absolutely. Yes.
Yeah, that's it. But how is that even legal?
It is not legal.
All right, q.
You want to get on the podium there,
And we'll test it out?
This stupid thing?
One thing, you know, buddy,
We control the spinning camera, okay?
So they'll be locked in the center
Just watching you rifle through their purses.
Uh-huh. Just like going...
[ laughs ]
This is horrible.
All right, buddy, get in position.
Get back into your hole.
[ laughs ]
So just don't step off while it's moving.
Oh, q. I see a perfect purse right on the table.
I'm starting to sweat.
Go through that purse. All right.
Having fun. Having fun. He's looking, he's looking.
Sal: Oh, my god, I can't take it.
Oh, whoa, whoa. Oh. Oh, whoa, whoa.
Oh, I'm so sorry. That's -- that's my purse, yes.
"I was just looking if there was anything worth stealing in there."
I was just looking to see if there's anything worth stealing in there.
I'm so sorry. I really apologize.
I wasn't able to get anything out. I know, but --
I wasn't able to get anything out.
I know, but you can't go through a purse without asking.
I know, I know.
I was just looking to see if there's anything worth stealing.
Oh! Q, that was tense.
Oh, god almighty.
Drop your jackets or any loose clothing you want.
Put your purses down on the table.
You guys want to jump on the platform?
Great.
All right. Q, we gave you an airtag.
Slip it in her purse.
All right. And here we go. 3, 2, 1.
All right, do it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Stop!
Man: And here we go. 3, 2, 1.
Murr: All right. Q, we gave you an airtag.
Slip it in her purse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Stop!
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Just, I'm sorry. I was giving this to you.
I was giving this to you...
So I'll never lose your purse again.
[ laughter ]
It's so uncomfortable.
Why haven't we ever won an emmy?
You can drop your jackets,
Put your purses down on the table.
All right, buddy? Now, when they step in,
I want only your arm to reach out to go through a bag.
Make sure you stay on it. It's gonna be spinning around you.
Okay? It's just for safety. All right?
All right, go ahead. Let's see your arm.
That's it. Now you're having fun.
Oh, oh, oh.
[ laughter ]
Sal: Yo, look at this, look at this, look at this. He's already clocking you.
Yes, yes, yes!
[ laughs ]
Hey!
Oh! Oh!
What happened? What happened? What happened?
Yeah, yeah. Oh, you guys taking the pictures?
You guys taking pictures?
She's just standing there. The thing's spinning around.
Oh, I have a $5 bill. Do you have five singles?
For five -- I don't -- I was just looking.
I have a $5 bill. I'm looking for a change.
Five singles?
Okay. Well...
[ laughing ] oh!
You were looking to break a five?
[ laughs ] oh, cute.
Where'd he go? I can't do it anymore.
Isn't there, like, a tarantula you can throw on me?
It's the worst feeling I've had in years.
You know what, q? When the next come in, that's how you are.
Oh, come on!
Man: Drop your bag on the table.
[ laughter ]
Oh, no! You look so weird.
It's clearly a human being in a curtain.
Sal: I mean, it looks like a horror movie.
All right, here it goes.
All right, bud, reach your arm out.
Try to keep yourself covered.
[ laughter ]
It's just insane
Because they're dancing their hearts away,
And you're behind them.
It looks like you're moments away from suffocation.
[ laughs ]
Ah! I'm so sorry. I was -- I was just wondering what time it was.
9:00. Okay. Okay. Great. Great.
Cool. Slink back in.
[ laughter ]
What am I doing with my life? I don't [bleep] know.
No, I don't know.
[ laughter ]
Guys, are we done?
I mean, are we done? Like, what am I doing?
Buddy, you're good, you're good, you're good.
Get out of there.
Oh, god almighty, you guys are killing me.
[ laughter ]