1
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:09,274
[ laughter ]
2
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,244
[ screaming ]
3
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,079
Let's just get this started.
4
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,615
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
5
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:17,750
Who's a good cat?
6
00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:20,252
[ laughter ]
7
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:24,823
[ chuckles ]
8
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:27,960
[ laughter ]
9
00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:29,428
Today we're at the american
dream mall,
10
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:32,096
And we just found out they're
giving away $100 cash
11
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,632
To couples
that take a quick survey.
12
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,634
The only problem is
we are alone.
13
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,503
So we'll have to convince
a stranger to pose as our "wife"
14
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,839
While answering questions
about our fake relationship.
15
00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:41,974
And of course,
all the answers
16
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:43,708
Will be made up
by the other guys.
17
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,110
And if you refuse,
you lose.
18
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:46,979
I'm gonna win.
Why?
19
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:48,647
Because melyssa's
been answering questions
20
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,416
About our fake marriage
for years now.
21
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:55,253
Sal: Alright, babe,
so you're going to try
22
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,189
To find a woman
to pose as your wife.
23
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,456
Okay.
24
00:00:58,458 --> 00:01:00,525
Q: We got phoebe
out there helping us today.
25
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:03,195
You're going to be giving away
gift cards to married couples.
26
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,530
Who can pass up
a $100 gift card?
27
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,199
Excuse me.
Do you want to --
28
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:08,533
Do you want to take
that survey with me?
29
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,535
They're giving out $100 cash.
30
00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,470
Here we go, here we go.
It says married couples only.
31
00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:13,439
Just pretend we're married.
32
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,208
Don't worry about it.
What could go wrong?
33
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,477
They're not going to check
anything in the details.
34
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,012
What's your name?
Kristen.
35
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,346
James.
Nice to meet you.
36
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:23,215
Let's go.
I'll give you 50. You take 50.
37
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,684
Here we go. Murr's in.
Look at the happy couple.
38
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,019
Hi.
Phoebe: Hi!
39
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,153
Hi. We're here
for the survey.
40
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:29,754
Oh, great.
It's just a quick survey,
41
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:31,756
So I just need your
honest answers, okay?
42
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:32,957
Okay.
Okay.
43
00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,359
How long have you guys been
a couple?
44
00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,627
He's never going
to get this right.
45
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,562
Yeah. Well,
married four years,
46
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,698
But together five.
47
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,300
-[ laughs ]
-oh, she's playing ball.
48
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:45,838
Um, what's your favorite
vacation that you took together?
49
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:49,307
I think hawaii was.
Hawaii was amazing.
50
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,175
Murr, you think it's when
you went skinny dipping
51
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,511
With her sisters
at jones beach.
52
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:57,449
Also, there was that time
that we all went skinny dipping,
53
00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:58,983
You know,
with your sister at jones beach.
54
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:01,986
That was great.
55
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,122
Yeah.
[ q laughing ]
56
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,458
What was the worst fight
you've ever had about?
57
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,192
"see, I think
it was the time..."
58
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:10,462
See, for me,
I think it was the time...
59
00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,796
Q: "...I loaded
the dishwasher wrong."
60
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,532
Murr: ...That I loaded
the dishwasher wrong.
61
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,199
"and she punched me
in the throat."
62
00:02:15,201 --> 00:02:16,868
And she -- she --
63
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:18,470
Kristen punched me
in the throat.
64
00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:19,604
I did not do that.
65
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,740
It wasn't hard.
It was just a --
66
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,208
To-may-to, to-mah-to.
He's kidding. He's kidding.
67
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:24,809
It was just
a throat punch.
68
00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,946
I did not. But the dishwasher is
annoying when he loads it wrong.
69
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:30,014
I apologize, love.
70
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,483
Q: She, like everybody else,
71
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:34,419
Already regrets being
in murray's orbit.
72
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:36,889
Uh, what does date night
look like for you two?
73
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,757
Okay.
"oh, we sin.
74
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,225
We sin hard."
75
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:44,963
We -- I tell you what.
We sin hard.
76
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,766
Hard sinning, right?
Okay. Alright. Let's just --
77
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,834
Like burn in hell
kind of sin.
78
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:51,035
I'm sorry.
79
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:52,704
[ both laugh ]
80
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,573
Just give me one second, okay?
Okay.
81
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:55,641
I'll be right back.
82
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,510
This is the weirdest
[bleep] survey.
83
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:01,045
Couples never agree
on anything.
84
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,047
Yeah, I know.
85
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,249
[ both laugh ]
86
00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:06,651
Phoebe: Thanks, guys.
87
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,052
Uh, what is one thing
your partner does
88
00:03:08,054 --> 00:03:09,988
That drives you crazy?
Ah, okay.
89
00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,790
"oh, she drank
through our pregnancy."
90
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,792
I mean, she drank
through the pregnancy.
91
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,795
That drove me crazy.
92
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,664
We've got two kids.
Drank through both of them.
93
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:22,600
[ both laugh ]
94
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,336
Do you see yourself
being with each other
95
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,737
For the rest of your lives?
96
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,205
Yeah, of course.
97
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,207
"ah, it's tough to say.
New models roll off the lot
98
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,076
Every year."
99
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,678
Yes, we will.
100
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,481
We'll be together
for the rest of our lives.
101
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,082
Ah, you got him!
102
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:39,283
[ both laugh ]
103
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:40,485
Okay, great.
Thank you so much.
104
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:41,886
Phoebe:
It was so nice to meet you.
105
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,623
Murr, you made it all the way
to the end and then flopped.
106
00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:47,226
Jesus christ -- what?
107
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,363
[ both laugh ]
108
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,899
I just made you $50.
I thought I did pretty good.
109
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:58,703
Well, look at this.
We're having our first fight.
110
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,305
[ buzzer ]
111
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:03,241
Guys?
Q: Yeah?
112
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,709
Just like in real life,
I think it's gonna be hard
113
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,311
For me to find a wife today.
114
00:04:07,313 --> 00:04:09,714
That's not true.
Look at you.
115
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:10,982
Excuse me.
116
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,117
Did you see what
they're doing over there?
117
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,319
They're giving away $100 cash
118
00:04:15,321 --> 00:04:17,321
To take a five-minute survey
as a couple.
119
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:18,857
Do you want to make-believe
we're a couple
120
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:19,991
And just get $50?
121
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,860
Oh!
Oh, whoa! Alright.
122
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,261
Murr: Here we go!
Hi.
123
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,596
Phoebe: Hi!
Um, we just saw
124
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:26,064
The married couple
survey.
125
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,665
You guys down
to answer a couple questions?
126
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,401
Yeah, right, hon? Want to
get this shmoney, right?
127
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,135
Yes.
128
00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,337
How long have you two
been a couple?
129
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,139
Almost -- almost eight years.
Almost eight years.
130
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:38,210
Oh, she's in.
Yeah, she's spinning lies.
131
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,078
Alright. What was
the most difficult moment
132
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:41,479
Of your relationship?
133
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,815
"oh, I mean, o.J.'s death
hit us pretty hard."
134
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,685
I don't know.
135
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,686
I mean...
136
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:51,089
O.J.'s death
hit us pretty hard.
137
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,559
Right?
That was tough, right?
138
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:58,096
Because, look, you don't
want to see anybody die.
139
00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,898
"especially not
an innocent man."
140
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,800
Yeah, like --
[ laughter ]
141
00:05:04,371 --> 00:05:05,837
You don't want to see
anybody die, right?
142
00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,772
No.
Especially not an innocent man.
143
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:10,174
Yes.
144
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,376
Have you ever purchased
clothes for your partner?
145
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:13,645
And if so,
what did you buy them?
146
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:14,979
"yeah, actually,
I bought her all the bullshit
147
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:18,250
She's wearing right now."
148
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:19,651
You?
Have I ever purchased clothes
149
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,253
For you? Yeah, actually,
I bought her all the bullshit
150
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,587
She's wearing right now.
151
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:25,790
[ speaks indistinctly ]
liar.
152
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,525
And what is one thing
your partner does
153
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:31,129
That drives you crazy?
154
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,465
"once a month,
she sheds her uterus lining
155
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,199
Like some sort
of arachnid."
156
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,902
[ both laugh ]
157
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:41,740
She goes to the salon
once a month.
158
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,207
It can be a little pricy.
159
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:46,611
Oh! Nice going.
160
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,080
[ buzzer ]
161
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:49,614
Dude!
162
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:52,817
Sal: Alright, q. You're
out there looking for a wife
163
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,752
To cash in
for this 100 bucks.
164
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,288
The last thing I want
is a wife.
165
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,423
[ laughs ]
166
00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,892
Dude, they're giving away
100 bucks.
167
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,328
Alright, buddy.
You want to do this?
168
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,431
Yeah, who cares? We'll just
tell them we're married.
169
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:07,632
50 bucks cash.
You want to do it?
170
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,233
What's your name?
What's your name?
171
00:06:09,235 --> 00:06:10,502
Murr: Here we go! Here we go!
Dylan.
172
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:12,103
Hey!
Hi, guys. Come on over!
173
00:06:12,238 --> 00:06:13,305
Hi.
Are you guys married?
174
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,906
Yeah, we're together.
We're together.
175
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,174
Awesome.
Yeah. This is me and dylan,
176
00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:17,309
Me and dylan.
177
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,511
Murr: Good job, q.
We just get 100 cash?
178
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:20,979
I have a few questions.
179
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:22,380
It'll take about five minutes.
180
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:25,317
We could use that.
Right, honey?
181
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,385
[ laughter ]
182
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:30,388
He wants that 50, baby.
He wants that 50.
183
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,789
He wants that shmoney.
184
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,191
Do you have pet names
for each other?
185
00:06:33,327 --> 00:06:34,526
"I call him screwbacca."
186
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,795
He likes --
187
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,764
[ murr laughs ]
188
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,570
Do you have pet names
for each other?
189
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,305
Sal:
"I call him screwbacca."
190
00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,506
[ murr laughs ]
191
00:06:48,642 --> 00:06:51,443
Maybe for him.
Not me particularly, though.
192
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,378
I call him screwbacca.
193
00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,447
Brr!
194
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,716
Screwbacca.
195
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,919
It's a play on chewbacca.
196
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,187
Um, have you ever purchased
clothes for your partner?
197
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:04,723
And if so,
what did you buy them?
198
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:08,326
"oh, I bought him
a dog collar once."
199
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,928
"didn't go over well."
200
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,329
Yeah. Oh, I bought him
a dog collar once.
201
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:13,131
That didn't go over well.
202
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:14,532
Remember that, when I tried
to introduce that?
203
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,001
That's for a dog.
You got that right.
204
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,470
[ both laugh ]
205
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,204
You dog,
you know what I'm saying?
206
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,540
I was trying to spice things up
a little bit, yeah, yeah.
207
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,276
Murr: "we like
to keep it ruff, ruff."
208
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,478
Yeah, we like to keep it
ruff, ruff.
209
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,613
[ laughter ]
210
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,815
How do you say I love you
to your partner?
211
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,150
Murr:
"we do this thing..."
212
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:34,018
We do this thing...
"...Where we lock mouths..."
213
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,420
...Where we lock mouths...
214
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:37,822
"...And circular breathe
into each other's throats..."
215
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,558
...And circular breathe
into each other's throats...
216
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,893
"...Until
one of us coughs."
217
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:44,562
...Until one of us coughs.
Sal: What?
218
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:47,966
She said how do you say it,
not act it.
219
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,902
[ laughter ]
220
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,105
I usually
go by the term ditto.
221
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:54,639
Ditto.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
222
00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,574
So he'll be in the shower,
and I'll come up behind him
223
00:07:56,576 --> 00:07:59,444
And be like, "I love you,"
and he'll be like...
224
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:00,512
Ditto.
225
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,980
[ both laugh ]
226
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,448
Can I just say, you're one
of the realest gay couples
227
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:05,984
I've ever seen.
Oh, thank you.
228
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,486
Thank you so much.
229
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:11,389
Oh, I'm headed --
I gotta go meet my wife.
230
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,591
Take it easy, brother.
231
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,059
I just wanted
to do it with you, babe.
232
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,529
[ ding! ]
233
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,864
Narrator: Murr and sal
weren't marriage material,
234
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,267
So they're first up
on the loser board.
235
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,137
Today, we're posing
as lifestyle reporters
236
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:28,406
At the upscale food court at
jackson co in long island city.
237
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:30,274
And while interviewing
new yorkers
238
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,609
For this article
that we're writing,
239
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,477
We'll have to do and say
what the other guys tell us.
240
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:37,149
And if you refuse,
you know what's gonna happen.
241
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,953
[ sal laughs ]
242
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,487
Q: This wooden bow tie,
243
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,157
Did you blow the dust
off that thing, bud?
244
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:47,692
I'm a reporter
for raptor magazine, fellas.
245
00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:49,827
I mean, you look like
a paleontologist.
246
00:08:49,829 --> 00:08:51,429
Why are you
dressed like that?
247
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:52,830
This is not what
a beat reporter --
248
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:55,767
You're not a beat reporter
in 1918.
249
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,036
What do you do
to stave off disease?
250
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,838
Are flappers
ruining society?
251
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,708
[ laughter ]
252
00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:05,043
Hi. How are you?
Good, how are you?
253
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,911
Your jacket is amazing.
Thank you.
254
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,913
My name is james.
I work with raptor magazine.
255
00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,382
Do you mind if I ask you
a few questions for the magazine
256
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:11,583
About style and fashion
in new york?
257
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,184
Is that alright?
Sure, sure. Sure.
258
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,053
Q:
Alright. He's in, he's in.
259
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,255
What do you think
the style of new york city is?
260
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:21,459
I think it's getting
kind of like hipster vibes now.
261
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,995
Are the hipsters still,
like, running wild in brooklyn,
262
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,529
Do you know?
Yeah. Williamsburg.
263
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:26,598
Totally.
Q: "ugh."
264
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,999
Ugh. God.
265
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,667
"I wish I could pick them off
with a rifle."
266
00:09:29,669 --> 00:09:31,470
I tell you, I wish
I could just...
267
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,808
...Pick them all off
with a rifle, you know?
268
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,476
"or a musket, in my case."
269
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,745
In the staten island case,
a musket, you know?
270
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,681
Oh, yeah. That's the staten
island way. Yeah, yeah.
271
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:46,017
[ both laugh ]
272
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,885
Uh-oh, murr. Murr, you're
running out of paper, bud.
273
00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:50,088
You got to start
taking notes on your arm.
274
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,625
I've run out of room in the
thing, so let me just improvise.
275
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,760
Okay.
So who do you consider
276
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,296
Your pop culture icons,
fashion wise?
277
00:09:58,432 --> 00:09:59,497
Shawn mendes.
278
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,233
How would you describe
shawn mendes' style,
279
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,167
And how it differs
from harry styles?
280
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:04,368
Q:
Here he goes, here he goes.
281
00:10:04,370 --> 00:10:06,704
Definitely
not as colorful.
282
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,973
Not as colorful.
Q: He's not even writing words.
283
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,508
[ sal laughs ]
284
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,444
Interesting.
Okay.
285
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:14,712
Probably wouldn't do some
of the magazine covers
286
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:15,980
That harry's done.
287
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,716
Yeah, okay. I'm sorry.
I ran out on the pad.
288
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,251
You're good.
289
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:21,986
He's just unhinged.
290
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,455
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
291
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:24,923
It's your
ex-girlfriend, bro.
292
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:28,126
Oh [bleep] you see the girl
behind the pole over there?
293
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,863
Uh-huh.
That is my crazy ex-girlfriend.
294
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:33,331
She cannot
spot you, murr.
295
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,467
See if you can finish
the interview under the desk.
296
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:37,269
I only have like three
or four more questions.
297
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,738
Do you mind, uh, just --
okay, okay.
298
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:42,206
Q: Go ahead, murr.
Get him under the table.
299
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:43,808
Murr: Good -- okay, just --
good, good, good.
300
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,076
Get lower. Here we go.
301
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,411
I can't.
302
00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,880
[ q and sal laughing ]
303
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,082
So you went to three dollar
bill, the restaurant, right?
304
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,685
The -- the club?
Uh, yeah, the club.
305
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,286
That's unreal.
It's unreal.
306
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:56,821
Q:
Oh, murr, she found you!
307
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,022
Murr: Take me through
what happened --
308
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,492
Hi! How you doing?!
309
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:01,826
Do you have a rifle?
310
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,461
[ ding! ]
311
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:09,167
Nice one, dude. He's working
that wooden tie, man.
312
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:12,570
Wait, wait a -- I just noticed
it! What are you doing?
313
00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:15,373
You can't pull it off.
You can't pull it off.
314
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:16,908
No one can pull it off.
315
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:19,110
I feel an evil has washed
over me.
316
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:22,981
[ both laugh ]
you son of a bitch!
317
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,182
Um, alright, guys.
318
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,783
I got a choice
of four people here.
319
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,051
Sal, go up to that woman.
320
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,787
Just go, "oh, look at this
[bleep] posse.
321
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:30,989
Who's the leo?"
322
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,924
You gonna make me say no
out of the gate?
323
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:34,658
Oh, we're not making
you say anything.
324
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:37,261
I'm just afraid if I --
if I lead with that, that'll --
325
00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:38,996
I won't be credible
for the rest of it.
326
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:41,399
Okay. It's up to you, bud.
That's a no.
327
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,601
That's a no?
But we'll let him go anyway.
328
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:44,869
So that's a loss.
329
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,938
So anything he does
from this point on is --
330
00:11:47,073 --> 00:11:49,407
Doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter,
'cause it's a loss.
331
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,409
Excuse me, sir. Hey.
332
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:53,144
Hey.
Hi. My name is marcel.
333
00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,478
I'm with raptor magazine.
334
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:57,014
It's a local new york city
lifestyle magazine.
335
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,283
Can I talk to you
for five minutes?
336
00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:01,019
Awesome.
Here we go.
337
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,287
Do you live in the area?
338
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,289
Okay.
Do you work in the area?
339
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:06,758
Oh, excellent. Okay.
340
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,294
"where exactly
do you get off?"
341
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,831
Oh, wow. Congrats.
342
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,234
Where exactly
do you get off?
343
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,302
Uh, to go home?
344
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,571
Like, where do you
get off?
345
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:22,106
Oh, sorry. I either get off
at this station here,
346
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,841
Get on the r train,
or I get off at --
347
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:25,443
[ both laughing ]
348
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,845
[ speaking indistinctly ]
so, subway.
349
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,047
Subway, yeah.
Gotcha.
350
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:30,782
Sal, keep saying, "and then?"
351
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,417
Never-ending question, buddy.
352
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,256
Jetblue's here.
Okay. And then...?
353
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,196
Oh, alright, cool.
And then?
354
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:46,665
[ both laugh ]
355
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:53,871
14?
Yeah.
356
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:54,906
And then?
357
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:57,876
And then?
358
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:00,411
Yeah, you're here.
359
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:01,879
[ both laugh ]
360
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:03,347
There's no question.
361
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,816
Q: Throw in a "but..."
362
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,152
Back home, middle of February,
you're hitting 65, 70 degrees.
363
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,622
Right, but...
But here, you got snow.
364
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,756
You got rain.
365
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,025
Murr: "because...?"
it's been cool
366
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:15,960
Because I'm not used to that.
Because...?
367
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:17,228
Back home, you have hot.
368
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:18,763
Give me a however.
369
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:22,366
My closest friend I have, I met
her at a joint outreach event.
370
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,702
However...
371
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:25,769
Just friends now.
We're just friends.
372
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:27,238
Alright.
373
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,107
[ both laugh ]
374
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,642
Alright, we got
everything we need here.
375
00:13:30,776 --> 00:13:32,310
Hey, nice meeting you.
I appreciate you.
376
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,378
Hey, sal, good job.
Great job. Great job.
377
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,514
You did everything we said
except the very first thing
378
00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:38,316
We told you to say,
"go up to the woman --"
379
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,117
Don't do that. Don't do that.
380
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,252
Which makes it
a thumbs down,
381
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,120
Which makes
everything you did...
382
00:13:43,122 --> 00:13:45,523
For nothing!
...Useless, baby!
383
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,124
I will burn this right now.
384
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,993
Burn it. I got 100 more.
385
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,062
[ buzzer ]
sorry, buddy.
386
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:52,930
Excuse me. Hi.
My name is tony.
387
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,532
I'm working for, uh,
raptor magazine.
388
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:55,733
Do you have like
couple of minutes
389
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,201
To answer some questions?
Okay.
390
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,736
I will not take up
much of your lunch.
391
00:13:58,738 --> 00:14:00,137
I know everybody's, like, busy.
What is your name?
392
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:01,205
Chad.
393
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,540
Just start writing
your to-do list.
394
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,008
You got to get cat litter.
395
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,609
How many days a week
do work in the area?
396
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:06,878
Like six.
Okay.
397
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:10,882
Uh, and then,
I had to get...
398
00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,884
Cat litter.
399
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,353
Uh, and then,
where do you live?
400
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,688
Where is it you live?
401
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:20,558
Okay. I think
she needed ham.
402
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,159
Alright.
Murr: Q, do me a favor.
403
00:14:22,161 --> 00:14:23,961
Pop a piece of gum
in your mouth.
404
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,963
So, talking about fashion,
like any brand loyalty?
405
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,432
Do you want
a piece of gum?
406
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:31,302
When you feel ready,
choke on that gum.
407
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,638
Um, and how would you describe
overall new york city fashion?
408
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,308
A lot of streetwear.
Streetwear?
409
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,444
[ q coughs ]
murr: Oh, no.
410
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,781
[ wheezing indistinctly ]
411
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,783
No, no. Sorry. Gum.
[ coughing ]
412
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:47,719
Murr: Uh-oh. Uh-oh!
413
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,521
[ sal laughing, q coughing ]
414
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:56,159
Murr: When you feel ready,
choke on that gum.
415
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,095
[ q coughs ]
murr: Oh, no.
416
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,165
[ wheezing indistinctly ]
417
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:06,036
No, no. Sorry. Gum.
[ coughing ]
418
00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:08,972
Uh-oh. Uh-oh! If only
there was a good samaritan!
419
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:10,241
I got it, I got it, I got it.
420
00:15:10,376 --> 00:15:11,975
Come on, get up, get up.
421
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,444
[ q coughing ]
422
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,979
Oh. I got it.
423
00:15:16,115 --> 00:15:18,916
Alright.
Thank you, thank you.
424
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:21,986
Q, immediately pop another
piece of gum in your mouth.
425
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,522
Yeah, no,
I'm okay. I'm okay.
426
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,591
Need water?
No, I can -- you know what?
427
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,660
I'm worried. Let me just get
another piece of gum, though.
428
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:31,929
Maybe not another piece
right now.
429
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,464
[ laughter ]
430
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:35,332
It's okay. Two more questions.
Two more questions.
431
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,335
"why do you think you're right
for this position?"
432
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,938
And why do you think
you're right for this position?
433
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:43,274
What?
This was a survey of, uh --
434
00:15:43,408 --> 00:15:44,942
Oh, my god.
You're so right. I --
435
00:15:45,077 --> 00:15:47,945
I lost a little oxygen
when the --
436
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:50,547
Sorry. Okay.
437
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,417
Oh, q, you're choking
on the spearmint again.
438
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:56,019
Yeah, so, like, a silly [bleep]
is gonna wear, like, a wood --
439
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,889
[ coughing ]
440
00:15:59,024 --> 00:16:00,891
Sure you're good?
441
00:16:01,026 --> 00:16:03,360
Spear-- it's the spearmint.
It always gets me.
442
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:06,229
Uh-oh! Dan, run in.
Run in, buddy.
443
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:07,698
I got you, buddy,
I got you.
444
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:08,899
Alright.
445
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,167
[ q spits ]
446
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,235
[ both laugh ]
447
00:16:12,237 --> 00:16:14,004
Does he always
choke on gum like this?
448
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,376
I'm leaving. I'm not going
to be able to save you.
449
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:22,313
No, no, no, no, that's --
that can't happen a third time.
450
00:16:22,447 --> 00:16:24,915
[ both laugh ]
451
00:16:25,050 --> 00:16:27,050
Really? Really?
452
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:30,187
Oh, q, immediately pop another
piece of gum in your mouth.
453
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,789
So you've been
to staten island?
454
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,256
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
455
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,659
What would be
your fashion advice
456
00:16:35,794 --> 00:16:37,762
To a new person
to new york city?
457
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,797
Dress for the cold.
Yep.
458
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,733
Oh, q, he's leaving.
Choke again.
459
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,235
Thank you so much, man.
460
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,604
No, no. It's fine.
It's fine. It's, uh --
461
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:48,739
Have a good one.
462
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:51,342
[ coughing ]
463
00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:54,277
Murr: Dan, go, go, go!
Go, go, get him!
464
00:16:54,413 --> 00:16:56,613
[ q coughing ]
465
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:59,216
Where is he?
Where is he? Oh.
466
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:02,019
Did he eat more gum?
467
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,488
Did you give him more gum?
468
00:17:04,623 --> 00:17:06,557
I think he's had some gum.
469
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,025
He keeps eating gum!
470
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:11,162
[ ding! ]
471
00:17:11,296 --> 00:17:15,266
Narrator: The reports are in.
Sal is tonight's big loser.
472
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:18,702
Alright, so sal lost.
473
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:21,238
We brought you to kangas
indoor play center,
474
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,906
Where you're gonna
have to go up to parents
475
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,108
And apologize for
"accidentally cursing"
476
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:26,510
In front of their children.
477
00:17:26,645 --> 00:17:28,979
No, I can't. I can't.
I can't curse in front of kids.
478
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,914
You're not saying
anything to kids.
479
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:32,183
You're going
to tell the parents
480
00:17:32,317 --> 00:17:34,585
In explicit detail
what you said.
481
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:39,923
[bleep] piss [bleep] [bleep]
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
482
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:42,726
Q:
That clipboard, sal, contains
483
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,995
Everything that you must
tell parents
484
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:47,130
That you said
in front of their kids.
485
00:17:47,132 --> 00:17:50,067
This is. This is brutal, bro.
This is --
486
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,135
Your punishment ends
when you finish reading
487
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,604
Everything on that clipboard.
488
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,939
Ah [bleep] me.
489
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:58,075
There's some hard stuff
to say in there.
490
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,077
Uh-huh.
491
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,012
This ball pit is probably
infested with germs.
492
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:04,147
1,000%.
493
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:05,548
There's e. Coli in there,
494
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:07,151
Hepatitis, everything.
You got to be careful.
495
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,353
Got to be careful,
'cause there's all sorts
496
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:13,290
Of, uh, germs in there.
You know what I'm saying?
497
00:18:13,292 --> 00:18:15,692
No. Do not create
another you.
498
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,028
Leave that little girl
alone.
499
00:18:18,163 --> 00:18:20,697
Host of germs here.
E. Coli.
500
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,900
The e. Coli. Watch out
for the e. Coli.
501
00:18:23,902 --> 00:18:26,237
Alright, buddy,
let's get this started.
502
00:18:28,373 --> 00:18:30,107
This one's bad.
503
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:31,809
Go up
to that woman there.
504
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:36,313
Hi.
505
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:38,715
I was over there.
I was speaking to my coworker,
506
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,718
And we were talking
about my pet, and I got --
507
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,921
My dog.
I just got my dog neutered.
508
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,789
Okay.
And the way I was explaining it
509
00:18:45,924 --> 00:18:47,924
To him was a little graphic.
510
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:49,326
Q: [ laughs ]
here we go.
511
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,462
I was telling him that I got
my dog fixed, and then he said,
512
00:18:51,596 --> 00:18:53,831
"what does fixed mean?"
and I said, well...
513
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,869
[ both laugh ]
514
00:18:59,004 --> 00:19:00,537
Murr:
"your kid's been saying it."
515
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:01,939
And then I thought I --
516
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:04,341
I heard at least one or two
of them say [bleep] berries
517
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,608
And then other one's
like [bleep] tank, [bleep] tank.
518
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:06,810
So I just don't --
519
00:19:06,945 --> 00:19:08,411
[ both laugh ]
520
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,080
I just wanted to let you know.
521
00:19:10,215 --> 00:19:12,082
Okay.
522
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:15,018
Oh, he says the word stupid?
It's close, so, yeah.
523
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,620
[ both laugh ]
524
00:19:17,622 --> 00:19:18,889
Oh, okay.
Murr: Uh-oh.
525
00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:20,023
Q: Uh-oh.
Yeah, I --
526
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,424
Repeat it, buddy.
527
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,026
[bleep] berries left
in the [bleep] tank.
528
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:25,829
Don't say it again. Okay.
529
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:28,431
[ both laugh ]
q: Wow.
530
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:30,633
I've never heard
those things.
531
00:19:30,635 --> 00:19:32,369
Alright, sal,
there's a parent right there.
532
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,505
Go talk to them.
533
00:19:34,639 --> 00:19:37,708
Hi. So, I was
by the crane machine earlier.
534
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,377
Yeah?
"I turned and twisted my nuts."
535
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:43,714
And I had turned, and I, uh --
I twisted one of my nu--
536
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,249
[ laughter ]
537
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,719
I-I was by the machine before,
and I turned.
538
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,722
And I-I twisted my nuts,
and I hurt myself.
539
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,256
[ both laugh ]
540
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:56,260
I just cursed, and I don't know
if the child heard me.
541
00:19:58,330 --> 00:19:59,997
So my nuts were fine.
Q: "back to my nuts."
542
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,131
And then -- back --
543
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:04,201
[ laughter ]
544
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,404
I got hurt, and then I went "ow"
and I went [bleep]
545
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:08,939
[ laughter ]
546
00:20:13,121 --> 00:20:16,223
I just cursed, and I don't know
if the child heard me.
547
00:20:17,525 --> 00:20:19,559
I got hurt, and then I went "ow"
and I went...
548
00:20:21,196 --> 00:20:22,662
Q: [ laughing ] ohh.
549
00:20:22,797 --> 00:20:24,331
All I'm saying is
if you hear her say...
550
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:29,135
Any of those things,
I had said that.
551
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:32,072
It happened after the nut twist
that I mentioned earlier.
552
00:20:32,207 --> 00:20:33,473
Go "ow"
when you turn away.
553
00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:35,207
I understand.
Thank you. Thank you.
554
00:20:35,209 --> 00:20:38,010
Ohh!
555
00:20:38,146 --> 00:20:39,079
[bleep]
556
00:20:39,213 --> 00:20:41,614
"I twisted my nuts."
557
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,150
What position with a hip
that would happen?
558
00:20:44,152 --> 00:20:47,888
Sal, your only injury
from now on is --
559
00:20:48,022 --> 00:20:49,489
Is twisting your nuts.
560
00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:51,557
It's -- it's not good, man.
561
00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:54,227
[ laughs ]
I'm talking about my nuts.
562
00:20:54,362 --> 00:20:57,397
Alright, buddy, move on
to the next one on our list.
563
00:21:00,502 --> 00:21:02,635
Excuse me.
564
00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,504
I was standing over there
earlier,
565
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:05,838
And I had turned.
566
00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:08,174
Okay.
And, uh, I --
567
00:21:08,176 --> 00:21:10,042
I had turned
and twisted one of my nuts.
568
00:21:10,178 --> 00:21:11,177
Uh-huh.
569
00:21:11,179 --> 00:21:14,247
I had a nut
make a "k" turn,
570
00:21:14,382 --> 00:21:15,782
And I said, "aah..."
571
00:21:18,386 --> 00:21:20,853
And, like,
I don't know if --
572
00:21:20,855 --> 00:21:24,857
Santa's frozen
[bleep] sack.
573
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:27,994
And I -- and then I heard
a kid say...
574
00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:30,396
Santa's frozen
[bleep] sack,
575
00:21:30,398 --> 00:21:32,599
So I just wanted to say
I'm sorry.
576
00:21:32,734 --> 00:21:34,534
Okay.
"if you want me to explain
577
00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,669
To the children what santa's
frozen [bleep] sack is,
578
00:21:36,805 --> 00:21:38,171
I'm happy to do it."
579
00:21:40,475 --> 00:21:43,075
If you need me
to explain to the children
580
00:21:43,077 --> 00:21:45,845
What that is so they
don't say it out of context --
581
00:21:47,482 --> 00:21:49,081
Okay. Thank you very much.
582
00:21:49,083 --> 00:21:51,484
Also,
a little while after that --
583
00:21:53,155 --> 00:21:55,421
He's trying to get through
the whole list with one woman.
584
00:21:55,557 --> 00:21:57,157
I was standing over there,
585
00:21:57,292 --> 00:21:58,891
And I was talking
to my coworker.
586
00:21:59,027 --> 00:22:01,294
Now, my nut was fine again,
but I was, uh --
587
00:22:01,429 --> 00:22:04,164
I'm dating somebody new.
588
00:22:04,298 --> 00:22:07,300
And he said to me, "oh,
how far have you gotten so far?"
589
00:22:07,435 --> 00:22:09,301
You know,
like coworkers talking.
590
00:22:09,303 --> 00:22:11,171
And they said -- hi! --
And they said --
591
00:22:11,305 --> 00:22:13,373
Murr:
Oh, you got kid-blocked.
592
00:22:13,508 --> 00:22:14,707
Yeah, so they asked me --
593
00:22:14,709 --> 00:22:16,509
He was asking me
about my relationship.
594
00:22:16,511 --> 00:22:17,710
Look at that over there.
595
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:19,379
I told him we were
just doing titty [bleep]
596
00:22:19,514 --> 00:22:21,848
[ both laugh ]
597
00:22:21,850 --> 00:22:25,719
She might have overheard me
say...Titty [bleep]
598
00:22:27,789 --> 00:22:29,322
Thank you so much.
599
00:22:29,457 --> 00:22:32,592
[ murr and q laughing ]
600
00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:35,862
She does not want to be dealing
with sal whatsoever.
601
00:22:35,997 --> 00:22:37,730
So there's one more left, guys.
602
00:22:37,866 --> 00:22:39,465
Alright.
There's the one left
603
00:22:39,601 --> 00:22:41,668
That should not be said.
604
00:22:41,803 --> 00:22:44,004
We know you've been avoiding
this one the entire time.
605
00:22:44,138 --> 00:22:46,338
We saved the best
for last, buddy.
606
00:22:46,340 --> 00:22:47,740
If you can say
that last line,
607
00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:49,809
One way or another,
you're done.
608
00:22:49,944 --> 00:22:52,345
[ exhales deeply ]
here we go.
609
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,548
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Just a few moments ago,
610
00:22:55,683 --> 00:22:59,819
I was in the corner over there
by the machines, and, um,
611
00:22:59,954 --> 00:23:02,822
I had turned and twisted
my nuts, and I got hurt.
612
00:23:02,957 --> 00:23:04,490
[ murr and q laughing ]
613
00:23:04,492 --> 00:23:06,826
And so I said out loud,
because I was hurt,
614
00:23:06,961 --> 00:23:08,795
I said, "aah," um...
615
00:23:14,769 --> 00:23:17,169
And the child was nearby.
616
00:23:17,171 --> 00:23:18,905
I think I heard her repeat it.
617
00:23:20,575 --> 00:23:22,876
Murr: Oh!
[ q groans ]
618
00:23:24,512 --> 00:23:27,179
Oh, but those are not my kids.
Oh.
619
00:23:27,181 --> 00:23:29,449
Um, I have two --
two sons, two boys.
620
00:23:29,584 --> 00:23:30,650
Oh, then [bleep] it.
621
00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:34,186
[ both laughing ]
622
00:23:34,322 --> 00:23:35,922
You know what, buddy?
Punishment's over,
623
00:23:36,057 --> 00:23:38,258
As soon as you let
all the parents know
624
00:23:38,392 --> 00:23:41,261
The place is [bleep] closing
in a half hour.
625
00:23:41,395 --> 00:23:42,595
Excuse me, miss,
just so you know,
626
00:23:42,597 --> 00:23:43,996
We're closing in about
20 [bleep] minutes.
627
00:23:44,132 --> 00:23:46,733
Woman: Oh, okay.
628
00:23:46,868 --> 00:23:48,868
Just so you know, we close
in about 20 [bleep] minutes.
629
00:23:49,003 --> 00:23:51,203
Yes, yes.
Okay. Thank you so much.
630
00:23:51,205 --> 00:23:52,404
Hey, guys, just so you know,
631
00:23:52,406 --> 00:23:53,806
We close in about
20 [bleep] minutes.
632
00:23:53,942 --> 00:23:55,007
Murr: Alright, that's it, buddy.
Q: Alright, bud. Yeah.
633
00:23:55,009 --> 00:23:58,010
That's it.
Good job, you [bleep] head.
634
00:23:58,012 --> 00:24:00,079
Free cotton candy
between 5:00 and 5:30.
635
00:24:00,214 --> 00:24:01,981
Twisted one of my nuts.