1 00:00:42,930 --> 00:00:43,970 Ahem. 2 00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:45,890 They're ready for you now. 3 00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:50,170 Gwendolyn Harris. We've met. 4 00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:51,450 Bournemouth. 5 00:00:51,490 --> 00:00:53,170 But you don't know the others. 6 00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,250 No, but I'm familiar with you. 7 00:00:55,290 --> 00:00:57,810 Why do you want to be an MP? 8 00:00:57,850 --> 00:01:00,250 Because I'm not satisfied with the way things are, 9 00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:03,570 and rather than sit back and moan I'd prefer to do something about it. 10 00:01:04,650 --> 00:01:05,890 Go again from the top. 11 00:01:05,930 --> 00:01:09,570 I don't know why anyone's surprised the world's number one teen idol 12 00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:10,970 has become a Scientologist. 13 00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:12,530 Speed up the autocue, please. 14 00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:14,690 Pop stars do believe in weird things. 15 00:01:14,730 --> 00:01:18,090 'Abba believed in angels. R Kelly believed he could fly...' 16 00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:19,330 They said show you this. 17 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,810 This happened just now? 18 00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:21,450 Mm-hmm. 19 00:01:21,490 --> 00:01:22,970 Gladwell? 20 00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:25,690 "Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell resigns," - capitals - 21 00:01:25,730 --> 00:01:27,610 "over Twitter porn pics scandal." 22 00:01:27,650 --> 00:01:29,090 Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all. 23 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,410 "Originally claimed his account had been hacked, 24 00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:34,490 "resignation statement admits inappropriate correspondence 25 00:01:34,530 --> 00:01:35,610 "with a 15-year-old girl." 26 00:01:35,650 --> 00:01:38,650 So tweeting dick photos is correspondence now, is it? 27 00:01:38,690 --> 00:01:40,690 "Departure triggers a by-election 28 00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:42,970 "in his Stentonford and Hersham constituency." 29 00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:44,450 Well, you get to use the Gladwell stuff. 30 00:01:44,490 --> 00:01:45,530 Mm-hmm. 31 00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,770 Bump it all up to the top of the monologue. 32 00:01:47,810 --> 00:01:49,450 Anyone seen Jamie? 33 00:01:55,330 --> 00:01:56,330 Rach? 34 00:01:56,370 --> 00:01:58,610 'You really shouldn't be calling me any more. 35 00:01:58,650 --> 00:02:00,330 'You need to sort yourself out.' 36 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,810 I am. 37 00:02:01,850 --> 00:02:04,330 'Focus on Waldo, that's going well for you.' 38 00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:05,690 But it is not... 39 00:02:05,730 --> 00:02:07,450 'He's a hit, Jamie.' 40 00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:09,970 "He." Not me, "he". 41 00:02:10,010 --> 00:02:11,610 'Just do your show.' 42 00:02:11,770 --> 00:02:13,450 I will. I mean, hon, if you'd just... 43 00:02:14,730 --> 00:02:16,250 Jamie? 44 00:02:17,450 --> 00:02:19,010 Jamie, hurry up. 45 00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,530 What do you know about Stentonford and Hersham? 46 00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:24,370 Safe Tory seat. 47 00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:27,690 So, realistically, I know there's not much of a chance, but... 48 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:30,610 So, it's a stepping stone for you? 49 00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,090 Yes. 50 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,810 Obviously, I wouldn't say that outside of this room, 51 00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:38,890 but, well, you want me to be honest. 52 00:02:38,930 --> 00:02:40,450 There's no point in pretending. 53 00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:45,010 Is there anything in your past that might conceivably cause problems? 54 00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:46,290 No. 55 00:02:47,570 --> 00:02:49,290 Except... 56 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:52,890 ..I did commit a series of murders in Huddersfield 57 00:02:52,930 --> 00:02:54,890 between 1999 and 2003. 58 00:02:54,930 --> 00:02:56,490 But apart from that... 59 00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:02,730 Well, thank you, Gwendolyn. 60 00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,690 If you could leave via that door. 61 00:03:04,730 --> 00:03:06,450 Oh, that door? 62 00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,490 We like to keep the candidates separate. 63 00:03:09,570 --> 00:03:11,050 Right, yes. 64 00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:25,250 Idiot. Idiot! 65 00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:30,330 Shamed super groomer and all-round pillock of the community 66 00:03:30,370 --> 00:03:33,450 Jason Gladwell has resigned as an MP, 67 00:03:33,490 --> 00:03:37,130 saying he could no longer maintain his position. 68 00:03:37,170 --> 00:03:39,410 That position, presumably, being hunched over 69 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,610 wanking madly at school kids. 70 00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:43,210 'A pal of Gladwell said...' 71 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,050 You ready? 72 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,410 Uh-huh. 73 00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:47,490 ..how old the girl wasn't. 74 00:03:47,530 --> 00:03:49,090 That's the sort of feeble excuse 75 00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,810 'only a naive school kid would swallow - 76 00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:53,730 'which, presumably, was the idea. 77 00:03:55,010 --> 00:03:57,890 'Anyway, the bad news is he's resigned in disgrace.' 78 00:03:57,930 --> 00:04:00,970 The good news is he's now free to pursue a full-time career 79 00:04:01,010 --> 00:04:03,610 in the disgraced paedophile industry. 80 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:07,810 Personally, I don't understand why anyone's surprised... 81 00:04:07,850 --> 00:04:10,210 Um, small change to the intro. 82 00:04:10,290 --> 00:04:11,170 What? 83 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,890 Nothing huge, Conor wanted the Jacko gag for the monologue, so... 84 00:04:12,930 --> 00:04:14,370 That was my bit. 85 00:04:14,450 --> 00:04:15,610 There is the Chancellor stuff, you could use that. 86 00:04:15,650 --> 00:04:16,970 Bit politics. 87 00:04:17,010 --> 00:04:17,810 You can do politics. 88 00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:19,370 I do piss-taking. 89 00:04:19,410 --> 00:04:20,450 Go be Waldo. 90 00:04:20,610 --> 00:04:21,690 Yes, commander. 91 00:04:21,730 --> 00:04:23,610 'R Kelly believed he could fly, 92 00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:26,970 'and Michael Jackson believed that his doctor was qualified...' 93 00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:29,050 Big ball blue bear bollocks. 94 00:04:29,090 --> 00:04:30,810 And now it's time for our final visit 95 00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,250 to the world of educational children's programming 96 00:04:33,290 --> 00:04:34,810 courtesy of everyone's favourite, 97 00:04:34,850 --> 00:04:38,250 and only occasionally inappropriate cool kids' TV character, 98 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:39,610 Waldo. 99 00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:45,090 Whose mum's in tonight, apparently. 100 00:04:45,130 --> 00:04:47,890 Waldo, who have you had in your cave this week? 101 00:04:47,930 --> 00:04:51,250 Well, Conor, in my big pink cave this week 102 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:54,250 I had former Minister for Culture Liam Monroe. 103 00:04:54,290 --> 00:04:56,170 Oh, he's quite handsome, isn't he? 104 00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:58,450 I was hoping he'd nosh me off! 105 00:04:58,490 --> 00:05:00,250 Want to see how it panned out? 106 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:01,890 I think we should. 107 00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:03,250 Run VT! 108 00:05:16,130 --> 00:05:17,530 Hey, everybody! 109 00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:19,530 It's Waldo time! 110 00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,010 Yeah! 111 00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:22,530 Cool! Cool! 112 00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:25,530 Waldo-rrific! 113 00:05:25,570 --> 00:05:26,890 Ha-ha-ha! 114 00:05:26,930 --> 00:05:30,410 Hey, kids, my guest this week is Mr Monroe. 115 00:05:30,450 --> 00:05:31,970 Hello, Mr Monroe. 116 00:05:32,010 --> 00:05:33,370 Hello, Waldo. 117 00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:36,450 Mr Monroe is a politician. 118 00:05:40,650 --> 00:05:43,090 So, what is a politician, Mr Monroe? 119 00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:44,970 Well, a politician is someone 120 00:05:45,010 --> 00:05:47,690 who tries to make the world a fairer place. 121 00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:49,250 Like Batman. 122 00:05:49,290 --> 00:05:51,170 Not exactly like Batman. 123 00:05:51,210 --> 00:05:53,050 Do you beat people up? 124 00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:54,450 No, I don't beat people up. 125 00:05:54,490 --> 00:05:56,010 Oh, you're a pussy then? 126 00:05:57,850 --> 00:05:59,810 Well, I'm not sure I know exactly what... 127 00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:02,530 You don't know what pussy is? 128 00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:07,610 OK, this is clearly some kind of joke. 129 00:06:07,650 --> 00:06:10,250 No joke, sorry, let's move on. 130 00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:11,530 Friends again? 131 00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:23,610 Oh, hello, mate, great show. 132 00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:24,730 Well done, really good. 133 00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:26,010 So, we'll bring him over. 134 00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,810 You go and get him, I'll explain about... 135 00:06:27,850 --> 00:06:29,610 'Now, he comes across...' 136 00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:30,970 Jamie! 137 00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:33,010 What you want, Miss Tamsin? 138 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:35,170 Behind me, man in glasses talking to Jack Napier. 139 00:06:35,210 --> 00:06:35,890 Jack freaks me out. 140 00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:37,250 Yeah, ditto, 141 00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,450 but he owns the company and the man he's with is important 142 00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:40,250 and wants to talk to you. 143 00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,090 He's from the channel. 144 00:06:43,130 --> 00:06:44,610 Go on. 145 00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:45,370 'Honestly, all I'm saying...' 146 00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:46,810 'Is he shy?' 147 00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:49,050 'No, all I'm saying is he's a terrific guy...' 148 00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:50,370 Jim, Jamie, Jamie, Jim. 149 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,370 How do you do? 150 00:06:51,410 --> 00:06:52,610 Jim, Jack, James. 151 00:06:52,650 --> 00:06:53,890 Jamie. 152 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,530 Jim was just talking about Waldo. 153 00:06:56,570 --> 00:06:59,370 Yeah. Liam Monroe has lodged a complaint. 154 00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:01,810 Toys out the pram. 155 00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:03,170 And that's...? 156 00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:04,530 Good press. 157 00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,970 It's so tough to get a breakthrough these days, 158 00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:09,450 but when it does, well, it's just fantastic. 159 00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:11,890 It's fantastic the way Waldo puts the piss up Monroe. 160 00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:15,330 You know, all those twats, it's punk, it's...it's... 161 00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,530 'Jack?' 162 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:17,930 Excuse me. 163 00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:22,690 Well, Twitter can't get enough of Waldo, loves him. 164 00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:27,170 Look, I know the show's coming back again next year, 165 00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:29,770 but we want to see more of Waldo. 166 00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:33,170 They want to do a pilot. 167 00:07:33,210 --> 00:07:34,090 A Waldo pilot? 168 00:07:34,130 --> 00:07:36,250 Yeah. I mean, how does that sound? 169 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,450 Yeah. Sounds good. 170 00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:41,650 Sounds stormin' Norman, fucking stormin'. 171 00:07:41,690 --> 00:07:43,130 Going to give it to 'em. 172 00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:05,730 But look, we can't do sketches without Waldo. 173 00:08:05,770 --> 00:08:07,730 It's a Waldo pilot, it's a Waldo show, 174 00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:09,330 it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo. 175 00:08:09,370 --> 00:08:12,090 Realistically, there isn't the budget for other animations. 176 00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:14,250 I mean live action, other characters I can do. 177 00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:16,170 What about the Brown Knight? 178 00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:17,730 What, the crap crusader? 179 00:08:17,770 --> 00:08:19,690 We can look into the Brown Knight. 180 00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:22,290 But right now let's find more Waldo ideas. 181 00:08:23,930 --> 00:08:27,250 The problem is, any guests we book will be in on it. 182 00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,610 They know that Waldo's a joke, the surprise is gone. 183 00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:31,530 So, we think round that. 184 00:08:31,570 --> 00:08:34,210 Hey, boys and girls! It's Waldo time! 185 00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,370 Yeah! Ha-ha! 186 00:08:37,490 --> 00:08:39,250 He's awesome, isn't he? 187 00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:43,010 I mean, look - sod name in lights, you're an app now, my brother. 188 00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:48,250 All right, Sara? How's the think tanking going, good shit? 189 00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:50,250 Um, yeah, yeah, we're making headway. 190 00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:51,730 Good. 191 00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:54,090 I see our friend Monroe is in the news again, 192 00:08:54,130 --> 00:08:56,810 running in the Stentonford by-election. 193 00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,410 We should get Waldo down there. 194 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:01,690 Hey, that's not a bad idea, actually. 195 00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:04,890 We get a van with a screen with the image of Waldo on the side. 196 00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:06,090 Like it. 197 00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,330 And then, when Monroe's doing a meet and greet, 198 00:09:08,370 --> 00:09:10,170 we just turn up and just get under his skin. 199 00:09:10,210 --> 00:09:11,570 I love that, I love it. 200 00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:12,290 We've done Monroe. 201 00:09:12,330 --> 00:09:13,650 But it was a great bit. 202 00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:16,090 I'm not dumb or clever enough to be political... 203 00:09:16,130 --> 00:09:19,450 Why don't we get Waldo to stand for the by-election? 204 00:09:19,490 --> 00:09:20,530 Get people to vote for him? 205 00:09:20,570 --> 00:09:21,730 He's not real. 206 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:24,250 But people have stood as fictional characters before. 207 00:09:24,290 --> 00:09:26,530 Do you think Screaming Lord Sutch was his real name? 208 00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:28,810 We just put "commonly known as" on the ballot. 209 00:09:28,850 --> 00:09:31,450 No-one's actually going to vote for him, that's not the point. 210 00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:34,530 The point is, we get to hang around, we're there for the count. 211 00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:37,210 Well, go on then, Sara, whack it up there. 212 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,860 'He's with a mum and baby group.' 213 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:59,540 OK. Going live in five...four...three two... 214 00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:02,220 'Thank you so much for joining me this morning.' 215 00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:03,860 It's been incredibly informative 216 00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:07,060 and I think we should have a little round of applause for the children, 217 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,020 who were fantastic. 218 00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:11,540 Thank you, Naomi. 219 00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:13,420 Thank you for your time. 220 00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:17,860 Hey! 221 00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:20,420 Hey, it's me Waldo. 222 00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:22,860 Oh. I like your trainers, man! 223 00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:25,380 I'd wear trainers myself but I can't cos I haven't got feet. 224 00:10:25,420 --> 00:10:26,460 I've got stumps. 225 00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:28,700 He's out. 226 00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,780 Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe. 227 00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:32,900 Hey! Did you get off with any of the mums? 228 00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:35,020 Where'd you look while they were breastfeeding? 229 00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:37,500 They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe! 230 00:10:37,540 --> 00:10:39,260 He said it! 231 00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,700 Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me! 232 00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:42,300 I'm sorry about this, Liam. 233 00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:43,620 Hey, I'm being snubbed! 234 00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,340 Hey, don't ignore me. Don't just get in your car. 235 00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,580 It's a death trap anyway, look at it! 236 00:10:48,620 --> 00:10:50,620 Let's find out what we can about the idiot inside that thing. 237 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:51,620 Sure. 238 00:10:53,060 --> 00:10:54,620 Mr Monroe. Oi! 239 00:10:57,860 --> 00:11:00,020 'Stentonford Labour Party.' 240 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,940 Right, you've got a choice of styles, 241 00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:07,260 so just choose one from there. Then you put your name in there. 242 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,940 This is like bloody Moonpig. 243 00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,100 Don't knock the free mail out. 244 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,980 Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some Fisher-Price leaflet app. 245 00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:18,500 He doesn't have to. 246 00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:27,180 Day one of the campaign in Stentonford and Hersham, 247 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,020 and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe hits the ground running. 248 00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:32,940 The licence fee is something that's very close to my heart... 249 00:11:32,980 --> 00:11:35,300 'Mr Monroe, ey! Oh, oh, oh! Look at me Mr Monroe, please!' 250 00:11:35,340 --> 00:11:37,900 Hey, over here! Hey, over here... 251 00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,900 Look over here, Mr Monroe... 252 00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,700 The Conservative Party have been, er... 253 00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:45,420 Have been arguing for a reduction of the licence fee for... 254 00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:46,180 Good morning, everybody. 255 00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,220 Pardon? 256 00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:48,660 Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe? Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 257 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:49,900 I beg your pardon. 258 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,980 I'm sorry. It's rather loud. 259 00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:53,620 We have argued for a further reduction in the licence fee... 260 00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,420 Mr Monroe? Why you ignoring me? 261 00:11:55,460 --> 00:11:57,220 Mum with a pushchair - drag her into it. 262 00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:58,660 Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair. 263 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:02,660 Yeah, you. Ask Mr Monroe why he's ignoring me. 264 00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:04,900 Why are you ignoring Waldo? 265 00:12:04,940 --> 00:12:08,340 'Mr Monroe, what's Waldo done to you?' 266 00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:11,860 We should probably just shift before this turns stupid. 267 00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:15,180 I'm not walking away from a cartoon. 268 00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:18,780 'I'm not ignoring you.' 269 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,980 Yeah, you were, you upset me. 270 00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:23,100 You made Waldo sad. 271 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:31,980 Well, obviously, I'm absolutely devastated that you're upset... 272 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:39,460 Let him get a word in. 273 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:44,100 I'm not ignoring you because there is no you. 274 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:46,940 You are an image voiced by a comedian - 275 00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:48,820 an alleged comedian, more accurately. 276 00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,940 If I'm not real, why you talking to him? 277 00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:52,900 And by "him" I mean me, knobber! 278 00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:57,780 There's no point in attempting to converse with a cartoon. 279 00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:00,580 Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship! 280 00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:03,980 Thy flowery language doth give me a right throbbing bone-on! 281 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,220 Finished. 282 00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:25,340 Drink? 283 00:13:25,380 --> 00:13:26,940 I've got e-mails. 284 00:13:33,540 --> 00:13:36,540 You know that's Gwendolyn Harris? 285 00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:37,820 The Labour candidate. 286 00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:41,420 Did you read my background doc? 287 00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:42,580 Yes. 288 00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:46,620 Why don't you read it tonight? Alone. 289 00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:59,460 I'll swing by about nine, so have your breakfast first... 290 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,500 Are you my dad? 291 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,380 Apparently not. See you tomorrow. 292 00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:09,460 '..Waldo the bear left Monroe in stunned silence. 293 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,980 'The colourful Waldo launched his own campaign 294 00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:14,980 'in typically loud and crowd-pleasing style...' 295 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,100 Someone's bold? Do I know you? 296 00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:22,460 Nice way to greet a voter... 297 00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:24,420 Sorry, I thought you were... 298 00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:27,500 Actually, I'm more of a rival. 299 00:14:27,540 --> 00:14:30,980 "Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why are you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?" 300 00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:32,220 You're good at that! 301 00:14:32,260 --> 00:14:33,340 Because I am that. 302 00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,460 What? You're that thing? 303 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:37,900 Waldo's not a thing, he's a bear. 304 00:14:37,940 --> 00:14:42,180 Liam Monroe calls him worse. Nice work there, by the way. 305 00:14:42,220 --> 00:14:45,700 Yeah, well. It's dick jokes at his expense basically. 306 00:14:45,740 --> 00:14:46,820 Another one? 307 00:14:46,860 --> 00:14:48,260 OK. One. 308 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:55,660 The way you describe it, it's like you're doing this for a showreel... 309 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:56,700 No... 310 00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:59,420 ..like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show... 311 00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:00,460 Shh! 312 00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:03,140 ..but your party leader has to show up because it's a...mid-thing... 313 00:15:03,180 --> 00:15:04,340 Midterm by-election. 314 00:15:04,380 --> 00:15:05,380 Terminology tits. 315 00:15:05,420 --> 00:15:06,580 You are 12! 316 00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:08,540 So because leaderballs is there, 317 00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:11,580 suddenly it's walk-on in a Ricky Gervais sketch show 318 00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:12,940 so it's good exposure. 319 00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:14,420 You're not going to win, you know you're not going to win... 320 00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:15,460 Come on, shh. 321 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,500 You're not going to win though. 322 00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:18,540 Of course not. 323 00:15:18,580 --> 00:15:19,740 So, why not be honest? 324 00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:21,780 Say, "You arseholes aren't going to vote for me, 325 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:23,220 "so here's what I think anyway."? 326 00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:24,180 It doesn't work like that. 327 00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:26,660 Nothing does, that's why everything's bollocksed. 328 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:29,900 You're angry, for someone who's doing well. 329 00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:33,900 I'm the voice of a blue bear... 330 00:15:33,940 --> 00:15:36,540 if that's, "doing well," then we are doomed! 331 00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:41,740 I can't see! 332 00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:43,260 Hang on, there's a thing. 333 00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:50,100 Have you had a fox in here or do you live like a 14-year-old? 334 00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:56,860 Well, don't get too excited, I'm not sleeping in it. 335 00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,140 Shit, really? 336 00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,060 You're amazing. 337 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,220 Sorry? 338 00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:19,060 You're amazing? 339 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,660 Oh, thank you! 340 00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:46,100 What's up? 341 00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:47,660 Nothing. 342 00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:48,980 Are you sure? 343 00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:55,420 It's just... 344 00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:02,140 ..I haven't been happy in a while... 345 00:17:04,180 --> 00:17:06,940 ..and this is good, you know? 346 00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:07,940 Hm. 347 00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:20,940 Can I...have your number? 348 00:17:24,940 --> 00:17:26,420 Yes! 349 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,340 Where's our mark this morning? 350 00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:46,980 We're out on the road. 351 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:49,100 Ooh...bien sur. 352 00:17:52,540 --> 00:18:00,260 Oh, hello, I'm Mr Monroe. Vote for me and keep things shitty. 353 00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:27,420 Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo! 354 00:18:27,460 --> 00:18:30,620 Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo! 355 00:18:33,380 --> 00:18:34,940 'You're right. Strong Tory.' 356 00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,220 'I warned you.' 357 00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:39,820 You know you're on Monroe turf when they live so far apart. 358 00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:43,220 I'm voting Waldo! 359 00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:49,340 I met Waldo last night. 360 00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:51,140 Jamie, the guy who plays him. 361 00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:52,260 He's fun. 362 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:53,860 Fun? 363 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:54,860 Mmm-hmm. 364 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,460 Did you tell him anything about our campaign? 365 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:01,020 Not really. 366 00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,660 Not really or no? 367 00:19:04,220 --> 00:19:05,420 Er, not really. 368 00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:07,740 Look, he's OK. 369 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:08,940 He's a comedian - 370 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,380 he's mocking Monroe now, it'll be you next. 371 00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:16,380 His act is all f-this and penis jokes. 372 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:17,420 But... 373 00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:19,300 Don't see him again. 374 00:19:26,020 --> 00:19:28,980 OK. Job done till the husting tomorrow. 375 00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:33,100 Some media students doing a Question Time type thing. 376 00:19:33,140 --> 00:19:35,100 They've asked Waldo to join the panel. 377 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,180 Oh, come on. It's my nightmare, going on Question Time. 378 00:19:38,220 --> 00:19:39,420 It's students, you'll walk it. 379 00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:41,300 I can't answer serious questions... 380 00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:44,420 No-one wants you to! You're the comic relief, lighten up. 381 00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,980 Erm, just have a look. I'm sure you'll find lots in there... 382 00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:07,740 Are there any particular issues that you're concerned about at all? 383 00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,460 Hey. 384 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,500 Oh, hi. 385 00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:26,220 I thought we were going to...? 386 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,700 Sorry - I've had a tough day... 387 00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:29,100 Right. Not even one? 388 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,580 Sorry. 389 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,140 Well, what about tomorrow? 390 00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:35,060 Look, I can't, when this is happening, I can't see you. 391 00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:36,180 What do you mean? 392 00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:37,420 I'm sorry. 393 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,080 Do they think that looks like Question Time? 394 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,120 Yeah. It looks politicsy. 395 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,760 Check the host. 396 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:58,880 Jailbait Dimbleby. 397 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,240 When it comes to addiction and addicts, we should sympathise, 398 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,400 but we shouldn't patronise. 399 00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,800 You know, serious drug use is a criminal offence, that is 400 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,400 committed voluntarily and for pleasure... 401 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,880 Look, I'm sorry, these are the facts. 402 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,280 Waldo, what do you think? 403 00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:24,920 Mr Monroe, are you addicted? 404 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,680 No. 405 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,680 Sorry, I mean, are you a dickhead? 406 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,920 I think we have to ask ourselves... 407 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,360 I think we have to ask ourselves, what is this for? 408 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:40,280 And why do we waste our time with animated trivialities like him? 409 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,240 I mean why? 410 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,280 Why? I mean why? 411 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:46,280 I mean why? I mean why? 412 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:47,800 I mean why? I mean why? 413 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:51,280 This is just the kind of thing... rather than see you laugh... 414 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,840 They laugh at you, Limbo. 415 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,320 You laugh, you're laughing at someone who won't engage. 416 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:59,800 Who is scared to engage, who hides behind a children's cartoon. 417 00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,440 Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool? 418 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:07,280 I'm...I'm...I'm speaking about James Salter. 419 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,560 Hm? 420 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,320 Don't worry about it. 421 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,400 That's your name, isn't it? 422 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,920 James Salter, this is the man who's behind all this. 423 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,840 He's 33 years old, 424 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,680 a man whose career can be summed up surprisingly quickly. 425 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,200 You were in a sketch troupe 426 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,600 that enjoyed minor success about six years ago, 427 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,680 and the others moved on to better things, 428 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,440 but your main achievement seems to have been playing 429 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,120 the part of a corn on the cob 430 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:37,240 in a high-interest personal loan commercial. 431 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,400 I notice you keep that pretty quiet. 432 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,600 And now of course operating this sort of teddy bear thing. 433 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,440 Which by the way is easier than it looks. Anyone could do it. 434 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:52,920 See, this is...this is the thing. It's easy, what he does. 435 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:54,400 He mocks. 436 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,920 And when he can't think of an authentic joke, 437 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,760 which is actually quite often, he just swears. 438 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,880 I think that this puppet's inclusion on this panel debases the 439 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,960 process of debate, and smothers any meaningful discussion of the issues. 440 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,560 So I return to my original question, is that really what this is for? 441 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,760 He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. 442 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,400 Prove me wrong. Hm? 443 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,520 Speak, Waldo. 444 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:25,720 Please. Come on. Speak up. 445 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:31,320 There you see, nothing. 446 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:32,400 Oh, go fuck yourself. 447 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,280 It's more swearing. 448 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,600 You're a joke. 449 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,840 You look less human than I do 450 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,000 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise cock. 451 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:48,320 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 452 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:51,200 Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? 453 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:53,560 No-one takes you seriously, that's why no-one votes. 454 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:54,880 The vast majority do vote. 455 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:55,760 It's bullshit. 456 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,040 Surely this is enough? 457 00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,680 You think you deserve respect. 458 00:23:58,720 --> 00:23:59,760 Just common courtesy. 459 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,200 Because you went to public school 460 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,400 and believed you were entitled to everything. 461 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,120 Perhaps we could get back... 462 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,480 Ad hominem nonsense... 463 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:06,640 Gwendolyn Harris... 464 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,680 Something's got to change. No-one trusts you lot cos they know 465 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,400 you don't give a shit about anything outside your bubble. 466 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:15,120 What about your mate Gladwell, the kiddy-flasher? 467 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,880 You knew him for 20 years, did you not know what he was like? 468 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,120 No, of course not. 469 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:23,400 Yeah, cos you're all just front, like him, sly and pretending, 470 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,400 and in that way you're all the same. 471 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:30,160 Gwendolyn Harris, is all of politics a waste of time? 472 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,680 Well, of course I think no... 473 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:35,720 Oh, shut up, you're worse! 474 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,480 Seriously, she's faker than him. 475 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,120 For once I agree with Liam Monroe in that this... 476 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:40,560 Are you going to win? 477 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,760 ..doesn't get us anywhere and there's no point in us continuing... 478 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,240 Tell them why you're here. 479 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:46,760 ..if we can't have anything resembling a deba... 480 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,840 Tell them why you're here. 481 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,120 She's here to build a showreel. 482 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,680 I'm not kidding, that's literally it. 483 00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,880 Knows she's not going to win. This is all experience, 484 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,160 to get on telly. 485 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,800 She actually gives less of a shit about anyone round here than 486 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,160 he does, because he'll actually have to represent you. 487 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:06,400 Am I wrong? 488 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:10,400 A career politician. Someone else less real than me, 489 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,680 and I can do this. 490 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,760 Can I just make a couple of points? 491 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,480 Oh, shut up, you pebble. 492 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:22,160 What is this for? That's what you wanted to know, Mr Monroe. 493 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,160 And the truth is, none of us know any more, thanks to you. 494 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,400 What are you for? What are you for? 495 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,160 Thank you and goodnight. 496 00:26:20,900 --> 00:26:22,820 Jamie. 497 00:26:24,620 --> 00:26:25,780 Jamie? 498 00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:29,860 Jack's here. He wants to see us. 499 00:26:31,140 --> 00:26:32,220 You can't avoid it. 500 00:26:37,620 --> 00:26:40,820 Get dressed, he'll meet us outside. 501 00:26:56,060 --> 00:26:58,180 'And yet accusations of vapidity aside, 502 00:26:58,220 --> 00:27:00,500 'it's clearly tapped a nerve. 503 00:27:00,540 --> 00:27:03,260 'in just three days, Waldo has gone viral. 504 00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:07,180 'The video of his clash has already been viewed over a million times 505 00:27:07,220 --> 00:27:10,500 'on YouTube. There are Facebook groups calling on Waldo 506 00:27:10,540 --> 00:27:13,300 'to form a national party.' 507 00:27:13,340 --> 00:27:15,020 'You're a joke. 508 00:27:15,060 --> 00:27:18,100 'You look less human than I do and I'm a made-up bear with 509 00:27:18,140 --> 00:27:19,100 'a turquoise dick What are you? 510 00:27:19,460 --> 00:27:21,940 'You're just an old attitude with new hair. 511 00:27:21,980 --> 00:27:25,900 'Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously. 512 00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:28,740 'No-one takes you seriously.' 513 00:27:36,940 --> 00:27:39,100 Oh, look, here he is the man of the moment! 514 00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,820 How does it feel to be a phenomenon? 515 00:27:40,860 --> 00:27:41,860 Shitifying. 516 00:27:43,420 --> 00:27:44,940 You are everywhere, my son. 517 00:27:44,980 --> 00:27:47,100 Twitter, the news... Have you seen the poll? 518 00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:49,300 You're in third place, mate. 519 00:27:49,340 --> 00:27:50,900 You overtook that Lib Dem prick... 520 00:27:50,940 --> 00:27:52,180 Yeah, well, he's a glass of water. 521 00:27:52,220 --> 00:27:53,540 This is an opportunity, Jamie. 522 00:27:53,580 --> 00:27:55,580 He knows my name now. 523 00:27:55,620 --> 00:27:57,380 We could really do something here. 524 00:27:57,420 --> 00:27:59,740 You know, everyone's pissed with the status quo. 525 00:27:59,780 --> 00:28:01,580 And Waldo gives that a voice. 526 00:28:01,620 --> 00:28:04,380 Waldo's a bear. A blue bear. 527 00:28:04,420 --> 00:28:05,940 Tell him, Tams. 528 00:28:05,980 --> 00:28:08,180 We've been asked on Consensus. 529 00:28:08,220 --> 00:28:11,620 It's a ten-minute one-to-one interview with Phillip Crane. 530 00:28:11,660 --> 00:28:12,740 Pitbull Crane? 531 00:28:12,780 --> 00:28:13,820 Big guns for big guns. 532 00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:17,100 Hello? I'm not a politician, OK? I don't want to be a politician. 533 00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:18,460 We know that you hate politics. 534 00:28:18,500 --> 00:28:21,020 I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in them. 535 00:28:21,060 --> 00:28:22,740 You don't need to be interested in them. 536 00:28:22,780 --> 00:28:24,060 You just need to be Waldo. 537 00:28:25,540 --> 00:28:28,060 And when Crane asks something tricky and I look stupid 538 00:28:28,100 --> 00:28:28,980 because I don't know how to answer? 539 00:28:29,020 --> 00:28:31,060 You'll know the answer. 540 00:28:31,100 --> 00:28:32,820 Because you have a producer. 541 00:28:32,860 --> 00:28:36,460 Look, I can tell you what to say. 542 00:28:36,500 --> 00:28:39,220 I can live Google any facts, give you stats, quotes, 543 00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:40,260 whatever else you need. 544 00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:42,660 So you've got a safety net for the concrete stuff 545 00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:45,060 and the rest is Waldo and you can do that in your sleep. 546 00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:47,100 You'll piss all over Crane. 547 00:28:47,140 --> 00:28:49,180 He'll know there's a team around me, he'll see it. 548 00:28:49,220 --> 00:28:51,780 Yeah good. I hope he does. I hope he points a camera at it. 549 00:28:51,820 --> 00:28:54,860 All the other MPs have got teams, we're just more honest about it. 550 00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:57,340 Now come on. What d'you say? Eh? 551 00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:02,140 Jamie! Jamie! 552 00:29:02,180 --> 00:29:03,500 Why would I want to do this? 553 00:29:03,540 --> 00:29:06,420 Look, the world is knackered and you can do something about it. 554 00:29:06,460 --> 00:29:07,900 I don't know what you're on about. 555 00:29:07,940 --> 00:29:10,820 Waldo has got the attention of the young, and the young don't 556 00:29:10,860 --> 00:29:13,860 give a shit about anything except trainers and pirating films. 557 00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:16,580 Do you have any other astounding theories about young people? 558 00:29:16,620 --> 00:29:20,220 Yeah, yeah I do actually. Look, they care about Waldo. 559 00:29:20,260 --> 00:29:21,540 They'll vote for Waldo. 560 00:29:21,580 --> 00:29:23,020 The video was a hit for a reason. 561 00:29:23,060 --> 00:29:25,340 The video's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by it. 562 00:29:25,380 --> 00:29:27,260 I was lashing out. I wasn't even articulate - 563 00:29:27,300 --> 00:29:29,460 Doesn't matter. Or funny, which is almost worse. 564 00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:30,740 We can build on that. 565 00:29:30,780 --> 00:29:31,820 Waldo's not real. 566 00:29:31,860 --> 00:29:35,620 Exactly! That's what you said that really hit home. He's not real, 567 00:29:35,660 --> 00:29:37,180 but he's realer than all the others. 568 00:29:37,220 --> 00:29:38,900 He doesn't stand for anything. 569 00:29:38,940 --> 00:29:41,300 Yeah, well, at least he doesn't pretend to. 570 00:29:41,340 --> 00:29:43,820 Look we...we don't need politicians, 571 00:29:43,860 --> 00:29:46,660 we've all got iPhones and computers, right? 572 00:29:46,700 --> 00:29:50,220 So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online. 573 00:29:50,260 --> 00:29:53,980 Let the people vote thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins. 574 00:29:54,020 --> 00:29:56,860 That's a democracy. That's a... that's an actual democracy. 575 00:29:56,900 --> 00:29:59,860 So's YouTube and I don't know if you've seen it but the most 576 00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:03,900 popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days. 577 00:30:06,020 --> 00:30:07,940 Well, today it's Waldo. 578 00:30:07,980 --> 00:30:10,500 No. It's still the dog. 579 00:30:10,540 --> 00:30:13,140 Listen, can you imagine all the things we can change 580 00:30:13,180 --> 00:30:15,180 if we fuck the politicians out the equation? 581 00:30:15,220 --> 00:30:17,660 I've said what I've said and now I'm shutting this door. 582 00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:25,740 Do you know who owns Waldo? 583 00:30:25,780 --> 00:30:26,940 I do, I own the rights. 584 00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:30,820 He's my character. 585 00:30:30,860 --> 00:30:32,420 Yeah, written for my show. 586 00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:38,180 You're too frightened to take to the next level. Fine. I understand. 587 00:30:38,220 --> 00:30:40,060 But also, fuck off! 588 00:30:40,100 --> 00:30:41,140 And watch me fly. 589 00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:43,460 You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo. 590 00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:49,660 Eh, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, what's 'appenin, eh? 591 00:30:51,900 --> 00:30:53,140 Pretty close, I'd say. 592 00:30:58,690 --> 00:31:00,650 What's happenin'? Ahh! 593 00:31:00,690 --> 00:31:04,490 Waldorific, yeah! Yeah! 594 00:31:04,530 --> 00:31:05,730 Why is it going off left again? 595 00:31:05,770 --> 00:31:06,570 Because the... 596 00:31:06,610 --> 00:31:07,530 I know! I've got my... 597 00:31:07,570 --> 00:31:08,810 Put your thumb in the white thing. 598 00:31:08,850 --> 00:31:10,770 I got that. In there? OK. 599 00:31:10,810 --> 00:31:12,410 That's not how that works. 600 00:31:21,410 --> 00:31:25,730 First tonight, a figure - or more accurately a character - 601 00:31:25,770 --> 00:31:29,450 who's been causing an upset in the Stentonford by-election. 602 00:31:29,490 --> 00:31:32,730 Unlike the other candidates, he has no party affiliation. 603 00:31:32,770 --> 00:31:34,570 He doesn't even have a surname. 604 00:31:34,610 --> 00:31:39,010 He is Waldo, a few weeks ago just a cult character in a comedy show. 605 00:31:39,050 --> 00:31:42,650 Today, an official mascot for protest voters. 606 00:31:42,690 --> 00:31:43,970 Vote Waldo. 607 00:31:44,010 --> 00:31:47,170 Cartoons don't play by the rules and Waldo's open disdain 608 00:31:47,210 --> 00:31:49,970 for his opponents has clearly struck a chord. 609 00:31:52,610 --> 00:31:55,290 Waldo, as a mascot for the disenfranchised, aren't you 610 00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:58,570 ultimately neutralizing seriously effective dissent? 611 00:31:59,770 --> 00:32:01,650 Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane, please? 612 00:32:01,690 --> 00:32:05,090 By encouraging people not to care, you're actively dangerous. 613 00:32:05,130 --> 00:32:07,090 Dangerous? You think the public can't be trusted? 614 00:32:07,130 --> 00:32:08,170 No. 615 00:32:08,210 --> 00:32:09,650 Isn't that basically you calling them twats? 616 00:32:09,690 --> 00:32:10,650 No, I... 617 00:32:10,690 --> 00:32:11,730 Bell-ends then? 618 00:32:11,770 --> 00:32:13,290 Did you come for a discussion or... 619 00:32:13,330 --> 00:32:16,530 You're snooty for a glorified Punch And Judy man, Phil. 620 00:32:16,570 --> 00:32:19,410 You know you're gonna get your best ratings in months cos I'm here. 621 00:32:19,450 --> 00:32:22,170 To even get close to the figures I'm gonna pull in for you tonight, 622 00:32:22,210 --> 00:32:25,010 you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich live on air. 623 00:32:25,050 --> 00:32:26,650 Make a nice prawn cocktail. 624 00:32:26,690 --> 00:32:28,810 Could we make a serious political point that is... 625 00:32:28,850 --> 00:32:30,730 I've got one big blue point to make, fool. 626 00:32:30,770 --> 00:32:31,530 Would you like to have a look at it? 627 00:32:31,690 --> 00:32:32,570 Oh, God. Thank you. 628 00:32:32,610 --> 00:32:35,370 Great work tonight. Look at...Look at this, look at this. 629 00:32:35,410 --> 00:32:38,530 It's The Waldo polling app. Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS 630 00:32:38,570 --> 00:32:40,370 so that when you're at a polling station, 631 00:32:40,410 --> 00:32:42,050 it unlocks loads of free shit, look. 632 00:32:42,130 --> 00:32:43,370 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 633 00:32:43,410 --> 00:32:45,930 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 634 00:32:45,970 --> 00:32:47,090 It's good, isn't it? 635 00:32:47,130 --> 00:32:48,530 Who's this guy we're meeting? 636 00:32:48,570 --> 00:32:52,610 I dunno. But he's from Washington and he's got my restricted number. 637 00:32:55,850 --> 00:32:58,530 Jeff Carter, from the agency. 638 00:32:58,690 --> 00:32:59,170 Hey. Hey. 639 00:32:59,210 --> 00:33:00,450 And I'll leap right in. 640 00:33:00,490 --> 00:33:03,050 I think what you're doing with Waldo is fascinating. 641 00:33:03,090 --> 00:33:04,370 From "the agency"? 642 00:33:04,410 --> 00:33:08,010 Yeah, listen. Waldo may be the perfect political figurehead. 643 00:33:08,050 --> 00:33:09,530 Waldo The Bear. 644 00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:12,570 The bear, people like. The fact he's a bear is an assist. 645 00:33:12,610 --> 00:33:13,010 An assist? 646 00:33:13,050 --> 00:33:14,090 It helps. 647 00:33:14,130 --> 00:33:16,290 Right. You look at human politicians, 648 00:33:16,330 --> 00:33:19,170 you're instinctively like, "brrrr" - uncanny, right? 649 00:33:19,210 --> 00:33:20,370 Like the girls in porn. 650 00:33:20,410 --> 00:33:22,850 You know something's wrong, cos why else are they doing it? 651 00:33:22,890 --> 00:33:24,570 It's usually daddy issues, eh? 652 00:33:24,610 --> 00:33:26,850 Just like politics. Waldo bypasses that. 653 00:33:26,890 --> 00:33:29,370 You already know he's not real, so no personal flaws. 654 00:33:29,410 --> 00:33:30,810 I'm a person. 655 00:33:30,850 --> 00:33:32,730 With respect, Waldo's more than you. 656 00:33:32,770 --> 00:33:36,370 He's a team, and you're open about that, which is fantastic. 657 00:33:36,410 --> 00:33:38,330 The honesty thing works. 658 00:33:38,370 --> 00:33:42,570 Waldo is a construct people not just accept but embrace. 659 00:33:42,610 --> 00:33:44,530 At the moment he's anti-politics, 660 00:33:44,570 --> 00:33:47,570 which is a political stance itself, right? 661 00:33:47,610 --> 00:33:50,690 But he could deliver any brand of political content, 662 00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:53,370 minus the potential downsides of a human messenger. 663 00:33:53,410 --> 00:33:57,290 In a debate, your team could Google every word the other guy says, 664 00:33:57,330 --> 00:33:59,290 then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats 665 00:33:59,330 --> 00:34:02,450 and spit a Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence. 666 00:34:02,490 --> 00:34:04,810 He's the perfect assassin. 667 00:34:04,850 --> 00:34:06,530 We won't win, though. 668 00:34:10,250 --> 00:34:12,210 You guys are so British. 669 00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:16,370 No, of course he won't win. You started out too coarse off the bat. 670 00:34:16,410 --> 00:34:19,570 There's no substantial basis to what you offer, and the whole 671 00:34:19,730 --> 00:34:24,010 nihilist "democracy sucks" thing, yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo, 672 00:34:24,050 --> 00:34:28,450 but with a targeted, hopeful message, which we can provide, 673 00:34:28,490 --> 00:34:31,650 energising the disenfranchised without spooking the middle 674 00:34:31,690 --> 00:34:36,090 via your new platform... You got a global political-entertainment 675 00:34:36,130 --> 00:34:38,650 product people actually want. 676 00:34:40,210 --> 00:34:42,010 You could roll this out worldwide. 677 00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:43,930 Like Pringles. 678 00:34:43,970 --> 00:34:45,330 Absolutely. 679 00:34:50,210 --> 00:34:53,730 It's, er... It's interesting stuff though. 680 00:34:53,770 --> 00:34:55,570 When you're done with Stentonford, 681 00:34:55,610 --> 00:34:58,170 there may be an opportunity in South America. 682 00:34:58,210 --> 00:34:59,810 Se puede hablar espanol? 683 00:34:59,850 --> 00:35:02,210 Vivi en Madrid tres anos. 684 00:35:02,250 --> 00:35:04,090 Excelente. 685 00:35:23,050 --> 00:35:24,290 What? 686 00:35:25,610 --> 00:35:27,090 He's not coming. 687 00:35:27,130 --> 00:35:29,730 But he's the party leader! 688 00:35:29,770 --> 00:35:30,850 It's too toxic. 689 00:35:34,650 --> 00:35:36,850 Meanwhile, as support for Gwendolyn Harris 690 00:35:36,890 --> 00:35:38,090 appears to be dwindling, 691 00:35:38,130 --> 00:35:42,010 Labour denies the party is losing faith in their young candidate. 692 00:35:42,050 --> 00:35:44,650 But Miss Harris spent most of the day locked in crisis talks 693 00:35:44,690 --> 00:35:45,930 at party headqu... 694 00:35:49,610 --> 00:35:53,890 In the Stentonford by-election, Waldo the cartoon bear continues... 695 00:35:55,130 --> 00:35:57,610 Did you see Gwendolyn Harris yesterday? 696 00:35:57,650 --> 00:35:59,690 She looks like she's been poisoned. 697 00:35:59,730 --> 00:36:02,090 Because he's gonna overtake her. 698 00:36:02,130 --> 00:36:03,450 We're still way ahead. 699 00:36:03,490 --> 00:36:06,810 If that thing is the main opposition then the whole system looks absurd. 700 00:36:09,490 --> 00:36:12,050 Which it may well be. 701 00:36:12,090 --> 00:36:13,490 But it built these roads. 702 00:36:21,610 --> 00:36:23,450 Just come in, Roy. 703 00:36:29,690 --> 00:36:31,450 I'm sorry, OK? 704 00:36:32,970 --> 00:36:35,370 It was wrong to speak to you like that and... 705 00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:37,810 After the campaign, I would've called you. 706 00:36:39,090 --> 00:36:41,090 After the campaign! 707 00:36:41,130 --> 00:36:43,250 All you've done is strengthen Monroe. 708 00:36:44,250 --> 00:36:48,010 You won't win either, but I was at least attempting to represent... 709 00:36:48,050 --> 00:36:51,010 Well I don't know! Not just "bollocks to everything". 710 00:36:51,050 --> 00:36:53,690 If you were preaching revolution, well that'd be something, 711 00:36:53,730 --> 00:36:56,770 but you're not because that would require courage and a mindset. 712 00:36:58,050 --> 00:36:59,410 And what have you got? 713 00:37:00,970 --> 00:37:02,170 Who are you? 714 00:37:03,610 --> 00:37:05,210 What are you for? 715 00:37:12,370 --> 00:37:13,450 Morning. 716 00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:25,210 So, final push. 717 00:37:25,250 --> 00:37:26,890 You remind everyone that's got the app 718 00:37:26,930 --> 00:37:30,650 that if they recommend it to a friend it unlocks a little fez for Waldo. 719 00:37:30,690 --> 00:37:31,770 We're here. 720 00:37:34,690 --> 00:37:36,930 Attention, shoppers. 721 00:37:36,970 --> 00:37:40,370 I'm here to ask you an important favour. Gather round. 722 00:37:40,410 --> 00:37:42,530 Come over here and listen. 723 00:37:45,050 --> 00:37:48,170 Don't vote for me. I'm an insult. 724 00:37:48,210 --> 00:37:49,730 Seriously. 725 00:37:49,770 --> 00:37:52,730 Vote for Monroe or Harris or, I dunno, UKIP, 726 00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,570 or even that Lib Dem guy. 727 00:37:54,610 --> 00:37:56,210 He's a prick! 728 00:37:56,250 --> 00:37:59,850 Seriously, only an arsehole would actually vote for me. 729 00:38:00,010 --> 00:38:01,010 What is this? Irony? 730 00:38:01,050 --> 00:38:02,730 I'm worse than a wasted vote. 731 00:38:02,770 --> 00:38:04,490 He's from the Harris campaign. 732 00:38:04,530 --> 00:38:06,730 I mean it, you idiots! Don't vote for me! 733 00:38:06,770 --> 00:38:08,930 Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! 734 00:38:08,970 --> 00:38:10,850 Don't vote for me! 735 00:38:10,890 --> 00:38:12,610 Don't vmmmf! 736 00:38:14,970 --> 00:38:16,090 Shut up. 737 00:38:16,130 --> 00:38:18,010 No. Don't boo him, he's right! He's right! 738 00:38:18,050 --> 00:38:19,210 What are you doing? 739 00:38:19,250 --> 00:38:19,650 Resigning. 740 00:38:19,690 --> 00:38:20,890 Jamie! 741 00:38:22,330 --> 00:38:24,090 Look! It's me, I'm Waldo. 742 00:38:24,130 --> 00:38:27,290 This guy, whoever this guy is, he's a hero. 743 00:38:27,330 --> 00:38:29,650 You should throw stuff at Waldo, he's bad bloody news. 744 00:38:29,690 --> 00:38:29,850 He's funny! 745 00:38:29,890 --> 00:38:31,010 He's not. 746 00:38:31,170 --> 00:38:33,570 Don't listen to that man, he's a lesbian. Ahh! 747 00:38:33,610 --> 00:38:37,210 So remember, the polls are open, and if you've got my app, you can 748 00:38:37,250 --> 00:38:40,570 unlock new stuff like catchphrases and a little hat 'n' that. 749 00:38:40,610 --> 00:38:44,930 Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me so question the status quo! 750 00:38:44,970 --> 00:38:46,210 Kill it! Kill it! 751 00:38:46,250 --> 00:38:48,090 Kick them where it hurts. 752 00:38:48,130 --> 00:38:50,730 The first man to hit him gets 500 quid! 753 00:38:50,770 --> 00:38:54,210 Yeah, that's right. Knock him down. Knock him down. 754 00:38:54,250 --> 00:38:55,650 Smash it! 755 00:38:55,690 --> 00:38:57,810 Yeah! Yeah! 756 00:38:57,850 --> 00:39:02,170 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah... 757 00:39:11,490 --> 00:39:12,850 I, the undersigned, 758 00:39:12,890 --> 00:39:14,970 being the returning officer for the Stentonford 759 00:39:15,010 --> 00:39:18,490 and Hersham constituency, hereby give notice that the total number 760 00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:21,970 of votes recorded for each candidate at the election is as follows. 761 00:39:23,330 --> 00:39:26,930 Finch, Simon Arthur. Liberal Democrats. 762 00:39:26,970 --> 00:39:29,090 2,449. 763 00:39:32,330 --> 00:39:35,730 Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour. 764 00:39:35,770 --> 00:39:38,010 11,237. 765 00:39:41,610 --> 00:39:46,050 Monroe, Liam George Tennyson. Conservative. 766 00:39:46,090 --> 00:39:48,330 19,161. 767 00:39:55,050 --> 00:39:57,090 Waldo, Independent. 768 00:40:00,650 --> 00:40:03,010 16,784. 769 00:40:06,930 --> 00:40:11,010 Ladies...Ladies and gentlemen, please! I declare that Liam Monroe 770 00:40:11,050 --> 00:40:13,730 is duly elected member of Parliament for the constituency. 771 00:40:16,050 --> 00:40:18,370 Hey, hey! Everyone! 772 00:40:18,410 --> 00:40:20,890 500 quid to anyone who can lob a shoe! 773 00:40:51,330 --> 00:40:53,570 Up you get, come on. 774 00:40:53,610 --> 00:40:54,890 Come on! 775 00:41:03,770 --> 00:41:05,450 Come on. Out you go. 776 00:42:01,890 --> 00:42:03,290 Oi! 777 00:42:04,610 --> 00:42:05,810 Agh!